WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.240 --> 00:00:07.400
Welcome to speed Round Sunday on the
Parenting Roundabout podcast, where we share a

2
00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:11.919
mini episode from our past for your
weekend listening pleasure. We'll be back tomorrow

3
00:00:11.960 --> 00:00:17.960
with a brand new episode. We
wanted to talk to today on our speed

4
00:00:18.039 --> 00:00:25.079
Round about bad parenting advice. So, you know, maybe it's because you

5
00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:30.120
got it. Maybe you got advice
from someone who was a generation or two

6
00:00:30.160 --> 00:00:35.039
removed from their child wearing days and
it wasn't very good. Or have you

7
00:00:35.079 --> 00:00:40.240
ever have you ever given bad parenting
advice? Isn't that what we do here

8
00:00:40.320 --> 00:00:46.880
every week? Professional? Yeah,
we're not going to admit to that.

9
00:00:46.960 --> 00:00:52.439
But anyway, maybe you can share
something that you've heard recently or some bad

10
00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:56.719
advice you did receive, either back
in the day or recently. I don't

11
00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:02.200
know, Terry, have you gotten
at any point that you want to share.

12
00:01:02.759 --> 00:01:07.840
When I first adopted my kids,
we got absolutely no advice or support

13
00:01:07.879 --> 00:01:11.879
from our adoption agency at all.
We adopted two kids from Eastern Europe.

14
00:01:11.319 --> 00:01:15.840
Nobody knew anything at that point.
All the research on adopting kids from Eastern

15
00:01:15.920 --> 00:01:21.319
Europe was done with my generation of
kids. So now I find things online

16
00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:26.760
that have super super good advice that
nobody knew to give. Then it's like

17
00:01:26.799 --> 00:01:30.120
I came upon an article the other
day, and you know, I've shared

18
00:01:30.159 --> 00:01:32.680
it with my daughter, and it's
like, if I had known this stuff,

19
00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:37.319
everything would have been different. So
pretty much, ever, all of

20
00:01:37.319 --> 00:01:41.799
the advice I was given was bad. You know, I still look back

21
00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:47.280
and resent all the advice that was
basically, your kids have disabilities. They're

22
00:01:47.319 --> 00:01:49.280
never going to amount to anything.
The sooner you accept that, the better.

23
00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:53.319
If you don't accept that you were
unrealistic. Mom is in denial,

24
00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:57.519
you know. And it's like,
well, to some extent, yeah,

25
00:01:57.560 --> 00:02:01.000
that's true. But on the other
who ever tell any other parent, hey,

26
00:02:01.400 --> 00:02:06.040
expect the worst for your kid.
Start right now, then you won't

27
00:02:06.040 --> 00:02:08.960
be disappointed. And yet lots of
kids don't turn out too great for no

28
00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:14.039
good reason, but you don't start
with that. And lots of kids who

29
00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:17.000
are who are you're told that they're
not going to turn out great, don't

30
00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:20.599
turn out but even if they but
even if they don't, at least you

31
00:02:20.759 --> 00:02:25.400
start with hope. Yeah, you
don't. Nobody else gets told you know

32
00:02:25.439 --> 00:02:29.840
what, kids not going to mount
to anything. Don't don't get your hopes

33
00:02:29.879 --> 00:02:31.879
of everybody's told, hey, you
know, hope for the best, and

34
00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:37.039
let's see what happens kids with At
least my generation of parents of kids with

35
00:02:37.080 --> 00:02:39.280
special needs were told, you know, the sooner you completely accept that your

36
00:02:39.319 --> 00:02:46.840
life is ruined, thanks your things. So now you know all the all

37
00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:53.599
the general you know, talk of
the disability community has parenting of children's disability

38
00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:58.080
community has changed a lot and has
become a lot more upbeat. I feel.

39
00:02:58.599 --> 00:03:00.159
Whether it's more realistic or not,
I don't know, but it's a

40
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:05.759
lot more pleasant to Yeah, I
don't know, but I'm sure. I'm

41
00:03:05.840 --> 00:03:10.599
sure there are still therapists in schools
today and teachers in schools today going that

42
00:03:10.840 --> 00:03:19.199
mom, yeah, just want accept
how limited her child is. Yea.

43
00:03:19.439 --> 00:03:23.159
So maybe that was good advice and
I should have taken it. I don't

44
00:03:23.159 --> 00:03:27.159
know. There were days and then
there were days, but I hated that

45
00:03:27.199 --> 00:03:31.080
advice and I still do. Well. I hated first of all, just

46
00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:37.599
being asked if my child was sleeping
through the night, because like, if

47
00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:40.159
they are, then we have nothing
to talk about. If they're not,

48
00:03:40.759 --> 00:03:47.400
I also don't want to talk about. And then as soon as someone will

49
00:03:47.400 --> 00:03:52.800
find out, yeah, no,
they're not sleeping through the night, Well,

50
00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:55.560
are you breastfeeding. Yes, oh, well you should give them formula

51
00:03:55.840 --> 00:04:00.439
or you should give them cereal and
then they'll sleep. If you were giving

52
00:04:00.479 --> 00:04:02.479
them formula, they would have told
you to do breastfeeding. Yeah, like,

53
00:04:03.039 --> 00:04:06.840
are you kidding me? No,
Like, this is not why my

54
00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:11.560
kid is not sleeping, And even
if it was, then I'm going to

55
00:04:11.639 --> 00:04:14.240
suck it up for a while.
And you know, I don't know it

56
00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:20.879
just it was just. I also
hated hearing like it'll get better soon because

57
00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:27.279
it's not helpful. That is so
not helpful, Like, yeah, maybe

58
00:04:27.439 --> 00:04:30.680
it will, but I can't see
past, you know, a day.

59
00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:33.759
I don't. I'm not looking as
to what's going to happen in a month

60
00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:38.759
from now or three months or a
year. Like that is way too hard.

61
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:45.240
Yeah. Yeah. In general,
things when your kids are little things

62
00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:48.680
that have long term or looking long
term or annoying, it's like, can

63
00:04:48.720 --> 00:04:53.720
I just get there to day?
Please? Yeah? Yeah, well I

64
00:04:53.759 --> 00:04:59.800
can quite definitively say that the worst
advice I ever received was from my mother

65
00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:06.759
who suggested I move my sleeping baby. Oh no, oh, yeah,

66
00:05:10.920 --> 00:05:15.519
he couldn't possibly have his naps in
his car seat. He had to be

67
00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:20.160
taken out of the car seat and
put into his crib. And I was

68
00:05:20.279 --> 00:05:27.279
so sleep deprived and so tired and
just a mess that I, you know,

69
00:05:28.319 --> 00:05:33.120
blindly took third and that just set
the wheels in motion for the next

70
00:05:33.120 --> 00:05:43.120
two years. Have you are you
just her silently? I just talked about

71
00:05:43.160 --> 00:05:50.879
it on this podcast Nobody tell Nichols
Mom, worst advice ever. Yeah,

72
00:05:50.920 --> 00:06:00.519
that's like one never. I was
like vulnerable and tired and okay, mom,

73
00:06:00.600 --> 00:06:04.040
it was like, I don't know, one in the morning or something

74
00:06:04.040 --> 00:06:08.680
crazy because he hadn't been sleeping,
and I took him for a drive in

75
00:06:08.759 --> 00:06:12.360
the car seat and he fell asleep, and I brought him in the house

76
00:06:12.519 --> 00:06:17.279
and and I think I was crying
by that point too, And I remember

77
00:06:17.319 --> 00:06:21.240
calling her up and oh, you
know, finally he's asleep, and I'm

78
00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:26.920
so tired and I can't beat this. And then well, you've got to

79
00:06:26.920 --> 00:06:29.240
take him out of that car seat. You can't leave him in there.

80
00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:33.959
Now that he's finally asleep, you
have to take him out, put him

81
00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:42.680
in his bed. Yeah. The
rest is history. So as you can

82
00:06:42.680 --> 00:06:47.480
tell, there's a certain scheme with
my responses in this podcast. You know

83
00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:53.360
what I should have said earlier.
The worst piece of advice I got was

84
00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:59.079
when my son, my son toilet
trained fairly late, and when he was

85
00:06:59.600 --> 00:07:05.040
I don't know, maybe for his
occupational therapist told me that I was infantilizing

86
00:07:05.120 --> 00:07:09.600
him by not forcing him to do
it, and that I should use suppositories.

87
00:07:10.279 --> 00:07:13.120
And she was disgusted with me that
I would not do this, that

88
00:07:13.160 --> 00:07:15.519
I would not force him, and
I said, you know, he's really

89
00:07:15.560 --> 00:07:18.600
not ready. He doesn't feel when
he has to go. There's no way

90
00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:21.360
this is going to work. And
I held my ground despite all the eye

91
00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:27.759
rolls and the you know, charges
of infantilizing him. And when he was

92
00:07:27.800 --> 00:07:30.279
ready, he trained in a day. You know, it was like that

93
00:07:30.600 --> 00:07:34.639
he was dry all night. Everything
was great. Just it's like, if

94
00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:39.680
you wait, this is my good
advice for people, wait till they're ready,

95
00:07:39.720 --> 00:07:43.519
you will save yourself a lot of
trouble. But I have wanted so

96
00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:46.560
many times. I still know that
occupational therapist, and I talk to her

97
00:07:46.600 --> 00:07:49.000
every now and then. I keep
wanting to say I was writing you wrong.

98
00:07:51.480 --> 00:08:01.639
For the record, well, we
certainly have a lot to say about

99
00:08:01.639 --> 00:08:05.000
these topics. You can tell we've
brushed it all enough and we're not resenting

100
00:08:05.040 --> 00:08:09.000
it at all. We're very well
found. We buried it, buried it