WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.280 --> 00:00:04.320 Hi, guys. I wanted to revisit an episode that I did probably about 2 00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:08.080 a year ago, because I think it's not only relevant, it's more relevant, 3 00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:11.439 I think than ever. You know, there's a lot of conversation around 4 00:00:11.800 --> 00:00:14.240 people don't want to work anymore, and people don't want to go in the 5 00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:18.480 office anymore. I think a big part of the reason why people are not 6 00:00:18.519 --> 00:00:22.199 finding pleasure in that is people used to go into the office, and they 7 00:00:22.280 --> 00:00:25.640 used to because there was somewhat of a social environment and you could have fun 8 00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:27.719 with your co workers, and you could have fun with your colleagues, and 9 00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:30.920 you could go out for a drink, and you could find your boyfriend and 10 00:00:30.920 --> 00:00:34.479 girlfriend's spouse to be. And I think that the more we're getting away from 11 00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:38.280 that, and I'm not trying to just give you a bunch of HR violations 12 00:00:38.280 --> 00:00:41.880 here, the more we get away from the workplace is not a place of 13 00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:47.320 social interaction. I'll just say that, I think it's going to be hard 14 00:00:47.359 --> 00:00:50.280 to on both the work side and the dating side, and the employer side 15 00:00:50.320 --> 00:00:53.359 and the employee side. So I want to revisit a conversation I have with 16 00:00:53.399 --> 00:00:56.359 Jacquelin Beck, who's an expert on this kind of thing. She brought up 17 00:00:56.359 --> 00:00:58.359 a lot of good points. I think I brought up a lot of good 18 00:00:58.359 --> 00:01:02.320 points. I think it's interesting as we as we move into a new year 19 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:06.400 and the year ahead, to take a look back and think about what we 20 00:01:06.480 --> 00:01:11.359 need to do to be able to share space, share time, share passion, 21 00:01:11.400 --> 00:01:15.480 and share projects together in a way that is productive, that is safe, 22 00:01:15.719 --> 00:01:18.959 and has possibilities of love, dating, a relationship at the end of 23 00:01:19.000 --> 00:01:22.879 it. So, without further ado, let's take another listen. This is 24 00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:34.719 Pod POPULARI podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great 25 00:01:34.040 --> 00:01:41.760 Love Debate, a great love Debate, It's a great loved Hi again everyone, 26 00:01:41.760 --> 00:01:45.719 it's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number 27 00:01:45.719 --> 00:01:49.560 one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. We are back here once again 28 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:55.239 in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for the People. I'm once 29 00:01:55.239 --> 00:01:57.519 again in the one in Boca Raton. It's like eighty degrees here. It 30 00:01:57.560 --> 00:02:00.560 is winter time. If you have the meme and find eighty degrees in a 31 00:02:00.599 --> 00:02:06.760 wintertime, it's delightful. One quick note of business, So I've gotten emails 32 00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:08.960 about this, and you guys reach out all over the place saying when is 33 00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:15.080 the two thy and twenty three list of the Worst Cities in America to Find 34 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:19.080 Love coming out? And last year, this very region, South Florida was 35 00:02:19.120 --> 00:02:23.960 seventh on that list. So we always release it in the early part of 36 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:28.319 the new year. We're going to do something different this year. And this 37 00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:34.840 year not that we don't take any of the statistics and information from you guys 38 00:02:34.879 --> 00:02:37.680 and our experiences traveling around the world to try and make these lists together, 39 00:02:37.719 --> 00:02:43.280 but this year, I'm exclusively going to let you guys nominate the candidates for 40 00:02:43.360 --> 00:02:46.199 the Worst city in America to Find Love, And I'm going to read your 41 00:02:46.240 --> 00:02:51.879 actual missives that you're sending to me complaining about it. And remember, if 42 00:02:51.919 --> 00:02:54.080 you're like you know, it's never that you haven't met the right person. 43 00:02:54.120 --> 00:02:58.159 It's always that you haven't been the right person. So if you're in that 44 00:02:58.199 --> 00:03:00.719 city and the city sucks to date, you're part of the problem. You're 45 00:03:00.759 --> 00:03:02.120 not part of the solution. So it doesn't let you off the hook. 46 00:03:02.120 --> 00:03:06.639 It's like, uh, I couldn't find love in Chicago. It's you. 47 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:08.319 You can absolutely find love in Chicago. But we are going to do that. 48 00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:10.639 I think two weeks from this episode, we are going to do that. 49 00:03:10.759 --> 00:03:15.960 So, if you have a candidate for the worst city in America to 50 00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:20.080 find love, and don't give me some small town and don't give me some 51 00:03:20.199 --> 00:03:23.080 every year somebody sends in New Jersey, and New Jersey's not a city the 52 00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:29.000 state, So every year somebody sends me in some small town which may or 53 00:03:29.039 --> 00:03:34.039 may not suck. It has to have an international airport. Okay, that 54 00:03:34.199 --> 00:03:37.080 is where I draw the line. And some very small towns have an international 55 00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:40.199 airport, even if they're sort of puddle jumping over to Calgary. So that's 56 00:03:40.280 --> 00:03:44.639 the barrier to do this. So if you have a candidate for the worst 57 00:03:44.719 --> 00:03:47.120 city in America to fine love for twenty twenty three, email us Great Love 58 00:03:47.159 --> 00:03:52.120 Tobate at gmail dot com and if it is a strong enough argument, not 59 00:03:52.159 --> 00:03:54.439 only might it make the top ten, we will read it on the podcasts. 60 00:03:54.719 --> 00:03:59.800 Okay, I'm going to bring in my guest here. So one of 61 00:03:59.800 --> 00:04:04.520 the biggest challenges with love dating relationships in the last five years that has changed 62 00:04:04.560 --> 00:04:11.800 significantly is for years and years and years, our parents, our grandparents, 63 00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:15.800 and most of you, guys, most of your relationships came from somebody you 64 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:20.160 met in the workplace, on a job, and the reason for that is 65 00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:25.120 those are the people that you spend most of your waking hours with every single 66 00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:27.759 day, every single week, every single year. That is the pool that 67 00:04:27.800 --> 00:04:30.120 you are around. Those are the people that you have conversations with. Those 68 00:04:30.120 --> 00:04:33.879 are the people that you are most intimately connected to. Those are the people 69 00:04:33.920 --> 00:04:39.199 you're sharing space with. It is natural that you will find some connection. 70 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:43.800 I would think that, however, has taken a terrible, terrible turn. 71 00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:46.680 My parents met in the workplace. That's a story we'll get into in a 72 00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:51.759 minute in a little while. But so I'm here. I didn't want to 73 00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:55.920 bring in some HR rep because they would probably point out all of the violence. 74 00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:58.600 First of all, I speaking of that, I have Ariana the controls 75 00:04:58.759 --> 00:05:02.600 say hi, Ariana, Hello. Sorry, that's not an HR violation. 76 00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:08.720 I just simply said hi to her. Somebody somebody emailed about you and they're 77 00:05:08.759 --> 00:05:11.519 like, she sounded interesting. I'm like, she was actually on an episode 78 00:05:11.560 --> 00:05:15.959 several OLYMPEG. Yeah, so pay attention. I have somebody in here who 79 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:17.959 knows a little bit more about this stuff on a lot of different levels. 80 00:05:17.959 --> 00:05:21.160 I'm gonna get her bio right here. She's a business and career strategist. 81 00:05:21.639 --> 00:05:25.959 She's a certified executive and career coach, and most importantly, she's the founder 82 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:30.519 of Jacqueline Beck Consulting. She's also the host of the very popular worked up 83 00:05:30.600 --> 00:05:35.040 podcast The Pregnant. Can I say that word out loud? It's not not 84 00:05:35.079 --> 00:05:39.600 an histee anymore. Jacqueline Beck. How are you? I'm good? How 85 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:44.439 are you, Bryan good? What do we do? I'm gonna throw you 86 00:05:44.439 --> 00:05:47.199 through right in the deep end of the pool. You can date it work 87 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:49.600 in some companies. You can't depend on the company. You got to go 88 00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:53.839 to hr It's very unromantic to just be I saw her at the copier and 89 00:05:53.879 --> 00:05:57.800 I'm like, you want to go to dinner? Yes? And this is 90 00:05:58.120 --> 00:06:03.000 one of those areas. It's a very gray space, right, and there's 91 00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:09.360 a very thin line that anyone needs to tow if there's any type of attraction 92 00:06:09.519 --> 00:06:13.720 in the workplace. So what I would say on a practical level is that 93 00:06:13.879 --> 00:06:19.199 every organization has their own set of rules. I highly advocate for people to 94 00:06:19.399 --> 00:06:26.519 understand those rules before they act on anything. Typically, if there's a hierarchical 95 00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:33.839 relationship, some type of romantic relationship is not permitted. I've seen lots of 96 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:39.279 people meet still in the workplace. Within the past decade or so, I've 97 00:06:39.319 --> 00:06:44.079 seen people be married at work and no one know because they've kept different last 98 00:06:44.160 --> 00:06:49.399 names. Yeah. Now, the upper levels of management, they're not only 99 00:06:49.480 --> 00:06:54.439 concerned about the relationship on the way in, they're absolutely concerned about it on 100 00:06:54.519 --> 00:06:58.600 the way out. They're concerned that if it doesn't work out just as much 101 00:06:58.600 --> 00:07:00.759 as anything else. It's like these two people went out and went terrible. 102 00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:04.600 That a whole thing, and now it infects the office place. They can't 103 00:07:04.879 --> 00:07:09.120 not only share a cubicle, they can't work together on assignments. There's weird 104 00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:15.000 energy everybody's around them. I get the reasons. But for generations, we 105 00:07:15.079 --> 00:07:17.839 got around it. Not only did we date, we were allowed to. 106 00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:23.319 You came in after, you know, on a Friday or a Monday, 107 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:25.680 and you get your hair done or you had a new dress, and we 108 00:07:25.720 --> 00:07:28.560 could compliment you and tell you you look good and how you doing it? 109 00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:31.160 And you look great? And now that is grounds for dismissal in like seventy 110 00:07:31.199 --> 00:07:33.759 percent of companies. I've never worked for a company, So what do I 111 00:07:33.800 --> 00:07:40.560 know. But I hear things. I hear, yeah, I hear it's 112 00:07:40.600 --> 00:07:47.680 not good but I get every company's different. Yeah. Generally speaking, though, 113 00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:53.639 do you try and you know you don't want to sneak around you try 114 00:07:53.680 --> 00:07:57.800 and do the asking out stuff outside of the office. Yeah, Like, 115 00:07:57.920 --> 00:08:01.680 don't do it around the conference table eight till there's some reason why you run 116 00:08:01.680 --> 00:08:05.560 into them an Applebee's and then you're like, hey you're from accounting, Hey 117 00:08:05.600 --> 00:08:09.600 you're cute, and then these go from there. So this is my impression 118 00:08:09.600 --> 00:08:13.879 of corporate America. Yah, Applebee's. What are your references? Office space? 119 00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:22.480 Office space is everything? Yes, she worked at Flingers. Is that 120 00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:24.519 where she was? I don't know, but they had to adorn themselves with 121 00:08:26.399 --> 00:08:28.600 flair. But I think it was based on like an Applebee's thing. I 122 00:08:28.639 --> 00:08:31.959 think it was. But he dated outside. She wasn't. She didn't work 123 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:35.279 with them exactly. It was a bunch of dudes. So to answer your 124 00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:39.840 question, what I would say is that, to me, speaks to understanding 125 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:46.159 action and consequence and having emotional intelligence. And it sounds really simplistic, but 126 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:50.559 it's harder. It's harder said than done. And what I mean by that 127 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:56.000 is you brought up a really good point. You know, nine times out 128 00:08:56.000 --> 00:08:58.919 of ten you're going to go out with someone who's not going to end up 129 00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:01.519 being your husband or wife or significant other for the rest of your life. 130 00:09:03.120 --> 00:09:07.759 So there is that expectation, Oh wait, shit might hit the fan, 131 00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:11.279 Oh wait, this might not go well. Oh wait, one of us 132 00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:16.960 might really hurt each other or do something that's really messed up. And then 133 00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:22.360 I need to see this person every day and put on a smile. Right, 134 00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:26.080 And there's one the question node of do I want to go down that 135 00:09:26.200 --> 00:09:31.000 path? Is it worth it to me? And then number two is you 136 00:09:31.080 --> 00:09:35.559 know, if you want to take a scientific look at it, you have 137 00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:39.440 a lot of data when you're working with someone, you said at the beginning, 138 00:09:39.720 --> 00:09:43.159 you see the way they communicate with people. You see how they interact, 139 00:09:43.720 --> 00:09:46.320 you share things with them, you spend most of their time with them. 140 00:09:46.759 --> 00:09:52.159 If you're attracted to them, if there is a level of attraction or 141 00:09:52.279 --> 00:09:56.120 knowledge, it's because you have that data. And so more times than not, 142 00:09:56.639 --> 00:10:01.320 you know their quirks too, and you know the things that'll piss you 143 00:10:01.399 --> 00:10:05.399 off about them, and if those are glaringly obvious, those are probably red 144 00:10:05.480 --> 00:10:07.720 flags not to go down the path of going to Applebee's and asking them out 145 00:10:07.960 --> 00:10:13.039 right now they're are the advantage of the workplace just take it a step further, 146 00:10:13.240 --> 00:10:18.200 is lots of the conversations and situations there are going to manifest a more 147 00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:22.799 cerebral level of conversation. So the person is going to seem smart, they're 148 00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:26.360 going to seem creative, they're going to seem interesting. Versus if you just 149 00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:28.480 ran into a guy in a bar and they're like, Eh, are you 150 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:31.639 what do you want to drink? Like that's our So you're in you're already 151 00:10:31.679 --> 00:10:37.279 an environment that sort of breeds attraction. You're primed. Yeah, mental attraction, 152 00:10:37.360 --> 00:10:41.240 physical attraction. It's a location ship because you are in the same place 153 00:10:41.240 --> 00:10:45.039 at the same time. That happens in Hollywood a lot you know the director 154 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:48.919 and that or has famously recently happened with Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles and and 155 00:10:50.240 --> 00:10:54.679 you know, it makes everybody else a little bit uncomfortable. That being said, 156 00:10:54.919 --> 00:10:58.519 sneaking around makes you, guys uncomfortable. It's it's it's hard all the 157 00:10:58.519 --> 00:11:05.120 way around. Yes, I think there's Again that's a delicate balance because you 158 00:11:05.159 --> 00:11:07.840 don't want to announce anything or you don't want to say anything to anyone unless 159 00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:11.879 you know it's the real deal, Right, So there comes a time where 160 00:11:11.960 --> 00:11:15.799 probably you need to tell HR. Probably you need to tell the people around 161 00:11:15.840 --> 00:11:20.360 you. But I think inevitably there's going to be an element of sneaking around, 162 00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:24.759 at least initially, which frankly probably adds to the element of mystique and 163 00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:30.120 excitement about it. Yeah, the sneaking around like catch a quick glimpse and 164 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:33.840 everything. When and again this is different for every company. Yeah, when 165 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:37.639 do you have to tell HR? I think I'm going to ask out Jane. 166 00:11:37.039 --> 00:11:41.320 We've gone out three times. No, I wouldn't say that. I 167 00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:46.399 would say that if there is a relationship, if it's not just we've gone 168 00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:50.200 out a few times and we've had fun, but we don't see this going 169 00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:54.159 anywhere. If you really think there's the opportunity to see it going somewhere, 170 00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:58.159 then it probably warrants the discussion. But that is not a flag you want 171 00:11:58.200 --> 00:12:01.159 to raise until it's serious. Can a company legally tell two people they can't 172 00:12:01.240 --> 00:12:05.360 date? Everybody has rights. I am not an HR professional, I know 173 00:12:07.639 --> 00:12:11.320 I like I would think legally you cannot do that. I don't know if 174 00:12:11.320 --> 00:12:15.279 anybody's challenged that up to the Supreme court level. You know, some people 175 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:18.120 like you can't date in the workplace, but then like, what is actually 176 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:20.080 a date? Can I go over to somebody's house for a barbecue? Can 177 00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:24.200 we get drunk? Can we go home from the Christmas party. That's why 178 00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:26.240 companies don't have Christmas parties anymore, because the guy's drunk in the hot hot 179 00:12:26.279 --> 00:12:31.000 hot congo line, you know, and then bad shit happens. I think 180 00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:37.039 every Christmas party I've been to, someone's gotten some type of reprimand oh reprimand, 181 00:12:37.320 --> 00:12:39.799 oh yeah or something. And that's why a lot of companies are cutting 182 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:43.519 that out, just for budgetary reasons, but also for HR violations. Yeah, 183 00:12:43.080 --> 00:12:46.200 that comes down to policing. You're never going to be able to police 184 00:12:46.279 --> 00:12:50.399 that. People are going to live their lives. I think there's an element. 185 00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:54.720 I think there's an element of it is a little bit of a dual 186 00:12:54.799 --> 00:12:58.600 life, right, and there is there is a bit of You can think 187 00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:03.960 of it like a superhero or going to war or whatever imagery you want to 188 00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:05.279 use. But you wake up in the morning, you put on your suit 189 00:13:05.679 --> 00:13:09.639 like Clark Kent, you put on your armor, you go to war. 190 00:13:09.960 --> 00:13:15.159 That's a different type of person or facade than you are in your personal life, 191 00:13:15.480 --> 00:13:20.159 right, and so there already is this duality with work. Yeah you 192 00:13:20.440 --> 00:13:22.840 might know, you might know how they decorate their desk, but you have 193 00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:26.440 no idea what their apartment looks like, or their condo or what they wear. 194 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:30.679 Not at work, which is casual, isn't necessarily what they were on 195 00:13:30.799 --> 00:13:33.759 Saturday. We're on a date. You're making me think. So we had 196 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:37.799 my former company this annual softball game every summer, and everyone would show up. 197 00:13:37.879 --> 00:13:41.639 It was super casual. It was really nice. It was the social 198 00:13:41.720 --> 00:13:46.240 event of the season. But I always found it so interesting because you would 199 00:13:46.240 --> 00:13:48.960 see all the tattoos. Oh yeah, I always covered up. I was 200 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:52.720 like, he has a tattoo, she has a tattoo. I had no 201 00:13:52.879 --> 00:13:58.080 idea. And it's this completely different side of people, right and so, 202 00:13:58.279 --> 00:14:01.279 and it's like, were they in Tijuana? Were then Cabo? What is 203 00:14:01.320 --> 00:14:03.759 the story of that too? Yeah, that's a whole How drunk were they? 204 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:05.759 Yeah? How drunk were they? Oh? Yeah? Yeah? Oh 205 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:09.279 yeah. So So when it comes to when do I need to announce, 206 00:14:09.879 --> 00:14:13.360 it's kind of like when are you going to tell your parents? Like, 207 00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:16.840 when are you going to tell your family? Because if it's something that's serious 208 00:14:16.639 --> 00:14:22.559 down that path and it's going toward living together or something like that. Then 209 00:14:22.639 --> 00:14:26.639 I think that problem. Isn't that always the out that you have if you 210 00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:28.759 get called in and somebody's like, somebody says you guys doing somebody it's not 211 00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:31.639 and you just say it's not that serious. So we don't like, like 212 00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:35.879 that's the weird thing, Like, at what point do the bosses call people 213 00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:39.559 in and been like, is something going on here that we should know about? 214 00:14:39.559 --> 00:14:43.080 With you too that I don't know that. I would like to think, 215 00:14:43.480 --> 00:14:46.000 Yeah, we're not here to necessarily give the hr answers, but we're 216 00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:50.519 like, these are the questions that that you need to ask. And it's 217 00:14:50.600 --> 00:14:56.159 making me think because what I would like to think is that it doesn't matter 218 00:14:56.519 --> 00:15:00.600 unless it's affecting you at work somehow. Maybe you're on competing to where you're 219 00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:05.559 not allowed to share information, or maybe one person reports to the other and 220 00:15:05.679 --> 00:15:09.519 it puts you in a compromised position when it comes to promotion decisions. You're 221 00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:13.879 more likely to share the information if you want him to like you, right, 222 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:16.240 or if you want him to ask you out. Like, I don't 223 00:15:16.279 --> 00:15:18.000 think that's a good barrier either. All Right, we have to take a 224 00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:22.559 quick break because I got to pay for all of these possible HR violations around 225 00:15:22.600 --> 00:15:26.039 here. I'm here with Jaqueline Beck. We will be back right after this. 226 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:33.120 Okay, we are back. And as I said at the top, 227 00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:37.960 and I've said on this podcast before, generations of people, if you ask 228 00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:41.759 them where they met other than a bar, the number one answer was probably 229 00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:46.559 we worked together on something, we met at work, or he was a 230 00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:50.279 sales guy who dropped by and blah blah, blah blah. My parents met. 231 00:15:50.320 --> 00:15:54.240 They both worked at IBM, and IBM was a very conservative but very 232 00:15:54.440 --> 00:15:58.279 huge come back in the sixties and seventies. IBM was like the biggest, 233 00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:02.000 most successful company in the world. They made the choice that people didn't want 234 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:03.559 personal computers. They were wrong. It's not that big a company anymore, 235 00:16:03.879 --> 00:16:07.440 but back in the day it was the thing. My mother did not work 236 00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:11.279 directly for my father. She was part of the secretarial pool, which I 237 00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:17.320 don't think you can even say that anymore. She was miss IBM, which 238 00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:22.480 props to mom. But mostly what I get out of that is big conservative 239 00:16:22.519 --> 00:16:26.879 companies had beauty pageants among the female staff. It is I mean, that's 240 00:16:26.919 --> 00:16:30.000 the mad Men era. It's wild to think that. But when I think 241 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.399 about that now, so many women would kill they want that. There's a 242 00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:37.519 lot of women who want that. There was a woman who famously sued in 243 00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:40.559 New York City some investment bank because she was the only one in the office 244 00:16:40.559 --> 00:16:44.840 who didn't get hit on, and it made her feel uncomfortable. Everybody else 245 00:16:44.919 --> 00:16:48.039 it made her feel it was like otherism going on. She felt bad because 246 00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:52.000 everybody else was. It made her feel like a unattractive and she sued and 247 00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:56.320 she won like they settled with her. So it's fascinating. You know, 248 00:16:56.440 --> 00:16:59.960 there's a lot of people no matter how conservative the company is, and companies 249 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:03.519 are getting less and less traditional and conservative. The IBM old day's dark shirt 250 00:17:03.559 --> 00:17:07.960 suit, white shirt that's closed, toad shoes, that's still out in a 251 00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:10.799 lot of the country. But a lot of people are like, you know 252 00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:14.759 what, I want some sort of environment where I can show my personality. 253 00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:17.480 Yere I can show the creator, where I can show my tattoo, Like 254 00:17:17.559 --> 00:17:19.680 if we're in the softball game, can I tie my shirt up in a 255 00:17:19.720 --> 00:17:22.440 little haltered like? Can I? I don't know, Like a lot of 256 00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:29.880 people like I have to wall off eighty percent of my personality eighty percent of 257 00:17:29.960 --> 00:17:33.440 the time. That's rough, you know it is, And that to me 258 00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:37.079 is authenticity, right. You want to show up as your authentic self, 259 00:17:37.119 --> 00:17:41.839 you want to show up as your best self, and I'd like to think 260 00:17:41.400 --> 00:17:45.720 that that is the same in every environment. There's also a practicality about it, 261 00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:49.759 where yeah, you're not going to necessarily roll into work, because there's 262 00:17:49.759 --> 00:17:53.480 an element of having to garner respect and work your way up the hierarchy in 263 00:17:53.559 --> 00:17:57.119 the latter and to do that, you need to manage the perception of you 264 00:17:57.319 --> 00:18:02.519 and your personal brand. And when you think about the people who excel in 265 00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:06.119 corporate environments, they tend to be the ones that have their shit together. 266 00:18:06.440 --> 00:18:11.359 They're the ones who are organized, They're the ones who communicate really effectively. 267 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:15.279 They're the ones who do what they say and say what they do. And 268 00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:21.000 so there's an element of self management I think where I am totally forth showing 269 00:18:21.079 --> 00:18:26.519 up in an authentic way. But it's also context and knowing what's appropriate where. 270 00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:32.440 And it's interesting because I think about dating and relationships. Everything you do 271 00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:34.680 in business is a relationship, right. It all comes down to what do 272 00:18:34.759 --> 00:18:40.720 you believe? What are your values? How what is my message? How 273 00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:45.039 am I going to communicate it? How much can you be trusted? How 274 00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:48.319 authentic are you? How good are you communicating what you want? Yeah? 275 00:18:48.440 --> 00:18:52.160 All of it. They are relationships. It is and there's an entire body 276 00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:57.480 of science right now on emotional intelligence and how it improves outcomes in office environments. 277 00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:00.880 I used to do you know when I would hire people? I was 278 00:19:00.920 --> 00:19:06.200 always trying because there's just questions you cannot ask, And there's so many questions 279 00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:07.920 that I'm like, how why can't I ask that? Why can't I? 280 00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:11.240 Like? Can I see the list of prescription medications that you're on? Please? 281 00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:15.119 I think it matters, Like have you ever you know what kind of 282 00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.200 anger management issues do? I kind of want to know, like do you 283 00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:22.400 have a girlfriend, boyfriend? Married? Like I want to know how stable 284 00:19:22.440 --> 00:19:23.720 you are if you're just like I'm out every night and whatever, Like I 285 00:19:23.799 --> 00:19:26.279 want to know. I wonder how many drinks you had this weekend? Like 286 00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:30.200 I say, you're talking to responsibility I'm taking, but it's wrong. Like 287 00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:34.359 I've tried to guess every which way and I'm like, huh, she's attractive, 288 00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:37.240 which means that she'll get a lot of dates, so she'll be happier 289 00:19:37.240 --> 00:19:40.920 in her social life or the other way around. I'm like, Oh, 290 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:45.359 she's unattractive, she's not gonna be bothered with dating, She'll just work here. 291 00:19:45.519 --> 00:19:48.000 Like it's terrible the math I've done on all of this. I'm never 292 00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:52.160 right. I've gotten it wrong every possible way. And not just women too, 293 00:19:52.279 --> 00:19:56.359 guys too. I'm like, he's not interested in girls, and so 294 00:19:56.599 --> 00:19:59.759 he doesn't care, you know. And then you're like, oh, somebody 295 00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:02.960 who's not dating at all. It's like, Oh, they're a happily married 296 00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:07.839 mom of two and then they're in a very serious relationship with the two kids, 297 00:20:07.960 --> 00:20:11.119 and that's there for so I basically just like hope for the best or 298 00:20:11.160 --> 00:20:14.480 whatever. But every once in a while something comes up and I'm like, 299 00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:18.720 why couldn't I find that out on a job interview. So it's ancillary, 300 00:20:18.839 --> 00:20:23.240 but it's related. A lot of companies are using interest assessments to do things 301 00:20:23.319 --> 00:20:29.279 like that. So there are emotional intelligence assessments, there are behavioral assessments, 302 00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:34.000 thinking style assessments, motivational assessments, so that you can try and get a 303 00:20:34.119 --> 00:20:38.240 clearer picture of the person you're hiring before you hire them, and you should 304 00:20:38.319 --> 00:20:41.319 hire that company before you go on a date too, to assess your date, 305 00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:45.599 because it is the same thing. Everybody can be fine in a moment 306 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:49.599 or for a short period time or several years, and then one relationship and 307 00:20:49.880 --> 00:20:53.440 everything goes bad. Yeah, where everything loses somebody loses their mind. So 308 00:20:53.519 --> 00:20:56.319 there's really you know, everything's a roll of the dice with the relationships. 309 00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:00.759 You said everything is a relationship. I agree with you. Somebody could have 310 00:21:00.799 --> 00:21:03.720 a perfectly normal life going on and then they have drama at home, you 311 00:21:03.799 --> 00:21:08.119 know, they get divorced. This stuff used to be taboo to even talk 312 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:11.680 about in corporate America, but now those companies are getting smart and they are 313 00:21:11.759 --> 00:21:17.359 bringing in as guest speakers. It's not just the fitness people whatever they're bringing 314 00:21:17.400 --> 00:21:22.359 in the relationship people. They're bringing in confidence people. I do speeches all 315 00:21:22.359 --> 00:21:25.440 the time where I do communication and confidence. You know, because somebody came 316 00:21:25.480 --> 00:21:26.480 to one of my shows and like he kind of knows what he's talking about. 317 00:21:26.519 --> 00:21:29.160 I don't know what I'm talking about, but thank you for the money. 318 00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:33.440 Oh it's not when it comes to pre registering someone when they're yeah, 319 00:21:33.440 --> 00:21:37.759 I know, but I'm always like, you never know how what forks in 320 00:21:37.799 --> 00:21:41.079 the road are going to make somebody go a different way. And so these 321 00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:47.079 companies that are trying to control behavior outside of the workplace when they really don't 322 00:21:47.279 --> 00:21:49.359 know a good handle on it inside the workplace. That's rough. That makes 323 00:21:49.400 --> 00:21:55.160 me think of parenting, Yeah, because you think of different types of parents. 324 00:21:55.319 --> 00:21:59.799 And inevitably, when I was growing up, the people who had to 325 00:22:00.119 --> 00:22:06.519 totally overbearing helicopter parents who said no to everything were the biggest drug addicts were 326 00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:08.920 the one who smoked the most pot who were the ones who drank the most. 327 00:22:10.279 --> 00:22:14.640 And when I look at the people who had a longer leash, they 328 00:22:14.759 --> 00:22:18.680 had the opportunity to kind of self regulate and decide what was right and what 329 00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:21.759 was wrong, and experiment and push the boundaries and say, oh, I 330 00:22:21.759 --> 00:22:23.680 don't want to do that, And I think it's similar. Right, No 331 00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:27.400 one's going to be able to control everything. It's about what's in your control. 332 00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:33.000 The people that have always been the best people to work with, and 333 00:22:33.240 --> 00:22:38.359 for me, I always looked back and thought I didn't know anything about their 334 00:22:38.400 --> 00:22:41.559 life outside of work. They just go, they show up to the job 335 00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:45.759 and they do what they're suppose to anything about it. But you don't get 336 00:22:45.799 --> 00:22:49.319 as close to those people which do you prefer. I think you want to 337 00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:52.319 have a relationship, like you said, with the people you work with, 338 00:22:52.440 --> 00:22:55.279 and you want a care and you want to understand their feeling. You do, 339 00:22:55.880 --> 00:22:57.039 but it's always after, it's always hindsight. It's like, oh my 340 00:22:57.079 --> 00:23:00.839 god, that was awesome. I don't know anything girl woman. She was 341 00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:03.920 in her twenties. Then I guess she was a girl. She was an 342 00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:07.480 actress for me and a play as a director. For years she worked with 343 00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:11.440 me, and she was one of the only ones who I really didn't know 344 00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:17.799 anything about. Five years after it, she invites me to her wedding and 345 00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:19.119 I go to her. What She's become one of my closest friends. Now. 346 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:23.200 I went to her wedding and I'm like, she's so valued that I 347 00:23:23.319 --> 00:23:27.359 treated her like that. I just let her do her thing. I respected 348 00:23:27.400 --> 00:23:30.599 it. I didn't get involved in any drama. I didn't ask her whatever 349 00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:33.680 that. She's like, he respects me on this level, and now I 350 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:36.680 want him to be my friend. Once it was long over with and I 351 00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:38.000 didn't think about it at the time, I was like, I didn't think 352 00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:41.640 I was that close to her because I didn't know anything about her. So 353 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:45.119 you're kind of caught between that you want to show that you care about your 354 00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:48.160 employees or the people you work with. How are you, how is your 355 00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:49.599 weekend, what'd you do for the holidays? How you being blah blah blah. 356 00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:52.799 And then there's the people who just show up high, good morning, 357 00:23:52.839 --> 00:23:55.279 here's the job or whatever, and you're sort of always caught in between. 358 00:23:55.759 --> 00:23:57.720 Yeah, there's that natural tension. Yeah, and I do think there's a 359 00:23:57.759 --> 00:24:04.640 middle ground. I think there's a middle ground between overfamiliarity and having zero personal 360 00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:10.799 relationship. And you know, it's a really tough bulls eye to hit because 361 00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:17.119 on the other hand of having too much information is almost toxicity and a false 362 00:24:17.160 --> 00:24:22.759 sense of loyalty, right, because a lot of times in organization people are 363 00:24:22.799 --> 00:24:26.279 like, we're a family, but I don't know about your family. My 364 00:24:26.359 --> 00:24:30.480 family can be toxic sometimes, Right, you say stuff that you wouldn't necessarily 365 00:24:30.599 --> 00:24:33.559 say to other people. You two things you wouldn't necessarily do, And the 366 00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:38.359 same can develop in the workplace where you have a brother sister relationship with someone 367 00:24:38.839 --> 00:24:44.240 that really is unhealthy, like let alone if it's outside of the workplace, 368 00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:47.960 right, And it's the same sort of thing, and so it's kind of 369 00:24:48.279 --> 00:24:51.960 weaving that needle of I want to show up, I want to get my 370 00:24:52.039 --> 00:24:53.920 stuff done. I want to put my head down and be efficient, but 371 00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:59.480 I also want to be human, right, And so it's like there's a 372 00:24:59.480 --> 00:25:03.960 fine line between like shit chat, elevator talk high and like some caring areata. 373 00:25:03.960 --> 00:25:07.960 You've had bosses, do you want to be asked how is your weekend? 374 00:25:08.079 --> 00:25:11.599 Or you're like don't, let's let me just do my job, or 375 00:25:11.640 --> 00:25:15.359 it depends on the boss. I suppose Yeah, it definitely depends on the 376 00:25:15.400 --> 00:25:18.880 boss, because I've had some mean bosses. But you know, it depends 377 00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:22.759 on like what intentions they're asking me for. Well that's the thing. Is 378 00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:26.920 it like prying or is it manners? And I'm always terrible this small talk 379 00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:29.960 because I sometimes ask because I think you're supposed to and I really don't give 380 00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:33.519 a shit about your weekend. But I and that will come through, that 381 00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:36.519 will bleed through. I know, I think so, but I'm trying. 382 00:25:36.640 --> 00:25:38.119 I think I'm like, oh, I'm supposed to ask how is your day? 383 00:25:40.039 --> 00:25:42.519 Get home safe? Like you know, all this stuff that I've seen 384 00:25:42.599 --> 00:25:47.319 on TV, and but I really don't care. And then I'm like I 385 00:25:47.720 --> 00:25:51.519 feel like I'm asking because I think they want me to. And then maybe 386 00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:53.160 it's like I don't want to talk to you about anything outside of the work. 387 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:56.960 I never know. You know, there should be a form you fill 388 00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:59.640 out, here's the things you can ask me about. Well, what you're 389 00:25:59.640 --> 00:26:03.759 really talking about is boundaries, right, But everybody's boundaries are different, and 390 00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:07.200 some people act like you don't care because you do pay more attention to the 391 00:26:07.319 --> 00:26:11.640 high maintenance people. Squeaky wheel gets the greed correct, and so the people 392 00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:17.880 who head down doing their job are no problems at all. They are somehow 393 00:26:17.960 --> 00:26:19.480 like I don't even get noticed, they don't say anything to me, they 394 00:26:19.519 --> 00:26:22.559 spend no time with me, and like what. So that's a hard balance 395 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:27.279 too, and that breeds discontent because people say, oh, this person is 396 00:26:27.440 --> 00:26:32.920 loud, this person is the squeaky wheel. They're not doing as much work 397 00:26:32.960 --> 00:26:36.240 as I'm doing. Yet I'm not the one being compensated or I'm not the 398 00:26:36.319 --> 00:26:41.079 one that's being recognized or promoted for my work. And so to me, 399 00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:45.920 that comes down, and that's incumbent on a manager or a leader to understand 400 00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:51.640 their people. And you know, physical appearance for a man, what is 401 00:26:51.680 --> 00:26:55.480 it statistically the CEOs are all six two six, like they're three inches. 402 00:26:55.599 --> 00:27:00.160 I believe there is a correlation between height and seniority because it's like, think 403 00:27:00.759 --> 00:27:06.160 a physical dominance, people gravitate to that person. But it's sort of like 404 00:27:06.240 --> 00:27:08.319 somebody, we did a study on this. Somebody's on here this podcast, 405 00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:10.960 I don't know. It's six seven years ago, and there was a study 406 00:27:11.000 --> 00:27:18.119 that came out that NFL quarterbacks and high level college quarterbacks were disproportionately attractive. 407 00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:25.599 And the reason for that was back when they were like fourteen, the good 408 00:27:25.640 --> 00:27:27.480 looking kid was the popular kid, and the popular kid got the ball. 409 00:27:29.000 --> 00:27:32.640 Yeah, and so he got to play quarterback. So you had the opportunity 410 00:27:32.720 --> 00:27:34.839 and so that never Yeah, so they get the opportunity to do it, 411 00:27:36.160 --> 00:27:41.519 and that probably isn't you know. The attractive male or female. They might 412 00:27:41.880 --> 00:27:47.440 get judged a certain way more, but they might also get away with shit 413 00:27:47.640 --> 00:27:48.960 more. They might be like, oh, we like to have that guy 414 00:27:48.960 --> 00:27:53.240 around. He's cute and whatever. She's hot and she's it's both ways. 415 00:27:53.680 --> 00:27:56.720 I see a lot of women comedians that I know, and they're like, 416 00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:00.960 it's not fair that everybody, you know, this judgment And I'm like, 417 00:28:00.200 --> 00:28:04.079 you're only getting a lot of these gigs because you look attractive on the flyer 418 00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:07.519 and it's noticed, and so you're getting it both ways. You know. 419 00:28:08.039 --> 00:28:11.880 I hear a lot of women actresses once they get in their fifties like Hollywood's 420 00:28:11.920 --> 00:28:14.640 not fair and they want to hire us. Well, it wasn't fair when 421 00:28:14.680 --> 00:28:17.359 you were in your twenties. You got all the jobs just because you were 422 00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:19.240 good looking and you got you know, that was a big thing. And 423 00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:23.039 so you can't have it both ways. Same within the office place, we 424 00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:27.759 cannot pretend we're robots. We can't tend your emotionless because one of the emotions 425 00:28:27.799 --> 00:28:33.559 that you want somebody to bring to the work environment is passion. And somebody 426 00:28:33.599 --> 00:28:40.559 who's passionate for their work generally has interest and curiosity beyond the workplace that they're 427 00:28:40.599 --> 00:28:45.279 really interested in. And it's dynamic, and it's dynamic. You know. 428 00:28:45.559 --> 00:28:48.160 The one thing that I want for anybody I work with or who works for 429 00:28:48.279 --> 00:28:52.200 me is that they care. What does that look like to you? To 430 00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:56.119 me, it looks like if something, And that's a good thing too. 431 00:28:56.440 --> 00:28:59.000 There's a lot of fake caring. There's a lot of people who don't care 432 00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:03.759 about details, like asking about weekends, Yeah, like me asking about weekends. 433 00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:07.960 There's your weekend. Yeah, you know, I want to show that 434 00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:11.279 they care meaning that. And it's not just like staying five minutes later or 435 00:29:11.319 --> 00:29:15.519 coming five minutes early. It's that you can tell they are vested in the 436 00:29:15.640 --> 00:29:19.759 outcome of the project the day the assignment. They get excited when good things 437 00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:25.000 happen, they get disappointed with it. But then again, you're judging somebody 438 00:29:25.119 --> 00:29:27.799 on their poker face. But what does that look like? Like, how 439 00:29:27.880 --> 00:29:33.079 can you really tell someone cares behind the poker face? Like what actions? 440 00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:34.240 I don't know. You know, I'm not the best one to tear about 441 00:29:34.240 --> 00:29:37.160 that. Same with on dating. Yeah, some people just are not that 442 00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:41.759 expressive, and some people are not going to do a cartwheel over every little 443 00:29:41.799 --> 00:29:45.279 thing, and some people do and some people cry at every jet. I 444 00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:49.240 mean, we're you're dealing with trying to psychologically analyze another person in relationship. 445 00:29:49.319 --> 00:29:53.200 Again, whether it's somebody you work with or for, or it's somebody in 446 00:29:53.319 --> 00:29:57.319 a day, there's a lot of similarities. Well, it's all interpersonal dynamics. 447 00:29:57.599 --> 00:30:02.000 That yes, it is all in personal dynamics. And that's making me 448 00:30:02.119 --> 00:30:07.279 think of the idiom actions are louder than words, And there's a whole body 449 00:30:07.359 --> 00:30:12.079 of science around communication where seven percent of communication is words, thirty eight percent 450 00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:18.160 of communication its tone, and the balance is body language. So if you 451 00:30:18.319 --> 00:30:22.759 think about it, over half of all communication is movement. And if you 452 00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:27.279 extrapolate that, if you're talking about caring in the workplace, if you're talking 453 00:30:27.319 --> 00:30:32.640 about being a human in the workplace, if you're talking about authenticity, which 454 00:30:32.680 --> 00:30:37.519 we were talking about, there's also this element of aligning your message, your 455 00:30:37.640 --> 00:30:41.079 intent, what you say, with what you do, your actions, and 456 00:30:41.160 --> 00:30:45.920 your behaviors, and then being consistent with it. Because you talk about relationships, 457 00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:51.279 so much of that goes back to safety and psychological safety, and what 458 00:30:51.599 --> 00:30:56.359 breeds safety, it's consistency. And that's whether you're a manager, that's whether 459 00:30:56.440 --> 00:31:00.319 you're a leader, that's whether you're a colleague. If you're reliable and you 460 00:31:00.759 --> 00:31:03.039 expect and know what the outcome is going to be and what that person is 461 00:31:03.119 --> 00:31:07.039 going to deliver, nine times out of ten, you're going to be satisfied 462 00:31:07.079 --> 00:31:11.279 with their performance. And then there's also this sort of you know, doggy 463 00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:15.400 dog reality show environment in a workplace where you're forming alliances and you want to 464 00:31:15.759 --> 00:31:18.680 trust and somebody wants your job and whatever you bring up the words and the 465 00:31:18.759 --> 00:31:22.279 actions. I had a girl I was dating once say to me. She's 466 00:31:22.359 --> 00:31:23.920 like, actions are so much important with words, But I got to say, 467 00:31:23.960 --> 00:31:26.440 you got some really good words. Your actions suck. I'm like, 468 00:31:26.640 --> 00:31:32.440 they make up? Am I doing? She's like, it's close my good. 469 00:31:32.960 --> 00:31:36.319 They have some value, you know, saying the right thing at the 470 00:31:36.400 --> 00:31:38.880 right time does have huge value can diffuse a lot of things. So back 471 00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:45.160 to the if you were going to get into a relationship in the workplace, 472 00:31:45.319 --> 00:31:48.319 Yeah, I think you have to look at it like anything else. It's 473 00:31:48.400 --> 00:31:52.680 probably I think it would probably be worse to get into a relationship with somebody 474 00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:55.960 lives in your apartment building or your condo building, depends where you live. 475 00:31:56.079 --> 00:31:59.519 Well, what does that mean? I lived in New York City for thirteen 476 00:31:59.599 --> 00:32:01.960 years. I don't think I knew Maybe I knew one neighbor me too, 477 00:32:02.039 --> 00:32:06.079 but I'm very introverted. I agree that's not good either. But then it's 478 00:32:06.160 --> 00:32:10.319 like, then you are risk the chance that when you do not it doesn't 479 00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:14.240 work out. You're seeing them in the elevator with somebody else, And I'm 480 00:32:14.240 --> 00:32:16.440 not sure you agree. Oh really, I think work is worse. I 481 00:32:16.559 --> 00:32:22.680 disagree because I think there's there's anticipation. You wake up every morning, you're 482 00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:24.559 laying in bed, You're staring at the ceiling. Oh my god, I 483 00:32:24.640 --> 00:32:28.119 need to go sit next to Sally. Oh my god, I need to 484 00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:30.880 go sit next to Bob. Yeah, what am I going to do? 485 00:32:30.359 --> 00:32:34.319 And then you're getting dressed and you're thinking about it, and you're brushing your 486 00:32:34.359 --> 00:32:37.920 teeth and you're brushing your hair, and they seem so happy after the weekend, 487 00:32:37.160 --> 00:32:39.680 right, yeah, and you don't want to ask how their weekend was. 488 00:32:42.200 --> 00:32:45.359 It's amazing we get together at all, any of us well, And 489 00:32:45.720 --> 00:32:47.359 then you think about it. I mean, so much of your life is 490 00:32:47.440 --> 00:32:51.599 tied to work. It's your livelihood. It's how you support yourself, it's 491 00:32:51.599 --> 00:32:53.960 how you support your family, it's your sense of purpose for people, it's 492 00:32:54.400 --> 00:32:58.200 it's your sense of motivation, it's why you get out of bed in the 493 00:32:58.279 --> 00:33:01.839 morning. And then if all of a sudden you muddy that with a really 494 00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:06.799 bad date or a really bad relationship, I know it could put everything up 495 00:33:06.880 --> 00:33:09.440 in smoke. Yes, just hook up, don't go on. There's a 496 00:33:09.519 --> 00:33:13.799 lot more companies now that are Maybe there aren't, but I think there are 497 00:33:13.880 --> 00:33:16.880 that are between what one hundred and a thousand employees. Those are considered small 498 00:33:16.960 --> 00:33:22.160 medium companies. Yeah, if you got brought into there, how would you 499 00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:27.240 set a policy or how would you tell people? Listen, we're all humans, 500 00:33:27.319 --> 00:33:31.359 we're all feelings. Here's the best way to approach interoffice and out of 501 00:33:31.400 --> 00:33:34.759 work relationships? Are there like a couple of things that you're like, this 502 00:33:34.880 --> 00:33:38.279 is the best way to go about at least communicating to each other for the 503 00:33:38.319 --> 00:33:43.519 employees or the business, because I probably have the business. Well, the 504 00:33:43.559 --> 00:33:45.839 business has to relate it to the employees. Yeah, well, I don't 505 00:33:45.839 --> 00:33:46.680 want to have an I don't want to work in any place that has a 506 00:33:46.759 --> 00:33:53.759 no compliment policy. Here's here's the thing. Businesses are in the business of 507 00:33:54.039 --> 00:33:59.400 protecting their asses right and protecting their downside, and so I think they're always 508 00:33:59.440 --> 00:34:02.640 going to air on the side of ultra conservatism because they have to, and 509 00:34:02.759 --> 00:34:06.680 that's what their attorneys are going to recommend that they do. That's what all 510 00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:09.400 their consultants are gonna recommend that they have to do. I also think there's 511 00:34:09.400 --> 00:34:15.119 a practicality to it, right, So you have your on paper rules and 512 00:34:15.239 --> 00:34:20.440 then there's the unspoken rules of you know, if this is going to happen, 513 00:34:21.000 --> 00:34:24.119 don't show about it, don't go around parading it. Have judgment, 514 00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:29.920 don't go like for a quickie in the breakroom, right, you know, 515 00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:34.880 be smart about that with Jennifer and marketing this weekend High five guys. I 516 00:34:34.960 --> 00:34:37.800 mean, there's a lot of that, but there can't be anymore. I 517 00:34:37.920 --> 00:34:42.920 know there can't be anymore. There really can't. And I think there's just 518 00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:46.079 so much reputational risk, not only for the business but also for the employees. 519 00:34:46.760 --> 00:34:51.760 What is the downside of telling somebody you look pretty today, pretty, 520 00:34:51.920 --> 00:34:54.280 not hot, not you look pretty today? Is there any scenario where that's 521 00:34:54.320 --> 00:35:00.519 bad? That's probably a fireable effense. Oh, okay, tell you a 522 00:35:00.559 --> 00:35:02.880 story. Oh story time with John. So. When I was twenty two, 523 00:35:04.400 --> 00:35:07.960 I was an analyst on Wall Street and I went to a meeting in 524 00:35:08.119 --> 00:35:14.000 Miami, actually, and it was me at a table with a bunch of 525 00:35:14.239 --> 00:35:16.960 fifty to sixty five year old men, and I was by far the youngest. 526 00:35:17.079 --> 00:35:21.280 I was the only woman. Maybe six seven people at the table. 527 00:35:21.679 --> 00:35:24.320 They're all drinking. My dad gave me the piece of advice in college which 528 00:35:24.360 --> 00:35:28.760 I still take, which is, if you feel uncomfortable have a glass of 529 00:35:28.800 --> 00:35:30.760 Seltzer with a little bit of lime, so they think you're drinking, but 530 00:35:30.880 --> 00:35:37.519 you're not. So I was drinking Seltzer's and these guys were getting at it, 531 00:35:37.679 --> 00:35:40.400 not my colleague, but the other guys. And one just stops in 532 00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:45.280 the middle of the conversation and turns to me and goes, are you a 533 00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:50.800 model? And I'm like blindsided my colleague. It was like you could have 534 00:35:50.880 --> 00:35:52.599 cut the tension with a knife. He had no idea what to do. 535 00:35:52.679 --> 00:35:57.320 And I love this guy, He's fabulous. And I just sat there and 536 00:35:57.400 --> 00:36:00.960 I said, well, I model every day and excel because I make excel 537 00:36:00.039 --> 00:36:06.280 models. And it diffused the tension with humor. But that's a situation that's 538 00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:12.079 uncomfortable only because so you probably took it. You didn't probably mind the physical 539 00:36:12.159 --> 00:36:15.760 compliment. You probably looked at it like no offense to the models out there, 540 00:36:16.519 --> 00:36:22.159 that somehow that belittled your professional skills. No, no, it was 541 00:36:22.400 --> 00:36:28.639 it was about being called out for something other than I wanted to be recognized 542 00:36:28.679 --> 00:36:32.559 for in that context. In that context, my physical appearance, which by 543 00:36:32.599 --> 00:36:35.960 the way, I don't think I look like a model, but my physical 544 00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:38.039 appearance was the lie I told you that you were one of the most attractive 545 00:36:38.199 --> 00:36:42.800 pregnant people I've seen. I hope that's not offensive. You have a glow. 546 00:36:42.840 --> 00:36:45.559 You have that glow they talk about some women don't do well with pregnancy. 547 00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:49.880 I appreciate that, but in that context in the work environment, I 548 00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:53.199 want to be recognized for my capabilities. I want to be recognized for my 549 00:36:53.760 --> 00:36:58.679 skills. I want to be recognized for my talents. And I do think 550 00:36:58.760 --> 00:37:04.079 on some level, when you bring up appearance, that belittles everything else you've 551 00:37:04.119 --> 00:37:07.800 done. It belittles your intelligence, it belittles kind of a lot of hard 552 00:37:07.840 --> 00:37:12.320 work that has gone into, you know, getting to where you were. 553 00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:16.119 And I worked my ass off in college and through internships to get the big 554 00:37:16.199 --> 00:37:22.119 job that I wanted to get. And so I think that's the subtext to 555 00:37:22.199 --> 00:37:27.000 this. Yes it is. It is no, because that's the thing too. 556 00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:30.480 He's like, she clearly cared enough to do her makeup like that to 557 00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:32.519 be noticed. Okay, but here's here's the question. Yeah, if there 558 00:37:32.599 --> 00:37:36.639 was a woman in the workplace who didn't put makeup on, what would you 559 00:37:36.679 --> 00:37:42.920 think you asking me as a man or somebody who works with Let's okay, 560 00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:46.360 you own a business. Yeah right. Let's say you are hiring a female. 561 00:37:46.880 --> 00:37:51.199 She shows up, her hair's not brush, she doesn't have vyliner on, 562 00:37:51.280 --> 00:37:53.199 she doesn't have masscaron. What would you think in twenty twenty three? 563 00:37:53.239 --> 00:37:57.400 I would think it's just not important to her. Okay, I wouldn't think 564 00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:00.320 she doesn't care. Sadly, that's the norm. Now, sorry, you 565 00:38:00.360 --> 00:38:06.639 got an eyeliner on, ariana mascara. So there's something. I look at 566 00:38:06.679 --> 00:38:08.880 it like, I want somebody to present what they believe to be the best 567 00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:13.719 version of themselves. So I put makeup in the same category as showering. 568 00:38:15.880 --> 00:38:19.199 Okay, a little bit, not a full face. You come to work 569 00:38:19.239 --> 00:38:22.480 with a full face and makeup. If anybody cared about my appearance, I 570 00:38:22.599 --> 00:38:25.320 probably would like you. Why don't you care about Europeans? I do? 571 00:38:25.519 --> 00:38:28.960 Nobody else does? I U said all that. Don't you want to put 572 00:38:28.960 --> 00:38:32.320 eyeliner and a smoky ion for yourself if that enhanced my appearance? Sure? 573 00:38:32.639 --> 00:38:36.519 But I look at your like I'm like I get told I'm smart and funny 574 00:38:36.519 --> 00:38:38.119 all the time. Tell me I'm cute, That's all I want to hear. 575 00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:43.639 No, I understand that, and I know I'm being intentionally challenging because 576 00:38:43.679 --> 00:38:46.159 you've heard it before. Well, I think it's a girl who doesn't hear 577 00:38:46.239 --> 00:38:49.719 before. I think she wants to hear it. No, it's not that 578 00:38:49.880 --> 00:38:52.119 I think there's a double standard. I just think there's a double standard. 579 00:38:52.159 --> 00:38:57.679 I think there's this expectation that if, especially in corporate environments, right, 580 00:38:57.760 --> 00:39:02.079 if a woman doesn't show up completely put together, right, there's a negative 581 00:39:02.119 --> 00:39:07.320 perception put on her. If a guy doesn't, he just is disheveled. 582 00:39:07.320 --> 00:39:08.559 And it's funny. And that's bob. I don't know why I keep using 583 00:39:08.559 --> 00:39:13.239 the word bob, but you know, I there is this double standard, 584 00:39:13.280 --> 00:39:16.480 and I was just being intentionally challenging to Yeah, but there is this thing 585 00:39:16.599 --> 00:39:20.079 like, yeah, of course I'm going to show up to a business meeting 586 00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:24.159 in eyeliner and mascara because that's the expectation. Yes, I want to present 587 00:39:24.239 --> 00:39:28.320 it for myself, but that's also the norm. That's the expectation. The 588 00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:30.519 cultural norm is not for a man to show up with the full face of 589 00:39:30.599 --> 00:39:37.400 making I know a lot of women who are attorneys, courtroom attorneys. Half 590 00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:40.960 of them believe if I look my best or look the way I would out 591 00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:44.840 in the world, I'm not gonna get taken seriously. And half of them 592 00:39:44.880 --> 00:39:46.800 are like, it's a power that I have and I'm going to manipulate man 593 00:39:46.960 --> 00:39:52.360 with men with my tight suit and my makeup. Perception is reality, right, 594 00:39:52.599 --> 00:39:54.960 And some of them are like, it's just how they choose to fight 595 00:39:55.079 --> 00:39:58.519 the battle, and it is a battle. It's a battle, it's a 596 00:39:58.559 --> 00:40:01.599 battle. And look, I'm I'm not advocating one way. I think everyone 597 00:40:01.679 --> 00:40:05.960 should do what makes them feel the best. Absolutely, I think there are 598 00:40:06.039 --> 00:40:09.679 certain levels of appropriateness in workplace, et cetera. All I'm saying is that 599 00:40:10.880 --> 00:40:16.039 there's a certain expectation for how you present yourself. And I do think that 600 00:40:17.079 --> 00:40:21.320 there's a double standard for women in the world. Don't tell somebody she's pretty 601 00:40:22.639 --> 00:40:25.639 at work or that she is pretty. That's bad that you look pretty today? 602 00:40:27.440 --> 00:40:30.280 Does that imply you don't look pretty every day? Like if somebody looked 603 00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:31.320 like, clearly got their hair done, Like, can we say that? 604 00:40:31.480 --> 00:40:36.000 I think it matters. I want to be able to say that as a 605 00:40:36.119 --> 00:40:39.719 dude. I think that's where personal relationship comes in. Because I've been really 606 00:40:39.800 --> 00:40:44.719 fortunate. I've made some of my very, very very best friends at work, 607 00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:46.559 and a lot of them are men, and a lot of them will 608 00:40:46.559 --> 00:40:49.199 be like, oh, you got a haircut. It looks good, and 609 00:40:49.199 --> 00:40:52.639 I'm like, thanks, That to me is friendly. If someone I had 610 00:40:52.199 --> 00:40:55.480 a less familiar relationship said that to me, I'd be like, Oh, 611 00:40:55.519 --> 00:40:59.719 that's creepy. Why is he noticing my haircut? So I think there's an 612 00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:05.599 I think this all comes back to contacting the individual relationship. No way to 613 00:41:05.719 --> 00:41:08.599 understand the asual relationship. Arianna, what do you think? I don't know, 614 00:41:08.800 --> 00:41:10.880 Like, I just want I don't. I don't know. I would. 615 00:41:12.280 --> 00:41:15.239 I think we should as society. We're worse off that we can't pretend 616 00:41:15.280 --> 00:41:19.599 we pretend that we don't notice each other's appearance. I agree with her. 617 00:41:19.719 --> 00:41:22.400 I think it depends on what type of relationship you have with the person yours. 618 00:41:22.519 --> 00:41:25.320 You work together, that's the relationship, that's it. You share office. 619 00:41:25.519 --> 00:41:29.079 Yeah, but there's different levels of working together. You get your you 620 00:41:29.480 --> 00:41:31.519 suddenly go blonde and you come in on Monday and be like, Wow, 621 00:41:31.599 --> 00:41:35.559 your hair you look awesome? Can I say that? Yeah? Because I 622 00:41:35.679 --> 00:41:37.440 know you and I'm like I feel in same with Ben, Like I'm comfortable 623 00:41:37.480 --> 00:41:40.039 with Ben where it's like if he's compliments me, it's friendly. It's not 624 00:41:40.159 --> 00:41:43.760 creel well, that's not I don't think that's a compliment. It's not well 625 00:41:45.039 --> 00:41:51.960 noticing something that you clearly did to enhance your appearance, and I'm acknowledging that. 626 00:41:52.320 --> 00:41:58.440 Can I do that? I know I get contact fired in twenty twenty 627 00:41:58.519 --> 00:42:00.800 three, No, but but it does because what gets people fired in twenty 628 00:42:00.880 --> 00:42:06.119 twenty three is the wrong context. Let's say someone were to say something uncomfortable 629 00:42:06.199 --> 00:42:07.440 to me to the point that I had to go to HR. I need 630 00:42:07.480 --> 00:42:10.920 to feel really uncomfortable. Because you also have to think there's a lot of 631 00:42:10.960 --> 00:42:15.079 women there that don't want to screw up their career trajectory by reporting things either, 632 00:42:15.480 --> 00:42:19.559 which I don't advocate for that either, right, I think if something 633 00:42:19.719 --> 00:42:22.519 happens, you should definitely report it. But I'm only saying that to mean 634 00:42:23.039 --> 00:42:25.840 if one of my friends said something to me like, oh, I'm a 635 00:42:25.880 --> 00:42:30.679 brunette. Oh you dyed your hair blonde. It looks really good, I'd 636 00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:32.800 like thanks. I wouldn't even dawn on me to go report that. So 637 00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:38.239 why would he ever get fired for saying that? I got interviewed morning television 638 00:42:38.280 --> 00:42:42.800 thing a couple years ago, and before we went on air, I didn't 639 00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:45.320 know the anchor who was interviewing me, and she came out and I said, 640 00:42:45.639 --> 00:42:49.880 oh my god, that is a super cute dress. Doesn't say anything. 641 00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:52.719 We go and do the interview, thank you whatever. About two months 642 00:42:52.800 --> 00:42:55.119 later she emails me and she goes, I really appreciate you noticed that dress. 643 00:42:55.159 --> 00:42:58.719 Most people wouldn't say anything. I liked that you did that. She 644 00:42:58.840 --> 00:43:00.280 wasn't hitting on me, She wasn't doing any it just like dawned on her. 645 00:43:00.400 --> 00:43:04.159 But you weren't commenting on her. You were commenting on the article. 646 00:43:04.199 --> 00:43:06.800 Well, the only reason it was a super cute dress was because she made 647 00:43:06.840 --> 00:43:08.679 it look super cute. I get it. I'm smart. How you pick 648 00:43:08.719 --> 00:43:10.840 on the clothing it works. I wasn't hitting on her, but it really 649 00:43:10.920 --> 00:43:15.719 was a super huge dress for morning news. You're strategic, Brian, Well, 650 00:43:15.760 --> 00:43:16.920 I mean I think you have to be. If you comment on hair, 651 00:43:17.079 --> 00:43:21.719 jewelry, or dress. I think you are strategic. You're not commenting 652 00:43:21.800 --> 00:43:23.679 on our body parts. You're not like, oh man, you look you 653 00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:29.719 look like you lost eight Can I say that you look like that's okay? 654 00:43:29.800 --> 00:43:34.199 I will. I will say this. I once said to somebody. I 655 00:43:34.280 --> 00:43:36.719 once said to somebody, oh my gosh, you lost so much weight, 656 00:43:36.920 --> 00:43:39.320 you look great, and this was not in a work context. I subsequently 657 00:43:39.360 --> 00:43:43.920 found out she was very ill. I know you can, and now I 658 00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:47.079 won't unless, like I'm one hundred percent confident and know that person really well. 659 00:43:47.320 --> 00:43:51.679 Like that broke my heart when I found that out. It's not easy, 660 00:43:51.719 --> 00:43:54.039 which is why I'm glad the world has people like you to at least 661 00:43:54.159 --> 00:43:58.159 point us in the direction, which, by the way, behavior see a 662 00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:00.679 lot of these questions, you're like, I'm not sure either, but the 663 00:44:00.719 --> 00:44:02.679 conversation works it out. Yeah. But that's that's the thing with all of 664 00:44:02.800 --> 00:44:07.920 this, right, No one has the answer. If anyone's an expert says 665 00:44:07.960 --> 00:44:10.199 they're an expert in this in that they have a one size fits all solution, 666 00:44:10.760 --> 00:44:14.800 that's all bs. The skill is to know the questions. These are 667 00:44:14.840 --> 00:44:16.800 the questions that people have, and that's what everything goes back to. That's 668 00:44:16.960 --> 00:44:21.880 what goes back to dating and finding your right match. That's what goes back 669 00:44:21.960 --> 00:44:25.440 to finding your right match and an employer and a company and figuring out how 670 00:44:25.480 --> 00:44:29.840 you're going to grow in your career. It's all about knowing the right questions, 671 00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:31.280 knowing when to ask them, and how to ask them of yourself. 672 00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:36.800 I'm just going to hire a bunch of fat guys. Fuck it all right, 673 00:44:37.159 --> 00:44:38.719 in the interest of time. Yes, this is your first time on 674 00:44:38.760 --> 00:44:40.960 the podcast. We'll have you back again because we have to test out all 675 00:44:40.960 --> 00:44:45.639 these theories we as I warned you, we play something called worst date or 676 00:44:45.719 --> 00:44:47.719 first date, so you has to either give us the worst date you've ever 677 00:44:47.800 --> 00:44:52.239 had or the greatest first date you've ever had. Your choice could give both. 678 00:44:52.440 --> 00:44:54.840 Sure, all right, So the best first date was my husband. 679 00:44:55.800 --> 00:45:00.519 Props to him. Props to him. We went to a in the West 680 00:45:00.599 --> 00:45:05.079 Village. He chased to be around the office and then West Village and then 681 00:45:05.119 --> 00:45:10.719 I found you about the water. Cool. No, but my best first 682 00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:15.239 date was my husband. Our parents actually set us up so old school, 683 00:45:15.320 --> 00:45:17.519 but now I'm in the same way as the office. And then my worst 684 00:45:17.599 --> 00:45:21.880 first date, which it's hard for me to see it as a worst date 685 00:45:21.960 --> 00:45:25.360 because it is just so funny looking back at it. I met this guy 686 00:45:25.440 --> 00:45:29.960 on like hinge or something back in the day, and we were in New 687 00:45:30.039 --> 00:45:32.840 York City. I was at work and at the time, my hours were 688 00:45:32.920 --> 00:45:36.719 late, so I wasn't leaving until about eight to go meet him. For 689 00:45:36.760 --> 00:45:40.079 a drink, and he texted me like three times in the middle of the 690 00:45:40.199 --> 00:45:44.280 day to keep moving it forward, forward, forward forward, and I'm like 691 00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:46.559 I can't. Okay, sure, I'll do this fine. Finally, I 692 00:45:46.599 --> 00:45:50.880 felt like coerced into meeting him at seven, so I just like left work 693 00:45:50.920 --> 00:45:55.599 early and went. He was the most fidgety. He was doing this thing 694 00:45:55.719 --> 00:46:00.599 with his mouth like a lizard, like sticking his tongue out, like not 695 00:46:01.000 --> 00:46:06.000 like erotic Miley Cyris style, no, like like a lizard like. He 696 00:46:06.239 --> 00:46:10.079 was like catching a fly. It was very weird, and he was fidgety. 697 00:46:10.119 --> 00:46:14.079 Part of me thinks he was on something, but he was fidgety. 698 00:46:14.559 --> 00:46:17.800 And then he's we're chit chatting. I could already tell this is going to 699 00:46:17.840 --> 00:46:23.159 be ridiculous. He asks me to stand up and turn around. Oh, 700 00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:27.559 and he goes, you know, because I guess I was sitting down. 701 00:46:27.599 --> 00:46:30.599 He goes, I didn't get a nice look when you walked in. Do 702 00:46:30.679 --> 00:46:34.239 you mind standing up and turning around? And I'm like, no, I'm 703 00:46:34.280 --> 00:46:37.559 not doing that. Oh Jesus, He's start Oh my gosh, she's he 704 00:46:37.760 --> 00:46:43.800 launched into all of his neurosis that he's talking about with It was hilarious. 705 00:46:43.880 --> 00:46:45.280 I mean, it was just I felt like I was in a movie. 706 00:46:45.280 --> 00:46:47.880 I felt like someone was writing this for me and I was being punked. 707 00:46:49.159 --> 00:46:53.159 And the best part is like fifteen minutes in, I'm just downing glasses of 708 00:46:53.199 --> 00:46:55.559 wine because I'm like, I might as well milk this where all it's worth. 709 00:46:57.000 --> 00:46:58.960 And he turns to me, He's like, you know what, you're 710 00:46:58.960 --> 00:47:00.719 pretty good. I'll buy you dinner if you want it. I said, 711 00:47:00.840 --> 00:47:05.199 look pretty good. I go, look, I'm drunk. Yeah, I'm 712 00:47:05.239 --> 00:47:07.480 happy to take a free meal. Yea, but this isn't going anywhere. 713 00:47:07.639 --> 00:47:09.840 I just want to be really cool, take it to go. And then 714 00:47:09.880 --> 00:47:14.199 of course you got super defensive and yeah, like storm, can you do 715 00:47:14.280 --> 00:47:16.079 a little spin around for me? Sweetie? Yeah? Not good? Yeah, 716 00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:20.960 talk about nineteen fifties. Yeah right. Yeah. So that was my 717 00:47:21.039 --> 00:47:23.960 worst date, but it was kind of also a really great date because it's 718 00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:27.599 hilarious, it's funny. They're all fun if they're good, they're funny. 719 00:47:28.079 --> 00:47:30.840 All right, this was fun. Tell us where to everybody where they can 720 00:47:30.920 --> 00:47:32.280 find you, your podcast, your business, all that stuff. Sure, 721 00:47:32.519 --> 00:47:37.719 So, Jacqueline Beck Consulting is my business. You can find us at www 722 00:47:37.960 --> 00:47:46.360 dot Jacquelinebeckconsulting dot com or on Instagram at Jacquelinebeckconsulting dot com or email Brian Info 723 00:47:46.559 --> 00:47:52.960 at Jacquelinebeckconsulting dot com. And then obviously please check out my my podcast Worked 724 00:47:53.039 --> 00:47:55.559 Up with Jacqueline Beck. You can find it on Apple, Spotify, or 725 00:47:55.599 --> 00:47:59.760 wherever you enjoy your shows. Now, I've had about nine different Jaquelines on 726 00:47:59.800 --> 00:48:02.239 the podcast, and they spell it nine different ways, and they always are 727 00:48:02.360 --> 00:48:07.840 very head in the dark about people are like, spell it j A C 728 00:48:07.239 --> 00:48:10.199 L y N, Right, that's not the number one. It's not it's 729 00:48:10.239 --> 00:48:14.519 the Jack, it's the It's the Jacqueline Smith way. So Charlie is there 730 00:48:14.599 --> 00:48:15.840 you go. So the burden is on you to say that it is the 731 00:48:15.960 --> 00:48:21.119 the the Jacqueline Smith who might have been the hottest ever. So there you 732 00:48:21.280 --> 00:48:24.280 go. Props to you, Jacqueline Smith as far as us as always, 733 00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:29.079 not just the Worked Up Podcast, which is Jaqueline's podcast, but our podcast, 734 00:48:29.239 --> 00:48:30.559 Like, share, follow, Please review this podcast reviews me a lot 735 00:48:30.639 --> 00:48:35.440 in the podcasting ecosystem. Go to Great Love Debate dot com. Our tenth 736 00:48:35.599 --> 00:48:39.920 season of live live shows are is are on sale the Boca black Box Center 737 00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:45.679 for the Arts February sixteenth. You go in Ariana. Are you going because 738 00:48:45.679 --> 00:48:49.840 you're going? Oh? I echoed, there you go about that? You 739 00:48:49.960 --> 00:48:52.719 go because you want to. You have no professional obligation to go. No, 740 00:48:52.840 --> 00:48:55.039 I want to be there. Okay. Those are on sale at Boca 741 00:48:55.079 --> 00:48:59.519 Blackbox dot com and Great Love Debate dot com. As I said at the 742 00:48:59.559 --> 00:49:01.079 top, shoot us an email Great loved Debate at gmail dot com. If 743 00:49:01.119 --> 00:49:06.159 you have a candidate for the worst city in America to find love has to 744 00:49:06.199 --> 00:49:08.440 be big enough to have an international airport, send that to us. Because, 745 00:49:08.679 --> 00:49:13.639 as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stop making love. 746 00:49:13.679 --> 00:49:22.920 See you next time, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, 747 00:49:23.960 --> 00:49:28.920 the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.