WEBVTT

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Fame. He'd like to be walked
on a leash and play really dirty,

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kinky sex games. He's the guy
put the cock in the Peacock network.

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Okay, bitch here, everybody a
J Benzi here with fame is a bitch.

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This is your Daily Unfiltered podcast for
August third, twenty twenty three eighth

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three, two h two three.
I want to talk to my patrons for

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a moment and just let them know
because I want to be respectful. We

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all know that there's been some some
sparks on the podcast obsets page with some

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folks who aren't patrons who want to
know why AJ hasn't done a three shell

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since July tenth. A couple of
those people are more than a few are

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hot under the collar, and that's
fine with me. I want them to

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get anxious and look full or two
a free show. I'm much rather they

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become patrons. So with your permission, I'm gonna give them this show as

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well. So it's going to go
to you guys. Let's going to go

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to them. So right now they're
listening in. This is the Daily Unfilled.

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It end the free show. It's
gonna hit August third, twenty twenty

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three. I'm not gonna do this
a lot, but for this week,

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I want empty hear what they're missing. All right, So you guys are

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sitting in the restaurant you've been paying
for, God bless you. I'm gonna

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throw them a piece of cake and
see how they like it. Maybe they'll

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come around tomorrow and have dinner with
their girlfriend or husband or wife or family.

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Who knows, but we'll throw out
some bait because this show's a good

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one and I think you'll look great. It's a mixture of topical events,

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current events, gossip, and also
a very personal story, which is the

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reason that I think my Paw podcast
differs from other podcasts. Actually, it's

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a reason I know it differs from
other podcasts because I haven't yet found the

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podcast that's honest his mind and gets
as real as mind does at times.

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Anybody could read you gossip and bring
you the news blah blah blah, but

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I do it a different way,
and well, you patrons know what I

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mean. So I'm gonna let the
free people wet their beak if you don't

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mind. I won't make it a
regular practice, but forgive me this one

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time. Let's begin with Madonna the
Material Girl finally posted a health update the

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other day, saying that she was
lucky to be alive after she got that

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small gift from a manager, guy
Osiri, while she was surrounded by her

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loved ones. Apparently Osiris just kind
of wild. Dio Siri used to be

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just a guy who wanted to be
in music. It was always hobnobbing around

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Madonna. Eventually he signed to be
some sort of employee on her record label,

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Maverick Records, back in the early
nineties, and here we are,

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all these years later. He's been
her manager for a while, so he

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found a way to get in that
world, and him he's been in there

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forever. I know. They dated
for a minute too, so it's a

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testament for either the kind of lover
he was or the kind of lover madonnad

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taught him to be. But either
way, he's still in her life and

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very important in her life. And
according to Madonna's Instagram account, the president

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he gave her was a polaroid taken
by Andy Warhol. A polaroid taken by

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Warhol of the artist Keith Harring wearing
a shacket with Michael Jackson's face painted on

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it. By Keith harry That's quite
a triumvirate of fame right there, a

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warhole, Harring and Michael Jackson.
And Madonna said, if you zoom into

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this picture I'm holding, you will
see a polaroid taken by a wharhol of

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Keith Harrying where a jacket with Michael's
face painted on it. A perfect triangle

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of brilliant billions. Really, I
just said that, and that's exactly what

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it is. That's quite a gift. But Madonna was around those people,

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and she came up during a time
where those people were still alive and imployed.

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Were they very important figures before a
Warhole got shot and later died,

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and Harring died and Michael overdosed,
and well, Madonna almost almost lost her

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life in a few weeks back.
And she's now getting all soft and sweet

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about it. She said, artist
who touched so many lives, including my

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own. I sobbed when I opened
this gift because I realized how lucky I

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am to be alive, and how
fortunate I am to have known these people

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and so many others who are also
gone. I'm not going to make fun

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of this quote. I think if
the most real Madonna has been in a

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long time. We all know how
phony she can be. We all know

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how she puts on facades and wants
people to look at her from a different

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angle, and dresses up like a
teenager, you know, dating guys who

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are twenty twenty two years old,
when she's in her mid sixties. It's

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I think gross and a bit much, but I think would have happened to

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her. I think this medical event, as we say now, the term

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health scare is gone. It's now
a medical event followed by suddenly dying.

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George Colin would love this bit.
George Colin would be doing this bit right

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now post COVID every night, have
you noticed people suddenly dying which was suddenly

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dying medically? It's all true.
They they they've coined new terms to make

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us feel more comfortable. But the
ridiculous drama surrounding us that has all to

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do with the vaccination and its deadly
side effects. I don't think I ever

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saw Andy Warhole out. I don't
think. I don't think I did.

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I saw John Michelle Basquiat, the
great artist and friend of Warholes. I

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saw Keith Haring a lot, I
saw Madonna a lot obviously, but yeah

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brings back memories of those days in
New York City of the late eighties and

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nineties and the god the amount of
geniuses walking around the nightclubs and the restaurants

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and the small city streets that we
all shared. Madonna went on to say

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that she saw it because she realized
how lucky she was to beat around,

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and she thanked Io Sirian said thank
you to all my angels who protected me

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and let me stay to finish doing
my work. She also reflected on the

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love she had for her family and
how quote, you can really get caught

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up in the needs of your children
as a mom. Love from family and

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friends is the best medicine. One
month out of the hospital, and I

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can reflect as a mother, you
can really get caught up in the needs

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of your kids and the seemingly endless
giving. When the chips were down,

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my children really shut up for me. Madonna said that she saw a side

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to those kids that she'd never seen
before, and it made all the difference.

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I'm gonna say something right now,
I've never seen Madonna sounds so true,

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so honest, so raw, And
dare I say, like an Italian

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or an aunt I've never seen her
talking about children like this. You know,

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I got to the point where she
had so many adopted kids that I

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don't even know who's from who,
who the twins, which part of Africa

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they come from, blah blah blah. But you know what, who am

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I to say? It's all bullshit? She loves these kids as much as

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she has this crazy life when she
dates younger guys and black guys with big

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al FROs, with smoke pot all
day and she puts up videos of her

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making out with them, making out
a chick to the back of a town

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call whatever. I hope this medical
event changes the way Madonna acts from here

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on, as I like her like
this, and she thanked her many fans

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for their support and their positive energy, prayers and words of healing and encouragement.

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I felt your love, she said. I'm on the road to recovery

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and incredibly grateful for all the blessings. My first thought when I woke up

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in the hospital was children. My
second thought was that I did not want

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to disappoint that anyone who bought tickets
for my tour. Good she put her

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kids before her work. Thank god
she said it that way, or us,

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it would be very critical, she
said, I didn't want to let

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anybody down, the people who worked
tirelessly with me over the last few months

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to create my show. I hate
to disappoint anyone. I got news to

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you. Whenever this tour kicks off, being October or November, depending upon

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her health, I am guaranteeing it
right now, this will be the best

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tour she's had in twenty five years. And previously I said that she's going

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to come up with an injury because
her knees were bad, her legs are

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bad, her health is failing.
I think mcdonna's going to rally and make

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this the best goddamn tour she's had
in a long time. And I'm rooting

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for her. We made fun of
her for far too long, and she

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allowed us to do it. Let's
be honest. You know, I can't

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believe it's been a month after she
was found unresponsive in her house in New

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York and they went to ICU.
Unresponsive as a very scary way to be

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found. It means they can't wake
you up. I mean, it's like

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curtains. You're facing the possibility of
curtains. It's over. They gave her

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nard can. We found out a
few days later, thinking that she had

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it overdose. They tried everything.
Her body was lifeless. They said,

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I mean that death would have been
as big as Michael Jackson and Prince,

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maybe bigger, I don't know.
Maybe behind Michael Jackson and above Prince,

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maybe she'd be number two. Who's
to say, But could you imagine those

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three going that way? Not the
same. McDonald was on drugs, but

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they did administer nar can. Did
they know something? We don't know now.

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I'm sure we'll never find out.
We've heard it was some kind of

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bacterial infection, viral infection, what
have you? God knows. I had

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that in my lung. It came
out of nowhere six or seven, eight

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years ago, whenever it was.
I spent thirty days in the hospital before

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my lung was deflated, my rib
was broken. They took my lung out

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of my body, scraped all the
junk off, and put it back in

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and blew it up in a five
hours surgery because nothing else was working.

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How did that happen? I have
no idea. I went to New York

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for four or five days. It
came back with a terrible infection in my

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left lung. Never smoked a cigarette
in my life, but it was filled

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with pneumonia. And then I got
COVID pneumonia a few years back and spent

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eight days and I See you.
That's the only reason why I got damn

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vaccination, and I cursed the fact
that I did. I've had COVID three

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times since that vax, only once. Before the vax, we were lied

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to, we were bullshitted, and
God knows what's going to happen going forward.

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Sorry, I had to stop the
show for a second. Took to

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the right behind me on the bed
low barking for some treats. All I

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have is a little bit of beef
jerkey. I gave it to her.

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I know the sole content can't be
good for me. That's all I got

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right now. She loved to be. She's going to town on it right

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now. She'll be fine if she
balks again. Don't mind. This is

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the kind of podcast I do.
Guyo. Siri said that Madonna developed a

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serious bacterial infection and that's why she
stayed several days in I See You.

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I'm not sure if I'll know the
truth. I'm not sure if that is

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the truth, but it needs to
be said that I wasn't there for the

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same thing, So who am I
to say she's lying. I don't know

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mcdonnald to ever be a drug addict, but I think, look, it

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seems to me that it took a
near death experience for McDonald to finally show

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an ounce of humility. That's for
the way she's been of late the last

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several years. She was kind of
out of control her face, her hair,

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clothing, her friendships, her romances, which is not commends ate with

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a woman in her sixties. Okay, but I tell you what, guys,

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I'm hearing and reading so many celebrities
saying they're happy to be alive after

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various health scares, and it's very
unsettling. Never before in my life have

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I seen so many people keeling over, fainting, dying suddenly on ball fields

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or TV studios. And I think
even the staunchest people who are pro vacs,

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even they now know, Okay,
this is getting a bit ridiculous or

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several years out now, mild card
dinas is obviously a side effect that's been

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proven. People are falling over like
chess pieces on a fucking chess game on

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a boat during a tidal wave.
Everybody's fallen over. If I said to

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you, I didn't think that's gonna
happen to me every day, I'd be

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lying. Most of my time.
When I'm not with a girlfriend, I'm

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alone. And when I'm alone,
I often think, does it happen today?

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Tonight? While I'm walking TUTSI,
I wrap her leisure around my fist.

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I have her chain on with my
number on it. There's a chip

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in her childerblades. You know,
I just get nervous. I don't go

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too far. There is an eerie
video making its way around Instagram and Twitter.

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I think it shows at least two
dozen artist and newspeople and athletes just

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collapsing. Very scary to watch,
but I ask you try to find it,

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watch it at least two times,
because it could be you next.

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If I come across it again,
I'll let you people know where you can

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find it. It's worse than any
horror movie now playing in theaters, because

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this is real, and it's already
in a neighborhood nearest you. And on

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the heels of Madonna feeling better and
I may say, finally looking better.

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The last photo I saw of her, she didn't look as puffy while wearing

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her hair like the Swiss Miss hot
Trocolate girl. She finally looked like a

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woman age appropriate, which is to
say she looked great for sixty four and

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there's nothing wrong with dad. In
fact, she needs friends around her a

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hold that intervention to let her know, Madge, you look way better like

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this. And you know, all
you fans of the teenage sex drenched HBO

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hit Euphoria, I'm sure was saddened
to hear the death of the young,

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formerly unknown actor who played the drug
dealer with a heart named Fesco. The

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kid was twenty five years old,
apparently died of a drug overdose a couple

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of days ago. He was named
August Cloud, and he was already to

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global fame. He may have already
gotten a taste of it. Not bad

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for a kid who had no acting
experience, who was working in a Brooklyn

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restaurant before being scouted out by an
HBO casting agent. How's that? The

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papers say the kid's father died a
few days earlier, and it tore him

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up inside. And it was his
mother who made the nine one one call

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and said she found him unresponsive with
no heartbeat, and she told dispatchers,

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it was probably an overdose. Finally, an honest person, however painful it

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must have been for her to say
that, and I can't even imagine she

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must have known her son had addiction
issues. Euphoria's Creepy Sex Star creator Sam

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Levinson also relayed in a tweet that
Angus Cloud suffered addiction issues and depression.

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Quote like a lot of us,
so obviously he knew. The kids makeup.

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No, I'm not making a joke
here. It's a very sad story,

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but these type of deaths are also
happening way too often. Last week,

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he buried his father and intensely struggled
with his loss. The family wrote

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00:17:17.119 --> 00:17:21.039
the only comfort we have is knowing
Angers is now reunited with his dad,

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who was his best friend. Angers
was open about his battle of mental health,

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and we hope that his passing can
now be a reminder to others that

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they're not alone and should not fight
this on their own in silence. You

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know, I used to make fun
and I still do sometimes make fun of

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all these young, seemingly strong actors, recording artists, athletes, all being

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so open about I hate time for
my mental health. It's something people my

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age never said. You never heard
someone go I time out. I gotta

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I can't play basketball this season.
I need time for my mental health.

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Your parents wouldn't hear, but your
cultures wouldn't hear, but your friends would

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laugh at you. And maybe that's
the reason why some kids died back in

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the day, or some kids turned
to drugs back in the day. I

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00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:18.799
mean, there's always been bad parenting, There's always been temptation of drugs.

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There's always been ship like that where
kids get lost in the shuffle of a

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00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:29.160
bad marriage or god knows what.
I make fun of it because I think

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that in some ways it's kind of
weak, Like what's with this new generation

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of kids all taking time out for
their mental health. I don't struggle with

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mental health issues. I mean,
I'm a little bit fucking crazy. I

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know that. I accept it.
Many of you out there do. And

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maybe you think I'm crash for acting
that way, And if you think so,

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I apologize. I don't mean to
be crashed. I just never heard

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it mentioned so often, but now
it's mentioned constantly, and you know,

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maybe that's a good thing. I'm
sure it's a good thing, but it

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didn't stop Angus Cloud from dying,
very sad, very said, I'm a

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little MOPI tonight, Little mo peolet
said, I had I had some complimentary

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stage at a hotel here and Vegas, so I took him because I don't

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think I'll be taking them much longer. And the girlfriend's laid up with all

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sorts of ship throat problems, your
name it. She's got a call,

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00:19:40.359 --> 00:19:44.839
I'm not a call the flu,
and she's on endibiotics and she's in a

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bad way. So I said,
all right, look, I'm gonna go

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over there and take these three nights
I got free coming to me. And

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but I'm lonely. You know,
I'm with the dog and it's fine,

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00:19:52.359 --> 00:19:57.799
but I'm lonely. And when I
read about these deaths, it gets to

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me, especially young kids with the
whole world in their hands. The family

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closed their comments by saying, we
hope the world remembers Angus for his humor,

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00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:18.000
laughter and love for everyone. We
asked for privacy at this time as

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00:20:18.039 --> 00:20:22.319
we're still processing this devastating loss,
and in a statement on behalf of HBO,

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00:20:22.400 --> 00:20:26.359
a spokesperson said, we're incredibly saddened
to learn of the passing language cloud.

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Immensely talented beloved part of the family, deepest condolences, difficult time,

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00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:37.880
etc. We get it. They
pulled those letters out of the drawl.

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There's nothing original or new about those
notes, as impersonal as it sounds.

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Hopefully they don't act as personal behind
closed doors. But this kid was doing

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one just for that show. He
became a name that was just launched into

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00:20:57.240 --> 00:21:03.960
our culture alongside a lot of other
members of that young Kiss India Sidney Sweeney,

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00:21:04.759 --> 00:21:11.000
Maud, what's your name, apatal
I mean, next generation of actress,

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00:21:11.039 --> 00:21:17.559
come at you? Getting widespread praise
Anger Scott for his command of his

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role in his unique presence as a
performer. The character who played Fesco was

254
00:21:22.559 --> 00:21:26.640
a high school dropout who deals drugs
alongside his younger adoptive brother named ash Tray.

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00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:34.079
The kid had a tough exterior,
but also had a big heart and

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00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:37.680
at the end of the day,
Fesco was one of the biggest advocates for

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his friend and one time client,
Roue, who was played by his India,

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00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:48.319
and he pushed her to commit to
her sobriety, which is not what

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drug addicts tend to do. And
I remember in the several episodes I saw

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of Euphoria it was a little too
much for me. My daughter was seventeen

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00:21:59.519 --> 00:22:02.160
at the time, and I couldn't
believe that this is the kind of stuff

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00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:07.000
you can see on HBO, sex
and drugs and just too much. Man,

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00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:11.200
gay fathers, screwing young kids in
high school, just too much.

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I never believed Zenda as a drug
addict. I just didn't. I think.

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I know, the girl's got a
huge future in front of hers.

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She's beautiful, she's talented. I
never believed her because she doesn't yet have

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00:22:23.799 --> 00:22:29.559
the experience to portray that side of
life. She's led a charmed life since

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00:22:29.599 --> 00:22:33.039
she was a child on the Disney
Channel on the show call Shake It Up

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00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:37.039
with Bella Thorne. Now, Bella
Thorne could certainly play a drug addict in

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00:22:37.079 --> 00:22:41.720
a second as soon as she takes
time away from her only fans account.

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But anders Cloud was perfect as this
drug dealer with a heart of gold and

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someone who didn't want to see Zendeia's
character go down that lane in life.

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And the kid, in my opinion, had to have some type of experience

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at such a young age to portray
the intricacies of that type of role.

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And as he was about to take
off like a Rocket. In addition to

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Euphoria, he can be seen in
a couple of independent movies, one called

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00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:21.160
North Hollywood, one called The Line. He was in music videos from Juice

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00:23:21.200 --> 00:23:25.200
World, Becky G and Carol G. I don't know Becky G and Carol

279
00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:27.519
G, but act like I do. I know Juice World, but not

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00:23:27.640 --> 00:23:34.079
Becky and Carold anyhow. At this
year's Tribeca Film Festival, he was in

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00:23:34.200 --> 00:23:38.039
something called The Line, which is
coming out. Tells the story of a

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00:23:38.160 --> 00:23:45.119
university's doing living life without fear of
consequences. Interesting, okay. John Malkovitch,

283
00:23:45.680 --> 00:23:52.200
Scott McNairy star alongside him. It's
pretty heavy stuff. Most recently,

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00:23:52.200 --> 00:23:59.759
he wrapped the supporting role opposite Ben
Mendelssohn, Pedro Pascal and Jay Ellis in

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00:23:59.799 --> 00:24:03.519
a horror will be called Freaky Tales. He'd also been cast for roles in

286
00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:11.160
the horror thriller Your Lucky Day and
in Universal Pictures untitled Minster movie from Radio

287
00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:15.400
Silence. So the whole thing is
said, very sad. No word yet

288
00:24:15.480 --> 00:24:19.799
on how his dad died, but
I am curious to know. I don't

289
00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:25.039
want to say the wrong thing,
but was the father somebody who had a

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00:24:25.079 --> 00:24:29.720
diction issues? Is that who Angus
looked up to. Is that the same

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00:24:29.799 --> 00:24:34.680
room he went down? We don't
rightly know yet, but let me say

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00:24:34.720 --> 00:24:41.000
this, This young kid's death reminds
me of a surprising and sudden death of

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00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:47.759
a beautiful young actor in the nineteen
eighties named James Hayden. Most of you

294
00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:52.240
don't know him, okay. Back
in nineteen eighty three, James Hayden wasn't.

295
00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:56.599
I was studying acting in the city
and James Hayden, who we call

296
00:24:56.720 --> 00:25:02.519
Jimmy, we're dropped in to our
acting class from time to time. I

297
00:25:02.559 --> 00:25:06.440
didn't get too close to him because
he smoked like a chimney, and I

298
00:25:06.559 --> 00:25:08.880
was more concerned with you know,
I didn't want to I wanted to get

299
00:25:08.920 --> 00:25:12.480
better as an actor. I didn't
want to have my eyes all red and

300
00:25:12.519 --> 00:25:17.920
my nose clog from cigarette smoke because
he smoked incessantly, just like the other

301
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:22.079
kid in my class, Andrew McCarthy. That's all they did, smoke one

302
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:26.119
cigarette after they lit one cigarette with
the other one. It was insane.

303
00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:33.559
My allergies would would would prick up, and I couldn't stand it. But

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00:25:33.640 --> 00:25:38.960
I loved watching Jimmy Hayden and class. He had this frenetic energy. He

305
00:25:40.039 --> 00:25:42.480
used to come in with a wrinkled
white T shirt, a Paruccinos on with

306
00:25:42.519 --> 00:25:48.440
no doubt, white converse sneakers,
of full head of hair that was never

307
00:25:48.519 --> 00:25:53.160
comb but it looked great, and
blue blue eyes that kind of eyes only

308
00:25:53.279 --> 00:26:00.440
Irish kids are born with. One
day I saw he was starring alongside Jimmy

309
00:26:00.519 --> 00:26:07.480
Johnston and Alpaccino in an off Broadway
play, a production of David Mammott's tremendous

310
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:12.279
play American Buffalo. Oh my God, Back then, David Mammott's words were

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00:26:12.359 --> 00:26:17.599
more important to me than the Bible. Well that's not really. The Bible

312
00:26:17.720 --> 00:26:21.000
was never important to mean, but
you know what I mean. David Mammott's

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00:26:21.039 --> 00:26:26.079
words were the Bible, and I
would pay to see Paccino read the phone

314
00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:32.480
book. American Buffalo is a great
play from the Master of American Trauma,

315
00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:37.000
where three guys struggle with poverty,
friendship, and trust. Well, they

316
00:26:37.039 --> 00:26:42.680
try to put together a burglary,
a robbery. They named don Teach and

317
00:26:42.799 --> 00:26:48.039
Bobby, and they discussed their plans
to commit this crime in Donnie's busted up

318
00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:55.680
pawn shop. And every word in
every silence means more than what it seems

319
00:26:55.720 --> 00:26:59.920
that's the way David Mammot writes.
The spaces mean more than the words.

320
00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:06.640
Sometimes go watch Glengarry, Glenn Ross, or House of Cars or anything else.

321
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:14.559
David Mammon has written Central Perversity in
Chicago. He also wrote the screenplays

322
00:27:14.559 --> 00:27:19.000
for The Postman Always Rings Twice,
The Untouchables, The Verdict, Hafa Wegg,

323
00:27:19.079 --> 00:27:25.279
The Dog, Hannibal. Yeah he's
pretty good. Anyhow, I was

324
00:27:25.359 --> 00:27:30.079
dating my first wife back then and
we scraped up the money to go see

325
00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:34.119
American Buffalo. I think it was
at the Booth Theater, I believe,

326
00:27:37.359 --> 00:27:41.680
and I began to play, and
I was transfixed because we sat so close

327
00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:48.480
that we could see the spit fly
from al Pacino's mouth during his opening monologue,

328
00:27:48.519 --> 00:27:52.119
which begins with him saying fucking Ruthie
at least seven or eight times.

329
00:27:53.079 --> 00:27:57.759
And that's a monologue I would later
use for any and all auditions going forward.

330
00:28:00.039 --> 00:28:03.599
Give you a taste, but the
Internet has been scrubbed of any in

331
00:28:03.680 --> 00:28:08.119
all monologue from David Mammott's works.
Anyhow, as the play went on,

332
00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:15.839
I found myself staring more and more
at Jimmy Hayden, and most of the

333
00:28:15.880 --> 00:28:18.079
time he was just sweeping the floor
of the pawn shop, and he didn't

334
00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:22.079
deject some ideas on how to help
the guys pull off this robbery. But

335
00:28:22.200 --> 00:28:26.359
the play went on, And as
it went on, I remember saying to

336
00:28:26.400 --> 00:28:33.319
my girl Jen, this guy,
this guy's too good at playing a junkie.

337
00:28:33.839 --> 00:28:37.599
He's got to be a junkie.
He's not this fucked up in class.

338
00:28:37.039 --> 00:28:41.880
But he is here, and Jen's
gonna sh because I'm just saying it.

339
00:28:41.279 --> 00:28:47.599
It's too good. It was my
earliest days of seeing anyone on Heroin

340
00:28:47.720 --> 00:28:52.079
up close, and as I got
older, I would get very close to

341
00:28:52.119 --> 00:28:57.160
seeing it up close. It was
also always such a scary word, heroin

342
00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:06.640
that capitally growing up. It took
Janis Joplin, Jimmy Hendricks, Tommy Bolin

343
00:29:06.759 --> 00:29:11.839
of Deep Purple, Sid Vicious,
Pete Farndon of The Pretenders, Phil Lynot

344
00:29:11.960 --> 00:29:15.720
of Tin, Lizzie Kurt Cobain,
Dee Dee Ramone, and so many others.

345
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:22.680
It was so scary that stupid me
in my thirties, back when I

346
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:26.440
was walking around on paint pills,
knowing I had so many opiates in my

347
00:29:26.519 --> 00:29:33.599
system, sometimes thirty Pertina sets a
day, I decided to try it one

348
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:38.559
night on New Year's Eve when a
Rolling Stones session and player named Jimmy RiPP

349
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:45.480
began smoking it all some tinfall in
the back of a club right before the

350
00:29:45.480 --> 00:29:48.480
ball drop. Now I was petrified
of that stuff, I really was.

351
00:29:48.599 --> 00:29:55.720
I remember reading the word so many
times when I used to pour over my

352
00:29:55.880 --> 00:30:00.680
father's old yellow typed out reports he
used to make on a daily basis while

353
00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:07.519
he worked as an undercover narcotics cop
for the US Treasury. I mean,

354
00:30:07.240 --> 00:30:11.680
Jesus. Back in nineteen fifty eight, he was credited with making the biggest

355
00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:15.920
heroine bust in New York City's history. It was two and a half million

356
00:30:15.960 --> 00:30:19.799
bucks back then, that was the
record. He took down an little dealer

357
00:30:19.880 --> 00:30:26.319
named Sally Gelb, who was the
heir apparent to an infamous heroin dealer named

358
00:30:26.319 --> 00:30:33.359
Waxy Gordon who was famously portrayed on
Boardwalk Empire by the actor Nick Sandow.

359
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:40.160
As a kid, I used to
rummage through my father's top drawer and I

360
00:30:40.319 --> 00:30:45.000
hold his lock picks. And he
had this small unloaded Spanish pistol that he

361
00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:49.279
used to strap to his inside of
his thought. Even the drug kits he

362
00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:53.440
still kept from his days on the
job to see if drugs were positive for

363
00:30:53.559 --> 00:30:59.119
heroin, a cocaine or hasheesh,
what have you? All those things in

364
00:30:59.160 --> 00:31:03.400
that draw had a certain and smell
to them. That top draw was intoxicating

365
00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:10.720
to me, the smell of history
and danger and also smell to my father's

366
00:31:10.759 --> 00:31:15.759
heroics as a younger man. And
despite all that, I still decided to

367
00:31:15.799 --> 00:31:22.759
snort some heroine off Chimmy Riff's stash
that night, right before the ball dropped

368
00:31:22.759 --> 00:31:29.000
in nineteen ninety eight. So I
wouldn't smoke it, I would never inject

369
00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:33.119
it. But I did snort it, and I didn't get sick. I

370
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:36.839
didn't throw up, which everybody says, as you do the first time you

371
00:31:36.920 --> 00:31:41.200
try heroin. But I didn't exactly
like the way I felt once the high

372
00:31:41.240 --> 00:31:45.799
war off it was. I don't
know. I felt. I felt useless

373
00:31:45.839 --> 00:31:52.200
the entire first day of nineteen ninety
nine, and I was smart enough to

374
00:31:52.839 --> 00:31:56.400
snap out of it and never let
it seduce me again. But I remember

375
00:31:56.480 --> 00:32:00.559
being so foolish and flip it when
I said to myself that night as the

376
00:32:00.599 --> 00:32:07.759
countdown began, I said to my
stupid self, if you're ever gonna try

377
00:32:07.799 --> 00:32:10.599
it, it should be with a
guy who plays for the Rolling Stones.

378
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:19.200
What could be cool than that asshole? Anyhow, back to American Buffalo,

379
00:32:19.319 --> 00:32:23.359
the play ends naturally, the crowds
on their feet. Every actor gets a

380
00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:30.440
rousing ovation. Jimmy Jonathan goes first
boom, Jimmy Hayden goes next boom.

381
00:32:30.519 --> 00:32:36.599
Pecino gets the bigger plus. But
there was something about how the noise went

382
00:32:36.759 --> 00:32:40.680
up for Jimmy Hayden's bow. He
had this young face, those blue blue

383
00:32:40.759 --> 00:32:46.960
eyes, this life within him.
It resolves as if the crowd knew we

384
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:52.319
were witnessing the birth of America's next
big star. And it went on for

385
00:32:52.440 --> 00:32:57.400
minutes, and he looked so full
of life. I couldn't wait to tell

386
00:32:57.480 --> 00:33:01.960
him how great he was the next
time I saw him in class. After

387
00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:07.000
everyone exited the theater, I told
my wife I really wanted to see Pecino

388
00:33:07.079 --> 00:33:10.319
and get his autograph on the playbill. When she was more than game,

389
00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:15.640
and I went to the parking garage
next door. I got the car and

390
00:33:15.720 --> 00:33:21.000
left it running on the curb,
and after about thirty minutes on this cold

391
00:33:21.079 --> 00:33:24.799
November night, Pecino emerges from the
stage door with that famous smile We've seen

392
00:33:24.839 --> 00:33:29.799
a million times, and I know
I've said this before, But when he

393
00:33:29.880 --> 00:33:35.640
walked onto the sidewalk and everyone's sticking
out their playbills and their pens, I

394
00:33:35.680 --> 00:33:39.079
just didn't bother because I was directly
in front of him, and our eyes

395
00:33:39.240 --> 00:33:44.119
met. Maybe it was because my
wife was my girlfriend was so pretty,

396
00:33:44.720 --> 00:33:47.720
I don't know, but our eyes
met, and all I could do was

397
00:33:47.799 --> 00:33:52.400
stick out my hand, fucked the
autograph. I want to touch him,

398
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:58.160
and he shook it and gave me
an embrace, a warm pecino embraced we've

399
00:33:58.200 --> 00:34:04.519
seen so many times, and he
looked hard at my wife's face too,

400
00:34:04.559 --> 00:34:07.599
before he made his way into the
back black town car waiting for him at

401
00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:14.519
the curb, which was paused in
front of my car. And as soon

402
00:34:14.559 --> 00:34:16.760
as the town car that Puccino was
in began to drive off toward the Lincoln

403
00:34:16.800 --> 00:34:22.000
Tunnel, we followed back then I
was drying a black not a silver RX

404
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:27.719
seven, loved it, moon roof, the whole thing, blow punk stereo

405
00:34:27.760 --> 00:34:31.880
and him and that ship and both
of our cars hit several red lights at

406
00:34:31.880 --> 00:34:37.079
the same time, and I pulled
up beside him. My wife was yelling

407
00:34:37.159 --> 00:34:38.679
for him, which was not really
like her, but we were just in

408
00:34:38.679 --> 00:34:43.880
the moment screaming his name. I
wanted to tell her to stop, but

409
00:34:44.239 --> 00:34:47.320
I was kind of anxious to see
what would happen, so I let her

410
00:34:47.360 --> 00:34:52.239
keep going. And finally, at
the third or fourth light, whatever it

411
00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:57.079
was, he lowers the window and
he says, what is it, sweetheart?

412
00:34:57.639 --> 00:35:00.119
Did you like the show? And
we hell, yeah, we loved

413
00:35:00.119 --> 00:35:04.480
it. You're great the whole thing. And then she said, oh my

414
00:35:04.519 --> 00:35:06.800
god, I've got to get out
and hug you. I couldn't wish.

415
00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:09.639
She said that that's not the way
Jennifer was, and he smiled, rolled

416
00:35:09.719 --> 00:35:13.440
up the window again, and we
drive off. I said, you're fucking

417
00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:15.360
crazy. I gotta do it.
I know, I know I can do

418
00:35:15.400 --> 00:35:17.079
it. I said, all right, all right, I'll keep following.

419
00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:22.719
I said, but two more lights. We're gonna be in Jersey, the

420
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:28.719
light right before the New Jersey of
the Lincoln Tunnel. We're alongside him to

421
00:35:28.760 --> 00:35:31.079
the left, but Cho opens his
door and gets out. Jennifer jumps out

422
00:35:31.159 --> 00:35:35.440
of the car. He gave her
a quick cug In the nighttime are you

423
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:37.320
could see their breath in the in
the in the in the air above their

424
00:35:37.320 --> 00:35:43.599
heads, and he waved to us
and fell back inside, and their car

425
00:35:43.599 --> 00:35:45.039
went off and we made a left
and thund of get the hell out of

426
00:35:45.079 --> 00:35:51.880
her head back to Long Island.
I could cry remembering it. The next

427
00:35:51.960 --> 00:35:54.960
day, I'm getting ready to take
the train into the city from my acting

428
00:35:54.960 --> 00:36:01.480
class with Mirror Rostova. It was
a four hour class from well, there

429
00:36:01.519 --> 00:36:06.039
was a daytime class at a nintime
class. I took the daytime class sometimes

430
00:36:06.039 --> 00:36:09.079
from one to five, and I
thought, maybe Jimmy, it'll show up,

431
00:36:09.119 --> 00:36:12.760
and I don't know, maybe he's
gonna tune up something he was working

432
00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:15.719
on, which didn't make sense because
he was on a play, right,

433
00:36:15.760 --> 00:36:17.840
Yeah, but you know, you
never know. I know he I'd read

434
00:36:17.880 --> 00:36:22.079
that he just wrapped up a big
Sergio Leone movie, Once upon a Time

435
00:36:22.079 --> 00:36:25.119
in America, opposite Robert de Niro. I mean, there was no doubt

436
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:31.039
he was on his way. I
get the class and the news hits,

437
00:36:32.960 --> 00:36:37.880
and I saw a few girls crying
in a corner, and our coach Mira

438
00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:45.079
sat us down and told us in
a very gentle Russian measured tones that Jimmy

439
00:36:45.159 --> 00:36:50.480
Hayden had died of a heroine over
those earlier that day. And apparently the

440
00:36:50.599 --> 00:36:53.360
news was already all over Hollywood and
made it slowly into New York City and

441
00:36:53.480 --> 00:36:59.199
even into the tiny fourth story walk
up loft on West sixteen Street, where

442
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:02.119
more than a few of us all
hoped we'd grow up to be half as

443
00:37:02.159 --> 00:37:08.880
good as Jimmy. One day and
it was almost impossible to believe the papers

444
00:37:08.920 --> 00:37:15.320
came out apparently he died just six
hours after he'd received that standing ovation we

445
00:37:15.400 --> 00:37:22.719
all gave him for his performance as
Bobby in American Buffalo. I didn't think

446
00:37:22.840 --> 00:37:29.440
he ever needed to be more high
than that ovation, but that is what

447
00:37:29.519 --> 00:37:36.840
addiction is all about. He was
a twenty nine year old kid reaching for

448
00:37:37.000 --> 00:37:40.760
stardom while struggling to escape the street
life of his past, the pass which

449
00:37:42.440 --> 00:37:46.320
not many people have. Not many
friends of Israel colleagues knew. What I

450
00:37:46.400 --> 00:37:52.199
didn't know was that Jimmy had dedicated
his performances in both American Buffalo and the

451
00:37:52.320 --> 00:37:57.480
season before as a view from the
bridge to his buddy Michael T. Cool,

452
00:37:57.760 --> 00:38:01.199
who was his roommate who also about
Heroine over those two years earlier.

453
00:38:02.960 --> 00:38:07.480
The stories in the paper said Jimmy
had lived on the street as a teenager,

454
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:12.239
and he got admissioned into the American
Academy of dramatic arts without any prior

455
00:38:12.320 --> 00:38:16.320
acting experience. That's how good he
was, that's how pure. The talent

456
00:38:16.519 --> 00:38:22.920
ran through his veins, and that's
what drugs took from us. Because that

457
00:38:23.119 --> 00:38:30.480
heroine ran faster through his days.
That's what makes it so fucking infuriated.

458
00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:37.039
And who knows. Maybe he romanticized
in the same manner I did. Maybe

459
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:39.599
he looked at heroine and had thought, oh, I've kind to try this,

460
00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:45.840
even though I'm petrified with here.
I don't know, but I'm very

461
00:38:45.880 --> 00:38:50.719
thankful. The angel on my shoulder
was a bit louder and more persuasive than

462
00:38:50.719 --> 00:38:55.519
the one on his. But who
the hell knows? Who knows why some

463
00:38:55.639 --> 00:39:02.159
of us live and some of us
played too soon? I don't have the

464
00:39:02.199 --> 00:39:09.000
answer, do you. I'm aj
Benzo, that was Famous a Bitch.

465
00:39:09.760 --> 00:39:22.960
August three, twenty twenty three.
Talk to you to thank you for listening.

466
00:39:23.119 --> 00:39:28.719
Fame as a Bitch is an AJ
Benza Workhouse Connect production featuring the endless

467
00:39:28.719 --> 00:39:32.239
wisdom, insightful commentary, and sometimes
fucked up perspective of a J. Benza.

468
00:39:32.599 --> 00:39:35.840
Executive producer Mike Agavino