Dad's on date. We would like to draw your attention to the fact that
the following content is made up of humorous adult material and is intended for immature,
not easily triggered audience. You have been warned. He no. Tried
catching fog the other day, missed. At first. I was like,
you said, frog, weird? He knock? Who's there? Tank?
Tank? No? All right? As I was about saying, like,
no, get out of here, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Immediately start off phrases. It's not a it's not a visual podcast.
Thank you. Oh, welcome to that one. I'm know, I don't
thank you for the seven people listening to this who appreciate that. Those of
you that have tuned out, good boy, they're not going to hear it.
Whatever. Oh my goodness, how you doing. I'm good. It's
been a couple of weeks, it has. Yeah. Yeah, I'm excited
to get into hear stories of how your your trips went. So I guess
I'll go first and then let you go because you're gonna be longer because we
we've been up too much as hot as ship. So like, want to
go golfing this weekend but can't or won't I won't won't because you won't.
Yeah, I'm not gonna golf in one hundred and twelve. I'm going,
I mean tomorrow. I think it is supposed to be less. Yeah,
that's hot though, I'm gonna go tomorrow. I'm gonna take Grayson. I
might go im, I might convince myself. So h we'll see, We'll
see how I feel. But in other news, uh, so, it
was pretty funny. A couple like a month ago or so, I remember
bringing up that Ellie was saying fucking attitude. Okay, so earlier this week
during dinner, something got said. The word attitude got said, and she
looks at me and she looks at Summer, and Summer goes don't say it,
and she just looks at her and she mouths it. She doesn't say
it, and Summer gets up and she sits there for thirty seconds, just
staring repeatedly saying fucking attitude, but only mouth and you can see like this
grin and I was just like, she is the devil. So in other
news, quite comically, my son I was. I was like, I
came in his room to say something and he was on the phone. I'm
like, who are you talking to a friend, and I'm like, okay,
who. Like, I'm like, did you give your number out to
somebody on a video game or like what? He was like a friend.
I'm like, well, how do you know the friend? He was from
middle school? And I was like, are they in middle school? He
is, no, we went to middle school. They go to the high
school, and now he goes to the academy. And I was like,
oh okay, So then I let that go. And then a couple of
days he was talking and I was talking to him and he's all embarrassed because
it's a girl. And I was like, well, how'd you get her
number? And he was like, well, she was at the pool and
I was like, okay, well how'd you get her number? He was
like I was. I was working in the water by the slide and she
walked by and he with his gesture for those listeners because we're not a video
he just waved his fingers like the hang loose sign like a phone, and
he just looked at her and went like that for a number, and she
gave him the numbers that they've been talking. And I keep bugging like not
not like pestering or making fun of him, but he thinks that I'm going
to make fun of him, so he doesn't want to open up and say
anything because I'm like, what does she look like? And then today on
the way here, I said, is your girlfriend going to be at the
pool? And he's just like quiet, and I'm like, just like,
who cares? Just speak up and he was like no, I'm like,
when when did you talk to her last? He was like yesterday. I'm
okay, I'm like what does she look like? And he just shrugged his
shoulders and I'm like, okay, is she tall? Is she short?
And he was he looks me down the he goes, she's blonde. I'm
like, she tall? Is she short? She's blonde? So then my
next follow up, I'm like, she's skinny? Is she fat? Like
what? I'm just trying to like, I don't really care, yeahrightsations,
I'm just trying to figure out what's going on. But it was funny because
we were at I think it was Sunday, Sunday evening. We went to
Culvers and we decide to go there to eat, like to eat in Culvers,
right, So we're there and then uh Summer and Ellie go to the
bathroom and Elias is on the phone. I'm like, what are you doing?
And he's like nothing. I'm like, are you talking to your girlfriend?
And I'm like, what is she doing? Was he texting or was
he talking? Texting? Okay? And he said that She asked if we
were still at Culver's and I was like, oh yeah, and he goes.
I said why, He said because she said her and her family's on
the way. I said, oh, I guess we're staying. He goes,
Nope, let's go, and he starts packing up the table and I'm
like, no, we're staying. He's like, no, it's time to
go. Ye, No, No, that's not you. You fucked up,
kid, at that moment right there, you fucked up because the second
as a parent we know that something like this is going down, there's there's
no avoiding it. Yeah you can't. I don't give a fuck. You
can get up and leave, but remember we drove you here. You're walking,
dude, And then when she comes in and she looks around for you,
we're gonna know because he's gonna be the only one looking for you,
right right. We ended up not getting too because we waited there for ten
minutes because Whenummer came, actually he was ready and I explained to her.
She goes, oh, yeah, let's sit down, let's eat our ice
cream. We waited like ten minutes and then nothing. So then we left
and I think we missed him by like five minutes because I said, to
shit, end up at Calvers and he was like yeah. When we got
home, she texted me and asked where I was because I wasn't in there.
That sucks, like you, But I've been bugging him because I'm like,
you should do something with her. Yeah, like his his last paycheck
after taxes was like nine hundred dollars damn. And I'm like for two weeks,
right, yeah, yeah, Well because he had two weeks back to
back that over like thirty five hours. That's huge. And uh, I
said, do something, plan some go to the movies with her, like
do something. No, and I'm like why, I'm like and I just
messed him like, well, she'll start talking to somebody else and then stop
talking to you, so like whatever, But I don't know. He's yeah,
I get. I mean he's shy, he's he's late to the game
because of his age, A little bit, a lot of bit not that
it's a good thing. We've talked about this, but not that it's a
good thing. But at his age, you and I had already done things
done, not just done things, yes, everything, Yeah, I mean
I had done everything at that point. It's same. Yeah, So I
mean he he is. It tracks for who his personality is. It tracks
for who he is, It tracks for where I kind of have always thought
that he would be like in terms of you know, when when you look
at like I look at my kids and CALLI CALLI will inevitably, inevitably be
a people pleaser. Yeah, Lily is either going to be running her own
company or in jail. It might be an own company in jail. Correct,
it might be both with the h and Grayson. Grayson's going to find
a girl that is probably fifty five and he's a sugar mom. I've accepted
these these facts already. Yeah. But so I was your fourth Yeah,
just just hung out. I have family over swam. Yeah. Yeah,
it sucked because it was on Tuesday. Yeah, it was hard. So
it's like I went to work Monday and then had Tuesday off and then you're
back to work Wednesday. So it was just like it felt awkward. Did
not feel awkward for me. Yeah, well you had a long time off
a so how was how is your time off? What did you do?
I had nine days of absolute bliss and fun. So we the first couple
of days off the weekend before the fourth of July, we took a drive
eight hour drive to this place called Lake Nasa Miento. It's right next to
a Posto rollblaze in California. It is a rich lake like Pink's got a
house there. Some other people got a house like it's a rich fucking lake.
And then it outlalks you guys, outwalks the Rosenberg Clan right like it,
dude, man if if we were ever the fucking red red balloon in
a room of white balloons like, but it was. It was great.
The people, the people that we engaged with were actually very polite, very
respectful, super super kind, very inviting, and they and they took us
into their home, their cabin. Here. This will this will give you
an example of kind of what was going on. The cabin was inherited.
This This gentleman, he's sixty some years old, inherited the cabin. It's
been in his family for a long time. Now, and he was upset
because he wanted to do upgrades, some of which he had to because the
way the house was built is so old that it now breaks codes and it
and having it is just illegal. Some of the things are grandfathered in,
but they're giving him X amount of time to fix it. And he's like,
yeah, and I'm just frustrated because my price point just keeps going up
and I've reached my correct because the major upgrades. He's like, I've reached
my limit, and you know, I just I kind of want to just
be done with it and get started. And I was like, oh.
It was like, so like, what are you guys looking at? You
know, thinking a couple hundred thousand is probably accurate one point five million.
Jesus. I was like, oh, cool, cool, cool, cool
cool. That's not even your main house. He's got two other houses.
I'm just like, for fuck sake, that's ridiculous. How do you know
this person work yet? So it is the father of someone I work with,
gotcha? Yeah, that person invited us to go with them. They
this is kind of where they always go for their family, little family trips
and stuff. And they owned two two jet boats that were down on their
own dock that he built by his you know himself. Yeah, it was
pretty cool. But we so we get there and it was awesome because we
had a lot of moments where my kids overcame adversity. So Lily doesn't like
camping, she's not a big fan of camping. And we slept outside,
no tent, just in sleeping bags. We had air mattresses that we blew
up, but we were outside on the ground, right, And the first
night she was like, I don't want to do this. I don't want
to do this. She's like, she didn't want to give up her phone.
She wanted to watch Netflix, and dude, it was gorgeous, Like
by the time we were going to bed, it was like seventy five degrees.
The moon was full. Excuse me, the moon was full. It
was beautiful, perfect, right, She's like, no, I don't want
to do this. I don't want to do this. So we kind of
talked through that and she overcame that adversity and that was really cool. When
we get to the lake and she's like, I don't want to get on
that inner tube. I don't want to get on that inner tube. I
don't I don't want to do it, and so a couple other people did
it first and saw how she saw how fun it was and it was a
blast, and she's like, okay, fine, So she gets on the
innertube, dude, and fucking kills it, absolutely kills it. She got
on a wakeboard. She ended up, dude, She ended up doing a
ton of stuff. She was jumping and diving in water, jumping off the
boat like it was. It was an absolute fucking blast. But it wouldn't
be any trip if my kids didn't pull some stupid shit, let's hear it.
So the first day we're there, Lily's like, so, how fast
can this boat go? And the guy's like, it can go pretty fast.
And she's like, bet you can't go faster than my dad in a
car. And he's like, I don't know how fast an your dad's cargo.
She goes fast enough to get pulled over. I was like, thanks,
And she proceeds to tell this gentleman, who is an insurance salesman he
deals with State Farm Insurance, that I had gotten three tickets in the last
year, and I was like, what are you doing. I was like,
that is not appropriate for this this environment. Young lady and she just
throws me right underneath the fucking bus. He thought it was hilarious. He
thought it was fucking funny, you know. And he looks at me and
he goes, you know, that's a portal unensurable, right, And I
was like, well not. They were in all tickets like some of them
don't like, we'll talk about this in a minute, Like some of them
are warning. Yeah, some of them were warnings. He's like, you
ut pulled over three times in one year. I was like, yeah,
it's like technically three times in three months, but whatever, who's counting calendar
year? Yeah, calendar year. So so that was the first kind of
like little like like I don't know right. So then we were on the
boat and and dude, I get it, like the kids were hot,
like everything was going on, you know, it was it was the first
day was a long day, like my kids have never been out like that.
Plus the drive the day prior correct there's a lot there's not much time
to wind down and kind of get going. Yeah, like it was it's
a whole I mean, your drive was a whole day, dude. We
we literally yeah, we literally spent three days out in like, I mean,
we left fucking well, we ended up leaving super early in the morning,
but we ended up spending three days on the lake, right non stop,
right on the lake. It was a It was an absolute blast.
So later later that night, right we had been on the lake all day
long, you could see that she was tired. You could see that she
wasn't having it. She she fucking sits there and she puts her head down
on the table, right and she was like, oh, you okay,
And she's like, I'm just I don't know, And she proceeds to take
her food and just move it. And when she moved it, she pushed
it into other things and pushed it into someone's plate, and the plate went
right off the fucking table. I was like, oh god, damn it.
Okay, so we pick it up, we clean it up. Lily,
Are you okay? Do you want to go lay down? No,
I don't want to go lay down. She proceeds to lift her head up
and then put her head back down into her fucking plate. All the meanwhile,
while I'm dealing with this, our producer's high as a kite, mind
you okay, because she's on vacation too, right, So she's I'm like,
you can do what you want. That's fine, Like I can handle
things like I. At no point in time did I ever make her feel
like she had to I don't know, not let go. But she always
made sure that it was okay with me in order to do so right,
sure to make that clear. We were on the same page. So all
the meantime, while Lily's falling asleep in her food and literally just demolishing the
fucking table, Grayson's over here crying because he doesn't want to eat his vegetables.
I'm like, Grayson, I need you to eat your vegetable. Dude,
You've got like four pieces of broccoli, two pieces of onion. Like
it's fine, it's no big deal. He's going through his you know,
eight year old moment. He's choking it down, he's figuring out a way
to eat it. At some point he got up and left the table,
and I didn't know, Okay, walks inside, pukes all over the floor.
Oh, walks into the bathroom, pukes all over the bathroom, comes
back out and he's like I'm done, and he shows me an empty plate,
and I was like, okay, cool, good job. Like I
don't know anything of what happened inside at this point, right, okay,
I only know that he has come back outside from going to the bathroom.
He's like, hey, I'm done. I look at the plate. I'm
like, cool, good job, way to go, buddy, given him
kudos, high fives. Didn't notice that something was different with him, Like,
he looked normal, my buddy, it's his parents' place. Gets up,
goes inside and he looks through. He looks at me with that like
fucking like that just angry. What the fuck? Look through the glass door,
and I'm like, oh shit. So I get up and I get
to it. There he's like, get puked on the floor. I looked
down and there was fucking broccoli and chicken everywhere. Dude, did he throw
up because he threw He had to have thrown up because he had tried to
eat too much and then the sensation of eating it just made him puked.
It had nothing to do with anything else, because he was fine, he
was playing around. There was no heat stroke involved, nothing like that.
Like, it was just purely the fact that this dipshit. But then the
funny part fucking eat vegetable. The funny part is so you throw up and
then you don't say a word about it. You come out like nobody's gonna
see it. Like, I don't know what's fuck happening, right. I
look at him, dude, through the glass window, and he just gives
me that look like oh shit, and he kind of puts his head down
and he's like like you can see him searching around like what to do.
And I was just like, you, motherfucker, and I kind of gave
him the finger, you know, fucking Jesus. So he fucking stomps into
the house and at this time, now they're like, okay, what's going
on? You know? So the parents turn around, look and this is
how cool these people were. They turn around, they look and they go,
oh, no, Grayson, are you okay? And they ask him
if he's okay, and they ask if he's all right, like they're more
concerned about him than their carpet that is now fucking ruined. Yeah, yep.
They give me some cleaning supplies, and I wanted because I'm the you
know, this is the type of dad that I am. I'm like,
Grayson, get your ass over here and help me fucking clean this up,
you know, right, get over because I know I've been through this before,
and they're like, no, no, no, it's okay. Like,
let's let's make sure he's okay. They take him outside and out.
What was I gonna do, dude, Like, I'm I'm living in their
fucking house for the next two days, you know what I mean? Like
I can't. He'd be like, no, shut the fuck up, let
me be a parent. You don't bitch, right, Like that's I don't
want to raise a pussy your sons the bitch. I don't want my fucking
son being a little bitch. I want him to clean up after himself.
You know, I can't. I can't say those things out loud to these
people that are letting me stay there. That's true, you know. So
it was it was, but it was cool. They were they were super
kind, super fun people. And then excuse me, uh yeah, it
was just it was it was an all around fun weekend. Then we get
to Phoenix, so we come back, right, we drive back on Monday.
We get back sometime around like eleven o'clock Monday night. Yeah, it
was like ten, yeah, ten ten thirty something like that. Turn around
Tuesday morning, we wake up at like seven, Cassie comes over because she
wants to see the kids. We have breakfast with her and my mom,
and then we turn around and leave and we're in Phoenix by like noon,
ye right, so like it was. It was a it was a quick
turnaround there too. We get to Phoenix. We the first the first day
was was super chill. We were relaxing, and then we get to Tuesday.
We're still Tuesday night, right, So we get to Tuesday night where
the fireworks, and Ryan and us had purchased a lot of fireworks, okay,
okay, and I am very mad that we did not have any fucking
sense of mind to have a camera rolling while we were doing these things,
of course, because we had to back it up Terry moment, like pure
fucking back it up Terry moment right where we start lighting off these fireworks,
and of course we start small, nothing major, right we start. We
start tiny with the little baby candles and stuff like that that just shoot a
you know, flare in the sky and nothing big two feet off the ground,
right, Yeah, And uh, Lily's fucking terrified of these things.
Grayson wants to fucking set him off in his mouth. Grayson's sitting there with
a sparkler, dude. It was like it was actually kind of like a
mini Roman candle, and he's got two of them, fucking chewing on them
on the end of them, Like, what are you doing, you idiot?
Lily scared shitless. Kelly was responsible. So Lily wants to light them,
but she is deathly fucking scared to do so. She is afraid that
it is going to blow up on her and she is going to die,
like I mean terrified, right, So we talk her into light in this
one. It's a normal like little box one that just kind of sparkles,
shoots off a couple little and then it's done. I don't know, maybe
ten fifteen seconds worth the time, right, She lights it and doesn't move,
and you can see the fuse quickly going down, and she is over
top of it, frozen Rosen dude, frozen, and I'm like, lillly
move and everybody is screaming at her, which makes it ten times worse.
D of course, the firework goes off and her back could not have been
any closer to this fucking firework dude. How it didn't catch her hair on
fire is beyond me. It was a pure back it up terry moment,
dude. I mean, and I'm dying laughing because I know she's okay,
you know, right, but I'm dying laughing. And Steph is like,
why are you such a dick? You and Ryan both fucking assholes, you
know. And but it was a great night after that, after she kind
of got over that, she light a couple more. She lit a couple
more small ones. The kids had a blast. We let we we were
probably lighting fireworks for a good hour and a half. Dude, we had
a ton of fireworks, a ton of fireworks. I felt bad for his
neighbors because you could see all the smoke just traveling right into this guy's front
door. Yeah, and like, what were we gonna do? Like I
can't control the wind. But the guy didn't say anything, he didn't come
out and complain. So his front window was open, so he'd had to
be going into his house. I don't know he wasn't home or what,
but it whatever. And then, uh, Wednesday, didn't really do much,
played board games all day, and Thursday we went golfing. Yep,
Okay, it's hot in Phoenix, dude, Yeah, it's hot in Phoenix.
I should have known that this golf course. I don't know, it's
called Trace Pines or Trace Rio's or some fucking shit. It was terrible,
dude. It like the golfing was fun, don't get me wrong, but
the golf course itself I expected to be better. The the fairways were literally
like sandwiched together, like there were there were four fairways all lined up,
all line parallel with each other. Like it was nuts, dude. I've
never seen something like that. And then there was nothing in between them,
so it's not like there were trees in between them separating them. There was
a little bit of slice. You're immediately on another, if not two other
holes over. Yeah, if you're me, that's just true. Sure,
it's like it was. It was bad and you couldn't get a read on
the fucking greens. Some of them were fast, some of them were slow.
And it wasn't because they were like watering them or anything like. It
was just awkward. Yeah, it was so fucking awkward. But I got
a new driver, and this Cobra driver is tits. I was hitting three
oh five, three ten consistently. Yeah all day long, Yeah, all
day long. It took me a while to figure out how to get him
straight because I kept loosening my grip, so my club face was turning a
little bit. But once I got that dialed in, dude, I was
hitting fucking bombs. It was so nice. Yeah, it was. It
was funny because when you, uh, you were gone. So it was
that weekend that you were gone, going into fourth of July, and I
think it was Sunday, maybe it was Saturday. I can't remember, but
I was like, I'm gonna go golf. It's Ellie's nap time. I
told the wife. I said I'm gonna go, and she goes, yeah,
go for it. So I go. The course looks dead, nobody's
on one. I pay and the guy's like, yeah, I go,
you're good. There's a group they just eat off your I get to my
car right when I come up, and this guy who's probably like late fifties
maybe early sixties, had just teed off, and I'm like, I gonna
wait. Not that it's gonna be a problem, but I'm like whatever.
So I pull up and he goes, is it just you? And I
said yeah, and he goes, well, go ahead and tee off.
We'll play. And I'm just like, all right, Okay. This guy
super nice guy named Brad. Right, I know way more about his life
than I need to at this point. After the nine holes, I played,
well, twelve, I should say twelve holes. He's a he he
he's a member there. And so we get done with seven and he was
like, all right, let's hop over to twelve. And I'm like,
well, I only paid for nine. He goes, well, we're gonna
go play twelve, thirteen, fourteen, then come back and play eight,
nine and then you could be done. And I'm like, well, He's
like, yeah, it's nobody. Nobody's gonna come out there, like who
cares? And I'm like, okay, and mind you. I was,
so I was a little bit worried because now I'm playing with somebody who I
don't know, right, and he's one of those guys. Like what he
reminded me was if you got like ten strokes better on your game and never
got any better than that and age to sixty, that's how this guy was.
Right, Like he could hit the ball good, but he was never
consistent. Yeah, right, and then he always had an excuse. Right.
Meanwhile, I'm just fucking teeing off everything I'm hitting. I'm just blasting
down. I don't think I missed a fairway at all. That's such a
good feeling. The only thing I did was on whole six my first ball.
The flag was in the front and I went with the nine, but
I hit to the right and I hit the wall where the water's at,
so I had to tee off again and then I landed fifteen feet from the
pin. So but then we get on. So we're playing right, and
then we go to twelve, go do twelve, thirteen. We get to
fourteen and it's zero win. It's one hundred and one outside, so it's
warm and there's zero win, which for here is rare. Yeah, zero
win. Yeah. So it's one hundred and seventy five to the flag and
I'm like, okay, there's no win. Usually if there is wind,
it's coming at you on this hole. But I'm like, all right,
so I might give it a good seven. Like I'm not gonna over extend
myself, but I'm gonna give it a full seven. The second I hit
this ball, he's just standing on my left. Mind you, almost every
time we're on a T box he's just talking. I mean just he won't
stop, right, So it's like whatever, the second this ball comes off
the tee, he goes, holy fuck, that's gonna go in. And
I'm like, it hadn't even like gotten. I mean, it's like a
rocket. I mean, you've seen me hit like close yet, but right
it wasn't even close yet. And I was like, it looks good.
Like I could tell it's gonna be on the green, right, yeah,
you see it hit and from one hundred and seventy yards it's hard to tell
where your ball really is, but you could see it. You can see
the flag and oh cool, it'll be on. It's on. He was
like absolute shot and I'm like, yeah, thanks, and like I knew
it was a good shot right to my where I'm standing, I'm thinking I
got like probably a fifteen to twenty foot put And so he gets in his
car. I get in mind I have to stop because my water bottle falls
out of my cart. And then I come up and he's he's on the
hill to the green. He looks at me and goes, don't even bring
your putter, just blow the fucker in. I was like, yeah,
okay, and I get up onto the green with my putter and I was
like, fuck me, I better go grab my camera because I gotta take
a picture of this. And what I should have taken a picture was I
should have moved like like back a couple of feet and turned a little bit,
because so my ball was three feet from the hole, dead on nuts,
with the whole parallel with the hole. Yeah, and my divot was
five feet behind my ball. So I had had that ball literally been three
feet to the right, it would have been done the same thing. It
would have right in. Yeah, I mean, it was ridiculous. It
was. It was a picture you could Yeah, you could tell the picture
from the from the picture. It was a great shot. Yeah, it
was. It was a good time though. It was good. It was
fun playing with him and then, uh yeah it was nice. No no
real issues, And I would have I would have liked to have played golf
with just me and Ryan. No offense to the two people that came with
us. But the one person was old and beaten down and he couldn't fucking
hit to save his life, and he didn't want to be there. You
could tell he didn't want to be there, so I don't know why he
fucking came. And the other was a fourteen year old kid thirteen year old
kid who also was the most aggravating golfer I've ever been with. Yeah,
not because not because he sucked, because he actually didn't. He had some
really good drives. He just had a shitty attitude when he was on the
golf course because he was frustrated with himself. He was a very competitive person,
and when he wasn't doing good, which was often, Yeah, it
was multiple times every hole, he was getting super pissed off at himself,
and it just made things longer. Yeah, And I was just like,
dude, Yeah, I've learned it. I've learned to like I might throw
a quick tantrum, but I gotta let it go. But I hit way
better than I used to. I'm way more consistent. So the only time
I get pissed off is when I'm having a really good, consistent time and
then i just have something out of the blue happen. Yeah, and it
like like I'm set up for a great second shot, and then you know,
well that's why I was all day. I was driving phenomen After the
first couple holes, I was driving phenomenal, and then my second shot was
you was on average better than not better than it has been recently anyway.
But then I was like four putting or I was like three chippin' and then
I would like one putt, but I was like three chipping to get to
get up there. But that's okay, because if you can consistently get that
first and second shot down, then you practice the other shit. But then
what will happen is your other shit. You're chipping will be great, You're
putting will be great, but your drives are terrible. Like it's it's always
piecing everything together. That's the difference between the average golfer the the average golfer
like semi pro and then a pro. Yeah, like the pro has everything
and very seldomly do they have missed shots of any kind correct and even if
they do, it's still better than what you're gonna do. Oh yeah,
but that's just their misses. Their misses aren't out of bounds misses, or
their misses aren't ten feet in front of your Their misses our back of the
green missus. Their misses are top of the hill, you know, bunker
kind of misses. And when they're in the rough the course they're playing is
like they might have only landed in the rough by three feet, right,
three hundred and thirty yard drive. They just it bounced into the rough and
now they're hitting out a seven inch grass. Yeah. So they're like,
oh, what a shitty shot, And I'm like, I think that shit
the ball of plastic. But that's the difference, right, And we're hitting
away from rocks and fucking snakes, yeah pretty much. Yeah whatever. So
so, but so then I get back to I get back to the grind
right Monday. I'm rejuvenated and I'm ready to go, and I get on
the highway and my fucking car light comes on and then all of a sudden,
my fucking car says it's overheating, and I'm like, what the fuck?
So I slow down a little bit, I get ready to get off.
I'm like, I should probably get off. All the alarms go off,
and I'm like, oh, Kate, I guess I'll keep going.
Right. Must have been a weird fucking freak thing, like like, we're
good, Yeah, we're good. Get about ten miles out of town and
everything comes back on and I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
what's going on? So I stop at the Pride station, the gas
station that's in between our city and my work, right it's not quite it's
just shy a halfway. Yeah, no fluid in my fucking radiator. Oh,
I'm like, uh oh, fuck, fill that bad bitch up.
Some steam comes out, like shit, Okay, there's definitely a problem somewhere.
Let's see if I can make it home. I turn around and go
to get home. I'm coming back up the hill, coming into town,
and there's fucking smoke pissing out of my engine and I'm pulled over. The
car fucking stops and I'm like, son of a bitch, wait for a
tow trut. I get it towed, and I need a whole new engine
because there's a fucking crack in the block. Jeezus. Yep. Eleven dollars,
which isn't it dead? Isn't bad? All things considered? They yeah,
I mean you don't want to drop eleven, honey, But all things
considered, I was waiting for you to finish sentence eleven grand yeah. Yeah.
And so luckily enough, luckily enough, the people that are replacing it
for me are friends of mine, and they were treating me right. That's
good. That's eleven hundred bucks. It's still a lot of money that I
don't want to fork out, but it could have been a whole lot worse.
And now I'm down a car for two and a half weeks, which
does suck. That does indeed suck because everything is behind and it takes an
hour in a fucking month to get anything. So well, take a break.
Yeah, you want to take a quick news break, Sure, let's
do it. Breaking news. Wow, God news for you. I got
some bad news playing. Welcome back to Channel D News. I'm your host,
Squirt mud Bottom joining me later. I think we have another animal update
and we're gonna get some weather in our first story. Though. Key West,
Florida, New York had its hot dog eating contest to celebrate Independence Day,
but the Florida Keys had a sweeter alternative. That Tuesday, the key
Lime Pie eating Championship in key West, where key Lime Pie originated, was
won by Joshua Mogul, a thirty eight year old Altoona, Iowa tire manufacturing
manager. Jesus Christ who writes these articles gotta get a new intern in here.
Mago plunged face first into a nine inch pie smothered with whipped cream.
When talked to his wife, she said, yeah, he's great at eating
cream. Pies oo faceful and nasty. Let's go to Uh, let's go
to Creepy Dave. What do you got for ust, Creepy Dave? Today
is my favorite beast animal called plopperty Plusses. As you can see, plopperty
Plus is a duck trying to escape from the inside of a beaver. Don't
worry, it's okay. They work as a team. The duck park lady
eggs for the beaver, part to eat beaver, part glexa for the duck
to make tiny boats. Sad for you, they are in danger. Did
they drink too much or don't find a job, so give property plus a
job. Maybe they make that tiny boats for you. It's the best animal.
Okay, bye, Okay, Creepy Dave, thank you. Platypus like
Perry the platypus. Are we talking? I don't I don't know. Uh.
Weather update. Let's let's go to our correspondent, Frankie from Nova Scotia.
How are you, Frankie? Sounds like it's clouding over now it's started
light, you know, Oh my god, it's rained a lot of honey
range. It's raining more honey range. Honey range are getting heavier, bring
so much any range, faultless gun, A lot of honey range falltle this
guy. Now, honey rings are getting even more heavier, all done more
heavy, honey rangel. Honey rings won't stop. Oh my god, honey
rings mixed with ketchup and mustard and salt peppers. Oh my god, honeysus
even more honey rangel along will running range. It won't stop at all,
It stops landing out Sney rings finally got away. Jesus Christ, thank you,
Frankie. Be safe out there from those honey rings. Uh. Maybe
some barbecue sauce and ranch with those sons of bitches next time. I don't
know. I hope to god storms coming back sometime soon. I don't know
how much more Frankie I can take, but thanks for the weather update.
I guess it's raining onion rings. People and Iowa Man in our last story
as a collection of seventy thousand pencils and is being evaluated as a possible world
record. When talked to him, he said he's just hoping he doesn't come
in number two for Channel Dy News. I'm scoring my bottom for a creepy
Dave and Frankie. We'll catch you next time. Quote fake news, fake
news. You are fake news. It's all fake news, fake news.
It's told me stuff it didn't happen. It's all fake news. Thank you
Trump for your fake news comments. That's a lot of wood, man,
it's a lot of wood. It's a lot of wood. Seventy thousand pencils.
I wonder what that would look like, Yeah, stacked up, stacked
up on you like, and how do you stack? Okay, well,
I wonder how long that would extend if you put seventy thousand pencils together,
end to end. I wonder how long? What do you think a pencil
is? Like, I don't know, for four to six right before you
before you shave down. Yeah, so a lot. I don't want to
talk about math right now. I don't know. It's a lot. Yeah,
it's at least three feet oh, at least maybe three and a half
at least. Just don't ask me to spell it. Oh that reminds me,
so CALLI. Okay, Kelly got me with this knocknock? Who's there?
Spell? Spell? Who? Who? The only reason why she got
me was because yesterday I watched hocus Pocus. So when she fucking said the
word spell, my mind went to magic and not the actual action of spell,
and she fucking got me. So when I answered her, I was
like, spell who with confidence, dude with confidence? I was spell who?
And she just looked and she was like, motherfucker, that's good stuff.
So soon soon we're talking six weeks, six weeks football starts. Yeah,
give or take right. I want right now, your choice of sauce.
Top five wing sauces, not dipping sauces, flavor sauces. So so
when when I get the wings there rolled they are they are. And we're
talking real traditional wings, not buoneless wings. We're talking wings. Yeah,
they are used in the juice, as the French say, right, okay,
okay, yes, So if you want it, I will give you
number five. Number five is any kind of garlic parmesan, okay, like
a like a dry rub kind of a bet. It can be a buttery
garlic parmesan. It can be wet or dry. Either one doesn't matter.
As number five. That is an easy solid number five, because I'll never
say no to it, but I won't actively look for it. Right.
Number four is gonna be Number four is gonna be barbecue sauce okay, right,
like, yeah, just a normal barbecue sauce. I kind of like
normal barbecue sauce on those wings. But those have to be crispy, right,
because you can't you can't just come at me first off, all these
wings. You can't just come at me with that limp dick, you know,
like flappy skin. Look at the only time I'd be crispy, correct,
Yes, the only time I want a nice flappy skin is on my
girl. That's it. Yeah, Yeah, that's it. Then number three,
right, No, I'm on number three, Yeah, I'm on number
three. Number three is gonna be a spicier sauce like a hot buffalo.
Okay, okay, traditional hot buffalo, a little hotter than traditional. Traditional
is actually my number one. So like a Frank's red hot sauce type buffalo
sauce is gonna be number one because that's what I like, That's what I
go for. I actually my favorite sauce, believe it or not, is
from Burger King, and it's their regular. I think it's medium. They
call it medium medium bar medium buffalo sauce. Okay, from from from pizza.
It's so fucking good. Did I say Burger King? You did?
I was. I was like, all right, I was wondering why your
face went weird. I don't know why. I said, Burger King,
pizza hot okay, pizza hut. They're they're traditional wings. They're swear.
I haven't been drinking their traditional wings. I think it's their medium sauce.
That's number one. Number two is actually when you mix barbecue sauce and hot
sauce together. HoTT a cue, Yes, the hot aque. That's number
two. What about? And number one is traditional and number one is traditional?
Yeah, okay. So number five, I'm actually gonna go with a
dry style. It's the only one that I actually like. And it's salt
and vinegar. Okay, salt vinegar wings. The first time I ever tried
on was at bashes. But the Safeway I have had theirs, they're pretty
good. And those no dipping sauce, just the wing, salt vinegar.
That's it. Number four. Number four I'm gonna go with like like the
Frank's Buffalo Okay, yeah, number I'm actually that's number three. Number four,
I actually I'm the only time I like it is back in the day
from Buffalo Wild Wings, but it was their tariaki. I'm usually not a
tariokei wing kind of guy, but the tariaki from Buffalo Wings was pretty good.
I don't know if they still haven't. I haven't been there in years
ago. It might be ten years since I've been at a Buffalo Wings,
maybe longer. Uh So Number three traditional Buffalo mine as well. Number two
is hot, a cue hot and barbecue mix. I don't like barbecue wings,
but hot barbecue together phenomenal. And then number one is a hot,
just a nice heat hot, and I like it drenched in sauce like I
like it so that it gets under my fingernails and when I pick my ass
later or like pick my nose, I'm gonna feel it. I'm gonna feel
it. So those would be the what you can only pick one? One
dipping sauce for your wings? What are you taking? I don't dip mine
in anything. Nothing. Yeah, I don't dip them in ranch or blue
cheese or anything like that. I don't dip my wings, Okay, I'm
not a dipper, so even if they're dry, I don't dip them.
Okay for me, I would choose if I have the choice. I want
blue cheese, but I don't like blue cheese out of a bottle, but
bar blue cheese is different, Like if it's made in the bar, it
doesn't have that paint, thinner smell and taste to it. Like bottle blue
cheese is disgusting. I don't like. I don't like bottled ranch. Though
there's people that love and swear by ranch, like oh, Hidden Valley Ranch.
No, give me bar, give me homemade. Like Vetos here in
town, their ranch, which is homemade, is fantastic. So I will
I'll take their ranch because I don't think they have blue cheese, but Chili's
blue cheese is fantastic. I think Vito's ranch is made with mayonnaise, by
the way, it might it might be. I feel like it has a
little bit of a sour cream to it. It might be a mix of
both. But yeah, so it could just be that it sits there for
long enough that the mayonnaise goes sour. Yeah, that's true. Picture it's
Vetos mixture. Whatever. Okay, well, uh let's let's wrap this bitch
up and do some moutroplex. Okay, you want to do them or you
want me to do I'll do them. Hey, you can find us on
all your socials. You just got to look up dads on day quill.
That's two l's for you, laby a licking motherfuckers maybe a licking lady a
licking Yeah, and then, uh, you know, if you want to
go ahead and sign up for our Patreon, you can find it on link
tree. That's l I n K t R dot e E forward slash dad's
on day quo he are e Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think you
got it. Yeah, I think you got it. Just fuck around with
it. See what you can do, you know, see what you come
up with. That's right. Just come join us, Come join the fun.
You know, our our extra dose is pretty cool. You can get
a whole lot of extra stuff. You can get in for some merch,
free merch. All you gotta do is just sign up. Man, need
three, five, twenty, whatever you want to do. I don't care.
Yeah. Yeah, one guy just gave us some bitcoin. Shout out
to that guy, whoever that guy's name is. Yeah, it's probably got
some weird funings for Oh, I guess should probably get his name huh off
of the insta. Yeah, the insta Graham, you can do that.
Lucas Wilson, Lucas Wilson Lucas Wilson, Thank you, sir. Maybe maybe
Lucas Wilson can message you wherever he messaged you at, and maybe we can.
If you're a real person and you are really listening to this, maybe
you can reach back to us and we can send you something appreciation for just
for listening and saying that you enjoy the show. We thank you. So
anyway, Dad's on Deco episode one. We'll catch you next week. Peace
out later, I got a two parter of for you, don Okay,
what's better than winning gold in the Paralympics? Walking? Walking? Yeah?
Why did Stevie Wonder crash his bus? He couldn't see from his back seat sh