WEBVTT

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In this episode, my dad just
died, So there we go. That's

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what we're going to talk about.
I'm gonna have Kirsten here to help me

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process shit, and uh yeah,
stay tuned. Hello there, and welcome

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to this episode of the Latter Day
Lesbian podcast podcast about a Next Morning gay

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girl just trying to figure out her
fucking life. Did I get it right

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that time? I think I did. It was pretty am I like,

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oh, okay, well, I'm
Shelley and I have my co host,

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Kirsten. I'm Kirsten. We'll be
doing lots of random whoever co hosts as

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I figure this shit out. We're
like at the end of January right now.

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If this episode comes out before the
Christmas episode, does I'm sorry,

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did you record the Chris what?
Sorry? I haven't recorded my part,

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which is literally five minutes worth of
stuff that I need to record. I

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have everything else done from Fanny fact
check and Bryce Blank and Angle. Oh

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it's edited and everything. I just
have been so out of my mind busy.

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So those of you who are listening
to this, if you're like,

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yeah, we haven't hit Christmas yet, I've been a little busy. It

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turns out, turns out well,
I know what if you do Christmas in

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July, we could because I have
ever heard of that. Yes, this

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was in July. I love to
go to karaoke and do Christmas long July.

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I'm like rude off the red Nose
Reindeer, and I make people sing

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with me. I'm like sing it. Oh my gosh, like a light

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bulb if you okay? Speaking of
karaoke, I have become a bit of

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a karaoke junkie since my uh I
guess break up with Mary and being single

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for a while and going out and
I have realized that I I don't know

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if you know this about me,
but I'm a bit of a performer.

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She's not stage, you know.
But I have definitely got to the point

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where I know I'm gonna suck ass
at the song, but I don't care,

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and I will make fun of myself
as I sing, and then I'll

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get the crowd involved and make fun
of them as they sing and be like,

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well, at least I'm not as
bad as that guy. Nice dude,

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See you should be a karaoke host. Oh my god, what do

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you like to sing? Just about
anything? My more recent ones, I

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love me some careless whisper by Ram, Yes, what's the what's the other

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Ram song? That I love?
Everything she wants? How's that one go?

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Everything she wants is everything she needs? I'm trying to get the chorus.

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I don't remember. Dude, dude, doude, Yes, that's the

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one. That's the one. And
there's always there's the part and the song

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where I need to point at someone
and say, and now you tell me

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that you're having my baby. I'll
tell you that I'm happy if you want

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me to. And it's always some
white dude like, wait what, I'm

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like, you're the one who rolled
up in this lesbian karaoke nights, so

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oh, And that's a good point. It's been. I think one of

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the reasons why this has been a
new cute thing for you is that you

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were doing lesbian meetup groups and there
was like lesbian karaoke. Who doesn't want

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to do that? I always want
to do that. I do too.

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It's so much fun. I wish
we live closer together, because I will

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do I don't care. I'm to
the point, I'm the point of my

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life where I'm gonna I'm damn near
fifty and I just don't care. I

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just want to be happy. I
just want people around me to be happy.

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And if people do like the way
I'm singing, get over it.

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If you don't like straight. I
don't know why I keep saying white.

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I'm just imagining there was just the
last time I was doing karaoke, and

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I'm believing it. Okay, so
I am white, so I can be

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racist againt white against white people.
Is that how it works? Yeah?

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Okay, thanks Dune karaoke in this
group of white people come in and they

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look like they just came from like
an award ceremony for something really fancy,

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and I've been drinking, and they
look very boring and very just kind of

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stuffy, and so of course the
first thing I think is like, I

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need to sing push It by Salt
and Peppa, And they're all over on

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these like like green sort of suede
couches. I was sitting next to all

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of the boyfriends there and making them
sing along, and they didn't know the

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words because they were I don't know, maybe mid twenties and not cool enough,

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like my kids are the words the
children? You were seeing children singing

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with children, And so when I
was about to say push It, good

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I would like tell the guy next
me, like, it's gonna say bushet

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good and push it. Really I
got them to sing along. It was

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could I sing in tempo? Were
they doing it? No? But they

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did it. It's horrible, but
I was so proud of them. They're

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like, push it good, ma'am. They're all just lesbian is stolen is

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lawed to do it. We gotta
do it. She's probably old enough to

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be my grandma. If she says
push it good, I'm gonna have to

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push it good. You actually are
old enough to be their grandma? Oh

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if they're in their twenties, no, I could be their mom. Well

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not almost fifty. That's true in
another world, No, could you.

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Well, here's the thing. My
friend then went to his high school reunion.

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I think it was like twenty twentieth
high school reunion, and some of

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his friends were like, like,
his age, our age, Ben and

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I are the same age, born
in nineteen seventy six. He's like,

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some of my friends have grandchildren.
Yeah, some of mine, you too,

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but the grandchildren aren't twenty four years
old at a karaike club. But

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oh yeah yeah sorry, math oh
oh, math, I tell you,

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no, I could be it.
I mean Lincoln their mom. Yeah,

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Lincoln is twenty four, my oldest. He could have easily had a few

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kids by now. If you've gone
to my high school. Thanks for getting

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hot up in there. Yeah,
speaking of that's another song I sing,

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It's getting hot in here. Yeah, so take off all your clothes and

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get in so hot. I always
get like a girl in the crowd to

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seeing the high note. Oh good, yeah, yeah, because I can't.

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Yeah, so hot in here.
That's the one I always do.

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I recently started doing It takes two
by Rob Bass and DJ Easy Rock,

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because I know those were you know
that one. It's good. I know

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it takes two from Into the Woods. That's not the one by Stephen Sometime.

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No, I don't know that one. It takes two. You thought

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one is an Okay, listen,
I'm the musical theater. Go here's yours,

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since it takes to go and then
I'll do mine. Okay, it

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takes two. We thought one was
enough. It's not true. It takes

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two of us. It takes care. Okay, that's about all I'm gonna

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do. That was yours. I
loved it. Do you want to hear

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my? It takes too I do. I want a rock raight. Now.

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I'm rock based and I came to
get down. I'm not internationally known,

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but I'm known to rock the microphone
because that gets stupid, I mean

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outrageous. Stay away from me.
If you couldn't tache it, that's my

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stay away from me. If you're
contag Yeah, I just want to sing

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that. No, Carl, listen. When I was doing some time,

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it was like, you know,
if you're a nerd like me, you're

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like, oh, I know this
one. When you sing that little ditty,

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it made my shoulders move and all
of a sudden, I was like

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jamming, Yeah, rock them back
and forth in the chair. Yes,

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yeah, it's the one that goes. It takes two to make a thing

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go right and huh it takes two
to make it ahead of side. That's

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the one. It's a rappy part
that I like to do for the fans.

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I have one rap that I like, Gangster's Paradise. That's a good

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one. Let's see. I want
to say, you know, with Michelle

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Viiffer, but she's actually in the
rap. She's in the movie where the

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song anyway, Sorry, okay,
do go, We're going down rabbit hole.

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Get you, but I like to
do this one and I couldn't be

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whiter. Ask Jillie how many freckles. I'm not gonna lie. You're so

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white, your hair's red. I
know it's the only contrast I have.

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So I go like this, I
go, you better watch how you're walking

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and how you're talking, or you
and your homies might be lyned in chalk.

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But I ain't never killed a man
that didn't deserve it to be treated

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like a fool. You know what's
unheard of? Or I didn't never treat

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him. I never hit him.
Man. I don't know it's something violent.

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I just want to point out that
Kirson grabbed her crotch as she was

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singing those lyrics. You did,
you definitely did, Yes, you did.

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I am five shades of red right
now. Oh my god, I

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have my crotch. Why don't we
video and not just audio because this is

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phenomenal. We should do like I'm
so sorry you had to see that,

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Shelly. I had a great time. He okay, okay, So that

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was in good comedy. That has
been very needed because, as I said

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at the beginning, my dad just
died. Yeah, this is delus.

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Yeah, she hasn't slept in a
minute. Oh god, I haven't slept

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in a long time. It's been
it's been long. So anyway, now

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that we got our laughter out of
the way, well, and I don't

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know that I'm going to get my
laughter out of the way because I was.

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I laughed through everything was smu earlier. I'm going to come clean to

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y'all audience. Listen, I have
a medical cannabis card, So put your

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judgment where it deserves to be.
Mary Go. I don't know whatever.

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I have fun. It's all party. I love it. It's fine,

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Lottie Dottie. I likes to party. It's another song I'll do. Okay,

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Okay, slick. We must do
karaoke together. This would be great

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if this whole podcasting thing like ends
up not working out. After all,

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we're gonna go into wrap okay,
and we're gonna light a dumpster on fire

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ya together as friends. We'll hold
hands. Yes, we'll pour a kerosene

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into the desk or we'll light it
on fire and then we will be like

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cool, and then we'll go to
Olive Garden. You're picking up the dab

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and I'm getting bottomless. Some things
drinks drinks. God, Kirsten. So

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now we're going to a bar with
strippers. Yes, no, I've never

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been. Have you to a strip
club? Yeah no I haven't. I

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haven't either, but I almost had. My boss taken me to one when

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we were Vegas last time, and
because I had never been, I'm like,

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oh, that sounds fun. And
so I was looking. I was

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on the interwebs, and I was
looking up strip clubs in the area and

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reading about them, and it just
it creeped me out because it literally felt

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like I was reading about how to
behave at a livestock auction, because it

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was like, oh, if you
want to if there's a certain girl that

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you want to attract to your table, say this, do this, like

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how to pick the one. It
just came across his creepy And this is

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nothing against the strip strippers and dancers
whatever. If that's your choice, it's

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what you want to do, even
if you're a sex worker. Fact.

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Yeah, mans, what you've decided
you want to do. I don't give

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a shit. Just for me,
it felt a little weird. Okay,

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anyway, so strippers. Then my
dad died, so should we bring it

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back around? Okay? So here
here is what has just got down?

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My uncle this is my mom's youngest
sister's husband, sixty nine years old.

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Always had trouble with his lungs.
Has some lung shit, like an actual

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sickness I can't think of the name
of it, where he would have to

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take blood thinners, like heavy duty
blood thinners. He's been on blood thinners

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for like ten years, long time. Anyway, A couple of weeks ago

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he had was having some pain,
went into the hospital. Turns out he

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had blood clots and they couldn't save
him and he died, passed away.

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Super sad. Didn't see it coming. I'm young too, yes, not

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even seventy. And the last time
I saw him was that my mom's funeral

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back in August, if you all
remember, she passed passed away in August.

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And so it's kind of trippy to
be like, dude, I was

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just like talking to him and he
was not sick at all. He was

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my uncle Galen like he just there
was no cause for concern. His funeral

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was yesterday. By the way,
I'm in Utah right now, did we

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say that already? I'm again with
Kirsten at her house recording a podcast episode

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we did not say that. Now
people know what's up. I mean Utah.

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Okay, sorry, sorry if we
confused everyone. So I had a

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plane ticket to come out this past
Wednesday for the Saturday funeral so I could

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spend some time with Kirsten and then
spend something with my brothers. But then

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on Monday got a message from my
brother Mike, who happened to be in

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Utah visiting my dad, and he
said, I'm with dad hospice nurses here.

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Things are not looking good. I
was asking Mike, and Okay,

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for those of you who are brand
new to the podcast, first of all,

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you might want to start at episode
one to get the whole shebang if

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you don't feel like it, and
this is your very first episode. I

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my oldest brother's David, he's an
asshole. Then there's Mike, who is

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awesome. There's Mark, who is
awesome, and then there's me and who

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is awesome. Thank you. So
Mike was the one who was out here,

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and he was one who said,
yeah, hospice nurses saying things aren't

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looking good. So Mark and Mike
and I all talked and were like,

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Mike, well, what do you
think is he gonna last? And tell

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the funeral. What I mean,
should we come out sooner? So Mike

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said, I don't know, but
it doesn't look good. And I was

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like, okay, I'm buying a
ticket right now. That was Monday morning

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when we had the conversation. So
I changed my airline ticket to instead of

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Wednesday to come out on Monday.
Hopped on a plane, came out,

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went straight to my dad's apartment.
He was living in a and he'd been

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moved to the memory care unit.
Saw him. He just was kind of

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just comatose, I guess, like
non responsive, but he was also helped

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up on some morphines. He had
been in pain. Was he opening his

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eyes at all? No, not
at all, just laying there with his

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head to this side and just deep
breaths. And so I sat there with

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him and I talked to him.
Mike decided he was going to stay the

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night there, just on the floor
with my dad so he could call us

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as something happens. Mike and Mark
are amazing. Can I just say they

210
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almost make up for how shitty David
is. They are such good, like

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caring shirt off their back, yeah, for you, you know. Mike

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stayed there, Mark and I went
to my aunt Beverly's house. The next

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morning, my dad was still the
same condition. We went over there and

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we just spent the day just sitting
there with my dad and telling stories and

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laughing and talking and just you know, cutting up like we do. And

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I would go and sit by my
dad and hold his hand and kind of

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talk to him, but he just
was just deep breathing and nothing else.

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And I have, by the way, trigger warning. I'm going to talk

219
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about how it was like to watch
my dad die. I was just thinking

220
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about that too. I was just
thinking, like, because I watched several

221
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of my grandparents pass and one of
them was rough. I mean, it

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went on for weeks. It was
tough, and I don't know, but

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yeah, trigger warning for sure,
trigger warning for sure. Yeah. I'm

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just thinking if you don't want to, if you don't want to hear about

225
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it, then fast forward or just
listen with someone. But yeah, I'm

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going to talk about like, let's
talk about it right now. Then right

227
00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:04.120
now? Yes. Uh So,
the hospice nurse was kind of coming in

228
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and out and checking his vitals and
checking his uh blood oxygen whatever it's called.

229
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And it was like in the low
eighties, which is not good.

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And it was interesting for me because
my brother Mike is a doctor, and

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so he would talk with uh,
the hospice lady, nurse whatever about like

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physically what was going on, which
made it kind of for me, I

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guess was maybe like a nice distraction. Maybe, so it was. It

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was. For example, I learned
that as your body slows down, your

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organs are trying to keep your brain
and your heart alive, you know,

236
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so that it'll stop sending so much
blood to your extremities. And so my

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00:16:48.440 --> 00:16:52.960
dad's feet got cold, and his
hands got cold, and then he'd start

238
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to get like kind of gray,
and his extremities because they're not getting the

239
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oxygen and the blood that brings in. And this is all stuff that I

240
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didn't know. And again I don't
know. It's kind of this balance of

241
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like, wow, that's really interesting
how your body works, how your body.

242
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There's a process that your body has
to go through to like kind of

243
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kind of cross the finish line,
you know, you know what I mean.

244
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I mean, sure, some people
have like a stroke or their heart

245
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stops or whatever it is, but
this sort of slow shutdown of the body

246
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and just watching it happen was surreal. Even I would say just kind of

247
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I've never been there before. Kind
of interesting too, how with your brother

248
00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:34.519
talking with the hospice nurse, how
it kind of makes it more clinical and

249
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more information. And I don't know
about you, but I find information,

250
00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:45.720
even if it's like really a lot
of information, like it's hard information.

251
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For some reason, I just find
it soothing. I want to know what's

252
00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:52.839
going on, yes, and to
have it be more clinical. Here's the

253
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body, Here's what the body is
going to do, here's what you can

254
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expect, all that kind of thing, like I want to know and yeah,

255
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I can see, this is the
dying process, this is what the

256
00:18:03.039 --> 00:18:06.480
heart is doing, this is what
the Yeah, it was like having that

257
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more clinical part to it, I
think was a bit of a distraction for

258
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me, which was good. And
also, you know, my relationship with

259
00:18:12.000 --> 00:18:17.039
my mom and my relationship with my
dad were very different, and I know

260
00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:21.079
that my dad has been miserable since
my mom passed, So there was also

261
00:18:21.400 --> 00:18:27.160
the part of me it's an interesting
thing. Okay, So as my dad

262
00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:33.880
is breathing, the hospice nurse is
saying he was having a regular breathing in

263
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out, deep breath like that,
like the body's trying to get the air

264
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that it needs to stay working,
and once in a while it would pause

265
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for like three seconds between the next
breath, and when that would happen,

266
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my brothers and I would stop what
we're doing and turn and look like,

267
00:18:48.039 --> 00:18:52.400
holy shit, is that it?
Did Dad just die? And it's like

268
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he's pausing, we're holding our breath, and then when he goes takes another

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00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:03.759
breath, it's like this weird mix
of whew, dad didn't just die and

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like, shit, dad didn't just
die. Yeah, you know so many

271
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emotions of I don't want my dad
to die, and I want my dad

272
00:19:14.599 --> 00:19:18.559
to die. Yeah, well he
needs to, yes, exactly, he

273
00:19:18.599 --> 00:19:22.759
needed to. Yeah, dude.
Same with my grandpa. That was the

274
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hardest one to watch because it was
colon cancer and it was down to the

275
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you know, down to morphine under
his tongue. Yeah, he was basically

276
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I mean, not in a coma
with oxygen. He was just kind of

277
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he was on his way out,
and then he got to this place because

278
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he had polio. His leg was
swollen and so his body was living off

279
00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:52.519
of the water retention in his leg, and it took him so much longer

280
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to die than it does the average
person. It was really really hard.

281
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Wow. And I would and of
course I saw him every day for hours,

282
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and every time I would leave,
I would say goodbye, thinking that

283
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was it, thinking that was it, And then he was alive the next

284
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day and then I don't know.
Okay again trigger warning, I don't know.

285
00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:15.960
Have you ever heard of the death
rattle? Yes? I learned about

286
00:20:17.000 --> 00:20:19.240
it with my dad. Did he
have that? Yes? Okay, I'm

287
00:20:19.279 --> 00:20:22.680
sorry, honey, it wasn't really
bad, but yeah, it was there.

288
00:20:22.759 --> 00:20:26.240
I'm sorry, but you can talk
about it with your Yeah, the

289
00:20:26.279 --> 00:20:30.920
death rattle was really you know,
I was young. I was just a

290
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kid, and I was learning all
of this along with my dad whose dad

291
00:20:37.279 --> 00:20:41.319
it was, and my mother,
and we were just learning about the stages

292
00:20:41.319 --> 00:20:48.960
of death and it and the hospice
nurse. He was actually in this room.

293
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He actually died in this room.
Oh really yeah? Wow? And

294
00:20:52.759 --> 00:21:00.319
the room that I'll be sleeping in
tonight. Cool nod? Will I want

295
00:21:00.400 --> 00:21:03.839
him hanging out? Fuck? Yeah? You yeah, right on. I

296
00:21:03.880 --> 00:21:07.799
mean, don't tell anybody else,
but he was my favorite grandpa, but

297
00:21:07.880 --> 00:21:12.839
I was his favorite grandchild. He's
the best anyway. Yeah. And also

298
00:21:12.839 --> 00:21:15.200
I've done a lot of staging.
If you care about that wooh shit,

299
00:21:15.480 --> 00:21:19.680
I do, but I do too, and so anyway, yeah, it

300
00:21:19.720 --> 00:21:26.119
was scary, and there was something
about just knowing understanding what this is.

301
00:21:26.759 --> 00:21:32.599
The process was when you when you
get to the end like that, you're

302
00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:37.720
it is kind of mercy, like
a bittersweet feeling where you're like, this

303
00:21:37.799 --> 00:21:45.200
person can't even breathe through their phlegm
and there's a rattle. My dad wasn't

304
00:21:45.240 --> 00:21:47.839
that bad by the day? Oh
good, Yeah, I'm so glad.

305
00:21:48.240 --> 00:21:52.759
I'm so glad my dad. My
grandpa was like that for probably like five

306
00:21:52.839 --> 00:21:56.279
days. It was sorry, horrible
Grandpa Morgan. I'm sorry, yeah,

307
00:21:56.519 --> 00:22:03.480
but his stubborn ass. Finally there
you go. Yeah, and it was

308
00:22:03.559 --> 00:22:07.599
a relief. But it's never okay, it just sucks. It is such

309
00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:11.599
a weird. So when my mom
passed, it was a similar situation when

310
00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:14.039
all of a sudden, the hospice
was like, uh, your mom,

311
00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:18.440
it took a nose dive and I
flew out got to see you or got

312
00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:21.960
to talk to her. She didn't
talk back. She was already you know.

313
00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:25.599
She was in a similar yes,
okay, but then she died in

314
00:22:25.640 --> 00:22:26.519
the middle of the night when no
one was there, so it was we

315
00:22:26.559 --> 00:22:30.119
got the phone call your mom passed, and we went over in the morning,

316
00:22:30.119 --> 00:22:36.240
but with my dad again, we're
all sitting around and talking and laughing

317
00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:38.240
like two brothers and his sister would
do. And the hospice nurse would pop

318
00:22:38.240 --> 00:22:42.519
in once in a while and check
his vitals, and she again pointed out

319
00:22:42.519 --> 00:22:47.160
how like, well, his hands
are cold. That's because things are shutting

320
00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:49.400
down, and the bodies instinct is
to stay alive, so it's going to

321
00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:53.319
pump the blood to the heart into
the brain because that's what you have to

322
00:22:53.359 --> 00:22:59.119
have. And then there's like a
discoloration of the skin that happens because it's

323
00:22:59.119 --> 00:23:02.160
not getting enough ox in. And
so she was showing that, and when

324
00:23:02.200 --> 00:23:03.519
she would come in she'd check,
she'd show like, a, see,

325
00:23:03.519 --> 00:23:11.200
now it's discolored this many it's moved
this many inches toward his h the center

326
00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:15.319
of his body, Like that's what's
not really Wow, yeah, that is

327
00:23:15.559 --> 00:23:19.440
really I think that's so helpful.
It really was, because it was almost

328
00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:23.319
like it was helping us see the
timeline, you know, because I can

329
00:23:23.400 --> 00:23:29.359
imagine sitting there wondering how long is
dad going to be suffering like this?

330
00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:33.680
But to see a timeline. Yeah, I guess it was. It was.

331
00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:36.640
It was a good distraction. It
was helpful, and it was almost

332
00:23:36.680 --> 00:23:40.000
like you could prepare because then you're
going, okay, we're getting really really

333
00:23:40.039 --> 00:23:42.759
close now. Yeah, and she
would tell us what to watch out for,

334
00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:47.519
you know, if this certain thing
changes, then we're right there at

335
00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:52.640
the end. And which was what
happened was is he had this normal deep

336
00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:56.920
breathing which which was pretty much the
same for quite a few hours, but

337
00:23:56.960 --> 00:23:59.960
then he would have where he would
pause between breaths and we would all panic

338
00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:03.720
and have that weird emotion of oh, please don't die, Please don't die,

339
00:24:03.759 --> 00:24:06.000
and then like, oh crap,
he didn't die. Yes, now

340
00:24:06.039 --> 00:24:10.240
he's still suffering and we're still here
and it's you know, And so that

341
00:24:10.279 --> 00:24:12.440
became more frequent where there was more
frequent pauses, and then she said there

342
00:24:12.480 --> 00:24:18.559
will be likely just a noticeable change
in the way that he's breathing. It

343
00:24:18.599 --> 00:24:22.359
was probably another hour of him doing
is you know what's sarm like. This

344
00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:23.480
was only a few days ago today's
Sunday, by the way, and it

345
00:24:23.519 --> 00:24:26.519
was a Tuesday when he passed.
Uh huh. There were a lot of

346
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:30.960
times where Mark and Mike and I
were just sitting there in silence, and

347
00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:38.359
you it became the rhythmic breathing of
my dad where it just became part of

348
00:24:40.200 --> 00:24:42.960
the experience, you know. And
so then when that would get interrupted by

349
00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:47.160
him pausing, it like woke everyone
up. Not that we were sleep but

350
00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:49.200
just like what internal look at Dad, and then when he would start breathing

351
00:24:49.240 --> 00:24:53.119
and you just kind of settled back
into that rhythmic breathing. It was I

352
00:24:53.160 --> 00:24:56.680
wish I had a better word for
it, just to you know, I

353
00:24:56.720 --> 00:25:02.039
love the word thing. It was
just a thing, experience of whatever you

354
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:07.480
want to call it. Anyway,
So around three thirty three forty five,

355
00:25:08.599 --> 00:25:14.680
three forty five probably actually all of
a sudden, his breathing changed and it

356
00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:19.240
was like the rhythm was gone.
There wasn't that rhythm anymore. It was

357
00:25:19.480 --> 00:25:27.039
like shallow, shallow pause, deep
breath, long pause, deep breath,

358
00:25:27.559 --> 00:25:30.799
shallow, shallow, like there was
no rhythm anymore. And we're like,

359
00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:33.799
oh, guys, guys, guys, you know, like something's happening here.

360
00:25:34.519 --> 00:25:38.240
My brother went out in the hall, found the hospice nurse. She

361
00:25:38.279 --> 00:25:41.519
came in and she's like, yeah, it's this is the end. And

362
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:45.640
so I went up and stood up
by my dad, up by his head,

363
00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:51.200
and I just like cressed his arm
and told him I loved him,

364
00:25:51.559 --> 00:25:56.559
and told him like, you're good, you can go go be with Mom.

365
00:25:56.319 --> 00:26:00.599
And honestly, and I know I
might catch some flack on this,

366
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:03.519
because I know my mom and dad
had a relationship and parts of it I

367
00:26:03.559 --> 00:26:07.440
didn't love because my dad was very
controlling, very patriarchal. My mom kind

368
00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:11.279
of did what he said and at
the end she kind of didn't want to

369
00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:14.559
do what he said, and they
fought a lot as their dementia hit.

370
00:26:14.599 --> 00:26:18.559
But something in me, and I
don't know what happens after you die,

371
00:26:19.160 --> 00:26:27.480
something in me wanted them to be
reunited. Yeah, because even in the

372
00:26:27.559 --> 00:26:30.960
end for my mom, when she
was crazy and my dad drove her crazy,

373
00:26:32.119 --> 00:26:36.000
it became where he was the only
one that she wanted with her.

374
00:26:37.279 --> 00:26:42.200
And they were married, god fifty
six years longer than that, actually a

375
00:26:42.240 --> 00:26:45.200
lot of years. Was their marriage
perfect, No, of course not,

376
00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:49.519
but they they were who they knew
so and I know my dad adored my

377
00:26:49.599 --> 00:26:52.599
mom, even though he could be
controlling sometimes. And I know my mom

378
00:26:53.079 --> 00:27:00.440
adored my dad. And I stood
there with my dad and we're just,

379
00:27:00.880 --> 00:27:03.400
you know, kind of caressing his
arm and saying, it's okay, Dad,

380
00:27:03.400 --> 00:27:07.359
We've got this. We're good.
We're going to make sure everything happens

381
00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:10.039
the way it needs to happen,
because I think a lot of my dad's

382
00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:14.599
stubbornness was no one can take care
of things the way I can take care

383
00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:17.599
of things. He's kind of a
control freak, and I just felt like

384
00:27:17.640 --> 00:27:21.720
he needed to be reassured that we
got it, we got it, we

385
00:27:21.759 --> 00:27:25.960
will take care of everything. Here's
a question, Yes, of course,

386
00:27:26.200 --> 00:27:30.440
why would you catch flack for what
you just said. I posted on social

387
00:27:30.519 --> 00:27:33.480
media about my dad passing or that
he was with my mom now, and

388
00:27:33.680 --> 00:27:36.880
someone had posted I don't even know
who it was. I don't know if

389
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:37.640
it was a friend, I don't
even remember. Everything's just kind of a

390
00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:45.400
blur, but basically saying something to
affect the effect that it's like a bad

391
00:27:45.480 --> 00:27:48.720
belief or something that wasn't said in
such a mean way. But the intent

392
00:27:48.960 --> 00:27:53.759
was that just because people were married
doesn't mean that someone has to stay in

393
00:27:53.799 --> 00:27:57.720
an abusive relationship, right, don't
assume that they're together forever. And it

394
00:27:57.759 --> 00:28:02.240
wasn't said in a mean way like
that, but it made me think,

395
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:03.880
like, because I know I've talked
a lot of shit about my parents' marriage,

396
00:28:03.880 --> 00:28:07.400
because there was a lot of shit. You know, Well you're just

397
00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:11.119
talking, that's true. And also
where does that person love? I'm just

398
00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:14.880
I only look up. The name
is Paul, like a good friend of

399
00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:18.880
mine. Sorry, shut the fuck
up. Shelley just died. Yeah,

400
00:28:19.160 --> 00:28:22.319
bitch, Yeah, I don't remember
who was I don't know. Sorry.

401
00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:26.519
I know some people don't like the
word bitch. I might catch the flat

402
00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:30.720
for that, but shut up shut. I also use it as a term

403
00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:33.079
of endearment, of course. My
bitches, ah, my bitches. Oh,

404
00:28:33.079 --> 00:28:34.880
I have a funny story, but
we'll get to that a minute.

405
00:28:36.920 --> 00:28:38.279
But whoever said that, I know
you didn't mean anything bad about it.

406
00:28:38.279 --> 00:28:41.440
I do, I get it.
I don't. I don't even remember who

407
00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:44.200
it was. I'm not like,
I just checked yourself. That's all I'm

408
00:28:44.200 --> 00:28:51.359
saying. Sorry, Kirsten's little predictive
of me, but whatever, it's fine.

409
00:28:51.400 --> 00:28:53.079
But that's what made me say that. Then you could tell that as

410
00:28:53.119 --> 00:28:59.559
my dad was taking breaths, his
lungs weren't filling anymore. So it was

411
00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:03.119
like THEO was going through the motions
of breathing, but it wasn't breathing.

412
00:29:03.839 --> 00:29:10.519
And he did that maybe four times
and then no more breath. Oh my

413
00:29:10.599 --> 00:29:15.440
god, yeah, dude, it
was wow, so surreal. Yeah,

414
00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:18.440
he never struggled, He never There
was nothing he from the time that I

415
00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:23.880
got into town and saw him,
he didn't move at all, not his

416
00:29:23.960 --> 00:29:30.160
head, not his legs, nothing. He just was waiting for the body

417
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:34.599
to completely run out. Probably the
last two hours before his died, the

418
00:29:34.599 --> 00:29:37.680
hospice nurse, you know, checking
him and doing things, and she's like,

419
00:29:38.440 --> 00:29:42.880
he's basically only breathing now because his
brain stem is saying we have to

420
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:48.000
breathe, like he's there, he's
gone. And it makes me wonder because

421
00:29:48.039 --> 00:29:51.599
I do believe that we have some
kind of a soul, a spirit of

422
00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:55.319
something, an energy in us.
And so I was kind of having the

423
00:29:55.359 --> 00:29:59.240
conversation with my brothers, Mark and
Mike. They're both still very Mormon,

424
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.920
and the conversation was like, is
Dad you know and I think of that

425
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:07.599
like his energy or his soul,
and my brothers of course like his spirit

426
00:30:07.640 --> 00:30:11.319
because they're very Mormon. Is he
even still in the body or is he

427
00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:15.039
done? We have no idea,
No, we don't not a clue,

428
00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:21.240
try to prove it. Yeah,
exactly right. And the hospitsiness. I

429
00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:26.960
looked up a conversation about that.
Well. In first helaman chapter whatever all

430
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:29.720
the demos are, like, who
the fuck is Heloman? Read the Book

431
00:30:29.720 --> 00:30:33.039
of Mormon and you'd an army.
It's fine, it's true, don't worry

432
00:30:33.079 --> 00:30:40.400
about it. Did he have the
stripping the stripling warriors? Care sidebar those

433
00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:45.200
guys anyway? Any way? I
know, with their shirts off and the

434
00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:51.759
pictures when another time it's a whole
other I'm going to take a note about

435
00:30:51.759 --> 00:30:55.480
it. Do it so. The
hospice nurse very Mormon, I could tell.

436
00:30:55.559 --> 00:30:57.440
And she cute, cute. She
was there for when my mom died

437
00:30:57.480 --> 00:31:00.480
too. So she's Carol's her name. If anyone ever has someone who needs

438
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:04.400
to die, call Carol. Carol
is the sweetest hospice nurse ever. Love

439
00:31:04.480 --> 00:31:11.160
her anyway. She talked about how
she believed that as the body is moving

440
00:31:11.160 --> 00:31:14.279
toward its final death, that the
spirit, soul whatever is kind of in

441
00:31:14.279 --> 00:31:17.680
and out, in and out,
almost like not sure where are we going?

442
00:31:17.720 --> 00:31:19.799
What are we doing? You know? Maybe not confusion, but just

443
00:31:22.039 --> 00:31:23.160
I don't know, I don't know
if it's like a like a snap your

444
00:31:23.160 --> 00:31:27.319
fingers and I don't who know,
we don't know. I mean, we

445
00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:34.240
don't know. But like when people
are near death and they I remember Grandpa

446
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:42.319
Morgan looking at a certain spot on
the wall and smiling and just it looked

447
00:31:42.359 --> 00:31:48.640
like he was recognizing somebody. Yeah, and he would recognize me, like

448
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:52.119
he wouldn't move for the whole day, and then I would walk in and

449
00:31:52.119 --> 00:31:55.920
I'd be like, hi, Grandpa, and I would take his hand and

450
00:31:55.960 --> 00:32:01.000
he would open his eyes and my
parents were like, wow, he hasn't

451
00:32:01.039 --> 00:32:07.200
been you were his favorite. Oh
yeah, But I felt like he was

452
00:32:08.599 --> 00:32:12.880
seeing people I don't know, like
this is so woo woo, and we

453
00:32:13.119 --> 00:32:16.039
it is, we don't and there's
at the point in like trying to figure

454
00:32:16.039 --> 00:32:19.759
it out. But it's interesting,
but it is interesting. It is.

455
00:32:20.079 --> 00:32:25.039
It is, yeah, for sure. So yeah, my dad took his

456
00:32:25.160 --> 00:32:30.079
last breath and then that was it, and we all just kind of stood

457
00:32:30.079 --> 00:32:34.680
there and it finally hit me and
I cried a little bit. It was

458
00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:37.480
just such a different I don't know, it's it's hard to explain the difference

459
00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:42.400
between my mom dying and my dad. And again it's well, also,

460
00:32:42.440 --> 00:32:45.559
you just went through it. And
this was way in August. I mean

461
00:32:45.599 --> 00:32:47.359
we're only in January right now.
This has not been a long time.

462
00:32:49.160 --> 00:32:51.920
And I imagine that as we go
through our lives. I mean, my

463
00:32:51.960 --> 00:32:55.640
grandmother who died at ninety six,
lost everybody. She was the oldest person

464
00:32:55.680 --> 00:32:59.839
in the world. Oh God,
And so how many times did she go

465
00:33:00.039 --> 00:33:02.079
through that process? Yeah, where
you're just like wow, And it wasn't

466
00:33:02.119 --> 00:33:06.480
ever like she wasn't ever callous or
anything. She's just like, well,

467
00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:10.920
and this is what has happened.
And I've seen it over and over again.

468
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:14.880
And you do you learn how to
you learn how to cope. It

469
00:33:14.880 --> 00:33:20.400
gets I mean not necessarily easier every
time, but it becomes a thing where

470
00:33:20.440 --> 00:33:22.759
you're like, and here we are. It's not the first time you've experienced.

471
00:33:22.799 --> 00:33:28.039
He's the death thing, right right. This happens and we all know

472
00:33:28.160 --> 00:33:32.319
it. And I think with my
dad too, we all knew it was

473
00:33:32.359 --> 00:33:37.200
coming. He had been going downhill
since my mom died. He had been

474
00:33:37.240 --> 00:33:42.480
miserable, so it was it needed
to happen, you know. And again,

475
00:33:42.519 --> 00:33:45.480
my dad and I didn't have this
this fantastic relationship. It wasn't a

476
00:33:45.480 --> 00:33:50.359
bad relationship, but he's just not
very It wasn't a very deep relationship.

477
00:33:50.400 --> 00:33:52.759
I guess. Yeah, I know
he loved me, would have done anything

478
00:33:52.799 --> 00:33:55.160
for me. Yay, would never
take that from him. He's just not

479
00:33:55.559 --> 00:34:00.920
He's not a very emotionally deep person
that you connect with on a on a

480
00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:04.519
deep level. And for me,
for me, yeah, I think it

481
00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:08.159
was more the realization. It hit
me like, oh my god, both

482
00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:13.800
of my parents are dead. I
don't have parents, and that kind of

483
00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:16.000
pushed me over the edge to tears. I hadn't cried yet, it was

484
00:34:16.440 --> 00:34:22.840
so yeah, And so I gave
him a hug, I took his ring.

485
00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:24.639
My brother's already told me, they're
like, you know, you've got

486
00:34:24.679 --> 00:34:28.480
mom's ring. You should have dad's
ring too, because I wear I was

487
00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:31.199
wearing my mom's ring on a necklace. Can you guys hear this? Oh

488
00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:35.800
I want to see see. Yeah, So now I've got my dad's ring

489
00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:40.400
on there too. Oh that's so
sweet, Dixie and Terry. So I

490
00:34:40.440 --> 00:34:45.599
took the ring off his finger and
put it on my necklace, and uh,

491
00:34:45.760 --> 00:34:49.480
my brothers kind of said goodbye.
And my brother Mark's oldest son was

492
00:34:49.519 --> 00:34:52.800
there, and my brother David wasn't
there, the asshole one, but his

493
00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:55.880
oldest son was there. Okay,
can we we can? What the hell?

494
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:00.119
Where was he like eight minutes away? It were what the fuck?

495
00:35:00.360 --> 00:35:04.360
There's so many things wrong with this
guy. Were you guys telling him,

496
00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:07.480
like, dude, Dad is literally
seconds away from death. Yes, because

497
00:35:07.639 --> 00:35:14.199
Mike the doctor has like a legal
responsibility because of some lawsuit we went through.

498
00:35:14.280 --> 00:35:17.199
Was ridiculous. That's a whole other
story. Yeah, I'll get to

499
00:35:17.280 --> 00:35:22.519
that later. But Mike will would
tell David. You know, a hospice

500
00:35:22.599 --> 00:35:25.880
nurse says this, and David had
went and saw my dad the day before,

501
00:35:27.559 --> 00:35:30.400
but David knew. David knew that
we all flew out there because Dad's

502
00:35:30.400 --> 00:35:36.800
fixing the die, you know,
but he didn't bother coming all day knowing

503
00:35:36.840 --> 00:35:38.679
that hospice is coming in and out, knowing that Dad is almost gone.

504
00:35:39.079 --> 00:35:44.039
Yeah, when my dad did die, we're all just kind of you kind

505
00:35:44.039 --> 00:35:45.840
of freeze for a minute and you
sort of take it in like that just

506
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:49.360
happened. A few tears everyone,
you know. I gave my dad a

507
00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:52.199
kiss on the cheek. And and
by the way, when I got there,

508
00:35:53.239 --> 00:35:58.239
if I would have walked past my
dad in any one of those rooms

509
00:35:58.239 --> 00:36:01.400
at Jamestown, I wouldn't have thought
it was him. He looked nothing like

510
00:36:01.480 --> 00:36:06.960
he did when I saw him just
before Christmas time. Yeah, that soul

511
00:36:07.079 --> 00:36:12.000
that we were talking about, it's
just at this point it's like a glove.

512
00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:16.800
Yeah, and the the living yeah, heart is leaving, and so

513
00:36:17.000 --> 00:36:22.920
they look more like like here's the
body. Yeah it was, it's it's

514
00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:29.599
not you know, yeah, yeah
right. Anyway, So Mike texted David,

515
00:36:29.880 --> 00:36:32.800
dad died, you know. David
reply, David didn't reply. David's

516
00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:37.199
son texted David, no reply,
no reply. Then finally David's son calls

517
00:36:37.239 --> 00:36:39.119
him, was like, Dad,
Grandpa died. Day was like, oh,

518
00:36:39.119 --> 00:36:43.000
okay, I'll be right there.
Forty five minutes later, like,

519
00:36:43.800 --> 00:36:46.960
dude, how are you not having
your Okay, but listen, Okay,

520
00:36:47.239 --> 00:36:53.599
go ahead. He maybe not into
the dying process and doesn't know what to

521
00:36:53.639 --> 00:36:59.800
do with it. I'm not trying
to provide exactly, I'm not trying to

522
00:36:59.800 --> 00:37:05.480
prove excuses for him, but that
is a I mean, for a normal

523
00:37:05.559 --> 00:37:08.280
feeling person, that could be correct. But no, he just is so

524
00:37:08.639 --> 00:37:14.559
focused on him. So many things
messed up with that dude. We I

525
00:37:14.559 --> 00:37:16.800
mean, I know that I've done
a few scandal sessions about him. Those

526
00:37:16.840 --> 00:37:20.159
of you who are like, what's
the scandal session? Oh yeah, well

527
00:37:21.320 --> 00:37:25.639
I have a podcast. God,
how many episodes are there, I don't

528
00:37:25.639 --> 00:37:30.000
know, twenty something. A lot
most of them were Mary and I,

529
00:37:30.119 --> 00:37:35.840
my ex girlfriend X co host in. These are episodes where we would talk

530
00:37:35.880 --> 00:37:39.880
about things that are a little with
a little deeper into things that not necessarily

531
00:37:39.880 --> 00:37:44.039
something I just want like the entire
public to hear for free, and you

532
00:37:44.079 --> 00:37:47.480
can access that by becoming a patron. I don't know if the new website

533
00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:50.519
is up at this point as I'm
recording this. It should be, so

534
00:37:50.599 --> 00:37:52.719
I don't know what I'm saying is
I don't know. Okay, but you

535
00:37:52.880 --> 00:38:00.719
can get access to those badass,
kind of super secret podcasts for five dollars

536
00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:06.320
a month if you go to patreon
dot com slash Latter Day Lesbian anyway.

537
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:08.440
Just that's not a plug for my
five dollars a month. But if you

538
00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:12.280
want to hear more dirt, that's
where you can find him. Anyway,

539
00:38:12.639 --> 00:38:16.039
David asshole. Again, there's so
much to be said about this. I

540
00:38:16.039 --> 00:38:20.400
mean, he's horrible. Sorry,
but let me tell you some of the

541
00:38:20.440 --> 00:38:22.039
weird ass shop. Are you kind
of glad though that he wasn't there.

542
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:25.760
Oh we didn't want him to be
there, No, because he would have

543
00:38:27.719 --> 00:38:34.159
you. He doesn't do anything that
doesn't make someone uncomfortable around him. It's

544
00:38:34.400 --> 00:38:37.880
just the way he works his life. He's either being a dick or being

545
00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:44.280
hella weird and not weird in like
a way where where you shouldn't say,

546
00:38:44.360 --> 00:38:45.199
oh, that person's weird. I
don't know, does that makes sense?

547
00:38:45.239 --> 00:38:46.920
Like some people are weird. It's
like, well, you're just a weird

548
00:38:46.920 --> 00:38:52.400
person and that's fine whatever, but
this is like that's weird tent kind of

549
00:38:52.679 --> 00:38:58.320
or something. But just well,
let me tell you my story. So

550
00:38:58.440 --> 00:39:01.239
Mike and mar Oh god, there's
so much Okay, right, sorry people,

551
00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:06.119
Yeah, I'm rambling. So Mark
and Mike and I have dealt with

552
00:39:06.199 --> 00:39:09.000
David for the last three plus years
since my parents got sick during COVID and

553
00:39:09.119 --> 00:39:13.679
had to move out of their home
and go into a retirement living thing and

554
00:39:13.679 --> 00:39:20.119
their health started to fail. David
has been nothing but problematic and horrible since

555
00:39:20.159 --> 00:39:22.960
then. Just god, I could
go on and on. We'll save that,

556
00:39:23.000 --> 00:39:29.920
but it has been so horrible that
Mark and Mike and I. Mark

557
00:39:29.960 --> 00:39:31.920
and I, especially because I had
a rough upbringing with David in the house.

558
00:39:32.199 --> 00:39:35.760
He was physically abusive, he was
emotionally abusive to me. It was

559
00:39:36.360 --> 00:39:38.480
really horrible. I'm so sorry,
thank you. I appreciate that. And

560
00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:42.000
he never grew up. He's still
the same way. They often don't.

561
00:39:42.039 --> 00:39:45.719
They don't because he's a narcissist.
And I'll flat out side that. Yeah,

562
00:39:45.880 --> 00:39:49.119
yeah, yeah, So it has
been hell trying to care for my

563
00:39:49.239 --> 00:39:55.480
parents with him, with David causing
problems at every turn. David lives about

564
00:39:55.519 --> 00:40:01.119
ten minutes eight minutes from where my
parents lived. He works about eight minutes

565
00:40:01.159 --> 00:40:06.119
from where my parents were the last
home that they were in. And yet

566
00:40:06.920 --> 00:40:09.079
my dad, when he had his
wits about him, did not give David

567
00:40:09.159 --> 00:40:14.920
one ounce of authority to make any
decisions for his health, for my mom's

568
00:40:14.920 --> 00:40:19.239
health, for money issues. They
knew, and yeah, they knew,

569
00:40:19.480 --> 00:40:22.079
and that is that is unusual because
he's the oldest right oldest son, the

570
00:40:22.239 --> 00:40:28.199
son right nearby. That is unusual. So you know there's some shit,

571
00:40:28.679 --> 00:40:30.960
right if my Dad's like, yeah, I would not trust David with their

572
00:40:31.000 --> 00:40:37.159
health yeaheah, And so so that's
just there's your your gauge there. Yeah.

573
00:40:37.159 --> 00:40:43.000
So he's just been problematic since ago
and it's been so frustrating for all

574
00:40:43.039 --> 00:40:46.559
of us because David has done things
to hurt my parents emotionally to He's just

575
00:40:46.599 --> 00:40:53.000
been awful. So Mark, my
brother, he we're so stupid. Mark

576
00:40:53.039 --> 00:40:58.000
and I part of our like trying
to work through that much we hate dealing

577
00:40:58.000 --> 00:41:01.920
with David. We started writing haikus
about David. Do you have one you

578
00:41:01.960 --> 00:41:05.519
can share? Do you remember?
Oh? God, you know what I

579
00:41:05.519 --> 00:41:09.159
would do? Okay, I'll get
okay. We would write haikus and we

580
00:41:09.199 --> 00:41:13.440
would screenshot dumb shit that David would
say, and I mean, it just

581
00:41:13.519 --> 00:41:15.880
became this thing that we would do
because we're like, oh my god,

582
00:41:15.880 --> 00:41:19.679
he's fucking ridiculous. And my brothers
don't swear, but David would push Mark

583
00:41:20.119 --> 00:41:24.400
so far that Mark snapped one time
in him and said, David, I

584
00:41:24.400 --> 00:41:36.840
don't give a shit about you or
your fucking methhoor wife. Best day ever.

585
00:41:37.320 --> 00:41:39.880
And by the way, listen,
don't feel bad about for the wife.

586
00:41:39.920 --> 00:41:43.280
She's a she's a piece of shit
too, just so you know.

587
00:41:43.519 --> 00:41:47.360
Yeah, okay, So and they
get together and they get shittier and the

588
00:41:47.599 --> 00:41:53.840
fun yes. Cool. So that's
how far David will push Damn. The

589
00:41:53.840 --> 00:41:58.159
one thing that David called me,
well, he called me numerous things,

590
00:41:58.239 --> 00:42:04.559
but really, oh god, he
hates that his kids like me and talk

591
00:42:04.639 --> 00:42:07.679
to me. His kids don't want
anything to do with him, well,

592
00:42:07.719 --> 00:42:12.880
because he's an asshole, mucid piece
of shit. And so David would say

593
00:42:12.920 --> 00:42:15.519
that I was lying to his kids
about him. I'm like, I don't

594
00:42:15.519 --> 00:42:19.320
talk to your kids about you,
dude. You like they are telling me

595
00:42:19.440 --> 00:42:22.559
what you've done. You know,
we don't. Yeah, it turns out

596
00:42:22.559 --> 00:42:25.079
I'd rather not talk about you at
all, rather you didn't exist. But

597
00:42:25.199 --> 00:42:34.199
he called me, what was it? Exactly? A fucking jealous home wrecking

598
00:42:34.639 --> 00:42:45.760
dyke rest home wrecking. You don't
understand what that means? Does that mean

599
00:42:46.320 --> 00:42:52.320
you don't never wrecked anyone's home?
No, that would imply that I was

600
00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:59.039
what like fucking is No, but
that's not even the father. So fucking

601
00:42:59.199 --> 00:43:09.719
fucking jealous jealous, Hello, fucking
jealous homewrecking, which that's the wrong term

602
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:17.000
for. Yeah, that means that
you're stepping out on okay, and I'll

603
00:43:17.039 --> 00:43:21.559
wear that shit proud the part,
Hey, I'm a fucking Dike. Guess

604
00:43:21.559 --> 00:43:25.719
what? Uh so, yeah,
just so screenshots of that, I mean,

605
00:43:25.719 --> 00:43:29.800
there's wow, I have no idea. There's so much and Mark has

606
00:43:29.840 --> 00:43:32.719
always joked about we started this joke
about we should make a coffee table book

607
00:43:32.760 --> 00:43:37.320
with all the haikus, right,
that would be hilarious, I mean anything

608
00:43:37.400 --> 00:43:40.039
to like laugh through all this horrible
ship we're dealing with with David. Yeah,

609
00:43:40.360 --> 00:43:43.239
and so he's like, I'm gonna
make a coffee table book and we

610
00:43:43.239 --> 00:43:49.920
think it's all, Ah, you're
so funny. Oh, I fly to

611
00:43:50.280 --> 00:43:53.480
or not fly. I drive with
all my kids to Florida to Mike's house

612
00:43:54.280 --> 00:43:58.800
for Christmas. Mark flew out with
all of his family to Mike's house for

613
00:43:58.880 --> 00:44:01.280
Christmas. We flew David's kids out, not David, fuck you. Flew

614
00:44:01.360 --> 00:44:07.239
David's kids out so they could be
with us at Christmas. Mark presents Mike

615
00:44:07.280 --> 00:44:16.519
and I with the most professional,
like hardback glossy There's probably like sixty pages

616
00:44:16.840 --> 00:44:24.360
shot like pictures, quotes. He
made a fucking coffee table book about the

617
00:44:24.400 --> 00:44:30.679
ship we've been through over the last
three years. Our haikups are in there,

618
00:44:31.320 --> 00:44:36.400
the quotes, the screenshots with the
words bleeped out that David has said

619
00:44:37.159 --> 00:44:39.440
he like, he printed out like
an award, like asshole award. It

620
00:44:39.559 --> 00:44:46.360
just so much stuff. Mark is
hilarious. That was his way of coping

621
00:44:46.960 --> 00:44:50.760
with dealing with that. Dude.
Next time I come out, which is

622
00:44:51.039 --> 00:44:52.280
I come out for the funeral in
three weeks, I will bring a book

623
00:44:52.840 --> 00:45:00.159
and we will get meet him.
Yes, you will meets a published book.

624
00:45:00.519 --> 00:45:05.559
Oh anyway, Okay, So we
just went all down about David.

625
00:45:05.719 --> 00:45:08.320
No, that's so good though,
like this is part of the process.

626
00:45:08.320 --> 00:45:13.840
That's part process, like y'all needed
to be all So David's a douche as

627
00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:17.519
for you. Dad just died and
he can't bother to get there until forty

628
00:45:17.519 --> 00:45:22.480
five minutes later. Yeah, and
he has to be a big fucking here's

629
00:45:22.480 --> 00:45:25.159
an example of David. This is
what I was about to get you till

630
00:45:25.159 --> 00:45:30.800
I got distracted about the coffee table
book. So David rolls in. Forty

631
00:45:30.800 --> 00:45:34.559
five minutes Dad is dead, hell
of dead, been dead, probably starting

632
00:45:34.559 --> 00:45:38.199
to stiffen up. Dead dead dead. David comes in. Now, Mormons

633
00:45:38.239 --> 00:45:40.960
or ex Wormans who are listening,
you'll understand this and then I'll explain it

634
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:45.559
to those of you who are not. David comes in. I just a'm

635
00:45:45.639 --> 00:45:46.840
like, hey, what's up?
Like I always at least acknowledge that he

636
00:45:47.039 --> 00:45:52.679
exists. Oh yeah. And he
comes in and he looks at my dad

637
00:45:52.960 --> 00:45:55.320
and then he looks at my brother
Mike, and it says, Mike,

638
00:45:57.039 --> 00:46:00.639
have you released Dad yet? Released
Dad? What what you're talking about?

639
00:46:01.079 --> 00:46:06.239
What does that even mean? Oh? You wouldn't even know. Okay,

640
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:10.719
So have you ever heard of someone
with you know, the proper priest authority

641
00:46:12.440 --> 00:46:15.079
giving a blessing to someone basically releases
releasing them from this live It's someone who's

642
00:46:15.079 --> 00:46:19.480
like been in a coma or they're
dying, and they just kind of gives

643
00:46:19.480 --> 00:46:22.480
them permission like you've served, you
know, well done, you you're free

644
00:46:22.519 --> 00:46:30.000
to go sort of thing. But
you turn home faithful. Yes, it's

645
00:46:30.039 --> 00:46:34.239
a whole like it's it's like a
blessing of you know, God loves you,

646
00:46:34.440 --> 00:46:37.280
He's ready for you to come to
him, and I give you permission

647
00:46:37.360 --> 00:46:42.039
to and go see God. Now. Yes, and that's the thing.

648
00:46:42.239 --> 00:46:45.039
I know that that and here's the
thing, Okay that what I've just explained

649
00:46:45.119 --> 00:46:47.679
is a legit thing that they do. I think it's weird and wonky and

650
00:46:49.000 --> 00:46:52.880
in voodoo magic, but it's an
actual, legit Mormon thing that you have

651
00:46:52.360 --> 00:46:55.280
no idea. Okay, well,
then you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna get

652
00:46:55.280 --> 00:47:00.639
a taste for this again. There
you go write that ship down about this.

653
00:47:00.599 --> 00:47:04.960
Yeah. So it's basically when someone
is dying and it's just kind of

654
00:47:04.960 --> 00:47:08.000
a blessing of I guess comfort and
you've done a great job and they're waiting

655
00:47:08.039 --> 00:47:12.239
for you on the other side.
Blah blah blah. They already do that

656
00:47:12.280 --> 00:47:15.920
by themselves. I know, I
know. I'm just saying there is a

657
00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:19.440
legit Mormon thing that they do.
But question though, real quick, is

658
00:47:19.519 --> 00:47:23.679
David Mormon. That's a whole other
fucking dyke. He's a piece of shit,

659
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:29.960
but he he plays the part for
whoever he needs to play it for.

660
00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:32.480
I know. He's a hypocrite,
he's he's one of the worst.

661
00:47:32.559 --> 00:47:40.360
David. Yeah, he's growth anyway. So he asks Mike if Dad has

662
00:47:40.360 --> 00:47:45.840
been released, and Mike's like,
because, hello, Dad's been dead and

663
00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:50.760
and and Mike goes, we gave
him like some blessings over the last few

664
00:47:50.800 --> 00:47:52.519
days. He's, you know,
been And David goes, but did you

665
00:47:52.559 --> 00:47:58.239
release him in my cycle? And
Mike goes, what, And then David

666
00:47:58.239 --> 00:48:01.280
goes, I'm going to release Dad, are you? David. David says

667
00:48:01.440 --> 00:48:09.440
Mike, something you're gonna do after
this happened, Mark's like, I need

668
00:48:09.480 --> 00:48:13.639
to make it an appendix for the
book. For the coffee tea of the

669
00:48:13.639 --> 00:48:17.199
book. We got a whole new
chapter. Man. So Mike's like,

670
00:48:17.320 --> 00:48:20.320
and then Davids like, Mike,
Mark, would you like to join me

671
00:48:20.360 --> 00:48:25.719
in the circle and Mike and Mike
goes, I'm good, and Mark says

672
00:48:25.800 --> 00:48:28.920
nothing. It looks at me and
I'm like, I don't know what's going

673
00:48:28.960 --> 00:48:30.360
on. And then Shelley walks up
and goes, I like to do.

674
00:48:30.480 --> 00:48:32.599
I'm like, as song as we're
all doing fake shit, I'm in.

675
00:48:34.239 --> 00:48:36.599
Actually afterwards, I should I was
like, dude, I should have gone

676
00:48:36.639 --> 00:48:37.599
up there. Mark's like, you
should have. That had have been hilarious.

677
00:48:38.199 --> 00:48:46.639
So David puts his head hands on
my cold, dead dad's head and

678
00:48:47.280 --> 00:48:51.159
we're sitting there like what in the
hell, And he says, by the

679
00:48:51.199 --> 00:48:58.000
power of the Holy because it priested
which I hold, I command you to

680
00:48:58.119 --> 00:49:02.480
be released from your body and returned
to blah blah blah blah blah blah.

681
00:49:02.519 --> 00:49:08.320
And you he's dead. I know. I'm like, dude's dead dead,

682
00:49:08.960 --> 00:49:14.960
He's dead. Whatever was going on
inside it has already left, like you

683
00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:19.639
don't even know what you're doing.
That the actual legit morbon thing that they

684
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:23.199
do, you're doing it all wrong
and fucked up. Like yeah, and

685
00:49:23.280 --> 00:49:27.760
you feel like you have all this
authority because he said, and Mike and

686
00:49:27.840 --> 00:49:30.320
Mark and I like, we're not
even bowing our heads for whatever prayer.

687
00:49:30.320 --> 00:49:34.599
We're just looking like like what that
Like this is an exorcism, Like what's

688
00:49:34.639 --> 00:49:40.199
happening? Damon's out o relaced And
that's what I mean. Everything David does

689
00:49:40.280 --> 00:49:45.159
is cringey and weird, and like, what are you doing? Dude?

690
00:49:45.239 --> 00:49:50.760
You where did you get this idea? So that happened, and then the

691
00:49:50.760 --> 00:49:52.559
mortuary people got there and they had
to like, you know, clean my

692
00:49:52.639 --> 00:49:55.840
dad up and whatever. So we
all went out in the hall. Mike

693
00:49:55.880 --> 00:50:00.039
went down the hall to do something, and Mark was ignoring David, and

694
00:50:00.719 --> 00:50:04.079
I'm standing there and David comes up
to me. He's like, hey,

695
00:50:04.079 --> 00:50:07.039
Shell, I just I just want
you to know that I released mom too.

696
00:50:07.679 --> 00:50:10.719
David, thanks so much. I
you know, I was worried about

697
00:50:10.760 --> 00:50:15.599
that. I'm so worried that that
mom six feet under her spirits let me

698
00:50:15.719 --> 00:50:20.840
out. Yeah, I'm so glad
that you used your authority to send a

699
00:50:20.920 --> 00:50:27.880
dead person to death. What it's
so hellless? I this is David in

700
00:50:27.880 --> 00:50:30.400
a nutshell? What the fuck are
you doing? You Dad would never do

701
00:50:30.480 --> 00:50:35.079
that, My dad, he's a
priestoo holder. Well, but it's just

702
00:50:35.199 --> 00:50:37.519
it's not a thing. He just
made some shuit up. He did make

703
00:50:37.559 --> 00:50:42.920
some up. They're like if there
if like my if David's bishop or whatever

704
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:45.519
was in the room somehow he'd be
he'd be like, whoa what, No,

705
00:50:45.599 --> 00:50:47.679
this is not a thing. It
was, you know, a question

706
00:50:47.719 --> 00:50:52.440
in my mind. I'm like,
so is this actually because I can't he's

707
00:50:52.519 --> 00:50:55.280
just just like, okay, I'm
a cult leader right now in this room.

708
00:50:55.440 --> 00:50:59.920
Or he doesn't know that it's not
a thing, but he's such a

709
00:51:00.119 --> 00:51:08.199
nariss. Says that he's like that
I need to release release what I know.

710
00:51:08.559 --> 00:51:14.239
I know? Oh god? And
so so Twofold on David's comment of

711
00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:15.800
coming to me and telling me that
I really, Hey, David, you

712
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:19.639
know I'm not a Mormon anymore.
Yeah, so I don't. So I

713
00:51:19.679 --> 00:51:22.400
don't give a flying fuck what you
think you did with Mom. You're not

714
00:51:22.440 --> 00:51:30.440
impressed. Yeah, go ahead,
you take your right arm although your head.

715
00:51:31.079 --> 00:51:36.079
You give yourself a big pat on
the back. Yeah, job you.

716
00:51:36.519 --> 00:51:39.760
This is one of those uh what
my kids say? No weird flex

717
00:51:39.760 --> 00:51:45.639
bro, But okay, that's funny. I'm the last person you're going to

718
00:51:45.679 --> 00:51:50.000
impress with some weird quote unquote priesthood
ship. Don't worry, Shelly, I

719
00:51:50.119 --> 00:51:53.199
released Mom. Okay, I just
like looked at him and then I didn't.

720
00:51:53.360 --> 00:51:57.320
It was kind of turn. I
don't know what to do with this.

721
00:51:57.960 --> 00:52:02.000
It was so weird. But having
said that, that gave Mark and

722
00:52:02.079 --> 00:52:08.760
Mike and I so much content to
laugh and talk about. Like my brother

723
00:52:08.840 --> 00:52:13.519
Mark sitting in the bathroom at my
aunt's house where we're staying. Uh huh

724
00:52:13.679 --> 00:52:17.760
Mike, Mike. Mike's like,
what, Mike, this poop punk come

725
00:52:17.800 --> 00:52:23.519
out? I need a blessing of
release. They're so funny. I'm dying.

726
00:52:23.559 --> 00:52:25.679
I'm like, I got this.
I got this. Mark's like,

727
00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:30.400
that's true. Your priesto will work. Oh my god. Okay, see,

728
00:52:30.400 --> 00:52:36.039
I'm so sacrilgous little kidd I know, dude. Is your brother David

729
00:52:36.119 --> 00:52:37.840
gonna talk at the funeral? No? Oh, we won't allow it.

730
00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:43.599
Thank god. He wasn't allowed to
talk at my mom's funeral because he's we're

731
00:52:43.800 --> 00:52:47.480
making the program. We made the
program for a mom's funeral and specifically make

732
00:52:47.519 --> 00:52:52.000
sure David wasn't allowed to speak.
But we had to let him do something

733
00:52:52.079 --> 00:52:55.360
or we were going to hear about
it. And so we decided, okay,

734
00:52:57.119 --> 00:53:02.239
we'll let him like say the prayer
before they closed the casket, in

735
00:53:02.280 --> 00:53:06.400
with the family, right, so
the least amount of people that can be

736
00:53:06.519 --> 00:53:08.800
like wigged out by the ship.
He does his prayer, and Mike and

737
00:53:08.840 --> 00:53:12.920
Mark and I were talking about this
too, damage control. Will let David

738
00:53:13.000 --> 00:53:15.760
just say the prayer before they close
the casket? How can you fuck that

739
00:53:15.880 --> 00:53:22.840
up? Oh? Oh no,
because you're David and you can fuck everything

740
00:53:22.920 --> 00:53:24.880
up. Yeah. But we figured
it was the least amount of people in

741
00:53:24.920 --> 00:53:30.199
this family only portion of the funeral
right before the actual funeral, Ah got

742
00:53:30.199 --> 00:53:31.679
you go talking about It wasn't in
front of the congregation, No, it

743
00:53:31.719 --> 00:53:36.480
was like at the viewing, the
view of where the family can come and

744
00:53:36.519 --> 00:53:38.280
then you kind of tell everyone there, okay, only family now, and

745
00:53:38.320 --> 00:53:42.000
everyone else leaves and then they do
like the dedication or whatever. And that

746
00:53:42.079 --> 00:53:45.519
was when I got to like do
the veil from my mom. That would

747
00:53:45.519 --> 00:53:49.880
be two episodes. The first funeral
episode, I think was when I talked

748
00:53:49.880 --> 00:53:52.519
about that. If you're a new
listener, you should probably go back about

749
00:53:52.559 --> 00:53:57.039
six Yeah, say yeah, just
started one one, come on, come

750
00:53:57.079 --> 00:53:59.639
on that hard? Are there that
many episodes? Yeah? Do your dishes?

751
00:53:59.679 --> 00:54:05.639
And seriously so yeah, the prayer
again, It's like, okay,

752
00:54:05.800 --> 00:54:09.119
I can't say. First he walks
up there next to my mom who is

753
00:54:09.199 --> 00:54:14.280
dead, okay, and he oh, you're dad. No, I'm talking

754
00:54:14.280 --> 00:54:16.840
about when we let when you pray
right right? Yeah? Sorry, no

755
00:54:17.000 --> 00:54:20.840
funeral less? Sorry yeah, okay, good. You're asking are you gonna

756
00:54:20.880 --> 00:54:22.880
let David speak? We're like,
fuck, no, let us tell you

757
00:54:22.920 --> 00:54:27.159
when when he just let roll prayer
when we close the casket thing? Because

758
00:54:27.199 --> 00:54:30.400
he seemed to enjoy that, Oh
God, they do so much that he

759
00:54:30.519 --> 00:54:32.440
walked up there and he had a
tape record and he pushed record because he

760
00:54:32.480 --> 00:54:37.679
wanted to hear himself, and he
started out pretty well, but then all

761
00:54:37.719 --> 00:54:43.400
of a sudden, he started switching
from like praying to God to basically talking

762
00:54:43.400 --> 00:54:46.719
to my mom in prayer form,
like she's now praying to her, which

763
00:54:46.760 --> 00:54:50.239
I don't give a ship, but
it's so not the right way to pray

764
00:54:50.280 --> 00:54:53.480
when you're Mormon. And he's up
there like pretending to be Mormon. So

765
00:54:53.519 --> 00:54:59.280
he's like, Mom, we miss
you so much, like starts like talking

766
00:54:59.320 --> 00:55:02.599
to her prayer. It just was
all like weird. But at the very

767
00:55:02.880 --> 00:55:07.320
end, instead of saying in the
name of Jesus Christ, Amen, he

768
00:55:07.360 --> 00:55:13.599
goes thank you, thank you.
He said thank you like six times,

769
00:55:14.039 --> 00:55:15.679
And so Mike and Mark and I
always say thank you, thank you to

770
00:55:15.760 --> 00:55:20.880
it God. Yeah. And as
he's doing that, I know that I'm

771
00:55:20.920 --> 00:55:23.199
about to go up there next and
put the veil, the whole veil thing

772
00:55:23.239 --> 00:55:27.039
with my mom and hug her and
stuff, because I'm the last person to

773
00:55:27.119 --> 00:55:30.000
say goodbye to her. And he's
saying thank you, thank you, thank

774
00:55:30.039 --> 00:55:32.480
you like some weird shit, and
I'm like, the fuck. Like he's

775
00:55:32.559 --> 00:55:36.519
greeting the audience, thanks everybody,
You've been great. Yeah, but in

776
00:55:36.559 --> 00:55:37.840
a prayer. No, he was
saying. He was saying thank you to

777
00:55:37.920 --> 00:55:42.199
my mom. Yeah. I guess, but I don't. It doesn't it

778
00:55:43.480 --> 00:55:46.119
no, no, no, But
I guess if you feel like you need

779
00:55:46.119 --> 00:55:52.119
to release dead people's souls out of
their bodies have turned cold, you can

780
00:55:52.159 --> 00:55:55.679
do whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah, before we close this closed,

781
00:55:57.039 --> 00:56:04.639
slid me go ahead and say thank
you six times. Well, everyone's like,

782
00:56:04.760 --> 00:56:08.440
is he gonna say it a seventh
time? Guy? Any of you

783
00:56:08.519 --> 00:56:12.480
who are listening. I know,
every culture has their own tradition, and

784
00:56:12.519 --> 00:56:16.679
maybe it's great, that's great.
My point is the ship that David did,

785
00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:23.719
it's fucking weird. It's not Mormon, and everyone's going, uh.

786
00:56:23.760 --> 00:56:27.320
I mean, Mormon tradition is weird
enough as it is. But when you

787
00:56:27.480 --> 00:56:31.639
have someone who pretends or acts or
thinks that he's like ultra holy priest to

788
00:56:31.679 --> 00:56:35.440
a holder Mormon and we all know
he's a piece of shit and he goes

789
00:56:35.480 --> 00:56:40.199
and does this weird. Yeah,
it just makes for more coffee table books.

790
00:56:42.400 --> 00:56:44.639
I have an idea for a coffee
table book. I'm going to tell

791
00:56:44.639 --> 00:56:46.159
you about it later. Have I
already told you about it? I don't

792
00:56:46.199 --> 00:56:50.920
know. It's called I Charted Yes, Okay, Well that's all we're gonna

793
00:56:50.920 --> 00:56:52.679
do. That's all I'm gonna say. I gotta get this patented. I've

794
00:56:52.679 --> 00:56:55.960
got to get a copyright. I
charted book, the book. Yeah,

795
00:56:57.039 --> 00:57:00.800
but no, this is I can't
believe that, Shelley. Yeah, and

796
00:57:00.840 --> 00:57:02.440
that's why, No, David will
not be speaking now. We still have

797
00:57:02.440 --> 00:57:07.039
to decide what to let him do. So we don't get too much flak

798
00:57:07.039 --> 00:57:08.239
from him. I guess we're just
gonna have to let him do their freaking

799
00:57:08.320 --> 00:57:12.559
prayer again. And being here,
yeah, I mean he he was very

800
00:57:12.599 --> 00:57:17.320
thankful. And those of you who
are listening who are like, oh my

801
00:57:17.360 --> 00:57:21.559
god, Sholley's dad just died,
how can you laugh? This is how

802
00:57:21.599 --> 00:57:24.800
I deal with shit, doesn't listen. This is why my brother wrote a

803
00:57:24.840 --> 00:57:30.000
fucking coffee table book because that is
how he deals with ship. Yeah.

804
00:57:30.119 --> 00:57:36.320
Yeah, we're just coping. It's
again like it's gallows humor. Absolutely.

805
00:57:36.440 --> 00:57:42.880
I mean, and you bet your
sweet ass that hospice nurses and charge nurses,

806
00:57:42.920 --> 00:57:45.280
all the nurses, all the doctors, they're over there, you know,

807
00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:49.880
dealing with the thing, and they've
got gallows humor because they don't have

808
00:57:49.960 --> 00:57:52.079
to call the hell are they gonna? You know, it's like mash right.

809
00:57:52.239 --> 00:57:55.360
Yeah, yes, people are dying
all the time. Like you have.

810
00:57:55.519 --> 00:58:00.679
You have to find half time or
you will be the next Yeah.

811
00:58:00.559 --> 00:58:06.239
When the mortuary lady got there with
a big stretcher and stuff in the bag

812
00:58:06.280 --> 00:58:09.559
whatever. Oh, and she went
in and zipped my dad up and came

813
00:58:09.559 --> 00:58:13.119
out. We were all in the
hallway and she came out and she's like,

814
00:58:13.159 --> 00:58:15.599
do you want to say goodbye to
him? I'm like no, now,

815
00:58:15.679 --> 00:58:22.840
keeping zipped me. He's all we
have said. This was basically an

816
00:58:22.880 --> 00:58:25.079
hour and a half ago at this
point. Yes, we just yeah,

817
00:58:25.480 --> 00:58:30.320
let's go get okay, I have
a question for you. Shoot okay,

818
00:58:30.480 --> 00:58:34.199
So there's going to be a viewing. Now. Back in the old days,

819
00:58:34.239 --> 00:58:37.280
when people would die, they would
have a funeral immediately, they would

820
00:58:37.320 --> 00:58:40.599
have the body imbalms. Yeah,
and it would be a thing and it

821
00:58:40.679 --> 00:58:46.599
was like they used special amber lighting
to make this person look like they're asleep.

822
00:58:47.320 --> 00:58:52.679
How how is it that? So, I guess, I mean,

823
00:58:52.719 --> 00:58:55.679
I'm just assuming that. Well,
I know where you're going with this.

824
00:58:55.800 --> 00:58:59.760
My mom we had to have her
funeral a good three weeks, almost a

825
00:58:59.760 --> 00:59:02.199
month after she passed. We just
had to pay extra money for them to

826
00:59:02.239 --> 00:59:06.920
like keep her on ice and keep
her with embalmings. They had to redo

827
00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:09.159
a lot of stuff. And it
will be the same with my dad three

828
00:59:09.199 --> 00:59:13.159
weeks. And because because that didn't
used to be a thing, I don't

829
00:59:13.239 --> 00:59:15.639
know, and they don't like that
now either, Like they would rather like,

830
00:59:15.920 --> 00:59:20.320
you know, let's let's do this
this weekend. But trying to get

831
00:59:20.440 --> 00:59:23.599
all of my kids and everyone,
you know, getting everyone. You're scattered

832
00:59:23.639 --> 00:59:27.960
all over the country. Like it
turns out people can't just like all of

833
00:59:27.960 --> 00:59:30.599
a sudden right right there. So, yeah, my dad's will be three

834
00:59:30.639 --> 00:59:32.960
weeks later. That's kind of what
I thought. But I was like,

835
00:59:34.119 --> 00:59:38.000
gosh, you know, I haven't. I haven't thought about that. Yeah

836
00:59:39.079 --> 00:59:45.320
before that, I haven't had that
experience. They've either been cremated or the

837
00:59:45.360 --> 00:59:49.400
funeral has been really quick. They
usually they usually do it right after.

838
00:59:49.559 --> 00:59:53.920
For sure. After my dad passed, of course, they took him away

839
00:59:54.480 --> 01:00:00.639
and then begins the work. We
got to clean out his apartment. We

840
01:00:00.360 --> 01:00:02.559
and by we, it's me and
Mike and Mark, because David doesn't lift

841
01:00:02.559 --> 01:00:07.199
a fucking finger ever. He just
complains. We have to go to all

842
01:00:07.239 --> 01:00:13.079
of the lawyers and figure out the
trust, the estate, the insurance,

843
01:00:13.119 --> 01:00:15.840
the everything. We have to go
to the funeral home, and we've got

844
01:00:15.880 --> 01:00:19.480
to plan a funeral, and we
have to go to the huge ass storage

845
01:00:19.519 --> 01:00:22.880
unit. Kirsten, you remember the
storage unit those of you listening, who,

846
01:00:23.000 --> 01:00:25.519
oh my god, I still love
you so much, who helped me

847
01:00:27.039 --> 01:00:31.400
move a million pounds of shit,
not literal shit, but just random shit

848
01:00:31.920 --> 01:00:36.320
in front of my parents' house into
the storage unit. The storage unit is

849
01:00:36.320 --> 01:00:39.440
still there and it's still packed to
the brim, and so we had to

850
01:00:39.480 --> 01:00:43.719
start going through this stuff because we're
like, isn't there a piano in there?

851
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:45.719
Yeah? Oh yeah, there's so
much stuff in there. There's so

852
01:00:45.840 --> 01:00:50.719
much in there. So we had
to do that. I mean it's just

853
01:00:50.960 --> 01:00:57.119
non stop work. And so it's
been wake up, start doing shit,

854
01:00:57.559 --> 01:01:00.000
right, uh huh yeah, go
to bed hard, just there's so much

855
01:01:00.039 --> 01:01:04.079
to be done. Oh gosh,
it's so hard. It's a whole lifetime

856
01:01:04.119 --> 01:01:08.480
of stuff and it's insane everything.
Yeah. So I have been here since

857
01:01:08.760 --> 01:01:14.159
Monday. I know, I have
not had one solid night's sleep. I

858
01:01:14.199 --> 01:01:20.880
am like delirious, I'm exhausted.
I feel almost kind of bad because I

859
01:01:20.920 --> 01:01:23.639
don't think the true emotion has hit
me yet. It hit me for I

860
01:01:23.639 --> 01:01:27.320
don't know, maybe a minute when
my dad took his last breath, and

861
01:01:27.320 --> 01:01:30.960
it kind of hit me that my
parents are both gone. But like I

862
01:01:31.000 --> 01:01:35.360
see Mike and Mark, they'll tear
up off and on throughout the day,

863
01:01:35.360 --> 01:01:39.599
and I just feel kind of cold, cold, not the word. I

864
01:01:39.719 --> 01:01:46.159
just feel removed. Maybe maybe it's
because I'm so exhausted. Maybe because kind

865
01:01:46.159 --> 01:01:50.679
of been there, done that.
Maybe because this is like this is their

866
01:01:50.760 --> 01:01:52.960
dad, right, the dad's sons, you know, and they're taking care

867
01:01:52.960 --> 01:01:57.840
of their dad. That's more of
a connected thing. Maybe I just connected

868
01:01:57.880 --> 01:02:00.840
more with my mom. I don't
know. They cried about my mom too.

869
01:02:00.880 --> 01:02:04.239
I don't know. I don't know
what my deal is. I'm okay

870
01:02:04.280 --> 01:02:07.000
with that. Don't think I'm having
a deal. I'm just like I was

871
01:02:07.039 --> 01:02:09.280
going to say, like, don't
worry, like you'll have your moment and

872
01:02:09.320 --> 01:02:15.840
if you don't, that's okay.
Yeah, my kiddo, when my late

873
01:02:15.960 --> 01:02:22.880
husband committed suicide, yeah, yeah, have you told people about that on

874
01:02:22.920 --> 01:02:28.800
the podcast at all yet? Yeah? I think back in the day,

875
01:02:29.039 --> 01:02:32.519
maybe when I was a guest,
probably on our other podcast that we had.

876
01:02:32.639 --> 01:02:42.559
Oh that's right. But my kiddo
was ten years old and everyone around

877
01:02:42.960 --> 01:02:52.280
was crying, and later on he
admitted to me that he felt like he

878
01:02:52.360 --> 01:02:57.199
should have cried and he wondered what
was wrong with him. Oh, And

879
01:02:57.280 --> 01:03:00.039
I said, oh, Buddie,
nothing nothing, it's okay. Yeah,

880
01:03:00.280 --> 01:03:04.320
everyone moves through a different but everyone
else was crying, and I'm like,

881
01:03:04.360 --> 01:03:08.840
bud, it's okay, Yeah,
there's nothing wrong with you. It's okay.

882
01:03:09.039 --> 01:03:13.920
You feel what you feel, and
it doesn't mean if you're like yeah,

883
01:03:14.199 --> 01:03:16.000
yeah, it's okay, yeah yeah, so I know, but it's

884
01:03:16.039 --> 01:03:22.320
weird, right. And with your
dad, I remember you telling me back

885
01:03:22.360 --> 01:03:29.360
in the day that your dad was
the doer. Yeah, well you are

886
01:03:29.440 --> 01:03:32.559
also the doer. Thank you.
Yeah, you're right. It's like,

887
01:03:32.599 --> 01:03:38.400
okay, what are the complete you
know, so you are able to be

888
01:03:38.519 --> 01:03:42.960
in that space, and that's good. I mean, it's it takes all

889
01:03:42.960 --> 01:03:45.280
of you except for dated. He
should go. He should go, release

890
01:03:45.320 --> 01:03:52.719
someone else from their body. I
help anyone that has experienced release. Anyone

891
01:03:52.960 --> 01:04:00.119
got some stuck, you know.
I remember with my mom's funeral, though

892
01:04:00.239 --> 01:04:03.840
I didn't I mean, I cried
a little bit here and there, like

893
01:04:03.880 --> 01:04:10.440
after she died, but it wasn't
until I went up to her casket and

894
01:04:10.920 --> 01:04:13.559
that was when I put the veil
around her and it was just her and

895
01:04:13.599 --> 01:04:19.920
I when finally the entire emotion hit
and I ugly cried for like a solid

896
01:04:19.960 --> 01:04:26.519
three minutes in front of family and
friends, like wailing that kind of honey.

897
01:04:26.599 --> 01:04:30.159
So I don't know if when it
doesn't matter, I just it was.

898
01:04:30.320 --> 01:04:35.719
I just I noticed that I wasn't
feeling emotional well, and I think

899
01:04:35.760 --> 01:04:42.840
also that's probably been you coupling with
your relationship with your father. Yeah,

900
01:04:42.880 --> 01:04:46.440
this whole time, So you know, your mom was a tender smooshy,

901
01:04:47.320 --> 01:04:50.440
I dit Grandma. You're right.
I never felt protective of my dad.

902
01:04:50.679 --> 01:04:55.039
I always felt protective of my mom. Yeah, and I that may be

903
01:04:55.320 --> 01:05:00.440
so of course that's going to make
your heart just yeah burst and yea cry.

904
01:05:00.199 --> 01:05:02.920
But with your dad, it's kind
of just always been more formal.

905
01:05:03.199 --> 01:05:09.639
Yeah, I'm that's okay. Yeah, it's the relationship that he created with

906
01:05:09.719 --> 01:05:12.360
you. Yeah, and it was
fine. Yeah, it was fine for

907
01:05:12.440 --> 01:05:15.719
him and it was fine for me. And that's yeah. Absolutely. I

908
01:05:15.760 --> 01:05:21.519
think the saddest that I have felt
so far is being sad that my children

909
01:05:21.559 --> 01:05:30.440
are sad. Ye. That hurts
my heart because they're kids and they I've

910
01:05:30.480 --> 01:05:34.199
seen my dad spiral into misery since
my mom passed, and my kids haven't

911
01:05:34.199 --> 01:05:39.719
seen that, and I'm glad they
haven't. So as I watched my dad

912
01:05:39.760 --> 01:05:43.800
die, there was the sadness,
but the sense of relief to kind of

913
01:05:44.039 --> 01:05:48.639
sort of counterbalance. My kids don't
get that relief because they are remembering Grandpa

914
01:05:49.039 --> 01:05:53.880
as fun Grandpa who told all these
crazy stories and always had like root beer

915
01:05:53.880 --> 01:05:58.920
popsicles and you know what I mean. So that memory Grandpa is now,

916
01:05:58.960 --> 01:06:01.960
wow, that person is gone.
Yeah, quick, short funny story before

917
01:06:01.960 --> 01:06:06.519
we wrap up because it's getting long
here. So Cassidy, my ten year

918
01:06:06.519 --> 01:06:13.480
old, she she's been to one
funeral and that was my mom's and we

919
01:06:13.639 --> 01:06:17.360
partied for that funeral week. We
got an air being peace. All the

920
01:06:17.480 --> 01:06:20.880
cousins we like blinged out her casket. I gotta put. I mean,

921
01:06:20.880 --> 01:06:26.679
it was just such a big fucking
party. It was everything everyone would ever.

922
01:06:26.760 --> 01:06:29.280
We went to like escape rooms,
like we just did it all.

923
01:06:29.320 --> 01:06:31.880
It was like we are celebrating ground. We ate German food, I just

924
01:06:31.880 --> 01:06:35.079
did everything was so fun. Yeah. And so when I texted my kids

925
01:06:35.079 --> 01:06:39.079
and I'm like, just you know, ground Grandpa passed because I told him

926
01:06:39.119 --> 01:06:41.679
I'm going out to Utah. He's
not doing blah blah. Yeah. I

927
01:06:41.719 --> 01:06:45.079
text Grandpa past and Philip of course
replies, rest in peace, Grandpa,

928
01:06:45.159 --> 01:06:48.920
because that's what Philip would say.
And then Cassie replies to the heart,

929
01:06:48.960 --> 01:06:59.000
and then she says, do we
get to have a funeral. I'm like

930
01:06:59.039 --> 01:07:01.039
what? And then I'm going okay, hang out with my cousins. In

931
01:07:01.079 --> 01:07:05.760
her view was like, oh you
mean my fucking party family reunion, like

932
01:07:05.960 --> 01:07:13.880
blow all of Grandpa and nobody's watching. It's oh yeah, And that was

933
01:07:13.920 --> 01:07:15.559
so cute. And I said yes, of course, and she's like,

934
01:07:15.639 --> 01:07:20.039
can I help plan it? Oh
yeah, yes, you bet your you

935
01:07:20.159 --> 01:07:28.000
bet your existence cities. I was
gonna say, you bet your sweet little

936
01:07:28.159 --> 01:07:33.480
ass, Cassidy, you little anyway, that was funny, yes, And

937
01:07:33.519 --> 01:07:38.559
that made and that made me feel
like, you know what, because as

938
01:07:38.599 --> 01:07:41.840
a mom, you're always doubting your
abilities to mom. Well, don't even

939
01:07:41.840 --> 01:07:45.480
get me started. Oh I know. So when I got that, my

940
01:07:45.519 --> 01:07:47.159
first reaction was like, oh god, she's so fucked up. She doesn't

941
01:07:47.159 --> 01:07:49.920
even understand the funerals are like sad. And then I go, no,

942
01:07:50.039 --> 01:07:56.480
that's no, this is amazing.
Yes, throwing down for a funeral.

943
01:07:56.519 --> 01:08:01.400
She's like, fuck yaes, she
hang out with my We're gonna celebrate grandson.

944
01:08:01.440 --> 01:08:04.280
We're going to party, and we're
going to party and I love it.

945
01:08:04.320 --> 01:08:08.199
That made me so happy because I
know that I do things a lot

946
01:08:08.239 --> 01:08:13.159
differently raising kids than some people do. And everything is that I notice is

947
01:08:13.199 --> 01:08:15.960
different. It's always a little bit
like on the wacky side, and my

948
01:08:15.199 --> 01:08:20.479
kids have different views of things like
funerals, for example. But it's good,

949
01:08:21.039 --> 01:08:25.600
It's fucking awesome and so I don't
know. I just you know,

950
01:08:25.920 --> 01:08:30.920
pat my damnself on the back that
my kids are ready to celebrate Grandpa.

951
01:08:30.960 --> 01:08:32.600
Link Lincoln, my oldest. He
when I texted it, he said,

952
01:08:32.640 --> 01:08:34.520
can I call you? I'm like, oh, of course, and he

953
01:08:34.560 --> 01:08:39.399
called me. He just cried.
He is my tender hearted podcast. I

954
01:08:39.439 --> 01:08:43.760
adore that child. I love him
so hard. But he's the oldest,

955
01:08:43.760 --> 01:08:46.239
so he would have had more memories
with Grandpa exactly. Yeah. Anyway,

956
01:08:46.399 --> 01:08:49.239
how old is he? Twenty four? Twenty four? Okay, oh same

957
01:08:49.279 --> 01:08:54.760
age as my kid? Oh really
badass. Well, I will be bringing

958
01:08:55.079 --> 01:09:00.680
all of them out, plus Lincoln's
girlfriend Caroline and Evans girlfriend Natalie, So

959
01:09:00.760 --> 01:09:04.720
there will be ten of us coming
out here for the funeral. Airbnb,

960
01:09:05.399 --> 01:09:11.960
all of the cousins. It's going
to be a Johnson fucking party. Yes,

961
01:09:12.039 --> 01:09:14.600
because that's what we do. And
you know, what's cool, lots

962
01:09:14.600 --> 01:09:18.920
of things. But my dad was
always like very serious. But all of

963
01:09:19.239 --> 01:09:24.560
the sibling except for David, fuck
him. But all of the grandkids are

964
01:09:24.800 --> 01:09:29.520
just total We are hilarious. I'm
not we they are hilarious, They're irreverent,

965
01:09:30.079 --> 01:09:34.920
they are funny, Like it's so
great that they are all they're just

966
01:09:38.159 --> 01:09:44.680
yeah, every you know from age
ten their eyes and appropriate. I know,

967
01:09:44.840 --> 01:09:47.800
No, they are so not that
way and children, and I love

968
01:09:47.920 --> 01:09:51.479
that they're all so excited to get
together, so too. The name of

969
01:09:51.560 --> 01:09:56.359
Jesus Christ A man, I know, I love it. I mean thank

970
01:09:56.399 --> 01:10:00.079
you, I mean thank you,
thank you. I see now you're and

971
01:10:00.119 --> 01:10:08.439
then on the jokes you jealous home
wrecking Dyke. I'm gonna T shirt I

972
01:10:08.479 --> 01:10:13.600
told, I told my nephew Luke, like my I have four nieces and

973
01:10:13.680 --> 01:10:16.119
nephews whatever who were still Mormon,
and they are probably they might be the

974
01:10:16.159 --> 01:10:19.199
most irreverent ones. The one that
the ones that I'm so fun to joke

975
01:10:19.279 --> 01:10:24.800
with. I'm like, I need
a T shirt that says jealous homeworking Dike.

976
01:10:24.840 --> 01:10:27.800
It looks like I'm on it.
And then on the back it's gonna

977
01:10:27.840 --> 01:10:32.560
say thank you, thank you,
thank you as you walk away. Yeah,

978
01:10:32.680 --> 01:10:35.960
like, so you're a jealous home
wrecking Dike. Thank you. No,

979
01:10:36.079 --> 01:10:40.479
there was another part of it though, it's jealous. Oh you're fucking

980
01:10:40.560 --> 01:10:44.680
jealous. Homerk oh. Okay,
So that's on the front and on the

981
01:10:44.680 --> 01:10:46.079
back. As you walk away,
it's gonna say thank you, you,

982
01:10:46.399 --> 01:10:51.840
thank you six times, six times
it maybe seven, just a fine point

983
01:10:51.880 --> 01:10:57.640
on it. I was actually going
to talk about my dad's passing and my

984
01:10:57.760 --> 01:11:00.680
uncle's funeral. But we had such
a good time talking about my dead father.

985
01:11:00.279 --> 01:11:04.880
But we will, uh, we'll
go into We'll get into uncle's final

986
01:11:05.039 --> 01:11:09.520
for sure. Yeah. Maybe we'll
record after we eat some spaghetti. I

987
01:11:09.560 --> 01:11:12.079
don't know. Yeah, we'll see
we got lost. We try to get

988
01:11:12.119 --> 01:11:15.000
recordings in when I'm out here in
Utah, I mean me and my girl

989
01:11:15.159 --> 01:11:17.840
Kirsten. And it's so fun to
do it face to face. I love

990
01:11:17.880 --> 01:11:21.119
it. It's way better than remote
recording. I love it. Anyway.

991
01:11:21.800 --> 01:11:25.039
I'm still working on how to wrap
it up. I'm gonna go ahead and

992
01:11:25.079 --> 01:11:29.479
say thank you to leave it in
Dan, Dan, thanks for leaving it

993
01:11:29.520 --> 01:11:33.960
in with ship. Dan. What's
the name of your company? Provision Audio?

994
01:11:34.079 --> 01:11:38.920
No, try again, Precision Audio, No Dan it some of then

995
01:11:40.159 --> 01:11:45.239
Dan Extension, Thank you, Dan
at Extension Audio. Please leave all of

996
01:11:45.239 --> 01:11:48.279
that in the name. He's like, you dumb bitches. I know.

997
01:11:48.520 --> 01:11:54.840
By the way, Dan At Extension
audio. He has been so helpful to

998
01:11:55.000 --> 01:11:59.039
me after you know, the breakup
of Mary and I and me going forward

999
01:11:59.039 --> 01:12:01.159
with the podcast, in helping me
figure out how to do this shit,

1000
01:12:01.239 --> 01:12:04.319
because let me tell you, bitches, it is not easy. There's a

1001
01:12:04.319 --> 01:12:08.479
lot of room for error and I've
made lots of them, and Dan has

1002
01:12:08.520 --> 01:12:14.800
been so good with helping me figure
some shit out. So thanks leaving it

1003
01:12:14.840 --> 01:12:17.399
in, sweet Dan. Yeah,
thanks Dan for leaving it in. But

1004
01:12:17.479 --> 01:12:20.800
yeah, Dan's awesome. I guess
there was no one else I need to

1005
01:12:20.800 --> 01:12:26.199
think but you, Kirsten. Oh, thank you man. Okay, so

1006
01:12:26.399 --> 01:12:30.760
I remember from the last time,
we're supposed to say stay clear of cults

1007
01:12:30.960 --> 01:12:33.319
because they're no joke. They're no
joke, no joke at all, and

1008
01:12:33.359 --> 01:12:38.560
then we say bye bye, bye
bye,