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It's season five. Welcome back to Bottles Up Bitches, your favorite sex
podcast hosted by a horny married couple with me Rihanna Campbell and me producer Man
Adam. Sex shouldn't be taboo or embarrassing, so let's talk about it,
say Horny bitches, that was nice. That was a freebie. Guys.
You can find more on My only fanis ur Lenk Tree. It's at Burpin
Bunny Bottled Up Burp bottled back to another episode Favorite sex Podcast, pittretch goal.
If if we get a thousand patrens, then we'll do only fans of
just us burping into the camera. You heard it here first. If I
was in the Lord of the Rings, i'd be below bourpens. Oh that's
pretty good. It's burps, bitch. Do you introduce yourself? Oh,
I'm Rihanna, so lovely to meet you, and I'm madam. I didn't
know I was. That was a genuine question. That wasn't me being like,
no, I don't think I think you caught me. Yes, So
this is bottled up. This is bottled up bitches with your favorite sex podcast
with Rihanna and Nout. This is with your favorite sex podcast. So set
all that. So I brought you here. Thanks for joining me, Hi,
thanks for something here? We Uh? First of all, did you
know that Austin is the homeland? I found this out today of the National
Pun Competition. I believe it. Yeah, I'm probably the winner. Oh
you think probably? Anyway, that was just a non sequitor. That's fun,
that's fun of us. Wow, what happens in May? It's gonna
be May. So sorry we don't seen j T anymore, not after not
knowing everything he's done to Brittany this this episode. This week's episode was originally
supposed to be Making Love in Mexico Part two, Love in Mexico, But
I mean, we can talk about it a little bit. But to be
frankly, not a lot happened in Mexico as much as I think we wanted
to. It was just a very We were there for a wedding. It
was very busy, it was very chaotic. We did have one. We
had one. We can we can talk about it. We can talk about
the one sex that we did have and even that was that was fairly like
it was. It was a quakie. Yeah, it was a busy weekend.
It was Yeah, just between it was between just between a squirrel friends.
It's just between you and I. It was we got done with we
were at there for a wedding. We got done with the prep. No,
the ceremony, ceremony, we had done with the ceremony. You had
a you had borrowed a dress from the bride because he didn't tell us.
Uh, neither of us were had stuff for the dress code, but the
bride and groom both broth they brought extra stuff. Yeah, just pulled out
their props. Yeah. In no, she had a little titty dress for
me, and so you had quite the little titty dress that typically you don't
wear that kind of dress. But you looked very you looked very hot in
it. I think she's letting me keep it. I told her that I
washed it for her today and I'll be returning it back. And she's like,
my tits don't even fit in that anymore. She's like, that's an
old dress. And I was like, word, that makes sense, because
yeah, I completely buy that, because I think it fits you very nicely.
Yeah, but she she Yeah, you looked, Yeah, you were
ready for the lord. But she has significantly larger breast than yours. Yes,
and I feel like it fits you very well. She looks good.
But but yeah, she does have big she does have the fake she's got
them. Yeah, and so yeah, I can't imagine they fit there.
It fits her very well because I feel like it fit you. They're not
like they wouldn't be Mellon holders on her. Yeah, but you look good.
So yeah, after they we had some time between the ceremony and the
reception, so we went back to our room. We kind of pidled about
what we wanted to do. We were in a resort. Well, let's
let's be clear here. Ceremony ended, you and I went to the reception
space to set up tables for day corps. Yes, they brought some daycre
and I we went and set them up, and then we had a drink
in the cocktail lounge and then we were like, so there was like a
two hour gap. There was a pretty big ceremony and cocktail hour. We
had probably like an hour left, and I was like, let's go back
to the room. So like we set up day Corps first when did all
that, and then we went back to the room to bay and yeah,
and we just had it real quickly. It was nice. Yeah, you
were on the couch. You propped me up on the couch, propped you
up on the couch and like and hit it from the back. Hey,
which we've learned recently. You quite enjoyed and I also enjoy it, So
that works out really well. And I just kind of hiked your dress up,
you did you, but I think you pulled the panties to the side.
Yeah, hike your real like porn style. A. It was pretty
fun. It was a very enjoyable experience. But it was funny for me
because I'm hiked up dress, you know, dress above the hips, panties
to one side, labia a danglin out And I turn to look at you.
You have no shirt on, your pants are to your ankles. Guys
can't really cutely have sex with clothes still kind of on. I feel like
I disagree, you can't. What do I do with the pants? You
just kind of hike them down? You just kind of like keep them on,
but just unzip them and fuck me like a man. Okay, it's
just so funny. It's giving, like you know, little boys and they're
learning to peek, like where their their pants? They put they lift their
shirt like why are you nude? Well, child, I also took the
shirt off because it wasn't my shirt. But I can get fucked fully in
the dress. There is a higher chain ants of fluids getting on that shirt
then there would be of that dress. That's fair. That's fair. And
you had to wear that shirt to the reception, so that's fair. That's
why it took. But the pants, yeah, I'll take I'll take the
critique on the pants for sure. You did you all the time I hear
you. I am like, I'm fully clothed. It's all hot, it's
all hot for you. And I try to look at you and I'm like,
why are you nude? Are you ready for me? Yeah? I'm
like, why am I still fully clothed and you're nude? And that's a
whole category of porn. How do you search that closed? Female? Clothed
female? Nude male? They popped up before I've watched them. They're actually
kind of fun for you. Maybe I want to see you maybe the you
know how you're like this is hot? She still has her clothes on,
her little pusses out. That's how I feel about you. I want you
to be clothed with you. I take the yes. Yes, I hear
you, ridiculous, I hear you. I'm really bad. I don't think
they typically have sex in those kinds though, it's usually like more of a
hand job situation handive, like when they say clothes female like she hear Andy's
stay on. I mean, okay, So, yeah, you're much better
at searching. You've had a lot more I don't ever know what to search,
had years of experience. Yeah, I do think that my like my
porn experience could be better if I just if only, if only I try
and search things and then they suck. That's the thing. Is also,
like most porn is made for men, so you have like a much more
finite uh resources in the hard part. Yeah, And the heart part too
is that I do try and pay for my porn as much as possible.
So I'll subscribe to different things and then I cancel them very quickly because I
do want to be able to search for things and everything. Is like Stacy
learns a lesson, like it's not yeah, it's I can't I cannot buy
categories. You mean I can't search on these women and sites club female,
nude, male. You know, it's more of like learning what you need.
Sure, like it's learning learning how to come with those suxy little stingies.
Like it's you know what I I learned about recent I keep meaning to
be like, oh, I will try that. Is that there's like a
like a porn style. I've never watched it, but I think like it's
a woman being all sexy and I don't know, maybe she's nude, but
she like directs your masturbation. That's kind of like phone sex. That's how
I think kind of may I think that's how it would be if you got
in a call with Goddess Kayla. Maybe, but yeah, I don't know.
I know like this is very much like okay, I'm sure it's done
in a more seductive way than this, but masturbate Okay, now stop masturbating
kind of thing. Oh Like it's like a woman like edging you and like
directing you through edging. Can our next episode be you doing one of those
and you tell me how that goes? Oh? Sure I can, Yeah,
I'll do that. You don't have to do it in front of me.
I thought that'd be a lot for you. Why the masturbate in front
of you? You don't like masturbating in front of me? For one,
I do not like masturbating in front of you. I don't like the mess,
the mess, the mess, the mess. I don't like the mess
that happens. No, you've literally been like, I feel awkward. I
don't want to. Oh I'm over that. I don't. I don't have
a problem masturbating in front of you. Yeah. I enjoy masturbating with you
and masturbating in front of you and all that. There's this whole mess situation.
I'm a clean guy. But we did last time. Last time we
did this, you you played with yourself and you were blindfolded and I was
masturbating above you. Oh yeah, and I just put it on me.
No, I put a towel down. I came on a towel. Oh
okay, cool, And that was fine. That worked out, Okay,
So yeah, we'll do that. Okay. Well, I don't have to
masturbate you in front of you for this, Oh okay, but I can
if you want. I just didn't want you to feel shy because I didn't
know like you watching something because like I didn't want you, I had to
like put headphones on, yes, headphones. I don't know if we did.
Maybe we should talk about that too, I don't know if we did.
I don't think we've talked about this. Why didn't we talk about this?
We just had some in between time of recording, I guess, and
it just kind of fell fell through. We didn't talk about it. We
can talk about it. Do you think you'll be able to get us back
on track to whatever you were leading into? Yeah? Yeah, that was
super fun. We wanted to eat, so no, let me talk.
God damn it. I don't know if you remembered, like the we were
talking about dipsy. I believe the inception was just us talking about dipsy.
Oh there's two inceptions. Okay, we were talking about dipsy and like you
didn't know what that sounded like. And I told you, I don't know
if I want you to know what my audio eroticas sound like, because I
think they're just for me and I don't know it's different. And I think
we played a little bit of it show. Yeah, I think last week
actually maybe one of our Yeah, I don't think it was on my patreoon.
I think it was on the main feed, but we listened to a
little bit of it and I was kind of like shy and embarrassed about it.
But no, it wasn't embarrassed. But I was like, I don't
know, I didn't know if it was weird listening to like a male be
like, yeah, you like that, Like it's just different. I mean
it was like an audio book of like of smut. Yeah, I didn't
think it was anything embarrassing or weird. I wouldn't listen to smut with you
in the car. Sure, so we decided I wanted to masturbate with you.
And then I thought, well, let me let me masturbate to my
stories. But I had to have my headphones on. Yeah, I was
like the blindfolded myself. You know, I how to do a full Adams
not here moment. But I think that helped because I got into it a
little bit nice good, well. And the second inception was I wanted to
to put it blatly. I wanted to watch you fuck yourself with your vibrator.
That was the yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that
was the like I wanted to see full penetration. Yeah, we've talked.
We did. We talked about that about You're like, I've never seen you
penetrate yourself and I'm like, yeah, I don't really get into that very
often, and sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Yeah, well it
got started because you brought up I never even thought that you would do that.
Yeah, And then you brought up that sometimes you do, and I
was like, oh, I want to see that. Yeah, so I
am how was that for you? It was very fine? Well, I
felt like a dipshit because I you know, I fully masturbated and I look
up and you're just there and I'm like, oh, how long have you
been done? Yeah? I mean I finished earlier. I finished earlier in
my mind, you like finished, went to the bathroom, cleaned up,
and I'm still like in bed, like oh, just just fully thriving,
suving and such. And You're just like you're not there. You're just like
in the cat on the couch like, oh, waiting for you to get
wait what are you for you to get done? No? I uh yeah,
I mean I did finish earlier than you. But I even afterwards,
I enjoyed watching it. It's very fun. It's very enjoyable to watch I
think I just like watch you, like, I love just watching you,
like fondle yourself, yeah, and touch yourself. I think it's so hot.
Okay, that's fun. That's good to know. But yeah, I
did put a towel down and just came on a towel, very old school
style. I don't think I even saw the towel. No, I had
the towel wrapped up by the time you were done. I just kind of
like, yeah, because I'm asturbating, masturbated very long. I'm masturbated for
like six minutes. Maybe, yeah, I can get in and out,
baby, Yeah, because I got done. And then I just kind of
bowled the towel up and threw it in the bathroom. And then it was
just like waiting for you to be done, not really waiting it. That's
they don't see it. They don't see that. You're like leo in your
hands, like the little like a turub yab post. You are a little
cheerum but uh a little. But I love you. I love you.
But yeah, No, that was a very enjoyable experience. I really I
had fun with that. Yeah. I liked it too. I enjoyed myself.
Yeah, I love masturbating. Next to you, because respectfully, I
don't always feel like I don't. I guess that's something I don't think I
talk about very often, is I'm not Sometimes I'm horny, but I'm not
horny for like duo play. Yeah, I get that way too, And
I don't ever want to offend you. You're like, why do you want
to orgasm and not want it to be me? I don't think it's offensive.
I think it's I think it might be something that I imagine a lot
of people feel that way, where sometimes you are horny, but I don't
like being intimate with another person right now. Yeah, or even like dad,
and even just like none like in a way but like just like like
the full experience of sex. I'm not really like you know, I kind
of just want to, like I just want to rub one out, run
out, and like not have this to be up. Sometimes I just want
it to be quick. I'm like, I just want to orgasm and fall
asleep. Yeah, yeah, because I am sure I do. I'm the
one that like I finish, you can't out when I throw my vibrator like
an inch from me, and I'm like I usually have to pick up when
we have sex. Did you you come. I have to, like,
I go to the bathroom clean up you're already asleep, and then I have
to like forget your vibrator. I rinse it off full turn down service recas.
Yeah, yeah, oh I want to be ready. I wanted to
be ready for you for next time. Yeah. We don't want to.
Yeah. I always watch your toys guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah sometimes.
Yeah. I'm glad that we talked about this because I've never wanted to
offend you. I feel like every time I'm like, do you maybe kind
of want to sort of like if you feel like no, I enjoy masturbating
with you, and I'm the same way. Sometimes I'm like, I'm really
horny, but I don't want I have sex. Yeah. Nice, good
job team, And that's on commmunication, all right, anything else any other
thoughts about the the masturbatory of it, all of it all of a tool.
No, I don't think so. I'm glad we figured. I'm glad
we talked about that. I forgot that we did that, and I'm surprised
we didn't talk about on the show. So that was wild. But no,
it was really a good time and I love censory play. I love
being white blindfolded ten and recommend ladies men too. Men you can have this
too. Go ahead and go ahead and blind your self, give it a
try. I feel like it might be tougher for men. I think like
traditionally men are more visually. Oh, I guess that's true. But I've
also usually watching something. But I've also like if I've masturbated without any visual
thing, and it's been pretty cool. Oh, pretty well? Yeah,
when was the last time you asked? Debated with your imagination? I masturbated
and without without visual It was actually in Mexico. When did you masturbate in
Mexico? Uh? I know it was one of the times I was in
the room by myself and I took a shower. Was that when you were
hungover? No? Was that when I was a bachelorette party. Maybe I
was like, you weren't alone, very off. I'm trying to I'm trying
to think maybe maybe before the wedding. Maybe maybe it was before the wedding.
Maybe it was day Maybe I'm trying to remember, but yeah, I
masturbated in the shower with just my imagination. What do you think about you
do? Tell I was picturing you God, I hope it's a bunch of
weird imagery, like random clips with me. You're like, uh, like
you and jeans bending over like just like a lot of little like looking down
your shirt at one time, like just slash of weir. It was picturing
you. I was imagining you in in your it was your birth You were
in your birthday outfit which was just broad and thong and your pleasers for your
pictures. But you were like doing stuff to me. But you you joke
for a long time. For a long time. One of my favorite pictures
to masturbate to you was and I have to find it. It got lost
in my phone somewhere, but I do think I have it. It was
very early in our dating and it's a picture of you. You have this
little white top and your rainbow shorts and you got your like wooden like kind
of uh yeah, it's my pride outfit. I have my I lost my
keys pose. Yeah, yeah, that's what it was. And I used
to masturbate to that all the time. It's very funny. Yah yeah,
yeah, No, I have that picture. I posted sometimes because I'm like
shout out to twenty it was like twenty whatever, twenty sixteen or twenty fifteen.
Yeah, yeah, it was twenty fifteen. That was like, yeah,
when we were very those the it was very early on, very early
in our relationship. Yeah, but you looked so good in it. I
missed those shorts I had. I sold those shorts on Poshmark because I grew
out of them. Yeah, sad day, sat day. I saw that
top though I looked like open breskits in it, But I still have it,
you know, But that's fun. Any other that's fun. I think
my masturbation, my masturbating to you is things I've concocted in my mind,
things you've never done all my all my adam masturbation moments, like what like
what's an example, and my examples were the same heights, so things were
easier or all on top of or I'm seeing on something like I don't know
the height, the heights are just working. So it's a lot of like
us, like you being able to like pin me up against the wall.
Sure, you can't pin me up against the wall unless you're in full candy
cane like like you bent over. Oh yeah, bent over like a candy
cane, like yeah, yeah, that's fair, which is funny. You
know it's sad. I don't mean this in a sad way. I'm not
trying to masculate you, but I like how I don't think about like you
just being able to hold me, like like pick me up. That have
to be a different I think we could make that work. I don't think
you're not strong. You've picked me up and like have kissed me against the
wall and stuff before, but like, I don't expect you to fuck me
like that because that's I mean, that's a lot of my torsa, I
guess is longer. In these situations, I can be face to face and
also like parts to parts. I'm imagining where I think that we could make
it work. But I do think it would be a workout for both of
us. It'd be a leg day for Adam, and I think it would
be an arm day for Rihanna. Okay that it is no suggestion. I
think it would be like because your torso's a very long and mine's very short.
My dad just like at your Yeah, I'm trying to maybe not maybe
not against a wall. Yeah, very difficult. It would be very difficult.
In my imagination these things, the limits don't exist, sure, like
it's a lot of those kind of situations that we have never been able to
do. Sure, just got to be a better way to introducing the extendo
torso. You just need like super long, uh like pleasers, super long,
like tall, like really tall. Change my torso height. Your torso
height doesn't need to be long. My neck needs to be long, your
legs like if you're just up like we just have to get your pelvis aligned
with my pelvis. But that means my head is going to be at like
your sternum. A short torso and a tall torso those there's no changing that.
But no, but like if the idea is that I'm having sex with
you while you're standing while we're standing up against a wall. Yeah, see
this is you big C. This is me little C. Yeah, how
tall I am? That's my torso. This doesn't change. Yeah, but
you're Yeah, but your your your your pubic area is here, your pupil
carret goes up with your torso correct and your stays down. Doesn't matter if
I get taller or shorter. We're never going to be face to face.
Sure, we won't be face to face. So what are you getting it?
But I'm just trying. I'm more concerned with getting your vagina up to
level with my penis. Oh yeah, that's easy. I just have to
sit on a desk or something. No, but up against a wall.
Yeah, but I still won't be able to kiss you up your candy cane.
Sure, you're not wrong. We've done that before. We've done like
me on top of things. It's always me on the washer, on the
table this week on Rihanna sits on something. We've done it all, my
friend, And what has Adam done? Stand there? Oh? Stand there,
not wondering what their bare ass cheeks are on? When's the last time
this washing machine was wiped down? My bare ass cheeks are on it.
I'm just trying to come up with solutions here. I know we can't salute
like me being a short tours and you being long Torso that's the cards we
were dealt. If you could change your fate. Okay, So that's that's
how I feel about that. Get into it. You have something you even
want, even dying to say, even itching to talk about something else this
entire time. Sorry, I've had to bore you my goodness. Well,
I'm more wanted to talk about what happened to us earlier this week, we
can you don't want to, we're going to. Well it seems like I
don't have a fucking choice. Yeah, so carry on as long as you're
leading it, because I don't remember a lot of it. Yeah, So
this is our So, as we mentioned earlier, this is our second attempt,
and I'm really upset because we had the first attempt recorded and I wanted
to do a really cool thing where we played the first attempt where y'all hear
what happens in real time and then cut to us now. But my computer
decided to be an asshole and we lost it. So here's what happened.
Well, producer didn't save it. There's a reason. Producer didn't save it.
Just have a little extreme ownership. You're not wrong, but there's a
reason. So we a couple of days ago, we sat down and we
were going to record this episode. Yeah, and I didn't necessarily realize.
I didn't think about that we were going to be recording this episode. So
we both took gummies, yeah, which we've done before, which we've done
and we'll do on the Patreon for me, Adam, Like, I don't
mind if you do for me, Adam, I don't like taking gummies and
doing a main feed episode because well, fuck my drag, because I'm gonna
what because I'm an I'm unprofessional. No no, no, no, no,
it's more of I think one of us has to be able to have
the rain, have the reins, and be able to conduct the train.
Okay, Like even if we wanted a switch at some point and you were
like, Adam, you take gummies, I'm going to like, we can.
Ever, I'm willing to do that. I just don't think both of
us should be on gummies on the Patreon. It's fine, they pay for
it so they can get those shit crazy episodes. So we took gummies and
it was a different gummy than we normally take. Yeah, and we were
really like, we thought we were scientists about it. You looked at the
dosage, Yeah, the milliiers or whatever that is. What however, y'all,
however that works and we take gummies all the time. We tried different
brands, different strains and such. So we thought we had the rains on
this early. Oh yeah, here we went for you one for me.
Yeah. So we did that and then we just we decided to go record
and I would say for the first ten minutes it wasn't too terrible. Go
ahead. I also want to point out how fast acting those it happened,
because I don't think I knew we were going to record, and I think
you knew we were going to record. It's just that our edibles usually take
an hour and a half. That's true. That's an hour and a half
to even sometimes three hours to kick in. Sure. So yeah, the
dog was walked, all the things were done. We were like, let's
just take take these edibles, and it was record real quick. We thought
by the time the episode was overs when they would kick because we also had
like a really bad day that not really bad, but you know we oh
because we didn't talk because we lost that and well we will go through this
full story. If you want to hear the full story, you can go
on the Patreon. But our dog lost a tooth that we had to like
rush our dog to the vet because she lost a tooth. And I know
what you're thinking, did she tip chip a tooth? You want me to
correct you? Yeah, correct me please? You mean our our dog's tooth
was ripped out of its mouth, out of her mouth, yeah, and
like it was the full it was a it was her canine tooth and it
was the full root. This fucker is like an inch an inch it is.
It's it's like three inches. It's not that big, it's maybe an
inch and a half. It's maybe an inch and a half or so,
but it's a full It's like it is a massive it's the long like if
you think of your dog's canine tooth, that's only like a third of the
tooth. Yeah, it looks like a Jembo shrimp with the tail on.
Yeah, it was crazy looking. So we had to take our dog to
the vet. She's looking at us and our little toothless wonder. So we
just had a rough day. That was a very emotional, very emotional day.
So we decided to take a gummy, we'll record, will relax.
So we take this gummy. We start recording. The first ten minutes I
would say was going well. We started it both I could at the time.
I could tell we were both kind of having difficulty keeping on track.
But it wasn't like it wasn't too bad and mine mine kicked in probably on
the same time you used it, but I definitely had more of a handle
than you did. You definitely did. I Mine was leaning in and yours
yours didn't lean in. Yours went straight from went straight to crazy. I
hit a wall and and I, god, it sucks that we lost this
because at one point in the recording I just looked at you and I said,
I can't do this. Yeah. I was like, I was like
divorce, Like yeah, You're like what do you mean? And I was
like, we have to stop because I could not follow anything you were saying.
Yeah, I was not tracking it. I also in my mind,
I don't know how bad it actually was, but in my mind I was
panicking because I was like, this is unlistenable. I think because I couldn't
track what you were saying that. I was like, neither of us are
making any sense. Yeah, you went to full panics. So I was
like, we got to stop. Yeah, And I kind of in a
moment where I was like, we're good. Yeah. I think you tried
to push. You tried, you were like you did, you were like
a handle. I was like, I know, what's I have a handle?
I'm okay, yeah, and you're like, no, I can't fucking
speak to you. Yeah. I was like, no, I can't look
at you. I don't want to be with you anymore. Serve me the
papers right then and there. No, I I fully had it was it
was bad. I felt very not responsible, but I felt it very like
I had a very big printup pride. I was very like, I don't
know, pride of myself, pride. I don't know what. I was
like, huh, Like I felt like I was like I got to take
care of Adam because I just muted the mic. I was like, you
know, you're fine. Click, It's okay, we can stop. We
can stop, Like look at me go muting the mic. So yeah,
but I did. I was like, it's okay, Like we'll stop it
here. Well, this will be a funny, this will be a funny
episode. Will edit us coming back. You know, I told you I
made the joke I wanted to do like Sponge ten hours sixteen hours, which
was the idea if wed that recording. Yeah, we were just gonna like
resume and explain what happened that we got too high. But no, when
I say we got we will carry on about how we got too high.
So we stopped there, stopped. We decided to watch S and L.
Yeah, we went to the couch, were like, let's watch that.
Yeah, let's watch something funny. We we we had low hopes because it
was a Timothy show. Yeah, his episodes usually suck. Yeah, because
he sucks. But we were having a laugh riot. It was so funny.
It was very funny. I need to rewatch the first half just because
I'm like, I don't remember, but I remember enjoying it. Yeah,
you know, we're laughing, we were looking at each other, we were
te heating, we were both snacking. We were both snacking, which again
I'm like, man fast acting because we stopped recording that episode at like twenty
two minutes. So this entire thing we're describing happens like in an hour's time.
Yeah no, because s now we were only halfway through as well.
Yeah no, this whole thing, and like I said, we're going to
go through the whole the situation. It felt I would have I would have
sworn that it was hours. We'll get into that because I think a comment
about that. Yeah, so we so we watch us how we could the
cold open happens, and I looked at you at one point and this is
still this still cracks me up with your comment because it felt like the cold
open. It felt like the cold open was like twenty minutes. Yeh.
And I looked at you and I was like, that was the longest cold
open ever. And you just looked at me with this big, like prideful
grin and was just like yeah, And I followed most of it. It
was just the funniest thing still that I think has ever happened. So we
get through, you know, halfway the episode, and at this point,
from my perspective, I will say, at this point, I'm like,
oh, I am higher than I've ever been at this point. Yeah,
like I was. I was. I had that knowledge in my head of
being like, Adam, you're fucking stoned out of your mind and this is
just Delta nine. Yeah, and uh, I'm snacking away one of my
favorite combos. I eat one hot cheetoh one sour patch, one hot Cheeto,
one sour Patch kid. So that's how I was. And I had
my low taste flavored Cheetos, which are hit miss depending on my mood,
and miss hit or miss. They're hit and miss. They're both great and
bad at all times. And then a moonpie. Yeah, I love a
banana moon pie. When I'm high, you do you do. So we're
this is all going down. We are in the middle of Timothy shallow May's
skit having to do a space I don't know what the skit's about, but
I hate it. It was the horse one and it's so loud. I
didn't and it was just jarring. It was we didn't know, didn't make
any fucking sense it does it. I remembered that in his first time hosting,
they did It's a it's a callback to another skit he did his first
time you but it sucks and it was so loud, and I finally look
at you and I'm like fighting the words in my mind. I don't think
you know how long it felt like. I was waiting for hours to tell
you can please shut the shit off. I was like, Adam, I
think. I was like, can you turn it down? And then you
turned out. I was like no, I think. I was like no,
I mean, just turn it off. I was like I can't.
I was like I can't. Fucking I do not feel good. Well,
so, so yeah, we get through this. You look at me and
you're like, this skit's upsetting me, Like I'm not. The skit's making
me feel bad, and so we kind of just look at each other and
we have like our hands blinding the screen and we will we wait till this
we forget that remotes exists. Yeah, well, well, because I think
are at least from my understanding of what you're saying, let's just like we
just got to power through this and we'll keep watching. Yeah, and it
ends, and then commercials start and we're like, Okay, we're done.
And at this point it's hitting me in a bad way. It's starting to
hit me in a bad way. And you just you look at me and
you're just like, I don't feel good. I need to lay down.
Yeah, And so you lay down and you you go into like a full
I don't want to say full panic, but you're very much You start like
kind of tearing up and you're like, Adam, I don't feel good.
I don't feel good. Like you went into a very bad, very bad
at a very bad high and I was also in the middle of one.
Yeah. So yeah, And I think I told you the next day.
Yeah, I had like, like I was, I wanted to be in
your posit. I was like I want to also like curl up in the
fetal position. But I had a moment in my head where I was like,
Adam, it's time to be a fucking man. God, I'm so
sorry, and so I had I was like trying to comfort you, and
I was I was comforting you and myself at the same time, because I
was just like, I was like, it's okay. I was like,
take deep breasts, take deep breaths, like you just have to breathe,
like we're okay, You're okay, trying to rub your back and this whole
time in the back of my mind is we had ordered groceries. Oh yeah,
and they're about to be here any minute. Because I spent the entire
time on rubbing your back. I'm like, I just in my head what
I wanted to do really does happen so fast because they got delivered between six
thirty and seventy thirty. Is I just wanted to like get you settled enough
where you're calm down, and I just wanted to like curl up with you,
like I just wanted to like hold you. But I was like,
I was like, I don't half the fucking windows in this apartment are open
because you're married to me, yeah, which I love, Like I love
having our windows open. But not tonight. The groceries are on their way,
like this whole thing. So you finally get I know, you finally
get calmed down. Yeah, and and you step away and I step away.
I didn't know that. Yeah you didn't. I didn't compete that at
all. I step away because I'm like, well, I'm at least need
to get the houses ready I can to shut down for when the groceries get
here. So I go around, close all the doors, checked everywhere,
because then I got in my head paranoid that someone crawled in through the window,
and I'm like shaking the entire time. I'm like fully, like I'm
walking through the house shaking and like completely panicking. I look for your phone
because they're gonna text you when the groceries arrive. I can't find it,
and so I'm like, okay, you look at my phone. I looked
for your phone because they to see if they if they texted you and said
that the deliveries got the groceries got delivered, if the delivery has got groceried,
And so I I decide, I'm like, well, I can't find
it. I'm just gonna maybe it's here, maybe a's tear I'm just gonna
look outside, but I don't have pants on, so now I have to
like stumble into the room to put shorts on. I go outside, open
the door. Groceries are there. Oh my god, thanks for knocking a
GP. I know they may honestly, they may have. The snall was
a little loud, but I think we couldn't handle the door knocking. We'd
be like, who is it? It's the boys. I thought about that
too. At one point when I was waiting for them, I was like,
I'm more for you. I was like, because you got settled that.
I was like, oh my god, they're gonna knock and it's gonna
freak her out. It's gonna freak me out. But it's gonna freak her
out. It's giving like, we have a newborn, please shut up.
Yeah, do knock on our door. We have a child. Do not
our door. We're super high and we can't handle We can't handle it.
So I get the groceries in. I just I go through and just find
whatever's cold and just throw it in the frese. Yeah you did. It
was funny and kept and didn't worry about anything else. I actually forgot something
was out there. I didn't see it. Luckily was there. The next
day, my little sparkling water things got left outside. Oh, I was
like, what left out of the fridge. Benjamin looked out of the fridge,
like my sparkling water too making and I was like, I'm sure they're
fine. Adam, No, like I left it outside. Luckily it was.
It was not there. I actually had a thought later in the night
that I was like, did I grab everything? And at that point,
I was like, it's gone. If it's gone, it's gone. And
hopefully it's there in the morning. So I get the groceries in and I
go back, I lock up, I turned the alarm on. I finally
get laying down and I'm like, I'm this is I'm just gonna lay down.
I just need to lay down. And we're still in the living room.
We're still in the living room. So I sit on the couch next
to you and you look up at me and you just start you just start
saying my name over and over again. But the way you're saying it,
it's like you can't like you're like looking for me, but you can't find
me. You're like Adam, Adam, Adam, And I'm like looking.
I was fully hallucinating and never I was like, what did we fucking take
because I couldn't see you? And yeah, and this is something we just
bought at the store. I don't want to be clear about that. Ye,
Like, we didn't get laced by anything. I told my mom that
this happened. She's like, yeah, but you gotta be really careful about
what you get from people. I was like what and she was like,
uh, She's like, yeah, you just gotta be careful. People lacings
all the time. And I was like, no, Mom, this I
didn't find this on the streets like this. I paid for this with my
debit card. Yeah, I got an emailed receipt. I was like,
no, this is so legitimous. It's not even real weed. Yeah yeah,
no, I swear to god. We had like what what gummy?
What delta version of spice or something like? Got something crazy and crazy shit.
It took way too much. I could talk about fast fast and it
was just one. It was like a single gummy, Like it was like
a man sized gum. We haven't had this bad of a high since we
split one of Denay's. Our first time ever ever doing ever doing and I
think this was way worse than that. Oh yeah, well, at least
I didn't have an next day hangover. You did a little bit, but
not that bad. But okay, so carry on you you do you want
me to chime in with what? Yeah, if you chime in with what,
like you're going through your mind because this is the first time you're now
kind of I just don't know what point you want me to bring this up.
Okay, cool, So I'll go ahead and step in here. So
you're you're You've settled me down, You've laid me, You've played me to
rest while you're going to town on the windows and grocery and I don't know
you're gone. I don't know that I'm on the couch. I am in
a I am time traveling fully. I am fully traveling through space and time,
and I have a bunch of memories of you and I but that's not
really computing. And then I randomly start every like second, every every second
felt like a different type of pain. So I'm laying there and my mind
is telling me, this is what it would feel like to get shot,
This is what would feel like to die by fire, This is what I
wouldeel like to drown, like every second was a different one, and I
feel like my body's on fire. Like I am fully like in my mind
experiencing every way of dying and that stresses me out. So that's not good.
Yeah, so that's happening. And then all of this is happening,
and it's making me very nauseous, Like the room is spinning. I'm experiencing
all these ways to die in my mind. I'm saying in my mind,
I'm telling you, Adam, I'm gonna throw up, Adam, I don't
feel good this is And then I think that's when all the atoms came out.
And I didn't know I said it that many times my mind. I
said it one time, you said it, you kept repeating it. So
all this is going on, I'm looking for you in this ether and I
opened my eyes and that was the thing too, sorry to interapt it.
Yeah, that was a thing too. Where why I was like, it's
like you were saying you couldn't see me because your my eyes open. Your
eyes were open, but you were looking around. You weren't like looking at
me. Oh yeah, you were like looking like you physically looked like you
were looking for me. Yeah, I was looking at the Macrima for a
while, and the Macrime, even though I just bought it. I bought
it what like, you know, since we've lived here, so let's less
than a year. And in my mind, while I'm looking at the Macroma,
it's not computing that I bought it within this last year. My mind
had bought this years ago, and it's something I don't have anymore. So
I was like, I think I'm waking up in the past again. I
thought it was time traveling. Do I see the future? No, But
for some reason I thought I thought I got put in the past. Yeah.
And I was like, I thought I was at Kobe. I thought
it was at our old place from We hadn't lived there in like three years,
three or four years at this point, so I'm confused. I'm like,
Okay, well, well maybe I can prevent us from making a bunch
of mistakes. Is that bad for base time? Continue? Like, I'm
like, I'm trying to think about how okay, I had to go back
a bunch. Fuck, I'm gonna have to relive all this time. But
I feel like Adam will believe me. I don't know. I'm just trying
to cope with the fact that I'm waking up in the past. Yeah,
how do I handle? How do I handle this? Is there two of
me? Like, I'm going through every worst case scenario. You know,
everything I know from time travel via the movies, every single rule book is
being thrown at me right now. So I'm trying to figure that out because
I in my mind, I'm surely waking up in Kobe. I'm not waking
up. And then then I say your name, but like I can't remember
you, So then I go from that to, oh, no, reincarnation
is real. I'm waking up as a new person. So I guess this
is how this works. I thought I would start off as a baby or
something like, but which is? The universe is throwing me right in very
like monkey bones situation. I'm like, whose body am I waking up into?
That's a deep coot because I truly was like, I'm waking up into
someone else's life. I'm gonna have to like learn all these things and at
some point you're maybe that's why you did what you did because I look like
I couldn't see you literally came in front of my face like at an inn
in like a frame way like you like lean like lean your head in front
of my head, and I'm like, oh, there you are. And
I watched you do that five times like I would just keep coming. I
just kept coming you just yeah, you just kept coming in like on repeat,
and I was like, oh this sucks. And I just remember leaning
up and throwing up in my hands. Yeah. Yeah, you leaned up
and just it just came out. And you also had you hate like a
whole bag of hot Cheetos, hot Funians And that's a small back smell back.
Sure. Yes, it wasn't like the full. It wasn't like family
science. It's just like a grot, a grocery store back, a gas
station bag. Yeah. So you just threw up like neon red. Yep.
I haven't done this since I was a kid. Here nice. Yeah,
I threw up all the time as a kid, especially the hot Cheetos.
Yeah. Will My mom would be like, oh, you want some
apple juice with your hot Cheetos? You have something healthy, so you know,
a whole glass apple juice that I can barely withstand as the child as
an adult for drinking alone. Yeah. So, yeah, you threw up
all over the blanket you had you end up on the floor on your arm,
on your hands and knees. I panic. I'm like, I don't
know what to you. I just go and grab a towel and kind of
put it under you, and then you threw up on the towel and then
you kind of just sat there for a long time. Yeah, I just
I remember just like being on all fours for a while for a while.
I went, oh this and I threw up. This caused me to throw
up. If you are going to it really was. I ran to the
sink that went threw up in the kitchen sink full meatballs. I learned.
I was like, I was like, did I not do I not chew
my head? You don't because I saw them the next day. I saw
them the next day, and I did. I did the same thing.
I meant to have a conversation with you about that of like, hey,
hey, Bud, we got to use our chomp chomps like I saw them.
I saw those whole meatballs. Yeah, I don't know what that was
about. I got to figure that out. Do you chill outs like there
were they were they were like two thirds of the meatball, two Like it
wasn't just like the top layer, like the foreskin of the meatball, Like
he just left a little bit at the top. It was like, I
was like that. I did cock my head the next day at the sink,
and I was like, God, I hope it's not I hope he
chooses food. I was like, Okay, we'll go with the wall,
like kind of like trying to push it now. Oh, you nasty little
bitch. So yeah, I threw up. I go get the towel.
You throw up more on the towel, and then I go, I get
just like a towel, and I'm like, I don't know what to do
at this point, Like I'm I don't I don't have a clue, So
I just go get a towel and get it wet and then just kind of
rub your face. Yeah, with the towel. That seemed to bring you
up to life a little bit, honestly, Like I don't know if it
was the right call, but it seemed to work in the moment, cause
you kind of you kind of snapped to reality a little bit when I did
that, and you were like, Adam that you kind of started laughing and
you were like this is crazy. And I was just like yeah, it's
not great. So you just kind of rem roller coasters, Oh my god.
Yeah, and so yeah, you just kind of make a couple of
comments, and then I get you laying down. Luckily, most of your
most of your vomit was on the blanket and towel. Yeah, only a
little bit got on the floor and some on your foot. But because we
fully on the rug, we lay like twos from the puke. Oh yeah,
I get you laid down and I just kind of I just I flopped
down next to you and laying down on my back. Yeah, we're just
laying on the floor. And I don't know how long we were there for,
but hours hours. It felt like hours hours. Absolutely, I wake
up in the most excruciating pain I've ever been in in my life. Yeah,
I felt so dea canned to the ground because you know, you're laying
on your shoulder. It literally physically felt because I woke up in so much
pain that I was like, okay, my shoulder has collapsed my like,
my shoulder has to be like touching my ear. Yeah, it feels like
I'm Jumanji melted into the floor. Sure, I'm so bald up, Like,
yeah, I mean you were in like full fetal position was one.
I was so tensed up. I woke up and I was like, my
body is in is it's broken in half? Like this feels awful. And
I struggled and I finally it was just like wait, well so you eventually
did. But yeah, we were laying there to muster that up. And
yeah, and I was laying there and I was having I was I was
like convincing myself. I was like, no, one's odd on on like
you don't, you don't od on like th HC. Yeah. I didn't
feel like I was gonna die at any point. I didn't. That's where
I was going. I didn't necessarily feel like I was going to die,
but I think I think there was this reality that I was going to live.
I can tell you that. But it was definitely panic. And also
this like the idea of and and and no, you know, I don't
want to offend anyone, but the idea of like vomiting and then laying in
your own vomit seems like such a it's like such an O D type thing
that I did. It's very breaking bad. So I was like I had
to be like, we're okay, it's gonna be okay. You are like
completely motionless. So I keep having to kind of, like in my stupor
as muster all the strength, just kind of kind of poke you a little
bit and see if I can make you make a sound, just to check
in. Uh so, Yeah, we lay like that for a long time
and you eventually are like, we have to get to bed. Yeah.
I was like, we got it. We have to get to bed,
and you were like, I don't know if that's possible. I was fully
concided. I was cool, fully like, well this is where I sleep
tonight. But we do. And thank god you you, I got you
got us and like pushed us to do that because we got in bed and
I it was like, it was the greatest experience to get in bed.
Well, we get up. I finally get you up your standing. I
was like, what time you're what time is it? It's three am?
Oh my god, what time is it? This is insane? You're like
it is eight pm. It is eight pm. I was like, are
you fun? I think that's why I remember laughing. I was like,
are you fucking kidding me? Like we took this edible like an hour hour
fifteen ago, Like how how have I fully like emotionally O D threw up
everywhere? Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah? What in the fast acting
shit is this? And as I remember, I go, oh my god,
we have groceries and you were like I took care of it, and
I was very surprised. I was like, oh wow really and uh yeah,
we go to bed. I sleep like a baby. You don't.
Yeah, I mean I felt I definitely calmed down in bed, Like we
got in bed, and I felt definitely felt a lot more calm. I
wasn't panning, but but yeah, I did not sleep very well. Every
little noise that happened was waking me up. I slept hard, but I
did fully get in bed, being like I'll figure out whose life I'm in
tomorrow. Like I still wasn't fully convinced. I was like, I don't
know this guy seems nice and I like, I did not know what was
I was like, I have I feel like I know you, we know
each other, but I don't have I don't have any memories with you.
This slate has been wiped clean. I don't know who this life I'm living,
I don't even know what I do for a living I'm glad I came
back to you. Did I woke up feeling like, okay, you know,
you're all, yeah, what a wild time, What a wild time?
And then yeah we got up and I was I. I was still
like high the next day and it would come in waves. I made you
breakfast, you made me breakfast, and yeah, it would just come in
waves of like, right, feel fine, and then like I would stand
too fast and be like, oh, I got to sit down. Yeah,
we got a little bit done in the morning and afternoon, and I
was like, let's just sit for a while, and yeah, you know,
I just kind of like vegged out. And I would also go in
waves of feeling high and stuff. But I knew I was feeling better than
you. I got a full night's rest, yeah, so, and you
weren't having it. So I was like, okay, I need to make
a breakfast. I need to get us back on track. We can't both
be sunk in the mud. Yeah. What a time though. This week
it was crazy. I feel like every day there's been something and I'm so
sick of every day being some different type of recovery from the day prior,
so over every day being a recovery day for something else. Yeah, well
exhausted. We're going on a little bit of a trip here soon. Yeah,
well we're going on the big one. But I'm talking about like even
just this Thanksgiving. Yeah, Thanksgiving will be nice to step away. I'll
be with my parents and not in like a shitty like Braddy way. But
like, you know, they take care, they take care of us.
We don't have to like worry about any division. I mean, we have
to make decisions, but like dinner, you know, they take care of
a lot of Mom cooks for us whatever. We get to escape reality for
a little while. Yeah, just kids again, kind of a little bit
of autopilot, and it is away. I mean, your mom's good about
that. Like we show up and she's like, oh, I remember one
thing about you. Here is a ginger ale and a hot cheeto and Adam,
I got you a coke and some goldfish. Yeah, she loves that
for us, she does. Uh yeah, And your dad's always like if
you got hot cheetos for you, but I'm gonna steal if you like Alan
you devil. Yeah, so that'll be nice. I'm really looking I am
actually really looking forward to it. Of just I am too. We haven't
gone in a while. We haven't gone in a while, and even just
like to have a little break to not be I have to adult a little
bit. Yes, will be nice, it will it will be nice.
And they're pretty good about like letting us sleep in. I always go to
bed earlier than you so you can have your mommy time down together, you
know, shoot the ship. Yes, that will be nice. I haven't
thought about it much, but that will be good. That will be good
next week, and always sleep really good in that bed day of Yeah,
I don't have things. I think the first night sometimes I struggle, but
I'm gonna bring my melotone in or drugs or something. I'll be bring our
drugs, drugs. And now your parents do drugs, so that'll be fun.
They're getting tattooes, don't drugs and the Devil's lettue, the Devil's delta.
I love you so much. I love you. Thanks for listening,
guys. It's been another good one. It's been a great one. Masturbate
together. Yeah, go masturbate together, people, and learn reserving sizes on
your edible's bag. Be careful with those. Be careful with those. Until
next time. Stay Horny Bitches. If you enjoy today's episode of allD up
Bitches, be sure to rate and subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast To
join in on more of our conversations and fun. You can follow us on
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has been a Crooked Bunny production. Stay Horny Bitches,