WEBVTT

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Hi. I'm Jason, creator of
The Gray Rooms. As much as we

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love bringing you fresh new stories every
season, we love introducing you to new

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podcasts we think you'll love, and
this is one of them. From the

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Twisted Minds at Good Point Podcasts,
we'd like to introduce Two Flat Earth's Kidnappa

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Freemason. Flat Earth Society members Randy
Dunning and Gayale Krueger are not oblivious.

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They know what's really going on.
They know what's being hidden from the rest

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of the world, and the Freemason
trapped in the basement is primed to reveal

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all an explosive viral video well as
soon as they can figure out how to

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do that. From the mind of
Jeremy Elle, it comes a dark,

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satirical comedy set in a world of
conspiracy. Two Flat Earthers Kidnapper Freemason starring

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Zane Schecked from Less's Morgue, Lauren
Grace Thompson from The Vanishing Act, Matthew

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Woodcock from The Monster Hunters, and
Addison Peacock from a Noslee podcast. Check

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out Two Flat Earthers Kidnapper Freemason on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you

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get your pod guests. New episodes
drop every Friday. The truth is out

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there for those willing to dig a
little deeper. Morning. People who listen

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to two flatophers can never freemas some
experience and being intense more intensilarity and make

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moral social media videos. Two fladiphers
can never freemason, except nor waming for

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damages cards unless you get rich.
You Malcolm Kirkpatrick is the kind of man

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who gets the job done. That's
what people always say about him. They

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choose to ignore his methods. Now, would you look at that? All

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the no trespassing signs match the ones
on Google street View. A few short

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weeks ago, the long time recluse
Daniel down Ripple went public with his intention

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to publish a tell all expose on
what he referred to as the Industrial Space

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Complex. Books containing wild claims about
the government aren't new you or even uncommon.

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They fill library shelves across the world. The difference here being that down

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Ripple, due to his previous access
to classified materials, might actually have the

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credentials and evidence to back up his
claims. Nervous fingers poke through the blinds

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and bend them into a wide peep
hole. A surprised shocked white face stares

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back at Malcolm. Hello, mister
down Ripple, how are you doing today?

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I'm not buying any magazine. No, it's about your book. I'm

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with Rope and Hammer. The door
creaks open to reveal the rest of Daniel

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down Ripple. He looks exactly how
you'd imagine a reclusive former astrophysicist to look,

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which is to say, sexy as
a motherfucker. Just kidding. He

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looks like shit, sure you're with
the publishers. Yes, right, I'm

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here on behalf of Rope and Ah. Why did you say so? Come

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in, come in? Hopefully you're
here to deliver a few more bags of

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money. Unfortunately I'm without bags of
money. Ah, thank you, thank

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you. That is lovely. I
felt some old photos I thought might make

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a nice addition to the book.
Down Ripple slides a Manila folder across the

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table to Mac in a way that
suggests he'd been waiting a long time for

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the chance to slide a mysterious Manilla
folder across a table to a stranger in

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a suit. M it doesn't look
like it has much to do with the

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Industrial space complex, thanks to me, like a bunch of micothrops, wolf

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walkers, were wolves. I have
reason to believe that they're also somehow tied

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up in all this fake moon landing
business. Down Ripple watches as Mac continues

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to look over the pictures with board
apathy, he turns them from left to

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right, as if some hidden picture
within the picture might suddenly appear. What's

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led you to believe something like that? I've recently come into possession of certain

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evidence which seems to suggest that Freemasons
are taking their orders from an intelligent life

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form from not only beyond our world, but beyond our dimension. Really.

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Oh yes, the Masons were in
league with all sorts of monsters like werewolves.

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Not just werewolves, all the cryptids, bigfoot, mothmen, goatmen,

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dogmen, cowboys. They're all working
together to control our world while keeping their

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existence a secret. Where did you
hear about such wild claims? My sources

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need to remain anonymous. Freemasons are
known to have operatives an assassins everywhere.

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I can't just go spilling these beans
all over town. While I understand you'll

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need to keep your beans, it'll
be a tough sell to the folks back

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at the corporate officers. If we're
to be publishing a book claiming that Freemasons

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are working alongside Dracula, Frankenstein and
the tooth Fairy, then you'll need to

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provide a source. Doesn't need to
be on record and in a text,

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but my colleagues and I will need
to be. I never said Dracula or

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Frankenstein. You might as well have
what you what did you there? It

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is? Why relax, Daniel,
and you're having a heart attack, Just

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let it happen. It's quite ironic, don't you think. For years you've

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allowed your paranoid impulses to control and
dictate your life. They told you to

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run, to hide yourself from everyone
you love, to surround yourself with walls

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for the purpose of protection, to
keep yourself safe and alive. Then one

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day a lying man showed up on
your doorstep, ready and prepared to kill

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you, and you willingly open the
door of your fortress and let him inside.

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It is ironic, no free The
influence of Freemasonry is undeniable and unavoidable.

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But who are these mysterious apron wearing
craftsmen and what are they up to?

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For centuries hate to ask. Conspiracy
theorists have attempted to answer these questions

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need to come to the general consensus
that while they don't know exactly what the

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Freemasons are doing behind those closed doors, they do know it cannot be any

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good. Or, as one eighteenth
century conspiracy theorist put it, if such

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people were not doing evil, they
would never have so much hatred of the

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light. But this isn't the story
of how the Freemasons built their temple of

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secrecy. No, this is the
story of how it all came crashing down,

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brick by brick, all because of
one man, Randy Dunning. By

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his own admission, Randy is an
online entrepreneur and a flat Earth content creator.

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He has at times also claimed to
have been a two time poetry dot

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Com Poet of the Year, a
ninth degree black belt Taekwondo grandmaster, an

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anti gravity activist, and an international
leader in the fight against globalism. Randrew

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Andal Dunning, a self taught master
of everything. Randy first became aware of

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the true nature of our world during
an Internet flame war about bumblebees. Randy

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scoured the Internet for counterproof, but
to his amazement, the search results were

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all well engineered lies and be related
misinformation. So he dug further, Randy

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soon found himself on an unstoppable,
unskippable daisy chain of information. Each video

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he watched would corroborate the claims of
the previous video, until when watching one

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of these videos, Randrew would discover
the real truth about bees that given their

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wingspan, body weight, and all
known laws of physics, bumblebees should not

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be able to fly. And if
that were true, then gravity as we

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knew it might also be fake.
And if that were true, Sir Isaac

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Newton, the original perpetuator of the
gravity myth, would have been a liar,

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a fraud, and unsurprisingly, a
freemason. So young and impressionable thirty

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three year old Randy Dunning was left
with two options. He could research for

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difference between fixed wing flight and moving
wing flight, or he could look into

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this whole gravity is fake and Freemason's
an evil thing and see where it led

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him. Two Flat Earth As Kidnap
a Freemason Episode one, Shadow Band sit

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right here so we can open Two
Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason written and created

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by Jeremy Ellert, starring Zane Shacked, Jack Carmichael Graham, Rowert, Lauren

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Grace Thompson, David Alts, Adam
Clark, Maya Murphy, Ryan, Philbrook,

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Josh Rabino, Brandon Finch, Michelle
Kelly, Kirsty Wolven, Kristen dmccurio,

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Matthew Woodcock, Charlie Wess, and
Addison Peacock. I get this from

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a very reliable source, and it
may come as a shock to many of

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you, but the entire state of
Delaware doesn't exist. It's nothing but two

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thousand square miles of ghost towns and
corruption. Mannequins, fake storefronts, doctored

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maps. They've got more businesses living
in Delaware than there are people living in

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Delaware. Someone needs to tell the
old leads to do something about this traffic.

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What's up, chicken nug? Did
you see the video, the one

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where the monkey rides up on the
tiny motorcycle and tries to kidnap that kid?

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Shit? Yeah, I was like, go monkey, go what?

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No? Karen just posted the new
one already. What's it about? August

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update Colan ancient astronaut Beery debunked question
mark the secret occult truth about cheese.

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If time can be a flat circle, why can't the earth looks like?

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She gets into a few different topics. Any comments. The lighting is terrible,

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no surprise there, and the claims
she's making about Ga Beckley, tepe

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and goat cheese are pretty suss.
I meant comments on the video. Yeah,

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yeah, we've got a couple of
comments here. Okay, let me

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see. Oh here's one. Love
it? Love this so much? Check

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your DMS. Dang girl, you
win in on them. Hello, heliocentric

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fantasies? How would you like to
earn seventy thousand dollars a week while working

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from home as the owner of your
own business? A few that are just

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the eyeballs emoji? Do you want
to cheat and eats? Next? Karen?

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How dare you be so brave?
Stuff like that? How many views?

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Twenty six thousand, six hundred and
fifty three? What's our last one?

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At? Fifty fifty thousand? All
right? Not bad? Not bad?

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Nope, just fifty fifty total views. Goddamn shadow band. I was

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thinking, since we're shadow band anyway, maybe we can finally try my fish

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tank idea. No, if we
want people to start taking the concept of

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a flat or seriously, then we're
going to need to start taking ourselves seriously.

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What should we do this weekend,
We're going to upload a video that

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will change the world forever. I'm
going to bring home another aquarium anyway,

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just in case. Wake up Sheeple, Delaware does not exist. As Randy

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begins his daily dead man's walk,
he notices an unfamiliar face has joined him

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in the parking lot. They look
happy and confident, far too happy and

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much too confident to be an employee
of Clark Communications. As this cheerful spy

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starts to open the door to the
front entrance, Randy calls out to her,

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Hey, hold up, can you
hold the door from me? Oh?

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Sure thing. Being the kind,
caring and gracious person she is,

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the woman steps to the side and
holds the door open for Randy. He

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smiles and waves as he enters the
building. I appreciate it. It's no

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problem at all. Then Randy immediately
turns, grabs the door handle and pulls

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the door shut. What the hell? A bewildered face stares back at him

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from the other side of the glass. Where's your badge? I didn't realize

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you were with security. There's a
whole lot of evil in this world.

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That's why we wear badges and name
tags. Horrendous act of violence can be

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carried out by little old ladies such
as yourself. That was unnecessarily rude and

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unfortunately I don't have a badge yet. I'm supposed to be starting work here

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today. The email said something about
checking in when I arrived just a second.

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Um, Sorry, I I know
I've I've got it in here somewhere

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that's going to take forever. Just
tell me your name, Bonnie long be

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like boy? Oh I can spell? Is that Bonnie with a why?

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Or an ie? Are I E? I had some trouble finding this place.

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I hope I'm not late. Unfortunately, Bonnie, you are too late.

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Hey, sorry about that. Don't
listen to him. Here's your visitor

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pass. You'll get your picture taken
and receive an official badge later today.

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With those doubled wars over there and
find Walter Clay. He'll help you out.

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Thank you. What wasn't Ed?
Thank you? Ed? We can

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never be too safe, right,
No, we really can't. Can I

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see your badge, sir? Don't
be like that, Ed, I accidentally

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left it at home. Hey,
y'all, it's Rando from the Flat Truth.

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Before I get started fighting the good
fight today, I just want to

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remind everyone to like, subscribe and
share. We've been slapped with a pretty

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serious shadow band. And if I
could be just a complete blunt for a

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second, you folks don't seem to
be doing Jack's shit about it? Breen?

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You? Who can you be too
sure? You've been Jabin? You

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messaged him pretty serious evidence. If
you're gonna make those kang of accusations,

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will I do? Let me just
lay it out there. The Flat Truth

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is a wildly successful content creation company, but we're barely hitting a thousand views

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on our videos. Somehow our numbers
are higher than ever, but I guess

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that's what happens when you speak the
truth the flat truth. Remember, folks,

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there's no such thing as a coincidence. Hey, check out this video

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Monkey on a motorcycle? Is this
one where the monkey does the loot de

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loop? Nah? In this one, a monkey rides up on a little

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motorcycle and tries to kidnap this kid. It's funny as shit. How many

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views does it have? Two hundred
and seventeen thousand? No, that's quite

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a bit. Actually, my sister
showed me a video yesterday of a dog

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with the post poop zoomies, and
that video had like sixty million views.

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Look that one up. Why are
you watching a dog take a shit?

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It's not that part, it's just
the dog being all jazzed up and running

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around afterwards. Still weird, whatever, man, I think it's cute anyway.

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Check this out. This monkey is
fucking wild, freaking I had won't

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let me smashed potatoes experience the game
The New York Times un ironically called an

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absolute smash hit from farm to table. You control the entire potato life cycle,

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harvest fresh potatoes and smash off.
Oh you know what, upgrade and

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customize the decor of your lashing fouls? Did you cut this out of the

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new papery and friends? Or millions
of potato smashers? And the serge is

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kicking him in the butt. See
I don't get it. You get it,

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you get it. Yeah, thank
you for holding mister Maggray. I

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appreciate your patience. I just wanted
to let you know that I'm still working

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on your account and doing everything I
can to try and get that fee weight.

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No, who worries at all,
just doing my job. I really

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hate to do this to you again, but I am going to need to

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put you on another quick hold while
I contact a specials about this issue.

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Thank you, And by the way, your silly little cartoon reinforces some seriously

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harmful bowling issues that plague our military. Not to mention the fact that it's

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obviously pro American imperialist propaganda. It's
funny, it's irresponsible, is what it

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is. Yet I'm just gonna let
you have this one, Randy, because

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you know I'm right. That's all
I do all day long, chop chop

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chop, chopping the heads off of
people's dumb arguments. Do you ever wonder

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why they put your desk so close
to security? Let some real danger come

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up in here, you'll be begging
for my help. Oh yeah, I

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forgot. You're a mister junior Olympic
taekwondo champion or whatever. Thanks again for

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holding, mister maggery. Unfortunately,
we are not going to be able to

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waive the fee for you today.
I understand, I understand that, I

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understand your frustration. Would you mind
holding for one second, sir? I

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need to reboot my system. Smellowdie, finish up with your current call.

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00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:06.400
Let's go ahead and love all the
way out of production and come meet me

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00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:15.880
in my own You got it.
Welcome to Birdies, Pets and More,

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the fourth or fifth best pet store
in the Saint Louis area. Not bad

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00:19:22.519 --> 00:19:26.160
Berties, not bad at all.
Gail Krueger will be with us in just

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one second. She's finishing up with
another customer. Could you please not do

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that? Do what? Could you
not bathe my pets food with your cancer

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00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:47.559
rage? Oh no, it's okay. The scanner is one hundred percent completely

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safe. Nothing to worry about.
You don't get to tell me what to

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worry about. How about you do
some research for yourself instead of just parroting

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00:19:55.559 --> 00:20:00.000
everything the TV has to say.
Let's see us to be the problem here

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00:20:02.039 --> 00:20:04.839
head something about a parrot. Now, if you refer to the mccare in

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00:20:04.839 --> 00:20:08.640
the back, I do want to
assure you that he learned all those profane

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00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:15.079
hot takes from a previous owner.
Your employee here was spraying her cancer lasers

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00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:19.319
all over my dog tree Yale.
They're talking about the scanner. It is

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00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:25.880
incredibly irresponsible for you to be using
those scanners on things people eat. You

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00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:30.119
eat things, these things called cancer. No they don't, Yes they do.

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00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:36.240
I was reading all about it online. Are you even on Facebook?

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00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:41.319
Everybody's on Facebook? Then I don't
know how you haven't heard about this yet.

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00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:45.440
It's all over Facebook. I'll tell
you what if you send me some

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00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:49.279
links, look into it see if
any changes are in order. Good.

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00:20:49.920 --> 00:20:56.440
But until you make those changes,
I'll be taking my business to Pat's World.

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00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:08.000
They've got cancer are scanners at pets
World? Two? Hey, how

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00:21:08.119 --> 00:21:14.960
much all give me pretty snakes?
We don't buy wild snakes. This isn't

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an animal pawn shop employee since forever? Mate m this place? Ye ll

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00:21:27.400 --> 00:21:33.559
ll no. He's a famous singer. His name is Drake. See.

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00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:36.279
The joke is he doesn't like the
one thing, but he does like the

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00:21:36.279 --> 00:21:38.960
other thing. Now do you get
it? Yeah? Here, I'll send

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00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:47.359
you another one. See he's saying
nah to pickles. But uh it's a

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00:21:47.480 --> 00:21:52.640
cucompass. I've got a million of
them. Hold on, Jerry, I'm

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00:21:52.680 --> 00:21:56.440
gonna have to call you back.
I'm sorry. Would, I'm sorry?

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00:21:56.480 --> 00:22:00.960
Would all right by? Hey Charlotte? Yeah, Hey, Randy? You

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00:22:02.039 --> 00:22:04.039
know Walter from Human Resources? Right? No, I can't say that,

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00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:10.039
I do. Hi. That's me
Walt Clay HR, Human Resources, Randy

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00:22:10.119 --> 00:22:18.000
Dunning, CRC Complaints Retention and Complex
Cases. Nice ring, Thank you?

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00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:22.559
I paid for a daily it costs
me my life. It was, in

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00:22:22.599 --> 00:22:29.759
fact a nice ring, a very
nice ring inlaid with a square and compass

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00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:36.880
and the letter g undeniably a freemason's
ring. What festival days do you celebrate?

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00:22:37.319 --> 00:22:40.759
Is this about me calling in last
week? No listen, Randy,

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00:22:40.759 --> 00:22:42.400
I'm just going to jump right into
it. Over the past three months,

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00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:48.079
we've received numerous complaints regarding your inappropriate
use of company Internet. Well, that's

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00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:51.519
fucking bullshit. I'll also have to
ask you to please keep your language professional.

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00:22:51.680 --> 00:22:53.920
What did I do? Well,
you just said fucking bullshit. So

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00:22:55.079 --> 00:22:57.400
that's two no nos right there,
one for fucking and another for bullshit.

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00:22:57.599 --> 00:23:03.839
Can't say anything these days about pissing
some one off. After receiving the complaints,

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00:23:03.960 --> 00:23:07.559
our it department looked into it and
they were quite alarmed at what they

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discovered. At Walter, do you
still have a list there in front of

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00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:12.880
you? Yes? Would you mind
giving us a few? Right, and

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Randy, this represents only a small
portion of the videos you've been watching on

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00:23:18.359 --> 00:23:25.799
Company Time. Secrets of the Illuminati
Crisis, actors exposed Planet flat Earth.

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00:23:26.440 --> 00:23:30.079
I'm an anti gravity activist and proud
of it. Elvis Presley isn't dead.

259
00:23:30.200 --> 00:23:34.839
He called me last night. Highlights
from the two thousand and five Junior Olympic

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00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:41.119
Taekwondo Championship. Undeniable proof that Bill
Hicks faked his death to become Alex Jones.

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00:23:41.799 --> 00:23:47.559
Five reasons why Governor Gardner Fleming is
a shape shifting cat person. Six

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00:23:47.599 --> 00:23:52.599
reasons why Governor Gardner Fleming is a
shape shifting cat person, and most recently

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00:23:52.920 --> 00:23:56.599
monkey on a motorcycle? What's wrong
with watching taekwondo highlights with that one?

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00:23:56.720 --> 00:24:00.319
I think it was the number of
times you've watched it. The AID is

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00:24:00.359 --> 00:24:04.160
concerned, so you folks have been
keeping an eye on me for a while.

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We monitor everyone, Randy. It's
crucial to maintaining the security of our

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00:24:08.359 --> 00:24:14.279
client's information. I bet you watch
everyone. I do have one question I'd

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00:24:14.279 --> 00:24:18.240
like to ask you, Randy.
The video five reasons why Garden the Fleming

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00:24:18.400 --> 00:24:23.079
is a shape shifting cat person was
posted in twenty sixteen, and then in

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00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:27.160
twenty twenty, the same user posted
six reasons why Garden the Fleming is a

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00:24:27.160 --> 00:24:32.680
shapeshifting cat person. What was the
new reason? I don't know, Charlotte.

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00:24:33.039 --> 00:24:36.359
How about you do your own research
and look it up for yourself.

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Fair enough, My brake's been over
for like twenty minutes. Can I go

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00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:44.599
back to my desk now? Hate
to get written up again? Yeah?

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00:24:44.680 --> 00:24:47.759
Well, Randy, while we have
you here, there is another bit of

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00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:52.079
paperwork we'll need to discuss. How
do you think my cat has Stockholm syndrome?

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00:24:52.880 --> 00:24:57.839
What? No, I'm sure he
loves you. What I mean sure?

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00:24:57.960 --> 00:25:03.160
After years of captivity, Chauncey has
probably convinced himself that he loves me.

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00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:07.240
But deep down I think we both
know is really just a product of

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00:25:07.279 --> 00:25:12.200
the power I hold over him.
Well, Chauncey's free right now, and

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00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:17.440
he isn't running away. See what
I mean? He won't stay away from

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00:25:17.440 --> 00:25:22.160
me. Our love isn't real,
Chauncy. I'm your gector, not your

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00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:29.480
friend. With the fine folks of
Bertie's pets and more, be able to

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00:25:29.559 --> 00:25:33.759
keep Chauncey for a few days.
Oh you think he needs an expert opinion

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00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:41.000
expert? Yeah, yeah, I
could do that, no problem, Thank

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00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:44.799
you so much. Golly, how
much with something like that cost me?

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00:25:45.079 --> 00:25:48.640
Tell you what? I'll do it
for free. I can't ask you to

288
00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:52.599
perform labor for free. Here you
can take a selfie and post it to

289
00:25:52.759 --> 00:25:59.039
my Instagram account, I have almost
two thousand followers, a few even with

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00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:03.400
here in the is area. Dow'd
you get this place? Plenty of exposure?

291
00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:11.200
No one ever died from exposure.
Fired you missing at home or in

292
00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:15.359
your er, don't be afraid to
stand up. It's gonna take every one

293
00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:21.079
of us to defeat the globalists.
Why is the ciface roadwork, climbing change,

294
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:26.240
quantum mechanics? Do they expect us
to believe any of this scientism?

295
00:26:26.359 --> 00:26:30.759
The seeds unrest of and soul.
The rate of deception has fallen, and

296
00:26:30.880 --> 00:26:38.200
now the roots of state sponsor Canada
are starting our soil. I'm talking to

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00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:45.400
you, Randy Gunning. You need
to do something. You work here on

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00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:49.839
this infinite flat plane of existence for
a reason. You're not liking the other.

299
00:26:52.119 --> 00:26:56.519
The world needs to hear your voice. Join my colostrand and to Canada

300
00:26:56.559 --> 00:27:03.559
will make them up. We're going
to again wake up. You can support

301
00:27:03.599 --> 00:27:08.480
the Nusha maur by donating to our
patreon Nosha miss creating the news got a

302
00:27:08.519 --> 00:27:12.640
lot of great rewards on there.
Couzies, dark boards, bumber stickers,

303
00:27:12.799 --> 00:27:17.039
window decals. Well you're at it. Don't forget to pick yourself up some

304
00:27:17.240 --> 00:27:22.799
no bono sucks using our promo code
nasso wise once again, that's promo code

305
00:27:22.839 --> 00:27:44.799
an A S A l I E
s he Then, mister dumpster, I

306
00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:48.480
hope you're hungry, because I have
a big bag of ship for your dumpster

307
00:27:48.559 --> 00:28:11.519
mouth. Yeah them right? Hello, Hello, he's there, big foot

308
00:28:12.359 --> 00:28:17.240
fetch you didn't think? Oh I
had a second bucket of snikes. It's

309
00:28:17.519 --> 00:28:30.839
not funny. Oh were you out
here talking to the dumpster again? No,

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00:28:30.039 --> 00:28:40.559
I wasn't talking to the dumpster,
talking around the dumpster. Can I

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00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:44.880
ask you a weird question? Is
this going to be like is that dog

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00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:48.559
sind which debate? Because I think
it'd be best if we just know it's

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00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:52.960
nothing like that promise? Okay,
Shoot? Do you think pets really love

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00:28:53.079 --> 00:28:57.240
us and see us as their adopted
animal parents or did we just brainwash them

315
00:28:57.279 --> 00:29:02.640
into loving us? Is this about
your lizard? What was his name?

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00:29:03.000 --> 00:29:08.920
Ripta? What's the matter with Ripta? Nothing? Probably? I don't know.

317
00:29:10.920 --> 00:29:14.039
It's just something a customer said to
me. And now I'm worried that

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00:29:14.599 --> 00:29:18.480
maybe reptar would be happier if they
were living with their lizard buddies out in

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00:29:18.519 --> 00:29:22.440
Arizona or whatever. Well, that
may be true. I think it'd be

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00:29:22.519 --> 00:29:26.079
pretty hard for n iguana to make
new iguana friends, especially at Riptile's age.

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00:29:27.480 --> 00:29:33.839
Are iguana retirement communities a thing?
Ah? No, that'd be weird.

322
00:29:34.680 --> 00:29:38.359
But I'll tell you what. We've
got more than enough crickets around here.

323
00:29:38.440 --> 00:29:42.559
Don't we take him a few thousand
and let Riptile go crazy on him.

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00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:48.000
He'll forget all about his troubles,
thanks, Millie. Oh and this

325
00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:52.920
here is Chauncey Biscuits. He's going
to be staying with us for a few

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00:29:52.039 --> 00:29:56.920
days. The fuck he is?
What? It's a kit? Right?

327
00:29:57.440 --> 00:30:03.119
Maybe? Yeah, that's what I
thought. A customer dropped him off for

328
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:07.559
observations. I take him home with
me, But Randy's allergic to cats.

329
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:11.839
Constant here be like, oh,
you can eat buffet. It's just a

330
00:30:11.960 --> 00:30:15.400
few days. I don't see what
the big deal is. You want to

331
00:30:15.480 --> 00:30:21.000
be responsible for the death of a
dozen Teddy Bear hamsters? Gayle, do

332
00:30:21.279 --> 00:30:26.599
you know? Don't mean to be
harsh, but Millie, I get it.

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00:30:27.880 --> 00:30:34.119
Sure you'll figure something out. Oh
and Gail, don't forget your crickets

334
00:30:37.759 --> 00:31:00.359
going round and round circle endlessly.
Get nowhere? What everyone? Enough?

335
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:30.640
Are you with me? Okay,
you just sit tight. I'm gonna scrape

336
00:31:30.680 --> 00:31:33.640
out the situation, and the second
I know the coast is clear, I'll

337
00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:38.680
come back for you. Huh,
That's what I was thinking too. I'll

338
00:31:38.720 --> 00:32:29.079
do my best. I'll be right
back. Welcome back to heliocentric fantasies.

339
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:36.359
It's me Karen, and today i'd
like to ask you to ask yourself if

340
00:32:36.440 --> 00:32:42.480
time can be a flat circle?
Why can't earth? Imagine for a moment

341
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:51.519
that all six thousand years of time
were held together within a spiritual dome or

342
00:32:52.519 --> 00:33:00.119
fermament. Now I ask you again
to ask yourself if time is able to

343
00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:06.960
be held together by such a firmament, when the Earth is self be abound

344
00:33:07.079 --> 00:33:22.240
by these stains ands? Hey babe, Hey, look at this bullshit?

345
00:33:22.640 --> 00:33:28.519
Two hundred thousand views? How is
she? I don't know what about the

346
00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:34.319
one you posted this morning? What's
it? At nine? So basically nobody

347
00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:38.839
watched it? What's that sound?
Crickets? A whole bunch of them?

348
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:44.640
Milly, let me bring some home
so I could let to throw these on

349
00:33:44.759 --> 00:33:47.279
the barby might will you at least
keep them in the garage or something.

350
00:33:47.759 --> 00:33:51.880
I need to be able to focus
without its sounding like fucking nighttime in here.

351
00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:53.920
Oh sure, sure, sure sure
I had left something out in the

352
00:33:53.960 --> 00:34:04.519
car anyway. Alpha swag lablet to
comment on Karen's new video. Alpha swag

353
00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:07.920
lad you leave a comment on Like
everything Karen posts. They're almost as obsessed

354
00:34:07.960 --> 00:34:12.559
as Bite my Botto too. I
know I love them. Check it out.

355
00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:15.719
Disclaimer. I decided to watch this
video based on a friend's recommendation.

356
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:21.039
Afterward, I felt compelled to do
whatever I could to prevent anyone else from

357
00:34:21.079 --> 00:34:25.119
watching this video. The poor sound
quality and editing made viewing it almost unbearable.

358
00:34:25.519 --> 00:34:29.960
The music seem to run long for
no reason. If I were Karen,

359
00:34:30.039 --> 00:34:32.639
I would probably just quit making flat
Earth videos because there are probably better

360
00:34:32.719 --> 00:34:39.400
flat Earth documentarians out there who people
should be watching instead. Hilarious, right,

361
00:34:40.039 --> 00:34:45.119
I mean, hater's gonna hate.
We get lots of negative comments on

362
00:34:45.159 --> 00:34:49.039
our videos too, Yeah, but
those are either a fake or beat people

363
00:34:49.079 --> 00:34:52.679
who don't know what they're talking about. You can't put anything out into the

364
00:34:52.719 --> 00:34:57.880
world these days about getting mocked by
some anonymous dumbfuck from Massachusetts sitting in front

365
00:34:57.880 --> 00:35:00.880
of a computer screen, stroking his
beard and he knows buck all about anything.

366
00:35:01.199 --> 00:35:07.320
Fuck him? Him? Who him
everyone, and now millions of people

367
00:35:07.320 --> 00:35:09.400
are making flat earth videos. So
the hell is anyone supposed to be able

368
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:14.800
to get the word out about it. What we need is something revolutionary,

369
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:20.679
something fucking mind blowing, something that
just has no choice but to go viral.

370
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:25.079
I have an idea. I swear. If you're talking about walking around

371
00:35:25.119 --> 00:35:29.519
with a fish tank, I'm just
saying, it's the easiest way to communicate

372
00:35:29.599 --> 00:35:31.800
the flat earth theory, and that's
gotta be goal number one. I get

373
00:35:31.880 --> 00:35:38.440
that. I just don't you don't
want. I think there might be some

374
00:35:38.599 --> 00:35:43.599
faults in your logic, That's all
I'm saying. How many views are we

375
00:35:43.679 --> 00:35:49.719
at now? Nine ninety two?
Dang, I was hoping maybe we got

376
00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:53.639
a few more while we were talking
Click it again? Do you really think

377
00:35:53.760 --> 00:36:00.280
we've been shadow band? Absolutely?
The timing's too perfect for it to be

378
00:36:00.320 --> 00:36:04.719
a coincidence. Think about it.
Almost as soon as we start taking off,

379
00:36:05.480 --> 00:36:09.760
something happens and then we come crashing
back down to Earth. What kind

380
00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:14.719
of bullshit is that? A shadow
ban? That's what kind of bullshit that

381
00:36:14.960 --> 00:36:19.320
is. One of our videos has
almost two million views, two million.

382
00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:24.320
Now our new video is at what
nine hundred and ninety three. Oh,

383
00:36:24.719 --> 00:36:30.559
I hate the Deep State? Is
the b video really? At two million

384
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:36.280
views? Pretty much? Check it
out? One million, six hundred thousand

385
00:36:36.320 --> 00:36:39.679
and sixty three. Wow. Once
played again for old time's sake, I

386
00:36:39.800 --> 00:36:45.639
say we play it ten more times
for old time's sake. It's Rando back

387
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:47.719
with another Rando rant. If you're
driving while you're watching this, you better

388
00:36:47.800 --> 00:36:53.360
buckle the fuck up. Get this. Based on the relative density and wing

389
00:36:53.480 --> 00:36:58.880
size, bees shouldn't be able to
find. In fact, their ability to

390
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:04.239
fly directly contradicts the wars A physics
and most specifically, some motion they've been

391
00:37:04.280 --> 00:37:07.400
feeding us for our entire lives.
Oh, it's just this little thing they

392
00:37:07.519 --> 00:37:10.280
like to call gravity. Ever heard
of it? I just want to go

393
00:37:10.559 --> 00:37:15.599
on the record right now and say
that I ready dunning in one hundred percent

394
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:22.519
anti gravity. As for video plays, Randy and Gale both stare at the

395
00:37:22.599 --> 00:37:28.280
screen with a mix of disbelief and
nostalgia. This is quite possibly the most

396
00:37:28.400 --> 00:37:32.320
important thing they've ever done, the
thing which may one day be the only

397
00:37:32.440 --> 00:37:38.039
surviving part of their legacy. Laugh
if you want, but that video has

398
00:37:38.079 --> 00:37:43.360
almost two million views. The fuck
you ever done? That? Got two

399
00:37:43.440 --> 00:38:00.039
million views? Good way for you? Two Flat Earth is Nap a Freemason

400
00:38:00.920 --> 00:38:09.280
written and created by Jeremy Ellot,
act a direction by Danielle Ellet. The

401
00:38:09.440 --> 00:38:16.360
opening and closing theme for two Flat
Earthers are both by Glad Rags. Additional

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music provided by Baggio Alvarado, Randy
Greer, Louison and for Blue Dot Sessions

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special thanks to our associate producers Daniel
Naruta and Anthony Sigmund Lowering. Be sure

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00:38:34.639 --> 00:38:38.280
to check out our other shows,
The Subjective Truth and The One Stars.

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00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:44.880
If you'd like to help Good Point
make more weird audio fiction, then visit

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patreon dot com forward slash good Point. If you enjoy it listening to this

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00:38:50.679 --> 00:38:54.280
episode of Two Flat Earth's Kidnap a
Freemason, please leave us a rating,

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review, codex, or riddle on
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get podcasts. If you aren't able
to leave a rating or review, then

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please go into your backyard, the
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about the show. If you plan
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on the podcast, we recommend instead
that you simply fuck off and listen to something else