All right, welcome everyone to a very special episode of a fools Quest.
We are going to be doing a very fun one shot at least I think
it's very fun because I wrote it. And instead of our normal cast,
we have some fellow dms from other shows who are going to be joining us
and playing characters in the true spirit of fools Quest. This is probably going
to be incredibly stupid, but some of these guys's shows are a little bit
more serious. So actually no, they're pretty much all pretty funny, pretty
funny in nature, so it should be a good show nonetheless. But anyway,
what we're gonna do is we are going to go around in a circle,
have everyone introduced themselves, say what show they're on, say what character
they're playing, and where to find their show. Um, so we will
go ahead and start off with Chris, Chris, where are you from?
I am Chris, the DM of Role Gay role Play, which you can
find wherever you find your podcasts. And today I get to play a deep
gnome wizard named Fork, just like the utensil Fork. And of course they're
gonna talk weird. A deep gnome wizard Fork th o is fun because gay?
Okay, So that's yeah, all right, perfect, And Scott,
you're up next. I'm Scott. I'm the dungeon Master over at the Dungeon
Masters Dojo. You can find us. We're all great podcasts are heard and
at www dot Dungeon Masters dojo dot com. I'm going to be playing Flips
Sampson. He is a fairy who is a former He seems better day he
was back in the day. That is kind of love it. And finally
over to James. Hi. You might recognize me as not being anything like
everyone else here because I'm from the UK. My name is James. I'm
from the British Dungeon Dragons podcast called Roll Britannia, and i am the Dungeon
Master. So I'm very lucky to finally get to not be the dungeon Master.
You can find Rob Britannia everywhere you find podcasts and at Rob Britannia dot
co dot UK, and you might, you know, you might even hear
me on a couple of other falls Quest specials as well. I will tell
you i'm playing as well. I'm playing clad hair a Kenko Warlock Barred Combo
and I will be voicing it with many many voices. As as is the
way off for ken Ku people. Perfect, all right, and everybody was
rolled up to level eight and you all have one rare item and one uncommon
item. Correct, yes, yes, all right, yes, very cool.
Well, without further ado, let's dive in. So our heroes sit
in the only bar in town, because of course they sit, and our
adventure begins in a tavern. This bar is called Old No Name's Tavern,
an in because Old No Name didn't have a name. It's you find Old
No Name standing behind the bar, cleaning the one glass that he has with
a rag in that perpetual motion that bartenders to. A cloaked figure enters the
tavern and he approaches. He's wearing a very fine cloak, but he's got
the hood pulled up over his head. It is nighttime outside right now,
so it makes no sense that he's got it pulled up and indoors doesn't make
sense either. As he approached, he sits down next to the three of
you and says the bar keep their next round is on me, and he
points up to the sign. As he motions to the sign behind the bar,
you can see a list of three drinks. The drinks are named as
such. The first drink up there is the GM's grace. It says cocktail
next to the name. The second drink is the legendary action. It is
a shot. And then the third drink is the inspirational pale ale also known
as an ipa beer. Which one is the most expensive? The cocktail is
the most expensive. I will have the expensive one, thank you. I
will have the most expensive one too, thank you. Oh, I have
the shot, all right? Very good? Okay. So the bartender old
no name gets to work behind the bar, and the cloaked figure pulls some
gold coins out of his out of his bag and sets him on the counter,
and then motions to a table. As your drinks get delivered, he
goes and sits at a corner table on the far off side of the tavern,
away from prying years. I'm gonna drink my cocktail at both hands.
Hey, ball keep Do you have one of those straws? Why? Yes,
I do. He pulls out a straw um. But it is actually
made of straw, so it is like from a hay barrel, twisted and
twined into a straw form, so you can put it into your drink.
Hey, why guy, why you call this. This is a straw,
a straw straw. Oh what sorry, bites boy. Then he plops it
in your cup for you. I'm gonna about take my cup in my feathery
hands and and and just turn around, look at the tavern and take a
weird sip through this straw straw and liquid kind of spurts out the sides because
it's not very closed off on the way up. But you are able to
get something into your ken kubeek tastily. I'll drain my shot trying to look
as badass season can, and you're a fairy and slam it down and order
another. I'll glare at people at the ball. You slam it down,
and he grabs up another one and starts putting together your shot for you.
And there is an effect that happened with each one of these drinks. So
the GM's Grace was a three layered cocktail with orange at the bottom, pink
in the middle, and purple on top, garnished with a clipping of cat
nip. What the benefit of this drink is that it gives half damage to
any critical hits that you receive for the next combat, So any critical hit
damage turns into normal hit damage for you the legendary action shot that was as
glowing golden shot with a sprinkle of cinnamon on top. You recognize this right
now as he's making your second shot and sprinkle some cinnamon on there. The
perk that it gives you is the legendary reaction if you are a target of
a critical hit, instead of becoming or instead of taking that hit, it
becomes a normal attack last through the next round of combat. Very nice.
And if you had ordered the inspirational pail Ale, it was a drink that
is a very dark porter, and it makes it so that five percent of
all attacks become normal hits if they were critical hits to begin with. I'll
think he shoutos well, so essentially they all do the same thing. Yes,
nice a lot that that's cool. So what else he's going on in
the top and is it just you know, is it busy? Is that
music playing? What's was happening? Oh, there's definitely a bardic group playing,
just some slow, smooth jazz up in the corner of the you know,
on the far side, not the side where the cloaked figure went and
sat down, but on the far side he's there's a there's a band plan
there, and then there are just some normal patrons. It's after hours.
Everybody's done with work, you know, leric doing normal villager stuff, and
they were tired of that. So now they're at the tavern drinking cool.
Um, I'm gonna turn my face away from the barkeeper and attempts to impersonate
the figure who came in and told him that the next round was on him,
to say again, to say that the next round is also on him.
Okay, make make a deception rule. Okay, we'll do hold on,
all right? What are we on deception? Dol were skills on this
thing? Who knows? What? Have I clicked him? The skills is
that it that's the one right you have to steps shown. Um, that's
cool. So with my deception, I can treat any role less than a
ten as a ten, and I have a plus ten to deception, so
that's an unnatural twenty. Oh alright, okay, okay, alright. So
he was busy making that shot, not looking at the bar at all.
So he just says, all right, I'll get him right around. What
do he goes want and offers to grab you another round of drinks? I
please have the same thing, alright, so one al one more shot,
so that's three shots now and U about the shot okay, and another shot.
So he's going to town and one expensive gets he does. He gets
out, you know, a pencil and starts scrawling down on a tab for
cloaked figure ear in corner waiting to give quest is the description he makes of
the guy and adds three more drinks to that tally. I'll lave to the
cloaks figure in the corner and go thank you for drinks and turn away from
him. You're welcome. Can I talk to you when you get a second,
when you're when you're done over there? Yes, yes, and more
drink first, well, he said, okay, um, so same effect
that it has. I mean, yeah, you guys just can't get krit
in your next combat. There are no krits in your next combat. Cool.
So yeah, but the drinks are really tasty. All of them are
really good. One is I mean, the woman with the straws are a
little a little interesting. You know, that's a little extra flavor. It's
easy to get in the ba yeah, for sure. Otherwise it just in
you know. Okay, Now, then what trash that they go talk to
him. All right, okay, all right, so what do you want?
Nice? You guys make your way over to the table, and he's
sitting there, and he had put the candle out that was on the table,
trying to be all ominous and hidden. But you guys recognize him as
the mayor. So as you sit down, you can see within his hood,
you know that it's the mayor. He's a pretty commonly known guy.
He's not fooling anyone. His cloak, his you know secret, I'm you
know, hiding incognito cloak is way nicer than what almost anyone here in town
could own. So it's just easy to tell that that it's the mayor.
His name is Mayor Guy. Could I cost mona illusion to make it a
little lovey? Candle is still a bit do you make that? Yeah,
I've monta relusion as a coun trip. So um, So this is Mayor
Guy from the city of Townsville. And he starts reaching out to put the
candle out again, and his fingers keep clipping over the light to try and
put it out. And as he's like trying to extinguish the light, which
obviously isn't turning off, he says, someone is broken into my office and
stolen a priceless item that I need returned. This damn thing won't go out.
Um. I believe that the thief has retreated to a nearby dungeon and
is laying low. What is wrong with this light energy efficient bulbs? It's
distracting? Can I can? I can? I? Um? And as
I as I say this next thing, I want to end the cantrips.
No, you've got to do it like this and then just like do a
really fancy hand gesture over it and just make the candle go out. Oh
well, thanks, I appreciate that. Um. Anyway, So I'm willing
to pay you guys two hundred gold pieces each if you can retrieve this item
for me completely intact. It needs to be intact. And I'll give you
another two hundred gold pieces if you can bring the thief to justice. Why
whatever do you want any of his organs back? Um? No? Okay,
ivas like tastiest part, all right, already on the cannibalism. No
cannibalism if it's not a knku who said that? Umfortable though? You can
just collect, you can collect. I can eat all good mh. You
could have faith us in body parts honestly. Um, well, we like
gold, I think that backup sordy gold and eyeballs, Yes, yes,
golden eyeballs. Can we have the eyeballs if you want them? Man,
I'll pay you the gold? Should should you get it for me or him
them? Do the job? What is the what is this? Uh?
Did you do you have a description of this und? Yeah, he's a
local lord. He's a next nicest fanciest outfits that you know next to me.
Mine are obviously fancier, but his is like the second best in town.
And um, the people have voted for a new tax reform that is
going to have an impact on him the most. So he's been opposing that
and he has stole some stuff from my office to hold it hostage until I
deny the tax reform. So no, the item in question is a book.
Actually, who steals books? Uh? This guy he's a he's a
jerk. Hey, but what does he look like? Oh? Um,
do you have a five time or a drawing or a vague description? Yeah?
So, uh his name is Lord Lord Edgington, and um he wears
a really black long duster and he carries around a bunch of swords with him
and um he wears like black eyeliner around his eyes. And um he paints
his fingernails black and he always looks sad. So he's in my chemical vermin's
yes. Well. Also he gels his hair a lot with hair gel,
so he keeps a gelatinous ooze in his basement to supply his hair gel.
Um, I'd like to I'd like to attempt to disguise myself as this person
um with a free costing of disguise self. It's okay, um yeah,
no, UM, I mean I can, I can, UM, I
can make myself It's yeah, it's just a it's just as it takes an
action. Um. I can make myself, including my clothing, armor and
weapons and other belongings look like a look different until the spell ends or until
I use action dismiss it. I can see one shorter or taller. I
can pay thin or fat or anything between. Um, but I have to
have the same basic arrangement of limbs. Okay. So to see how closely
you get to Lord Edgington's and give me a performance rale okay performance, I
mean it's a DC, it's spells saved DC. To see if to be
able to tell that it's an illusion as well. The mayor is going to
feel that no matter what Kunnels all right performance you say, I'm crime and
all this heavy metal death, I'm guessing that A nine is they're not going
to do it. No, So I just look like a dude in it.
I look like a dude in a black duster with Yeah, yeah you
do. I still have the beak. It's not the problem. Yeah you
got the beak there. You're still kind of hunched over bird for him.
Yeah, like a got a bird tail coming out the back still something like
um yeah, something like that. Oh good, we caught them a ghost.
Please. This is why you can't have DMZ's players, is exactly why.
Now this is perfect? What what what is this book? Why does
book still importance? Well, this book helps me be the mayor. It's
got all of the tips and tricks from previous mayors that help me run the
town. No one's really supposed to know about it except for mayors. Um,
Which is why I think maybe this person, this Lord Edgington, maybe
had uh like an inside person helping him out. But I know right where
he is where. So hypothetically, hypothetically, if I keep a book,
Am I the bear? Um no, you have to be voted in his
mayor. But if you get voted in his mayor, you can keep the
book chapter about how to get the votes. Um no, because you're already
supposed to have been elected the mayor. Okay, don't worry. You'll get
a book back then. I mean, you'll get a book. Thank you,
just casually looking at the skill I have for perfectly copying things and moving
on. We just need a little bit get the book back. Yes,
that would be lovely. Yeah, set the toll, maybe beat up his
wife or something. Doc. I was just gonna say we have a leader
again. He can late. Yeah, I'll wait for the eyeballs. It's
all the same to you. Are we going? What's happening this man?
This man's not for coming with eyeballs? Where is he? Where are we
going? He's actually in the dungeon right next door? Okay, bye bye,
that's easy, all right. I'm just I'm I'm walking out and going
next door. Okay, Yeah, I'll fly after I have Collie flower wings
or fly a little quick of being in bare hugs and stuff, especially after
all those shots. You're like dumping into tables I've still got the point match.
Okay, I'm taking that with me. I'm keeping this glass. That's
my That's fine. You might getting back all right. So as you guys
come out of the tavern, you see a nice size alley. It's a
dark alley. The tavern was really tall, but it's only one floor,
so it's a little obnoxious. And then there is a giant dungeon entrance just
on the other side of this alley. But as you go to cross over
the alley, you hear someone shout out at you as four figures in the
alley approach, and the first one says, hey, you guys, you
gotta come with us, right, you're the guys, And then another one
says, don't be ridiculous, Horace, we're supposed to go with them,
And then a third person steps up and says, Horace, Boris, you're
both idiots. They just have to tell us where the thing is. And
then a fourth person stops up and says, nah, Horus, Boris and
Beaumont, I hold or think we need to beat the XP out of them?
They use, guys, give us our level up or els are you
attack and these four figures attack you? So roll Initiatives twenty weddon um in
fourteen. You guys all go first, and remember you cannot be critically hit,
but it's good. I mean, if you are critically hit, you
just take normal damage. And yeah, there are four people there, and
you've heard of these guys, all right, so you know from being around
in town. Here there's Horace, Boris, Hodor, and Beaumont. They
were all arrested and they were all in jail. They go by. Horace
goes by Ho, Boris goes by bo, Hodor goes by Ho, and
Beaumont goes by Bow Oh Nico, Okay, and uh yeah, and and
so forth. You're up first within a shift. All right. Then I'm
going tyrrel. Let's just start off with one of the attacks. I'm going
to cast um. Let's do ice knife okay. At second level you create
a shard of ice and fling it at one creature within range. I'm gonna
go with Boris. Okay, I'm gonna make it a range attack ten plus
five fifteen to hit um. Yeah. Yeah, that will hit you,
said Boris, Yes, yep, that will hit Bores. Yep. Lovely.
Let's see second level higher and it's uh seven damage seven damage with an
ice knife. Take that cold, bitch. I do not like that.
I'm glad that takes us to clack cool. Um, so I am going
to god warlock. What am I gonna do? Eldridge blast for a change?
Um um two shots of it? Mm hmmm, I need to all
to hit yes, okay, um at whichever one you just whichever one?
Fork just hit? Boris that's the one. So first one is a sixteen.
That awesome. That'll be eight from that one, okay, so yeah
he's still up. Twenty two that Clair hits yeah cool, okay, and
eleven from that one okay, eleven damages. Yeah, that's really hurting.
Yeah cool. Um. Bonus action, I have many actions. I've never
played a character with so many actions. I'm so excited. As a bonus
action, I would like to do use some Bardic inspiration, please, and
I would like to select please to sing a little ken Ku song without a
dulcimer and give that a little dude traditional ken Ku battle song and give Fork
some Bardick inspiration. Um. And that is one D six And while claud
is singing this beautiful ken Ku song Bardic song to Fork, We're gonna bounce
over real quick to a role Britannia promo. So after these messages, we'll
be right back to the combat. See you in a minute, oh her
sailor. Yes, and do you yearn Icies adventure and your artical maham at
the rule of a D twenty Yes, yes, yes, I'll just toss
you very sassy. No, I drink there and I fought in my sleeping
Now that I got your attention with sex, just love them to bout.
Pop the wizard's sleeve it struck out and get it back. Don't put gold
in your ass. That's not the catchways were looking for. It's one the
way off to the use of that about where you keep your secret stuff.
It's not it by aidas stop it and showing you're naming blood, I mean
joined the rulers on your crew on their adventures every Wednesday. Wherever do you
find podcasts? Lovely? Thank you, you're very welcome, okay um,
And then I would like to just flip them off as you were. Two
feathers feathery fingers yea. And that takes us over to flex Samson. Who's
the largest one? The largest one is hold or all right, that's f
I got that, little man than that, I'm going to uh sixteen sixteen
that hits. Yep, you got this, bro, keep going. Yeah,
I'm gonna I'm gonna run up and do like a flying Superman punch.
Is it a bird a plane? No, it's flexil be for eight points
of damage and then I'm going to expend the superiority die and I want to
grapple them. Oh theoretic theoretically so opposing strength checks. Yeah, oh not
twenty oh man, you got it yet? Twenty four him? You got
a real I modified rear naked choke hold where I wrapped my legs around his
neck and like don like that put My arms are so small, I've got
like a far arm across his nose. Looks like the scene from Princess a
Bride around. I'll think he's I think he's got this. Should we just
got leave him tooth? Yes, I'll take a nap and find some eyeballs
in Ellie sounds good? Can I eat them? Yes? Yes, there
must be body parts around there? Delicious? Okay, bad guys turning?
All right, So boris who got wrecked right away, he is going to
use his magic special ability m so first he shouts out at at Beaumont Bow
cast fireball at them, hurry, and then he casts magic Mike's Magic Missile.
Wait what, and out of his sleeve shoots three different darts that are
these cylindrical, vibrating flying missiles that shoot out of his sleeve and are directed
immediately to Clad and like magic Missile, they are auto hits. So we
just had to see how much bludgeoning does because I do have a reaction,
because it very much depends. Is this a spell called there? Is this
an item that is doing this? This is a spell cast essentially magic missile
with flavor? Oh cool? Um? Yeah, in that case, count
spell? Okay is it your yes, your reaction? Yeah? And what's
the level of Probably just automatically counterspells, right because the level difference possibly Yeah,
yeah, I don't, I'm I'm just I'm just having what it says,
a creature is cast doing a spell of third level or lower, the
spell fails and has no effect, fourth level of higher making ability check he's
in the spell casting ability DC qu was ten plus the spells level? Okay
yeah, no, yeah, automatically fizzles out. So actually the three Magic
Mike's magic missiles come flying out of a sleeve and just flop to the ground,
where they continue to buzz on the allegram that he strange. He's throwing
pink wobbly things at me. None of a bis get ell fun sounds like
good Thursday nights. Quick put them in the back. After Boris goes Horace,
and Horace steps up. He has a sword that is three times larger
than it should be. Um. It is just a huge, gargantual,
ridiculous looking sword. Um. But instead of using it, he says,
roll to seduce, and he rolls on the ground and does a Ninja roll
and casts charm on on flex. So flex, I need a wisdom saving
throw from you who in that's my stay. Think he's making up for something
not twenty partially that's going to be a nineteen with the minus twenty minute.
Yeah yeah, I mean as a save a nineteen is gonna do. There's
no way that a nineteen doesn't save, all right, So his role to
seduce as a bard um does nothing, all right. So that takes us
over to Hodor's turn. Hodor is going to let's see he is restrained,
right, so he's gonna try and break out of it, so he starts
shouting Hoder and trying to flex his muscles. By the way, he's only
wearing a loincloth and combat boots, but he's got like furry back, you
know, Harry back, Harry chast, Harry arms, just just a big
harry Man beast. And uh he rolled at eight to break out of this,
so he should put some clouds on. Never wins or he's coming.
I rolled the two of my strike past. That's a five dramatic effect,
baby, you know, display of strength. Do you even lift brogue?
Yeah? Yeah, so so, I mean with as poorly as you both
rolled though, I mean, I feel like, even though you guys are
making it look really strong and like big, like you gotta just PLoP down
next to him, he just kind of slip off. I couldn't get a
grab on his you know, like a handful of his back hair comes out
early on him body hair and sweat, um okay, And then uh,
Boma says, I don't have fireball prepared, and he casts at clad a
spell. He cast Baja Blast, which is his own version of Eldrich Blast,
and that is a six to his So oh no, I'm going to
do it last, shoots all over it gets it gets down on the Mike's
magic her Yeah, magic Mike's magic missiles, and so they're like all sticky
now and on the ground, but it misses you all together. Their turn.
So that is not what to be called blast. No, this is
this is very cooney scene Vati earlier was very impressive. No, yes,
it was. He starts to cry a little bit. All right, it's
Forks turn. Yes, Okay, I'm going to cast another spell, and
I'm gona flavor this a little bit because it says i'm doing it. I'm
going to cast color spray at third level and it says that it's a little
colorful thing that comes out of your hand. But we're going to flavor this.
So I'm going to grab from my bag a grapefruit and I'm going to
shove the whole thing in my mouth, like use hands to like break it
down. There's just grape fruit juice pouring down the front of Maine, and
I'm going to spit out the grape fruit, but it's going to come out
more glittery, like a citrus glitter blast. So the way this works is
I'm going to roll six seven, eight, nine ten D ten. Let
me just roll that now so we can start this one two nine ten all
right, And when the number that I roll is the number of hit points
I get of creatures that I can affect. So I have sixty one is
what I rolled. Let me read this to you, starting with the creature
that has the lowest current hit points. Each creature affected by this spell is
blinded until they're the end of your next turn. Subtract each creatures hit points
from the total before moving on to the next creature with the next lowest hit
points. Okay. Boris has the lowest amount of hit points. Okay,
and then Horace and Boma are tied next, and you could get both of
them, or you could get one of them, not both of them,
So I'll let you choose which one I'd like to go for a Boma,
let's get both bows. Okay, getting both bows blinded? All right?
So Boris and Boma are blinded, yes, and I'm going to just use
my bare armed wave all the juice from my mouth. Take that glitter in
my mouth. Now that's my turn. It looks like a sexy party,
oh clad hero cool? So can I just get a feel for where the
little of the where whereabouts are they in this in this setting? So what's
the scenery around? What is there about? Are we you know, is
there like places to sort of get out of sight, like are they on
the other side of like an alley way too? Is what's what's goning down?
Yeah, so you kind of walked out into this alley. The alley
is about it's indecent side alley. You could fit one cart down there.
But there's some trash bins out. There's a couple of barrels that they have
from like empty kegs that they had at the tavern next door. Um,
there are some you know, old rags and stuff that were tossed out from
the dungeon, um from adventures that died in there, which is also next
door on the other side. Um, so there's like litter and stuff in
the in the alley here. Um, a couple of cardboard boxes, you
know. But uh, but yeah, so there's places to hide. In
the middle of the alley. You've got Hodor and Horace. So the two
hos are like right in the middle, gig giggity gig get dep and then
the two bows are in the back giggitty. But they're both blind. Now,
okay, um, so my question to you is, is there a
scenario in which I could I could feasibly put something in the way of one
of the hose, um that would block that hole from the vision of the
other hose and bows. Um, you would probably be able to black vision
from the bows. Um. It depends on how big it is. That
that's always the case. Yeah. Yeah, because the two holes are kind
of near each other, it would be it would be no larger than a
five foot cube. M Yeah. Yeah, you would definitely be able to
black vision to the bows, but not the other hole. So I wouldn't
be able to put one of the hose, for example, inside an illusionary
box that would hide it from vision of the other hole. Oh, if
you're putting like the backs around them, yeah, I think that would be
possible. Cool. Okay, So I would like to please because I'm guessing,
as I've not been attacked by any melee creatures, that I'm not within
five feet of anyone and therefore unlikely to invoke an attack of opportunity. I
would like to play run towards the What are the two hoes? What was
the situation? Which one's the least scary. Well, hold Or is the
scariest one. He's the big barbarian looking dude, and he's the one wearing
nothing but a loin cloth and combat boots. But the other whole horace.
He's the one that did a barrel roll on the ground and try to seduce
people. He does have a giant sword, though that's like three times larger
than it ought to be. Okay, I'm going to go with giant sword
barred guy, and I'm going to put him inside an illusiory box that e
scures him from view, and I'm going to run towards him inside that box
also, and I would like to disguise myself to look exactly like him.
Okay, all right, so at this point, absolutely no one we'll be
able to tell which one of us is the real home, Okay. And
whilst inside whist inside the box, I would I would like to make sure
just just really observe the character that I'm turning myself into so I can ideally
like completely match myself to him, and that that will That's uh, it's
dark in there as well, because this box. Yeah, yeah, that
makes sense. Yeah, the salt tracks enough literally a five foot cube all
the way around, which is in a box together. Yes, all right,
is there anything else? I mean, I haven't got any more actions.
I guess I've I've used my bonus action and my action. I've only
got reactions and speaking. Um and what is that? What is? What
is this host? Sound like? Um man god DM who sounded like the
normal guy? Who was the normal voice? So this hole was okay,
cool fun. He was the very first one to talk to you. Okay.
I was like, hey, hey, cool, Yeah, I mean,
I mean I'm there. That's my tone. Alright, flex over to
you. Oh can you see out of the box two or no document vision?
It's dark for both of you. It's an illusion. I've created an
illusiory box. Okay, so you can't see anyone else? Okay, cool,
cool, cool cool, alright, flex um, I'm gonna mount another
attack on um old door. So I'm down on the ground. I'm going
to nothing at all. Rolled the two, I thro a very very importantly
place behind towards his exposed genitalia. Everybody knows that you don't wear a cup
or underpants with a white cloth. But I missed. I might have caught
some thigh fat or something. Either waves slippery engross some of the thigh hair
was more protective than you thought. All right, is that your turn for
Flex? Okay, I had a pretty elaborate plan going next turn. Okay,
um, all right, so back to the other guys. So Horace,
he shouts out, I thought that we were supposed to get an advantage
for our next combat, and buffs everyone in the party, giving them all
advantage on their attacks. And that's his turn. And then Boris he's blind,
so he is going to man, so he just gets disadvantage. So
he's still gonna move forward, and he's gonna draw to daggers and he's going
to try to stab Flex just by listening. So oh okay, So with
advantage from the buff but disadvantage from being blind, it offsets. But he
got a gnat twenty god, so this is a crit. But you only
take your half damage on the crit. Okay. Oh yes, Soul coming
up us an absolute minimal damage of three points of damage. As he blindly
starts slashing out with his dagger and nix. Your arm should be embarrassed.
They can't see you. No offense to the girls. And then it is
I was Boris, Okay, hold or he is mad now, so Odor
is going to take his giant hands and smash down on you for trying to
hit him in the nuts and roll the same thing. Does a fifteen hit
you? Flex? It does? Okay, damn, finally doing some real
damage? Eighteen points of damage? Is he smashes down on you? It's
a screwed Do I have a higher ic? He's not wearing any armor or
anything. A pair of tights. All right, sounds matter? Yeah,
it's important. And then Boma is gonna cast Baja Blast again. This time
he tries to just I mean, he's blind, so he's just shooting it
out wherever he can hear someone. And it lands again just in the same
spot that it did before, right on the magic missiles that are laying on
the ground, still buzzing, and that is their turns. It takes back
up to fork. Awesome. Well it's a good thing. Still sticky in
here. Let's see two blinded bows a very angry home at a giant crate
in the alley with you. Yeah, I don't feel and I'm not I'm
untouched at this point, so I think I'm just gonna cast a can trip
of infestation. You cause a cloud of We're gonna say fleas in this case,
you cause you cause a cloud of fleas to appear momentarily on one creature
you can see within range. Let's go with Horace. Can you see?
Oh that's right? Hold or hold or never mind the other hoe's just so
many holes. I can't keep track. You're gonna keep track, hose,
so hold or must make a constitution saving throw. He got a nine.
Oh good, beaut a full or it takes. Let's see when you reach
fifth levels of two D six poison damage, and they must move five feet
in one random direction decided by a D four. So hang out, let
me roll damage first, well four damage four poison damage. Okay, that's
animal, yeah right, and then they are pushed north five feet all right,
so that's toward the toward the dungeon. So yeah, okay, you
push them back a little bit with please enjoy my friends. I named them
all, don't ask me to remember them. And he's like swatting at the
please. I think that's my turn, yep, and clad cool, So
I would like to dismissed. The dismissed the cube, and standing in what
would have been the cube are now two Horaces identical in looks, and now
I would like to impersonating Horace perfectly. Let me just see if I need
to roll for that mimicry. There we go. I can per accurately mimic
sounds I have heard, including voices creature. Here's those sounds. Can tell
they're in imitations with a successful insight check of DC fifteen. So I would
like to try attempts to persuade the remaining party to run for it, because
we can't handle these these people. And one of them has attempted to disguise
themselves as me. Okay, all right, so quickly run for it.
Make that persuasion, and I row row insight for each of the Okay,
so I can treat any role of less than ten as a ten plus ten
twenty. I'm nature all right. Um well, Boris and Boma failed,
but hod Or made it, so he's a slightful fool. Yeah I got
him that twenty on that. So they're not moving yet because it's not their
turns. But uh but yeah, good, all right, so flex all
right, this is what I rally. I'm gonna try the same attack again,
both with a big dramatic display, you know, looking towards my teammates
for encouragement, you know, looking towards the end of meeting. Can I
just check did the did the other home run? Was it just was it
just Hodle that stayed? Well? You you have Horace with you in the
box. Now the box is going. He's not convinced I'll just miss run
because he knows that well. But he knows him that's true, so he's
not confused that he doesn't think that easy. I was pretty convincing. I
think he used me. I think you'll I think you're fine. I rolled
a twenty. That's pretty convincing, right, am? I? Horse?
Is that horse? Am? I? Where do I get the sword?
All right? Sorry? Go ahead? Starts? Uh fifteen fifteen hits sodor
yeah oh yeah, um that's uh thretty nine points of damage. I punctured
directly in the genital yet. And then I am going to use my grappling
stripe maneuver as a bonus action and one final superiority die and that would be
a twenty five for my strength chat to grapple. I'm going to put him
in what would normally look like an ankle lot, but it's the front all
right, And that works because I mean he got an eighteen, but you
definitely beat him. So, like he's got fleas biting him all over and
he's like trying to grab for his nuts where he just got hit. He
falls down to the ground with you. That poured on the power, you
know, like they're doing. That's that's my action, brilliant. Okay,
all right, So both the bows are blind and they are leaving now,
so they're like, oh, and they turn around and they start leaving.
Boris some bowls over one of the cardboard boxes and kind of trips and falls
but regains his feet and keeps moving along. Beaumont runs directly into a into
a trash bin and like hits himself right in the stomach gool, and then
he continues on. So they're both leaving combat. A Horace lifts his big
giant weapon because he's standing right next to you clad and he casts big bees
slap in hand, and a big hand appears out of nowhere and does a
sixteen hit. No, it just not so this giant hand swings at you,
but it just barely misses you deflected with my own completely fictional giant sword.
Yes, yeah, I mean his sword doesn't move. He's still just
holding his sword. But this big bee's giant slap in hand is just comes
out of nowhere and does nothing and then holders on the ground. He's gonna
try and break out of his old but man, he is in a rough
shape. And that is a nine to break out of the hold. Oh
okay, let me oh oh, I got a nine. What does that
dore who retired? Well, actually it's run I had my strength bonus.
That's a twelve. Oh it's a twelve string bonus. Yeah. Yeah,
So he tries breaking out of it, but you just squeeze down a little
bit harder and he yelps out in pain. Holdor and that's m and that's
it. That's that's his turn. So yeah, back to the top with
fork. I want to just give up run A. Why, I mean,
I can't attack Horace. I don't know which one's which I was gonna
say. I'm gonna make a high low and you guys pick which one do
you want to do, and let me let me write it first. So
high is this person? Low is this person? All right? Yeah,
So if you want to attack Horse, you've got to choose which one you
think they can roll an insight check to see if they know which one's wing.
Oh yeah, you can roll insight. Okay, then let me do
that because you have and you have a bonus to your inside because I gave
you the gave you inspiration. It's right, okay, so let me do
that. Then, because odor is in a hold infested with fleas, I
don't feel like I need to do much more there, so I will roll
insight to see if I can figure out which horse is correct. I mean
I could just tell you as well, he's the other thing. Yeah,
but would he trust it? It's true? Because if you say a horse
is going to say it, I'm the real horse. Yeah, he's the
real horse. You know what. I'm going to attack one of you?
Which one are you? I got a fifteen for insight? Actually is the
spell site is actually the inst I could DC fifteen Okay, that that inspiration
helps it. Otherwise then I would like to hit the correct Horace and not
my friend, not Horace. Okay, you're not gonna not. I didn't
say what I do. We're not gonna do. Let's just do ice knife
at first level this time. Well eight plus five thirteen to hit H thirteen
to hit. Yeah, that hits lovely, colder than a Witches video.
There was with you the whole time. Will guide me a whine? I
got five piercing damage, okay, and each creature, oh shit, the
target and each creature within five feet must succeed a dexterity saving throw. I
didn't read this last time. Bring on, so I need I think I'm
guessing both Horaces both reelne fake to make How can pereab we do that?
Dexterity saving throws all just gotta be a thirteen. Okay, that did not
beat a thirteen. That was a five? So what did you say?
Thirteen? Yeah? I have thirteen meets a pizza Yeah yeah, okay,
yeah cool? But that he's eleven plus two my max is not great.
That's thirteen before it. He's a stupid cool. Then a real Horrace takes
six cold damage as well. Oh wow, okay. Now when Horace gets
hurt, old Or even though he's down on the ground, uses his special
ability seeing that his friend got hurt, and he shouts out hold the door,
and I need the attacker, which is fork, to make a DC
twelve wisdom save and if you fail, you begin to cry. And get
disadvantage on your next turn nine plus five fourteen. All right, so you
see I have no emotions. You can't make me feel things. Clearly?
Who told you could hit my friend? And it is flat clad clad on
me? Again? Cool? Yep? Right, in which case action I'm
going to? Is there a minimum range on Eldridge blast? But yeah,
I don't think there's a minimum. Uh nine plus eight what's that? Seventeen
seventeen? Yes, excellent's ten eight plus four twelve? Wow? Okay nice?
And the second one does he need it? Yes? Yeah? Cool?
Turn plus eighteen? Yeah, that's yeah cool? And another eight damages
from the Eldridge blast. All that does it for him? Oh? Does
cool? Um? I guess yeah. I'll just change myself back as a
bonus action. Then, oh, I was wrong. I did I think
that was that was good? I was guilty. Uh, he's that okay?
And then flex you're up. You've got hold or at the beginning of
each crown, I can deal one D four damage to someone I have grappled
some wrench it on a little a little tighter. Tight the eyebawls, tight
the eyebawls. The U six points of damage that you can get the strength
for it. Oh yeah, I would say, ye, six points tight
on my ankle. Lock. I'm a Genitalia, all right, And he
says, and he submits, And the other two have ran away. They're
they're long gone. They spent all of their actions running blindly down a dark
alley. So you guys have hold Or as your prisoner. Horace is dead
and uh um and yeah there is uh loot just starts falling out of hold
Or's loincloth. Um DIBs on the big soldier on the eyebols. Yes,
can I roll five? I can say my name first before I let go,
Uncle Eyebols. I rolled Well, He says uncle at first, but
then changes it to flex. He's flex. That's right. I'm a registered
flex offender. Oh my god, Oh no, all right, oh wow.
Well, now that that's established, let's take another break and listen to
a promo for the Dungeon Master Do Joe. Be right back after this.
My lords, my ladies, and all you other people out there, allow
me to tell you about the Dungeon Masters Do Joe. The Dungeon Masters Do
Joe is a podcast dedicated to furthering the art of the dungeon mastery. They
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you tips and tricks to build your skill and to be up at a game
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the dungeon masters, do Joe. So the barbarian was carrying all the loot
that the part he had. In total, they had sixteen potions of healing,
a wanted poster with each person's name, picture and their nickname. There's
a jail cell key, six bones, three wolf pelts, three wooden plates,
twelve guard tunics, three silver blossom leaves, six bundles of wood,
two empty potion vials, and seventeen books. Big was the loin cloths?
Are any of these books the books that we're looking for, because we can
just end this right now. That's small because it was there a male a
mayor book in that god that's what they called you, the leader. Sorry,
fix all right, I think I wrote down what was important on that
list. I don't really need the gude uniform if we're going to disguise ourselves
as it. But we can take an extra one if you like. True,
I at least want the two empty postion biles. I don't know what
I'm doing with inmoss of hating many of them. Yeah, there was sixteen
four each. They were all holding onto all this loop after they broke out
of prison. What's the big sword worth? The big sword is just a
big sort of flimsy. It doesn't actually do any damage. It just looks
really pretty. Is it heavy? Uh? No, not at all?
Sick like I want the big sword cloud for final Fantasy. I want it
on my back. Yeah, you would do like zero damage if you'd that's
fine. I just want to I just want it for the look. Yeah,
that's all. He carried it for it cool, that makes sense.
It's like a lot weapon, is it all right? I have four motions
of hating going in. Yeah, Sam, and then I've got a key
from him, and a bunch of other ship and two eyeballs. I mean
four if you take them out of hold or no, no, he's still
alive. They're only fun if they come out of dead things. That's fair.
I will use major hand and just slap hold or across the face as
we passed by him. There. Yeah, that looks like fun. I
wanted to give it to go through. I'd like to do exactly the same
thing. Oh, it was right, it is fun. Yes? Can
I made hands high five? Yes? Absolutely? Best friends, best friends
slapping out the creatures. What are we doing with the big whibbly pink things.
You've got a bag big enough. I don't have a bag. I
just juggle things, juggle these. I'd like to try and throw you the
pink wiggly things. Okay, I'm gonna try and just continuously juggle as I
walk. This was such a thing. It's quite impressive, to be fair.
Yes, somebody guide me. I can't watch where I'm going and also
the things I'm throwing in the air. It was the greatest show. Six
steps away from the dungeon entrance. So you guys, you guys, make
it across the street. A lot of check for traps. Um. Okay,
So the door you see as you come up, there is a spot
for a key on there. There is also a riddle on the door.
But go ahead and make your trap check first. Uh, what's that?
Investigational perception? Investigation makes no difference. Ten. Okay, so you don't
see anything noticeable about this door except for the riddle that's up there and the
keyhole and then the handle. Hey, you guys, I don't say if
you noticeable about this door apart from the riddle that is on there. The
riddle it says, I have many dates, but never go out to dinner.
I am reborn every year, but do not have a birthday. I
am the illustration of an illusion that every person chooses to believe. I have
numbers and names, all housed in square frames. Go whatever, gods,
it's calendar. Has anyone got a calendar on them? Does anyone know what
calendar is? A mind is blue, So you say calendar, and a
giant calendar appears on the door, displaying an entire month. Above the calendar,
a line of text appears as says, if you wish to unlock the
latch first, your agendas all must match. And the name of Fork appears
on the twelfth day, the name of Clad appears on the eighteenth, and
the name of Flex appears on the twenty first. And it looks like yeah,
I mean, it's like very illusion esque, like you can touch it
if you want it. It's very interactive, So focus on the twelfth.
Claud was on first, I'm twenty first. I don't think I have anything
claimed though the play first. Oh, we'll just do it, don't you
will die? Then that's easy. I've got nothing. I'm flexible with schedule.
That's what'll do it. Then we'll come back on me. We'll come
back on the on the twenty first, then shall we? Yes? Okay,
I'm not got that. That would into this podcast very suddenly, what's
a podcast? Hello? What I've gone very meta? Someone helped me.
We're recording on the nineteenth. That's literally in two days. All right,
I'll see you guys. What stick? Can I just try the key that
the Four Little bandits Bobart Hobart had yeh on the key lock yea. You
can put it in the lock and the key unlocks the lock. Um,
but the door handle still doesn't move. It's still magically sealed. Oh it's
got moaha blast on it. Door sticky Um. Can I roll investigation this
this calendar and see if it reveals any secrets to me? Sure? I
don't like this, dice. That's another ten. You're going back in the
box. Yeah. Like I said that, the calendar is just kind of
this lit up big calendar with that note above the top in your name's on
specific days. Okay, if I touch the calendar, does anything like light
up as I touched my name or the day that I'm on? Yeah,
so you touched the day that you're on and you were the first day or
the Yeah. So a drop down appears and you see four figures. One
is a green dragon, a blue dog, a red dandelion, and an
orange dagger. All right, a green dragon, a blue dog, a
red dandelion, an orange dagger. Well, I'll figure out the calendard at
the beginning. So I'm going to take a rist you you carry on.
Let's just sit down and am aw fake silver brave. So I don't know
how much help I can be in this situation. Can I like be a
child in an elevator and just touch all the buttons? Yes, you can
touch all the buttons most of the days do nothing. But there are other
two days both have dropped downs as well. Do we do we have any
of those symbols already? On no days? Um? So for the day
for clad, clad has a black firefly, an orange flail, a green
ferret, and a silver loop. And then flex has a silver boot,
a blue badger, a red balloon and a black bell, and then the
button. A button at the bottom of the schedule. After all the dropdowns
have have opened, a button uppears at the bottom that says, adule Now
you guys. The last time I looked at one of these, there was
like a little pipe clip that came up and said, it looks like you're
trying to solve a puzzle because I don't see it, can I cast clipping?
Okay, so we don't three of us have all the same color neither.
Last time I try this, um, there was some sort of dice
roll you can make the so like a investigation check you can make to try
and solve the problem. I don't. I don't really know why. It's
uh, you know, the dice involved in theoretical procedures. But maybe one
of you could I don't know whatever. It's like row some sort of investigation
or an inside check because I've been rolling shite all right, investigation right,
yeah, like a hint roll the two. Oh no, that's down to
you. Oh guys, Oh no, he got a three. We die
here. This is it. This is how it ends to the pub.
I'll go back in and just get one of those books. And I'll just
still mirror anywhere. Get one of the books. I'll just lie to the
innkeeper. It's fine, he won't know. I've got I've gotta plus ten
to deception. I'll just convince him it's the right book. It's fine.
Can you do the numbers matter to the date? Numbers matter? No?
No? Okay, kay, at least eliminating something I want to pay attention
to. Oh wait, no, I thought that's not something number mine.
Is there anything to do with Bluey, the kid's cartoon character. There's a
blue dog. There's a blue dog. M m m m. There's a
lot of double letters. And I'm just gotta I have a letter fetish in
me. Don't I might just be seeing shit that isn't there? Dogs,
ferrets, and badges are all animals fuzzy too? I mean our firefly animals?
Oh okay? Or the dagger, the flail and the bell could all
be weapons. I'm gonna ring your bell? Yeah, I mean hit by
a bell. I'm sure us on the side of the bell is in orange
dagger. There's double rs in green ferret. There's double l's and bell and
balloon and a boot. Um. Okay, well, it's a good thing.
We rolled really well on an investigations to get some clues. Is it
like a is it like a drop down for like help? I mean you
can just try and click things, click everything. I click all the things.
I click things. You select one at a time. So, so
one hundred, all four of them. I rolled one hundred. I try
one hundred giants. I literally roll one hundred. That's never impressive. And
I think there's only like sixty four combinations we could have, so somewhere double
one hundred. We got it, right. Yeah, I tried all.
I tried all safety four, some of them multiple times because I wasn't keeping
trunk. Okay, so you you pick one? Which one do you want
to pick? To start? I mean, do you want me to go
through these? Do the do the mammals? Do the males the mammals do?
I click all the mammals, Dog, Ferret, Badger. Yeah.
Okay, So you click Docfarret and Badger and you hit schedule and it says
meeting schedule and the door unlock on. Oh damn it slightly before you it
was mammals. I quit the mammals. It was mammals. Yeah, I
told you. The d one hundred. It saved us, yeah, which
honestly, there was a trap on this. If you failed guessing the right
ones, it would have done one D six life damage because you know life.
Yeah, so you can't really book stuff. So yeah, but no,
you guys got in. So into the dungeon we go. The door
opens and the heroes enter a large room. The dungeon is actually just this
one giant ass room. There are candles lit around the perimeter of the room,
and a man and a woman stand at the far end of the dungeon.
Between them rests a treasure chest. You recognize Lord Edgington. He's wearing
his oversized duster black duster, but he's also wearing black baggy pants with a
black T shirt that's tucked into them. He's wearing sunglasses inside and does have
his hair gel firmly in place. You can tell that he has six swords
all together and one is drawn at this At this point, the woman next
to him is the mayor's own lawyer, so he was right it was an
inside job. Her name is Jules Sawyer, the rules lawyer, and she
has a big book opened up and has her hand placed on the center of
the pages. It is the town rule book, not the Mayor's one that
he's going after. You've seen this book many of times. But Lord Edgington
says to you, the mayor couldn't even come hisself. He had to send
you cronies. Well, I won't even monologue for you because I'm too edgy
for monologues. Jules take care of them, And Jules says, well,
actually, And the book fullers up with magic, and six small clockwork creatures
spawn into existence in front of you and roll for initiative. And while they're
rolling initiative for the final boss fight, we're gonna listen to one last promo
for Role Gay role Play. Here it is, and we'll be right back.
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for initiative. Oh darn well, I gotta I gotta three. I've got
an unnatural ten wow. Okay, all right, all right, So it
goes the clockwork batties, it goes Clad, then Fork, then Flex.
Okay, you said there's six of them, yes, And they're all these
little tiny guys, right, and they all land on the ground, and
two of them shoot out lines of text. It looks like some lines from
the player's handbook that shoot two at each of you. So the first two
are going toward Clad, and oh, that is a seventeen and a nineteen
to hit well. A seventeen meets amaclaus and a nineteen baits it. All
right, So they've both hit four two D six each of annoying damage.
So that's three points of damage for the first one and eight points for the
second one. I'll have a reaction to that. Oh no, you did
nut shoot get green shit in me? Sure? I would like to use
and reaction to cast hellish rebuke, please all right, and hellish rebuke.
I can point my finger at a creature that has damaged me, and they're
momentarily surrounded by hellish flames. The creature mus succeed on the dexterity saving throw.
We'll take two D ten fire damage or half as much on a successful
save. Well, so you need to roll and deck save. That is
a ten ten what deck say? No, no, we were looking for
sixteen sixteen looking forward, way off, way off. There was just no
one here. So there'll be two D ten damages for your that's ten and
seven seventeen seventeen I guess fire damage. Oh yeah, yeah, so seventeen
fire damage kills the first clockwork one sick. It just explodes into text and
rules fly everywhere goes. They're full of woods and they're very flammable. Yes,
yes, quickly get the spell correct. Um. Okay, second round
of attacks goes toward fork and that's a twenty four and a twenty three.
Yes, all right, so yeah, the first role is six damage of
annoying damage and then another four damage, so ten total. All right damage,
it's vity annoying. Oh all right, and then the last ones go
toward flex ops and then nope, this is a ten and eleven I assume
both of those, both of those miss yep. So this starts shooting words
at you, but I mean, what are words really? Sticks and stones
may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. And uh and
yeah that takes us to cladstern Ooo me already, so um towards me.
Who's who's in the room. We've got five of these clotworky things. Then
um, two people, and you've got yeah, you've got Jules Sawyer,
the rules lawyer who threw the words out of the book at you guys,
and she's just kind of chilling up next to the treasure chest. And then
you've got Lord Edgington, who's just chilling leaning against the treasure chest, looking
edgy as fuck. Cool. Um, what else is in the room?
Is there like nothing in the room? What's what scenery is around? There's
candles in and then there's normal dungeon stuff, so you know, there's a
couple of crates in there. There's some vases that could be broken. Um,
there's a chandelier hanging from the ceiling and a really nice rug on the
ground. There are there's a throne that's up that's like sitting behind the treasure
chest. But no one's sitting in the throne. It's just kind of chilling
there. One other things would be in a dungeon. I also need some
temporary hit points because I killed the thing. Nine temporary points? Please?
Do they have to be temporary or kind of? How do I do nine
in there? Donna? Nine? I just have them, that's fine,
It's fine, cool, Okay, So my question is could I create some
sort of um oh if I Yeah. What I'd like to do is,
I would like to create an illusion in front of me that looks like the
wall behind me, so for anyone facing towards us, it looks like I've
completely vanished. Um and that's a can trip. I'd also like to use
a spell slot to cast the dirt or are you silent image in front of
that? Actually I don't need to use a spell slot. I could just
do it. I'd like to cast silent image of myself running towards the the
mayor, the not mayor, the I'd like I'd like him to I'd like
my illusory self to charge towards Lord Edgington please. Okay, all right,
So they have to make word save exactly so if they want to see through
my minor illusion. They will need to perform an investigation check against my spell
safe DC um and in terms of the silent image, that would be an
investigation check against my spell safe DC. Okay, all right, so I'm
their terrence. If they want to try and see through it, they gotta
make check. Okay. But for all intense purposes, nothing has changed other
than it looks like I started running towards them because in front of immediately in
front of me, I have created an illusiony wall that looks like the wall
behind me. Right, yep, no, this makes sense? Cool?
All right? Fork? Okay? How far are Edgington and rules Lawyer from
me? About thirty feet? Oh lovely. I don't want to attack these
little things, these little words. I'd rather go for the rules lawyer,
far too lawful for me to be in the same mut Fuck it, I'm
gonna go for a fourth level phantasmical killer on the Rules Lawyer. I need
to know. I want, I want another nightmares. You tap into the
nightmares of the creature that you can see, creating an illusion, an illusory
manifestation of its deepest fears, visible only to that creature. I need a
wisdom saving throw of thirteen, a lot of illusions. Well at lead,
I need it lower please yeah if just oh man and wisdom's good for her,
but she still only rolled in eleven. Oh oh, what's a rules
lawyer's greatest fear? Her greatest fear is being in court, being naked in
front of everyone, like you know, like in school when you have to
do a giant presentation. So the whole town is there and she just made
a really great case and the lawyer says, jewels you're making and so she's
like, oh my god, and she's naked in front of everyone and just
devastated and her heart explodes in her in her night amazing, and she's going
to take nineteen psychic damage in that process. O Jesus, does that break
up concentration that she might might not need for these creatures. They're just summoned
constructs. She doesn't need to concentrate on them. But that definitely hurts.
Okay, well that is all I got. You're making them alone? Gross?
Yeah? And so does she? Is she in this vision right now?
Like? Is she is that? Where? So she's like covering herself
on stage next to Lord Edgington, who's like, what the hell? Yeah,
exactly. We can see her acting this way. Okay, she sees
around her, is just this just the court and her nudeness, all right?
So yeah, so she throws her hands up, sit down, look
at me, don't look at me, and she everyone's looking. We're all
looking. I'm taking pictures, make sense. Yeah, you can't handle the
truth. She takes the player's handbook and she's like trying to cover her bits
with it, like trying to figure out how to stretch the book long enough
to cover herself. She's still going to considered being bigger bullness. All right.
That takes us to flex day, sister. I'm gonna Edgingtons like thirty
feet away, yeah, ye, all right, I'm going to uh,
I'm gonna tack Edgington. We're dropped, okay, So three that hits,
and then that's gonna be seven points of damage, all right, and then
I lock eyes with him menacingly, but I'm looking up because rede difference,
I don't know, um, he will not be intimidated. And then,
as a bonus actional rage okay, yeah, hell yeah, all right,
I've got to plus seven times. I'd like to check that in fact.
Now back to the back guys. So all of the little guys run and
start attacking fork. So all five will run over and they start kicking at
you with their little Oh I got two thirteens. Do those hit? Nope?
No? All right? And then I got one night Yeah, all
right, So out of all five attacks, only one of them actually hit,
and it kicks you, and you see words shoot up, kind of
like an old Batman comic. Once it kicks you, that just says footnote
and it does eleven points of annoying damage. Oh, I dropped out the
school. I can't read them. Oh, Jules Sawyer. Does she make
a save again to try and get out of that phantasmal killer? Or does
that? Was that just like a one round thing? That's a good question.
Let me check, all right, concentration up to a minute. So
if she can try and make a save to get out of it now,
or is she just stuck there at the end of the targets turn you can
make a wisdom saving throws, you take another forty ten psychic damage. All
right, Well, she just failed, so I love the Okay, Well
that's a D one hundred. How about how about a few of those?
Is that okay? Two two or three D one hundred will do it,
yeah, or I've got a D thirty if you want to if you want
to try that one. Oh well, fifteen psychic damp fifteen out okay.
So she looks out into the end of the crowd and she sees her parents
and her dad is just like Jewels, I am so disappointed in you,
and boom more more psychological damage, your father, senior tramp stamp. Now
she doesn't even remember getting a tramp stamp, and how she's even more mortified.
Why is it so juicy? That's what it says. And then that
takes us over to um Lord Edgington, who was engaged to begin with.
But now he draws his sword and he says which one he had a drunk
but he goes to attack and he says, this is the sword that killed
my mother. And he goes to attack flex with two attacks and oh,
my dear lord, and he got a seven and a six. So I'm
gonna assume that he's just swinging all over and missing you all around. Can't
lingles atlant a single blow? That was embarrassing, bro, God damn it.
And that's their turns. That takes us back over to clad. Okay,
so I'm hidden behind an illusiony wall. I've got an illusiony version of
me just wandering around like fifteen feet away from me in the middle of his
room. Yeah. That everyone's just blindly ignoring. I just need to whether
I need to continue concentration on him, not bear with me one second.
I should have done that before. But it's it's fine, it's fine,
No one's no one's waiting on me or nothing. It's fine. Uh does
it say content? It does say concentration. So does that mean I can
cast another can trip? But I can't do another spell? Um? You
would be able to cast a can trip if you were concentrating on the other
one, but um just couldn't be like anything, concentration base. But yeah,
that's fine, you can, you can? Okay, good, I
need to that my next train to think. I would like to, uh
please cost um? Oh guess what Eldrits Blast is a can trip? Um,
Eldrits Blast please? All right? Um, what's his name? The
fake man? Lord Edgington, that's the bunny, the edge Lord, the
edge Lord. He's well edgy, he's so edgy, edge Lord Lord Edgington.
Yeah, fourteen Uh fourteen does not hit. Oh one, go stripe
past. I'm guessing that a twenty three does that. Yeah, I'm gonna
say it does. Cool and it's just the twelve damages. Oh yeah,
okay, all right, um one one? Yeah, I did rudy.
Well it's one D ten plus four so yeah, okay. And when that
hits him, that last hit, his sword that killed his mother goes flying
out of his hand like just just disappeared, like he drops it quick could
the soul It's off to fork. Okay. I have very little movement speed
because I'm just a little deep nub. But I'm going to cast long Strider
on myself, which increases my speed by ten feet and it's touch and it's
not concentration. Oh no, that that would end a spell. Hang on,
that's a spell. Hang on? Do I want to get the rules
Layer out of this? Because I could do this long Strider and run towards
the sword and then grab the mom's sword. I don't know what I do
with it, but I have it. Yes, Okay, let's just do
it. I'm gonna I'll break concentration of the rules Layer nudeness scare, and
I'm going to cast long strider on myself, which is first level. So
then I got a moving speed of thirty five feet. I'm gonna run and
pick up the sword. That's an action in a movement, and I don't
have a bonus action. But at this point I have a sword. Yeah,
you do have the sword that killed Lord Edgington's a mother. I'm going
to kill you like I killed your mother. What that's my turn? All
right, flex with expect period. Well, first of I'll see a high
hit eighteen. That's a hit, and that's going to eleven points of damage.
And then I want to grapple him. I want to throw him at
a headlock. All right, you might bring him down to his knees.
So that is twelve. Twelve is my grapple. Nineteen is the opposed strength
check, so strong, Yeah, knocks your hands grapple. No one touches
me without my permission. Don't touch me. I'm gonna I'm gonna mess it
up. He makes sure it's perfect as he steps back away. All right,
I guess back to uh, back to the back guys. Right,
Yeah, let's let's have at him. All right, So the clockwork little
things are going to chase after the illusory devil um with with the exception of
one who was smart enough to follow fork. Oh no, uh so it
rolled and nineteen to hit. Yeah, and that's only six damage. But
you see, you know, blam shazamao and then below it in subtextas says
words hurt and then um, let's take it over. Oh now batman,
Now that Jules Sawyer is good. Um, she is going to I just
wrete the flow of Niko, but I will. I've got to admit something
here. Yeah, if those if those little like robotic things I've gone to
interact with my illusiory force, that will completely ruin the illusion. If one
of them has physically interrupted with it, then it gives away that it's an
illusion. We'll say because like, oh this is kind of happening. At
the same time, we'll say that once they go to attack it, that
will be for the next round. But she failed her insight, her perception,
I mean, she failed whatever to see if that's real or not.
So she's going to shoot at it as well. So she cast a spell
at it and it goes through there and you guys are saved. But yes,
everything now knows that that's not real. For the next round, and
then Lord Edgington, who had stepped away and strained his hair, draws another
sword and says this sword killed my father and goes to attack flex again for
two attacks. This one does hit for twenty one to hit. Oh,
and he slashes you for eight points of damage. Since a raging that's cut
in the half, right, yep, just like a girl barely felt it.
Your hair looks ridiculous. My hair looks fantastic. My mother loved my
hair, so did my father. Now I have to avenge. That's why
you're all dark and mysterious. My mother was killed by that sword. How
about back for some psychological your mother. Okay, that's that's the back,
ey serienes, we're back up to clad cool Okay. Um in that case,
um, there's no point hanging onto the silent image no more because everyone
knows it's not real. So we are going to We're going to do a
cheeky elder's blast again. I go for some more hitting at um, mister
fake maya twenty four that's yeah, one D ten plus four so nine plus
four that's thirteen damages. Wow, And second one is a sixteen all right?
So with that first hit he drops his sword that killed his father.
That one falls to the ground. Awesome. That's an eight plus four twelve
more damages. All right, yeah, well okay, and bonus action time.
Oh I'm gonna go give Bartek inspiration again. Um. I'm going to
sing a little my little Kenku song, and this time flex can have my
Barty inspiration. That's one D six you can use for an ability to check
attack roll or saving throw. Yep added after the role before and on the
outcome. Yep, sweet, I'm still hidden behind my illusory wall your wall.
Yeah all right, fork, all right, I have have the mom
the mom killing sword, but I'm not gonna use it. Get killing sword.
I got just disconnect all the swords. I'm going to cast hand.
We're gonna just make chand. Oh wait, madchand is a trip. You're
right, okay, I'm sword. I'm gonna made hand and get the dad
killing sword and just hold that in my mad hand. Yes, and then
I'm going to cast fourth level ice knife on the rules layer. Okay,
either way, whether this hits or not, okay, so that's ten damage
for the ice knife when the shard of ice flings out and hits her and
then it bursts, the shard explodes, and every target and creature within five
feet, which I think is just her near her, just her. Yeah.
Then I need her to make a dexterity saving throw and she failed.
She did yea, all right, that's a fourth level. It is five
dy six. Oh my dear lord, you're cold damage and I rolled a
few six? Is there twenty one cold damage each hit? Bitch? Okay?
So she has a reaction spell and she shouts out well, actually,
according to rule thirty two of the hot a chord, that say, it's
at all damage done if it is going to kill me, and it is
a Monday and the someone that is doing it is holding a sword that doesn't
belong to him, then I only am reduced down to one hit point.
God, and she is saved and reduced down to one hit point. But
man, she is effed up. All right, that's all I got.
I did all my things. Stop, man, excuse me, madam.
You can't pop there. There's there's a giving, all right. And that
takes us to flex oh no, nine points of damage okay, which looks
ridiculous because flex is two and a half the tall. Nice all right,
that takes him down to a hundred hit points. So another sword falls out
of its scabbard and slips away, and he says, oh no, that's
the sword that killed my hamster dribble. No one wants your shitty hams the
sword. So Jules runs and hides behind the throne. She is out.
She is no interest to getting hit again, so she's hiding and crying.
The little clockwork things go and start chasing after Flex. I think there's what
her. No, there's four of them chasing after Plex. One was still
going after Fork, so I got on that twenty fourteen, a twenty and
a nineteen everything okay, sixteen points a damage for the crit and then the
other two footnotes did nineteen points total of annoying damage to you weeks, which
that's all happed because he's a barbarian in braging. Oh right, right right.
And then the one that was going after Fork, Yeah, I'm a
squishy wizard. So he ran up and it went to kick at you,
but it accidentally got you confused with the maje hand holding the sword and just
started kicking at the air under the magand and did nothing at all. And
that takes us to Lord Edgington, so he draws. He draws another sword
and says, this is the sword that accidentally slipped off a shelf and stabbed
me in the foot, and he goes to attack you with it. These
swords are getting worse. Oh and one is a miss for sure, and
one is a crip. That further crip is only seven points of damage.
So he critically grazed you and that is their turns cool, so clad,
Hey, I'd like to perform a bonus action first, please, I'd like
to use unsettling word comes Okay. As a bonus action, I can expend
a Barty inspiration and choose a creature I can see within sixty feet. The
creature must subtract the number of a one D six body conspiration die rolled against
the next saving throat makes before the start of my next turn. So I'm
wander roll one D six. Okay, that's a five, and mister fake
Mayer is going to have to subtract five from his next saving throw before that.
Whatever he uses before my next turn now is my action. I would
like to cast a suggestion on mister fake Mail, okay, and I would
like to suggest to him that I'm going to do so. Suggestion, I
can magically influence a creature I can see within range that can hear and understand
me. The creature can't be charmed or immune the effect. The suggestion must
be worded in a manner that makes course of action sound reasonable. So I'm
going to reason with him and say, now, mister Mayer, it's very
clear that you're going to lose this fight them. As you can see,
we're crushing you everything about door. No, we don't want to waste any
more time, just the casually summershing god boys and stealing all your swords.
As you can see, we've acquired two of them already. And your hamster
sword is somewhere over there, and you're dropping sword I think is the one
you're holding. It's not very impressive. Your concubine or wherever she is called,
has run away and is hiding behind that chair over there. I'm not
entirely certain what she is aiming to achieve that we can still see her feet
sticking up from behind it. Anyway, I digress. What I'm aiming to
ask you to do here is very simple. We want one thing, you
want another thing. But I guess what I'm saying is the overall. I
think what you want is to survive this encounter. As I understand the moment,
we have taken very few points. It's a strange way of measuring the
life force of a person in real conversation. But I'm thinking or understanding the
words I'm saying here. What I want to understand is I'm giving the opportunity
here to give us the book and all your gold and the rest of your
swords, and how you say in your dialect to fuck off out the door
and never to be seen again in this town. And then I don't know,
go be evil may or someone else. How does that sound? Holy
shit, let's make a role and see cool. You have to succeed on
a wisdom savings throw with a minus five, so plus four minus five evils
seven. He got a seven. That does not beat my spell safety c
of fifteen. So Jules shouts out, you should listen to him, you
should, he should just do what he says. I don't even know where
he is. He's hiding somewhere behind a baked wall, and you can,
Judgington say, I I think I'll let you guys have the treasure that I
took. But I need my swords. Not the swords are part of the
deal, swords or death. But this sword here, He touches one and
says, this one actually sliced my sandwich the wrong way and then didn't didn't
make it a perfect cut? And hair? Is it like a serrated one
as well? This sort here was delivered by bats and the darkest of nights,
a gift from the devil himself? Or I definitely want that one.
That one has to stay. You can keep the bread sword, that's fine.
You can keep the shitty bread knife. I guess I can deal with
that. The last sword that he mentioned, the one delivered by bats,
actually says spirit Halloween on the hilt. So you can you recognize is this
plastic? It's fine? Jewels come with me? Well, I said,
all your gold and books as well. Thank you. It's all in the
chest. Okay, very nice? Is it locked? This is an important
question for mathematics. Hera, are you locking the chest? The chest is
locked? Yeah, well he is well bent your boots. I need your
boots, your gun, and your motorcycle. I don't know what that is.
I heard someone He kicks off his left boot. Take the damn boot
and the other one, he kicks off. What am I going to do
with one boot? Do you think this is? He kicks off his boots
and drops his swords except for the Sandwich sword, and he leaves town Net
to be seen again. No, damn damn, but that is the end
of Claud Stern. Right, Yes, okay, that makes it Forkstern.
He's dropping a little bit one sword and given us all his stuff and his
boots and his boots. I almost wanted to just take the key and just
check the chest, but it feels like a damn trap. But what else
am I gonna do with a key in a chest? But use it?
And I got speed right now and they're running away. I don't need to
attack anything. I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna walk over to a
key, grab it, and I'm gonna walk over to the chest and I'm
gonna try and unlock it. Okay, so you use the key in the
chest and open the chest. Yes, I dislike the way he said that,
right, make a constitution saving throw damn it, God, damn it
all. Where are my reactions come up? Eighteen plus two twenty one?
Oh okay, I ain't very nimble. Yeah, so a wave of sickness
emanates from this chest because the DM is sick of your ship and you,
luckily are you able to hold it in those drinks that you had back at
the at the tavern next door. Really we're able to like help build up
that fortitude so you feel fine. You feel fine, and then there you
see the book, the magic book, just chilling in there. It's glowing
obviously in the chest like, oh and uh yeah, the prize is there.
I am very used to this feeling. Well, sorry, I've got
the book. Also, mister Lord Edge Edge, if you don't like her
and need new partner, I am available. I like your energy today.
It's very exciting. She's mad rules lawyer. I'm not rules lawyer. I
follow new rules. That's my pitch. But I'm going to take the book
and the swords that killed your parents, so you want them back, it's
with me on a date, monsieur. Could I possibly a request that we
h I could see eyeballs of the young lady for we leave. If you
are replacing hell, she is not eating them? No, yes, jus
like I'm I'm still alive, but we can fix sez. Don't don't not
worthy Pam flex. It's her turn. That's why you quit. So before
you're going, you have to say my name. They give him a front
double bice up. Say say my name. It flex the one guy that
could beat me an armed armed combat. That's right? Is that good enough
for you? And he tosses his hair back, but it's geled so it
doesn't move. Suffice. Here's a little pop for the lady before she loses
her eyeballs. Oh my goodness, all right, um so sorry, no,
so Jules Sawyer takes one cringe damage and she just dies. That's say,
fantastic the eyeballs already, here you go. Everyone's a um some more
bibles. Oh, Lord Edgington walks over to Fork and obviously it's like,
you know, it looks like she didn't didn't make it, so I could
be in the market for a new a new partner. Do you have any
gold with you? I have gold, but I will give you back mama's
sword first. Okay, sounds good, Yes, bartar system. This is
how you start the perfect relationship, usually beneficial. Yeah, let's go to
the next town and steal from the next mayor. Yeah, you guys can
follow up with Karen the Mayor. I'm gonna head up with this one.
Are we still an initiative? No? I guess that's it. I guess,
guys. Wine the things, the rriboat things, are I still there?
Uh No? When she died, I forgot. Yeah, she died
and they just dissolved into letters. They just splatted on the floor. So
now that it's just a bunch of like griff all over the floor of this
uh of this dungeon. Today's battle was sponsored by the letters. B Coolum,
can I drop my minor? Can I drop the minor illusion? Then?
And just stroll stroll over to the dead Lady corpse and yeah, it's
Dead Rivals. Yeah, absolutely, yeah yeah. And for the book that
you're holding is titled The Dungeon Master's Guide to Bullshitting on the Spot, sixth
edition. Oh, you guys might need this book for the mayor. The
mayor said they wanted this book. I don't need it any more. I've
got a man um um um. Hello, um, how do you say
they? Is that a valuable book you got? There? Is it due?
You answer? I just took it from you. I mean it seems
valuable. The mayor had it, and so I just wanted him to stop
taxing the rich, but this is what he was using to run the town.
So apparently, if he's going to tax the rich, I'll I'll move
to a new town where there are no taxes for the rich. Yes,
I don't want to pay taxes either. That's a mighty fine mission. Let
me tell you one more idea I have for your son them they don't tell
you about. There's this thing, you say, Well, the finders keep
us on the possession of nine tenth of the law. And being as out
I am now, well, we are very much in possession of this here
book. We are somewhat in possession of what makes a male mayle on this
town. So why would we say handback this powerful otteman? Say, why
don't we just kill this other song bitch here and just go ahead and become
the three way mayors of this here township. Do you want to kill my
boyfriend so he can come to if you if you like? You know,
I'm not you know, I'm not splitting it four ways? Mind jew if
he if he's coming into if he's coming to all, he's coming out of
y'all share we have a steparate bank account. Oh, very nice? Cool
decision. So I'd like to if I may, um, if we did
we bring near the other books that that came with us. Yeah, the
random loop that you found on the Venturing party. Yeah, I'd like to
if I may use a Kenko ability of forgery and make near perfect copies of
the of the Dungeon Master's Guide. But we're totally wrong information in it.
Um, So it's it's a dis an ability I have. Um. Let
me just tell you a little bit more bad experts. Duplication when a copy
writing or craft work produced by yourself or someone else have advantage on the ability
checks to produce an exact duplicate. I would like to produce a near duplicate,
but you know, with the wrong information in it. Okay, so
it look it all looks the same, right, but if someone were to
use it as a guide, it would tell you all the wrong information.
Okay, all right? Uh yeah, yeah, so you you work on
this, uh while Lord Edgington and Fork get to know each other, flex
is doing just that, flexing around the room. And then I mean,
I guess to wrap up this one shot, you guys become the mayor?
Did I did I get? Is that right? Are we gonna we're gonna
go and I don't know, overthrow the mayorship. Now, just go back
to the inn and just completely missed, which is whack. Yeah, yeah,
all right, I'd like to having having created this near perfect copy.
I'd like to pocket the real guide and say it right, boys, we
are we heading back to the the the inn next door. Weirdly, it's
not very far and tell suddenly he didn't do it himself. But shall we?
I mean, work over the mayor and take control of this town and
okay, drinking for free at the tavern anytime we won, because that's the
sort of thing that happens when you're really important. Just don't maybe pay taxes,
okay, yes, no taxes something? Are you rich? Not anymore?
You guys took all my money. We might say that was the ultimate
tax. We took all of it, right, so you're exempt from taxes
until you get rich. It's good, we take it. We take take
from the rich and give to us. It's a very fair tex tax system,
as I find, all right next door to the in then, and
I'd like to for an admin if you're interested, right, someone's got to
be at the front desk. Greeting people and you've got nice hair. I
guess, yes, we have a job for you, am I the administrative
assistant. That's that's a nice title. Something different. That's too much.
That sounds like you get bonus and salary. You'll not think at any of
that. No benefit's here, secretary. I think it's you know it's a
gender neutral you know, a more professional lot. Yes, So can I
go back to the end, Yeah, new fake book. You guys can
cross the street back to you step over. The real man still earth?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's still sitting in the in the side room
in the corner. Um. I'd like to if I may go over to
him the fake book and say, all right, boy, oh we found
this in the Traga chess next door. It was unlocked. Oh yay,
my book, I give you may or again? Yeah about that. Here's
the here's the thing. Well, we had a bit of a ch amongst
ourselves and we decided that we had a bit of a vote, you see,
a political move. You might even call it a cool but we decided
that well you're out and we're in. As they say, ah no,
the town's folk will never stand for that. You you hear that patrons they're
trying to throw me out, and all the other bar patrons are like,
we don't care. I think you'll find uh, we have very much in
Uh. There was one one more thing I think it was. I think
it was this. Yes, I would like to cast a vicious mockery on
him. I believe it goes something like this, Nana, Nana do do,
Nana Nana do do. Oh my god, you ques and just wiggle
my wiggle my like feathery hand at the end of my beak, like he
had an eleven to save, so it's a wisdom save of fifteen. He
there's not a big one, but you know, I need to find the
pyramiding one there is. I hate this one. I hate you dice what
was a four and another four? Ready or two fours? It was an
eight eight eight psychic damage. So he's like, don't take my toue.
Oh my god. His head just explodes right before, right before his head
explodes, I'd like to use minor illusion to light the candle on the table.
So that's the last lady sees end of the lights. Oh very good.
I did that one earlier. It's good. Yeah, called back.
Can I try and can I try and to imitate the guy whose head I
just exploded and shout across the bar and just say bar keep. The next
round is on me. Yes, yes, yes you can. You've already
done it once. I think you've got that mimic readown now. Oh my
god, I think you guys. I think you guys did it line you
want sort of than there, that's how you win. Yeah, all right,
So to wrap this up, let's a core around one more time and
just say where to find your shows and we'll start with the last round of
initiatives. So clad, where do we find you to listen to more of
your dming shenanigans. Yeah, you can find Roll Britannia pretty much anywhere you
find podcasts, even some podcatches I've never heard of before. We we're on
you know, Apple, Spotify, all of those things. Our website is
Roll Britannia dot com. There a code dot uk rob Britannia dot co dot
UK, r O L L B R I T I N N I A
A N I don't know spelling some some spelling. It's it's on my back.
Hold on that. I genuinely thought it was a tattoo. Yeah,
no happing on that. Far Man also put it in the episode notes,
Yeah, so don't rely on my spelling. I'm dyslexicly good, it's no
good, but so yeah. Also, Shoss, we got nice Discord as
well, and Twitter and Facebook and mastered on and stole the things. Yeah,
and check us out awesome all right, and then fork Chris. If
people would like to hear your players make fun of you for being really bad
at a puzzle, where would they go to do that? Oh? No,
Well, you can find Role Gay Roleplay anywhere you find role Britannia.
Actually, so all the podcast anywhere you find podcasts. You can also find
us at Role Gay Roleplay dot com. R O l L for the first
one, r O l E for the second one. Yeah, we've got
Discord and all the other fun stuff. Yeah, that's where you can find
me and all my great puzzles that are super easy and they just can't figure
it out right yeah? Um oh wait, and then over to flex Scott,
where do we find your stuff? You can find the Dungeon Masters Dojo
were all great podcasts are heard and at the Dungeon Masters dojo dot com.
Keep your eyes open for the jewel of Masha Core, which is our new
campaign starting this summer. We don't have discord awesome. And remember, if
you guys do check out their shows, which I think you should check out
all of them, remember to, you know, give them a five star
rating once you do, and leave a little comment about how awesome they were.
And uh and yeah, I think that pretty much ramps us up.
Thanks for playing my game, DMS. I hope you guys had fun.
Thank you, Thanks for running, Nika, thanks for having us. It
was good, fun, awesome, awesome, all right, Okay, because
obviously the colors themselves are important, though, right Nico, the actual color.
There is something about which one of these that match? Ye, yeah,
something about each one that matches the others. M hmm. You better
edit this to make us sound smart, Niko. I don't want my cast
hearing me struggle with a puzzle, because I'm never going to hear the end
of it.