Ready, Welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I'm your host, Jasmin
Dan Yell. I like the way I'm looking on here. Cute, look
cute. I'm not I'm I'm not even gonna lie. My heart is beating
fast right now, just because of what happened on the way here. Like,
first of all, y'all know that I'm a piscy a piscy son Jimini
Moon Leo Rising, but I'm a super emotional person. Like I'm an EmPATH.
I can definitely empathize with people's emotions and their energy very easily. And
I'm telling y'all like my voice is breaking too. But I took a lift
here and when I got in, the dude had told Oh. I was
telling him, I'm like, yeah, I'll just relocated here from Detroit,
bh blah blah blah. He like, dang for real, y'all a dapt
me up, be like I'm from flant I'm like, that's what's up.
So it was just cool at first, just a little like you know,
mini conversation, nothing too crazy. And then I don't even know how it
got Oh he started telling me, he was like, yeah, I wouldn't
really advise that you tell people that you're not from here, cause you know
what I'm saying, people might try to take advantage of you or whatever,
and base by and he was just kind of talking about some little hood shit,
gang shit type shit. I'm like, in my mind, I'm like,
well, I'm a woman, so I don't really think I have to
deal with that. But then the conversation kind of turned and he had mentioned
that, you know, years ago, he had a girlfriend that would drug
him, and he talked about how like he had actually died. For a
second, like it got so deep, and the whole conversation just turned to
God and like really having got in you and being able to separate yourself from
situations and stuff like that. And I'm like, it's so crazy that you
tell me this right now. And you know, I didn't even tell him
what I was coming here to talk about or do or whatever, but it
just it really just confirmed some things for me as far as like like having
God in you and having good energy and not you know, mixing and messing
with with with the wrong people with bad energies and shit like that, because
that shit is real, especially if you've experienced it firsthand, and it's not
a game. It's not a game, but it was just very interesting that
that came about. And so anyway back to like the intro real quick,
I know y'all are like, where the fuck have you been? We miss
you. I have been neglecting the podcast like a bad fucking parent. But
man, I understand why. I understand why I was away, Like I
was going through some shit. And another thing is like, I, oh,
I feel like I always get in these these these moments or phases when
I when I feel like I don't when I don't feel inspired to create,
or like don't have ideas to come up with for the podcast or whatever.
And I was in that space for a minute. I'm talking about for months.
I was feeling like that. But a lot of it was because of
what I was going through, what I was dealing with the energy that I
had around me, you know what I'm saying. But also now that I'm
looking back at it in retrospect, I needed to go through those things in
order to come back to the podcast to have something to say, you know,
to have something to share for the Black Girl experience. You got you
gotta experience life, you gotta go through the shit. And I think Another
thing that I have an issue, you with, is like nobody signs up
to be a role model, you know what I'm saying. Celebrities don't sign
a contract to be like, hey, I'm here to you know, be
the best role model for your kid. It's on the parents to raise their
kids or whatever. And even though that's not exactly the same thing, I
kind of feel that way about myself sometimes with the podcast, Like I know
that I have a platform, I know that I have a voice. I
know that I have people that like look up to me or look to me
for advice and all of that, and a lot of times I don't want
to be put up on a pedestal because I'm human and I make mistakes,
you know what I'm saying. And I feel like there's a certain amount of
like embarrassment and shame that comes along with being a human, you know what
I'm saying, like going through shit because I don't. And that's the thing.
I'm not trying to appear perfect to the world, but I just feel
like I have to be on a certain type of path, or a straight
narrow path, you know what I'm saying. With what I'm talking about to
the people that listen to me, you know what I'm saying. Like,
for example, so a lot of times I'm talking about you know, spirituality
or relationships and shit like that, and it's like, you can't be giving
advice about relationships and shit, and you all hear in toxic relationships consciously,
willingly, you know what I'm saying. So it's like, but at the
end of the day, I'm a human and I make mistakes, and you
know, you got to experience life in order to be able to even share
your story or share the lessons that you took from it or whatever. So
that's that. I'm in Dallas now. I'm enjoying it. It has It's
been a little bit of a roller coaster ride. A little bit, not
a little, a lot of bit. It's been a roller coaster ride.
And that's what I'm here to share. I don't even I really don't even
know where to start with all this shit. For real, it's just so
crazy. But I guess let's just take it from the top. I've been
here for three months now, but what I want to share with y'all has
been the last eight months of my life, and it's been very fucking crazy.
I am like researching and learning shit about this every day because it's a
lot. It's a lot to take in and it was a lot to deal
with. But we're gonna start from the top. Get your note pads out
in your pen. Today we are going to be talking about narcissistic abusive relationships.
And I feel like the word narcissist gets thrown around a lot, like
if you're on TikTok or just social media like that. Shit does get thrown
around a lot. And I will say that I didn't really become privy to
it for real until maybe like a few years ago. But I was aware
that I have narcissists in my family. I was aware that I've dated men
with narcissistic tendencies or people that are narcissists and stuff like that. But baby,
this situation took the cake, okay, like it never experienced nothing like
this in my life, never want to ever again. I'm not going to
ever again. But also I feel like it is my duty to share my
experience about it to one be able to raise awareness for people, especially women.
You know what I'm saying, because we go through a lot in relationships
and even if you know about it or know what it is or have experience
it yourself, are in a relationship like that right now, bro leave,
get out immediately for real. Like so yeah, so we're gonna take it
back to eight months ago. So well, first of all, let me
start here. Let me start here. Like I said, I have narcissists
in my family. Yeah, you know, I'm gonna try not to put
too much out there. And you know, nobody, everybody, everybody is
the villain in somebody's story and that's just what it is. But a lot
of people don't want to take accountability for their actions or their ways or you
know, it might be some people that watch this, even in my family,
that are not gonna be happy with what I'm saying. But it's my
truth, you know what I'm saying, This is my experience period. So
I want to start off by saying that my dad is a narciss Love him
from the bottom of my heart, but it is what it is, and
I'm not even gonna go too deep into that. But what I will say
about him is that if y'all don't know, for the most part of my
childhood, like my dad pretty much raised me from the time that I was
like in fifth grade till I graduated from high school. And my dad was
always in different relationships, and anytime that the relationship ended, boom, he
was into a new one. Boom, he was into a new one boom.
Like never took no time to heal for himself, never took time.
I don't even understand that. I don't understand people that cannot be alone,
Like you don't even want to be alone, you don't never taking time for
himself. He's always been in a relationship that's number one, number two,
very toxic relationships. I witnessed a lot growing up, and I feel like
he really wants to like shut down and invalidate what I feel is true for
me about what I've seen, what I witnessed, And I'm like, you
can't do that. You can't do that on a black girl experience. You
could do it in my face all you want. You could tell me what
I didn't see. Whatever, jazzmen, you'renna make gas lighting. This is
what I'm bro you whatever, whatever is true for you, it's true for
you, But you cannot change my truth. So he was in a lot
of toxic relationships, you know what I'm saying. And so the crazy party
is. Growing up, me and my dad had a really great relationship.
I always felt like that was my road dog. My dad is my best
friend. I guess you could say that I was spoiled, like I never
really wanted for anything. Guys got me everything that I want, like whatever,
Like we had a good relationship. The way that he treated his women
though not cool, you know what I'm saying. But as a child,
as a young girl, I don't really have much to say about that.
You know, I don't really have an opinion about it. I don't really
understand it until I become a young woman myself. A lot of things don't
start making sense until you grow up, you know. But yeah, just
a lot of toxicity, a lot of arguing, a lot of fighting,
a lot of all of that. So in my mind growing up and seeing
that consciously, seeing that, I was always like, I don't ever want
to be in a relationship like that. I don't ever want to have a
spouse to have to argue and fight or be physical or you know what I'm
saying, Like I never wanted those things for myself ever. But I think
on the subconscious, look a homegirl that's dealt with narcissistic not trying to put
her on I'm actually recording right now and I'm talking about narcissistic abuse. Wait,
she said, put her on speaker. I don't know if you let
me see say say what's up to the pod? No, And this is
not even like we both laughing, like it's not funny, but this is
what I'm saying, Like I know so many people that have dealt with this
type of situation. You know what I'm saying. Like, I'll hold it
up, he said, hold it up closer to Mike. So, yeah,
I just told them when you called, I was like, this is
my homegirl. I'm like that actually knows about narcissistic abuse, Like, O,
what's the deal? What? What should I ask you? Right?
What? What do you think is the hardest part about I don't know or
what was the hardest part about what you went through with that situation? I
think for me, the hardest part was, you know, coming to times
like the whole situation, the whole right, So like from the outside looking
at people look at me like, oh, you know, she got it
all together, like she has this self esteem, like, ain't no way
a nigga gonna be dogging a out like that, and not to say in
the sense that I was being dogged out by the niggatives, but I couldn't
come to nobody what I was going on, so I think that what was
going on. So I think for me, the hardest part with dealing with
somebody like that was just really like coming in terms with what was going on
and not blaming myself about it. Yeah, for anybody else, they'd be
like you, I would have just left. And that's the thing. That's
the thing. That's the thing, Like it's easy to say that, but
to actually be in it and experience it and understand that everything that goes into
with the lies, the manipulation, the control, the betrayal, the it's
so much. Yeah, Like it's so crazy. I'm still dealing with the
same person I don't even talk, still dealing with the situation where they won't
they don't want to let go, they don't want to do right, but
they don't want to let go, and it's and it's like, just leave
me alone. I'm not bothering you, Leave me alone. I literally just
posted a video on Instagram just now like if I'm not bothering you, why
are you bothering me because I'm still being bothered. I'm still being bothered,
but just unfortunate that people like you know, they they so they're so fast,
like oh well, everybody's a nurse in all you can And it's like
that's what I was just saying, Like, like, I feel like the
term gets thrown around a lot, but when you really experience it, like,
no, it's it's next level, bro, it's next level. It's
like you in a sunken place you don't know. Yeah, and then when
and as you're starting to climb out of it, you like, oh my
gosh, like that happen. Mm hmm wow. Okay, well, look
I'm gonna get back to it. I'm still in the beginning talking about I'm
still talking about my dad right now and the relationships that I saw growing up
and how I think subconsciously that did something to me. No, no,
it does. That's that's the trauma that you Yeah, unfortunately it happens when
it's not done the right way. But I love you too. I'll hit
you up when i'm done. Allright, bye. So yeah, I told
y'all this ship is really like I have so many Oh okay, we want
to have people call in. Look, let me get let me get on
live then real quick. Okay, okay, let me ask her if she
gonna want to call back in. Oh, but give me a seck.
So yeah, back to I'll do that in a second. Yeah. So
subconsciously, I think that that did something to me seeing that and like I
said, being a kid, like you know, you don't really understand everything,
but as you get older and you recognize the patterns and stuff like that
in your dating life. And let me say this because I don't want people
to be like, oh, well, you a common denominator, because I
absolutely am. That's the same thing I told my dad because he I remember
one time he tried to tell me like, oh, everybody that I dated
was just crazy and duh and everything was there fun. I'm like, bro,
you're the common denominator. Point. It's not everybody else. Bro,
you play the part. So I do want to say that, and I
think that I do that a lot. I'm proud of myself because I feel
like I always take accountability. I always take accountability for the roles that I
play and the shit that I be in. Like, you got to understand
that you are a co creator in every situation in your life, so don't
run from that. So I absolutely take accountability. I think that I attract
these certain type of individuals again, gotta unpack that trauma, Gotta unpack,
you know, just learn behaviors and the shit that I saw. I think
that's a part of it. But I absolutely take accountability for being in the
situations that I've been in. Even with my child's father. We ain't gonna
dig all the way into that, but that situation too, like it's it's
it's definitely a pattern. It's definitely a pattern. So all right, are
we gonna jump in now to eight months ago? I guess so. So
eight months ago was February twenty twenty three. At that time, I was
finishing up yoga teacher training. I became a yoga instructor. I started working
at a yoga studio in Detroit, and a part of that, like a
part of that was really big for me because I really thought I wouldn't gon
have to work no full time job ever again, which is actually kind of
crazy to probably think that, But you know, I'm also an entrepreneur.
I got a black girl experience. I'm really been trying to get this shit
off the ground for five years now, but whatever. But y'all know,
I'm not really a nine to five type person. So I was going down
that avenue to really find something that I love to do, all of that
whatever. But at the end of the day, just being a yoga teacher
itself is not gonna pay the bills. It's not not. But I live
it to death. So I became a yoga teacher. I was finishing that.
Uh you know, good shit whatever, still looking for jobs in Detroit.
And if you don't know, or if you do know, if you're
a faithful listener and keep up with the pie, y'all know that I have
already moved out of state twice, so I've already tried this before. But
you know, just trying to find my path, trying to find my way,
trying to find my footing whatever. Nobody will let me not say nobody.
I don't want to live in Detroit for the rest of my life.
I've lived there for thirty three years, you know what I'm saying. So
it was always a plan to get the fuck on again. Period. So
I finished up with that. And you know, I'm an Instagram girl.
I'm not like that. But I love Instagram. I spent a lot of
my time there. So you know, on the following feed's gonna show you
what you're most interested what you're most interested in. There's there's an algorithm.
So most of my shit on my following feed is like nails, probably hair
shit, yoga shit, working out like that type of shit, Little motivational
quotes, little funny memes like that's all my following feed is. So one
day I came across this guy's page and it was a video of him talking
about like he was waking up every day at three am to do yoga and
whatever, and so I went on his page and I'm like, Oh,
this nigga, like the real deal, like this really do yoga. And
to me, that's intriguing because number one, a lot of black people don't
do yoga, not that I know it for real, and yoga is gonna
come up in Detroit, but you know, a lot of black people don't
really do yoga. And that's the thing, like in the yoga world.
I feel like there's not a lot of representation for black people in the yoga
world. And shout out to Glow with Row Fitness on Instagram that's my homegirl
friend. She and CALLI now, but she's doing yoga now. She's a
finished instructor and she's a yoga instructor and like she found a space for black
like created a space, I should say, for black people and so and
shout out to all my yogi's and you know, all of that, all
of y'all, all y'all. But anyway, so I'm looking at this guy's
page and I'm like, he's the real deal, Like, you know,
he really do yoga for real. And to me, that's, like I
said, I'm very intrigued because a lot of black people, let alone black
men, are not doing yoga. So I'm already like, hmm okay.
So I'm just scrawling his page. And then he was talking about how like
he was on the run, and I guess that's why he started doing yoga,
because he was on the run trying to find some type of peace or
whatever. H saw that he had did a significant amount of time in jail
at one point in his life, but turned his life around and was saying
that yoga changed his life. So I'm like, that's dope. I probably
like a couple of videos, I think, I commented on one. Then
he hopped in my DM and asked me where I was from, so,
you know, west side of my better moths like just went. But now
I'm like, I'm from Detroit whatever. So we get to chatting in the
DM or whatever, and you know, I'm just like, you know,
that's real cool. What you doing, Like I really admire that, blase
blah whatever. So you know, it was just cool. And then like
I don't know, I feel like I was like comment on or you know,
just responded to his stories and shit like that. He told me that
he he lived in Dallas, but he wasn't from there. He had like
moved there two years ago. It was in school, working whatever, just
all this shit, all this good shit, right, and I'm like cool,
cool, cool. So then of course it's like, oh, like
you I don't know, I got to come to Dallas one day, but
I always had said that I wanted to come to Texas, specifically Houston.
But I'm like, yeah, I want to come to Dallas one day and
then you know, let's go do yoga together whatever. So we're chatting about
that, and then it was just little shit. You know, I'm real
big on the synchronicities and all of that. I'm like, that's crazy that
we got the same initials. That's crazy that both of our birthdays are in
March. That's crazy that we both Pisces. That's crazy. Like just all
this little weird shit, and I'm like, okay, whatever, and we
talking about angel numbers and twin flames and all this all this bullshit whatever,
right, And so yeah, we said something about me coming to Dallas.
So at this point we have exchange phone numbers, were talking on the phone,
we texting, we're face timing, We're doing all of the things.
I'm not gonna lie. I was on it a little harder than him at
first, and he was being like very modest, and I'm not gonna lie
with guys that kind of be a turn on, like when I got nobody
wants a nigga that's thirsty, you know, if you it's like, uh,
you know. But so he was kind of modest, but I think
it was because of his situation. So he wasn't in a relationship, but
he had a little situation or whatever, and so he didn't really he wasn't
that forthcoming about that at first, but later on down the line that came
out. But anyway, so we're talking basically every day like we're kicking it,
you know what I'm saying. We're kicking it pretty tough, so tough
enough to the point where I'm like, hey, I'm a fly out there
for a weekend, and mind you, I've never done no shit like this,
Like but nigga, I'm living life. You know, yolo, you
only live once, so fuck it. I booked a flight to go to
Dallas. I was supposed to be coming here Saint Patrick's Day weekend. And
I also need to pull my phone out because I have some first of all,
this right here is all of the first We're gonna get to that at
a minute. That was just little stuff that I wrote down because I didn't
want to forget anything. So I might have to go back and review that,
or maybe I'll just talk about that at the end. I don't know,
but so I booked the flight. I am aware of his little situation
or whatever at this point, and I guess that. I guess once he
started talking to me, he started moving funny in his situation and so,
but they were, according to him, they weren't together. I don't know
if they ever whatever niggas be lying. I don't know, but you know,
I can't really speak on that situation. But whatever, so he started
moving Funny, that situation kind of like fizzled out. So again we're talking
every day. Whatever. One thing that I will a couple things I'll say,
pay attention to the red flags. Write that down. Pay attention to
the red flags. Don't stick around to see how red the flag could get.
Take off the rolls colored glasses. Stop acting like it's pink. It's
future, it's it's my GENTI. It's like, pay attention to the red
flags. Number two, what you accept or allow or tolerate is what the
fuck is gonna happen. It's not gonna get better, it's only gonna get
worse. So you gotta you gotta put your foot down and stand on all
ten like I'm not going for that's what Like it's really one and done.
It should really be one and done. You know what I'm saying. People
do make mistakes, but also things are choices. It's a choice, you
know what I'm saying. I feel like, if you really love somebody,
if you really care about somebody, you're not gonna intentionally try to hurt them.
You're not gonna purposely do things. You're not gonna play them little ass
kid games with people. You know what I'm saying, Like we're grown.
We're grown, and even as a kid, I don't even respect that as
a kid, even like I I thought about this the other day. Sidebar,
you know what I don't like about niggas is that I hate when niggas
try to play the card. They played a high school card, like if
you dated a dude in high school or whatever, and not necessarily me.
I was thinking about one of my homegirls with this situation, like I ain't
gonna lie this. Nigga dogged her out, like just treated her like trash
for real, and she's a very good person. And it's like niggasi always
be like, well that's when I was young, That's when like, but
you know right from wrong. You don't have to mistreat, you know,
Like I don't like that. But anyway, so yeah, so pay attention
to the red flax and you know it should really just be one and done.
You you fuck over once, that's too bad, You're X out.
You lost your chance. So I done booked the flight, and I want
to say, like two little incidents happen, like where I just was like,
you're disrespectful. You know what I'm saying, just just some little just
some little subtle shit. But it's like, bro, you're disrespectful. And
I don't care if we're not in a relationship. It's just certain things that
you don't do or say to people, you know what I'm saying, just
out of respect, period. And the fact that he thought that was okay,
and the fact that I was. And and this is the thing.
So after these two little incidents happened, I don't know how far apart they
were, but whatever, it happened, and I remember I blocked him on
everything. This is after I booked the flight. I blocked him on everything,
Instagram, on my phone with I'm like, you're disrespectful. Like so
I want to say, like maybe the next day he called me private of
course, dang, you blocked me and Dad we had I don't know,
over an hour long conversation whatever. I don't even remember what the whole conversation
was. If he actually apologized, I don't, I don't really remember,
but you know, so he wanted to get back in my good graces.
Oh and after I blocked him, I canceled the flight. I was like,
it's no way, so okay, sidebar. Another thing, I canceled
the flight. I ended up booking a flight to go to Atlanta to visit
my cousin that weekend. Another thing, another red flag to me, was
that he will always anytime that he talked about anybody that he dated in the
past, or the situation before me or whatever, he will always say stuff
like, yeah, well I got everything I could up out of her.
And I'm like, that sounds like you're a user, Like are you using
people? Like it? Just it was just all these little different situations and
I'm like, he sounded like he be whusing people. And so again,
we didn't you know what I'm saying. We didn't kicked it whatever. We
you know whatever, we locked in to a certain extent, and we didn't
make you know, playing like yoga plans and content plans and all of this.
So when that happened and I blocked him and I and I canceled the
flight, I'm like, man, he was probably gonna try to use me,
you know what I'm saying. So I just had all this in my
head and again this is my intuition telling me this and whatever, like girl,
leave it alone. Whatever. So anyway, so after that we had
ended up, like I said, he had called me, we ended up
talking again. I unblocked him. I ended up going to Atlanta that weekend,
and I ain't gonna lie. You know. It wasn't really a good
trip. The weather was shitty. I didn't really want to be there.
He I talked to him the whole time that I was there. He was
calling me like crazy, I'm like, not you calling me now, you
know what I'm saying, like, oh, you should be here, you
should be here, blah blah blah whatever. So what Oh, I vividly
remember the conversations that we had when I was there, like so may y'all
even though I'm telling y'all the last eight months of my life. So all
of this shit happened super fast. That's another red flag narcissistic relationships. That
type of shit, it moves very fast. So and not to say that
it was just him moving fast, because it was me too, but still
that's a red flag. So mind you, like, we really kicking it
tough, like we're talking for real, and so we're talking about like so,
you know, like I said, I've moved out of the state twice
before that. I never planned on staying in Detroit. I'm still like,
you know, I want to go somewhere else again and just whatever, start
over, you know, new opportunities, blah blah blah, all of that.
So one of the things that we was talking about, Oh, I
remember him vividly saying this on the phone, like, well, I don't
want to do no long distance relationship and all of this, and dah,
da da dah. I'm like, okay, well, you know, but
in my mind, I'm like, I can't move tomorrow or whatever. But
we were having conversation. That's not that's letting you know how serious it was.
So we having all those conversations blah blah blah talking about, you know,
getting myself in a good position for my son as well, you know
what I'm saying, But off off the rip. I'm like, if I
go somewhere, you know, i'ma I'm gonna let him stay with his dad
so I could really get myself together. And that's what I've been trying to
do for the past couple of years, like just really get myself established and
really get on my feet, because I feel that I was always the primary
parent in that situation, and I allowed, I don't want to say aloud,
but allowed you to live your life and you know what I'm saying,
and allow you to become established and get your shit together. So extend me
that same grace. Do the same for me. You know what I'm saying.
It shouldn't be fucked me. Bit you struggling at like you know what
I'm saying, Like that's that's crazy to me. But so whatever, So
that conversation whatever. I get back to Detroit, so of course we're back
talking at this point. Whatever, I'm like, all right, we could
try it again. I book another flight to Dallas. This time I was
gonna go sink on the MYO weekend minu is it had sat Patrick's dight weekend
had just passed March twenty third. This nigga ends up going to jail because
he violated his probation. I'll never forget this day either. When he called
me, he was just so calm, like I don't know how long I'm
gonna be here, blah da dae whatever. But at this point we're locked
in. Now. No, here's the thing. I've never talked to a
man in jail. I've never like I always steered away from like talking to
hood niggas or anything, and not that he was on that, but he
also did do a significant amount of time in jail before. But I never
talked to somebody in jail, you know whatever. So in my mind,
I'm like, man, when is these costs gonna start costing? When is
you know, when is all this stuff gonna start having it? So whatever?
Oh and so when he went to jail, he actually went to he
had to go back to his hometown and go to jail, so he wasn't
in Doubas. He had to go back to his hometown. So he went
to jail in his hometown. The first few calls was free. We was
talking and shit, and then like he had a little tabling, you had
to add money on that, and then the call start costing and in the
day start going by, and it's like, we don't know how long you're
gonna be in jail, but here I am because at this point I'm already
in you know what I'm saying, I'm already locked in at this point.
So I'm just like whatever, like what and this is something that I'm choosing
to do again. Accountability. I'm choosing to do this. That's cool.
This is I'm choosing to be here. I'm choosing, you know, I'm
accountability. So I'm taking these calls. I'm paying for these casts. Okay,
mind you, I don't have a full time job. I'm teaching yoga
and that's not a full time that ain't no full time salary. But again,
this is something that I'm choosing to do because I'm fucking with you,
you know what I'm saying. So I'm paying for these calls. We start
writing letters like I never I never saw this for myself, and this is
like, this is what I mean about like feeling apprehensive about what I share.
But like, how am I ever going to inspire somebody or touch somebody
if I'm not real about my experience, you know what I'm saying. And
we all, I feel like we all make bad decisions and relationships and in
life whatever. You know what I'm saying. So whatever put me on the
chopping block. So we're writing. So okay, when we get to the
writing letters part, he has said it was something I don't know why this
stands out to me. He has said something about like really like just being
completely honest and like just being vulnerable, you know, just about like really
sharing everything, and like about my situation too, about like my living situation,
like my finances, why I am where I am right now, And
I feel like I don't really have a problem sharing that, but something about
I don't know why, I just remember feeling some type of way about him
saying I don't know, but I know that if you're gonna be in a
relationship with somebody, obviously you gotta be honest, you know what I'm saying.
But it was just something about it that always made me feel like,
I don't know, like really just bearing your soul, just telling everything,
like and later on down the line, I feel like he used all of
that stuff against me, you know what I'm saying. I let my guard
down, I was honest, I was vulnerable, and I feel like and
another thing that he just did in this situation period would just take my kindness
for weakness. So anyway, we're writing letters all of that. In the
beginning, he will always like try to have me call like his friends,
his family, everybody, and I'm like, bro, call these niggas on
your own. Why you got me? You know what I'm saying like,
you can make these calls on your own. So he kind of chilled on,
like the friends and all of that shit. But I was like calling
his family and shit on the phone all three way blah blah blah. And
he had me calling, He had me call his parents and shit. He
had me call his sister, one of his sisters. Me and his sister
ended up building a rapport, creating a very tight bond. Like his sister
is a mother as well. You know we she she didnet lived her life
too, She didn't dealt with niggas. You know what I'm saying. I
have friends that have and not again not to say that I completely just uprooted
my life and went to Dallas because of him, But I've had friends that
have moved because of guys, you know what I'm saying. So whatever,
So just a whole bunch of shit. Whatever. We was always talking,
just super cool. Another red flag and another thing about narcissistic abusive relationships is
triangulation. A narcissist will try to triangulate you with anybody, family, with
the X, with the motherfucking bugeyman, like they always want you fighting or
like you over them about whatever just and they they love chaos. They thrive
in chaos and confusion that you know what I'm saying. So mind you you
got me calling your family and again we're fucking with each other, so you
would think, like you want me to be cool with your family? Right.
He had the biggest problem in the world with me being cool with his
sister. And I just could not understand why. I'm like, bro,
you introduced me to her, You got me talking to her, you know
what I'm saying, Like she don't need to be telling you my biz.
I'm like, what do you think she's gonna tell me? Like I feel
like I should know everything about you, right, Like what is she gonna
tell me that I don't already know? Why he would tell me to block
her like and I'm like why. And at the end of the day,
like his family was, you know, giving him money in this when in
this in this time when he was in jail or whatever. Uh, But
I was really talking to his sister, damn near every day and me and
her was putting money on the phone to do like you know what I'm saying.
Whatever, So and it was just it was a lot of mistreatment towards
her too. It was just a lot of just disrespect, like I don't
I don't get disrespected and mistreating the people closest to you. That's wildest fuck
to me. But again red Flag, So mmmm again writing letters? Now
I'm getting into it with a nigga in jail. What are you actually?
I do know what you're mad at. You're mad if you're in jail.
You know what I'm saying. Who else do you have to to put your
bad energy off phone? Take, you know, take your frustrations out on
the person closest to you. I guess that's not how I wrote. That's
not what I do. But you know what, so that was happening.
Now I'm getting into it with you now I'm getting cussed out in letters.
Then you sorry? Then it like just just very toxic. And speaking of
toxic another red Flag. He always glorified toxicity from the beginning, and that
was just very weird to me, Like you're grown as fuck. Like you
know, I know a lot of niggas love future and all, like people
will really be on this little toxic wave on the internet, but like it
was just like, oh d toxic and I'm like, bro, you are
too grown to I don't know, but he really is toxic. It's hell.
So anyway, where else was I writing letters? All of that,
just all the back and forth. So okay, okay, we're in April
now, I'll never forget this day. It was like April fifteen. I
had just got my hair done. He was calling me while I was at
the shop. I was looking like this, okay, So he called me
like, hey, I'm getting out, called my call my sister. Not
you want me to call call the girl. You don't want me to be
cool with, call my sister, Da da da da. I'm getting out.
I don't know what's gonna happen. So now they're moving him from his
hometown back to Texas, but he goes to jail there. It's not over.
So again, putting money on the phone, take taking taking accountability for
this is what I'm choosing to do. Whatever, Still writing letters, blah
blah. Again, it's it's a lot of outside stuff going on to you
know what I'm saying. It was a lot of times where I felt like
I don't even know if I want to tell him what's really going on on
the outside, because I don't want to stress you out even more you know
what I'm saying. That's the thing. Here, I am being alike to
you. Here, I am being positive energy to you, trying to pour
into you mentally, emotionally, spiritually and be there for you again. Like
we was cool, you know, we like at first whenever. You know
what I'm saying, we were cool. So so on top of the fact
that I thought we was doing something here, you know, but whatever,
So all of that, we're still and that's the thing. So we're making
plans. It's five fifty five. We're making plans, uh, all while
he's in jail, and y'all gonna be like, bitch, you is de
Lou Lou. I'm talking about marriage a kid, uh, being like a
black yoga couple, you know, just all of this shit. But again
it's it makes sense to me because you know whatever, so planning all of
this stuff. But then again, there's a thing called jail talk. So
whatever, making all of these plans. Let's see it gets to May now.
Remember I booked the ticket for Sinco de Mayo weekend, so it was
probably a couple of days before he went to court, and he didn't get
out, so he had to like get a lawyer and all this other shit.
So I ended up canceling the flight, still talking to his sister.
He was always mad whatever, stopped talking to her, and still need still
needed us on out. You know what I'm saying, You still need everybody
on the outside. I don't know. Fast forward June, just the same
shit, still talking whatever, still making plans. At this point, I
will say, though, but I don't know, Jim. Some jail niggas
do be smart. They read a lot of books in there. Them niggas
know the Bible front to back. It's you know, it's I I can't
say that it's a facade for everybody, but you know, whatever they do,
they know what they know. So I will say, when we was
writing letters and talking, he was always just on my head about really making
a plan, like are you really gonna come to Dallas? So mind you,
he wasn't my sole purpose for trying to come here. I wanted to
come here because I don't want to be in Detroit. I can't find a
job in Detroit. I want to teach yoga as well. But you know,
I just want a new start, new scenery, new opportunities, new
energy, new environment, all of that. This has always been my plan
to go somewhere, you know, So just always on my head about making
a plan and da da da da whatever. Let's see fast ward he gets
out in July, finally gets out, he gets out. I'm like,
you know, I don't want to overwhelm you whatever, whatever, but it
was whatever, So we talking. He's just really on my head. And
now I'm starting to feel I'm kind of slightly starting to feel pressure a little
bit, like I want to come, but again it was kind of like
you gonna come, You're not gonna come, and I'm not doing no longer
distance relationship and all of this, and like I was kind of feeling pressure.
And at this point, more of the shit that I didn't like and
didn't really that I really should have stood on started happening. More of the
like the subtle disrespect, this little shit, like not even little shit,
really big shit to me, big shit to a woman, like why the
fuck would you do that? Why would you say? You know what I'm
saying, like, but just just subtle shit. But and then and that's
the thing. Don't do some shit or say some shit or throw somebody in
my face or anything like that and then turn around and say that I'm insecure,
you're provoking me. It's called reactive abuse. You know what I'm saying,
Somebody to do something the fuck with you or just do something, and
then when you react, you crazy, you insecure, Like no, why
the fuck would you do that? You know what I'm saying. And then
I just started to like things just started to change, Like anytime that he
would call me and I would see his name on my phone, I I
didn't feel good about that no more, Like it wasn't like, oh,
I'm so happy to talk to you. Like all of our conversations were arguments.
Everything was like he was just very super critical of me, criticized everything
that I did. Never heard a compliment. It was just all criticism,
like belittling me, just saying like and I'm like, what the fuck you
know, like what happened here? And I even told him, like this
is not even fun anymore. This is like conversations with you are not even
pleasant. I feel like everything is an argument every like or you just be
tearing me down. And another thing was I always not always, but I
started to feel like like he was jealous of me, and I started to
feel like he was in competition with me, and you gotta remember that we're
both in the yoga world, you know what I'm saying, We both do
yong And I was just like, and it's not to take away from him,
because he's an amazing yogi, you know what I'm saying. He does
that shit for real. But it's like, why do I feel like you
in competition with me? And I'm supposed to be you know what I'm saying.
Spousal competition is very weird behavior. So all of that, but whatever,
we're still talking. He's still like, are you gonna come just on
my head about that? Whatever? Minu. When he got out of jail,
he lost everything, he lost everything, he was behind on his bills
and all of that. Never once did I laugh at that and make fun
of that or that shit's not funny if you my nigga, the you know,
we're supposed to be. But I'm a different type of person apparently,
you know. But so keep that in mine as well, so on my
head about getting down there or whatever. At this point, I'm starting to
have conversations with my son, like I'm thinking about leaving to go out of
state again. And one thing that you got to know about me, and
I feel like, if you know me, you know, and if you
know my son, you know. I am an amazing fucking parent. I'm
an amazing mother. Pat On my motherfucking back. Like my son is super
intelligent, super intellectual, emotionally intelligent, in tune with himself, spiritually,
he's a great kid, four point zero student all year last year, all
the personality in the world, just like an amazing kid. Will Manner,
Will behaved. That's because of me, Okay, that's because of me.
And I think I said this earlier, like I feel like I was the
primary parent. I'm not saying that his dad wasn't. He absolutely was involved.
But maybe my moms can't make no excuses moms, you know what I'm
saying. It's been many times where a nigga's career came over everything. It
was like, well, I gotta work. I gotta work too, what
human like? So I always had to figure it out. So again,
I feel like I was the primary parent for the majority of my son's life,
you know what I'm saying. And again, I never got to get
to a space where I was able to really get myself together. And that's
the thing, and it's nobody else's responsibility because I'm grown. But I'm just
saying, like to not have no type of support or help, you know
what I And I'm struggling, like I'm drowning. Y'all niggas see this,
and like and if y'all not gonna help me, cool. But then when
I branch off and go do my own thing, and I'm like, hey,
you gotta keep your kid. My son is twelve. Y'all seen boys
in a trey want to live with his daddy when he was seeing, my
son is twelve, Dad is short time. It's short time, you feel
me? So whatever. So I was having conversations with my kid about it.
Obviously he wasn't thrilled about me leaving, but he understands, like mommy's
trying to get it together on a financial level so we could be good.
You know what I'm saying. I've nurtured you, I've guided you, I've
and they said that the formative years of a child's life is maybe up until
like seven years old or something like that. So and that's one thing that
I truly believe, Like God forbid, knock on wood, if anything ever
happened to me, I have instilled so much into my son that if I
was not around, I think that he would be good because of everything that
I've instilled him. But also, he's twelve years old. I feel like
this is the time that he needs to be with his dad. I can't
teach him how to be a man. Dad is short time period. So
yeah, so started having a conversation with him, you know whatever. My
support system back home kind of started, you know, mentioning it there and
whatever. Fast for so it's still July. Boom, I get on the
fault again. He was always on my when I'm telling y'all, he was
on my head every day, like have you found a job yet? That
I'm like, I'm not even in doubts what I'm gonna do with somebody like
hey, you got the job and I'm not there, you know, like
relax, you worry about you getting the job and getting your you just got
to jail. Worry about you why you work, you know. And again
this is another thing, so mind you, he lost everything. We ain't
staying at Joe rib right, So where are we going? Oh, we're
staying with your sister, the one that I'm cool with because I would have
never agreed to come or go to a place you know where I was.
I already am, you know, for them, I'm gonna be some type
of uncomfortable by doing this, But at least I'm cool with her. We
have a relationship, you know what I'm saying. It's not gonna be as
bad as if I would have blocked her and not talked to her and just
showed up at her doorstep like, hey, I'm about to come crash here
while while we get it together, you know what I'm saying. So hop
on the flight go to Dallas. It's July. And so my thing is
if most times when you're talking to somebody, dating somebody, and the vibes
are there. I'm telling y'all, the vibes was there. The vibes was
there. I'm talking to you on the phone every day. We're facetiming.
Well, aside from the fact that things did start to change and it was
all that weird shit going on. Oh wait before I get there. Before
I left to go to Dallas, and I would have conversations with my homegirl
Josling about this all the time. I was just so back and forth with
how I felt I was fifty to fifty on if I should go or not.
And this is another thing, this is write this down, listen to
your intuition for real. Fifty percent of me was like, yeah, I
want to go, you know, find a job, be in a new
place. Da da da da. Also, I'm thinking at me and him'll
go be good. Whatever fifty percent of me wanted to go. I was
very stagnant and like stuck in Detroit again. I couldn't find a job.
I feel like I had been in that same space for years, just not
progressing, not improving, not growing, not So it was a no brainer
for me, like yes, go do something different, like take a risk.
Period. The other fifty percent of me, I cannot make this shit
up. It was something like I can't even describe the feeling that I felt
in the pit of my stomach every time I thought about it, like Jasmine,
do not go, do not go. So I'm sitting there like fifty
percent of me is like, it's gonna be good. Just do your thing,
get a job, o crazy, you know. But what I felt
inside was like, I don't know about this. On top of the fact
that you already got all of these red flags and the way that he's acting.
I don't I don't know if you should go jazzmin but y'all know me,
y'all love the thrill. I love to live on the edge, so
I go. So the day did I get there, that did I touched
down Like the vibes was not there. It was just like and I'm like,
is it just cause? And it was weird to me because even though
all of that stuff had been happening as far as like how I felt with
the rent Flags, I just felt like I just felt like the vibe,
you know, I felt like the energy would still be there, like but
it wasn't, and I was I just thought that was so weird. I'm
like, well, maybe it's just because it's our first time actually meeting,
you know what I'm saying, Like, maybe we just gotta eat you.
Like I remember the whole car ride, like I was, he was playing
like some good ass music and I was vibing to the music, but the
energy just was not right. And I was like, I don't know what
it is like I don't know, And again it would just be I don't
know. I feel like he used to like size me up and just the
way that he was like again, I told you, I felt like he
was in competition with me, he was jealous with me. It would just
be times like that. I would just look at how he looked at me,
like I don't know, on top of the fact, like the way
that he was treating me and the shit that he was doing. It's like,
bro, And I used to say this to him. I used to
be like, do you even like me? Like it was very weird,
so just really weird vibes. Oh, I had two. I had a
job. As soon as I stepped off the plane, I had ended up
getting a job at a really nice hotel. And then oh and then as
soon as I got there to the crib, like I had a phone call
that day with another hotel like come in for an interview tomorrow, I think,
And I had one to that one. So I had started working at
one hotel with her. So I got two jobs. Now, mind you,
this is a person that was on my head, like make sure you
gotta get a job, you gotta grind, you gotta leave that mentality that
you got in Detroit and that just acting like I'm just some bum ass bitch
or something. I don't know. I don't know, like I don't know.
So I get there and I get two jobs. And again I told
you, I feel like this is somebody that's in competition with me. So
he did end up getting a job, but it was like a night job
doing something and he really trying to do for real, but you know,
just in the meantime, in between times. And so then I remember it
got to the point where so I had ended up getting the two jobs,
and I was, you know, trying to decide like I was gonna do,
Like am I about to work two jobs? Then all of a sudden,
this need to go. I got three jobs. Now I'm about to
be working three jobs. And in my mind, I'm like, who wants
to work three jobs? That sounds stressful as fuck? But again that's that
competition shit. What else, you know, just little shit. I feel
like I should pull out my little notes now again just every day, just
constantly, the just the mental gymnastics, the mental games, the emotional games,
like literally picking at me every day, starting arguments, tearing me down.
Another thing was and I don't want to fast forward too quick, but
I'm gonna just go here with it, like so we both do yoga.
He had been living in Dallas for two years, so you would think like
you got a following, you got people that would come to classes that you
would be teaching classes whatever. I don't know, I don't I don't know.
I ended up getting a gig teaching yoga. And I remember, like
I had posted it on Instagram when I first found out, like I just
got a gig, you know, to teach yoga or di y'all think he
reposted that shit on his page. They don't know, looked at my story
and never even said nothing about it. So to me, that says a
lot. Just keep it pushing. When I tell y'all, I only talk
three classes, but every day or every time that I woke up that morning
to go teach, best believe it was an argument. Best believe it was
somebody fucking with me to fuck with my energy, to try to kill my
vibe. And he, uh he whatever. That first class that I taught,
he had made it a whole thing about like, well damn, you
didn't even invite me. And I'm like, you knew that I was teaching.
You've seen that I posted that I was gonna be teaching somewhere, blase
blah, And I'm like let's not play this game. So he wanted to
act like he wasn't gonna come, but then he was like, you know
what, I'm gonna come, and I'm like, I really don't want you
to come, but whatever, so he came, did the class. After
that fucking class, I wasn't gonna ask what he thought of it, because
I already know, like, you're an asshole, You're gonna you're gonna be
a dick because you're a dick. So but somehow, you know, I
was like, okay, well, what did you think of it? All
negative feedback told me it sucked, like are you a terrible teacher? It
had no direction. I didn't even like my body didn't feel warmed up,
just all of this crazy shit, and I'm like, all right, just
stop, just no, I'm gonna tell you, like, you want to
be an asshole for no fucking reason. Bro, you don't have to do
that. You know what I'm saying. And that's what I'm saying, just
the again, purposely trying to hurt you, intentionally trying to hurt you.
And this is what I was dealing with every day, Somebody fucking with me,
arguing with me, picking fights with me, I'm talking about like another
thing, another like pointer of narcissistic abusing relationships and stuff like that, is
like sleep sleep deprivation. They don't like you to sleep. They want to
keep you in a constant state of confusion and chaos. And what better way
than to not let the bitch get some sleep when I tell y'all, like,
wake me up at three o'clock in the morning, wouldn't let me go
back to sleep when I gotta go to work? Just whatever. Oh but
best believe he wanted my support for his yoga shit. I've never we did
yoga together, like a few times, and we did like yoga by ourselves,
you know places. But he's never taught a class. I've never attended
any of his classes. He's never had a class that I witnessed. But
wanted me to support him, wanted me to build his shit up. Mind
you, I have my own brand whatever. I remember one time he had
brought that up to like, uh, what was I gonna say, I
don't know whatever? Wanted me to build his shit up or whatever, And
I'm like, bro, I got my own brand, you know what I'm
saying? Black girl experience. Oh about like just making it seem like yoga.
I guess it could be your life's purpose and you could use that to
change other people's lives. And I'm like, I thought that's what we came
together on, was yoga in the first place? No, Like, this
is this is what this is my life. This is really what I do.
Like, so what did you think I was doing before? Like whatever?
And then turned around and said that he didn't want my support, but
was asking me for my support and to do things for him. But felt
like he wanted me to do all the work. And I'm like, no,
nigga, I work forty hours a week. You think I want to
come do something? No, I'm straight do it on your own. I
remember at one point he had told me, like, you could build a
home and I could work on the on the studio. What woman wants to
build a home by herself? Like what? What? What? What does
that entail? Does that mean that I pay all the bills? I'm straight?
Just the mental gymnastics, the mental games. This was funny too.
I remember when I had first got here. I remember when, like,
but mind you, this was before I had I didn't start working maybe like
until a week after I got here or something. And I remember one time
he gonna tell me, like, you ain't gotta wait on me to do
stuff. You could go do stuff, bro. I don't have a car,
I don't have a job yet. I'm not just trying to spend all
my money and just be frolicking through the city. So but mental note,
right, you ain't gotta wait on me to go do stuff. Bet.
So even the times when I had booked those flights and I was supposed to
go see him, even though it didn't work out, he had made like
a whole itinerary of things that we were supposed to do, right, and
when I actually got to Dallas, we were still supposed to do those things.
There were certain things that we were supposed to do. We never did
those things. So one day I took it upon myself to go to a
place that he was supposed to take me to that he never took me to.
You lame and you selfish? Why would you go to my spot?
Are you insane? You haven't took me anywhere? What do you mean bro?
The mental gymnastics, Bro, I can't make this shit up. I
would always tell him, like, Bro, I don't understand you because you
encouraged me to come here, and you kind of begged me to come here,
you know what I'm saying. And even though he was not the sole
reason why I came here, you wanted me to come here. We had
all these fake plans, do all this shit, and now you act like
you don't want me here. He was so petty and so childish. It
got to the point where like, bro, we're sharing We're sharing a space,
we're sharing a bed, we're sharing a you know what I'm saying.
This was the plan, right. He would get an attitude like, get
off of my side of the bed. I have to share all of my
stuff with you, And I'm like, are we five again? You asked
me to come here, You want me to sleep on the floor, what
do you want me to do? Like it was really insane. Hmm Again,
I feel like he used everything against me in those letters that I wrote
him. I felt like he always wanted to count my pockets. And that's
one thing that I wouldn't do was tell how much money I had, because
why, Like, you know what I'm saying. And then it got to
the point where it was like, so now was getting bad. Every day
I'm dealing with it. And again, I really pride myself on being like
a very mentally strong and emotionally strong, spiritually strong person. I probably could
take more than an average person. I'm not gonna lie. I'm just I'm
just built like that. And then again, as a black woman, I
feel like I don't know what it is we a heart of gold, a
mind of gold, just the armor of God on us and in us like
we I don't know, like we just we just strong And that's not that
ain't a flex I don't want to be strong. I want to be in
my soft girl era. I want to live my soft girl life. But
thank God that I am as strong as I am because I was able to
endure all of this mental, emotional, spiritual verbal abuse. You know what
I'm saying every day while and that was the thing he would always tell me,
like basically that I wasn't doing shit. I'm like, bro, I'm
doing everything that I said that I was gonna do. I got a job
as soon as I got off the fucking plane. I'm trying to save my
money to you know, do what I need to do. Like but every
day just trying to tear me down and whatever. Just a very selfish person
always come in my pockets. Uh. Another thing is I feel like another
red flag or another thing that should like raise your antennas in a situation is
like if you feel like you are losing yourself in a situation, if you
feel like you're not even you know more. Another thing that a narcissistic person
would do is try to isolate you from your friends and your family. And
what better way to do that than to get a bitch to uproot their life
and move to another state. But yeah, and like even when he was
in jail, like I had noticed that I had stopped creating. And I'm
not solely blaming him, but I feel like, you know, I just
felt like it was a dark cloud over me when he was in jail.
I felt like I was in jail, I wasn't creating, I wasn't making
podcast episodes. I just wasn't feeling like myself. Because I'm over here trying
to pour into you, and we know that you should only be pouring into
others if your cup is overflowing, because if your cup is not full,
that's the easiest way back to an empty cup, you know what I'm saying,
So just going over and beyond for somebody doing the most and just not
not pouring into myself. It's very important to be with somebody that supports you,
appreciates you, values you, what you bring to the table, what
you've done for them. He acts like I ain't do shit, And we'll
also throw that in my face too, about like anytime that I would bring
up the whole thing about man, I spent a lot of money, time
energy when you was in jail, and of course you know, motherfucker act
like I didn't ask you to do that, and then try to flip it
on me like, well you ain't, that wasn't genuine if you got to
bring it up. It's not that I'm bringing it up for that, but
I'm bringing it up because you act like I ain't never did shit for you.
You act like I was not there for you, you know, And
to turn around and get treated like this after all that I've done, I
don't care that, you know what I'm saying. I took the l on
the money that I spent and whatever. But it's like, it's very low
to treat somebody like that, you know what I'm saying, When motherfuckers did
a lot for you, so that's crazy to me. I have got to
get somebody with some principals, some principles, some values, and some morals
about theyself. And that's the thing. A lot of times, narcissistic individuals
are gonna be like very charismatic people. People, a people's person, you
know what I'm saying. They they got this whole persona that they put on
for the world, but behind closed doors or to the person closest to them,
a totally different person. So you know what I'm saying. And I
and I hate to throw men under the bus for this, but that'd be
a lot of men too. Like when you think about whether it be celebrities
or athletes or b businessmen or a CEO of a company, or a person
with a lot of power or authority or a lot of money. Yeah,
they they they the man to the world. You charismatic you, Oh he's
such a great person. But behind closed doors, they're terrible people and they
use they power, they money, they status, you know what I'm saying,
to carry out they evil ways and shit. So that's just something to
be mindful of as well. And that's the thing too. A narcissistic individual
in the beginning, they mirror you. They mirror you. So just like
I said, like I feel like he used everything in a letter against me
and all that I feel, they create this facade. They mirror you.
They want to match everything that you say and to you, it's like,
oh damn, this's a match made in heaven. You know what I'm saying.
And then as time goes on, when you get past the little love
bombing stage, when you get past the honeymoon stage, at some point that
mask has to slip because that's not who they really are. They did that
to get you. And so when the mask drops, it's like, bro,
And that's what I'm like, when you really see a person for who
they are, you have to believe it. But you know, you may
be too far in, you may be knee deep in the game, like
damn, how can I get out? But it's imperative for you to get
out. And I think that was another thing with him, Like I think
like when he actually met me and got to be around me and stuff,
it was kind of like, oh, this bitch is not pretending, Like
this bitch is really authentic, This bitch is really a good person. Like
you, you really are who you say you are, you're not portraying to
be you know what I'm saying. And that's a dagger, and that's a
trigger because if you're pretending to be something that you're not, you can only
uphold that image for so long. You can only keep the mask on for
so long. It's gonna slip, it's gonna fall, and it's gonna get
ugly. The things that they admire about you in the beginning are the same
things they end up hating you for, which is sick. Like you loved
me, you really liked me, you liked the person that I was.
I haven't heard a comp when I say, I didn't hear a motherfucking compliment
when I came here. I never heard like I'm happy that you came.
I'm happy that you're here, like never, never, so very weird behavior.
I remember he told me that he told me that I tricked him,
and I think he was implying that I changed or something, and I'm like,
bro, I never changed. On God, I never changed. It's
a lash. He said that I tricked him, and I'm like, no,
nigga, you tricked me. You know what I'm saying, Like,
I never changed. But that's the blame shift thing. That's the putting it
on you, and that's the thing. So as an EmPATH, as a
naturally caring, loving, killing person, you know what I'm saying, Those
types of people project their positivity on other people. On some the light in
me sees the light you type shit. You know what I'm saying. I
was nothing but good to you, projecting positivity on you, like trying even
through all of the bullshit in the way that you were treating me, I
was still trying to see the good in you, even though you were showing
me who you was. A narcissist is a person that projects all of their
insecurities onto you. All of that deep dark shit in them they projected onto
you. And what you got to realize in these situations is that these people
don't change, especially as they get older, and it has a lot to
do with their childhood. They trauma. And again, this is a person
that I don't know, and that's why you should probably really get to know
people in real life, you know what, But I mean, I feel
like you can never really fully know a person. But I didn't know this
person at all, and that's my fault. But these people are very dark
individuals. They lack empathy and they have a hole in their heart that is
a black hole that will never be able to be felled. And that's why
after they realized, like cause he told me this. He told me was
like, yeah, I thought you was perfect. And I'm like, why
did you think that? I'm I'm a human, Like I thought you was
perfect, and I guess so whatever human flawed he saw in me, and
that made him be like, oh, this ain't it. So when they
realize that, because they think that whatever person they go get with or whatever
thing that they're into, like, they think that's going to fulfill them.
But it's not, like it'll never be enough. And that's the thing.
They gonna keep moving the goalpost with you. It was never gonna be enough.
So you gotta learn like, Okay, let me stop fucking trying because
it's not me, it's you. You're the problem. And again they just
project their insecurities and all their issues onto you, and it kills the relationship.
What else do I haven't here? And that's how I know I'm not
the problem because I've had, Like I said, I had built a very
good relationship with his sister and we had several conversations and that that gave me
a lot of insight into why he is the way that he is as well.
But it definitely confirmed that he was the problem. I said, when
you live the life in our unha and you see who a person truly is
every day, you gotta remember that when your mind is playing tricks on you
in the grieving process. So when it's over and you start to come out
of it and you realize, you know, cause you might still be like
trying to live in the fantasy of what you thought that person was in the
love by mefas or in the beginning, when they painted this picture of who
they were and was doing all that future faking with you and making all those
plans and stuff like you go back, like what happened to that None of
that was real. They were mirroring you. It was a facade they did,
you know what I'm saying. So again, when you are out of
it, you have to remember what it was. Every day. I have
to remember that this motherfucker was telling me to leave every day. I want
you. I didn't leave, just fucking leave just like and then was also
telling me like, oh but you need me. You know what? I'm
saying, makeing it seem like I needed him. And my thing is,
you know that I don't have anywhere to go, so you know you,
you know I don't have anywhere to go, But no, I don't fucking
need you. I don't need you. But yeah, you have to remember
that, like you have to remember what you experienced in those moments and how
you were being treated every day, Like remember the truth, Remember remember what
was happening. Don't even worry about a motherfucker moving on and being better for
the next cause they're not gonna they do this. They do this, this
is them. They're never gonna change. So I don't care what a motherfucker
post on social media try to throw in your face and ad like, do
it to the next one, not me. The very hot and cold energy,
the back and forth, like the antics and the eggshlls, like narcissists.
They should be actors because they put on a whole production. Don't let
them rage out and have a moment like the antics, the theatric the product
like, and they're gonna do all again. They're gonna do all of this
and want to be the victim. My thing is, you can't be the
victim and the aggressor. You can't be the victim and the oppressor, you
know what I'm saying. So it got to a point where he wasn't taking
me to work but again, and so he had a whole schedule himself too.
But it got to the point where, Okay, now you're trying to
make things super difficult for me. You want me to leave. Cool,
I'm trying to get on my feet. I'm trying, you know what I'm
saying. It was times where I'm like, why can't we just coexist in
this space? I can't. You're bothering me, your presence bothers me.
I'm not even doing anything to you. But like you know, didn't want
to take me to work, wanted to make sure hard, wanted me to
have to spend even more money. So I'm like, cool, whatever,
you know whatever. Another thing about dealing with this type of individual is like
how I said, antics and eggshells. You have to walk on eggs shells
with this person. It's a very uncomfortable situation. It's it's a jackal and
hide situation because you never know what person you're gonna get waking up like you
never know what you're gonna deal with. I was so full of like anxiety
and just always in flight or flight mode because I never knew how he was
gonna act. I never knew what to expect. So it's a very challenging
thing to deal with. I'm telling you, every everything is blamed on you.
Everything is your fault. You don't know what you're arguing about. An
argument is never an argument with a narcissist. Like if we talk if if
we're talking about the water bottle, it's gonna be about everything, but it's
gonna be about everything else in the room. Like I asked you a question
about the water bottle. It's stressful. It's very stressful. Again, the
whole thing about the react of abuse. So it's like he will always do
things to fuck with me and with me again being what I like to say
is like a mentally strong person or whatever, like I don't let shit.
I try not to let shit get to me. I'm a very calm and
peaceful person. If you know me, you know you know what I'm saying.
I don't like confrontation. I don't like to argue, so it but
it's a catch twenty two. You're never gonna win, So it's like you
purposely fuck with me or try to provoke me, and I don't want to
say nothing because I'm not trying to you know what I'm saying. I'm not
about to give you want. My energy is what you want? You wanna
respond whatever you could get from me is gonna get you off. It's like
it's like having an orgasm for them. Any type of any type of energy
or reaction that you give them is gonna get them off. So's it's hard
to bite your tongue and be like I'm I'm not gonna give you what you
want, because then on the flip side, it's like, oh, I
could keep fucking with you, I could keep provoking you know what I'm saying.
So then it's kind of like that conditioning you to take whatever it is
that they doing. So it's a very weird situation. And again, this
shit takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually if you
don't know a lot about it. TikTok University, TikTok, TikTok got everything
on there, and it's a lot of people on there that can really,
you know, educate you about what it is. And the crazy part is
when you look in the comments and you see like people and it's both men
and women that go through this, but seeing people that say, like I
was married to a person like that for twenty years and all that, and
it's like I was only going for I was only going through this for eight
months. I can't imagine going through that for twenty years because of the effects
that it have. I follow this girl on the Instagram. Her name is
Alex March Energy, and I want to say that she's like she talks about
her being in an abusive relationship. I'm not sure if it was a nurse,
but whatever, it probably was, but she really gets deep, like
she's on some healing shit, but she talks about how like you gotta heal
your body from that shit because of the toll that it takes on you physically.
Like people get so many physical ailments from being in that situation, like
making themselves sick, and like just you gotta think of like dealing with that
shit every day. So many issues like what is it gastro in like whatever,
stomach issue, just health all types of health issues from that from dealing
with a bad relationship and then don't be in a physically abusive relationship and we're
not there yet. Let me see what else did I have on here?
Every car ride was either silent or argument everyone everyone, And it was also
so weird because again remember I said, like jae niggas are smart, like
they read a lot of books. They probably know the Bible front and back.
It was always so weird that he will always play like Joel Olstein in
the car and im and every time the message would hit so hard and it
would be like about him, like the message would be for me, about
him, and I'm like, not not you giving me the message to leave
you the fuck alone? Like so crazy, bringing up other women, throwing
them in my face, triangulation, all of that, Should I go here?
Should I go here? With it? And then again reactive abuse,
so doing shit perfectly to piss me off, and all of that. First,
well, let me say this, I haven't went through a phone in
a long time. I'm talking about in years. Like if you feel like
you gotta go through somebody's phone, then you know that it's over. And
that's not even really the case. But I have a person that's literally always
saying very outlandish things to me about being with other women, or like wanting
to have multiple women or having a girlfriend, wanting to have two baby mamas,
or having somebody pregnant, like just very weirdsh like why are you saying
this shit to me? So something whatever. It wasn't even his phone,
but he was locked into his shit on there, so mind you, he
had just said some crazy shit to me, and I'm like, okay,
well, let's take a look and see, because why are you saying all
this weird ass shit to me? So I go and look, and there's
some shit in there. And this is how I know this, How I
knew, Well, I knew from the jump that I was never in his
league and that I should have never really talked to him on that level,
like I should have never did it. And I would think about that too,
like if I ever took him around like some Detroit niggas or just around
my people, they would be like Jazz Main like no no. But so
I did look at the phone and I found some shit, and I was
like, this is how I know, Cause you talk to bitches and you
fuck with bitches that look like they still pussy on Instagram and for the low,
for the low, and I don't know I don't know with me.
You you try to be this super enlightened individual and just it's just, you
know, you a different person with me. But the caliber of women that
is really your speed is not me. And that's how I knew. And
then of course that led to like I can't be trusted and all of this,
Like, bro, you saying some wild shit to me. I had
to find out. I had to find out what the fuck is going on.
Another thing is like you gotta realize that you make a person what they
are, you know what I'm saying, with the energy and the attention and
the affection that you give them. Because and I wish Jocelyn was gonna get
on here with me today. She was supposed to tap in and stream on.
But like I'll be honest, I when I first had came across him,
I didn't think that he was attractive. I wasn't like, oh my
god, this the finest nigga art like. It wasn't. It was just
becau. And again that's because I'm a person of substance and of quality.
So again I was intrigued by the whole yoga thing and like all of that.
But as time went on, you know, what I'm saying. I
put my energy in all and all of that into you, and I made
you to be what you was in my mind and I made you that,
you know what I'm saying. And that's the thing because people, it was
so many times when people like, oh, let me see let me see
a picture of him or whatever, and I'm like, nah, no,
I don't want to show you a picture of him, Like why not?
Mm hmmm, I just don't. And Jocelyn know what I used to call
him? But what else? What else? Another another funny thing? This
is not funny, but another funny thing, like for somebody to be such
a such a man of God and all of this, like you really just
say a lot of wild shit, Like basically told me one time, like
I could be an asshole because I got the upper hand, you know what
I'm saying, Like like because I'm in a situation where I'm staying with you,
you know what I'm saying. So it's kind of like, oh,
you just got you kind of gotta just take this treatment. And it's like,
no, I don't you know what I'm saying. But to a certain
extent, I was, because you know, I'm in a foreign place again.
I uprooted my life to come here, and no, I don't just
have nowhere to go off top. And we're gonna get to that. What
else? Hmm, So let's let's start getting to uh, let's let's let's
start getting to the end. So July, August, September. I'm telling
y'all, it was something literally every day. And my thing is one thing
that you had to realize in this type of situation is like, you gotta
recognize what's happening and detach yourself from the energy. And that's the thing.
Like I feel like people feel like, like, say, it's not physical
abuse, but it's still mental, emotional, verbal abuse, whatever, that's
enough. That's enough, and that shit will break you down, especially if
it's happening every day. But I feel like if people feel like, oh,
it's not physical, you know what I'm saying, it might be kind
of harder to leave the situation. But I knew that it wasn't right,
you know what I'm saying. I knew that it didn't feel right. It
didn't feel good even in moment, And that's the thing I said. I
saw somebody left a comment on a TikTok video about these type of situations.
And she was like, I had wrote down all of the pros and cons,
and she said she only had three pros and the rest were cons.
Now, mind you, this is not even a pro and con Lin,
it's just notes about shit. That was like, but again that's I don't
have any pros. I don't have any pros to this situation. I cannot
name one pro. Like, for real, I can't name one pro.
So, yeah, you gotta separate yourself from an unhealthy situation, especially when
you know but I know that, Like it's hard and just how when my
homegirl call, you know, people be like, oh, well you should
just leave or what Like, it's so much easier said to done said than
done, especially depending on the circumstances of your situation. Again, I uprooted
my life and came to a whole nother state. I could just go back
to your trade, but I got a job. Now I'm not trying,
you know, I'm not trying to leave, but I know I need to
get out of there. And I will say that, like, my faith
in God has really been tested during this time, and it's also become a
lot stronger because I found myself praying so much more. I literally was praying
my way out of this situation. And but I feel like God was telling
me like Okay, well you got to move your feet though. But it's
it's scary when you know what I'm saying, you really don't have no support
and you know what I'm saying, Like it was like, Okay, I'm
praying to get out of this situation. I know. I like every day.
Every day, I was like, I gotta get out of this.
And moment of honesty another thing, and this is for the ladies because I
know they gonna be able to relate. Another thing. Kept telling that.
I kept telling myself. I was like, you have got to you got
to stop having sex with this person for real, Like energy exchange is a
real thing, and and that's the thing you taking all my good energy.
You know what I'm saying. And what am I getting back from you?
Nothing? And you know what, I don't know what kind of shit he
into, but I ain't gonna lie. One time he put on and I
put him onto this, Uh it's a like a guided meditation, I guess
type thing that I put him onto really good for manifestation and shit like that
he put that shit on one night and then was having sex with me,
and I'm like, this nigga trying to manufact some shit. Oh my good
vagina mm hmmmm mmm. So but that's another thing too, like get out.
So anyway, let's let's let's start getting to like what really brought it
to the end for real. Like I told you, I was trying to
pray my way out of the situation. It was just I don't even know
how I was doing it. Every day. I don't know how I was
doing it. I don't know how I was dealing with it. But like
I said, being waking up wee hours of the morning, I'm talking about
three am just to argue, just to fuck with me. And I don't
know if these are two separate times that I'm putting together in my mind,
but it was one time that he had woke me up in the middle of
the night. I wanted to go back to sleep so bad, but he
just would not stop talking to me. It's like, you're gonna talk to
me, like you don't force me to talk to you. And he said
the craziest, meanest shit that you could ever say to somebody, And again,
you just gotta let it go. In one ear and out the other,
and I remember him saying and then again too, just saying, like
how telling me what kind of woman he really do want and what type of
person he go change for or what type of man, Like you're never going
to be there for somebody You're not, You're not but telling me how this
situation and how I made him not ever want to be in a relationship,
ever, get married, want to live with somebody whatever, And that's fine.
Maybe he really don't want that, maybe he want to be by hisself,
and that's cool. I don't want those things either. I mean I
want those things, but I know that I don't want them with you,
and I'm never gonna get those things if I continue to stay here. Well,
you know whatever, I'm working towards period, And my my thing was
always like we had an agreement when when I came here. You know what
I'm saying, we had a whole plan on and even if we and I'm
past us not being together, I'm past that now. You know. I
don't I don't want to be with you either. I see who you true
we are, and the next bitch is gonna see when the mask falls off
too, you know, what I'm saying, but I want those things.
So the longer that you stay in situations that you know are not meant for
you, the longer you delay what is for you. I was praying to
get out of the situation, but I was not moving my feet. So
all of that had happened. And then just again just fucking with me every
day, every day, every day. So one of the last days I
remember, like when he had woke me up to argue in the morning.
It was going back and forth on like whether he was gonna take me to
work or not, but he ended up taking me to work. And then
when I got to work, he called me and was still fucking with me,
and it was a whole little argument. It was a whole little thing.
And then he was like, man, and this wasn't the first time
that he threatened to throw my shit out or tell me to leave, Like
may he have been telling me this the entire time that I've been here.
So he was like, I'm gonna bring your shit up to your job and
da da da da da, And so I'm like, man, don't do
that. Like this ghetto as fuck, it's ignorant as fuck, it's patty
as fuck. It's embarrassing as fuck. Don't have these people in my fucking
bits. You know what I'm saying, Like, I you want me to
leave, I will leave. I'll just come get my shit and I'll leave.
And so he didn't end up bringing my shit up to the job.
Got home that day, he was still talking shit to me. Whatever,
leave leave leave man. And I ended up taking my hair down that day.
I had braids in my hair, and I took my hair down.
And by the time that I got done taking down my hair and washing my
hair and doing and all of that shit, I had went on the couch.
I happened to look at my phone and he was like, oh,
well, you can come in the room if you want to. So I
went in the room, because who the fuck wants to sleep on the couch,
bro, You know who wants to sleep on couch? So I go
in there and like, hey, don't touch me whatever, blah blah blah
whatever. I'm just sitting here. Of course, he tried it that night
and I'm like, no, straight, I don't want to do it.
He stopped, and then that next morning he was trying it again, and
I still was like, no, I don't want to do it now when
somebody declines your sexual advances and you say that you don't care and to stop
fighting you. I think we all know what that is, right, But
we didn't end up having sex. But it's the whole point that you was
trying it, you know what I'm saying. The fact that you said that
too really just left a very bad taste in my mouth, and I made
a mental note of that, so I will never forget. So since I
didn't want to do it, he was like, all right, get out,
is heim? Get out? So I went back out into the living
room. And at this point, it's early in the morning, so everybody's
awake and getting ready for the day and him and he comes out of the
room. Him and his sister get into an argument about some shit that ain't
got nothing to do with me, right, So I'm already I'm sitting on
the couch. I'm minding my own business. And they're arguing and I'm talking
about at the top of the lungs, face to face. Like everybody's out
in the living room, everybody's getting ready for their day, and I'm sitting
on the couch again, I'm minding my own motherfucking business. I don't have
nothing to do with the argument has nothing to do with me. He gets
triggered by what she says. And I know because after she said it,
I looked at him in his face and he was triggered. And I don't
know if it's because she spoke some truth that he might have thought that I
didn't know, or whatever, but he was triggered on top of the fact
that you ain't have sex with me. So you probably you probably big mad,
right you are? He big mad now, and you're looking like a
fool in front of me, So you big mad? They arguing, they
arguing. You know, I ain't gotta go into what they was arguing about.
But then he he put the spotlight on me. But you're gonna let
a random bitch stay here, the bitch that you brought here, the bitch
that you banned in the cars cover. Yeah, I'm here. But I'm
not even saying nothing cause it ain't my business. I'm not trying to get
into it. And I'm at a disadvantage in this situation because at the end
of the day, y'all are family. You know what I'm saying, y'all
ain't about to gang up on me. And you know what I'm saying,
I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything to you this entire time that
I've been here. But I know how to mind my business. So this
bitch gotta go, This bitch gotta go. She's like, Jazmine, you
don't have to leave. No, this bitch gotta go. He started grabbing
my shit, throwing my shit all around the room. It's getting real heated.
But I'm still not saying anything. I'm not doing anything. I'm not
going you know what I'm saying. I'm not gonna make the situation worse.
I'm not gonna put fuel on the fire. I'm at a disadvantage in this
situation. He's very upset. He has a lot of misdirected anger, and
now what's coming at me. So I don't know if I was already just
standing up, but he came over and he pushed me onto the couch.
This bitch gotta go, This bitch gotta go, grabs me by my Before
he did that, I thought he was gonna start punching me. So I'm
like this, And you know, I told a few people in this story,
like a few girls or whatever, and everybody like, you ain't fight
him? You ain't, are you crazy? So these motherfuckers could beat my
ass and throw me in a lake somewhere like I no, no, no.
So I'm like this cause I thought he was gonna start punching me,
and he grabs me by my hair and pulled me off the couch like this
bitch gotta go. I'm like, bro, I will leave. And this
is what I'm saying. When you stay in a situation way longer than what
you're supposed to, I knew I should have been left that situation. And
it's so funny because up until the days leading up into this, in my
mind, I kept saying, like, this is it is starting to become
a lot for me mentally, emotionally, like spiritually, I'm like, I'm
a strong person, but it's starting to become a lot. It's really starting
to weigh on me. It's really starting to take a toll on me.
And I'm like, in my mind I kept saying this. I was like,
I don't want it to become physical. You know what I'm saying.
I don't want it to so that's happening. I'm like, bro, I
will leave, so I go lock myself in a room. I start gathering
my stuff up, and at this point he's still just going off. Mind
you, the argument had nothing to do with me. But again, every
day he was telling me to leave, so I knew how he felt,
you know what I'm saying, But he was using this as an opportunity to
just go off. So whatever. But while I'm in the room gathering my
stuff, and you know, I gotta make light of any situation. One
thing I'm always gonna do is get my hair done. So the day before
that, I took my brains, so I had a hair appointment this morning.
So I'm like, man, God, please just let me make it
to my hair appointment, Like I want to get my shit brady today I'm
thinking that. So I'm gathering my things and as I'm gathering my things,
he's still going off. He's still yelling, he's still loud as fuck,
and he's like, nah, uh, I guess his sister was saying like
she was gonna call a police on him. He like, you wanna call
a police on your brother? And he was like, I'm gonna go to
jail behind this, Like she can't stay here if she do, she not
gonna be safe here. Mental note. And again, when a person shows
you who they are, believe it. Now. I remember throughout this whole
thing, I never did anything to this man ever, And even in this
moment, in this where it became physical, I never did anything to you.
I never said anything to you. So in my mind, I'm making
a mental note of him saying that I'm not gonna be safe here if I
stay here. You know what I'm saying. So when you come back with
an apology, And that's another thing. Even when I said, like that
night we was in the bed and he has said some of the the craziest
meaningshit that you could ever say to a person. He was like, and
if I ever apologize or or or take back what I said, just know
that I don't mean that. Like I mean everything I'm saying. So you
gotta think everything that he said, the way that he's treated me this entire
time and this moment, this is who he really is. So don't ever,
Jasmin, don't ever in your mind trick yourself to think that he's not
this person, because he is. So when he was saying I'm not safe
here, he gonna go to jail, You gonna go to jail behind I
cannot wrap my mind around not doing something to somebody. And then, and
that's what I'm saying. So dealing with a narcissistic individual or being in this
type of situation, you gotta understand that like this is spiritual and psychological warfare.
This is a very dark, demonic type energy. And this when I
keep telling y'all, I never did nothing to this person. Why do you
want to destry by me so bad? So it goes back to that being
in competition with me, being jealous of me. I've never done anything to
you. So he like ended up barging it. I think he had left
and then came back and he barged in the room. He was knocking on
the door. I opened the door, pushed the door open, and I'm
like, I'm getting my stuff together. I'm about to leave. Also,
I'm not really sure why you have this much smoke for a for a woman
that's fourteen that didn't do anything to you. I didn't put my hands on
you, I did. You know what I'm saying, like, go fight
a nigga in the street, Go fight a nigga in jail, Like go
put your you know what I'm saying like it's very weird. So I gather
all of my things. I catch my lift to my hair appointment with my
suitcase and my hamper and my Duffel bag. And I get there and I'm
like, yirl, I know this shit look crazy, but whatever, and
I got my hair done. Oh and then and when I was in my
lift on the way there, he called me and was like, where are
you going. I'm going to get my hair done. I'm like, what
the fuck? And he was I'm sorry, like I took it too far,
like you could bring your stuff back here, like you could come back.
I'm about to go to work, Da da da da, And I'm
like, nah, I'm straight. So I got my hair done. I
ended up going to my job to see like what my options were and any
hotels that I could stay at. And he caught me a few more times
that day, of course, apologizing and I'm sorry, like I did have
a lot of misdirected anger and da da da da da, and I'm sorry,
Like the door is always open for you to come back. I really
want to stand on my word, like I said that I was gonna help
you get on your feet here, like I want to stand on that and
in my mind, I'm like, yeah, all of that sounds good,
but he's gonna flip again like Jazmine, do not go back there and whatever.
That was it. He had ended up calling me maybe like some days
later and was like, I'm just doing a will on this check and at
this point I'm in a safe place. Now I'm good, and I'm like,
oh, yeah, I'm good. That was it, and then he
had like accidentally called me another time. But if y'all know how iPhones work,
you know that if your phone is on do not disturb and somebody calls
the first time, it goes straight to voicemail. If they call a second
time, then the call goes through. My phone was on do not disturb.
He said, oh, I called you on a accident two times,
but I just didn't even say nothing. And then after that he was messaging
me because like Samel was going over there. He like, you don't live
here. Stop getting your He said that to me to again, I have
something else went over there today. He like, I'm gonna call the police
on you. I should call the police on you for physically assaulting me,
Like what are you talking about? Oh? And then this this was the
kicker too. Uh. Maybe about a week or so ago, he asked
me, like, why was I still talking to his family? And I'm
like, Bro, your sister called me you're a liar. We're looking at
the call log right now. I sent him a screenshot of the incoming call
from his sister. He was like, it doesn't matter. I'm telling her
to block you. You're insane, bro, And I just want to be
left alone. And at the end of the day, I had to come
on here and share my experience with y'all because you know, I I been
gone all the time. I need to get back to myself. I need
to get back to creating. I need to get back to the podcast.
I'm not just trying to work my job and that be it. I wanna
do my podcast. I want to incorporate the yoga, I want to do
live events. I want to do all of that. I'm loving Dallas.
And even when I tell you know, I don't just be telling everybody this,
but you know when I tell people this, like and that was the
thing another thing he used to say to me, like basically like I'm gonna
be fucked up without him, And I'm like, little do you know I
can't wait to separate from you, because I'm gonna thrive without you. I'm
gonna be so much better without you. I never needed you. I never
needed you. I never needed you. But I think it was very important
for me to come on here and share this story and this information with y'all
because I don't know who gonna watch this or listen to it or whatever,
but if I could help one person, whether it be a man or a
woman, whatever, but you know, specifically women like from making better decisions
than I did, being wise, using your discernment so that you don't have
to go through a situation like this, or if even if you are in
a situation like this. And again, I know a lot of women that
have been in situations like this. I know women that have been in abusive
relationships and not just physical, mentally verbally like that shit is real, That
shit is real, and that shit will fucking kill you, That shit will
drain you until it ain't nothing left. And again, I was on TikTok
looking at comments women people talking about they had been in these situations for five,
ten, fifteen, twenty years. I cannot even imagine that ain't gonna
be me and I damn sure don't want it to be you. So that
is that let me sing, because I still didn't even go through all of
these notes. Oh this is a cool little thing that I wrote down.
Something that I wrote in the notes. I said, when I sit back
and think about all the things that I went through, period, the bullshit
with my child's father, all the bullshit and relationships and with niggas and just
the general struggle in my life thus far, I think about all of the
good seeds that I've sung, all of the times that I've taken the high
road, the fact that I've maintained good energy and stayed a genuine person with
pure intentions through all of that. I know that I'm gonna be blessed.
I am blessed, but I know God gonna do his big one for me.
You feel me? And what else was I gonna say? Oh,
that's another thing, just me making this Like, I was very apprehensive about
even speaking about this, and you know, because somebody's gonna be mad that
I spoke my truth. But I feel like when you stay silent in situations
of injustice or just in your whatever. Whenever you stay silent, nobody's ever
gonna know your side of the story, you know what I'm saying, regardless
of if somebody else got to be the villain or not. You have a
right to speak up and speak your truth, period, you know what I'm
saying. And then if you don't speak up, you allow people to create
a narrative, which is whatever they come up with and whatever they run with.
And you know, and that's no, no, you can have your
narrative. But baby, I got one too, man, and I'm an
author. I'm saying nothing. But and then it's so funny because the other
day I think you're gonna be able to hear this if I play If I
play this little music clip real quick, Y're gon y'all gonna be able to
hear it. Yeah. This was the song that I wrote and recorded in
twenty nineteen, so at the age of twenty nine, and I just so
happened to pull it up the other day and listen to it, and I'm
like, this ship hit even harder today. And I got fucking bars,
y'all know, I got bars. Stop playing with me. I wasn't crazy
on this. I don't want to see games. I'm giving it out to
figure red out, like hard like a fucking knockout, and I'm the one
light out and stuffing. My mind has to cook through the fire. Sobod's
coming out with fine play. But your life to design, ain't no point
to say all the sign if you don't want to find love. These gotta
be the gotta open up your heart. No thehing a spell and it ain't
sens to be then it's gonna be propelled. It's huge and no one's right
person. Don't I just build energy change and I concentrant that you you gotta
learn about yourself and the love of attraction to everybody ain't good. They might
be a destruction in everything in your life. Don't get to actually want to
fight with you all. I gotta fight with my scope to sell the love
and self garing number one on the show. I was dealing with whatever was
bad for my house, and the only advertising said I got is to scope
and my might an open book coming in and through stories. I went through
the struggle on my way to the glories. I gotta bustup for my son
and mendatory and don't hit up out my territory. I got happiness within my
energy is so when I got them a bad and fighting like a violin.
Nigga. See that I'm trying, nigga, See that I'm shying to do
this. What a bad sheep I lost to mine? Walking in my presence?
Be thinking? Then so long we got a Rather, I've been weaning
fun as with men, and it's all of my time. I've been waiting
time. If you want to be free, to be free, you just
gotta have knowledge to tell. I'm twenty nine and I just figured this life.
Don't like it, but but you ain't ever gonna really because it ain't
no manuals and this ship so so listen to your insolitions and just following your
heart. That ship hit even harder in twenty twenty three at the age of
thirty three. So again, you know, I don't be wanting to put
myself on the chopping block, and you know, feel like I gotta be
some type of role model or whatever or be this perfect person for the world.
But God is using me as example. He's using my experience as an
example. You know what I'm saying. I'm a vessel. Johnson said,
how's it going? For? End? And ending it right now? But
she was supposed to call it maybe next maybe I don't know, next week
or the week after, we could do our little shit. But yeah,
that that's man. That's been the last eight months of my life. So
I'm back back to being consistent, back in this thing. I really love
this. I love this whole setup. I love this look, this is
my vibe, Like this is great. I hope that this. I hope
this shit go viral. Like this was good, especially since I was like,
I didn't know what I wanted to say, how I wanted to say
it, how much I wanted to share. I think it went pretty fucking
good. So I hope that y'all enjoy this. I hope y'all took something
from this. Make sure that you follow me on all platforms at Healing my
Homies, I Black Girl Experience on TikTok. Make sure that you subscribe to
the podcast Ready five stars of a reviewing why you love a Black Girl Experience.
Make sure that you subscribe to the YouTube, drop a comment like this
video, share this shit all of that. Yeah, that's it. That's
all I got for y'all. I'm out