Welcome to you Softcore History. Hello, and welcome back to Softcore History.
My name is Jake Goldman and I am joined as always by my two lovely
co hosts, the handsome Dan Rojester ooh and the throw a curveball and say
Rob. First being handsome, he is a handsome fellow. Ah, I
don't believe you in the hideous Rob. I'm kidding. I mean, I
I think I'm okay looking, but I don't believe that you believe that.
I think you're pretty average. Dan's gonna fade you no matter what. But
for the Midwest, you're like a Midwest eight. I'm a Saint Louis nine.
Maybe I was about to see your Lincoln eleven, and I'm like a
Philly twelve. Yeah, that's true. You could be as long as you
maintain your income and employment. You could be in a wheelchair and you're you
would be a Philly nine in Philly. You really have like three professional choices.
It's bookie, of course, that's number one. Illegal illegal book yeah
right, and then drug dealer illegal illegal, and aspiring professional wrestler legal well
starts kind of illegal. Probably usually starts illegal starts with yeah, yeah,
I think it just starts with street fights. Really, but yeah, we're
a history podcast. We talk about obscure, random stuff. We don't dive
too hard into the details in the sources because you know, we let other
podcasts see that we're here to entertain. This is for the first time listeners.
Yeah, this isstfully we have you returning. I actually hope all the
returning listeners are like, yo, now they tell me what was this all
about? Come out of here? Yeah later if you want to hear more
of this kind of content. We actually have a Patreon channel. It's patreon
dot com slash Software History. We offer two extra episodes a week. We
do a call in episode or a voicemail episode if you want to ask your
history questions in a normal episode. Yeah, a normy one where we just
you know, yeah exactly. Um, today we're gonna talk about something really
cool. Guys. It's gonna be really cool if it though it might not
be, I wouldn't have played it up. I always like to come in.
I like to nag my own topics. Hey, yeah, you don't
always at the bar on the ground, so it's easy to clease. It's
going to be the most mailed in topic you've ever heard in your life.
If you're gonna fucking hate, it's too late. History of Jake, the
History of Me. Born May twentieth, nineteen ninety one in oh Califlorida.
Have been row Regional Hospital off turn off. Yeah, God, no it's
not. It's not about me. We're talking about a moment of mass hysteria,
but not in a terrifying way or a weird way more so or not
in a terrifying way, I say, but in a weird way and kind
of fun, actually fun hysteria. Um. I love hysteria personally, and
I have done an episode about you know, the dancing plague back in the
day that sounds fun but was not. It was like an OG episode.
It was like their second or third one. Recorded it on a tin can.
Yes, way of talking to each other through strings. Yeah, it
was actually two cups in a string and then there was a te and listening
to those episodes because it shows how far we've come. We could probably rehash
a lot of them, we have with William Walker, but we did run
it back or whatever. It was good. I was thinking about this though,
the dancing plague hysteria, like we always think of it as like,
when I think of the dancing plague, I'm like, oh, there's probably
music in my head. There's music playing, and these people are dancing.
It's terrifying because there was no music. I know, they're just like moving,
like I refuse to believe that somebody was playing a flute. No,
they eventually had to make like a place for them to dance with music so
that no one was so freaked out. They're like, at least give him
like a stage and some music, because otherwise it's just a homeless man in
San Francisco just bopping. Yeah, and no one likes that. That's just
terrifying. But we're not talking about a dancing plague. To I, what
if it was just a silent disco. Silent discos they're creepy if you don't
have headphones, they're not even creepy. They're lamb. They are lamb.
They're terrible. It's pretty stupid. It'd be a funny place to murder.
Some people would go to the silent disco at Bonario while they're other shows that
should be go to alive. End should be you should go to that when
everything else is done right like it should be. If there's no other option.
Yeah, baby, I'll go to the silent disco, but I'd rather
go to sleep. Yeah. I'd rather just go back to the camp side
can get fuck up? Yeah yeah, than to tell out my friends.
Yeah, anything other than the silent disco. You know what, I couldn't
tell people. I'd be a shame even if I went. I'd to like
just to see you, just to try it. You know, it's like
kissing a guy like you'll you'll try, but you're not gonna tell people you
tried it, right, Yeah, of course I will say though. It
was great though, you know, they could have just had you know,
like a stereo in a barn instead of the silent disco in the barn or
whatever that thing was. It was like a shed, right. No.
I like to disassociate from everybody that I'm around. You don't need a silent
disco to do that. I do it at the gym every day, That's
right. What's up? Well, we're not talking about dancing plague, We're
not talking about a silent disco. We're talking about, um, something a
little bit further east in China. Oh okay, Oh, actually I did
a mass the Steri episode as well about the Choro panic where all those dudes
thought they're fucking dicks were falling off. Oh yeah, shrinking into that.
Yeah, we kind of love the topic. And I don't think Jake was
here for that. Oh was that? Oh that's right, Gabby filled in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I will say again, off my
block, dude, both of you what China China's mind? Well, you
don't get this one. I'm sorry. I've done the last two China episodes,
so I think I'm kind of I'm kind of stealing your game. Well,
I'm doing the most recent one, so fuck you. But you're just
the fucking ballers from San Andreas attacking my turf. Yeah, and I need
to like just kind of interject I'm the Vatos, You're you're pointless. Nobody
cared about the Vatos. Well I was there anyway. During the onset of
mass cultural period, the nation was scripped by hysteria. What kind of hysteria,
you might ask, Mango mania, satisfy. It sounds like a kool
Aid flavor fruit wars. It kind of does, doesn't it. It's like
a capris on Mango Mania. I drank a capris on the other day.
It kind of just sounds like a flavor of bang energy. And they don't
have the rights to a certain brand, so yeah, it was like mango
mania. Yeah, like you know how they do. They don't have the
rights to say Skittles flavor, so they say scedaddle, they rainbow poop,
like yeah, your unicorn shit, whatever the fuck they called that. Or
they can't say Baja blasts, so they're just like Baha refreshment, Glacier drip.
They can still name it after Baja California, they just gotta put a
different adjective behind it or whatever the fuck. Yeah, so it's just like
Baha wave yes. So uh. One byproduct of the Cultural Revolution was the
formation of various pro mouse student groups known as Red Guards across the country.
In China during the rise of mao oh, it's like Dumbledore's Army, but
for communists, it's very much that it's it's students, a lot of them.
Um was a prerequisite for this job. You had to like prove that
you could murder a sparrow. You know, they don't talk about that,
but you gotta think it was. You gotta think like how how's your shot?
Yeah, and if you can't do it, like that scene in the
Cicario sequel when the little kids like gonna shoot benisil Do Toro in the face,
but he can't do it, and then Guy's like, okay, man,
okay, and he takes the gun and then he blows the kid's brains
out, Like if you can't blow if you can't blow the sparrow's brains out,
someone fucking murders you and then hands it to the next dude. It's
kind of weird how things mau doesn't like turn out to become such a thing,
you know, because we're gonna it's gonna be a He's not a big
mango fan, He's not mouth doesn't like fruit. By the way, did
he die of scurvy? No? But on land just yeah zero, he's
the only person to ever get it in the woods. Yeah no. Um.
He famously just not like fruit. Apparently. I know that, So
Len's careful fruit that much. Either. I like fruit a lot. I
like berries the most lower sugar, low sugar, high flavor fruit. Bodybuilding
dot Com has really kind of put it in my head that fruit is actually
terrible for you. Fruit is just candy. Yeah, you're eating earth candy
like you might a strawberry might as well be like a bag of man I
might as well be a Snickers nature Snickers bar, as many dorks call it.
I think, yeah, I think I'll credit dave Off for that.
Yeah, yeah, I think I remember him saying a lot, oh,
yes, the Snickers bar of nature. M yeah, um, yeah,
I don't know what's what are your top fruits? We actually had this discussion
last night where we what's super engaging party? Where you at? It was
a it was a birthday party and there's a bowl of watermelon and people were
just dunking all over watermelon. Ramelon sucks. Ramelon's fine. So Bush was
defending it. Bush was like watermelons the top three fruit. That is false.
No, that's a lie. It is a It is a situational fruit
at best. Just give me like raspberry blueberry, straw strawberry. Yeah,
I'll go like, yeah, raspberry blueberry. A frozen nanner can go a
long way. Actually, do you like? I like bananas? I like
mango a lot. Frozen bananas are great for smoothies. Student, But yeah,
watermelon is not in it. Honeydew is not in it. I can
tell. Yeah, Melons are not my favorite candle up with purscutto pretty good,
but that's the meat doing the heavy lifting. So one time you came
over to our house with your wife and you brought a prescutto wrapped candle ope,
And I fucking hate cantleope. It like I had at one time.
It's one of the things you had one time as a kid and you vomited
and you can never have it again. Yeah, yeah, I'm that way
with candle ope. But I didn't want to be rude, and I just
fucking shoved that candle ope in my face. It'd be nice to you,
but I was so mad at you. He actually had a scar and incident
when he was thirteen years old. He stuck his dick in a cantlope and
got stuck. How to go to the hospital. He imagine not being able
to get a candleope. I got trick. I was so it was like
American pie. I was like, what does the vagina feel like? They're
like cold and hard and so so I drilled a hole in a candle ope
and fucked it. But then he got stuck, and you know, candle
hops known indestructible fruit. Yeah, he had to go to the hospital to
get it. Yeah, what happened? His weak, frail, soft hands
couldn't break that candle? Ope. I am a soft hands proudly so uh
yeah, so like your soft hands. A lot of these kids were soft
hands too. There are a lot of ye like there's communist students. Of
course, that's the softest hand imaginable. Though they shared the mouse ideology,
the Red Guards often had violent in your group rivalries. In nineteen sixty six,
Mau had called on the student Red Guards to rebel against reactionary authorities.
His aim was to reshape society by purging it of bourgeoisie elements in traditional ways
of thinking. Is this their version of just red dawn? No? No,
well if the red part with the red dawn wins, the red dawn
becomes red day and the sun never sets. Yeah. And you know there
students right fighting reactionary It's it's all internal. So it's not like someone's coming
from are they fighting in nineteen sixty even the Civil War over? Um,
I think there's a power play going. Chen Kai check is yeah, it's
probably a party power play. Yeah, it's not chen Kai check is fucking
done. Taiwan is cut off. I think at this they've all run to
there at this point, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, you can tell us
we're wrong in the comments, Um, you don't, but don't do that.
Well, we don't care. You can say it though. Yeah.
But by the summer of nineteen sixty eight, the country had become engulfed in
fighting as Red Guard factions competed for pour So, yes, this is now
the power vacuum power struggle at this point. So they're just a bunch of
boners trying to see who's in charge. Yeah, who's the lead? It's
a sorry him, that's history, Rob. Yeah, it's a bunch of
boners trying to se use in charge. It sounds like present day for people
trying to people trying to compete to see to see who's the least bourgeois.
Yeah, who's the least bougie? Yeah yeah, m hm hmmm. We
talking about certain group of people, I'm talking about everyone. Yeah, because
even like people had it hard, even people that don't care will be like,
well, hey I did, I was pretty bit of class. So
don't get everything I wanted for Christmas. They deserve everything, Rob, They
deserve the world. But now everybody in Congress as a boner I agree.
Yeah. Uh. In the spring of nineteen sixty eight, a conflict that
came to be known as the Hundred Day War erupted in Singhua University. In
it, two groups of Red Guards, the Shingen Nasha Jinging Shan Core and
the Force at more. Yeah, I'm rooting for the Force. Just expt
me for the other ones. You have to say it more but um yeah.
But anyway, they were hurtling spears, stones, and sulfuric acid at
each other on the university grounds. Pretty well, who who who's ever been
in a fraternity hasn't gone to their rival for attorney's house and just started throwing
spears? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean I've thrown bricks
through windows. We've all thrown things at a building. We shouldn't lit up
a house with paintball guns. Ye many times, went downstairs, got every
single empty handle of alcohol I could find and just made it rain glass for
an hour into the courtyard. It's like, oh, I thought you did
that to your own house. I know you did to the neighboring house.
Yea yeah. It's like, oh, you're gonna throw one. That's cute.
Here's one hundred and fifty Jesus. Yeah, have fun anyway, and
Joliet to end it right. You gotta be like Truman at the end of
World War two. Yeah, just just drop it. He thought they thought
I always, They thought I only had two. I had one hundred and
fifty. Yeah. Yeah um. On July twenty seventh, nineteen sixty eight,
mouse scent thirty thousand Beijing factory workers who came to be known as the
Worker This is my favorite name of the entire group. They came to be
known as the Worker Peasant. Mause Doong thought, propaganda team. Nothing for
short, that's the name of the group. Oh really, it's it's the
Worker present or the Worker Peasant. Mause Doong thought, propaganda team. I
will not call them anything else. That is their name. Sweet yeah.
Uh. He brought them in to stop the conflict. Now is in Chinese?
Is that like one character? And at work it's actually just a straight
line. Yeah, that's a yeah. Just this is a nice little fun
thing. It's a box. It's like a strong, sturdy box. Half
a dozen workers were killed and over seven hundred were wounded. This caused mouth
by the student Falanx. Yes, it was a bloody battle on a college,
university campus. God, I that would be so much fun to watch.
It's just like two students, two student groups murdering each other with spears
while you just like drink a beer on your front lawn and enjoy the chaos.
I guess. Yeah, just hope they don't cross the street to your
house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not so too. It's like
all these students are trying to kill each other. Then some factory workers come.
They're getting killed. It's like, all, who's the most important?
Who's in charge? Are they trying to But they're trying to be in charge
of the university. They're just trying to be in charge. It's all fighting
formal. It's a gang fight. Yeah, it's a gang fight. They're
trying trying to wrap their boss. Run this block now, well not really,
but that's the funniest part about gangs, Like this is our block.
Like well, I mean if they send in the National Guard, it would
be not your block in thirty seconds. But yeah, or even just a
lot of police. Why that keeps happening. It's it's yeah, it's you.
You don't really own this block. It's like a law man, just
like the Rodney King riots. It's like we own this street. It's like,
all right, just play the wire scene where he talks about playing chess.
The what the wire scene where he's just describing how to play chess.
Oh yeah, you know what I didn't know about the Rodney King ryots.
By the way, a ton of those Koreans were vets. Oh dude,
I Koreans. They're the best though. Yeah, that's why they were efficient.
Like, don't have a tactical position here on the roof, We're gonna
snipe everyone. Yeah, Like they weren't just like dudes with guns, you
know, like they were trained military members. I think one of the things
that a lot of people don't realize about the Rodney King riots that Rodney King
lived. A lot of people forget that. Yeah, he's like, please
stop heat. But also, most Koreans that own a store have a gun
as well. They should. Yeah, as well they should. If I
own my own business, i'd have a gun. You should. Yeah,
I don't know why. I mean, we do have a shotgun right off
camera there over there. Oh yeah, some fucking woo woo comes in and
as to take us out. Fucking lunatic not ever been a threat, not
for our podcast. Okay, well yeah, it's more of a daytime.
It's your day job. That's a shoot for the day job. Yeah,
I forgot about that. Anyway, all this violence cous mount to officially disband
the Red Guards the next day, in August fifth, nineteen sixty eight.
The Foreign Minister of past hold, I'm sorry. He was like, hey,
guys, cut it out. The spears were a lot. Yeah,
we're done. Let's chill. We're cool with the acid keep playing. Oh
man, that's actually like that would be my biggest nightmare if I traveled to
another country, specifically Middle Eastern country or North Korea acid attack, Like ya
learn how to read the assassins. They just blow it in your face like
Taijii in wrestling. I don't miss. I think it's not powder. I
think it's like a jar. It's just acid in a cup. And I
know it's probably in some stupid cup, but I still imagine like a beaker.
It's not It might be, I don't know, but it's just like
he had to go to a lab. Excuse me, one acid? What's
it for? Throwing out an educated woman? Here you go? Yeah,
well they understand it's the scientist is in Pakistan too. Here this guy doesn't
want to lose his job. Yeah. So, speaking of Pakistan on August
fifth, nineteen sixty, I'm actually surprised more people at like riots and protests
here don't have acid. It's really nice that they don't. They do throw
chemical compounds on people. They throw like a rubber cement or like quick cement
on. Um. That's cheeky though, you know, yeah, fucked you
up, But it doesn't melt your half your face off like you're it's just
hardest burns. Yeah, hurts a lot. It burns, but it's not
like it's not gonna change your life. You're not gonna be disfigured. I
mean, I guess it could like blind you if it gets in your yeah,
I mean, if you don't want to it can fuck you up.
Yeah, But like, yeah, it's not like That's the other thing.
I'm like, where do these people get this acid? Maybe acid just laying
around? Well, who's laying all these bricks, even the bricks out,
who's doing it? Who's leaving the bricks out? By the way, if
you go to home depot, brick costs like a dollar, So bricks are
chief if you want to know how much a paletta brick costs, how many
bricks are in the palette. I kind of just want to buy it,
and in fact, you probably get a discount. It's called bulk. Try
it. It's not very excited. I remember my buddy was like, who
funded this? And I was like, I don't any haul trucks like thirty
dollars a day just loaded up with brick. It is funny, man,
it's not that much. Capitalism kind of helps the brick fund. It's like,
oh, if you buy in bulk, if you buy a lot,
consume more. Yeah, you gets you boys, have fun at your ryot
this. We'll be here with the bricks. It's say way like I would
buy eggs in high school to egg and the cashier would just be like,
Mom, that's yeah. Just shut the fuck up. Just just I have
to. I can't not sell this to you. I guess I mean I
could, but I'm just gonna give it to you. But fuck you,
fuck you kids, fuck you. Yeah, we were like new dude,
someone should have just beat the shit out of us in line at the store.
I agree, teenagers seem to be put in line. Teenagers like a
good ass whooping Okay, I agree, eighteen good age for adult whatever,
Right, you gotta draw a line somewhere, Yeah, for sure, But
I feel like for getting your ass kicked. Like if a teenagers be like
a fifteen year old, it's being a real smart ass, and like step
into a grown man man just decides to punch him in the mouth. Yeah,
shouldn't get charged for assaulting a minor? No, that's like no,
I'm just many actually, honestly, depending on the judgement the size of the
fifteen year old, here's a happy compromise. You can beat up fourteen and
fifteen year olds, but you have to do it two at a time.
It's gotta be a handicap match. I think most people would lose that fight.
I would agree, Yeah, like most adults would lose that fight.
I'd lose that fight. Yeah, I couldn't take two fifteen year olds?
Are you kidding me? I think I got it. I don't think you
do. Depends on the fifteen year old. Yeah, absolutely, I've seen
these fifteen year olds these days. I got it. They are smaller than
they used to be unless they're on trend. They might be on trend,
but then they still can't fight you don't know who you're drawn. If you
draw two skater kids, you're gonna die. True. Yeah, the skater
kids would terrify me. Yeah, and honestly, even like I'm gonna go
down swinging, but two lacrosse players, you know whatever, probably fuck you
up. Normal running the No fifteen year olds I'm taking too, But I'm
saying it's just even it out, making a fair fight not be charged with
assualt of a minor. I it's just like there's a video of some kid
just going up to some guy just fuck you, old man, like shoving
him and something like guy just throws him to the ground, and like someone's
like, you can't do that. He's a kid. It's like I think
he could do it. You're not gonna toss somebody, right, Yeah,
like yeah, the kids pushing him, Yeah, let him throw the kid.
That's why I when I see like pushing to me is an entirely separate
thing from other forms of physical contact. That's what he told the police about
his wife. Yeah like, no, no, officer, I pushed her.
Yeah, she felt my fist into the knife wall. This damn knife
wall she decorates the house. I didn't put it there. Yeah, I
don't know, man. She said she saw it on Pinterest or something.
I don't I don't know. I wasn't listening. Yeah, yeah, Well,
and then she crawled in the fireplace to heal, and I was like,
you know what, I'm just just is I'm done, Todd. We'll
talk in the morning. It's a little cold. Yeah, and now I
don't know. She's a pile of ashes. Weird. Well, on August
her choice, are you saying women don't have agency offers? You're never gonna
find out about these mangoes? Here's the one with the twenty minute fucking background
story on spear chucking. It's in Chinese in this side. It sets up
the story. Alright, alright, but I do. I'm just saying it
was what if it just she never gets back to it. Jake has all
this set up and it's just nope. Not. The joke is that there's
no mango talk at all. Well. On August n nineteen sixty eight,
the Foreign Minister of Pakistan visited Mao and gifted him a box of mangoes.
Did he know? Do you know him? MoU didn't like him like fruit
in general? Probably not, didn't He didn't do it. I wouldn't call
it oppo research, I guess, but like there wasn't a staffer that was
like, hey, just so you know, Mal likes gold. Yeah,
Mao only likes gold, only eats pork. Yeah, it's not like a
fuck you Mal, I got you a box of mangoes. No. I
think it was just like they didn't really have mangoes, and he's like,
we have mangoes here you go. Pakistan does apparently, I don't know.
Maybe you don't know where most fruit or maybe you got him from somewhere else.
I don't know. I honestly couldn't tell you anything about Pakistan. Next
to India, I get that, and I would never want to go to
India. I would go to India a thousand times before I went to Pakistan
once. Yeah. Probably it's just too crowded, man, that's there's too
many people. Nothing. Nothing is more insane to me than watching videos of
trains in India, Like that's just how they operate their lives there, and
then you have the police push them in. Yeah. Would I mean like
all the people on the roof and they're just like, yeah, we get
on the roof of the train. That's what we do. You have you
ever seen traffic patterns in India? No, I'm sure isn't any I wonder,
honestly, I wonder if there's people in Afghanistan trying to cling onto the
plane where just like maybe it's like a train. I don't know. Like
the only time I want to be on top of a train is if I
was like an operative and I had to chase another man. I think you've
failed spectacularly. Oh if your operation has gone to the roof of a train
one hundred percent, because it's like that whole Archer bit where immediately you get
blasted in the eye. Oh yeah, yeah, which just debris. He's
like, it's like this the worst that's true. You're gonna die on top
of the train. Yeah. The wind's gonna blow you, yeah, clean
off. So yeah. Mao's given this box of mangoes by the Foreign Minister
of Pakistan. Mao decides to give them to the workers stationed at the university.
His refusal to eat the fruit himself because he fucking doesn't like fruit,
was not seen as Oh, Mao doesn't like mangoes. It was seen as
a personal sacrifice for the benefit of the workers. People people saw him not
partaking in the mango eating. They're like, oh my god, he's not
bourgeois. These are so good and he's not eating them. Yeah, man
of the people. He's a man of the people. You can have the
mangoes. The workers believe that the mangoes were symbolic of Mao's gratefulness. The
gift of the fruits coincided with the transfer of the cultural Revolution stewardship from China's
intelligista or intelligent fuck intelligent intelligent. Okay, I'll say there, you can
think it through. Um, that's what I do with my Crown's disease.
Though. If I don't want if I don't want to eat something, yeah,
I'm just like, oh no, obviously my crones and everything, but
like more beans for you. Yeah, you have the cheese, you have
it. Yeah, that's actually people don't know. That's what Jesus really did.
When he was handing out all those fish. He was like, what
is this cod and then we just gave it to people. Yeah, I
don't want this ship waiverless fish. Yeah. We haven't invented deep frying yet,
right, you haven't invented spices. Really, Yeah, I think I
think I think the lavant had both. They had frying and didn't have like
a industrial deep fryar. But we probably had pan frying pan frying. I'm
sure you know it wasn't. They weren't liberally seasoned in their fish. They
were breading it, that's for sure, which is crazy. They could have
they probably they had the tech for breading. They had everything they needed.
They had brett, they had bread, had eggs, oil, eggwash oil.
When was the first thing breaded and fried? That's what it ships on
my episode on it was actually a Maggianos in eighteen hundreds. It's the Ramon's
Macaroni girl. And anyway, this was a transfer because he gave all these
mangoes to the workers that he had brought in. It was kind of like
a whoa, he likes the workers more than the students. He gave these
to us. He didn't even need any, so he they thought he preferred
the workers over the students. Yes, because he gave the workers that he
brought in the I'm sorry, yeah, man of the people blew the real
rust belt guy because he gets the youth. He gets it because he gave
the worker peasant mouse Don fought propaganda team the Mingos. What's funny is if
you're from an area where someone is a lot of and you're not one of
them, I feel like you're equally likely to fucking hate those people as you
are to like them. Whether it's like, yeah, I grew I grew
up in Cleveland, you know, or I grew up in Pittsburgh, right
like I didn't. But listen, like, oh, I grew up in
Pittsburgh, so I'm all about steel workers. But if your dad was like
a fucking bank ceo and you grew up in Pittsburgh, you might think those
fucking rough hands are like annoying and stupid French fries and they're sandwich and getting
drunk at Steelers games. Do you think the Rooneyes think the Rooneys like Steelers
fans? Do you think that's who they want? No, I'll give you
a great example of that. Anyone that grows up near a fucking military base,
you think, do you think they like that they're flagwavers? No?
You mean these guys that are all just torked up and fucking angry, get
drunk in the bars that I go to and fight me. Yeah, No,
I don't like them I could also have another obvious example, South Black
Well, Jake. No one lives around black people more than people from the
South. Where they Why are all these nineteen year olds getting married to military
guys, then if they don't lack them, military guys aren't beating up the
nineteen year old girls. They're getting Benni's dude, they're getting married. They're
getting that Dodge charger on that thirty six percent APR. I mean, how
many people in where's Forthood? Somewhere in Texas? It's I think it's clean
Colleen, Yeah, I mean that's yeah, I guess. I guess the
Kaleen teenagers are marrying the only employed people in Kaleen. There's a lot of
dead folks. Turn it up around that Forthood. At this point, it's
probably safer to be deployed in Afghanistan than forth Hood. Yeah. I don't
know what's going on over there, but it's not good. Yeah. Anyway,
the mango foreig into the Chinese, a lot of them hadn't had one
yet. Now a symbol of self ascent for the workers, taking their own
destinies into play and being in the forefront of a conversation of national power.
Sure, the uh. I believe the pineapple is in the English royal family's
crest that is obviously not native pineapples deserved unreal to kind of to shine the
UK. But when when that the current royal family, I think it's came
to power. The pineapple was like new to England and was super expensive.
It was it was a wealth status situation. Pineapples are pretty much responsible for
what we did to Hawaii. Yeah, you know hard fruit wars, fruit
wars. Every time you eat a dull banana, you are unwrapping the bones
of a thousand Hawaiians. Yeah, every time you eat a banana, you
are single handedly funding a CI operation. The Central American democratically elected remount of
the amount of shit, the amount of death that fruit is responsible for.
And we've covered it on patreon dot com slash software history anyway, man,
I assume if this helped get Mao into power, fruit just added like fifty
million bodies to the fucking Yeah. Right, here's the thing, Uh,
what's the fruit? You've never eaten? Fruit? I've never would be kind
of a ridiculous statement to say. I feel like like I like, oh,
everyone's done it, Okay, you just never got around to it.
I've eaten. I can't think of one. Your dad got them? Damn,
dude, is there one that's on top of your mind? Daniel,
I've never eaten a BlackBerry? What you mean, never eat black that's like
you mean like a raw BlackBerry. You've probably had BlackBerry in something. No,
you just never had liked a black marry compop. I've never had a
BlackBerry comp BlackBerry cobbler sorts. No, you're a fruit pie guy. You're
a liar. Why yeah, you you? But you have the pie taste
of a fucking five year old. You're right, like your face. Isn't
your favorite just chocolate pie? No, it's like turtle oh, chocolate chocolates.
It's like what a baby eats, baby pie. Just go to the
frozen section in the grocery store. Get yourself a frozen pie. Just like
how I know your back putting in a crust. I will willingly say I
have terrible pie taste because you don't even like pecan? Do you like?
Do you know? Actually I like pumpkin too. Oh, but they just
it's just anything fruity like apple pie. I don't know, I don't like
appie. Apple pie is probably pushing it for you. Imagine the fruity level
of pie. Like, that's probably I don't like apple pie. I think
it's fine pie. Chypie is good. Um. The people that are absolute
psychos are the ones with the cheese on the apple pie. Big fan of
the cream, the American cheese. Yeah. Anyway, mango starts mystifying everybody
because they're like oooh, maw ooh, the symbol, this tastes good.
I mean, wait, it's like it becomes a symbol for a mile,
the same way like the fish was a symbol for Jesus. Christians would do
the easy little fish drawing. And yes, obviously, like I said,
the pine apple in the fucking royal family. It's something that people to this
day still talk about with mangoes, and they're like, hey, why don't
kids like mangoes anymore? Don't they know? Like I'm not choking. People
get mad about it. Sounds like a Fox News article the kids. It's
a bad sign when the children don't like apple pie. Uh. No one
in northern China at that point knew what mangoes worse. The workers stayed up
all night looking at them, smelling them, caressing, the mangoes and wondering
what the magical fruit was. At the same time, they had received a
high directive from Chairman Mao, seeing that henceforth the working class must exercise leadership
and everything. I guess that kind of makes sense though, Like how many
things are orange, Well, mangoes are like green on the outside, greenish,
orangeish, and their orange on the inside. Yes, I don't understand
this at all. I feel like if you took these strange foreign fruits to
like the America's equivalent of confused backwoods people, like they would just ferment it
immediately. Well, first off, some asshole would be I'll try to shit
like take a Bible reportinist you try to reportingis or not? Like, wouldn't
even think fucking twice, Like, they wouldn't be like h or turning a
dip. Yeah. And then and then, like I said, they would
squeeze this juice into my skull cans. They would. They would make fucking
shine out of it. Yeah, they would amount a thousand percent, make
moonshine out of it. Yes, they'd be like, what's the sugar content
of this? I can't possibly imagine a redneck like I get, of course,
imagine a redneck being confused. I cannot imagine a redneck being reticent.
No, you know what I mean. I'm sorry, you're talking about the
people that stick their arms into the side of the riverbanks to noodle fish out
of thee. No, it's not happening. We're not holding back. No,
but these guys are like, what is it? Huh? They're correct,
And just the image of a Chinese worker going through a war with a
bunch of university students getting a mango from a guy and then be like,
oh, we're like petting it like that. It tells me how like entrenched
and like how much mind war was going on to in China at the time,
which I wouldn't even do that. If I, let's say tomorrow a
fucking stargate is invented, was an alien came down and like gave you a
fruit, yeah, I would at least be like, I crack it open,
you know, or like I we go to an alien planet and there's
fruit, I'd be like, I wouldn't eat it. I'm not insane,
right, but I would. I'd be like, Okay, I think this
is fruit. Let's crack it open and see see what it looks. Like
i'd be like a fucking finger around, Like it's not like a fucking snake
thing, like those idiots and Prometheus that like a snake. There's like a
snake and they're just like, oh, yeah, it's an alien snake.
You don't know where the fuck you are in the universe. And you're like,
I think it likes me. No, it doesn't, It never does,
it never will. I wouldn't do that with a snake on Earth.
Yeah, you do with a snake on a fucking alien planet. No,
dum, Yeah, that's just venom. Yeah, Like what's wrong with you?
It was very exciting for these people to be given this kind of recognition
with the Mangoes, I guess for the first time in a long history of
being war fodder for China too, so like they took it as like,
oh, it's like the sock for Dobby. Yeah. The only fruit they've
been eating most of their love in their like family history is grape shot.
Fuck go Chin is a freeman, Dobby, It's what he said. He
said, it's like the Sockford Dobby. The Mangoes like, I'm a freeman.
Yeah is free? Uh. This power shift from the power leaving the
students and going to the workers and peasants. Um offered respite for the anarchy
of the fight too, Like I think a lot of people settled down for
some reason. Probably just a bunch of people got their asses kicked. They're
like, we're tired, they're not soldiers, keep fighting back like crazy to
Some people in Beijing said that they perceived that Mao had finally intervened in the
chaotic random violence and that the mango symbolized the end of the cultural revolution.
But he was literally just like fuck this fruit. He didn't want the fruit.
He caught a box of mangoes, like the glorious butterfly effect. That's
when it's it gets crazier. So Uh. Xen Quie, a worker who
occupied Qing, how says that the arrival of one of Mao's mangoes at his
workplace prompted intense to bait the military representative came a quote him. The military
representative came into our factory with a mango raised in both hands, so like
simba, yeah, in front of the uh. We discussed what to do
with it, whether to split it among us and eat it or preserve it.
We finally decided to preserve it. We found a hospital and we had
them put it in for mal to hide for us. So they treat it
like it's Lenin's body. Yeah, so so the Anians Lennon's body. And
China has this fucking mango yea, Mao's mango, Mao's mango. It's gotta
be up there. That's gotta be a Chinese kool Aid flavor, right,
yeah, mango, Mao Mao mango mal mango, Mango mal mango. Do
you think it's like Florida where they just every other billboard is for oranges.
You got a problem with oranges, bro, Nothing but mango signs. They
are growing them, are they No, they're not growing them. They just
have like the mangoes are like a special thing. It's like it became I
think Mao realized, Oh shit, they like yeah, but they for sure
have like fake shops like North Korea. Right, It's like, oh yeah,
this is us. Look we are doing. This is funny too,
because it's like this is like I assume, like a food of national import
now right, Yeah, it's very so imagine if like imagine of like turkeys
weren't native to North America, but we still have them for Thanksgiving, like
turkey was like the ultimate American family meal. I'm sure. But then they
figured out how to grow them. At some point there should be a part
of China where you can grow mangos. But what if it's be amazing if
they were the bird of our enemy. So we're just roasting it. It's
like Russia's bird is the turkeys that would be sick that we should we Yeah,
every our enemies bird. Everything's giving. We have Russian condor. It's
yeah, it stays like shit. Spike birds, yes, spike meals.
Uh. The second to bear for Russia, right, I guess it would
be a bear. Ye. And also I've seen people like I've seen YouTube
videos of people barbecuing bear meat. Yeah, people eat bear. I don't
think I have any desire to eat bear. No, it would eat bear.
I would try if it was around. Yeah, I'm not going out
of my way to get it. I want a talented bear, though,
I want like a bear that's riding a motorcycle. Yeah, okay, he
needs to be talented. I think that bear is gonna be a bit emaciated.
I don't think it's gonna have the diet you want. You would think
he should be well fed in Russia and taking care of in the Russian circus
compared to like a normal Russian bear. I would think, you know something
that they're getting, they're monitor monetized bear. You gotta keep them healthy.
I guess yeah, you don't want them, like, because if you got
to train a new bear, that's time out, you know, it's too
much time. Yeah, it's like it's like they would say, like it's
it's more expensive to acquire a new customer or train a new employee than it
is to retain an employee. Same with the bear. It's it's more expensive
to train a new bear than to retain a bear. That's why the magicians
the tigers, they didn't put they didn't put the tiger down, right,
because it's like it's more Oh, they didn't want to put it down.
Yeah. I don't know, and I don't think they did. I think
it would be unfair to the you know, the tiger, the wild animal,
giant feeline. It's like, oh, it's the one time it did
tiger. Shit, you're gonna kill it. Come on, it did tiger
one time. Yeah, but also again, you don't have to train a
new tiger. That's too much time. Yeah, you know this one goes
on past. Yeah. Yeah, the new Tiger's gonna do Tiger stuff way
more than that. They for sure didn't put down um the fucking killer.
Well at sea World, did it kill someone or something? Tentacom or whatever
the fuck his name is. It killed a lot of trainers, a lot.
Yeah, it was it blackfin or blackfish? Yeah, blackish, blackfish,
black or black I don't know. Yeah, but like the main attraction
of sea World for a while. He killed a couple. He had a
body account. He's got a body count. Huh weird. The what was
that whale calling him? What kind of whale killer whale? Oh? Weird?
Weird. Um. Yeah. So the second thing they decided to do
was to make wax mangoes. Wax mangoes, each with a glass cover.
After they made the wax for applicas, they would give one to each of
the revolutionary workers. So it's like they realize that the mangoes we're gonna last
forever. So it's like you need a commemorative me kind of like your hisman.
You know, your school gets one and there's the real one and you
get one. Okay, So like Yeah, at work. There's the real
mango in the fromouta. Which one does the NCAA take. I don't know.
Actually, so what you're saying is that Reggie Bush doesn't have his Highsman,
but USC has Reggie Bush's higman, right do they? I don't know.
That's actually a really good The USC shouldn't be able to have it.
Also, did they just approach Reggie Bush? They go to his house,
knock on the door, but give it back. Take, We're gonna take
that. I also don't understand how then has any point place to do that,
because the nc DOUBLEA doesn't give that trophy, like a search warrant for
Reggie Bush's house. I don't think through his closet. Do you sign a
contract where it's like the Hyping Foundation is like, we take this back at
anytime. Academy Awards has like a weird thing with the Academy Awards where after
the person dies they have to sell it back to the Academy for a dollar
their family does. Yeah, because they got to melt down that award for
more awards. Yeah. Gold is a finite resource. Yeah. In Hollywood
famously doesn't have money. Um, yeah, so workers are expected to hold
the sacred fruit solemnly and reverently, and we're admonished if they failed to do
so. So you gotta have some respect for the mango as well. It's
like now a real symbol of national pride because Mau doesn't like me. They
have to hold it reverently though, Yeah, you can't, you can't.
Like last Days is an atheist country, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Reggie, they are. Yeah. Yeah, there's no such thing like
I've like further, I've just been coming further and further convinced that, like
there is no such thing as not having a religion. No, you just
you just hold something up higher at a certain point. Yeah, Like there's
something that you're gonna get mad at if people aren't nice about it. It
could be anything. It doesn't even have to be something important. A lot
for a lot of people, it's they replaced them morality with politics. But
honestly a lot of people just take their meaning in life from like being a
Jets fan or something, you know what I mean? Yeah, No,
I mean you way more meaningful really, yes, these days purpose? Yeah.
I grew up around yeah, whatever geographical location. I was born in
the team that plays in the meadowlands across the river. Yeah, in a
different state, or like their kids. A lot of people are creepy about
their kids. That becomes their religion. It's just like their fucking children,
yes, which like they are fucking children. Probably well, pikes, well
if you love it. Speaking of wing wing joo, paying, an employee
at the Beijing number one machine tool plant received a wax replica. The fruit
itself was destined for higher things. The real mango was driven by a worker
representative through a procession of beating drums and people lining the streets from the factory
to the airport. The workers had chartered a plane to fly the single mango
to a factory in chain Hi. This is what why So the fruit is
just this is literally the fruit is ascended. It is no longer fruit.
It is. It is like you know when people get mad about like oh
the flag hit the ground or whatever. Yeah, mango more important than flags.
Yeah, mango kay hit the ground. Yeah, I mean I guess
flags have been flown imagine pretty far. But you're just like it's like a
Curb your Enthusiasm episode like Larry's in China and just eats the sacred mango.
Mango just sitting in a place of reverence. And but for whatever reason,
in the middle of the buffet table, because that's like the center of the
room is the buffet table at the right bompomp boomp boom. Yeah, they
wouldnother table. Mal gave us that. Yeah, yeah, why would you
put it on the food where the food is God? A fucking Chinese Larry
David would be hilarious. They don't live long. Yeah, no, they
don't make it to their seven don't. You don't have fun? Misadventures and
comedies of error is a part of the part one. There's only one wacky
coincidence. Yeah, and it ends in an unmarked grave. Boom boom boom.
And when one of the mangoes began to rot, workers peeled it and
boiled the flesh in a vat of water, which then made the vat holy
and the water inside it holy as well. So yeah, no religion,
right, yeah, no religion in that country. Uh. Then each worker
would take turns sipping a spoonful of the rotten mango flesh water. H MAO
was told about this at this point. I don't even like like crazy Christians,
but I'm like just worship Jesus, just because I can wrap my mind
around that instead of your sacred mango, Like, just do one of the
just do one of the wacky stories. It's already there. Don't make your
own. Don't make your own. That's just non creative. Rob Mao was
told about the rotting mango flesh water, and upon hearing the story, he
laughed out loud. I'm sure it's like what. I'm sure l Ron Hubbard
sat in his office every day and cracking up. Oh my god, you
know, just randomly you're saying. That popped into my head. Uh.
There was a training for like a psychology or a scientology punishment where if you
were being insubordinate, they'd make you like run around a palm tree. That
is now like an ot level. Pay a fuck ton of money to take
the class about running around the palm tree scientology. I while I hate it
and I think it's a terrible thing, I respect it because that shit that
is yes standing, Yeah, that is yes standing all the way to an
insane cult. And they did it perfectly. How are they a top like
twenty employer in Florida? You know about it? Yeah, Clearwater where the
headquarters is. They've got to be legitimately top fifty. There's like no one
at the Clearwater thing. They just have people outside of it. Yeah,
like, but they don't actually have anyone doing anything. They have real recruits,
they're not. Their numbers are fucking dwindling, they are. Yeah,
well Miss Scavenge is kind of taking it down the shitter because, you know
what, insane. Kind of a bad rap right now. Yeah, but
give us some time. Hey, they what back? They are currently in
the phase uh what are They're like fifty sixty years old as a religion,
right, not very old. So they're like I think we talked about one
of the last episode, they're for Christianity. Yeah, so I think they
would have really started taken off around the sixties. Yeah. When do we
crucifier about? I know, right, they really need someone to get crucified.
That's how you take off as a religion. Yeah you martyr. Yeah,
if no martyrs, I know, nothing to rally around. It's hard
to make martyrs these days too, on a new religion at least, you
know, I mean I think the most recent like new martyr would probably be
uh, David Correct was about to say, yeah, Waco, Yeah,
it would probably be the last really good example of martyrdom because he like,
he pretty much called the shot before he got killed. He's like, they're
gonna come and kill me, and that's what God said. It's like,
oh, and boy did they. They killed the shit out of them.
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mangoes. Baby anyway, well one of the mango. Okay, we talked
about that. From the very beginning, the mango gift took on a relic
like quality to be revered and even worshiped. Not only was the mango a
gift from the chairman, it was the Chairman. This association is so transubstantiated.
He transubstantiated into the mango, the mango, Yes, the mangoes,
the holy ghost. Yeah, it's the holy go mango. This association is
reflected in a poem from the period, which I will now read to you.
Seeing that golden mango was as if seeing the great leader, Chairman Mao
standing before the golden mango was just like standing beside Chairman Mao again and again,
touching that golden mango. The golden mango was so warm, again and
again. Smelling the mango, the golden mango was so frank grant. I'm
imagining it sounds way better in Chinese, so it might not. What if
it's just mouth talking about a sack. Look at this mango. Look at
the golden mangoes. Smell the mango so fragrant, it'd be impressed. If
it's scrolled him resembled a mango. I suppose. Well, if you had
a really big sack, Yeah, just two big mangoes. Each mango is
a testicle. Yeah, that's that's problematic. Probably need like severe compression shorts.
Yeah yeah, I mean life would hurt a lot. Your boy's not
running if he's got mango nuts just clapping but squishy, but you're hitting from
behind. Those would like wrap all the way around, hit the clip like
to it certainly. Yeah, yeah, like two wrecking balls that clip yang.
Yeah. Uh. The mango stored the length and breath of the country,
and we're hosting it in a series of secret processions. Red guards had
wrecked temples and shrines, but destroying artifacts it is easier than erasing religious behavior,
and soon the mangoes became the object of a tense devotion. So I
think something that's important here too is because of the cultural revolution, they're like
all of the like things they held in high regard have been flattened and destroyed.
So much like a power vacuum when a leader goes away, you need
something for match, there's a spirituality vacuum. Yeah, and mangoes filtered some
of the thing, man if. Yeah, it's honestly, this is this
is the most ironic possible way to use this. But the devil, you
know, is so much better than the deli. You don't in that situation.
That's what I'm saying, Like, just just keep him Buddhist. Well
yeah, so some of the rituals for The mangoes imitated centuries of Buddhist and
Daoist traditions, and the mangoes were even placed in an altar to which factory
workers would bow in the morning. Yeah, so they just they literally just
swapped out Buddha or whatever dalo the muses, I guess, and they just
put a mango in it. I'm sure. I mean I see people it's
almost like the pagan transplant of stuff too. It's like, well, no,
you still do all the ship. Yeah, she's a thing or even
I mean I see people today who are like, um, I mean you
see people every day on like social media and stuff like that confessing their sins.
Uh yeah and asking for repentance. What's the one that the monk did
in Da Vinci Code self? Oh my god, the amount of self flagelation,
Like just you see that constantly. I mean, that's what the notes
it's figured of self legilation. Yeah, although it would be hilarious. Notes
app is just confessional though. That's if you see a notes app, that's
someone going to confession. Shout to Drew McGary. I think you're just referencing
there. I really am hard. Yeah, forgive me Twitter if drives and
did someone lead with that? Just Gary's entire personality at this point for what
he was like seven years ago, years ago, and then like thirteen years
ago whatever. Yeah, when dead Spin was funny. Yeah, So China
has a long history of symbolic associations with food, which may have encouraged extravagant
interpretations of mouse gift. The mangoes were compared to the mushrooms of immortality and
the longevity peach of Chinese mythology, so there was like a nice shoeman for
that. The longevity peach sounds like the worst I don't even know, like
thing you find in Pokemon or something like. You're just like you're like trying
to get into like your kid's anime. You're like, okay, i'll watch
it with you, and then someone like takes a bite from the longevity peach
and you're just like, I fucking can't do this. Yeah, it's just
it's banal. Yeah, it's I liked your Pokemon reference originally, just like
you have a guy at like one or two HP and he takes the longevity
peach and just rockets back up to Yeah. Right, the fruit was delicious
exclamation point or it's one of those items that actually doesn't do anything like that.
It just says they liked the peach. Yeah, you find the longevity
peach, you give it to your peaka you he's about to die, and
then it does nothing. Yeah, and then they get hit with the next
attack and you're like, wait, yeah, it's just like Pikachu died.
Happy fuck that I just lost the Elite eight or Elite for it um.
The workers surmise that Mau's gift was an act of selflessness, like I said,
in which he sacrificed his longevity for theirs by not eating the mango,
which he did not like. Oh, he would have been immortal, yeah,
if he had just eaten that basket of mangoes. Little did they know
that he disliked fruit, nor were they concerned to learn that Mao was simply
passing on a gift he had already received. There's a tradition in China of
schwan song, or regifting, and maybe regarded as vulgar in the West,
but in China regifting is widely seen as a compliment. I'm sure because of
communism and what do we do well around these parts Indian given that's when you
give something back up yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. It's not
giving it no Indian giving given his repackaging a gift. No Indian giving is
when you h it's when you it's it's you give something to someone, then
you take it back, then you take it back from them. That's Indian
giving. Oh okay, what is repackage? Which is ironic because we were
the ones that would give things and then take it back. Yeah. No,
they were like, unless that's actually how it was born, and now
people just wrongly think it's racist. No, any it's because we traded them,
like lynd for the land. Yeah, because they were like, you
can't sell land, sure whatever, like, and then they want it back
like wait, wait, wait, hold on, Like when they realize that,
oh you can sell it, we will find a way to conquer it
fought red handed. Wow. I don't think that's what that means, but
I can't be sure. Nobody knows. Yeah. So apparently though it enhances
the status of both the giver and the recipient. This is all just like
this kind of selfless to like pass on your gift to someone else. I
feel like this is a high product of poverty, probably the probably feeling around
it. Yeah, the mango is also proved to be a gift to the
propaganda department of the Communist Party, which quickly manufactured mango themed household them such
as bedsheets, vanity stands, trays, and wash basins, as well as
mango scented soap. And my favorite, really really big at this time were
mango cigarettes. Oh that's great. Clove cigarette. Yeah, honestly, probably
tasted pretty fruity clove cigarette. But I tell you what, when they took
away our mango jewel pods, I felt bad, not because I like the
mango flavor, but because I was not giving my support to mau. Yeah.
You weren't showing Mile the reverence that he needed. Yeah, I want
to breathe in Mao baby. Yeah, as our resident communist on the podcast
That's right, don't forget it, Love Communism. Massive paper machine mangoes appeared
on the central float during the National Day Parade in Beijing in October nineteen sixty
eight. Far away in the Gujo Province, thousands of armed peasants fought over
a black and white photograph of a mango Jesus Christ, a photograph of Amingo.
Thousandstograph. Every time I do there's a blood bat but now everybody was
so enthusiastic about not everybody was so enthusiastic about the fruit. Those who expressed
their doubts were severely punished. A village dentist was publicly humiliated and then executed
after comparing a touring mango to a sweet potato. This just makes me think
of that Derek comedy video from way back in the day where they're just like,
whatever you do, don't masturbate to this photo of a basket of fruit,
Like, why would I do that? Why would I ever masturbate to
the this portrait of fruit? And then he's just in the bathroom cranking it.
I really want to re hit that. Note the guy was like fucking
sweet potato. He was publicly humiliated and executed for that. So what is
publicly humiliated? Meaning probably stripped naked, made to walk through the town,
probably had shit thrown. It was probably like that, you know, shame
shame yea yeah, and then U you know he's I assume this dentist had
a family, Yeah, probably not anymore kids. Whatever dentist, he's gonna
marry a dentist. Plenty of people, I don't know. It's a big
country. You don't malign Dennists here. I think it has one of the
highest suicide rates. I think it has a lot of mental issues because of
the pain infliction. I think it's more just mundane or actually, you know,
it probably has to do with being like, hey man, you probably
should take care of those teeth. Like, I would definitely recommend this to
come back. No, I didn't do any of this shit idiot pleading when
you poke them fucking flaws. Yeah, imagine like being an oncologist and no
one gets chemotherapy and then they keep coming back and be like tumors bigger.
Yeah, because like I'm kill myself. I don't. You're clearly not gonna
keep listening to me. It's like literally, actually too. Health is probably
the most important thing you can do, like your mouth, right, because
like it's where everything goes to fuel. You got health, Well, it
starts with your mouth though. Yeah, Like, man, I could take
nutrients through a fucking ivy. I can have a feeding tube. Yeah,
you can just feed yourself out of yours. I want, I want,
and no one agrees with me. You might. Actually, I would love
it for science to just make the perfect like little brick of food that gives
me everything I need to be the perfect me. So you just want the
I want soil it. You want the cricket blocks that they had in snow
Piercer. No, I want the perfect nutrient like I want. I would
hate that. I love food. Food. I like food a lot too,
But like when I'm not eating something I'm really excited about, just give
me the fucking block. It's the protein bar. Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, I mean you have the block. The block exists. Yeah.
Cool, Okay, I'm gonna go get some blocks after this. If
there's a protein company out there, I wants to sponsor to the podcast Jake
will Eat Your Block. Yeah, go to the block dot com slash softcore
slash Jake Yeah us good, Jake loves Block. The mango fever fizzled out
after eighteen months and soon discarded. Wax replicas were being used as candles during
electrical outages. People just stopped caring. After about eighteen months, soon died
for mangoes, and eighteen months later no one cared anymore. That sounds about
right. I'm sure There's been at least five girls crushed to death at a
Justin Bieber concert. Before you know what I mean. Yeah, and now
he's got like scabies and can't perform or something weird like that. He's got
some bizarre disease. He's just a broken human. But there was a time
when you would willingly die to get to the front row of a Justin Bieber
concert. Yeah, get trampled for it, Yeah, I guess. On
a like visit to Beijing in nineteen seventy four, way, by the way,
also ironic that they're using the mangoes to light their homes when the country
couldn't give them power. Yeah, in a weird way, they're kind of
lighting Mao on fire. Well, he thought, so. Yeah, it's
just like a symbol of the country's greatness that they have to light on fire
to keep their homes lit because the fucking country care. There's a lot of
irony in this episode. Yeah, yeah, great, No, it's mango
madness really yeah. On a visit to Beijing in nineteen seventy four, Emelda
Marcos took a case of the Philippine national fruit mangoes as a gift for a
host, Mao's wife Jiang King, known as Madame Madame Mao, and tried
to replicate the earlier enthusiasm sending the mangoes to workers. They dutifully held a
ceremony and gave things, but Jiang King lacked her husband's sense of political timing.
The following year, as Malay ill with their clear successor in sight,
she commissioned a new film, Song of the Mango to enhance her credibility to
succeed her husband, but within a week of its release, Jang was arrested
in the film was taken out of circulation. Yeah. Yeah, and this
is actually what is considered the final chapter in mango madness in China. But
they still do like it's like a throwback where they're like, remember old people
will talk about mangoes still like it's a fucking thing. Yeah, but it's
not. It hasn't been for a while. Yeah, But they're like,
you know, would they find like a mango rita obscene? I don't know,
they might. It seems weird, like it almost seems like consuming It
was a no no, yeah, Like what what about like they go to
Buffalo wild Wings, they go to a mango hob wing love a mango?
How is that? In support of actually, fuck everything? I just said
new plan We patriot shame anyone who eats mango hob an arrow wings. Yeah,
it's like freed and fries. Yeah, yeah, yeah, mango is
Chinese communist and we will shame anyone who eats it. Don't worry about the
fact that the Chinese don't even look at irreverently anymore. Yeah they did at
one point. They did it one, but that was that's mouse spiritual fruit.
And if you eat mango hob wings, you're a mouse. And just
because now didn't eat mangoes at all and didn't like them, it still means
if you eat them, you're a mollist. Yeah. What if not re
naming it get replaced with another fruit orange, I guess orangebanaro wings. Yeah,
that doesn't sound Rightoban needs to be as it needs to be an American
fruit, So orange is actually a pretty good Orange is the one. But
if you don't want to go orange, which another good American fruit like a
strawberry. Strawberry, I know, it has to taste terrible. That's the
point you have to you have to use a must much worse option, banana
banana hob wings. Yeah, and you have to eat anybody like you're like
a fucking smiling asshole. Politician like so much. It's just like, but
it's because you can't like choose a banana. It's just covered in banana cream.
You have to dip the hobanaro wing in banana ranch. Yeah, it's
banana ranch. That might actually work. You want to try, because I
mean people would always I mean, Elvis ate a bunch of banana and mayonnaise
sandwiches. That's why bananas, the fruit, banana, peanut butter, mayonnaise,
peanut butter. It's probably all that snuff. I mean, I like
a good banana's foster. Yeah, school, tennis school, some cocaine pills,
pills for sure, so many greenies everything. The bread was actually pillbread,
just flower for the bread. It was ground percose, ground perose.
Yeah. Yeah, uh that's it Fromanos. Would you guys learn today?
Um? I learned that China had a very specific religion for eighteen months and
that was a fraud. Yeah. Why because he uh kind of got a
lot of clout for giving away a fruit he didn't like. Yeah, he
basically like, I want this ship here you go for re gifting. Yeah,
it's a fucking garbage. I think it's pretty easy to answer. The
next question, but who's Hitler? It's not now what whoever killed the dentist.
It's like it's the first guy who heard the dentist say that looks like
a sweet potato and was like, what the fuck did you say? What?
That guy's Hitler? Just the I think the whole profession of dentistry is
Hitler dentist or Hitler dan Is in favor of the dentist. Take um.
I think the thing I learned from all of this is that no matter what
you do in trying to erase a culture or a history, something will fill
that void. Yeah, no matter what you do, something feels a void.
Like, no matter you can't eliminate shit, you're not closing a door.
You're just cleaning out a room. Yeah, but like you know what
I mean, Like, but something else is going to go into that room,
and sometimes it's a fucking mango. Yeah, you're cleaning the room and
you're throwing it all in the closet. Yeah, Like you're not. You're
not closing the door. The door never closes. That's not how it works.
No, like rituals, Yeah, people like things. Yeah, you
don't end something. Yeah, So that's our story today. I hope you
enjoyed this mango madness story. UM. Check out our Patreon again at software
history dotnot that one. At patreon dot com slash software history. You can
also check out our website, software history dot com. From merch, please
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Thanks for tuning in, thanks for coming back, and uh, you
just got solf served.