WEBVTT

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I built a cunning in the Great
American You know, many times society changes

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in incremental ways that occurs so slowly
you don't know it. It's occurring for

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five or ten or fifteen or twenty
years. Then you look back and say,

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when in the hell did that happen? And we're at that point now

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when it comes to marriage, women
and men in my age group, when

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you got to be nineteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty two, it

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was time to get married. Whoever
you happened to be dating at that point

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is the person that you married.
It was common to have two, three,

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four or five six children, not
unusual. The generation before me World

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War two generation came back from the
Great Wars and said enough is enough.

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We've got to go on with our
life. But when I speak to college

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groups today, one of the last
things that a man or a woman wants

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to do is get married when they're
twenty one, twenty two, twenty three

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years old. And that I think
feminism. I think men have changed a

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little bit, but women have changed
fundamentally. Some say not for the better,

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but for the ladies listening right now, you probably think things are much

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better because I have more options and
there are very few college co eds,

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if I may use that term,
who's today say you know what, I

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want to get married, I want
to have children. I want to be

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a homemaker. That's what I want
to do. That is quite unusual.

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And of course Sary Jane has written
books on the subject, and she also

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has written many articles. She's a
love strategist, New York City dating expert,

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and she's written many books, including
one that did quite well, which

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is The ninety Day Soulmate Plan.
And Sarika Jane, welcome, I think

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for the first time to the Bill
Cunningham Show. You're like a woman,

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I'm like a man. Can you
go back I'd say ten twenty thirty years.

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How especially women and feminism has changed
the way that men and women both

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look at marriage. Thank you for
having me on, Bill. Well,

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I'm forty two, so you know, I'm kind of in the middle where

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you know, women when I was
in college, we're getting married, you

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know. So a lot of my
friends did get married. But what I'm

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finding now as I coach twenty somethings
thirty somethings around love, is that they're

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waiting way too long to start their
search. So they want to get married.

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A lot of women decide that they
do want to get married by you

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know, thirty thirty five even,
and then the hunt starts, you know.

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So what I feel is that it's
very kind of like autopilot. We

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just think, Okay, once I
start dating, I'll find my partner and

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I'll have two point two kids and
life will be good. That being said,

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there is definitely a rise in feminism
and women unconsciously choosing their careers over

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marriage and also unconsciously, you know, choosing independence. So women need love

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like we all need love. I
mean, this is one thing I've since

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I was a child. I mean, girls talked about boys all the time,

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you know, we you know,
I have three daughters. They are

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about love, you know, you
know, with the world or with themselves

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or whatever, with their parents.
And so love is something that is natural.

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It is something we all crave for. And sorry, can you talk

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about the issue of peer pressure section
in the city, the availability of women

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which is a great idea to control
their own reproductive rights, which is you

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know, you don't you don't want
to. I think majority of children are

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born almost by mistake. Wasn't really
intended, but it just happened. But

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what role did the imagery of Sex
in the City, which was a very

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popular series about fifteen twenty years ago
with Jessica Parker, what role did that

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play informing the behavior of women between
the ages of eighteen and eighteen and thirty.

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Oh my god, I grew up
watching that show, and thankly I

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felt depressed after watching each show because
it just showed, you know, very

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dystopian ideas around dating and finding love. And that's being said a lot of

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the three out of the four characters, I think, or I think all

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four characters did find their partners ultimately, but what you could see was that

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they had to work through their own
issues. And I think it glamorized dating.

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It glamorized being single in the city. I mean, everyone dreams of

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being in New York City, at
least a lot of college students, right,

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and you know, being a thirty
something single woman in the city seems

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very alluring, it really does,
you know. So I do think it

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had an impact. I think culture
and media have made a huge impact on

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not only women's self esteem but also
their ideas around marriage, no question about

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it. And because at some point
you have to produce two point one per

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couple just to maintain zero population growth. And I think right now, statistically

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most married couples have less than two
point one children. To have one or

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two children, is that's the maximum? To get three is one too many?

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And so many women have a biological
clock that's ticking. When you get

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to be thirty five, you're like
a woman when you were thirty five and

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twenty five. How did that ten
year stretch go with you? And what

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advice do you give to others because
unlike men, men give me thirty five

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married twenty five year old, but
very rarely what a twenty five year old

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man married thirty five year old woman? And so talk about the clock that's

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ticking and the panic that some women
feel. Thank you well. I have

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an Indian cultural background and so marriage
has actually been on the forefront in our

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culture and community. And my parents
were on my case every day about finding

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my mate. So I actually wrote
in a recent article, you know three

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reasons your single Number one is that
you don't have to when bugging you about

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your love life. And I know
that sounds like, you know, leave

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me alone. I'm independent. I
don't need that, but I think we

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do as women we need that championship
for our personal life. We need people

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rooting for our personal happiness, not
just our career happiness, but there's other

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parts of our life. So my
own story is that I was on Wall

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Street as a strategist, and I've
actually shared the story in my books The

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Ninety Days Soulmate Plan. And you
know, I was looking for my person

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and I was actively dating. I
went on over a hundred first dates and

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I even, I'm sorry, Yes, I know, I know it's crazy,

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right, And I became a dating
coach. I you know, I

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helped women successfully find their partners and
I even met a wonderful man who's perfect

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on paper. And then a month
after we got engaged, he broke up

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with me. And when I asked
him why he broke up with me,

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he told me I was too controlling, he didn't feel safe with me,

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that I kept people at a distance
from me, he didn't trust me,

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And so he gave me all of
these clues, which obviously at that time

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my ego was completely destroyed, right, But he gave me all these clues

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as to how I was sabotaging my
love life. Yeah, and so I

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began this ninety day journey which I
share in my book The ninety Days,

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told me plan around reclaiming my self, work, loving myself, and releasing

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all these blocks I had around love
and marriage even like even my ideas around

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marriage, and I got ready for
a relationship. So this is one thing

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I truly believe. It's something even
our parents probably didn't consider. It's becoming

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relationship ready because just because you're married
doesn't mean that you have everything you need

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for a successful marriage. Marriage takes
a lot of work, which I'm sure

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you know right and right now,
we've been conditioned to be single, like

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that's the conditioning, right And there
is no actual role models right now around

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healthy marriage, like very few,
I would say, right, So what

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people are looking for today is that
healthy template, Like what does a healthy

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marriage look like? And how do
I get there? What are the steps

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I need to take as far as
going to a bar or going to social

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media. When you speak to a
twenty five to forty year old man or

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woman, do you say one,
two, three, do this? Don't

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do that? Give me the three
dudes to three don't okay? Well,

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the three dudes is focus on creating
healthy love every day in your life so

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that could be about dating, so
actively being you know, going on dates

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or whatever. The second is around
working around your mindset, so really read

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books around love, work on your
you know, self confidence, things like

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that. And the third one is
to be open. So a lot of

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people aren't open, right. I
work with smart, successful women and many

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of them have really high standards.
And look, I'm not saying standards are

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a bad thing. I don't think
we should settle for abusive relationships, which

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I sadly see a lot of women
do, right. I think what we

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need to do is to open up
our hearts to new possibilities. Right dat

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a younger man. I'm married to
a younger man. You don't need the

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guy to have the same level of
education as you. You don't need a

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guy to be working on Wall Street. You know. Some of my most

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successful clients are have married like a
fireman, you know, or a photographer.

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So don't look for your equal,
look for your complimentary as someone who

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wants to be on this journey with
you. Now here's the thing that is

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president in the workforce. Most men
and women meet someone at work as someone

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that they could begin to hook up
with and then do whatever, maybe get

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married. There are so many rules
and regulations about what to do at work

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and what not to do at work. And if you're a man and you're

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in a management position, you want
to day to subordinate. All hell's going

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to break loose in corporate America.
How do you matriculate dating in the work

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environment when you're not supposed to do
that, Especially for large companies, they

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have rules and regulations. You can't
do this, can't do that. Be

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careful what you say. Don't tell
a dirty joke, don't tap a woman

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on the shoulder, don't treat her
like a woman. I was at a

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bar association meeting a while back and
I walked into a small room with four

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lawyers women and I said, of
the women, ladies, how you're doing.

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And one of the women took me
to task for calling her a lady

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because she says that's a patriarchal view
of my role. And I said,

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well, you know, if you're
a lady or not, so why don't

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we let it go with that?
So men are careful, Men are frightened

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because men are subjected to this more
than women about it was improper. How

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do you matriculate the new rules when
you meet so many of your soul mates

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at work, and you can't date
them unless you violate company policy. I

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think you've head of a million dollar
question. I mean, right now,

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we are in an era where we
get offended about everything, you know.

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So I'm I'm definitely one of those
people who's concerned about, you know,

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the new levels of offensiveness, you
know, and I think that's unfortunate.

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I don't have any answer to that
because I left Corporate America for exactly this

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reason. I couldn't handle all the
rules and regulations about everything right. And

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you know, you have to define
your own path. And this is where

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I think spirituality matters. You need
to search within and you need to be

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guided. You need to be guided
on how to meet your partner, you

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know, And this follow this comes
from following your intuition. It comes from

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allowing the universe to, you know, bring love to you. Like.

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Of course, you need to do
the work to um date and you know,

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be your best self and all of
that. But I think there's a

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divine um you know, there's divine
occurrences when it comes to love. Yeah,

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and you have to be careful,
matriculate. I can't imagine being in

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a corporate environment, to date someone
at you meet at work is almost impossible

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because one person would have to leave. Yeah, that's the unfortunate thing,

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right, And that's definitely what I've
seen. I've seen people have to leave

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in order to pursue love. And
maybe that's not a bad thing. Like

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I'm trying to look at all these
obstacles as opportunities, right, and even

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for you know, men who are
afraid right now, Yeah, I feel

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like it's important for men to stuff
up their game too. Now. I

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don't think it means like following what
women want, but it's about men also

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turning within and stepping into their best
selves, you know. So I think

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it's an up leveling for everyone.
And it's not just about like degrees,

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it's about character. Yeah. From
a manly perspective, I cannot imagine a

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manager and a company dating a female
subordinate and getting away with it. Because

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the power has shifted completely from one
side of the table in which many years

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ago a man could do almost anything, to the other side of the table,

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in which you're frightened to do anything
because you're subject to then to corporate

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condemnation or being fired or whatever.
In fact, there's policies had most companies

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today that you cannot date anyone at
work, and so if that's the policy

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and you violate the policy, you're
putting at risk. But the most important

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decision and adult makes is who to
marry and who to spend the rest of

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your life with. That that's more
important than a job. But sorry,

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Jane, we got to run the
book once again, as many others as

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the ninety to day Soulmate Plan,
and we've only touched the surface. Made

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a good start. Sorry, thank
you, very thank you, and God

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bless you. I'll let's continue with
more and if a line becomes available.

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Five one, three, seven,
four, nine, seven thousand. Red

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Spaceball kicks off about four ten to
night with the Zach Brown bands in town.

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They're going to start playing after the
Reds game. Hopefully it will be

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a quick one two and a half
hours, temperatures in the nineties and it's

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going to be a great weekend in
the Tri State. Build Him the Great

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American Live, It's home of the
Reds. His radio seven hundred WLW.

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The Boss took off, so I
thought I'd come home early and surprise my

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wife. But I'm the one who
got the surprise. Wow, there was

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my wife and her best friend in
the back bedroom. I didn't say a

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word, Wow, I just watched. Listening to seven hundred wlw's live stream

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on the iHeartRadio app. Maybe shocking
for some people, but it's the perfect

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way to listen to the Big One
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home early more often listening to seven
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