Made a decision. I'll face sunny sad on. I had a vision y
to hey, everybody, it's for crying out loud our Friday show continuing from
yesterday's Thursday show with our special guest Laura House. So if you didn't listen,
if you decided like I'm going to skip that show because there's a guest,
that's ridiculous, right because light Yeah, this was like, this is
like classic. You guys will love it. So at least go back,
Yes, do yourself have a favor and go back and listen to like that
twenty minutes at least, and then so you'll understand what's going on. Right
now, Laura, I'm gonna we're finishing our You're telling us about dating and
yes, how I how I found a man which is Amadi in Los Angeles.
I believe regular. I was like my top weight. I was like
the oldest I'd ever been and somehow somehow a good a good situation. But
living as just an inspiration to like senior citizens everywhere. It's never too late,
you friend sees, it really is. People do never understand when they're
insulting you, right like you know when it's just like man if you can
find someone. Now, this is so rude, Like what, I'm great,
what are you doing? There's here's the this is tangential. Here's a
sentence I never like to hear. It never goes well, you know who
you remind me of? Just you know what, We're not gonna be friends.
If you finished that sentence, I have started just interrupting. Or when
people were like you were so much like my cousin or my friend from high
school, and I'm like, was she pretty? I'm like because and sometimes
that's when people catch themselves she's really cool or whatever. I'm like, you
know what, No, I don't want to hear who I remind you of?
Unless it's like Sally Field. That is that is it? That is
all you get to say, and not current day sally Field. You know
you, I'll take it. It's Sally Field, all right, that's true
even current days prot But yes, so we had we had connected okay Cupid
and I had put comedians on there and he reached out with so you ladies
have been with people for your for a while, so you don't know.
But even if you're just kind of regular looking, guys are creeps on dating.
But like it's not just the so guys are like, hello, beautiful,
oh you're incredible eyes, or like things that no one would ever walk
up to you and say. And so, something I really liked about Brian
was he was like, oh, I love Mitch Hedburg too, and so
what was his favorite Mitch Hedburg joke? We ended our Thursday show about our
favorite Hedberg jokes, but Brian had a favorite joke. His was his was
the donut joke too, And my god, we could be engaged right all
we're a throuple. We could all throuple it. Yes, if you had
been looking, it would have been the you know, thank god, I
got it. I'm not hitting on him right now, Laura, I like
you hitting on him through me on a podcasting. My third favorite is Mitch
Hedberg joke is how he said, uh, gift cards. He was like,
I forget how he got into it too, but he was basically,
so you're taking money that's good everywhere and making it good at just this one
place. And it was that's what comedy was like, because we're all thinking
gift cards are a great gift, and then you go, that is kind
of weird that you go, I will own I will give you money,
but only for Michael's and rafts. Like when you go that is, that's
what I've decided, you get like I've It's a little controlling, it's a
little bosses, right. So I so we we message a lot and we're
talking a lot, and I do think he was cute at first, or
like your friend, I thought he was pretty cute. He So one friend
of mine like, again, you have never had to do this unless you
did it when you were very young. Is I have had people with like
relationship goals like that. I have people in my life. A good friend
of mine has a great relationship with her husband, and I was like,
I want that, you know, you just kind of pick out the nice
you know, and you're like, I want that. I like how they
are with each other. I want something like that. I don't know how
to get it. And so I had asked her how did you date?
How did you find him? And one of them they had met an online
dating and she said someone had instructed her to do this, and she said,
I did not message first. And then I noticed that was a big
thing with me. If I I reached out to guys first, it never
went well, Like m it's sexist or or old fashioned, or it's something's
wrong about saying this, but there's something about like a guy or maybe just
certain personalities need to make the first move. Or certainly that was the case
with me. Yeah, I mean, you know, I have friends that
are on Bumble and that's that that's their thing. Is well, I mean
except in that situation where women are girls supposed to read out first, but
it doesn't work out for them because they will reach out first. The guy
will be like yeah, hello back and then drop off never hear from them.
Oh wow wow. Yeah, that's been the complaint so much from Bumble.
Right, yeah, I so this one he reached out to me.
So I mean, again, if you're reading past the headline wordy, nerdy
and kind of sturdy. My my thought was, you know, if a
heterosexual managed reading past that, like, I've got a good shot. Like
like if he's like that sounds fine to me. You know. So we
we message a lot and I feel like we're getting to know each other a
little. And this was not what I usually did. It was like a
little bit of CEU coffee date, let's find out if this doesn't work quickly.
But he there was something about him, gets go ahead, don't worry,
okay, there was something I was like, what's happening, there's an
announcement. So there was something about him that was that just felt good from
the big but also you never know, like I was like, I can't
get my hopes up, you know too much, Like let's see how it
goes with this guy, and so I yeah, So we messaged through the
week. I think I ended up asking him lots of questions, Like he
was a traveling musician, so he's a he's a jazz trumpet player and he's
traveled the world doing this. He has several albums and he's also in the
band Oingo Boingo. He's in the band Oingo Boingo former members, so original
members and then they filled in some the spotsween he's very busy in October.
He's busy in October for Legit, so it's minus Danny Elfman, but it's
original members. And anyway, he's the he's the trumpet guy now, so
he's been doing that for a long time. So for him, he's like,
I'm jazz is his big thing. And for me, I was like,
oh my god, boy, are you kidding me? You know again,
I'm forty eight, I'm like my top weight and like the but as
a teenager, this would like teenage me was like, are you kidding me?
Like, what's this is crazy? Like it seems so exciting, but
trying to keep it chill. So we decide, we decide we like each
other, we're gonna do it a first date. So we're on the phone.
So we moved from messages to phone and I'm like, where do we
want to go? Where do we you know? I kind of like the
guy to come up with a plan. That's something I enjoy. And he
blurts this out. He goes, I don't. I'm not good at plans.
I'm not a planner. You decide where to go, I'll be there.
I can follow a plan, but I don't. I don't. I
can't come up with a plan. You plan, Well, that's a that's
bad. That's a red flag flag, right, that's like, that's not
something you want. But but my my ex was really good at making plans
to see other women while we were together, and so I was like,
maybe it's time for a non planner. And so I was like, he's
a jazz trumpet player. Sorry, old timey steakhouse. And we went to
the Smokehouse in Bourbank, which is like a famous old like from the thirties
or something insanely like you feel like a mob killing happen in one corner,
and you know like Jack Warner signed Humphrey Bogart to something and another like,
which I think all those things actually happened. And so there's and they have
good garlic bread. The garlic bread is in and for anyone who doesn't know,
first of all, you can look up the smoke House and their website.
They will tell you. But it's garlic bread, right, so it's
but it has like Cheeto dust on it, yeah on it. That makes
it and you that doesn't even sound good, but there is something insanely magical
about that garlic bread. So I was like, he's a jazz trum'll he'll
love this place. So I don't really try on my dating profile, right,
like I was just honest listen like and that's become my philosophy, especially
for a dating profile, like before you sign up, give up, like,
don't try to impress. We all say put your best foot forward.
That does not work out, put your medium just a few inches in front
of you, like just not even that forward, because when people are like
I'm in there, I'm you know, you take your very best self,
like don't be your best self, be yourself, be your medium, not
the most cranky, but not the most fancy self, because that's who you
are, like anyway, see, I was a little more like that,
like here's listen, I'm regular because that's my brag. I'm regular, what
about you? And but when we're meeting in real life, like I did
up, I was like, I think I'm gonna like this guy. And
so I'm like I had a friend dress me like I actually had a friend
come over and like this and this and what about this. So I'm like
skirt and makeup and curls and heels and cleavage and whatever. And so we
walk in. I walk in. He's already at the host stand, and
so that's like the eye test, right when you're just like you like,
it's never gonna be exactly like the picture right when it's just been online.
And but we both were like all right, like I'm chubby, he's bald,
Like we're even. I'm like we're like we're like mom, all right,
And so we proceed and they're they go to see this, and he's
he's walking in front, and then I'm behind him, and a waiter gets
between us with holding this giant tray, and then the waiter like gets distracted,
and this tray starts to tip towards me. Now again, I am
dressed up normally, I dress like a drunk art teacher, but I really,
I really made an effort, and this trait starts to tip and this
is my brain said, well, it's not gonna fall, it's a professional
way. Oh, here it comes, and a tray full of things hits
my chest and crashes to the floor, like cups and plates and like half
eaten shrimp scamping. And I'm just like, who doesn't finish their shrimp scamping?
I mean, there's only like five of them, it's like twenty dollars,
and now they're in your bra It's just butter did they not know what
it was? I'm horrified when people don't finish their food, and so I'm
it, but I kind of gather myself together. I'm like, this is
terrible, and he doesn't know what to do, and waiters run over everybody.
Look, I mean, it's the moment right in the restaurant. Everybody's
looking and gasping, and I'm kind of like checking myself and there wasn't really
anything on me, like it's thanks boobs and it's kind of you know,
hit like hit away, and there wasn't goop on me. But I checked
in with myself because I'm trying to date differently. Yes, I'm an older
lady. I'm taking care of myself. And I'm like, I like,
in my mind, I'm like, do you need to reschedule? Like how
are you doing? You were just attacked by appetizers caesar salad? Do you
need to go? Like you can reschedule? And then I was like I
think, I'm okay, I'm okay. It was weird and but it's I'm
actually fine, I'm okay. And I proceeded to the table and he's sitting
there he does not know what to do, and I sit down and this
is what happened. He looks at me across the table, sweet eye contact,
and he says, are you okay? And I had checked in and
I wanted to be honest, and I like exhaled and was like, you
know what, that was very embarrassing and like weird. Adrenaline rush, but
yeah, I'm okay, like nothing's on, I'm fine. And this man
say, my contact across the table looks me in the eye and he says,
can I laugh now? And I was like, that's my guy.
That's how I knew he was the one, because it was like sweet first,
a little bit of a smartass. Oh my god, it's such a
beautiful story, thank you. It was. It was really. I was
just like I felt like that was a brave thing to say, because I
felt like maybe nine out of ten women would be like, what's You're not
gonna laugh at me? What are you talking about? But I was like,
I think we should laugh. That a big trade, just fellow me
in the middle the restaurant. That is great. He was probably impressed that
you didn't like freak out and start yelling at people. Maybe, I mean,
you know, because that's that's a sign of like being kind of a
classy lady, like you can go like what who does that? It is
true. It is true when you think of and this is how it hits
me, like Brian's great, but I don't think of him as like Brian's
great. Everyone needs a Brian, like I need a Brian like he's great
for me like that. It really is. There is Yeah, there is
a person that's like, you're fired and what about this? And I'm not
coming, you know, like you give me free everything, I'm in a
sue or whatever. And then did you get a free dinner? By the
way, he should have you know what we did not. That's that's maybe
the worst part of the story. But how long have you been with him?
Let's take it. Let's years, Okay, six years. We need
to take a quick break because we have something really exciting to talk about.
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us about though, Like, so how long were you together before it like
started, So you knew kind of that was like your guy, I knew
that was I really I thought of it as like if it was a car.
I would have driven him off the lot at that date. So okay,
here's here's what it was followed up with. So and this I've been
talking about on stage because I love the idea at two things that have come
up from this For me, I love the idea of old love because we
don't talk about it like movies and TV or primarily or like old love is
what we've been together forty years, but like finding love and I know we're
not ninety years old, but there's an older version of love, but we're
so it's middle aged. Yeah, finding and it's a different kind of you
know, young romance is you know, like it's it's neat and horny,
but you're also so insecure, like will it last? And old love is
like it will not. You know, there's there's just something like you can
find someone you know who you are, and you can find someone who's like
really a fit when you're older of just like that I could never do before.
Like and there's no there's no letting yourself go in old love like you're
gone. Yeah, it's not getting much worse, you know, Like there's
no there's not a lot of surprises, not a lot of surprises. Yeah,
no, cheating old love. Cheating is like you you watch an episode
on your own of that show you're you know, like we're just you know,
like young guys. I'd walk in on them watching poorn and like I
walk in on Brian watching Mash yes all the time, Like he was like,
oh it was watching mash We can watch whatever you want, and I'm
like, wow, this is life is really different at this So there's something
great about that. But here's what he did that that night in that week.
So first thing was can I laugh now that I was like, I
really like this guy. I felt like that was so the guy had been
with before was very charming, Like he was charming, fun guy, which
can sometimes be someone hard to trust, you know really, and Brian would
not know how to trick you if he read a book about it, Like
he just was. It's just very him. And so then we decided to
go to another locations, Like the date's going really well and we're like,
let's if I drank. We would have gone to a bar to get a
drink, but he was like, you don't drink, and so we still
went to a bar. But he was like a friend of mine's playing at
Ireland's thirty two and do you want to go? And so I was like
yeah, okay, and he was very I told him I was sober,
and he was very protective of is it okay? Are you sure it's okay?
It is? If you want to leave, will leave a meet like
and I'm like, I the libraries are closed, like it's fine, you
know, Like so this is what happened. So we drove where we're in
separate cars because first date, I don't know this guy. We get close
to Ireland's thirty two and I'm behind his car. He stops the way.
I see a parking space he stopped, so I was like, well,
he'll park there and I'll keep looking. But he stops in the street and
then he gets out of his car and he walks to my window and he
said, and you can't understand, this is not a young person's romance.
But he said, why don't you take this spot? And I'll keep looking?
And I was like, I love this guy. I love him too.
She said take this spot, I'll go and meet me out front,
like don't you know, But he's still protective, like I don't want to
let you out of my site. But will you know, surely you'll be
okay at the door. Yes. Three days later we're driving. It rarely
rains in Los Angeles. Is every every all the songs say. But he
looked weird somewhere in Burbank and he he said he just noticed the my windshield
wipers. And he said, your windshield wipers are a little worn, and
it looks like it's gonna rain. Why don't you pull into this pet boys,
holy shit, I'll get you a new I'll swap him out for you.
And I was like, what you And he goes, yeah, we'll
just we'll look at the manual and you'll get the And like I said,
he's a jazz trumpet player. He's not right, you know, a card
mister mechanic or whatever, but he can do these things and he's very thoughtful
and protective. And he swapped out my windshield wipers and I was like,
what weird sex sec would you like in the term? I was just it
was like I've never been and more attracted to. Okay, this is who
he is. A friend loaned us her lake house. We were at a
lake house last week of friends. It had it's a wonderful house that has
a very old the bathroom stuff is very old, and so it takes a
long time to refill. Like the bowl, the toilet bowl. I hate
that word anyway, So that I was like, can I say it or
not? Anyway, that's what it is. So he was like, I'm
gonna I'm gonna change that out. And I was like, well, what
I said was, well, is it something that could cause harm? Like,
don't do it? Like don't like I don't want to, Like,
oh, brand tried to change the thing anyway, your house flooded, Like
I didn't want that story. But he got a little of friend. He
was like, I've done it before. I did it in our house and
I was like, uh okay, like fingers crossed. He on his own
because he just saw and he was just this one part is really old.
He went to the hardware store in the Lake village and then he came back
and he changed her toilet bowl thing mechanism just because it was old and needed
to be changing. Wow, he's a good dude. I love him.
I mean not just because he fixes things. Now. I made it like
and I really save a lot of handyman costs with this guy. It was
lovely and so this was like equal like he was into it from day one
two Like he called you the next day, Yes, well the next day,
that's very sweet. This is what I did because I was just done
this whole tear of look like see me, and I felt like not,
oh, I hope you don't get to know me until four years when I've
tricked you and you're in. I was like, here's me. The next
day, I did a storytelling show that was my favorite storytelling show and not
for everyone. It's it was called Happy Mother's Day, Our moms are dead,
not for everybody, Like there's certainly many people that would be like,
oh wow, oh that's so sad and dark. And so I called him
breaking the rules because I am impulsive and compulsive. But I said I called
him. I said to listen that was really loved. This is way too
soon to contact you. Last night, I mean we knew the night was
great, Like we talked and talked and talked for it. Even from that
bar. We went to another place and talked and talked and we were in.
We liked each other. So I said, this is way too soon
to contact you, but I'm doing a storytelling show. It only happens like
once or twice a year. It's very me. Would you like to come?
And he came and then this is the weirdest. So he loved it.
People, I mean you're literally you're laughing and crying because of the nature
of the show. We've all lost parents and the day when you celebrate that
parent. We all had a story about it. Drew Drogi was in it.
I think that one and weird. Anyway, it's a great show.
So we hung we hang out. After we just walked down the street to
like astro burg in Hollywood, and he was like, and I'd never experienced
this before. I mean, guys had liked me, but he just had
a way of like he was basically, I'm interested. I'd like to see
you. That was great, You're great, I'd like to see you again.
Like he's just this, I'm not playing around. I like it.
And I kind of teased him right and I said, wow, it sounds
like you're really interested in the job opening of being my boyfriend or whatever.
He said, I am. He said, if you had like a maybe
I joked of like, oh, I wish I had like a form for
you to fill out, so like an application that you could, and he
said I would. I would love to do that. I made one.
I never talked about this. It's so weird, I now, I wasn't
sure I was going to show it to him. I ran it my girlfriend's
first. But I you don't like dating books or whatever, tell you like
visualize your purse or what. Do you make a list of your what you
want and your deal breakers or your whatever. And I kind of as an
exercise for myself was and I'd done all those things. Listen, I really
did the divorce lady. You know, every gut yourself out, turn yours,
you know, like let's do it differently. Thing before. But I
wrote down like if I had like rules, I made it like a quest.
I was like a quest to date me. I love it. And
it was so I meditate and I teach meditation and something that we do at
New Year's as you write down one hundred and eight things you're grateful for.
It's a thing I'd been doing for years. So I had like these twelve
things for him to do, write one hundred and eight things you're grateful for.
Number one was don't date anyone else for a month. Write one hundred
and eight things you're grateful for. Take me to a museum and show me
your favorite work of art, show me your favorite movie. Take me to
the planetarium. I just want to go the planetarium. And I had like
a few other other things, and so I and then we kept talking and
then it was like, if you complete all those things, then you're my
boyfriend. Yep. It was a it was like you know whatever in Shrek,
you know, it was like, uh, ok, if you want
the end of the Princess, you do the But it wasn't my king father
and I'm not a princess. It was just me, and and so I
didn't know if I would show it to him because I was like, I
even now i'm embarrassed to kind of it's kind of cool, and it's also
kind of that seems weird in a way of like or something only without the
dowry. Yes, I'm just me. But what was great was I just
felt comfortable with him so quickly, and so I was like, I think
I confessed to him on the I was like, this is so dumb.
I'm writing this list of things you could do to be my boyfriend. Like
I know, it's dumb. It's dumb, and then he was like,
what are they? I want to know? And I read himself. I
was like when I was like, don't date any one for a month,
he was done. I didn't even want to what's net next? And I
was like, oh, and I gave him the whole I still have the
paper, like, I gave him the thing and we did it and we
got Matt. So we're still not married for a couple of reasons. There
was COVID and there was lots of reasons. But we have moved in six
years. We've moved together five times. Wow, and like into Texas and
back and anyway. There's been a lot of that. And then we were
together for the passing of my father. We were together for the finding of
my birth mother. We got matching tattoos. Three months in the tattoos.
What are they there? I can show you? Oh, I say,
is this a moon? Moon stars? So a couple of like a month
in, I mean I was, we were just in. It's also it
has to do less with like, oh, I made him settle down and
where he liked relationships, I like, reallyationships. We fit. It was
perfect all the way around. But I bought us rings on so I had
tried. When we were together, like a few weeks. He had a
gig for like a week in Vegas, like playing with Kevin Eubanks at some
event or something, and so I got to visit him. And they weren't
in a normal hotel room. There's like apartments in the back of one of
the things, like if you're like with a kitchenette. And anyway, I
didn't know about this, and so I stayed with him and we would go
out in Vegas, and I was like, we should just get married again.
Compulsive impulsive. I just knew he's my guy. And he was like,
I mean, that sounds great. Why don't we know each other for
a year maybe before? But I was like, then we come right back
when one year we get married. And I think that was He was probably
a little like, wow, okay, the thanks for the red flag.
But I bought us rings off Etsy. I'm I'm wearing mine. But it's
a it's a kind of a rough version of a sun and a rough version
of the moon. And so he had the moon, so I got the
moon tattoo, and I have the sun, so he got the sun tattoo.
My tattoo is on the back of my left arm. His is on
the back of his right arm. So when we hold hands, that's right,
that's so key. Yeah, that's me. That's me finding love at
like forty eight. So tell me about really so finding your birth mom.
So he was supportive, Yeah, yeah, he was. He was there
for that. So that's that is such a long involved story. But I
guess essentially I always knew I was adopted. I actually had to learn that
not everyone is adopted. So when I was little, my brother and I
were both adopted, and our parents used the term you're adopted, and we
you know, I had a baby book and it was like, you're adopted,
and so I I understood the concept, like I knew babies came out
of ladies, and I knew I had come out of a lady, but
not my mom. And so I was like, I get it. It's
like a store, like we eat salad, but we somebody grew it and
now we have it, or like we have a stereo, somebody made it
and now we have it. So I, in my worldview at like eight,
that's just how most babies came. Probably most babies didn't come out of
the lady that your mom. You know, like I was like, you
get everything from the store, including people. That was my thought. And
so like there's ladies out there having babies for everyone, like handmaids. See
I guess what I mean. Not the handmaids tell apart, but like a
doom. They liked their job as much as anyone. You know, there's
just another job. Yeah, babies. Right. So when I was ten,
I got some news. So when I was tending the woman down the
street, a neighbor down the street was like, was pregnant. And I
was like, oh, she must be one of those baby having ladies.
Like all this is in my head, like all this is I had never
shared it. I just was like adopted, got it. We came from
some other ladies, you know, probably everybody or fifty fifty you know whatever,
Like this is normal because we were told we're normal a lot, we're
special, and we're normal. It's like any you're not a genius. I'm
not a call back. I'm not a genius. I have big ideas.
I'm not a genius or right side. I really don't understand anything, but
I'm pretty sure I do. So at ten, she's pregnant, I'm like,
oh, she's one of those baby having ladies and then she then she
has the baby and she still had the baby. That's what confused me.
I saw her pregnant, and then I started with a baby, but it
should go to its family. So that's what I started asking her about,
like she's I was like, what's going what's why do you still have that
baby? And like she was like breastfeeding. I'm like what are you why?
Like what is going on? Like like I'm a cop, like what
is going on here? And she was like I'm feeding him. And I
was like, shouldn't he be with his family? And she was like,
I you really need to talk to your mom. And so when I was
ten, I learned not everyone is adopted, Like I like, oh,
basically like the it's something like two percent of the population. But I was
like, oh, basically just me and my brother Like I then I was
like that is not I do not feel normal now, Like that is not.
I don't like it, like and then I I mean, I like
my family. I didn't that. I was just more like there's a lady
out there that I came out of and I don't know anything about her.
I don't know, Like I was really I love my first grade teacher.
I was like, is it her? Is it? Like? I just
was like, am I crossing paths with her? Like I couldn't. My
brain is wired to wonder about that constantly and like and what happened? And
what's the story? Is she mad at me? You know? Like did
I? Like there's just so many questions, like I will mention Sally Field
again. I love smoking the bandit. She is adorable brunette. And I
was like, is Sally Field my mom? Like like who? And then
there's movies about stuff right of like you were really a princess and no one
like am I? You know from Royalty? And my friend like I don't
know, You're just is David Lee Roth my dad? I just had a
questions like what how did I and my brother zero question to him? Question
answered? He's like, these are our parents. That's the answer. That's
the like he's like, end of story. We're like we're adopted. End
of story, and I'm like adopted beginning of story exactly exactly. So essentially,
I had looked on and off and I had finally in my thirties,
once I got so and everything felt kind of stable, and I did I
like went all in to do a search with the adoption agency. So I'd
gotten little bits of information here height and weight or a little you know.
I knew I had an aunt and an uncle and I you know, but
all redacted file information. But then I sent off for I said do a
search, like some amount of money was This was like the all in one
where they go, we will basically reach out to this woman and say do
you want to meet? You know, say you your adopt you know,
your biological daughter is interested in meeting, are you? So I was so
excited because I just was like my whole life, I'd wondered like do we
have the same nose or eyes or laugh or I had never met a biological
relative. I had never been near anyone who we shared blood or DNA.
Ever, and I was in my best room is a twin, So I
was especially fascinating, like you shared all your DNA and like I don't what
do I have? And so I was like I had a DNA jealous I
guess, And so I was very exciting. It's finally gonna happen. I
feel stable and this is great. This is before I met Brian, and
I followed up like a couple months into the search and they said, oh,
we found her, but she hasn't responded. So this happens like maybe
just a couple of times a year, but we have to call off the
search. Oh my gosh, hold on, let's take a quick break on
this cliffhanger. Okay, we're back. So they have to call off the
search. Yeah, so I've waited my whole life. I'm like, you
know, maybe I was you know, forty or for early forties or something
something like I'd waited so long forty five or something to finally search, like
I'm finally ready and then basically get the message they said, you know this
is she didn't respond, Like we can't just keep asking, like we're sure
it's her, but we call off the search. And a friend of mine,
when I told her the story, she was like, so you're talking
this woman on the phone, like the adoption agency woman. And she she
was like she probably had her file right in front of her, like with
the address. Like the idea of the other end of that phone call is
looking at the you know, like there's but there's not a version of like,
well, I'm not saying it's twelve twelve Rocky Point Road, you know,
or whatever. But she wouldn't give you, like an email address.
She wouldn't let you be the one to reach out. No. I mean,
look, I'm again, I can't stress enough old And so it's a
closed adoption and it's done pretty differently now, but you know, or there's
different rules or whatever. But it was ironclad clothes and which I respect.
Like I always felt like, we don't know. She might live a whole
life where she's with someone that she has never talked about. She gave a
baby away and she doesn't want to baby knock on the door. Or she
might live a life where she's destitute and it's a bad situation and she doesn't
want to see someone like you just don't. You don't know anything, You
don't have anything at all. But to do the big search was emotionally,
I mean it was. It was gutting to be honest, Like for when
you have to have counseling, like it was, there was all these requirements,
like you have to have several hours of counseling where they kind of which
is good for me, They kind of adjust your expectations. You know,
what if she doesn't like you, what if she wants money. What if
you you know, might they go through the things And she was like,
you know it says here you teach meditation and what if she thinks that's weird?
And I was like, sounds like you think it's weird. What if
she doesn't like you? I was like, everyone likes sweet. What is
the questions? And so we I just I had to give up, like
and I and I have always wanted. I was like, well, that's
the end of it, and and I had to cry a lot and process
and okay, I'll never meet her and all right. And a couple of
years later, I'm at work and my friend said, have you done twenty
three? And me, I'm ninety seven percent Swedish And I was like what.
She goes, I'm I mean the top three percentile neandertal or whatever.
And I was like what and she she explained twenty three in me and I
was like, I want to find out what percent Swedish I am. And
I'd like to catfish my birth mother, Like I was like, if you're
connected in DNAs, there's gonna be a relative who didn't know, there's gonna
be a cousin or something. And if anyone is hearing this and horrified.
Like let's say you gave up a child and you're like, whoa, they
do not come after me child I gave away. I want to be clear,
I didn't want I wanted a picture like I didn't want I wasn't owed
anything. It was really generous. What she did really generous. Imagine going
through the birth process and gifting a baby to somebody can't have a baby.
I mean that is incredible, and I I just kind of wanted to thank
her, and then I just wanted to like know, like who is this
per Are we anything alike? I always felt a little I love my family,
but I'm a little different from them, Like I'm kind of the Gonzo
of the Muppets of my family. Like they're quiet, they're reserve, They're
kind of normal, right size, nice thoughtful people, and I'm a little
bouncing around in various ways. So I was like, like, anyway,
so I twenty three to me and I'm like here we go. You're spitting
the thing and it's like yeah, and like any email I got, you
know, DNA relatives, like yes, today's the day, and like it's
always a six cousin, it's yeah, always, so we're all six cousins.
Everyone in the world useless. So I got it was a couple of
years in and now I've met I've met Brian, and I feel good in
this relationship. I'm living my and I'm just never going to meet my birth
mother right because I mean, I'm just done with it. And but it's
still you know, like twenty three me is out there and one day Brian
are just sitting summer day, July twenty eighteen, and I have a notification
and I didn't even check it that much anymore, but I I looked and
it was an email that said it was a message that said, hey,
I just got my results back and it looks like I'm your half brother.
Oh wow, And that's Jeremy. And that's my half brother, Jeremy.
I have two half brothers, which makes one whole brother, which is nice.
But I have these I have the two younger brothers, and we I
connected with Jeremy. I was and now there's so many moments of this experience
that are kind of wild, so for one getting that message, but also
now and I'm trying to remember them all because now I like I know him.
But in that moment, I don't know anything. Did he know he
was related to? Is he mother or father? Right? Is he?
What side is he on? Is this the weirdest day in the world for
him or the worst thing? Like we don't I don't know anything, and
I don't know if he's crazy, Like this is the internet. Like to
be honest, I proceeded as if internet dating, which is weird. He's
my brother, but like I want to love you and connect with you,
but this is the Internet. And then it's also like I don't want to
sound crazy because left like there's a version of me that she's like, oh
my god, who's my mother? What is she? Like what you know?
And like don't do that. Yeah, So there was a real like
pumping the brakes and so I very pedantically responded to his message in kind like
the same amount of syllables, you know, like now like, oh my
god, this is incredible paragraph paragraph. I just was, you know,
like he wrote, hey, looks like I was like, I wrote,
like, wow, that's so interesting. Would you like to speak or something
like just not whatever, like you know, let's chat and did you know?
And then I looked at said maternal haplow group. So I was like,
he's my half brother, we have the same mother. Wow. And
we messaged a little and he said, why don't you give me a call
if you want or we we didn't. It wasn't a call. He he
was like, if you want a text? And we texted for hours,
texted for hours and I'm crying and like even when I got his message,
I just like turned the laptop to Brian, and Brian gassed and he burst
into tears. And then I just you know, it came dinner time and
like I was like, do you mind if I keep texting? He was
like, oh, I gotta go, Like and I just learned all about
his experience and this he didn't want to get on the phone with you.
It's I don't know how to describe this to if you haven't been in that
situation, other than to say it's a lot, like I would not have
been able to talk to him, like it's a lot. It's a lot
of like for one, you don't you don't like, you don't want too
much too soon because people are gonna want money or faith or you just don't
know how anyone is. But we just it was really very much a step
at a time and so, but we texted and you know, I've screenshots
of all the texts and he's funny, like I felt so connected to him
so quick, Like he's like he was like. I was like, I'm
your big sister. I owe you so many Christmas presents and noogies, and
he was like, he was like, and I'm your little brother, I
owe you so many. Uh he said, like tagging along with you and
your friends to the mall and I'm annoying, but really it's because I look
up to you, like awesome. Yeah, your sense of humor, Yeah
he did that. Yeah, that's amazing, amazing. It's amazing to hear
from you too, because that immediately, and everyone in my my family that
I've raised me is like, what is wrong with you? And Jeremy was
we were instantly like doing bits and you know, I was like, Oh,
what do you do for a living? I could tell you, but
I'd have to kill you. He's just like lovely, charming guy. And
so we texted and then so did he grow up with your birth mother?
Yeah? That's this woman who's the biggest mystery of my life. Who is
she? What is I mean? And it's not Sally field, but that's
just his mom, like a complete non mystery. And our other my half
brother, he's half brother to both of it. There were three different dads
and three kids, and we had different dads, but they grew up together
brothers. Yeah, and so yeah, I got the whole story and we
but she had gone to she was pregnant with me, excited, wanted to
have me, and then went then the guy was not into it, and
so she felt like she needed to give me up for adoption for my sake,
but she didn't really want She wanted me, and then she went to
have me and then met Jeremy's dad while in that process and then had him
like a year later. So then there was a weird thing of I connected
with Jeremy so much that I was like, what if I had grown up
with I mean my brother, but like what if I had grown up with
some when we're the same and we're but we could not have existed at the
same time. Like she literally went to go give me, have me and
give me away and met his dad and then that like we were sliding doors
or whatever. It's kind of wild, but you feel like you missed out
on growing up with Jeremy, and no, that's it's an excellent question because
I had those feelings of like, oh, you know, like of course,
look I'm a writer, like I'm gonna go down all the what if
right right, but in the whole process, so and there's so much to
it. I could talk another ten hours about it, but yeah I can't.
I'm like what do I include? What do I not include? But
essentially in the whole process. So I met My, connected with Jeremy.
After about a week, he said, hey, I have something for you
and it was a phone number and he said, mom is looking forward to
meeting you. Holy shit. Yeah, I had I had given up.
Like even when I met Jeremy, I was like, I'm not gonna bug
him. I was like, Jeremy's enough and I just got to know je
I have a little brother. This is incredible. I immediately felt like a
big sister, you know, like it was all of these very surprising feelings.
And then after about a week he said, you know, you can
connect with our mom. And you know, now I realized very smartly he
was kind of vetting, you know, like as you should because Internet,
we don't know, right, we don't know who's unhinged or whatever. So
I ended up meeting them, and my grandmother was alive. She's one hundred
years old. Well that's great jeans. It's pretty great jeans. And so
I she called me one day, so I Grandma called you. Grandma called
you. I had connected with my birth mother, Like, so you called
her? Yeah, I called the birth I called my birth mother. You
were you so nervous I could not speak for two hours. Jeremy texted me
my birth mother's number. I was working at a library in Los Angeles and
I couldn't stop crying. So I had to leave the library. I went
home. I told Brian I had my birth mother's phone number. He can't
believe. He's gasping and crying too. And I just had to sit there
until I was able to speak. And then I called voicemail. Yeah,
it went to voicemail course, and so, and I had this because I
don't know if she wants For all I really know is she didn't want to
see me, and she didn't want a relationship. And so I was like,
if I only have one chance to say something to her, and I
left a message that was you know, I mean, what do you even
Hey, it's Laura. Hey, I came out of you maybe Rember.
I was like, I got I think. I said, like I got
your number from Jeremy. What do you? What do you? You grew
me inside of you and so but I just I was like I just wanted
to say hello and you know, meet you and and thank you. I
just at least left it in that message. If if she was like okay,
okay and not want to talk, I was like, I wanted to
say thank you and I wanted to say that my whole life, and then
I did, and you don't want to be like so okay bye and then
go shit, I forgot to thank her. Yeah, then you like call
again and she's like seees it and you're like, anyway, listen, I
know I just called in Favrow and swinger. Yeah, and she's like twenty
five times, Brian's what are you doing? I don't know, and I
have to bring into her house and and steal her phone and delete the message
right now. Yeah. It was. It was so emotional and great and
I get to know her and then wait, so she calls you back.
She called me back, and we you're like very much burying the lead,
like you. You started this story in the new Meet my birth mom.
But there's so many things, like again, I really could talk about it
for two hours. She calls you back and you see the number come up,
and they talked to her, and she's nice. How long did you
talk to her for? We didn't talk long. She doesn't love to talk
on the phone, but we talked like ten minutes and just she's funny and
light and so she will acknowledge, you know, she's she's like, I
got to hold you one time, and I I kissed you and prayed you
have a good life, and you know, I'm so happy to know that
you did, you know, Like she always she told me she always wondered
if she did the right thing, you know, which of and I had
never thought of that perspective. She was like, I loved you and wanted
you to have a wonderful family and life, and now I know you have
and that makes me happy. Like that was basically her what she's saying.
And then she's also just kind of making jokes and being silly, like,
you know, wow, I ended up meeting So this was the crazy miracle.
So of all the nose right of the of the thing and then find
this. So this July twenty eighteen, I connect with Jeremy and then my
birth mother. Here's what happened. I my grandmother called me. Her mother
called me and said, look, I'm one hundred. I don't wait for
things. My daughter can be a little shy about things. But I want
to meet you. I want to fly you and your fiancee to our town
to take Texas and I would like to meet you. Would you like to
do that? And I'm just bawling. And she told me very similar to
mothers. She said, I got to hold you one time. She said,
I've said a prayer for you every year on your birthday. Oh she
said every year on March twenty first, and I was like, it's March
twentieth, but okay, she's old. I was imagine if you corrected much
the twentieth, you tis like anyway. But I sat there because she was
like, I got to hold you one time, and I just I was
so blown away by, like what had to happen. She knew me when
I'm like an hour old and now I'm fifty. When I talked to her
or whatever, and I was like, internet had to be invented. Cell
phones had to be invented, DNA testing, and like every aeroplanes exactly fourteen
right, It was just but just everything that went into this cars moment exactly
electricity, you have our route, but it is it was like so wild
of like it was these modern things that kind of made it all, you
know, hot. And so here's what so she's I said, so September.
We basically I said, look, I already am going to Texas in
September. How is this date? Because I was going to visit my dad,
and so I did tickets to Texas. I Jeremy lives in Florida,
and I had a gig for the next month in Florida. And I reached
out to Jeremy and said, hey, this is way too soon. I
feel free to say no, but I'm gonna be in Florida doing a sho
He's like, we're there. So and then I had and I never have
this, but I had a stand up gig. So that was Florida was
stand up. I had a stand up gig in Indianapolis. Guess where my
other little brother lives ten minutes away from the venue. Wow. So in
three months I already had tickets to all the places where my family, my
biological family lived. I met them all in like three months. I met
cousins and cousin Laurel, and aunts and uncles and I everyone. I remember
seeing a lot of this unfold on Facebook. Yes, I was posting it.
I've never had so many likes, and everyone's like, I'm crying.
I'm you're crying. No, I'm everyone's crying, and You're like, I
got another family member. Hey, sorry, I know it's a lot of
family members, but this is my cousin so and so. It was wild
and what I love is like a lot of my life I've been. I
wasn't like goth, but I was just like a cynical gen x, like
whatever, that's like kind of vibe that's stupid or like a little And this
was so heart opening sweet. It's just a beautiful story. Because I message
my birth mother all the time like we're friends. And Jeremy I went and
stayed with him. It's been a week with him and I and I I
bought at the airport a totally eighties jigsaw puzzle because we didn't get to have
our childhood together and like, so we just do I buy him ice cream
when I see, I just try to do kid Like we picked out a
Christmas tree together and we you know, we just incredible. I love them
like we love. There's just love there. Like when I thought it was
like, oh, something's wrong with me or my life began with my Dickensian
tragedy, and it's like no, like I was literally wrong about my own
existence. They were like, we've loved you the whole time. And my
parents, you asked, did this make me feel like did I miss out?
I got to see my family in a new way of how much they
loved me, and it kind of ruined my comedy career, to be honest,
because it was like, oh, I'm very, very loved, and
I didn't really ruin your comedy career. But speaking of your comedy career,
you're doing a show, a regular show once a month. Yes, I
have a show called Party On that's at a great comedy club called the Crow
in Santa Monica and it's the first Sunday of every month, and it's it
started out as booze sober, but nobody just has one issue. So it's
comedians in all kinds of recovery and the audiences and all kinds of Recovery and
like it's so funny and soul thriving and it's an odd yeah, like legit
headliner comic, great comedy and also like Recovery Center. You know, they
talk about other things, but we hit we hit that and where else can
we find you? Do you have anything to promote laurahouse dot com? Oh
and we didn't. We haven't. In this episode talked about our podcast,
Yeah, and my podcast Tiny Victories. It's on comes through Maximum Fun,
but it's on all the outlets and we I do it with New York Times
bestselling author Annabelle Gurwich and we celebrate little wins. It's a fifteen minute podcast,
so you can definitely put it on your list of faves. Amazing,
Laura. I can't thank you enough. It was so nice to me.
It was a pleasure. Yeah, such a pleasure. Everybody. I want
to go go back to the third episode from the beginning of that, because
I mean, amazing, amazing, And before we completely go, let's give
a shout out to our our fabulous yeah people. Yeah, like Aaron Land.
Oh, and Rachel is still a newcomer. Randy May aims she's got
a lot of names Laurie's gory. That's gonna be so killer when it's like
Halloween, Nikki call your girl, Ashley, you're so chic. Leslie is
a cost of people. Yeah, it's I mean, Crowley, we love
you and you're not that Growley now very listen on our zoom. Yeah.
And Rita rocks that bastinet full of Elizabeth Williamson's seven kids. Not at the
same time she takes turns Hero. Everybody loves you. All your kids love
you. Athena, we love your dancing, Polly, we live your pancakes,
Valerie Bubba Fenwick want it was on our zoom Yeah. And Katerina she
really does need to check her moller. She missed a couple of them.
Yeah, uh, and miss you and Gabby, Well they're alive and well
from what I've seen, I found out, Well he's hot. He's asked.
Rebecca lup and horrible. Kelly Bryant's not your aunt, but she will
take you to hip hop class. Yeah. Yeah, Alicia from the City
of Money, Leslie, stop Cope's ridiculous, sarah My buyes on. Yeah,
Jennifer, get up, Sandra, It's not easy being green. Where
were you on our Zoos, Sandra Christa, you make me wan and Stephanie's
a stinker wrinker. Also, Adam Learner can get you a car. He
has a website. It's called Adam's Got a Car. Is it called Adam's
Got a Car? Hold on, it's called Yeah Adams Got a Car dot
com. His numbers three one zero nine nine eight seven zero four eight.
He's awesome. He's a car broker. He will find you the best deal
on a lease, on a used car, on whatever you want on a
new car. If you want to buy, you get it. You've heard
me talk about it before. Adam Lerner. Also one more before we go,
Maren from Sugar Skull for all of August. She wants to change her
shout out. You know, she's in Hawaii and she wants to talk about
the Maui Strong Fund for the Hawaii Community Foundation. So we love you for
that. That's amazing, man. So what you want to do is go
to Hawaii Community Foundation dot org backslash Maui Dash Strong and help the people of
Hawaii. And that's so kind of you to give that your shout out for
that. And one more Kelly willman frieda love them great food check out the
great Brunch they're in Palm Springs and Palm Dessert They have homemade English muffins and
pop tarts and yeah, oh my gosh yeah and mentioned for crying out loud,
and you'll get a free latte or a mimosa. All right, thanks
again, Laura, thank you. Kaylin you you're a parent now, don't a