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The Errors of Santa Claus by Stephen
Leacock. It was Christmas Eve. The

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Browns, who lived in the adjoining
house had been dining with the Joneses.

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Brown and Jones were sitting over wine
and walnuts at the table. The others

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had gone upstairs. What are you
giving to your boy for Christmas? Asked

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Brown? A train, said Jones. New kind of thing automatic. Let's

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have a look at it, said
Brown. Jones fetched a parcel from the

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sideboard and began unwrapping it. Ingenious
thing, isn't it, he said,

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goes on its own rails. Queer, How kids loved to play with trains,

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isn't it? Yes, assented browne. How are the rails fixed?

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Wait, I'll show you, said
Jones. Just help me to shove these

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dinner things aside and roll back the
cloth. There. See you lay the

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rails like that and fasten them at
the ends. So oh, yes,

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I catch on? Makes a grade, doesn't it? Just the thing to

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amuse a child, isn't it.
I got Willie a toy aeroplane. I

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know they're great. I got Edwin
one on his birthday, but I thought

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i'd get him a train this time. I told him Santa Claus was going

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to bring him something altogether new this
time. Edwin, of course, believes

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in Santa Claus. Absolutely. Say
look at this locomotive, would you.

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It has a spring coiled up inside
the firebox. Wind her up, said

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Brown with great interest. Let's see
her go all right, said Jones.

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Just pile up two or three plates
or something to lean the end of the

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rails on there. Notice the way
it buzzes before it starts. Isn't that

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a great thing for a kid?
Eh? Yes, said Brown? And

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say see this little string to pull
the whistle by, get it toots eh,

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just like real now. Then Brown
Jones went on, you hitch on

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those cars and I'll start her.
I'll be engineer. Eh. Half an

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hour later, Brown and Jones were
still playing trains on the dining room table,

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but their wives upstairs in the drawing
room hardly noticed their absence. They

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were too much interested. Oh,
I think it's perfectly sweet, said missus

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Brown. Just the loveliest doll I've
seen in years. I must get one

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like it for Olvina. Won't Chlorice
be perfectly enchanted, yes, answered missus

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Jones. And then she'll have all
the fun of arranging the dresses. Children

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love that so much. Look,
there are three little dresses with the doll.

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Aren't they cute? All cut out
and ready to stitch together? Oh?

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How perfectly lovely, exclaimed Missus Brown. I think the mauve one would

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suit the doll best, don't you
with such golden hair? Only, don't

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you think it would make it much
nicer to turn back the collar so and

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to put a little band? So? What a good idea, said Missus

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Jones. Do let's try it.
Just wait, I'll get a needle.

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In a minute, I'll tell Clarice
that Santa Claus sewed it himself. The

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child believes in Santa Claus absolutely,
And half an hour later, Missus Jones

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and Missus Brown were so busy stitching
dolls clothes that they could not hear the

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roaring of the little train up and
down the dining table, and had no

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idea what the four children were doing. Nor did the children miss their mothers.

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Dandy, aren't they? Edwin Jones
was saying, too, Little Willie

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Brown as they sat in Edwin's bedroom. A hundred in a box with cork

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tips and sea an amber mouthpiece that
fits into a little case at the side

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good present for dad, eh fine, said Willie appreciatively. I'm giving father

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cigars. I know I thought of
cigars too. Men always like cigars and

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cigarettes. You can't go wrong on
them. Say what do you like to

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try one or two of these cigarettes? We can take them from the bottom.

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You'll like them. They're Russian away
ahead of Egyptian, thanks, answered

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Willie. I'd like one immensely.
I only started smoking last spring, on

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my twelfth birthday. I think a
feller's a fool to begin smoking cigarettes too

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soon, don't you it? Stunts
him. I waited till I was twelve.

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Me too, said Edwin, as
they lighted their cigarettes. In fact,

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I wouldn't buy them now if it
weren't for Dad. I simply had

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to give him something from Santa Claus. He believes in Santa Claus absolutely,

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you know. And while this was
going on, Clorice was showing little Olvina

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the absolutely lovely little bridge set that
she had got for her mother. Aren't

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these markers perfectly charming? Said Alvina. And don't you love this little Dutch

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design? Or is it Flemish?
Darling Dutch? Said Clarice. Isn't it

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quaint? And aren't these the dearest
little things for putting the money in?

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When you I needn't have got them
with it, they'd have sold the rest

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separately. But I think it's too
utterly slow playing without money, don't you,

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oh abominably, shuddered Olvina. But
your mamma never plays for money,

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does she, Mamma? Oh,
gracious no, Mama's far too slow for

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that. But I shall tell her
that Santa Claus insisted on putting in the

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little money boxes. I suppose she
believes in Santa Claus, just as my

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mamma does. Oh absolutely, said
Clarisse, and added, what if we

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play a little game with a double
dummy the French way or Norwegian scat if

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you like? That? Only needs
too all right, agreed Olvina, and

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in a few minutes they were deep
in a game of cards, with a

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little pile of pocket money beside them. About half an hour later, all

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the members of the two families were
again in the drawing room, but of

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course nobody said anything about the presence. In any case, they were all

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too busy looking at the beautiful big
bible with maps in it, that the

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Joneses had brought to give to Grandfather. They all agreed that with the help

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of it, Grandfather could hunt up
any place in Palestine in a moment,

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day or night. But upstairs,
away, upstairs, in a sitting room

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of his own, Grandfather Jones was
looking with an affectionate eye at the presence

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that stood beside him. There was
a beautiful whisky decanter with silver filigree outside

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and whiskey inside. For Jones,
and for the little boy a big nickel

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plated Jew's harp. Later on,
far in the night, the person,

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or the influence, or whatever it
is called Santa Claus, took all the

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presence and placed them in the people's
stockings. And being blind as he always

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has been, he gave the wrong
things to the wrong people. In fact,

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he gave them just as indicated above. But the next day, in

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the course of Christmas morning, the
situation straightened itself out, just as it

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always does. Indeed, by ten
o'clock, Brown, Eh and Jones were

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playing with the train, and Missus
Brown and Missus Jones were making dolls clothes,

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and the boys were smoking cigarettes,
and Clarice and Olvina were playing cards

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for their pocket money. And upstairs, away up Grandfather was drinking whiskey and

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playing the Jew's harp, and so
Christmas, just as it always does,

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turned out all right after all.
End of the Errors of Santa Claus by Stephen Leacock