Why do some people eat with their knives to shop in their appetite? Correct,
pay that man eight dollars. Name three famous opera stars, John Charles
Thomas. Correct, pay that man five dollars, because it pays to be
ignorant as any half hour with those masters of insanity Harry McNaughton, George Shelton,
the Nail Up Girl, Lula McConnell, and featuring darc Novic Orchestra.
But now here's the man who proves it pays to be ignorant, Tom Howard.
Well, here we are again with that quiz program, which is fast
becoming an institution. In fact, that's where it belongs. We have a
buarterbacks first, who are so dumb they think vitamin K is Sammy Kay's brother.
Let's see introduce of the you. First, we have the celebrated author
mister Harry mcon who has just written a book for Sharop a distant title five
Easy Ways to Raise a Corn or What to Do on a Pinch. But
here he is mister Harry McNaughton. I have a poems to uh huh.
I love to die on telephone. I don't care when it fails. I
never get my number, but it manicures my nails rather naive, didn't.
All right, all right, let's just file that one. Next we have
a woman. Next, we have a woman who goes to football games just
to see if the players will make a pass at her. A woman whose
ancestors went west with a covered wagon. If you saw her ancestors you'd know
why the wagon was covered. But here she is the Dorothy Thompson of Lower
Canal Street. McConnell. You know, I went to a master and wag
party last night and was I'm mortified? Oh I was never sown suns nor
my life. What happened? Well, a Tama class a feller came up
to me and said, it's tram o'clock. Take off your mask. Well,
what was the matter with that? I didn't have a mask on?
Very natural mistake. Thanks you have, thanks for thanks. We have a
man who never changes his mind because it has no trade in value. A
man, a man who would like to get ahead because he thinks it would
be nice to have one. Here he is mister George Shulton. God,
you want to buy a sled dog a sled? I have no sled.
You want to buy a sheep dog? I have no sheep, want to
buy a blood hrle, try and get out of that. Well there they
are, folks. If you get bored, easily run, do not walk
to your nearest exit. Our first question tonight, mister Howard, Well,
did you know we have a special guest tonight? No? I did not,
But what difference does that make? No one ever tells me anything around
here? Well, I'm sorry, but we have as our special guest that
ever popular and much abused world renowned baseball player and manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers,
mister Leo Durocha. Well, how do you do? How do you
do? Mister Darrochia? And welcome to It pays to be so you're a
baseball player. He's a bumbo? Who said that? That dialect is very
familiar? Look paid artest, mister de roche. We're glad that you paid
us a visit. How does it appeal to be on a really good radio
program? Well, after all, money isn't everything. Money isn't everything?
I see what to me? Have you met the experts that this is?
Mister Harry McNaught. Hi you Mac, I don't believe I've ever seen you
before. You've never seen the home plaid either I resent that. You resent
that, mister Derouscha. On what base is mister Derosian, you don't know
what base is? One? Who is this old worn out tetcher's glove?
Well, this is mister Sheldon, mister Derosia. Do you know him?
I don't want to know him. Where's you're seeing? I dog? You
look like an umpire to me. And another thing, mister Dorosia, this
is miss Lulu McConnell. Where right there? Oh? Here? Yeah?
I thought that was a bass fiddle? Is that so? Well? No
time settle around this bat. Oh very good, Miss McConnell. You'll be
stuck out if you do. He used to that. Wait a minute,
just a minute. I didn't come here to be insulid. If I wanted
to be insulid, I would have stayed in Brooklyn. Mister de Rosia,
we don't want to insults you. I assure you you we want you to
feel at home. Well, then you're better insult me. All right,
Well, here's the first question, folks. As you know mister Darrocha,
this is a quiz program. We try to answer questions. If you feel
you know the answer to any of the questions, speak right up, okay,
all right. The first question tonight is about blacksmith here it is what
animal does a blacksmith make horseshoes? Far? Mister Howard, would you repeat
that question? Certainly, mister Darrocha, what animal does a blacksmith make horseshoes?
Farm? Now I would have to come up here the night. The
questions are tough. You know this hard. My father used to be a
blacksmith. I see, so that's why you're shaped like a bellow's. When
I was a little girl, I used to help my father shoes the horses.
I see, when you were a little girl, I hadn't discovered horses
yet, Miss McConnell. Why don't you doing the blacksmith sharp? Miss McConnell,
I was a fly, sure, apply sure. I didn't know applies
horseshoes. I didn't say that. While my father was shoeing the horses,
I used to chase the flies off the horse. I was apply sure.
And your father was a horse shore. That's right. You mean your father
chased the horses. He showed the horses. And when I said he shoed
the horses, he chased the horses. When you shoe flies, you chase
them lugs. I should the flies off of the horses. Why my father
shoes the horse? Your your father shoes the horses. That's right off the
pies. Wait a minute, off half of the horse. Get all applies
the how. We're not here to offer silly questions. When this bacon said
her father shoes the horses, she meant he put shoes on the horse.
And when she said he shoes the flies, as that means she put shoes
on the flies. That's a different kind of a shoe. Well, we
know that, we know that, we know that the horse don't wear the
same kind of shoes the fly doesn't. We're not dumb. Can I say
something here? No? No, a fly don't wash you? What does
he do? Go around barefooted? No wonder he gets nails in his feet,
nails in anything? You don't understand. My father was showing the horses.
I would stand by and keep the flies off the horses so they wouldn't
kick my father. You mean the flies would kick your father. No,
the horses used to kick the flies. Can't I say something here? No,
Miss McConnell, do you mean to say that the great big horse would
kick a poor little fly? I you didn't mean the horses would kick the
fly. You don't mean the fly would kick the horses. No, the
pies used to kick my father. Please? Why was your father a horse?
Would you permit me to say a word here? No? Say why
don't you go back to Brooklyn? I will not safer here? So you
lost again today? They can't tell me, miss McConnell, when one of
these nosty little flies would kick your horses? What was his reaction? Wait
a minute, how could a fly kick a horse? It was a horse
fly that was That was doctor Novic and is phil moronic? August, mister
Howard, Bill couldn't come, mister Howard, I think I have the answer
to that question. You think you'll have the answer to what question about the
blacksmith putting the shoes on the fly? Well, I'm sorry, mister Derosian,
but you're too late. He's always too late, I say, you,
a little squirt, have you got a grudge against me? But I
could easually develop one that. Let's get on here. Were you to cut
out the scrapping, where do you think you are? In Ebbittsfield or something?
They wouldn't let him in eb its field, just a minute, mister
Sheldon, I'd like to have you know, Bobby don't know this, but
mister Daroshia has been signed for another year. Oh yeah, yeah, I
bet he had a twist Ricky's wrist to get the contry. It'll be a
pleasure to twist your next Yeah, you're right. I agree with you thoroughly,
mister Erosia. Well, here we have our contents. Are our contestants?
Rather, this is a part of the program where we have invited two
members from the studio audience up here in the stage right can ask the experts
the question. If they get them and tell you the answer, we give
them the gate receipt from the World Series. If they don't give them an
empty pop bottle. Who is our first contestant, mister Roberts, Our first
contested mister Howard is Sergeant John Dumars of the United States Army's signal calls,
how do you do? How do you do? Sergeant Damis, and welcome
to a program. It's a pleasure, indeed to have you here with us.
How do you feel, sergeant? All right? Here? Where's your
hometown? Would your care to tell us? Hollywood? Hollywood? All I
said, Hollywood California, where people married for better or for worse, but
not for law. We're glad, we're glad to have you with us eye
Hollywood, California. That's right. Well, strike me out and call me
de Rosia. I see you know I used to work in that town.
I was a baseball player in a baker shop. Were you were a baseball
player in a bakery shop? Yeah? He used to catch flies. That's
very good. He used to catch fly that's more than he ever did.
All right, mister, how the bump? That bump stole the gag right
out of my mouth? Aha. He should have left it there. If
there's any place a gag belongs, it's in your mouth. Now cut it
out. We have a guest here. Pardon the interruption, sergeant, What
did you do before you wanted the service? How's a photographer? All photographer
in Hollywood? That's fine? You know what photographer is? Nice? White?
It is in a dark room and wait for things to develop. Wait,
I noticed you have a you have a decoration there on your Lapala?
Is that right? Have you you've seen action? I take it? Why
have you been? Would you got to tell and tiska my that's no.
You were in Tisca. You know I saw that picture. You saw what
Ronald Coleman and maringde I cut it off. That's that's kiss miss how that's
a lovely song. You know tis Smith again? My god, No god,
you come from a family of enderesol. You said it brother, you
had a brother, love my mind? Why if this is a quiz program,
I'm a cow. Well this is a quiz, bro. How about
two quarts. I'm not going to speak to you too again. That's all
right with me. Just pay me and I'll go home. Listen, honey,
Well he pays you, you won't be able to go home long.
They no attention, massageant. We're sorry for the eruption. We're very happy
to have you with us. I'm sure, yeah, sure. What's your
first name, honey? Johnny? Johnny, Johnny? You dam get Johnnie,
oh Johnny, because then you could just call me. Baseball, I'm
a high flyer. Yeah, and you've been batting around a lot too.
This thing gets sillier and sillier. Alright, what about the Dodgers. I'll
play measure shallon a sergeant. What you do is a favorite. This point
when you reach into the dunge cap there and pick out a question for us.
And when you get a hold of one, would you be kind enough
to read the question? Please just take your time and read it. What
great American support has played at the polo ground? There? You god,
my great American sport, My great American sport has played at the polo grounds.
Looks like that question was pre arranged. It was, It was all
right. The question is, gentlemen, I hope you heard it, but
great American support has played at the polo ground? Polo, mister Howard polo.
No, No, they don't play polo at the polo ground. No
where do they play it? They play it on a polo field. I
thought they played it on a horse, on a heart. Certainly they play
it on a horse. I don't play polo on a horse. You don't
play polo on a horse. Why do you play it on I don't play
it at all? So what do I need a horse for? I don't
play it, I mean stupid. Never mind, Well, if you played
it, you would play it on a horse. I thought you played polo
on a polo field. The horse plays it on a field. The horse
plays? Then I must see what does a horse. Do ride on another
horse? No, no, cut it out, he rides a jackass.
Get on to yourself, mister Howard. Look, they played polo on a
polo field on a horse. You've gotta have a horse to play polo,
now, is that clear? Mister? How they could play it on a
bear? A bear, a polo bear? I mean, I don't get
it. Listen to Rosha. Will you please tell them what they play at
the polo ground. Certainly they played baseball. They use the polo grounds to
play baseball. You mean they played baseball on polo ponies. No, they
play it on polo bears. Wait, wait one minutes. They played baseball
on polar bears. Yeah, that's the way he plays it right there.
Do not play baseball. No, but the Cubs, due the c I
don't get it. You don't get you. You didn't get the penalty either.
I'm signed for nineteen forty five, how about you? Yeah, he
signed it for sixty five. That's when it gets these Social Security the hard
hard. I still say, you can't ride a polar bear. All right,
you might ride it with a saddle, but you cannot ride a pool
of bear. You cannot ride You get it? Cut it out. I
don't want it now. A special announcement, not Snovic, and there's no
doubt orchestra will play a selection for all your milk in the ice box,
ladies, because this music will be short of curdle it here. He is
not Novac. Oh the Skater's waltz. I've never heard it play like this
before. No nobody else did either. Steel again, carrying Wheelway where I
recrries you soul. I hope it leaves you're there? Oh? That trombone
are is word of Bok. I love his Pretsy Connor. Yeah, somebody
want to cut it out. There's nothing the matter with your radio boat rummer
just dropped the bridge work cut it out. The musician all reject your mom
ma, thank you, thank you, I said, all right, thanks,
thank you. Doctor. No, ladies, lady. If you like
good music, folks, we haven't got it. Who was r Who was
our next contestant, Ken Roberts, Our next guest, Miss Howard is yourman?
Second prize? Roddie Wilson of the United States? Wade, Oh,
how do you do? Ronnie? And welcome to what say's being? Where's
your hometown? With your care to tell us an albums from Saint Alburns,
from very nice up in the Marble Country. We're very glad to have you
with us. How what are you doing in New York on the business down?
Are you enjoying yourself? Very good? That's how. Wilson's a very
charming girl, Yes she is. You have an eye for beauty, mister
McNaughton. Yeah, the other one I uses for reading. I reiterate,
Miss Wilson's a very very charming girl. Mister McNaughton. Please, will you
stop flirting with our guests? Why is it no one ever flexed with me?
Does anyone flirt with a ration book? After all the stamps are gone?
Bye? WHOA? I don't know, I don't know. Christopher Colonel
has a good point. Well I don't know about points. But she'd make
a good baseball pitcher, she would, and she has plenty of curves.
Missus Rosa, you made a hit with that one. You never made a
hitless line? Will you cut it up? Please? Here from you who
gave you your last pass. I don't need a pass. I got it
done my face. Yeah. Well, another crack like that and you'll go
out of here the same way. I am fine. To agree with you.
I'm sorry for this interruption that Ms Wilson. How long have you been
to service? Year and a half time? Congratulations? Are you married?
No, I'm not You're not married. Charming girl? What do you do
with a favorite here? Would you reach into the dunecap there and pick out
a question for us? Please? And would you been kind enough to read
the questions? What kind of seafoods you used to make clam chowder? Thank
youl? What kind of seafood did you used to make clam chowder? Did
you hear the place of mister mcgart? I'm telling this so hard, but
I didn't know. Why don't you listen to this program sometime? I'll be
very glad to old boy? What time does he go on? O?
Nine night? Eastern War? All right? Thank you, Miss McConnell.
Thank you? What station does it come over? I'd like to listen to
with myself? Cut it off? Listen, don't tell me you're getting silly
tooled? Shows you what bad company will do? What is what kind of
seat owners used to make clam chowder? I made some lovely clam chowder the
other day. I say some cucumbers in it. Then I had a couple
of pictures of my carbonates. A little fire cram juice come from of cadiolta,
little maple syrup and ans and cinnamon. Then I gray it down the
skins of four arms, and then I put it in the oven for three
hours. Then what did you do? I showed out would eat that mess.
Oh, you have spoiled it. You should never have added the cinnamon.
Awful, You know it's hard. I had some clam childer the other
day, but I simply couldn't eat it. Why, yes, it was
one of those nostriagtalle clams. I wonder why people put those things in clam
chowder. I like clams, but the last time I had them that made
me sick. Really was they fresh when you opened them? Oh? Are
you supposed to open them when you go into a restaurant, mister Sheldon,
in order of a bowl of clam chowder, I'm getting the chowder on my
teas. Here. What do you see in the clam chowder? The waiter's
thumb, the waiters from, Hey, I'm is it tony? Is it
tasting? Please? Now Here is the black fox questions? See if you
can get it? Here? It is? What animal is called the King
of b He is used as the trademark for the Metro Golden Mayor pictures.
They called him Leo. He has a very loud roar. What is the
name of this feat Leo Jerosia. I must start to spond you and spend
a few more dollars to get ignorant. One day, as I was walking
down the avenue, I met a funny fellow with a funny point of view.
He didn't have a brain cell working in his head, but he was
very happy. And this is what he said. It pays to be ignored,
to be dumb, to be demse, to be ignorant. You think
of that. It pay be ignorant, just like me. If that not
to know too much the adope. Your IQ shouldn't show too much, your
brain shouldn't grow too much weight a thing. I took my girl to dinner.
We had a wonderful tea. They had to give my girl the check
because I couldn't read. So you see, it pay to have no brain
being sane just to see it pay to be ignorant just like me. Not
Frank, this is the Armed Forces Radio Service, I said, yeah,
not trying my s stock all right,