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Spa Mack of All Trades, The name says It All five a five two
oh two ninety two eighteen comedy at the Carlson has some fantastic shows coming up,
including this weekend with Saturday Night Lives Andrew Dismute's Laurenmichaels. Yeah, I'm
not gonna touch that. Gee, I'm trying to stay paid. Man,
I got something. This isn't about Laurenmichaels. But are y'all fans of Martin
Short. I love Martin Short. He's like one of my favorite comedians of
all time. And I was recently the victim of like one of the most
devastating Martin Short insults ever. He was hosting the show and he came up
to me while we were blocking a sketch and he goes, Andrew, I
love you on the show. You remind me of my dear friend, a
young Tom Hanks, And I was like, oh my god, that's so
nice. Thank you so much. Marin Short. He goes, just a
totally average man. Saturday Night Lives Andrew Dysmukes this Thursday, February eighth,
two shows Friday February ninth, and two shows Friday February tenth. Lock your
tickets down for Andrew Dysmukes from Saturday Night Live at Carlsoncomedy dot Com from the
macam all Trade Studio in Fairport and driven by Victor Chrysler Dots. Gee Ram,
It's Billified the Bill Moran Podcast. Well, hello and welcome. Thanks
for getting your pun on, Thanks for telling a friend, and that's how
we spread the word about the pirate ship. Oh Doggie, Oh in the
house, baby house Tuesday, Tuesday, Buesday. You should be drinking if
you're listening to us. We got the we got the forty nine ers super
Bowl beating. What's the matter nothing? Nothing. I think they're gonna Yeah,
I'm out of here. You're thinking wrong. I don't know. I
would say on paper they're the better team, Doug, but I don't know
if that's going to translate. And uh, you know when they play the
games, they've got uh, they've got some. They got a superstar quarterback
that can seem to make things happen for Kansas City. That's the one area
you don't necessarily have a superstar. But I can't say he's hurt the team.
He's been a baller, absolutely rock person. Still waiting for him to
fail. Guy, he's a flu. Yes, yes, it's the coaching,
it's everybody else around the team. You do the matchups, you know,
tight end is it Kelsey or Kittle? Oh, I think Kittle's a
better overall tight end. I think that Kelsey is. I think I would
say this. I think Kittle is a more selfless player. He's more of
a blocker. Yes, he's totally team yeah. And I'm not sure about
the the other one. But yeah, you know, we got Debo,
we got McCaffrey. I think we have more weapons obviously, and uh,
I think we come out of the gate, kick them in the teeth and
just put the hammer down and floor it till the end of the game.
Well, we'll see how it all goes. Oh, I don't know,
are you coming over? I don't know what them they'll be. I don't
know. I mean drinking with three friends, me myself and I get well,
actually that's a very important thing. I saw a headline on Uh.
I forget where this was like medium dot com or something. It was a
headline just because I'll get all these articles sent to me, and I think
I think the website is medium dot com. So if you're a medium an
interpreter and mpath kind of thing. These people will go there. I don't
know, I don't know why. It was just in a an MSN congruent
thing. So there was a bunch of different articles, but the headline grabbed
me and says, the more you love yourself, the less you'll need others.
That's your story right there, you think so myself. I love myself.
Yesterday, Sorry I can't hang out. I'm booked for a self appreciation
seminar with me. Yeah, you've been in my place. There's mirrors all
over my room. Hey, you're looking good. Hey, you look great,
It says here. What a lot of us do is attach our self
worth based on the validation we receive from our social circle. We may not
like to admit it, but we feel the need to be appreciated and accepted
so that we don't feel alone at the end of the day, even if
that is an illusion. But that's the paradox. When you stop caring about
what others think, everyone starts caring about you a little more. When we
begin to love ourselves a little more each day, we begin to free our
spirits from the constant external affirmation. The headline did grab me and maybe go
ha, That's interesting because I think that and then when you say you're gonna
hang out with yourself, right, you know, just you. My sister
might come over with her doc. Oh really yeah, I'm not having a
big party. Wow, swear a lot. It's like you'll love's that's the
loneliest fan party ever. Who's there, Doug, My sister and her dog
dog Max. Well, they were over the house a couple of times last
year when the Niners were winning in the Super Bowl. So you kind of
superstitious as I am changing jerseys, changing hats as you know, so keeping
the same what it's just me It's like you're fucking nine huh doing what I've
changed my hat, I've changed my dis Yeah, some people are superstitious.
Look at that idiot the Bills game that gets ketch him and mustard thrown at
him. That's just become tradious. That's just it has nothing to do with
all your wife every Sunday like that or at least eight games. Oh,
she loves a hot dog. Literally, she does. Smells just like one.
It's like all perfect. It's the greatest thing ever. She wants worked
for oscars, all right, So what food is a weenie. What food
is there that you, uh am I gonna have? Yeah, I'm gonna
have my douviled eggs. Deviled eggs Number one food for people that say bad
luck deviled eggs. No, yes, who says that, I'm not kidding?
I find me on anything. I will find social media. No,
there is a thing that says deviled eggs are the devil. Who knows why?
Yeah, I've got a pound of shrimp. I'll get some summer sauces,
some rich crackers. I'm gonna make it. According to New Dada,
forty four percent of people have Super Bowl superstitions involving food. The number one
bad luck food deviled eggs, not my devil eggs, number one bad luck
food. All motherfucker please let it be. If you eat deviled eggs and
they ship the bed if they're losing a halftime, they will all go out
in the garbage house. Well why would you wouldn't throw away the devil eggs?
Just move them out of the house for a little while, Well,
right right in the garbage Number one, uh is for good luck food for
game deg any any guesses it's a pretty simple one. I would say pizza,
You got it? Yeah, number one. You can't make that bad
luck because everybody's gonna We'll just order pizza. This is the best. Yeah,
what's your food? Double leggs? I go. This is fucking awesome.
This is awesome. I'm gonna have little meat blt bites, my Aunt
Mary's recipe where you fry up bacon bits or ice bacon and scallions. I'm
sorry, and this is gonna sound horribly me but this sounds like the most
pathetic thing in the world. You're gonna You're gonna make up little foods.
You're gonna have your little jerseys. Yeah, you're gonna watch the game.
Don't make me cry. Show you know I'm gonna remember this. Hey,
believe me. What are you gonna do being a Bills fan? Oh wait
a minute, Oh wait, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing
right, I don't even I have no idea. I so you haven't been
invited anywhere? Well, I invited you in my house with my sister and
or dog. So, but I'm sure you have many other invitations, being
as popular as you are. I do we win forty one followers on Facebook?
I'm sure the invitations are How would I have. I don't even know.
I don't know that. I have been invited to two different places.
Yeah, and I don't Rochester Kink and what's the other one, Rochester Kink
where it's literally soup or bowl. And then it's they don't have double Diggs.
No they don't know, Yeah they have. They got candy canes.
That's right, six feet long. You bend over every score, and I
mean every score, even if there's one in the corner. I want to
buy a square. Uh, and then what we don't know if we're gonna
do. We were debating on doing the podcast live during the Super Bowl,
which I always find somewhat problematic because you don't watch the game as much,
but it's there. And then the other is, uh, to do it
beforehand and then go somewhere. I don't know what we'll do. Yeah,
I think I say beforehand, because you could make two three hours out of
all the past Super Bowls. You could go through maul rank the defensive offenses.
Yeah. I was looking up some stats last night, and you probably
there's one off the top of your head. Who has the most rushing yards
in one Super Bowl? Most rushing yards in one Super Bowl, most rushing
yards in one Super Bowl. I don't think I saved. I could look
it up. You don't know the answer. I do. I saw last
time I was going through my phone for something, you know, fun facts
today all right, So I don't know if it's like it's more than twenty
years old. Okay, so then I'm thinking that it's gotta be uh Cowboys,
No, no, no, I'll even give you the team skins,
the Commanders, yeah, Riggins, No not who was the h it was
against U? Who was it though? The Bracos Terry willis that? I
would have never got that. Yeah, I don't know why I knew the
I remember that Super Bowl that was yeah eighty nine, Yeah, yeah,
it was before the Niner just one back to back like that when you became
a Niners fan. Yes, right then and there, right then and there.
Man, God, please let the deviled eggs be the thing. They
will be all over your car, right over the eggs. Just lose my
mind? Why would you lose your mind? You know my own? Man?
I am a one team. I have one team, and that's the
Niners. I don't have football, baseball, hockey, basketball, Okay,
So that's it. That's it. I mean, I root for the Circus
Orange, but I don't know their schedule. Okay, you know I like
watching the NCAA wrestling turn so way to sound. So what are you saying
that you're putting a lot of eggs in this basket that the forty nine ers
have to come through. I really I really root for them, you know.
Okay, you can't really root for them, But I mean, do
you get? So are you saying that you get? Will you be depressed
if they lose? Will you get out of bed on Monday? I probably
won't get out of bed at money anyway because I'll be drinking so much Sunday,
So it's not going to mayor there. I will not be ubering next
week because I will probably be hung over. Now I might have a couple
of friends popping and out, there's a couple of parties going on. Yeah,
but you're not gonna You're not going. I'm not going anywhere. No,
Why is that superstition again? Well? Yeah, you got to put
on all your little jerseys. Yes, I have to have enough jerseys to
switch. And I don't want to watch if you want you to invite him
over, you guys, he's not into football. He's not into football.
I've been trying to get him into sports for the past year. He has
no interest. No. Now he has a friend that plays soccer and they
might go off for track. Okay. I did try to kind of bribe
him when we was the pods. Was the guy with the sneakers out at
him? Oh? Yeah, out at uh? Yes pods? No no,
no, it wasn't. I'll give it, give you a second.
But he's been collecting Nike sneakers. So I told him, if you go
through one season of wrestling, I said, I will sign up as an
assistant manager sister wrestling coach. If you make it one season, we'll go
to the store. You can pick whatever or of Nikes you want. And
what do you say? He says, what if I don't like it after?
What if I only make it a few weeks? What do I get
that? I go, no, no, no, this is all or
nothing that you're gonna learn to fulfill a commitment. You're gonna go through a
season and with a trust that once he starts making friends, he starts winning,
winning, and losing, which are all good, valuable right lessons of
life. You know, at least give it one season. If you don't
like it afterwards, you don't have to do it next year. But at
least let's get that one season and then maybe open up some you know doors.
Otherwise it's tough to get kids in sports because they're on their phone all
the time. You know, they might well, yeah, I mean,
I'll give you that. I guess I mean that to me. We've been
talking a lot about this, and actually later this week we're gonna have on
a parent coach, which sounds funny, but the parent coach, that's their
whole business. And I only had it on because I read these two stories
in the Times Wayne County about parents to get arrested for verbally terrible well yelling
at the kids and hitting it. But we but again I'm looking at this,
I go, why do I feel like there's more to this story?
And why usually there's an investigation, there's not. It doesn't happen this way.
I'll tell you what this story. I don't want to say where it
was, but in vulged parents. I don't want to say the sport or
anything, but mother of one of the sons playing the sport was yelling,
screaming, got into the face with somebody a mail went out of her seat
in front of him, hit him. He hit her back, knocked her
out. She calls the police, thinking she's gonna you know right right.
She ended up leaving and the cops came and they contacted her right then and
there said I want to press charges. And actually, ma'am, he can
press charges. You were first to hit him. Wow, And she said,
okay, never mind, Okay, we now that's a sports related thing.
This is on kids. Uh, this was like parents to kids.
So they have a CPS investigation. Child Protective Services come in and usually there's
an investigation. And these articles didn't say that, But I thought, we've
had you had coaches, right, They pushed you further, they made you
better, they did that. Why do we stop with coaches? And the
really successful people find coaches throughout their life, people to motivate them, keep
them going, keep doing that kind of thing. You only want to hear
so much from your parents and then you have a coach, an outsight source
or an uncle or an answer like that. But I'm saying, even as
adults, successful people running businesses will tell you, like they had, they
go and find coaches. They find people that are there are life coaches out
there. They're getting not even life coaches, but people who are like in
the business successful coach, like a just him Robbins, almost like a mentor,
Like no, not even not even that I know, not Tim Rabbits,
Tony Robbins, Tim Rabbinson's the active. But my point is, yes,
you can have people like that, Yes, or you could have somebody
who's successful at that and you find these coaches and learn from them, like
what did they do? What is their suggesting that? So I'm paying somebody
just to tell me their life experiences, making me not even tell them,
Like, yeah, you're taking it almost too literally. I'm saying it as
if you're doing something, you go find someone who's doing it. They're usually
going to give you their advice for free. They'll meet you for lunch,
they'll give you their tips, sty'll give you this stuff. And we we
seem to stop that. But when it comes to parenting, there's nothing.
And this lady was doing parenting coaching and I'm thinking, as you're talking about
your nephew, one of the things that we talk about with kids all the
time is like, how do we prevent this stuff from happening? How do
we keep kids safe online? You can't be everywhere. You don't know.
Your kid could be up in his room having a conversation with who knows who.
They don't even maybe know, right, you don't know who's on the
other end. That's what I'm saying. So the biggest thing I think to
fix all that, and it's the hardest thing, is building self esteem.
And self esteem comes from things like winning and wrestling. Right, all of
a sudden, you start to feel confident and realize, I feel great doing
this and not so great when I'm online looking at whatever making crude joke.
You know I do, but maybe you don't, And so you go you
kind of stick to that. And I think that's an important thing for everybody
to even think about, because think you think of adults low self esteem stuff
difficult people to deal with. Right, I have some low self esteem a
certain areas. No, I think everybody does. But I'm just saying,
well, sometimes you get the passive aggressive, you know, feeling less than
so they'll kind of punch verbally or they're difficult to deal I mean that that's
the kind of stuff and you go, it doesn't it gets you nowhere,
and it means nothing. So you know, I think it's great what you
were trying to do with your with your nephew. Now you'll be in high
school next year, so yeah, hopefully he goes out for track and then
that propels them into something else. Yeah. I think it's a little too
late for football. I think you should. Well, there used to be
freshman football. Yeah there, I think there's still is. Yeah. The
track was always social, had the hottest chicks. I ran track for years
to be the hottest chicks. Yeah, I mean were they were always like
the more, the smarter and more successful popular girls that were you know again,
they felt good about themselves so they didn't have to waste their time on
you. I mean that kind of thing, the loss applying to the ones
with a hammer throw that's all right, whatever you got, all right,
hurdles in life. We'll take a moment, uh human behavior and something interesting.
Uh, I gotta tell you this story and just see, I'm sure
we can all relate to this in some way. And then I go,
why is it that people do this? So I looked it up, but
I actually found an article and we'll we'll get into that next. But first,
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in the mall at Grease Ridge. She said you was one of my favorite
country songs. I always loved this song too. That's true that her guy,
I've never been to a country concert, was going to go to it
was gonna be Toby Keith. I've been to a my wife, well,
Charlie games like the Country, so I went to quite a few. I
saw Faith Hill, I saw a lot of Tim McGraw. I saw faith
in Tim, but I never saw Toby Keith. I was never a big
Toby Keith guy. He's got a lot of good songs right now. He
really launched Taylor Swift, believe it or not. I don't believe it.
He owned a record company and merged with another guy and herely helped launch her
career. I thought she was incredible and she loved him, loved it.
I think they no, she was fifteenth at the time. Oh, I
would say no, and she said, like, you know, it was
one of her She was just so impressed and every time she saw it.
She's got to be devastated today. Probably, I would think, Probably,
are you on Twitter? Do you follow anybody? Yeah? I don't.
I haven't really spent a whole lot of time. And then I had a
guy I he had his own restaurant record label combination thing, and an old
boss of mine wound up working for him for a little while out I think
it's based in Phoenix, where his stuff was based Toby Keith. But but
I don't know. But this song I always remember because in the beginning it's
like this girl Bobby Joe, and it used to always vide I'm like yeah,
And then there was a girl that we used the years ago in radio
and the name always stuck with me. It made me laugh. So I
found the song comical and relatable, right relatable. But then this song,
what song? Where where did do you think of when you hear this song?
Right here? Old on? Let me guess now, no, no,
what where where do you think of? What does it remind you of?
I love this bar? My I am. I like to be a
regular at a bars. So we got Twinter, we got Losers. We
used to play this wind Jammers all the time, have a lot of a
lot of places. Yeah, wind Jammers, Whiskey River, even you know
Lachlan. Yeah, I always think of the Woodshed, I think of thirsts.
Mulconnery's like, sure you know I love this bar. Yeah, I
love this bar. I don't think I wouldn't be surprised if this song has
never been playing either one of those places. Toby Keith sixty two stomach Case
sixty two. Yeah, stomach cancer. See it should have been a cowboy.
That's a great song. That was his first hit. Yeah. I
think in ninety three when he came off the he was an oil rigger.
He was. I did not know that he was. He was an oil
rigger before he became a country and that was the That was the song,
and that kind of launched him courtesy of the Red, White and Blue.
Yeah, everybody loves that song. I feel like it was a misnomer for
him a little bit because I think it painted him, you know, became
very polarizing that song. I think he wasn't as politically. He wasn't politically
anything really. He never really went into Nashville, never went to the award
show, stayed out all that stuff. I think still lived in Oklahoma.
I thought his I thought his headquarters for stuff was Phoenix. He had the
commercial for I think it's Wounded Warriors. Yeah, so he did all.
I mean, he did stuff like that, which I think was there.
I know his family was democratic, and he was always very vocal about being
independent. That was his thing. I think a lot of people tried to
paint him with a brush because of that song. And I think I think
that bothered him. Maybe he just loved this country you can love absolutely absolutely,
Yep, he had who's your daddy? Remember that one? Who's your
daddy? Who's your baby? You don't know? Oh man, that's a
great song. Beer for my horses. Yeah, I love this bar American
soldier. She's my little whisk get girl. I should do a I should
do a cover band. You should. You should do all Toby Keith.
I sound just like him. You should do a Toby Keith as good as
when your dad could go out together. He does Elvis. You do Toby
Keith, and then he come out at the end of the night, just
like peanut, butter and jelly. He's seeing red, white and blue together.
You do it as he'll do it as Elvis. You do it as
Toby. I think that would be great cursy the red, white, blue.
I think he likes. He likes country a lot. Who's that my
dad? Yeah, there you go. That's a an idea. Yes,
I think it is. I have a curious thing about human behavior. There's
always that one person that kind of gives you the I hate to be the
bearer of bad news, and every time I hear that, I think,
really, because you're saying it with the same enthusiasm as the person at the
cheese counter offering me a sample. You know what I mean. Hate to
be the bearer of bad news, you know what I mean? That's the
thing. And guy, I ever heard that saying in a long time?
No, but or something along those lines, or sorry, I gotta tell
you, I got it. Sorry, I gotta tell you this. What
is it about people that we have this thing where we love destruction and stuff?
Not destruction, but what I mean. The top podcasts are uh true
crime, which are about murders and about things. People have their favorite serial
killers and people love watching serial killers things they do. And some of the
biggest shows on network television today that's still pulling ratings are these forty eight hour
mysteries. What happened to Doug Philps when he left the studio? We never
heard from him again. They've dredged the canal, found nothing. He just
disappeared, you know what I mean? And that kind of h we get
sucked in. I don't Maybe I avoid it because I don't like it.
Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like
horror movies. I don't like that stuff. Rather, I'd rather laugh,
I'd rather be lighter. But I have been sucked into these things. I
have law and order. That that really that could be a little bit of
a tragedy there. I watched the whole what was the It was kind of
a very dark series Ozark now Day, the Ozark series, which I mean
again it was good, but I mean Darin yeah, Jason Bateman, yeah,
But this is so. I looked this up and there's a doc They
talked to this guy, doctor John Mayer, not the musician, Okay,
good clinical psychologists from and doctor on demand, and he says, a disaster
enters into our awareness. This can be from a live source such as driving
by a traffic accident, or from watching a news report about a hurricane,
a plane crash, or any disaster. This data from our perceptual system that
stimulates our brain then sends signals to the regions of the frontal court. He
goes into all this, but basically it's our flight or fight response, and
we want to We know we're safe, so we want to face our fear.
It's almost like going up to the zoo and standing in front of a
ferocious lion that's on the other side of a piece of glass, because you
know nothing's gonna happen, but you kind of have that fear, you know
what I mean. I don't understand it. So the only reason I bring
this up. The other night, I'm driving home and right by where I
live, the road is closed. I see two straight State troopers have their
cars making a v you can't go up. And so I go into where
I live and there's another exit out of the community, and so I look
to my left and I see two more State troopers. They've blocked up there.
Well, the story tragic situation happened. The guy's name was released today.
Forty year old guy from Pittsford was on a bicycle at like seven o'clock
at night and was hitting and killed. Okay, so I don't think anything
of this, and this is the human behavior. Though. Last night,
Kevin from the podcast leaves the podcast. I guess he stops for gas and
he goes, and all of a sudden, my phone rings about fifteen minutes
after he's gone, and he goes, hey, you hear about that accident,
And I said, one accident he goes to the one he goes.
I don't even know where it was and I said, no, that was
right by where I live. And he goes, yeah, guy on a
bicycle. I said yeah. He goes, you know what happened and then
gives the like the gruesome, gruesome details. Now he was in a gas
station having a conversation with the clerk and somebody in the line brings it up,
like we have to talk about this shit. I don't do that,
nor do I like that you got to. I mean, the story is
absolutely like I don't even want to say because there's a chance that someone who
knows this person would listen to the podcast. And I don't mean it from
a disrespect right way at all, because I'll tell you off the mic.
But it is awful. But then I found myself calling somebody going to find
out believe this? Holy shit? Wait do you hear this? And I'm
like, what the fuck is that? I didn't go seeking it out.
I didn't look for the story. I mean, if they closed off roads,
I know it ain't good, right right, I know it's not good.
And how long did you wait to call somebody? Uh? Twenty five
thirty minutes? Like I got to get this off my chest. I have
to share this. Twenty five thirty minutes. I had something to tell somebody
else and then they go and by the way, man, you know they
actually I told you they closed the rum by me the other night. Yeah,
and I'm like, holy shit, and it's a fucked up thing.
But there's some kind of I guess we'd like to face our fears knowing that
we're safe news safe. Yeah, but it's not good news. Right.
Did anybody ever call you up and go, hey, you won't put well,
I guess if someone had a baby, or hey I got a job.
Yeah, I guess you'd get some good news, but nobody pays attention.
We don't remember the good shit. We just remember the band like what
uh, let me see what's the good news ahead? It was at a
thirtieth birthday party, Yeah, Sarah night, and there was more bad news
there. There's more bad news there. Well here was here. Look like,
I can't if so last time somebody called me up with good news if
you were gonna tell like you see things throughout your day, do you remember
the good stuff for the odd stuff? Maybe the bad stuff? Like I
always say this, I can't if I see you see a woman in yoga
pants? Right, Okay, no big deal. Maybe she looks great in
the yoga pants. That's not the one that I'm staring at. I'm looking
at the one who shouldn't be wearing yoga pants. Wearing yoga pants. It
looks like she's got a yoga pants Tell no lies, but full of pennies
if you wanted the truth, If everybody wore yoga pants in this world.
Oh my god, it's like the surface of the moon covered in spandex.
I don't even know what. First of all, I mad at a company,
like why are you making those? But see now it's funny, But
I can't stop staring, like I, oh my god, wow, Like
you put these on and it did not take two seconds to put It's not
like waking up just throwing on your jeans and going to work. No,
she probably had to lay down one leg in looking in the mirror, going
oh yeah, I'm making this work, getting the other leg, probably having
her husband or significant other help her pull them up, and then to get
them off with a little bit of sweat. Get the fuck out of here.
You need to take an exact knife and falling down, you know,
help me. While she's eating the dourridos, this is what I'm saying.
I always look at some of these people. I go, either you have
no friends or you own no mirrors or both. I don't know, Like
how do you let somebody leave the house? Now here's the thing I think
most guys, if that, if they're with a woman, are more afraid
to say anything than a woman. Because I know women who have gone,
well, where do you think you're going wearing that? Right? No?
No, put the other thing on, you look so much better or whatever,
and guys will go, oh, good, okay, we don't care
if it's gonna make you happy. But if by changing my shirt, fine,
but I'll tell you what I was married. If you ever said anything
like WHOA, what's happening here? She would get out what what? You
don't like it? You don't like it? Right, because I'll tell you
what. Carol loved it, and we went I said, okay, I
just I don't need to have to know why guys don't make suggestions because the
end result is whether or not you're going not to get sex later. Because
if you're that pissed off, let me tell you something, tell me if
you're married, and even about it. It's a domino effect. You know,
it's a peace and quiet thing. But I would say it's a piece
of well, no, it's a piece Okay, I'm with you. Somebody
came in. I got to mention her name. I just told me not
to. But is this bad news? No? It was at Forest Hill.
She came in with a girlfriend, had a girl's night out and uh,
says, hey, I I love you on the podcast. I just
I just listened to you last week. And you're right. Once you get
to a certain age, you're not looking for sex. You really want compatibility
and good conversation. Earlier, somebody who enjoyed talking. All right, when
are you going out with her? She was taken, so is her girlfriend.
I don't want to give names. She told me not to, but
I'm going to guess yes, Mary, no, Helen, No, it
could be a stripper, Dame really, Bambi no, Ginger no, Lynn,
No, Lyn's not a stripper. I don't think i've ever Ashley.
No. I have introduced to Ashley Vixen. Oh there was a vixen in
Pleasures and uh where was I California? Pasadena. But I would just say,
like, you don't have any you know, you don't want to say
anything if you're the guy. But I would tell I would say that you
should always offer an opinion, like hey, does this look good on me?
And if you think no, just go. I think it's not your
best call. You got to find a nice way to better to me.
Yes, yes, yes, Like what do you think of these curtains?
I don't like him. I have an opinion, like you're invested. You
live there too? Fucking say. I was in a position with a friend
and asked her what she was doing this it's like two months ago, and
uh, she goes, I'm going to get my hair done. I'm like
good, I'm not, like, how do you tell somebody your hair isn't
the same person you went to last time? And she goes, no,
I said good, I says, because obviously when we get their hair done,
you know, four or five times a year, you think maybe more.
I don't know. I'm not a fan of the hair. Do you
have? So you said this? Yes? What was your relationship with this
person? Just a friend? See each other out? Well forward? Huh
yeah, but I felt I was able to Uh so what did she say?
She goes, really? I go yeah, she went really? Yeah,
Wait you said this Yeah, has anybody ever given you like criticism like
that my hair? Nor I'm sure I'm getting something like that. That's what
I'm saying. A Doug, what do you think you're a piece of saugey
button? So you can take a fucking eye. Yeah breathe. You started
laughing at how fat are you? What's going on with you? You get
some way and I'm like, how many devil legs we during the day?
Doug take Doug takes a picture before we start the podcast every week and he
looks and he goes, holy shot, my fat look at my neck?
Right? But then there's somebody who's cuddling up to your neck these days or
what? No, although I gave my number out two different rides yesterday,
ubering that was a surprise. I'm going to tell you. So. I
was joking with these two women in back about uh, I think dating.
They were complaining about something. I'm like, oh, I'm single and uh
single, ready to mingle? And she goes, my mom's up for Florida.
She's she's having no luck. We're talking about dating sites. Yeah.
Now, how old were these women? She was thirty five. I think
her mother was fifty eight fifty nine okay, and uh. I'm like,
well, no, you are right in the prime position where you could date
either one you could. The daughter was taken yes, okay, and she's
like, where my mom is looking for compatibility and I'm like, that's what
it is. You want somebody. But he told him A couple of jokes
got him laughing, and so they took my number. They took your number.
I heard from and was just vacationing up from Florida, all right,
not time out. Who's vacationing up from Florida? Mom? Mom? Oh,
so she's not. I go, mom needs some loving too. She
goes, yes, that's what she she she wants. I'm like, well,
perfect, we should get your number. I'm like yeah, sure,
so you gave your number. Yeah, and now you you're thinking potentially that
the daughter is gonna pimper mom to you. Probably no, probably not.
Hey, her mother was probably embarrassed at this point. Hey, mom,
I found an uber driver exactly how would that come off? That's worse than
saying, hey, you dressed like ship. You can't get laid. So
I got your uber driver. I am fucking Florida over the fact that you
told the woman that her haircut was bad. I said, I didn't care
for it. I don't care for your hair. I like, because she's
handsome. You have a fuck dog? Right, all right? Not?
Was she married anybody? Then, you said, at this point? Not?
At this point? She had afriend? She had a boyfriend? Yeah,
yeah, just a friend from one of the bars. When is that?
Yes, it is, but in a nice way. If someone asks
for it, well you know what I mean, or if someone or if
someone came about the podcast and she if I heard a bunch of people making
fun, I wasn't making fun. No, no, no. If I
heard a bunch of people making fun of somebody over something they were wearing,
I may pull them aside and go, hey, listen. I had to
do it at that At the gym, I had to talk to somebody about
their bio, their yoga pants, oh the boh. Yes, I had
to go tig hey listen, I go, Oh, you finally did do
that? Yeah, I did it right away. I did it the next
time I saw the person, because you had it the last time. Yeah,
I hadn't seen them, okay, yeah, but the person came in,
what did he say? I just I walked outside. I said,
hey, listen, I got just bring an extra shirt, do something,
all right, Yeah, no problem, thank you, thank you for telling
me. But it was done in a private way. It wasn't all of
a sudden like yeah, I I know that was one though, where other
people were saying ship. No one said anything to you about this woman's here.
You just walked up and go. I didn't walk right, I'd god
dang hell and Keller cut that head. Wow. No, I did not
say like that, like how much did you pay for that fucking thing.
Women's haircuts are expensive too, Yes, they are, yeah, well getting
they're getting nails done obviously, yes, uh, pedicures, manicures, lashes,
yeah, brows, brows yeah, oh yeah, yeah. It's good
your single bug. You don't have to pay for anything. I don't have
to pay for anything. This is a five minute haircut. I could probably
do it myself. Get a Floby, a Floaby. You never remember the
Floby no? Oh yeah, it was like a giant vat. Oh I
do remember that. Yeah, you can get a Floaby. We would look
it up. They're still selling them. They are Floaby. My hair got
it's about twenty twenty five dollars. So this woman listens to the podcast The
Haircut Lady. Yeah, oh, all right, I can tell you it
is. No, I'm sure she's lovely and beautiful. Yeah, and I
appreciate her listening. Yes, absolutely, We have a lot of listeners.
Yes, I know, Jimmy Waite, Sandra, I gotta get my list
for the end of the day. That's right, get your list for the
end, all right, we will, Uh what do we get? We
got three others right now, Rick Min's, Christy Pat, Mike Crandall and
Rob Zannon are listening right now. A prank and I don't know I have
a theory about this. I think definitely a prank. Horrible thing happened to
a guy. We'll hear him in his own words talk about this. But
I don't know if you've ever had pranks played on you, if you've ever
played pranks on anybody, just say April Fools and uh, April fools jokes.
Yeah, prank, Yeah, prank. I don't have to think about
that. Yeah. Well, I'll play this news clip and you'll, uh,
you'll see how people don't like it. And somebody has a stripper song
request Relliant Oh yeah, okay, I want you to to bring it up
to something and I mean to introduce their wife. Uh no, this is
a woman who wanted to hear what Yeah that message message did. We'll get
to that next. But first Connors and Ferris because if you find yourself heard
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c D j r. Dot com. All right, Jill and all eyes
front center, come to the stage for a little deaf leopard. You know
her, you love her, but you can't get enough of her. Grab
your extinguishers. She's a five alarm fire. Get ready for the one,
the only, the sweet care herself. This is gonna be killed. Hi,
Kim, thanks for listening. It thinks she's naked when she listens to
here. What what? What did you now? Thinks I said nothing.
This is supposed to be the official video, but it sounded like a live
thing. I don't remember that opening ever. No, the original was just,
Yeah, a couple stuff inside walked this way, you would be baby
make all kinds of one armed, one armed dumber joke? What his twelve?
He's also an artist? He is, Yeah, one brush, one
way. He has a whole art shows and everything. I believe it.
Yeah, very talented, but ripped off in a car accident. Yeah,
man, you gotta be going like that's bad. That was the old joke
that has twelve legs and eleven arms left flapper. All right, so there's
Did you play pranks at all as a kid when you were a teenager,
did you get into any kind of mischief. You seem like you were a
little more straightened out. I mean maybe I did some calling pranks. Yeah.
I remember going through the paper and calling up people. Wait, wait
what calling up people when there was a newspaper and there was things for sale.
Yeah. I remember my sister Tracy and I would call people and I
would joke with them on the phone. You know, they'd have a lot
for sales. So I come up and go, you have you have a
lot for sale? And they were like, yeah, like a lot of
what? No, a lot. That's kind of a cute. That's a
that's like it's like an early radio bit. Yes. I remember once as
an adult putting my friend putting a phone number up. But it was a
Google number that I attached to their phone, so all phone calls would be
forwarded to them, all right, So it wasn't their number in other words,
like I'm not going to put out like you know your numbers five A
five, but I so I found a Google one that would be like five
A five, seven hundred and thirty six thousand it or something like that,
and so but it would forward all the calls to you. Okay, So
I said, I put up there free, free workout equipment, including a
treadmill. Call this number, see the number to get rid of his phone
never stopped ringing. It's the fuck is going on getting all these calls from.
I haven't heard pranks in a long time. There was actually something on
Facebook where you could send somebody a packet of something yeah, yeah, like
they used to gay Pride or something like that, or oh you could or
a Republican so you said your Democrat friend, yeah, memberships into the Republican
National Society and lose friends. Nowadays, like nobody would take that. That's
a joke that people wouldn't even find funny. They would get offended by that
day, which literally we should laugh at that. I mean, let me,
let me just say this. There's a comedian there is like me who
was supposed to be on Saturday Night Live and just they announced him going to
be part of the cast. And Shane Gillis, I'm pretty sure it was
Shane Gillis, and Shane Gillis was fired for a tweet from like fifteen years
prior years like this. Well, let me just I just want to point
out some of the the silliness. I want to I'm not gonna call him,
but just the silliness of the cancel culture. He's now gonna host Saturday
Night Live. He's become one of the biggest comedians in the country, like
one of the absolute elite in this country, comedians playing eight rooms, selling
out theaters, selling out amphitheater, its huge podcast, the whole thing,
to the point where Saturday Night Live has him back as a host. We'll
have him as a host this season. It might be this Week or Shane
Gillis, and he is h but the guy is enormous right now. He
is one of the biggest and he was scheduled to be on he was gonna
be a cast member of Saturday Night Live, and somebody dug through tweets and
Saturday Night Live went up. I mean sure, because you don't want the
backlash and one of this stuff. What was the tweet? Do you remember?
I do not. I don't even know. If I don't, I
don't know. I think it was more they told you. It's more or
less the premise of the tweet if I recall, I don't know. If
it was of a racial nature, I don't remember. I just it's just
the silliness of it is he gets couldn't get on, but was talented enough
and got on to come in, got on. You've been working your butt
off to be a comedian, all these you know, hosting and featuring and
headlining. We went you on and we found one thing. One thing only
Yeah, somebody else did not them. Sure, Saturday and Live hired him.
He was hired. Oh, he had a contract. He was honest.
When somebody they put out who the new cast is, somebody then went
through it, found it, and they wound up firing him before he even
did an episode. But here's the thing that I love a lot some people,
that would be the most devastating thing to happen to them, right,
and they would go, oh my god, this was a tweet from five
to six years. We're seeing a lot of times Division one athletes in college
had put something out when they were fourteen fifteen years old, and that's where
social media stuff, right, And they've had scholarships pulled, they've done all
kinds of things. But what I love about this is this guy I don't
want. His attitude was like all right, and he just went out and
he is now one of the biggest comedians in the country, one of the
biggest podcasts in the world, and he's going to be hosting Saturday Night Live,
the show that fired him. Is that irony? I yeah, I
mean, I just it's the silliness of it to go and the problem I
have with it is and I don't know the distance between the time the tweet
was found and the time the tweet was sent by that I mean, was
it five years ago, three year? I don't know. But I think
as human beings, if the purpose is to say we don't tolerate this anymore,
then give a person a chance to change or have them say, look,
I've evolved. You're right. I wasn't that, you know. I
wasn't the same guy at twenty one when I sent that tweet out as I
am now at twenty five or whatever his age was at the time. I
just the whole thing to me is if it's supposed to improve society, it
doesn't seem to. It seems to cancel and put people in bad spots.
We're giving appearance tickets and people are getting arrested two, three, five times
a week. Yes, Yes, that's okay, Yes, tweet ten years
ago, right, And I don't know that the timeline that, but I
find it. I just find it like just pretty funny. Though they guys
I think he's like thirty six, so I don't remember how many years ago,
but Shane gillis he will be hosting. I watch him. Uh,
this is a prank, allegedly a prank, and I just want you to
listen. Imagine if this were you, and then we'll even here the news
commentator at the end. It's the best. On a nice winter day near
Sloan's Lake, chances are you can find Stefano kio Atto on his daily walk.
Now in the Greater where we live, Monroe County, a lot of
places have nice parks, and if it's a nice winter day, you will
see people out walking. We have the Erie Canal where we live. People
walk along the Erie Canal. This guy went, there's parks in different towns
around here, and you may take a walk through the park, be the
trails around a pond or something. And this is what happened. That's a
lot when it's very cold. I don't do it. I do something else.
It's a few miles round trip, and Stephano says, sometimes nature calls.
I saw the portable partty and I wanted to use it. I felt
the thing start to move and I thought that it was a truck. Wait
wait, wait wait, I see him. Wait hang on, I'm just
shaking my hand starting. Man. I saw a little crash. I saw
a smile. Happened now, I started a smile. Somebody really moving batty
with somebody in it, picking it up and taking it to a dampo or
whatever. And I was so freaking scared, you know. Moments later,
Stefano felt the porta potty start to fall and I had no idea what was
happening. I started shouting, hey, hey, and just kept him.
I want I think the guy is sixty five years old. Five years old,
sixty five years old, out on a nice day, taking a walk,
getting his exercise, getting his walk out of the bathroom. This is
why it needed to be a mall walker on moving and it fell to the
side. I fell on my back, and uh, it's not a prank.
That's vandalism. It's like a salt. Yeah, it's a prank.
If like your buddy were in there, we used to rocket, sure,
but I mean just think of this. You're covered. Yeah, you need
like a hepatitis, a B C D E F always funny to me.
Fortunately he fell on the side and not on the front, because if had
if it had fallen on the front, I wouldn't have been able to open
the door. Yeah, could you imagine literally you're literally getting it. You're
a yeah, you're at a tin can of ship. You were up ship's
creek without a paddle. You got door and get out. Stefano says he
found the door and crawled out as a man and his son ran over to
help, and he said, yeah, I think it was a couple of
teenagers. Here's what I think. I think the father and son. Let's
knack it over there the news that don't you think they knocked it over and
go, yeah we heard it. It saw a couple of teenagers from that
way. Yeah, well really I didn't see those. I didn't see anybody
in the principal snow. There's no snow. It was like, I know
it's Denver, but there was no snow. We saw them they you know,
they pushed the portable party on its side and then ran away. He
thinks it was likely a prank, one he doesn't find very funny. It
may sound funny when you were a kid, Yeah, it's not. If
you're the guy inside. No, I have seen they happen years ago.
What the barnered carnival, the barn that's just like just a shit show.
Well they don't do it anymore. I heard it used to be a shit
show. I have heard of times. When did they cancel it? I
want to say ten years ago? Was it really? Maybe fifteen? I
thought I was doing radio and I had heard about the barnarc like it was
just like a is it a fire Was it a fireman's canial? Yeah,
because the farmers still cancerts there on Wednesdays. Okay, but this was like
I heard, it was just like a great party. Yeah, just a
fun party. Well, you know what, my cousin Lee had a great
uh theory to it. Before everybody put decks out on bars, you would
go to carnival because you could drink outside with other people. And then everybody
started putting patios and decks. And now anybody you go to mostly you can
drink outside. But for the carnival atmosphere, we used to run into your
high school friends and so somebody tipped a porta potty there. Yeah. I
was working the beer ten as a kid, just pulling out the the cases
and putting him in the coolers and uh sky Kendall was in a porter potty
and fucking flipped it upside down. They flipped it upside down on his side.
I forget, they just kept rocking. I'm a kid, I'm thinking
this is hilarious. Sure, I don't think. I went front and went
on his side and he got out and he finished his piss in front of
everybody. Oh he did that, But I mean, how about was he
covered in? No, he wasn't. He wasn't. Though it's amazing.
Maybe this guy wasn't either. That's not a good prank. Well, maybe
maybe hadn't been used. You know, you see some of these tanks.
Oh yeah, it concerts. It's not funny at all. It's it's something
that could have ended in a very unfunny way. Now, Stefano says he
did hurt his back, but says he's feeling better today. He's gonna throw
it back to the anchor desk. Okay, he's gonna throw it back to
the anchor desk. And I want you to listen to what the anchors for
police tell us officers did respond to the scene, but no suspects have been
identified. They say at this point they don't have any other male female team
sitting at the desk reports of this happening in the city. Tom, Yeah,
certainly one of those things where if it's not you, you're you're wondering
what the big deal is. But you can imagine being in there now from
hearing stefan O' talk. Who would think it's not a big deal. You're
an idiot, right, if somebody's knocking over a ship house, I think
it's a big fucking deal. Of them in there. Everybody think it's not
a big deal, not a big deal. Nobody was hoping they get back
talk about and he says, this was a really scary situation. He thinks
they were probably just wait to the Woman Times and you hear bracelets clack doing
a prank, just making a joke. He says, it was anything but
that. Yeah, you know, there was probably a joke behind it,
but sometimes you really need I mean, come on, I mean, come
on, come on, I mean come on, it's human feces in there.
Yeah, I mean, come on, that's it's awful. That's personally
I'd be terrifying. It's just a scary situation, I tell you. All
right, what see someone knock over a shit ter with her in it.
I was just thinking that. I didn't want to say no, but you
could you see, Like to me, it would be if you had some
bougie looking Pittsford mom right, Park City, Beverly Hills, you know book
overtone. God, yeah, come on, snob just you know, just
one of these well to do right, well to do Yeah, and they're
they're they're I mean, believe me, go in there, did shake it
out of my way? I got my dog in my sixteen todd bags and
goes into porter body. Why in a half mile we just rode. We
just wanted to run out of breath by the time I got there, maybe
ten feet. We just wrote a national lampoon movie. No it is,
but I mean that would be funny. I like, I would laugh a
little bit if that happened. If she came out and there was a floater
in her hair because she's got so much hairspray in there, I mean,
that would be shitty haircut. Now. I did do little pranks and things
as a kid. I stuck fart powder in my dad's coffee. Told me
that one Yeah, that was that didn't go ding don ditch ever do that?
Well, you weren't close enough ding Dong ditch. You have to run
three miles back to your house. We did do We did do ding Dong
Ditch in the village of Pine Plains, which had houses closer together. We
did a lot of phone pranks. Yeah, he can't do that because no,
you can't. Well, the landlines are being phased out right, Yeah,
that was the big thing. We used to do that. Then we
used to when I remember once this was a prank, but it was really
really it could have been very, very deadly. I had my buddy and
I pulled up next to a I pulled up next to a car with an
old man. Old man's driving on the Conic Parkway and he's gonna an old
man in the hat and he's going slow. My buddy goes pull up next
to him and he leans out the passenger window and knocks on the guy's driver's
side window and flips him off as we speed off. Do you know how
bad that kind of ended? Though? Yes? Like I think about that
now. And here's the thing is, like, I know, buddy's laughing
his ass off. What does it do? Oh? The two of us
were laughing. The two of us. Hey. First of all, I
was so proud that I could time it perfect, get it so close to
the car. I was. I felt like I was, you know,
got in sixty seconds. I wanted to be in all the Fast and Furious
movies. After that one, I go, fuck, man, I can
handle that fast and furious with as you are in the Fast and Furious when
you go in the outhouse. Then there was another one. And if I
admit this, and I know the people from my hometown listened to the podcast,
I've gotten a couple of people from high school and reached out to me.
And this is nice, right, because most of the time in radio
stuff, unless they listened online, they had never heard anything. But there
was a time I was home. I was I think we were nineteen,
and I was going to the community college, and there was nowhere you could
go. At nineteen. You couldn't go to bars, you couldn't go anywhere
you lived, and what my brother refers to as appalasia. There was nothing
going on. So we had a weekly paper that would come out. It
was called the Register Herald, no longer in existence. I remember my mother
getting very, very very angry at my dad because they were doing interviews outside
of Elvin's Market and my father they asked him a yes, no question.
My father goes, it's the pope polsh That was his answer, and they
quoted him in the paper, and my mother goes, Jesus Christ, Bill,
it's always these stupid answers. You Polish. I thought it was does
a pope wear a funny hat? He was a hobby horse have a wooden
dick the time. The pope was Polish. So uh so, I remember
talking to you guys. There was all these articles and all this stuff.
They had put dugouts at the at the town's ball field, and basically all
they were were like sheds, just cinder block sheds. They weren't dugg into
anything. It was right. So I said to my buddies, I go,
you know we should do we should go spray paint the dugouts. So
we go and we uh so, it's my car and it had a loud
muffler and everything, and my one buddy, very stealth Bill. Yeah,
my one buddy was theo. So we could hear him going around the lake.
It was Diissing Mountain. We could hear him coming around like it sound
like a low flying Sessta. So we get out and we just spray painted
like playball. Nothing bad, no, nobody, nobody. I don't think
anybody drew dicks. We just spray painted some stuff and all this and for
the next month, maybe more letters to the editor about the the val the
vandalism in this and blah blah blah. And then we find out that some
of the guys, like there were guys in our class that were held back,
so they're still in high school. You could be in high school.
You were twenty one, and there were so these guys, but they were
in the alternative Learning Center. They had to go out and paint the dugouts
and they're going if we ever find out, if we ever find out,
well, guys, I think I think one or two of those guys are
dead. Really that wound up painting them lead poisoning from painting too much.
Your fault if they didn't pick up them paint. I said, some bad
lifestyles all the way through. Really, Oh yeah, you can't imagine.
But no, the other guys, A couple of those guys were at my
wedding and stuff that I did this. You never told them no, no,
no, we never said anything. If they're listening and if I don't
know if anybody remembers, but it would have been like the early nineties and
we spray somebody's painted playball, and I forget what other stuff was there.
I just remember I wasn't the wonder spray painted paint playball, but the whole
thing was. I don't remember. I don't drunk and driving, No,
I don't know. I don't think we were drinking at all. I think
we were just looking bored and looking for something to do. And I said,
this will get us on the cover of the pack. Sure enough,
sure enough, cover the registered heralding and then letters to the editor about you
know how basically somebody called us on American It was you know that was that
was the thing. So those Yeah, I guess I did do pranks.
I did. It wouldn't tip over a porta potty though, although there were
a teacher just to rocket a little bit, the teacher that always gave you
I could understand maybe shaking a little if your buddy was in there. Yeah,
that might be funny. Oh I did do pranks too. Yeah.
I used to try to poop from the top of the stall. See if
I could hit it into the toilet. You called the pumps away. That's
nothing to break about it. I used to climb up there and see you
really needed a hotty? Oh god, no, I don't want to hear
this. Did you hear the story? And I don't know you weren't the
past couple of past two nights, we talked about this and we tried to
calling this woman too. Uh. Thirty eight year old mom of two on
a staycation at a hotel in Minnesota, Uh, wound up allegedly having sexual
contact with two fifteen year old boys. I heard a little something about you.
She got she she went down and she met them in the hot tub,
and then she told them that she had gotten in a fight with her
husband, and then snapchats one of them says, can I come to your
room, and then allegedly gets in bed with two of them. And she
had kids there too. She had kids not that age, but they're younger
kids. Yeah, younger kids, these your younger kids. Yeah. And
her husband, her husband was there and she and her husband allegedly got in
an argument, and then she then snapchat of these kids said she was having
trouble in her marriage in the hot tub than this. These kids were not
from Minnesota. They were from Colorado, there on a hockey tournament. And
she went to their room and she went to their room. Yeah, and
then and there was a third kid there who watched. And now she's so
fifteen. This woman has her Facebook page is still active, people leaving some
of the nastiest and the only thing I said, and tell me, if
you agree with this, you can have We all have opinions about this,
right And as some guys pointed out last night, women seem to get a
lesser stigma maybe than guys do. Because as I as we were talking about
I said, you know what, it's funny because they said, what about
if this was your kid, if you're a fifteen year old, And I
said, I wouldn't have a chance to say anything because their mom would have
her head on the end of a stick. I oh, but if all
things being equal, I would probably want my kid to at least see a
psychologist, just to be able to talk to somebody about, Hey, this
probably isn't how sex is. Somebody with who's a pro I can say anything
because everybody's like, you, aren't you going to be proud of him.
He said that I don't think I would be a fifteen year old. I'd
be a little worried because I'm going fifteen threesome. You and your buddy.
This sets some weird things up. And that's why sophomore in high school,
let's get let's get a psychologist to walk you through. Right, you guys,
whatever happened here, I don't know. I'm not mad or you look
at it, it's it's chance of a lifetime. Yes, well, this
is what a lot of people are saying. But at the same time,
I go, I get him smell. But if it were a dude with
two fifteen year old girls, I think people want to beat the shit out
of them in a minute. The dude is the gay. If it was
a guy, it was a thirty eight year old man with two fifteen year
old girls, oh absolutely, yes, that's the point. And she'd be
in charge with rape because technically probably yes. But but all these but here's
the thing. You go to her Facebook page and you see all these nasty
comments and stuff written, and I'm going this to me is an example of
American narcissism at its best. And maybe it's maybe it's just narcissism around the
world. I have no idea what happens in other countries, but the fact
that you feel like you gotta go tell the way they should take your kids
away from you, your filthy pig. It's like she doesn't know she's not
getting this from everywhere. Her husband divorced her. You don't think you need
to pile on like you're gonna change the world, and that's how you're helping
the world. There was this great piece that Kevin sent me. It was
after OJ was found not guilty. How to be the late nineties, A
reporter kind of does a piece a day in a life of OJ. They're
somewhere like Santa Monica Peer. OJ's out there. A woman while the cameras
are rolling, walks up and goes hi, and she shakes hand. Always
wanted to shake the hand of her murderer, or something to that effect.
And I go, you're gonna go and brag. I told him. I
told him like it changes his life nothing you look like if you you really
want to make a difference. If you don't like something, just don't support
it, don't watch it, don't listen to it, don't buy It'll just
have to hear them a self talk. But that's the war. Then go
brag about it. But that's twenty years of Facebook. That's all I'm saying,
right, twenty years of Facebook and the ones that are breaking two are
two or three other people that would do the execsame thing. You are going
to pat her on the back. Oh my god, you're a hero,
so brave. I can't believe it. God, Mary, I couldn't believe.
Did you hear what Mary did? She went right up to OJ's face
and she told, Hey, that's the baseball player. The football player with
a knife. I think, I yes, I but like this woman,
Yeah, the woman. I okay, there's a screw loose here. You
were married, you had kids. What it really bothers me when people say
something when it doesn't need to have to be said. There is a word
being tactful. Yes, you don't hear that anymore? No? What is
that? What does it mean? I don't even know what they mean?
Right, Be careful what you say to people. I think that that's a
very I think. And you know another thing I don't do. I don't
I don't send a text or putting anything on Facebook that can be recorded or
write. You don't want to put it in writing, right, Yeah,
yes, I don't want anything no used against me. Hopefully it'll never be.
No, I think that to a certain degree. I think having opinions
is good, but I think people need to know what an opinion is.
It's base. You know, it's not having a conversation, but spending there
yelling at somebody, not letting them getting another word in because you're one hundred
percent right and the God Lord, our Savior is on your side. Yes,
I'm like, relax, hello, yeah, yeah, I am the
chosen one for some things. All right, we'll we'll take a moment and
when we come back a text asking for your help. Okay, yes,
I'll do that for your help. They need to. This is good.
This is a surpress. Yeah. We will get to my deviled egg recipe.
But first, Iron Smoke Distillery, or should I say the award winning
Iron Smoke Distillery has some of the best whiskey to ever pass your lips,
including the Rattlesnake Rosies line. My man Kevin on the podcast loves the Rattlesnake
Rosies apple Pie whiskey. We were over there and he had a craft cocktail
made with rattlesneak rosies, apple pie whiskey. He got the recipe and he
made it and brought it into the podcast. Delicious, fantastic, and it's
always a fun place to hang out. Tonight Wednesday, February seventh, it's
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I was always crazy one broke into the stadium and I wrote your number
on the fifty of nine. You were always a perfect one in a balueedictorian
soul. Under your number, I wrote, come for a good time.
I only wanted to get your attention that you overlooked me. So besides you
had to me in board brands to manon and not playing my game talk too
loud? How do you like me now? Yeah? Good tune, there
you go, Toby Key tellb me Keith sixty two stomach cancer to me.
Yeah, that's too bad. Today. About how many people have wanted to
do something like this radio? How do you do? What? Just tell
somebody? How do you like me? Now? How do you like me
now? I wonder how many people have done that with Facebook? Like how
do you like me now? How do you like me? Now? Call
me fat? Look at me now? Look at me now, I'm even
fatter. Workout is not going I'm even fatter. Well, I guess you
wouldn't put it like Garth Brooks is a legend, Yes, Toby Keith probably
not legend. I got a different adjective. I think he's a Country music
Hall of Famer. Yeah, so known guy. I think he transcended the
music at the time. I think country was changing and becoming more almost Americana.
I think there's a lot of rock roots with him. So yeah,
about yes, I would say, no, he's not legend. I don't.
I don't. Yeah, I think the Hall of Famer. Yeah,
I like that. Yeah, he's probably, he's definitely a Hall of Famer.
I would think he's a legend. The question, I always think that
somebody once said Dolly Parton's a legend. Yes, somebody once said to me,
I got a Dolly Parton joke. My friend Joe did the new Dolly
Parton work out. Really and now Joe is lean, Joe Lean, Jo
Lean, jo Lean. So bad? Yeah, so bad. I didn't
have to write that one down there either. All right, here's the text
that came in for you, Oh help getting married in August. Okay,
this came a while ago, and I apologize it for out right type of
things. By the way, did you watch my movie yet? Yes?
You did not. No lot of love in the room told her I had
the perfect DJ in mind, reached out to the to the man. This
guy apparently reached out to the man Dougie Fresh. Okay, and he's available.
Somebody hits you up for a date in August. Do you remember this?
Yeah, okay, somebody did. Now she found out he's a former
strip club DJ, and she wants to go with someone some yeah, someone
three times more expensive. Let's see some three times more expensive outfit that has
photo booths and whatnot. How do I convince her? Doug is the way
to go? The introduction. Yeah, we're all playing the same songs.
I'm meeting a couple this Sunday. We're gonna go through everything. Yeah,
when you know, what do you want for? Uh? Are you getting
married? Inside? Outside? We're gonna have a speaker outside. First song,
last song? Pick out six slow songs, you know, because you're
gonna have to have a few soul songs, you know, you might as
well pick them out. What you don't want a lot of past six weddings
have done have not wanted YMCA, which used to be really big popular.
They don't want the chicken ants. They don't want the hokey pokey, the
dude, the macarina, or they want the electric slide. Who who comes
up and requests the song? Is it? Okay? My aunt might want
something she likes the electric slide if she asks for it, fine, if
anybody else know? Okay, So what was your first What was your first
wife's name? My first wife, Yeah, Jen Jen. Ladies, gentlemen,
would you please rise, This is my honor this time to introduce the
newly married couple. You know them, you love them, you can't get
enough of them. Put your hands together for mister and missus Bill and Jen
Moron. That's what you're paying me for. You're not paying me to spin
Toby teeth. You know Toby Toby Keith tunes are shake your booty. You
want the introduction? Yeah, all right, everybody grab your cell phones.
We have two more songs and we're gonna have the cake cutting over in the
corner. Yeah. Yeah, you want to be clear. Have everybody listening
what's going on when there is an announcement. You want to be You want
to bring the wedding. Do you bring props for people? No? No,
you don't bring like sunglasses. And now I have three. I have
three little disco lights. Nobody's ever come from a wedding and said, god,
they have the most wonderful lights. My god. The props were beautiful.
They want you want to hear? I was dancing all night long.
This guy read the crowd. He knew what to play. I think you
just sold me. Yeah, I think so. Your DJ should be your
wedding planner. Yeah, so I'm gonna get together with them. We're gonna
go, uh you know who's gonna do the toast. Make some recommendations.
Like a big one is this is old school father of the bride saying a
little something. Okay, you know, yeah, well my father shy.
Look, this is a one time thing, hopefully, yeah, you know,
hand in the mind. And this can be during dinner if everybody can
just put their fork down for a little bit, go in the middle of
the dance floors. Just need your fork down a little mint. We're gonna
have the father of bride, Bill say a couple of words. Yeah.
My wife Helen and I just want to say how proud we are and happy
that our daughter found Steve. We're very happy for them, and we're very
happy that everybody could join us for this beautiful day. Thank you, but
nice, proud of applause. It's all you need to say, two or
three words. Now, do you do a rehearsal with anybody? Have you
ever done like a rehearsal rehearsal dinner, No, rehearsal dinner, I mean
like rehearsal of this. They have a rehearsal for this ceremony a lot of
times, and then you have the rehearsal dinner after that traditionally, but really
where people screw up is in the reception. We get everybody outside. Yeah,
okay, I need the bridle party outside. Please, everybody grab a
drink. We're going to introduce the bridal party in five minutes. Go to
the barget you drink will be there. So I have a list. I
say, Okay, I'm gonna read your name off. Yeah, so there
is a little rehearsal. Then yeah, if I tell you if I read
your name off wrong, let me know. But don't joke. Don't screw
me up, because this is serious and I want you to line up.
And I'm like, hey, we're all gonna have a great time. But
if I if it's Phillips and it should be Phelps, you know, Oh
you read it wrong, did I know? Don't do that. So we're
gonna line up. We're gonna have a great time. Who wants an introduct
Who wants to be introduced like a stripper? I want a little something coming,
like you know, Helen, do you want to be all the way
from Alabama Bama Lama. Yeah, I want that. I want that too,
No, not me. So have some fun with it. Pick out
a song. Space Jam is a popular one, like the introductions of the
cartoon movie, and you turn it up and down, they come out.
They dance in the middle dance floor. Some people have their own props.
Or how do people find you if they're going to have you do that?
Word of mouth? Word of mouth. I don't advertise too much. I
used to on Facebook and then but can they get you through Facebook? You're
just Doug Phelps on Facebook. Yeah. I used to have a Dougie Fresh
page, but I let that go. Oh I want to go look at
it. Man, you know it's just me behind ah a table with a
tuxedo. One. Yeah, I like I was probably five pounds, Like
all right, Yeah, you want to see an old picture. Oh my
god, I found this the other day that you're gonna this is twenty years
ago when I was filming my movie. Oh wow, it was one hundred
and seventy pounds. Yah, it don't even look like you see that for
a second. You can't see it from there, Okay, no I can,
but I want to do this. I'm gonna drop it in front of
the camera. That's what I see. Doesn't even look like the same guy.
No, I was one hundred and seventy pounds. It was twenty years
ago this June when I filmed that movie. Wow, yeah, there you
go. Very Uh who is that handsome? What happened? Yeah? What
happened? What I gave up on? No? No, do me your
favor just as a test. Will you do this as a test? Sure,
because you've done some dating sites and things. Dating sites, Yeah,
you've done dating things. You've done dating sites. You've been on the Facebook
dating. Yeah that's the only one, all right. But take that picture,
yeah, and put it on there and let's see what happens. Okay,
So I'm already lying to the girl right now. I just just see
what happens. And then you come busting through, you know what I mean,
busted? You know, you know how they'm busting on my pants.
You know how they used to have the extreme weight loss and they would put
the people up in the before and after and it'd be really fat, and
they make a thing and then they would rip through in their new body.
They put up a big thing of meat. Doug, you don't want that
thin, good looking guy. It's cold outside. You want some you know,
some walrus blubber on you to keep your warm during the winter. You
have no you have low expectations, don't expect much. I just saw,
I just heard a story. Let's get your take on this of somebody who
is uh going to merit a short time. And I only because Jock my
memory that you were talking about weddings and things. Uh married for just a
brief time and maybe two years, maybe three years, and found out that
there was some infidelity in the marriage on behalf of the wife, and so
divorce. But a guy goes out and starts to go fund me to get
his divorce, and his brother call him up and goes, this is the
tackiest thing. You're a complete idiot. And oh, by the way,
everybody knew this is gonna work except except for you to you fucking moron,
And so the go fund me. And I went wow, because I've gone
through in the past, you know, even on the radio, to look
at certain gofundmes, and people put them up for the most inane things,
yes, all the time, really really crazy stuff. But I mean,
if I saw a guy who if you heard this story like I was cheating
on them, blah blah blah, I don't know, would you give a
few bucks. I know, No, you wouldn't be miserable like everybody else.
Don't divorce her, divorce her well, you know, wait till you
got the money. Make her pay for it. She cheated on you.
Yeah, I don't think there's uh. Isn't there advantages of being married with
taxes or no? Is that? Yeah, but there's no fault. I
think there's no fault with divorce. It's not like you can say there's a
quick wit now they're having uh right at the wedding. Yeah. I think
I heard this if you look it up. Obviously in Vegas they've got the
drive through marriage. Yeah, drive through divorce. It drives through divorce.
Yeah, I've heard that too. You can go out of the country.
You can get it done in like two three days. It might costume.
Oh my god, it's so funny. We're talking to a friend of mine.
Friend of mine did his wife did that, wanted it done and went
out of the country for three days and really divorce going. Yeah, it's
done. She went out, she got the paperwork done. I don't know
if it was a Virgin Islands or something, and they just and they can
do it for any marriage anywhere. Yep. It's legal in the States.
Just got to go down there and get the paperwork signed and done. Wow.
Yeah, I'd have to look into it more. Yeah, it was
a while ago, quickie, then quickie. Yeah, Because the one thing
you don't want to do is I was just talking. Somebody came in here
earlier today and a mutual friend of ours had gone out of the country on
vacation and got very very sick, like just sore throat, couldn't breathe,
all this stuff, and it's like a four thousand dollars bill from the hospital.
Yes, and friend do that too. And then this person's telling me
that there was a time that when they were younger, family went away.
Brother gets like, is complaining of stomach pain and they were old enough to
drink so in their early twenties and stuff, and father's like it could be
you drink too much beer or whatever wakes up pendis burst wind up taken to
the hospital. They want to They want twelve thousand dollars before you leave the
country. And I mean appendix. Now, they do it laparoscopically where they
practically there's no scar. They cut this guy right really, Oh shit,
Yeah, man, you don't want to get another cut. You don't you
know, you may want to go get divorced. That thing they spent like
ten thousand dollars. She went to the hospital and she's like, I don't
even know if they were doctors, nurses or right, you were just hoping.
I mean the person saying that this hospital looked like a McDonald's renovated McDonald's,
right, And then you know, he had one doctor that spoke English,
but very broken English. And the father wound up cutting a deal with
the American embassy because it was like twelve grand they wanted before you could leave.
I mean, you don't have that money. Just what do you do?
No, I think you have to. I don't know you donate a
kidney. I mean, I'm serious, I don't know what you do.
I have no idea what you do. But that's that's scary. That's even
more scary than being in the shitters. Yeah, I would rather be in
Guatemala with stomach pains or I'm always afraid. At some point, and I'm
not a believer in karma, but at some point my sons are going to
do something. I'm going to be in a porta potty, I'm going to
do something. So I don't think so something. I wouldn't put it past
them. I wouldn't put it never. I've never brought that up. Well,
it reminded me because when my youngest was little, he used to think
they were like a time machine. Yeah, Like we would get in and
they were the time machine. So we would pretend to stand in there,
and we would come out at the park and we would pretend we were in
a different you know thing. He was like three, four years old,
four or five years old maybe, and uh, I remember going, God,
I'm standing in a fucking shit or your mother would kill me. But
he thought it was the greatest thing in the world. And then I go,
I could see though, at some party somewhere, where's dad, He's
hit let's go tip it. You know, I could totally see it.
I got kids who were partying eight. I see that. Yeah, what
what part are you gonna have that? They're gonna have so many people,
They're gonna have a or we have a festival or something. He does hit
at a festival? What knock over porta potties take something? Festivals First of
all, they're usually a bunch of them in an of them all lot yeah,
or they have the walk in. I have actually been to people's parties
where they didn't want people coming in the house, so they rented a porta
potty. Really, yes, I've been to a couple of parties like that.
Didn't want people trampling through the house, so they got a porta potty
port potty that had a sink and you could wash your hand. Okay,
one of those. Ye, nicer on a nicer port but free standing.
Okay. I was a bartended a charity event. They had one outside,
but it was like a camper almost. Yeah. Well those they had,
no no, that that's the greatest. Yes, yeah, those are the
ships I love. They had kept going to It was eighty degrees and I
kept going to the bathroom. You gotta go, get go. Yeah.
It was hot as hell. You can sweating it out, yeah, Douggie,
sweating it out, sweating the oldies. All right, Douggie. Any
other big plans coming up? You got comedy win? I got comedy.
Uh. Actually, I'm gonna be hosting the Carlson. Mister Mark Aplito's birthday
is today. Fifty, Yes, fifty to fifty. Yeah, I think
his wife just I saw, I saw something today that he posted, and
I didn't realize his birthday was today because I knew there was a party a
couple of weeks ago, surprised his wife through I am hosting at the Carlson
April fourth for mister Greg Owens is the headliner. Yea and Cindy Arena is
featuring good and I'll be doing I think ten minutes. I think it sounds
about right, yeah, and then introducing her. So and then you've got
don't you have a show coming up? I've got a show with Danny Liberto
and I've got one in uh for Dan Viola March seventh and Depew. So
that's a little bit of a ride for some people. But if you're up
that way, if you're that's an hour way or there for fifteen sixty minutes
worth. No, but I'm saying not for you. I'm saying for people
in the There are people we have listeners in the Buffalo area. Go yeah,
I Dougie, I think that's a private event, but it's still going
to be good to be on mine. Okay, Yeah, if it's not,
I'll let you know. I have to I have to look it up
on his his message, see this is you're a terrible promoter. Why because
you're fucking awful. You should know. Like I just said, April fourth
of the colonel ARLs you believe that? Then the other one? What else
do you do? I said, what else you got going on? And
you told you and you could go not much? Right now, I'll let
you know when I have more ninety I'm not gonna lie anything going into pew.
You can't come to it. Nobody could come. It's private. Well
I'll tell you what if you have a private venue and you want to comic
calling the Bill, there you go. Yeah, Me and Bill come out,
Bill driving out do comedy. Bill be into the bed, going you
suck eating my deviled eggs, getting the ships and going to knock them over
Number one bad loved food devil that in my house. Do nighters go pie
with a seventy pour name for Bill mo seeing tomorrow I'm t admit a moment
year to spend. Yeah,