In three days of this release, I am turning fifty five. This show
is called fifty plus, and so we talk about ages, four fronts,
but also style and life and everything. And I was thinking about this particular
episode, like what was I going to say to the public. Let me
say to you who are watching and or listening to this episode. I've been
through a lot in fifty five years, so on my own doing some that
just life happens situations. I've lived a varied life. I've done a manything.
I've lived in different cities, different states. I've had different careers.
I've loved different people, different kinds of friends. I've been different sizes,
ages, And I was trying to think what can I say to people as
I turned fifty five of some kind of notes or merit. I guess.
I've had incredible loss, a lot of loss in my life. I've traveled,
I've survived situations. I don't know, I guess, and I'm sitting
here I really die just like there's a show. I have no script for
anything. A lot of times I'm running my mouth and on this show,
and I have lots to stay with this time, I really I'm like stumped
a little bit. Not every person makes it to fifty five, so that's
very fortunate. There are times when I think making fifty five, there are
situations where I could have not made fifty five. It's true. I've had
so many ups and downs. My way of thinking has changed over the years.
I always joke that in order to get the more I realize, I
don't know. On some level, Yes, there are things I'm still learning,
which that's beautiful to still learn the things that confuse me and I don't
understand. I don't really have any regrets in my life. There are a
couple of things. They could be regrets, I guess, but not really
did. There are a couple of things I would love to get a chance
to apologize to a couple of people put in my past. But everything but
it doesn't happen. It's fine too. But everything I know that everything that
has gone on and gone down in my life happened for a reason. Some
things were my fault, some things I was guided by what I thought.
I do feel I see things in a more real spectrum than I had before
in life. So long as you live, you live through stuff. Man.
It's It's one thing I would say to you guys that I just know
that we go through a lot of stuff, but you do survive the most
part, and things that were so dire and instant and huge in one moment
in some cases dissipate into the past and are not important, And that we
have to give ourselves grace too and compassion to ourselves, that we've done all
the answers at any given time when something is going down. And you also
can't take anything out. I can't take anything out with the threat of my
life because one thing taken out could be the thing that changes me completely.
U It's the best of good and the bad stuff. And there are things
in my life I wish didn't happen. They did, and in the end
or in the way I am now, they do serve me in ways that
are positive. For the most part, I think last year, I've had
many milestone marker years like this year was important as important and behind the picture
of myself was fine when I was three years old, just kind of fright
looking at that last year was It was a very interesting year for me,
I would say nineteen twenty eighteen of my Bell's policies another instant year for me.
Both years I really found out who the people are in my life,
what they mean to me, what they don't mean to me, what I
mean to them, what I don't mean to them. I learned how people
show up and how they show up. I learned about people who didn't show
up that too, and how to deal with that. Losing a couple of
stepfathers, one that was really a stepfather, the other was my mother's husband,
but you know, I was taking care of my mom. Losing them
within a year, that was tough. Both them was kind of tough.
Almost losing my mother was a whole other situation. And you mean since then,
there's been a whole different turn that many of you out there know what
that feels like. Also, my family is not conventional by any kind of
meaning. Traditional any kind of means. I have a small family within a
larger family, and I mean that intends that I don't talk to everybody of
my larger family sporadically, hearing ever people here and there, But there's a
small group of us that really hang together, and that's it. I have
lots of people in my life, but there are certain people I'm friends with,
and I just I have just learned because I think I can say I
learned people mostly people are people. That's a song that people have sois have
their own agendas, they have their own traumas, they have their own hurts,
their own pains that inform how they react to you. I have learned
that that's something I'm like, Yes, it's it's really about whenever that's made
who you are up to this point when you intersect with me, who's made
of whoever I am at this point? Sometimes it works well as it doesn't.
When I think of the future, I have said this before. I
don't folks like I say this. I don't picture myself an old man.
For some reason, I don't. I don't picture it. Why just I
just don't. And I mean, oh, I mean old man sense like
in my nineties or one hundred, I don't I still see that. I
mean, if it happens, it happens. I don't. I was.
I don't know. But I looking at the next fifteen years. That means
I mean seventy makes twenty years or seventy five twenty five years, eighty.
I am looking at what my life is gonna look like. His chances are
I'll have to after work. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I
don't think. I do not think retirement is in my future from what I've
chosen of my life. I even know if I want retirement, but I
just don't see it my health being what that's gonna be like. Also,
but for me, it's relationships. Who is going to continue to be around
with me as I get older? And being single is not something that I
want to be and it is harder to find someone as he is get older.
Also, there's a lot of there's a lot of broken people out there,
a lot of folks who just don't know how to communicate or do how
to let walls down, or everybody's been hurt or they're scared or they're set
in their ways. And I think about, am I gonna be by myself?
Is it? Am I not gonna find anybody else? Because I'm out
there dating but like I date, but like nobody's sticking. So I was
like, is that? And I believe you call people into your life for
beans, for stuff, for a reason. Somebody is that me? That's
kind of my next chapter looking into myself, like is it me? You
know? Am I thinking I want somebody? And I don't what I feel
like I do I have, you know, so there's more work to come.
I'm turning fifty five. But that the work is an end, it
does continue. I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. I
work kind of break next me. I work every single day, you guys,
just about every day. I don't have days off. I try to
occasionally take an afternoon off or an evening off early and relax, but I
feel such an urgency. I have a lot that I want to do.
I have books I want to put out. I have music going to put
out in audio, dramas and interviews, and I do have a drive that
I have stuff I want to get out to you, like before I leave
the earth, or something that that is. That's there also where I come
from. I've always been that way. I like to work. If I'm
going to tell you, I was always a worker. I've been working.
I've been working for forty years as I was fifteen years old, and so
that I guess maybe that hasn't change. But I'm I do feel like that's
that sandwich generation that I'm not super old, I'm not super young. I'm
in the middle somewhere, and I have the parent above me that I'm helping
out with and I have the children and grandchildren. I'm looking to you.
So I am somewhere in the middle. But I am feeling things change.
I am feeling it. I'm feeling I'm feeling the change. I'm feeling less
tolerable to the bullshit. Let's to be tolerated, the status quo of just
like it's not always is. I'm tired of that. Also, I speak
out a lot more than I did before. It's not a lot, just
these are my thoughts. I don't I don't know. I'm sorry. I
don't have anything succinct and like super deep to share with you. I tried,
I was thinking about I just couldn't. I want to read some speech
or something to you, guys, this show is not like that. But
I'll tell you I'm not perfect, far from it. Don't want to be
perfect, but I do try to be a good person as well as I
can be. I try, and I really do. If you're in my
if you're in my life and in my circle, I do try to give
you all of me. But I can and that's all we can really do,
right, That's all of you. Because I'm doing a lot of this
on camera, very interesting. I have a big dot. I'm like,
I got bit by something. It's like right here in my face and it
hurts. I'm like great, but so that goes away. But to me,
it's like, it's like, that's what happens. Life happens singing,
you know, that's what this is what it is like. I can't make
up on it, I guess, but this is life. I'm proud of
a lot of my accomplishments. I did some really great work. I have
accomplished a lot of things. I'm very proud of what I've accomplished. My
restume looks good, my life resume looks good. And I have I just
have dreams and plans. I had faith always the mainspiration for me, she
says, But I don't stop dreaming. She yes, she's older life,
she has dreams and things I might. I might giving that up. The
things I want to achieve don't get there a run of time. I have
no idea. I'm gonna try, and I know I work very hard.
I do. I work very very hard to give everyone out there content.
You know you'll hear me online pushing my wares and follow this and do buy
me a coffee and do my Patreon it. I know it's a lot.
I know it is. It's a lot, but it's it's what I do.
And again, I give so much. I give so much content out
there that a lot of performers co creators and I'm dedicated to and I'm dedicating
to you, and it feels good when it's embraced. Do that, so
I know I'm trying for five May tenth and thirty five. I made it
and I'm not going into something that's what I want to do. I made
it. And hy birthday to me and high birthday to anybody else who has
birthdays on May tenth. There's May tenth, lunks, why not? That's
all for now. Of course I'm back in the episodes. Who knows,
we'll talk about at fifty plus, but we are fifty plus and we're fabulous,
and we are okay, and and I have more life to live, right