Welcome to teen Girl Talk. Teen Girl Talk. I'm Susie Coda, I'm
Franklin Coda, and this week, for extra credit, Frank is going to
take us on the journey. Well, we were going to play a game
a fun sure, Frank, I'm not even gonna try to bend this.
So it works with Susie's miscategorization. We're playing a game. So this is
called tagline toss up. What it is is I'm going to give Susie five
different taglines, and well not all at once, but I'm going to give
her a tagline and she's gonna have about a minute I'll cut out to come
up with a movie about it. Okay, Okay, So our first tagline
is this little dog has big ideas. Okay, I am going to say
that this is a Disney Channel original movie. Okay, so low budget and
bizarre. The little dog in question is a stuffy that has been brought to
life by a neighbor who is a wizard. Our Disney Channel protagonists has of
course lost a parent. You can roll the dice on which parent, and
they realize that the we have to give the little dog a name, of
course, so I think they'll it'll be some cute contrivance where it's the company's
name on the dog's hangtag, almost like a Beanie Baby. So you probably
can't get the rights to Beanie Babies is gunned still around. It's not a
dog name though, well well most like Beanie babies there, they were all
Beanie babies, but they had individual names. Yeah, but I want them.
I I wanted to be even like more sort of ridiculous than that,
Like it's just the brand name. So let's say, but I don't think
that's gonna work, so we'll do a Beanie baby style and say Flopsy.
So Flopsy, who now that they've been animated or anthropomorphized, would like to
be referred to as mister Flop. For some reason, he sounds like Harold
Crane from Fraser And at first it's like not very sort of like into working
with our protagonists. He thinks he can move faster without them, and eventually
they go on a journey together and become friends. But the wizard neighbor.
The Wizard neighbor dies, that's too tragic. The Wizard Neighbor only has a
limited amount of magic power powder that he animated Flopsy with. Why he animated
Flopsy will never ever be divined because it doesn't need to. Oh. Also,
the parent that is still with us is addicted to work, like completely
consumed by work, So they won't be like really an issue with the plot
line at all, because we'll see them when It can be kind of a
challenge to the characters to navigate around, and then in the end there will
be a low stakes car chase. Mister Flopsy has made his peace with it's
returning to stuffed animal status, and our protagonist is left with a lot of
questions and no one to talk to about it. The protagonist ends up in
therapy for many years. Yeah, and they're like, so let's get back
to mister fhlopsy. But in the like the closing frame of the movie is
a tight shot of mister Fhlopsy and the stuffed animal winks like I'm just toying
with this young boy or girl, like you'll never know. I'm still sentient,
always watching, I know, just watching. Okay, So on a
scale of oh, that's a stinker to gotta see it, I'm giving this,
I gotta see it. Well, thank you. We go into pre
production next week. So okay, my one note is I wouldn't named the
dog Scrappy. Oh god, no, that's too Oh scratch is much better
because Scrappy is too close to Scrappy doo mhm, or Sloppy the Dummy.
That's a reference to me trying to tell Susie about Slappy the Dummy and was
like, oh, you mean Floppy, you mean Sloppy. I'm like,
no, his name is Slappy. This one is like, you cannot possibly
mean Slappy the Yeah, well famous Sloppy the Dummy. Okay, So movie
twos tagline is whoops. Another ten Babies, Oh god, okay, this
one is a British comedy based on the royal family. Okay, but not
the British royal family. Way too loaded, can't touch that. It's a
like a made of country, like what's the Maid of Country and the Princess
Diaries Genovia. Yes, so let's say for the for simplicity in Genovia and
another ten Babies refers to thes that the Royal family breeds and now they're overrun
with penguins, not dissimilarly to mister Powper's Penguins the movie I've never seen.
And they decide that these penguins would like an Arctic wonderland, but they can't
get the zoning and so like the middle half of the movie gets very bogged
down in local ordinances and zoning laws, and then UH takes a hard pivot
into like a Kruella de Ville type character who wants penguins for reasons unknown and
never explained, but is possibly an off brand mister Freeze, and it is
constantly talking about how everything will be different once he gets the penguins, and
his sidekick is like, but why, and he only responds, you'll see.
Obviously, we'll never get to see how his life will be different with
the penguins because he's not going to get the penguins. There will be sort
of a mad cap like attempted kidnapping in the penguins, and then it won't
work out, and then the family will decide that or the town will come
together to help the family build the habitat for the penguins, and through some
movie accounting, they'll be like, oh, and now the habitat is self
sustainable because people are basically doing agritourism and looking at the penguins, okay,
And then the movie and sort of like we see the villain in some embarrassing
situation, like he falls into like a cowpond or something. So this is
once again I gotta see it. Yeah, I'm starting to think I'm just
pitching to like the most amenable audience possible. You know, I'll watch any
old trash. I watched Day of the Dolphin, which is kind I told
you that this movie gets bogged down for thirty minutes in local ordance song.
Well that's that was the kind of that brings me into my notes about the
film. That I love is that you said it's the royal family. It
was apparently so ineffectual that they can't just cut through the red tape. They
run the country, but they're like, ooh, this magistrate, I'm not
sure what a magistrate like a judge. I mean sure, they might have
jurisdiction over local ordinances, I don't know. And also I'm assuming the like
the local zoning board. It's just like, oh, we're so sick of
these the Royal family, the penguins. We need to hire this mercenary,
ice based villain to deal with them. I mean, yeah, I guess
I would see this movie too and then like complain about how it's not realistic.
Yeah, but so yeah, so I watched The Day of the Dolphin,
a movie with the tagline which kind of inspired this. They trained a
dolphin dot dot dot to kill the president and I was like, oh shit,
is this gonna be like the dolphins have guns or something. It's like,
no, they attached. They basically just made dolphins with bombs on them,
like a blow up near the President's boat. And I'm like that is
depressing, and like, I want dolphins with guns on them. I want
the doll I think that would be cooler. I want the dolphins to strike
and be able to live to further. Yeah, the fight anyway, Okay,
movie three, she was one woman with a vendetta against a giant squid
and nobody in town cared. It's a really long tagline. It really boxes
me in. I'm sorry. Okay, So we have to figure out the
reason why no one in town cares about giants squid because I have to believe
if there was a cryptid type creature offshore of a tourist town, which I'm
presuming because you know it's a short town, that other people would be interested
in that. Okay, this town is fixated on their soapbox Derby. It's
this soapbox Derby has grown to massive proportions eight is almost NASCAR level, important
to both the town's economy and like the morale of the town. So unbeknownst
to the citizens, there has been a giant squid eating fishing trawlers, which
is also affecting their economy because they export fish. There's fisheries and canneries.
I don't know why this particular short town has such a prolific part of the
other, but they do. Uh. And so she keeps trying to warn
everyone. She goes to the town meetings every week, and she says,
this giant squid, it's murdering the offshoreman, and uh, it's going to
run out of trawlers and fish to eat, and then it'll I mean,
And this is where her argument kind of falls apart. She believes that it's
going to come on land and then everyone will be at risk. So it's
like Jaws, but if the shark could walk, And everyone just keeps saying,
ah, but we have to decide about the branding for the soapbox Derby,
and you know, you we're not worried about this. What colors are
we going to use? This year, what are the trophies going to look
like? And they are just it's almost a compulsion where if something does not
relate to the soapbox Derby or having the sonapbox Derby move forward. And also,
here's the thing. In this day and age, not many people care
about soapbox Derby. So the town is going backgrum. So she keeps saying,
like, you have to move on from your fixation about the soapbox Derby.
We're both in budgetary and physical danger. And so now she recruits a
single mom, moves to town. She has a disaffected teenage son. The
teenage son is obsessed with cryptids and how why would they be at the town
meeting? So the single mom is upset about how erratic garbage pickup is,
so she has come to the town meeting, not knowing that all they want
to talk about is the soapbox Derby. And then this one lady who will
call val Val just wants to talk about the giant squid. She drags her
teenage son because she's like, well, I don't know, maybe some kids
from your high school either, which doesn't make any sense. Why would they
be at the town meeting? And so Val and single mom named Connie.
Connie's like real down home she you know, she believes in local government and
really can't understand why stinking piles of garbage are left in front of her house
constantly when she starts to see the spell that the town has fallen under as
far as soapbox derbys go h She approaches Val after the meeting and she is
like, I really just don't understand. Services are falling to the wayside,
Like what is it about this one day in the soapbox Derby and VAL's like,
we have bigger problems, explains the issue with the squid. The teenage
son perks up and he's like, I have a plan. It turns out
that he has promised an anonymous entity Oversees that he can get them a giant
squid, which seems like a contrivance, like too convenient, right, But
he is our mister Free's character from the other movie. It's a crossover,
it seems from the Penguin movie he gave, so this is before he's moved
on to Penguin. So he makes a plan to capture the squid. I
don't know how you would transport to giant squid and gets enough money that they
can privatize the garbage pickup, which doesn't seem like a victory, but really,
remember vowels whole mission is to get rid of the giant squid, and
Connie just wants her garbage picked up. So in the end they're happy,
and the soapbox derby continues. No one in town is aware that all of
this has happened. And at the very last frame where it says the end,
we faded to black, we fade in from black and we see a
shark eating a pirate shift yeah, and then it is up to the viewer
to figure out if that's actually related to a sequel or well, I think
we have am if I can pitch something, we have we have a mid
credit sequence. Young mister Freeze or whatever his character's name is, he goes,
he goes. I mean he's all friand mister Freeze. So he's like,
maybe Ice Sky or something. Okay, yeah, we'll just call on
my scot. Ice guy goes to the zoo, goes to like a SeaWorld
esque zoo and he is just touring the attractions and he sees a penguin enclosure
and they're like, oh, do you want to feed the penguins and he's
like okay. Yeah, So he's feeding the penguins from a bucket. He
runs out of fish and there's just one last penguin and it bites his hands.
He realizes he has no fish, and then like the penguin walks away
and you just cut the ice gy glaring at that penguin. Wait, he
likes he likes penguins. He thinks, okay, we then maybe the penguin
bites his finger off, and then he looks at it whimsically. Well,
I was gonna say maybe, Like he feeds the last fish to the last
to the last penguin and then it nuzzles him and we just cut away.
Like but they're like, oh, you have to leave the penguins and now
and like you know, head home. He's like okay, and he just
looks back and then he says to himself one day and walks away. Yeah,
like one day you'll be mine. Okay, once again, gotta see
it. But there are still I believe in London soapbox Derby's, and they
are like people make very complicated soak bocks. I guess the cars Soapbox Derby's
okay, whatever, like they make their vehicles and it is just can it
make it down the hill without falling apart? And the people who do it
like they put a lot of effort in and the carsok. Really cool.
I can send you some videos. Okay. So my whole idea for this
film is like not so far out of the realm of possibility, that's what
you're saying. No, Okay, movie four. This this bear has a
doctorate and a van and she's here to save lives. Okay, I mean,
I guess this is going to be either animated or stop motion. It'll
be a bear, not unlike Mama Bear from Berenstein Bears. And but here's
where it gets a little bit gritty. So there is like a mister Burns
type power plant that is poisoning the groundwater, and what we first think is
sort of a local GP making good in her town and the surrounding area then
becomes similar to Dark Water with Mark Ruffalo about how they discovered the teflon with
poisoning this entire town and what is the dow chemical got in trouble. So
then Mama Ver becomes a crusader for environmental protections and at the point that words
fail her. She mauls people, but like in secrets, so no one
knows this her and she's like it could have been anywhere. I'm loving this.
She gets a following online and I just saw dumb Money yesterday, so
I'm thinking about what if she could like sort of grassroots rally other bears.
Because here's the thing. I guess, if she's mauling people, she's living
in a world that is both humans and bears. And then I feel like
we fall into the thing of like X Men or True Blood, where one
group is always going to be sort of headed butting heads with the other group.
Yeah, So I guess I don't know how I'm going to resolve this
because we would have to turn Mama Bear from you know again like local GP
doctor Quinn, medicine woman into like an environmental vigilante, which I'm not against,
but I'm not sure how that gets resolved because so much of Dark Water
was just like them sitting in courtroom, them sitting in different concert conference rooms.
And then I don't see that being very engaging for what you thought was
going to be a movie about people being mauled. Okay, can I pitch
an end it okay. So yeah, so it's a three x structure.
The first act, we see the problem. You know, Mama Bear is
driving on her van and she's you know, helping people doing her thing,
and then like she realizes everybody's having the same disease, and she like she
tests the water and she goes to talk to these chemical plants you know.
Uh, she gives impassion speech that eventually falls to growing because she's just so
angry, and the board ignores her completely, and she like on her way
out, she meets the son who's like set to inherit the company from the
CEO, and he's like, I know, like what you're going through,
I wish I could change something, like the environment's very important to me,
and like she you know, they bring up a court case and that's the
second act. Second act is just a courtroom drama, but they lose in
the end, and then we get to the third act where Mama Bear is
just standing on the steps of the courthouse and she's just watching all the like
dicks like high five each other, like yeah, we want we're going to
continue to poison everybody, and then she just walks into the woods and we
like she looks up at the stars and she sees four bears roaring into in
the night sky and then she like just realizes how she has the handles.
So third act is just Mama Bear killing all the executives. I mean,
so what happened in Dark Water and spoilers for Dark Order, I mean,
it's a real life thing that happened, but did the same thing. Yeah,
they're looking like, sir, you're not the Hulk in real life and
this is a movie, and he's like ammamal ya. So they they won
the larger like it went up to hire and higher courts and they won those.
But he dedicated, the real life lawyer dedicated his life to trying every
single court case of every single person against Dow Chemical who was affected by this.
And you know, because they developed cancers, their animals became sick,
they couldn't use the water or drink the water for anything. And so then
because he was working for free, they could afford to just go to court,
I mean not afforded. Obviously it took a toll, but then dal
Chemical just started paying out the cash settlements because it would cost them so much
to keep going to court. Because this man was willing to just continue going
on principle. He's like, this is wrong and this is bad. And
for years his law firm was kind of like, Okay, we believe in
you, but you're also not bringing any dullable hours into the firm. And
then when he lost that first case, because you know, Dow is like
a huge company and they obviously played dirty, he had to make the decision
whether he was going to keep going or not, and he did. It's
kind of amazing because he changed the way that the country deals with these things,
with the microplastics. So that's why I haven't thought about it dark water
in a while, but it's it's very inspirational. His name was Robert Billott.
Yes his name is. I think he's still alive. Yes, he's
still alive, thankfully. Yeah, and you know it's he is on the
right hard side of history. Yeah. Just to finish my dumb bear plot,
yes, I thought it ended with everyone being bald, but please continue
so well, no, there's just two last scenes. The sun wakes up
one morning and sees written on his wall in blood, don't forget your promise,
and then like his father's bloody driver's license, and then like we cut
to the empty boardroom and he steps in and says it's time to get to
work. Okay, I mean it seems very threatening, very ominous. I
guess this is gonna have to be like an A twenty four type movie.
So last movie to prove their legitimacy, she would have to win the Olympic
as her persna. They're legitimacy like the first Oh sorry, And I also
just quickly want to say the last tagline was inspired by the movie Bear,
where it's like a horror movie with this like this mama Bear is just killing
a group of young campers and finally she corners the last female camper in her
cave and like she's about to like you know, maul her, but then
the bear realizes she's pregnant, like the girl the camper is pregnant, and
just let her go, which actually led my friends and I to discuss like
what if the bear like pulled out like an ultrasound machine and then my god
like grouted her to lift her shirt and like you know, applied the jel
when I was like h R point at the screen like I was like,
oh my god, I'm pright to her, And it led to our whole
like like breakdown of like doctor Bear, who like just went around like teaching
local local classes about sex education where it wasn't allowed and they're like, you
can't teach that in the school. Okay, go ahead, and just like
being a hero for the people. That's awesome. But yeah, which is
what I like. When I said doctor I was going to add it could
be a doctrine in anything, like she's a doctor of the English lange of
like English literature. But anyway, so yeah, so uh, to prove
the Furries legitimacy, she would have to win the Olympics as her persna oh,
her first sona. Okay, I thought you said as her for sona
like and I was like, okay, so is this like I was thinking,
like this is an alien based character most like one of the Marbles,
but no, okay, that's her fer sona. I mean immediately I'm running
into the issue of they're gonna let her run around in a furst suit.
I was thinking it's an air bud type thing where she's like, show me
the rule, which says I can't. Okay. The other part is,
I mean, what Olympic, what Olympic event could you do? In a
fur suit. You can't swim, it'd become water log. You can't ski,
You're gonna have drag excuse me, shot put? Maybe javelin with the
not javelin. What's the thing where you use the stick to get over the
Yes? Okay, so she's a pole vaulter. What's her for sona?
She's probably a fox? Foxes jump high springy okay, so hm hmm,
this is a tough one. Give me a real head scratcher. Uh,
I don't know. But the way things are going, uh, for suits
have been outlawed, just not. I don't feel like that far of a
stretch because it feels like everything's uh, everyone's attempting to ban an outlaw things.
So first suits are outlawed, and everyone is not necessarily upset that first
suits are outlawed, but they think it's a We start having a slippery slope
conversation. Our protagonist is upset that first sus a outlawed because she is deeply
tied to her for sona. And so how old are people usually when around
like the Olympics, like early twenties? Yes, okay, so she is
in college. She is training for the you just told me what it's called
pull vault, and this like comes down for whatever reason from the secative branch
of the United States, and so she begins a mission to represent. So
she is training in college and uh, now there's been like a backlash against
people in furs suits, and she decides that this is important. I don't
know what the ensuing challenge is of wearing a furst suit with be like,
because I don't know. I like, you know, I was at the
is that like a science museum in Pittsburgh, and I just saw someone wearing
like a furry tail and ears. But yeah, I don't know how to
finish this. I guess she wins gold. Like the premise is like it
feels strange to take the premise seriously because I I feel like, uh,
first suits are in my mind affiliated with like a like intimate or sexual practice.
So like the idea of doing something like the Olympics at a first suit
is strange because it seems like you're adding an extra layer of challenge onto this
thing that needs you to be like at the height a fit and you know
your physical prow So I'm trying to figure out like what would be the imp
it is for it being so important to her to be wearing the first suit.
I don't know. Okay, so this is going to tap into two
things I think about constantly. Okay, So as on this American life,
I've definitely told you about this before and told probably told you the mascot.
Yeah, So, like she is not like she's constantly like she's very good
at pole vault, but then she becomes amazing at pole vault when she puts
on her first suit and it's like the opposite of Goku's weighted clothing because in
Dragon Balls, the Goku to train wears like about one hundred and thirty pounds
or one hundred and thirty kilograms at all times to like, you know,
make himself stronger. So it's like she's like not quite able to break through
the ceiling, but then she puts on her first suit and breaks like is
able to break through, and the Olympic Commission is like hmmm, and you
know, the like the head of the Olympics is like, she must compete,
and they're like, but she refuses to compete in the first sies like
we will show people how weak these furries are by allowing her to be in
her furs suit. Once she comes in last, we'll be able to crush
furries forever. And then like she rocks up to the Olympics and after that
there's like no more conflict. In the movie. She is like bounding off
the pole vault doing sick like twisty flips on her way down, and they're
just like Jesus Christ, and she easily takes the gold and no, they're
like, we need a new metal for her, the platinum. And then
like at the end, she goes to the president like of the of the
like the head of the Olympics, and first suits are now like they're wildly,
wildly popular because she's become a national hero. And he's like looking at
his giant window because all things like he does have giant windows, and he's
she's talking like to the back of his chair. She's like, wow,
he's being really disrespectful. He must be really angry, but I'm still going
to thank him, and oh my god, you know where this is going.
Y of course I know where this is going. And then he turns
around and he's wearing a wolf for suits, and he says thank you,
and they shake hands and then they have both what did did you say her
for her first SONA was She's a fox. Okay, they both held the
moon and the moon much like at the end of Parsylvania turns into a wolf
that winks at the camera. Oh my god, Okay, you made that
way better. That's way more interesting. I definitely lost steam halfway through.
I was like, I don't know why this is happening, But what if
I what if I became a director and I managed a series of hit movies
and then like after like the fifth hit movie that grossed like a billion dollars,
I just switched it. So the end of every one of my movies
from that point on was just like reveal Everybody's a furry. I feel like
it made the end up like that skit that what was it Conan and Paul
ruddhead with the Mac and Me clip. Yeah, or people if people would
start to expect it and even it almost be like a comfort, or people
would just be like waiting for when like a Nat Night Shyamalan where they're like,
where's the dumb twist? Where are they going to become fur race?
It's always happened out there. It is, Okay, I'm leaving. It's
amazing, that's so good. It just like it's so good. Then at
the last five minutes like the daught to reunite, and then it was put
on first sues goddamn it, he did it again, or they're like,
god damn it, he did it again. Yeah. I refuse to let
reviewers like, look at the movie before I release it, oh my god,
and they're like, we know, we know what you're doing, we
know what's gonna happen. His cinematography is amazing, but god damn, the
first is oh my god. Anyway, thank you for playing my games,
Susie. You're very welcome. Frank. If you would like to write us
and suggest an extra credit idea, you can write us at real teengirl talk
at gmail dot com and until next week, I am Susie Koda. I'm
franking Coda Team Codeta