A Magnificent Montague stirring Marty Wallie. Yes, it's the magnificent Montague. Today,
Edwin Montague, to his great embarrassment, is known only as Uncle goodtheart
star of an afternoon radio program. But perhaps a few of you older folks
remember him when he traveled the Shakespearean stage and was known as the Magnificent Molecule.
And although radio has brought him a living and dubious fame, he still
dreams of returning to the stage. Right now, the Montaguo apartment is enjoying
a little peace and quiet, which means he is not home yet from his
broadcast. Lily and his wife and former leading Lady, and Agnes the Maid
are awaiting him for dinner. The telephone is ringing. Okay, okay,
the residents of Edwin Montague and Lily Boy and Agnes the Maid on this and
come in, Roger, Oh hello, Sam, for sure Sam, and
I'll be okay Sam, Oh sure, Sam, I'll tell us. Yeah,
so long, Sam, Who you're kidding? I know, I know
it was Sam, But which Sam? Which Sam? How many? Sam's
doing now? Oh? Sam? Harrison across the hole. Give this lady
six over dollars in the case of snackers. Who would he wore? He
and his wife Mith have something to ask you. Oh, I hope they
drop in before Edwin gets home. You know how he feels about the house.
I know how he feels about everybody except Edwin Montague. That's love,
love, love, Stop, Agnes. Just hope Sam and his wife get
over here right this minute. I don't she's taking a bath. Well,
I hope Edwin's late. Oh, Sam only wouldn't continually try and sell Edwin
life insurance. They're the only neighbors we have really ever had, and you
can have them. Oh please, I know Sam can be a little trun
No, she stopped trying with those corny jokes. Now, Ages, we
have to make them feel at home. We're the only neighbors they know since
they moved in from Saint Louis. Okay, I'll make them feel at home.
I'll put on a Saint Louis Cardinal uniform. Oh, stop pretending you
don't like the Harrisons. Don't they pay you a dollar an hour and your
night's off for sitting with their daughter? Gwendolyn share They do, and the
kid takes it right away from you. In Jen Rummy oh, no,
she beats. My brain's off. I'll like Sam, h I'm ready got
here before Edwind arrives. I'll get it. Come in, Sam, Sam
out the monsters? Hello, Edwin? What's this? Hello? Sam?
Oh? Never mind? I come into my own house and it's hello Sam.
So I said hello Sam, I thought your uncle Sam? Who else
do you look? Last? Holy? Thank goodness. Agnes finally learned how
to bark out hello. At least we broke her of the habit of jumping
up on people licking their faces. Oh, I did I sit down?
You look tired? Can I, Agnes? Get something? Years lost some
on mis de monic? You have something? I made a batch of cookies
especially for you. You can hardly taste the icenices. Leave him alone.
After the day of degrading myself on the radio, I have to come home
to this. Well. How would your program it? Oh? We gave
the housewives both barrels this afternoon with Uncle Goodhart doing good again? Is the
cottage on the sunny side of the lane? I was nauseating? Did herd
is walking through the woods? And I find it? Little animal in a
big trap? What you do up your mouth and let it on the lay
tire up the kitchen or something. I'm not that masteric. I wish I
could find something funny in life. Radios got me the Magnifism molecule, rescuing
little birds from traps and fixing the a little broken leg once again, shed
the boards and hamlet the fellow like Beth. Oh for the smell of bereaspaint.
It's been a long time. Yes. Now the only time I smell
grease paint is when Agnes makes french fried potato's nuts. How could I smell
some? They say? I am in Frontina and miss Mercy take him up
on everything. There they are, I'll get it there. Who are Edwin,
Sam Harrison his wife Mark? I want to ask? Oh, no,
no, it wouldn't be nice to them. Ah, mister and missus
Harrison, how do you do? Miser and Missus Montague heard you program this
afternoon, mister Montague, And I said to Martha, they pay him for
that. Yeah, that's just what I said, didn't I? Martha,
Jess, Well, don't just stand there in the hall. No, yeah,
yeah, come in a little. Sam. You wanted to ask me
something now that you mentioned it, Yes, you see, Missus Montague Martha
and I belong to the parents Jesus Association of the school our daughter Gwendoll in
at ten Public School thirty seven. I know, and you want to know
why we never sent Agnes to school. Edwin, be serious, go on,
mister Harrison. Well, we are trying to raise money for some new
playground equipment. After all, we want our children to grow up with healthy
minds and healthy bodies. Why Edwards tell me, miss Harrison, how are
you going to raise the money? Well, is Martha's idea. We're going
to have an amateur theatrical evening. An amateur theatrical evening. Oh no,
at theatrical evenings. We want you to be in it. Lay back in,
please paint again the like the excitement. I'll be where everyone can see
me. You certainly will be your taking tickets, ticket es, So I'll
a ticket taker. I suppose my wife Lily will be an usher. Oh
no, no, we understand. She has talent. Oh she has the
talent of the family. That's what the man said, Miss Harrison. Is
making her come as a shock to you. But for years I was known
as an actually as the magnificent Molecue. Oh, I do declare Now do
you remember the magnificent Monedule buy Georgia Dall comes back to me? Now,
didn't you appear in Saint Luis many times? That's it, We saw you
wrestle gorgeous George. Look, mister Harrison. Edwin was regarded as the foremost
Shakespearean actor in America. Thousands of theatergoers still remember his voice. And I
have the broken hair drums to provid this is that your boys are the delivering
coal in the neighborhood. Edwin, mister Hawse Edward and I could do a
scene together for your pta theatrical Fine, fine, what would you do seem
through Shakespeare? Naturally? Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, mister Montague.
You see, we already have something from Shakespeare, the balcony scene from Romeo
and Juliet Real. And who are the stellar actors about to perpetrate this crime?
Yeah, I'm Romeo, you're Romeo? Yes? And guess who's Juliet
Noo. Shakespeare has lived in the hearts of men for three hundred years,
but he'll never survive this blow. But let me we could do something else.
You could recite a poem Shay, that would be Jim Dandy, a
little mother Goose for the kiddies, Mother Goose. But now remember how beautiful
you used to do the minstrel boy. Oh no, not that again,
Quiet Edd go ahead, edits the Minster, where the walls. He's gone,
in the ranks of death. You'll find him. His father's thought.
He has girded round and his wild hop slung behind him. Beautiful Edwin by
Gum That Irving Berlin can write lyrics, serving blare, there was a point
of spirit, Nick Harrison, you can count and Ed and Me to be
there. So good of you. Now wait, this is ridiculous. Lili
and I are famous for our rose in Shakespeare. Now when Sam and Martha
are doing Romeo and Juliet, they have their hearts second. Oh yes,
indeed, yeah, I've been practicing that love scene with mother all me,
haven't I? Mother? All this is delay. As long as you have
me, you might as well exploit my talent. We're going to be all
right, missus Montague. After the show, we're having a buffet. You
can slice the blooney. Everyone is doing something for the affair. As long
as they're having cold cuts. Why don't you donate your tongue here who needs
a time? So I wait there? Perhaps Evan and I could do as
shakespearean scene that wouldn't constick for you Midsummer Night's dreams. I can play a
politic queen of the Amazons, and Edwin can play Bottom. Hold on missus
muday? Do you remember we're doing it in the public school? Dorpe?
Soy stupid? Now, don't be stupid? Have the answer is a famous
they playing I never played. I never played the part of bottoms for e.
When you love it, you play a weaver who's falls asleep in a
forest. Good a magic spell is cast over. When Bottom wakes up,
you have the head of a jackass, the head of attacker. Here's why
the bottom falls out of the patio, Lily, are you crazy? Here?
My first appearance on the stage in years. You want me to wear
the head of a jackass? What'll people say? Hasn't changed? The bed?
And there? When you return that vanishing cream we bought practice on her
birthday, tell them it didn't work. She's still around, Sam. Whatever
it is, you can count on us, right, Edwin? Very well,
we'll do something. Well, that's just George. Here are some tickets
for you to sell it. Okay, here's taken ed. Make your friends
bottom better, get back and rehearse the balcony, saying I have to practice
climbing that balcony. The other day I fell down and almost split my head
open. He's the right, mother, he is. Well, let's go
Marta and I want to have a martini before dinner. Good. We never
drink, but we always have that one marginie the voidinnery. Isn't that right,
mother? Good? Oh gad, it's people like that who give neighbors
a bad name. Now, and when I like the Harrisons, that's Sam
Harrison. He's down to earth, not far enough. Well, baby can
help him out with their pta theatricals. You will try and sell the tickets,
won't you, Edwin, Yes, yes, I'll sell them to the
people around my uncle good Heart radio program. Oh that's nice. Yes,
I've been trying to get even with them for some time now. Even it'll
be fun. We'll be one of our old scene, one of our old
seeds. Oh lily, how the mighty have faught The magnifisent Molecules will give
you one paid six sixty a ticket to see it. Hamlet Macbeth Julius season
well, now we see in public schools thirty seven forty cents with cold cuts.
We'll be back with a magnificent Montogo in just a moment. P R
O G R E M bug ugg and I'll back to the magnificent Montagu.
It is the day of the Pta piaprical. He is just finishing his Uncle
good Heart broadcast. Listen, and so Ronald, remember as you ride out
on the highway, always keep your head high the sun. And so ends
another episode of Uncle Goodheart, until he beats you again in his little cottage
on the sunny side of the lane. Here is Uncle Goodheart with his thought
for the day. When your neighbor comes home fighting drunk and attacks his wife
like an ogre, say to her as she's ducking an axe. He's such
a nice man when he's sober. Okay, you're off the Anna coomodic.
You're great show. You really hit the listeners today. Someday they're going to
strike back. They love you. The housewives have given you their heart,
good good. As long as the housemaids don't give me the knee, you're
a big hit. The sponsor said he was thinking of sending you a nice
note. Oh come now, he shouldn't go to the trouble of learning how
to write. Just for that peace. No jokes about a sponsor. Haha,
here's our directors. This is good show aways and it was a high
falutint humdinger im to do. It was a good shaw, mister Montagu.
I was supposed to tell you something, but I forgot Sinza, I envy
you. You can never get a headache. There's nothing there ache. Didn't
tried remember what it was? Let me see. Isn't it awful? Not
even a glimmer? All right, forget about it. I did I know
you did. And of boys, before I leave, I'd like to send
you some ticket. Take it for tonight. The PTA of Public School thirty
seven is having a theatrical eating. My wife and I are appearing show musmont
that you will take two here, I thank you? How about you?
Is there? Well? I don't know. The wife and I were going
bowling tonight. Boldly. This is an evening of culture, and it's for
a good call. She sure loves the ball. How comes in service is
for the PTA. She has her own ball. I just tell her no
bowling tonight. By by tell I no bowling tonight and she'll bowl me.
Didn't the even bowl any night? Keep her in condition as a favorably buy
the ticket. She's got muscles like a horse. Don't we wait? I
wait, My wife and I are going to appear. You've never seen his
act. This is your chance, and it's cheaper than bowling. Is tab
for forty cents plus cold cut? Oh? What are the details? Well,
there would be a scene form Romeo and Juliet, some poetry. I
don't mean that, but you asked for the detail about the cold cut.
No, my wife can't eat liver worse, and that's not the point.
She breaks out and bump all right, all right, don't take the ticket
when he's the liver worth and she looks like a bag of door knom all
right, Jef, liverwort is more important than Romeo and Juliet, Say,
mister Montagule, you're really going to do Romeo and Juliet. Not exactly,
our neighbors, the Harrison's are doing it. It'll probably come out like the
liver worst, big bumps all over, slinger. Why did you ask about
Romeo and Juliet? Oh? I just so I'd mentioned in a theater column
this afternoon. Max Darland is going to produce Romeo and Juliet for Broadway.
Maxco. He's doing Romeo and Julia. Oh, he used to be my
bride. Imagine how far he'll get doing Shakespeare will be Why that nip wit
that ninga boop? That incompetently that's him, all right? I just remember
that's the man who's waiting on the telephone for you. Zins are you wears
the phone? Here? I'll get the connection. Waiting all this time?
Get the connection? Oh, Helen, would you connect mister Montague's call up?
What? No, really, Zinza get Max? Helen? Will you
send to call up? Hello? Oh? Here him mister Maia, Hello
may, how are you my bled? What do you mean? Huh?
What do you mean? Am I available? Durovio and Julia? What was
I born for? Be it your office at eight o'clock tonight? Try and
keep me from their bags? Canterern If there's the money, he rides again,
Wait till I get home and tell Lily Well I said, I'll get
it, Lily, Lily, it happened. It's happened. He was thrown
off the air. Quiet when you're late. We've got to get to the
PTA at a lily. Listen. Max Colan wants me to do Romeo.
So that's wonderful, Edmund. Now let's sorry, Samon Martin lets an hour
ago. You don't understand. I can't be bothered without a theatrical snight.
I have to see Max in a few minutes. And when you can't run
out of don't they have you listed on the program? Early? Are you
mad? Max wants to see me to night tomorrow, lady, do late.
He may get forty seven's Lawrence Olivier any other of those young squirts who
think they can play Romeo. But what about the people are coming to see
you tonight? I suppose they are unimportable. Let them see me on Broadway
for six sixty without cold cuts, just fine hands. I mean, I'm
in a hurry, but tomorrow around me, I owe you an insult.
What will I tell the Harrisons and all the people who are expecting all tell
him I've been drafted. TL Cad It's almost eight o'clock. I've got see
Mac. Yes, mister Montague will send him right in. I must be
nuts getting involved with that monster again. The ulcers he caused me the sleepless
night when I heard Royo Engineer was going to be revived on Brody. I
said, whether I'm it or not, the best producer in New York is
doing it, Maxico. How could I do it without you? Edwin?
Now, Max, there are lots of other actors who can play Romeo,
I know, but none can play it like Maurice Evans. No, Mag's
duncan who Maurice? Heaven? That's who I'm getting to play Romeo. Maurice
Evans is playing Romeo? What am I playing? Juliet? No, you're
playing a father? I Edwin money, you playing a bit? No?
Wait, ed when you are too old to play Romeo? Wol Max.
I always thought you'd reach the height of stupid the day, but I estimated
you. You reached new heights. I will be Romeo. Oh, for
Heaven's sake, ed when when Shakespeare wrote the play, Romeo was sixteen.
If I put you on as Romeo, people will think it's the original company.
Why you won? Edwin? Please, let's not start again. I
want you in the play, but give me a fighting chance, give me
a fighting champ, give me a chance to show you I can do Romeo.
I'll arrange an audition tomorrow Lilian, I am possible. I'm signing the
final papers with Maurice tomorrow morning. Just let me read it for you.
Hello, oh hello, dear what oh no, was that tonight? Yes?
Here? Yes here, yes, yes right away? Sorry when that
was my wife? I got a run, Max, if you just head
when I'm late. My wife is dragging me to some horrible affair tonight,
PTA amateur show or something at Public School thirty seve you just hear me as
Romeo when the thing has started already. Sorry, Oh the stupid, ungrateful
PTA Public School thirty seven, ha ha, Max, you are going to
hear me, yes, Romeo. Oh God, I hope I've been tied.
Sorry, mister, you can't go backstage. It started. I'm on
the program. Let me through. Now here is he oh oh Sam,
I'll fit you, mister mounted you your wife is on stage. She's just
finishing that my team knife sting, not the wound. It makes lady no
heaven teeth through the blanket of the dog to cry hole pole. I'll listen,
Sam, you got here edwn Lily. I'm desperate, Sam, listen,
Montague, Marta and I go on right now in the balcony. Sam
please let Lily and me do the scene. And how dare you I refuse?
Damn, I must play Romeo. My whole career is at take.
I'll buy insurance from you twenty year night. Now the premium sam letter going
on said, shame on you, Ablen Max is out there. Lily,
you must go on with me. Never he well, I'll do it with
Marca and now, ladies and gentlemen and friends of the PTA, mister Edwin
Montague and my wife Martha Harrison will do the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet
music. That's how what light too young? The window breaks? It is
the east and Juliet is the sun rise, health fall and killed the envious
moon. Ah, it is my lady, is it is my love?
She speaks, yet she says nothing. Let's break this of her sheep,
what shame star the daylight? D's a lamp? Oh that I were a
glove upon that hand? My tie? Then touch that cheek yees Oh,
speak again, bright angel? She speaks again. Juliet, by a name,
I know how to tell thee who I am? My name, dear
saint is hateful to myself because he is an enemy to me. I sweet
Julio, I have a competent and you yeah, all a Montague. Bless
him, bless him night. I'm afeard all this, she's but a dream.
But I don't lie, Julian, yees my heart, yea, my
sweet, my dumb. I go, But wilt thou leave me so Unsteio,
Well, I'm a fly. All that is ridiculous. Ring on the
curtains, Edwin had day Lily, I'm ruin, ruin, oh, mister
Montague, samnyar cry. It was the most beautiful thing I've heard since Cohen
on the telephone, Lily, I'll never show her face again. Don't be
silly, Edwin. As soon as it was over, Max rush backstage,
Lily, No, where is he? No? I sent that radcal packing
you set you away? He wanted matha matha for Romeo and Juliet. No.
He wanted to hurt his star in the revival of No No, Nonette,
No No You You listen again next week, Friends to The Magnificent Montague,
starring Marty Woollie. The Magnificent Montague is written by Nap Hiking and Billy
Friedberg and Seymour as Lily, Pert, Kelton and Agnes also heard tonight were
Art Carney, Johnny Gibson and John Griggs. Jack Ward at the organ.
This is Don Pardo speaking