So I was driving with my brother the other day and we have we were
driving them around the highway and there's this car next to us, and I
see the car and it has the bumper sticker. You just got passed by
a girl with like the kissy lips emoji on it. Okay, what is
that doing? What are we doing with that? Like? If that if
that car passes a truck that has truck nuts on it, what kind of
weird heteronormative toxicity vortex is going to explode? Let me tell you a little
bit about the woman who put that on her car. Please he help me,
help me understand because I was confused. She will offer to plan your
bachelorette party. She will not do so, okay. She will come at
the last minute pick you up, hire a stripper off of Craigslist who turns
out to be your own cousin. And you're like, I don't want this
at all, and she's like, do it. I paid him. Whooooo.
She can best be described by her co workers as a lot a lot.
I got that, I said a lot from the car. Yep,
yep, yep. Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues. Okay, much like
Regina, much like Regina George. Yeah, and her favorite milkshake is just
a fifth of vodka. Okay, all right, I have a picture.
I have a clear picture. I'm understanding now more that because it's like,
are you trying to shame me because I'm not driving fast enough? That like
you're you're you're saying like girls are bad drivers. That's inherent in what your
A bumper sticker says, like you should be ashamed that a girl drove faster
than you, which implies that I should drive faster than a girl because she's
a girl. And also her relationship with her father is perfect. Hey,
and this is that aged well, yesterday's pop culture. Today two thousand and
four, we're the top five TV shows and I am not making this up.
Were number five CSI Miami okay, Number four, Desperate Housewives okay,
Number three American Idol but on Wednesday nights, just Wednesday Night one, okay,
Number two American Idol, but on Tuesday nights, we really did like
American Idol and number one old school CSI Original Flavor CSIS. That's a bleak
Outlook, what a shit year for television. How do you think Desperate Housewives?
Aged I don't know. You know, I can't really say that I
saw it. I watched. I know about it because it's in the zeitgeist,
but I don't think I ever watched more than the pilot episode. I
definitely watched a lot of it, if not all of it. Oh,
how do you think it aged? I'm guessing not well. Oh really,
I met CSI has aged perfectly. Yeah, no doubt, no doubt,
Erica. We are doing movies from the year two thousand and four in this
January. But before we get today's movie, we are going to have to
read a five strapple podcast review to remind everyone that they should be leaving them.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you haven't berated people enough in a
while. We'll see if this movie gets me there. Let's get back there.
Let's get back to berating. Today's review comes from Taffia Darling. Taffeta
Darling, excellent if you put it, if you put a comment in between
it, it's kind of it's fun too, Taffia Darling, or or or
Hellaies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage. Taffaa Darling. Yes, or
this or this Taffaa Darling, or give me your Jaffada Darling. Oh yeah,
you're talking to a child there. To be clear, that was a
five year old child that was a beauty pageant winner named Taffia a haha.
Their review reads, thuslie new huge fan. I love this podcast, and
I'm furious I didn't hear about it sooner. But we're so happy that you're
here. Now, be furious. Live in your fury. Now. I'm
ripping through the back cattle at what's probably an alarming pace. Listening to Paul
and Erica feels like having the most fun and silly chat with old friends.
Maybe because I'm there exact a girl, Were you born in June and or
July? Because you really are exactly You're really close then, and it brings
up so much nostalgia and great memories. I hope they have as much fun
recording this podcast as it is a delight to listen to. Oh it's nice,
sweet, I do have fun recording this podcast, you too. I
have fun spending time with you, and I have fun reading reviews from people
like Taffa Darling. You know, you know, you know who else Taffa
Darling is. Is she Candy Darlings like less tragic sister? Maybe you know
what possibly possibly you know what she did? The Warhol didn't want her in
the studio, just like you know what, Taffina, you are too normal,
Taffa, you are too grounded. You are too grounded. You have
too you have a good head on your shoulders. That is not what is
required here. That's someone who craves drugs. Taffa Darling is a patron.
Oh, they are a patriot of that age. Well and everyone listening should
join them in being a patron. We have a Patreon. Go get some
go get some benefits. It's like our Warholy in factory. That's right.
There's a lot of drugs on there, but a lot less emotional abuse,
that's right, I mean not all, not no emotional abuse. Well,
we want to have fun, just a lot less, just less, exactly
exactly. Taffaa Darling, thank you so much for this five star review.
If you would like at that Agel Topeg, please just let me know.
You can email us, You can contact us on Patreon. Okay, you
have a direct line to us. Yeah, and I will send that off
for you. Uh, Erica, what is the movie that we are doing
today? On this the third Monday of January twenty twenty four. Okay,
dooky. Today's film is the two thousand and four of course noir action thriller
Collateral. Collateral, Yes. This was written by Stuart Beattie and directed by
Michael Mann. It stars mister Thomas Cruse uh huh, Jamie Fox, Jada
Pinkett, Smith, Mark Ruffalo, Peter Burr, and Bruce McGill. We
haven't done a cruise in a minute. We haven't. It was time for
a cruise. Time. We cruise needs to cruise on by every once in
a while. When when we were looking for movies for this month, because
we kind of wanted to keep this this this theme of surprise, so we
didn't put it out on Instagram. We kind of chose all of these.
We said we need something dumb in action y yeah. And then and then
I said, oh we have we have a Thomas cruise chi Ching. Yeah.
Yeah, put it in the bank, chi Ching Indeed. Collateral was
nominated for two Academy Awards, Wild Wild Wild, Best Film Editing that one
I can see actually okay, yeah, sure that one. This is this
is tightly edited, and Best Supporting Actor for Jamie FOXX. Look I'm not
saying he's not good. Yeah, I'm just saying, really for this this
one, how thin on the ground were we in movies? But what's funny
though, is he actually did win an Oscar that year because the same year
that he made Ray and he won the Oscar for that, which, yes,
that's the that's the appropriate that's the appropriate movie for him to win an
Oscar for this not so this must be an instance of someone riding their own
coattails, like because we just did two movies that both had Rachel mccownan's and
them. Now, Jamie Fox was double nominated this year in The Accounty,
Like were there's seven actors working in only five people in two thousand and four?
What was going on? Everything else was gone? Anyway, best supporting
is shocking, shocking because he's good. He's good. Yeah, he's no
one in this movie's bad. Absolutely, everyone's very good. But the movie
is slight. Let's put it exactly. Yes, that's a nice way of
putting it. To prepare for Collateral Erica, Tom Cruise reportedly delivered FedEx packages
in a crowded LA market and tried to help people try to learn how to
make people not notice him while Jamie Fox quote unquote trained as a cab driver.
Okay, this is stupid. Although wait, I wonder what market he
was at, and I would have killed because you know what happened was people
who one hundred percent recognized him and they went, they walked to it.
They're like, is that Tom Cruise. It's going to hand me out packing
copy of Dianetics, trying to get me to take Dianetics? And what is
training as a cab driver? Isn't that just driving? I don't know.
I don't know. I like, I'm sure there's more to it. I'm
sure there's Yeah, there's but like stuff you need to know. Are you
filmed the movie? I think there's buttons and switches. I don't know there
are buttons and switches in this cab in this movie that I genuinely did not
know what to call. I was like, this is just a I'm just
gonna call it a computer because that is the function in the movie. I
don't know what it is. Also, I think when you say trained as
a cab driver, Jamie Foxx spent one hour at a depot and was like,
what does this do? Okay, huh what does this do? Cool?
Thank you so much for your help, brilliant, here's your check for
one thousand dollars. Collateral has an eighty six percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes
and an eighty four percent audience score, pretty well matched. That's high.
I'm not shocked by the audience score. I had generally had a good time
watching the movie critically. I would I would say like sixty percent. Yeah,
here's my journey watching this movie. Yeah, I think you said this
earlier today. It has pedigree. Yeah, I thought that because it was
nominated for an Oscar. I remember it was nominated for you. I remember
it was in the Oscar conversation. Yeah, like maybe a possible Best Picture
nominee that year, right, And so I in my mind thought this was
going to be a much better movie than it is. And I watched half
of it thinking like being really disappointed in the movie that I'm watching. I'm
like, where is the great movie? I was promised, where's the prestige?
And then my brain clicked into no, dumb, dumb, this is
just a stupid, fun action movie. That's how you need to be watching
this. And I had a way better ride the second after movie as soon
as I as soon as I was like stop looking for this to be good.
Uh huh, stop looking for meaning in anything anyone is doing. And
I was like, oh right, it's just a dumb action movie. Here's
my hot take. Okay, it shouldn't be Tom Cruise. Okay, Tom
Cruise is two good. He's too good for this role because the role is
so underwritten and it makes no sense, and Tom Cruise is trying very hard
to give it like gravitas. Yea, this needs a Jason Statham. Okay,
this needs this needs maybe the Rock Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Yeah,
this needs the kind of actor who's just like, you know what, don't
worry about it, I'm charming. Just eat your popcorn and watch. This
is the action equivalent of of Ryan Gosling from last week. Maybe, But
even Ryan Gosling would have been way too oh my god, the type of
role. Oh I see, I see, yeah, because Goslin would have
been way too intense, way to I mean, they did make that movie
and it's called Drive actually, but yeah, so yeah, eighty six is
too high. I think if you really look at the movie, it falls
apart on quite a few levels. Yeah, there's there's some very odd choices,
but it is fun it's fun and like again, it's not Tom Cruise's
fault. He is very good, but he's the wrong kind of good.
I need a different kind. I need someone who's I don't have to take
this seriously. Huh, Erica, Well you said you have never seen the
movie before this. Yes, I saw the movie yesterday for the first time.
Right, I also saw the movie yesterday for the first time. I
did the breakdown for this one, and the first time through, I think
I had a very similar experience to you. I'm expecting something with a little
gravitas, exactly what you said. Yeah, the second time through, I
got to watch it more like you're saying you should watch it. Enjoyed it
much more. Don't put too much on this movie. No, you know
what replaced Tom Cruise with a nineteen eighty seven Arnold Schwarzeninger. Yeah, all
right, Erica. The tagline for Collateral was it started like any other night.
You know, I like that? You like that? I actually do.
Okay, it's ominous, it's eerie it once you understand the basic premise
of the movie. Yes, yes, total sense. What do you think
I think it's good. I think it's good. It's and it is a
tagline. Yeah, it's an actual tag actual tagline. It's better than the
title of the movie. Collateral makes almost no sense because at one point Jamie
Fox says, I'm just collateral. He says the thing and the thing,
which I usually laugh at, but I'm like, there are a lot of
people in this movie that are collateral. You say, everyone is collateral except
Tom Cruise, except Tom Cruise and one other person who will talk about later.
But like, yeah, everyone's collab. You're just one piece of the
collateral pie. Yeah, and you get off pretty easy as far as collateral
goes. Yeah, you know, like there's people that were bigger collateral than
you. Shall I read the iTunes synopsis all Right. Max played by Jamie
Fox, is a cab driver who hopes to someday open his own limo company.
One night behind the wheel begins promisingly when he picks up Annie Jada Pinkett
Smith, an attorney working with the federal government who is attractive, friendly,
and gives him her business card after paying her fare. Max thinks his luck
is getting even better when his next fair, vincent Tom Cruise, offers him
several hundred dollars in cash if he'll be willing to drop him off, wait
and pick him up at five different spots over the course of the evening.
Max agrees, but he soon realizes Vincent isn't just another guy with errands to
run. Vincent is an assassin's done dum who has been paid to murder five
people who could put the leaders of a powerful drug trafficking ring behind bars in
an upcoming trial. As circumstances force Max to do Vincent's bidding, that Cabby
has to find the way to prevent Vincent from killing again and save his own
skin, a task that becomes especially crucial when he discovers Annie is one of
the names on Vincent's list. Wow, spoiler a word. Uh this is
terrible like that. Hey, way too long, way too long, way
too long. The synopsis should just read cab driver picks up a man with
a with an interesting job. Yeah, chaos ensues, Yeah, period,
done done, desave a way the ending of the movie. This is the
this is the entire movie. Yeah, this is the cliffs notes this film
of this film. What you just want? Exactly what you said. Cab
driver picks up an assassin whoops, whoops. Yeah. Actual synopsis, Actual
synopsis is this film features an antagonist so evil. Uhuh? He explains what
jazz is to Jamie Foxx. Yeah. The minute a character in a film
starts to explain jazz to another person, another grown ass human being, I'm
out, I'm done. You can die a million deaths. It's so interesting
that you pulled that out. Erica straight cisgender, probably mostly white men who
are screenwriters out there. I am begging you stop explaining jazz. Find another
metaphor for freedom, find another one. It's a I remember when I was
in kindergarten and I used to color inside the lines, and one day my
hand slipped and I realized I didn't have to stay in the lines. Done.
There you go. I just came up with one. It's bad,
but at least it's fucking new. No more jazz. Speaking of Ryan Gosling,
that's with the moment I was out of Lalla land, the moment he
starts to explain jazz to as though she didn't understand what it was. Yeah,
I was like, no, I'm done, I'm done, no more.
If you ever want to antagonize me, just me just start explaining jazzy
me the only kind of jazz I want to hear about is the all that
kind? When bb Norrth sings about it in Chicago, that's it. That's
the only kind, the only kind. Or if I've just been like,
if I've come out of a coma, I have to relearn everything. And
you're like, hey, do you want to hear about this niche form of
music that you're not gonna like that much? Let me explain jazz to here.
Yeah, and then the answer will be no, I don't want to
hear about that. I have to learn everything. Yeah, No, I'm
sorry. Let's let's talk about this whole American history thing. Let's do that
one first. No more jazz. Oh my god. The minute Tom Cruise
starts to explain jazz, I was like, you know what, I was
on your side when you were just a hold like heartless assassin. We were
all rooting for you. But now fuck you. Go to team Jamie Fox,
Team cab Driver. All right, everyone stick around, We will be
right back. After these brief messages to take you through collateral and we're back.
We open an lax Vincent played by Tom Cruise, Thomas Mapother Cruz.
I noticed it is it Mapother? I don't know mapother mypothetiter Apothecary. Someone
gave me the apotheitter. He does not like Apothecary's I does not like that.
Vincent walks through the crowds and eventually bumps into Jason Statham. I love
that Jason Statham is in this movie, but that's who needed to be They
needed Swiss parts. The two deferentially say excuse me to each other, and
they continue on their way. This is apparently an easter egg because Collateral takes
place in the sh Shared Universe with The Transporter, which is Stathum's franchise.
That it is also written by Stuart Patty. That's why it exists. It
is no bearing on the plot. I'm learning this in real time. Yeah,
oh I didn't know. Well, but they do exchange bags at this
point. Sure, so there is You know what's funny is I genuinely when
I was like, Wow, what a small part for Jason Statham, I
thought I would have thought he was a bigger star by two thousand and four
than to do some random cameo. But then there are other cameos in the
film by famous people, like a lot of them, and I was like,
oh, that's just Jason Statham doing a favor for my person someone.
Yeah, oh okay, I think Jason Statham was on like the British national
diving team. I'm not surprised. If you want to look up Jason Statham
and Espiedo, there is ample video on the Internet of him diving. Why
am I not surprised? Excuse me, I'll be right back. Woo.
You know, I didn't think i'd like young Jason Statham as much as I
like current Jason Statham. But I was wrong. Yeah, I was wrong.
Young Jason Stathan was. He can get two great tastes that tastes great
together. Holy moly. Yeah. Speaking of great tastes, how do we
feel about Tom Cruise's look in this movie. It's like scruffles, mic salt
and pepper. I don't love it. I love it. I get it.
He's trying to I think he's trying to blend in right and be sure
incognito. The way to do that is to not wear a suit that matches
your hair right. You don't. You definitely don't want he looks like you're
wearing a superhero costume. You don't want to be monochromatic and highlighter. At
the same time. Yeah, and like he's way too bright and way too
dim all at once. Huh. It's confusing to the eyes. Yeah,
your eye goes straight to him. Yeah. Yeah. He's got like salt
and pepper hair, salt and pepper hair and like a five o'clock shadow,
which I actually it's very it's very groomed, so I actually find that very
I can find that very attractive. But it's just surprisingly not his look.
I guess maybe because his features are his cheekbones and his chin is so sharp.
It's like you don't need that like that usually looks good on people.
Round your faces to give them like cheekbones and define their face. I don't
know. Also, the suit is doing him no favors. The suit is
so boxing. They have put him in a box and he is four and
a half feet tall. We need cut people, the shorts need slim cut
suits. I'm sorry, we look like fire hydrants if you put us in
something boxy. Yeah. So he and Jason Statham exchange. He looks like
old timey doctor bags. Yeah, like like they're gonna go do old surgery
on the prairie or something. And with that out of the way, we
cut to La and a cab depot, where Max Durocher said, sure,
Jamie Fox is getting his cab ready for the day, meticulously cleaning it.
You know, I appreciate someone who cleans. That made me very happy.
That made me feel good about any time I've ever sat in a cab.
I was like, I really hope someone wiped that down before I got in
it. He slides a picture of a tropical island into a sun visor before
heading out on a shift. We watch a brief montage of his workday,
including another cameo by Debbie Mazar as one of his passengers, and this all
and now I have to ask you because this is the moment where we get
to hear and look. I don't have the ear for this, so I
could be totally wrong. But Jamie Fox speaks Spanish. Oh yeah, because
at some point he stops at like a taco stand orders lunch. Yeah.
It sounded bad, bad, Okay, it's so funny. I actually watched
it twice because I was like, oh, maybe my ear. I wasn't
paying attention because I understood the other man. I just didn't understand Jamie FOXX.
Yeah, And I was like, hell, let me watch me again,
and he clearly learned phonetically that morning. Yeah, how to save the
line whatever it was he said, right, And I was like, oh,
that sounds bad. That does not sound good. It was bad enough
that I caught it that. I was like that. It sounded like he
was saying like, uh oh, no, tortilla, poor favor. And
I thought it was going to come back later in the movie. I think
they were trying to imply that he was fluent in Spanish, right, I
think it's just is meant to imply he's a man of the people. Yeah,
but there he comes up later to other Spanish speakers, and I thought
he was going to have a moment where he overheard something in Spanish and understood
them, and they didn't think he did. None of that comes back.
No, is just we are writing a far better film. This is just
color than the one that is happening. It's mood. So he eventually picks
up Annie played by Jada Pinkett Smith at dusk and drives her downtown. Can
I say I forget because she's such a figure in the culture lately, I
forgot that she's a fucking great actress. Yeah, she's very good she's so
good in this. I was like, Oh, you should do that and
just keep your mouth shut about your life. Yes, stop talking, Stop
telling us things we didn't ask. Stop telling us about your life we don't
want to know. Yeah. Yeah, she's really charming in this and I
understand immediately why he's attracted to her. And she and Jamie Fox have this
one scene. They have to do a lot of work in this scene,
and the two of them are so it's really quite impressive actually if you watch
it from like a technical standpoint, because he's driving her, so they're not
even looking at each other. Yeah, you're not even getting to like make
eyes at each other. It's two people that have to make a connection and
they don't really get to even really see each other that much. It's very
impressive work actually from both of them. Now, we made fun of this
in Halloween, so we must make fun of this in this movie. Did
you notice he picks her up and it's dusk ish. Yeah, And when
he pulls out of Lax it is nighttime. The sun didn't go down.
The sun like the sun went into free fall and it just went down.
Yeah, suddenly it is nighttime. So Annie is wrapped up in her work.
She's giving orders on her phone. She's directing Max on what road she
wants them to take to get her to her destination downtown, and Max kind
of politely advises her that, you know, I think we should do this
other route instead. I'm sure people who watch this in LA are like,
no, it's all wrong. I have no idea what this means. Whole
scene is the Californian sketch. Yeah, that's all I can think of.
When they're like, I'm gonna take the five to the ten, to the
three to the two, and I'm like, oh, there's the Californians.
No, take these road to this road to Vine in Hollywood. I'm like,
I don't know this, this is us. When we're like that building
isn't downtown. That building's on seventy sixth Street and same thing. So Max
like kind of is like, look, why don't we take my route.
I'll give you a free ride if I'm not right, I don't know what
the metric is for this. I guess if they get caught in traffic,
he loses. I guess, yes, if it's less than thirty minutes or
less like a pizza. Yeah, she agrees you can see she's a bit
charmed. He's not doing this annoyingly, he's being very like charming with that.
That's true. That is a gift. That is a gift when you
can tell a passenger they're wrong about the way they think they're going to their
destination, and when that mail driver contend, the fil can tell the female
passenger yeah, and not make it seem like you're an asshole. You're not
man explaining kudos Max. Yeah. Yeah. We cut to them driving through
downtown. Max clearly has been proven right, and she kind of has this
wry expression on her face and he's like and she says well, and he
goes, no, no, I just got lucky with the lights. And
she's like, no, you were right and I was wrong. Enjoy that.
Celebrate your rightness Max. Okay, So the movie continues on with this
idea that Max is like a superhuman cab driver. Yeap, Like he's the
best cab driver. He is a savant, not an idiot. He's just
a savant. Yeah. He has the mozart of cab driving right, Like
he's that gay. He has Google Maps in his head. This movie gave
Google the idea for Google Maps. Yeah, he's doing that whole beautiful mind
thing, the whole like math three D math. He goes into his mind
palace the whole time, which, by the way, I thought was going
to wind up mattering. I mean it a little bit. It matters because
it kind of gets him into the situation, yes, exactly, in no
way helps him out of the situation, which is what I was expecting.
I'm gonna tell you right now. I was expecting a lot of answers.
Yeah, of course for questions that I had, reasonable questions, not not
insane like come on, you don't need to know everything. No, no,
no, reasonable plot based questions that will not get answered. So the
two continue to flirt and he's becoming more invested in Max as he tells her
about his dream. He has this dream of opening a limo company. And
then he kind of guesses that she's a lawyer and she's like, oh,
what are you psychic? And he's a little he's like a little bit,
but you know, he's like, you came in, you were in a
suit, you had this he knew like the designers and yeah, wears.
He's like, you're filthy oteiga, you know. So she tells him she
has a huge case starting the next day, and she has all this stress.
And he tells her, you go on vacation. You know, you
need a vacation. And she's scoffed and she's like, when'd the last time
you took a vacation. He says, Look, I go on vacation all
the time. Every time I need a little break, I look at this
picture of this island that I have in my son visor and just breathe.
And I go there for five minutes and it takes me out of myself.
Right. They get to her office and he's like, look, you take
the picture. She's like, no, I can't do that. He's like,
no, take it. You need it more than me. You have
a lot of stress coming your way. I can get another I can print
another picture off the internet tomorrow. Right. She thanks Sam. She gets
out of the cab. Then she comes back. She knocks on the window
and she offers him her car and says, you know, in case you
ever need a lawyer or like, you know, you want to argue over
cab routes, Yeah, give me a call. She gives him her number.
Yeah, excellent meet, cute, smooth move Annie. That's what I'm
calling her. That was a smooth mood. Yeah, she is up on
her activity. All of her movements are smooth and she barely she breathes too
deeply, and whoop, we've moved. That's how smooth it is. A
Activia. The set of an Activita commercials is safe space. I thought about,
Oh god, that snl sketch was funny. Every time as Annie heads
into her building that she's she stopped in at we see Vincent on his way
out that scruffles MC salt and Pepper scruffles mic Salt Pepper, who is super
chill and incognito in this big government building wearing full fucking sunglasses indoors. Where
my sunglasses at night indoors. Unbelievable. I'm like, this should have been
truthfully, Paul, I skipped over this. I kind of like glided over
this because I still thought I was watching a prestige film. Yeah, that
did maybe some research that had some logic to it, right, that is
not the film we were watching. It is just stupid. This movie pausitives
that this assassin is just walking around in a bright gray suit silver really a
bright silver suit with somebody with sunglasses on in the middle of the night in
the government building and no one's gonna notice him. So he gets into Max's
cab and he gives Max an address and asks how long is is you take?
Max? Max's Paul points out who is the og? Google Maps?
Yeah, bene than Google Maps, Frank way better. He's never he doesn't
add time during the ride. You never have to calibrate Max. He just
knows where he's going. He says seven minutes. Vincent is like seven,
not ten, not five, And Max gives him like a longer answer,
and he's like, no, it's this for this and this and this.
Vincent super impressed with his specificity and asks if he can get a free ride
if it's longer, and Max tells him that he already offered his free ride
for that night, so he's not doing this game. He's like, you
know, Jada Pinkett Smith dude. As they drive, Vince and engages Max
in conversation. He's tarted talking about how impersonal Los Angeles is. He heard
that a man once died on his subway and was left there for six hours
before anyone even noticed that there was a dead man on the subway. I
have to say it's probably happened in New York. Oh yeah, yeah,
and that's maybe that made me start to think about all the people I'd sat
next to that were aleep huh, And I was like, oh shit,
oh no, oh no. How many times have I cozied up to a
fucking corpse? You want to know what? I believe it would be more
likely in LA, though, because those those subways are much less crowded.
I think that makes it worse. I don't think you're paying attention to me
or to anyone. You're like a sleeping guys. More people, people will,
A corpse will fall within thirty minutes in New York. In LA,
it could it could self. It could like weekend at Bernie's, a corpse
on the LA subway for hours. So Max starts talking again about his dream
of starting his own limbo company once this quote unquote temporary job is over.
Yeah, Vincent asked him, how long have you been driving CA and Max
goes twelve years temporary, temporary for a temporary Yep. We arrive at Vincent's
destination exactly on time, exactly seven fucking minutes, and he has a proposal
for Max. He tells him, look, I'm in town for real estate
deal. It's closing that night. Vincent tells him he's got five stops to
make, and then he has to catch a six am flight out of Lax.
He wants to rent Max's cab for the night. Max like, no,
I'm sorry, it's against regulations. I can't do it. Vincent scots.
He's like, look, how did you make per night? And Max
like three fifty four hundred. He's like, I'll give you six hundred dollars
plus an extra hundred if I don't have to run for the plane in the
morning. And then there's this movement where Tom Cruise takes up. He picks
up like this stack of one hundred dollars bills and he just fans it out
like a magician dancer, Like he just snapped a fan. I'm like,
how long did he have to practice? That is just something Tom Cruise does
at home for fun? Was that a trick prop? Like? What what
is this? Also like only psychopaths carry crisp hundred dollar bills? Yeah,
he has seven perfectly crisp hundred dollars bills. That's the red flag that everyone
should have noticed. Yeah, Max is he can't turn up this level of
money. He's like okay, and vinceus like great, go drive around to
the alleyway behind the building. Wait for me there. I'll be back in
a minute. So Max pulls around. He's like, all right, I
was waiting this random empty alley in Los Angeles. I have a bone to
pick with this film that I'm gonna start right here and right now. Why
is Los Angeles empty? It is? Okay, every because I have this
It just got dark, so we know it just got dark when he left
LAX. So it's eight pm. And I believe he told I believe he
told her it was gonna be like twenty minutes. So it is eight o'clock
at night. Yeah, it's eight pm. Yeah, No one is on
any of these streets. It is a fully just empty Los Angeles. Placing
that there. There's nothing about Los Angeles would suggest that traffic would be among
the top five things people would think about it as soon as they heard los
Angeles. Yeah. So he pulls around to that, to that alleyway.
He takes a sandwich out of his bag. He starts to eat. He
takes a look at a car catalog and he gazes at Annie's card like ooh,
that sexy lawyer lady. It's taking the place of his tropical island picture
and his visor. Yeah. Suddenly a corpse comes out of nowhere and slams
onto his roof. I have to say it, shattering the windshield. I
like this because I was like, you know what, let's get going.
Yeah, fucking move, this movie moves. Yeah, I credit where it's
due. I laughed out loud. See now this again, another moment where
the movie is trying to tell me what it is, and I stupidly am
still like waiting for the prestige drama. And I'm like, no, you're
wrong, Eric. This is the kind of movie where a man flies out
of a window and slams into the cab. Max panics. He scrambles out
of the car. Vincent appears much calmer than Max. Wonder why. Max
is like, this guy's dead, Oh my god, we have to call
the cops, and and Vincent's like, nope, you have to help me
get this guy into the trunk of the car. Max is like, what
do you do? What are you talking? Oh no, you know that
thing, Yeah, where you're you pick up an assassin by accident. Again,
this old saw, this whole thing It's one of the things. If
he had gone to a better, a better cab driver training school, he
would have known how to spot, to spot the assassin an assassin and be
like, no, no, I'm not putting you in like I'm not taking
you. I can smell an assassin at thirty yards drunk girls and assassins.
No, No. Vincent holds him at gunpoint and forces Max to help him
stow the body in the cab right in the trunk. The movie will identify
this corpse as a fat Los Angelino. Oh yeah, like eight or nine
times, to the point where it's weird because it's a It's not a fat
person. He's not fat, he's not even overweight. I would call him
a completely like average weight person, yeah, that you see walking down the
street. Agreed like I And it makes me think that they just needed They
were trying to find a fast way to identify the different corpses that are going
to start piling up at an alarming rate in the course of this movie.
So they want to identify this guy for the audience. But I'm like,
just say, like the gray haired guy, or or I actually cast an
extra who's fat. Yeah, it makes sense because I was like, why
is it, Why are they hitting this so hard that man was not fat?
Understand Tom Cruise hits the word fat a lot. Yeah, in the
movie, they give Vincent a lot of like pejorative like he's a fatty fat
And I'm like, what's your damage, dude, Like, well, your
mother really did a number on you. Yeah. Yeah. It was weird,
even more so in some ways, and like saying mean girls, like
we were talking about that where but at least it was serving a purpose at
least sometimes in mean Girls, I'm like, I understand why this discussion is
being taken up by this movie. Or like a corpse with like bright red
hair and you can be like the red haired guy, yeah, the blah
blah, yeah, like the checker guy anything, but this this thing that
he just the corpse fundamentally is not. Yeah, so weird. So Vincent
pours some like water from a water bottle onto the cab to clean off the
blood, and he's like, yeah, that's good enough. As most international
assassins, He's like a little sloppiness doesn't hurt anybody, almost counts in horseshoes,
hand grenades and international assassining. Well, am I wrong? He's a
bad assassin. Right. Interesting, you know what he's bad about it because
that man was not supposed to fly out the window, right, The first
thing he did was stepping it. He shot a man next to a window,
and apparently the man flew out of the window, like from the force
of the shots. That should not have happened. Correct. I think I
think he's a bad assassin. Fair, I don't what. I think he's
bad at this. I'm I'm going to pay attention for the rest of this,
and I'm gonna because I didn't think about that in advance, but I'm
curious to see how it checks out. Yeah, he he's good at killing
people, bad at assassining, bad assassinating, bad at being incognito and going
unnoticed in a situation one might say is crucial to an assassin. Bad at
avoiding cameras and crowds. We're going to get into it. So he snaps
at Max to get in the driver's seat. And when Max proposes, hey,
man, just take the cab yourself. I didn't see nothing. I'm
not going to say anything to anyone, which everyone knows is a lie.
Yeah, He's like, just go and don't worry about me. He's like,
no, get in the cab. You're driving me. I paid you
to do a job. You're doing your job. Max gets in and they
drive off. I have a theory here, Uh huh. Tom Cruise's character
doesn't know how to drive. It's the only thing that makes sense. It's
either that or he is deeply in love with Max. Those are the only
two possibilities. Boy, how I wish it was the latter. How I
wish this was a Bonnie and Clyde situation where like Max is like, I
hate you, but I love you, and then they become international assassins together.
He's like to get away car Guy and the Killer. Yeah, boy,
would I have loved that movie? What a great movie? Yes,
not the movie it will. That is the first major question of the film
that I promise you does not get answered. Yep. The only no explanation
for why Vincent doesn't just shoot Max take the fucking cab. Maybe he's like
the Lincoln lawyer who needs someone to drive him around so we can do his
work in the back. Now, he does no work in the back of
the cab, so it doesn't hold up. He looks at Dossier's pop.
He looks He looks at his at his briefcase. He glances at people's names
and pictures. That's all he does. So we cut to LAPD Detective Ray
Fanning played by Mark Ruffalo. What was I excited to see him in this?
I was excited, but I did you have a moment because we see
him he has his hair slicked back. He has that like early two thousands
goatee. Yeah, that connects to the mustache. He has an earring.
And the first thing we hear him say is in Spanish. His Spanish is
better, by the way, but I had a brief moment of are we
are we saying? Mark? Is he gonna introduce himself as detective like Alejandro
Garcia? Oh I had a brief fear for that. Oh no, no,
I well, because the Spanish was so rudimentary out Yeah, I didn't
even think of that. Okay. So Fanning comes upon the scene of the
crime that we have just witnessed. He does not appear to be there responding
to a call. Shots were not reported, and he's arriving. He just
is kind of there and he calls it in. We cut back to Max
and Vincent. Max is understandably a bit anxious. I will say that most
of Max's actions, like, as far as character arcs go, it goes
A to B. I can follow it. Yeah, it makes sense.
His actions make much more sense than basically anyone else is. In the mid
right, he tries to clean up his cab from like the shattered glass and
the sandwich he dropped whatever, and Vincent snaps out him to just button it
up and get me to the next destination. Max stammers that he can't drive
Vincent to a spot where he's gonna kill someone. He's like, I can't
do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. He starts
to panic. Vincent is like, look, brief, the plan was for
this to go off without you knowing anything, but you know what, things
have changed. We have to adjust. We got a jazz. Oh no,
this is this is the first instant of jazz. Vince. How about
you adjust to the fact that you're shittiest Sason? How about that? How
about go back in time and don't kill that guy to where he falls out
of a fucking window. How hard is it to not make someone fall out
of a window? I do it every day, Paul. Yeah, I
have lived on this earth for many years and I have thrown almost nobody out
of a window. Well, I don't know why you're attacking me like this.
You know, I have a history making me feel very bad about myself.
Why they call you defenestration? Kaola? So Vincent tells him that there
are worse things going on in the world than him killing one guy, and
besides, the victim was a criminal. So does that make it feel better?
It? Can we get on with this? And we're not in Rwanda?
That's why he brings up for Wanda. Yeah, he goes, have
you heard of Rwanda? Again? I am an adult who looks at the
news every once in a while. Yes, I've heard of Rwanda. Who
is this guy? Who is Vincent? Who does he encounter on a daily
basis where he has to explain very basic things to people? If you heard
of Rwanda? No, explain Africa to me now, please before Max can
respond because thank god, yeah, they're pulled over. Even the screenwriter was
like, well, I can't write my way out of this. We need
an interruption, we need a do ex LAPD. Now. Now we've brought
up Rwanda and oh boy, actually no, this is worth talking about because
Vincent goes. People are murdered. Hundreds of people are murdered every night in
Rwanda, and you don't lose a bit of sleep over them, do you?
So why you care about this guy? And I'm like, bro,
Rwandan's aren't landing in my fucking porch every day, then I might think about
it more often, but seeing is how it's happening on the other side of
the earth. Yeah, and I have a fucking mortgage to pay over here.
That was such a dumb argument. Yeah, I hate this guy so
much. On top of it being an assassin, I actually don't even care
about that. It is everything else about his personality sucks so hard. So
they're pulled over by two cops. Yeah, Vincent hitses at Max to get
rid of the police officers or else they'll wind up in the trunk as well.
Okay, now I have a question, yes, Paul, Okay,
So I know we said the streets are empty, but like at this point,
they're on like you can see other cars driving around. They're on a
major SAT, They're on a major thoroughfare. They get pulled over and Vincent's
like, I'm gonna kill these two cops in in front of dozens of people
that are well within eyeshot of this happening. Holmut like, and were you
gonna shove thirty people into the backseat of the CAB's not big enough? Hah.
The cab just starts to drag the back is it just limbs hanging out
of it? It's just sparks as it goes down the street, dragging down
from all the bodies. Is not a clown car. It's a corpse car.
No believe corpse is good fit Like, it makes no sense. So
I don't want to be controversial here, but LAPD officers are notoriously well armed.
Yeah, so I don't. I don't care how good of an international
assassin you are. I'm liking the cops chances more than his. So the
officers tell Max how they pulled him over for the shattered windshield had the plud
all over his fucking car. Max apologizes, saying he was on his way
back to the depot and he was just dropping this last person off. The
cops are calm and they're like, how did this happen? And he goes,
I hit a deer and I was like, what, just say?
A tree branch fell from like all I was driving, which I mean,
look, I understand he's under a great deal of pressure. Well, I
thought his answer was so stupid that he was trying to alert the cops.
And I don't know what movie I'm watching. I was like, oh,
smart, He's like, you know, I hit that deer. You know
how there's deer everywhere. Yeah, and like trying to sound like a little
little loopy. So the cops are like, okay, sir, we're gonna
need you to like get out of the car. Yeah, you don't sound
so good. That's not what happens. Yeah, the cops remain calm.
They insist the car is no longer safe to drive and it must be impounded,
so tell your passenger to get out. At the last possible moment,
they're called away on a radio call. This happens so much in movies and
TV shows. It's way overused, where they're like literally about to like open
the trunk of the car, you see the thing in the back, and
then they're like calling all units, calling all units. There's a there's an
robbery a foot at the blah blah blah, And I'm like, oh,
we gotta go. We're calling all units and I'm like this movie. They
tell Max, all right, go straight to the impound lot. You know,
do not pass go. This is the honor system, buddy. Yeah.
Max and Vincent arrived the next stop and Vincent has Max pull into an
alleyway again. He zip ties Max's hands to the wheel just as Max's boss
radio is in Uh so, Max's boss has apparently been notified by the police
about the state of Maxi's cab and he's an asshole, right, He's like,
it's coming out of your salary. Blah blah blah blah blah. Vincent,
who remember is deeply in love with Max and a man of the people.
Yes, scruffles MC salt and pepper. He is having none of this.
His his cab driver is being intimate, is being treated poorly by his
boss. Right. He gets on the radio. He claims to be an
adya and he easily intimidates Max's boss. He's like, no, your your
insurance covers this. You're being an asshole for here about this again. I'm
gonna sue you blah blah blah blah blah. Then he makes Max tell his
boss that he's an asshole and if he tries to pull this shit again.
He's gonna stick this cab up his fat ass again. That's right there,
it's like a fat ass. Calm down, gentleman. You don't know what
he looks like, cause you're damage hither. Max stammers out the insults.
He's obviously not no feeling behind them. Satisfied, Vincent heads into the building
to do his work, and we see a brief cutaway of his next victim
being summoned to meet with a notary quote unquote. In the alley, Max
sees some people walking on the sidewalk nearby. He honks the horn tries to
get the attention of some passerby. He attracts a group of men who start
walking towards the car. In Maxi's defense, at first, you can't really
see what they look like, but as they get closer to the car and
they get under the light, you start to recognize, Oh, no Nazis.
Well, yeah, weenates, we have Nazis. We've attracted neo Nazis.
Kudos to the stylist on this movie, the costume, the hairy makeup.
I knew him immediately, like you did not have to. They didn't
have to open their mouth and say a word. I was like Nazis shit.
They immediately hold him at gunpoint. They take his wallet, they take
Vincent's briefcase from the back seat. The degenerates slash Nazis. Plus Paul writes
here there were four, but now there's two for some reason. I don't
know. I don't understand. Two of them just kept one. We just
kept walking. Yeah, they walk away, but not fast enough. Vincent
appears and he says, yo, homie, Okay, you know what,
no notes, no notes. I want to hear Tom Cruise say yoh me
a lot. What other things do you want to hear Tom Cruise say,
oh. I want to hear Tom Cruise say shoplift in the pooty, as
we discussed in Jerry Maguire. God, I love when Hollywood makes Tom Cruise
say silly things. They should make Tom Cruise pay play, justin Timberlake in
the movie of Britney Spears Memoir, where he got to go up to Genuine,
Yeah, played by Genuine and say all of this, all of this
guess a black scent is that. I don't know. I don't know what
we're calling me vernacular vernacular. I did not shoplift the pooty. Some one
of the greatest moments in American cinema as far as I'm concerned, Yo homie,
Oh my god, I wanted to die. Why would he say that?
Why would Vincent say, yo homie? Yeah, you know. So
the two men, the two Nazis, try to rob him as well,
and he immediately just kills them both with three gunshots each and again. Now
the movie, I'm confused because Vincent is an assassin, a terrible one at
that, and he seems somewhat insufferable. But he stands up to Max's boss.
He's like, he's like a hero for the working man, right,
and then he kills these Nazis, which you know, fine, I'm very
okay with. And so I'm like, what am I supposed to be getting
from this? This movie is confusing. He tosses his briefcase back in the
backseat, and he gives Max back his wallet. Yep. We cut to
the two filling up at a gas station. Vincent warrens Max that attracting attention
will only get more people killed, and then he tells them we're ahead of
schedule and proposes they take a detour to a jazz club. Sorry, I
just threw up in my mouth. There are genuinely movies about jazz that are
good movies. This is not one of them. We cut back to Fanning.
Remember Mark Ruffalo, the cop. I don't know if this was this
was like made a parent before, but he is an under cover cop.
Yeah right, so that's why he's dressed like, I don't know, like
from a street gang or whatever the fuck this person was supposed to be because
he's undercover. Right, So he finds We find out that his for that
victim that we saw, the hugely fat man who fell out of the window,
was one of his informants, and Fanning was working him for months and
months to try to get to another bigger guy named Felix rey Es Dorena,
a Mexican drug kingpin. His partner played by Peter Berg. By the way,
Yeah he pops up. I haven't seen Peter Berg in a million years.
Yeah he does more behind the camera stuff. Yeah he's a director now.
I guess his partner informs him, Hey, look, the Feds are
watching Felix. They don't want the lapd getting in the way, So get
out of the thing, right, like, stop following this case, which
makes me again, no one just alects to go undercover. Huh. Like
a whole system has to be put in place, paperwork has to be done,
a judge has to sign off on it for this to happen. Why
is he working this undercover case if the FEDS are also on it? This
doesn't make any sense. I think the implication is that he's working a different
angle. I don't think he's initially working the Felix case. I think he's
This doesn't make any sense. I'm just saying I love that Paul's like,
wait, hang on, what I'm about to say is dumb. Continue.
Yeah, but I think the implication is that he like, like he's coming
at this criminal informant from a different direction and then he stumbles into the Felix
thing. But why, oh, it doesn't It makes no sense. It
like, shouldn't the FEDS be like, hey, LAPD, knock knock knock,
we have a favor to ask. Let's leave this entire criminal organization out
of out of the LAPD's purview for a while while we work this case.
None of this makes any sense. This goes into the the the great pantheon
of terrible cops in movies. As we've discussed in previous films such as Lethal
Weapon and Die Hard and Break All. Police officers are just fundamentally terrible at
their jobs. So Fanning, because he's terrible at his job, isn't deterred.
He's like, I don't care if I'm blowing a whole federal case.
I want to know what happened to my ci. A witness reports seeing a
cab in the area, and Fanning is reminded of a similar case in Oakland,
where a cab driver drove around all night, murdered three people, and
then died by suicide. Oh however, the investigating detective in that Oakland case
always questioned whether or not that driver did take his own life and thought there
might have been someone else in the cab. He framed the cab driver,
which again makes him terrible at this because he's doing it twice, creating a
pattern. Even a broken clock pole is right twice a day. Even terrible
cops would notice, Hey, this exact same car was at all five crime
scenes. I wonder if there's a correlation here. All Right, we cut
to the Jask Club. Oh my god, I'm gonna walk away. You
talk, you talk this scene out. I'll be back. I'm gonna go
somewhere where no one's explaining jazz to me. Vincent and Max watch as the
club owner Daniel, played by the great and good Barris Shabaka Henley, a
great character actor. Uh. He plays trumpet with his band. I don't
think he's actually playing the trumpet. I couldn't figure it out, but I'm
pretty sure he's not. I think that trump is hard. Yeah, so
I'm willing to give him a pass. So yeah. Vincent bribes the server
to ask Daniel to come talk to them after the set. We cut to
Daniel telling them a story about Miles Davis. Vincent is impressed. He comments
that I've got to tell the people in Coolie a cannon Karta Hana that story,
and Daniel's face just drops. Max suddenly catches up and he's like,
oh, fuck this guy, this is this is not a break, This
is not a random jazz wey, We're not on a break. Daniel is
the next target, and he does not want to see what is about to
happen. He begs Vincent to do look, look, do a little improv
play little jazz. You love jazz. What if you just let this guy
go and disappear, right, yeah, like, you don't need to do
this, and Daniel is even like, hey, man, I will disappear.
You will never hear from me again. I'll be like the wind.
Yeah, let's just jazz together. Oh. Vincent tells Daniel, all right,
I'm gonna ask you a question. You get it right, you disappear.
Daniel agrees, and he says, look, no matter what happens,
tell Felix and his people that I'm sorry, I have no choice but to
play ball. I'm gonna go I was gonna go back to jail, and
I'm not going back to jail, right. Vincent asks where Miles Davis learned
music. Daniel confidently tells them Juilliard. Vincent shoots him in the head and
tells his corpse that Miles Davis dropped out of Juilliard and learned with Charlie Parker
on the job. Oh, this is so scream this is the worst.
He's just this man owns a jazz club. Uh huh. He shoots him
in the head anyway, which fine, if that's your job, Yeah,
but then don't explain jazz to the corpse of the man who owns a jazz
club. Who personally knew Miles Davis. What is wrong with you? Yeah
this, I had a moment where I had to I had to stop the
movie and walk around. No, I can't, I can't with this fut
jazz. I can't. I've said this before. A movie, to me,
is only as good as the villain. Like, a villain has to
be compelling, and this villain, there's ingredients, there's stuff there. Tom
Cruise is always watchable, whatever you may say about him, He's always watchable.
But it's I I wanted a better villain. I wanted a better guy.
I wanted someone who is interesting, like a Hans Gruber. You know,
he's bad, he's not a good person, but he's compelling to watch.
Even a moment where Max might one might be like, you know what,
maybe Vincent is doing you know good work. I mean he's ridding the
world of terrible people. Like if that conversation had gone that way instead of
instead of his asshole trying to explain the Rwandan genocide to a cab driver like,
fuck you man. If they had written a more compelling character, Tom
Cruise really would have made it sing to I think, like he can really
pull that shit off and it's that's where I'm like, Look, I'm not
mad, I'm just disappointed. Yeah, I'm just disappointed, collateral. I
want it better for you. So Max flees the club, muttering angry that
I'm just collateral. Then he looks at the camera and goes wink. Vincent
catches up with him and holds him by the throat, and before it can
escalate, dispatch calls again. The fucking asshole calls again, huh and reports
that Max's mother has been calling all night constantly looking for him. When Max,
Baby, when you took this job before you knew the wrinkle that was
the international assassination of it all, did you not think about your mother that
you visit every night in the hospital. Right, Like, we're about to
find out that Max's mother is in the hospital. He goes every single night
during his shift to come in and visit her. Say hello, what did
he think he was gonna do with Tom Cruise that night? Yeah? Anyway,
Vincent's like, Okay, if you visit your mother in the hospital every
night, we got to do that. So let's go to the hospital because
I don't want any I don't want any suspicion. Do you think Max missing
a visit for his mother will bring more eyes in the shattered windshield. It's
the LAPD Paul who knows who knows what They're paying attention to the very fact
that, like a good international assassin makes the first mistake where the corpse drops
on the cab and disappears, he doesn't return to the cab. Yes,
you go away, you shoot Jamie Fox, Sorry, Jamie Fox, and
then you fucking go away. Yeah, none of this makes sense, none
of it. And then also the jazz guy that they killed right there is
sitting in the middle of a crowded jazz club with him for presumably hours after
his set, waiting for the club to clear out and for the last of
the employees to leave before he kills him. But that still means that there
are like hundreds of witnesses. You, as the last person, we saw
a very distinctive looking man with silver hair, and Jamie Fox who is and
a Neon silver suit and a Neon silver suit, and Jamie Fox who is
very attractive. Uh huh, like people notice him when he walks into a
room. Do you expect that no one is going to be able to like
pick them out of a lineup? We cut to the hospital where Vincent insists
Max buy flowers for her mother, after all, she carried you at her
womb for nine months. Stop it stop at Vincent, fuck you man,
Cruse saying the word womb. I don't like it. I did not like
that at all. He said it like it's a science experience. He said
it like you want to crawl back up in his hand and no, uh
uh. They get into the elevator and they are joined by Detective Fanning,
who's heading to another floor. Ooh, so you know, our our hero
and our and our villain and our you know, I don't know what's Fanning
the stop are all in the same elevator together, gasp. Vincent and Max
get off first they head to his mother, Ida's room. Ida is played
by Irma p Hall. Ida is immediately short with Max for wasting his money
on flowers, and he's like, yeah, I didn't buy them for you,
this guy did. And then she notices Vincent and the whole act changes
and she becomes the hostess. Very funny. It's very funny, yeah,
because she's like abusing Max immediately upon him walking in and then is like so
sweet as soon as she notices she come on in. Yep, it quickly
becomes apparent that Ida believes that Max's dream of owning a limousine company is reality.
Embarrassed by and also scared for his mother, like his mother drives him
nuts, but he does love his mother and he doesn't want her to be
murdered by the worst assassin. What if he accidentally murders items He doesn't even
mean slips, she trips on a cord and it like cuts off through her
oxygen and he's like, sorry, okay, this one's on me. Yeah,
my bad. I did not mean to do that. I did not
mean to murder your mother by accident. Max kind of sneaks out of the
room. He kind of just like walks quickly past Vincent and on the way
out, he swipes Vincent's briefcase. Yep, he gets a little bit of
a heads dart because Vincent is busy kind of like charming charming Ida, I
think, just trying to get under Max's skin, and he doesn't quite realize
how quickly Max is left, which is again something in assassin should really be
top of mind. Why is he wasting time in this hospital room? Ridiculous?
Is happening. You're right, It almost is as though he fell madly
in love with him at first, because he's like, be nice to your
mom, bring her flowers. Like yeah, he's chastising him for not being
a better son to his elderly sick mother, and I'm like, why do
you care? What is your damage? So Max gets out of there,
and Vincent realizes he's gone, and he gives chase yep. Max sprints through
the hospital. Vincent pursues him. Tom Cruise runarate chopping through the air.
Every time I get to see it, it makes me happy. Max eventually
winds up on a pedestrian bridge over the highway. He sees Vincent coming.
They're the only two people on this enormous pedestrian bridge. Then I believe,
and he throws Vincent's briefcase into the air and over out onto the highways,
scattering all of Vincent's money and prep work on his victims for the night.
Vincent just runs over it, tackles him and snarls, let's see what else
you can do. Guess, kiss, kiss, kiss kiss. That was
like a They'd stay in Idel's room for one more minute. She would have
been like, kiss kiss. We cut to Fanning Mark Ruffalo at the hospital
morgue, hoping for a look at his his informant's corpse because remember, technically
there is no murder because the corpse was never found because it's in the back
of that trunk. Yeah, but he knows something happened because the apartment was
a mess and the fucking window was broken. So he's looking at the morgue,
He's like, hey, any chance this person came in. Instead,
what he finds are the bodies of the two fucking Nazis and Vincent's second victim,
the notary guy, who I should say is like, like, looks
expensive, right, Like he was living in a penthouse. To find out
later he's like a lawyer for criminals. Yeah, exactly. So the emmy
has a theory that they were all killed by the same shooter because of the
bullet pattern, right, two in the chest and one in the head.
Further, Fanning recognizes the second victim, the fancy lawyer guy right, who
was also in the drug trade, and he's like, oh no, he
was also involved with Felix, the evil drug kingpin, and this is all
coming together. He's sure that something big is going on, and he doesn't
think the feds are aware of it. No reason for him to think that.
Why would the feds not be aware of it? I don't know,
Paul, I don't know. I don't know why this guy thinks he's better
than the entire federal government. I mean he might be. Yeah, I
love seeing like like actors, actors like Mark Ruffalo and stuff like this.
Or I'm like, I know that he looked at the script. I know
he knows the script is bad. I know he knows it. I no
judgments for him for taking it. I'm thrilled he's collecting a paycheck. I
love Mark Ruffalo, but like the fact that he has to say these things.
And I'm like, I know the kind of actor is that he thought
about this line and was like, well, this doesn't make any sense.
Okay, fine, whatever level best. Yeah, it's all watchable. Yeah.
We cut back to Mac Vincent driving. Vincent starts making comments about Max
lying to his mother, bitch, keep your mouth, keep my mother's name
out of his mouth. Max says it, his mother just hears what she
wants and ignores what he's actually saying, and Vincent the assassin recall who is
trying to be incognito, not let anyone know anything about himself, talks about
growing up with an abusive father and says that he killed his father when he
was twelve. Yeah, Max is horrified. What and then Vincent laughs,
ha, just kidding. He's still alive. He's a hoot and a half.
Has Tom Cruise ever done a comedy, like a real comedy? I
know, Risky Business is. Some people think it's a comedy. He did
Tropic Thunder But now I thought about that too, But that is playing on
his persona and intensity, right, I'm trying to think if he's just because
you're playing doesn't make it not a comedy. No, no, no,
it doesn't. I'm talking to somebody where like, has he ever hosted SNL
where he is asked to do that kind of like absurdist stuff because the Tropic
Thunder performance is is also playing on his tendency to go too hard and to
go like it's using Tom Cruise correctly in a comedy. Actually, you know
what movie is an unintentional comedy and it uses Tom Cruise so fucking perfectly.
Oh, Rock of Ages. Rock of Ages is so fucking funny in Rock
of Agent, you know what you are correct, thank you, because I
was trying to think of like, does he ever just done like a light
rom com? I mean, I guess Jerry Maguire, that's like a dramedy
though, like that's not just a right And we also talked about how he
was wrong in that he was terrible. I mean, he was terrible,
but he was very wrong for that. Yeah. No, I think he's
too intense, generally speaking, to be believable in a really light role except
for Rock of Ages, where the intensity is used. Yeah, so it's
deployed like Tropic Thunder where they're using the intensity. Yeah. Yeah, remember
how good he was an interview with the Vampire. Oh yeah, we were
so shocked when we watched that movie and we were like, fucking Tom Cruise,
it's great. Am I wrong? But he's wonderful in this movie.
I would say Tom Cruise is very funny an interview with the Vampire. I
know it's not a comedy, but he keeps it light there. Yeah,
I agree. Okay, So the two of them arrive at their destination is
a bar called El Rodeo, which is a Latin cowboy bar, very specifically
and Spanish for the Rodeo. Vincent informs Max that he will be heading in,
as quote unquote Vincent, he will speak to Felix and get him to
replace all the information that was lost when Max flung the briefcase onto the highway.
Vincent is like, I don't go in. People don't see my face,
and I'm like, you know, have seen your face? Max?
So Max is already dead really because you have to kill him at the end
of the night. I'm willing to go with Max a little bit more than
I am with Vincent, because it's like, you don't want to die,
so you're just playing a lot until you can figure out what means of escape.
But like this guy, I had to know from the minute that like
first body fell. He's like, well, I'm going to die tonight if
I don't get away from this guy. Somehow that'll figure out away. I'm
going to die tonight. Yep. Max is understandably luctant to do this task,
but he doesn't really have much of a choice because Vincent says if he
doesn't get it done in ten minutes, he's going to drive to the hospital
and kill his mother, which implies that he can drive. That's right,
Yeah, what is happening he's in love. It has to be in love
with them. It has a love story. Oh God, I want it
to be Paul. This is what Taylor Swift's song love Story is about.
We cut to an FBI surveillance team. Remember the Feds, the Feds that
were all over this. Yep, they're finally in the movie. We're by
We're like an hour in already. Before the fucking Feds even show up,
they see Max head into the club on their cameras. Agent Padrosa played by
Bruce McGill is leading the stakeout, and Fanning arrives. I don't know who
told him where the I don't care. You know what moving on does makes
sense? But I'm moving on and asks, hey, has there been any
unusual activity tonight at the at the rodeo at the old Rodo. Pedrosa says,
nope, it's been quiet. But Fanning sees the cab and the like
ruined roof and the cracked windshill, and he's like, hey, let's let's
zoom in on that. He uses the license plate to request a copy of
Max's license and he and the Feds start working together. See teamwork doesn't teamwork
makes a dream work. That's true. That is absolutely true, and they
realize that the three people that have been murdered that night are connected to Felix.
They use the video of Max entering the club. They listen to it
and they hear him say the word Vincent, so that he's claiming that his
name is Vincent. Crucially, they cannot see Tom Cruise in the cab.
Yeah. Max manages to talk his way into the club on the power of
Vincent's name and is led directly to Felix, played by an unexpected Javier Bardem.
I squealed when he came on the screen. You're a Javier fan.
I'm a Bardamite Paul from a Javiette If you will, I forget when people
get famous. Yeah. Like so, if you'd ask me what year Havevier
Bardem got famous, I would not have thought two thousand and four. I
would not have thought it was like famous enough yet to be playing a villain
in a major motion picture. Yeah, and there he is. And it's
only one scene. Yea. But I was so like, hey, look
at you. Yeah. I think he had done before After Night Falls that
the After Night Falls is what broke him out in the United States, right,
because the Spanish language film, but a lot of people saw it,
and I think that's and then he immediately had to learn English. He was
like, oh shit, I can get work in the Hollywood. I got
to learn some English. Yeah, and so I don't know, I got
a bandaris this shit real fast. So I haven't really looked into it,
but I have This has to be like his second or third movie. I
looked it up. It's very to be clear in the United In the US,
I'm sure he made plenty of Spanish language films in Spain very early on
his American career. He is so hot in this movie. I mean he's
always hot, but like he has like a shaved head and like he's got
that face, like it's it looks like a tough guy face. Yeah.
Yeah, he's got character. Yeah yeah. Do he and Penelope Crews have
children? Do? Those kids' faces must be extraordinary because you get two people
with so much character, and I'm like, oh my god. There they
either are like the most beautiful people in the world, those children, or
unholy hype, we're only hybrids. Yeah, I don't think there's an in
between. I don't think so for them. No chance that those people come
out looking totally normal, unappealing. Yeah, like, I just hope that
if they have multiple children, they all fall on the same side of the
spectrum. Whichever one it is. They're either all gorgeous or they're all weird
looking, or all they all look like Picasso paintings. Yeah somehow, why
is your eye so low? Ha ha? All right, So Felix demands
to know why he's there, and Max stammers that he lost the list,
and Felix finally, like firmly identifies this list as informants. The audience has
figured this out at this point, but this is where we were getting,
like the actual download. Even the cops have figured this out right now,
And as as this and every other movie tells us they're the worst. Yeah,
Felix is pissed. But Max has learned his lessons from Vincent well,
right, he's learned him well enought that he doesn't crumble. If only every
person but a little bit of a a little bit of an insecurity issue had
a nice sociopathic assassin that could just teach them how to stand up for themselves.
Stand up for yourself, bring your mother flowers, yep, and talk
about chatz with you yeah, fuck you hooked on PHONICX. This is how
to get people ready for the real world. This is the preview of the
movie. I remember this because I didn't see this movie when it came out,
but I remember this moment in the preview where he's like, tell the
man behind me to put his gun away? Yeah, like like Jamie Fox
brings it in the scene. So he stares at Felix. He tells them
what Erica has said, Have the guy behind me put his gun away before
I take him and beat him to death with it. He takes off his
glasses, he gets some good crazy eyes going yeah, and he tells Felix
that he dumped the list because he picked up a tail, and then he
starts parroting Vincent's nonsense about Jazz. I have to say, though, like
if if Nathan is a colleague of these people, they all know they don't
know is what he looks like. But they're like, don't bring up jazz.
Yeah, whatever you do if you mean him. So I feel like
this is like, this is this has to be Vincent's like thing that he's
famous for. Yeah, He's led jazz, Vincent Hu. Felix is impressed
enough that he give Max a flash drive with all the information that was lost.
Max stands up and this was funny. He says, you know what,
as an apology, you can take thirty five percent off my fee for
the night. And then he tells Max that Daniel said he was sorry.
So he passes on the jazz club owners final wesh to tell Felix that he
you know, he didn't want to flip. Yeah. Max leaves, and
Felix instructs his men to follow him to the next target and kill him if
anything goes wrong. Yeah, that all tracks. That all tracks. You
know who's good at their job, Felix. Felix gets shipped. Done,
Felix understands what he is there for. You know who apparently walks out of
this movie entirely unscathed. Felix. Huh no, not necessarily. I mean
the trial will start tomorrow. Yeah, but there's no witnesses left. Yeah.
Yeah, well I guess Max. I guess Max is a witness now.
But I hope spoiler Max makes it through the movie. I hope he
gets through the next night because you know who knows what Max looks like.
Felix Felith. So we're back in the cab Vincent uses the cabs. Paul
rights here. I don't know computer. What is that? It looks like
an iPad, the iPads. It wasn't like a route finder, but Max
doesn't need a route I don't know what it is. It must be some
kind of like log for the for the rides. You must log it in
somehow. It looks like a speak and say from the eighties. So he
accesses the information and directs Max to the head to a club called Fever to
find the next time. Every every single one of these movies has a scene
in a club PSA for this episode. Nightclubs are full of assassins. They're
full of international spies. They're full of assassins. They're full of criminals in
the back doing shady dealings. That's correct. Keep your eyes peeled. I'm
not saying don't go to clubs. They're fun. You have to have fun,
but keep your eyes peeled because some shit is gonna go down. You
see someone in a Neon silver suit, you get yourself out. Yeah,
you pay your tab and you fucking leave. Yeah. And you know what
if he looks angry, don't even pay your tab. So the next target
is a man named Peter Limb. Meanwhile, the FEDS are readying their own
team to send to Fever because they have figured out that Peter Limb must be
the next target. Yes, they know the list of witnesses, right.
So when Fanning tries to convince them, hey, I think there's another man
in that cab. I don't think the cab driver is the killer. I
think he tries to explain an Oakland thing to them. They want no part
of it. They're like, no, shut up, we see him,
he dies. They don't. They're not even like they are shoot to killing
this guy. They're not. They're not out to arrest him, to bring
him in to flip him for their case. Nothing, even though they are
quickly losing witnesses and they could potentially use another flip. Yeah. No,
no, They're like, we're gonna murder him the second we see him.
That's what we do. Jesus Christ. Fanning follows the Feds ye, because
he's like, you know what, I don't like the way this is going.
Yeah, this this case is under his skin now. So to be
clear, converging on the club is Maxi and Vince, the FEDS, Fanning,
and also Felix's men who are tailing Max and Vincent, who think Max
is Vincent, as do the Feds. Here is where my brain turned.
Okay, this is the moment when I was watching the movie. Was it
the random coyotes? No? No, no, it was here because I
was like, oh, this is like a shootout at the Okay Corral.
Oh this is not a prestige movie I'm watching. Okay, this is a
dumb shoot them up action movie. Now that I love, Yeah, you
do love it. I'm all in for that movie. I wish I had
been watching that movie from the beginning. Yeah, the coyotes. I don't
understand. Max and Vincent are driving. There's a Chris Isaac song that's playing,
like we see like all these people coming. It's it's it's it's like
a very moody, cool shot of la at night. Yeah right, Like
so like I get the cinematography and the beauty of it, and he like
stops and vince it looks like why did you stop? And then silently they
watch like these two coyotes cross the road, and I'm like, is this
the rule of cool? Thing? Like it was like were they were they
not planned? What's going on here? Yeah? I don't know because they
it's never It's not like there's not some symbolism around the coyote that I am
aware of. I thought it may be like an uncanny valley thing. Sure,
like of like, well, this night just got even weirder. This
fucking coyotes in the street. I don't know. I don't know what the
fuck that means. Okay, as long as you don't know either, What
could that mean? Why are there coyotes? Now? All right, let's
let's figure this out. The coyotes Okay, okay, it's a coyote like
a symbol of like, go the fuck home. It is it's not coyotes.
I just realized it's wiley coyote. Okay, okay. And and he
is signaling to us, the watchers who thought this was a prestige movie that
no, we're about to like blow up this club from the ACME with TNT
from the ACME Corporation. Yeah, like that's that's why the coyote came on.
So in the cab, Vincent asks Max, Hey, you're gonna call
Annie? And Max says he doesn't know, and Vincent says, you know,
life is short if you and I make it out of this alive.
You should call her? Why are you playing with him? N Like,
what's your damage? What's the implication here? Because look, one of them
is dying, Like a smart audience member knows. One of these people is
not making it out. Yeah right, So why should you should have said
if you make it out of this alive, yes, right, and then
it's like then it's then it's actually almost like, hey, I don't really
want to kill you. Yeah, and I might die. My line of
work is dangerous. So you make it out alive. You should call her.
Yeah, maybe maybe I'll spare you. You don't know that. You
don't know me, You don't know my whole thing. You don't know how
much I love you. Ha ha. That Chris Isaac song made me want
to hold you. You don't know what it's like to love somebody, to
love somebody the way I love you. That's what should have been playing.
Aha. They don't have Begi's money for this. I'm they blew it all
on Tom Cruise. I'm gonna see if I can get a video of this
scene and put the Beechi's under it. So the two arrive and Vincent forces
Max in front of him as they make their way through a packed club.
This scene is now that I know what I'm watching, I'm all here for
it. Okay, this is the dumbest fucking thing. It's loud and dumb
and hilarious. Yep, buckle up. So they make their way through a
pack club. Right, Vincent is like basically holding Max at gunpoint. The
Feds are behind them, as is Fanning, as our Felix's men, all
of whom think that Max is some dangerous killer. Vincent spots the target,
who was, of course, surrounded by his own bodyguards with guns. So
many guns, so many guns, so many guns in the scene. He
tells Max to move fifteen feet away, but promises that if you wander,
I will shoot some innocence in this club. It's like, if I were
Maxi'd be like, Buddy, I don't. I don't think there's any question
that innocent people are gonna die tonight. I don't. Really, We're actually
past that point. If ever, there was a moment where Max could just
flee. This is it, right, So Vincent moves through the throng.
He manages to dispatch three of Limb's guards as everyone just keeps dancing around them.
Yeah, that's what Paul wrote. Here, let me tell you what
I saw. Let me tell you what I see here. Man in a
full silver suit on the dance floor, crowded dance floor, pack This is
the one place in LA where there are people by the way, this is
this is the Asian Club. Do you notice that I did not like ninety
percent of the people in the scener Asian? Oh I didn't notice. Yeah,
So we have the Latino Rodeo bar and the Asian Club. Hey,
why is it called fever? I don't like that. Oh, I didn't
think of that. I don't like that. I don't care for that.
Yeah. So he's the dance floor, right, pumping, pump and pumpin
Tom Cruise. Pull the fucking gun out, Yea, holds it like,
not hiding it under his jacket, hold it out in front of him.
People on the dance floor. And I know these are just extras, it's
not their fault, but a bunch of them look at him, They look
right at him and see and then they're like yeah, they keep dancing,
and I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to see the
gun. Is this not Los Angeles, notorri not the safest city in the
country. Why is everyone cool with this fucking gun in the club? He
starts walking through the club like a fucking shark, pointing right at Peter Limb.
He does this thing where he shoots him, and that's when people are
like and flee. Bunkers. Bonkers, absolutely fucking bunkers. I will say
that this is for a real a real moment here, like shooting up a
club is something that does not age. Well. Oh yeah, I was
like, oh god, this is this is because innocent people die in this
scene or well, it seems like he mostly shoots like the bodyguard, like
the people that are I'm willing to believe that Vincent is a good enough shot
that he doesn't kill anyone outside of the meant who he meant to kill.
I don't know if the Feds other thugs are quite as because it's a firefight
in a packed club. They just start spraying the place bullets. Yeah,
and it's it. It took me out of it for a second. I
was like, oh no, we can't do this scene casually anymore. No,
thank you. So many movies have this scene though, yeah again,
like I think thinking of the really terrible one was scarface. Uh huh with
like the giant club shoot out, Like what is happening? I'm gonna read
this just as Paul wrote it. Pedroza Spot's Limb calls his extraction team and
honestly, who gives a fuck? Screaming, shooting, utterly unrealistic CHAOSI erupts.
I was losing patience. Vincent saves Max from being executed by Felix's men.
That's right, I forgot that. Why yeah, why he loves him?
You don't know what it's loved? An easy way to get out of
this. Oh baby, you don't know what it's love? So you know
what? Notoriously has cameras everywhere nightclubs. Yeah, well, because they want
to catch people stealing, and so like you. He he put his gun
out on the dance floor and just started shooting, and then people cleared around
him and he continued to shoot. There's now so much evidence of your existence,
dude. He takes down like six or seven bodyguards who swarm him.
Dude, you are caught. Let Max go. No one is going to
believe Max is the real killer anymore. So okay, so Vincent shoots lim
the guy. Meanwhile, Fanning manages to grab Max, and he's like,
I'm a cop. I think I know what's going on here. I don't
think you're the killer. We gotta go. He tries to usher him out
of the club to safety. Unfortunately, and I cannot express enough that as
soon as they get out of the club, we discover that Vincent, much
like Michael Myers, can teleport. Because this makes no sense, Max and
Fanning are ahead of him, and he is still like fighting six bodyguards for
some reason. He fights the six bodyguards, kills Peter Limb, and manages
to get downstairs and in front of the car before Fanning and Max exit the
club. Yeah, he shoots and kills Fanning rip ALRP. I actually thought
maybe he was gonna be wearing a bulletproof best. I thought he was gonna
be Okay, I forgot. You know what is funny is in a movie
Right now, Mark Ruffalo wouldn't be killed, right because he's too famous.
But two thousand and four Mark Ruffalo fucking cannon fodder. Yeah yeah, yeah.
He drags Max back into the cab. Max is now like really upset,
right, he is, like I thought he had a brief moment in
the sun where he thought he was out of this Yeah, and not good.
Vincent points out that he saved Max's life and wonders, where the fuck
is my thanks? You know, fuck you? Max says, why did
you kill Fanning? Which, come on, Max, what are we doing
here? Why are you surprised? Of course he killed fann integrity. I
thought you loved me. Vincent says, it's what he does for a living,
and he starts to whack philosophical about how they're just specs in the universe.
He doesn't care about the people he kills for his job. He's indifferent.
This is almost as bad as the jazz. This is bad. Is
hard to watch, Oh my god, Like the nihilist philosophy is straight so
irritating, And again Tom Cruise is not the vessel for this performance. Like,
either write a better movie for Tom Cruise or put another actor in this
role who can maybe like like just tap dances his way around this yeah,
and be fast and loose with it, like it is hard to watch.
Yeah, Max says there's something missing in you, something missing in your brain,
and Vincent is like, you're too afraid to even try to realize your
dreams. You're sitting here, you're talking about limo companies. What why are
you getting personal? Man? What is VI? You're gonna kill him in
like two hours? What is his hole? Like? He's like, He's
like, well, don't tell me. I'm not good at my job.
You don't even follow your dreams. I'm sorry. Why am I see?
Why? Why am I on the couch? All of a sudden, Ferston
to climb every mountains. It's realizarre. Excuse me, doctor killer. This
sets Max off. He starts to accelerate through the empty streets of La.
He admits that Vincent's right, he needs to stop waiting for the exact right
moment to start his company. He just needs to do it. The cab
speeds through the streets. Vincent pulls his gun. He's like, slow down,
slow down, Max, Max, What are you doing? Max?
What are you doing? Max says, go fuck yourself, and he steers
the cab into a highway divider, flipping it over and sending it careening into
the sidewalk, empty sidewalk. No one else gets hurt. Nope, not
even a coyote is hit, not even a rampant coyote like they have just
running around the streets. Both men are conscious, though when the car flips,
none of them have died. Vincent starts to kick at Max, but
then he hears like he gets really petty for a minute, which very funny,
slam you god, damn it, man, what are you doing.
You're ruining everything. Then there's sirens and he's like, oh, I gotta
get out, So he gets that the cab. He sprints away. A
cop appears in the scene. He sees Max, who's in shock and bleeding
from the head, and he calls an ambulance and he's like, hey,
man, you know you're gonna be okay. We're gonna get an ambulance.
Just sit down, don't move. And then he's looking at the damage of
the car. And remember the car has totally flipped over. It is basically
like like squashed like accordion, right, which means the trunk has opened.
And the cop sees the body in the back of the cab and he tells
Max, put your hands over your head. So Max is like ready to
submit. He's like, good, I'm done. Take me out of this
situation. I need to flee forever. Then he looks over at his cab
and he sees the screen of the little computer. This is the speak set,
the speaking sad Yeah, with the five like a Vincent's targets list,
right, and he sees the final picture, Paul, would you bu Lee
Vitt? The final victim of Vincent's hit list is super lawyer Annie what From
the beginning of the movie lawyer any lady who could believe it? Who could
believe it? All? All we know about her is that she's working the
most important case of her career, and she has to start tomorrow and she
has to make sure her witnesses are press. Oh now I see it,
now, I see it now. Also, it's everyone else on this list
is and I'm not saying this means they deserve to die, but is it
actually a criminal? Yeah? Look, you kill a bunch of criminals.
That's one thing. I'm not saying that should be different, but like that's
one thing now, But on the same job, go kill this eighty A.
Yeah, like that's a that's a bigger thing. Well, and also
like it's gonna it's gonna look badna. Look, it's really just the witnesses
were enough. You didn't really have to kill the ADA. If you kill
the case, the ADA has got nothing. Yeah, Yeah, but you
know what Felix likes to, uh, you know, close all his loops,
dot his eyes, cross his teeth, all that stuff. Yeah,
he is a very efficient killer. So the cop keeps approaching Max. Right
now, Max has to do some quick thinking. He's somehow, even though
he is deeply concussed, manages to attack the police officer, flip him on
his back handcuff him to the wreck of the car, and then tells the
cop where he's headed to call and to call for backup. He takes the
cops gun. That is a bad cop, right, it's a bad cop.
That's a bad cop. He's also talking with the New York accent,
isn't he. I yeah, I don't know. Every every cop in every
movie is a New York accent. Yeah. Well, he managed to get
completely disarmed by a deeply concussed man. Yeah, untrained cab driver. Yes.
So he takes the gun and he starts sprinting towards Annie's office. Yep,
he's running. He runs past the pedestrian who's on his cell phone,
and Max takes the cell phone from the man and he calls Annie using the
number on her card. I don't know when he took the card from the
sun Visor. I did not care enough to go long. I'm gonna let
it go. Yeah. Unfortunately, the calls and go through the phone batteries
on its last legs. Max runs to the top of a nearby parking garage
and tries to get to the phone to connect. As we see Vincent entering
Annie's office building, time is running short. We cut back to Annie at
work. Remember Anne, Remember Annie, good, good, efficient Annie,
lawyer Annie. She picks up the phone and is at first confused that he's
calling it. I'm assuming he's like four thirty in the morning. She's like,
man, am I regretting giving you my name? This was a mistake,
and you know what again, like she is such a good actress because
I believe, like that's exactly what I got from her face. As soon
as she does, it's like Max's voice. She's like, oh, bro,
oh no, I really wish I hadn't given you my number. I
read that one wrong. It's gonna be a real hit to the old confidence
before my big case starts tomorrow. Max manages to make her believe him by
invoking Felix's name, right. Yeah. Meanwhile, Vincent kicks in Annie's office
door, but she's not there, so me the audience, she's like,
wait, she's on the phone. Where is she? What's happening? Max
begs Annie to leave the building and she's like, okay, fine, I'll
okay, gotcha, I believe you. Max's cell phone dies, but unfortunately
not soon enough because Vincent, who's at Annie's desk, sees the line in
use button, setting him to like the fifteenth floor or whatever it is on
Annie's office phone. Max sprints towards the building as Vincent starts to stalk in
him. This was exciting. This is when I'm super on board for this
movie because this is this last part, This last ten minutes are very thrilling,
right, So Max sees what's happening. He starts sprinting towards the building.
Meanwhile, Vincent knocks out the power on Annie's floor before she's able to
get a phone call out to nine to one onet row. Just as he's
about to shoot her, Max appears and starts holding him at gunpoint. Yep,
stand off. Vincent scoffs at him, and Max shoots him. Fuck
you forever boom. Yeah. He grazes the side of his head and he
gives he gives himself and Andy enough of a chance to flee, right like,
because Vincent does go down for a second. They go down the stairs
right, and instead of going out of the lobby, Max is like,
wait, let's go down to the subway. So they go down to the
subway, which is in the building right, So in the lobby there is
an entrance to the subway. Right. Vincent follows them. I don't like.
He has a moment too. He stops in the lobby and he's like,
did they get out or did they go down? Did they get out?
I'm gonna go to the subway. So they go down to the subway
station. Vincent goes down and again there's another moment where he's like, did
they go down the track on the right or the track on the left?
Yeah? Which way do I go? And it's like he's almost like meditating.
He stops trying to smell them. He stops and he's like, bathe
in, Okay, which way did they go? Like a vibe was gonna
hit him somehow, but goddamn it it does. He somehow figures out the
right way to go. He manages to track them, but not before they're
able to jump on a train ahead of him. So the train is pulling
out of the station. Oh no, Vincent, you lost, You're done.
You're never gonna be able to catch them. Now they're on a goddamn
train. Yep, wrong, wrong? Did I not know the movie I
was watching? H huh? Because he manages like the fucking terminator to leap
onto the back of a moving subway car and continue his pursuit. Max and
Annie stee Vincent approaching, they start to run again. They're running through the
train doors like you always see, right into the different cars. The train
arrives at the station, but Vincent manages to force him to stay on the
train by stepping off of his exit and like holding his gun point because he
knows where they are, so they can't step off off the train themselves.
He steps back onto the train at the last minute. He continues to pursue
them. Finally, Max and Annie, I presume it's just the last train
car they like, stop running. They duck into a side corner. Vincent
is one car away. He shouts, I do this for a living Max.
Max is like, you know what, I got a jazz? I
got a jazz. He steps forward. There are doors between them. The
two open fire at each other. Max's eyes are closed and he is firing.
I did not catch that. Yes, that's hilarious, Vincent. He
has his professional pattern. Two in the chest, one in the head.
The lights flash off and on. Both men are still standing. Vincent goes
to reload his gun, but the cartridge drops to the ground. His bullets
were stopped by the metal center of the door, so he didn't hit Max.
His professionalism has hoisted him on his own potential. Max meanwhile, just
got lucky. Yeah, Max is just shooting. He's praying like, yes,
I'm surprised he's he's Yes, he's Miles Davis on this train, Miles
Dravis at the trumpet. Max has this I don't know block. So Vincent
sits down. He's losing blood. Max, because the connection between these two
is very strong, comes in and sits across from him to be with him
on his final moments. You know, best friends there and maybe lovers if
only been Yeah, Vincent mumbles. A guy gets on the MTA here in
l An dies. I think anyone will notice, and his head falls and
he dies, still sitting up covered in blood. I think people will notice
the blood like look I get it, like people can die very quietly.
Yeah, and and that that can happen. But you didn't, buddy,
you know this one, even a New Yorker would be like, I'm gonna
go to the other car and we're gonna need to stop the train. The
train arrived at the next station. Max and any stumble out onto the station
in the pre dawn light end of movie. Do you think they go get
some breakfast? They go to think they go to this like like a like
a like a greasy spoon, like a greasy spoon. Absolutely yeah, And
she's like, you know what I owe you breakfast? You know you want
to what I do? Respect this movie for they didn't have them kiss,
oh god, like they didn't have to be like and now they fell in
love. That is the end of Collateral. So stick around. We will
be right back with our random observations and final rankings after these messages, and
we're back sing to me the notes between the notes one behind the beats.
Yeah yeah yeah, je so irritating. Whoopee, gotcha jazz. All right,
there's there's something that actresses have to do. Now. We need to
put more respect on them. For Jada Pinkett Smith running in those heels.
I was concerned because she looked like she was in pain, and like,
obviously they have they have to sprint, right, Like there's any kind of
slowing down the running, it's gonna look unrealistic because you're literally running for your
life. Yeah, right, So this poor woman. Half the time he
was chasing them, I was like, Oh my god, she's gonna bust
an ankle. That's what's gonna happen. She's gonna bust an ankle. He's
gonna have to like hoist her over his shoulder or something. And maxim like
it is, it's at night. Why would she still mean heels? She
would have sneakers at the office that are be wearing sneakers. Let her be
barefoot for fuck's sake. Oh yeah, barefoot would be better actually now actual
life, but in the movie, right, yeah, like maybe because Jada
Pikets made is notoriously like four foot eleven, and so they wanted her to
match up at least a little bit to Jamie Fox. Yeah, they wanted
to seem taller than Tom Cruise even the odds there. Okay, Matt's talks
about his dream of owning island Limos His business plan is thus, he's gonna
have limos so beautiful, so clean, so luxurious that you will not want
the ride to end from the airport to your house, right you will want
to stay in that limo forever. That is that's how he pitches it to
people. And I'm like, I'm going to need a little more information about
what is exactly in this backseat with me? Are there sex workers trying to
make me eskew my life? Like I'm going to disregard the rest of my
life and stay in this limo dream? But also island limos? Like the
idea is that there's like tropical tiki bar. Well, you're like, I've
imagine you opened the door to the limo and like sand just flies out,
falls out. Can you now are the limos? Can you order a specific
island? I want o Wahu, I want MAUI I want I want Saint
Thomas? Is there a hammock? What? What? How big are these?
What is exactly? You're like, it sounds like you're gonna need something
more the size of a party bus. I'm telling you that right now.
I tell you, right now, we're gonna need an RV to make this
dream happen. It is the dumbest businessman. The writer this movie thought about
this, not at all, not at all, not at all. Yeah,
that's correct. There's just one very brief moment in the movie that I
really laughed at because when they're when he's chasing them on the train at the
end, and remember we say like he pops out and holds like holds the
empty door at gun points so they can't get off the train. If you
notice, it's just in the background, but Tom Cruise steps out and he
has a gun, and there's just an extra in silhouette, like one hundred
feet away sees him step out with the gun and just the ducks and leaves
off, And I'm like, that is funny. That's the only appropriate response
I have seen. A yes to this man's shenanigans. Absolutely, were you
not at the club? You should have been at the club, sir,
Yeah, because you understand what to do when you see someone with a fucking
gun. I just have one more And honestly, this is just a complaint,
and I don't expect you to answer this seriously. Why did he hold
Max hostage on that? It doesn't make sense. Why why does he what
what is the point of getting in a cab even if the guy my endless
love. Assuming the guy okay, assuming he goes to plan right, and
you kill all five people, you get to the airport, you're good.
And does he let Max live? Because Max, again, they're gonna be
able to figure out, Like someone will figure out this fucking limo was at
all these locations. Yeah, and then Max has like he can identify you
right right, Like, what is the plan? Why can't he just drive
himself? I mean it takes several different cabs. I'm gonna try here,
I'm gonna try. Look, I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm not
going to succeed, but I'm gonna try, all right. So he wants
Max because he wants to get it done fast. And he believes that Max,
because of the seven minutes thing, is like the fastest cab driver in
Lax. He's efficient, right, So that's why he's keeping Max around.
He wants to get to places quickly. He believes Max will be able to
outpace the police. Uh huh, I mean okay, so this is assuming
that things still okay, this is assuming things go to plan now after that
first Okay, now that he is the wiser, Right, what's the rest
of your plan? Why didn't he just shoot him and disappear feel the fucking
cab to get away or like yeah, like there's just the whole movie is
so bizarre. It only makes sense if he is in love with him.
We're at the point now where that is that that may that makes the movie
Like he likes him, like like for some reason he likes this guy who
has this this dream. I hate this. I hate this stream of island
limos of the Canary Islands. I want the Canary Islands. It's the best
one. Weird, Yeah, all right, I only have one more too,
and it's because we haven't yet talked about the greatest moment in the whole
movie when Tom Cruise is chasing Annie and Max through the office at the very
end, at one point, he has to throw a desk chair through like
a glass door to get through somewhere, and he throws it through and he
jumps through after it, and he absolutely unintentionally falls. Don't know. I
don't know that that's true, but there no one will convince me that that
is not Tom Cruise doing a stunt, because Tom Cruise does to do all
his own stunts and absolutely eating it on a bunch of prop glass. To
his credit, he jumps right back up and completes the shot, so we
all know Tom Cruise goes hard. I wonder. I wonder like if Tom
Cruise was like, you know what, I never get to fall. Yeah,
let's let's keep that in there. Yeah, Or if Michael Mann was
like, don't worry who definitely won't use that shot. Don't worry about it,
bro, we're gonna do Let's do five more perfect takes and we will
use one of those. Yeah. And then he put this one in the
movie because he absolutely falls on the chair, Like, no way was that
planned. That's like how Tom Cruise like manages to, you know, climb
up that building and do bobbers do all that ship. But then the thing
that breaks his foot is like a five foot jump that he makes. Yeah,
because they didn't do as many safety checks with that one. Erica,
how how shall we rank this movie? What about? What about one to
ten? Random coyotes? Just that's gonna bother me, you know. And
when I was watching the movie, I just kind of was like, my
fuck it, coyotes. I didn't think about it. And now that I
now that I have to think about it, I'm like, but really,
why is it? What is that? Because are they free? Because maybe
that's it, They're free, and Max wishes he was free. He wishes
he could trade places with that coyote as a wild animal. What if he
Freaky Friday didn't there with that coyote. Totally different movie, but you know
what, I'd watch it. And then Vincent's like drive and in maxim,
when did you turn into a coyote? Meanwhile, that coyote reaches like the
rest of the pack and he's like, uh, wolf, wolf, but
I don't want And the other coyotes are like, why do you sound like
a person? What happened? One to ten, one hundred dollars bills fanned
out into spirit fingers. Those are spirit fingers. These are spirit fingers into
Tom Cruise is perfect. He's like, you're right, It's like a Flamenco
move. He was so excited to do that, flourish, so happy.
This is like, this is my favorite thing I've done all year. One
to ten totally empty l A streets, just there Saturday night, LA clearly
empty as hell. Yeah, so stupid. One to ten, Paul,
I'd like to tell you a little bit about I want to explain jazz to
you. I mean, I think we have to do this one. Yeah,
jazz. You know how jazz is. It's improvisational. Man eating.
He said that like three times in the movie too. I'm like, I
hate everything about this guy. I want I've never been happier for a villain
to exhunt because usually when Tom Cruise is in a movie, you don't want
him to leave. He's fine, He's like, they managed to suck the
fun out of Tom Cruise. He's a fucking weirdo in real life. We
all know this, but like when he's on screen, Look, the man
does one thing well, and it sure isn't fu women. He's so he
commands our attention nothing. I bet he's pretty good at sex to you.
He you know why, because he gives a thousand percent. He gives a
thousand percent no matter what task is at hands. I disagree, you will
eat you out all day. You know what sex is this? Remember an
episode of Sex and the City where Carrie has sex with the jackhammer. Yes,
that's that's sex with Was it Carrier or was it Samantha? I think
it was Carrie. It doesn't matter. Yeah, no, no, no,
but yeah, they ruined it because it's honestly the first of like all
the films we've watched with Tom Cruise, not all of them are good.
Mostly Oh in Risky Business is particularly terrible. Yeah, but it's the first
time I was like, I don't get you in this. I don't understand
what you're doing. I don't I don't like what they've written for you.
I think they've hamstrung you. You're trying your level best. That is definitely
clear, but it's like it's a bad fit. Sure, yeah, all
right, do you want to go first? Or shall I go first?
I'll go first on this one. It's a fun movie. Once you kind
of like let go of it being a good movie, it's a much more
fun movie. So I would suggest going into it with that mindset if you
were going to watch this movie, like like, just know you're here for
something incredibly stupid. It does not pass the Bechdel test at all. Nosed
it cut class the day that Bechdel test was being administered. He was not
interested in the material. No, it was not. It is diverse.
It is I'll give him that. It actually looks a little bit like what
Los Angeles looks like. Right, Like Javey Aerbardam is not Mexican, He's
Spanish, but you know, apparently worked very hard to get a Mexican accent.
Right, Oh look at him, Look at you, Nancy Drew kind
of rose on your nose. So but but you know, you have you
have. I didn't recognize that all everyone in the club was Asian when I've
watched it. I should watch it again. But like, it does vaguely
look like what Los Angeles looks like. You have people of color, you
have people of different races and ethnicities. So that's good. It's not a
good movie. Who cares? Who cares? It's stupid and fun and just
go into it with that mindset. So I'm I'm I'm willing to give it
a pretty decent score because it ages well. You know what is good about
it That first scene between Jada Pinkett Smith and Jamie Fox. It's from a
different movie. I would have watched a whole movie, a whole Indie with
him driving her around l A and then like falling in love are like that?
I was in on that. I was like, this is good.
I enjoy this. Yeah, yeah, it's not bad. It's just it's
just not as good as I wanted it to be. But again, I
think if you go in that way, it's actually better. Like it's like,
oh this is dumb. Yeah, I'll give it a six, Okay,
I'll give it a six because yeah, no women talk to each other.
It's a lot of violence. It's a gay love story, Erica.
It's a gay love done this in June. All the criminals are people of
color. Yeah, yeah, that's not great, right, because even like
Peter Limb is like a criminal is another criminal, so that's not great either.
Allthough the Nazis are white. Oh, this movie does kill some Nazis,
but what sick with sick? Let's give it a six because it killed
some Nazis. Well, he will go with six six out of ten.
Paul, I've come here to talk to you today about yezz. How about
you? Uh yeah, I agree with that. It's fun. It is
fun and exactly what you said. Once you realize that all it's trying to
do is be fun, you can enjoy it much more. Turn off your
brain, do not think about it. It's not worth it. You will
not find answers. But yeah, nothing, it is offensive. I think
I think the lack of female representation in it would be the big ding on
it. But I mean it's really two characters, like it's it's Vincent and
Max are eighty five percent of the movie, right, so to a certain
extent whatever, but Max is the lead. I can't believe he got nominated
for supporting for this. He's absolutely the lead of the movie. Well that's
true. You know what it is is because he knew he was going to
get a nomination for Frey and he was like, I can get to in
one year if I just yeah, he was hedging his bets. No,
you're right, he because yeah, he Otherwise it should have been he should
have been put in for lead for lead one hundred hundred category fraud of the
highest order. But he didn't win. So that's, you know, we
can we can let that go. Yeah. I don't find myself with an
overwhelming amount of stuff to say about it because it's just a dumb, fun
action movie, and it's it's not as dumb and fun as the greatest of
them. So it's just kind of it's a little mad. You said a
six. Yeah, I'm gonna give it. I'm gonna give it a six
a six out of ten. Listen, you just have to sometimes in life
you gotta improv, you know, you gotta you gotta let the beat happen,
and then you gotta walk to your own beat and you gotta feel it.
You gotta feel the jazz. By the way I looked it up,
Morgan Freeman won Best Supporting Actor that year for A Million Dollar Baby. So
you know I like Morgan Freeman that you know that you want to who won
Best Supporting Actress When Miss Kate Blanchett a role go Thropod, the Aviator,
the a the perfect symbiotic relationship of actress and roll. It's the It's the
Erica Supernova. Uh do you have a palate cleanser for Collateral? You know?
I it was looky through Michael Mann's filmography to be like, maybe he's
made another film that's a little better than this one that I could recommend to
people. Sure, he's made films that are worse. For sure, this
is the one of the best Michael Mann films. But he made He did
make The Insider, which I really like, going with Russell Crowe. You
don't think it's going to be exciting. It doesn't sound like it's going to
be exciting, but they managed to make it exciting. It's about a whistleblower
in the cigarette industry, in the tobacco industry, and it's it's very good.
So I would say, yeah, if you want a better Michael Mann
movie, it's not necessarily more exciting than this one. It's just better,
Okay. Yeah. Otherwise, he's made a ton of really shady movies,
if you want to watch one of those, And he made the Ferrari movie
that just came out, the one with Adam Driver and his Italian accents.
Thats another Adam Driver Italian accent, which doesn't look good, but I bet
it's fun as hell. Sure, So anyway, one of those films perhaps,
how about you. I'm going to go with another movie from two thousand
and four that we own that we consider doing for this month, but we're
not doing spoilers for next week. We're not doing this movie. Mark Ruffalo
and thirteen going on thirty. Oh yeah, I have not seen that movie
in a while, but I loved it, and I actually really wanted to
do it, and we it just didn't fit for this month. But I
loved that movie. Jennifer Garner, a Star, Judy Greer a Star,
Mark Ruffalo a star, All Stars, All Stars, no skips in this
case. Yeah, thirteen going on thirty, A delightful rom com. Mark
Ruffalos, you had a real year this year, said, I'm telling you
four people worked in Hollywood two thousand and four. It was Mark Ruffalo,
it was Jamie Fox, it was it was Rachel mccadams. Like, that's
it, all right, So that is the end of our show. Everyone
listening out there in the dark. You can follow us on social media on
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We would love it if you would go there and buy something. If you're
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dolling they did that at the beginning of this episode. You let us know
that you did it, and we will send you a that aged Well tote
bag. That aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Kola who's holding a
gun to my face right now? No, he's not. We don't believe
in guns over here unless you're Reba McIntyre. Reamcat is the only person that
can be like, hey, girl, want to go out and do some
target practice And I'd be like, fuck, yeah, you know what?
And Dolly Parton, yes, I don't know. I don't think. Yeah,
it should be fun, for sure, but I feel like I could
do better things with Dolly Parton. Rebo was made for target practices. If
you want to have a say in the topics we discussed, such as Dolly
Parton or Riva McIntyre, who would you rather shoot guns with? Discuss you
can join our Patreon. Every patron gets to vote in an exclusive monthly poll
to determine one of our subjects. Next week's film is the is the Patreon
vig And can I give a spoiler, small spoiler, You're gonna see one
of the actors from this film in next week's film. We're gonna discover another
actor that's one of the six that worked in two thousand and four. Only
six people worked in two thousand and four. It's not Rachel mccadams is not
We're done with her for the month, but one of the actors from Collateral
is in next week's film, so yes. Head on over to patreon dot
com slash that Age Dwell podcast to find out more, which reminds me.
Some of the tears on our Patreon come with thanks from a podcast character,
and today we are hearing from the Italian stallioness Lorraine Broco. Jabbronis Aha,
I'm surrounded by Jabroni's and spagati and Pagliaci. Why else would a woman of
my statue be here again? I mean I thought I was slumming it when
I deign to appear on a hundred plus episodes of TNT's Risoli and Isles.
I mean, who the hell wants to spend that much time with Angie goddamn
harmon ha. But no getting trotted out like some kind of morano chandelia every
time Tweedled dumb and Tweedle stupid. Want to thank somebody, not even Angie
Harman whining that nobody likes her is worse than this. In any case,
Thank you to Michael Magillos, Michael Magoulis, michaelman Giless, Michael Mahlos.
It's probably one of those I really don't have time to keep fishing, So
thank you Michael for being a patron of that aged Well. Okay, wow,
she came in hot. She's unpleasant. I don't know how else to
say it. I find her deeply erotic. I mean, we meet her
rate. That's the thing, that's the thing she gets paid, So I
don't I mean, raise your rate and then maybe we'll stop getting calls.
I just love the word Jabbroni's is totally off topic. Every time you say
it, it makes me laugh. You like jabbroni's more or less than gaba
ghoul? No? I like it more. I like because it's such an
in, it's such a fact. I don't even know what it means,
and I don't care. Don't tell me, Okay, don't tell me.
But when you call someone a just fucking makes my day excellent. Good to
know, Good to know, Erica. Any final thoughts on collateral turn around
and I'm gonna shoot you in the back. Yesz fuck this guy? Can
you like? The only way he could have been more like untenable is if
he had then, like explained football to someone, Yeah he is. If
he'd been like, let me explain to you the rules of football. No
yeah, no, no no, and then follow it up with and the
coup de gras. I don't think period grams are that bad. Oh God,
just shoot me, to shoot me now. It's like I would love
for like another character in a movie to stop. So I'm gonna stop you
right there. Yeah, I'm forty years old. I know it, Jazz.
Yeah, I'm an American. I grew up here like I Yeah,
I know it, Jeck, I believe it's an American art force. Do
you need me? Like? Like, what else do you think? I
don't know that. You think you might have to explain to me because I
can assure you I probably know it. It seems like your barometer on this
is off. Yeah. Yeah, are you gonna explain? Like, had
to grocery shop next? Is that it? Because I know how to do
that too. I've done it. I've done it. I'm good. I'm good.