Adventist Radio London. Inspiration for the song We welcome to Talking Point with Ray
Angela, discussing the hot topics and answering your questions Saturday's five to seven pm
on Adventist Radio London. It's talking Point, it's talking Point, it's talking
Point, it's talking Point conversations. You need to have. Good afternoon,
good evening, and welcome to Talking Point. Apologies for being late. We've
had technical difficulties, but we are on. We are live and praise the
Lord. Uh it's forty minutes past the hour of five o'clock and yes,
as I said, we are running a bit late, but we'll get it
all packed in we usually do, so we'll sort of hasten to the point.
Today we are talking friendship and we've got Angela, Pedro's away and lafternoon
Pedro, I know he is listening in, and we've also got Eucheney who's
joining us as well. You will know if you're a regular listener to Adventist
Radio London, you'll know the voice of Uchennie. But I'll let her come
on and share a little bit about herself before we get into the discussion.
Let's just pray and then we'll get we'll get started, definitely, Father,
thank you so much for allowing us this opportunity. Another devil is at work.
There's been delays, there's been technical difficulties. But we are here and
we're going to have this conversation, and we pray that it will be a
blessing to someone somewhere in Jesus name. I pray, Amen and amen.
Right, I think we should do a sound check because I'm barely hearing myself.
I'm hoping everything's up and running. But yes, let's do that,
and I'll start by saying good afternoon to you, Auntie. How are you
afternoon? I actually feel quite stressed right now, like we've had technical difficulties.
I'm sitting in a room or currently at Ballum and for some reason,
I've got two laptots with me today and both of them zoom was doing its
own thing. Sometimes technology is fantastic, but when it should be. I
mean, I shouldn't even say this because it feels quite scary to be the
case. It's like it has a mind of it in the whole world at
Ai now and things happening, But seriously, I don't know what's going on
there. Maybe but you know what, aside from that, the stress of
the I've been quite hot. I'm not too I'm good actually bit tired.
The week's been busy as always, but I've been here at Balerm it's been
the youth camp meeting program, so that's actually been Yeah, it's been a
it's been a blessing. I've sort of tuned in throughout the week, and
today's sermon and program was really good present worship. The word from doctor Myron
Edmonds was Yeah, he was on point, on point, really really thought
provoking, and hopefully we're going to get him on the show at a later
day how to chat with him afterwards. He's got really interesting story, his
own personal testimony and the work that he does as well. So yeah,
we'll watch this space and hopefully the conversation with him at some point in the
future. So yeah, well good, Yeah, and I'm sure, as
is usually the case, it will be available online at some point for those
Yeah, I mean an ex streaming all week media and our own Ballom YouTube,
So yeah, do check it out afterwards. Yeah, his message was
powerful today. It's been really good actually, ones, I've checked it out
this week. So and the thing was about being the change, and I
think it's you know, it's really it's about what we can do to make
things more real and palatable and influential within our communities. You know, it
starts with us and radiates out. Yeah, yes, indeed from me.
I'm hoping you are hearing me, okay, and our listeners as well.
If anybody isn't, then do let us know, don't let us know sometimes
well, as it's been today, are exactly do let us know it's all
happened. And it's usually when I'm in the hot seat as well. I
don't even understand that. Also, do let us do let us know what
your thoughts are as well. We want to hear from you. It's a
you know, it's a talk show. We're talking. We want to hear
your thoughts as well, want you to contribute. I don't never have the
number in front of me so I can yeah messages or call us yeah and
waiting in the conversation. Absolutely, I mean it won't. I think it'll
add an extra layer to hear from our listeners and of obviously to hear their
take on whatever we discuss. The number it's eight triple two eight, and
that's a text you write the word hope, you leave a space and you
send your message or you can email. It's studio at ad mentis Radio dot
London and today in lieu of the fact that we're celebrating friends and friendship,
if you want to send a request to your friend, then here is the
opportunity. We've got you know, minutes to feel and we'll certainly love to
hear from you. And if it's just that you're sending a shout out to
a friend, we'll be happy with our pleasure to put that on the air
for you as well. And shout out to bricks Kids, who normally goes
before us in terms of programming and following. BRIT's Kids are following talking Point
this evening within myself shameless plug with Saturday Night Praise and again we want you
to stay with us and to get involved in that as well. Just before
I move on to your journey, how was your week? What have you
been up to? Angie? Oh me? Sorry? My week? Yeah?
What am I doing this week? Work? Mainly? Yeah, it's
kind of busy. It's busy ish, I guess a lot of students have
just received their results, so we're getting a few comings through who are saying,
oh, I've not really got the results that I wanted. What can
I do potentially maybe for some people to do research. I have dow Master
students that I work with, so they've got to sort of come to the
ending their dissertation, so I'm getting a few of that. I went to
get my eyes tested, I think headaches recently, and I think it's been
down to the fact that my eyes are aging and getting worse. That's literally
what the optician told me. Everything else but my eyes are fine apart from
they're just getting old slightly. So it just it's just a natural aging process.
So I've got my prescription has changed. I'd getting new glasses soon.
So yeah, that's kind of it. Really. Yeah, nothing too exciting
and poplars that I have been checking out the cat meeting programs. It's been
quite interesting. Cat meeting has been very different. You know, the adult
one and the senior one was up in hayes Wood. From what I understand
that was that was really well received as well and with good I checked out
the youth one. It's my hand checked so not so I think claim the
US you know exactly. It's like, yeah, yeah, that's so but
yeah, now my week was my Bluemaster as well. Yeah it's been.
Yeah, it's sim busy. I mean I think it's like you're Jenny welcome.
Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for joining us on.
Even though it's been a bit for chaos, You've been your health fast.
Yeah, you see, I'm chilled that you see. Yeah, I
just came from my afternoon sabbath walk because so I'm good. So I can
just sit here and watch the chaos and just be cool right there. Empty.
That's that's that's a preaching moment right there as well, calm in the
chaos. There, you're going, how are you? How's your week been?
I might as well pull you into the conversation, But first, just
let the folks know a little bit about yourself. I'm sure they do know
my listeners to a r L. But share a little bit about you,
and then you can tell us how you're week. Wepped? Okay? So,
yes, I'm your Jenny Burson. I'm a fitness and lifestyle coach.
So I help women over forty mainly to look, feel and be awesome in
their fifties and beyond. And I my show on aar rail is family matters.
It goes out on Sunday morning, eight a m. So go to
bed early tonight you can get away and listen to it. And basically what
I what I love to do is hear people's stories and a strong believer that
there's somebody's stories, somebody's experience, somebody's testimony is going to just resonate with
somebody could inspire them, motivate them, and you know, I just want
to hear those stories. And also do a little show called Meet the Kids,
and we just have like local kids from my church and give them little
topics and then they discuss it. And it's really good to hear their view
on these things. Hilarious at times where I questioned their parents, like you
need to talk to your job, but yeah, no, so that's that's
always fun. And also meet the family where I have a family in and
just talk about their experience, what they do. And again I think that
just helps other families to get a little oh we might try that, or
just a little insight into how other families are. Oh gosh, sounds good.
Sounds good. At those programs something you do separate to RL or no
they no, they are they are part of the Family Matters shows. Yeah,
yeah, all right, you had it here first, that was your
how was your week? Then? You know what it's it's it's been a
little bit of a challenge. So I've just finished eight week three zumba,
well eight sixteen sessions right twice a week, which was funded and I didn't
get that funding, but somebody asked me to do it. And now I
have to do a report, which I've never done before, and they told
me that they want a video report as well. So I'm using that famous
software that you can get online begin with C and ending in A and and
I'm trying to learn I've got to get it. That's called my Bestie,
Yes, my bestie too. It's life changing stuff. I had that with
chat GBT and it's like amazing. Yeah. So so it's just been like,
okay, how am I going to do this? So I've been working
on that all week actually, and it's gonna be in on Monday. But
I'm going to get it done. I'm gonna get it done. Oh I'm
sure you're well, I'm sorry You're will How how you said how your week
has been? Have you been able to catch any of the the cab meeting
or well, honestly no, because you know I've had I've had meetings and
all sorts. But I did this morning. Oh okay, cool, don't
feel so bad. Then I had this have this morning though, I listened
to the youth program and oh yeah, just like what Angela said, it
was. It was amazing. It was It's just real. And so now
I'm like, okay, I need to go back and watched them all.
Yeah, yeah, I did act. But having said that, I did
watch after that, I did go back and watch, but I don't know
what they call it. Hopefully it's not senior program. But I watched the
program at Hayeswood as well. Yeah. Yeah, has been Yes, I've
probably gotten away there. It's been good, busy, really busy. My
my manager was away and so I was sort of holding the fort on my
own and usually or sometimes when she goes away, it's quiet and I just
get to catch up with things that may need catching up with. But I
don't know. As soon as she stepped out the door, it was like
I had a colleague or a wall. I had resignations coming in I disciplinaries.
I'm like, okay, I had a headache. At the end of
the week, I thought, oh my goodness, And you know, maybe
they were scared to do it before. They just waited for you. There
you go. I've told her already. I'm not sure who approves these holidays,
but they'll have to check with me first. But you know what,
when you look back once the d's to settle that, I think I ought
to appreciate this time because it really just helps me to learn and to develop
and to position myself for the next step in my career. But going through
it, oh, I tell you, it's just really really busy. But
you know what, thank God for the Sabbath. In his infinite wisdom,
he set aside a day and I'm just truly blessed to have a moment to
rest and reflect and of course to have talking point, which is often the
highlight of my sabbath. So yeah, all my week. So yeah,
absolutely good. Right, why don't we take a break and then we'll come
right back to the discussion. As I said, it's a lieu of it
being International Friendship Day tomorrow, and so we'll talk a little bit about that,
and then we'll talk about our friendships and hopefully we'll hear from some of
our listeners as well. What's going on, my boy? It's been about
since the last time we called a walking which your head held down, wait
alive, got to shoulders hang into the ground. But that's so okay because
the life can hurt sometimes God gave you someone to help you fight. I
got you back, and that's a fact. Whatever you need, I'll be
there. I just remember that got a friendly Oh you got a friendly life
training get you down? Turn the frown on you. That a friending?
We heard that you were going through. But don't you crack a casewe's been
there and you and baby girl that you now that you shot so bright that
the fad show the world your life. Don't let's try to drive you up
your smile when your friends and will be fighting right by your soul. Just
come on eight three three years two and I'll come and happy right therefore you
come. You got a friend in me, You've got a friend in me.
Life can get you down? Turn a friend or else. You got
a friend in me. You got a friend in me. You got a
friend in me. Oh, I can't get you down turn cause you got
a friending me. Uh, I give me the one you seeking your time
on me. Trust none, no pretending, no friends, empty promises,
and no clear shags. But I'm here for you day by day. If
the situation changed, I would not staying. Run into the wheels, follow
no matter what it costs. Understand that world got me. Oh boy,
you got a friend. Of men can get you down. Turn the true
you got a friend, You got friend you las can get you down.
Turn the sun you a friend, Me you got friend, You got a
friend Me love little place can get you out. Turn you feel like those
everybody's you don't have to worry. I'll always feel like life gets harden to
you, get count on, always be around just life. You feel good.
Everybody could be headlined. Listen, listen life You gets you down sometimes
and it give me real hard, but not that You've got somebody on your
side. There's praying for you, and who loves you, don't matter what.
That's called a friend. You got a friend, didn't mean. One
of my favorite groups the wall screen, reminding us that we have a friend
in garden. We are each other's keeper as well, So quite happy.
And you'll find that a lot of the songs are themed today around friendship.
So, Angie, we are talking about International Friendship Day, and let us
sort of unpack that a bit. Where did that stem from? Wells that
I've done. It was designated by the United Nations General Assembly. They figured
it was wanted to encourage peace, happiness and unity. And you know,
when you think about friends, friends who are like family, we've got friends
even maybe you can make consider frenemies because at some point there's been a relationship
at some point, it's something that you can, you know, celebrate on
this date. You know, when you think about the world that we live
in and how things are going across the board, it's really an opportunity to
in spite of all those things, to remember those people who make a difference
to you, who are closer to you. And you know, umbrella term
friends I'm sure could encompass a whole heap of people. You know, Friendship
connections it's about how you what you share with each other, the bonds that
you have with each other, the characteristics, the things that you share,
the time that you spend with people. There's an opportunity to celebrate those people,
you know, say thank you, but also think about, you know,
even the despite our differences, how we come together. It's all about
understanding diversity, inclusion and how we can be inclusive. You know, friendships
can span across the globe, across the world, and it's a different levels.
And you know, any opportunities to celebrate people who make a little difference
for you can only be a good thing. So around the world it's celebrated
essentially someone around you lie. Some countries, I think I read India was
August first, you know, and it's kind of you know, the opportunities
for people to get together, put on activities and events. Often presence may
be given. I'm sure the card industries. I think Hallmark was kind of
one of those first card companies to introduce the idea of it as well.
And you know, sometimes I mean it's in this technical, this technology technological
age sometimes sending letters and cards and notes as a bit of an old art
form, you know, and but I think it's just something really nice about
sending a car so you know, this is a day where we can do
all that sort of thing. So yeah, it's the idea of celebration,
making connections, saying thank you, And it was really first introduced in around
twenty eleven, so that's sort of an age old what would you call it?
Remember a day of you know, a day but it's been around for
a little while, it has, But I honestly, until you mentioned it
a few weeks ago, i'd never heard of international NA say. It's probably
one of those ones that probably we don't hear about me when we think about
it. Sometimes we're looking for some ideas for the shows. There is a
day for absolutely everything we've seen grew in your dark day. Well yeah,
totally, but you know something like this, there are you know, somebody's
decided actually it's gonna be really good idea to celebrate something, you know,
and celebrate the important things, and friendship being one of those. So absolutely,
yeah, so'd you like the thirtieth for as in the UK maybe in
the States. And you know, also I was going to say, this
is also a time and maybe you might cover some of this as much as
I mentioned frenemies, friendships sometimes come and go, and but this could also
be an opportunity to maybe try and reconcile, maybe try and build back those
bridges that might have been broken. You know, friends can split for whatever
reason, but if you maybe look back, this could be an opportunity to
say, hey, you know what, we had a good friendship once,
let's bury that, let's maybe start again, start a fresh So there's so
many things that this day could represent actually utilized. Yeah. Absolutely. The
theme for this year is is that sharing the human spirit through friendship. So
I think that that really says it all. It's about being each other's keeper,
each other's friend and confidante and so forth, and just making sure that
we make the world a brighter place. Yeah, and there's some interesting stats
around it as well, actually, which I thought was quite interesting. Apparently,
again I'm not sort of quoting any particular research, stude, is there
anything but twenty two percent of people if they have a twenty two percentage of
people who live longer live longer if they have a close friendship network. There's
something to be said about your friendship, the connections, your support, the
network that you have. On average, most adults will have two best friends.
Again, I'm not sure that that's over their whole lifetime or whatever.
Many of you may know be familiar with the TV show Friends that first aired
in nineteen ninety four. That might show some of our ages because it feels
like it's been around forever and to show you. But again that was a
hit TV show about a group of friends and the things that they went through
and shared. Twenty six percent of people who come into conflict with their friends
over something have posted about it online, which I thought was really interesting.
Yeah, because you know, sometimes again you know, the rise of social
media and everything else, is the fact that we can just put our stuff
out there for the whole work to see is quite worrying. Certain not encouraging
people to do that. Sometimes it's better to kind of try and resolve it
with whatever, but put it out there and maybe not even resolve it.
Something quite wrong with that as well, make it worse well totally And you
know, Yeah, and they're saying fifty seven percent of teens make a close
friend online, which I thought was quite interesting as well. Again, there's
something maybe slightly scary about that as well, because I have to wonder whether
people are we're going to talk about what friendship is. We have to wonder
what kind of friendships these are, what they mean, what they look like.
There's something to be said about eight age have friendships relate those ages,
So I think that's quite interesting one as well. And something about us talk
about ages at nine months is the sort of average age and which babies start
to recognize friendships. It's interesting. Now again I'm not quoted the research where
it's all coming from, but this is just something that was reading. So
there's some interesting stats around friendship. But one thing that kind of struck me
is the impact that friendship can have how we make friends and the different types
of friends we may have, which we're going to discuss today. So a
little bit about friendships. I was just thinking a lot of what you the
statistics that you gave sort of fed into some of the questions and discussions that
would like to have, in particular the one about friendships. And in a
wider sense of relationships. Healthy relationships are linked to longer life, happier life,
and I mean that's an age all saying, but oftentimes we don't or
there are things that disconnect us or you know, we're not living harmoniously and
that kind of thing, and it would be good to understand what those things
might be and how we can resolve them. And then you mentioned as well
that to day is a day to perhaps rekindle all friendships, but we then
have to be conscious and prayerful because there might be a reason why. And
you know, there's also a message in letting go. And also there is
perhaps a time today whenever tomorrow to reflect because some of us or most of
us would have lost friends along the way in terms of friends passing, So
again it's an opportunity to reflect, to remember the good times and reach out.
As you've said as well, Jenny, you've been very quiet. So
I'm going to pull you into the conversation. Okay, ready or not?
What does friendship mean to you? What? What? What's your definition of
a good friend or of the relationship. So I think it's for me,
it's somebody that I can chat to. But also we've got to have a
laugh, right, don't have a laugh? Yeah, then it's kind of
it's not right then? And also you know, share with somebody that make
that we can make experiences with, so then you can look back and laugh
about right I don't. I mean I've got I've got friends who i've not
since ever, you know, since we're children, right. But also I
have some new friends as well. So it's it's interesting that how close you
can make a bond with someone, and and I think that's important you have
to kind of get on this no point having friends that you can only cope
with like twenty minutes of them, and then it's like I can't take anymore.
Right, But I do think that you have friends on different levels.
Yeah, so you have the friend that you will tell maybe tell almost everything
too, and also listen to what they're saying as well. You also have
friends who maybe like acquaintances, but when you actually do you know, see
them get together, then it's like everything is cool. You get on really
really well. But I remember one time I had a friend who while we
were working together, we were like, you know, doing everything together,
and then she left and didn't contact each other as much. But then she
wasn't happy with me because she was like, well, I've got this other
friend and she calls me all the time or and but for me, I'm
like, I don't think that you necessarily want you've built your relationship that you
necessarily have to be speaking to your friend every single day. So one of
my best friends who have known for like says since I was a child,
right, I could go weeks or even months and wants me help on the
phone. It's like we spoke yesterday and yeah, and I think it's important
to know because life does happen. But that doesn't mean that your friendship is
failing, particularly if you've built it up already. So one of the things
that does my head in is when is when you call a friend maybe I'm
spoken to them for a while or whatever, and they're like, oh,
high stranger. Get the guilt trip winds me up because it's like, hold
on, if I'm a stranger, then that means you're a stranger too,
right, So you can't be saying, oh, I haven't heard from you
for a long time, but that means that you haven't contacted me either,
And it works both ways. So whoever keep saying that, stop saying it.
It's not you know, because you know that's saying when you point your
finger and at the three pointing back at you. You can't say to somebody
you haven't contacted me when you when you haven't contacted Yeah, can I throw
Can I throw something into the mix here just to play? I wouldn't say
Devil's advocate, But what if I am the one that's always calling Because you
get that, you get that, Yeah, I called you last time,
I called you the time before I called you the time before that, so
I've been waiting. I've been waiting for you to call me. How do
we respond? So that's a different that's a different situation, and we're talking
about when when nobody's called each other. Okay. Yeah, So if you
do have or in a situation where you're like, hold on a minute,
they don't ever call me back. I'm always the one calling, right,
then I think you need to just have a little think about that relationship and
whether it's something that you want to continue. It could be that they've got
all stuff going on. But yeah, I don't think friendship do I Nah,
I don't think friendship is a one way thing. I don't think you
should be one way thing. It's interesting for saying about, you know,
the different types of friends as you were saying, or a different types of
I was reading some interesting descriptions descriptors. There was one where it's like you
can categorize friends the type of friendships. There was like three minute friends,
three hour friends, or three day friends. So the idea was really sometimes
your three minute friends could be just wanted to kind of know your acquaintances,
you know them, they're around, or they could be work colleagues or so
people who might contribute to just kind of maybe everyday things, but on quite
a surface level. The three hour friends might be a little bit deeper,
so you might possibly go out with them, do a little bit more.
And then those sort of three day friends other kind of probably there one to
a bit closer deeper you actually spend more time with them. And similarly was
another description from as the three cs the constituent, the comrade, and the
confident, and again they kind of play different roles within your life, which
I thought was quite interesting. And I guess, as you were saying,
it's it's not a one way street, it's two way. But I think
different people are going to have different impacts on your life, and the relationship
you build with them can vary in different ways. And I suppose in some
ways that's okay if you've got that kind of future of the relationship. However
you've established that, I think that's how you can possibly define your friendships or
recognize them for what they are. Sometimes, you know, I know for
myself sometimes if if if the idea of friendship was somebody talking to everybody every
day or what have you, I'm not a very good friend because I'm terrible
for that. Sure, some people know I'd like to think that my friendship
does run deep for some people, but they recognize that's what I can be
like. And then the counties and they can understand that. I know that's
something that I can do better, and I do try, I really do.
But again, you know the levels because I know I could get on
the phone to somebody and it's like we've been speaking two weeks ago and I
could have not spend Yeah, I would say so the type of friendships you
have, if you build them over the years, you see what they're like.
But there will be different levels, and I think sometimes that's okay.
Yeah they are, I agree. I mean it's interesting that you said about
talking to somebody every day. I did meet somebody online, right, because
online friendship is a is a is a whole different topic as well, right,
which I think is real as well. I think they're important friends,
right, And we were just sending what's up voice notes every day? Right,
That was our conversation. And I got to a point where I'm like,
I can't do this anymore because it's taken up too much of my time.
So but I had other stuff I was doing. So I actually said,
okay, look, not that I need a break, right, but
just that I may not get back to you as quickly as I was because
I've got some of the stuff I need to right, but I'm here,
but I'm not here every day for you, right. And it just went
south. She was not impressed at all. And and yeah, it was
just quite like, oh, well, you know what's happened. Wait,
wait, I haven't heard from you and you know that kind of stuff.
And I was thinking, okay, I told you, so it's like I
can't. I don't think I could maintain that either. Depending on if they
were going through something, then yeah, I'm here for them, call me
whenever. But if it's just like hit chick, get to know all of
that kind of stuff, it doesn't. I don't think it needs to be
in every day thing. Yeah, I as if you're older, that's more
the case, because I kind of thinksel when I was. I think when
I was younger, I probably was a lot more like that personally, maybe
on my phone and just chatting generally. But now as I've got older,
But it's not responsibilities, isn't it. You As you get older, there
are other things drawing you away. And you've got either children or partner or
husband, or you know, parents that you have to care for. So
as you, I think as you get older, there are other things drawing
or vying for your time. So it's to sit for half an hour on
the phone like I did when I was sixteen, it's just not going to
happen or an hour to everyone. It may happen to those you know,
those three day once as you said, or those confidence as you've as you've
described, Auntie, But if I've got fifty two friends or a hundred and
something contacts, I can't be expected to be there for everyone at the same
you know, on the same level. And I think, what for me?
It's one kind of reciprocating. So the people I'm there for on an
intimate level are the people who are there for me on an intimate level.
That's one of the ways that I decide who gets my time. If I
can call you at three o'clock in the morning, chances are you can get
me at three o'clock in the morning. That's the kind of relationship we have.
Another thing that helps me decide is whether the person is needy or not.
I've got one or two needy friends, But I think one or two
is enough. I don't think I could maintain. I'll, you know,
camp of needy friends, one or two, I think I can manage.
I know that they like a text every day or every other day. So
it may just be a foreword, it may just be high I'm thinking of
you, and I'll move on. But again, that depends on the time
and season. That depends on you know, how I value that friendship.
Is it worth you know, going through that added extra effort for so you
know, all that kind of stuff decides whether that person would get that time
or not. But surely people must understand it comes down to understanding. You've
got to understand that I've got things going on. I've got to be a
career whatever. Mother and you may be at a different stage, but you
surely must understand the stage and that and that comes with having a friendship and
having that connection that you know where I'm at and I know where you are
and we meet in the middle. Yeah, I think it's important. I
mean, well, and Ajulie said that, you know, when you're younger,
you're on the phone all the time. When I was younger, we
didn't have mobile things. But but but I think it's about you initially when
you meet somebody, I think you have to nurture it. You have to
nurture that friendship and that make just like in a relationship right where you fall
asleep on the phone, all that kind of stuff and you build that foundation.
But I think once that foundation is built, you don't need to put
all that energy into it because it's it's sorted, it's you've got the groundwork
is done, and then you can just live life with a new friend.
And and also it comes down to understanding, and we individually, just as
humans, we need to consider are we putting too much pressure on our friends?
Because what you're saying was that, well, you have to send them
a text just to keep them happy. But then it's like you're doing that
to keep them happy, but then is it really what you want? Don't
do? So then it's like I'd be questioning, would I really do I
really want to do this because it's not really helping me. I'm doing this
for them, and yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure about that.
Yeah, do you think with something like that, then do you think?
I mean, because as you just saying that, I'm thinking to myself
when we're making friends, and I kind of as I got older, I
probably make less friends. You meet new people, but your videos, the
whole idea is stuffing a friendship? Well, those are kinds of conversations.
Then, do you think could be useful to kind of really almost Not that
I want to be prescriptive about how our friendship or relationship should be, but
in some ways really actually talk about what you want your friendship would be,
and be upfront and honest and about who you are, what you'd like to
see, what your capacity is. You know, I think I should be
able to say to somebody, actually, yet you know we are, We've
made a connection. I really like you, I really get on with you.
You're great to hang out with you. But the reality is I can
only maybe cool you once a week or be good to hang out with you
once a month. As much as I'm saying that, I don't think i'd
want to put it quite like that, but somewhere along our conversation in terms
of would you pick this up, would you have that conversation, would you
say it? But I'd like to be able to think that that would be
part of the understanding and the empathetic nature of the friendship that you could come
to that kind of understanding agreements or something. I don't know that be realistic.
Don't they just fall away? Don't? Don't the ones that you can't
keep up with or you can't respond the way they like, or keep up
there where they want or do as they'd like, Don't they just fall away
with time because you just you don't have that, you don't have the energy
to maintain the friendship, and or sometimes you just golf them. But that's
another conversation. Oh right day, forget the tub as saying it. That's
not going to listen. But that's what happens. I think, as as
as the friendship deal to talk about it, I think I think you can.
I think you get to understand. Yeah, I suppose so. I
think. I think for me, it is that the friendship develops ups or
it fizzles based on what we want from each other, what we expect from
each other, what we're able to give to each other. I think at
my age, though, the differences is that I have no real expectations on
on or no real need for I think when I was younger, I needed
friends for me to be validated. I don't know if that's making sense for
me to feel like someone I wanted to have several friends. I had to
be popular, and I think that feeds in also to the social media friendzy
that we've got with the likes and all that kind of stuff where young people
they're not happy if the picture doesn't have fifty comments and all that kind of
stuff. I think I've grown past that. It's okay for me to have
one, it's okay for me to have two. It's not about the quantity.
It's the quality, and I think that is what makes a difference and
energy. You spoke to that earlier in terms of our your statistics, but
it is having quality, long lasting, develop dependable friendships and relationships that gives
value to your life, not not having several that you have to jump through
hoops for. And my stage in my life, I can't jump to too
many hoops to be a friend to someone. If if one hoop isn't enough
for two, yeah, yeah, it's it's not gonna have I agree.
I agree with you because at the end of the day, as you get
older, it just sain't got the energy at the time, you know,
It's like, I don't want to be in a situation where I have to
I have to do something that just to I know, it sounds really bad
to please somebody else. I mean, of course we should be doing stuff
for others. Yeah, but in terms of this friendship, I have to,
like you said, jump through hoops to make them happy. That's not
real friendship because you're not You're not getting from it what you are putting into
it. But can I can we talk a little bit about online friendship and
we're talking about likes whatever, but just because one of the things about social
media, in particular Facebook, right, because I was probably the first big
one. I actually, you know, there was high five and my Space,
but forget about those into them, right. But see, I see
it as a way of connecting with people that I probably wouldn't connect with or
be able to connect with if they weren't around. Now, don't get me
wrong. There's people that I would say happy Birthday too once every year and
that's it. How you doing? I mean I do that with Texas,
right. How are you doing? Yeah? I'm good? How you?
Yeah? We really should meet up this year? Yeah, I know we
should. Yeah, but yeah, let's make it happen this year, and
it still doesn't happen. But I would still consider them a friend even though
it's a once a year friend because we did already build that relationship before.
Right now, if we did meet up, I don't know how that would
go. Probably be all right, but for some it may be like,
Okay, this is awkward. Should have just stayed online friends, all right?
Sorry, I just wanted to clarify this is someone that you've only spoken
to online or you've met No, no, no, no, sorry.
So I'm kind of mixing up the things now really, so maintaining a friendship
as it were. Yeah, So I have friends that I would they would
say to me happy Birthday. I would say to them happy Birthday and or
Happy New Year, and that's pretty much. However, that's all an online
thing. However, I've built up relationship. I've built that friendship with them
sometime in the past, right and we do have this promise, oh we
should meet up and all of this kind of stuff, but it doesn't always
happen. Okay, it doesn't happen, but I think that that's okay.
So we So even though they were close at one point, it's still maintaining
that right, so that online and I think social media is really good to
help you maintain friendships, particularly if you see if you don't see them every
day or you know, every week or whatever, but at least then you
can either comment on there or you can say something that you know it will
just or even DM them. But at least you're kind of maintaining it.
And it's an easier way of maintaining them and keeping those people in your life.
And you can see where they're going, they can see what you're doing,
and I think that's really important. And I don't think that we should
like just sort of like say, yeah, that's that's not real friendship.
Okay, So I don't agree because I think at the end of the day,
we have to be realistic about where people are at, especially when you
think, you know, when you realize how people's lives change. They may
have moved across the country, across the world. You know, you still
and often sometimes these platforms are prompted because you may scroll through you see something
you think, oh, actually, yeah, I haven't spent it in a
while. It prompts you to do something. You make a connection, and
it is about maintaining connections and maintaining those bonds, and at least you know
you have an opportunity to do that, which kind of makes it easy.
It can make it easy easier in some respects, especially if you know,
I can't get to visit them, I can't see them as often as I'd
like to. So the connection and many relationships are maintained really healthily in that
way as well, you know, So I think the idea of keeping making
connections and keeping them it's always going to be important. And it's the nurturing
part. Is that consistency that you that you will do so Yeah, definitely
a key thing. But I kind of wonder, I mean again, it's
maybe just with age and experience, whether the quality of friendships can be the
same as if in person. And I say that going back to kind of
when you think about a lot of these social media platforms where people are connecting
with people, but it makes you wonder how deep those friendships are, especially
when you know you can present what you like on some of these platforms,
but you're only really showing possibly a set and side of yourself. You know,
how real are those connections? Because I sometimes wonder and maybe there's an
age thing that I sometimes see and you know, so there's that's about the
presentage of young people who make their friends online. I wonder what they'd be
like if they meet in person. I wonder whether they'd be as bold or
as confident with their conversation for instance, or making those connections. I have
to wonder, not saying not saying that you can't make deep connections or real
connections, but the kind of idea of what's that show when MTV not Catfish
Catfish where oh, yes, it is that where they gone find people who
are presenting very differently. Yes, and sometimes they you know, they start
relationships, but they've never bet the person and they've made these really deep connections
and it turns out to be somebody completely different, because again, you can
present people whatever, and sometimes people are presenting something completely different completely and you
know, it's often having really devastating effects because you've just strung somebody along.
So I don't know, there's pluses and minuses to it, but again,
having someone of that, I guess it's really thinking about what the basis of
friendship is. What is a friendship to us? What are the call a
tease? One of the things that we want to put into a friendship's been
to us and can we be discerning enough to find those things? You know.
So it's a good point to anyone, and we're going to take a
quick break and when we come back, we'll build on that and also sort
of talk about the impact on social friendship of social media in terms of sharing
things that maybe we shouldn't and that would lead nicely into conflict resolution because we've
all had that friend or friends that we've fallen out with and that's a hot
topic. I think we need to unpack as well. So we'll take a
break. You, Jenny, you selected this one a very popular song Israel
Houghton or Israel and New Breed and this one is a friend of God?
Do you believe that? Right? Every tavern? Love? Oh? Yeah?
James two twenty three says Abraham believed how many believers here tonight and says
him was accounted to him for righteousness and he was called the friend of God.
I thank God that he calls us his friends in spite of all that
we have done. If we'll all live believe, say all living on livelief
web, mind you, I'm mindful, love me that you hear me where
I came? She' true that you I thinking love me? How you love
me? It's a man, suely mine and mine that you love my f
that you get me where I came? Isn't true? True that you my
favor me? How can love me? Well, it's amaze. I am
a friend of God. I am a friend of God because he bred a
friend of God. I am a friend of Die. I am a friend
of not because the brand grande that you are lifeful love me that you did
be? When is it true that you are taking time now me so to
friend friend of sweet, friend, a friend of God, friend God,
somaz to amazing to be called a friend of God Israel and you breed with
a classic friend of God. Right as we took the break, we were
talking about social media, and I think we want to just maybe wrap that
up by talking about how we can use social media to enhance our friendships and
just kind of put some parameters around what friendship is because I think social media,
and particularly for our young people, that screwed the idea. My son
always says to me or he has, you know, how many friends?
And he's he's made how many friends? And this is on social media.
And I'm thinking, well, I'm not sure if that's a friend or an
acquaintance or just a name online. Because for me, when you say friendship,
it means something and it's deep and it's someone that you can share,
you know, things with and memories with and so forth. So are we
saying then that there is a way to use social media to enhance our friendships
and it's in fact a plus. Yeah, And I'm just talking about experience.
I think sometimes you can have friends that you don't see all the time,
but then once you're putting out your business I say that I'm just joking
when I say that, But once you're you're you know, you're showing well,
this is what you're doing, and then it gives you or if I
can see what somebody else is doing, it gives me more of a sense
of that person, what they're up to and what they're doing. Right,
So then when we do link again, then we can talk about what they've
done because I've kind of been there in their life, if that makes sense.
So from my personal experience, I met some people on Clubhouse and we
took it offline. I did. I did either they were real and they
lived in the States, and and then you know, we we we've just
been connecting on WhatsApp and doing WhatsApp calls, FaceTime, that kind of thing.
And one of them actually came to London. I went to meet her
and it was just so nice and and just meeting her was just like instant
like connection. And that is actually from I think it's just from chatting from
before anyway, So I think it can work. But not only do we
have social media, we do have connections from FaceTime, WhatsApp, video,
Instagram video. We can do video calls to check these people out to see
if they really are there. With mean, we know that people use and
filters, right, that's fine, but I'm just saying that you don't if
you're just building on dms, if you're just building a friendship on the comments
that they make on your posts, then now you're just in a trick.
Get them on, get them on a video call. And that always that's
always a thing that I mentioned that show Catfish before again, and I have
to other wonder how real it is a TV show after all. But one
thing that always used to strike me is these relationships that people go really deep
into they never met each other, they never saw the person. They might
have seen pictures which often turned out to be pictures pulled from goodness. Those
where but there's always some reason why they couldn't meet. There's always some reason
why they couldn't do a video call. That would be a red flame.
And these people are building, as you said, building deep, deep connections
because they taught that they're speaking. Of course, you can write whatever you
want and make it sound however, but like you said, it's where you
then take it, and those are then some of those the qualities and things
where you've made that connection, really thinking about what you want from a friendship
and how you can develop that to be a bit more real about it as
well. So yeah, that's definitely definitely the thing. These are the things
was how could people be fooled by this? And I shouldn't say that because
people are again, but you know, again, when we think about what
we want friendships to be, you know you want, yes, you want
someone to listen, you want someone to care, you want someone to be
empathetic, but you also want somebody who's real and honest and truthful and actually
going to have you know, real impact in your life in a really positive
way. If someone's refusing to meet me, yeah, we've been talking every
day, i'd have to wonder, well, what's this friendship about that?
Yeah. It's easy to say that though, because if you are getting the
attention that you so desire, then you may not. You got blinkers on,
so you can't necessarily see that because every every every excuse or reason is
it makes sense. Oh okay, you've got friends, Okay, fair enough.
Oh oh I understand it, you know what I mean. And because
you really want to have this relationship, so therefore you're like, you'll take
that, You'll take what you can, which is sad. But then but
then sorry, but then that's it. This is the word out to everyone
listening. Get them on a video call, and even you don't even have
to give your number. You can do it on Instagram, yeah, and
then Facebook messenger as well. As you said that there really needs to be
for me that what screams out here is that there really needs to be guidance
and guidelines and sort of parameters around our friendships, especially those that we're just
building from online contacts, online connections. Again, I'm thinking of the young
people. I'm thinking about my son. I mean, of course there's loads
of caution about giving out details all that kind of stuff for people that are
in effect strangers. Yeah, they like you, they're friends on your you
know, whether it's your Chat or your Facebook or whatever they are, But
are they true friends? And if we go back to the definition or did
we even define it, but in terms of having deep meaningful connection of deep
meaningful relationships, then they obviously cannot be. And it takes a while to
develop that. It takes a while to be able to trust people and invite
them into your space, enter into theirs, and so you want to definitely
put parameters around that, around relationship building, especially if you're building from the
platform of social media for sure. And of course we have the the other
side of the spectrum, where you know, we think everybody's our friend because
they've connected to us. But obviously we know that that is not the case,
because if we're talking about meaningful friendships and meaningful relationships and it cannot be,
can't you can't have a thousand and five thousand and six thousand and upwards,
you know, meaningful connections, meaningful friends, Like I can't see how
that it's even possible so then we have to make sure we define what a
friendship is and understand what a friendship is and and explore it from that perspective.
You know, Angie, you were talking. I really want to get
back to that because we want to talk about conflict resolution. I think that's
something that we should touch on before we leave this afternoon and the time is
flying by. But one of the issues, and on one of the reasons
for broken relationships are people putting people's business outer door, as they would say,
and social media social they're gonna be such can be the main culprit.
You know, you see people's messaging and their fights are broadcasting on Instagram and
wherever else. How do we how do we navigate that? What do you
do if someone's done that to you? Do you do you retaliate? Do
you take it offline? Do you can you what do you do? Do
you cut them off? Disconnect? So I'm not a social media person,
you can tell, but I mean, I think it's a really I think
it's a really sad It's a really sad thing to think that actually, especially
if you if that happens and the person has not had a conversation with they
just put it out there, like you know, if your friendship was as
close or as important it was important to you. I'd love to think that
actually, rather than just putting it out there, you'd actually connect with that
person and have some kind of conversation, even if it was an argument,
if it was whatever, but you're you're addressing it with them directly, the
kind of I was going to say passive aggressive, but it's incredibly aggressive way
to put it out there, exposing what have you. I think it's it
says a lot about the person doing it initially, I think as well,
because you have to wonder what that's about. But also, you know,
are people that are people hurt enough to say they're going to put their stuff
out there with a spotlight as well as what's happened to them, you know.
I just think that that's interesting in itself. There's a lot to be
said about that maybe, but you know, you'd want to be able to
connect that person. I mean they say which I'm thinking the text where it
says, you know, if you if somebody has really go to your brother,
you speak to them about it and you try and resolve it. You
may have to get someone to come and maybe mediate with you. But you
know, if you're if your relationship wasn't that important and if I'd like to
think, okay, depending on what the situation obviously, because sometimes you know,
when we're talking about what you know, the benefits and a good friendship,
you know, if trust has been broken, that can be really difficult
to come back from. If somebody's really hurt you by someone they've done,
then you know, it's difficult, but I'd like to think you'd be able
to go there and try and resolve it. Equally if somebody has that done
for you. Maybe I don't know. Sometimes as a way of friendships kind
of playing itself out, and sometimes these things happen for a reason, and
if that means your friendships come to an end, then maybe that's just how
it is, you know, and that's your sign to say this is this
is something kind of go forward. Again, it's subjective because it depends on
what the situation is. But you know, i'd like to think, you
know, if you if you have a disagreement with somebody, or you have
a problem with somebody, you might go and talk to them. Now,
I know, if that's one always easy because it can be the awkward conversation
that nobody wants to have. But good friendships are also honest ones. You
know, you're able to call each other out in love and be able to
kind of be open and honest and truthful with that person, even if it's
maybe something they don't want to hear exactly. You know, our friendships are
a different levels. So maybe it's not like that for some people. But
a good friendship, a good positive friendship, and they're never going to come
a little bit of that talk on the spiritual side of it as well.
You know, you want to sort of come to that person and love to
say, let's try and resolve this if you can. Yeah, and it's
true we're talking about friendships, but it's sorry, go on, but putting
it out there that's never a good look for both parties. You know.
I's just yeah, so I mean speak this speaks to a conflict resolution as
a whole, and surely you don't want to be able to because once you
do that, you're getting the whole world involved as well. So there's all
exactly, everybody gets ways in, everybody's got something to say exactly, everybody's
taking sides, and it's just it just gets messy. It does literally really
enjoy the drama. Well, I've got some people do people for the effect,
it's all about the drama, that's the excitement for them. But for
the views from views ends and what they're really about, you know, I've
got two that speak to that. From we're talking about biblical principles, and
Proverbs is full as it is full on issues of varying types. I love
Proverbs. Proverbs eighteen sorry eighteen twenty four, Not sorry, wait, let
me get that right, Probs sixteen twenty eight. A perverse person stirs up
conflict and a gossip separates close friends. And then on the yeah, on
the st again, a perverse person stirs up conflict and a gossip separates front
I'm close friends. And then if we should move on now from the stirring
and the stors, we can talk a little bit about this one, which
is Proverbs seventeen nine. One who forgives and a front foster's friendship, but
one who dwells on disputes will alienate a friend. And I think you ended
You ended on that, Angie rightly so, and saying that if really it
is a friendship worth worth salvaging, then it's something that you should be able
to do behind sort of you know, offline, one on one and sort
of talking it out and getting to the bottom of it. Because we're human
beings. That's that's that's the thing. And we make mistakes, whether the
mistake is what you did to the friend or the friend airing it. We
make mistakes. And if friendships, and again I say, if I put
that in cap bold underline highlight, if the friendship is worth salvaging, and
that is an assessment you can only you can make, and you make it
prayerfully. If it's worth salvaging, then I'm sure that you are able.
You should be able to talk, whether you have to get the elders involved
if we go back to the Bible, or get someone involved in the conversation,
but you should be able to talk, get out and talk it through
and come to come to a resolution or understanding, and to forgive, because
to forgive is divine and it's human. So yeah, yeah, in theory,
yeah, that's what I said. In theory, it's true. But
when here's the problem. I think, first of all, I think everyone
needs to get a life coach, right, because you talk about all these
kind of things, but it's true, it's how how do is how we
think and and if you're going to go and do that, there's like,
like Andrew has said, there's something that's not right with you, and it's
obviously it's your hurt and you're hurt and all of this kind of stuff,
But it goes like this, what you're thinking then has an impact on what
you're feeling, and then that has how you're feeling has an impact on what
you do. So if and you know, we can't make somebody else do
something right as much as we want them to, because we're all in an
individual we we make our own choices. And so if you're really that upset
about somebody and what they've done and all of that kind of stuff, right,
think about, well, why are you that upset? What is actually
going on? Why you feel this way? Why, why do you want?
What do you think you're doing by putting it out on social media?
Do you think that you're hurting them? Do you think that you're getting back
at them? Or is it or you know or do you not know what
to do? So you think, well, let me just put it out
there for other people to do to to I don't know to comment on.
But at the end of the day, it's like, all you're hurting really
is yourself because it's bitterness, and that bitterness is just going to mess you
up. And really, what you know, if that person has hurt you
or whatever, is it, Like you said, is it worth salvaging?
It's not worth messing up your reputation for by putting it out on social media,
because that's really the only person who's going to get we think we're hurting.
It's like, what's that same when you when you're drinking the poison expecting
somebody else to die, to die, right, it's the same thing.
You're putting it out there and you're expecting them to Yeah, you see.
And at the end of the day, it's just messed up your own reputation.
It's messed up your own self. It's just not worth it. But
if but I think it is about actually, why do I do these things?
Why am I feeling this way? Why am I thinking these thoughts?
And once you can assess that before you make any decision on or any action,
then you may find that actually the initial reason why you're going to do
that it's not actually there, and why you're going to do that. It's
something completely different, and you're so right. And when I when you,
I want to add to that, if I could not only just thinking it
through and and and figuring out what might be going on under deep or underneath,
there's there's value in it. We really need to be prayerful about the
decisions we yes, we really need to be prayerful. And because there's a
saying that says, show me your friends, and I'll show you your future.
Because friendships relationships are such a crucial part of our trajectory, we have
to make sure that we pray about these decisions. Who are who we let
in, who we who we let into our circle, who we cut off,
who, how we deal with conflicts between ourselves, all these things and
things. I mean, I know it's a word prayer, but but it's
deep and it's it's necessary for us to navigate life and to navigate relationships because
it's such an important part of where we end up and where we're heading is
the relationships that we build, the friendships that we have. And Proverbs again
speaks a lot to that. You know, if you're with friends with a
fool, you become a fool, you know, if you're friends with someone
who's always angry, you end up angry or you end up in problems because
they're gonna get they're gonna beat that guy. You're walking with them and they're
gonna fist the guy. The next thing you know, the fist comes your
way. You know, it's very, very important that we make sure that
we choose our friends wisely, and that also speaks to resolution. Do we
want to resolve it? How should we resolve it? What do we say?
What's going on with me? Because generally it takes two to tango.
I've made a mistake generally as well, or something like that, so we
definitely have to try to unpack it that way. I feel, yeah,
I agree with that. I think that it's we have to think what would
Jesus do? Right? And how did you keep telling our a man stop
it? Well, I'm going to go a bit further because there's a song
that I sing when I was little, and it is called the Helping Word
right, and it starts if any if you know this, then please say
go out on me on my own, if any little word of mine may
make a dark life right, So, if any little song of mine may
make a sad heart lighter, God, help me speak the helping word and
sweeting it with singing and drop it in some lonely veil to set the echoes
ringing. And basically it's like, we need to check ourselves every single day,
right, what are we saying? Are we lifting people up or pushing
people down? And it's like and when I say what would Jesus do?
It's actually listen, that's how we should be trying to live. Am I
living right? Am I saying the right thing? How am I being a
good friend? You know? And and hopefully if we can check ourselves every
day, what did I do today that was right? Lord, forgive me?
You know what? What did I do right? And it's and then
it may then stop us from doing nonsense like putting these things out on social
media, which it has no place to be. Right. So that's what
I think is really really important. And use our use our words of voice
the way our relationships to lift others up, and that there is true friendship.
Yeah, A man, I feel like that's a good word. That's
a good word. Why don't we take one more song and then we can
come back with closing thoughts and sort of wrap it up again. Time has
first spent. We did have some technical trouble and and and I were talking
offline of how we always come in commit to start at five, and then
the internet's not working or something's going on. But we rebuked the devil,
as my sister would say, get the rebuka. But we'll listen to this
one, my forever friend. Another reminder of who Jesus is to us,
and that is you know, I have to bring a bit of island into
it by Carline Davis. I like Julie about this very special everybody needed sometime
one day below makes a difference if you just cha like me, woman in
the barn of father, no say shine, will your stand in line?
Body a brain? Let me tell you of my He's my bead brain leaving
brain, Brad. It's nice doing stand. He's my forever brain. Even
when a turn of week cakes for me glow one and she shen a walk
away. He's by my side with every brain. And sometimes I get my
hairlo face to shine. Sometimes times's brain, but he's all with my He's
my foe a braining. Think a lot about right, we're back talking point
and we're discussing or just pulling the curtains down on our discussion about friendship and
light of it being International Friendship Day tomorrow. Of those of us who didn't
know, July thirty is International Friendship Day and celebrated across the world. Some
countries are slightly different early July, middle August, but the essence of it
is the same. We are celebrating our friends, remembering our friends, saying
thank you to our friends, and coming back into the conversation, I think,
Angie, you wanted to talk a little bit about the value our friendship.
Why should we even bother? I mean, we've spoken about how it
can fall apart, we've spoken about the effort that it can take. But
why should we bother? Why should we have friends? What's the importance of
it? Yeah, I mean it kind of really brought to mind the texts
in Ecclesiastics, for where it's nine to twelve. It's saying the two people
are better off than one, so they can help each other exceed. If
one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who
falls alone by themselves is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close
together can keep each other warm, but how can one be warm alone?
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back
to back and conquer, which I love that. Then it goes on to
say three are even better for a triple Brady crowd is not easily broken.
So you know, from that text it's really sort of highlighting the benefits of
friendship. But you know, friendship we talked about from the beginning, friendships,
bonds and connections, and whilst it may take time and effort to maintain,
having friends and having a good friends network is definitely good for your well
being and your mental health. You know, quality times them with people you
know can improve your mood. What's the word it enhances sort of brings on
the dopamine and the serotonian there's kind of happy hormones. You know, they
can elevate and boost your outlook. You're surrounded by positive people and I don't
mean sort of happy whatever all the time, but people who are going to
be encouraging, We're going to be supportive. That's going to be good for
you. You's only mentioned about having a life coach, but some of our
friends are there to kind of help us reach our goals and kind of enhance
our vision. Supportive in the things that we do. You know, they
can help you. You know, if you think about some of the things
you may do with each other, whether that could be exercising, getting fit,
you know, having a meal with friends is always a good way to
connect that kind of thing. It also can help you reduce your stress if
you're having a tough time. When you have those people who may be around
to pray for you, to speak encouraging words of life to you, to
uplift you again can help with that. And especially when we think about you
know, we went through the pandemic, one of the biggest things that came
out of that was the problem of loneliness. I mean, we're talking and
we're going to go into very quickly in terms of what we can do if
you don't have friends. But so many people really don't have very good quality
that some people don't have friends, and it sounds almost amazing to think that
people don't, but actually people don't. Know, as always have that connection
with people on whatever level. So you know that the connect the idea of
connecting and people supporting you through tough times is really really important. So if
they can help you cope with things and as you know, as we get
older, you know, people can you know, your friends can boost your
own self worth, can can build it your confidence, so you know,
and also there's something about We've mentioned it before, it's not a one way
street. It's a two way street. As much as your friendships can give
you something, you giving something into that friendship is good for you as well.
That kind of there's a word for that, and I can't think what
it is, but it contributes to your own self confidence and self worth.
And as we talked about, being a reflection of God and his love for
us, is our way of reflecting that sharing that with others. But as
I was saying before, as much as I'm saying that, so many people
don't really have great friends, they haven't made those connections, so I guess,
and sometimes that can be a really tough thing for people in whatever context.
And I work at a university, and amount of people who come to
university and they don't make good friends and they have a really tough time.
And I've had many conversations with students going I don't know what to do,
I'm shy, I'm anxious, I have social anxiety. How do I make
friends? You know, and there's there's different ways of doing that, but
that can be really tough for some people. So yeah, but overall,
you know, having a having good friends, having a good friends support network,
and making connections is definitely going to beneficial for you. And I think
it's a way of showcasing God's love for each other human spirit from friendship definitely,
I guess we'll say nice scenes when you think about making making connections?
How can we make friends? Is that actually an easy thing to do?
Because we're talking about it, they say, yeah, friendships come, you
know, friendships come and go, and yeah, we can just make them
when we meet people. But a little bit harder than we might possibly think.
So you know, what what does it take for us to make friends?
As it were? Well, I think that first of all, like
attracts like right, so are you actually some would somebody want to be your
friend? Right? How do you present yourself? And I don't mean that
in a in a you know, be fake, but it's like, well
what are you like? Why? Why do people not want to be your
friend? Or why do you does it not work? And so sometimes you
know, there are people out there who don't smile, they don't you know,
they're just not really approachable. But sometimes it is about us changing how
we are so we become we attract what we actually want, if you like,
I think it's it's just things like and this. This is quite interesting
because it goes with actually finding a spouse, but it's also about you know,
also in business finding clients. Right. But there's a wonderful app called
not app. It's it's a website actually called meetup meetup dot com. And
in meetup dot com there are just loads of different options that you have locally
and virtually as well. And that's where you can have things that you are
interested in. So it maybe I don't know, some obscure hobby that you
have, but you'll find something there which you can relate to which you could
join and then do an actual meet up with them, and you know,
and be out there to talk to people and so on. If there isn't
anything there, then set one up and see how that goes for you.
I mean, I set up a meetup group it's called forty fifteen Fly.
I ended up having fourteen hundred people on there, right, Yeah, but
I only I mean in the meetups that I had, I had just a
handful, but out of those I did meet a really good friend actually.
But it's like, if there's not a group out there for you, then
set up stuff. If there's something that you like, like maybe you want
to go and see a West End show or something, put it out there
and just say, hey, who's interested to come and see this show.
And one thing I've found in my life is when you spend time with people,
it really does build that connection with them as well. So you know,
you see them again and you're like, you know this, hugs and
all sorts. If you do meet people might be a networking event, it
could be anything. Don't just talk about yourself, be curious, be curious,
talk about you know, ask them questions and you know, yeah,
just find out about them because people love talking about themselves. And guaranteed when
they walk away, they think, oh they were really nice, right,
love talking to them, But really they were just because they were just talking
about themselves. Right. And also, you know, yes, you do
have social media, there's people that maybe you have spoken to, you connected
with, but you know, get into the habit of saying, if there
is somebody that you connect with, start off with okay, so are you
on social media, what's your what's your Instagram handle? You know where,
what's your name on Facebook? And actually then start talking to them and getting
to the d ms and start talking to them you've already met them, and
just build that relationship. Because sometimes we have that experience where oh we had
a good lave, they were great, but then that's it. But actually
come out of your comfort zone and actually start talking to them and and then
also start saying yes to things, because we may be saying we have no
friends, but we don't. Actually we say a no to everything. We
don't want to do anything. And even though I mean I call him Minas
right Minas, because we now do that and they don't want to. You
know, it's people who actually they look at something and think, oh no,
I don't I don't do that. But it's like, come out your
comfort zone, say yes, go and do it. You might you might
surprise yourself at the kind of people that do that may actually be your kind
of people. And yeah, and just don't be afraid really to initiate,
you know, go up to somebody. I know it's hard because I'm quite
shy myself, believe it or not. And okay, it used to be,
but it's still there. But go up to somebody and and to start
talking. And some of the things that I do is and this is only
if you actually believe it is compliment them. I really like your hair,
I really oh that just I really like that dress. Where'd you get it
from? You know whatever? And start yeah, and just start talking to
somebody. But you have to be nice. You have to be smiley.
You can't be you know, don't go up to somebody and just say or
just be kind of like rough, right, but be nice, be complimentary,
and smile and your babies, and be curious and ask questions but not
in a scary way. And you may find that actually it's a really nice
conversation. And then if it does go well, get their start with the
social media right, if they say they're not on social media, just say,
okay, what do you mind? Can we you know, let's we
should keep in touch. I really enjoyed this conversation. And also sometimes and
you have to be careful with this though, but you know, get vulnerable
with people, and sometimes we are on the surface with people, particularly at
church as well. But sometimes when you get when you get them outside of
church and you know whether it's going to an event or you know, just
could be I don't know anything. But you get them outside of church,
and you know you can find that actually they'll put this person's all right and
you can maybe have that connection, but you won't know until you try.
And and lastly, I just want to say, we've got to be patient
with it as well, because you're not gonna go in get a friend or
new friend and then all of a sudden you know your best is going on
holiday together and all this kind of stuff. Just be patient. You know,
it does take time, particularly to build strong relationships as well, and
so you know, be active, Be proactive, that's the word I was
looking for. Be proactive, and try some of these things go up there.
You never know where it's going to end. And you may actually find
somebody who is looking for somebody to speak to and for a friend as well,
and there may be more things there that you actually, you know,
I just blow your mind that actually we really got stuck in common. So
yeah, so be patient and get it out there and try and get some
friends, just acquaintances. Just start. Not everybody's going to be for you,
but you may find that you will see some we meet people that are
yeah, good areas also volunteering opportunities as well, and we're going to volunteer
to do something. Puts you into different contexts, different activities and often you
know you've got to shared interests. You know, people a volunteering because of
whatever reason. So that's definitely where you can go on. There another way
to do so there's you know, things like exercise classes, go and enjoin
those. Some of them like mind for example, that's not a plug.
It's very it's very community based, right, and and then you know just
things that think about about the things that you like. Just go out.
There's so many you demes another one, but there's so many places. Check
your local local authority. They may have some free classes, even copying classes,
hiking groups, sports groups, were joint a committee at work even and
so think about the things that you like and just go out. And in
a church community as well, I mean there's opportunities outside of maybe your local
church and they put yourself up for representing, go to conferences that kind of
thing. That's right, Different activities, you know, volunteer with the Path
finance or something like that. You know, you might have a normal circle
normal routines and talk to people. Yeah. Yeah, if you just go
in there and just sitting there and not saying nothing and doing nothing, go
and talk to people. You can't make a friend if you're not out there
and meeting people and talking to people just can't happen. So very good points.
Indeed, Uh, I think for me, I would just as you've
said you Genny, just say, be prayerful, be careful. Everything needs,
you know, parameters, Everything needs sort of guidance and understanding of how
to go about things. You need, you need to seek the the the
Holy Spirit in terms of when and where you I'm very very careful about that.
And you it's not everyone that you want to invite into your circle.
It's a reason body you want to invite into your space. So just be
careful and prayerful about that. And also I come back to the point you
made very very early on, Angie, and I listened to Bishop speak about
that in fact, in preparation for the program, and it resonated with me.
The differences and friends. You know, you've got your comrades, you've
got your constituents, and you've got your confidence. And the difference is that
your confidence are your right or die if you please. So people who will
love you regardless, regardless of the mistakes you've made, regardless of whether you're
up or dumb, in or out, rich or poor, those are the
ones that will stick by you through thick and thin. And then you've got
the comrades who are just with you because you're against something else. So that's
where they join. They're join with you because we've got a common enemy.
So I don't like X, you don't like X, Okay, let's join
together against X. So there's no real deepness in that. There's no genuine
and in that, And we have to be careful not to confuse the two.
And then the third type in terms of that person is just with you
because of where we're going. And be careful there too, because if you
change the direction then you'll lose that friend, or if someone's going there faster,
you lose that friend. And my mom, I think I've said it.
I find the reason to say it almost every other show, but and
you maybe it's sick of it. I mean, but then maybe one person
who haven't heard it. You don't need a forest, you just need one
three one tree for shade, and that's an important principle if you have it's
about quality, not quantity. So if you've got two or three, until
you spoke to that that people generally in their lifetime have two or three.
Christ had an inner inner circle, He had a circle, He had an
inner circle. So we have to be careful and prayerful about who we bring
into the inner circle. And we don't need to have a lot of friends.
It's exhausting, it's expensive, it's et cetera, et cetera, et
cetera. We just need to have a core and it can increase our lifespan.
It it adds to our health or wealth, our strength. So there's
lots of reasons why, but just be careful and prayerful about who you select
to who you bring into your inner circle. That would be my final word.
Andy, we are quarter past. Why can you close us out with
a prayer. I will do okay, let's pray, Father God. I
want to thank you for blessing us with us the Sabbath day. Dear Lord,
I thank you for the sunshine that I can see where I am.
And I thank you, Dear Lord, for this opportunity to talk about friendship.
Dear Lord, I thank you for our friends. I thank you for
those people that you've placed in our lives, for connection, for laughter,
for comfort, for strength, for encouragement, for unity, for forgiveness and
grace, for celebration and enjoy. Dear Lord, there are so many things
that these people, these special people who brought into our lives, can add
to our own lives, Dear Lord, and I thank you for them.
I thank you that we have this opportunity to share our lives with them and
us with them as to Dear Lord, and I pray that we will value
our friendship. Dear Lord, help us gake the time to thank those people
who are special to us. And Dear Lord, for those people who may
have those close connections, I pray, Dear Lord, that you will be
with them and you will provide those people who can make an impact. But
ultimately, Dear Lord, we know that you are our ultimate friend. You
are our source, You are our life giver. You are there for us
no matter what. You are our confidante, You are the person who means
You can mean so much to us. So, Dear Lord, if we
don't have human earthly friends around us, Dear Lord, help us to stick
closer to you and to build that friendship and relationship, and your love hopefully
will radiate and bring others to us. I thank you for this opportunity to
say thank you, Dear Lord, and to celebrate our friends, and not
just for one day as in tomorrow, but for all days and always,
Dear Lord, and I thank you for this program. And I pray that
somebody was mess about what we've been talking about and can go away and use
those of its otunity to develop friendships. And thank you for each person here
and the friendships that they have and the loves that they have, and for
besting us all. This is my crep, Amen, Amen, wonderful.
Well, as I said, our time's first spent. But that's okay.
I'm next, So stay with us for Saturday Night Praise. It's a musical
journey and I'm sure you'll enjoy You'll enjoy it. You, Jenny, thank
you so much for joining us. May God bless you and your friendships and
relationships about you as well. And you've mentioned before that you offer services,
So if you just want to quickly say how people can get in touch with
you if you like, otherwise, they can come to us at the station
and we can share the information up to you. Okay, So if you
do want to go in touch with me, you can email me at Shaney
e U g E n I E at Adventis Radio London dot no Adventist Radio
dot London. I'd love to have you on the show. And then if
you want to get and have a word with me about anything that most said
today, then you can just get me on social media at designed as d
E s I g n E D number two Live Designed to Live d E
s I g g n E D too Live l I V. That's hilarious.
I need to learn how to say that real quick. I'm going to
practice that. Indeed. That's okay, we got it, we got it.
Thank you again for joining us, Thank you for having me. It's
been great. Thank you. Right, I'm gonna say good night for myself.
I was about to say ray screen by myself, Samia from good night,
and I'm enjoy the rest of your week still weekend, sorry, and
you know all the best four this coming week, and I hope it's a
blessed one and goodbye from and it's a good night from me. See I'm
see I'm still showing my age and I it's all good, it's all good.
It's been wonderful and it's been too good Night, good night, thank
you. See Adventist Radio London inspiration for the song