Ladies and gentlemen, dip dolls and spizzlers, amorphous creatures and Pentecostal preachers.
Welcome to the second week of the twenty sixteen Miss Cryptian God t Oh.
Tonight, we bring you three more lovely, horrifying, nightmare inducing but somewhat
pleasant in a social setting contestants who will smell like hearts but win your hearts.
Tonight, We've scoured the earth to find these creatures of worth. It
rhymed and that's all I can say about it. This week we've traveled from
the Algonquin territories of North America to the source of the Ganges in India,
and then back to the wild, untamed wasteland of Northfield, Vermont, and
so tonight, in geographical order as given, which was itself random, we
bring you the Estomy, the pig Man of Northfield, and the Puckwadjee.
Delicate fingers or poisonous steingers, that's what they mean to come hither as or
death from the skies, that's what they mean to mean. Hello, everybody,
Welcome to week two of an a tonal and and kind of weird sing
songing. The second week of the twenty six Cruder competition this week the Ghost
of Frank Sinatra versus dead Dean Martin, friends and life enemies in death.
That's right, but they're still drunk. Everybody. Hi am de Stecco.
Hi, I'm David Flora. Welcome to Week two of the twenty sixteen Miss
Cryptic Con. Tip your waitress, I don't know what we're doing. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, I'm with you on that one though. It's gotta
be oh man, So things that you're going to learn tonight. One,
We've got three new cryptids locked and loaded in the three barrel shotgun, which
apparently people make. Oh yeah, ready to blast you in your ears,
face, nose, and throat and heart with that old doctor yep, yep,
yep. And then we're gonna tell you who was the winner of a
week one. I will guess I will probably be right because I'm very smart.
Then we'll tell you all about how to vote in the future. Yep,
how great that makes you. First of all, right, off the
tip. Thank you. We have received twice as many votes this week in
Week one that we did in our busiest week last year. So thank you
guys so much for participating. And this is how you get a prize pack
people. That's right, you're helping us. You're helping you. You're helping
us, You're helping you. That's what we're all about. Audible char comes
laspury photos. We're helping us for helping you. See. Yeah, this
it's gonna be a very competitive crypted contest for the prize pack. But truth
be told, before this, we either didn't have blurry photos specific swag,
right or we we jauntily made some up. Yeah, we just invented.
But now we already have in that ship. Could be you. Yeah,
you can save it for save it for the six Hags this summer gifted Kingdom.
But hey, how about we pay you the guaranteed prize three Lovely ast
risk last a rated ladies. Yeah, let's rating. Yeah boy, we
we've got a good week. But I don't want to say anything too much
to influence the voting, but there are some good ones this week. Let's
dive into it, how about it? Oh yeah, well, then hop
inside your imagination machines as we go to distant India and they here to four
never seen by any of your eyes. I'm positive headwaters of the Ganges River.
If you're well traveled, tell me. I'll apologize. We owe some
apologies anyway, maybe not on this episode. Yeah, that's right. Floor
kick us off alphabetically, all right, I'll do that. Actually, yeah,
these aren't alphabetical order. I just realized that. First off, we're
gonna be talking about the stomy What This is an ancient race of Indian people
from Greek and Roman mythology, confusing a right. They were written about by
Greek ethnographer Megasthenes or Megas Fiends. Yeah, Megas fiends, And this was
in his work in Indica, which was around four BC, saying they dwell
near the sources of the Ganges and subsist on the save hour of roasted flesh
and the perfumes of fruits and flowers. Having instead of mouths orifices through which
they breathe, they are distressed with things of evil smell and hints. It
is with difficulty they keep their hold on life, especially in a camp latrines.
Well, I don't know how that would be the case, because if
they're not drinking or eating, then there can't be poop and or pan am
I right, unless they're farting. Oh, they're constantly farting because it's air
in air out? Oh are in are out? Alright? Alright? Plin,
the elder god that's got it coming picked up on this description and wrote
in Natural History bought seven the Natural are Oh yeah, no, that was
Natural History Part seven Homecoming. I thought it was. I thought it was
History Rising. It was at day's end. It's the denume all of the
series. Oh well, a hero's arrest. He's got like Max two left
at the extreme boundary of India to the east and near the source of the
Ganges, which you've never seen. He he's referring to Megasthenes Megas Themes.
To Megas Themes puts the a stomy tribe that has no mouth and a body
hair all over. They dress in cotton wool and live only on the air.
They breathe in the scent they inhale through their nostrils, while they have
no food or drink except the different odors of the roots and flowers and wild
apples, which they carry with them on their longer journeys so as not to
lack of some ply of scent. He says, they can easily be killed
by a rather stronger odor than usual. Yeah. Uh, so he's building
on what mcgustine did, He's just yeah, he's just adding onto that dough
ball. So they don't have mouths. They breathe their sustenance. They live
on breathing shit. Yeah, but not because they would kill them, yea.
They breathe on roots and apples and flowers. Isn't like the natural world,
like just a collection of bad smells. So okay, all right,
let me ask you this. Not in spring, okay. So a stomy
is running through the forest, just whiffling to his heart's delight, just really
gorging himself on the buffet of sweet sweet smells in the air. Then he
trips over a deer carcass. But here's the thing, his foot breaches it.
So now all the gas that has been left in the deer carcass just
a boom. That is Stoney's dead as so, then he starts to bloat
in the sun. Another stoney comes by, smells him. It's like the
stone's worst nightmare. Then then another stony comes by. Whoa, I smell
there too, and he's dead. Then he bloats in the sun. Now
you're like five a stony and a deer. Sorry, man, it's already
been done. Smelling dead. Oh who, because that's the noise they made.
Oh Now. In a story by the most likely fictional fourteenth century character,
Sir John Mandeville is the Man of Deville. Yeah, the Extraordinary Night
says there's another isle of the men called pittan men of this land till no
land. Did you get me? Did you follow me? Okay? Well,
they eat not and they are small, but not so small as pygmies.
These men live with the smell of wild apples, and when they go
far out of the country, they bear apples with them for none, and
they lose their favor of apples. They die away. Old Charles Dickens,
you just start hating on everybody in history. Yeah, if I hear any
name twice, I'm pissed. Picking up on Sir Mandeville's work, Hu wrote
in Household Words Volume eleven. Yeah, the rolling Pin Proxy, the words
legacy, the Callander accords, kitchen nightmares. Not that one though, uh,
He says. There's also people of India Cardiff Stomy who why why are
all our British people lispy to getting real? A feat and I'm I'm in
love with it? Called Iff Stomy who dwell about the fountains of the Ganges
harry all over, like the down that grows on leaves of trees. They
are likewise said to have no mouths. Plenty places them in India, and
others, with more probability, in the heart of afric Africa. I just
spill its strangely, A freak, A freak say. The original of the
fable about them is derived from a customer of certain Africans beyond Synagar, a
branch of the River Niger. These people, counting it as a disgrace to
show their faces, gave occasion to others to say they had no mouths.
He also adds a caveat it is but fair to Sir John Mandeville to observe
who that he does not pretend to have seen with his own eyes, or
the marvels he relates, but in many cases only repeats information communicated to him
by men upon whose veracity he thought he could rely. He seems also to
have derived much of his fabulous matter from Plenty and other Roman and Greek writers,
besides which it appears that great liberties have been taken with his text in
the printed editions of his travels. There can be little doubt However that Sir
John's faith, like that of all his contemporary, was large and trusting.
The weight you're trying to tell me dick In thought he was real even though
everyone knew he was most likely fictional. Man. You can keep this historical
account of other people's from dithdent Land. So it's funny how everybody's kind of
picking up a building on what the last dude says. But then they're like,
yeah, this dude said this, but this dude right me, however,
this is what they really are. Yeah, and I love that.
Like one of the dudes is like, oh here, let me make up
another dude who said he's running into these dudes. And then the next dude
is like, I don't know that other dude. I thought he was a
pretty smart guy when he ran you know, made ran into other dudes.
A lot of dudes. So a lot of stories about these guys. Ye
just whiffers, Yes, there's old whiffers, no mouths, just holes in
their faces. How weird would that be to come across I don't I don't
mean them ill will, but I wouldn't believe that they could die from a
bad smell until I killed them with a bad smell, and law knows we
dry. Oh, there were a few different descriptions of different peoples from India,
the Ganges, this net that a lot of the earlier writers wrote of,
and it's pretty clear that it was a little bit fanciful, a little
bit racist. Oh yeah, a little bit just trying to downplay other you
know, other people with you, I guess, is racist. Even even
a stony I mean, the the name means without a whole, right,
without mouth, without mouth, yeah, not a hole. I think it's
Greek maybe, yeah, but yeah, you're right, there's a lot of
dumb pictures of them, I can tell you that. Can you think of
anything besides just straight up racism and like prejudice that you would describe a people's
or something as not having a mouth but just noses? Could they have been
describing something else? I mean, I mean, I think it is.
I don't think it's like the prejudice insofar as oh, we really these people
are less than human. I think it's it's ignorance in that a lot of
people pass a lot of stupid stories and ideas around that people don't necessarily you
know, Oh, I'm a traveler of the world, I've seen everything.
Why. As a matter of fact, my uncle told tale that in his
trip to far off India. You know, like, I think it's ignorance
in it, and it belies like a cultural bigotry of just like, yeah,
I can take up anything about your crazy jungle land and it'll be fine.
You know, it's got to be happening somewhere, right. But I
don't think they necessarily were like taking a tribe of people and being Okay,
let's talk some shit about these people and bring them down a few pegs.
I don't think it was anything as directed as that. Yeah, well,
yeah, I mean I think it is just a story. I think it's
an explorer story of you know, uh oh, and you think you've seen
some sh how about this? Yeah, well that's the estomy for up next.
How about we go down to uh the mean streets of Vermont, Oh
to see the pig Man. Now, apparently the there's a there's a good
there's a good and well rounded story here. So grab yourself a log,
pull it up to the fire, tout yourself a marshmallow, and dig in.
Dig in with your ears. Yeah, feast your ears. Sam Harris,
also known as a pig Man is a legend of a boy aged seventeen
that went missing from the hills of Northfield, Vermont, in nineteen fifty one.
The night before Halloween. Sam set out with eggs in hand for what
he called Picke at Night, Night of Mischief. We've talked about this in
the history of Halloween. This is we were. We were. We hadn't
quite bribed the youth of America out of fucking everything up Halloween. They sure
would go out and like, I don't think anything was necessarily violent, No,
but mischief it was, yeah, lots of mischief, lots of lots
of flaming bags of poop on doorsteps. He called the poop, lots of
wasted turlet paper. I'm sure all right, So Picke at Night. The
next morning, when his parents awoke and found him missing, they set off
a huge search party that lasted weeks and involved hundreds of locals over hundreds of
square miles. Although never found, it has said that there have been sightings
of Sam, who some say became possessed by the devil himself that fateful night.
Sam Harris is known to slaughter pigs, eat their entrails, hollow out
a pig's head and wear it over himself, all the while terrorizing the New
England Town locals. Sam supposedly still haunts the hills surrounding Devil's Washbowl. Rumor
has it he lies with the pigs and is also known for beastiality, spawning
half man, half pig offspring. Listen, if that was in the cards,
they'd be more half man, half pigs. I'm not saying there'd be
a lot. There'd be more. Right the man pig that the man bear
pig, but without bear, that's the man pignig, totally ethereal, half
man, half pig, half man. Yeah, then what about the offspring.
They're half man, half pig, half pig. You can't win hing
where we have to stop him now. And it's like in a hundred years,
some of these pig they're gonna get college a scholarship because they're like one
fifty fourth and filthy arc in an urban legend. Addition to that story,
one morning in nineteen because it was an urban legendy enough, Sam's mother told
a neighbor that Sam had come to her house the previous night. He had
dragged a pile of pig and trails across the porch floor as a gift for
her, and squealed with feral glee at the bloody organs before disappearing into the
darkness. His eyes were like an animal's, lifeless black, like a doll's
eye. Thirteen days later, Missus Harris committed suicide by throwing herself into a
neighbor's pig pin, where the hungry swine devoured her. Worst way to kill
yourself. Wow, that's a good pig sound. What am I saying,
Dave? Why did I sound so sarcastic? I was not wocastic. Great
pig sound. That's a good pig sound. You should do that all the
time. But never it was a good pig sound. That's how Swearingen got
rid of uh yeah, one dead wood. He'd have WU take him down
to the Yeah, wasn't It wasn't also Red Dragon or some one of those
Hannibal electric movies where guy's got pig farm armed. You gotta pull the teeth
first and the hair tell you I do now let me so? Oh yeah,
let's I want. I want to keep going through this because it's still
it does. A kid goes out to eggs some houses and now he's all
brah plant crazy like. He saw a spirit animal crossing the road and was
like, oh, this is my path, and the devil came to him
in pig form. I guess I'm of a bacon burger all right now.
In nineteen seventy one, a group of students at a high school dance snuck
out behind the school to have some beer. What whoa when they said cool?
When they said, something came out of the near woods. It was
tall, naked and covered in white hair, and although it walked on two
legs, it had the face of a pig. Terrified and only slightly buzzed.
They ran back into the school and told others who went to investigate and
found the grass and underbrush trampled, but no sign at the pig man.
When word got out, other stories began to surface. A farmer had seen
a hideous naked figure rummaging through his trash a few nights earlier. Motorists began
seeing him run across the road, and teens at a local lover's lane would
be rudely interrupted, although in all fairness, if there's a lover's lane,
you're gonna get interrupted by a naked man. KINI yeah, some naked,
rooting, truffling, snuffling creature will find you. Oh, Cheryl, I
just I'm so in love with you. Why cants get away? You pig
honk. It's usually enough to getnot or it's like, oh yeah, I
love how you kiss. Wait, Johnny, did you hear that? Oh
baby, Wait, there's something rooting around the car. The pig spit,
the truffles out and runs away. Now physical evidence for the Pigman Pigman was
apparently found to support the claims of something running amuck in Northfields and the nearby
Devil's wash Bowl. That's an area I guess, yeah, sure, I
didn't point that out earlier. Strip malls dentist lawyer Devil's Washbowl plause Devil's washbol
It's just one of those like SuDS and duds. It's a bar slash laundry
matt. A cave was found in the area, filled with animal bones and
clothe than footprints. A local abandoned farm had several large hogs roaming about it,
and a small room attached to the barn had been found to have some
hay in it, flattened as if slept on. There were dead dogs and
cats in the room, perhaps partially eaten. He is thought to be dead
by now, even if it was Sam or even some kind of man,
the pig hybrid. It's that sound his dog as he does not like the
sound of the pigman, probably because the pigment eats dogs. Yeah, well
that's the thing, perhaps partially eaten. Well, you're making it up anyway.
Why you leave it to imagination? They were they weren't, Yeah,
that's they were, They weren't, as he that's like, is it a
story? Is it a story story? Is it a made up story that's
made up? Or is it you know, like or is this story completely
real fiction? So that's the pig man didn't get around of New England.
Hate clothing, try to score some beer off teenagers, didn't go well,
swinging a miss for the big man, all right, And finally this week,
yeah, bring us home Florida, staying in New England. Actually we've
got the puckwagee pukaji paj Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a problem.
Puck quagis, according to native languages, dot org are magical little people
of the forest in Algonquin folklore, similar to European gnomes or fairies, but
with a cooler name Yeah. Puckquagee stories are told throughout the northeastern United States,
southeastern Canada, and the Great Lakes region. However, their nature varies
in the folklore of different tribes. In the Ojibway and other Great Lakes tribes,
the puck quag or Bagua Janini is considered a mischievous but basically good natured
creatures. He makes it a problem, but he's not a bad of guy.
Sounds just like ojiboy Yeah, who plays tricks on people but is not
dangerous. In the Abenaki and other Northeast Algonquin tribes, a puckwagi or Bakwachman
can be dangerous, but only to people who treat him with disrespect, just
like me. In the Wampanogue and other tribes of southern New England, Puckwagis
are capricious and dangerous creatures who may play harmless tricks or even help a human
neighbor, but are just as likely to steal children or commit deadly acts of
sabotage. According to some Wampanog stories, puckwagis or the enemies of the culture
hero mousop And were even responsible for his death or the deaths of his sons.
Sons of Bitch and puckwagis now puck Quagies were usually described as being knee
high or even smaller two or three feet, and they resemble humans but within
large noses, fingers, and ears. Getting a little goblin in here sounds
like. Their skin color is either bluish gray or ashen, and according to
some sources, their skin glows in the dark. Easy to hunt them.
Puckwagees may also be part porcupine or may possess porcupine quills on their backs.
Puckwaggie clothing is made from items taken from nature and may serve as a form
of camouflage. Their name literally means person of the wilderness, and they are
usually considered to be spirits of the forest, but in some traditions they have
a sweet smell and are associated with flowers, hanging out with the oldest.
Yeah, you could feed in a stony on that. Puckwagees have magical powers,
which vary from tribe to tribe, but may include the ability to turn
invisible, confuse people, or make them forget things, shape shift into cougars
or other dangerous animals. Cougar sound, I know you want to no,
no, no, the other cougar. Oh hello, ladies. Or they
can bring harm to people by staring at them. Warm warm, warm,
warm warm. Oh oh stop it harm In the tails where they are malevolent,
they can use their magic to lure people to their doom, such as
to fall into a body of water and drown, or to walk off a
cliff. I think Daniel day Lewis used one of those at the end of
Last the Mohicans. Yeah, he traded his his mystical algonquin hot goalie stick
for it. They all fight with goalie sticks in that movie. Oh yeah,
oh yeah, yeah yeah. Additionally, puckwagees shoot magic arrows that would
cause the victim to sicken and die with time. Additionally, puckwuagis in slave
the souls of their victims. Why wa. Puckwuagees are also said to have
power over fire or to delight in setting fires. Well, that we have
in common, you'd think they'd have a lot of souls wandering around at that
point. Yeah, they'd slave them. They'd have to be soul rich.
I'm like, why would they even leave the house, Because I assume by
using the phrase enslave that the soul is then doing something for them. Yeah,
what's the soul, dude. Yeah. Now they are encountered all over
New England, especially in Massachu States or Chesta Massachusetts, chest A mass puck
Rudgie Ridge. We got so many fucking puckwagis here. You can't step out
the door without kicking one in the fucking face. Even my buddy Polly here,
he doesn't even care. He says puck rudgie all the time. He
just puts an hour in there. He all right, you can, gil
Watchee, Oh yeah, I bet you. That's right. You can do
your mother for me. A good guy. We grew up together, a
good guys. This guy's my brother. You know. He fought a puck
he off of me. Once I'll beat him. I'll beat the shout of
a puck. You the disrespects you or your family. Thank you appreciate that,
Donnie. I love you. Polly, Yeah you would, oh,
Dorchester, Jesus, this is why we never do it. Yeah, Massachusetts
myths. Don't let us near it, Massachusetts folk. Smith's God, It's
it's like a drug, a drug that you guys have to like deal with
the hangover. Yeah. So in addition to Dorchester. They've also even been
seen in uh in Indiana, which I guess Great lakesy. I don't know,
there's a lot of states between there, but yeah over in Mounds State
Park, so Anderson, Indiana. Yeah, never heard of it. Yeah,
they're probably they're probably just scouts for the uh major League chunky teams.
I want to know what's going on out there. Let's get some scholarships going
the Indiana Puckwudgies. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, it's got the
Mounds tie in I guess, yes, Yeah, the puck Wadgies would be
a good expansion team. Yeah, that's fun. Maybe maybe Massachusetts already got
that adult Chester puck Wedgies. Oh man, well, I mean it's if
anything, it's a cool jersey. It's like a little little, little nasty
little imp throwing a spear. Yeah, looks at like a porcupine kind of.
Yeah. Yeah. We we've were slowly building our Chunky League. Yeah
exactly. We only have two teams now I feel like we have three.
Now we could have three Dorchester puck Wedgies. Dorchester Pudgies here. Yeah,
even though we said Indiana, Yeah, well we changed it, which were
allowed to because we're the commissioners of the collague. We decide where the where
the franchises, and who gets an expansion team. All we gotta do is
get like a what do they call those things a referendum on the ballot so
that we can get the sucker ass taxpayers to pay for our stake. That's
all right, and then we keep all the money. And then they moved
to La and that's like the La puckwudgies, and people are like, why
is it the La? There are no jazz in Utah? What the hell
happened? What happens if you encounter Well, if you encounter one, the
best thing a person can do is to just ignore it, oh, like
tooth pain, just live with it. Because they are extremely similar to European
fairies, it's possible that salt or the Lord's prayer or iron may be helpful
in repelling them. I'm gonna give you two out of three on that one,
seeing is how it is an algonquin. You know, like that's just
not even fair. Yeah, well, I think that Lord's the Lord's prayer
probably comes from Irish myth back when they were really hot to trot. I
feel like they just stole that from fairies. Yeah, for for old Saint
Patty and all that too. Right. Yeah, So apparently there are encounters
of Puck Quadgis up to this day and I love it. Um. I
didn't of course collect any for this, but if you've had an encounter with
a Puckaggy, have you gotten a if you yeah, if you ever had
a problem with them one of those awful, terrible shows that that deals and
paranormal stuff and cryptids and you know the kind of stuff that we talk about.
But it's just it's like jet Puff television, jet Puff Marshmallow television.
Oh you know, it's just it's all fluffing cavities. Yeah yeah, and
there's just nothing to it, but sometimes you like to, you know,
partake of it. But they did a Puck Quadgy episode or like a New
England forget what it is, which one it was, There are many,
but it was that guy was like, yeah, I mean my dog sas
Sadas puck Quagi one night it waved at us. That. So that's the
old Puck. That is all three of our elegant and mysterious non gender specific
ladies. So yeah, if you you want to, you want to vote
for them blurry photos dot org. You can vote on Facebook or Twitter,
but come on, make it easy on us, do it through the website.
Make it all. Yeah, I've got a pull for you, Dave.
Oh yeah, yeah, it's it's simple. A or B. Okay
uh here here are the choices. A is nothing, okay, B is
Oh I chose it for you, fair enough. There's no democracy left anymore.
Yeah, America is showing that right now, so why shouldn't we.
You don't care who you hurt? Shut up, no, no's you can't
have an opinion, it's right. Shut up. Shut up. People who
make my funny sounds? By what farting they make funny sound? They just
they're supposed to be entertaining. And then they said something I don't agree with,
And now I have to go on Facebook and tell him how much I'll
never listen again. Yeah, just so everybody knows, that's never actually happened.
I'm hoping for it, but Dave, Dave really wants it. I'm
the kind of guy who kind of lives for hate mail. Don't think you're
gonna get on my good side, but telling me I suck, I'll still
hate you. But and lose the backhanded compliments. Two people, don't neg
me. I'll go on a rate with you. Who's going first? Here?
You go first? Right, I go real, real easy single here?
I think nice. Okay. There's a very rare event in hockey games
that happens when players slap a shot so hard things turn invisible, and the
goalies hit with such force his underwear flies up his back, causing immense strain
on his growing What's that called called aggie? Oh? What if that same
goalie is walking by a pond in the spring time and there's an in a
duck comes out, barreling out of the sky and goes down the back of
his pants. What's that called flora? It's probably probably called how's your father?
Or a duck weggie. No, that's not my punt. It's called
a Dorchester. How's your father? We've got a new sponsor for the podcast.
Wait you didn't clear this with me? Yeah, well, I just
it was such a good opportunity I had to say yes. Small, small,
family owned business from Northfield, vermont Dale. Mecklin's Hoofproof door handles proof.
Yeah, they're Hoofproof. If you're in your Honda getting it onto You
don't need a you don't need a half naked big man messing with your game.
So get come on down and get Dale's home made hoofproofers. Don't let
a pig in your car unless you're into that. You want a bonus?
One yea, I had better get one. Okay, I gave you like
five. Now I've got a tragic play that loses a little effect at the
end because the characters, well, they can't swallow poison since they have no
mouths. What it's a Stomio and Juliet really easy ones. This what if
they just smelled each other. They're teenagers, they smell terrible. That's how
they kill each other. That's how they get you. That is happy Biomo
and Juliet, thank you, and them's pawns. Now it's time to get
from It's time for you to be the shaven pig man that tries to crowd
into our podcast car. We didn't have proof this podcast, so come on
in. I like it because that means we're gonna get what interrupted in our
making outs by loose. Oh, it's a literally shock. I got a
I got a gigant a fully loaded clip of um it's a magazine. It
is a magazine. See, I don't know much about guns. I'm a
knife man. Man from our buddy Andrew, the automatic rifle Foster, He
says, what's up D's, Flora and Stecco, we are a couple of
d's. That's right, it's me automatic rifle Foster coming at you with a
pow pow pow. U puns so powerful that when they were first read,
Flora described them as something on the lines of a kind of cheese that farted
in your mouth. Oh yeah, gets you from the back, it does.
So here's the deal. It's been a long time. There's been a
long standing crime organization known all around the world, made up of small creatures
in Russia, Chicago, and New York, in Japan. Hell, even
you're in your own backyard, although probably not literally. Everyone, please be
on the lookout for this nefarious band of crooks. I know you're upset and
scared, but please try not to soblin. If you want to drive away,
I've got your back take my key, foblin, but please, if
the police come asking, you'd better shut your goblin because nobody messes with the
motherfucking moblin. Wow. Yeah, Also, I know a guy who's a
very good hype man. Everywhere he goes, he can get people to be
excited about almost anything. What. He's a pretty mellow guy, doesn't have
much of an expression on his face, but he's a very nice dresser.
It's weird though he wouldn't give me his name when I first met him.
I feel like there's definitely like a bye bye now bye. When I first
met him, he told me to buy stock, and now she put it
in and now whenever I see when I used him to gather support, just
to call him the engender man satisfied. Friends, I'm always good for the
kind of pun that makes you regret learning not only English, but any kind
of communication with humans that has ever been invented. Next, congrats on the
store Patreon the one thill though yep, he thinks on all that. Yeah,
I just had a couple of questions. If you were going to be
a victim of one of you one of the mysterious things you've talked about on
the show, which would be the coolest to you and which would you definitely
not want to encounter, And if you had to fight a candidate from them
as crypted, that isn't Jeff or a squank? Who would you choose?
And oh man shoosh, Well, I don't ever want to deal with anything
spidery. Would you want to be a victim of an alba store? No,
I don't want mouth sores, but you get sweet make um outs.
You can get with sweet make um outs without mouth sores, dude, not
with any of the other cryptis you have to choose. No. Um,
let's see if I was going to I would like to meet a green man.
That'd be kind of cool. That's kind of a cool hippieish thing.
Or um, you always want to say gin, but that's not going to
work out for you. True, I'm no lawyer, I'll say something stupid.
It seems like the same thing with fairies too, like fa fay folk
or lipricon, Like would you would you just meet one? To meet one?
Though? Like yeah, of course you're you're not going to get your
way, but you could be like metawee lepricon. Yeah, I guess I
would like to if oh, you know what would be cool? A time
slip? If I could pick something, I'd probably pick a time I'm slip.
Now would this be to the past? I assume to die by what
was the I don't know. It's just like, what of the things we've
run across, would you like to run across yourself? M yeah, I
would like to run across the time slip, and I would like to strongly
avoid uh. I mean really any of those fairies that just your life up
if they're bored. Well, in that case, I would obviously have to
go for a pleiadon. Oh, duh, good call, and then you
know, now you're learning physics and physics that's right. And I would fight
the New Orleans Grunch. Oh, it's a good call. It's a good
call just because he sounds like a name. He has a name that sounds
like he wants to be kicked. I mean, I know it's it's fresh
in my in my head, but it sounds like the stony would be pretty
easy to beat the shout of. Yeah, so after a trip to Chile,
right, yeah, I don't know. I think a fight with the
pig man would be pretty good too, or maybe a puck watch. Oh,
I could not well like goat man. I'd fight a goat man if
he has an axe, that's true, So if you put the axe down,
then we could fight or if I got an axe also, then we
could fight. Yeah. I think pretty much everything else we ever talked about
would just beat the shit out of me. Right, maybe good questions?
Yeah, Finally, just wanted to chime in and say, after Flora's beautiful
explosion, I believe he's referring to your love of the rich. Um that
he and I sounds like a few other of your listeners too. We get
along pretty well after a few drinks, although it may result in a few
fires, some overturned cars, broken street lights, in a complete and total
upheaval slash destruction of certain aspects of American politics. But hey, you know
what they say about eggs and omelets, right, pew eat the rich?
So yeah, that's from the automatic rifle. Fuster that power. That was
a power missive Thanks you, sir. You know it's gonna I'm gonna start
getting fort saying the rich because you know there are rich people out there that
are good. Of course me, I'd like to meet one. So if
if you're rich and not a power hungry, greedy right in, uh,
Dave, We've heard from Colin Oh, who is the son of James the
skeptical Oki No Way Way Oh, the second generation, Colin says, Hi,
Dave and Flora, Hi Colin. Hello, my name's Colin and I'm
six years old. I like your show, especially the beeps. I know
it's like, oh see now I'm doing Hi Colin, vampires are my favorite
monster. Nice, very cool. I'll keep listening to your show, Flora.
I'm ready for the Captain American movie. I asked him that. He
yeah, I've already come out by now. I hope you saw it.
Hope you liked it. We saw it. We've liked it. Yeah,
it was awesome. Thought it was a great movie. Uh. Can I
have a special name? Well, of course you can. Oh, oh,
how about this? How about a long time listener first time Colin?
Maybe? No? Well what if if you like that, Colin, you
can, I think you will. But how about going on the vampire Um?
Yeah, I give him a vampire name, Flora, vampire side of
it? How about Count Colin lestrade, Oh, gunt goal and listroll?
Who is calling me? Count Collin can turn into a bat? That's right,
I'll tell us. If you don't like it, well we'll try another
way. We're very accommodating. Thanks for writing, Colin. Yeah, I
appreciate you listening, buddy? All right, I got a couple more puns
here from Volt the Tedious Zunge. How about Monday Superpowers. You can create
a force field around yourself, but it only protects you against really slow moving
objects. Great for killer snails or snapping turtles, terrible for bullets or right
hooks. That is a terrible superpower. So yeah, a person with a
walker just bouncing off. How about you were able to make yourself grow to
a giant size when needed. Unfortunately you can't make your clothes grow with you.
And some puns when you run into an exact copy of yourself and it
wants to touch you. Your doppled Danger a legendary dwarf like creature that enters
the abode of a sleeping mail and severs his man parts the lorraina Boblin's.
That's a deep cut, literally and figuratively. By the way, just bought
one of the shirts that will go great with the speedoing Cross. I will
send picks. Thanks. Yeah, hey, keep up the great work.
Volt the Tedious Vote, thank you, thank you. They've heard from Elastic
Glass. WHOA, I don't seem to make any sense. Well, you
can stretch it over car windshield if you want. Yeah, just a quick
note from an English listener. Oh, he's listened to the back to the
entire back catalog after accidentally hearing Micah Hanks mentioned us. Really when did Micah
Hanks mention us? I don't know, but that's awesome. Well if he
was, like, there's one podcast you should not listen to. Yeah,
maybe. On several occasions you've mentioned your English accents and how they must come
across where they're bloody good. Oh too right. Thank you for that elastic
glass, And he says, I don't mean it says an insult, but
you two guys are wasted on a podcast. Oh well, you know what
started production company? And maybe he already has one. This was an offer
for a lucrative television contract. I do a show on the BBC. That'd
be awesome, Yeah, except for it's BBC. So we get like two
seasons. But Christmas specials too, well like eight episodes each, Yeah,
like we make them really good, so like four this week, playing the
Squawk, Bindy Stick cumber Stitch. For my part, I'm telling everybody I
come across about your podcast. Well, thank you very much, last Glass,
and thank you for writing in that. That's awesome. I appreciate those
high fives. All right. I got one last one here from Randall the
matriculated man Savage. Oh oh yes, brother, Hey, David's congrats on
the dual engagements. Thank you. Really love the Goblin and Doppelganger episodes.
I have something to mention on the subject of Doppelgangers. There's a sci fi
movie that came out a few years ago that didn't really have critical acclaim.
It's called Jupiter Ascending. I almost watched it this last weekend, but my
fiance had already seen it. Ah. I watched it Annie and I watched
it not too long man. It's on the Hbogo. It was basically Mela
Coolness's character is essentially Celestial Royalty. The movie explains that basically everyone that's alive
is a re nation of a past life, or more like the exact same
DNA. The Royalty is reborn in an eight hundred year cycle on another planet
in the Solar System. The podcast reminding me of that movie, which I
haven't seen. It's worth watch. I do want to see that. I've
been sending mail to you guys pretty frequently, but I forget to tell you
how I found the podcast. It was expanded perspectives. Lamb. We we
got to send those guys a cake, I think nothing else, or maybe
a cookie bouquet. Yeah, an edible arrangement, an edible arrangement. It's
fruits get for you. Um. He says they're great, but he also
likes that stinky cheese in his life that we provide. Man boy, how
do you do we? He writes? I kid, I kid, we
have fun. We do have ps. I listened to your Yokai episode and
inspired me to create a short film based in Japanese folklore. So thank you
for the great podcast and keep them coming. Oh you do short films?
Yeah? Cool, you see it. Let us know what it's done.
Yeah, and thank you so much for writing Randall the matriculated man savage.
Oh yeah, I'm going to classic ticking mass. I like how like twitchy
and because that's yeah, yeah, that's how he rolls. Thank you Randall
and think all of you. Yes you are glorious. Let's see the quick
rundown. Thank you for the five star. We got a great five star
of you on iTunes. I just read today. That was that was awesome.
Thank you for that. Um, We also got like us on the
Facebook the March to twelve fildo No, no someday twelve Hildo twelve hildo.
Yeah, it's hard to get the denominations right. Follow us on Twitter,
Blurry underscore photos, uh we you can check us out online. Um iTunes.
We don't mention this every episode, but iTunes only carries the most recent
slog of of our episodes. I think we're going back to like one hundred
at this point. Yeah, it's they're really eating them up there. Yeah,
I'm surprised. So if you want to listen to more episodes, go
to our website. You can stream any of them from our archives for free.
They're all just sitting there waiting for your gentle touch. Yeah that's right.
Um. Also, don't be afraid to visit patreon dot com, slash
blurry photos. We are less than twenty five dollars away from a country album.
Wow. Yeah. So everybody that that that has sponsored and is sponsoring
is thank you hugely too too. I'd like to call out by name to
a listener, Sammy and of course clairvoyant Katie. Yeah, thank you guys
so much for your patronage. You guys are glorious and true friends of the
podcast True Blur Blur Rivers also, which is a good point time to point
out Clairvoyant Katie started the Blurry Photos fan page on Facebook. Oh so there's
a there's a blurry Photos fan group on Facebook too, So so check that
out. I've seen a lot of people posting stuff on there, which is
awesome. When did this happen? I had no idea, like like like
right after the like within a week of the live episode. Hi, where
are your band? Brother? Actually, this is the one and only time
I've known about something before you floor. You always tell me, so thank
you so much for that, jadyeezum. We also have uh the stores open.
We got the coozies on there now, we've got two styles of T
shirts. We've got a digital message you can yep, we've got all kinds
of mischief. We we we just talk tonight. We were going to get
double xls in the black flag in stock again. Ye we we've got some
ideas for a third shirt, third shirt perhaps, and and yeah we're gonna
try and tack on some double xls. I know you guys are waiting for
that, and I know the International Blur Reavers are waiting for that to happen
too, and hopefully that that should be soon. I can at least uh,
we'll figure it out, try and figure something out. But I already
already hit the audible trial. Oh Chicago podcast Cooperative, they are glorious.
Um. As a matter of fact, Cards against Humanity. One of our
great sponsors, the the daddy of our sponsorships, just today announced that for
only twenty five dollars, you can buy your very own Trump is the President
bugout bag. Yeah I did buy one, did you Yep? I might
have gone and buy one too. Yeah. Well, Dave, I guess
it's that time. A it's too right time for you to make a prediction.
All right. Last week we had the Athole or Ahol, the awl
Man al Man, and the gal Raw. It's tough Javanese monkey bat Cornish
awl person. I'm going with the Athol. Oh you you are you are
locked in? Huh? I am? I am locking in my answer with
the Arkansas Dragon. Yeah, I'm going, Okay, in order in my
mind it's Athyl gal Raw al Man. Okay, is there any reason to
to that? Okay? Well, first and four, everyone lacked the voting
for athole that has been made abundantly clear. Second of all, it's still
even without its awesome name. Is a weird ass flying monkey Toddler, which
is spooky and weird. The gal Row is just some sort of screaming badass,
and the owl Man is like something that would barely scare Missus Havisham.
It's the most British of frightening creatures. That's true, all right, Dave.
Yeah, the winner of Week one of the twenty sixteen Misscrypted contest is
one of the three contestants. I always I do that every year and we'll
be right back. Yeah, the winner is the owl Man. Shook,
Missus Havisham, you got me the owl Man? Huh with almost half the
votes? Whoa not even close? The owl Man? Whoa? Who was
second? The gal Row? So I am perfectly wrong. More Wow,
you had chosen something that was nutlets if I had Jeff the Talking Mongers,
then I'd be more wrong. That's right. Congratulations to the Alman. You
will be moving on. You will be moving on to the finals. So
who will it be this week? Will it be the a Stoey from India,
the pig Man from Vermont or the puck Quage from New New England.
Yeah, it's up to you, so vote blurry photos dot org. You
got a blurry photos dot com. I can't do a damn thing for you.
You might get some pictures taken, Yeah, who knows. Yeah,
that's how this cookie crumbles. Dave Jesus, that's how that cookie another fifties
saying that's right. Twenty three skidoo. Thanks for listening, See you next
week. Thanks everybody, work, work,