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The topics and opinions expressed on the
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questions or comment should be directed to
those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

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W four WN Radio. Hello,
and welcome to Fearless Fabulous You. I

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am your host, Melanie Young.
You're listening live today on the Women for

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Women Network. That's w FOURWN dot
com, where I broadcast live every Wednesday

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at twelve noon Eastern Standard time,
and all my shows are permently podcasts on

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more than thirty podcast platforms. You
can listen anytime anywhere. I suggest iHeartRadio,

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Spotify and Apple Podcasts because they're three
the biggest. My goal is always

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to help women make informed choices about
their health and well being and their life,

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and we all face struggles at times
and challenges as well as what I

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call opportunities. Today's show is going
to address in a very sensitive way the

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topic of mental health. It's a
topic I don't like to really address a

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lot because it's a sensitive topic and
it has to be addressed in a very

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sensitive way because I am not a
mental health professional. I am a certified

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health coach and a coach that really
spends now more time helping entrepreneurs figure out

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what they're going to do with the
rest of their life. But I can

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share with you that as a very
successful woman who was voted most likely to

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succeed, I grappled quite a bit
with some issues as I grew older,

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and a lot of anxiety over feeling
like a failure when things were not going

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well, imposter syndrome and times panic
disorder, that I was losing a grip

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on being in control, because when
you were a highly accomplished woman entrepreneur,

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you always want to be in control. And learning to let go and acknowledge

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that it doesn't always happen that way
and to accept that you may have to

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ask for help is I always say, a sign of strength, but not

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everybody wants to do it. Instead, they just want to hide everything inside

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and then it kind of it blossoms. It doesn't blossom, it can really

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become a thunderclap inside of you.
I wanted to do the show today for

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a couple of reasons. The Olympics
in Tokyo were recently held, and we

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all saw what I thought was a
very courageous move by Olympic gymnast Simon Biles,

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who basically said, I am not
going through certain competitions because she was

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having I forgot what the term was, but she was not in her right

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head basically, and she recognized that
this may not be the best thing for

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her to be doing. And a
lot of high profile athletes from Naomi Osaka

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to Ali Reisman, Michael Phelps,
Simone Biles I mentioned, have actually been

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very open about their struggles with anxiety, depression and in some cases panic disorder,

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which I think has really been very
courageous at their end to show that

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even the best of the best can
have the worst of the worst times and

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they're dealing with it. You know, a couple of statistics before I interview

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my guests, according to the the
let me get the organization right, the

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Anxiety and Depression Association of America,
because there's an association for everything. States

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of affecting affecting forty million adults in
the United States eighteen or old Earth.

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That's one percent of the population.
They are highly treatable, yet only thirty

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six percent point almost thirty seven percent
of those suffering received tree meant, probably

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because they don't want to go seek
it. People with anxiety disorder are three

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to five times more likely to go
to the doctor and six times more likely

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to be hospitalized for psychiatric disorders and
those who not suffer. And it is

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not in common that someone who has
anxiety order may also suffer from depression or

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vice versa. In terms of women, and then this site goes into a

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host of related examples which I won't
get into, but it's women are affected

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twice as women are twice is likely
to be affected by specific phobias and anxiety

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disorders than men. So I think
that's why I really decided to dress this

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topic and talk about what you could
do if you're feeling anxious. And then

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then and then on top of that, two books came my way that addressed

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it, and I'm like, wow, it's around me. My guest,

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let me introduce her. Christi.
Doctor Christi ritz King is a psychologist and

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licensed professional counselor based in New Jersey, where she's connecting with me from.

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She specializes in trauma and maternal mental
health. Her hallmark therapeutic approach combines it

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down to earth who are realistic style
that helps empower others to live their best

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lives. She has a thriving psychotherapy
practice and also does wonder weekend retreats for

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women. Her website is www dot
Wonderinkwellness dot com and you can follow her

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on Instagram at d R Christy cri
i tz King Dogy christytz King. Welcome

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to Fearless Fabulous You thank you,
thank you so much for having me.

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What a great platform, What a
great show. I'm so impressed by everything

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you're doing, and it's so needed, it really is. I mean,

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you know, I can't. I
think everybody if you if you did a

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quiz to every America and they would
always and did a one to ten on

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the on the anxiety platform, I
think every but he'd be definitely above a

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five since the pandemic. Since the
pandemic, have you seen has your practice

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changed much since the pandemic? Christie, Yes, well you know what it

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has. I obviously you know,
I think nobody would be surprised by hearing

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that it has grown since the pandemic. But what I've really noticed is that

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people are more willing to seek help
than maybe they were before it. It

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was almost as if this allowed people
to admit that they were struggling. And

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so even if the they're not coming
to me necessarily with pandemic induced struggle,

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but it has brought to light the
need to get some help and to and

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to talk about things that you know, we try to keep quiet or or

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don't think we should admit out loud. You know, you address so many

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things in your intro, the the
idea of imposter syndrome and this anxiety,

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and especially for women. I think
we are meant to keep all that under

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wraps and just kind of plow forward
and do the job that we're given and

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not cause any trouble and not make
anybody else uncomfortable. And that often leads

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to, you know, thinking we're
supposed to have it all figured out,

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which is anxiety inducing in and of
itself. So tell me practice has changed

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and grown thanks to the pandemic.
What do you think? And I'm going

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to call you doctor Christie, because
that's how you refer yourself and your blog

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in itis. So do you think
that the fact that high profile celebrities and

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athletes, as I said, Naomi
Osaka, that's the one in my face

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right now, have a similar biles, that they have come out and been

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open, has that helped? You
know? I think what has helped is

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the conversation. You know, they
I'm not sure they would say it helped,

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because I imagine they've faced all kinds
of fierce, you know, criticism,

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But I also but I do think
that it has allowed other people to

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say, well, if this person
at the peak of their game, at

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the top of their profession can admit
that this is a struggle that they carry

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long, then it's helped the conversation. What I think is somebody who deals

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with this every day. What I'm
what I'm thrilled to see is the realization

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that you can be both things.
You can be at the top of your

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game and struggle with anxiety or depression
or any number of mental health things.

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It isn't an either or situation,
and it isn't that you can't accomplish things

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alongside these issues that many of us
have and carry along with us. I

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think that's such an important point because
I think if you you know, I

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think many CEOs, for example,
or entrepreneurs struggle because you know you're in.

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You want to stay in the game. You want to be part of

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the game. You're always you know, you're always hustling in the game.

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And a lot of these business and
I can I can speak firsthand. I

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had an agency. I was always
hustling. I was always hustling for more

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business. I was always hustling to
get paid. You know, you're either

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hustling for more business and then you've
got to figure out how to do all

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the work. Usually you don't have
enough staff because you got higher up or

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staff up, and then you got
to you know, then you have the

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clients that don't pay their money.
I'm a member of them. I'm a

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member of a number of Facebook groups, and there's one for public relations professionals,

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which was has been my profession.
I actually left the business books that

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couldn't take it any longer. He
really did make me. I got sick.

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Basically, I was diagnosed with Puts
cancer and truly believed that the anxiety

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that I kept within me for all
those years and shoulder made me sick and

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walked away. But the venting has
been has become louder in this group.

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The pain, the pain, the
pain being. You know, literally one

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person was told by a client the
being a public relations executive is no better

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than a call girl. Grow with
me. I'll pay you when I see

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results on and I Actually there's a
book coming out called I Can Say it

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on the Fuck Off Kloy, which
is a new book out by someone who

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literally got so tired of the situation
that he must have done fifty five reasons

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why this is just a terrible profession. And then every we wait in and

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the good news in it is the
event got so big, you got a

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book contract and the book's coming out. Yeah, I can't wait to read

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it to talk about it. Yeah. Well that's why back to the conversation.

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You know, sometimes venting is really
really good. So here's the thing.

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Why is it? You know,
there's many reasons that anxiety is at

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an overall high. You know,
I think a lot of it is that

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society we're praying on ourselves. This
is my theory, and I'll let you

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in this. We're praying on ourselves. Okay, so we're our own worst

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enemy because we put out there on
Instagram and in the media. And remember

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I am part of the media,
and it pitched the media. But I

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think we're also to blame and other
areas, whether it's awards, ratings,

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number of followers, photoshopping to look
better. We pray on ourselves by creating

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methods of evaluating each other based on
our achievements, are numbers, our portfolio

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or looks, and that creates a
solve, a very false sense of achievement

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or measurement. We're always trying to
measure up to somebody else, right,

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Yes, yeah, the measurement I
think is huge. I think we're sort

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of designed to look for the tangible
proof of achievements. And as women especially,

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you know, my clients run the
gamut from brand new moms to millennial

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women in the workforce, to retirees
who are trying to figure out the next

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chapter of their life, or women
like you who have just realized that what

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they're doing isn't serving them and they're
trying to figure out what's next. So

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I've had the privilege of being in
every stage with these women and what I've

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noticed the common thread is that they
often can't answer the question of what they

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want because they've been told by whatever
society or partners or parents or you know,

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their colleagues. They've been told what
they should want or the life that

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they should be seeking, or as
you said, the hustle that they should

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be part of, and they've never
actually really taken the time to think,

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well, what makes me feel good? How do I, you know,

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manage this, or what do I
need to be okay? And I think

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that that seeking of external validation,
whether it's like you said, followers or

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a professional award or something like that, has taken over actually paying attention to

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our own selves. You know,
we really do we really want this thing,

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and is getting it going to make
us feel a way we want to

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feel? And I think that's the
question nobody's answering. I don't think people

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want to know how to answer it, because I have many colleagues who are

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just you know, I mean,
there's so much look at me, look

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at me. I just want this, look at me, look at me.

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You know, everybody is craving all
this attention and validation right now.

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I mean I scroll through Instance and
Facebook and it's a lot of look at

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me. And I think a lot
of these people are saying it, are

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not looking inward, yes, right, or look at me and look at

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this very small, tiny portion of
my curated speed that you know, on

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the best moment, in the best
moment, on the best day of my

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life, and somebody else is scrolling
through seeing that and thinking, well,

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I'm not doing anything right because look
at this person and look at their feed

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and look at what they're accomplishing,
and I'm just over here living my regular

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life. And so I think that's
some of the problem too, is that

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viewed vision of what is the achievement? What is the accomplishment we're seeing?

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You know, people who get paid
to put that stuff up there. I

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mean, you know, from a
pr background like that, what we're seeing

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is a fraction of the truth.
And if we're judging ourselves up against that,

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it's a really rough road to be
on because you're not you know,

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you're judging yourself against things that aren't
achievable quite frankly exactly, and things are

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not always what they're saying. So
yesterday I was with a very dear friend

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many many years, over twenty five
years, who was in from the UK.

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She's not on social media, she's
supremely happy, she's working on she

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has two masters working on her PhD. She's in her element, she's priming

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in her late fifties, and she's
supremely happy without all that yeah, with

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all that validation right right right,
because she's looking in for it. She's

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noticing what's good about her own life
rather than looking out to see what her

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life should look like. So one
of these amazing accomplished women come to you,

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which you have many as your clients, right and have all ages.

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How what are some steps that you
take with them? Let's walk through that

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process of looking inward to figure out
what you really want. Sure, yeah,

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so the very first thing of that
is stopping and taking some time to

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tune into their own self. And
what I noticed really often and not to

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get to sort of out there for
people, but the disconnect between our brains,

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our intellectual selves, and our physical
bodies is huge. We don't really

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pay attention to our body until it's
screaming in pain. Typically, you know,

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you had said you've got a die
cancer diagnosis before you sort of went,

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wait a minute, maybe this life
isn't working for me and I,

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And that is really common people come
when they come to see me or they

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go to their medical doctors when they're
in pain. And so what I try

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to do is get women to pay
attention to what feels good in their body

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and how can they get more of
that in their life? And that's why,

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you know, oftentimes they can't answer
that question what do I want because

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they've never stopped to take the time
for it. So, you know,

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these are busy, accomplished women.
So we can't we start small. I

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talk about what I you know,
I when I have dubbed toothbrush meditation,

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which is, you know, just
trying to incorporate even a moment of your

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day every day to check in physically, see how you're feeling, check in

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with your thoughts, what's what's weighing
on you, what are you worried about,

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what are you anxious about? And
then all so pay attention to at

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the end of the day, what
went really well, what was good about

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today? What would I like to
repeat? Because I think we don't do

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enough of that. We don't tune
into the good stuff. We only pay

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attention when it's really bad. The
rest of the time, we're running and

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we're hustling and we're just doing the
next right thing, and we then don't

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have a real idea of well,
what does bring us joy? And so

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until we're burnt out, we don't
even realize that we're not enjoying our lives.

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And then once we get to that
level of burnout, it's hard to

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figure out where to go next because
we don't know what's good. So when

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women come to me, we start
with, okay, let's talk about maybe

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the last time you felt good or
the last thing you remember doing that really

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brought you a sense of peace or
joy or calm. And then let's look

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at what you're striving for and what
do you think that's going to change about

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your life when you get there?
Because that's another stumbling block I think is

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that we think all these achievements are
all of these you know, tangible goals

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are going to make us feel differently
once we're at that place, and more

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often than not that's not the case. Well we're so goal oriented, right,

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yes, I mean everything's going to
have you know, what's the goal,

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what's what's what's the game plan?
You know, what's r O I

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exactly what are the steps to get
there? And what are they? Yeah?

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Exactly, I mean exactly. So
I would just go one step further

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and say, well, what are
you hoping is different once you reach that

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goal? What do you what do
you want it to look like when you

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get there? Well, I'll give
you an example. So that's how I

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was on my life. I don't
think I was. I was programmed from

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day one, like I think from
the womb, coming out of the womb

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to be a success. Okay,
I never had you know, i'd have

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to report it and what are you
doing? What are you accomplishing? What

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are you doing? How many clients? It was like awful. Then my

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dad died and that never happened anywhere
because he's dead. So when he died

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after my cancer diagnosis, it was
like, wow, I don't have someone

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like barking in the right ear still
my mother in the left. You're going,

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what are you doing positive for the
community today? You know? But

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you know I I kind of pull
back, okay, but a little selfish.

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I'm a big believer anaes Nin's The
Virtue of Selfish Selfishness. The book

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actually was an important book for me
because I do believe that you can be

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selfish in a very positive way for
yourself. It's okay to be selfish and

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think of you first sometimes and say, I can't always be there for everybody

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else, and we're not programmed for
that, but it is super good.

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So I am admitly a selfish person. I'm not self less because she also

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said to be selfless means you lose
the sense of yourself and often women are

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taught to be self less, and
that was a very eye opening discover for

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me. Right, yeah, for
one hundred percent. And I think when

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I talk about you know, one
thing I asked women to do is talk

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about what they want. It's really
uncomfortable for them because you're one hundred percent

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right, We've been taught not only
to be self less, but to accommodate

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other people as well. So you
know, you have your mom and your

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dad on either shoulder, and you
grow up learning how to pacify them,

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so you do whatever you need to
do to keep them comfortable. And that's

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sort of how women are trained,
if you will in this in this society,

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we're trained to make everybody else be
comfortable with whatever we're doing. So

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that includes achievement, and but you
know, only so much achievement, like

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don't push too far or don't be
don't be focused on yourself too much,

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because that makes other people uncomfortable,
you know, So there's a little bit

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of getting to know that, getting
comfortable with that feeling of uncomfortableness of oh,

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I'm going to focus on myself and
it's okay, I'm not hurting anyone.

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I'm not going you know, you're
going against the grain, but you're

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not doing anything wrong. So yeah, I I totally have seen that,

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you know, examples of that same
idea where you're you're selfish in a good

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way, in a good ways hard
it's a hard transition. Yeah, it's

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a very hard and a lot of
people don't like it. You know.

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You talk about I think one of
your blog pusts second about how your childhood

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trauma, reinforcement, lack of reinforcement, et cetera, impacts you as an

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adult in how you handle anxiety and
stress. Let's talk about that. Yeah,

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So a lot of clients that I
see, we you know, I

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always I sort of joke with them
like, I'm not about to you know,

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I'm not here to blame your mommy, but I am going to talk

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about your mommy because there is a
lot that we learn from those those early

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caregiving relationships and how we sort of
relate in the world, whether it's a

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romantic relationship, whether it's your children, whether it's your colleagues, Like a

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lot of those relationships, patterns are
set when we're very young. And so

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even if it's not trauma, you
know, even if something horrific didn't happen,

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if there was an inconsistent parental relationship, or if there was even a

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divorce, that can be really shaped, you know, shattering to a kid.

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Even if it's handled perfectly and beautifully
and every that it gets along,

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there's still parts of you that are
sort of looking for that. You know,

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you're protecting yourself from that pain even
as an adult. And so what

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we sort of learn when I work
with folks is how to f face I

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guess or or you know, own
up to what they're doing as adults that

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they may have learned as a young
child. So you know, there's there's

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a wonderful book about adverse child Experiences, which is how which are you know,

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the traumatic things that we think of
that sort of capital t trauma.

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But there's also all this work on
attachment, which doesn't necessarily have to be

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quite so obvious or you know,
dramatic as a as a neglect or abuse

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or anything like that. That shows
sort of the different sides of what we

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learn, what we learn about how
to relate with the world as we're young,

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and then we carry that into our
adult relationships. And often for parents,

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it can be triggered when they're kids
or of an age that they sort

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of learned those same lessons. And
so that's that's who I see a lot.

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I see a lot of parents who
are saying, I don't really understand

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what's happening. I thought i'd put
this away, or I thought I dealt

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with this or you know, something
else, and here it is back again.

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Yeah, that's so. And when
they become parents it comes back.

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Wow. Yeah yeah, because you
you you deal with it, you know,

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in different stages of your life.
So even if you have addressed things

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as a you know, a young
professional, then you kind of have to

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do it again. It's almost like
life's the spiral that you're traveling upward and

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you're you're going to come around to
the same things again, but at a

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different level than you were before.
I would imagine as an entrepreneur you've experienced

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a little bit of that too,
like the growth that happens at each stage

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of business it might be the same
issues that you were dealing with before,

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but on a different scale. And
it's the same thing with your mental health.

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It's very true. And and I
you know, I've I've done a

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lot of soul searching when I went
through my own. When you get older

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and I'm older, you find you
know, your the relevancy becomes a big

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issue because you're you're either being replaced
by someone younger or you're having to deal

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with people younger than you who you
clearly don't think have you know. I

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mean, I hate to say it, but a lot of the people I

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deal with who write me every day
just don't have the maturity, the skills.

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Anything that comes through in an email, you can you can feel it.

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And I want to take them all
and help them, not criticize it,

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but help them and say let's try
this a different way. And as

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a result of that, I actually
now do staff training to help junior staff.

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I've offered myself out. So it
ended up becoming a little business.

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But I'm saying it is. But
I had to deal with it in my

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own head because it was like,
how am I going to deal with these

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people? Like why do I have
to even deal with this, you know,

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like why can't I just do something
else? I think a lot of

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people when they get older, they
grapple with that because they don't want to

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be quote put to pasture. Uh
you know, their pastures still great,

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they still will vibrant. And how
to feel that way when you're in your

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fifties for late forties, fifties,
sixties and beyond, and it's a big

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challenge. And I don't frankly think
a lot of the organizations out there,

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like AARP do that go to They
do a great job figuring out how you

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get free phones and deal with medicare, but they don't they still don't really

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speak to people like me. Okay, yeah, I still want to be

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active and yeah, yeah, and
I'm sure I talk to a lot of

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women like that. Yeah I did, Yes, who are sort of in

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this next phase. And I like
the way you you addressed it by saying,

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let me help this next group,
because you could go the other way,

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you know, if somebody I'm not
quite fifty, but I'm getting there.

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So I am starting to feel that, you know, looking down my

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nose at the generation belief beneath me
happening. You know that like how come

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I had to figure it out?
Why can't they figure it out? You

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know, you you could. It
feels like it's easy to go back direction.

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But I like that you're saying,
well, no, I had to

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figure it out. But they,
you know, if I can help them

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so they don't have to do it
all on their own, even better,

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you know, that's a wonderful that
I will tell you. That is how

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I worked through my own stress and
anxiety is I look for a way to

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turn it into a teaching experience.
So I'll give you an example. So

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when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, you know, I was that busy

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woman who never read the breast cancer
sections of the articles, you know,

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flip past them. That wasn't my
life until a friend of mine got breast

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cancer. But you know, I
was just you know, on that busy

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trail, and when I was diagnosed, it was like, oh, it's

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a kind of an evasion in my
life. Where As I say, I

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was like Dorothy in the Land of
Oz. I was suddenly put in OZ

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and I just want to get back
right. So when I got through the

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experience, I realized that there wasn't
anything that you know, I didn't I

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had one friend who guided me,
and otherwise I had to figure it out.

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So I wrote a book to help
busy women figure it out and getting

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things off my chest virus guides.
So that learning experience led me to another

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trajectory on how can I take sembling
blocks or roadblocks and turning them in stepping

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stones. And that's kind of what
I do now, more in working with

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businesses and entrepreneurs and than health coaching, you know, because I learned when

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I was health coaching that most of
the people I was coaching it wasn't about

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what they were eating, it was
about what was eating them and their own

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self image, right exactly. And
you can appreciate that in your profession.

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So there's so many roots and causes. But I've learned that when you stop

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going to inward and you go outward
and say what can I do to help?

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Or as you say, wake up
and think about all you're grateful for,

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which I think is really important to
do at the beginning of the day

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and the end of the day,
so you're not just starting your day with

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a to do list but also a
gratitude list. That's a great massive mental

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adjustment on how you start your day
and and your day for sure, And

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I think it really helps to drill
down into that idea that it doesn't have

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to be some big, huge accomplishment. You can be grateful for the fact

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that the sun shining, or that
it's not you know, freezing cold outside

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your door, or you know,
whatever the small things are that that really

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do bring us a sense of peace
and happiness. It's not the big accomplishments.

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You know, you talk to a
lot of people that have accomplished these

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things and they're not you know,
they're not any happier after the metal than

385
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they were before. That moment is
great and their hard work has paid off,

386
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but their life doesn't necessarily change in
a way that we think it might

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if we if we achieve these great
things, absolutely and I want to and

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with that mind, I want to
bring up something that you know, a

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lot of people think that getting married
will solve the problem, having a child

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will solve the problem, get air
pet will solve the problem, moving will

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solve the problem. You know,
things don't solve the problem. You have

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to solve the problem. And you
do a lot of parenting work, and

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you know, it always breaks my
heart when I read books which I don't

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you know, I hear somebody I
say, well, you know, we're

395
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having children saved my marriage, but
that shouldn't you know? Children should not

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be the pond and making everybody happier
again, because there will be challenges and

397
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I'm sure you see that in your
counseling. So let's talk about that.

398
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Yeah, one hundred percent. I'm
actually working right now on something called baby

399
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proof your relationship because I think that's
the exact opposite happens. Babies don't save

400
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marriages, they you know, they
do just the opposite. So yes,

401
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I think with parenting, same philosophy
I follow with all mental health sage is

402
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that you have to tune in.
You have to understand your own motivations,

403
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your own expectations for what this relationship
is going to look like. You know,

404
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the time that I find problems with
parents is when they feel like they're

405
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two things. Their child is either
an extension of them and so therefore they

406
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have all the same guilt and shame
and you know those kind of things,

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or their child is a do over
so that they can correct all the mistakes

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they made when they were young.
And the relationships that work are the ones

409
00:29:15.240 --> 00:29:19.440
that recognize this human being is separate
from me, and my job is to

410
00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:23.880
kind of, you know, guide
them almost Like I always like to think

411
00:29:23.960 --> 00:29:27.119
parents, is those like bumpers that
you put on a bowling alley. Have

412
00:29:27.160 --> 00:29:30.480
you ever seen those? Where so
you don't your ball never goes in the

413
00:29:30.519 --> 00:29:34.559
gutter, But it doesn't really help
the ball go straight down the gutter or

414
00:29:34.599 --> 00:29:37.559
straight down the lane. It just
helps it not go totally into the gutter.

415
00:29:38.079 --> 00:29:41.839
So I say to parents, that's
kind of your job. You're supposed

416
00:29:41.880 --> 00:29:45.240
to, you know, protect them
from falling off the cliffs, but you

417
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:48.559
don't have to guide them. You
know, you don't have to walk directly

418
00:29:48.599 --> 00:29:52.359
in front of them or stop them
and turn them around when it gets you

419
00:29:52.359 --> 00:29:56.480
know, kids have to figure out
their own their own way in order to

420
00:29:56.599 --> 00:30:03.240
be confident and capable adults. And
if we're constantly either paving the way for

421
00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:07.519
them so they have no stumbling blocks, or we're redirecting them every time we

422
00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:11.000
think they might come up against stumbling
block, then we're not creating confident and

423
00:30:11.079 --> 00:30:15.880
capable human beings. So but that
requires that's easier said than done. It

424
00:30:15.880 --> 00:30:19.559
requires a lot of your own internal
work to get your own ego out of

425
00:30:19.559 --> 00:30:22.839
it and to get your own need
to sort of do over the things you

426
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:27.759
messed up out of it. And
that's usually what I work with parents on

427
00:30:27.960 --> 00:30:32.160
is Okay, how do I how
do I build myself up so that I

428
00:30:32.200 --> 00:30:37.400
can continue to have this to create
this safe space for this child to come

429
00:30:37.440 --> 00:30:41.160
back to when they are off exploring
on their own. How do I make

430
00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:45.640
sure that I'm I'm whole enough to
be here for them when they need me,

431
00:30:45.079 --> 00:30:48.960
but not to sort of hover over
them and make myself you know,

432
00:30:51.480 --> 00:30:55.319
indelible in their lives, yeah,
or overprotect them. You know. You

433
00:30:55.400 --> 00:30:59.400
always think about the kid that has
the big project and you know, whether

434
00:30:59.440 --> 00:31:02.039
it's buildings something or creating something,
and they can't figure how to do it,

435
00:31:02.039 --> 00:31:04.640
and then the father when they come
and do it for them, yeah

436
00:31:04.680 --> 00:31:08.759
you know, y, yeah exactly
because they really want to get that a

437
00:31:10.079 --> 00:31:12.359
and it's like I should have just
done it and gotten the c done it

438
00:31:12.359 --> 00:31:15.400
the way they could have made it, you know, right, let them

439
00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:18.519
figure it out. Yeah, And
that's where the sort of the ego sometimes

440
00:31:18.559 --> 00:31:22.400
the ego work comes in. It's
it's it's not always that the parent wants

441
00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:26.200
this, you know, super achiever. It's that they're worried about their own

442
00:31:26.279 --> 00:31:30.720
job. And especially I see this
especially with busy working women. They are

443
00:31:33.880 --> 00:31:38.119
kind of always on the lookout for
how they're messing up parenting. They're just

444
00:31:38.160 --> 00:31:41.680
they're pretty sure of it. They're
pretty sure. They can't do everything right

445
00:31:41.720 --> 00:31:44.160
all at one time. So,
you know, if they have a busy

446
00:31:44.200 --> 00:31:47.079
career, if they have a job
that keeps them away from the house,

447
00:31:47.440 --> 00:31:52.200
they tend to over uh overdo it
at home sometimes because they're afraid that they're

448
00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:56.640
you know, their kids missing out
on something, when in reality, they're

449
00:31:56.759 --> 00:32:00.759
still they still can have a great
You can you can have a relationship with

450
00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:05.519
your kid if your job is something
that feeds you, because that means you're

451
00:32:05.559 --> 00:32:08.960
showing up to your childhole and you
don't need to, you know, overdo

452
00:32:09.119 --> 00:32:12.720
the parenting piece of it. You
just need to show up as who you

453
00:32:12.759 --> 00:32:15.680
are and allow that kid to know
that they they are Okay, that's who

454
00:32:15.680 --> 00:32:20.039
they are as well. They don't
need your extra attention, they don't need

455
00:32:20.039 --> 00:32:22.799
your extra guidance, they don't need
you to, you know, do everything

456
00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:28.119
for them. They're perfectly capable on
their own. Yeah, I think a

457
00:32:28.160 --> 00:32:30.519
lot of people have to learn that. I really do. Sometimes maybe it's

458
00:32:30.559 --> 00:32:34.519
easier with the second kid or the
third kid. You know, the first

459
00:32:34.519 --> 00:32:37.519
one's kind of like the trial run. A friend of mine is going to

460
00:32:37.559 --> 00:32:39.839
be a friend of mine's going to
be on this show, an upcoming show

461
00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:45.839
posted. I guess she's pregnant,
but she said she's having a hormonal is

462
00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:52.759
pregnancy hormone issues? And it's going
through anxiety and the toddlers a year old

463
00:32:52.920 --> 00:32:55.480
and hey, you know, I
mean a book is number one on Amazon,

464
00:32:55.599 --> 00:33:00.240
so you know, it's like,
yeah, poor right, you know.

465
00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:04.400
You know, I was like,
so what. So you know,

466
00:33:04.519 --> 00:33:08.440
everybody goes through it, whether you're
a parent or a daughter or whatever.

467
00:33:08.480 --> 00:33:14.000
Everybody goes through it. And sometimes
you got to let people stumble so they

468
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:19.039
can climb and figure out how to
find their way back. My mother once

469
00:33:19.079 --> 00:33:21.119
said to me, and at the
time, I thought you were so mean.

470
00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:23.839
I think we're having a good fight, you know, And it was

471
00:33:24.079 --> 00:33:28.200
like, well, you know,
I won't push you off the cliff.

472
00:33:28.200 --> 00:33:30.279
It wasn't the cliff, but I
won't push you down. But if you

473
00:33:30.279 --> 00:33:31.480
fall, I'm not going to pick
you back up. You have to figure

474
00:33:31.480 --> 00:33:35.440
out yourself. And you're so mean, but I kind of get it.

475
00:33:36.759 --> 00:33:38.640
At the time, it was like
we were fighting over like going on a

476
00:33:38.640 --> 00:33:43.160
bus trip somewhere, you know,
four hours away, and it got to

477
00:33:43.240 --> 00:33:46.440
that. But I kind of get
it now because it's a perspective, right

478
00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:51.240
right, right, right exactly.
Yeah. Yeah, Often the child in

479
00:33:51.279 --> 00:33:53.160
the moment isn't going to get it
for sure, but they will see it

480
00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:55.839
later, you know. But what
you learned, and that was that you

481
00:33:55.920 --> 00:33:59.759
can pick yourself back up if you
need to, and you know you'll be

482
00:33:59.799 --> 00:34:01.480
okay, hey what you don't need
her there and sort of rescue you at

483
00:34:01.480 --> 00:34:06.440
every moment. And ultimately that was
the lesson. Whether it felt good in

484
00:34:06.440 --> 00:34:09.199
the moment or not, i'd be
a different story. But yeah, so

485
00:34:09.440 --> 00:34:13.079
I'm not a parent. I've been
a dog parent. That was better all

486
00:34:13.079 --> 00:34:15.519
I did. But I so,
what do you do if your child is

487
00:34:15.519 --> 00:34:16.920
I'm going to what he was,
and I'm going to tell you losing my

488
00:34:16.920 --> 00:34:20.960
little Sasac was like losing a baby
and I'm still haunted by it. So

489
00:34:21.039 --> 00:34:23.599
there's a lot of issues there.
But what happens if your kid really is

490
00:34:23.599 --> 00:34:27.280
a massive screw up? I mean, you know what I'm talking about,

491
00:34:27.320 --> 00:34:30.719
like really into drugs or really into
like like shot somebody. I mean,

492
00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:34.760
what do you do as a parent. I feel for all those parents when

493
00:34:34.760 --> 00:34:37.199
their kid goes out and shoots people, you know, and they're all over

494
00:34:37.239 --> 00:34:38.880
the news, and suddenly you're like, how does the parent cope with it?

495
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:44.079
Your kid went out and like shot
up people, and it's all over

496
00:34:44.079 --> 00:34:49.840
the news and you're the parent and
suddenly you're thrust in the spotlight? Right,

497
00:34:50.679 --> 00:34:53.679
how do you do to reconcile that? Well? And I think that

498
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:58.400
goes back to the first part about
that I said, you know, you

499
00:34:58.480 --> 00:35:01.280
have to understand that this is an
autonomous human being, Like, yes,

500
00:35:01.360 --> 00:35:04.360
you create. You may have created
them, you may not. You may

501
00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:07.719
have adopted them, but you know
you're either way. They were raised in

502
00:35:07.760 --> 00:35:12.280
your family, but they are not
an extension of you, good, bad,

503
00:35:12.360 --> 00:35:15.800
or ugly. So their achievements aren't
your achievements, and their their failures

504
00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:21.599
aren't your failures in that sense.
Now that's not to say that I think

505
00:35:21.599 --> 00:35:24.039
it's human nature for every parent to
look and go what did I do to

506
00:35:24.079 --> 00:35:27.599
get myself to get us here?
What did I do? And there may

507
00:35:27.639 --> 00:35:30.119
be some you know, you may
be able to identify some things where if

508
00:35:30.199 --> 00:35:35.239
maybe I had done this differently,
we wouldn't be here, but that will

509
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:37.639
you know, that'll eat you alive
if you spend the whole time sort of

510
00:35:37.719 --> 00:35:43.880
looking back to see how you could
have not ended up here. I don't

511
00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:50.920
know that that serves anybody, but
recognizing them as as a separate human and

512
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:57.320
recognizing them not the behavior, not
the thing that they did, not that

513
00:35:57.320 --> 00:35:59.760
I mean, you know, shooting
up the school as a whole different beast,

514
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:04.360
you know, if it's a smaller
scale failure, or even drugs and

515
00:36:04.400 --> 00:36:08.599
alcohol. Yeah, yeah, trying
to find them in the tragedy, in

516
00:36:08.679 --> 00:36:15.000
the disease is an important part to
hold on to because then you can a

517
00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:21.199
stop blaming yourself for it, but
also be still see your child, even

518
00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:25.079
amidst the chaos of whatever has gotten
a hold of them. And you know,

519
00:36:25.119 --> 00:36:30.920
it's not an easy road. It's
mentally exhausting, it's physically exhausting.

520
00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:35.679
And I know a lot of people
who spend a lot of time second guessing

521
00:36:35.719 --> 00:36:40.159
themselves, and I think always coming
back to that they are their own person

522
00:36:40.599 --> 00:36:45.000
and they made choices that I wasn't
responsible for, and I'm going to do

523
00:36:45.039 --> 00:36:50.079
what I can to again create that
safe space for them to come back to

524
00:36:50.599 --> 00:36:52.840
when they're ready. You know,
you can't hold their hands their whole lives,

525
00:36:52.880 --> 00:36:57.599
but you can always let them know. Look, we're always here for

526
00:36:57.679 --> 00:37:00.360
you when you need us and when
you're ready to accept our health. And

527
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:06.679
it's not easy, but it seems
to be this the thing that you can

528
00:37:06.719 --> 00:37:12.760
do rather than just kind of I
guess yourself and and carry yourself up over

529
00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:16.440
what maybe you you what rule you
had in this? You know sometimes you

530
00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:21.280
know it's it's chemical, it's it's
it's it's it's a it's a condition that

531
00:37:21.360 --> 00:37:23.960
goes beyond the lifestyle. I mean, you know, it is a mental

532
00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:29.480
illness. And you do have to
see what I'm reading this book. Before

533
00:37:29.519 --> 00:37:30.320
we went on here, I was
telling you I was reading a book by

534
00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:36.440
author Sarah Wilson called First We Make
the Best Beautiful and she has oh CS

535
00:37:36.679 --> 00:37:39.400
and panic disorder and and jan believe
me. I was just reading on this

536
00:37:39.800 --> 00:37:43.119
side. I was saying, you
know, believe me is very Some of

537
00:37:43.159 --> 00:37:49.599
these disorders can be tied into other
things, and one of them was eating

538
00:37:49.639 --> 00:37:52.199
disorders. I mean, some of
them are interlaced. The book is an

539
00:37:52.199 --> 00:37:58.199
interesting book. She does a journey
through figuring it out through the first we

540
00:37:58.239 --> 00:38:00.280
make the Beast Beautiful with an octopus, and there's a whole thing will watch.

541
00:38:00.280 --> 00:38:05.719
She was The other book, The
Box of Invitation to Freedom from Anxiety

542
00:38:05.920 --> 00:38:07.760
by Wendy Thomas Robbins, just came
out and I was reading it, and

543
00:38:08.559 --> 00:38:15.320
you know, she has She's a
successful lawyer that has severe panic attacks.

544
00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:19.880
I've interviewed a few people I interviewed
on the show, a wonderful doctor and

545
00:38:19.960 --> 00:38:22.880
oncology research doctor. So it wasn't
about her panic goods, but she had

546
00:38:22.920 --> 00:38:30.079
to get overcome these severe panic attacks
to be a functional doctor. So it

547
00:38:30.119 --> 00:38:34.960
can have it, you know,
high functioning stress. And in both of

548
00:38:35.039 --> 00:38:39.920
these books, it really there really
was some chemistry going on that was triggering

549
00:38:40.039 --> 00:38:43.639
a lot of these problems. So
sometimes, you know, you really do

550
00:38:43.719 --> 00:38:47.159
have to dig deep beyond the psychology
of it to see what is going on

551
00:38:47.239 --> 00:38:51.000
in the system. Right, how
do you work? How does that work

552
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:55.920
with you? And other doctors?
Well, I can't speak for anybody else,

553
00:38:57.440 --> 00:39:00.000
but I like medical doctors. We
have to do tests and stuff.

554
00:39:00.039 --> 00:39:01.000
That's what I'm trying to say.
Oh sure, sure, sure, yeah,

555
00:39:01.039 --> 00:39:05.840
yeah yeah, And I think that's
kind of where psychiatry and psychology,

556
00:39:06.039 --> 00:39:08.840
meat is or neurology even and especially
with kids. I know, I you

557
00:39:08.840 --> 00:39:12.679
know, I'll do a lot of
referrals out to a neurologist or to a

558
00:39:13.360 --> 00:39:17.239
psychiatrist who can do a little more
digging into the biology or the science chemistry

559
00:39:17.280 --> 00:39:22.760
behind it all. And then you
know, my role is sort of the

560
00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:25.719
management of it once if that diagnosis, I mean, I also can diagnose,

561
00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:30.840
but if the diagnosis comes from a
medical side, then my role is

562
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:34.679
to work with them and help manage
those symptoms. I think what's really important

563
00:39:34.679 --> 00:39:38.800
about the two books you mentioned is
that they are and this good I think

564
00:39:38.800 --> 00:39:45.639
I said this earlier. They are
living with these mental health issues. They

565
00:39:45.639 --> 00:39:49.039
are not sort of a person,
you know, they're a person with an

566
00:39:49.039 --> 00:39:53.320
anxiety disorder. There a person with
a a with OCD, rather than this

567
00:39:53.400 --> 00:39:59.159
thing that has overtaken their lives.
And so that's that's my job really is

568
00:39:59.159 --> 00:40:04.000
I help people understand like just because
you have these panic attacks doesn't mean everything

569
00:40:04.039 --> 00:40:07.119
else stops and you're not able to
do anything else in your life. Here's

570
00:40:07.159 --> 00:40:12.639
how they're Here's how you're going to
manage them. Here's how you're going to

571
00:40:12.679 --> 00:40:15.840
work within this and same thing with
anxiety. You know, a lot of

572
00:40:15.880 --> 00:40:19.760
times what I see with clients who
come in is that they feel like there's

573
00:40:19.800 --> 00:40:27.559
some shame around even having these mannerisms
or behaviors or thoughts. And so initially

574
00:40:27.599 --> 00:40:30.400
a lot of people come to me, and I think their belief is like,

575
00:40:30.440 --> 00:40:32.679
I'm going to take all that away
from them. I'm going to help,

576
00:40:32.719 --> 00:40:36.320
you know, I'm going to stop
the anxious thoughts, I'm going to

577
00:40:36.400 --> 00:40:40.280
stop the depressive episodes, I'm going
to stop the and that very often isn't

578
00:40:40.320 --> 00:40:45.679
the case. And that's why I'm
really thankful to everybody who's coming out,

579
00:40:45.760 --> 00:40:50.760
celebrity wise or otherwise to say,
hey, I do all these great things

580
00:40:51.199 --> 00:40:55.000
and also I'm managing depression or anxiety
or OCD or one of those things.

581
00:40:55.199 --> 00:41:00.239
I remember as young, you know, in still in my end, I

582
00:41:00.239 --> 00:41:01.840
was a teacher for a long time, so still in that reading a book

583
00:41:01.880 --> 00:41:08.360
called The Unquiet Mind, which was
a very accomplished woman who was also bipolar.

584
00:41:09.119 --> 00:41:15.239
And for me it was really like
eye opening that, oh, like

585
00:41:15.639 --> 00:41:22.079
bipolar, you can have bipolar disorder
and also this really accomplished career. You

586
00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:24.360
know, that was the first time
I'd ever kind of realized that and so

587
00:41:24.719 --> 00:41:29.880
in my pursuit then of all of
these psychology degrees, I that was always

588
00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:32.519
in the back of my mind,
like people are living with these things.

589
00:41:32.519 --> 00:41:36.719
It's not like you get this diagnosis, then you go to a hospital for

590
00:41:36.719 --> 00:41:37.599
the rest of your life or so, you know, like we used to

591
00:41:37.599 --> 00:41:42.880
do in the fifties. There are
ways to manage it. And so I'm

592
00:41:42.920 --> 00:41:47.199
not so sure that the diagnoses,
the diagnoses have increased in a way,

593
00:41:47.679 --> 00:41:50.920
like you know, a lot of
times we'll say, oh, there's more

594
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:52.800
depression and anxiety. Now, there's
more of this now, there's more of

595
00:41:52.800 --> 00:41:55.559
that now. I'm not so sure
if that's the case, or if we're

596
00:41:55.599 --> 00:42:00.159
just admitting it more now and we're
we're recognized. I think you can live

597
00:42:00.199 --> 00:42:05.320
with these things. It's not an
end of your life sentence when you get

598
00:42:05.360 --> 00:42:07.920
this, you know, diagnosis.
It's just okay, well I have this,

599
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:10.960
and now I have to figure out
how to live with this. Well

600
00:42:12.039 --> 00:42:15.840
I agree, ye people who yeah, I do too. I mean,

601
00:42:15.880 --> 00:42:19.280
I think it's for for I think
both of them. Is also a revelation

602
00:42:19.920 --> 00:42:22.639
for them as well. Many books
you write a revelation self revelations is a

603
00:42:22.719 --> 00:42:28.159
sharing revelations and you know, I
was always a big fan of doctor Wayne

604
00:42:28.199 --> 00:42:34.639
Dwyer and Wayne Dyer excuse me,
I'm a big fan of his. I

605
00:42:34.679 --> 00:42:37.519
was inspired band when I was like
in high school, and I still you

606
00:42:37.559 --> 00:42:40.559
know again about the being self care
and selfish, that was him as well.

607
00:42:42.320 --> 00:42:44.360
But I love some of the quotes
in this book too. Many of

608
00:42:44.400 --> 00:42:49.719
us are not living our dreams because
we're living our fears right right, So

609
00:42:49.800 --> 00:42:53.679
we're focused on the negative and not
the positive or the worst case scenario versus

610
00:42:53.760 --> 00:42:59.599
the best case scenario right exactly exactly
or your wait and when I find it

611
00:42:59.639 --> 00:43:01.599
is a lot of clients are then
waiting for those things to go away.

612
00:43:01.639 --> 00:43:05.000
Well, let me wait for these
negative thoughts to go away and then I'll

613
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:07.159
start living. Or let me wait
for this anxiety subside and then I'll start

614
00:43:07.199 --> 00:43:10.079
living. And so that's what we
work together on, is like, well,

615
00:43:10.199 --> 00:43:14.519
that's probably not going to happen.
You're not just going to wake up

616
00:43:14.519 --> 00:43:17.280
one day and be free of any
kind of anxious thought. So let's manage

617
00:43:17.320 --> 00:43:20.840
how do we how do we manage
them when they come, and how do

618
00:43:20.920 --> 00:43:24.400
we keep living our lives even knowing
that they may show up here and there?

619
00:43:25.039 --> 00:43:30.039
I think the word management is key
because there's not necessarily you're cured.

620
00:43:30.239 --> 00:43:35.639
You're managing something. If you're prone
to being depressed or have anxiety, you're

621
00:43:35.639 --> 00:43:37.480
going to be you know, it's
I always want That's why I always like

622
00:43:37.519 --> 00:43:40.559
part of your DA to some people
just born E yours for you know,

623
00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:46.599
compared Winny characters, Winny the Poop. I truly believe there are people who

624
00:43:46.639 --> 00:43:50.800
are just born as E yours.
Wow. Wow, that's what that's your

625
00:43:50.840 --> 00:43:53.000
life. And then there's piglets,
and I mean I truly believe that.

626
00:43:53.079 --> 00:43:59.239
And I don't think you necessarily change, you just adapt right right, well,

627
00:43:59.239 --> 00:44:01.800
and we are we're all designed,
you know, we're all designed to

628
00:44:01.920 --> 00:44:06.679
look for danger, you know,
like that's an evolutionary thing that we have.

629
00:44:06.840 --> 00:44:09.000
So we're always going to look for
the negative. Sort of we're predisposed

630
00:44:09.039 --> 00:44:13.440
to look for the negative because we
want to keep ourselves safe. So you

631
00:44:13.480 --> 00:44:16.159
know, to some degree, we
all are born with that propensity. And

632
00:44:16.239 --> 00:44:22.159
it's a choice or it's a practice
to choose the opposite, you know,

633
00:44:22.480 --> 00:44:25.679
to look for the good, to
recognize what you're grateful for to And that

634
00:44:25.880 --> 00:44:30.320
sounds so cliche and I hate to
simplify it. That way. You know,

635
00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:34.800
managing anxiety is not just making a
gratitude lift, but but you know

636
00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:38.679
it is. It is part of
it because changing that mind, shifting that

637
00:44:38.800 --> 00:44:45.480
mind to where you want to look
instead of where you're currently looking, is

638
00:44:45.480 --> 00:44:47.639
an important first step of it.
So, yeah, if you're somebody who's

639
00:44:47.679 --> 00:44:52.440
kind of constantly dwelling in all the
pain and suffering, well there's plenty of

640
00:44:52.440 --> 00:44:55.639
it out there, so you could
live your whole life that way. But

641
00:44:55.760 --> 00:44:59.360
if you're going to choose like,
Okay, this is the reality of the

642
00:44:59.400 --> 00:45:02.920
situation, but also here are these
other things I could put my attention toward,

643
00:45:04.840 --> 00:45:07.719
that's the you know, that's an
important part of managing it. It

644
00:45:07.800 --> 00:45:12.159
takes a lot of work. Yeah, a lot of reframing, you know,

645
00:45:12.280 --> 00:45:15.880
the reframe as we say, and
uh, I went through a lot

646
00:45:15.880 --> 00:45:19.679
of and I talked to a lot
of women going through cancer. They have

647
00:45:19.719 --> 00:45:23.039
to reframe what happened to particular breast
cancer because you know, I'm disfigured or

648
00:45:23.159 --> 00:45:25.639
I'm healthy again. You know,
I have you know, new brass and

649
00:45:25.639 --> 00:45:30.119
they're gorgeous. You know, you
have to really reframe everything in a whole

650
00:45:30.199 --> 00:45:35.000
different way not to let it get
down and it's it's a work in progress

651
00:45:35.159 --> 00:45:38.280
everybody, but everybody is a work
in progress, right exactly exactly. And

652
00:45:38.320 --> 00:45:43.639
I think the faster we recognize that, the happier our life is and and

653
00:45:43.719 --> 00:45:46.559
embrace and it's you don't have to
be perfect. You can be perfectly imperfect

654
00:45:46.599 --> 00:45:51.199
and and that's okay too. And
stop looking at yourself in the mirror and

655
00:45:51.199 --> 00:45:53.519
comparing yourself to everybody else on the
screen and comparing yourself. I I just

656
00:45:53.599 --> 00:45:55.800
you know what, I just I
just stopped watching a lot of stuff.

657
00:45:55.840 --> 00:46:00.639
I just turned stuff off. I
literally have learned to you either tune it

658
00:46:00.719 --> 00:46:05.360
down or turn it off. Yeah, and withdraw and move on to something

659
00:46:05.400 --> 00:46:07.480
else. I do it a little
more dramatically than sometime. I sell my

660
00:46:07.480 --> 00:46:10.039
house and move on and all my
possessions and move on to another place.

661
00:46:10.079 --> 00:46:14.360
But you don't have to be that
dramatic. But what you got to do.

662
00:46:14.760 --> 00:46:19.320
And if it's people who are toxic
around you, toxic friends or nega,

663
00:46:19.440 --> 00:46:22.639
then you've got to pull away from
them for a while. If it's

664
00:46:22.679 --> 00:46:25.239
situations like your job or something,
you may have to say, this isn't

665
00:46:25.320 --> 00:46:30.039
right for me anymore. You have
to be very protective about that. So

666
00:46:30.079 --> 00:46:37.360
that it doesn't suck you in like
a you know, a giant undercurrent completely.

667
00:46:37.440 --> 00:46:40.199
Yeah and yeah, and it maybe
as simple as like you said earlier,

668
00:46:40.239 --> 00:46:44.880
you know, the social media feed
that you're in if if if you

669
00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:46.800
know, it's part of your job. Unfortunately for some of that part of

670
00:46:46.840 --> 00:46:51.400
our job, we have to be
on it. Yeah, but but curating

671
00:46:51.480 --> 00:46:53.320
who you're watching and how long you're
spending on there. And you know,

672
00:46:53.400 --> 00:46:58.440
I just heard somebody say I took
it off my phone because then it wasn't

673
00:46:58.679 --> 00:47:01.519
you know this habit of let me
check every single day and you know,

674
00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:06.039
great idea. Yeah, yeah,
you can use it for good and you

675
00:47:06.079 --> 00:47:09.320
can and you can surround yourself with
people that make you feel better or you

676
00:47:09.320 --> 00:47:13.760
know, if you find yourself that
you're constantly feeling terrible after you get off

677
00:47:13.800 --> 00:47:15.880
of it, then yeah, you
need to change what you're looking at exactly.

678
00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:21.840
Yeah, it's it's it's a work
in progress, it really is.

679
00:47:21.920 --> 00:47:24.679
But the good the good news is
you're a great company because most of us

680
00:47:24.719 --> 00:47:29.320
feel this way. Most of us
are going through some kind of struggle in

681
00:47:29.440 --> 00:47:32.039
life, so and and and therefore
it's important to you know, I always

682
00:47:32.079 --> 00:47:37.559
say when somebody is short with me
on the phone or a little off I

683
00:47:37.599 --> 00:47:43.079
get. I don't I stop judging
first impressions. Is I think what I

684
00:47:43.119 --> 00:47:45.719
tell people I say, it's really
the lasting impression. You know, we

685
00:47:45.800 --> 00:47:51.559
always say the first impression is so
important. Yeah, but I really want

686
00:47:51.599 --> 00:47:53.039
a great, lasting impression at the
end of the day. How did you

687
00:47:53.079 --> 00:47:55.480
really feel? And a lot of
people have said to me, you know,

688
00:47:55.719 --> 00:47:59.199
you've really changed as I've gotten to
know you. You seem to stand

689
00:47:59.239 --> 00:48:01.800
offish for it's very bossy, but
now you're so amazing. So you don't

690
00:48:01.800 --> 00:48:06.639
ever judge someone by first impression,
because that first impression may be there not

691
00:48:06.760 --> 00:48:09.519
on something, but on something in
terms of on a roller coaster, they're

692
00:48:09.559 --> 00:48:14.000
they're they're sure they're in their work
mode as they say, or in that

693
00:48:14.159 --> 00:48:17.440
they haven't adjusted their head. Because
I know when I'm in my work mode

694
00:48:17.440 --> 00:48:21.559
it's pretty in June, and when
I'm on it, that's pretty awesome.

695
00:48:21.800 --> 00:48:25.599
But you gotta don't assume that someone's
spacey or rude. You've got to just

696
00:48:27.079 --> 00:48:30.000
let it go and warm up,
let them warm up to you. Some

697
00:48:30.039 --> 00:48:32.760
people are shy, right right.
I was gonna say it couldn't be armor

698
00:48:32.840 --> 00:48:36.039
too, you know, there's a
lot. Again, we're all sort of

699
00:48:36.039 --> 00:48:39.760
looking for danger, right, so
I assume somebody's predisposed to protect themselves.

700
00:48:39.880 --> 00:48:43.960
Yeah, well, and and and
and we only have a two miss with

701
00:48:44.039 --> 00:48:46.559
like Naomi Osaka is a is a
shy person. She never wanted to be

702
00:48:46.639 --> 00:48:50.559
on the limelight, and suddenly she
was in it. And then she got

703
00:48:50.559 --> 00:48:55.559
criticized terribly this week by a journalist
who rudely said, well, if you

704
00:48:55.639 --> 00:48:58.679
don't want to be in the lime, if it makes you nervous, why

705
00:48:58.679 --> 00:49:00.519
are you doing it? And it's
like it's kind of k with her her

706
00:49:00.599 --> 00:49:07.360
fame. Sometimes you're just thrust into
it and you're not exactly So, yeah,

707
00:49:07.480 --> 00:49:12.119
he's not a professional media person.
She's a professional athlete. Yeah.

708
00:49:12.199 --> 00:49:14.280
So yeah, that's where I do
say, get help, Get a good

709
00:49:14.320 --> 00:49:16.159
publicist, not that I am,
but get someone who can help you because

710
00:49:16.199 --> 00:49:19.639
that is very hard for people to
adjust, and that's why you see a

711
00:49:19.679 --> 00:49:23.239
lot of celebrities just falter. So
I want to I want to make sure

712
00:49:23.280 --> 00:49:27.639
we get in again. Where can
my listeners find and follow you, doctor

713
00:49:27.719 --> 00:49:31.880
Christy? Yeah? So so my
website is probably the home base for everything.

714
00:49:31.920 --> 00:49:36.159
I have a podcast there, and
there's blog both and that's wonder inc

715
00:49:36.360 --> 00:49:39.199
wonder I n C Wellness dot Com. And then on Instagram, I'm uh

716
00:49:39.679 --> 00:49:45.119
doctor c ritz King so d R
c R I t z K I n

717
00:49:45.199 --> 00:49:47.639
G. And my goal on Instagram
is to be the person that makes you

718
00:49:47.639 --> 00:49:51.320
feel good when you're scrolling by.
So there's a lot of stuff other than

719
00:49:51.360 --> 00:49:53.679
I just recently lost my dog and
that's on there. But sorry, Sad,

720
00:49:54.440 --> 00:49:59.320
I feel for you. I feel
for you, doctor, and Christy

721
00:49:59.559 --> 00:50:04.360
Ritzk you're putting on the ritz,
right, yeah, exactly. Yeah,

722
00:50:04.440 --> 00:50:07.599
So I'm gonna leave this. I
always like to leave my show with a

723
00:50:07.679 --> 00:50:09.639
quote. Sometimes it's my quote.
Sometimes well, my quote is, you

724
00:50:09.679 --> 00:50:14.039
know, put yourself care first.
It's not selfish, it's self sustaining.

725
00:50:14.119 --> 00:50:16.199
That's Melanie Young's Fearless Fabius quote.
But this one from the book again,

726
00:50:16.239 --> 00:50:19.119
I'll give her a shout out.
She's not gonna be on my show,

727
00:50:19.119 --> 00:50:22.639
but it's called the Box, an
Invitation to Freedom from Anxiety. She's did

728
00:50:22.639 --> 00:50:24.679
this quote at the very end,
and I thought it was a great quote.

729
00:50:25.320 --> 00:50:30.639
She remembered who she was and the
game changed. It's by Lala Delia.

730
00:50:30.760 --> 00:50:34.559
Don't know that person, but I
thought that was a great quote,

731
00:50:34.760 --> 00:50:38.599
never lose sense of yourself and and
really always have a good sense of yourself,

732
00:50:38.760 --> 00:50:43.719
and you'll be up for anything.
Just just don't lose it in other

733
00:50:43.719 --> 00:50:47.199
people's opinions. So I want to
thank you again for yeah, come back.

734
00:50:47.320 --> 00:50:52.119
You can always come back to yourself
with a capital S. It's always

735
00:50:52.159 --> 00:50:54.280
inside of you, as the good
Glenda the Goodwitch said to Dorothy, it's

736
00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:59.920
always inside of me, one of
my favorite people. Blenda the good Witch,

737
00:51:00.480 --> 00:51:02.159
thank you for joining me to all
my listeners. I hope this has

738
00:51:02.199 --> 00:51:07.639
been inspirational to you. Always remember
you have the right to live life on

739
00:51:07.880 --> 00:51:12.280
your terms. Say fearless and fabulous, and thank you for joining me.

740
00:51:12.679 --> 00:51:28.320
Much appreciate it. Thank you for
having me hearing the words. You have

741
00:51:28.400 --> 00:51:32.159
breast cancer. It could be devastating. Your mind is spinning. There's so

742
00:51:32.280 --> 00:51:37.400
many choices to make and decisions to
face. Where do you begin? Well,

743
00:51:37.440 --> 00:51:40.559
when I was diagnosed in two thousand
and nine, a friend who had

744
00:51:40.559 --> 00:51:45.239
gone through the breast cancer journey sat
me down with a list of helpful questions

745
00:51:45.320 --> 00:51:49.840
to ask my doctors and handy tips
that she knew would help me along the

746
00:51:49.840 --> 00:51:53.679
way. That inspired me to write
Getting Things off my Chest, A Survivor's

747
00:51:53.719 --> 00:51:59.599
Guide to Staying Fearless and Fabulous in
the Face of breast cancer. In this

748
00:51:59.719 --> 00:52:06.239
guy, I'll help you make informed
decisions every step of the way. I

749
00:52:06.360 --> 00:52:10.320
provide helpful questions to ask, tips
from survivors who've been through the journey,

750
00:52:10.679 --> 00:52:16.679
an expert advice from everyone from doctors
to health and wellness experts, and of

751
00:52:16.719 --> 00:52:22.000
course, how to take care of
yourself through diet, exercise and stress management.

752
00:52:22.480 --> 00:52:27.920
Getting Things Off My Chest A Survivor's
Guide to Staying Fearless and Fabulous in

753
00:52:27.960 --> 00:52:31.880
the Face of Breast Cancer will keep
you calm, collected, and confident every

754
00:52:31.920 --> 00:52:36.880
step of your journey. You can
find it at Amazon, Barnes and Noble,

755
00:52:37.519 --> 00:52:40.599
a major booksellers, or visit Melanihong
dot com. Purchase the book and

756
00:52:40.639 --> 00:52:44.559
I'll send you an autograph copy to
your health