Well, I' ve already passed him, and I' m ready to
start the show. With you we mention the word validate, validate emotions,
validate what your children feel. And one of the questions that they ask me
a lot is but what it is to validate good validity is to recognize the
other that what he feels is just worth it because the person feels it.
That' s neither to agree nor to tell him that then things are done
only because the person wants it to. Don' t disqualify that the consequence
you put in it or established it, then we' re going to withdraw
it. Simple and simple. It is recognized that what the other feels is
worth that. It' s just that if your son got angry about something
you set up, it' s recognizing him that it' s okay to
feel it. That doesn' t mean that then you take the consequence and
give them their cell phone back, or they' ll be able to go
to the party you said no to, or they can stay an hour longer,
even though you told them no longer. Not simply and simply your feeling
is correct, but you will still have to return or you will have to
wait. It has passed tomorrow to recover your cell phone, but the emotion
is valid, simple and simply because you feel it and that recognition is the
one that matters. So don' t disqualify pale. They have ever felt
that little mistake that occurs when suddenly your partner is past the time when he
or she would have to arrive and doesn' t come and he or she
doesn' t talk to you or that nervousness that you notice in your children
when it got a little late and to get to school for them. And
when you arrive you find them crying and at the explanation of my love.
But you' re in a safe place, you' re with the teacher.
There was just a little traffic. What' s wrong with you and
he' s out of his mind crying and so on, well that'
s called separation anxiety, that nerve that normally feels in your stomach and that
suddenly, even though you' re saying a lot of things, sure,
there' s traffic, sure, it' s out of cell phone battery,
but it shouldn' t be okay, and yet you don' t
take that feeling away. Well, that' s called separation anxiety. What
is separation anxiety? It' s that fear of the possible loss of someone
you love and who starts unleashing on you a lot of fantasies that something bad
could have happened to the person and that he may have abandoned you. Well,
that separation anxiety doesn' t take away in life. We learn to
drive it, but it doesn' t go away and it appears whenever there
' s one, there' s no explanation, and that possible sense of
abandonment is revived in us. We all have it and we have to teach
it to handle our children, whenever it' s a child. It'
s very important that if there' s going to be a delay, if
there' s going to be a situation you know you can predict, notify
your son, my love. If I' m late, your grandma'
s gonna be, she' s gonna be, Dad You' re in
a safe place. I' ll get there. It' s important that
you know that I' m not going to let you sign it because while
they' re little, it' s very important that that anxiety appears and
the less times they suffer. It' s better for them to grow up
safe. One of the most misleading myths that has the idea of self-
esteem is to think that self- esteem. We have a single idea of
who I am and how I value myself and see that we actually have a
lot of self- esteem. It depends on what area, life or life
you have your self- esteem. Why, for example, how your self
- esteem is as a woman or as a man, not in personal terms,
as a couple, whether you are a mother or a father. How
do you have it in your paternity, in your motherhood, How do you
have it as a professional, as a worker, as a worker, How
is your self- esteem as a co- worker, How is your self
- esteem? As a friend, how' s your self- esteem?
As a son, how' s your self- esteem? As brothers,
if you have brothers, how' s your self- esteem? As a
couple, how' s your self- esteem? How does someone who cooks,
for example, know how to cook how you have your self- esteem?
In that context, the reality is that our self- esteem is a
whole cake that you can split into slices and depending on the different roles you
have in life, your self- esteem may or may not have a different
place, depending on how you are working right now in your life in different
areas. So forget about that big umbrella that covers you and you better check
your life in areas and you' re gonna see how the evaluation of the
blissful self- esteem is going to be different and now that we get back,
let' s see how to have straw self- esteem. It gives
you information to know what you have to be different. Notice that, speaking
of self- esteem, I think I would ask you what it tells you
to have low self- esteem, because sometimes we just keep this idea that
I have very low self- esteem and we just stay at the level of
suffering. That' s why it feels ugly to have low self- esteem.
I feel bad about having low self- esteem and not taking the next
step and having low self- esteem or feeling low self- esteem feeling less,
feeling that we serve ourselves, feeling little, feeling that we are not
worth the phrase that everyone wants to say when they have the self- esteem
thermometer down. Actually, what you' re telling us is that in that
area of our life, because I insist it' s not a thermometer that
spans our whole life. It' s by areas. What you' re
telling us is that in that specific area of our life I' m needing
to make changes, I' m needing to modify things. I need to
make variations so that I can take control of what I want to change,
because self- esteem will improve to the extent that I am able to solve
my needs and desires in what in that, in that specific area of my
existence. So, how can I have or others take control over that where
I feel I' m not being enough. So, that' s a
warning, is it a little earring that' s giving me life to tell
me here I need to make changes? What are those changes you' re
going to make? So, as you will see, low self- esteem
plays in my favor as long as I appropriate my existence and my agency of
my life. What are you going to do, you hello Doctor, I
' m twelve years old and my dad' s already turned one year old
who can' t find a job. Right now they are motivated, what
they can do to help them motivate and find a good job. First of
all, it gives me great emotion and tenderness to worry about your daddy very
much, because that speaks very well of what your dad has done for you
at home. And yes, certainly, there are times in family lives where
we have to be that motivation back for what dads have done for us.
However, I think what you play when you' re twelve is that you
' re a lot to your dad and be a great source of positive thinking
and tell him that you believe in him, that you love him a lot,
that you know that things are going to work out and that you trust
a lot of the ability that he has to get ahead. Because if something
usually brings parents forward, it is the children that are the great motivation that
the children are and already at your age that you can comfort him with words
and being there with patience, without a doubt, is something that will help
him. And the other thing, being as old as you are, is
being aware that when a dad is looking for a job, and that also
implies for a dad to be aware to the family that you can' t
have the same levels of expenses that you have to tighten the belt, as
it is said colloquially, because, well, you can' t spend the
same. Expenditure must be limited to what is necessary and basic. One,
as a son, is going to take it well and trust that parents know
how, when and to where. So do it with good pleasure and trusting
them with good will. That' s the other thing that' s probably
gonna make things easy for your dad to do. I congratulate you on that
willingness. Whenever it comes to education, one must think and be clear that
children cannot be controlled. And for that, the example I' m setting,
because it' s super obvious, is to try to beat a seven
- eight- month- old baby that he doesn' t want, they
can try to abuse his strength, turn him upside down, shove his spoon
in, and, if he doesn' t want to, swallow, he
makes a trumpet and spits at them all. So controlling a child is not
possible. What we can control are the consequences of your actions so that your
child may want to change his or her behavior, but by his or her
own decision, so keep in mind. We always control the consequences of their
actions. That' s all we do and they, by their own decision,
are going to modify their behaviors and in that way let' s educate
them that sometimes they do. In fact, sometimes the consequence you put on
your child doesn' t seem to serve, that is, you set something
as a consequence and don' t change your child' s behavior again.
He keeps doing things inappropriately and you have to be careful before deciding that the
consequence did not work. First it takes a little time to establish the same
consequence. Why. Because there are temperaments, there are types of characters in
children, in teenagers, where not always at first they will learn, they
will understand and sometimes repeat inappropriate behavior. Then don' t change so fast.
Sometimes the consequence has to be repeated so that your son or your daughter
understands that it really didn' t go that way, is that you don
' t respond impulsively by saying chin didn' t work, so she didn
' t learn. I' m going to change it, and I'
m going to give it another consequence. Don' t react so quickly,
wait a minute. Sometimes it is a style of temperament and personality and what
you need is to wait for other tips in case you really don' t
go there, but don' t respond by changing the consequence so soon.
I' m divorcing my wife, but it turns out that my wife is
texting the groom in the messages she sent to the above- mentioned one,
tells him that I' m going with my ex- girlfriend. The thing
is, my wife, who, by the way, is getting divorced,
is very jealous when I have nothing to do with it. And now it
turns out he' s texting my ex- girlfriend' s boyfriend. And
now I don' t know. If I was looking for my ex-
girlfriend to tell her that she' s her boyfriend, she' d text
my wife. Tell me what I do, please advise me what you want
to complicate our existence. The point for me is that sometimes I get more
tangled. It' s something else we have to do. And you start
by telling me I' m getting a divorce from my wife. If you
' re already getting a divorce from your wife, don' t do anything
and let this mess get you nuts on your own. You' re already
in a break- up process. So, what you need to want to
do clarifications when in reality, what' s important is that you' re
already ending the relationship with the person who' s in the middle of all
this fuss. I don' t think this thing you' d want to
clear up today is what matters, when what' s out there is pure
gossip, it just closes your relationship. And rather, ask yourself why something
as basic and as silly as this is wanting to take away the dream that
will not be forgotten that whenever we are talking about education, your home has
to be, in addition to a safe place for your children, it has
to be a little reproduction of how you want your child to learn, which
are the circumstances in the world, that is, that it is learned by
consequences, that you have to act on the basis of responsibility, the ability
to adapt, to be self- sufficient and that that process a little more
controlled, it is the one we do at home, but that when you
go out there, what you practiced at home is what you will carry out
then abused always with how we are handling it in ok and well with this
we arrive at the end of today' s program. We meet here tomorrow
in more chayo with you, I' m chayo busquets until tomorrow. Audio Centre