In this episode, my dad just died, So there we go. That's
what we're going to talk about. I'm gonna have Kirsten here to help me
process shit, and uh yeah, stay tuned. Hello there, and welcome
to this episode of the Latter Day Lesbian podcast podcast about a Next Morning gay
girl just trying to figure out her fucking life. Did I get it right
that time? I think I did. It was pretty am I like,
oh, okay, well, I'm Shelley and I have my co host,
Kirsten. I'm Kirsten. We'll be doing lots of random whoever co hosts as
I figure this shit out. We're like at the end of January right now.
If this episode comes out before the Christmas episode, does I'm sorry,
did you record the Chris what? Sorry? I haven't recorded my part,
which is literally five minutes worth of stuff that I need to record. I
have everything else done from Fanny fact check and Bryce Blank and Angle. Oh
it's edited and everything. I just have been so out of my mind busy.
So those of you who are listening to this, if you're like,
yeah, we haven't hit Christmas yet, I've been a little busy. It
turns out, turns out well, I know what if you do Christmas in
July, we could because I have ever heard of that. Yes, this
was in July. I love to go to karaoke and do Christmas long July.
I'm like rude off the red Nose Reindeer, and I make people sing
with me. I'm like sing it. Oh my gosh, like a light
bulb if you okay? Speaking of karaoke, I have become a bit of
a karaoke junkie since my uh I guess break up with Mary and being single
for a while and going out and I have realized that I I don't know
if you know this about me, but I'm a bit of a performer.
She's not stage, you know. But I have definitely got to the point
where I know I'm gonna suck ass at the song, but I don't care,
and I will make fun of myself as I sing, and then I'll
get the crowd involved and make fun of them as they sing and be like,
well, at least I'm not as bad as that guy. Nice dude,
See you should be a karaoke host. Oh my god, what do
you like to sing? Just about anything? My more recent ones, I
love me some careless whisper by Ram, Yes, what's the what's the other
Ram song? That I love? Everything she wants? How's that one go?
Everything she wants is everything she needs? I'm trying to get the chorus.
I don't remember. Dude, dude, doude, Yes, that's the
one. That's the one. And there's always there's the part and the song
where I need to point at someone and say, and now you tell me
that you're having my baby. I'll tell you that I'm happy if you want
me to. And it's always some white dude like, wait what, I'm
like, you're the one who rolled up in this lesbian karaoke nights, so
oh, And that's a good point. It's been. I think one of
the reasons why this has been a new cute thing for you is that you
were doing lesbian meetup groups and there was like lesbian karaoke. Who doesn't want
to do that? I always want to do that. I do too.
It's so much fun. I wish we live closer together, because I will
do I don't care. I'm to the point, I'm the point of my
life where I'm gonna I'm damn near fifty and I just don't care. I
just want to be happy. I just want people around me to be happy.
And if people do like the way I'm singing, get over it.
If you don't like straight. I don't know why I keep saying white.
I'm just imagining there was just the last time I was doing karaoke, and
I'm believing it. Okay, so I am white, so I can be
racist againt white against white people. Is that how it works? Yeah?
Okay, thanks Dune karaoke in this group of white people come in and they
look like they just came from like an award ceremony for something really fancy,
and I've been drinking, and they look very boring and very just kind of
stuffy, and so of course the first thing I think is like, I
need to sing push It by Salt and Peppa, And they're all over on
these like like green sort of suede couches. I was sitting next to all
of the boyfriends there and making them sing along, and they didn't know the
words because they were I don't know, maybe mid twenties and not cool enough,
like my kids are the words the children? You were seeing children singing
with children, And so when I was about to say push It, good
I would like tell the guy next me, like, it's gonna say bushet
good and push it. Really I got them to sing along. It was
could I sing in tempo? Were they doing it? No? But they
did it. It's horrible, but I was so proud of them. They're
like, push it good, ma'am. They're all just lesbian is stolen is
lawed to do it. We gotta do it. She's probably old enough to
be my grandma. If she says push it good, I'm gonna have to
push it good. You actually are old enough to be their grandma? Oh
if they're in their twenties, no, I could be their mom. Well
not almost fifty. That's true in another world, No, could you.
Well, here's the thing. My friend then went to his high school reunion.
I think it was like twenty twentieth high school reunion, and some of
his friends were like, like, his age, our age, Ben and
I are the same age, born in nineteen seventy six. He's like,
some of my friends have grandchildren. Yeah, some of mine, you too,
but the grandchildren aren't twenty four years old at a karaike club. But
oh yeah yeah sorry, math oh oh, math, I tell you,
no, I could be it. I mean Lincoln their mom. Yeah,
Lincoln is twenty four, my oldest. He could have easily had a few
kids by now. If you've gone to my high school. Thanks for getting
hot up in there. Yeah, speaking of that's another song I sing,
It's getting hot in here. Yeah, so take off all your clothes and
get in so hot. I always get like a girl in the crowd to
seeing the high note. Oh good, yeah, yeah, because I can't.
Yeah, so hot in here. That's the one I always do.
I recently started doing It takes two by Rob Bass and DJ Easy Rock,
because I know those were you know that one. It's good. I know
it takes two from Into the Woods. That's not the one by Stephen Sometime.
No, I don't know that one. It takes two. You thought
one is an Okay, listen, I'm the musical theater. Go here's yours,
since it takes to go and then I'll do mine. Okay, it
takes two. We thought one was enough. It's not true. It takes
two of us. It takes care. Okay, that's about all I'm gonna
do. That was yours. I loved it. Do you want to hear
my? It takes too I do. I want a rock raight. Now.
I'm rock based and I came to get down. I'm not internationally known,
but I'm known to rock the microphone because that gets stupid, I mean
outrageous. Stay away from me. If you couldn't tache it, that's my
stay away from me. If you're contag Yeah, I just want to sing
that. No, Carl, listen. When I was doing some time,
it was like, you know, if you're a nerd like me, you're
like, oh, I know this one. When you sing that little ditty,
it made my shoulders move and all of a sudden, I was like
jamming, Yeah, rock them back and forth in the chair. Yes,
yeah, it's the one that goes. It takes two to make a thing
go right and huh it takes two to make it ahead of side. That's
the one. It's a rappy part that I like to do for the fans.
I have one rap that I like, Gangster's Paradise. That's a good
one. Let's see. I want to say, you know, with Michelle
Viiffer, but she's actually in the rap. She's in the movie where the
song anyway, Sorry, okay, do go, We're going down rabbit hole.
Get you, but I like to do this one and I couldn't be
whiter. Ask Jillie how many freckles. I'm not gonna lie. You're so
white, your hair's red. I know it's the only contrast I have.
So I go like this, I go, you better watch how you're walking
and how you're talking, or you and your homies might be lyned in chalk.
But I ain't never killed a man that didn't deserve it to be treated
like a fool. You know what's unheard of? Or I didn't never treat
him. I never hit him. Man. I don't know it's something violent.
I just want to point out that Kirson grabbed her crotch as she was
singing those lyrics. You did, you definitely did, Yes, you did.
I am five shades of red right now. Oh my god, I
have my crotch. Why don't we video and not just audio because this is
phenomenal. We should do like I'm so sorry you had to see that,
Shelly. I had a great time. He okay, okay, So that
was in good comedy. That has been very needed because, as I said
at the beginning, my dad just died. Yeah, this is delus.
Yeah, she hasn't slept in a minute. Oh god, I haven't slept
in a long time. It's been it's been long. So anyway, now
that we got our laughter out of the way, well, and I don't
know that I'm going to get my laughter out of the way because I was.
I laughed through everything was smu earlier. I'm going to come clean to
y'all audience. Listen, I have a medical cannabis card, So put your
judgment where it deserves to be. Mary Go. I don't know whatever.
I have fun. It's all party. I love it. It's fine,
Lottie Dottie. I likes to party. It's another song I'll do. Okay,
Okay, slick. We must do karaoke together. This would be great
if this whole podcasting thing like ends up not working out. After all,
we're gonna go into wrap okay, and we're gonna light a dumpster on fire
ya together as friends. We'll hold hands. Yes, we'll pour a kerosene
into the desk or we'll light it on fire and then we will be like
cool, and then we'll go to Olive Garden. You're picking up the dab
and I'm getting bottomless. Some things drinks drinks. God, Kirsten. So
now we're going to a bar with strippers. Yes, no, I've never
been. Have you to a strip club? Yeah no I haven't. I
haven't either, but I almost had. My boss taken me to one when
we were Vegas last time, and because I had never been, I'm like,
oh, that sounds fun. And so I was looking. I was
on the interwebs, and I was looking up strip clubs in the area and
reading about them, and it just it creeped me out because it literally felt
like I was reading about how to behave at a livestock auction, because it
was like, oh, if you want to if there's a certain girl that
you want to attract to your table, say this, do this, like
how to pick the one. It just came across his creepy And this is
nothing against the strip strippers and dancers whatever. If that's your choice, it's
what you want to do, even if you're a sex worker. Fact.
Yeah, mans, what you've decided you want to do. I don't give
a shit. Just for me, it felt a little weird. Okay,
anyway, so strippers. Then my dad died, so should we bring it
back around? Okay? So here here is what has just got down?
My uncle this is my mom's youngest sister's husband, sixty nine years old.
Always had trouble with his lungs. Has some lung shit, like an actual
sickness I can't think of the name of it, where he would have to
take blood thinners, like heavy duty blood thinners. He's been on blood thinners
for like ten years, long time. Anyway, A couple of weeks ago
he had was having some pain, went into the hospital. Turns out he
had blood clots and they couldn't save him and he died, passed away.
Super sad. Didn't see it coming. I'm young too, yes, not
even seventy. And the last time I saw him was that my mom's funeral
back in August, if you all remember, she passed passed away in August.
And so it's kind of trippy to be like, dude, I was
just like talking to him and he was not sick at all. He was
my uncle Galen like he just there was no cause for concern. His funeral
was yesterday. By the way, I'm in Utah right now, did we
say that already? I'm again with Kirsten at her house recording a podcast episode
we did not say that. Now people know what's up. I mean Utah.
Okay, sorry, sorry if we confused everyone. So I had a
plane ticket to come out this past Wednesday for the Saturday funeral so I could
spend some time with Kirsten and then spend something with my brothers. But then
on Monday got a message from my brother Mike, who happened to be in
Utah visiting my dad, and he said, I'm with dad hospice nurses here.
Things are not looking good. I was asking Mike, and Okay,
for those of you who are brand new to the podcast, first of all,
you might want to start at episode one to get the whole shebang if
you don't feel like it, and this is your very first episode. I
my oldest brother's David, he's an asshole. Then there's Mike, who is
awesome. There's Mark, who is awesome, and then there's me and who
is awesome. Thank you. So Mike was the one who was out here,
and he was one who said, yeah, hospice nurses saying things aren't
looking good. So Mark and Mike and I all talked and were like,
Mike, well, what do you think is he gonna last? And tell
the funeral. What I mean, should we come out sooner? So Mike
said, I don't know, but it doesn't look good. And I was
like, okay, I'm buying a ticket right now. That was Monday morning
when we had the conversation. So I changed my airline ticket to instead of
Wednesday to come out on Monday. Hopped on a plane, came out,
went straight to my dad's apartment. He was living in a and he'd been
moved to the memory care unit. Saw him. He just was kind of
just comatose, I guess, like non responsive, but he was also helped
up on some morphines. He had been in pain. Was he opening his
eyes at all? No, not at all, just laying there with his
head to this side and just deep breaths. And so I sat there with
him and I talked to him. Mike decided he was going to stay the
night there, just on the floor with my dad so he could call us
as something happens. Mike and Mark are amazing. Can I just say they
almost make up for how shitty David is. They are such good, like
caring shirt off their back, yeah, for you, you know. Mike
stayed there, Mark and I went to my aunt Beverly's house. The next
morning, my dad was still the same condition. We went over there and
we just spent the day just sitting there with my dad and telling stories and
laughing and talking and just you know, cutting up like we do. And
I would go and sit by my dad and hold his hand and kind of
talk to him, but he just was just deep breathing and nothing else.
And I have, by the way, trigger warning. I'm going to talk
about how it was like to watch my dad die. I was just thinking
about that too. I was just thinking, like, because I watched several
of my grandparents pass and one of them was rough. I mean, it
went on for weeks. It was tough, and I don't know, but
yeah, trigger warning for sure, trigger warning for sure. Yeah. I'm
just thinking if you don't want to, if you don't want to hear about
it, then fast forward or just listen with someone. But yeah, I'm
going to talk about like, let's talk about it right now. Then right
now? Yes. Uh So, the hospice nurse was kind of coming in
and out and checking his vitals and checking his uh blood oxygen whatever it's called.
And it was like in the low eighties, which is not good.
And it was interesting for me because my brother Mike is a doctor, and
so he would talk with uh, the hospice lady, nurse whatever about like
physically what was going on, which made it kind of for me, I
guess was maybe like a nice distraction. Maybe, so it was. It
was. For example, I learned that as your body slows down, your
organs are trying to keep your brain and your heart alive, you know,
so that it'll stop sending so much blood to your extremities. And so my
dad's feet got cold, and his hands got cold, and then he'd start
to get like kind of gray, and his extremities because they're not getting the
oxygen and the blood that brings in. And this is all stuff that I
didn't know. And again I don't know. It's kind of this balance of
like, wow, that's really interesting how your body works, how your body.
There's a process that your body has to go through to like kind of
kind of cross the finish line, you know, you know what I mean.
I mean, sure, some people have like a stroke or their heart
stops or whatever it is, but this sort of slow shutdown of the body
and just watching it happen was surreal. Even I would say just kind of
I've never been there before. Kind of interesting too, how with your brother
talking with the hospice nurse, how it kind of makes it more clinical and
more information. And I don't know about you, but I find information,
even if it's like really a lot of information, like it's hard information.
For some reason, I just find it soothing. I want to know what's
going on, yes, and to have it be more clinical. Here's the
body, Here's what the body is going to do, here's what you can
expect, all that kind of thing, like I want to know and yeah,
I can see, this is the dying process, this is what the
heart is doing, this is what the Yeah, it was like having that
more clinical part to it, I think was a bit of a distraction for
me, which was good. And also, you know, my relationship with
my mom and my relationship with my dad were very different, and I know
that my dad has been miserable since my mom passed, So there was also
the part of me it's an interesting thing. Okay, So as my dad
is breathing, the hospice nurse is saying he was having a regular breathing in
out, deep breath like that, like the body's trying to get the air
that it needs to stay working, and once in a while it would pause
for like three seconds between the next breath, and when that would happen,
my brothers and I would stop what we're doing and turn and look like,
holy shit, is that it? Did Dad just die? And it's like
he's pausing, we're holding our breath, and then when he goes takes another
breath, it's like this weird mix of whew, dad didn't just die and
like, shit, dad didn't just die. Yeah, you know so many
emotions of I don't want my dad to die, and I want my dad
to die. Yeah, well he needs to, yes, exactly, he
needed to. Yeah, dude. Same with my grandpa. That was the
hardest one to watch because it was colon cancer and it was down to the
you know, down to morphine under his tongue. Yeah, he was basically
I mean, not in a coma with oxygen. He was just kind of
he was on his way out, and then he got to this place because
he had polio. His leg was swollen and so his body was living off
of the water retention in his leg, and it took him so much longer
to die than it does the average person. It was really really hard.
Wow. And I would and of course I saw him every day for hours,
and every time I would leave, I would say goodbye, thinking that
was it, thinking that was it, And then he was alive the next
day and then I don't know. Okay again trigger warning, I don't know.
Have you ever heard of the death rattle? Yes? I learned about
it with my dad. Did he have that? Yes? Okay, I'm
sorry, honey, it wasn't really bad, but yeah, it was there.
I'm sorry, but you can talk about it with your Yeah, the
death rattle was really you know, I was young. I was just a
kid, and I was learning all of this along with my dad whose dad
it was, and my mother, and we were just learning about the stages
of death and it and the hospice nurse. He was actually in this room.
He actually died in this room. Oh really yeah? Wow? And
the room that I'll be sleeping in tonight. Cool nod? Will I want
him hanging out? Fuck? Yeah? You yeah, right on. I
mean, don't tell anybody else, but he was my favorite grandpa, but
I was his favorite grandchild. He's the best anyway. Yeah. And also
I've done a lot of staging. If you care about that wooh shit,
I do, but I do too, and so anyway, yeah, it
was scary, and there was something about just knowing understanding what this is.
The process was when you when you get to the end like that, you're
it is kind of mercy, like a bittersweet feeling where you're like, this
person can't even breathe through their phlegm and there's a rattle. My dad wasn't
that bad by the day? Oh good, Yeah, I'm so glad.
I'm so glad my dad. My grandpa was like that for probably like five
days. It was sorry, horrible Grandpa Morgan. I'm sorry, yeah,
but his stubborn ass. Finally there you go. Yeah, and it was
a relief. But it's never okay, it just sucks. It is such
a weird. So when my mom passed, it was a similar situation when
all of a sudden, the hospice was like, uh, your mom,
it took a nose dive and I flew out got to see you or got
to talk to her. She didn't talk back. She was already you know.
She was in a similar yes, okay, but then she died in
the middle of the night when no one was there, so it was we
got the phone call your mom passed, and we went over in the morning,
but with my dad again, we're all sitting around and talking and laughing
like two brothers and his sister would do. And the hospice nurse would pop
in once in a while and check his vitals, and she again pointed out
how like, well, his hands are cold. That's because things are shutting
down, and the bodies instinct is to stay alive, so it's going to
pump the blood to the heart into the brain because that's what you have to
have. And then there's like a discoloration of the skin that happens because it's
not getting enough ox in. And so she was showing that, and when
she would come in she'd check, she'd show like, a, see,
now it's discolored this many it's moved this many inches toward his h the center
of his body, Like that's what's not really Wow, yeah, that is
really I think that's so helpful. It really was, because it was almost
like it was helping us see the timeline, you know, because I can
imagine sitting there wondering how long is dad going to be suffering like this?
But to see a timeline. Yeah, I guess it was. It was.
It was a good distraction. It was helpful, and it was almost
like you could prepare because then you're going, okay, we're getting really really
close now. Yeah, and she would tell us what to watch out for,
you know, if this certain thing changes, then we're right there at
the end. And which was what happened was is he had this normal deep
breathing which which was pretty much the same for quite a few hours, but
then he would have where he would pause between breaths and we would all panic
and have that weird emotion of oh, please don't die, Please don't die,
and then like, oh crap, he didn't die. Yes, now
he's still suffering and we're still here and it's you know, And so that
became more frequent where there was more frequent pauses, and then she said there
will be likely just a noticeable change in the way that he's breathing. It
was probably another hour of him doing is you know what's sarm like. This
was only a few days ago today's Sunday, by the way, and it
was a Tuesday when he passed. Uh huh. There were a lot of
times where Mark and Mike and I were just sitting there in silence, and
you it became the rhythmic breathing of my dad where it just became part of
the experience, you know. And so then when that would get interrupted by
him pausing, it like woke everyone up. Not that we were sleep but
just like what internal look at Dad, and then when he would start breathing
and you just kind of settled back into that rhythmic breathing. It was I
wish I had a better word for it, just to you know, I
love the word thing. It was just a thing, experience of whatever you
want to call it. Anyway, So around three thirty three forty five,
three forty five probably actually all of a sudden, his breathing changed and it
was like the rhythm was gone. There wasn't that rhythm anymore. It was
like shallow, shallow pause, deep breath, long pause, deep breath,
shallow, shallow, like there was no rhythm anymore. And we're like,
oh, guys, guys, guys, you know, like something's happening here.
My brother went out in the hall, found the hospice nurse. She
came in and she's like, yeah, it's this is the end. And
so I went up and stood up by my dad, up by his head,
and I just like cressed his arm and told him I loved him,
and told him like, you're good, you can go go be with Mom.
And honestly, and I know I might catch some flack on this,
because I know my mom and dad had a relationship and parts of it I
didn't love because my dad was very controlling, very patriarchal. My mom kind
of did what he said and at the end she kind of didn't want to
do what he said, and they fought a lot as their dementia hit.
But something in me, and I don't know what happens after you die,
something in me wanted them to be reunited. Yeah, because even in the
end for my mom, when she was crazy and my dad drove her crazy,
it became where he was the only one that she wanted with her.
And they were married, god fifty six years longer than that, actually a
lot of years. Was their marriage perfect, No, of course not,
but they they were who they knew so and I know my dad adored my
mom, even though he could be controlling sometimes. And I know my mom
adored my dad. And I stood there with my dad and we're just,
you know, kind of caressing his arm and saying, it's okay, Dad,
We've got this. We're good. We're going to make sure everything happens
the way it needs to happen, because I think a lot of my dad's
stubbornness was no one can take care of things the way I can take care
of things. He's kind of a control freak, and I just felt like
he needed to be reassured that we got it, we got it, we
will take care of everything. Here's a question, Yes, of course,
why would you catch flack for what you just said. I posted on social
media about my dad passing or that he was with my mom now, and
someone had posted I don't even know who it was. I don't know if
it was a friend, I don't even remember. Everything's just kind of a
blur, but basically saying something to affect the effect that it's like a bad
belief or something that wasn't said in such a mean way. But the intent
was that just because people were married doesn't mean that someone has to stay in
an abusive relationship, right, don't assume that they're together forever. And it
wasn't said in a mean way like that, but it made me think,
like, because I know I've talked a lot of shit about my parents' marriage,
because there was a lot of shit. You know, Well you're just
talking, that's true. And also where does that person love? I'm just
I only look up. The name is Paul, like a good friend of
mine. Sorry, shut the fuck up. Shelley just died. Yeah,
bitch, Yeah, I don't remember who was I don't know. Sorry.
I know some people don't like the word bitch. I might catch the flat
for that, but shut up shut. I also use it as a term
of endearment, of course. My bitches, ah, my bitches. Oh,
I have a funny story, but we'll get to that a minute.
But whoever said that, I know you didn't mean anything bad about it.
I do, I get it. I don't. I don't even remember who
it was. I'm not like, I just checked yourself. That's all I'm
saying. Sorry, Kirsten's little predictive of me, but whatever, it's fine.
But that's what made me say that. Then you could tell that as
my dad was taking breaths, his lungs weren't filling anymore. So it was
like THEO was going through the motions of breathing, but it wasn't breathing.
And he did that maybe four times and then no more breath. Oh my
god, yeah, dude, it was wow, so surreal. Yeah,
he never struggled, He never There was nothing he from the time that I
got into town and saw him, he didn't move at all, not his
head, not his legs, nothing. He just was waiting for the body
to completely run out. Probably the last two hours before his died, the
hospice nurse, you know, checking him and doing things, and she's like,
he's basically only breathing now because his brain stem is saying we have to
breathe, like he's there, he's gone. And it makes me wonder because
I do believe that we have some kind of a soul, a spirit of
something, an energy in us. And so I was kind of having the
conversation with my brothers, Mark and Mike. They're both still very Mormon,
and the conversation was like, is Dad you know and I think of that
like his energy or his soul, and my brothers of course like his spirit
because they're very Mormon. Is he even still in the body or is he
done? We have no idea, No, we don't not a clue,
try to prove it. Yeah, exactly right. And the hospitsiness. I
looked up a conversation about that. Well. In first helaman chapter whatever all
the demos are, like, who the fuck is Heloman? Read the Book
of Mormon and you'd an army. It's fine, it's true, don't worry
about it. Did he have the stripping the stripling warriors? Care sidebar those
guys anyway? Any way? I know, with their shirts off and the
pictures when another time it's a whole other I'm going to take a note about
it. Do it so. The hospice nurse very Mormon, I could tell.
And she cute, cute. She was there for when my mom died
too. So she's Carol's her name. If anyone ever has someone who needs
to die, call Carol. Carol is the sweetest hospice nurse ever. Love
her anyway. She talked about how she believed that as the body is moving
toward its final death, that the spirit, soul whatever is kind of in
and out, in and out, almost like not sure where are we going?
What are we doing? You know? Maybe not confusion, but just
I don't know, I don't know if it's like a like a snap your
fingers and I don't who know, we don't know. I mean, we
don't know. But like when people are near death and they I remember Grandpa
Morgan looking at a certain spot on the wall and smiling and just it looked
like he was recognizing somebody. Yeah, and he would recognize me, like
he wouldn't move for the whole day, and then I would walk in and
I'd be like, hi, Grandpa, and I would take his hand and
he would open his eyes and my parents were like, wow, he hasn't
been you were his favorite. Oh yeah, But I felt like he was
seeing people I don't know, like this is so woo woo, and we
it is, we don't and there's at the point in like trying to figure
it out. But it's interesting, but it is interesting. It is.
It is, yeah, for sure. So yeah, my dad took his
last breath and then that was it, and we all just kind of stood
there and it finally hit me and I cried a little bit. It was
just such a different I don't know, it's it's hard to explain the difference
between my mom dying and my dad. And again it's well, also,
you just went through it. And this was way in August. I mean
we're only in January right now. This has not been a long time.
And I imagine that as we go through our lives. I mean, my
grandmother who died at ninety six, lost everybody. She was the oldest person
in the world. Oh God, And so how many times did she go
through that process? Yeah, where you're just like wow, And it wasn't
ever like she wasn't ever callous or anything. She's just like, well,
and this is what has happened. And I've seen it over and over again.
And you do you learn how to you learn how to cope. It
gets I mean not necessarily easier every time, but it becomes a thing where
you're like, and here we are. It's not the first time you've experienced.
He's the death thing, right right. This happens and we all know
it. And I think with my dad too, we all knew it was
coming. He had been going downhill since my mom died. He had been
miserable, so it was it needed to happen, you know. And again,
my dad and I didn't have this this fantastic relationship. It wasn't a
bad relationship, but he's just not very It wasn't a very deep relationship.
I guess. Yeah, I know he loved me, would have done anything
for me. Yay, would never take that from him. He's just not
He's not a very emotionally deep person that you connect with on a on a
deep level. And for me, for me, yeah, I think it
was more the realization. It hit me like, oh my god, both
of my parents are dead. I don't have parents, and that kind of
pushed me over the edge to tears. I hadn't cried yet, it was
so yeah, And so I gave him a hug, I took his ring.
My brother's already told me, they're like, you know, you've got
mom's ring. You should have dad's ring too, because I wear I was
wearing my mom's ring on a necklace. Can you guys hear this? Oh
I want to see see. Yeah, So now I've got my dad's ring
on there too. Oh that's so sweet, Dixie and Terry. So I
took the ring off his finger and put it on my necklace, and uh,
my brothers kind of said goodbye. And my brother Mark's oldest son was
there, and my brother David wasn't there, the asshole one, but his
oldest son was there. Okay, can we we can? What the hell?
Where was he like eight minutes away? It were what the fuck?
There's so many things wrong with this guy. Were you guys telling him,
like, dude, Dad is literally seconds away from death. Yes, because
Mike the doctor has like a legal responsibility because of some lawsuit we went through.
Was ridiculous. That's a whole other story. Yeah, I'll get to
that later. But Mike will would tell David. You know, a hospice
nurse says this, and David had went and saw my dad the day before,
but David knew. David knew that we all flew out there because Dad's
fixing the die, you know, but he didn't bother coming all day knowing
that hospice is coming in and out, knowing that Dad is almost gone.
Yeah, when my dad did die, we're all just kind of you kind
of freeze for a minute and you sort of take it in like that just
happened. A few tears everyone, you know. I gave my dad a
kiss on the cheek. And and by the way, when I got there,
if I would have walked past my dad in any one of those rooms
at Jamestown, I wouldn't have thought it was him. He looked nothing like
he did when I saw him just before Christmas time. Yeah, that soul
that we were talking about, it's just at this point it's like a glove.
Yeah, and the the living yeah, heart is leaving, and so
they look more like like here's the body. Yeah it was, it's it's
not you know, yeah, yeah right. Anyway, So Mike texted David,
dad died, you know. David reply, David didn't reply. David's
son texted David, no reply, no reply. Then finally David's son calls
him, was like, Dad, Grandpa died. Day was like, oh,
okay, I'll be right there. Forty five minutes later, like,
dude, how are you not having your Okay, but listen, Okay,
go ahead. He maybe not into the dying process and doesn't know what to
do with it. I'm not trying to provide exactly, I'm not trying to
prove excuses for him, but that is a I mean, for a normal
feeling person, that could be correct. But no, he just is so
focused on him. So many things messed up with that dude. We I
mean, I know that I've done a few scandal sessions about him. Those
of you who are like, what's the scandal session? Oh yeah, well
I have a podcast. God, how many episodes are there, I don't
know, twenty something. A lot most of them were Mary and I,
my ex girlfriend X co host in. These are episodes where we would talk
about things that are a little with a little deeper into things that not necessarily
something I just want like the entire public to hear for free, and you
can access that by becoming a patron. I don't know if the new website
is up at this point as I'm recording this. It should be, so
I don't know what I'm saying is I don't know. Okay, but you
can get access to those badass, kind of super secret podcasts for five dollars
a month if you go to patreon dot com slash Latter Day Lesbian anyway.
Just that's not a plug for my five dollars a month. But if you
want to hear more dirt, that's where you can find him. Anyway,
David asshole. Again, there's so much to be said about this. I
mean, he's horrible. Sorry, but let me tell you some of the
weird ass shop. Are you kind of glad though that he wasn't there.
Oh we didn't want him to be there, No, because he would have
you. He doesn't do anything that doesn't make someone uncomfortable around him. It's
just the way he works his life. He's either being a dick or being
hella weird and not weird in like a way where where you shouldn't say,
oh, that person's weird. I don't know, does that makes sense?
Like some people are weird. It's like, well, you're just a weird
person and that's fine whatever, but this is like that's weird tent kind of
or something. But just well, let me tell you my story. So
Mike and mar Oh god, there's so much Okay, right, sorry people,
Yeah, I'm rambling. So Mark and Mike and I have dealt with
David for the last three plus years since my parents got sick during COVID and
had to move out of their home and go into a retirement living thing and
their health started to fail. David has been nothing but problematic and horrible since
then. Just god, I could go on and on. We'll save that,
but it has been so horrible that Mark and Mike and I. Mark
and I, especially because I had a rough upbringing with David in the house.
He was physically abusive, he was emotionally abusive to me. It was
really horrible. I'm so sorry, thank you. I appreciate that. And
he never grew up. He's still the same way. They often don't.
They don't because he's a narcissist. And I'll flat out side that. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, So it has been hell trying to care for my
parents with him, with David causing problems at every turn. David lives about
ten minutes eight minutes from where my parents lived. He works about eight minutes
from where my parents were the last home that they were in. And yet
my dad, when he had his wits about him, did not give David
one ounce of authority to make any decisions for his health, for my mom's
health, for money issues. They knew, and yeah, they knew,
and that is that is unusual because he's the oldest right oldest son, the
son right nearby. That is unusual. So you know there's some shit,
right if my Dad's like, yeah, I would not trust David with their
health yeaheah, And so so that's just there's your your gauge there. Yeah.
So he's just been problematic since ago and it's been so frustrating for all
of us because David has done things to hurt my parents emotionally to He's just
been awful. So Mark, my brother, he we're so stupid. Mark
and I part of our like trying to work through that much we hate dealing
with David. We started writing haikus about David. Do you have one you
can share? Do you remember? Oh? God, you know what I
would do? Okay, I'll get okay. We would write haikus and we
would screenshot dumb shit that David would say, and I mean, it just
became this thing that we would do because we're like, oh my god,
he's fucking ridiculous. And my brothers don't swear, but David would push Mark
so far that Mark snapped one time in him and said, David, I
don't give a shit about you or your fucking methhoor wife. Best day ever.
And by the way, listen, don't feel bad about for the wife.
She's a she's a piece of shit too, just so you know.
Yeah, okay, So and they get together and they get shittier and the
fun yes. Cool. So that's how far David will push Damn. The
one thing that David called me, well, he called me numerous things,
but really, oh god, he hates that his kids like me and talk
to me. His kids don't want anything to do with him, well,
because he's an asshole, mucid piece of shit. And so David would say
that I was lying to his kids about him. I'm like, I don't
talk to your kids about you, dude. You like they are telling me
what you've done. You know, we don't. Yeah, it turns out
I'd rather not talk about you at all, rather you didn't exist. But
he called me, what was it? Exactly? A fucking jealous home wrecking
dyke rest home wrecking. You don't understand what that means? Does that mean
you don't never wrecked anyone's home? No, that would imply that I was
what like fucking is No, but that's not even the father. So fucking
fucking jealous jealous, Hello, fucking jealous homewrecking, which that's the wrong term
for. Yeah, that means that you're stepping out on okay, and I'll
wear that shit proud the part, Hey, I'm a fucking Dike. Guess
what? Uh so, yeah, just so screenshots of that, I mean,
there's wow, I have no idea. There's so much and Mark has
always joked about we started this joke about we should make a coffee table book
with all the haikus, right, that would be hilarious, I mean anything
to like laugh through all this horrible ship we're dealing with with David. Yeah,
and so he's like, I'm gonna make a coffee table book and we
think it's all, Ah, you're so funny. Oh, I fly to
or not fly. I drive with all my kids to Florida to Mike's house
for Christmas. Mark flew out with all of his family to Mike's house for
Christmas. We flew David's kids out, not David, fuck you. Flew
David's kids out so they could be with us at Christmas. Mark presents Mike
and I with the most professional, like hardback glossy There's probably like sixty pages
shot like pictures, quotes. He made a fucking coffee table book about the
ship we've been through over the last three years. Our haikups are in there,
the quotes, the screenshots with the words bleeped out that David has said
he like, he printed out like an award, like asshole award. It
just so much stuff. Mark is hilarious. That was his way of coping
with dealing with that. Dude. Next time I come out, which is
I come out for the funeral in three weeks, I will bring a book
and we will get meet him. Yes, you will meets a published book.
Oh anyway, Okay, So we just went all down about David.
No, that's so good though, like this is part of the process.
That's part process, like y'all needed to be all So David's a douche as
for you. Dad just died and he can't bother to get there until forty
five minutes later. Yeah, and he has to be a big fucking here's
an example of David. This is what I was about to get you till
I got distracted about the coffee table book. So David rolls in. Forty
five minutes Dad is dead, hell of dead, been dead, probably starting
to stiffen up. Dead dead dead. David comes in. Now, Mormons
or ex Wormans who are listening, you'll understand this and then I'll explain it
to those of you who are not. David comes in. I just a'm
like, hey, what's up? Like I always at least acknowledge that he
exists. Oh yeah. And he comes in and he looks at my dad
and then he looks at my brother Mike, and it says, Mike,
have you released Dad yet? Released Dad? What what you're talking about?
What does that even mean? Oh? You wouldn't even know. Okay,
So have you ever heard of someone with you know, the proper priest authority
giving a blessing to someone basically releases releasing them from this live It's someone who's
like been in a coma or they're dying, and they just kind of gives
them permission like you've served, you know, well done, you you're free
to go sort of thing. But you turn home faithful. Yes, it's
a whole like it's it's like a blessing of you know, God loves you,
He's ready for you to come to him, and I give you permission
to and go see God. Now. Yes, and that's the thing.
I know that that and here's the thing, Okay that what I've just explained
is a legit thing that they do. I think it's weird and wonky and
in voodoo magic, but it's an actual, legit Mormon thing that you have
no idea. Okay, well, then you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna get
a taste for this again. There you go write that ship down about this.
Yeah. So it's basically when someone is dying and it's just kind of
a blessing of I guess comfort and you've done a great job and they're waiting
for you on the other side. Blah blah blah. They already do that
by themselves. I know, I know. I'm just saying there is a
legit Mormon thing that they do. But question though, real quick, is
David Mormon. That's a whole other fucking dyke. He's a piece of shit,
but he he plays the part for whoever he needs to play it for.
I know. He's a hypocrite, he's he's one of the worst.
David. Yeah, he's growth anyway. So he asks Mike if Dad has
been released, and Mike's like, because, hello, Dad's been dead and
and and Mike goes, we gave him like some blessings over the last few
days. He's, you know, been And David goes, but did you
release him in my cycle? And Mike goes, what, And then David
goes, I'm going to release Dad, are you? David. David says
Mike, something you're gonna do after this happened, Mark's like, I need
to make it an appendix for the book. For the coffee tea of the
book. We got a whole new chapter. Man. So Mike's like,
and then Davids like, Mike, Mark, would you like to join me
in the circle and Mike and Mike goes, I'm good, and Mark says
nothing. It looks at me and I'm like, I don't know what's going
on. And then Shelley walks up and goes, I like to do.
I'm like, as song as we're all doing fake shit, I'm in.
Actually afterwards, I should I was like, dude, I should have gone
up there. Mark's like, you should have. That had have been hilarious.
So David puts his head hands on my cold, dead dad's head and
we're sitting there like what in the hell, And he says, by the
power of the Holy because it priested which I hold, I command you to
be released from your body and returned to blah blah blah blah blah blah.
And you he's dead. I know. I'm like, dude's dead dead,
He's dead. Whatever was going on inside it has already left, like you
don't even know what you're doing. That the actual legit morbon thing that they
do, you're doing it all wrong and fucked up. Like yeah, and
you feel like you have all this authority because he said, and Mike and
Mark and I like, we're not even bowing our heads for whatever prayer.
We're just looking like like what that Like this is an exorcism, Like what's
happening? Damon's out o relaced And that's what I mean. Everything David does
is cringey and weird, and like, what are you doing? Dude?
You where did you get this idea? So that happened, and then the
mortuary people got there and they had to like, you know, clean my
dad up and whatever. So we all went out in the hall. Mike
went down the hall to do something, and Mark was ignoring David, and
I'm standing there and David comes up to me. He's like, hey,
Shell, I just I just want you to know that I released mom too.
David, thanks so much. I you know, I was worried about
that. I'm so worried that that mom six feet under her spirits let me
out. Yeah, I'm so glad that you used your authority to send a
dead person to death. What it's so hellless? I this is David in
a nutshell? What the fuck are you doing? You Dad would never do
that, My dad, he's a priestoo holder. Well, but it's just
it's not a thing. He just made some shuit up. He did make
some up. They're like if there if like my if David's bishop or whatever
was in the room somehow he'd be he'd be like, whoa what, No,
this is not a thing. It was, you know, a question
in my mind. I'm like, so is this actually because I can't he's
just just like, okay, I'm a cult leader right now in this room.
Or he doesn't know that it's not a thing, but he's such a
nariss. Says that he's like that I need to release release what I know.
I know? Oh god? And so so Twofold on David's comment of
coming to me and telling me that I really, Hey, David, you
know I'm not a Mormon anymore. Yeah, so I don't. So I
don't give a flying fuck what you think you did with Mom. You're not
impressed. Yeah, go ahead, you take your right arm although your head.
You give yourself a big pat on the back. Yeah, job you.
This is one of those uh what my kids say? No weird flex
bro, But okay, that's funny. I'm the last person you're going to
impress with some weird quote unquote priesthood ship. Don't worry, Shelly, I
released Mom. Okay, I just like looked at him and then I didn't.
It was kind of turn. I don't know what to do with this.
It was so weird. But having said that, that gave Mark and
Mike and I so much content to laugh and talk about. Like my brother
Mark sitting in the bathroom at my aunt's house where we're staying. Uh huh
Mike, Mike. Mike's like, what, Mike, this poop punk come
out? I need a blessing of release. They're so funny. I'm dying.
I'm like, I got this. I got this. Mark's like,
that's true. Your priesto will work. Oh my god. Okay, see,
I'm so sacrilgous little kidd I know, dude. Is your brother David
gonna talk at the funeral? No? Oh, we won't allow it.
Thank god. He wasn't allowed to talk at my mom's funeral because he's we're
making the program. We made the program for a mom's funeral and specifically make
sure David wasn't allowed to speak. But we had to let him do something
or we were going to hear about it. And so we decided, okay,
we'll let him like say the prayer before they closed the casket, in
with the family, right, so the least amount of people that can be
like wigged out by the ship. He does his prayer, and Mike and
Mark and I were talking about this too, damage control. Will let David
just say the prayer before they close the casket? How can you fuck that
up? Oh? Oh no, because you're David and you can fuck everything
up. Yeah. But we figured it was the least amount of people in
this family only portion of the funeral right before the actual funeral, Ah got
you go talking about It wasn't in front of the congregation, No, it
was like at the viewing, the view of where the family can come and
then you kind of tell everyone there, okay, only family now, and
everyone else leaves and then they do like the dedication or whatever. And that
was when I got to like do the veil from my mom. That would
be two episodes. The first funeral episode, I think was when I talked
about that. If you're a new listener, you should probably go back about
six Yeah, say yeah, just started one one, come on, come
on that hard? Are there that many episodes? Yeah? Do your dishes?
And seriously so yeah, the prayer again, It's like, okay,
I can't say. First he walks up there next to my mom who is
dead, okay, and he oh, you're dad. No, I'm talking
about when we let when you pray right right? Yeah? Sorry, no
funeral less? Sorry yeah, okay, good. You're asking are you gonna
let David speak? We're like, fuck, no, let us tell you
when when he just let roll prayer when we close the casket thing? Because
he seemed to enjoy that, Oh God, they do so much that he
walked up there and he had a tape record and he pushed record because he
wanted to hear himself, and he started out pretty well, but then all
of a sudden, he started switching from like praying to God to basically talking
to my mom in prayer form, like she's now praying to her, which
I don't give a ship, but it's so not the right way to pray
when you're Mormon. And he's up there like pretending to be Mormon. So
he's like, Mom, we miss you so much, like starts like talking
to her prayer. It just was all like weird. But at the very
end, instead of saying in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen, he
goes thank you, thank you. He said thank you like six times,
And so Mike and Mark and I always say thank you, thank you to
it God. Yeah. And as he's doing that, I know that I'm
about to go up there next and put the veil, the whole veil thing
with my mom and hug her and stuff, because I'm the last person to
say goodbye to her. And he's saying thank you, thank you, thank
you like some weird shit, and I'm like, the fuck. Like he's
greeting the audience, thanks everybody, You've been great. Yeah, but in
a prayer. No, he was saying. He was saying thank you to
my mom. Yeah. I guess, but I don't. It doesn't it
no, no, no, But I guess if you feel like you need
to release dead people's souls out of their bodies have turned cold, you can
do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, before we close this closed,
slid me go ahead and say thank you six times. Well, everyone's like,
is he gonna say it a seventh time? Guy? Any of you
who are listening. I know, every culture has their own tradition, and
maybe it's great, that's great. My point is the ship that David did,
it's fucking weird. It's not Mormon, and everyone's going, uh.
I mean, Mormon tradition is weird enough as it is. But when you
have someone who pretends or acts or thinks that he's like ultra holy priest to
a holder Mormon and we all know he's a piece of shit and he goes
and does this weird. Yeah, it just makes for more coffee table books.
I have an idea for a coffee table book. I'm going to tell
you about it later. Have I already told you about it? I don't
know. It's called I Charted Yes, Okay, Well that's all we're gonna
do. That's all I'm gonna say. I gotta get this patented. I've
got to get a copyright. I charted book, the book. Yeah,
but no, this is I can't believe that, Shelley. Yeah, and
that's why, No, David will not be speaking now. We still have
to decide what to let him do. So we don't get too much flak
from him. I guess we're just gonna have to let him do their freaking
prayer again. And being here, yeah, I mean he he was very
thankful. And those of you who are listening who are like, oh my
god, Sholley's dad just died, how can you laugh? This is how
I deal with shit, doesn't listen. This is why my brother wrote a
fucking coffee table book because that is how he deals with ship. Yeah.
Yeah, we're just coping. It's again like it's gallows humor. Absolutely.
I mean, and you bet your sweet ass that hospice nurses and charge nurses,
all the nurses, all the doctors, they're over there, you know,
dealing with the thing, and they've got gallows humor because they don't have
to call the hell are they gonna? You know, it's like mash right.
Yeah, yes, people are dying all the time. Like you have.
You have to find half time or you will be the next Yeah.
When the mortuary lady got there with a big stretcher and stuff in the bag
whatever. Oh, and she went in and zipped my dad up and came
out. We were all in the hallway and she came out and she's like,
do you want to say goodbye to him? I'm like no, now,
keeping zipped me. He's all we have said. This was basically an
hour and a half ago at this point. Yes, we just yeah,
let's go get okay, I have a question for you. Shoot okay,
So there's going to be a viewing. Now. Back in the old days,
when people would die, they would have a funeral immediately, they would
have the body imbalms. Yeah, and it would be a thing and it
was like they used special amber lighting to make this person look like they're asleep.
How how is it that? So, I guess, I mean,
I'm just assuming that. Well, I know where you're going with this.
My mom we had to have her funeral a good three weeks, almost a
month after she passed. We just had to pay extra money for them to
like keep her on ice and keep her with embalmings. They had to redo
a lot of stuff. And it will be the same with my dad three
weeks. And because because that didn't used to be a thing, I don't
know, and they don't like that now either, Like they would rather like,
you know, let's let's do this this weekend. But trying to get
all of my kids and everyone, you know, getting everyone. You're scattered
all over the country. Like it turns out people can't just like all of
a sudden right right there. So, yeah, my dad's will be three
weeks later. That's kind of what I thought. But I was like,
gosh, you know, I haven't. I haven't thought about that. Yeah
before that, I haven't had that experience. They've either been cremated or the
funeral has been really quick. They usually they usually do it right after.
For sure. After my dad passed, of course, they took him away
and then begins the work. We got to clean out his apartment. We
and by we, it's me and Mike and Mark, because David doesn't lift
a fucking finger ever. He just complains. We have to go to all
of the lawyers and figure out the trust, the estate, the insurance,
the everything. We have to go to the funeral home, and we've got
to plan a funeral, and we have to go to the huge ass storage
unit. Kirsten, you remember the storage unit those of you listening, who,
oh my god, I still love you so much, who helped me
move a million pounds of shit, not literal shit, but just random shit
in front of my parents' house into the storage unit. The storage unit is
still there and it's still packed to the brim, and so we had to
start going through this stuff because we're like, isn't there a piano in there?
Yeah? Oh yeah, there's so much stuff in there. There's so
much in there. So we had to do that. I mean it's just
non stop work. And so it's been wake up, start doing shit,
right, uh huh yeah, go to bed hard, just there's so much
to be done. Oh gosh, it's so hard. It's a whole lifetime
of stuff and it's insane everything. Yeah. So I have been here since
Monday. I know, I have not had one solid night's sleep. I
am like delirious, I'm exhausted. I feel almost kind of bad because I
don't think the true emotion has hit me yet. It hit me for I
don't know, maybe a minute when my dad took his last breath, and
it kind of hit me that my parents are both gone. But like I
see Mike and Mark, they'll tear up off and on throughout the day,
and I just feel kind of cold, cold, not the word. I
just feel removed. Maybe maybe it's because I'm so exhausted. Maybe because kind
of been there, done that. Maybe because this is like this is their
dad, right, the dad's sons, you know, and they're taking care
of their dad. That's more of a connected thing. Maybe I just connected
more with my mom. I don't know. They cried about my mom too.
I don't know. I don't know what my deal is. I'm okay
with that. Don't think I'm having a deal. I'm just like I was
going to say, like, don't worry, like you'll have your moment and
if you don't, that's okay. Yeah, my kiddo, when my late
husband committed suicide, yeah, yeah, have you told people about that on
the podcast at all yet? Yeah? I think back in the day,
maybe when I was a guest, probably on our other podcast that we had.
Oh that's right. But my kiddo was ten years old and everyone around
was crying, and later on he admitted to me that he felt like he
should have cried and he wondered what was wrong with him. Oh, And
I said, oh, Buddie, nothing nothing, it's okay. Yeah,
everyone moves through a different but everyone else was crying, and I'm like,
bud, it's okay, Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you. It's okay.
You feel what you feel, and it doesn't mean if you're like yeah,
yeah, it's okay, yeah yeah, so I know, but it's
weird, right. And with your dad, I remember you telling me back
in the day that your dad was the doer. Yeah, well you are
also the doer. Thank you. Yeah, you're right. It's like,
okay, what are the complete you know, so you are able to be
in that space, and that's good. I mean, it's it takes all
of you except for dated. He should go. He should go, release
someone else from their body. I help anyone that has experienced release. Anyone
got some stuck, you know. I remember with my mom's funeral, though
I didn't I mean, I cried a little bit here and there, like
after she died, but it wasn't until I went up to her casket and
that was when I put the veil around her and it was just her and
I when finally the entire emotion hit and I ugly cried for like a solid
three minutes in front of family and friends, like wailing that kind of honey.
So I don't know if when it doesn't matter, I just it was.
I just I noticed that I wasn't feeling emotional well, and I think
also that's probably been you coupling with your relationship with your father. Yeah,
this whole time, So you know, your mom was a tender smooshy,
I dit Grandma. You're right. I never felt protective of my dad.
I always felt protective of my mom. Yeah, and I that may be
so of course that's going to make your heart just yeah burst and yea cry.
But with your dad, it's kind of just always been more formal.
Yeah, I'm that's okay. Yeah, it's the relationship that he created with
you. Yeah, and it was fine. Yeah, it was fine for
him and it was fine for me. And that's yeah. Absolutely. I
think the saddest that I have felt so far is being sad that my children
are sad. Ye. That hurts my heart because they're kids and they I've
seen my dad spiral into misery since my mom passed, and my kids haven't
seen that, and I'm glad they haven't. So as I watched my dad
die, there was the sadness, but the sense of relief to kind of
sort of counterbalance. My kids don't get that relief because they are remembering Grandpa
as fun Grandpa who told all these crazy stories and always had like root beer
popsicles and you know what I mean. So that memory Grandpa is now,
wow, that person is gone. Yeah, quick, short funny story before
we wrap up because it's getting long here. So Cassidy, my ten year
old, she she's been to one funeral and that was my mom's and we
partied for that funeral week. We got an air being peace. All the
cousins we like blinged out her casket. I gotta put. I mean,
it was just such a big fucking party. It was everything everyone would ever.
We went to like escape rooms, like we just did it all.
It was like we are celebrating ground. We ate German food, I just
did everything was so fun. Yeah. And so when I texted my kids
and I'm like, just you know, ground Grandpa passed because I told him
I'm going out to Utah. He's not doing blah blah. Yeah. I
text Grandpa past and Philip of course replies, rest in peace, Grandpa,
because that's what Philip would say. And then Cassie replies to the heart,
and then she says, do we get to have a funeral. I'm like
what? And then I'm going okay, hang out with my cousins. In
her view was like, oh you mean my fucking party family reunion, like
blow all of Grandpa and nobody's watching. It's oh yeah, And that was
so cute. And I said yes, of course, and she's like,
can I help plan it? Oh yeah, yes, you bet your you
bet your existence cities. I was gonna say, you bet your sweet little
ass, Cassidy, you little anyway, that was funny, yes, And
that made and that made me feel like, you know what, because as
a mom, you're always doubting your abilities to mom. Well, don't even
get me started. Oh I know. So when I got that, my
first reaction was like, oh god, she's so fucked up. She doesn't
even understand the funerals are like sad. And then I go, no,
that's no, this is amazing. Yes, throwing down for a funeral.
She's like, fuck yaes, she hang out with my We're gonna celebrate grandson.
We're going to party, and we're going to party and I love it.
That made me so happy because I know that I do things a lot
differently raising kids than some people do. And everything is that I notice is
different. It's always a little bit like on the wacky side, and my
kids have different views of things like funerals, for example. But it's good,
It's fucking awesome and so I don't know. I just you know,
pat my damnself on the back that my kids are ready to celebrate Grandpa.
Link Lincoln, my oldest. He when I texted it, he said,
can I call you? I'm like, oh, of course, and he
called me. He just cried. He is my tender hearted podcast. I
adore that child. I love him so hard. But he's the oldest,
so he would have had more memories with Grandpa exactly. Yeah. Anyway,
how old is he? Twenty four? Twenty four? Okay, oh same
age as my kid? Oh really badass. Well, I will be bringing
all of them out, plus Lincoln's girlfriend Caroline and Evans girlfriend Natalie, So
there will be ten of us coming out here for the funeral. Airbnb,
all of the cousins. It's going to be a Johnson fucking party. Yes,
because that's what we do. And you know, what's cool, lots
of things. But my dad was always like very serious. But all of
the sibling except for David, fuck him. But all of the grandkids are
just total We are hilarious. I'm not we they are hilarious, They're irreverent,
they are funny, Like it's so great that they are all they're just
yeah, every you know from age ten their eyes and appropriate. I know,
No, they are so not that way and children, and I love
that they're all so excited to get together, so too. The name of
Jesus Christ A man, I know, I love it. I mean thank
you, I mean thank you, thank you. I see now you're and
then on the jokes you jealous home wrecking Dyke. I'm gonna T shirt I
told, I told my nephew Luke, like my I have four nieces and
nephews whatever who were still Mormon, and they are probably they might be the
most irreverent ones. The one that the ones that I'm so fun to joke
with. I'm like, I need a T shirt that says jealous homeworking Dike.
It looks like I'm on it. And then on the back it's gonna
say thank you, thank you, thank you as you walk away. Yeah,
like, so you're a jealous home wrecking Dike. Thank you. No,
there was another part of it though, it's jealous. Oh you're fucking
jealous. Homerk oh. Okay, So that's on the front and on the
back. As you walk away, it's gonna say thank you, you,
thank you six times, six times it maybe seven, just a fine point
on it. I was actually going to talk about my dad's passing and my
uncle's funeral. But we had such a good time talking about my dead father.
But we will, uh, we'll go into We'll get into uncle's final
for sure. Yeah. Maybe we'll record after we eat some spaghetti. I
don't know. Yeah, we'll see we got lost. We try to get
recordings in when I'm out here in Utah, I mean me and my girl
Kirsten. And it's so fun to do it face to face. I love
it. It's way better than remote recording. I love it. Anyway.
I'm still working on how to wrap it up. I'm gonna go ahead and
say thank you to leave it in Dan, Dan, thanks for leaving it
in with ship. Dan. What's the name of your company? Provision Audio?
No, try again, Precision Audio, No Dan it some of then
Dan Extension, Thank you, Dan at Extension Audio. Please leave all of
that in the name. He's like, you dumb bitches. I know.
By the way, Dan At Extension audio. He has been so helpful to
me after you know, the breakup of Mary and I and me going forward
with the podcast, in helping me figure out how to do this shit,
because let me tell you, bitches, it is not easy. There's a
lot of room for error and I've made lots of them, and Dan has
been so good with helping me figure some shit out. So thanks leaving it
in, sweet Dan. Yeah, thanks Dan for leaving it in. But
yeah, Dan's awesome. I guess there was no one else I need to
think but you, Kirsten. Oh, thank you man. Okay, so
I remember from the last time, we're supposed to say stay clear of cults
because they're no joke. They're no joke, no joke at all, and
then we say bye bye, bye bye,