WEBVTT

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John. When you listen to this
buy more Lube and I'm Victoria Malcolm fucking

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hate you. Hi guys, and
welcome to a new episode of on Latch

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Podcast. Watch You Buy Delivery today. It's me your host, not again,

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Ben, It's me JP Longland.
It's your boy the black a Frasier.

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I am back back, back,
back back again. Did your motherfucker's

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miss me on my line? We're
back back back again? Oh sorry girl,

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anyway, it's David your ear holes? Are you stealing from plagiarist?

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Play plagiarism? Sorry, I'm intelligent
podcast on the lap I know, wow,

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before we jump into it today.
Last week we did? Was it?

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Last week? We did the Pride
month? Put it in right?

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Maybe people actually listen to us.
Maybe. Well, it's still been kind

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of terrible. It's what unto you? Huh? Who are we talking to?

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David? You? Yes? Yeah, sort yourselves out this Pride month.

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Pull your socks off. I don't
know whatever you're doing, it's not

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enough. I'm joking. You are
enough, you are valid. We love

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you. But in some good slash
red news for Pride Month, Botswana has

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the criminalized homosexuality, so I love
that for them, and Ecuador has passed

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same sex marriage, So big claps
to all those yeah, on their way

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to getting you know, equal human
rights, which is the better minimum.

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Especially in Pride month. What a
good time to have it. But how

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is everybody, Joshua, we haven't
seen you in a while. Well you

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can't actually see, but I am
gorgeously brown, like super fit, looking

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just like listening generally like blowing like
really attractive. No I'm doing. It

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was fantastic. It was such a
good holiday. It was like twelve days

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music festival. Shout out to all
my prema vara gaze because I know there

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was a lot. I had never
heard of prima Vera until about two days

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before it started. Well, I
mean the lineup was absolutely Janelle robin Um,

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Miley Salon, Charlie XCX, Lizzo
like in the Corpcake. It's just

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that just sounds divine, I mean
fantastic because actually it's a festival that commits

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to fifty percent of the lineup being
women. And that's why I looked at

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like, this is why I like
it, because I listened to it almost

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exclusively. But it was it was
amazing. And then a little bit of

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time in Barcelona, which was really
nice. But we stayed with these gaze

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in their mister b and b um
and but they were still there, so

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we had a room. Is that
the gay version of it? Yeah,

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and it was. It was just
a bit awkward because like they like the

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last time I went to New York
it was wild. I would like stayed

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with these two days and like they
took us to parties and they were so

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friendly and I'm still friends with them
now, but with these two gay they

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were so awkward. It was just
really I felt like very like I was

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in somebody's house. And that's why
I actually don't do Airbnb whenever I go

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away, I always try and book
hotel because I like the idea of being

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in a hotel. I feel very
glam when I'm in a hotel. Yeah,

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and airbnbn was like I'm literally staying
in somebody else's house. I would

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only have a whole house. I
would never like book a room in something

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else. I would never do that
again. I don't think, like I

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don't regret doing it in New York's
it was so FuMB, but I wouldn't

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do it again. I don't think
after that experience. But even then,

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When I went to Madrid, I
stayed in the hotel and somebody other friends

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stayed in their BnB down the road
and they had the full flat. But

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when I went over, like some
of them were staying in like what had

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to be like an eleven year old
girl's room because like bunk bed included.

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And I was like, you're just
staying in someone's because at this point I

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wasn't quite like acquainted with the AIRBNBA. I wasn't. I thought it was

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just like villas and child and I
was like, wait, this is actually

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someone's at home and they've just gone
away for the week. And they're like,

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yeah, well we've put our place
on Airbnb whilst we've been away this

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summer. And I've got to say
it's been off fucking savior because we've been

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able to afford. It's been off
spending money. I've been away because you

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get a good income from doing it, so I understand why people yeah.

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Yeah. And then lastly I went
to Sitches for my friend Matt Hollwood's th

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birthday and it was fucking there was
twenty seven of us in one villa like

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love Island ended, Love Island.
Who I was saying, literally last week.

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I'm not sure if I'd want it
was the one happening as I was

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talking the best side. We were
like doing yoga, agua aerobics, just

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around and before we were drinking,
dancing. It was just the funnest time.

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Cities are really interesting. It's kind
of like it's super fun. But

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it's kind of like it's the age
ranges like it's I would say it's for

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the more like the more distinguished gentleman, the older gentleman. Slightly, but

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I really had a good time.
My voice has just come back, just

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kind of before you went away.
On the last episode, you told us

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that there was a strong chance she
were going to break up with Now while

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you're awake, based on three years
experience, are you still in the relationship,

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So it sounds like it's not going
to go. I'm das today we

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have gone our separate now we are
still together. Don't hold your horses,

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lads, don't slide into the DMS. He's still booed up. But no,

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no, no, I like,
I mean, it was like it

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was like he was touching, he
said touching. It was touch and go.

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Because on the last night, I
had half a bottle of tequila.

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I was like, why are you
with me? Very the insecurity dreumped out

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clearly just was like, oh,
we haven't broke up yet. Insecurity never

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jump back in that. So I've
never gone past three dates with anybody in

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my life. I just liked,
I like answers, how how has this

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happened? Why do you like me? Why do you like me? Is

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that? What is that? What? Page thesis? And if I don't

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have one by tom tomorrow, it's
over literally, But um yeah, it

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was started because we were trying to
find a cab for about an hour.

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But I mean we we survived it
and we had a really good time.

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So do you think that holidays are
like another testing point for couples? Like

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is this your first holiday? With
my first holiday? That's like, I

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feel like moving in together is one
test. Going on your first holiday together

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is another test because it's all like
spending more time together than you usually would

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if you lived apart and you saw
each other three times a week or four

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times a week, whatever. I
think you're right, but I think most

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people probably would have gone on a
holiday together. That's what I was just

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thinking. Actually, I was like, wait, you've done the wrong way.

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Around, but no, I had
a really really good time and I'm

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away again. On when this airs, i will be in the air.

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I'll be in the air flying business. No less Sorry, it's not like

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guy now. It's because work a
bit in Honey, because to train in

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La, and I'm going to be
in La. I know, Higela.

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I'm expecting to the stories, obviously, but yeah, I can't wait,

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broke, literally, I'm going to
do it. I want the reaction of

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every other business class. I see
you get your fucking phone out, O

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me so here I am bis,
I'm in Hi, turning around like,

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can you be quiet? I've been
mortgage for this holidays. I'm obviously going

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to get round to how everyone else
this week was in a minute. But

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talking about the days that we all
see the cock destroyers going on their little

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vacation, I haven't seen them in
the cock pit, Yes, I've never

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every time you've been in there.
First of all, every time I see

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a video of them two on holiday
or just all the thing. Because I'm

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want to, but I'm just like, you deserve all the fame. You

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deserve all the praise everyone. The
videos are so so funny, and they

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just I feel like that's the first
video I've seen them when they were saying

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hi to the pilots where it's almost
like them regularly when the cameras aren't on.

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Yeah, because obviously everyone's got like
a different persona, especially when you're

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working as like a performer. Yeah, you have a kind of different like

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when I'm sure when they're at home
and they're just relaxing out in their sweats

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whatever, they're not exactly what they
are when they're being the cock to shorts.

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It's actually really nice to be like, oh wow, so like she

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still sat in his lap like yeah. And then they did the acoustic version

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of driving for Dick in the list
where the poor guy who sat with guitar

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like what getting them on live lounge
now? Yeah, truly, I do

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think that poor guy. I think
he was America. He had no idea

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where seeing those list doors opening was
like what and the lyrics that I feel

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like he didn't get them the first
time around, so they went around for

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another chorus. He was like,
huh, but David, how are you?

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We haven't seen you in a word
either. Yes, I am good.

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I am back to normal now.
After the busy, busy, busy

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or week We've had a couple of
weeks m with work. But yeah,

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I am. I feel right as
rain. I feel like back to normal

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now but still busy, but back
to normal. Yeah, And that's pretty

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much it. I live a boring
life. Oh great, I just lived

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my life through Josh's instagram. Oh
my god? Can like I always thinking

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like, can I just say like
I should go away more often? Because

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literally, firstly, the podcast was
great while I was away he knew.

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Secondly, like everyone was saying such
nice things about me, I was like,

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for me, oh my god,
I'm the jade of the podcast.

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I'm like, oh nah, you
are to be fair. But yeah,

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which is wild considering all the Buffinia
you talk like. It's actually really like

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it was. I was thinking,
God, they're so lovely, so lovely.

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And then right at the end,
Johnny has exposed me out here,

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doesn't he like for me? Comment
in from the on the action. If

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you can't have a second account of
your podcast and you don't signal a boost,

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then you're not doing drag Like honey, I've got to up that traffic.

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A girl's gotta get How do you
think I'm gonna get my endorphins?

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I need I need constant validation to
be fair. I have my I have

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a film account which I basically followed
all my celebrities on, so I can

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have them on a different feed and
sometimes I'll see my own self. Who

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is he? Double tap love that? Yeah. The other day at work,

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I was doing it on desktop because
on desktop that's the Instagram that I've

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got logged in and go next to
me or work, she shall be double

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click on my She was like your
own self, was like, mind your

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business, shame, mind your god
down business? And John, how are

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you, Ben? How are you? Did you have a week off?

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I did have a week off.
How was that? It was good?

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It's not as productive as I wanted
it to be. I'm meant to be

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writing right now, and it's not. Things are trundling along at a leisurely

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pace. But I'm very impatient.
Yeah, so author me is just not

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jumping out. It's like the like
staying absolutely, it's staying absolutely in asleep.

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It's dormant. It's just not happening
for but it's getting there slowly.

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I'm giving myself a soft deadline for
the end of July, so let's hope

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that we have something then don't ask
me about it. At the end of

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everybody at Ben at the end of
your life, did you write that book?

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Book? Where where is the book? The damn book? And then

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me like, well, I we
also like to see and John dare I

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ask how you are thists just dropped
the quick message from guy First. Okay,

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he apologizes that he can't be here, but it's had to pop to

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Barcelona for two nights, to a
racing track, to stend a five star

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hotel. Big guy energy, Big
guys, your energy. You don't have

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to worry about anybody. Yeah,
I mean it's a week without a bit

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of respite to worry. Aback it
ensue, I've had the most wild week.

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Yeah, this Before I get into
it, let's talk about the Spice

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Girls super quick, because Josh and
I have been girls, not together separately,

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but because not to not together,
because we have noe thing. They

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were fucking iconic, unreal. It
was literally in this week's episode of What

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Made John Cry? This week it
was Viva Forever Mammoth me actually properly bold

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the power that has the influence,
that has the you know, the emence,

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that has the access to that has
I didn't go and I really wish

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you, dude. I feel like
I've really been because I've seen like all

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of the videos, et cetera.
But it's actually really nice to see that

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the want for them is still there, because I think you'd trouble. You'd

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be troubled to find anybody who was
famous at their peak, like late nineties.

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Yeah, to sell out a stadium
now a stadium, and that's when

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these were eighty thousand people. Yeah, and they're everywhere they've been and they

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did three nuts a considering there's been
no like run up to it. There's

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like, no only music people are
going. I want them senior music.

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They want to relive their childhood.
Everyone going wants to relive their childhood and

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train nostalgiic and blah blah blah blah. But they look like they had the

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best time. I mean, it's
cute and all, but to stop speaking,

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which wow, I mean Victoria's not
there, so I don't think it

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would have been good with her.
No, initially, Wow, excuse me.

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One thing we are not going to
do. One thing we are not

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going to do on this. I've
got faced off to. David was absolutely

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slander Victoria more than anybody in that
group, I won't Like Victoria is my

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favorite, but she's not. She
doesn't want me there, so she if

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she doesn't need to exactly. I
thought she might come out like the most

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that she might come out last night. She was in London for David David's

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mom's birthday the day before and yeah, oh god, if you haven't seen

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her Instagram comments, oh they are
littered with people just saying where are you?

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Why aren't you at the stadium?
Where are you? Where are you?

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I think she would have had fun, but I don't necessarily think.

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I think yeah, And like,
let's be honest, going from being a

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designer for the last however many years
to performing in front of eighty thousand people,

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like you could clearly see the rest
of them were all shook at it

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because Jerry herself said, like I
didn't get to perform Wemboy because I left

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before the girls did it. I
mean, that's coming out and seeing that

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many people their fatures because all the
videos I saw were from so far away,

209
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so you knew how many people were
there. I did a really bad

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thing. And like if I pushed
out the way on Friday night and won't

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beleave to get to the front.
I'm really sorry, but I was getting

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00:14:52.039 --> 00:14:54.840
to the front. I was late. I got held up in the pub

213
00:14:54.919 --> 00:15:01.279
making some friends sounds sound, so
we pushed out the way. I'm really

214
00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:07.519
sorry. What was your favorite song? Lady in the Vamp? Lovely kidding?

215
00:15:07.919 --> 00:15:11.080
Have you? If you ever aways? Incredible? I just that's kind

216
00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:11.600
of the moment for me. I
was just like, what the fuck is

217
00:15:11.639 --> 00:15:13.720
going on? Like I'm at the
splices girls, won't we stayed him in

218
00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:16.639
twenty nineteen, like, I actually, did you ever see them as a

219
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child? I never did. Yeah, I saw them on that last come

220
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back to at the A two.
That was like, you weren't a child

221
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there, babe? No? Was
what was that ten years ago? So

222
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I'd mean, yeah, I was
a twink. I've never seen them,

223
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and I regret not getting tickets.
I'm holding out some vague hope that they

224
00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:39.320
might intendue time. No, that
I'm holding out a cope that they might

225
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decide to do like a proper one. You know, like when Adele sold

226
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out so many shows blah blah blah, and she introduced like I'm going to

227
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do three days at Wembley and that's
it, and that it was like six

228
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months after the tour to finish blah
blah blah. I'm I'm hoping that would

229
00:15:52.960 --> 00:15:56.039
be like do you know what we're
going to do one more night at Wembley,

230
00:15:56.039 --> 00:15:58.639
We're going to go to like Australia
and Fipperary. Yeah, I think

231
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they will be going to Australia.
Is all the Australian media were there,

232
00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:04.799
weren't they? Yeah? I was
pretty go would you be well worth a

233
00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:07.639
thousand pounds flight? Honestly, I
think I'm going to go to your Rivision

234
00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:11.559
in the Netherlands next year. I
always make our plans love on the podcast

235
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anyway. So just one last thing, like just a little pushed on my

236
00:16:17.480 --> 00:16:22.279
content. There's a picture of me
the iconic want to be stairs as well,

237
00:16:22.279 --> 00:16:25.360
So thank you Aldo John and JOSSI
band name as well. He took

238
00:16:25.399 --> 00:16:30.240
me. But like, yeah,
so it was really really fun to double

239
00:16:30.279 --> 00:16:36.519
tap on my pick essentially. So
other than that, I was on Wednesday,

240
00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:41.639
minded my own business and I saw
a little like notification in my what

241
00:16:41.960 --> 00:16:48.360
Facebook message requests from like a couple
of weeks back and a distant cousin.

242
00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:51.799
It was like, I need to
speak to your dad, who I haven't

243
00:16:51.799 --> 00:16:55.720
spoken to for ten years, and
I was like, what is during the

244
00:16:55.720 --> 00:16:57.919
client I was like, what is
this? Like ridiculousness? So I was

245
00:16:57.919 --> 00:17:02.960
like, do you mind me ask
him why she was nice about your nan?

246
00:17:03.360 --> 00:17:04.680
My Dan has been dead for sixteen
years, so I was like,

247
00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:11.480
what could this possibly be? Anyway? Like then on when stuff noon,

248
00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:14.720
I went to meet Jack, the
founder of Twitter. In between this absolute

249
00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:18.720
nonsense, which was weird, You
look like he looks like a future year.

250
00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:25.440
What have you had a really hard
paper round? He does, Yeah,

251
00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:26.880
it looks like he could be a
dad. Anyway, this woman phoned

252
00:17:26.920 --> 00:17:33.480
me out of nowhere and it was
like, yeah, when your nan died,

253
00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:36.039
nobody went to collect her ashes and
she's just been sat on a shelf

254
00:17:36.079 --> 00:17:41.079
for sixteen years in the crematorium.
And I cried. I cried so hard.

255
00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:47.319
In the like interim period, like
my dad's brother, my uncle died

256
00:17:47.359 --> 00:17:49.279
in two thou twelve, we found
out his wife died in two eleven,

257
00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:55.599
and nobody can release the ashes except
my dad, they thought. And now

258
00:17:55.599 --> 00:17:57.319
my dad can't release the ashes.
That happened, it's wild goose chase to

259
00:17:57.359 --> 00:18:02.880
find the person that can. I
found my cousin, who I have been

260
00:18:02.920 --> 00:18:06.519
in contact with and it turns out
he's like he's in his early sport is

261
00:18:06.759 --> 00:18:11.279
he's married to a man? Yeah, right, he's currently in Milan.

262
00:18:11.640 --> 00:18:17.960
He is like that. He's like
like really high up in Harrod's Like now

263
00:18:17.960 --> 00:18:22.200
I'm like purchasing should let's say that
on the podcast. He's out there,

264
00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:25.319
like he's out like they're like purchasing
Harrison stuff. So we can meet out

265
00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:29.559
when he gets back, um,
and he's going to like try and saw

266
00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:32.880
it out. But yeah, it's
just been Now I've just got my dad

267
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:34.519
texts me, which I didn't really
want to happen, but it has happened.

268
00:18:36.359 --> 00:18:37.519
Yeah, well doly have much choice. But yeah, it's just been

269
00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:41.119
absolutely like wild week in terms of
like I didn't have to dad for ten

270
00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:44.519
years and know who this woman was, and now I've got a cousin who's

271
00:18:44.519 --> 00:18:47.400
the homosexual I didn't know about.
It's it's been a lot. It's I

272
00:18:47.440 --> 00:18:49.880
mean, I love the latter part
of that, but oh my god,

273
00:18:49.880 --> 00:18:56.839
I know, it was just heartbreaking
to think that somebody would just treat treat

274
00:18:56.839 --> 00:19:00.839
their mom like that, essentially like
in death, like she was an incredible

275
00:19:00.880 --> 00:19:04.960
woman and they're just the person that
my uncle who's now dead, didn't bother

276
00:19:06.039 --> 00:19:10.799
to like make arrangement for make arrangements
for rashes, And obviously everybody just assumed

277
00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:14.720
that he had. So I obviously
if you don't want to talk about it,

278
00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:17.039
but I assume by the fact you
brought it up that I can't talk

279
00:19:17.079 --> 00:19:21.480
about it. Um. So like
I assume he didn't pick them up on

280
00:19:21.559 --> 00:19:23.839
purpose, I would imagine, So
I don't know, because otherwise I'm like,

281
00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:27.319
how what had just been negligence?
Well he was so he basically he

282
00:19:27.400 --> 00:19:32.960
was the person who dealt with the
will and the funeral. So it was

283
00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:36.079
his responsibility to connect them and to
deal with them, and he didn't.

284
00:19:36.119 --> 00:19:38.599
He didn't. He just didn't have
They men are trash. They're still there

285
00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:45.319
sixteen years later, but they have
the crematorium, not like have a policy

286
00:19:45.359 --> 00:19:48.759
to like get in touch, get
rid of them or like thing that I

287
00:19:48.799 --> 00:19:52.359
didn't realize they would just keeps well, because I've loved some loads of researtions

288
00:19:52.440 --> 00:19:56.240
this this week, um, And
apparently ordinarily they're just like scattered after like

289
00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:59.279
a like a few months, they're
just if you don't pick them up,

290
00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:03.920
I don't know, I don't know, like they won't the crematory won't give

291
00:20:03.039 --> 00:20:08.759
anybody any information other than my cousins. That in itself is like so frustrating.

292
00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:15.519
Sorry, like the sun beamed in
there, Oh no it did.

293
00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:21.480
Yeah, it's and and you think
after like my dad called them, and

294
00:20:21.559 --> 00:20:26.920
it's like, obviously it feels incredibly
guilty. You'd think that after sixteen years

295
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:29.920
they'd just be happy that somebody finally
wanted to claim them, but no,

296
00:20:29.960 --> 00:20:32.279
they're still holding out that what I
mean, he's now next to kin.

297
00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:36.400
It's just been an absolutely like there's
so many like it's so strange that like

298
00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:41.160
there are so many like intricate laws
to things. Like I remember when I

299
00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:44.119
was a teenager, back when I
really thought I was going through it.

300
00:20:44.119 --> 00:20:47.799
I remember there was one video on
YouTube which used to tear me to bits

301
00:20:47.839 --> 00:20:49.680
whenever I watched it. And it's
about this couple. He lived in the

302
00:20:49.720 --> 00:20:55.759
States, and they'd been together for
so long. They weren't married, but

303
00:20:55.759 --> 00:21:00.519
they'd lived together so long. The
fact the guy his family he knew about

304
00:21:00.519 --> 00:21:02.920
it, and they were very supportive, but the guy he was with,

305
00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:06.759
and he'd been with him for years, didn't approve him being gay. And

306
00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:10.480
I remember there was a tragic accident
in like La or something where he was

307
00:21:10.519 --> 00:21:15.200
a photographer and he fell off a
roof and died, and the family basically

308
00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:18.359
just shut this guy out. They
wouldn't let him come to the funeral.

309
00:21:18.599 --> 00:21:21.440
And I remember what the video was
him being like, I don't know what

310
00:21:21.519 --> 00:21:23.480
to do. This is this was
my life. We were going to get

311
00:21:23.480 --> 00:21:26.839
married. His parents didn't accept it. But that doesn't exclude the fact that

312
00:21:26.920 --> 00:21:33.319
I remember I was like, remember
I was b it's because there was nothing

313
00:21:33.319 --> 00:21:34.839
he could do. And in the
end, he ended up going to visit

314
00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:40.279
the grave on his own after the
funeral to say like a goodbye. And

315
00:21:40.319 --> 00:21:44.319
I remember watching this and being like, oh my god, because that's not

316
00:21:44.440 --> 00:21:48.279
happened. I just all these intricate
laws because he could that the law wouldn't

317
00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:52.759
name him do anything, but because
according to the law, they were just

318
00:21:52.920 --> 00:21:55.519
roommates. Yeah, but that's the
thing, and that's why, you know,

319
00:21:55.599 --> 00:21:57.599
sometimes people think that getting married is
just about like, you know,

320
00:21:57.640 --> 00:22:00.559
it's about us. You know,
it's a show of our love and we're

321
00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:03.480
able to celebrate our love. But
actually, you know, it's it's a

322
00:22:03.599 --> 00:22:07.039
it's a legally bonding thing that gives
us right, which I've been often shut

323
00:22:07.079 --> 00:22:11.160
out to same sex couples for years
and years and years. That story is

324
00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:15.759
one of thousands where people have been
cut out of, you know, the

325
00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:19.119
final say on people's lives, of
attending funerals, of being part of any

326
00:22:19.400 --> 00:22:23.680
organizations when they've actually spent their lives
together. So you know, sadly,

327
00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:27.599
that story is one of thousands.
And but that's why it's so fantastic for

328
00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:30.880
for Ecuador and for all these countries, because it means that not only in

329
00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:36.079
life or are they legally bonded,
but also in death. And because I'd

330
00:22:36.160 --> 00:22:40.000
never really thought of that before.
Like I remember growing up when I was

331
00:22:40.039 --> 00:22:41.559
a teenager, like before it was
legalized in this country for us to get

332
00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:45.400
married, I remember people saying that, like, well, I don't want

333
00:22:45.400 --> 00:22:47.160
to get married, so I don't
really care that much. I didn't see

334
00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:48.319
what the big deal is. Yeah, But like it's only now when I

335
00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:52.440
look back and realize there is a
natural reason that, aside from the fact

336
00:22:52.480 --> 00:22:56.519
of just wanting basic human rights and
for it to be equal across the board,

337
00:22:56.200 --> 00:23:00.599
there are certain things that you unfortunately
have to be married forward to have

338
00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:04.039
a saying. And this guy,
this guy whose whose boyfriend died. Like

339
00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:10.680
the parents were so against them that
they refused. They basically said he was

340
00:23:10.759 --> 00:23:14.359
never a part of anything, he's
nothing to do with this, and he

341
00:23:14.440 --> 00:23:17.240
was, Yeah, just a completely
raised from this guy's funeral. And I

342
00:23:17.319 --> 00:23:22.920
was like in bits I remember and
being in bits when I watched this.

343
00:23:22.279 --> 00:23:25.279
So horrible. And they can stop
people from even like, you know,

344
00:23:25.359 --> 00:23:27.240
visiting in hospital if it's like end
of somebody's like you didn't get to see

345
00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:32.240
him in hospital either, So so
horrible. But yeah, so I mean

346
00:23:32.279 --> 00:23:34.480
that is a really big week for
you, like a real emotional upheaval.

347
00:23:34.559 --> 00:23:40.880
How it's fine, like because everyone
else involved is like that much older,

348
00:23:40.880 --> 00:23:45.680
I guess, And my dad doesn't
use Facebook or Instagram or LinkedIn. So

349
00:23:45.880 --> 00:23:51.440
how eventually hold of my cousin was
via LinkedIn. My dad's cousin contacted me

350
00:23:51.480 --> 00:23:56.079
of our Facebook. But she's got
to be early sixties, so because I

351
00:23:56.079 --> 00:23:57.559
had because then I kind of took
up on myself to trap my cousin down.

352
00:23:59.160 --> 00:24:03.279
Like I've kind of now somehow from
having nothing to do with this situation,

353
00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:06.240
I'm now at the center of it. Because nobody wants to speak to

354
00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:11.440
each other, so I'm now kind
of everyone wants through me. So like,

355
00:24:11.480 --> 00:24:15.799
I've spoken to the woman who initially
contacted me every day this week.

356
00:24:15.920 --> 00:24:19.240
She's called me every day. My
dad's texting me. I've just left the

357
00:24:19.240 --> 00:24:22.359
other guy to it because he's got
to obviously digest it, and kind of

358
00:24:23.720 --> 00:24:27.880
everybody wants different things done with the
ashes at this point. And now somehow

359
00:24:29.599 --> 00:24:32.519
like the person who got in touch
should really probably have president because no one

360
00:24:32.519 --> 00:24:36.640
else who fuckingneed existed. Well yeah, well neither did she until the third

361
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:41.279
of Jumane apparently. So yeah,
it's yeah, there's a more to the

362
00:24:41.279 --> 00:24:42.359
backstory, but I really can't be
asked going into it. It's not that

363
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:45.960
interesting. Someone else is going to
die. Basically, they want to spend

364
00:24:45.960 --> 00:24:49.960
their ashes with my NaN's ashes.
That's how it all started. So yeah,

365
00:24:51.440 --> 00:24:53.519
wild, wild, wild we But
you've got a new little gay family

366
00:24:53.559 --> 00:25:00.680
man. Yes that I'm excited.
I'm discounted Harrod tune In, I know

367
00:25:00.759 --> 00:25:03.440
exactly. I am super excited to
meet him. And we've probably got obviously

368
00:25:03.480 --> 00:25:07.039
a lot in common, and he
lived in London. And I don't want

369
00:25:07.160 --> 00:25:12.240
like now I've got contact with like
two two members of my family. Essentially,

370
00:25:12.279 --> 00:25:17.519
I don't want this situation to make
it like a brief relationship for it

371
00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:21.079
to become like tense or though to
be loads of friction in dealing with this

372
00:25:22.000 --> 00:25:25.519
essentially like, yeah, somebody wants
the ashes, somebody else wants to spend

373
00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:29.480
the ashes, somebody else thinks go
somewhere else. So and I've got my

374
00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:32.839
opinion about what should be done with
them. So I don't really know how

375
00:25:32.839 --> 00:25:36.079
to play it. I've got to
like somehow. She says, fucking loads

376
00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:38.920
of them. You have a teaboard
in ashes, like fucking divvy at all.

377
00:25:40.119 --> 00:25:41.480
But when they're going on, you
think they're a bit fucking golden egg

378
00:25:41.480 --> 00:25:44.440
in the box or something. The
way people are going on about it,

379
00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:48.680
like Kim Faberge that no one knew
about. So yeah, where was that

380
00:25:48.839 --> 00:25:52.839
energy? Then? Just wild,
absolutely wild, and everyone's little bits about

381
00:25:52.880 --> 00:25:56.119
it, and it's just been nuts. She's a woman in the man now

382
00:25:56.759 --> 00:26:03.079
in bringing us to go beyond these
that gets a results that sounds It's been

383
00:26:03.079 --> 00:26:06.599
a lot, It's been a lot
lot. I'm sorry, I'm talking about

384
00:26:06.640 --> 00:26:11.160
a strange father's it's father's day to
day on day. How am I doing

385
00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:18.720
this segue? D daddy, No, I'm doing How does everyone feel about

386
00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:22.960
this because you're both a stranger in
your dad's my dad's dad. Oh,

387
00:26:23.119 --> 00:26:26.319
mine's the only one still like I
was in contact with them. Yeah yeah,

388
00:26:27.440 --> 00:26:30.880
Well my dad's actually away, so
he's in New York at the moment,

389
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:34.799
so yeah, cool with my mum. So it's just me and the

390
00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:41.559
sisters at home. We face FaceTime
them this morning. Someone in the car.

391
00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:47.079
Yeah yeah. So it's so interesting
talking to other members of the community

392
00:26:47.079 --> 00:26:52.359
about their relationships with their parents.
Yeah, so so interesting because I don't

393
00:26:52.440 --> 00:26:56.119
have a relationship with my dad.
Has discussed it last week, you John

394
00:26:56.200 --> 00:26:57.720
on pointing, you can no one
can see me you don't have a relationship

395
00:26:57.759 --> 00:27:00.680
with your dad until something. Well, the thing is, I've kind of

396
00:27:00.720 --> 00:27:04.400
I had a relationship with my dad
always through my childhood, and it's only

397
00:27:04.440 --> 00:27:08.599
only since i've like was seventeen we
stopped speaking and then we had like a

398
00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:15.359
brief like reconciliation a few years back, but we kind of just grew apart

399
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:19.920
because we haven't been having a lot
in common and he did some pretty shitty

400
00:27:19.960 --> 00:27:25.319
things that as a child I was
didn't really understand. I didn't really understand

401
00:27:25.319 --> 00:27:27.519
how how bad they were. They
would affect my life as an adult,

402
00:27:27.799 --> 00:27:30.200
but it's an adult. I was
like, I don't need this, like

403
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:33.240
you're my dad and that's it.
That's you know what I mean, Like

404
00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:38.839
I just I can't be asked to
deal with this. I daily basis nothing

405
00:27:38.920 --> 00:27:45.119
like There wasn't like a terrible like
finale to our relationship. It just one

406
00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:48.039
day I didn't call him. He
called me a few times like all his

407
00:27:48.160 --> 00:27:52.400
calls, and that was it.
There wasn't then that's fine for me,

408
00:27:52.480 --> 00:27:56.119
Like I've got no interest in speaking
to him because I don't think I don't

409
00:27:56.119 --> 00:27:59.519
think it would be healthy for ee
of us to do so. And when

410
00:27:59.559 --> 00:28:03.720
we had reconciation, there was he
called me like every day and takes me

411
00:28:03.759 --> 00:28:07.200
every day, and I was like, I don't need this, Like what

412
00:28:07.240 --> 00:28:08.680
have I got to you to talk
about? And things that we used to

413
00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:11.839
do in the past, so he
could get pissed in the pub and we

414
00:28:11.839 --> 00:28:15.000
were kids, right, it would
take us to a spoon so we could

415
00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:19.200
eat and he could get drunk all
day, right, and um like it

416
00:28:19.279 --> 00:28:21.960
was just like, okay, well
you haven't you haven't moved on. You

417
00:28:22.240 --> 00:28:22.759
to go back to the park if
you just want to do that, And

418
00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:27.160
you've actually no interest in my life. So yeah, it was just yeah,

419
00:28:27.200 --> 00:28:30.279
it's just one of those things.
I mean, you know you see

420
00:28:30.279 --> 00:28:33.039
that you sometimes see that tweak,
don't you, Like, no gays have

421
00:28:33.079 --> 00:28:40.440
all five and it's like can drive
own hair, Like healthy relationship, healthy

422
00:28:41.440 --> 00:28:57.799
relationship with dad? Yeah, podcast
on um get crippling anxiety, but it

423
00:28:57.880 --> 00:29:00.799
is really interested. Like I think
a lot of gay men out there particularly

424
00:29:00.880 --> 00:29:04.880
do have testy relationships with with their
dads sometimes. If you don't mind me

425
00:29:04.920 --> 00:29:10.319
asking, Josh, we can ed, but do you have relationship with your

426
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:11.680
dads when you were growing up?
Yeah, Like, I mean I think

427
00:29:11.720 --> 00:29:17.240
it was in some ways it was
complex because like, um, like my

428
00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:19.799
mom and dad's a little when I
was ten and we moved to like like

429
00:29:19.920 --> 00:29:22.480
just outside of the city really so
like more to the country side, and

430
00:29:22.519 --> 00:29:27.000
he stayed there, and when they
broke up, like we still spoke quite

431
00:29:27.039 --> 00:29:30.440
a lot. He was you know, he's kind of a bit like classic

432
00:29:30.519 --> 00:29:32.920
drinking and dad think in some ways, like it was quite strict in some

433
00:29:32.960 --> 00:29:37.160
ways, and we I was very
not great with authority, so I think

434
00:29:37.160 --> 00:29:40.519
we did bought heads a little bit, and then he kind of he got

435
00:29:40.640 --> 00:29:45.039
MS and so he became really ill, and so that did change the relationship

436
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:49.200
quite a lot. And that you
know, he soon like whereas he was

437
00:29:49.279 --> 00:29:53.079
really active before, he couldn't walk. Um, and then he went into

438
00:29:53.279 --> 00:29:57.319
like a care home facility kind of
thing, which was really a weird experience

439
00:29:57.359 --> 00:30:00.759
as a child, you know,
like being like twelve thirteen and going to

440
00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:03.279
a care home and he was like
there, you know, black done crack.

441
00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:08.039
So he was literally there looking like
thirty with all these like sixty seventy

442
00:30:08.079 --> 00:30:11.359
plus people. It was quite quite
strange spins, and it did shift the

443
00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:15.960
way in which we engaged with each
other, you know, Um, there

444
00:30:15.079 --> 00:30:19.039
was less friction, but because of
what was going on, I mean,

445
00:30:19.319 --> 00:30:25.440
he wound me up sometimes a lot. Like he loved a deal, but

446
00:30:25.480 --> 00:30:27.720
even like a ridiculous deal I told
you about obviously the Harry Potter plants where

447
00:30:27.720 --> 00:30:32.200
he bought my sister a pair of
Harry Potter saying quidditch on the back by

448
00:30:32.279 --> 00:30:34.720
juicy guitar. But there was no
use, so it's kidditch like he just

449
00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:38.279
like he spent like, you know, two hundred and fifty pounds on electronics

450
00:30:38.279 --> 00:30:42.079
just before the twins were born.
Um, like when we had no money,

451
00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:45.839
and like none of it worked from
the market, you know, he

452
00:30:45.960 --> 00:30:48.880
was he was always right, so
there was it was stubborn as hell.

453
00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:52.960
So there were certain things that definitely
did got him. But he was very

454
00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:59.279
funny and amazing cook and like,
um and yeah, actually in many ways

455
00:30:59.640 --> 00:31:03.799
a really good dad. But I
didn't come out to him, and I

456
00:31:03.799 --> 00:31:07.240
think the Odess did have a big
thing lot to do with that because I

457
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:10.640
just thought, you know, in
such a situation where had it have gone

458
00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:12.599
the wrong way, I didn't want
to put myself in a situation where I

459
00:31:12.640 --> 00:31:17.200
didn't want to go and see him
anymore. Yeah, um, And I

460
00:31:17.240 --> 00:31:19.079
just thought, yeah, I just
didn't want to damage that relationship because it

461
00:31:19.240 --> 00:31:25.279
just felt quite fragile, which is
a shame because I actually probably who knows

462
00:31:25.279 --> 00:31:30.519
whether how it would have been received. So yeah, like I do it

463
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:33.559
did have a good, good relationship
with him, But you just always want

464
00:31:33.559 --> 00:31:36.920
more time, don't you. If
they and for anyone out there who has

465
00:31:36.960 --> 00:31:40.440
lost a parent, you know,
it's tricky because it's time. It is

466
00:31:40.519 --> 00:31:42.960
days like this when you get reflective
and you think about it. Um,

467
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:45.680
so yeah, I just shout out
because it was sometimes these days when you

468
00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:49.480
think, oh, I wish they
were still here. So yeah, it's

469
00:31:49.519 --> 00:31:53.960
always worth while like pointing out like
the different dynamics that everyone goes through it

470
00:31:55.039 --> 00:32:00.519
on Mother's and Father's Day, Like, there are so many different dynamics and

471
00:32:00.599 --> 00:32:05.759
variations of quote unquote parents or guardians
to kids growing up, especially in the

472
00:32:05.839 --> 00:32:09.880
queer community of like just I struggle
to know, Well, no, I

473
00:32:10.440 --> 00:32:13.920
didn't know, that's all I Actually
I know quite a few people who have

474
00:32:14.079 --> 00:32:15.759
very like their parents store together,
you know, very happy home. But

475
00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:20.759
on the same on the flip side
of the coin, I know a fair

476
00:32:20.799 --> 00:32:25.079
few people who's you know, growing
up didn't have that didn't have the kind

477
00:32:25.079 --> 00:32:30.400
of relationship that they wished they could
have had with their parents. And Father's

478
00:32:30.519 --> 00:32:34.359
Day and Mother's Day are always days
when you look back and you know you

479
00:32:34.359 --> 00:32:36.400
have to you have to look at
other people, and you know, some

480
00:32:36.400 --> 00:32:38.559
people lost the parent and they had
a good relationship with their parents. Some

481
00:32:38.599 --> 00:32:42.519
people don't have good relationships their parents
and don't talk to them, And there's

482
00:32:42.559 --> 00:32:47.160
so many different dynamics. So yeah, it's very interesting. I love listening

483
00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:52.400
to other people talk about if they
can because it feels very like almost intrusive.

484
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:55.759
Yeah, yeah, what about you
day because you're not out. No,

485
00:32:57.039 --> 00:33:00.880
I am not exactly out to my
parents or that was whoops. Um,

486
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:07.920
yeah, it's because well it's tricky. Um. But it's not like

487
00:33:07.000 --> 00:33:09.920
I'm not out, but I'm just
not out to them. I'm just not

488
00:33:09.960 --> 00:33:15.799
out to family really. But I've
not had the opportunity to say I'm gay

489
00:33:16.039 --> 00:33:22.319
to them because I feel it will
be very difficult. And I'm always someone

490
00:33:22.359 --> 00:33:30.079
that I'm a very big family person, and I feel like it's a tricky.

491
00:33:30.279 --> 00:33:34.480
It's just like tricky for me because
i feel like at one point,

492
00:33:34.519 --> 00:33:37.359
I feel like I'm going to let
them down. At another point, I

493
00:33:37.359 --> 00:33:43.160
feel like why why do I care
about what they think at the end,

494
00:33:43.240 --> 00:33:45.039
But at the end of the day, I still think like they my mom

495
00:33:45.079 --> 00:33:47.359
and my dad. I mean,
I love them dearly and I'm always going

496
00:33:47.400 --> 00:33:52.599
to love them no matter what.
Um. But I mean, yeah,

497
00:33:52.640 --> 00:33:59.319
it's difficult things about it. It's
it's yeah, it's something I think they

498
00:33:59.599 --> 00:34:01.400
I think. I kind of no, but I don't. I don't.

499
00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:07.519
Parents are great at doing that,
like will ignorant thing. I'll wait until

500
00:34:07.720 --> 00:34:09.239
like it's thrown in my face.
But other than that, I must Yeah,

501
00:34:09.239 --> 00:34:12.440
other than that, I'm just going
to be oblivious to it. YEA

502
00:34:13.280 --> 00:34:15.559
love that, Oblivio. Yeah,
do you get on well with your dad?

503
00:34:15.719 --> 00:34:19.639
Yeah? I do. I'm actually
growing up, I probably didn't as

504
00:34:19.719 --> 00:34:27.599
much, but we are like closer
now. Um, I mean it was,

505
00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:30.800
I mean my dad was a strict
man. He's well, he's softened

506
00:34:30.840 --> 00:34:34.280
now. It's softened up now,
but he was very strict with us growing

507
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:39.000
up. And yeah, it's I'm
I feel like I'm obviously it's going to

508
00:34:39.039 --> 00:34:44.119
be a day where I'm going to
tell them obviously, but at that it

509
00:34:44.159 --> 00:34:50.079
won't be anytime soon until I am
fully moved out and I have my own

510
00:34:50.119 --> 00:34:52.039
place, and maybe, like if
you have a partner or someone, you

511
00:34:52.119 --> 00:34:55.440
really will feel like you want to
come out for um, do you know

512
00:34:55.519 --> 00:35:01.400
I'm actually really interested on another branch
of this, I'm also sorry one second.

513
00:35:02.519 --> 00:35:05.719
Sorry, I just had a program
my throat and I was very aware

514
00:35:06.519 --> 00:35:12.159
what was his name? And something
else I'm really intrigued about is how this

515
00:35:12.239 --> 00:35:17.599
generation will be in parenthood because I
hear time and time again about a load

516
00:35:17.639 --> 00:35:22.760
of my friend's parents being you know, super strict dads are usually like really

517
00:35:22.840 --> 00:35:27.559
like not in touch with their emotions, like toxic masculinity, that kind of

518
00:35:28.159 --> 00:35:31.199
vibe. And I feel like as
we grow up as a generations get down.

519
00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:36.480
You know, people are more in
tune with their emotions. You know,

520
00:35:37.000 --> 00:35:39.719
men understand that, you know it's
not shameful for them to cry,

521
00:35:39.840 --> 00:35:43.960
or you know you don't have to
raise your child this way. You know

522
00:35:43.960 --> 00:35:46.800
it's force me into playing football,
or you do force to wear Disney princess

523
00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:51.920
stresses or something. So I'm super
interested to see what happens like in say

524
00:35:51.960 --> 00:35:54.480
twenty years time, and see what
people are saying about their dads. Then

525
00:35:54.599 --> 00:36:00.000
when people of our generation become parents, talking of which I think it's really

526
00:36:00.079 --> 00:36:01.840
drinking one because I think I would
love to not be a strip parent.

527
00:36:02.440 --> 00:36:05.599
I would love to be more of
a child parent. But I know in

528
00:36:05.679 --> 00:36:08.239
my heart of hearts that you're going
to bring the cane out. No,

529
00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:12.320
No, I would never like as
the child he was smat up. I

530
00:36:12.360 --> 00:36:15.679
would not small my children because in
the end I started trying to smack back.

531
00:36:15.840 --> 00:36:20.159
That's the problem. So like that, that was one of the reasons

532
00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:22.840
I could never That was one of
the reasons to me and my dad started

533
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:25.000
butting head because at the end,
I was like, you want to go

534
00:36:25.280 --> 00:36:29.360
like at this point, I'm I'm
getting big now, don't slap me.

535
00:36:29.519 --> 00:36:34.119
Oh exactly. You can now start
to see the kind of child I was.

536
00:36:34.199 --> 00:36:37.039
Fucking absolutely I wish I'd got as
big as my dad before I started

537
00:36:37.039 --> 00:36:42.679
speaking to him, because good way
I was saying, shit, I would

538
00:36:42.679 --> 00:36:44.840
not be here right now. At
the end, it was just like,

539
00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:47.119
you know what, like I just
had had an absolute fuck enough, like

540
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:52.360
because you don't like, I don't
want my children to fear me. It

541
00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:53.320
was you know, that's the thing
as well. I was. I was

542
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:58.000
scared. I was absolutely shit schedging, and I was not bigger than him.

543
00:36:58.159 --> 00:37:02.159
I was tiny and I still am, but I was scrappy. I'd

544
00:37:02.199 --> 00:37:05.599
say, that's what I think.
That's one of the reasons why I didn't

545
00:37:05.599 --> 00:37:07.400
have a relationship with my dad growing
up, because I was more afraid of

546
00:37:07.440 --> 00:37:12.159
him. So it's more out of
fear rather than like love. I loved

547
00:37:12.159 --> 00:37:15.920
my dad, I mean we did
things together and everything, but there was

548
00:37:15.920 --> 00:37:19.800
always that fear at the back of
my mind that yeah, if I did

549
00:37:19.840 --> 00:37:22.079
this, oh, it's gonna get
the it's gonna get the belt out and

550
00:37:22.199 --> 00:37:27.199
stuff like I mean, talking to
someone who like I was raised with like

551
00:37:27.639 --> 00:37:30.119
just just by my mum, Like
I was talking to someone who's not a

552
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:37.000
parent as well. Like I think
there's a difference between being like an authoritative

553
00:37:37.079 --> 00:37:39.880
figure and being some being someone to
be afraid of. Like I was afraid

554
00:37:39.880 --> 00:37:43.760
of my dad and I don't want
a relationship with with him. Now.

555
00:37:43.960 --> 00:37:46.199
I respect my mum, and my
mum was a great parent, and you

556
00:37:46.239 --> 00:37:50.960
know, she was very lax with
me in some ways, but if she

557
00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:52.719
said something, I went with it. I wasn't going to go against my

558
00:37:52.760 --> 00:37:55.679
mum's work, but I wasn't scared
my mum. And I now have a

559
00:37:55.679 --> 00:37:59.719
great relationship with my mum and I
always have, And I was struggled to

560
00:37:59.719 --> 00:38:01.880
have a that relationship with my dad
because I was scared of him. Yeah,

561
00:38:01.920 --> 00:38:06.679
I know that difference across the board. Yeah, my dad's like a

562
00:38:06.840 --> 00:38:10.440
very very emotional man, Like I
remember as a kid seeing my dad cry

563
00:38:10.559 --> 00:38:15.159
all the time we had There was
a long period of time after my mom's

564
00:38:15.320 --> 00:38:16.000
up we didn't see each other.
When we did start to each other,

565
00:38:16.039 --> 00:38:20.239
get me out to each other through
a contact center, so we had to

566
00:38:20.239 --> 00:38:24.840
have supervised kind of with my dad. I remember being like seven eight years

567
00:38:24.880 --> 00:38:30.800
old, and we went on a
random fucking caravan holiday with my dad and

568
00:38:31.360 --> 00:38:36.119
some other people, and my dad
took me and my brother to the beach

569
00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:42.079
and told us very graphically whilst in
front of tears and pissed about two times

570
00:38:42.079 --> 00:38:46.159
they tried to kid himself when we
were when we were children, so that

571
00:38:46.239 --> 00:38:52.400
my dad's has Like my dad never
hit us. My dad was a really

572
00:38:52.440 --> 00:38:57.519
loving dad, but in a to
the point where he almost overcompensated, obviously

573
00:38:57.519 --> 00:39:02.239
battled with alcoholism and try to kind
of tell us too much. I get

574
00:39:02.440 --> 00:39:07.400
s. Yeah, so I've never
I've never feared my dad. I've pitied

575
00:39:07.440 --> 00:39:15.480
my dad, I think for most
of my life. And like my biggest

576
00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:21.599
I guess like battle with myself with
my dad is how would I feel when

577
00:39:21.639 --> 00:39:24.639
my dad? How will I feel
my dad inevitably dies. He he's probably

578
00:39:25.400 --> 00:39:30.119
in the last five years of his
life, Like, how am I going

579
00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:32.039
to feel? How old is he? He's sixty one, but he has

580
00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:37.119
been boozing forever. My mum saw
him recently out and it's like he looks

581
00:39:38.159 --> 00:39:44.639
clapped, like he does not he
does not know. I justn'tin gut the

582
00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:46.280
right way to you. Times like
this when I wish we were a YouTube

583
00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:52.280
channel because my faith. We were
all looking passionately, and then he said,

584
00:39:52.039 --> 00:39:53.440
he doesn't look you know, he
doesn't it well. You know,

585
00:39:53.480 --> 00:39:57.639
he's he's he's not he's not a
well man. No, he's like,

586
00:39:57.679 --> 00:40:00.400
you know, he's abused his body's
whole life. Like you know, he

587
00:40:00.559 --> 00:40:02.679
smokes and he's so long ago exactly. You know, he smokes forty fives

588
00:40:02.719 --> 00:40:06.920
a day. He would get forty
eight cans of Stella on his phone from

589
00:40:06.960 --> 00:40:08.719
work on a Friday and it would
drink them over the course for a weekend.

590
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:13.000
Like his abused his body so long, and that that's you know,

591
00:40:13.079 --> 00:40:15.920
that is the only thing I don't
It doesn't often lead me to think should

592
00:40:15.920 --> 00:40:17.400
I make come to you with my
dad? But I'm like, how am

593
00:40:17.400 --> 00:40:22.320
I going to feel when my dad
dies and we're going to regret the decisions

594
00:40:22.320 --> 00:40:24.000
I've made? And the conclusion I
come to more often than not is no,

595
00:40:24.159 --> 00:40:28.079
I was I would reach out,
but yeah, it's just that's the

596
00:40:28.239 --> 00:40:30.880
kind of my bottle. Interestingly,
actually, I went through something similar when

597
00:40:30.880 --> 00:40:36.239
I was sixteen, I think fifteen
or sixteen. This was maybe a couple

598
00:40:36.239 --> 00:40:38.159
of years after I stoped speaking to
my dad, and we got a phone

599
00:40:38.159 --> 00:40:40.880
call for my grandma and I knew
it's bad news because I was like,

600
00:40:42.239 --> 00:40:44.320
I don't speak to any of you, so if you're calling, there's a

601
00:40:44.360 --> 00:40:46.480
problem. And my dad had been
in a car crash and it had been

602
00:40:46.559 --> 00:40:51.840
nearly fatal, like the card flipped. He was in hospital for weeks and

603
00:40:52.039 --> 00:40:53.000
they were getting in touch because they
were like, we don't think he's going

604
00:40:53.039 --> 00:40:55.400
to make it. And so that
was the first time I ever had to

605
00:40:55.400 --> 00:40:58.320
sit and make a choice. My
mum sat me down and she told me

606
00:40:58.360 --> 00:41:01.480
the facts and stats and was like, I'm I can't give you an answer.

607
00:41:01.559 --> 00:41:05.920
She was like, you're fifteen or
sixteen. I've order was done.

608
00:41:06.559 --> 00:41:07.519
It's up to you. If you
don't want to go, I support If

609
00:41:07.519 --> 00:41:09.679
you want to go, I'll take
you in the car. Yeah. And

610
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:14.000
I had to sit down and say
to myself, my dad doesn't make it

611
00:41:14.000 --> 00:41:16.079
and I don't go to see him, and it is not going to affect

612
00:41:16.079 --> 00:41:19.480
me. Am I going to regret
that? In the end, I didn't

613
00:41:19.480 --> 00:41:22.800
go, And I feel no shame
for that. Some people have tas looking

614
00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:29.280
at me like wow, company David. But the thing was was that I

615
00:41:29.320 --> 00:41:31.320
think I did see him afterwards when
I knew he was getting better, but

616
00:41:31.320 --> 00:41:34.280
I only saw a handful of times, and I was like, this is

617
00:41:34.280 --> 00:41:37.920
just not for me. But making
that choice was really hard, and I

618
00:41:37.000 --> 00:41:43.400
just decided that I feel no shame. I don't think I should have to

619
00:41:44.400 --> 00:41:50.719
make my decisions based on your inactions
grow of growing up. You weren't there

620
00:41:50.719 --> 00:41:53.760
for me growing up. You weren't
apparent to me at all. Why should

621
00:41:53.760 --> 00:41:58.639
I now feel bad because I now
suffer from that relationship? And if you

622
00:41:58.760 --> 00:42:00.199
die, I didn't make a man
or something. Why is that down to

623
00:42:00.239 --> 00:42:04.599
me? I'm the child. This
is kind of your response, but this

624
00:42:04.679 --> 00:42:07.400
is your mess. It's not like
I was the mess and you're the parent

625
00:42:07.480 --> 00:42:08.199
and should have to kind of pick
me back up. I mean, you

626
00:42:08.239 --> 00:42:14.360
are a mess, but like you're
the one who's done wrong and you're the

627
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:16.320
parent, this is your responsibility to
make better. More to the point,

628
00:42:16.360 --> 00:42:19.920
now it's been far too much more
into the bridge and we tried to make

629
00:42:19.920 --> 00:42:22.519
amends. Now I wouldn't even give
them the time that. I wouldn't respond

630
00:42:22.559 --> 00:42:23.880
to a text, I wouldn't call
him back, wouldn't even have an argument

631
00:42:23.920 --> 00:42:25.800
with him to say I don't want
to be anyone need, I just wouldn't

632
00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:30.599
respond. Yeah, but that was
super That was a really interest. That

633
00:42:30.719 --> 00:42:34.320
was probably a time when I remember
feeling like because that was roughly around the

634
00:42:34.320 --> 00:42:36.480
time I also came out and I've
never come out to my dad because I

635
00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:38.760
haven't spoken to him. But one
of the times when I felt like an

636
00:42:38.800 --> 00:42:43.480
adult, like, but this is
a decision, like, yeah, if

637
00:42:43.480 --> 00:42:45.519
he dies, you're never going to
see him again. And I think I'm

638
00:42:45.559 --> 00:42:49.800
growing up. I've never really had
obviously it will happen at some point,

639
00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:52.840
but I've never grown I've had friends
that have grown up and had people die

640
00:42:52.880 --> 00:42:55.039
around them all the time, and
I grew up and no one that I

641
00:42:55.159 --> 00:43:00.400
knew died. It was still to
this like someone has died now, but

642
00:43:00.159 --> 00:43:02.239
um, it was one of those
points where I was like, shit,

643
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:06.559
the death comes and makes you think, you're like, this is permanent.

644
00:43:06.599 --> 00:43:08.000
It's that person goes, You're not
getting them back, So make a decision

645
00:43:08.000 --> 00:43:10.800
to make a wise one. And
some people have advised me before. One

646
00:43:10.800 --> 00:43:14.239
of my friends, one of my
best friend's mums, I went for dinner

647
00:43:14.239 --> 00:43:15.960
and she was like, she was
like, when that person's in the grave,

648
00:43:16.000 --> 00:43:20.960
you can't do anything, and my
advice should be put all your demons

649
00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:22.599
to the side, make amends for
that one time, because it says more

650
00:43:22.639 --> 00:43:25.960
about units about them. I completely
underst where she was coming from, but

651
00:43:27.000 --> 00:43:29.079
I won't do it. At the
end of the day. I think there's

652
00:43:29.079 --> 00:43:31.280
too much pressure on children to hold
on to toxic relationships with her own absolute

653
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:34.760
can I also just go But I
didn't slap my dad. I just like

654
00:43:36.639 --> 00:43:39.639
that has been on your mind for
a long time. I didn't slap my

655
00:43:39.719 --> 00:43:43.400
dad, but I just refused to
be slapped at the end, I was

656
00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:47.239
just like, I'm not having it, Like, yeah, I just wanted

657
00:43:47.280 --> 00:43:52.199
to say, fucking Tyson furiover.
I'm doing a little bit of bitch laps

658
00:43:52.239 --> 00:43:55.199
as we speak. But yeah,
I do also want to just because you

659
00:43:55.239 --> 00:43:58.800
mentioned made mention of it, I
just want to give a shout out to

660
00:43:58.840 --> 00:44:01.960
all y'all out there who have moms
who are doing the job of dads because

661
00:44:02.039 --> 00:44:07.519
men are what And also also I
also like to because I shout out vice

662
00:44:07.599 --> 00:44:09.480
ras as well, because there are
some probably few, but there are some

663
00:44:10.280 --> 00:44:14.159
there who are doing the job of
both parents as well. Because some mums

664
00:44:14.199 --> 00:44:17.199
I've heard of very very trash as
well. Yeah, we're available. Oh

665
00:44:17.280 --> 00:44:22.679
my god, oh yeah that's and
to all the gay dads as well,

666
00:44:22.760 --> 00:44:28.039
we love you, we see you. Congrats. Anybody's celebrating a father's day

667
00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:30.199
to day. What kind of parent
would you be? Do you think,

668
00:44:30.760 --> 00:44:32.480
what's the point? Would you want
kids? Would you want kids first?

669
00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:35.840
And then what kind of parent would
you be? Yes, I do want

670
00:44:35.960 --> 00:44:38.039
kids. My mom wants me to
have kids more than I want to have

671
00:44:38.159 --> 00:44:45.840
kids. Hadly different story. I
think I'd be fun, reckless dad.

672
00:44:45.880 --> 00:44:52.760
I need I need Daddy number two
one number one to be like, to

673
00:44:52.880 --> 00:44:59.360
be like firm and fair and because
I am like, we are going out

674
00:44:59.519 --> 00:45:04.960
on the no, Daddy's gonna take
you to the pub now. But I

675
00:45:05.000 --> 00:45:08.760
would be like, I'm just a
big your fond dad. Yeah, you'd

676
00:45:08.800 --> 00:45:12.119
be fond. I'd be fun dad. Yeah, I'd be like, yeah,

677
00:45:12.360 --> 00:45:15.239
we're going out, we're jumping in
puddles with running through mud, and

678
00:45:15.239 --> 00:45:20.159
then Dad number two that I'm going, oh, you're fucking muddy. Yeah

679
00:45:20.199 --> 00:45:23.119
that's cute, that's nice. I
just think I'm gonna be like my mom

680
00:45:23.199 --> 00:45:28.800
like I'm so oh, yes,
i do want kids, but I'm already

681
00:45:29.000 --> 00:45:32.599
so like. I just I think
I think I just I think i'd be

682
00:45:34.760 --> 00:45:37.679
loving parent. I think I'd be
in my fucking kids business all the time.

683
00:45:38.519 --> 00:45:42.920
Yeah, you would, and probably
be pushy because my mom was a

684
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:45.039
pushy parent as well, like not
like you have to do this, but

685
00:45:45.079 --> 00:45:49.519
whatever you're doing, you're doing it
well. So like and I definitely have

686
00:45:49.679 --> 00:45:52.400
that. I wouldn't let my child
kind of just talk about like if when

687
00:45:52.440 --> 00:45:55.800
it came to like doing work,
they'd be like they would they'd have to

688
00:45:55.840 --> 00:46:00.880
succeed, like they'd have to do
that best. I no, not,

689
00:46:00.920 --> 00:46:02.119
they don't have to succeed, but
they just have to try that outs that

690
00:46:02.199 --> 00:46:06.000
is important, not halfheartedly. I
wish my mom a bit more pushy,

691
00:46:06.079 --> 00:46:08.360
actually, I think I said in
the podcast before I wish I wish my

692
00:46:08.440 --> 00:46:12.280
mum had been like, go and
try this, go to this class,

693
00:46:12.320 --> 00:46:14.719
go to this class, go and
play this sport, and kind of pushed

694
00:46:14.719 --> 00:46:16.519
me to do more stuff because it
was always as a child it was very

695
00:46:16.599 --> 00:46:20.599
much like you can do that if
you want, but I'm not going to

696
00:46:20.880 --> 00:46:22.920
force you to do it. I
wouldn't force my choice for anything they didn't

697
00:46:22.920 --> 00:46:24.760
want to do, but I'd certainly
make more suggestions and try and be like

698
00:46:25.199 --> 00:46:29.880
get them to try more stuff because
I didn't really have any hobbies when I

699
00:46:29.920 --> 00:46:31.280
was a kid. So yeah,
I think that's a really important thing,

700
00:46:31.320 --> 00:46:36.079
four kids to have. I did
like I did tat Bally Modern and the

701
00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:42.239
Weekend they did saying that the whole
you'd actually you'll actually find that, like

702
00:46:42.480 --> 00:46:44.800
if and when you have kids of
your own, that that would be a

703
00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:49.320
blessing because what that means is you
learn from your parents. Well I don't

704
00:46:49.320 --> 00:46:51.679
want to say mistakes, but you
learn from how your parents parent did you.

705
00:46:51.840 --> 00:46:53.400
Yeah, and you're like, I
liked what they did here that worked.

706
00:46:53.480 --> 00:46:55.800
I didn't like what they did here, so I will never be that

707
00:46:55.880 --> 00:46:59.039
kind of parent. Yeah, you'll
find that that would be a blessing disguise

708
00:46:59.079 --> 00:47:01.199
when you have your own kids.
David, I would definitely have kids.

709
00:47:01.400 --> 00:47:06.880
I mean work being a teacher has
kind of like opened my eyes a bit

710
00:47:06.920 --> 00:47:10.960
more um into the life of children
and things like that, So I definitely

711
00:47:10.960 --> 00:47:15.760
would want kids. I would be
an awesome parent. I mean, I'm

712
00:47:15.760 --> 00:47:19.400
not even going to ramp about that. I would be fucking awesome. Like

713
00:47:19.480 --> 00:47:23.400
even all their mates kids will want
me to be their dad of parent.

714
00:47:23.679 --> 00:47:28.400
I reckon, you'd be strict.
I would be for me. I would

715
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:32.920
be strict within measure, obviously,
but I'd be I'd I think I'd be

716
00:47:32.920 --> 00:47:37.280
fun, I'd be awesome. I
mean, we can't have children. I'm

717
00:47:37.320 --> 00:47:42.559
sorry. Yeah, I'd be a
brilliant dad. I know that for a

718
00:47:42.639 --> 00:47:45.119
fact. I'm going to be the
one that rucked about I don't think I

719
00:47:45.119 --> 00:47:47.920
want kids, do you know?
I did used to say that, and

720
00:47:47.960 --> 00:47:51.400
I still kind of sit on the
fence. I used to say, I

721
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:52.519
sit on the fence, And to
be honest, it will be down to

722
00:47:52.800 --> 00:47:57.039
the man I marry. If the
man that I'm married really want your kids,

723
00:47:57.119 --> 00:47:58.880
I'm on the fence and I'm like, yeah, sure, drag me

724
00:47:58.880 --> 00:48:01.119
off your side. He doesn't want
If he doesn't want kids, it's also

725
00:48:01.159 --> 00:48:04.119
not affect in my life. But
I think I'm getting to a point now

726
00:48:04.199 --> 00:48:07.679
where I'm making the decision of my
own that I don't think I want kids.

727
00:48:07.480 --> 00:48:10.639
I like the idea of being able
to give them back, and every

728
00:48:10.760 --> 00:48:15.760
day, every single day, someone
else's kids gives me another reason why I

729
00:48:15.800 --> 00:48:20.440
don't want to have them. I
just I think I'm I think I can

730
00:48:20.480 --> 00:48:23.119
say my own negative traits. I
am selfish. I can't be self centered

731
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:27.280
and I'm just not responsible. But
then again, I'm talking as a twenty

732
00:48:27.280 --> 00:48:30.239
five year old. Yeah, ask
me asking me responsible? Yeah, exactly.

733
00:48:31.760 --> 00:48:36.320
It's more realistic than fine. I
like the money. That's the one

734
00:48:36.320 --> 00:48:37.880
thing as well. Like as I
get older as a gay, I'm a

735
00:48:37.880 --> 00:48:43.679
bit like do you know what?
I love holidays? Like I want the

736
00:48:43.719 --> 00:48:45.519
money that I earned to go on
things that I want, not not on

737
00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:52.920
eighteen years plus of your kids.
I'm twenty five, my mom, still

738
00:48:59.360 --> 00:49:07.639
I'll pay you. I could promise
twenty six last Friday. Yeah, I

739
00:49:07.679 --> 00:49:10.199
think I think I'll make a great
uncle. I think I'll make a great

740
00:49:10.239 --> 00:49:15.000
god parent. But like I said, I love the idea have it back.

741
00:49:15.599 --> 00:49:22.599
Yeah, it's like I do think
that for as as people who are

742
00:49:22.599 --> 00:49:25.599
the same sex parents or those who
can't biologically have sex with a like partner

743
00:49:25.639 --> 00:49:30.639
and create a baby, you have
to think about it a lot earlier,

744
00:49:30.679 --> 00:49:31.920
you know, I mean, would
you get I don't know what a podcast

745
00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:39.559
of straight men is. It's not
on my rage, But you can't imagine

746
00:49:39.559 --> 00:49:43.840
them like you aving kids moved that
like twenty five, they're going to be

747
00:49:43.920 --> 00:49:49.639
like I just and as gay.
It's one of the things you always think

748
00:49:49.679 --> 00:49:51.840
about like, oh, am I
gonna have kids? Like I really think

749
00:49:51.880 --> 00:49:54.079
you think about it from it from
from a really early age. Did your

750
00:49:54.119 --> 00:49:57.679
mom listen to the podcast, by
the way, Sometimes she does. She

751
00:49:57.719 --> 00:50:01.000
listen to some of them. She
loves it like she's she's a bad bit

752
00:50:01.199 --> 00:50:05.360
like one and truly she's like,
yeah, she's she's my Bessy. So

753
00:50:05.440 --> 00:50:07.920
I do shout out to my boss, he's I know, it's listener apparently

754
00:50:10.800 --> 00:50:15.880
iconic. I mean, taste,
the taste jumped out. I mean I

755
00:50:15.920 --> 00:50:17.960
was also think, sorry, I
was gonna say, I'm also think of

756
00:50:19.199 --> 00:50:23.000
probably adopting as well. Yeah,
I think that's also one of the things

757
00:50:23.000 --> 00:50:25.840
that puts me off as well.
I like the idea of adopting, but

758
00:50:25.920 --> 00:50:31.559
the process seems so daunting and long
and like such a thorough thorough things go

759
00:50:31.679 --> 00:50:35.119
through. I just almost don't think
I could be bothered. And also I

760
00:50:35.119 --> 00:50:37.440
think that they probably I think after
taking a long evaluation, they'd be like

761
00:50:37.480 --> 00:50:40.840
this one. No, he's not
having kiss absolutely no. Just love to

762
00:50:42.079 --> 00:50:45.480
like give a child, like to
give a child that sort of security.

763
00:50:45.559 --> 00:50:47.400
And do you love the idea of
giving a child? You know it doesn't

764
00:50:47.440 --> 00:50:50.400
didn't have the best starting. I
do you love the idea of that?

765
00:50:50.559 --> 00:50:53.039
Yeah, but the idea of getting
there is I'm not smallly emotionally stable as

766
00:50:53.079 --> 00:51:00.440
well, because actually a lot of
children we're gonna gona breakers pay wrap this

767
00:51:00.480 --> 00:51:04.280
up. We're not wrapping up because
we'll be right back. Don't wrap up

768
00:51:04.280 --> 00:51:13.760
if you want a baby though,
Hey, Hondys, are you still here?

769
00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:16.760
You better had baby? Welcome back, back, back, back,

770
00:51:16.920 --> 00:51:22.159
meg again. We're still here,
We're still queer um, and let's get

771
00:51:22.159 --> 00:51:24.840
this fucking show on the road.
I just wanted to I just wanted to

772
00:51:24.880 --> 00:51:28.719
read this. It just really made
me think about the conversation we were having.

773
00:51:28.840 --> 00:51:32.400
It's like from Philip Larkin, and
it's a it's a it's a poem,

774
00:51:32.559 --> 00:51:38.760
and it's a they fuck you up
your mom and dad. They may

775
00:51:38.800 --> 00:51:42.440
not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they

776
00:51:42.440 --> 00:51:46.760
had and some extra just for you. So happy fathers to everybody. Love

777
00:51:46.840 --> 00:51:52.079
that I own clutching my pearls.
Wait, I should also judging my Davis

778
00:51:52.079 --> 00:51:55.960
reaction, I'm saying, love that
I actually didn't listen to a way something

779
00:51:57.000 --> 00:51:58.639
else. I have no idea what
you just said, so I hope I

780
00:51:58.639 --> 00:52:07.119
didn't I'll listen back when I listened
to the episode, bastard content. So

781
00:52:07.239 --> 00:52:10.800
we've got a dilema, right,
you need to look at me, not

782
00:52:10.880 --> 00:52:16.199
John, and I've got it.
Oh okaycast. My favorite things do in

783
00:52:16.280 --> 00:52:21.079
this podcast is when something goes wrong. I'm like, remember when we recorded

784
00:52:21.679 --> 00:52:24.119
fun fact, Well you would have
guess if you listened to the listen to

785
00:52:24.159 --> 00:52:27.960
the episode. But it was the
time when we recorded the episode back to

786
00:52:28.000 --> 00:52:30.719
front and we did the dilemma bit
first and then we recorded the main bit

787
00:52:30.760 --> 00:52:35.440
afterwards. I'm hosting and I'm like, hi and welcome back. This isn't

788
00:52:35.480 --> 00:52:39.679
the wrong way round. So terrible
at this but okay, so do you

789
00:52:39.679 --> 00:52:45.000
have a dilemma, it says,
Hi, guys, I have a bit

790
00:52:45.039 --> 00:52:47.880
of a double pronged dilemma. The
first issue is that I never really have

791
00:52:49.000 --> 00:52:52.519
the chance to meet anyone new,
like a potential partner. I don't really

792
00:52:52.519 --> 00:52:54.960
like going out to bars or club
clubs much, and working life has me

793
00:52:55.000 --> 00:53:00.079
exhausted pretty much constantly. David,
you at this. I don't have any

794
00:53:00.079 --> 00:53:02.920
gay friends either, so I feel
kind of cut off from the community.

795
00:53:04.360 --> 00:53:07.760
The second issue is that I've never
been able to find anyone over the so

796
00:53:07.880 --> 00:53:12.559
let me start again. My reading
just escaped me. The second issue is

797
00:53:12.599 --> 00:53:15.480
that I've never been able to find
anyone over the years to have sex with.

798
00:53:15.760 --> 00:53:19.079
I'm thirty and I've never had what
many would class of sex just a

799
00:53:19.119 --> 00:53:22.960
few bjs. I'm now getting progressively
worried that it will never be part of

800
00:53:22.960 --> 00:53:24.760
my life, and because it's been
so long, I'm kind of scared to

801
00:53:24.760 --> 00:53:30.039
get physical with anyone that doesn't understand
my inexperience. Do you guys have any

802
00:53:30.079 --> 00:53:32.880
thoughts or advice? Thanks? Yes, I was going to read the brackets,

803
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:36.400
but but I don't need to.
Perhaps we should go at this in

804
00:53:36.440 --> 00:53:39.880
two parts. Yeah, that's so
the first best meeting someone meeting a potential

805
00:53:39.920 --> 00:53:50.519
partner. He was saying pronged before
prongeded. I swear I said pronged.

806
00:53:50.880 --> 00:53:58.719
Maybe it did listen to me.
Well for the first pronge the first prone,

807
00:53:59.400 --> 00:54:01.320
I would say, like, Okay, I don't know where you live

808
00:54:01.960 --> 00:54:06.840
or whether it's particularly like there's a
lot of gays in your area, but

809
00:54:06.880 --> 00:54:09.920
I mean I would just try and
utilize social media. I know we've said

810
00:54:09.920 --> 00:54:13.559
this a lot of the time,
so I don't want to kind of retry

811
00:54:13.679 --> 00:54:19.440
old ground. Go on things like
gapers which is GA y P E r

812
00:54:19.880 --> 00:54:24.199
U S before you start Dave.
It will link directly to David's home page.

813
00:54:27.559 --> 00:54:31.679
Yeah um. And and also just
things like meet up I think can

814
00:54:31.719 --> 00:54:36.599
be really good for things like that
joining an LGBT sports club, I think

815
00:54:36.639 --> 00:54:38.800
it would be a great way to
kind of meet people, and also just

816
00:54:39.000 --> 00:54:43.400
nosing around seeing what's going on in
the bars. Be brave, take yourself

817
00:54:43.519 --> 00:54:45.039
out, Like I think it can
be a bit scary going out in your

818
00:54:45.079 --> 00:54:49.800
in but if you want the dick, then that's certainly one way to try

819
00:54:49.840 --> 00:54:53.440
and go and get it. I
r L in real life. I'm going

820
00:54:53.519 --> 00:55:05.880
to really assow here please as you
all do continue Like I do understand that

821
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:08.639
work life can be exhausting, trust
me, I really do, But like

822
00:55:09.000 --> 00:55:13.679
you do need to help yourself.
Like if if you do really want to

823
00:55:13.880 --> 00:55:17.559
make gay friends, then you are
going to have to like take the step.

824
00:55:19.119 --> 00:55:21.679
And it's and it's affecting you that
much, then you know, do

825
00:55:21.760 --> 00:55:22.599
you make the effort to go out? And I said, you don't want

826
00:55:22.639 --> 00:55:28.360
to because you're tired, But there's
only so much we can advise. If

827
00:55:28.519 --> 00:55:30.159
if you just want to sit in
between you all four walls. Like,

828
00:55:30.719 --> 00:55:32.440
you know, we give them our
advice all the time, the amount of

829
00:55:32.480 --> 00:55:35.639
times you've chated out gaybys, amount
of times if they go to a gaate

830
00:55:35.679 --> 00:55:37.679
sports club like we do get these
mbers a lot. And it's and it's

831
00:55:37.679 --> 00:55:45.039
sad to hear that people don't have
the sort of networks of gay people around

832
00:55:45.159 --> 00:55:47.880
them that we do. But there
is only so much that we can do

833
00:55:49.000 --> 00:55:51.800
for you from afar without you,
you know, you know, being brave

834
00:55:51.880 --> 00:55:55.679
and taking that step into a gay
bar where you're likely to make friends,

835
00:55:55.679 --> 00:56:00.239
if you're just brave enough and open
enough to go and do that and takes

836
00:56:00.400 --> 00:56:01.639
what it takes bravery though, it
does take it, and I think it's

837
00:56:01.679 --> 00:56:05.760
one of those things that you know, if you're feeling isolate from the community,

838
00:56:06.280 --> 00:56:07.840
it takes sometimes a bit of it. I would say, volunteer in

839
00:56:07.880 --> 00:56:12.280
any LGBT organizations locally as well.
It can be a good way. To

840
00:56:12.360 --> 00:56:19.760
me. There were always people,
look, it's actually a really good idea.

841
00:56:20.440 --> 00:56:24.960
Oh my god, we've done it, episode thirty eight idea Josh Willis

842
00:56:30.159 --> 00:56:37.840
John John's like it's true, first
time truly, But yeah, I didn't

843
00:56:37.880 --> 00:56:38.880
know. That can be a good
way as well. Like something around like

844
00:56:39.039 --> 00:56:43.480
volunteer in your time and I know
you yeah, John, I mean John

845
00:56:43.760 --> 00:56:45.679
clearly blaming bad cop here, like
go out and do something, but it

846
00:56:45.840 --> 00:56:49.559
does. I know it takes take
time, but you do have to make

847
00:56:49.599 --> 00:56:53.119
that make these new connections. I've
spoken time and time again about how it's

848
00:56:53.199 --> 00:56:59.880
difficult to make friends like so this
is like almost like a double pronged dim

849
00:57:00.039 --> 00:57:02.400
within a double probinct dilemma because on
the one hand, the person who wrote

850
00:57:02.440 --> 00:57:06.920
this mentioned meeting a potential partner and
also being cut off in the community.

851
00:57:07.280 --> 00:57:09.039
So if you're looking for friends,
it's super difficult as an adult to make

852
00:57:09.079 --> 00:57:13.920
friends because you're out of a situation
now where you're kind of thrown together to

853
00:57:14.000 --> 00:57:17.440
make friends like UNI or school.
You're not in that situation anymore. Unfortunately,

854
00:57:17.880 --> 00:57:21.440
there are only so many avenues you
can go down to make friends.

855
00:57:21.880 --> 00:57:25.599
And that also goes for like getting
a partner as well. So, like

856
00:57:25.760 --> 00:57:29.800
Josh said, like utilizing social media, that's how I have most of my

857
00:57:29.880 --> 00:57:36.239
friends. They mostly come from that. I'm I understand the not wanting to

858
00:57:36.320 --> 00:57:37.800
go out on your own or not
wanting to get it because you're tired.

859
00:57:37.920 --> 00:57:45.159
Like I've fully understand that I want
to I never want to go anywhere.

860
00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:51.320
But if it's something that's really getting
you down and you're finding that the avenues

861
00:57:51.320 --> 00:57:55.119
you've already gone down haven't worked,
then it's time to kind of step out

862
00:57:55.159 --> 00:57:59.679
of your comfort zone and try something
new and see what happens there. Whether

863
00:57:59.760 --> 00:58:01.400
that going out. It doesn't have
to be on a Saturday night. Maybe

864
00:58:01.400 --> 00:58:02.920
you can be on one the quiet
night, so maybe it could be a

865
00:58:02.960 --> 00:58:09.239
Tuesday night or a Friday night or
something like that. That's quite busy Wednesday

866
00:58:09.280 --> 00:58:14.679
night. But there's always going to
be somebody at work who you know,

867
00:58:15.119 --> 00:58:17.760
try and find like the lid of
avivacious one at work. It doesn't mind

868
00:58:17.840 --> 00:58:22.280
talking to anybody and be like,
heyah, there's always one. Let's go

869
00:58:22.400 --> 00:58:27.360
to the gay bar. There'll be
one up for it. Also, maybe

870
00:58:27.400 --> 00:58:31.039
I said this offer, but there
was Chappy. You've done like a refurbishment

871
00:58:31.079 --> 00:58:35.119
of there he said it was,
yeah, so Chappy have done like a

872
00:58:35.159 --> 00:58:38.239
refurb of their app, not done
another one. Yeah, but this one

873
00:58:38.280 --> 00:58:43.679
I actually like, and this one
like fully separates. If you're looking for

874
00:58:43.840 --> 00:58:45.480
all days, you're looking for commitment, if you're looking for casual, or

875
00:58:45.480 --> 00:58:52.920
if you're looking for friends, So
you can if you download Chappy and then

876
00:58:52.039 --> 00:58:54.880
just go across the tabs and two
you at the friends. You're swiping for

877
00:58:55.039 --> 00:59:00.760
friends, which I do understand is
like kind of an odd set because how

878
00:59:00.800 --> 00:59:02.519
are you kind of deciding who's swipe
right on if it's a friendly thing.

879
00:59:02.800 --> 00:59:06.480
Yeah, but everyone just swipe right
out of them. Yeah, just suck

880
00:59:06.480 --> 00:59:10.719
it, just go for the blinkers. But yeah, and on the casey

881
00:59:10.800 --> 00:59:14.920
getting a partner again, I would
say, show social media and dating apps

882
00:59:15.320 --> 00:59:17.360
or just getting out there. Just
fortunately, someone's not going to walk into

883
00:59:17.440 --> 00:59:21.000
your house and not going to be
your boyfriend without you calling the police.

884
00:59:21.079 --> 00:59:27.599
Especially, I mean, I think
you're right, Chappy Hinge, tender grinder,

885
00:59:27.760 --> 00:59:30.199
get yourself on it. And actually, but firstly, I do want

886
00:59:30.199 --> 00:59:37.239
to say, don't worry, do
not worry about being thirty and yeah that's

887
00:59:37.239 --> 00:59:39.119
the next but I forgot, You're
not You're not alone. What you're going

888
00:59:39.119 --> 00:59:40.719
to say, yeah, yeah,
yeah, it's not the end of the

889
00:59:40.800 --> 00:59:45.119
world. I mean there's I mean, we'll say, well, I'm just

890
00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:50.280
rehashing what everyone said. Social media, especially, um, that's how I

891
00:59:50.400 --> 00:59:52.559
found most, well mostly, if
not all, of my gay friends.

892
00:59:53.440 --> 00:59:57.800
Common interests there are going to be
loads of people out there who are interested

893
00:59:57.800 --> 01:00:00.159
in the same thing. Maybe you
just like, I don't know, reply

894
01:00:00.320 --> 01:00:04.960
to somebody. I know it sounds
weird, but yeah, reply to people

895
01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:07.320
you don't know. Get the conversation
going. Yeah, but that's how you

896
01:00:07.679 --> 01:00:10.760
that's how you make for that's how
we know we will know each other.

897
01:00:10.800 --> 01:00:14.360
We reply to Ben's tweet, as
we talked about in great detail last week,

898
01:00:15.599 --> 01:00:21.119
but about getting dicked down, like
I do think, I mean,

899
01:00:21.320 --> 01:00:27.280
just calling up, I would say
what it is, I would say,

900
01:00:27.559 --> 01:00:30.440
you got to get on the apps. Um, And actually people might like

901
01:00:30.679 --> 01:00:34.000
in experience, I think people sometimes
like that. You know, if you

902
01:00:34.119 --> 01:00:36.760
were like, you know, I've
never done this before, you'll get people

903
01:00:36.800 --> 01:00:39.159
in your in We're going to show
you the away. Yeah yeah, yeah,

904
01:00:39.199 --> 01:00:42.719
yeah yeah. I mean it might
not have their best they might not

905
01:00:42.800 --> 01:00:45.840
have the best intended to think about
it. But I mean, if you

906
01:00:45.960 --> 01:00:50.440
just if you want the day quick
time, then I reckon that might actually

907
01:00:50.480 --> 01:00:52.639
be enop work. You normally give
such good advice, but that is the

908
01:00:52.719 --> 01:00:58.239
worst advice ever gave you. He
shouldn't so badly, No, I don't

909
01:00:58.239 --> 01:01:01.800
think it's the one to show him
with Darrow. No, I don't think

910
01:01:01.920 --> 01:01:05.239
for that at all. I'm going
back to good cop, Like, I

911
01:01:05.360 --> 01:01:08.800
don't think that we should encourage this
person to suddenly rush to be ripped a

912
01:01:08.840 --> 01:01:15.679
shrede like wait wait wait wait wait
wait okay. What I think we should

913
01:01:15.840 --> 01:01:22.000
we should focus on here first is
not how to get laid, but how

914
01:01:22.280 --> 01:01:24.199
like like no, no, no, no no no, not how to

915
01:01:24.280 --> 01:01:28.559
find it, but how to like
how you should be feeling about this,

916
01:01:28.719 --> 01:01:34.400
Like I don't feel like you should
be feeling uncomfortable or in any way like

917
01:01:34.599 --> 01:01:39.480
you're like a bad gay for being
inexperience, and like I feel like if

918
01:01:39.559 --> 01:01:43.599
that's something that you're worried about,
which you said you mean you're worried that

919
01:01:43.639 --> 01:01:46.880
other people will be like they won't
like because you're inexperience, don't worry about

920
01:01:46.880 --> 01:01:50.760
that because if they're if they say
something, if they're if they're not happy

921
01:01:50.800 --> 01:01:53.480
with your inexperience or they're not,
that says more about them than it does

922
01:01:53.639 --> 01:01:57.400
use to speak. So like if
someone's like, well, I can't go

923
01:01:57.440 --> 01:02:00.199
any because you're like you haven't done
anything like what or if someone wants to

924
01:02:00.280 --> 01:02:05.840
judge you for not being experienced by
thirty that says more about them than you,

925
01:02:06.000 --> 01:02:08.079
and you shouldn't pay attention to those
people. So be more. Be

926
01:02:08.159 --> 01:02:12.599
comfortable with where you're right now.
I think that should come first, and

927
01:02:12.840 --> 01:02:15.800
then what you'll find is that everything
will kind of fall into place, but

928
01:02:15.960 --> 01:02:22.400
fall into place as you're like being
active to find that wouldn't drop on your

929
01:02:22.440 --> 01:02:25.320
lap. Yeah, it won't drop
it, It won't drop into your it

930
01:02:25.360 --> 01:02:30.320
won't drop like that. But like, yes, once you're comfortable with where

931
01:02:30.400 --> 01:02:35.360
you're at, you will find that
you're more confident to start doing things that

932
01:02:35.440 --> 01:02:38.039
are outside of your comfort zone.
Yeah right, yeah, And like I

933
01:02:38.159 --> 01:02:42.519
think with gay friends and doing those
things, being around more gay people will

934
01:02:42.639 --> 01:02:46.960
lead to like dick, like no
doubt, Yeah, there's pride. Pride

935
01:02:47.039 --> 01:02:52.239
is coming up. You know,
I'm laughing at Josh to clarify, No,

936
01:02:52.400 --> 01:02:54.440
I'm not saying like I'm you know, if you ain't ready for the

937
01:02:54.480 --> 01:02:58.360
apps or anything like then then don't
then don't do it. But if you

938
01:02:58.440 --> 01:03:02.239
do want to, I think that
that might be a quick a quicker route

939
01:03:02.840 --> 01:03:07.880
sometimes. I mean, I don't
think there's Emma reads like they're in a

940
01:03:07.960 --> 01:03:10.480
massive rush to get fired. I
think I don't know if they're not doing

941
01:03:10.519 --> 01:03:22.480
the fucking's sap. Well okay,
sorry sorry, top erasure rides matter,

942
01:03:22.119 --> 01:03:27.599
top rights really do matter. I'm
sick of it. Really funny tweet saying,

943
01:03:28.199 --> 01:03:31.880
um bottoms were inducing anymore? If
top someone up like ship that they

944
01:03:31.920 --> 01:03:38.559
can get it. But yeah,
like her viva bottom. But I do

945
01:03:38.760 --> 01:03:45.239
think that we like I do think
that be comfortable in yourself, but push

946
01:03:45.320 --> 01:03:49.280
yourself, you know, like just
go out your comfort zone a little bit.

947
01:03:49.840 --> 01:03:52.159
Um And yeah, I would say
they'll know the app, see what

948
01:03:52.199 --> 01:03:53.119
happens. You don't have to meet
anyone, but if you get the vibe,

949
01:03:53.159 --> 01:03:57.119
you could meet somebody fantastic. Yeah, and just also as on aside

950
01:03:57.199 --> 01:04:00.280
from that, just also make sure
that like when you're going out of your

951
01:04:00.280 --> 01:04:01.920
comfort zone or when you're you know, downloading these apps, that you're staying

952
01:04:01.960 --> 01:04:06.679
safe and that you're not patting yourself
in any danger Like obviously we're not encouraging

953
01:04:06.719 --> 01:04:12.880
you to do something wild and no, we're not doing that. Yeah,

954
01:04:13.440 --> 01:04:15.800
I'm just making it the su Like, I'm sure you're an adult and you

955
01:04:15.880 --> 01:04:17.239
know how to look after yourself,
but I'm just making sure that you're not

956
01:04:17.280 --> 01:04:23.079
pat yourself in any dangerous situations um, yeah, fucking out more thought.

957
01:04:25.679 --> 01:04:28.519
Dam must''s the way you're going,
and Ben will track your whole evening,

958
01:04:29.880 --> 01:04:34.920
drop your drop your life location.
But I hope you do get like,

959
01:04:35.239 --> 01:04:44.199
you find more friends and you get
at the dick as well. We're done.

960
01:04:44.440 --> 01:04:48.920
I think you done. Yeah,
what's everyone up to this week?

961
01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:55.639
Come in anything exciting? No,
I'm just gonna probably just track down someone

962
01:04:55.679 --> 01:04:57.840
belong lost family. I don't really
know how to be looking. I'll get

963
01:04:57.880 --> 01:05:03.119
Divina and Nikki on the blow when
you do an ITV. Initially I was

964
01:05:03.159 --> 01:05:06.519
really excited, as you can imagine. I was ready for a long lost

965
01:05:06.559 --> 01:05:13.679
family are Oh yeah, I've got
nothing planned? Josh, what are you

966
01:05:13.760 --> 01:05:15.360
doing? I think I've only mentioned
it. I did. I mention it

967
01:05:15.440 --> 01:05:20.000
on the podcast What You Go You
did? I'm going to la. I

968
01:05:20.039 --> 01:05:32.039
don't know now what you doing,
babes? Nothing? You need a holiday,

969
01:05:32.519 --> 01:05:35.679
a good holiday, and haven't booked
anything. So it's going to be

970
01:05:35.719 --> 01:05:38.840
a last minute thing. That the
best thing, and it's going to be

971
01:05:38.880 --> 01:05:41.679
expensive as well because all the kids
are off as well at the same time.

972
01:05:42.039 --> 01:05:44.639
Yeah, you're going away, I
might come with you actually, yeah,

973
01:05:44.679 --> 01:05:48.039
oh yeah, we're going just the
two of us just a couple's retreats.

974
01:05:48.079 --> 01:05:56.599
Sorry, we're going to a Sandals
finger blasting on the beach. I'm

975
01:05:56.679 --> 01:05:59.039
going. I'm going inute September,
going to sight Press for two weeks and

976
01:05:59.199 --> 01:06:01.400
Josh might comfort Yeah, not the
whole time. You see so close.

977
01:06:02.039 --> 01:06:06.559
We think we are in to sense
something here. I really am. I

978
01:06:06.679 --> 01:06:10.840
remember I came to record this podcast
one time and Josh had been in his

979
01:06:10.920 --> 01:06:16.280
bed all night. That was all
day a blanket. Yeah, I mean

980
01:06:16.760 --> 01:06:25.840
if you could still leak him Yeah, wasn't It wasn't foined it. But

981
01:06:25.920 --> 01:06:30.320
honest series no, no, like
we speak most days. So yeah,

982
01:06:30.480 --> 01:06:33.599
I would say you're one of my
best stuff. Thanks. I pop up

983
01:06:33.599 --> 01:06:36.280
and be like, yeah, I
can record. I can't record and talk

984
01:06:36.280 --> 01:06:42.280
to you again. Occasionally message Ben
during the weekend, she's listened to the

985
01:06:42.360 --> 01:06:45.719
podcast, like, yeah, he
didn't we tweet it. Sorry, I'm

986
01:06:45.800 --> 01:06:51.440
very you can't. You can't just
responsible are you doing this week? Ben?

987
01:06:51.880 --> 01:06:58.639
Nothing? That's finish that book were
trying. We're trying one last time

988
01:06:58.679 --> 01:07:02.480
at Ben at the end of a
line, now reminds me, Okay,

989
01:07:02.639 --> 01:07:06.400
that's us wrapped up for this week. You can follow us on all the

990
01:07:06.480 --> 01:07:10.719
usual channels on the Latch on Twitter, on Latch podcasts on Instagram. You

991
01:07:10.800 --> 01:07:14.800
can email us your dilemmas on Latch
podcast at gmail dot com, and as

992
01:07:14.840 --> 01:07:17.840
always, our Curious Cats links on
our Twitter if you have any other on

993
01:07:18.039 --> 01:07:21.599
that. Actually, if you're going
to send us like stuff in our Curious

994
01:07:21.679 --> 01:07:26.960
Cat that's like not very nice,
Like just have the pulster set with your

995
01:07:27.039 --> 01:07:30.719
chest and just like at us.
Maybe instead don't alt me. Yeah,

996
01:07:30.840 --> 01:07:35.480
David, that guy at Josh at
me, I'm ready to fight. I

997
01:07:35.599 --> 01:07:43.840
was about to say, I stay
perched, darling, but yeah, I

998
01:07:43.920 --> 01:07:46.079
agree, But I really want,
like Phil it with some like fucking gross

999
01:07:46.119 --> 01:07:48.719
shit, Like I want like not
in a like awful way, but like

1000
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:53.480
in a like I want to hear
some tea. We want to throw it

1001
01:07:53.599 --> 01:07:57.559
in. Any dilemmas that you guys
have messier the better, even just a

1002
01:07:57.639 --> 01:08:00.360
story, even a story that we
can talk about that we can relate back.

1003
01:08:00.840 --> 01:08:02.559
Obviously, everything's cut anonymous, especially
with the Curious cut, but even

1004
01:08:02.599 --> 01:08:05.239
if you email us that will stay
anonymous. Anyway. You can DM us

1005
01:08:05.239 --> 01:08:11.280
as well. Ye rate subscribe some
daddy stories about dad or for old parents

1006
01:08:11.360 --> 01:08:15.920
stories. If you've listened to anything
today and it's kind of sports like struck

1007
01:08:15.960 --> 01:08:18.560
a chord with you and you have
any stories around being gay in your parents

1008
01:08:18.720 --> 01:08:23.399
or just anything like that, being
a gay parent parent, but I would

1009
01:08:23.399 --> 01:08:27.640
be really fascinated, So please let
us know. Yeah, and also if

1010
01:08:27.680 --> 01:08:29.880
you have any topics that he wants
to discuss, you can also let us

1011
01:08:29.920 --> 01:08:31.920
know that as well, and we
will do our best to accommodate you all.

1012
01:08:33.000 --> 01:08:40.760
She accommodates. Okay, So yeah, we've been on the Latch podcast

1013
01:08:40.800 --> 01:08:45.479
sponsor by Delivery, and we will
see you next Tuesday. Bye bye