Book eighteen. Now there came a certain common tramp who used to go begging
all over the city of Ithaca, and was notorious as an incorrigible glutton and
drunkard. This man had no strength nor stay in him, but he was
a great hulking fellow. To look at his real name, the one his
mother gave him, was Arnaeus, but the young men of the place called
him Iris, because he used to run errands for anyone who would send him.
As soon as he came, he began to insult Ulysses and to try
and drive him out of his own house. Be awful man, he cried
from the doorway, or you shall be dragged out neck and heels. Do
you not see that they are all giving me the wink and wanting me to
turn you out by force? Only I do not like to do. So
get up, then and go of yourself, or we shall come to blows.
Ulysses frowned on him and said, my friend, I do you no
manner of harm. People give you a great deal, but I am not
jealous. There is room enough in this doorway for the pair of us,
and you need not grudge me things that are not yours To give you seem
to be just such another tramp as myself. But perhaps the gods will give
us better luck by and by. Do not, however, talk too much
about fighting, or you will incense me and old though I am, I
shall cover your mouth and chest with blood. I shall have more peace tomorrow
if I do, for you will not come to the house of Ulysses anymore.
Iris was very angry and answered, you, filthy glutton. You run
on trippingly like an old fish fag. I have a good mind to lay
both hands about you and knock your teeth out of your head like so many
boars tusks. Get ready, therefore, and let these people here stand by
and look on. You will never be able to fight one who is so
much younger than yourself. Thus roundly did they rate one another on the smooth
pavement in front of the doorway. And when Antonus saw what was going on,
he laughed heartily and said to the others, this is the finest sport
that you ever saw. Heaven never yet sent anything like it into this house.
The stranger and heiress have quarreled and are going to fight. Let us
set them on to do so at once. The suitors all came up laughing,
and gathered round the two ragged tramps. Listen to me, said Antonus.
There are some goat's paunches down at the fire, which we have filled
with blood and fat and set aside for supper. He who is victorious and
proves himself to be the better man, shall have his pick of the lot.
He shall be free of our table, and we will not allow any
other beggar about the house at all. The others all agreed, but ulysses
to throw them off the scent, said sirs. An old man like myself,
worn out with suffering, cannot hold his own against a young one.
But my irrepressible belly urges me on, though I know it can only end
in my getting a drubbing. You must swear, however, that none of
you will give me a foul blow, to favor iires and secure him the
victory. They swore as he told them, And when they had completed their
oath, Telemachus put in a word and said, stranger, if you have
a mind to settle with this fellow, you need not be afraid of any
one here. Whoever strikes you will have to fight more than one. I
am host, and the other chiefs Antonus and Eurymachus, both of them men
of understanding, are of the same mind as I am. Everyone assented,
and Ulysses girded his old rags about his loins, thus bearing his stalwart thighs,
his broad chest and shoulders, and his mighty arms. But Minerva came
up to him and made his limbs even stronger. Still, the suitors were
beyond measure astonished, and one would turn towards his neighbor, saying, this
stranger has brought such a thigh out of his old rags that there will soon
be nothing left of Eiras Iiris began to be very uneasy as he heard them,
But the servants girded him by force and brought him into the open part
of the court in such a fright that his limbs were all of a tremble.
Antonus scolded him and said, you swaggering bully, you ought never to
have been born at all. If you are afraid of such an old,
broken down creature as this tramp is, I say therefore, and it shall
surely be if he beats you and proves himself the better man, I shall
pack you off on board ship to the mainland. And send you to King
Echitas, who kills everyone that comes near him. He will cut off your
nose and ears, and draw out your entails for the dogs to eat.
This frightened Eires still more. But they brought him into the middle of the
court, and the two men raised their hands to fight. Then Ulysses considered
whether he should let drive so hard at him as to make an end of
him then and there, or whether he should give him a lighter blow that
should only knock him down. In the end, he deemed it best to
give the lighter blow, for fear the Achaeans should begin to suspect who he
was. Then they began to fight, and Eiris hit Ulysses on the right
shoulder. But Ulysses gave Eiris a blow on the neck under the ear that
broke in the bones of his skull, and the blood came gushing out out
of his mouth. He fell groaning in the dust, gnashing his teeth and
kicking on the ground. But the suitors threw up their hands and nearly died
of laughter. Ulysses caught hold of him by the foot and dragged him into
the outer court as far as the gate house. There he propped him up
against the wall and put his staff in his hands. Sit here, said
he, and keep the dogs and pigs off. You are a pitiful creature,
and if you try to make yourself king of the beggars any more,
you shall fare still worse. Then he threw his dirty old wallet, all
tattered and torn, over his shoulder with the cord by which it hung,
and went back to sit down upon the threshold. But the suitors went within
the cloisters, laughing and saluting him. May Jove and all the other gods
said, they grant you whatever you want for having put an end to the
importunity of this insatiable tramp. We will take him over to the main land
presently to King Echetus, who kills every one that comes near him. Ulysses
hailed this as of good omen, and Antonus set a great goat's paunch before
him, filled with blood and fat. Amphinomus took two loaves out of the
bread basket and brought them to him, pledging him as he did so,
in a golden goblet of wine. Good luck to you, he said,
father stranger. You are very badly off at present, but I hope you
will have better times by and by to this, Ulysses answered Amphiminus, you
seem to be a man of good understanding, as indeed you may well be.
Seeing whose son you are, I have heard your father well spoken of.
He is nicest of Dulichium, a man both brave and wealthy. They
tell me you are his son, and you appear to be a considerable person.
Listen, therefore, and take heed to what I am saying. Man
is the vainest of all creatures that have their being upon earth. As long
as Heaven vouchsafes him health and strength, he thinks that he shall come to
no harm hereafter. And even when the blessed Gods bring sorrow upon him,
he bears it as he needs must, and makes the best of it.
For God Almighty gives men their daily minds day by day. I know all
about it, for I was a rich man once and did much wrong in
the stubbornness of my pride, and in the confidence that my father and my
brothers would support me. Therefore, let a man fear God in all things
always, and take the good that Heaven may see fit to send him without
vainglory. Consider the infamy of what these suitors are doing. See how they
are wasting the estate and doing dishonor to the wife of one who is certain
to return some day, and that too not long. Hence, nay,
he will be here soon. May Heaven send you home quietly first, that
you may not meet with him in the day of his coming, For once
he is here the suitors and he will not part bloodlessly. With these words,
he made a drink offering, and when he had drunk, he put
the gold cup again into the hands of Ampheminus, who walked away, serious
and bowing his head. He foreboded evil, But even so he did not
escape destruction, for Minerva had doomed him fall by the hand of Telemachus.
So he took his seat again at the place from which he had come.
Then Minerva put it into the mind of Penelope to show herself to the suitors,
that she might make them still more enamored of her and win still further
honor from her son and husband. So she feigned a mocking laugh and said,
your enemy, I have changed my mind and have a fancy to show
myself to the suitors. Although I detest them, I should like also to
give my son a hint that he had better not have anything more to do
with them. They speak fairly enough, but they mean mischief, my dear
child, answered Euryinamy. All that you have said is true. Go and
tell your son about it. But first wash yourself and anoint your face.
Do not go about with your cheeks all covered with tears. It is not
right that you should grieve so incessantly for Telemachus, whom you have always prayed
that you might live to see with the bee. Eard is already grown up.
I know. Euryinemy replied Penelope, that you mean well, but do
not try and persuade me to wash and to anoint myself, for Heaven robbed
me of all my beauty on the day my husband sailed. Nevertheless, tell
Ottenoe and Hippodamia that I want them. They must be with me when I
am in the cloister. I am not going among the men alone. It
would not be proper for me to do so. On this, the old
woman went out of the room to bid the maids go to their mistress.
In the meantime, Minerva bethought her of another matter and sent Penelope off into
a sweet slumber. So she lay down on her couch and her limbs became
heavy with sleep. Then the goddess shed grace and beauty over her, that
all the Achaeans might admire her. She washed her face with the ambrosial loveliness
that Venus wears when she goes dancing. With the graces, she made her
taller and of a more commanding figure, while as for her complexion, it
was whiter than sown ivory. When Minerva had done all this, she went
away, whereon the maids came in from the women's room and woke Penelope with
the sound of their talking. Oh what an exquisitely delicious sleep I have been
having, said she as she passed her hands over her face. In spite
of all my misery, I wish Diana would let me die so sweetly now,
at this very moment, that I might no longer waste in despair for
the loss of my dear husband, who possessed every kind of good quality and
was the most distinguished man among the Achaeans. With these words, she came
down from her upper room, not alone, but attended by two of her
maidens, And when she reached the suitors, she stood by one of the
bearing posts supporting the roof of the cloister, holding a veil before her face,
and with a staid maid servant on either side of her. As they
beheld her, the suitors were so overpowered and became so desperately enamored of her,
that each one prayed he might win her for his own Bedfellow Telemachus,
said she, addressing her son, I fear you are no longer so discreet
and well conducted as you used to be. When you were younger, you
had a greater sense of propriety. Now, however, that you are grown
up, though a stranger to look at you would take you for the son
of a well to do father. As far as size and good looks go,
your conduct is by no means what it should be. What is all
this disturbance that has been going on? And how came you to allow a
stranger to be so disgracefully ill treated? What would have happened if he had
suffered serious injury while suppliant in our house? Surely this would have been very
discreditable to you. I am not surprised, my dear mother, at your
displeasure, replied Telemachus. I understand all about it, and no one thinks
are not as they should be, which I could not do when I was
younger. I cannot, however, behave with perfect propriety at all times.
First one and then another of these wicked people here keeps driving me out of
my mind, and I have no one to stand by me. After all.
However, this between Aires and the stranger did not turn out as the
suitors meant it to do, for the stranger got the best of it.
I wish Father Jove, Minerva and Apollo would break the neck of every one
of these wooers of yours, some inside the house and some out, And
I wish they might all be as limp as heiresses over yonder in the gait
of the outer court. See how he nods his head like a drunken man.
He has had such a thrashing that he cannot stand on his feet nor
get back to his home, wherever that may be, for he has no
strength left in him. Thus did they converse. Eurymachus then came up and
said, Queen Penelope, daughter of Vicarius, if all the Achaeans in Easian
Argos could see you at this moment, you would have still more suitors in
your house by tomorrow morning, for you are the most admirable woman in the
whole world, both as regards personal beauty and strength of understanding. To this,
Penelope replied Eurymachus, Heaven robbed me of all my beauty, whether of
face or figure. When the argives set sail for Troy, and my dear
husband with them, if he were to return and look after my affairs,
I should both be more respected and show a better presence to the world.
As it is, I am oppressed with care and with the afflictions which Heaven
has seen fit to heap upon me. My husband foresaw it all, and
when he was leaving home, he took my right wrist in his hand.
Wife, he said, we shall not all of us come home safe from
Troy. For the Trojans fight well, both with bow and spear. They
are excellent also at fighting from chariots. And nothing decides the issue of a
fight sooner than this. I know not, therefore, whether Heaven will send
me back to you, or whether I may not fall over there at Troy.
In the meantime, do you look after things here? Take care of
my father and mother as at present, and even more so during my absence.
But when you see our son growing a beard, than marry whom you
will, and leave this your present home. This is what he said,
And now it is all coming true. A knight will come when I shall
have to yield myself to a marriage which I detest, for Jove has taken
from me all hope of happiness. This further grief moreover cuts me to the
very heart. You suitors are not wooing me, after the custom of my
country. When men are courting a woman who they think will be a good
wife to them, and who is of noble birth, and when they are
each trying to win her for himself, they usually bring oxen and sheep to
feast the friends of the lady, and they make her magnificent presents instead of
eating up other people's property without paying for it. This was what she said,
and Ulysses was glad when he heard her trying to get presents out of
the suitors and flattering them with fair words which he knew she did not mean.
Then Antona said, Queen Penelope, daughter of Vicarius, take as many
presents as you please from any one who will give them to you. It
is not well to refuse a present. But we will not go about our
business, nor stir from where we are till you have married the best man
among us, whoever he may be. The others applauded what Antonus had said,
and each one sent his servant to bring his present. Antonus's man returned
with a large and lovely dress, most exquisitely embroidered. It had twelve beautifully
made brooch pins of pure gold with which to fasten it. Eurymachus immediately brought
her a magnificent chain of gold and amber beads that gleamed like sunlight. Eurydamuses
two men returned with some earrings fashioned into three brilliant pendants, which glistened most
beautifully, while King Pissander, son of Polyctor, gave her a necklace of
the rarest workmanship, and everyone else brought her a beautiful present of some kind.
Then the queen went back to her room upstairs, and her maids brought
the presents after her. Meanwhile, the suitors took to singing and dancing,
and stayed till evening came. They danced and sang till it grew dark.
Then they brought in three braziers to give life, and pile them up with
chopped firewood, very old and dry, and they lit torches from them,
which the maids held up in turn, and turn about. Then, Ulysses,
said, maids, servants of Ulysses, who has so long been absent,
go to the queen inside the house, sit with her and amuse her,
or spin and pick wool. I will hold the light for all these
people. They may stay till morning, but shall not beat me, for
I can stand a great deal. The maids looked at one another and laughed,
while pretty Melantho began to gibe at him contemptuously. She was daughter to
Dolius, but had been brought up by Penelope, who used to give her
toys to play with and looked after her when she was a child. But
in spite of all this, she showed no consideration for the sorrows of her
mistress, and used to misconduct herself with Eurymachus, with whom she was in
love. Poor wretch, said she, Are you gone clean out of your
mind? Go and sleep in some smithy or place of public gossips instead of
chattering here? Are you not ashamed of opening your mouth before your betters so
many of them too? Has the wine been getting into your head? Or
do you always babble in this way, you seem to have lost your wits
because you beat the tramp. Heiress, take care that a better man than
he does not come and cudgel you about the head till he pack you bleeding
out of the house. Vixen replied Ulysses, scowling at her, I will
go and tell Telemachus what you have been saying, and he will have you
torn limb from limb. With these words, he scared the women, and
they went off into the body of the house. They trembled all over,
for they thought he would do as he said. But Ulysses took his stand
near the burning braziers, holding up torches and looking at the people, brooding
the while on things that should surely come to pass. But Minerva would not
let the suitors for one moment cease their insolence, for she wanted Ulysses to
become even more bitter against them. She therefore sent Eurymachus, son of Polybus,
on to gibe at him, which made the others laugh. Listen to
me, said he you, suitors of Queen Penelope, that I may speak
even as I am minded. It is not for nothing that this man has
come to the house of Ulysses, I believe the light has not been coming
from the torches, but from his own head, for his hair is all
gone, every bit of it. Then, turning to Ulysses, he said,
stranger, will you work as a servant? If I send you to
the wolds and see that you are well paid? Can you build a stone
fence or plant trees? I will have you fed all the year round,
and will find you in shoes and clothing. Will you go then? Not
you, for you have got into bad ways and do not want to work.
You would rather fill your belly by going round the country begging, Eurymachus
answered Ulysses, if you and I were to work one against the other in
early summer, when the days are at their longest, give me a good
scythe and taken yourself, and let us see which will fast the longer,
or mow the stronger from dawn till dark when the mowing grass is about.
Or if you will plow against me, let us each take a yoke of
tawny oxen, well mated and of great strength and endurance, turn me into
a fore acre field, and see whether you or I can drive the strait
of furrow. If again war were to break out this day, give me
a shield and a couple of spears, and a helmet fitting well upon my
temples. You would find me foremost in the fray, and would cease your
gibes about my belly. You are insolent and cruel, and think yourself a
great man, because you live in a little world, and that a bad
one. If Ulysses comes to his own again, the doors of his house
are wide, but you will find them narrow when you try to fly through
them. Eurymachus was furious at all this. He scowled at him and cried,
you wretch, I will soon pay you out for daring to say such
things to me and in public. Who has the wine been getting into your
head? Or do you always babble in this way? You seem to have
lost your wits, because you beat the tramp heiress With this he caught hold
of a footstool, but Ulysses saw protection at the knees of Amphinomus of Dulichium,
for he was afraid. The stool hit the cupbearer on his right hand
and knocked him down. The man fell with a cry, flat on his
back, and his wine jug fell ringing to the ground. The suitors in
the covered cloister were now in an uproar, and one would turn towards his
neighbor, saying, I wish the stranger had gone somewhere else, bad luck
to hide for all the trouble he gives us. We cannot permit such disturbance
about a beggar. If such ill counsels are to prevail, we shall have
no more pleasure at our banquet. On this Telemachus came forward and said,
sirs, are you mad? Can you not carry your meat and your liquor
decently? Some evil spirit has possessed you. I do not wish to drive
any of you away, but you have had your suppers and the sun.
You all go home to bed the better. The suitors bit their lips and
marveled at the boldness of his speech. But Amphinomus, the son of Nisus,
who was son to Areteus, said, do not let us take offense.
It is reasonable, So let us make no answer. Neither let us
do violence to the stranger nor to any of ulysses servants. Let the cupbearer
go round with the drink offerings that we may make them, and go home
to our rest. As for the stranger, let us leave Telemachus to deal
with him, for it is to his house that he has come. Thus
did he speak, and his saying pleased them well. So Muleus of Delichium,
servant to Amphinomus, mixed them a bowl of wine and water, and
handed it round to each of them man by man, whereon they made their
drink offerings to the blessed gods. Then, when they had made their drink
offerings and had drunk each one as he was minded, they took their several
ways, each of them to his own abode. End of Book eighteen