I built a cunning in the Great American You know, many times society changes
in incremental ways that occurs so slowly you don't know it. It's occurring for
five or ten or fifteen or twenty years. Then you look back and say,
when in the hell did that happen? And we're at that point now
when it comes to marriage, women and men in my age group, when
you got to be nineteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty two, it
was time to get married. Whoever you happened to be dating at that point
is the person that you married. It was common to have two, three,
four or five six children, not unusual. The generation before me World
War two generation came back from the Great Wars and said enough is enough.
We've got to go on with our life. But when I speak to college
groups today, one of the last things that a man or a woman wants
to do is get married when they're twenty one, twenty two, twenty three
years old. And that I think feminism. I think men have changed a
little bit, but women have changed fundamentally. Some say not for the better,
but for the ladies listening right now, you probably think things are much
better because I have more options and there are very few college co eds,
if I may use that term, who's today say you know what, I
want to get married, I want to have children. I want to be
a homemaker. That's what I want to do. That is quite unusual.
And of course Sary Jane has written books on the subject, and she also
has written many articles. She's a love strategist, New York City dating expert,
and she's written many books, including one that did quite well, which
is The ninety Day Soulmate Plan. And Sarika Jane, welcome, I think
for the first time to the Bill Cunningham Show. You're like a woman,
I'm like a man. Can you go back I'd say ten twenty thirty years.
How especially women and feminism has changed the way that men and women both
look at marriage. Thank you for having me on, Bill. Well,
I'm forty two, so you know, I'm kind of in the middle where
you know, women when I was in college, we're getting married, you
know. So a lot of my friends did get married. But what I'm
finding now as I coach twenty somethings thirty somethings around love, is that they're
waiting way too long to start their search. So they want to get married.
A lot of women decide that they do want to get married by you
know, thirty thirty five even, and then the hunt starts, you know.
So what I feel is that it's very kind of like autopilot. We
just think, Okay, once I start dating, I'll find my partner and
I'll have two point two kids and life will be good. That being said,
there is definitely a rise in feminism and women unconsciously choosing their careers over
marriage and also unconsciously, you know, choosing independence. So women need love
like we all need love. I mean, this is one thing I've since
I was a child. I mean, girls talked about boys all the time,
you know, we you know, I have three daughters. They are
about love, you know, you know, with the world or with themselves
or whatever, with their parents. And so love is something that is natural.
It is something we all crave for. And sorry, can you talk
about the issue of peer pressure section in the city, the availability of women
which is a great idea to control their own reproductive rights, which is you
know, you don't you don't want to. I think majority of children are
born almost by mistake. Wasn't really intended, but it just happened. But
what role did the imagery of Sex in the City, which was a very
popular series about fifteen twenty years ago with Jessica Parker, what role did that
play informing the behavior of women between the ages of eighteen and eighteen and thirty.
Oh my god, I grew up watching that show, and thankly I
felt depressed after watching each show because it just showed, you know, very
dystopian ideas around dating and finding love. And that's being said a lot of
the three out of the four characters, I think, or I think all
four characters did find their partners ultimately, but what you could see was that
they had to work through their own issues. And I think it glamorized dating.
It glamorized being single in the city. I mean, everyone dreams of
being in New York City, at least a lot of college students, right,
and you know, being a thirty something single woman in the city seems
very alluring, it really does, you know. So I do think it
had an impact. I think culture and media have made a huge impact on
not only women's self esteem but also their ideas around marriage, no question about
it. And because at some point you have to produce two point one per
couple just to maintain zero population growth. And I think right now, statistically
most married couples have less than two point one children. To have one or
two children, is that's the maximum? To get three is one too many?
And so many women have a biological clock that's ticking. When you get
to be thirty five, you're like a woman when you were thirty five and
twenty five. How did that ten year stretch go with you? And what
advice do you give to others because unlike men, men give me thirty five
married twenty five year old, but very rarely what a twenty five year old
man married thirty five year old woman? And so talk about the clock that's
ticking and the panic that some women feel. Thank you well. I have
an Indian cultural background and so marriage has actually been on the forefront in our
culture and community. And my parents were on my case every day about finding
my mate. So I actually wrote in a recent article, you know three
reasons your single Number one is that you don't have to when bugging you about
your love life. And I know that sounds like, you know, leave
me alone. I'm independent. I don't need that, but I think we
do as women we need that championship for our personal life. We need people
rooting for our personal happiness, not just our career happiness, but there's other
parts of our life. So my own story is that I was on Wall
Street as a strategist, and I've actually shared the story in my books The
Ninety Days Soulmate Plan. And you know, I was looking for my person
and I was actively dating. I went on over a hundred first dates and
I even, I'm sorry, Yes, I know, I know it's crazy,
right, And I became a dating coach. I you know, I
helped women successfully find their partners and I even met a wonderful man who's perfect
on paper. And then a month after we got engaged, he broke up
with me. And when I asked him why he broke up with me,
he told me I was too controlling, he didn't feel safe with me,
that I kept people at a distance from me, he didn't trust me,
And so he gave me all of these clues, which obviously at that time
my ego was completely destroyed, right, But he gave me all these clues
as to how I was sabotaging my love life. Yeah, and so I
began this ninety day journey which I share in my book The ninety Days,
told me plan around reclaiming my self, work, loving myself, and releasing
all these blocks I had around love and marriage even like even my ideas around
marriage, and I got ready for a relationship. So this is one thing
I truly believe. It's something even our parents probably didn't consider. It's becoming
relationship ready because just because you're married doesn't mean that you have everything you need
for a successful marriage. Marriage takes a lot of work, which I'm sure
you know right and right now, we've been conditioned to be single, like
that's the conditioning, right And there is no actual role models right now around
healthy marriage, like very few, I would say, right, So what
people are looking for today is that healthy template, Like what does a healthy
marriage look like? And how do I get there? What are the steps
I need to take as far as going to a bar or going to social
media. When you speak to a twenty five to forty year old man or
woman, do you say one, two, three, do this? Don't
do that? Give me the three dudes to three don't okay? Well,
the three dudes is focus on creating healthy love every day in your life so
that could be about dating, so actively being you know, going on dates
or whatever. The second is around working around your mindset, so really read
books around love, work on your you know, self confidence, things like
that. And the third one is to be open. So a lot of
people aren't open, right. I work with smart, successful women and many
of them have really high standards. And look, I'm not saying standards are
a bad thing. I don't think we should settle for abusive relationships, which
I sadly see a lot of women do, right. I think what we
need to do is to open up our hearts to new possibilities. Right dat
a younger man. I'm married to a younger man. You don't need the
guy to have the same level of education as you. You don't need a
guy to be working on Wall Street. You know. Some of my most
successful clients are have married like a fireman, you know, or a photographer.
So don't look for your equal, look for your complimentary as someone who
wants to be on this journey with you. Now here's the thing that is
president in the workforce. Most men and women meet someone at work as someone
that they could begin to hook up with and then do whatever, maybe get
married. There are so many rules and regulations about what to do at work
and what not to do at work. And if you're a man and you're
in a management position, you want to day to subordinate. All hell's going
to break loose in corporate America. How do you matriculate dating in the work
environment when you're not supposed to do that, Especially for large companies, they
have rules and regulations. You can't do this, can't do that. Be
careful what you say. Don't tell a dirty joke, don't tap a woman
on the shoulder, don't treat her like a woman. I was at a
bar association meeting a while back and I walked into a small room with four
lawyers women and I said, of the women, ladies, how you're doing.
And one of the women took me to task for calling her a lady
because she says that's a patriarchal view of my role. And I said,
well, you know, if you're a lady or not, so why don't
we let it go with that? So men are careful, Men are frightened
because men are subjected to this more than women about it was improper. How
do you matriculate the new rules when you meet so many of your soul mates
at work, and you can't date them unless you violate company policy. I
think you've head of a million dollar question. I mean, right now,
we are in an era where we get offended about everything, you know.
So I'm I'm definitely one of those people who's concerned about, you know,
the new levels of offensiveness, you know, and I think that's unfortunate.
I don't have any answer to that because I left Corporate America for exactly this
reason. I couldn't handle all the rules and regulations about everything right. And
you know, you have to define your own path. And this is where
I think spirituality matters. You need to search within and you need to be
guided. You need to be guided on how to meet your partner, you
know, And this follow this comes from following your intuition. It comes from
allowing the universe to, you know, bring love to you. Like.
Of course, you need to do the work to um date and you know,
be your best self and all of that. But I think there's a
divine um you know, there's divine occurrences when it comes to love. Yeah,
and you have to be careful, matriculate. I can't imagine being in
a corporate environment, to date someone at you meet at work is almost impossible
because one person would have to leave. Yeah, that's the unfortunate thing,
right, And that's definitely what I've seen. I've seen people have to leave
in order to pursue love. And maybe that's not a bad thing. Like
I'm trying to look at all these obstacles as opportunities, right, and even
for you know, men who are afraid right now, Yeah, I feel
like it's important for men to stuff up their game too. Now. I
don't think it means like following what women want, but it's about men also
turning within and stepping into their best selves, you know. So I think
it's an up leveling for everyone. And it's not just about like degrees,
it's about character. Yeah. From a manly perspective, I cannot imagine a
manager and a company dating a female subordinate and getting away with it. Because
the power has shifted completely from one side of the table in which many years
ago a man could do almost anything, to the other side of the table,
in which you're frightened to do anything because you're subject to then to corporate
condemnation or being fired or whatever. In fact, there's policies had most companies
today that you cannot date anyone at work, and so if that's the policy
and you violate the policy, you're putting at risk. But the most important
decision and adult makes is who to marry and who to spend the rest of
your life with. That that's more important than a job. But sorry,
Jane, we got to run the book once again, as many others as
the ninety to day Soulmate Plan, and we've only touched the surface. Made
a good start. Sorry, thank you, very thank you, and God
bless you. I'll let's continue with more and if a line becomes available.
Five one, three, seven, four, nine, seven thousand. Red
Spaceball kicks off about four ten to night with the Zach Brown bands in town.
They're going to start playing after the Reds game. Hopefully it will be
a quick one two and a half hours, temperatures in the nineties and it's
going to be a great weekend in the Tri State. Build Him the Great
American Live, It's home of the Reds. His radio seven hundred WLW.
The Boss took off, so I thought I'd come home early and surprise my
wife. But I'm the one who got the surprise. Wow, there was
my wife and her best friend in the back bedroom. I didn't say a
word, Wow, I just watched. Listening to seven hundred wlw's live stream
on the iHeartRadio app. Maybe shocking for some people, but it's the perfect
way to listen to the Big One wherever you are. I'm gonna start coming
home early more often listening to seven hundred WLW anywhere, anytime on the iHeartRadio
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