But on the Sea Rats sad scale, it's a zero. It's a non
sea rat story. And to remind the audience, if you want a five
on the Sea Rats sad scale, one of those parents would have had to
have killed each other. Uh huh. Yeah. In order to get to
a five, someone needs to either be dead or beaten with an elephant bone.
Yeah. It's rarefied air. And it's an award you don't want.
And that is pat and I send out, We send out plaques. We
do, we do. Tommy just got hers Toomy just got hers. She
sent us the picture on Instagram. She said, I can't thank you enough.
Question mark. Hi, Hello, and welcome to another brand spanking new
episode of Welcome Aboard. It's another podcast. Now we're not gonna call it
that moving forward. I just made a booboo, so I said that.
Okay, public service announcements. I'm dealing. Settled up next to one Patrick
kicking. Great to be here, Permission to come aboard. This Wednesday Patreon
dot com session of the podcast Network six pm sharp for the twelve dollars tier
members live watch along of the Love Is Blind reunion. That is going to
be a hoot. We're going to be watching with you. That's what a
watch along. We've never done one, so I'm assuming that's what a watch
along is. Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. Yeah, you're looking forward
to it. Like we can watch it and then you guys can talk to
us about it while we're watching it, and then we can talk to you
about it while you're watching us watch it. It'll be the best thing ever
Patrion dot Com Session of the podcast Network and Patrick. Oh and it's also
worth worth mentioning if you know, you can pony up the twelve bucks if
you just wait a day, we'll release the release the episode we recap for
five dollars, right, but you won't have gotten to be a part of
the ceremonies. Yeah, it's way more fun to be doing it live with
us. But again, if you're a little you know, fill a light
on cash, you know what you do, go into your neighbor's trash BN
Oh my god, fourteen so happy we haven't done this in a while.
Pull out fourteen. Can we set this up please really quickly? Okay,
So we know the times are tough, the economy is not in a great
spot, and we're going to be talking about Factor later in the episode.
Yeah, yeah, well that's a that's a great food menu program where they
just mail menus to Frey cooked meals. Yeah. So what we used to
do, well, we were helping people. We were doing them a service
is giving them ideas on how they could you know, scrape together some cash
pass five bucks to listen to our content behind the paywall. Now, we
came up with many ideas drug dealing, robbing pretty much, just those of
course petty corporate scams too, oh right, right, right, But what
do we have tonight? You know, well, why don't I just harken
back to one of the whole new audience and we'll talk about below deck.
Okay, calm down, yeah yeah, So here's what you do. Here's
what you do. Okay. You go to your grocery store and you buy
some laundry detergent okay, yeah, and then buy some ziplock backs, right,
put this the laundery detergent and ziplock backs, and then head on out
in traffic drugs. Traffic drugs. But it's not really drugs, it's not
anything illegal. Your your investment in that is like probably like twelve bucks.
Right end of the day, you probably got like twelve thousand dollars in your
pocket, at least twelve thousand dollars and maybe even more. And if the
cops catch you, if those pigs catch you, you go test the shit,
right, you say, test the shit? And then I think,
like all they can get you on is like racketeering, maybe like arbitrage crimes
or something, but that's not a big deal. You spend a night in
the clank, you get like fucking seventy thousand dollars And the good news is
is you only need to pay us five. You get the love blind content,
right, and then what do you got, like your or twelve if
you want to be a part of the ceremony, you got like sixty nine
hundred and ninety five dollars. Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of chatter.
So you're welcome. Oh yeah, below deck. Yes, we have
quite an episode and we have a difficult task coming up for Patrick, that
being laying off of poor Jared. So okay, so I feel like I've
been going hard on Jared. I go hard on all the cast members,
but I feel like he's in a bad spot. Well, it triggered you
because you have a deadbeat dad. Yeah, well he's dead now. He
was definitely a debbie. You know, he decided to take seventeen years off
from contacting me. Yeah, he told me, hurt my feelings. Yeah,
so this upd Pat, Yeah, it hurt my feelings too. Oh
it did, okay, or it would it didn't. Well yeah, yeah.
So I was like thinking to myself, and I reached out to Jared
too, because you never know what this editing and stuff. I was like,
you know what, next couple episodes, I'm gonna definitely not go into
them hard. But I have to tell you, Jared, you make it
real hard for old Pat. Yeah, and I know that you extended an
olive branch, but I wanted to read what you sent him, and I
don't think it's going to do a very good job. You said, hey,
Jared, why don't you buy a fucking plane ticket to go see your
daughter? You scumback. I mean, I don't think that's gonna help out
anything. I said. I've been giving you a lot of help. Maybe
you'll come on the show if you want to talk about it. You can
give it back to Dylan and I. But you know this episode, Dyl,
with the tail end of the episode, you know, it's hard to
go easy on a guy who thinks it's a good idea to at two am
do an employee performance review. Well, with a blood alcohol content that could
poison a rhinoceros. There's a little judgment there. Yeah, so we'll see
how this episode goes. How many punts? Oh, great episode, forty
I thought it was a great episode. Two I'd give it six pots because
I thought it was good. And I'm gonna have a tough job tonight because
Tony is going through a lot. And I feel for Tony because you lose
a parent and their anniversary or the anniversary of that loss comes along, and
it's very, very emotional. But you can't make lunchables for people, right,
right, that's not appropriate to do to people. I mean, regardles.
Listen. The only leash that I'll give Tony is that you could put
a fucking ten of cat food in front of Eyeleen. I mean, one,
I don't know that she'd notice, but two, she deserves worse.
So you're only good for your looks. But you did make lunchables. I
mean that's just a fact. We'll get to it. But my god,
great episode though, six pots. Like I said, let's get into it.
Love Me Tender. Episode title heartbreaking, back to pots and thoughts,
the sonny and back channel bend thing. It just it's like, boo,
he's not your person. And I know that you're on a boat and everybody
has needs, but boo, he's back to a ben Boo like that is
not You're like, is so much better than that, you know, he's
like a he's like a bad plate of putine. You see how I made
it Canadian? You see that that's cheese, right, uh yeah, fucking
I don't know what those those frigid people eat fucking cheese and fries with gravy
so they don't die in the Coles Canadians. Well, we begin the no,
you're lovely people. We love our Canadian fans. I love them.
We begin the episode with the morning with Captain carry doing his usual inspection.
It turns out the decies are kind of fucking up a little bit. Yeah,
and last episode, just to remind us, and I think that we
I was in this weird like twilight zone where I thought that we had said
that they were going to recap the stuff that we were witnessing at the end
of the episode, and we really didn't get that much, but I'm not
sure the pot. Jared was crying because Eileen said that he was on the
good for his look, So Jared's Jared's had a couple of nighttime breakdowns and
Jared needs to vacate the premises because for Jared, I mean, we talked
about him having a mentally ill or a mental illness that is temporary. It's
it's like a HouseGuest, and it's not good that he's on this boat right
now for him and his mental He knows he needs to leave and go get
get get healthy. Yeah. Meanwhile, Frazer checks in on Chef Anthony and
yes, hey, what are you going to be serving this morning? It
turns out he's named a dish Tina's Toasta's toast only has two ingredients flour and
bitch. Til Have you ever eaten bitch? It's grown in Tucson? Have
I No, I've only gone down on women I love. Okay, So
I feel gross for saying that. That was like, you didn't to make
that that right? Sorry, but yeah, he says like, I want
to start a restaurant one day, and Frase, just like Fraser seems to
be he's heard the Sea rat dreams a time or two, and he's just
like, all right, buddy, go ahead and do it. Don't do
it with your own money, do it with the investor money. Best.
Well, Anthony tells Fraser he's trying to find ways to you know, memorialize
his dad's his dead dad's memory, and it might be a tattoo, and
it definitely won't be with having sex with his nephew's wife. I know,
that's so crazy that his uncle did that. Yeah, yeah, I would
think about this, like what's wrong with this fail? You know? Can
you imagine? Like all right, so Chef Anthony's pissed, you know that
his uncle stole his wife and whatnot, But think about being his uncle.
And every time someone's like, you know, hey, you guys are a
cute couple. How do you beat And he's like, oh, my nephew
introduced me to her. She was his wife. Yeah, and then I
started having sex with her. Yeah yeah, Oh it's crazy. How we
met. I met her at my nephew's wedding. Oh nice, Yeah,
she looked beautiful and walked down the aisle and their first dance was incredible,
and then we began having sex and a couple months later my nephew and I
know is that evening. So he's good. What can you say? The
booze bags start drinking first thing in the morning. Hey, we're on vacation.
But as you mentioned last week, there's drinking on vacation and then there's
drinking on vacation. That's a clear indicator that you have a serious alcohol problem.
Hey, if when you got Jared meeting with Captain Cary to drop a
fucking dime on you, you know you got your booze bag. You're a
filthy booze bang. He said, Aileen's a drunk hag with a smoker's cough,
and then they both agree that, oh my god, they need to
keep an eye on that head. Yeah totally. So where is my soda?
We go over specials. They are pancakes and French toast, all burnt
to a crisp with lopsided raspberries on the side, because nothing says plating like
a couple of lopsided raspberries on the rim of the plate. I mean,
that's just beautiful stuff. We get to talking about the day there's gonna be
a volleyball competition Iowa Verse Illinois and I say Illinois because Jared said Illinois in
the preference sheep meeting, and that's very sad. Yeah, those team names
are stupid. It's like I was in World history in New Orleans and one
of the local hicks asked the question how come the A Rabs got defeated at
something like that? And the class laughed at him, and I felt bad
for him, but what he said was very stupid. So we talk about
Eileen, who I'm not sure if we talked about it enough. She tried
to head butt the side of the jakuzi. Yeah, yeah she did.
By the way, you know, your friends really hate you when you haven't
woken up yet and they can joke joke about you being dead and have a
good life. Yeah. I don't want my friends to about me. Yeah.
Pat's not up yet, he's probably dead. Yeah, wouldn't that be
horrible? Yeah? So we're at breakfast? Are we at all? Right?
Sorry? Sorry? So breakfast is served in Tina arrives to learn some
special toast called Tina's toaster on the table, and you would have thought someone
told her a car got keyed. She is so angry. Did someone stab
Santa Claus in front of her when she was six. She is a miserable.
She stabbed Santa Claus in front of her when she was six, and
also the breakfast specials are disgusting this morning. So Carrie wants to monitor Eileen
and tells a tale of him having to hog tie a guest. I think
he was kind of leaning into that, he said. The guest got out
of control. I think it was one of those coked up guests, you
know, like on cocaine. You know, we had to tie him down,
like you know some of those idiots on airplanes now where you have to
fucking duct tape them, duct tape some asshole. Yeah, you've been hogtied
before, No, that's true. I was. Actually it was very young,
and I deserve to be hogtiede They deserved to be kicked eighteen eighteen.
Yeah, and you got kicked. Yeah, the cops they hog tied me.
Well, actually, to be fair, I was shooting my mouth off
into the watchtower command thing, and you know, they didn't have that kind
of soundproof glass. So as I was calling them assholes for arresting me for
some bullshit, at some point they all decided, they were all talking about
they had enough and then they opened up my prison cell and they proceed to
beat the shit out of me. Yeah, and you threw up right.
Well actually, actually after they hog tied me, I was like getting dizzy,
you know, and then I started throwing up, and thank god they
came in and they turned me over on my stomach. Yeah, and that's
why when that whole thing went down in the nineties, you were like Rodney
King, hold my beer. Now, you didn't say that. I'd be
disgusting to say, Well, I learned a lot and I've grown as a
person. Yeah, that was a very contentious topic I just waited into.
And know what those people did to that man is absolutely scott. They broke
his leg, I think in his arm. Yeah. I'd like to take
a shot, a hot shot a PCP before I had to do anything really
challenging, you know, like physically challenging, because man, I mean,
they really had an uphill battle and they were like eight of them. So
laundry Gay, Cat and Barbie talk about doing laundry. Kat tells Barbie that
she can help her learn. Cat, you can't do anything. You can't
help. I feel me too, So Carrie offers a little e foil fun
for Cat and Barbie in this moment is growing before our eyes. Cat will
be longboarding without getting a massive amount of shit from Barbie in this moment,
and Barbie wants to pop off right now. She does. Barbie wants to
say, you know, hey, betch we got work to do. I
don't care about the horrors of Europe, but Linda, we've got work to
do. Can I say this about Barbie? I think she did herself a
disservice by admitting that she had three nannies and that she was a daddy's girl,
and that she has a bunch of purses and all that, because she's
a really hard worker. Yeah right, So if we didn't know all that
background, she'd just be a regular sea rat that basically everyone around her is
lazy. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, she would just be a sassy,
mean little sea rat who's you know, working circles around people right right,
hey sidebar here, I saw that lesion on Carrie's face. Did you
catch that? It was definitely a shaving accident, But be careful, that's
like two inches from the jugular and last thing we need is carry you know,
dying on you know, probably a straight eyes. Well he probably does.
But do we want Lee back? Because that's what they'd fucking do.
I don't want to do a podcast anymore called shouting. Oh god, I
want to drive a boat, don't bury. I know it's called the fucking
The negotiations would just be so sad. They're like, we don't want you,
and he's like, I got back and they're like, all right,
well we're not going to pay you. And he's like, that's fine.
I do a podcast about housewives called Shopping. And they're like, they're like,
Shay, I'm you'll you'll just work for fraid. He's like, yeah,
I just want to be big. Okay. So we get to the
broken camels and the tropical clearing Iowa verse Illinois. All right, so Team
Crop Top first Team Chicago. Now I don't want to be a stickler for
detail. But shouldn't it have been des Moines? Oh right, No,
Well, how can you be Team Chicago Illinois? And then you have Team
crop crop talk Iowa. Well, they're saying the city and the state are
their team. I think they just didn't communicate, or Team Chicago is trying
to commemorate their kind of love for the band Chicago. Oh I love that
band. Yeah, twenty five or six to four. We're winning this volleyball
game right now. You know where I really fell in love with Chicago was
as a backdrop, a secondary character. I'd say to the unseen Larry David
film that took place in Martha's vineyard. Unseen Larry, do you mean the
other comedian? No, Larry David has a movie that's never been seen.
Well, it's just it didn't It wasn't seen by a lot of people.
Yeah. Oh, it took place in Martha's vineyard. He was like a
an ousted automobile tech executive or something like that. Oh do you remember that
Clear History? Was that good looking guy in it? Shohn Ham? Yeah,
yeah, Chicago's very important to that film randomly. Really, Oh my
god, I seen him in concert. Yeah. They're fun, not really
seventy five piece band. Yeah. So anything on the game. No.
I love when episodes have this and it takes five minutes because I just put
my phone down and just drink white cloth. Yeah. No, it's fine.
I will say, though, Eileen got an underhanded ace, which I
don't know if that's an example of her talents or an example of how incapable
of the field was because Eileen shitfaced. She should not be getting an underhand
ace on you people. No, okay, that's unacceptable. So Carrie's cool,
dude, he gives her, He gives cats some me foil time,
what with her being abused in a cult and Hall. Can you imagine what
Lee's version of this would be. Oh, he wouldn't teach you had to
play fruit, did you? I don't want to give a podcast. He
get a whistle out of salty. Well, that's just how his mouth,
that's how his mouth works. Did we say we were going to talk about
factor later on? Yeah? Yeah, oh we did. We did.
Oh we did, We did great? All right, and we'll talk about
them in a second. Local Mahi mahie fish tacos are served, and Barbie
is growing, but it's only been a few days, so we can't get
too far with the growth. She's pissed right now. Yeah, she's absolutely
pissed. She's upset because they're behind on work. And then you got Cat
out there on that goddamn e foil thing. Yeah, you know, but
you know who's about to be pissed? Pat? Pat? Because Jared cannot
talk to his daughter. Oh yeah, Okay. So look, look,
Jared tells us he hasn't talked to his daughter in two weeks because of Wi
fi ahem, and he wants to be a good dad because he knows kids
get screwed up when they don't have a dad. Yeah, well, Jared,
you said it, so you know, so uh done? Beat Yep,
it's weird to me. I don't let me pick up the mantle for
you. Go ahead. I I would assume that there is some truth to
what's going on. But people are streaming home alone, well they Now,
I know that streaming home alone does not require a lot of bandwidth, but
I can't imagine facetiming does either. You know. It's just like, let's
figure this out, buddy, right, let's let's make this happen, buddy.
I mean this was filmed last year, so I hope it all worked
out. Yeah, me too. But people go on yachts all the time,
and they need to conduct business and they need to email. They might
even need to zoom. So I think that you could figure this out,
buddy, head to the last frontier or be on this stumb show for more
time. So Jared almost falls over and we get back to the boat,
I lean almost falls over and then starts sucking down beers. Dinner is going
to be an Italian med fusion dinner, and we chat with Barbie and Jared.
He wants to go down Barbie Lane and she wants him walk down that
street and be hit by a car. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah,
kind of like a garbage collection vehicle. Nothing to kill him or anything,
but definitely something to dislocate the shoulder and have to go away. So,
uh Frasier and Barbie, I can I give Jared some advice or just
met in general? Yeah? Yeah. When a girl tells you that she
needs to get back to work and avoids any eye contacts and says I'll talk
to you later, bro, that means she'd rather be attacked by a grizzly
bear than have sex with you. So and he means that. And and
I don't know if you've seen The Edge or watched any YouTube videos. What
was that doc where the crystal meth had got eaten by a grizzly bear,
a grizzly man. Oh yeah, that was a good one. I'm not
sure if you've seen any of those things. But the alternative to sleeping with
Jared is certain death is what that is. Say, so, I mean,
you know that's how bad she doesn't want to do it. Yeah,
she'd rather be eaten by a grizzly bear. I mean, if they found
his arm with a watch or something. If we run that simulation one hundred
thousand times Barbie versus grizzly bear, I'm pretty confident that she would lose most
of them. I take those odds in Vegas. Yeah, I mean,
what would you do against a grizzly bear. I'd run? Yeah. Actually,
you know one time they asked someone asked me that because I used to
live in Lake Tahoe. Yeah, and they said, grizzly bears are great
tree climbers. So I'm like, oh, so by me climbing up a
tree, the grizzly bear, you know, he normally likes to eat his
prey up there, I'm like taking half his workload off them. Well.
And also people are like, well, definitely don't climb a tree when grizzly
bears are attacking you, And I would say, wasn't even I can't climb
a tree to save my life. I saw a tree the other day.
My wife and I were walking and I thought man, that looks like a
fun tree to climb, and I remember that I can't physically climb the tree,
and that's but I looked back on my youth and all we did was
climb trees much younger Dylan, you know. So yeah, I know I'd
just stand there and just I'd throw one too straight to the grizzly bear's face
and we'll see what happens. I'd probably wop my fucking head off, but
you know I'd go and fight like Anthony Hopkins did in the Edge. Okay,
night time, we have to take a break to talk about a wonderful
sponsor of this show, Pat, how has factor been changing your life?
Well, you know, the wife and I are busy with the two kids,
yep, and so we don't have time to cook. So when you
just set up for a program with Factory, they mail you a nice box
with eight meals in it covers you. It basically covers you for the entire
week. Two minutes you throw one of these like amazing meals. Two minutes
you let it cool off a little bit, and you got like a restaurant
quality level meal. And yeah, so you would probably say that eating better
is easy with factors delicious exactly, So he took the words out of my
mind. Yeah, there's no prep there's no mess. Factor meals are ready
to heat and eat, so there's no prepping, cooking, or clean up
needed. Also, Factor, they're not freeze meals. You don't freeze these.
They're too good to be frozen. And I made that mistake. And
my wife as though she could tell from the packaging that it was too high
quality of product to be frozen. This is not a crocker, Slasonia or
whatever the stove first. No, this is kale, this is pork,
this is culinary heaven. You do not freeze this stuff. No, it
comes in a box where it's like ice packs around it, and it tells
you just put it in the refrigerator. You you know, it doesn't expire.
You eat it anytime. Yeah, and it definitely expires. Well,
I mean, look, cuta Factor meals dot com slash below deck fifty and
use code below deck fifty to get fifty percent off. That's code belowdeck fifty
at Factor meals dot com slash below deck fifty to get fifty percent off.
Let's get back to the show, nighttime dinner. Okay, So dinner is
a problem, Pat, What were you? Did you chart any of the
dinner? Like, No, I always leave that up to you. Okay,
looked good to me. Okay, but you know you're the expert here.
I'm the expert on dad's walking out when you're four and never calling you.
Yeah, that's why I endear myself to the audience. And what cinder
blocks look like when they're underwater. Yeah, that's right. But you are
an expert on the on the whole food thing. Right, So first course
is adult lungibles with trefle oil. Now I I oh, really quickly we
glossed over Fraser and Barbie at each other's throats. Again, that's right.
So they were setting the table and we get a look back on Camille,
Oh my gosh, breaking mimosas at two pm during a warks Millie ilsten.
It wasn't mimosa, it was a goblet of white wine. It was filled
to the brim and she was like, what's the big deal? She had
already had three of them. She was so much fun and oh, such
a talented musician. Sorry, I'm gonna ask Fraser about this. When we
talked to him, he checks in with Chef Anthony, He's like, hey,
has she been talking about me? Yeah, because in his mind he's
like that, like, I'll fucking fire your ass. And while he is
checking in with Chef Anthony, Chef Anthony is spooning Jarred maren aiasauce onto I
think geortillas, is that right? Yeah? Who grows now some kind of
pizza dough. But he's spooning Mari and Era in a jar onto. The
first course, which is adult lunchables with truffle oil. There is so much
in this car crash of a dish that this podcast has talked about in the
past. I mean, it's it's all wrong, you know's it reeks Vegas
Night with Kiko. It also reeks of a lie, of a fungal lie
out of the oil of truffle. I mean, I could not give this
dish less pots And then we get to another cappuccino, which is an odd
thing to go best with the dessert thing. It wasn't dessert, it was
it was a flaw frappuccino or a cappuccino. But we've we've done a beef
cappuccino at this point. Now we're doing a fua cappuccino. I don't want
to eat meals out of martini glasses, period, full stop. Let's just
not do that. So we get some Sea rats sadness before we round out
the time. Oh, break this down. Okay, So cat and vampire
quite similar to uh, it's not unlike Chef Anthony. Yeah, there's some
relatives there, all right. So a vampire gives us some sea rat history.
She was married for a year and then her dad hooked up with her
new husband's mom and then they she says, that kind of ruined everything.
Now, this is the thing that can happen. I've I've heard of like
couples get together and then their parents kind of hook up. Yeah. I'm
probably like a whole porn category about it. But on the Sea Rats sad
scale, it's a zero. It's a non sea rat story. And to
remind the audience, if you want a on the Sea Rats sad scale,
one of those parents would have had to have killed each other. Uh huh.
Yeah, in order to get to a five, someone needs to either
be dead or beaten with an elephant bone. Yeah, it's rarefied air,
and it's an award you don't want. And that is Pat and I send
out, we send out plaques. We do we do to me, just
got hers, Toomy, just got hers. She sent us the picture on
Instagram. She said, I can't thank you enough, question mark. But
I mean it's a really I mean they're expensive. I mean, by the
way I think. Sorry, change of subjecture. Yeah, I think we're
gonna have Barbie on the show next week, So start going in the Facebook
group and giving us questions. Yeah, and when we have a date with
these sea rats, you know, we'll let you know. Oh, coin
Toss boy. I can't say his name because I don't want to. I
don't think. Yeah, okay, I can't stand that guy. These sea
rats, they will waste your fucking time. My god, all bad.
It's me up. Because hey, Dave wants to come on the Chef Days.
I go, why do you want to talk to Chef Dave? And
he goes, well, I think the fans would like it. And he's
catching a cookbook and I said, sure, come in. What do you
want to do? He fucking goes. He gets drunk and goes on a
bender and says, sorry, I'm in Niagara Falls today. He went to
Chef Marcos's restaurant. Yeah, did a bunch of pictures. You know what,
Dave you, sir, are done? Is he on ice? He's
on ice? You are on ice. We got to talk to Kate soon.
That's that's the person that I want to talk to more than anybody,
because we need to break down her performance on Traders. She was so good.
Not the right color bag, but she was so fantastic and I think
we just miss her. Yeah, and and Dylan, I agreed. I
have not seen. I've watched a couple of episodes of Traders. We're doing
every season of Traders. Yeah, that's gonna be one of our shows.
That's anyway. Dessert Carrie shows up. Yeah, well for the next course
is clam pasta, and someone says actively this is disgusting. Okay, they
weren't joking, might have been then Uh. Carrie sits down for dessert,
which actually was quite beautiful as milfoil with vanilla cream and Rasberry's. The same
ransberries that were used to kind of act is dying soldiers on the plate of
the Tina toast turned into a beautiful repurposing that. Yeah, carrys is it?
Two kinds of Captain's ice? You run a ground that I love him.
Yeah, you know that's what's been missing from this show as far as
captains. A good captain, uh, someone who's entertaining and actually can joke
and be self deprecating and have some fun. Captain Lee was never like that.
He's hosting a podcast called I Owed a Bad Cat called shallt Yeah with
sham. Yeah. You want to know if we can have him get maybe?
Yeah, you get a real kick out of it doing that whistle.
Huh. I hate him? No, no, you don't hate him.
I hate him now you don't. Can I play his salty? It is
so bad? How long we've been going? Yeah, look it up,
I'll keep going. You suspects type twist. The drunks just go to bed,
you know, I mean that was shocking to see. I will say
they get an award for Best Improved. Honestly, Well, they're of a
certain age. I don't think their organs can hold up to another night of
that what I leen can. At this point, she's pickled, So I'm
shocked that she went to bed. We get to the next Fraser is one
of the lucky ones. His father had tumor on his esophagus and he beat
it. It's amazing when you go through horrible, horrible things in life and
come out at the other side, you really can say that you feel lucky
and it just rings so true. And it's such a sad and beautiful part
of life, very very sad thing with Tony. His mom is alone on
the anniversary of his father passing away, and he's just really having a tough
time. Yeah, it's so nice of a Fraser to check in on his
dad's anniversary for being dead. Fraser gives us some uplifting What are you about
to do? Oh no, I was talking about the show, but also
I found the Captain Lee thing. Anyway, we learned his dad survived cancer
and his uncle definitely didn't have sex with his ex wife. So there's two
wins there for Fraser. You know. Yeah, right here, here's the
Salty thing. Listen to this all right, careful of the programmatics. We
don't want to listen to an araba changa. We're some law for them.
And the name of our podcast is salty for obvious reasons, especially for those
of you who do know me. For those of you who don't know me,
you'll understand soon. And this is also my trustee, sidekick and personal
assistant Sam. Hey there, who is here to rounded or make a feeble
attempt guests? Just when you're off? Whoa, what are we going to
talk about? Let's have some guests on. I think we should have some
guests on. If I like them, if you like them, and if
you don't like them, then what We're not going to have the money and
we can talk about whatever pop culture generational differences between you and I, which
you and I seem to have an abundance of. It's only half a century,
half a century, half a century. I played the wrong trailer the
other one. There are so many ass's. No I could hear it.
Oh you could? Yeah? Oh the other one is crazy? Yeah,
go follow him. I could hear the Dan rather kind of you know.
That made me. That made me angry that Oh yeah, I'm hopped up
right now. Actually, uh so Jared and the docking, My fucking god,
dude, what is going on here? Is it that he can't do
the math in his head versus meters? He's either okay, this is what's
going on, and Jared turned the podcast off off, Turn the fucking podcast
off right now? He is either so stupid that he is a serious danger
to himself and everybody around him, or he's on drugs, or he's mentally
ill, which is coupled with the first thing. I said, Man,
if we were really letting it fly, we'd really let it fly. But
there are people at work here. Okay, we're talking about people, and
as the show grows, we have to remember that these are people with feelings.
We've been bullied online, you know, it's a very very real thing.
But Jared should be far away from this boat. Now. Jared does
something that is interesting and I've seen this in the workplace with co workers,
which is they've completely fucked something up, but then they kind of go They
walk into the room with Mars are like, nailed it. Yeah, it's
so awkward. You said we had a five k to our left. I
remember, It's so I didn't exactly catch it. Like I was watching as
the boat backed up, and it did seem like that the rear end of
the boat got close to it, But for me, it was kind of
like they're always kind of tight. No, it was just that he was
shouting shit that didn't matter. He was panicking and boomeranging all over the boat
like a fucking raccoon on PCP shouting fucking pieces of information that nobody needed to
hear at that point. And it's because Jared was in a frenzy. And
I apologize for bringing up PCP again, Jared, if you got a bad
edit, dude, come on the podcast. We won't even let Bravo tell
us no if you want to come on the show. And now I'm not
co signing that. I don't. I'm not co signing that wondering because they
have look the next part of this show. They clearly want to show that
he has a drinking problem. There's like, well he does have a drink
again, eight different edits of him either wanting a drink, drinking a drink,
yeah, spilling a drink right. Well, what happens is that the
edit is telling the story right now. I mean, this is predictive programming.
They're telling us about the upcoming thing that is about to take place because
to be used to it, right, they are demons, you know,
the producers of the show, and they need to let the people know so
that they don't get screwed over karmically by Satan or that's you know what some
people believe. You know, it's cookie stuff. So yeah, Jared does
not do a good job, and the guests depart. They say, we'll
be back. I don't know that you will not after this edit because they
said a lot of bad things about you in your edit was horrible. No,
I will say this though, twenty six K. I'm sorry, I'm
already jumping to no. I jump to him. They were obnoxious drunks,
but hey they tipped. Well, so that's two grand each and that's a
lot for sea rats. Yeah, and Carrie has a child with Jared,
and finally he says it might not be cut. I out. That was
the speech of like, you got one more fuck up or you're off this.
Yeah, he'll be fired next episode. I think so. Sonny and
back channel Ben head out on the tender and Jared, what can you say?
Not only is he a bit of a deadbeat dad, but he's a
he's a fucking booze bag. This is where the edit begins. We head
out for a girls' night and we talk about marriage. Zandy is twenty nine,
but she has the wisdom and knowledge of someone who is seven thousand years
old. And that's because she is seven thousand years old. She is the
day walker. She is Vampira. She just seems like she is a life
four, a one class for these girls, you know, but she's their
age till I'm sorry just for us laying this out to be yes cover that
the guys. The guys are gonna have their night, the girls are gonna
have their knight. And so what we're discussing now is the girl the lady's
part of it. Yeah, we learned that Barbie got married when she was
twenty two. Yep, that was wild. I was reminded that COVID,
you know, it didn't just kill people in the economy, but it destroyed
marriages. Yeah, and it'd be like, and didn't realize until I was
trapped in a house with you for a year that on a personal level,
I really dislike you. Yeah, And I don't think that that's a fair
test for a new relationship, perhaps a marriage, but even a new marriage,
I don't think that's a fair test. You know, you really really
have to be in the trenches with someone and know their spinal column before you
can be locked in a house with them wiping down the Gelson's bags because filthy
people delivered them, you know what I mean. And that. I didn't
mean for that to sound racial. Did that come off as racial? Not
at all? Okay, well, how could it? I don't know,
because you know, you know, people joke about I delivered pizza. Yeah,
okay, and you were filthy at that time, of course it's gross.
Well, guys, night out. We learned Kyle started smoking at twelve,
which shocked the guys. What he didn't mention is he started hitting the
bottle at five. Yeah, because he's Scottish. Mm hmm. That's totally
normal. So he's also done some gay stuff. I mean, who hasn't.
Hey, man, you're a vault. Yeah, I'll try it once.
We've talked about it before. The pinnacle of male coolness is bisexuality.
Muhammed Ali, David Bowie, Mick Jagger, all the coolest motherfuckers fuck guys.
So Kyle's good in my book. Jared has a quiet little flip out
here at the table. All right, So this was pushing back at Fraser,
saying, hey, uh, when chef Anthony's you know, overwhelmed,
why don't some of you deckies get in there and do some fucking dishes.
I don't know if then Jared turn off the podcast turn it off? Do
you have a head injury? Like? It is so crazy to have this
kind of knuckle draggy freak out about what Fraser said to him. I mean,
he's he's so shit faced and he's so dumb. He just like stomped.
He stomps the table. He's like, what are you talking about?
All right? So here's Jared. Jared and I differ. We probably drink
the same amount on our nights out. Jared is what we'd call a classify
an angry drunk. Yeah, I am a happy drunk. You are a
happy drunk, but you can be You can be a sassy little bit when
you get dr I can be sassy. But normally I don't start it.
But I no, no, no, but no, I go out to
drink and enjoy myself. And I think, Jared, this is a kind
of drunk you are. Okay, So we're a Bob Hope airport at nine
o'clock. Oh here we go, and you've slammed a couple mimosas and you're
dropping eggs from your breakfast sandwich all over the floor right because you're drunk.
Now, someone comes up to you and they go, excuse me, sir,
you can't eat like a farm animal, and you you would not respond,
what do you like? Jared? Right, you wouldn't be You would
be like, what are you talking about? It's fine, it's an airport.
It's disgusting in here, you know. So it's food. Yeah,
yeah, fun, I'm fun. I'm a party guy. Yeah, you're
party party Patty. All right, So the boys and girls link up,
Sonny and Benner canoodling, very very sad boo. He is not for you,
Cat is Cat, We're going to reach a point where your storyline cannot
just be you crying and not fitting in. And I understand that you are
socially stinted because of the horrors of your Belinda, but it was sad to
see you call your friend and your friend barely pick up. It felt like
the friend was not too pleased. Are is that too mean? Okay?
I feel like I did what with these sea rats listening to the fucking podcast.
It's just some of them. It's just a lot. We gotta do
our job, yeah, okay, okay. The saddest award of the evening
goes to Jared, who I think what does he go back into the wake
or something and kick around some shallow water. I'm not sure, not this
episode. So they all hit hit the dance floor and that's when Kat calls
her friend and she begins unraveling. And then we all head back to the
boat and they hit the jacuzzi and Carrie wakes up because of the noise.
And I've always wondered about this because me to we and Sandy must be heavy
sleepers, because I think there was only one instance, and I think it
was Kate chas Stains last season where Lee came out shirtless and he was pissed
off. But otherwise most of the captains never I think they just tolerate it
and res But anyway, Ben and Sonny after hitting the coups, they go
to the only place Andy Cohen has is not allowed to place a camera to
toss into each other, and that is the shower. And we'll get there
eventually. And then Kyle heads to Barbie's room to watch a movie. And
as Jared walks around the boat yelling Kyle, and he claims it's about tobacco
trimmings on the floor, but we all know that's not what it's about.
We all know, we all know you're trying to hook up and do it,
Jared, you cockblugg him in, Jared, we all know this was
so gross. So then, of course we end the episode with a job
performance review of Jared and Kyle, after Jared had barged into Barbie's room no
less than three times. Now, I understand stand where Jared's coming from.
He's pissed. There is tobacco all over the place. But don't do this
now because your captain is awake, but you're too drunk to realize that.
So Captain Carrey stands behind them, and I think that we're going to firing.
Yeah, I would imagine he needs to be fired. I mean,
at this point, he's clearly not in a good spot to be on the
show or to helm this boat. There's times in your life where you think
it's a horrible thing that happened to you, m m, you know,
getting fired from a job or whatnot, but it's actually the best thing that
ever happened. Jared. I hope he fires you and you got off this
boat, yep, and then you you got to go straighten your shit out,
man, because this shouldn't be on television. Jumping in the iTunes drange
reviews and I'm very serious about that. Okay, reviews are slowing down,
audience is getting bigger. What getting the reviews? Man? Five stars?
Kind words? Okay please we love the reviews all right, not the bad
ones. That kind of bums me. I love those two. I'm doing
Saying goodbye, Pat Say goodbye? Oh no patroon dot com sess another podcast
dot org Live watched along Wednesday, six o'clock March twelve, Pat Say Goodbye Bye