This. It's the two seventeen Recovery podcast with Corey Winfield. You know when
people I reach out and ask for help and it's something as simple as Hay
shipping her a box of tampons. The one thing about this girl is she's
never asked me for anything. She may hit it about the tampons. It
is the sixth of September. My name's Corey Winfield, and this is the
two seventeen Recovery podcast Marty not on tonight. And actually I figured it would
be a great time to answer a podcast I did six months ago, which
I did by myself. So why not, right makes perfect sense. I've
done a podcast in a minute. It seems like I can. As every
day draws to an end, I just think, damn, I do a
podcast today, And before I would just get up and do one. So
right now I was downstairs cleaning out the cat litter and thought, you know,
I really do need to answer that podcast I did six months ago,
and I think it was called six Months from Now. You know, I
was really going through a time where I was worrying about things with two seventeen
Recovery and if we were going to get grants and we were gonna get funding
to open a recovery community center, to do transportation for people, you know,
take them to and from treatment, take them to recovery meetings, stuff
like that. And we were told we were gonna get it like in October
of last year. We're like, all right, cool, and then we
didn't it, and then we're like, oh, hold on, maybe Christmas,
and it was after Christmas, and then the beginning of the year,
I'm like, okay, cool, and then it was just a bunch of
like okay, that sounds good. We signed the papers, now when,
now what? And then it was just kind of a whirlwind. So I
was kind of freaking out, just not knowing what to do. And then
we were like okay, you're given a funding and then they're like, oh
no, you have to spend the money and then we pay you back.
And I was like, well, we don't have any money to spend.
And then, just grace of God, Justin had been to a meeting.
I think I went to one of his meetings that he was hosting, and
I was just like laying it out there, you know, how stressed I
was and how I needed to learn how to ask for help, and you
know, just kind of talking about the financial situation. And here we thought
we'd have some funding and then and we have funny but it's like you spend
it, we'll pay you back kind of funding, but only for things that
they approve, and it's like, wait what. And then Justin had kind
of mentioned something in another meaning that he was in and somehow the right people
hurt it and you know, gave it a nice donation for us to kind
of get going. And about that, you know, I don't know if
we whatever got off the ground. And I'm not talking like huge, huge
donation, nothing like that, not like a million dollars I would love,
but it was enough to it was enough to be what we needed. That
was exactly what we needed to actually, And it's those little times, those
little moments I look back on and I'm like, man, what if I
wouldn't have went to that meeting, What if I wouldn't have been vulnerable and
opened up about asking for help and about you know, what was going on.
You know, because if you don't ask for help, sometimes people don't
know you need it. And that goes to someone who's sober, that goes
to someone who's struggling. Your family might know that you need help, but
they don't know how to help you. They don't know what ways to help
you. You know, family members sometimes they don't know the best ways that
they're just trying to do what they think is right. But they for other
people, say, if they've run online, and everybody's different, what works
for some families. Who works for one person might not work for you.
You know, it might not work for your family. So it's about knowing
the person, knowing the situation, and the only way you know that is
by going through it. At the end of it, there's no one there
but you, and you're the one that has to make those decisions. So
anyway, Yeah, so I was being vulnerable and opening up and letting people
know that I didn't need help, and today I sit here, this is
all I was kind of cleaning out of cat litter, and I was like,
man, I gotta do a podcast about this. But I started thinking,
like, okay, six months ago, what was I thinking? What
was on my mind? That that was what I was thinking, and that
was some of the things that were on my mind. And I always go
through the if you'd have told me this is where I would be six months
ago. I don't think I would have believed you. And yet here I
am again. If you just said, oh, you're going to be in
the basement studio at your new home that you and your beautiful wife Marty purchased,
and I would have said, wait, wait, what what are you
talking about? Then wait, whoa whoa whoa. Things happen. Man,
you stay sober and you keep doing good things, good things just start happening,
and then more good things happen. I'm telling you, if if you
know someone, a family member, loved one, don't give up on him.
It would have been so easy for you know, my family to give
up on me. And I think most of them did, but not all
of them. You know, my mom, like she was like one of
the last ones that you know. She just wanted to give up. And
I guess that's the mother instincts. It's like, I can't give up,
don't give up. It's frustrating for her. She had to go through all
the oops, but are not do that? Oops, that was a mistake.
Shouldn't have done that. And I mean, like by helping me sometimes
she wasn't really helping me, but by the end of it, she knew
you know what she could offer and what she could give and what she couldn't
do. And that's unfortunate because it always usually happens at the end of it,
you know, and Okay, figure this out now, and then you
might have another child. It's brutal going right through it again. And guess
what, that's a totally different child, totally different situation, totally different circumstances.
Things will work, things won't work, So it's like going through it
all over again, you know, so be careful with that sometimes, you
know, and it's just a addiction is a funny thing, and it's not
funny, but I just mean a weird, odd thing because you would assume,
especially with people that are in addiction or you know, people in recovery,
we can sit there and tell stories and they're so damn similar. I
mean, you would think, well, then there should be one set of
rules, one something that works for people. And I think that the reason
why it doesn't is because we all have different trauma. You know, there's
all there's a traumatic events that happened to me, there's traumatic events that happened
to you, to your mom or your cousins, your brothers and sisters,
different things happen. And I think that's why it's so different, because the
trauma I had to deal with maybe not the same trauma that you're dealing with,
you know, or vice versa. And my trauma, there was a
lot of abandonment issues and it was something I had to deal with, and
to deal with it, I had to write a letter. I had to
get deep in my thoughts, and I had to have a conversation with myself,
you know, about this is what happened, this is what didn't happen,
and this is what matters. This is what doesn't matter. What can
I control? What can I control? What do I want? Now?
I can blame everybody for the past. If I want to, I'll throw
myself then there included, of course, throw alcohol in there. Not as
many people are blaming an alcohol that should be. But I'll throw it in
there too, you know, throw it all in the past. I can
blame everybody I want. That doesn't help, That doesn't change anything. I
used to joke in the early days of the podcast about belaving with time machine.
I would still like to build one, just to go back to check
out dinosaurs or something. See where the aliens really started everything that's the kind
of a joke, but not really. But I would still like the build
one to do that. But I can't go back and change the past.
Back to the future too taught us that, actually, I think back to
the future one did too. You can't change the past. And the more
I dwell on, oh, this and that and this and that. And
I was with Adam and Justin today. They were doing some government work and
we were on the way back and I was telling them a story about you
know something that I kind of you know, just those things that you do
when you're drunk, and the way you act when you're drunk, and the
way you treat people when you're drunk, and there's some there's some things I'm
not really proud of, and I treated some people pretty shitty. And you
know, I'm not gonna apologize to these people today. I'm not gonna sit
there and write them a letter. I don't think they care. You know,
they're not in in my life now. They're they're out of my life,
and they're probably happy about that. But the only thing I can do,
though is move forward and think about the person I want to be today.
And that's why it's like you know the relationships I do have, you
know, with my co workers, with my family, with my wife.
You know, I want, I want to be I'm gonna be the best
husband I can be. And I was looking the other day for audiobooks on
how to be a better husband, you know, because sometimes I get caught
up in a work, it caught up in the moment, get caught up
in fantasy football, and I get too caught up in what Corey's doing.
And a lot of times I don't I don't realize, you know, like,
am I spending enough time asking? You know, what's my wife doing?
What does my wife want to do? I was telling the guys too,
It's like tomorrow, which is the kickoff of NFL season. I was
like, I want to go. I have a Family's Against Snarcotics meeting I
have to go to. And then after that, you know, I'm gonna
come home and watch football because that's what Corey wants to do. And I'm
gonna order pizza, you know, because that's what Corey wants to do.
And did I ask Marty do you want to order pizza? Did I ask
Marty, hey, do you want to go watch football? You know she's
in our fantasy football league. But does she does she want to be or
does she feel like she has to be otherwise I'm gonna be like upset with
her because we don't have players or is it something she enjoys? I mean,
I think for the most part, she finds an interesting. If football's
on, she has a guy playing, she likes to be, Hey,
let's let's watch is my guy playing? But does she really like it?
You know, she's just doing that, you know, to be a part
of my life. And if am I doing anything like that for her?
You know, do I? I don't go to have picnics with her?
You know, I know her mom at least was on some picnic kick and
then we were always going to picnics. I'm like, I hate pick NICs.
But am I doing that for her? You know? Am I doing
those same things? I mean she might just absolutely hate football, She might
absolutely hate pizza, but she eats it because she knows I like it.
You know, what do I do? Am I doing enough? I guess
it's my question there as a husband, you know, coming up in December
we have three years, three year anniversary, so a lot of people say,
oh, you're still in that honeymoon phase probably, But these are these
are things that I'm noticing, and I don't want it to get too far
out of hand, if that makes any sense, you know, because of
the more I keep letting things slide and the more I keep getting into what
does Corey want? It's Corey's way. That's that's a dangerous line. You
know that that's something that could lead me right back out to using, and
I really don't want to do that. We'll stick with that that I don't
want to The Corey way should be as long as you're saying that you still
don't want to drink. So I don't want to use drugs. That's fine,
but it is. But those other things could lead me to lose relationships
with people, which would get the old brain thinking again, will eff it?
You know I didn't work out, so will eff it? You know,
I'm just gonna go drink. I'd love to see her and tell you
today that that's never gonna cross my mind. I can't. You know.
There's a lot of things that I haven't had to experience. She had a
lot of hardships, a lot of loss, and I just pray that I'm
strong enough. That's all I can do. I know that drinking doesn't make
anything better, so I don't know why I would. And four years was
it the sixth I'm four years and seven eight months something like that. That's
what I have clean and I've learned that, you know, drinking doesn't make
anything better. So hopefully with that time in there, clear thinking should help
me. But when emotions are involved, it's not always clear thinking. And
that's that's the scary part, the part that you can't guarantee. But tonight
I'm not drinking. I can guarantee you that, and hopefully tomorrow it's the
same. I did learn though that the and this is just right now as
I learned this, I'm talking to you. The litter box is way too
close to my desk. Yep, for sure. It's like, what does
that smell? Yep, that's what it is. So it's it's a clean
litter box. But they love using it when it's clean. You know what
I'm saying. They have cats at home. You don't you know exactly what
I'm saying. You're cleaning it, you get done, you just feel good.
You're like, yep, cleaning that. Some bitch out and then the
cat jumps right in it and just blue. And most of the time,
if I see that happen, I would just give it a minute, not
scoop it. But this time they let me start a podcast and get a
little bit into it before they decided to jump in the cat box. I'm
telling you, man, sober people problems, they're real. The biggest problem
I have to say is I realized that my cat box is too close to
the desk. Then pretty good little day. No, But I will tell
you something that's stressing me out though. We'll talk on the reel about this.
And I don't mean it sound like I'm bitching, but this might be
a warning to you. You might learn something from this. If you're buying
furniture, be very careful if you're buying furniture from Ashley Furniture. There was
a sale the other day and my wife's like, we need a kitchen table
and some chairs. Here's here's what I like. She sent me the table.
Okay, there's three of them. And then I looked and I was
like, okay, well, I guess I liked this one, and let's
see what chairs are I'm going for. So I went and I found on
one table and had a set of chairs, and they were all on sale
and the chairs were half off, so I'm like, hell, yeah,
man, then we'll get this one. We can get that table. And
these chairs they're they're on sale, they're half off, you know. And
I remember thinking that the only way we're getting these chairs is because they're half
off. They were expensive, and they were when I bought them. Said
there were a set of chairs. Eighty five bucks, all right, eighty
five bucks for a set of chairs, So I need two of them.
So I added two to the cart one Quantity two, ordered it, we
got delivered. They came, I get one box box of chairs. We
got the table and then one box of chairs. Two boxes technically, but
one box of chairs or the other two. So I call customer service.
And that was the most confusing thing to them because now the sale had gone
off. Well they were half off, so it says, I'm I'm might
order Quantity two. Now keep in mind, these are sets of chairs,
so if you're follow me along, if you order one, you get two
chairs. So what I'm saying, Quantity one equals two chairs, Quantity two
equals four chairs. Well they say, no, no, no, no,
you got what you paid for because you got two chairs and you paid
one seventy because they're eighty five dollars a piece. Again, they were half
off. So I was like, well, no, because I see this
says quantity two. That's the quantity were two sets of chairs, That's why
it says quantity two. No, No, this says that that means two
chairs. Well, so if I just would have ordered one, you just
sent me one chair, the quantity would have been one. No, So
they're they're having a real hard time actually furnished. And I went from even
their store in Virginia, which I don't know how I got them, because
I decided, all right, it's signed for the better business period to get
involved. Because I called them and they're like they couldn't understand and they blew
their mind that they had any kind of sale. And the little ribbon that's
at the top of the website is still on there. It's like fifty percent
off, and I'm like, do you guys not see what the f just
happened? And just send me my damn chairs. I'm like, if you
want more chairs, you have to buy them. And then like I bought
them, and look here's what you do. And I even told them to
go to their website and click it, you know, add two to the
cart and now click it. Now what does it say? It says,
oh, well the price is three forty. Well yeah, so if I
would have done that when it was buy one a half off, you know
they're a half off or whatever, wouldn't that be one seventy And they're like,
yeah, but it's just quantity two. You get two chairs. I'm
like, I'm telling you mother efforts. If I order a chair or just
one set and it'll say quantity one and I get two chairs, you guys
must pay me back for them and then pay me encompassate me for my time
explaining to you how sales work, how your website works, how are you're
Oh my god, it's frustrating anyway. It's little things like that that will
work you up to and gets you so frustrated, and I don't know what
to do. I've tried to meditate over it. They're not over it.
That would be kind of kind of productive if I'm meditating over this Ashley furniture
drama. But there are some times, even at work today, because the
guys keep messing with me about it. They're like, oh, I actually
furniture. I'm like, nope, not even checking that email right now because
I'm fine, like being in a bad mood, but it has to deal
with it, you know. And Marty's like, well, let's just buy
two more chairs, and I'm like, no, it's the principle of it
now, Like these stupid people can't figure out their own website of their own
systems, Like it's it's dumb. First of all, they don't even give
you an option to buy one chair, so why would it say quantity two?
What's this quantity two? Because there was two chairs in there? See
that the price and they keep getting so hooked on the price. The price
is one seventies and that's what you paid, and that's the price for two
chairs. You had a sale that was fifty percent off, Like I don't
know how many times I had to tell them that. And then I'm like,
can't you just look up the original order? Well, yeah, it's
this quantity two, but that means two chairs. I'm like, no,
no, I'm buying a set of chairs. You're not selling chairs. You're
not selling just chairs. A chair for eighty five dollars. If they did
that, then I'm all right, cool, I get it, but it's
a set of chairs. It doesn't come as one, you idiot. I
don't know. I just really need to pray about it. I have not
done that yet, so I'm gonna pray about it tonight. I made it
as clear as day as I could to the people actually furniture. I really
don't know what else to tell them, but yeah, so I'm telling you
though, if you're buying chairs, don't buy faster furniture. You don't want
to deal with this mess. And actually I was gonna buy well, I
kind of did buy it some other furniture for the townstairs office, and I
came across one and it was through Astuley Furniture, and I made sure I
did not buy that one. So talk to them to listen. Do not.
If I can get one person to listen to this and then tell their
friends not to buy Ashley furniture, and they can tell their friends on the
Ashtley furniture, we could save the world. We can start talking about the
chairs were made in like sweatshops or something. Now, it's not good for
the earth. Sorry, if my cat was on a chair. Yeah,
another thing I noticed too. I'm getting off the asual furniture topic because I
know what you're done. Don't listening to me, bitch. But I got
a lot of spiders in this house and I sprayed. There's a spray if
you ever have like bugs, it's called Bengal Tiger spray. Kill them dead.
And it's cool because when you kill them, they come running out.
We're not running out. That doesn't really seem very cool. It's more squirming.
But for some reason they like to get out in the light or something.
I don't know. I found it in Arkansas. A co worker,
Ralph Cherry, told me about it, so he was killing cockroaches. They
were big as my car. Seriously, you could ride a bike on them.
Not ride a bike on them, but you could put them on your
bike and ride the work with them if you wanted to, or put a
saddle on them. They were huge in Arkansas. They're like nomber water bugs.
No, those are bigass roaches. Look. But back to my story
about the spiders. I don't I don't know if I should spray to kill
the spiders because I sprayed in the bath end other day and the ants come
running out like I'm flopping all over. I'm like you did. But if
I kill the spiders because they eat bugs, so they're kind of doing what
I want him to do. But at the same time, I sat down
at the desk here and it's like a spider web I walked into and it
was not a ghost, it was a spider web. And then the cats
all looking for him. Was just kind of freaking me out because the cat's
like stalk and pray like around my feet, and the little one he doesn't
know any better, so he will put his cloth through your toe. Yep,
through it. I said, yeah, you're like with Core, there's
a toe nail. No, I don't care. He's got a closet steel
and we'll just tear him up. So I'm kind of a little worried about
him. So if kind of sound like I'm stepping away from the mic a
little bit, that's exactly what it is. Watching my back man. Oh
and I'm gonna have Jeremy in mitch on probably maybe tomorrow, I don't know,
but very soon because I was listening to their redacted podcast and I hear
some of the craziest stuff on that podcast, but I love it. I
love those two. They're doing a podcast and they're having fun with it,
and that's what it's about. And they're a kind of out there, you
know a little bit. They talk about government conspiracies and COVID's coming back and
here's why, and lasers started the fire and Hawaii and everything blue didn't burn
because the really lasers can't hit burn. We can't hit blue stuff or I
don't know. And then I heard him say, and this is no,
I'm gonna I'm gonna save it. I'm gonna save it. I'm gonna play
in context in that way you can you can hear exactly what I heard.
I was in the shower and I was like, what the did he just
no, he didn't, Yeah he did just say that. Yeah. It's
mind blowing. But it's funny and it's fun and those two are are great
and they're having fun with our podcast. So you know, that's the bottom
line. That's what it's about. And hopefully they'll have a website and everything
for their Redactive podcasts soon. But if you want to go check it out,
feel free. I think the episode they did just a couple of days
ago. I don't know if they're doing another one today or tonight, but
look at for the one that was right before today's date of September six.
Listen to the episode right then and then just you'll know what I'm talking about
when you hear it, and you'll be like what, no way. You
know you'd be like this, no way, Fuck sake, that's exactly what
you'll say, and you'll shake your head and be like, damn it.
Corey was right. So check them out, give them a listen. And
I think I'm done. And I'm kind of in the same spot though,
Oh I didn't be excess even though I'm doing the podcast along. I can't
just be done when I say I'm done. I'm still worried about things that
are coming up, but I have no control over. I just pray that
they're going to work out well, and that's all I can really do about
the situation. Fingers crossed. You know, things will will work out.
You know, today I have a lot more responsibility on my shoulders, it
feels like, but I think that's a good thing. And what we're doing
at two seventeen Recovery Center, we're doing with the you know, two seventeen
Recovery rides are great and we're helping a ton of people and actually I feel
bad. If you want to do something else, you know, you can
write, write your senator, write some politicians. Man. And I feel
so bad for the people that aren't in northern Michigan, that are in Michigan,
people in southwest Michigan. I feel bad for you guys. Man,
you have a crazy PHP man swim bud there. I had to go to
treatment through them, and you know, they would scold me when I would
call them, you know, like we just sent you to treatment last month,
Why would we pay to send you to treatment again, because clearly I
didn't get it and I want help still. You know, they would treat
me like I was just a bad guy. And I guess mid State Health
Network they do the same shit. And they're out of Lansing. They're they're
a pretty big one too, so Lancing, I think Midland. There's a
bunch of them, a bunch of counties that they're over. You can actually
go to our website to seventeen Recovery dot com. There's a PIHP list on
there. But it's just crazy, man. And I tried to file a
suit because I think it's discrimination. Why somebody in Lancing, Why is somebody
in Benton Harbor. Why is somebody in Saint Joe, Colomba. Why can't
they get the same treatment options you know over you in Detroit. It's the
same way. You know, they'll tell you, no, we're not sending
you up there because we're gonna keep you here in this area because the money
needs to be spent here. That's not that's not true. If you're a
resident of Michigan, you can go to treatment anywhere in Michigan. So if
you're on medicaiding, you can go. As long as you're resident of Michigan,
you can go anywhere in Michigan. It's up to you. You're the
one pick on the spot. And these PHPs will be literally used sometimes when
you call for help and it's just on call for you know, it really
is. But like I said, mid State Swimba, I know Swimba personally,
so I can say it. You know it was. I don't know
them personally, but I'm saying I went through them and personally had that happened
to me, So I damn yeah, I can say it mid State.
The stuff that I've seen happen to people, I can talk about that too,
So don't I don't feel bad about I'm not say anything that didn't happen.
I've even invite him on the podcast and they haven't taken me up on
that. But I'd love to talk to him about it. And they can't
tell me it's because we don't have the money. Maybe fire some people.
I don't know. You know, you're getting millions of dollars anyway. That's
that's enough ranting for me, I guess then, Yeah, said I was
gonna get off the podcast now, so I'm done. As you see,
I'm passionate sometimes and it just frustrates me. It does. It just frustrates
me because we're telling people reach out for help, but don't. We're not.
We're leaving something out like, oh, reach out for help, but
m not if you've just got some help a couple of months ago, just
go die. Is that what we're telling them? It seems like it in
some places. But big props the NM already, they're the PIHP in Region
two, which is Northern Michigan. You know, nobody's perfect, nobody does
everything right every single time, but they have people there that care and that
understand and that they're trying to change things and make a difference they're trying to
be and maybe they're not trying to be, but they are kind of the
trendsetter man, they really are, And I'm very appreciative to them and the
people that I've got to know through them and that worked there, and they've
made me a better boss. They've made me a better let's see leader,
but kind of, you know, so props to them, and you know
they're not all bad, but there's ten different ones in Michigan, so I
know for a while I was like, get rid of them, but if
they just had one really good one, that'd be super. Just saying now,
I'm done, all right, two seventeen Recovery dot com or info Resources
and get the app. If you don't have the app, you have two
seventeen Recovery. It's in your app store. I'll talk to you later.
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