1 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:09,160 On location and driven by Victor Chrystlin Dodgs, Gie Brown. It's Bilified the 2 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:25,879 Bill Moran Podcast. Well, hello and welcome. Thanks for getting your pond 3 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,160 on. Thanks for telling a friend. That's how we spread the word about 4 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,799 the pirate ship in twenty twenty three. In twenty twenty four, you know, 5 00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:35,880 it's we come to the end of a year. I don't know that 6 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,320 many people make New Year's resolutions, but you try to be better than you 7 00:00:39,359 --> 00:00:43,799 were in twenty twenty three. What is it that is the edge? What's 8 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,719 going to put you over in twenty twenty four? And a lot of times 9 00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:52,240 it's simple things that we forget. It's consistency, which sometimes gets boring. 10 00:00:52,759 --> 00:00:57,320 It's finding that drive to push yourself just a little bit further, which you 11 00:00:57,399 --> 00:01:00,880 can feel boring or not fun. And I thought, well, we can 12 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,400 all say it, we probably all sort of know it. Well, why 13 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,200 not go to high achievers that we sat down with this past year. Two 14 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:14,560 professional athletes, a couple who are lawyers and run a very successful firm for 15 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:18,359 the past twenty years. They're both in different practices of law and a PhD. 16 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:23,920 So we'll start off with Major League soccer star Jeff Park and Jeff is 17 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:29,159 an interesting story. I love one thing he says in this. I knew 18 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:33,439 I could turn it on at any moment. I always say self awareness is 19 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:37,239 so important. So I, you know, I got into it when I 20 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:40,280 was you know, seven eight, played in the rec ball and all that 21 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:45,879 got started getting really good at it. And then fast forward to junior high. 22 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:51,120 We pushed our team like seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth grade years 23 00:01:51,159 --> 00:01:53,599 were really good. Yeah, so they knew if they pushed us, you 24 00:01:53,599 --> 00:01:57,920 know, once we got to high school, you know, are that four 25 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,040 or five years, we're going to be pretty good. Yeah. So we 26 00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:04,159 went back to back States. Wow, yeah, we were we were, 27 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,640 we were good, and then we should have won it my sophomore year. 28 00:02:07,719 --> 00:02:08,960 Pulled that mic just a little closer, you can just pull the whole thing, 29 00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:14,080 yeah towards you. We we uh, we won States back to back, 30 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,879 but we you know, should have won it the year before that too, 31 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,599 so we should have had three. So did you go on a scholarship? 32 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,439 Then the college I got? So it's my grades sucked. I wasn't 33 00:02:23,479 --> 00:02:30,479 good. It was good. Crazy story, So I I went to ended 34 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:34,560 up going to Drexel. My coach My head coach for my high school team 35 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,840 played for the coach at Drexel, so he's like, look, you got 36 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,800 to take this kid. He's not as a walk on. No I got. 37 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,319 I ended up getting a scholarship, so I went. They gave me 38 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,599 a scholarship. I only went to like two or three visits. I played 39 00:02:49,599 --> 00:02:53,479 for sc Delco with the best club in arguably in the country at the time, 40 00:02:53,199 --> 00:02:58,120 and I got overlooked. My grades weren't good. I went to Drexel. 41 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,360 They offered me a full ride. I was like, don't have any 42 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:04,759 options, but I'll take it. So you know, they're like, look, 43 00:03:04,759 --> 00:03:07,639 you got to get your grades up. So crazy story was I I 44 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:13,199 got to the end of the year. I negotiated with my English teacher the 45 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,960 semester before. I was like, look, you got I Now where are 46 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,879 you currently when you say in high school? Still in high school? High 47 00:03:19,879 --> 00:03:24,000 school? Now you're negotiating at the high level trying to get into college. 48 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:28,479 Right, I need a certain GPA. It was like a two five or 49 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,000 something like that. I was at at the time. I knew I had 50 00:03:31,039 --> 00:03:35,680 to like basically get a's and b's the rest of the school year. So 51 00:03:35,759 --> 00:03:40,560 I go like midterm, like Decembrush. I'm like, listen, miss Party 52 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:46,080 that was her name. If I get high a's the next two semesters, 53 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:52,080 will you raise that be that I got in the second semester so that I 54 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,400 got to get into college. And the lady was like, you know, 55 00:03:54,759 --> 00:03:59,400 I'll give you a chance. So I go. I ended up getting like 56 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,680 ninety three ninety four the next two terms, and I go back. I 57 00:04:02,719 --> 00:04:05,879 get my grades at the end of the year and I'm like, oh shit, 58 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:11,159 like I'm below the two five. If I don't get a two five 59 00:04:11,199 --> 00:04:14,560 with my s A T that wasn't that high, I'm not going to college. 60 00:04:15,039 --> 00:04:18,639 So I call her. I go in after the I get my final 61 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:24,360 grades and I go into like the administrative office at my high school and downtown. 62 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,600 I'm like, I got to call this teacher. You know, I 63 00:04:26,639 --> 00:04:30,399 was supposed to she was supposed to change my my past. My in like, 64 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,920 who are you saying this to? At the time, I'm saying to 65 00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:36,279 the administrator like whoever like was sitting at they must be looking at you. 66 00:04:36,439 --> 00:04:40,240 You're out of your head. Yeah, what are you looking at me? 67 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,759 Like you're crazy? So I said, you know, I need to get 68 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,079 hold of her. Can you call her on the phone, Like, basically 69 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,560 my scholarship my college, Yeah, depends on her changing that B to an 70 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:53,439 AY. So I get in touch with her. She's like, yeah, 71 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,800 I did make that deal with you, Jeff. All right, So she 72 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,360 I give it to the administrator right that was sitting at the desk, and 73 00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:01,360 she's like, yeah, change it to an A. She changes it. 74 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:05,040 My grade from like A two it's like a two three nine went to a 75 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,240 two to five perfect. And I was in I was in college. Let 76 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,839 me ask you something, because I was much the same way all the and 77 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:17,639 my parents were teachers, right, But you have kids, now, if 78 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:21,279 you had just applied yourself, do you know what I'm saying? Like you 79 00:05:21,399 --> 00:05:27,439 got nineties, you were capable, and does that frustrate you, Like with 80 00:05:27,519 --> 00:05:30,639 your own kids, would you be harder on them because of that knowing they 81 00:05:30,639 --> 00:05:33,439 have that ability? Like that was always my thing too, is that most 82 00:05:33,439 --> 00:05:38,120 of the time if I showed up, you know, it depended Like I 83 00:05:38,319 --> 00:05:42,000 ran track in the spring, and for whatever reason, every spring my grades 84 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,120 went up. I don't know if that was the running was great with like 85 00:05:45,199 --> 00:05:48,519 ad D and I had something, but I was always probably low eighties, 86 00:05:48,519 --> 00:05:54,319 if I showed up low nineties, if I even just tried a little bit, 87 00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:57,519 you know what I mean that that kind of thing. It's almost like 88 00:05:57,639 --> 00:06:00,160 because when I graduated high school, my father said to me, I don't 89 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,040 know whether to shake your hand or kick your ass. That's exactly what he 90 00:06:02,079 --> 00:06:05,279 said. Dumber than you got scholarships and stuff, and I'm looking at a 91 00:06:05,319 --> 00:06:10,120 guy who clearly are a smart guy, athletic guy. Yeah, you did 92 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,480 it, and he negotiated. Yeah, I mean that's even like that's even 93 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,160 a skill. That's a better skill. Well, yeah, negotiation. I 94 00:06:16,199 --> 00:06:18,759 had to figure something out because I was like, look, if I don't 95 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,439 get it, I'm done. Like, I don't know, I'm not going 96 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:27,480 to community school. Yeah, I mean I know I have the athleticism to 97 00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:30,680 play at the next level. Yeah, but how do I get myself to 98 00:06:30,759 --> 00:06:33,680 be able to be eligible for that? What a great thing, though, 99 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:38,439 to learn to to have that drive, you know, if there's a goal 100 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:41,079 to be able to reach that and you did it, Well, that's what 101 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:45,120 sports teaches you. I mean, it's you got a common goal obviously amongst 102 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,680 the team, and then you got your individual goal of your own performance and 103 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,360 what you need to do to prepare yourself. And you know, unfortunately I 104 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:56,600 didn't learn the the the self performance part until I was like in my mid 105 00:06:56,639 --> 00:07:00,560 twenties. What did your parents do? My dad was self employed. He 106 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:04,800 did a lot of landscaping contracting, and then he kind of found his niche 107 00:07:04,879 --> 00:07:10,600 later in life with like, you know, basically subbing up with one of 108 00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:15,160 the biggest companies in the country that owns water businesses throughout the you know, 109 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,160 all the states. So he kind of tied up with that, and that's 110 00:07:18,319 --> 00:07:20,800 what made him because I mean when I was little, I mean it was 111 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:24,920 it was tough. You know, We've got a self employed working all the 112 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:29,639 time, trying to make right that seasonal yea, And he was. I 113 00:07:29,639 --> 00:07:31,920 mean, he's arguably the hardest working guy I've ever met. Never stops. 114 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:35,519 It's just that you need good luck at times. And Mom was around. 115 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:40,399 Mom was around. She ended up doing her own thing. My parents split 116 00:07:40,439 --> 00:07:44,879 when I was twelve, which that was that was arguably one of the biggest 117 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:46,839 obstacles in my whole life. You know, I mean, I I kind 118 00:07:46,839 --> 00:07:53,360 of went into the you know, not the dark period because as a kid 119 00:07:53,399 --> 00:07:55,879 you don't even know it, like that act out, you do stuff, 120 00:07:55,879 --> 00:07:59,639 you start drinking and yeah, you know, smoking weed and stuff like that. 121 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:03,560 Right, that derailed me for a while. But I always had that 122 00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:07,319 thing in me that I knew, you know, I could turn it on 123 00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:11,240 at any time, right, and currently I did it at the right times. 124 00:08:11,279 --> 00:08:13,959 I mean obviously, Like you know, I had friends that all played 125 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,560 sports with me, and they all kind of fell by the wayside. Still 126 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,079 my best buds, Like, we hung out all the time. It's just 127 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,399 that they chose to party and hang out with the girls and stuff. I 128 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:24,959 just chose that I could try to find that balance, and I ended up 129 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,240 finding it. But you know, it always hurt my grades because I ended 130 00:08:28,279 --> 00:08:31,039 up going to summer school, you know, my junior year. I was 131 00:08:31,039 --> 00:08:33,240 like, shit, I got to bring all my grades up now. Yeah, 132 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:37,080 but even that self awareness, I think is really an important thing at 133 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:41,440 a young age, right, junior year sixteen, Yeah, I mean fairly. 134 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,840 And at that time I had a lot of anger towards my dad and 135 00:08:43,879 --> 00:08:48,879 everything because the divorce and what was going on with the family, and I 136 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:52,360 kind of, you know, I leaned on myself. I didn't really you 137 00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,639 know, I had a relationship with him, but I didn't have that that 138 00:08:56,039 --> 00:08:58,240 he was my guide to hard work. He wasn't my guide to like, 139 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:03,360 what's the blueprint to success? Would you? I always use this term, 140 00:09:03,399 --> 00:09:07,120 I said at once. My mother got really offended. But I go, 141 00:09:07,279 --> 00:09:09,080 you're almost like a feral child. Yeah, you know what I mean, 142 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,840 you kind of figure it out on your own. And I don't know that 143 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:16,159 that's necessarily a bad thing. I think like parents today try to do. 144 00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:20,360 I mean, there's way right the term helicopter parent. We hear it. 145 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:26,519 You're also coaching, now you must witness some of that you know with parents 146 00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:28,600 in sports. Yeah, a little bit, but that's uh, I think 147 00:09:28,639 --> 00:09:33,679 that's amazing. So you get to Drexel, yep, and you do all 148 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:39,320 four years. I did four years. I got to my fourth year and 149 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:43,720 it's a five year program there. Okay, so I figured out. I 150 00:09:43,759 --> 00:09:46,279 was like, look, I got to just get by, you know, 151 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:50,320 I'll load my schedule and then I'll pick and choose because at that time, 152 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:54,000 you were I don't know if they still can you can go through the semester. 153 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:58,039 That semester and you can go halfway through and drop classes that you're doing 154 00:09:58,039 --> 00:10:01,000 bad in. Yeah, So I was like, gonn to load up and 155 00:10:01,039 --> 00:10:05,720 like that whatever I do for yeah, whatever I do good in I keep. 156 00:10:05,799 --> 00:10:07,879 Whatever I do bad, I drop. And then you had to keep 157 00:10:07,879 --> 00:10:11,960 a certain credit load, right and and plus now you're a student athlete, 158 00:10:11,039 --> 00:10:15,039 which is like a full time job. Yeah. So I I ended up 159 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,559 doing real well in the beginning, and you know, I had like a 160 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,080 three to zero or something like that, and then it started spot like going 161 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,759 down and I'm like, all right, I need to just keep it at 162 00:10:22,759 --> 00:10:28,639 a certain level so that you know I'm eligible for that that season. So 163 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:33,159 I there was multiple times where I think it was like two years my sophomore 164 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:37,279 in junior year, my coach Lou Mill came out to me. It was 165 00:10:37,279 --> 00:10:39,759 like, look, Jeff, I got to get a tutor for you the 166 00:10:39,759 --> 00:10:43,399 whole time, or you know, you need to man out and be a 167 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,919 man and figure out how to do this this balance of school, partying and 168 00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:52,039 and soccer. And I'm like, f off man, like I got this, 169 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:56,559 Like I'm gonna you know, now you're coming to me now when I'm 170 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:58,039 not doing good. But you know, where were you when I was, 171 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:03,200 like, you know, starting every game basically as a freshman, running the 172 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,279 show, helping the team win games. You were right out of the game. 173 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:11,080 Yeah, out of the gate play. So I was a center back 174 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:16,159 in high school and then college soccer is completely different than like I played with 175 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:20,679 Delco. We played in the flat four. We were able to like I 176 00:11:20,759 --> 00:11:22,600 was playing right back, getting up and down the line, and so more 177 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:26,639 of a defensive position. Yeah okay, so but still but still like I 178 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:31,480 was in a position. I get into college and so I ended up playing 179 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,799 like like in a three back, and I ended up He was like, 180 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,720 look, I don't give a ship what you do. You're going to mark 181 00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:43,720 their best player and just follow his ass all around the field. And so 182 00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:46,200 you were that defensive player. Yeah, like what but not sexy. It's 183 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,919 not as sexy. I was like, this isn't what I signed up for. 184 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,159 Man. I was like, but I'll do it. So I would 185 00:11:52,159 --> 00:11:56,200 go in and I would I play the game and I would literally just run 186 00:11:56,240 --> 00:12:00,399 around with like some of these all American kids and just just lock up for 187 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,519 the game. But I was running everywhere on the field like I wasn't playing 188 00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:09,559 a position. I was just you know, canceling out their threat so that 189 00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:11,360 we would you know, we would win games two to one, or we'd 190 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:15,480 lose games, you know, two to one. But it wasn't you know, 191 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:18,200 it wasn't what I wanted. So I finally went to him, I 192 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,879 like junior year, and I'm like, I'm done with this man, Like 193 00:12:20,879 --> 00:12:24,960 I don't want to be running around the field and just looking like I'm not 194 00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:28,240 affecting the game all part of the game, you know, Like yeah, 195 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,519 I'm affecting their game, but not ours. So he's like, all right, 196 00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:35,919 I'll give you a chance. He puts me in like midfield attacking center. 197 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,759 Man. I end up scoring like six or seven goals in like five 198 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,240 games, and then all of a sudden, we were winning games like three 199 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,960 to two. And then it came to conference and he's like, go right 200 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:50,559 back to that market. I'm like why, I don't know. He was. 201 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,399 He was a forward I believe as a coach, but they shifted their 202 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,440 mindset, like from us winning games like high see. That's like to me 203 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:03,279 that you're coaching not to lose, which I think is a bad And that's 204 00:13:03,279 --> 00:13:07,840 how I looked at it. You're I was like, if we can win, 205 00:13:07,279 --> 00:13:09,759 that's all that matters. Like if we win four to three, if 206 00:13:09,799 --> 00:13:13,639 we win five to two, like it doesn't matter we won. Yeah, 207 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:18,639 like you care more about like if we you know, tie games, or 208 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:20,440 if we you know, leak goals, like who gives a ship? If 209 00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:24,039 if you're winning, who cares? So he ended up shifting me back to 210 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:30,720 that man Mark system and we went into the conference and we we did all 211 00:13:30,799 --> 00:13:35,519 right, but we same same mentality. We would win games. Now, 212 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:37,720 what's the form everybody's familiar with kind of well the college football format. So 213 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,519 it's somewhat confusing, I think for people along the way. But do you 214 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,519 get into like with hockey, they have the frozen four, do they do 215 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,039 the same thing. Do you get down to the four teams? Yeah? 216 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,559 No, they So you got your conference, you got to win out on 217 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:56,399 your conference. We we never won. I don't believe the conference and we 218 00:13:56,480 --> 00:14:00,399 never got But we had a couple of years because we had like basic all 219 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,679 the Philly kids that were kind of rejected from big schools. Yeah, but 220 00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:09,080 we we had like we had probably like eight nine Delko boys that were like 221 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,320 we had a legit team. So guys you had already played with then, 222 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:16,000 yeah, like so they were either yeah, they were either a year above 223 00:14:16,039 --> 00:14:18,559 me or a year below me. So we had a great group. I 224 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:20,759 mean, unfortunately, we didn't really do the best that we could. There 225 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:24,879 was a lot of like injuries and stuff that happened, and you know, 226 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,240 guys didn't really perform like they did at club in college because I mean, 227 00:14:28,759 --> 00:14:31,399 everybody thinks they're the ship when they're in you know, win in big, 228 00:14:31,519 --> 00:14:35,320 big games and stuff. But when things get hard and you're you're playing a 229 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,240 basically like in a beer league, you're like where guys just beat the shit 230 00:14:37,279 --> 00:14:39,639 out of each other the whole time, it's different. You know, like 231 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:46,559 the game wasn't sexy then it was who's got who can basically bully the other 232 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,919 guy. I played soccer for a brief period, and I didn't really understand 233 00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:52,960 the game, and we didn't have it coming up growing up. So I 234 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:56,080 had gone to West Point to a summer camp to learn to play. I 235 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,799 still couldn't really figure it out. So I used to just run through guys 236 00:15:00,159 --> 00:15:03,279 and there was one team they would punch me right in the face every time. 237 00:15:03,559 --> 00:15:05,759 For whatever reason, I kind of liked it. I was like, 238 00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:09,240 buddy, I did. I enjoyed that. But that's uh because there's a 239 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,679 lot of movement in soccer and a lot of communication and it's actually if you 240 00:15:11,879 --> 00:15:16,120 if you watch at the professional level, it's it's a beautiful game. I 241 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:20,879 mean when they're playing, he can almost see the patterns and the triangles, 242 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,720 and you know, if you know what you're looking for. So from Drexel, 243 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:28,600 you go, yeah, so it's from Drexel. I I spoke to 244 00:15:28,639 --> 00:15:31,120 my coach. My coach was like, look, Jeff, you want to 245 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:35,039 play at the next level. And I was like, yeah, definitely do 246 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,279 And he's like, all right, well, I think you can. I'll 247 00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:41,559 make some phone calls because he obviously has been around the game for so long, 248 00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:46,039 he's got connections with different people. Fortunately, you know, he was 249 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,879 he coached and knew Bob Bradley, who used to it was the Metro Stars 250 00:15:50,919 --> 00:15:54,960 coach at the time. Okay, and they were like, look, we'll 251 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,840 get you a trial with them and Kansas City because they knew both coaches. 252 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,639 So I was like all right. So I basically said to myself, all 253 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:07,639 right, I know I'm going somewhere, right And it comes the end of 254 00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:11,960 the year and I'm like, okay, So I finished my senior year fall 255 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:17,759 season, I go into their like are you going to sign up for classes? 256 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,480 And I'm like, fuck, no, I know what I need to 257 00:16:19,519 --> 00:16:22,879 do, So I drop out. Not drop out of school, I just 258 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:32,679 don't sign up for classes. So I spend the winner there at the Drexel 259 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,320 training facility, and I was like, I'm going to train as hard as 260 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:38,759 I can. So what like being a student athlete and all, you know, 261 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,679 I think it's a it's a different thing. One of my sons is 262 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:45,759 on a Division two track team. He's a thrower, so he's and there's 263 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,600 workouts and scheduled stuff. But when you're doing a team sport, he's more 264 00:16:49,639 --> 00:16:52,879 individual, right, it's his performance, his practice, and they got you 265 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,039 know, a bunch of guys. But I think it's got to be very 266 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,919 different because then there's also meetings, right, and you probably are watching film 267 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,119 so that that believe it or not. So the game has progressed so much 268 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:11,160 from when I started, when I was in college and then when I was 269 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:15,000 in pro. When I was in college, we we watched a little bit 270 00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:21,640 of film, not much, you know, like things weren't really as available 271 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,880 then. You didn't really have like the they had all like all the technology. 272 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,559 Now it has come where you can literally have a camera on every single 273 00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:34,599 player or know their distance travel like we used to where like the monitors and 274 00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:38,200 and stuff. They're like little level the pro level. In college, you 275 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:41,920 didn't have anything really, So it was just starting to develop in the in 276 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:48,759 the early two thousands then, and you know, I we we had our 277 00:17:48,759 --> 00:17:53,119 meetings, but not really So I went in and knowing that I was going 278 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,359 to go to the next level somehow or at least be seen. So I 279 00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,599 trained every day. What would that what would that take? Like, what 280 00:18:00,599 --> 00:18:03,240 would that be? So I wouldn't I would get up at like six o'clock 281 00:18:03,279 --> 00:18:07,720 in the morning. If you have a coach or nobody really impressed. Nobody 282 00:18:07,759 --> 00:18:10,839 even knew, like they didn't really know. My only guy that knew really 283 00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:14,599 what I was doing was my athletic trainer. Why did you not tell anybody? 284 00:18:15,079 --> 00:18:18,480 I don't know. I think, yeah, I think it was just 285 00:18:18,519 --> 00:18:19,440 like, look, I'm gonna do this on my own. I have a 286 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,720 big belief a lot of times, right that if you have an idea like 287 00:18:22,759 --> 00:18:27,240 that, don't tell anybody because they're gonna go damn man. Everybody tries to 288 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,000 get to that level and they start to put the doubt in your head. 289 00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:33,960 And if you just go and do your thing, you can do it. 290 00:18:33,519 --> 00:18:37,920 I love the surprise. I love like being the guy that nobody like. 291 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,559 I've always been counted out, been cut from. I got cut from Deco 292 00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:45,359 when they first started. I got cut from States. I got like overlooked 293 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,920 constantly. And what made you keep coming back and not give up? What 294 00:18:49,039 --> 00:18:52,839 is that? It was just a self drive. Man. It was just 295 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,119 like the I mean, I don't know, a deep belief in yourself, 296 00:18:56,359 --> 00:19:00,880 just that that that belief and this is all self made because like is your 297 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,359 dad? My dad was a yeller and he was like, you know, 298 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,119 he didn't know the sport. Yeah, my mom didn't know the sport. 299 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:11,079 They just they just knew I was a great athlete. They were like, 300 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:15,880 whether he's a baseball player or a basket obviously not basketball wasn't tall enough, 301 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:21,559 but baseball I was really good at and and soccer. So even till this 302 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,200 day, I joke with my parents, I'm like, do you even know 303 00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:27,480 like what off sides is? Do you even know what position I truly play? 304 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,839 And they would be like trying to spit it out to me. I'm 305 00:19:30,839 --> 00:19:33,519 like, you've watched me for like twenty five years, and but that's that's 306 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,039 that's the way. It is the American way, but it's a great testament 307 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:40,240 to you. Yeah right, Yeah. I was just like, look, 308 00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:42,680 it's like me going to your work and being like, oh, I know 309 00:19:42,799 --> 00:19:48,960 you're the director of the of like your office area, or you're like the 310 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:53,359 head secretary or whatever, but like I don't know what that is. And 311 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,279 I ask you, and I watch you go to work like once a week, 312 00:19:56,519 --> 00:20:00,759 come and watch you like do your thing, run the off, run 313 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:03,559 your appointments. And then I come back to you and I go, but 314 00:20:03,559 --> 00:20:06,400 what do you really do? You know what I mean? Like the same 315 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:07,880 thing with my dad, Like I know he's a self made man, so 316 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:11,759 I'm like, it's not like I go out to him like all right, 317 00:20:11,799 --> 00:20:15,160 so do you actually do the payroll yourself? Like I know all that because 318 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,720 it's like I guess it's just like I've been in sports and stuff so long 319 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,920 that I and I've traveled, I've been able. It's just funny that you 320 00:20:22,039 --> 00:20:23,960 think after twenty five years that they would take like more of an interest and 321 00:20:25,039 --> 00:20:29,200 even learn it, watch a YouTube video anything. Yeah, but I think 322 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:33,519 that their response was always like I just love watching you play sports, which 323 00:20:33,559 --> 00:20:36,720 is quite complent, like and it is a complement. I mean, my 324 00:20:36,799 --> 00:20:40,400 parents sacrificed everything for me, you know, like they might not have been 325 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,799 there always, but they were always willing to like get me the new cleats, 326 00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:47,680 always willing to drive me to practice. Yeah shit, they forgot to 327 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,240 pick me up sometimes. But like I think that's normal. And then like 328 00:20:51,279 --> 00:20:55,039 my dad and my mom would would they were divorced, my dad got remarried 329 00:20:55,039 --> 00:20:57,759 and they would drive up from the Philly area up to New York when you 330 00:20:57,759 --> 00:21:00,480 were when you were, I was playing for five years, they came up 331 00:21:00,519 --> 00:21:07,039 to every single game together. Ex. Stepmom in the car, my dad 332 00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:11,720 wow them. Yeah, they would sacrifice everything to come out to play. 333 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,160 Okay, So it was pretty cool. I mean I look back on it 334 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:18,119 now and I'm like, man, like, it's always great. My mom's 335 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:25,559 just she's very She's an unbelievable woman. Jeff Park giving you some advice there. 336 00:21:25,599 --> 00:21:29,240 You gotta really have that drive to be successful, right, a train 337 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,839 on his own. Imagine that, no coach just doing it on your own. 338 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:37,440 That's drive and a belief that he knew he could make it, so 339 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,880 he's gonna do everything he could to get there. That's the edge we're talking 340 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:45,000 about for twenty twenty four. Coming up next, a couple who have had 341 00:21:45,039 --> 00:21:49,079 a very successful law firm for twenty years. What makes them tick, what 342 00:21:49,079 --> 00:21:52,079 do they talk to their kids about, and what does it mean to really 343 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:57,799 listen? Find out? Right after this Iron Smoke Distillery in Fairport, New 344 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:03,000 York. Come say goodbye to twenty twenty three this weekend because they got some 345 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:07,079 great things happening over there on Friday and Saturday night. And of course you 346 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:11,119 can have some of the Iron Smoke distilled whiskies, maybe have it made into 347 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:15,759 something called a peacemaker. It's my favorite drink over an Iron Smoke Distillery when 348 00:22:15,799 --> 00:22:18,119 you're in there at tonight and enjoy a peacemaker while listening to croon tunes by 349 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:22,319 Rich Green that begins at five and goes to eight part of the Acoustic Sunset 350 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:26,759 series, and then it's six oh six Foo Fighter tribute band playing all your 351 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:33,480 favorite foo Fighter songs begin at eight thirty Tomorrow night. The Acoustic Sunset sessions 352 00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:37,319 begin at three thirty with Ethos, they go to six thirty, and then 353 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:41,319 at eight thirty it's a big old eighties dance party with something else, all 354 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,920 happening at Iron Smoke the final days of twenty twenty three, come say goodbye 355 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:52,119 with one of the hottest spots and coolest places in all of Rochester, Iron 356 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,640 Smoke Distillery in Fairport, New York. Baby Back of All Trades, the 357 00:22:55,759 --> 00:23:00,680 name says it all five eight five two oh two ninety two eighteen Mack of 358 00:23:00,759 --> 00:23:03,960 all Trades, Dot Neck Comedy at the Carlson's Got the laughter you need And 359 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:08,839 this Friday and Saturday night Ed Bassmaster comes to stage. It's actually Edwin Rodriguez. 360 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:14,119 He has a YouTube channel. He actually had a reality prank series I 361 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:18,440 believe that was on CMT and he played a bunch of different characters. The 362 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:23,279 guy is super talented and super super funny Ed bass Maaster, and I think 363 00:23:23,319 --> 00:23:29,440 the prank series is the Ed bass Master Show aka Edwin Rodriguez. This Friday 364 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,880 for two shows and this Saturday for two shows, the twenty ninth and thirtieth 365 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,640 of December. And you were gonna laugh your keistro off right into twenty twenty 366 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,920 four. You'll be retelling some of the jokes you hear Ed tell youa on 367 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,720 stage. You're gonna be telling that into twenty twenty four, which is laughter. 368 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,079 And you want to carry that forward with you, and you'll find it 369 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:51,160 at comedy at the Carlson Lock your tickets down at Carlsoncomedy dot com. Thanks 370 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:56,240 for wrapping up twenty twenty three with BILLI fine. This next couple, the 371 00:23:56,279 --> 00:24:00,160 Sycuse, have had a very successful law firm for twenty years. Steve practices 372 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:11,000 defense law and merely matrimonial law. But together they're a dynamic duo. You're 373 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:15,000 gonna hear them say something that is very important for everybody, and I think 374 00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:22,079 is often overlooked. It's the CircUse umbilified. So we really don't but I 375 00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:26,240 will say the first month that Steve joined me, we both had the same 376 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:32,240 primary care physician. We both saw the primary care physician for what we thought 377 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:36,279 were heart attacks. We thought we were dying from the stress of just learning 378 00:24:36,319 --> 00:24:40,279 to work together, but we quickly learned I handle all the finances, He 379 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:44,480 handles all the other issues, takes care of all the staff because I like 380 00:24:44,519 --> 00:24:47,759 to be the good guy and he doesn't mind being the bad guy. Same 381 00:24:47,759 --> 00:24:49,160 thing with our kid bearing. By the way, Yeah, well I mean 382 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,799 good cup backup right, But I mean because I would argue that one of 383 00:24:52,799 --> 00:24:56,119 the most important decisions you'll ever make in your life, who is going to 384 00:24:56,119 --> 00:25:00,400 be your life partner? And sometimes in these high st dress jobs that people 385 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:04,559 can't relate to, I mean, you know, ship falls apart. It 386 00:25:04,599 --> 00:25:07,880 certainly does. And I will say we've learned to argue very effectively. It's 387 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:12,799 real quick. Steve Cross examines me. I go down. Well, I 388 00:25:12,839 --> 00:25:15,480 was gonna say, because is there ever a time if you're even mad, 389 00:25:15,559 --> 00:25:19,359 let's say something. You know, obviously, marriage, kids, just the 390 00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,839 stresses of life, all that stuff that somebody decides to work from home and 391 00:25:22,839 --> 00:25:26,000 someone will work from the office just so I don't have to look at you 392 00:25:26,079 --> 00:25:29,440 today. Kind of thing that does happen. I would think that sometimes, 393 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,240 yeah, and merely likes to spend a little time down to Florida when I'm 394 00:25:32,279 --> 00:25:34,240 not there, so she gets her time away from me. Then I do 395 00:25:34,319 --> 00:25:38,839 try to run away sometimes. Well, I think that sometimes that's almost a 396 00:25:38,839 --> 00:25:42,400 healthy thing when you're in absolutely right. Oh my gosh. During COVID, 397 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,039 when Steve had to come home from work and I was able to stay in 398 00:25:45,079 --> 00:25:52,279 Florida, it was marriage saving quite frankly. So, now having no like 399 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:59,119 experience in law at AWE, it looks like it requires an unbelievable attention to 400 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:03,359 detail does. And I would think a very important skill that many people lack 401 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:07,440 would be the skill to listen. I think I think listening is actually a 402 00:26:07,559 --> 00:26:12,079 skill to actually here because there's so much in terms of and maybe more than 403 00:26:12,079 --> 00:26:17,039 that is inferential language, understanding what that is in body language and that sort 404 00:26:17,039 --> 00:26:19,440 of thing, and then to think on your feet and a love of preparation. 405 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,000 Yeah, listening. I saw something not too long ago, maybe a 406 00:26:23,039 --> 00:26:29,440 couple of years ago, and people want to listen to respond yes, And 407 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:33,720 that's that's not what listening should be listening because you want to hear yes and 408 00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:37,440 then then and then and then you can respond. But listening just to respond 409 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,160 your position isn't really listening. It's just waiting for that person to take a 410 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:45,160 breath and then you're gonna tell him what what you think as opposed to listening 411 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,039 and want to hear. But what we do A very fine judge, Judge 412 00:26:48,319 --> 00:26:52,200 Sarahgusa, I was a very young DA pulled me into his office and we 413 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,039 were having a conversation about life. I was a young proscer, didn't know 414 00:26:55,039 --> 00:26:57,359 anything, and he said, Steve, you know the formula for success as 415 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,359 I said, no, you're on it, and he goes to be a 416 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,000 lawyer, and you could probably use this in just about any other profession. 417 00:27:03,599 --> 00:27:08,200 Eighty five percent of what you should do is preparation and the remaining fifteen percent 418 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:14,200 is going to be your presentation. So eighty five percent preparation, fifteen percent 419 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,640 presentation. And that's a formula that how much is that having? And both 420 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,400 of you, I would ask, is having a big personality helped you both? 421 00:27:21,559 --> 00:27:23,960 Oh, my gosh. For litigation, it's essential. And for sales, 422 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,880 because we really are in the business of sales, so it is absoluencely, 423 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,200 almost like a charm, right, And I don't even mean that like 424 00:27:30,279 --> 00:27:33,039 you well, I don't mean it like that, because it almost sounds like 425 00:27:33,079 --> 00:27:36,960 then and when you say things like sales, all of a sudden, everybody 426 00:27:37,039 --> 00:27:40,680 gets the slick person in mind. And that's not what I'm saying. It's 427 00:27:41,519 --> 00:27:45,720 having talked to you quite a bit in recent months, one of the things 428 00:27:45,799 --> 00:27:48,680 is always that you want to be somebody people want to be around. Isn't 429 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,480 that what something that he seems to say? And I think that there is 430 00:27:52,559 --> 00:27:56,720 really that ability and that when you walk into a courtroom and it's strangers who 431 00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,160 are potentially, if something goes to trial, are going to be making a 432 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,519 decision. Well, that's a lot of pressure to try to get them to 433 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,880 see things from your perspective. That's correct. I mean, like you said, 434 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:11,680 people want to be around people that are outgoing. Yeah, you know, 435 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,079 smart, energetic, positive, positive. I mean, look what we 436 00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:18,559 do. We can't guarantee outcomes. We don't know. In fact, I 437 00:28:18,599 --> 00:28:21,359 tell people, you might pay me all this money and lose everything. I 438 00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:22,720 don't know. I'm not the judge, I'm not the jury, and I 439 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:27,160 can't make the DA do what you want them to do. So you just 440 00:28:27,279 --> 00:28:32,880 have to manage expectations. But your personality is what for us. We can 441 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,759 at times have big personalities, you know, we try to temper it when 442 00:28:36,759 --> 00:28:38,559 it's appropriate, but most of the time it is what it is. Merrily, 443 00:28:38,599 --> 00:28:44,000 you seem to have almost like a traditional path right to becoming a lawyer. 444 00:28:44,039 --> 00:28:48,839 I would say, what, grad school and then undergraduate and then graduate 445 00:28:48,839 --> 00:28:52,039 school or law school. Well, so I started in La thinking I was 446 00:28:52,039 --> 00:28:56,400 going to be an oscar winning actress and live there during the Rodney King riots 447 00:28:56,519 --> 00:29:02,000 and early nineties. Really quick, Yeah, came running home to Rochester. 448 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,799 Wow, And was going to continue in New York City and my father said, 449 00:29:04,839 --> 00:29:08,240 you have to finish your undergraduate degree. So I went to Nazareth finished. 450 00:29:08,319 --> 00:29:12,440 Where did you start? I started at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts 451 00:29:12,559 --> 00:29:18,160 in Los Angeles, actually in Pasadena, and then ended up coming back finishing 452 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:22,119 at Nazareth. And then I met Steve So I was just wait, so 453 00:29:22,519 --> 00:29:25,799 you wanted to be an actress first? Yeah, so that's why I like 454 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:30,240 litigations. Yea. Love being in the courtroom and entertaining. So wow, 455 00:29:30,759 --> 00:29:37,279 so what And it was just those odd circumstances that changed your idea of and 456 00:29:37,599 --> 00:29:40,039 not want to stay out. I mean, LA has been I interviewed in 457 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:41,599 La. La was one of these places that I was like, I don't 458 00:29:41,599 --> 00:29:44,559 know, man, I don't think I could bring my whole family out here. 459 00:29:44,599 --> 00:29:45,400 At the time I was married, I had three kids, Like, 460 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,039 and they're saying to me, well, we'll pay you this, and I 461 00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:51,480 go, it's not that much more than I'm making in Rochester. Well, 462 00:29:52,039 --> 00:29:55,279 you could also go and host a game show or you know, you do 463 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,319 stand up and stuff. I go, yeah, there's no guarantee. You 464 00:29:57,359 --> 00:30:02,559 know what I'm saying, I mean it is a competitive it's a weird space 465 00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,960 out there, well, and everyone is there just to make something themselves. 466 00:30:06,039 --> 00:30:08,440 I did not find that you really could make really good friends like you kund 467 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:11,400 on the East Coast. Well, there's no authenticity, correct as I mean, 468 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,839 that's that's a big thing. And you you guys are very like real 469 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,759 people that I I could see that where that wouldn't really it was not for 470 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,680 me at the end of the day. But I did love it. I 471 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:23,400 mean I had a great experience. So when you went to NAS, what 472 00:30:23,519 --> 00:30:27,119 was the undergrad because they have a big theater program or I think now maybe 473 00:30:27,119 --> 00:30:30,880 more so than I don't. I don't know they did. Actually I have 474 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:34,960 five majors and I still graduated in time, but I was theater, social 475 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:40,880 work, went back to theater and then business administration. Holy jeez, social 476 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:45,759 work a little bit man, that's driven. Like what? So then what 477 00:30:45,799 --> 00:30:48,039 attracts you to law school? Because you know, I have talked to you 478 00:30:48,039 --> 00:30:52,519 your husband and your son, and they have both said that first year it's 479 00:30:52,519 --> 00:30:55,720 almost like learning a new language, right, It's intense. There's a lot 480 00:30:55,960 --> 00:31:00,039 there. What you really got to be somebody who's committed once you're going to 481 00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:03,680 go to law school and also have this desire to want to help people because 482 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,480 most of the people you're going to work with, you're seeing them at their 483 00:31:07,559 --> 00:31:10,960 lowest moment. Perticularly I do, absolutely, yeah, I mean see people 484 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,440 their saddest moment, the hardest movement. But for me, I took a 485 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:18,480 business law class my senior year of undergraduate okay, and it was an adjunct 486 00:31:18,519 --> 00:31:22,519 professor, and I don't recall his name, but he was phenomenal, and 487 00:31:22,559 --> 00:31:25,079 all of a sudden, I decided I'd go to law school. So that 488 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,279 was really a one professor that I realized this is what I want to do 489 00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:32,240 the rest of my life. It is interesting when you find that one person 490 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,240 that kind of teaches you. What was it for you though? I mean, 491 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,480 you went to Arizona State, I go, I know what's on your 492 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:41,160 mind is having fun getting away from home as far as possible. Yet honestly, 493 00:31:41,799 --> 00:31:48,119 my path to law school was started in my senior year September of eighty 494 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:52,480 eight, and I was graduating from Albany in the following May with a political 495 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:56,240 science economics degree. And a friend of mine who was a female, just 496 00:31:56,279 --> 00:31:59,759 a friend from Rochester. We've known each other for a couple of years. 497 00:32:00,519 --> 00:32:01,799 Said what are you doing next year? And I said, I'm just gonna 498 00:32:01,839 --> 00:32:04,559 graduate. I have no idea what I'm doing next year. She goes, 499 00:32:04,559 --> 00:32:06,119 well, I'm going to go to law school. And I'm like, well, 500 00:32:06,799 --> 00:32:08,480 what's law school? She goes, it's three more years of this. 501 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:12,759 It's two o'clock in a bar. I'm like, I think I could do 502 00:32:12,839 --> 00:32:15,039 this for three more years. And that's how I got then. I but 503 00:32:15,039 --> 00:32:21,759 it's not even like nothing. It was nothing nothing. Nothing could have been 504 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:23,960 farther from what my thoughts were. So that particular week, it was like 505 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,720 a Friday. The next week there was an el SAT exam. I went 506 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:30,759 and bought a book, but I had to work during college, so I 507 00:32:30,799 --> 00:32:32,599 was delivering pizzas. I lived at the book one Thursday night, two days 508 00:32:32,599 --> 00:32:36,480 before the exam, for about seven minutes, and I'm like, eh, 509 00:32:36,519 --> 00:32:38,880 we'll just figure it out on Saturday. I want it did pretty well and 510 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:42,920 it was accept to the law school. And went to law school not having 511 00:32:43,119 --> 00:32:45,720 any idea what a lawyer did. Non zero. He actually did not know 512 00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:49,400 what a plaintiff and defendant were. Yeah, I didn't know anything. Mean 513 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,759 these guys then I went to law school with the men and women. Their 514 00:32:51,799 --> 00:32:55,240 fathers and mothers were judges, lawyers and business. That wasn't I had a 515 00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:59,480 great family, but none of our lawyers. And I literally had migraines for 516 00:32:59,519 --> 00:33:01,279 about a year trying to figure out what was being what what I was? 517 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:07,079 So what is it in you? Then that says I'm not giving up? 518 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,400 Yeah? Do you know what I'm saying? If you're if you're finding migraine 519 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,039 for a year, and I know that because there is that. Everybody has 520 00:33:13,039 --> 00:33:15,920 that moment, no matter what it is, you quit. The greatest stories 521 00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:19,960 are built on the I didn't quit, right, I mean, that's what 522 00:33:20,039 --> 00:33:23,160 the greatest stories are. But but I'm hearing she had an idea of what 523 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,519 she was going to do. She had a professor, and she went, 524 00:33:25,599 --> 00:33:29,599 this is what I want to do. So there's a drive and somewhat of 525 00:33:29,599 --> 00:33:31,880 a knowledge, right, and knows what she's getting into. You step in, 526 00:33:32,119 --> 00:33:36,920 belind Off the cliff. That's why you're fuck. I'm sorry I should 527 00:33:37,039 --> 00:33:38,240 say this way. I fucking love that. Yeah, I love that. 528 00:33:38,319 --> 00:33:43,240 I literally most of my friends will tell you there's nobody more competitive than me. 529 00:33:43,359 --> 00:33:45,200 Okay, I mean, we don't play backgammon anymore because merely taught me 530 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:50,039 and beat me like eighty five straight times the last time and the last time 531 00:33:50,079 --> 00:33:52,960 we played, I took the board and shut the board. I threw it 532 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,799 across the room. So we don't play back in or very competitive. Yeah, 533 00:33:57,119 --> 00:34:00,599 I was also in debt about twenty two thousand dollars at age twenty. 534 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,279 After my first year, said I'm going to give it another semester. I 535 00:34:02,279 --> 00:34:06,440 went back to school. Professor art Levels, I'll never forget him, was 536 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:07,960 a mentor to me. I was in the toughest class in law school, 537 00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:12,280 which is called evidence, and I was struggling. I went to see him 538 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,719 and he said, Steve, are you studying? Professor? I studied six 539 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,639 eight hours a night, and he said, well, just keep at it, 540 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,840 and eventually, in this very short period of time, it's going to 541 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,559 be a light switch. What do you mean. The light switch is going 542 00:34:24,639 --> 00:34:28,599 to go on and you're going to understand how to be a lawyer. And 543 00:34:28,679 --> 00:34:32,119 three weeks later I was studying evidence. The light switch went on and law 544 00:34:32,119 --> 00:34:36,280 school was a cakewalk. After that. First year of law school is just 545 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,239 a crazy and tense period. But eventually the light does go on and We've 546 00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:43,199 told our son that, and we're going to tell our youngest that who's heading 547 00:34:43,199 --> 00:34:45,840 off to school too. Yeah, it's a tough it's a grind. Yeah, 548 00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:51,559 how was the first year, Stephen? My light has been out for 549 00:34:51,599 --> 00:34:52,920 the year. I haven't found it yet, so I'm still working on that. 550 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:57,400 It's true, you don't look like it like it doesn't look like you 551 00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:01,440 were overwhelmed by it. I wouldn't overwhelmed. That's definitely a change in time 552 00:35:01,519 --> 00:35:06,280 management and actually having to sit down and read an amount that you can't read 553 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,559 in a night, learn how to skim efficiently and learn how to answer a 554 00:35:08,599 --> 00:35:14,320 question when your name's called without knowing it's coming. Yeah, so a lot 555 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,440 on your feet. You'll learn to cover it up that you just smile through 556 00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:22,159 it and keep going. That does sound tough, but I mean, I 557 00:35:22,159 --> 00:35:24,320 got to think there's even cases, especially for you, in these criminal defense 558 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,519 cases, that at times where it's got to be like, I don't know 559 00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,320 where to go with this, And yet is it that competitiveness that keeps you 560 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:37,320 the drive and also the idea of protecting someone's rights at the very base of 561 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,679 it all. I would think that's very important. In fact, in the 562 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:45,119 last couple of weeks had a couple of cases that some people that are friends 563 00:35:45,199 --> 00:35:49,599 or acquaintances will ask about what it's like to be a lawyer. And I 564 00:35:49,639 --> 00:35:51,760 was just out not too long ago, and there was some people in the 565 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,480 courthouse and I have a rather controversial case, and they said, I can't 566 00:35:54,519 --> 00:35:58,920 believe Steve you do that. You were a prosecutor for twelve years and now 567 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,360 you're representing this per who's charged with a heinous crime. And I let them 568 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:07,119 go on, and I say, well, I am the buffer between an 569 00:36:07,159 --> 00:36:12,199 overreaching government and one of its citizens. So you may not like what the 570 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,760 allegations are in a case, but if it wasn't for people like me, 571 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:21,199 the government would run rough shot over everybody, and it would not just be 572 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,880 the person in this particular case who's charged with what are heinous allegations, but 573 00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:30,880 it could be an everyday citizen who maybe made a bad mistake or poor decision, 574 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:35,760 but nothing that should be bullied by an overreaching government. So that's the 575 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,079 that's what I do. Well, this is where you're right, because you 576 00:36:38,159 --> 00:36:44,480 think about anybody who's going through anything, even matrimonial and child custody situations. 577 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,440 Like I said, earlier, it's your lowest. But all of that is 578 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:53,840 so emotional and overwhelming, and our emotions and are thinking sometimes are effected. 579 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:59,320 They become effected they should if you can separate them. There may be a 580 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,679 clinical diagnosis for you and they may have a room somewhere for you. But 581 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,719 that's sort of what you kind of need to do at times in life to 582 00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:08,119 be able to step back and see something for what it is. Right, 583 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:13,320 great words to say, super hard to do, super hard to do, 584 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,400 but when you so now take that and if you go into a court of 585 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:21,679 law, you're scared you're not hearing what's being said exactly as it's being said. 586 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,679 There's Latin terms that you're not going to understand fully, there's language that's 587 00:37:24,679 --> 00:37:28,079 not there. So that's where I always think, like, you want to 588 00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:31,559 go to somebody that has dedicated their life to this and it is and I 589 00:37:31,599 --> 00:37:37,159 know because I understand that, I'm sure you you know, people say heinous, 590 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,079 but it's not. It's about making sure that we're protecting the rights of 591 00:37:40,119 --> 00:37:45,280 somebody as they were laid forth and we don't have an overreaching for exactly that 592 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,440 because you know, give an inch, take a mile kind of thing. 593 00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:52,400 And it does go beyond whatever this heinous act is. It could be something 594 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:54,719 else. When's the last time the government didn't try to take more than Yeah, 595 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:58,519 sure, that's absolutely. We see things like evident domain happen all the 596 00:37:58,519 --> 00:38:00,320 time with stuff, and I mean there's all all kinds of cases. The 597 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,920 fact years ago there was a draft. Can you imagine today, No, 598 00:38:04,079 --> 00:38:07,000 that the government comes in there can take one of your sons or one of 599 00:38:07,039 --> 00:38:09,039 my or my son or something. We're gonna put them in a rice field 600 00:38:09,559 --> 00:38:13,000 twenty two hours away. Yeah, are you out of your mind? No? 601 00:38:13,519 --> 00:38:15,199 Thank you? No, yeah, no, thank you, thank you. 602 00:38:15,199 --> 00:38:17,599 You have three kids? What do you teach them about not giving up 603 00:38:17,639 --> 00:38:22,559 on something? I mean, you say, your your competitiveness, but sometimes 604 00:38:22,639 --> 00:38:24,639 you know flipping back ammon boards and I used to do that with Candy linb 605 00:38:27,639 --> 00:38:30,559 Is it something that you want them to be to be doing? You know 606 00:38:30,599 --> 00:38:31,719 what I'm saying. Well, I was a little kid. My dad used 607 00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:35,280 to always teach me. It would tease me. So you would get like 608 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,280 cherry pitts or whatever, and you go and I'd have to go back and 609 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,480 I used to I was like five of it. That's import I think this 610 00:38:40,639 --> 00:38:45,599 one to our left has done that a few times. Stephen and Steve have 611 00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:50,199 that fiery person. Yeah, things will fly, but you know, I 612 00:38:50,199 --> 00:38:53,440 think it's very important that they have drive. Yeah, so Steve and I 613 00:38:53,519 --> 00:38:58,719 never ever ever told them they had to have straight a's or whatever grade. 614 00:38:59,199 --> 00:39:01,039 We told them to do the best for themselves, whatever that is. If 615 00:39:01,039 --> 00:39:04,360 you're an A student, be an A student. If you're a C student, 616 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,719 be a C student. But if you're an A student, don't be 617 00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:10,559 a C student. And they've actually all excelled one hundred percent based on that 618 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:15,280 on their own. I mean, Steven has a scholarship at you Be, 619 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:20,159 and he still really tries hard to get the best grades he possibly can, 620 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,760 even though he's joining our firm, And all we said is you have to 621 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,639 pass, but they just don't do that. So what do you do to 622 00:39:24,639 --> 00:39:30,320 get away from it all? Because I've I remember, like early on a 623 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:35,000 pediatrician saying to me, hey, you should go to therapy because one of 624 00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:37,280 the boys was sort of on the spectrum and there was a lot of therapy 625 00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:42,280 in different diet and he's like, you can't be good for anybody else if 626 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:46,920 you're not best with yourself. So here you guys are hearing some really tough 627 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:51,840 things from people and what they're dealing with. What do you do to get 628 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,480 away from it all? So I think self care is so important, and 629 00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:59,119 actually it's so important to not get you into the position of having to come 630 00:39:59,119 --> 00:40:01,639 c Steve or I because I think a self care is so important. I 631 00:40:01,679 --> 00:40:05,920 mean, if you're not happy, nobody around you is happy, right right, 632 00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:07,559 so, and that's something you have to figure out. But I think 633 00:40:07,599 --> 00:40:12,400 that comes with age. I sadly think young people just run themselves into the 634 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,559 ground. They give, they give, they give, they care too much 635 00:40:14,559 --> 00:40:19,159 about youth is wasted down to the young. Certainly is so for us. 636 00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,880 I know for Steve and I, exercise is crucial for our mental and physical 637 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:27,239 health, and that is we have to both do that every single day. 638 00:40:28,119 --> 00:40:30,840 But other than that, downtime, I mean, I really try hard when 639 00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:36,920 I travel to decompress, turn off my phone the best I can, and 640 00:40:37,119 --> 00:40:40,880 spend time with my friends and family. But also I do like to shop 641 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:46,559 for purses and shoes, but those are my downtime things. Now, there's 642 00:40:46,599 --> 00:40:52,079 some sound advice for twenty twenty four from Merely Circu of Circu and Circu self 643 00:40:52,159 --> 00:40:59,239 care something we often overlook and it's often seen even by ourselves as being selfish. 644 00:41:00,159 --> 00:41:01,480 You need to be a little more selfish in twenty twenty four to make 645 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:07,679 yourself better and have a better year than ever. Doctor Robert Rice is the 646 00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:13,280 head of the psychology department at Saint John Fisher University. He's got some insight 647 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,159 to help you deal with life because it never stops coming at you. We'll 648 00:41:16,159 --> 00:41:22,280 get into that next, but first, Full Send Skiing out Door in Canadaigua 649 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:28,960 knows you can hear this. It's the mountains calling. But is your gear 650 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:37,480 red? We'll send CEO Zach Hallit says people don't realize how important it is. 651 00:41:37,639 --> 00:41:39,840 You know, your skis, your snowboards, everything needs to be serviced 652 00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:44,519 every year. Full Sense Skiing Outdoor We'll make sure your gear is in the 653 00:41:44,559 --> 00:41:52,199 perfect condition for the conditions. It's very important to get that stuff done before 654 00:41:52,239 --> 00:41:54,599 the season because when the snow falls, everybody wants to get out there. 655 00:41:54,639 --> 00:41:58,320 You don't want to be put out a delay. That's why now is the 656 00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,239 time to bring your gear into Full Send Skiing Outdoor one seventy five Main Street, 657 00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:06,760 Canandagua or call five eighty five three four zero, seventy four sixty nine 658 00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,280 when the snowballs, we want you out there and enjoin the sport. So 659 00:42:09,519 --> 00:42:14,000 we make sure that we have a three to five day turn around and start 660 00:42:14,079 --> 00:42:16,960 the season with your gear in top shape with full send Skiing Outdoor. See 661 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:22,079 more at full Send Skiing Outdoor dot com. ETB would fire PiZZ and Grill 662 00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:27,239 in the mall at Grease Ridge. You know, this Saturday is the final 663 00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:32,920 Saturday in December and that means Prime Rib Dinner at bTB. That's right, 664 00:42:34,599 --> 00:42:38,039 the last Saturday of the month, Prime Rib dinners are served and it starts 665 00:42:38,039 --> 00:42:44,559 at three pm and available until they sell out. That could be four thirty, 666 00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:47,320 that could be seven o'clock. I don't know. You got to get 667 00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:52,119 there and get that Prime Rib dinner. And if you're looking for a job 668 00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:55,559 in twenty twenty four, well bTB is looking to add to the team. 669 00:42:55,639 --> 00:42:59,559 You have to apply in person. You must have management experience and be able 670 00:42:59,599 --> 00:43:04,480 to close weeknights and weekends part time in full time is available, bTB would 671 00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,440 fire Pizza and Grill. But I'll tell you what, Matt Reese and that 672 00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:10,000 team over there are phenomenal and it would be a great work experience for you. 673 00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:13,880 So maybe do this. Maybe go in for the prime rib dinner and 674 00:43:14,039 --> 00:43:16,679 apply for a job, right, I mean imagine then you have an early 675 00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,039 seat. You could get off your shift and jump right in for the prime 676 00:43:20,079 --> 00:43:22,960 rib dinner the last Saturday I've every month. Oh whatever it works for you. 677 00:43:23,079 --> 00:43:27,800 Fifty TVs not a bad spot to see the game. And of course 678 00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,800 watching all the miserable people walk into the mall because they're not at BTV. 679 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:35,719 They're going to exchange a gift they got the wrong size. It's just misery. 680 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:38,199 Not a bTB would fire Pizza and grill in the mall at Greece Ridge, 681 00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:45,599 Victor Chrysler Dodge gep Ram Route ninety six in Victor and online at victorcdjr 682 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:50,079 dot com. One thing that's for sure is life never stops coming at you. 683 00:43:50,159 --> 00:43:52,000 So as you head into twenty twenty four, what can you do to 684 00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:57,559 kind of handle that. You can't stop it, you can handle your reaction, 685 00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:01,760 and Doctor Robert Wright, head of the psychology department at Saint John Fisher 686 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:08,719 University, has some insights to help us all in twenty twenty four. Did 687 00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:14,599 you ever work with adults in terms for psychotherapy in Anyway, as part of 688 00:44:14,639 --> 00:44:17,559 my doctoral internship, I did some work with adults. I spent an entire 689 00:44:17,559 --> 00:44:22,840 internship with adults with traumatic brain injury. Okay, so you were more specified 690 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:27,239 in your field. Where did the PhD come from? You of R? 691 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:30,719 Okay? So are you a Rochester guy? I am? So you grew 692 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,119 up here. I went to McQuaid, okay, and then I went to 693 00:44:34,119 --> 00:44:36,480 the U of R for bachelor's, master's and PhD. So I was at 694 00:44:36,519 --> 00:44:39,039 the un from two thousand or time, sorry, nineteen ninety four to two 695 00:44:39,079 --> 00:44:43,960 thousand and nine. Wow. Yeah, it's like a twenty year run. 696 00:44:44,039 --> 00:44:45,760 It was a while. Yeah, all on loans. I just got my 697 00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:49,719 I was just gonna say, boy, they got a nice chunk of change 698 00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,280 out of you. Thank god for the Public Service Loan forgiveness plan. But 699 00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:57,719 what a great institution, right, I mean, it's unbelievable you of R. 700 00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:02,920 Really, And I think sometimes because of where we are geographically, doesn't 701 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:07,519 that necessarily get the love it should in terms of nashally. But maybe I'm 702 00:45:07,519 --> 00:45:09,199 wrong. I don't know. Actually I think that it might be. It 703 00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:13,360 might almost be the apposite. Then, Really, I think people outside of 704 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:15,920 here I really appreciate it more than we do here, okay, because of 705 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:20,719 the level of the research and the level of the education there. And yeah, 706 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:22,760 I loved it. I was an a fraternity. I had a bunch 707 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,000 of fun. I made all the mistakes and then you know, turned it 708 00:45:25,039 --> 00:45:29,000 around and did what I had to do the junior and senior year so that 709 00:45:29,039 --> 00:45:31,239 I could you get where I am. Yeah, well that's great. So 710 00:45:31,559 --> 00:45:35,440 here was my my theory. I said to you that I had a theory. 711 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:40,159 I sometimes and I've done, uh talk therapy myself, and sometimes when 712 00:45:40,159 --> 00:45:45,000 I look at things and maybe I'm wrong and maybe I didn't use it necessarily 713 00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:50,719 correctly. I did have one gentleman I really liked and all. But I 714 00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,880 sometimes feel like when we talk about whatever the problem is, we say stuck 715 00:45:54,920 --> 00:46:00,039 in the problem and not necessarily the solution, and that sometimes these therapy sessions 716 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:05,320 become bitch sessions, right, so we're talking about you know this, that 717 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:09,440 and the other thing instead of applying some kind of thing. And that's where 718 00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:12,360 I found, like your book, I go, well, yeah, this 719 00:46:12,519 --> 00:46:16,039 is interesting. You took a kid just as an example and applied the video 720 00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:21,760 game music theme because that was really where his interests lied and we're able to 721 00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:25,360 get him to I mean, you saved his parents. They should give you 722 00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:28,400 what they're saving in the water bill, you know what I mean, the 723 00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:30,760 kid who took the shower. So I'm like, that kind of stuff happens. 724 00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:35,039 But a lot of times, I think for adults, every day adults, 725 00:46:35,079 --> 00:46:37,800 we got a lot of stressors. There's a lot of this stuff that 726 00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:44,159 I think that we wind up almost bitching in these and not necessarily using it. 727 00:46:44,199 --> 00:46:47,400 And I go, boy, I don't know how therapists who do this 728 00:46:47,519 --> 00:46:52,239 day after day after day can hear over and over. It's almost got to 729 00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,039 become like Charlie Brown's parents at some point. Woh whah, whah, here 730 00:46:54,079 --> 00:46:57,159 we go again. Yeah, yeah, well, and I wouldn't be good 731 00:46:57,199 --> 00:47:00,280 at that. It's not the type of therapy I do. I do what's 732 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,679 called narrative therapy. And that's really you know the you know, that's there's 733 00:47:04,679 --> 00:47:07,679 so many different approaches to psychotherapy, right, and so you know, it's 734 00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:09,440 not all one thing. You know, some people have more of a problem 735 00:47:09,519 --> 00:47:13,239 based approach, which means, you know, they're interested in, you know, 736 00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:15,000 what what caused the problem? You know, how can we resolve the 737 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:19,159 problem? Right, which is you know, insurance companies really like that, 738 00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:22,880 sure, and and then there's other well you forget that there is a business 739 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:24,320 model to this too, that's the other side. I mean, I just 740 00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:29,039 popped in my head as you said it now, which is unfortunate and a 741 00:47:29,039 --> 00:47:31,800 little bit. I mean, look, yeah it is. And so you 742 00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,440 know, Pete, there's workarounds and things like that, and you write down 743 00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:37,760 what you have to write down for the insurance companies, and yes, you 744 00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,920 do what you have to do for the person. But but again the answer 745 00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:45,639 to your question is there's different approaches to psychotherapy. I'm I do what's called 746 00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:50,599 narrative narrative therapy or collaborative therapy, and so I'm not interested in, uh, 747 00:47:51,559 --> 00:47:53,519 what caused the problem. We actually don't even talk about the problem all 748 00:47:53,559 --> 00:47:58,239 that much in my sessions. We're more interested in what's it going to look 749 00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,119 like when it's better? Right? You know that magic? I think that's 750 00:48:00,159 --> 00:48:02,920 the greatest answer. And then what's getting in the way? You know, 751 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,800 that's the closest we get to talking about the problem is is you know what's 752 00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:08,480 getting in the way? What's your resistance? A problem is a constraint, 753 00:48:08,639 --> 00:48:13,280 right, it's a it's a and uh, you know, we typically would 754 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,199 then externalize that problem, right. We want the person to see that as 755 00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:19,159 something that's not part of themselves, but something that they can deal with and 756 00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:22,599 and other people around them can unite with them to deal with. And then 757 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:27,360 you know, really it's it's about achieving this too will pass type attitude, 758 00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,119 right. Yeah. Yeah. I have a friend who says that all the 759 00:48:30,159 --> 00:48:34,280 time, and it's it's their mom has always said to them, this too 760 00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:37,559 shall pass. And even if it's going to pass like a kidney stone, 761 00:48:37,679 --> 00:48:39,519 this too show passed, right, it will. Yeah. Emotions are like 762 00:48:39,559 --> 00:48:43,440 stubbing your toe, you know nothing, You can't think about anything else in 763 00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:46,079 that moment. It hurts like hell, but ye, you know, five 764 00:48:46,079 --> 00:48:52,079 minutes later it's gone. And emotions are essentially the same way. And I've 765 00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:57,880 had a chance to do some really amazing work with an Indian healer, doctor 766 00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:00,239 deep from from India over the past year. I met him at a Harvard 767 00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:05,760 conference last summer, and he asked me when he came to visit Saint John 768 00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,199 Fisher in November, what's one thing you can say to me that would make 769 00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:13,039 me happy when I'm sad or sad when I'm happy. And actually at the 770 00:49:13,039 --> 00:49:16,480 time, we were meeting with some of my mentors and we all took a 771 00:49:16,519 --> 00:49:20,360 guess at what that could be, and we were all wrong. He said, 772 00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,360 he said, this too will pass, right if if if I'm happy, 773 00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:29,119 and I think to myself, this pass if I'm sad, and uh, 774 00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,239 and so yeah, I think it's more, you know, in my 775 00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:37,039 opinion and in other people who practice the type of therapy that I practice, 776 00:49:37,079 --> 00:49:43,000 it's more about achieving an attitude towards life and an attitude towards you know, 777 00:49:43,079 --> 00:49:46,679 how to to go through life and achieve your goals, as opposed to you 778 00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:49,840 know, how can I solve all these problems? And why am I? 779 00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:52,360 Why is? Why is my life the way it is? Okay? So, 780 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:57,760 as you're saying this, I always I have three sons and there's always 781 00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,960 something happened. They were grown up by J Crew. The J Crew. 782 00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:05,760 I used to always joke that it was like living in a frat house because 783 00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,760 someone was always walking around without a shirt on. Someone was probably throwing up, 784 00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:14,400 and someone was breaking something. You right, it was the time. 785 00:50:15,079 --> 00:50:19,360 And I say to my sons who are older now. My older ones are 786 00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:22,159 twenty two and twenty one, and I'll in particular the twenty one year old 787 00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:27,199 and I'll always say, uh, sort of along those lines. Life is 788 00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:31,159 never gonna stop coming at you. Let it happen. But what you have 789 00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:36,639 to do is get yourself so you just feel good all the time. So 790 00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:38,559 even when you're doing it and I and that's what I kept thinking, like, 791 00:50:38,679 --> 00:50:43,920 as you're doing the music with the kid in the shower, the problem 792 00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:45,159 is that he's in there forever. And like I said, there can be 793 00:50:45,199 --> 00:50:50,159 I mean, long showers are wonderful, but if you're not fully tiled and 794 00:50:50,199 --> 00:50:52,199 you've got drywall in there and stuff, you're gonna have some problems after a 795 00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:55,199 while, you know what I mean, especially problems. Yeah, no proper 796 00:50:55,320 --> 00:51:00,519 ventilation. I mean, like it's not industrial ventilation. You go to a 797 00:51:00,559 --> 00:51:02,280 gym that yeah, you could be in there for an hour and no no 798 00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:07,280 real damage. But you do it at home and it starts to You'll see, 799 00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:08,760 if you have wallpaper and there, it'll start peeling and you'll get them 800 00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:13,480 hold up in the corners and it starts to crack. So now you've got 801 00:51:13,639 --> 00:51:15,880 this kid, though, who you're making it better because you've turned it into 802 00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:21,519 something that he can relate to and be a game. Well what changed and 803 00:51:21,559 --> 00:51:23,639 the parents aren't coming at him anymore. They got the goal they wanted. 804 00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:27,960 It's the same thing I think for adults in life. Life's going to keep 805 00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:30,599 coming at you. It's kind of how you react to it. And I 806 00:51:30,639 --> 00:51:35,039 think most life has lived in our head for sure. Yeah. Actually, 807 00:51:35,039 --> 00:51:39,199 that same kid he had a job at. I saw this a convent, 808 00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:43,199 right, a convent which Wegmans runs. Okay, I didn't which I didn't 809 00:51:43,199 --> 00:51:45,760 realize there was such a thing, But there's this Wegman's run convent supposedly, 810 00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:51,480 And you know, he worked in the cafeteria picking up plates after the nuns, 811 00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:53,159 and he hated it because every time he'd go and you pick up a 812 00:51:53,199 --> 00:51:57,119 plate, you'd bring it back to the washer and then more nuns would come 813 00:51:57,159 --> 00:51:59,960 in and they'd fill it up again, and it just felt tedious and un 814 00:52:00,079 --> 00:52:02,119 fulfilling because he never felt you know, it was just you know, it's 815 00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:05,880 the opposite of mowing your lawn. Right as you mow your lawn, the 816 00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:08,519 lawn grows, you know, behind you immediately, and uh. And so 817 00:52:08,679 --> 00:52:10,960 he decided he was going to turn that into a game of pac Man, 818 00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:15,239 and the nuns were gonna be ghosts and the plates were gonna be pellets. 819 00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:19,920 Uh, and that he had. We came up with all these rules where 820 00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,639 you know, if he touched a nune, then you know, he had 821 00:52:22,639 --> 00:52:24,719 to go back to the start and uh, you know if he got there 822 00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:29,199 were certain types of plates that that gave him special powers where he could go 823 00:52:29,239 --> 00:52:30,960 and he could you know, chat with the nuns during that time and he 824 00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:35,679 could and then so and you know, ever since that point, he uh 825 00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:37,519 you know, became playing employee of the month, felt great about himself, 826 00:52:37,599 --> 00:52:40,480 and really it was just a different way of looking at things in his mind. 827 00:52:40,519 --> 00:52:43,519 As you were saying, well, I think like you go to a 828 00:52:43,559 --> 00:52:45,800 party and uh, you know, you could go in there and leave and 829 00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:51,000 go, man, that was a wild party. Man. People were swimming 830 00:52:51,079 --> 00:52:52,760 naked in the pool and all this, and I could be at the same 831 00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:55,360 part and go, man, that sucked. And these people were idiots, 832 00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:59,760 they were drunk, they were obnoxious. This one was jumping in the pool. 833 00:53:00,079 --> 00:53:02,440 Guts close up right. It's the same thing. Two different perspectives. 834 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:07,360 And I think a lot of times we live up in our head. And 835 00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:12,960 also, you know, to your idea with with the Indian healer of this 836 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,440 two sholl pass and this two show pass. I've often said, and I 837 00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:19,159 don't like this thought, but it's sort of real. Things are never as 838 00:53:19,199 --> 00:53:21,400 good as you think they are, and they're never as bad as you think 839 00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:23,760 they are. They're somewhere in the middle, and it's like a Bill season. 840 00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:30,639 Yeah man, yeah, right, exactly so, and that's where I 841 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:35,840 you know, And so I sometimes think with the talk therapy, was you 842 00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:39,079 felt like you just kept repeating the problem. And when your mind is stuck 843 00:53:39,079 --> 00:53:43,320 in the problem and you're talking about it over and over and over again, 844 00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:47,400 you don't get out of it necessarily. Where if I like the idea of 845 00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:52,639 applying something to where you you know what I'm saying, like you think this 846 00:53:52,679 --> 00:53:54,840 way or change the thought, or could you look at it from this perspective 847 00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:59,760 and will that be a little bit better? Or Okay, that's not going 848 00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:02,639 well? What is going well? You know, because if you have four 849 00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:06,960 things going well and one thing that isn't going very well, and you focus 850 00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:09,440 on what's not going well. I'm a big believer in energy and stuff, 851 00:54:09,559 --> 00:54:13,719 everything starts to fall to shit. But if you focus on everything that's going 852 00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:17,559 well over here, somehow that too comes along because you just you have a 853 00:54:17,559 --> 00:54:21,880 different approach. It's almost like an athlete being in the zone, right, 854 00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,199 an athlete in the zone, you know. I mean, there was a 855 00:54:23,239 --> 00:54:27,559 great There was a game last night, I think it was It was Houston 856 00:54:28,039 --> 00:54:32,239 and I don't know who they were playing, and they were Houston was down. 857 00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:37,880 I think it was six to three. There were twice, or at 858 00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:42,920 least once in this long apt bat where I think there was bases loaded, 859 00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:46,920 two outs, full count. The guy hits the ball, it goes back 860 00:54:47,079 --> 00:54:51,119 into the catcher's glove. He squeezes too hard and the ball pops out. 861 00:54:51,119 --> 00:54:52,800 What have been an out, would have been an out. It's not next 862 00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:55,800 pitch, grand slam. They win the game. Amazing, right, So 863 00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:59,679 you're in that zone, right, everybody wants to be that guy. Where 864 00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:02,400 all that guy in our backyard. But that guy has to be on cloud 865 00:55:02,519 --> 00:55:07,280 nine today, right, But had he gotten out and that same at bat, 866 00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:09,039 he wouldn't probably be. You got to go to try to be on 867 00:55:09,079 --> 00:55:14,159 cloud nine as much as you can because everything will start going well. It's 868 00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,119 just my theory on things. It's not a theory, it's that's backed up 869 00:55:16,119 --> 00:55:20,360 by research. So again I'm gonna encourage you to maybe consider becoming a therapist 870 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,360 because you're doing a great job. They don't want to do that. I 871 00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:27,760 wouldn't mind doing. Get the skills and then yes, you can therapize people. 872 00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:30,480 Well, you know what, Honestly, I wouldn't mind that. I've 873 00:55:30,519 --> 00:55:32,360 often thought, here's the thing, like, I, okay, here, 874 00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:37,039 here's a great one, uh to talk about this stuck of the problem, 875 00:55:37,079 --> 00:55:39,400 and it just popped into my head when you're talking about this. I always 876 00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:44,599 wanted to be on the radio as a kid. I bought FM wireless microphones. 877 00:55:44,639 --> 00:55:46,079 But none of my friends were into this, so I kept it secret, 878 00:55:46,199 --> 00:55:49,880 like I didn't tell any of my buddies. But I would broadcast my 879 00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:52,840 brother and sister. I would tape commercials off the radio. I had two 880 00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:55,280 microphones, so I had one I play music, and I would do all 881 00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:58,239 this stuff, and then I'd run upstairs, go do you hear me? 882 00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,199 Jeer me on the radio? Well, and then I get on the radio 883 00:56:00,199 --> 00:56:05,880 and I'm nineteen and I'm doing overnights And I was supposed to do it just 884 00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:08,760 for the summer. It was in between my junior and senior year at Fisher, 885 00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:14,159 and I wound up taking the year off and staying on overnights midnight to 886 00:56:14,199 --> 00:56:19,440 six on this FM station. And I realized quickly that I got bored. 887 00:56:19,599 --> 00:56:23,280 I got really bored doing just the music, like after a while, so 888 00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:27,239 I started doing things like who's up in why at three o'clock in the morning. 889 00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:30,199 And I would take calls. And there was always this one guy and 890 00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:34,280 he would call all the time for almost six months straight about how his girlfriend 891 00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:37,320 broke up with him, he can't sleep and blah blah blah and all this 892 00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:42,039 stuff. And I remember thinking, like, how do you help this guy? 893 00:56:42,079 --> 00:56:45,639 And how do I make it interesting? Because it was the same thing 894 00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:50,840 almost night after night after night, And I remember once it was awful, 895 00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:52,840 but I was nineteen and thought it was funny. I played Everybody's hurt because 896 00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,679 you would tape the phone calls and then playing back, So I played everybody 897 00:56:55,800 --> 00:57:00,880 hurts underneath them yep, and then so that's playing, and then right in 898 00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:06,840 the middle of the conversation, a gunshot and then a dial tone. You're 899 00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:10,199 kidding me, Well, he didn't do it. I did it, so 900 00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:17,039 I was I can't be a therapist, so but no, he was fine. 901 00:57:17,159 --> 00:57:20,360 Well he never called again after that. Really, I don't think. 902 00:57:20,599 --> 00:57:23,840 But in that idea of there was always a piece of me, like I 903 00:57:24,159 --> 00:57:28,920 hate to admit this, but I've been told by many people I am very 904 00:57:28,960 --> 00:57:32,440 sensitive, you know what I mean? I am. I did is it? 905 00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:36,679 I did for years because I think it was always like okay, but 906 00:57:36,719 --> 00:57:39,800 here we go. Here comes really deep psycho psychological stuff that I've realized about 907 00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:45,199 myself over the years. Low self esteem. All my life, low self 908 00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:47,760 esteem. I felt like I was always in trouble, and probably for a 909 00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,840 good reason, but I was always kind of on the edge. And I 910 00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:53,320 think that I was always under suspicion, even for shit that I didn't do. 911 00:57:53,880 --> 00:58:00,000 But and that was like as a kid grown up school was okay, 912 00:58:00,119 --> 00:58:02,400 hey, I didn't you know, I didn't do badly. I just I 913 00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:06,159 mean, if I showed up, I was probably gonna get an eighty five. 914 00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,519 Right. That was about about my thing without doing much work. I 915 00:58:08,519 --> 00:58:14,119 don't think I ever did homework. I didn't really do anything throughout high school 916 00:58:14,119 --> 00:58:16,440 and stuff. And then I get to uh, I was going to go 917 00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:21,360 to college, and the only thing I really had were some decent SAT scores 918 00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:23,400 because then some of my grades had kind of fallen off and this and that, 919 00:58:23,519 --> 00:58:25,800 and so my old man's like, look, you get one shot on 920 00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:30,360 my dime. Well, everywhere I applied to I got in, but I 921 00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:35,000 got in under the aust the idea that you would take a summer class to 922 00:58:35,079 --> 00:58:38,599 prove that you could handle college level work. My father's like, you are 923 00:58:38,599 --> 00:58:42,519 going to drink your way out. So there was always that theory, right, 924 00:58:42,639 --> 00:58:45,079 you had that in your head of you. So what I was and 925 00:58:45,119 --> 00:58:47,679 then as a child, and I've talked about this a lot on the radio 926 00:58:47,679 --> 00:58:51,920 over the years and stuff too, I was molested and that was I didn't 927 00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:54,320 realize how much that really kind of man, I can fuck you up in 928 00:58:54,360 --> 00:59:00,880 many many ways. Absolutely, And so what I found was people used to 929 00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:02,840 stay me on something. You go into TV, TV TV, and I 930 00:59:02,880 --> 00:59:07,480 thought TV would be cool, But I was like one, I was self 931 00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:12,199 conscious about my looks and I was also I didn't like the idea that people 932 00:59:12,199 --> 00:59:16,400 could actually see me, and I liked in radio that I didn't at least 933 00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:20,719 when I began. I could be anybody I wanted to be. I could 934 00:59:20,719 --> 00:59:22,960 be the coolest guy in the world. I could say shit that I probably 935 00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,679 wouldn't say in person. I could do that kind of thing, so it 936 00:59:24,719 --> 00:59:28,679 was almost like you were able to hide, you could put on your superhero 937 00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:31,559 costume. Reason why people become furries? Yes, yes, yeah, I 938 00:59:31,599 --> 00:59:35,559 know, which sounds so weird, right, That's a great analogy because we 939 00:59:35,599 --> 00:59:37,400 all look at those people go what the fuck did you? I mean, 940 00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:40,840 I think there was a guy recently that spent fourteen thousand dollars to have a 941 00:59:42,039 --> 00:59:45,360 complete costume, so he looks like Lassie. I'm sure, I'm sure. 942 00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:49,800 And I was on the New York Post. Just came from my daughter's hockey 943 00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,679 team was in the National championship game in California, and we were coming back 944 00:59:52,679 --> 00:59:58,239 from California and someone came through security with their full furry costom. They didn't 945 00:59:58,239 --> 01:00:00,880 make them take his head off. He came through security with his head and 946 01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:05,440 I sure you not. It was real. I got a picture with the 947 01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:07,840 airport. That's funny. Yeah, that's very funny. Not a mascot. 948 01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:12,000 This, this is a fullhead. Yeah, no, this is this guy, 949 01:00:12,079 --> 01:00:14,519 this is this is this is what he did. He identified as a 950 01:00:14,679 --> 01:00:17,800 wolf. Okay, yeah, all right, yeah whatever. I mean. 951 01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,800 The other thing is like whatever gets you through the day. Yeah, yeah, 952 01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:22,599 you know, I mean that well, yeah, I mean to get 953 01:00:22,599 --> 01:00:25,239 back to what you were saying before. You know, that was before I 954 01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:28,880 forget. You really can't train yourself to think this way, right, I 955 01:00:29,039 --> 01:00:32,400 yes, for you know, fifteen years now, I've been doing three gratitudes 956 01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:35,880 a day, right, three things that I'm grateful for. And then when 957 01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:38,039 I first started, it was really hard, and it's all just simple stuff. 958 01:00:38,079 --> 01:00:39,440 You know, pants, I don't need to iron, you know, 959 01:00:39,519 --> 01:00:43,079 clean water, yes, whatever. Yes, you know, when you're doing 960 01:00:43,119 --> 01:00:45,880 it, you're scanning your environment for things you're grateful for. And if you 961 01:00:45,960 --> 01:00:49,039 do that, I mean you do that for you know, a month straight, 962 01:00:49,119 --> 01:00:52,719 and I promise you that you will start scanning your environment for things that 963 01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,480 you're grateful for when you're not even trying. Yes, right, it's almost 964 01:00:55,519 --> 01:01:00,119 like, uh, what's the thing that they'll do some of these conferences and 965 01:01:00,199 --> 01:01:04,679 things, you know, looking around the room and find everything that's green, 966 01:01:05,360 --> 01:01:09,079 right, grounding yourself or imagine everything, and then and then they have you 967 01:01:09,159 --> 01:01:13,079 close your eyes and now find everything that's brown. Well you can't, you 968 01:01:13,119 --> 01:01:15,360 know, you're finding everything that's green. Or you buy a car of a 969 01:01:15,360 --> 01:01:19,519 certain color and now you see every car that color. These there more cars 970 01:01:19,559 --> 01:01:22,079 that color. No, there's actually there's a video game for depression that I 971 01:01:22,119 --> 01:01:27,639 prescribe to my clients with depression where it's a grid. It's called Psych Me 972 01:01:27,719 --> 01:01:30,280 Up. And it's a grid that has like twelve faces on it and they're 973 01:01:30,280 --> 01:01:35,280 all making different facial expressions and there's one smiling face and you've got to find 974 01:01:35,280 --> 01:01:37,119 the smiling face and touch it. And you go through you know, a 975 01:01:37,159 --> 01:01:39,760 series of like you know, ten of these grids, and the goals to 976 01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:43,559 get as fast as you can at finding the smiling face and touching it. 977 01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,760 And the clients whoy I prescribe this to who actually do it come back and 978 01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:50,920 say that they're you know, they they're noticing themselves, you know, seeing 979 01:01:50,960 --> 01:01:53,800 things in the YEA, Yeah, that's really interesting because it is it's it's 980 01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:58,400 pretty much in our head. And that was the thing with radio for me. 981 01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:00,519 And then as I got older and I you know, around more people 982 01:02:00,559 --> 01:02:06,320 who were authentic, and I would even say, you know, Weize in 983 01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:08,639 particular was very authentic that you went, well, that's the way you want 984 01:02:08,679 --> 01:02:13,679 to be. You want to be just who you are, and it it'll 985 01:02:13,679 --> 01:02:16,280 work and it somehow, I mean that that's kind of how I fell into 986 01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:20,840 that and now now here we are with cameras and all the shit that I 987 01:02:20,920 --> 01:02:23,920 was avoiding anyway, So it doesn't I think that a lot of that stuff 988 01:02:24,119 --> 01:02:28,760 goes in your head. But that was how I, uh, the radio 989 01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:30,840 thing was for me. It was more to hide and I liked being somebody 990 01:02:30,880 --> 01:02:35,960 I wasn't. I felt more comfortable trying to not I didn't like me and 991 01:02:36,199 --> 01:02:39,599 like being me. And that happened between the time of two and four years 992 01:02:39,639 --> 01:02:44,960 old is when is when most of that happened, and when most of you 993 01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:47,239 know that, you know, lack of self confidence in those things, really, 994 01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:52,480 and that's when you're developing your template for human interactions, your your you 995 01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:54,840 know your way of dealing with the world, and you know all of our 996 01:02:54,880 --> 01:02:59,320 parents do their best. Yes, no, And I agree with that too, 997 01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:01,559 because you could go back and I'm sure the whole idea of your mother 998 01:03:01,639 --> 01:03:05,159 and your mother, but they are the voices in your head. I think 999 01:03:05,199 --> 01:03:10,239 that I've read a book once that said men should act as though their father 1000 01:03:10,440 --> 01:03:15,400 were dead and not to be mean and saying. But there's a lot of 1001 01:03:15,519 --> 01:03:19,840 things. That's the leading figure in your life, probably the person who would 1002 01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:22,519 approve or disapprove most of what you do, and so therefore, what would 1003 01:03:22,559 --> 01:03:25,480 you do if he weren't around? Would you be freer to do this? 1004 01:03:25,519 --> 01:03:30,000 Would you be free to do that? And I can say there were certain 1005 01:03:30,039 --> 01:03:32,199 things that certainly now my dad was never a huge fan of this stuff. 1006 01:03:32,239 --> 01:03:36,599 But I also had a big I don't fucking care attitude too, and I'm 1007 01:03:36,599 --> 01:03:38,199 just gonna go do it. So there was that. But I think when 1008 01:03:38,199 --> 01:03:40,519 it comes to like writing, like I've always wanted to write a book, 1009 01:03:40,840 --> 01:03:45,119 my dad was a brilliant He is a brilliant guy, and I think that 1010 01:03:45,639 --> 01:03:49,840 would often tell me I didn't have a command of the English language. And 1011 01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:52,199 then I had three clunkers in a row in my elementary school and I never 1012 01:03:52,320 --> 01:03:55,320 learned how to really structure him. My ideas were good, but I couldn't 1013 01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:59,480 write. I never wrote. That was it. And I remember that I 1014 01:03:59,559 --> 01:04:02,440 wound up up. You had to take an English placement test in college, 1015 01:04:02,519 --> 01:04:04,920 and I'm like, I'll never fucking do this. I don't think I finished 1016 01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:08,840 the test. I was like, it is a matter. So I wind 1017 01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:13,800 up in the like this ridiculously whatever class and they had you write something and 1018 01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:15,920 this woman pulls me aside and goes, honey, you don't belong here. 1019 01:04:16,639 --> 01:04:18,360 And I said, what do you mean? She goes, well, first 1020 01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:20,320 of all, I want you to read what you wrote in front of the 1021 01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:25,719 class. She goes, it's so great and rich and it paints a picture. 1022 01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,280 And she goes and then we're gonna move you out of here. And 1023 01:04:28,320 --> 01:04:30,960 I was like, okay, so you know what I'm saying, But all 1024 01:04:31,039 --> 01:04:34,960 that that whole idea of you're an idiot, you can you know? And 1025 01:04:35,719 --> 01:04:40,760 I feel bad because I don't think that was what he was trying to say. 1026 01:04:41,159 --> 01:04:44,559 Yeah, I think it was let me help you. And what I 1027 01:04:44,599 --> 01:04:47,079 heard was you suck. Do you know what I'm saying? I hear it. 1028 01:04:47,079 --> 01:04:49,119 I had a great example of a client I just saw a couple of 1029 01:04:49,119 --> 01:04:53,360 weeks ago. We were walking through the hallways my head. So I have 1030 01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:56,639 a private practice, mind Fit Mental Health in East Rochester. We do a 1031 01:04:56,639 --> 01:04:59,960 lot of integrating games and therapy, and I was walking a client up in 1032 01:05:00,079 --> 01:05:03,480 down the hall and this particular client obsesses over whether or not he's doing things 1033 01:05:03,599 --> 01:05:08,159 right, constantly making the right decision. Now I'm making the right like almost 1034 01:05:08,199 --> 01:05:11,599 every thought is you know, followed by is that the right thought to have 1035 01:05:12,079 --> 01:05:15,360 right. And I've been seeing him for several months and We're walking down the 1036 01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:18,280 hall and all of a sudden, I asked him, what do you think 1037 01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:20,960 was different when you were you know, when you were younger. I forget 1038 01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:26,000 what question I asked him, but he like stopped in his tracks and said, 1039 01:05:26,480 --> 01:05:30,360 because I have autism, everyone's been telling me what I Everyone's been looking 1040 01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:31,679 over my shoulder my whole life, and I never know if I'm doing things 1041 01:05:31,679 --> 01:05:34,360 the right way. Yeah, right, And it was just starts a second 1042 01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:39,719 guess yourself on everything. It was this like aha moment where, of course, 1043 01:05:39,840 --> 01:05:42,719 like this, this is this guy at this point, he's twenty three 1044 01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:45,519 years old, I think, and he's spent an entire life of people looking 1045 01:05:45,599 --> 01:05:50,079 over his shoulder making it well meaning right. They want to make sure and 1046 01:05:50,079 --> 01:05:54,920 they want to make sure that he's you know, fitting in, but it 1047 01:05:55,039 --> 01:05:58,000 has you know, all the guidance that they're giving him is you're doing this 1048 01:05:58,039 --> 01:05:59,679 wrong, You got to do it this way, You're not good at this 1049 01:06:00,320 --> 01:06:02,639 very glad. I met doctor Robert Rice, the head of the psychology department 1050 01:06:02,639 --> 01:06:06,599 at Saint John Fisher University, in twenty twenty three because he introduced me to 1051 01:06:06,719 --> 01:06:11,599 knotty water. That's right, Go back and look for the doctor Robert Rice 1052 01:06:12,239 --> 01:06:18,159 one on one we did in the Bilified Archives, episode one seventy five. 1053 01:06:19,239 --> 01:06:27,719 One more professional Athlete talks about doing things even when we don't want to. 1054 01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:31,880 We'll get to that next, but first, Woodcliffe Hotel and Spa. Maybe 1055 01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:36,679 at this point your New Year's Eve plans fell through, or you meant to 1056 01:06:36,719 --> 01:06:42,400 make them and you didn't make them. Woodcliffe Hotel and Spa to the rescue. 1057 01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:45,280 Go to Woodcliffe HOTELSPA dot com and you can see there that you can 1058 01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:49,000 escape the ordinary and welcome in twenty twenty four in style at Woodcliffe Hotel and 1059 01:06:49,039 --> 01:06:53,800 Spa with a five course New Year's Eve menu, midnight champagne toast and a 1060 01:06:54,000 --> 01:07:00,320 sumptuous breakfast. Or you can have a private in room celebration with premium meets 1061 01:07:00,639 --> 01:07:05,599 artisanal cheeses and a delightful dessert masterpiece your choice. How fun is that? 1062 01:07:05,599 --> 01:07:11,360 That's right? Go right now to Woodcliffe Hotel SPA dot com overnight accommodations of 1063 01:07:11,400 --> 01:07:15,000 your choice, sparkling wine and sweechs in your room. Five course New Year's 1064 01:07:15,039 --> 01:07:19,599 Eve menu per person, midnight champagne toast breakfast per person and a one pm 1065 01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:25,880 late checkout or the Private in Room package. Experienced the ultimate celebration as you 1066 01:07:26,039 --> 01:07:30,719 ring in the New Year in a luxurious comfort with their exclusive in Room package 1067 01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:34,360 at Woodcliffe Hotel SPA dot com. Delight your taste buds with curated selection of 1068 01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:42,119 premium meets artisanal cheeses and delectable accompaniments expertly crafted to elevate your New Year's Eve 1069 01:07:42,199 --> 01:07:46,199 experience. It's all at Woodcliffe Hotel and SPA. Learn more at Woodcliffe Hotel 1070 01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:51,679 SPA dot com. Jimmy Z's Plates and Shakes celebrating twenty years main Street, 1071 01:07:51,679 --> 01:07:57,239 Brockport Platesinshakes dot com. What does it take to be a professional athlete? 1072 01:07:57,639 --> 01:08:02,039 A lot of sacrifice. We learned that from former New Jersey Devil and Stanley 1073 01:08:02,039 --> 01:08:08,360 Cup winner Brian Gionta. Is also played for the Montreal Canadians, Buffalo Sabers, 1074 01:08:08,880 --> 01:08:16,800 Boston Bruins and Team USA. What did hockey teach you when you look 1075 01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:20,600 at even life now you know it takes a lot to get to the level 1076 01:08:20,640 --> 01:08:24,960 and stay at the level that you played for so long. I mean, 1077 01:08:25,239 --> 01:08:30,359 what were you the first American captain of Montreal Canadians. I mean that what 1078 01:08:30,399 --> 01:08:31,680 an honor, that is, right, and that really speaks to you. 1079 01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:35,439 But boy, it takes a lot to get there. What do you carry 1080 01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:40,359 forward in life? I mean, and that's part of the reason I'm doing 1081 01:08:40,439 --> 01:08:43,560 what I'm doing now, right, Like you sacrifice so much along the way 1082 01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:47,039 from the time you're thirteen, fourteen, fifteen years old, you miss out 1083 01:08:47,119 --> 01:08:53,560 on everything and you've made the decision to sacrifice those things and make a go 1084 01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:58,239 at a career and the longevity. I was very fortunate to do it for 1085 01:08:58,239 --> 01:09:00,359 so long, and I think that's a separate There's a lot of guys at 1086 01:09:00,399 --> 01:09:02,760 that level. They could play at that level for a day or two, 1087 01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:08,279 but it's maintaining it day after day, game after game, year after year. 1088 01:09:09,319 --> 01:09:12,159 For me, it was about the sacrifices you have to make and whether 1089 01:09:12,199 --> 01:09:16,159 you're okay with it. And that's ultimately also what drew me away from the 1090 01:09:16,199 --> 01:09:19,319 game is at the end of my career, like the kids had moved around 1091 01:09:19,359 --> 01:09:24,520 a ton, I had played eighteen years and I was content going out the 1092 01:09:24,520 --> 01:09:27,199 way I did. Even though I could have gone and played a few more 1093 01:09:27,239 --> 01:09:30,720 years, I could have gotten more contracts. It was just at that point, 1094 01:09:30,319 --> 01:09:34,359 things had changed and your priorities change and what you're willing to sacrifice. 1095 01:09:34,640 --> 01:09:40,319 Its hard decision, super hard. Yeah, it's never easy, like you 1096 01:09:40,359 --> 01:09:45,279 wrestle with it forever. And my last year coming out of the Buffalo contract, 1097 01:09:45,479 --> 01:09:51,159 I had contracts for one year with a few different teams, Boston being 1098 01:09:51,159 --> 01:09:55,319 one of them, and we went down, we looked at houses, we 1099 01:09:55,640 --> 01:10:00,119 were looking to move the kids, and at the end of the day I 1100 01:10:00,159 --> 01:10:02,720 came back and I just wasn't ready to move the kids. So we ended 1101 01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:06,319 up working out a way that I could still play one more season or have 1102 01:10:06,319 --> 01:10:10,079 one more go with a Stanley Cup, with doing the Olympics, and then 1103 01:10:10,319 --> 01:10:13,800 signing with Boston after the Olympics, and it worked out to be a perfect 1104 01:10:13,920 --> 01:10:16,439 kind of send off. It was like a semi retirement. I was practice 1105 01:10:16,439 --> 01:10:19,560 player for the Emericks and played the one game here in Rochester and then went 1106 01:10:19,600 --> 01:10:24,039 off to the Olympics, had an Olympic go at it, and then also 1107 01:10:24,079 --> 01:10:27,520 one more chance at a Stanley Cup with Boston. How I mean, you 1108 01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:30,119 had the Olympics in how long a season are we talking about for you? 1109 01:10:30,479 --> 01:10:34,720 Yeah? Ultimately, like I was training all along all summer and then skating 1110 01:10:34,760 --> 01:10:40,560 with the Emorks from September to what is that January or early January when you 1111 01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:44,439 go off for the Olympics. Olympics was a month and you're climb off an 1112 01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:47,000 NHL season into that, right, No, that was that was the one 1113 01:10:47,079 --> 01:10:54,079 year that they didn't they had non NHL players they could play in the Olympics, 1114 01:10:54,199 --> 01:10:57,119 and so that was the loopholes. I didn't have an NHL contract, 1115 01:10:57,159 --> 01:11:00,960 so I could play in the Olympics that year and then come back and I 1116 01:11:01,479 --> 01:11:05,520 had a deal in place before I left for the Olympics. Came basically dropped 1117 01:11:05,520 --> 01:11:11,039 bags from South Korea and then jumped in the car to had to to Boston 1118 01:11:11,079 --> 01:11:15,479 to start the season with Boston. It's yeah, well, so you know 1119 01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:17,840 when you when you look at all this and I'm hearing you, and you're 1120 01:11:17,880 --> 01:11:21,920 saying, you know, the sacrifice and things that that goes that way, 1121 01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:25,680 And I'll get back to what that is. But as a guy with a 1122 01:11:25,760 --> 01:11:30,359 family, you have to find somebody and and I have to be careful how 1123 01:11:30,399 --> 01:11:34,239 I phrased this just for my own life, but one of the most important 1124 01:11:34,239 --> 01:11:40,159 decisions you'll ever make is your partner and to find somebody that and I don't 1125 01:11:40,199 --> 01:11:43,399 know if I'm going to say this the right way or not, but sometimes 1126 01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:45,640 the first love is hockey. Yeah right, yeah, well, I mean 1127 01:11:45,680 --> 01:11:49,239 they they come in I knew, I mean in high school. Yeah, 1128 01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:55,039 and not that she understood that hockey. Hockey never comes first. You don't 1129 01:11:55,039 --> 01:11:58,800 want to put it that way, like life, life is life, and 1130 01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:01,439 things happened, but yes, like that's your career and you're driven, and 1131 01:12:02,000 --> 01:12:09,680 you're super successful for a reason because you're so driven. And there's she understood 1132 01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:13,960 the fact that I would be missing funerals, I would be missing weddings. 1133 01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:17,119 There was there was times that I mean, you're not around and and you 1134 01:12:17,159 --> 01:12:20,239 know, without that support of her, I would have never made eighteen years. 1135 01:12:20,239 --> 01:12:23,439 And then throw kids into the mix, That's what I mean. And 1136 01:12:23,479 --> 01:12:27,840 now it just it alplifies things even more so. You're you're missing birthdays, 1137 01:12:27,880 --> 01:12:32,600 you're missing holidays. Even in the summertime when it's supposedly off, you know, 1138 01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:38,119 you're training every day, you're skating every day, and your vacations are 1139 01:12:38,439 --> 01:12:42,000 no longer two week vacations. It was okay, we can take three days 1140 01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:44,720 here because I don't want to miss workouts. I don't want to miss skates 1141 01:12:45,399 --> 01:12:46,960 and it would get frustrating at times, but at the end of the day, 1142 01:12:47,000 --> 01:12:51,119 that's why we were able to be so stable in an unstable You metmosphere 1143 01:12:51,119 --> 01:12:54,479 Marrige, somebody you met in high school. Yeah, so she's been with 1144 01:12:54,520 --> 01:12:58,399 you since what's seventeen six yeah, fifteen sixteen, eighteen sixteen? Wow, 1145 01:12:58,520 --> 01:13:02,960 So this has been a journey together for sure. What up? That's awesome 1146 01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:08,079 And the biggest thing is that works because we allowed each other to grow together. 1147 01:13:08,199 --> 01:13:11,279 Like I went to my college, she went to her college, She 1148 01:13:11,439 --> 01:13:14,560 had her job, and then you know, at the end of the day, 1149 01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:16,760 she had to give up her job she was a teacher to move to 1150 01:13:16,920 --> 01:13:21,520 Jersey with me. So there's plenty of sacrifices that she has had to make 1151 01:13:21,560 --> 01:13:25,079 along the way too. Yeah. Now when it comes to like, you 1152 01:13:25,079 --> 01:13:28,119 know, we think of guys who played a long time at a high level, 1153 01:13:28,159 --> 01:13:30,119 and of course Tom Brady, maybe when that comes did you follow something 1154 01:13:30,159 --> 01:13:33,800 similar to that in terms of diet and sleep and yeah, yeah, everything 1155 01:13:33,840 --> 01:13:38,840 you do, Like it's you think of season ends. You know, maybe 1156 01:13:38,880 --> 01:13:42,520 if you're lucky you go into junior in the finals or you know, uh, 1157 01:13:43,279 --> 01:13:45,840 and then it's immediately switched on to the next season and preparing for the 1158 01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:50,439 next season, and it's it's six days a week of workouts and skates and 1159 01:13:50,840 --> 01:13:54,880 constant right, Like you go on the boat. That's one of the things. 1160 01:13:54,920 --> 01:13:57,920 Now as you're retired, you go on the boat, you go up 1161 01:13:57,920 --> 01:14:00,279 in the Adirondics for the weekend. You don't have to worry about Okay, 1162 01:14:00,279 --> 01:14:04,159 what am I eating? Am I doing enough to stay prepared? Am I? 1163 01:14:04,479 --> 01:14:08,199 How long am I away? That type of stuff? Right? So 1164 01:14:08,319 --> 01:14:11,840 that that's interesting to me. And now, I mean you're still in phenomenal 1165 01:14:11,840 --> 01:14:15,039 shape. It's just it's just your routine. Yeah, Like it's you drop 1166 01:14:15,079 --> 01:14:18,279 the kids off at school, go for a workout and hang out that way, 1167 01:14:18,319 --> 01:14:20,840 and then find something to do, whether it's golf for being the lake. 1168 01:14:21,760 --> 01:14:25,279 You guys, you guys were the first team that got the Cup for 1169 01:14:25,319 --> 01:14:28,640 a day with everybody correct. Yeah, I'm not sure what the timing was 1170 01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:30,800 of it, but yeah, we had the Cup for a day in New 1171 01:14:30,840 --> 01:14:32,840 Jersey. What do you remember the most about that? I mean all the 1172 01:14:32,840 --> 01:14:36,199 public stuff. We did a ton of public stuff throughout the day. I 1173 01:14:36,359 --> 01:14:39,399 just found my picture you yeah, yeah, my buddy at them all. 1174 01:14:39,520 --> 01:14:42,239 Yeah, and you try to you you know, like you don't get to 1175 01:14:42,239 --> 01:14:45,960 everyone. You try to make it as as inclusive as you can and get 1176 01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:48,399 back to the community that's given so much to you. But what you remember 1177 01:14:48,439 --> 01:14:51,239 is the private party after, right, like your family and friends, your 1178 01:14:51,279 --> 01:14:55,760 close knit people that you know you went to and you know you had a 1179 01:14:55,800 --> 01:15:00,000 good time with that, and they enjoyed the cup. And I'll tell it 1180 01:15:00,079 --> 01:15:02,079 quick story. I guess if we got time, but like so a young 1181 01:15:02,319 --> 01:15:08,640 it was an old three. So with Callahan and my brother both young, 1182 01:15:08,680 --> 01:15:12,880 they're probably I don't know, fifteen sixty, I don't know the exact time, 1183 01:15:12,920 --> 01:15:14,960 but they're they're young at the time, let's put it that way. 1184 01:15:15,199 --> 01:15:17,279 So they're thinking nothing of it. They're grabbing the cup, they're drinking out 1185 01:15:17,319 --> 01:15:21,159 of the cup, whatever it may be. And so there's this lore that 1186 01:15:21,199 --> 01:15:25,439 there's a curse, right, you touch the cup before, you're not gonna 1187 01:15:25,439 --> 01:15:28,680 win it. So sure enough, those two guys go on both to play 1188 01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:30,439 in the Stanley Cup finals, one with the Rangers, one with the Devils. 1189 01:15:30,720 --> 01:15:33,880 Neither of them win the Cup. And so I don't know if it's 1190 01:15:34,000 --> 01:15:38,760 my cup party brought both of their Cup dreams to a screeching halt or what 1191 01:15:38,840 --> 01:15:40,880 it was. Does he ever bring it up? I do? But then 1192 01:15:41,560 --> 01:15:45,159 but then my brother couple that's the problem. Now, my brother goes and 1193 01:15:45,159 --> 01:15:48,279 he works for Tampa Bay as a pro scout, and he's got to Stanley 1194 01:15:48,319 --> 01:15:50,800 cups under his belt. So now, first of all, these Stanley cups 1195 01:15:50,840 --> 01:15:54,439 are the size of the table we're sitting at now, and mine looks like 1196 01:15:54,439 --> 01:15:58,159 a high school class ring compared to his. So he makes fun of the 1197 01:15:58,199 --> 01:16:00,479 size of my cup ring. And then he's got two over my one. 1198 01:16:00,840 --> 01:16:03,800 That's that's really funny. But I rib I earned it like it wasn't a 1199 01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:09,960 scout. It's a scout, dude. Thrown your brothers you Joe and Brian 1200 01:16:10,199 --> 01:16:13,079 Stevie. Yeah, who wins in the bubble hockey tournament? Oh me all 1201 01:16:13,119 --> 01:16:15,199 day? I got one in my basement, so it it's easy tear the 1202 01:16:15,239 --> 01:16:18,520 kids up with that bubble hockey. So easily I got both of them. 1203 01:16:18,600 --> 01:16:21,039 Now, with your brother being a scout, is there any temptation for you 1204 01:16:21,119 --> 01:16:24,760 to go back and do something for a team, or even go into the 1205 01:16:24,760 --> 01:16:28,479 booth at some point and do some TV. Yeah? I dabbled in TV 1206 01:16:28,560 --> 01:16:33,560 a bit when I was playing. I had done those stints with uh the 1207 01:16:33,680 --> 01:16:38,960 NHL Network at the time, and I liked him. But there's a commitment 1208 01:16:39,039 --> 01:16:41,960 level to it, and I just I haven't been ready. I did some 1209 01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:45,159 part time stuff with the Amrick Sabers when I first started, and uh, 1210 01:16:45,479 --> 01:16:49,399 you know, Kevin Adams a good friend GM. Now he's he's offered. 1211 01:16:49,640 --> 01:16:51,960 You know, if I'm ready to get into it, it's just the time 1212 01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:56,680 commitment. I'm just not ready to give that up and sacrifice that when you 1213 01:16:56,720 --> 01:16:59,359 only have a few years left with the kids. Yeah, and there in 1214 01:16:59,399 --> 01:17:01,399 their prime. No, I got you right, you're in that that busy 1215 01:17:01,439 --> 01:17:03,680 time. You're oldest is eighteen, Yeah, how many do you have? 1216 01:17:03,720 --> 01:17:06,439 Three? Three? My youngest is eleven. Yeah, so you got eighteen, 1217 01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:09,640 fifteen, and eleven. But I mean in the next five years, 1218 01:17:09,720 --> 01:17:12,720 well that things may change. Yeah, right then, and I think that'd 1219 01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:15,319 be very I think he'd be great in the booth Man. Yeah, well 1220 01:17:15,960 --> 01:17:17,600 I thought, listen, I love PK su Ben, right, but I 1221 01:17:18,079 --> 01:17:20,199 thought he was gonna be great, and I thought he stunk it up in 1222 01:17:20,239 --> 01:17:25,479 the year. He could have been way betters. Yeah, he does like 1223 01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:28,880 I love and I love PK. He's a former teammate, so I can 1224 01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:30,720 give him crap about it, But how's the French? Is it still strong? 1225 01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:33,920 And no, it's it's tough. It's I've lost all of it. 1226 01:17:34,359 --> 01:17:38,680 But my oldest son, who had the most schooling in Montreal and we came 1227 01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:42,520 back to Buffalo and he's taking French in school and we have the parent teacher 1228 01:17:42,560 --> 01:17:45,239 conference and he's tearing it up. He's got, you know, hundreds all 1229 01:17:45,279 --> 01:17:49,119 across the board because it's basically bo cab and maybe a little bit of sentence 1230 01:17:49,159 --> 01:17:53,119 structure whatever it may be. I'm like, has he has he told you 1231 01:17:53,159 --> 01:17:56,039 why? Like it comes easy to him. She's like no, I'm like, 1232 01:17:56,079 --> 01:17:58,720 well, we lived in Montreal for five years. Like his schooling was 1233 01:17:58,720 --> 01:18:00,680 half in French, like he should be. He should be as in this 1234 01:18:00,880 --> 01:18:08,199 like vocab test. Yeah, they got to push him a bit. Yeah 1235 01:18:08,279 --> 01:18:11,399 that's true. Well, I mean that's that's the thing I got to think 1236 01:18:11,399 --> 01:18:15,640 for you. Is it hard to ever uh you ever need to back off 1237 01:18:15,640 --> 01:18:17,640 a little on the can And I don't know. Yeah, no, I 1238 01:18:17,640 --> 01:18:23,159 mean it's for sure. Your expectations have to change. And like every one 1239 01:18:23,199 --> 01:18:26,319 of my kids is different, you have to deal with them all different anyone 1240 01:18:26,319 --> 01:18:30,119 that has kids realizes, yes, yes you can't just not a blanket parenting 1241 01:18:30,159 --> 01:18:32,039 style. You got to change it up with all of them. But no, 1242 01:18:32,159 --> 01:18:35,640 but when you've achieved so much right and then they're coming along, how 1243 01:18:35,680 --> 01:18:39,520 hard that may be for you to go, come on, I'm seeing these 1244 01:18:39,520 --> 01:18:44,199 things. You can do this, but yeah, the biggest thing is going 1245 01:18:44,239 --> 01:18:47,199 in the pantry grabbing a stack of oreos or whatever. I'm like, oh, 1246 01:18:47,359 --> 01:18:49,680 you have no idea what you're doing to yourself, Like you're not setting 1247 01:18:49,720 --> 01:18:54,119 yourself up. But I gotta lay back on some of that stuff, Like 1248 01:18:54,319 --> 01:18:57,359 I gotcha, Maybe mix an oriole protein shake or something. Give it, 1249 01:18:57,399 --> 01:19:00,079 give it in something else. Yeah, that's fun. Hopefully you got something 1250 01:19:00,119 --> 01:19:03,439 that you can take into twenty twenty four to make it just a little bit 1251 01:19:03,479 --> 01:19:10,279 better. My thanks to Major League Soccer star Jeff Park, the Circus Steven 1252 01:19:10,359 --> 01:19:15,600 and Mary Lee Circu, doctor Robert Rice from Saint John Fisher University, and 1253 01:19:15,840 --> 01:19:25,960 former NHL superstar and Team USA member Brian Gionta, I learned something. Just 1254 01:19:25,960 --> 01:19:29,239 gotta keep at it, even when you don't feel like get up and go 1255 01:19:29,520 --> 01:19:41,960 baby forward motion always will see you in twenty twenty four. My love's California 1256 01:19:42,039 --> 01:19:45,840 baby. Things that got worse. He's a land up opportunity for me is 1257 01:19:45,920 --> 01:19:47,079 just a curse that judging make us feel