Welcome to soft Core History. Hello, and welcome back to Softcore History.
My name is Jake Goldman. I am joined by my two great co hosts
and friends, Rob Fox and Dane Regester. Not for long. What's up,
guys? Oh wow, Rob's real salty already salty, like you're the
salty one. I am the salty one. Yeah, I am the salty
one. We are a history podcast. Before I get into anything of this
episode, check out last week's episodehere, Dan gets blackout drunk sorry time travel.
Yeah, I bet you did, dude. We have a Patreon though,
go to patreon dot com slash softcore History. You get two extra episodes
a week, one just like this one. We're gonna run down a specific
topic and then we do a lot of other fun stuff for the extra episode,
whether that's a game show or a voicemail episode. You guys did a
draft last nation Building drafted nation Building draft. That's really cool. I kind
of wish you were there for it, but I would have been next year.
I would have been bad at it. We'll fly in next year.
Next we decided we need to make a pool of Yeah, we have to
because it's part of the fun of a draft. Eligibility, stealing from each
other, taking just pics. Yeah, yes, we just pulled from human
history with our pool. Still big pool. Yeah yeah, your pool is
every person ever yea, when you're not boxed in harder Yeah actually yeah,
no, creativity loves what is it limits or whatever that saying is. But
yeah, Rob Salty, I mean because you're a little low energy, because
you've been working the farms and working the farm. I mean, look at
that tan. Yeah, I'm looking fucking good. I see me in the
screen. I know this. This is your best life. Yeah, so
long fair Well, we've alluded to you, my friend. We've alluded to
it on the last week's episode when you're yelling at me for it. But
on the Patreon Patreon people know I want to do oyster stuff for a career.
So and you can say it now, Yeah, I can say.
There are people that were listening farm for a week, I went to a
farm for a week. I went to an oyster farm for a week last
week, and I worked at the farm. And but you've been wanting to
do this for a while. Yeah, well yeah, for a little while,
not that long. We couldn't like because one of the listeners was you
know, a former employer, employer of your wife. Yeah. So,
and once that stopped being a situation that we needed to possibly be concerned about,
we started just going full bour. We had already been talking to some
farmers on the there's only a couple of farmers on the east coast of Florida.
You reached out to one. She told us to come out and try
out the work, because at the end of the day, we knew it
would probably not be the best I did to start an oyster farm blind,
not having ever done it. Disagree, Yeah, you don't have any faith
in yourself, So dive head in. I am so dip a toe in.
I'm so glad I did this experience because it's gonna lead to new employments.
Are gonna start a competing oyster farm. Put you under You're not so
You're gonna do all the work. Yeah, and Rob's gonna do what well,
Rob's kids are gonna do the work too. Yeah, Okay, I'll
just be there foreman. Yeah, y'all boys working the oyster fields good today.
It's just good, Boss Hogg. It just come out in a seer
suckers. So I'll be fanning myself on a porch on the beach, drinking
a mint jewel. Yeah, I flip them cages roaring rather being held and
out there working to ocean fields. I will say on a hot day though,
working on the ocean constantly is great because you're just jumping in the ocean
a breeze, Yeah, yes, yeah, the breeze. Yeah. It'd
be funny if you like, we're like, oh, I got to cool
myself off and then a shark at you. Yeah, that would This is
just the pinnacle of comedy. Yeah, it's not even ironic because it's not
like it like it'd be ironic if you want to cool yourself off and you
got in the water and there was like an oil spill and it lit on
fire, Like, that'd be ironic because you trying to cool off. I
just want you to die, and I don't really care how it happens.
Why is he so mad because nobody wants to handle the finances? Oh okay,
well you can keep me cut in if you want. That's even worse.
Yeah, I could just zoom in to be our CPA. No,
thank you, No, I can zoom in on the show studio. And
he's like, what do you guys say? Yeah, what huh. We
have a no zoom policy. I a hard no zoom. Tried explaining that
to multiple people that are like, what are you gonna do with the podcast?
I'm like, I don't think they'll let me keep going. No,
they fly in. Yeah, you can make guest appearances. Yeah, if
I'm ever in town, I mean I would like to move the operation of
Florida. That's no secret. But yeah, so we were in Florida.
We got in, you know, kind of got situated in the town we're
in. And yeah, Katie worked two and a half days on the farm.
I worked to the half day she was working. I was talking to
the farmer about your wife at work too. She did outwork me. She
did. I'm super proud of Kady. She did so much manual labor.
Like she did more manual labor than I did. What were you doing during
that? Hi? What is this fucking twenty twenty four NBA shit? Like
he's my boy. I know he just eliminated me, but like we're tight,
Like, no, dude, bury her for what she's your competition?
Yeah, but she's not. Yeah, you're on the same team, but
you still want to score more. Yeah, well she's gonna get the better
contract. Well, I for one am proud of us. I know it's
all the same bank account. It's all the same bank account. Baby.
Yeah. So I mean, what about the prenup? There's no prenup?
Kid me ready for love? Dog? It's stupid. Yeah, in that
oyster farm, stupid? Do you have a prenup? I made sure to
not have a pre nup. Well he married for money, because he married.
But yeah, man, we were out there like fucking so seven am
to five pm. Uh, and we did longer days than you would normally
do because they wanted to see, like can they handle it? Uh.
We got out there like we were on a barge to start the day,
just tied to the dock, like culling oysters, which is when you pull
out clusters and like break them up into singles and stuff like that, then
grading those into you know, marketable size. We don't need to get into.
Do you ever? Do you ever stop mill of a day and you're
like, oh, oh it's been a rough day and just eat, you
know, shuck an oyster for yourself and eat it. Oh yeah, if
you like, bustle one open and it's like the shells fucked you can just
eat it, like you only made thirteen dollars this hour. Now, yeah,
that's not that's not all works. There's so many. But yeah.
Then the other parts of the day we were like out on the boat and
like oysters growing like cages on top of the water. So like one of
the things you have to do is like flip the cages. You have to
do that in the water. So like I just swam around for two hours,
like going up to each cage and like getting on top of it,
flipping it over. It was like you know, flipping hay bales space almost
step on coral. Uh it one. I had dive boots on the entire
time because that's you just want to There's oyster shells all over the bottom of
the farm, so that would like cut your feet up if you were barefoot
in it, but off little city feed up. Yeah that's right. You
know, I don't have those callous oysterman feet. Yeah, but yeah,
man, Like the amount of wildlife that is around the farms is crazy,
like is it though? Because it seems that there should be. It's like
if you walked into the forest and you're like, god, damn, there's
a lot of animals on those forests. I'm saying the concentration of wildlife versus
like you're talking about the vastness of the ocean. Like it's not like you
stick your face and it's like whoa, holy shit, there's a million fish
just right here. They're spread out, you know what I mean. It's
like it's a wide distance you can go. Every time I put my face
in the ocean and there's hello fish, so many fish every time I've done
it, catchable giant, like good sized fish. Yeah. How many times
have you stuck your face in the ocean out of curiosity? It's just the
once. Yeah, yeah, it's like all right, fish check. Nah.
I mean like the only time I've been like in like scuba diving in
Hawaii for like my well, Hawaii also has one of the most like incredible
biodiverse, like fish, coral. Yeah they were colorful. Yeah. Also,
that time you jumped off the cruise ship, we thought you died.
Yeah, I know, Well we weak ones die, right, It's not
that hard to live. And I mean somebody challenged you to do it.
Yeah, it's called swimming, they you. Isn't that like it's like basically
you'll be fine. But the chances are you're gonna get sucked under the boat
when people jump off. I don't know. I'm pretty sure, like the
main reason people dies because like the wake of the boat and like the way
the boats like that work is that they are getting sucked under they're not clearing
enough distance off right there. Yeah, it's just right down the side of
it. You gotta be so fucking dumb to do that. It's a drunk
move. It's it's nothing. But I've been very drunk in my life.
I'm very very drunk. Yeah, me too. I was never like I'm
gonna jump off a roof kind of drunk though. And I think there are
those types of people that you probably could have gotten me to jump off a
cruise ship last week. I know we could have, dude, we could
have convinced you you were on a cruise. Granted you wouldn't have been able
to convince me to get on a cruise. Why is that cruise boy?
I'm not a cruise guy, all right. I did one for TFM,
and I think I hit my limit there. I've Yeah, there's a certain
kind of individual that goes on cruises. I think it's a good option for
college kids and yeah break yeah, and like I don't need to be thirty
three on the cruise. I you know, I could never go on one
again. I'd be fine. I can also go on one again and I'd
be fine. I don't really, I'm I can't have a strong take on
cruises because like there's some fun part. Going on a cruise is like experiencing
the Caribbean or Central America the same way going on a safari and Animal Kingdom
at Disney World is better experiencing and getting better and safer because like that's the
safest safari you can go on. Like two days into it, it just
felt like the food was off. Yes, that is definitely a thing.
You're like, oh sick, I can eat whatever I want. You're like,
I don't want to eat whenever I want. Yeah, you know,
it just felt like this buffet and it's very it's very Golden Corral. Yeah,
food was like a cool hot dog right like there. Sometimes you can
go on the cruise where they have like the restaurants that are like separate from
your like meals that you're given for that. Yeah, we ate out that
was better though. Yeah, the cafeteria is more for lunch and yeah,
and that was like warm cold cuts and it wasn't great. It wasn't good
dinner though, I would I would double up. I go double entree,
what two steaks, I would go salad only gotta keep that. Then that
was all you can drink. Yeah, but that's the only thing to The
drinks are like they water it down, and the beer is like know on
the all you can drink, they water it down. I don't want to
keep going back. It's there's a bar everywhere you go. I don't try
to do stuff. What be on the boat with a bunch of bars.
Yeah, already doing the thing. Well, there's also because you know that
means you know, fucking Jared had to hit up dude. There's nothing like
the cruise ship two dollars black jack table. It was not two dollars blackjack.
You didn't have that. It's like twenty five dollars. I mean,
yeah, did well though. And we played with the guy from one of
the guys from Cherub Oh, yeah, that's right. It was the yeah.
The no, he't even performed though he was there. He was just
there. I didn't understand it. That's kind of I kind of respect that
but yeah, so gonna be an oyster farmer, got to sell my house,
moved to Florida. He's literally leaving the podcast to go farm oysters.
Yep, really stoked. We're not successful enough. Yeah, this is your
fault if you're not on the Patreon So man, just you guys can replace
me with uh, we don't know, we don't want to replace you.
We're gonna have a revolving door so we make more money. Yeah, that's
actually really smart. You should do that. We're is but we'll pay him.
Yeah, but just not. It depends what it is, depends what
is hope hopefully they won't listen to this episode. Yes, but yeah,
so of course I did something where I wasn't here and on vacation. As
the guys say, so, yeah, I'm gonna talk about what I did
in history. We're doing that. We're doing it. I'm going to my
well baby in the pleasiot to in era. Uh that's the primordial ooze.
Actually the ooze was an oyster. I's kind of see like it. I
was honestly waiting for somebody to do something prehistoric. Well, what's Jurassic We're
not going Prestork is pre Rome no, prehistoric everything writing. Oh literally,
anything before writing is prehistoric, right because history starts when writing. Yeah,
I've kind of done a dinosaur episode, but it was the Bone Wars.
That's for the Patriot. I mean I did pre eighteen hundred, So I
did prehistoric because I did the fucking all the fucked up animals that lived in
North America before humans got here and Carahan tapet prehistoric that is, technically,
but I mean, like, yeah, in terms of like big scary p
well, actually no, because Atlantis was around in twelve hundred BC or twelve
thousand BC, yeah, before it went under, yes, when they had
all the technology, the hyper tech. Yeah yeah. Wait, so oh
it's ancient? Is pre fall of Rome? Right? No? Ancient is
what is? Oh yeah pre fall of room pre fault right yeah? Okay,
in the Middle Ages is from the fall of Western Rome to fifteen hundreds
Yeah, Renaissance, yeah, Dark Ages? Right. Yeah. Because we
lost a lot of books then for some reason. Yeah, what was going
on? Why do we lose all those books? Nothing? Just chill dudes
being chill bros trying to get some land back. Weren't trying to read all
the time, dude in a couple of centuries off. God. Yeah,
just vibe Rome Fell, take a break, we'll regroup. Yeah, it's
fun. Yeah, it's officially May, and that means a lot of things.
It's danon I's birthday month. Give me that horns up, baby tourist
life. I guess, uh, you don't like your birthday. We turned
thirty three this year. I like my birthday. Do we get anything with
that? Nothing comes with that? No, we've already hit the rental car.
That's the last one. No, President ohty five for president thirty five?
Hell h I will went up. Everyone should. Everyone should do it
when they turn thirty. I'll be like a vermin supreme with a boot on
my head. It'd be funny if someone who if you ran for president and
like you just kind of considered anyone who's never run for president of virgin like
they're just like weak, like they haven't done it. Yeah know what I
mean in politics, that's like you haven't spent hundreds of thousands of dollars trying
to get elected hundreds of thousands for president. Well, we're talking about our
budgets. Oh yeah, it's just a real realistic I know. It's too
like they're gonna spend two billion dollars this year on their elections. It's just
a really really savvy Instagram marketing campaign. Yeah, it's like something smarmy,
like not smarmy, like sarcastic and like, hey, tired of two people,
shouldn't there be a third? Pick me? People are trying to say
that about RFK right now, like he has no shot, No, he
has no shot. No to mention his voice. I think you got to
just literally if your budget's that small, you got to just literally advertise with
like porno or something. You gotta go to be the only fans candidate.
Yeah, there was that guy. Yeah, there was a congressman and he
did a lot better than he should have. He lost, but he did
better than he would have. He was so stiff. What if he was
bad at year? This was recent, like six months ago. He was
in New York. He was a running for New York congressional district, like
in the city, and to show that he was on the side of sex
workers, he flew to LA where it's legal to shoot porn or whatever and
shot porn with like his assistant, No, it was porn, sir,
Are you sure? Yeah, I'm positive okay, uh yeah, I watched
a couple times. Oh yeah, I was just going in for the story.
I really fell for it. And he was like he had a real
stubby wiener and like like almost like I can't even I can't even describe how
he thrust. It was like he didn't right, so like when he was
doing doggy he would move her. He was just kind of stiff as a
board. Yeah, and like he wouldn't. It was like which I would
throw up hips. It was like he was like when he was on top
like missionaries, like he was moving his whole body, his whole body,
yeah, not just not just his hips, and like the whole body movement
back and forth would move the penis in. And you know what I mean,
there's a bad stigma for white men. He did just bad, just
dirty, really lived up the some type of stereotype with no rhythm. Yeah,
dancing not known for it. I can dance river dancing. Sure.
It made me feel good about my banging my own performance. Oh my god,
gods, you're compared to this guy. Yeah, absolutely, ye watch
that later just so I can understand. But yeah, me and Rob have
seen that. Enough. Okay, well I'll watch again. Okay, yeah,
it's Memorial de weekends around the corner, and of course a bunch of
uneducated content. Dude, it's may. It could be any month, it
could be any month. But well, okay, the show's over. If
there was a bicycle, you are a dude throwing a broomstick into the fucking
spokes. Yah. You ever go to the ghetto, they do that our
ghetto set. Oh my god, Dan just put me on cinder blocks.
Uh but yeah, no, one, No, in your childhood though,
you never had somebody throw something in your your spokes. I didn't grow up
where you did. Yeah, yeah, true, eat shit over the handlebar,
didn't trying to jump you. No, I was never fearing of being
jumped when I was a child. It must be nice, it was.
It was great. There were certain bridges you weren't allowed to cross. Yeah,
yeah, I understand that if you try to go over that bridge,
you're gonna get your ass beat. And that was a big thing. You
say, lost, So I told you don't cross that bridge without permission from
the Saint Lunatics. Is that really a gang in Saint Louis, the Saint
Lunatics, that's Nelly's gang? Is it Nelly in the Saint Luna. It
also just wouldn't be gangs. It just be older kids. They would just
like rob you. It's just fun to beat the shit out a younger kids.
Yeah yeah, Now when did you start doing that? I didn't do
it. I didn't beat up on it. Break the cycle, yeah,
except I might move him forward. Are you going to start assaulting miners?
Yeah? Why not? It's easier when you're a minor. Assaulting miners.
Yeah, but they're just so small that I could just it's easy pickings.
Okay, So assaulting miners is a very broad spectrum thing too. By the
way, that as much as that could be for violence, that could be
for sex, that sentiment that you just said, right, but just physically,
no matter what, no matter what you're talking about, He's right that
it's way easier for him to do it now than Yeah it was that,
but the consequences are way more severe. It's what I'm saying. If they
live yeah wow, okay, okay, or if they just you know,
maybe they're not rats, maybe they live by code. Wee, you're done.
You're like you a rat, Brandon, you know, look like a
rap. Righton? I want to rob Rory. Rory's a rat, goes
up to my wife all the time and he's like that bit me? What
you bite him? No? But he just says I did to get me
in trouble. So he's a liar. Oh man, he's not even a
rat. He's emotionally manipulative. That's pretty cre anyway. Me and the wife
are the rocks now because she thinks I'm just biting Rory all the time.
Maybe you should stop biting him, that's what she said. Yeah. Well,
for lack of a better way to make this, ever, cream,
it's me and a bunch of educated plebes who don't know about culinary history are
going to start saying an adage that has been around since before the beginning of
the Roman Empire. That adage, of course, is oysters should only be
consumed in months with a letter R in their name. You could could have
just said that. There didn't have to be this whole preamble. I'm sorry
I wrote like an article. Joe, Joe, he's not here though,
Yeah, drunk, getting him drunk? Yeah, you just knock him out?
Yeah? Is that so? Is that not true? It's not true.
No, it's not because what is it supposed to be. So it's
basically winter, right is the arm old months? Yeah, the arks and
there's some credit to it. It's a lot of people think it's like you're
gonna die if you need an oysterms a lot. You're not. You're absolutely
not. You can totally do it. You're around. But I mean,
I'm sure everyone's heard this, that's not true. My friend Mike was he
allergic to oysters? He was. Yeah, yeah, I don't think the
art month would have mattered much, but someone, someone in Saint Louis did
die last year for me, an oyster got vibrio or whatever. Yeah,
vibrio is the thing for sure, and usually that I don't understand why people
rant houses from them. So dumb, that's dumbest shit. Verbo jokes,
Yeah, I have. Verbo always reminds me. I just think of vibrio
without eyes. It's just vibrio without eyes. There's like multiple kinds of vibrio.
There's the kind that will like, you know, food poisoning, and
then like an Airbnb competitor. Yeah, yeah, it's older than Airbnb.
V Rbo has been around for vacation. Granted Airbnb fumbled it. Everyone's fumbled
the BMB situation. Great, but yeah, maybe they never sponsor our podcast.
Sponsor it, dude. What I ride for hotels? I've I stayed
at a hotel. When I was there, I was like, you know
what's really cool not having to clean displacement and then being charged another four hundred
dollars for cleaning. It's like, what, you want me to make the
fucking beds and throw it in the wash and like clean the sink and then
you're gonna charge me four hundred dollars, So you do what exactly. Also,
when I'm at a hotel, I'll just leave the water running for a
shower, dude, hot shower boy, infinite hot water. It's the best.
But there's something about hotel mirrors that are they're crafted in a way that
makes you look more attractive. Oh, it's Biden is always great. Yeah,
Like you look at yourself in a hotel mir dressed, naked, whatever,
and you're like, god, damn, got it. Damn. It's
like it's like the Hollister mirrors, right, or whatever the store was that
was making the fucked up mirrors that they got sued for. Maybe it's Abercrombie
that's the same company then yeah, definitely. Yeah. I don't remember because
I worked at Hollister. I don't remember the mirrors being there was this whole
thing, man where they were like slammed for their mirrors made women look better
than they normally do, and they were like, that's manipulative to get people
to buy the clothes. I'm thinking, like, what, so they want
you to feel good in their clothes, right? I will say this at
Hollister, and it's true to Abercrombie too, but the lighting is low,
yeah, low and warm ye, so you're gonna look pretty solid. But
the thing that changes is at like a Hollister and Abercrombie, but especially Hollister.
I saw it with my wife the other day. Worked at Hollister in
mid Missouri in college, Hollister. Like I wore an Excel at Hollister when
I was one hundred and sixty five pounds. Yeah, so like we'd get
these little fifteen year old Mid Missouri girls coming in putting on what they think
is like a medium and it's really an extra small. It's really like an
ex as that they're just yea, what is uh? Domazetti says, uh
fitness is ninety five percent lighting. Yeah. Yeah, that's why everyone thinks
I'm not in shape. You look at me on this YouTube right now and
people call me the post malone. Yikes, dude, Yeah it is true.
We I've like see me in real life. Yeah, you do light
the set yourself. Yeah, you. He does it to challenge himself.
He likes to keep himself on hostes. But yeah, while the arm uth
myth is one that people will profess to you until they are blue in the
face, as a matter of fact, it is anything but. But to
understand why that exists, we will cover some of the more interesting details of
how we believe we began to harvest oysters, how their status as delicacy has
shifted throughout our history, and how they're oyster harvesting or I'm sorry, how
over harvesting led to a pretty tumultuous battle between oystermen and watermen in the mid
nineteenth century called the oyster Wars. Well, I already chose my side.
Yeah, you're son of a waterman. I'm a waterman. His father before
him was a waterman. Were oysters like lobster for a while and only for
like hobos and poor people and prisoners and ship slaves, in particularly. Yeah.
Yeah, but it was like and these slaves whist stop banging each other.
That's also a myth. We're going to cover todight' too. They don't
make you horny here, we'll talk about it. Then, Why do I
always jerk off when I eat it? True lux that's just because it's good
lighting, that's true. True looks. And I had to crank one off.
Oh in the back, dude, And there's like a line some guy
handicaps. Just insane. It's so annoying too, because you'll be in line
and everybody knows your and some guy will like be rubbing himself next to you,
and you'd be like, dude, I just there's no warm ups.
Is that what I say? Is that why the sign that says no head
starts is in there? Yeah? Yeah, they know no warm ups.
Yeah, but yeah, to begin the oyster has been a part of the
human diet for a long, long, long ass time. Assume predates history.
Oh buy a lot. So he accidentally stumbled across one on the beach
smashed it open. I see an honor due. I bet that's on an
honor due. It's likely from animals. Yeah, watching animals, that's what
we think, But archaeologists have found evidence of humans eating them as far back
as one hundred and sixty four thousand years ago, which is long. Modern
humans have only been around for what we think is probably about three hundred thousand
years, So you know that's a pretty signal that's probably useful tools the shells.
The shells absolutely, yeah, they could be sharpened and used as knives
spears. Yeah, if you've ever stepped on an oyster shell when you're walking
around, or a muscle or anything like that, clam that's shit sharp.
Uh. Actually, in college, I went to like this Tony Robbins ceremony
and he made us walk on broken oyster shells. So that's the motivational speaker
guy. Yeah, don't they talk about how uh zebra muscles always getting the
water here. Oh, they're so sharp, and people talk about like they'll
step on It's just like knives I've cut. I'm like in the fucking lakes
and shit, the lake I grew up on had muscles, not zebra muscles,
but just normal ones. And yeah, you'd get like it's you know,
when you touch a sharp knife that's so sharp you don't realize you're cutting
yourself with it. Like it gets seen, you're like, oh damn.
And then you're like, oh damn, it went a lot deeper than I
thought it, right, and then you have to cut yourself again to just
see if it really hurt. Yeah, you gotta cut in to see how
deep it went. Yeah, just you gotta pry it back and it takes
like four or five times before you're like, okay, Like, I understand
the knife is pretty sharp, right, that's how we all. I actually
recently did that with a very sharp knife. I stabbed the fuck out of
my finger and it's still as not heeled properly. Is just gonna be like
that forever now. Yeah, I was trying to get some Was it one
of the Montana knives? No, thank god, that would have just cut
my finger off. I think gone, yeah, like it went and I
think it went hit bone though, like it still hurts touching right now.
And this is four months ago, Jesus. I was trying to get like,
uh, probably it was one of those l U could techo fucking hot
sauce things and you know where the plastic goes up over the top you're trying
to I was trying to get I couldn't get off with my nail because I
got my nails, so it got a knife and was like, and it's
it. I was just gonna swipe and it went through too fast and quick
and just I was going down and it just fucking stab myself. Yeah,
yeah, that happens just because of you're impatience. Yeah, you learned a
valuable lesson. I've done it again since then. The last time I caught
myself up and was after the first season of West World, and I was
unemployed from Grandex the first time, and I just wanted to see if they're
gears, you know, yeah, the chords things like that. Am I
real? They're called tendons in a person. You're like, whoa, there
are gears, but they're meaty, weird bio engineering. Yeah, but now
I'm more mechanic because they had to fix it. Yeah yeah, actually more
mechanical. I got some metal and maybe some plates and me because you got
your face broken. Yes, does your wife get like, does your wife
just she can't believe whenever you hut yourself like that, you did it again.
There's point. She's just like, of course you did finish the job.
Anytime you accidentally get hit in the face. Do you hear like a
ringing inside from the metal plates? Uh, they're not big enough for that.
He just picks out on radio stations. Yeah, I do pick up
right. The web will affect it. Left one's a little droopier. Sometime.
There are days when I'll wake up and I'll be like, ooh,
it's Drew Bey. When did you get your face broken? Seventeen where where
lows? Yeah? Okay, had a buddy also get his face broken in
New Orleans? Oh? Yeah I didn't. I mean I did get like
cold cock, like wasn't looking same thing? Yeah? Yeah, but uh
it was this Sorry, was your buddy a horse accident or did you just
get punched you? No, you're punched in the face because he was talking
to some guys girl in New Orleans, like laying down game or just oh
hey, how's it going. Oh he was just laying game down here.
Yeah okay, Yeah, it was like, uh he was like, hey,
baby, wanted you just that small dick, little pussy bitch that definitely
can't beat my ass? Fuck you, fuck you, And they turned back
and he's like, I'm gonna eat your Pussy's so good, that little fucking
gay boy. I mean you're pretty accurate. Yeah, yeah, little gayboy
gonna do shit to me, bitch, I've seen bitch. I'm never gonna
look at you again. Bitch. Anyway, baby, let's go. I
got a fat dick and he then yeah, I've seen people try to lay
a game down like that in front of other people's like boyfriends, like he
did it unknowingly. Yeah. I actually I usually ships to Rob, like
ship not to Rob, but that ship Rob was just doing those were those
I recited my vows just now. Yeah, and uh, Courtney's dad.
I was just just turning back to him. Great job, Rob. He's
just thumbs up and you yeah, yeah uh but yeah uh. The current
assumption, you're right there was that we learned from other animals how to eat
them. But do you think the first guy just cut the ship out of
his stomach, like did you just doing your stomach like the honors he dies
immediately. Yeah, he gets just vibrio everywhere. But yeah, we built
different in that we were pretty inept at actually harvesting the raw meat like her
animal kingdom counterparts. And it's not really for lack of like tools, more
so just like lack of specialized tools for that specific thing. We were making
some pretty like rudimentary knives and stuff like that hand axis. Yeah, you
need like a really narrow little like shive to get in, which we definitely
didn't have. Yeah no, but yeah, so we lacks kind of the
knowledge and the skills. However, unlike other animals, we had fire.
So though yep, traditional as oldest living in caves, oyster shells remains at
human sites from the Mesolithic period show evidence of scorch marks from fire too,
So as far back as we found them one hundred and sixty four thousand years
ago, we found them being burned too. Fun what's funny? I think
a lot of people maybe don't realize about ain't like prehistoric humans and the archaeology
we do on them. When like we go into a cave or whatever,
we're going through their trash. Oh yeah, like we're going through their fucking
trash. And by the way, they left a lot like they were just
like the worst litters. They were just like done, like just throwing shit
everywhere. It's all gonna break down anyway, It's all like I know,
but they just anything, they're just like done. Yeah, the only things
they really wouldn't do, would be like burry bodies or ship in their house.
Yeah that like everything else whatever, They're just leaving it around. It's
like going through a relative who Diede's house. I've done that trash or just
like if you have a PI and you hire them to stock somebody, they're
gonna go through the trash. It's like cool a Russian nest in doll.
I'll definitely use this one day. This can all be your fine china that
will never eat China is the weirdest thing that I'm glad isn't like continuing in
society. Like people I know don't have a China cabinet. Yeah, like
there's no parents still do, but I don't. But like when did they
ever use it? I bet they put it in the will Thanksgiving? Did
they use on Thanksgiving? There's a lot of people I know that they've never
seen there. I guarantee they put it in the will and they'd be like,
we're gonna give this to Thomas. Tom gets the china good luck microwave
burritos. Dude. Yeah, but yeah, like what congratulations you inherited a
collection of lead painted plates, Like they're all covered in lead paint. Well,
that's making the comeback we've talked. Oh yeah, for sure, but
yeah, so uh humans eight oysters by roasting them over open fire and letting
their shells pop open from the heat. This, by far is my second
favorite way to eat them, because the salty juice is cook and like a
little self contained oven. You guys have had them this way at my house.
Oh yeah, you a little open fire. Are you gonna throw one
last oyster party? Probably not, because we want to sell the house and
we don't want the backyard to get sucked up from what you don't trust us.
It's actually I trust you guys a lot. I don't trust forty people
in the backyard though, stomping. No, I think we need to.
I think we need to frat that gets kicked off campus your house like fucking
pond holes. And yeah, I'll try to find a wall that needs demoing
if we burn it down. Though you get that insurance money, I don't
think that pays out as much as if I sold it. I think that's
not true, depending on how much you insured it for. Well, now
that we're talking about it, it definitely won't pay out, even if it's
an accident. That's all behind it pay wall. Yeah, definitely, because
you know they're not paying for that. Now your house burns down, they're
gonna think you burn it down on purpose. Exactly. I'm screwed, So
you better be careful. Bud Katie unplugged the everything. Anyway, As oysters
grow and shallow waters and could be easily picked up, it was easier to
collect oysters and shell fish than to hunt for meat because oysters stay in one
location their entire lives and do not move. So uh, Fossilized oyster piles
from really coastal societies demonstrate that oysters were an important part of the human diet
for thousands of years too, Like as far back as we can go,
any old people, not old ancient prehistoric people sites by coastlines half piles and
piles of oysters. I mean it's you know, you want to burn the
least amount of calories you can while collecting future calories. Yeah, for sure.
And it was kind of something too that they could like it was almost
like a bank basically where it's like, okay, well we didn't get elk
or whatever they're hunting, or like a big ass fish or something like that.
But hey, those fuckers are. That's going to supplement our protein needs
at least for today. But back to my point. This is why I
always order Detroit style pizza to my house, just thick bread and I don't
move. I make them come inside, put it on my lap, feed
it to you. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. I like that.
So I eat it on the toilet. Just go straight to the deficiency.
Yeah yeah, you just wait for four hours. I'm the perfect human.
I've mastered it is that. That's just a wally person, aren't they Like,
Yeah, they never addressed it. But they're shitting in those flying chairs.
They have to be. They're not getting up to ship. Look at
them. Well, like, unless there's like a transfer, they're not making
a transferable thing. That's a that's a chair, that's a car. Yeah,
that's a toilet, that's a bidet, that's all of it. But
yeah, while the oyster wasn't easy supplement of protein for the majority of the
human era, as we began to harvest them, their perception as a delicacy
begins in the thirteenth cent tree BC with the Greek Empire, and that delicacy
kind of understanding of oysters stretches all the way through the Roman Empire, like
intil the Fall of It basically. Okay, so oysters were so important to
the Greeks that the Greeks became the first to cultivate oysters instead of just wild
harvesting them. So this was done by fishermen who would basically just grab all
the broken pottery pieces where they could find him, like, you know,
if anyone broke pots to be like, hey bring those down, yeah,
which I assume happened fucking constantly. Oh yeah, it's just in all you
can fact an ancient sumer. So to go back to the trash thing real
quick, I'm sure this happened in Greece too, to be honest. So
an ancient sumer they had like some really rudimentary like pottery that they use for
every day shit. It's one of the most basic symbols in canea form.
It's just a v there, these basic bitch bowls, just baked mud bowls
that you use for everything. Like imagine a good comp might be like the
really thin cardboard boat you might get at a restaurant. Yeah, like a
food truck or something like that truck, that type of thing. Yeah,
So they had these constantly and they would just use them and eat them.
They plate it was paper plate, yeah, like use it, eat it.
They find them fun. Like again, I want to do like the
history of littering, because human beings just throw have spent most of history just
being like fuck it and just throwing shit wherever they feel. Like one of
my favorite scenes of any show ever is in Mad Men where they're having a
picnic on the side of the road and at the end and this was like
my mom was like, no, that's how that shit happened. Like once
they were done with the picnic, they would shake off the quilt, fold
it back up, and just leave the trash. Yeah. Yeah, just
like the world is your movie theater, that's right, So like it's a
very new thing in human history or like the or like a baseball stadium or
something you just leave like peanuts and twenty beer bottles and like you're just a
fucking someone else's problem, literally, I'm sorry creating jobs all right. It
really didn't even become a problem until single use plastics became a thing because like
the bottles and shiit, people like, oh fuck, I'll pick that up,
that's why sense yeah yeah, or what a penny or whatever it would
have been back in the day. Don't you get money for the bottles,
not for plastic ones. No, you don't get money for shit here in
this state. You do for cans. You can get money for cans in
Texas, in a lot of states. I'd be shocked if you do.
I just know in college, I've spent a week in Michigan at my friends
Michigan the best. Yeah, and they do ten cents instead of five cents,
and so it was like there was like ten of us there and we
would buy ninety for the whole week. Every day we'd buy ninety Natty lights,
right, three cases of three thirty racks. We would fucking kill them
every night, keep all the cans, take them back to the grocery store,
recycle it. And it was for the rest of the time. It
was by two get one free because all the cans paid for one thirty rack.
Threebit there. Yeah, that's nice, that's great, and it should
be like that. But it was glorious, I bet. But yeah.
So they would scatter the broken pottery pieces where they knew oysters grew and we
still do that to this day. Actually, we'll set up like artificial structures
near you know, wherever we think oysters will grow and they'll attach to them
and they'll grow there. So they were the first ones to start cultivating that
way via culting architecture. The pottery pieces would then be collected and transplanted,
like I just said, But oysters were also so important that the shell of
spent oysters were even used to cast ballots and voting processes across Greece. So
that was kind of your vote, like you're putting it into a certain box
box basically, Yeah, yeah, they'd count the shells besides voting. The
Greek myths also show how important oysters were. The Greek god Aphrodite was born
from the sea in the form of an oyster. And this is where our
first oyster rumor comes from. The idea that the oyster is an afrodiziak actually
comes from that association with Aphrodite, because people start painting a naked lady standing
in an oyster shell. Yeah, and they were getting they got aroused,
and they're like, must be the oyster. Yeah, can't be the naked
lady. No, that's that seems a little Yeah, sus to be attracted
to a naked woman in peace, but especially as a man. But yeah,
the oyster is probably doing it for him. But this also leads directly
into our ar month adage, which we know at least comes from. We
know that the ar month adage predates ancient Rome. Actually really it was like
cold months. Yeah, it has to be cold months. Yeah, and
we know a lot about it, actually because of the text of no one
other than the politician Cicero actually talks a lot about this particular ar month myth.
Interesting, I mean, but back then sister fucking wrote down everything.
Yeah he did. But he was also like, if he had a question
and he couldn't find an answer for it, he found out, Yeah,
he'd go find out. And we're gonna talk about that in a little bit.
But also maybe getting kickbacks from the oyster lobby. Maybe, oh,
he was exposing the oyster lobby. People get to that too. But there
are some reasons why you really wouldn't want to eat wild during Roman summers.
You're two, and this applies now for wild oysters. At least number one.
Wild oysters spawn in warm water. This makes their meat runnier, so
you know they're saving up in the cold months all the glycogen and stuff.
That's what gives them their fatty like texture and their taste. So they're bigger
and better in the winter in the wild ones at least raw, Yeah,
they eat them raw. May would eat them raw, but on top.
For me personally, oysters are a vessel for the top ens, tabasco and
essentially porch reddish. You have a little bit of a maybe some cocktails sauce.
That's where I like a little lemons too. Cocktail sauce makes me want
to vomit. Cocktail sauce, eat cocktail sauce. If it's like a big
Gulf oyster without any real taste, I'll throw cocktail sauce on it. But
like otherwise, I'll just do a little lemon, maybe a little. You
don't like a shrimp cocktail? Love shrimpt I like the shrimp part cocktail sauce.
Disgust me. Do you not like horse radish? I like horse radish.
Do you like tomato sauce? No, you don't like tomatoes, so
you don't like ketchup ketchup? Disgust me. Do you like barbecue sauce?
I like barbecue sauce. Okay, like marinara it's fine, you're not like
a big red I'm okay. Well that explains a lot. Then all right.
I like a good butter on my noodle or like but yeah, uh
no, I'd rather have like I I don't like Alfredo either. Like I'd
rather have like a really light like garlicky, buttery white wine type of pesto
that type like a clam sauce man, yeah, or something like that.
Yeah, red sauce is it's I don't like. I don't like red sauce
on posta. I want to put some clams after this. Eh. Clams
are good, like a good clam. There's nowhere in town to go get
some clams, though there are plenty of places in town to get clams.
I don't know what to tell you. Man, not like a you know,
you can't go to a bar and get clams. No, you can't.
Like, there's not like a clam bar. There's like plenty of oyster
dude. A clam bar is like such a I imagine that like a down
from an I think sounds like first clam bar, lamb bar. That's a
real clam bar. But you can go to a dive bar in like Delco
or somewhere you get some steamers. Yeah, steamers are good. Man.
What's which state has the clam pizza? Connecticut? Yeah, yells big on
the clam big yeah. Yeah. But the second reason why you wouldn't want
to eat oysters in a Roman summer, and for a long time, this
supplies across all human history up until very recently, is that people can be
greedy. So if you harvest a bunch of oysters and PLoP them on a
dock in the heat, some are gonna die. That's just how it works.
Sexual euphemism, well, you mean you never eat Roman clams in the
summer. You never find a stranger in the Alps. Just hot, yeah,
stink, little musty. Yeah, I could see that. I could
see that. But no, it wasn't a euphemism. It was very much
something that people believed. But yeah, when you harvest them in the summer,
some are gonna die. But that doesn't stop merchants from trying to get
returns from one hundred percent of their crop dead or alive. So in Rome's
in Rome, oysters were a great luxury, and they were served as an
opulent appetizer before most Roman feasts. The Great Roman chef Apicius is credited with
finding a way to safely pack fresh oysters from the coast on their journey from
the sea to the actual Emperor's like castle or whatever the you know, main
hall is in Rome. However, even at this time when it appeared to
oysters could finally be transported safely for consumption, the case for the ar month
rule of thumb not only sustained, but it got stronger, Like people started
being way more out ofant, like donium in the fucking something, right,
what happens if you eat a dead oyster? It's one You're gonna smell it.
Yeah, it's gonna stink, but you're gonna get sick. You're gonna
get it consumes your soul. Yeah, like oisles now in that shell.
Oysters have like bacteria around them and stuff like that. But if you can
keep them at the temperature and transport them safely, which is widespread, it's
one of the most tracked things in the food industry. Raw sh shellfish.
Uh, you're gonna be fine. Most of the food poisoning happens on the
handling in the kitchen back of house. You know, some kid that doesn't
give a fuck, He like drops one on the floor puts the bagways like
oh an hourly. He's like, oh that's by the heat. Lamb.
Shit, let me get that back in the back, you know, and
that's how someone gets sick. Right, But yeah, this really mystified Cisteri.
He's like, what like because he would see all the rich Roman people
eating the merr around right, but he's like, why why are they saying
we can't eat them in the summer? Like why do all the like pleabs
and stuff think you can't eat them in the summer? And they pallenge accepted.
Yeah, So he was obsessed with finding out why this was going on,
so much so that he wrote it for uh. He wrote a treatise
on it called the Ostress. He wrote an entire treatise on it. What
he found was, just like today, rich boys were getting scams when they
went on big so wealthy Romans often went to Pompeii beaches during the summer and
pasted on oysters while staying chairs. Pompey City Beach. Yeah that was PCB,
the original PCB. Pompey City Beach. Oh dude, you could totally
do like a fun a fun like island seemed like a little volcano and a
palm tree. We need to merch. And like a dude just jacking off
on the beach. You know that That that one guy that they caught jacket
everyone. Yeah, that's that's the guy in the lawn chair or the beach
chair. He's just cranking. You know what's crazy about that that I read
actually today is that it was so hot that the people were turned to glass.
What the carbon in their bodies turned to glass? They turned it turned
to glass. So that guy was a fucking like porcelain sculpture of the water
in your body like boils. I don't know, Well, the heat,
I don't even know how that's like, that's you wouldn't even hurt from that.
I feel like you die instantly. Yeah, you wouldn't feel it.
It's like it was under the impression they suffocated. I think everything happened all
at once so fast. Yeah it's yeah, you did suffocate, but it
was because you were glass in your lungs. You know, death by volcano
not on the list. I mean, it's just like getting you know what
I mean. Like it's like the people who died at Heroshama, like right
then, they didn't feel anything it's just what that's it? What the yeah?
Bigger than your thumb, but yeah. So, as described before,
the best and freshest oysters were packed and shipped to Rome, where they commanded
the highest prices. Only the oysters of the poorest quality remained at the waterfront,
where they aged pretty bad, and anyone in the know that worked around
there wouldn't touch them. No, don't need those. But that didn't stop
the beach hoteliers from trying to make a buck and sell these rancid oysters to
their wealthy inland guests on very much so, very much so, yes so.
According to Cicero's oyster ritings, the taste of these oysters at the waterfront
were so bad that even in their best condition, they smelled like total shit.
To make matters worse, though, the hotel owners would attempt to freshen
up their rancid oysters with condiments of strong flavors to cover the taste. So
unsurprisingly, these wealthy, drunk as fuck Roman frat boy people became violently sick
when they ate oysters on their summer beach vacations. Blame it on the alcohol,
I blame it on the oyster here because some assholes. Like it's been
sitting on the dock for two days, but I need to sell this.
Someone's fucked up in the eat your oysters. You're not gonna blame the oyster.
Yeah, it's just something I got too fucked up last night. Yeah.
It's covered with like they were putting like copper sulfate in it, and
they were putting covering them in garlic and stuff like that. You know,
so drunk people are just like, yeah, I give me the food.
But the summer beach sickness caused by greedy hoteliers was not understood until four hundred
years later due to Cicero's detective work, because he was figuring this out.
This has been going on for years, but by that time the damage was
already done and cannot be unwound even by him. The summer oyster stickness was
so shrope. But I think died like gosh, one hundred years before POMPEII,
happened before Vesuvius erupted something like that, because I remember he was do
you think he knew maybe one hundred and twenty He was like really at his
highest point in like the like around sixty eight. I want to say no,
no, because VESUVI is erupted in the seventies A d No. Cicero
di at the same time as Caesar and Augustus. Oh, I thought he
was, like I think I think Mark Antony had him. Did he die
in sac He died in forty three BC, so one hundred and ten years.
Yeah, I'm all, then that's okay. Yeah, but that's pretty
interesting, Like it really was just like a fucking spring breakdown POMPEII. Yeah,
that was well, it was I would call POMPEII. Well, I
don't know the level of wealth, but it feels like a destin. I
was just about to say it's destined. Yeah, yeah, it seems like
a unnecessary shot of destin. No, it's not. It's he's saying.
It's not like Panama City Beach. It's more like Destin, which people can
still go to for spring break. But it's also kind of like they're not
gonna let you do PCB ship. Right. He can't do PCB ship at
pc anymore either. I mean, growing up, I thought you were rich
if you went to Florida on vacation. Yeah, we didn't think that.
I don't think anymore. I don't think anyone did you go to Disney World.
Do you think you're rich? We lived there. You see all the
fucking Disney World. Disney World is expensive. Those are they're poor. But
those people are poor because they chose to go to Disney there for like three
years to go to Disney World. Yeah, I know that's why they're poor.
It's not worth the three years of savings. It's not. It's not
like it's cool. I go to six Flags and just calling a day.
Yeah, it's not the same. It's not. I've heard, and I
don't care. Also, I don't really give a fuck about going to the
Millennium Falcon or whatever dumb shit they have there. That's your wife. Now,
what tell that to your wife? I know she wants she actually she's
even like, let's just go to Disneyland. The kids aren't gonna appreciate it.
Disneyland's fine, and you get to go to California too, But I
mean, Disney World is really truly an immersive experience. But it's pretty sick
when you go to school there, because then you could just go kill whenever
you want today or some shit. They did have UCFDA Universal, but I
mean, like you could just roll up as a Florida resident, they'll be
like, like, all right, it's twenty bucks to day. You just
kind of season pass, Yeah, like on a Wednesday or some shit.
Yeah, like off days for sure, we'd take off sometimes and just go
get fucked up at Epcot. But uh, that's pricey, dude, that
is pricey. You talk like fifteen dollars a beer thirteen countries. It's like
a three hundred dollars bar tap. No, maybe four hundred dollars bar tab.
But if you're paying to get to Epcot from out of state, like
you're you're fine from dollars. Yeah, but yeah, this falsely constructed our
rule went viral, so to speak, and was passed down through the centuries
as an inherited best practice. It even survived in various forms in the nineteenth
in twentieth century American and state laws for a very similar reason. And that
reason is also greed. Because before refrigerated train cars, oystermen would still ship
oysters from the New York coast to the Midwest by a train, including in
summer months where they would obviously go bad, so greedy business owners in Chicago
wanting to get a profit would cover up the taste with condiments you could find
at any seafood restaurant today, and there's a reason you see them served still
with oysters today, Like the conniments you get with oysters now are because of
people trying to cover them up way back from the trains them gross and yeah,
so that's why you see like cocktail sauce, horse radish, malt,
vinegar, mignonette, you know, that kind of stuff that was used to
mask tastes of bad oysters, and now it's just like it actually turns out
it's just good too, with the flavor of the oyster profile. It's the
cocktail sauce. I'd rather take a hot load really than help cocktail sauce.
It is an insane take to me, the cocktail sauce is not that bad,
Oh it's not. It makes me want to fucking puke. That's weird.
You'd rather take a hot load than eat cocktail sauce well on an oyster.
I mean, the hot load's not really gonna taste like anything. It's
just eating a load on a load. But you don't even know which is
which. We obviously don't know a ton about the Dark Ages after the Fall
of Rome, like I said, some people burn some books or something.
Who could say, you know, I'm not gonna call them out today.
I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna get bullied if I do that.
But we do know at some point after the fall oysters eventually research is a
common food item across all classes, culminating in the Golden Age of oysters in
the mid nineteenth century. So in the early eighteen hundreds, oysters were still
only eaten by the wealthy. However, a surgeon production by the mid eighteen
hundreds meant consumer prices for oyster drop substantially. Who were producing what areas of
Europe in particular were London, like real English coastline had a lot, but
it was a really big United States thing, Like the United States was producing
I think like eighty percent of the world's oysters. Wow. Wow, But
there's oysters all over the world, right, Yeah, for sure, for
sure, some just taste better than Like Japan has their own oyster. I
know, people shit on like golf oysters. Sometimes someone was trying to shit
on golf oysters are fine. Yeah. I forget who I was with because
it wasn't either of you two, Because you guys would have backed me up
on it. I had to convince someone that golf oysters were good. They're
perfectly fine. Yeah, I mean some are like, what makes you think
I would rade for golf oysters? The people's beliefs you eat them all the
time here, I assume all the time. I'm not like huge on oysters.
They're fine, But when you do eat oysters, they're probably golf oysters.
Yeah. I mean a lot of places, you know, if you
don't know, if they don't tell you what kind of oyster it is,
like, oh it's a black magic or a well Fleet or something like that,
it's more than likely my palate is trash. I can't really tell the
difference between a whole lot of wine. Yeah, no, I mean it's
like you can forty dollars bottle and a hundred and ten. And the other
place I usually eat oysters is fucking New Orleans, which is also on the
you're getting Louisiana golf oysters. Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. And
if you're covering it in cocktail sauce too or whatever, then you don't tabasco
or tabasco. You don't need it to have like a really fine you don't
need to have a fine palate. You just want, like you said,
you want it as a vessel, which is totally fine. Put it on
a cracker, whatever, you eat it. How you liked my icy hot
load down my throat? Yeah, my wife always gives me shit because a
lot of times, for like lunch, I'll literally just have like a taco,
Like I'll take ritzistrey chicken, put it in tortilla, put some cheese
on it, go wrap and eat it. And she'll be like, wo
how can you eat the same thing every day? And I'll be like,
this is why I know you're a fool, because you're not paying attention to
what I'm doing. Do you see that shelf for the fridge. It's got
twenty different bottles of fucking hot sauce on it. I use a different one
every time. Therefore, the meal is different every time. This taco is
simply a vessel for me to eat different hot sauces. I am a really
bad just sauce. I'm like, oh I buy it. Oh my god,
I have too many sauces. Also, if you want to be kind
of fit, you have to typically eat the same thing over and over again.
You change the sauce up a lot of chicken and rice potatoes. That's
what I do. It's a turkey sandwich or a fucking chicken taco. I
usually do steak and eggs a lot. Steak and eggs are good. I
don't like eggs. I'm out on eggs. See eggs, I have to
eat with other things. No, they're incredibly important to eat because they're one
of the most like nutritional, dense efficient prood this actually I am out on
what I can no longer do because I've had it too much living in this
town with breakfastcolate everything, scrambled eggs. I'm just out on scrap fried egg
I could do any day of the week. I just fucking can't scrap.
I go real knuckle dragger with scrambled eggs. I like them. With Ketchup,
I just I think I'm out on Ketchup. I like Ketchup. Ketchup
is foul. You just oup on eggs. It's just one of sugar that
I don't need. Have you ever had it without sugar in it? It
tastes the exact same. It's so frustrating. It's like, why is this
in here? Yeah? Make your hatchup ong Ketchup on scrambled eggs. I
don't put it on like fried eggs. I don't like that. I would.
I would rather go hot sauce, rather have my face fucked by a
dog than eat ketchup on scrambled eggs. I now, if there's a good
salsa or something that's better. The fucking difference between putting salsa unscrambled eggs and
ketchup unscrambled eggs is the difference between living in a fucking chateau and living in
a trailer of an old woman you raped and murdered. Yeah, they both
have trailer. They both have roofs, do they not? Yeah? I
guess they both have tomatoes. Yep, that's right, that's the roof.
There's sometimes a huge fucking difference. Sometimes I don't know. It's because that's
how I ate him when I was a little kid. And sometimes like I
don't do it every time, and I'm like, did you grow up in
a trailer? You get ketchup on your eggs? No? I didn't grow
up on the trailer. I just like catch up on my eggs. What
can I say? What can I say? That? It's pretty white trash?
Whatever? Hello, white trash that's okay, but yeah, uh for
reference on the price drop an eighteen eighty five oysters cost three cents each,
which would be about seventy three cents today, and then they drop to a
cent each, which would be a quarter today. So that's incredibly cheap.
That's way cheaper than any eggs or pulling specials at like a trill Lux or
like any seafood restaurant. Now it's maybe like two or three dollars at oyster.
Yeah, you're getting golf. You can still get them a bucket shuck
sometimes on like a crapsheck or no, dude, if you go to like
AsSalt Trader, you can get dollar golf oysters. Saltrader is the seafood,
right, it's Jack Allen's kitchen seafood. Okay, yeah, how did there
is? Is Jack Allen? Yeah, it's definitely like a tier of restaurant
that I would not trust to do oysters. I it's really I think it's
more of the vibe, like when you walk in, you just know you
don't go to you don't do month at out back. Yeah, I'm not
doing like a red lobster. Okay, Yeah, I wouldn't do a red
lobster oyster. But just because of the people there do not care about the
handling of the seafood. No, yeah, they're like we bake bread,
we bake biscuits. I yeah, and food is at it. You're playing
a dangerous game, you are. You gotta know it's at least decent quality.
Like I mean, I've been into some rat hole places in New Orleans.
I like, give me the oysters. I don't give a fuck,
Like send them over, because you're right, those people are of the sea.
Yeah they are. They're at the porte. Yeah, exactly. But
that low cost made them a standard part of US and European diet due to
abundance and low cost. Really big on again feeding slaves with them too,
because they're like fucking feedom The oyster is like the cheapest ship. Yeah.
But after the Civil War, the oyster harvesting industry exploded, leading to a
booming oyster industry, specifically in the Chesapeake Bay that's where most of the world's
oysters were coming from the Civil War. Yeah, by the late eighteen sixties,
the stakes of the oyster industry were high. Now, getting a captain
of an oyster boat could earn two thousand dollars a year at a time when
most Marylanders earned five hundred dollars or less a year. So they were making
four times the average of like people in the state for doing this oyster work.
This would be equivalent to like seventy five k today and like the average
income of like an oyster boat captain now, which that's not that's kind of
a by gone like a boat captain really is what we're gonna use his reference,
that's about fifty thousand a year. Okay, so they were making captains
only make fifty grand a year now on average. I mean that's a wide
spread, though, it's a widespread Like I was explaining why that guy hit
that bridge, right, fifty gram. There's no way he's making fifty grand.
I don't know if that guy's making fifty grand, that dude's making six
figs easy. Oh yeah, yeah, like that size maybe half a mill.
I'm saying, like probably like a like a forty foot boat kind of
situation where your captain like something like that. If you make a big goop,
see like that, you gotta you gotta pay forward, right, you
pay for that bridge? Yeah, you gotta help build it, certainly,
goes on your resume. I don't think you work anymore. Yeah, I
don't know. I mean, like, honestly, could they have really stopped
it? Didn't the power go out? Who knows? Yeah, we'll never
know. I asked the CIA, Oh, do they do something about it?
I don't know's CIA. That's the dumb thing to say. The CIS
doesn't. They don't answer. Everything's an op. Everything's conspiracy. Huh,
everything's an up something with mk ultra. Yeah. Anyway, there began to
be a war between uh Marylanders and Virginians over Chesapeake Bay water usage. The
bay teams with oystermen, merchants, immigrants, and to the dismay of a
lot of people in proper society, the booming industry of oysters also brought gambling
and prostitutes because so many more people were working the bays at this point.
Yeah, like there was this town something to do. There was a town
on the Chesapeake Bay that was like a nothing town. And the guy that
like was kind of like he owned the town more or less. Yeah,
he was like, whoa wait a minute, We're on top of a bunch
of fucking oyster beds. Yeah, that went from a nothing town to a
town that employed six hundred different charter vessels. Listen, or not charter vessels,
but just oyster. They go hand in hand. I am buying stock
and oysters because I mean, gambling's nationwide at this point. Yeah. Essentially
prostitution is too, is it. I mean there's a lot of sex workers
now only fans. Okay, I I find sex worker. If you're doing
only fans, I mean not necessarily, right, you are, even if
you're doing like, oh, this is how I make this pottery on only
fans yourself, subscribing to pottery or only fans except for a very specific class
of people who get turned on. No matter what, it's always fetish,
right yeah, yeah, yeah, even if it's if the act is by
itself not sexual, the subscription to it is. So it's the only way
you get out of poverty, selling your butthole and gambling on the cubs,
genitals or recession proof. That's very true. They're actually just they stand alone
from the economy. Yeah. Yeah, a local saloons. This is a
local saloon in Virginia. They had a boxing ring that was the site of
No Holtz barred and Rough and Tumble conflict. So they were doing that kind
of fighting. Yeah, yeah, so bet on the fight too. Yeah
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be like between watermen from Virginia and oystermen from Maryland Smith Island. So like
waterman got pissed off because like one, the oyster people were just like wrecking
their ship all the time, like the work they were doing on the coastline.
And then uh, also just like fishers, and stuff, where like
fishermen were considered watermen as well, and like they would be pissed off at
the oyster man and stuff. Everyone in the seafood and like sea industries all
hate each other and think they do the best work at this time. Yeah.
Yeah, and they were the new kid on the block. Yeah for
sure, Like you didn't you didn't do your time. Yeah, you're not
catching a fish put in. I could totally see a fisherman too, being
like there's no skill to that. You're just pulling them out of the fucking
You're not even you're not even going out in the water. You're just pulling
them up. You don't even have to trick them. You just coastline.
Yeah, you're a coast kid. One colorful. One colorful character was named
a Hany Bradshaw. He was a Smith Island Methodist priest who fell from grace
during the oyster season to become one of the scrappiest ockside brawlers on the Eastern
Shore. This guy spent like one summer working an oyster boat around prostitutes and
gambling and facing fucking cricket for it's always funny pretty much. Yeah. He
d from a priest. It's just like a hobo fighting on the docks.
Yeah for a hot meal, yeah, not even hot. Are the oysters
hot? No? Yeah, I gotta cook them. Yeah yeah. I
do like a fried oyster, like fried oyster, po boy. That's great,
it's good stuff, youd oyster po boy. I do like the bread
a nice bagot. I'm okay with po boys. You can keep them.
I will say this for any po boy or whatever. I do this all
the time when I make a sandwich because I like to have a bake at.
You gotta I scoop you gotta scoop the bread out. I got,
I get, I take most of the bread out. We're cities for Zion
Williamton to be drafted by oh boy, yeah, why he's so fat.
Yeah, if he got drafted by like Utah, he'd already be better than
Michael Jordan's. I think you can understand a lot about people in Louisiana when
you start looking at the principles and like foundations of their diet, which is
like mudbugs and cream sauces, yeah, and fried dough and fried dough.
Yes. Of course a lot of times they like could jam the mudbug cream
sauce inside the fried dough. Yes, uh, a little bit of crawfishatsu
fe Yeah, on top of a fucking piece of bread. Yeah, yeah,
pretty much. But uh. The other wars that were going on in
the oyster scene in the eighteen mid eighteen hundreds were tongers versus dredgers, So
tongers worked in shallower waters. I don't know how it sounds that both those
terms sound racist. They sound racial. Yeah, yeah, they sound very
loaded, don't they tongue or a dredger, but yeah talking it would just
walk up to somebody today and be like, what are you doing here?
You tonga? Just a gangs in New York type fight. They did this
on the water. So dredgers would be the people that like threw the giant
chain nets down, Yeah, dragged the bottom where's tongers would go along this
like kind of the coastline and like just large tongs and pull them out little
Nancy boys. Yeah, for sure, the dredgers could pull a lot more.
They made more money, but fuck them, I'm a dredger. But
like it'd be over yeah, so over time though, enough dead body he
started showing up in the Chesapeake Bay between the fights between Virginia, Maryland boaters,
the fucking normal watermen versus the oysters that oyster started growing on their bones.
It's just a reef of bones. No, I wish that would be
sick, that'd be dope. Yeah, the oysters don't need Actually, oysters
filter fifty gallons of water day one oyster. Well, yeah, so that's
actually our what's our band, what's our metal band called? Bones? Yeah?
Reef of Bones is our Aquaman three soundtrack album that we get a little
more completely. Yeah, we get a little experimental. Yeah. Yeah,
we did a whole like underwater level. Yeah. But so these guys,
you know, they're killing a bunch of people. They're definitely over harvesting,
and like people are starting to realize, like shit, the oysters are getting
smaller. Yeah, that they're harvesting, so they're not giving them time to
like spawn and regrow. That's something that like Native Americans actually knew to do.
Like if you look at Native American oyster mounts, like they were eating
only big oysters. They knew not to pick the little ones because they're like,
we're we need that for later. So they that's why they never built
a society that could uh fight off the Europeans. We're locust baby. Yeah.
Capitalist success does kind of come on the back of So there's no like
veal for oysters, just a tiny, tiny oyster. It's like it's so
just like a little tiny slip. Yeah, I mean people really do now
in the market like a small oyster, Like I think, how small caveat
it is, right, Like a big fat boy oyster. You know,
a good big oyster is fine, especially if you're like cooking it over a
grill. It shrinks up a little bit. Tell me you don't want to
take a whole spoonful or just like a jug of oyster veal? Oh yeah,
yeah, yeah, I'll do that. I don't want to. I
don't want to be just put it all in. Oh no, I want
the guy to do the work. Yeah yeah, yeah, you want like
a big I would take pleasure in seeing him open them all. Yeah.
I got nowhere to be just like a cocktail fork trying to pry open these
tiny oysters. Do you know? That's how calamari came to be a thing
in the United States. What hell, we fucking overfished something else and they
had to the US government had to figure out a way too I'm really paraphrasing
this because I read it so long ago. But they just had to figure
out a way to just replace it with other seafood while the fucking fish that
we were aliens. Yeah, basically so. But they were like, nobody's
gonna eat squid or octopus. Canna be disgusted by the aliens, right,
So they're like, oh, let's class it. We'll make it all Italian.
Yeah, eat Rocky Mountain oysters. So I have e in Rocky Mountain
oyster. They're fine, you gay? Yeah, yeah, sick, Yeah,
me too, something dog. But yeah. So in order to like
kind of combat the over harvesting and the violence, uh, the state of
Maryland responded by creating the Oyster Navy in eighteen sixty eight that was led by
Captain Hunter Davidson. And can you imagine like surviving Gettysburg and then getting murdered
by a tongue dude, I'd be so mad. Yeah, a guy with
tongs got me. It was just like I pick oysters the right way.
Yeah, like you just free the slaves and then fucking some guys like you
pick oysters wrong. But some guy guys by like Jack Shore just comes in
and gets you in the eyeball with his tongs. Yeah, dude, fuck
that. But uh yeah, so they aren't Captain Hunter Davidson with the howitzer
on his boat and a bunch of others. That's, by the way for
people who were like, who's uver? But legal to own a coon and
sucking a bit. But no, it's fucking been legal for most of American
history to own a fucking cannon ton whatever you can get pretty much. Yeah,
doesn't that come with every KA house cannon? Yeah, yeah, yeah
it does, which I believe Micah was a part of exploding one at Missoo,
like blowing it up backwards or yes, the Ka houses the year before
I got there, the Ka House had a cannon in the yard, as
most KA houses, and a bunch of kas. I believe Micah was amongst
this party. Uh, we're like, let's fire off our cannon. So
they just jammed it to the brim with fireworks and gunpowder. And I told
you guys about the sparkler bomb before, right, How you take like a
hundred sparklers and wrap them up with duct tape, it just becomes a fucking
bomb. It's a flash bomb. Yeah, Well they did that and they
lit off the cannon, and the cannon exploded off the base and flew across
the street, through the roof of the apartment building, across the street and
down through three floors. It didn't hit anyone. The legend, I don't
know. I think this is true, Like I think you can go look
at it in the newspaper, but I would have to double check. The
legend is that it went through a ping pong table while people were either playing
ping pong or beer pong. Like the cannon just through the ceiling through the
ping pong table. Can you imagine you hear that first initial bang, You're
like, what the fuck? And then you're like, wait two seconds,
and then you hear you think you're getting bombed. Yeah, yeah, for
sure, that's fucking nightmares. They did not get kicked off for that.
That would be instant kickoff. Prove they did it. Prove it was aws.
Just a bunch of like scared white men in front of the yard,
just like oh what but yeah, uh, dredgers began moving into waters.
The tongue is considered theirs. Everyone was resorting the guns and watermen were turning
up dead in the bay. Uh. The oyster Navy of Maryland was just
downing dredger boats left and right. There were pirates going out in the middle
of the night and harvest over harvesting. Then again, like you survived the
Civil War to get murdered by an oyster navy. This is a guy that
doesn't serve in the military, but like, this is what gets you ready
for World War One. I did my time, yeah, in the oyster
Navy fighting the goddamn Maryland Navy. Yeah, but uh yeah, Virginia also
mean Virginia also tried to do this. They got embarrassed the like the I
think it was like the governor of Virginia was like, oh, We're gonna
stop all these over harvesters. And one of the most famous things that happened
was he there was this legendary like oyster piri guy. They saw his ship.
They were like they had three ships to go get him, but they
didn't know that the oyster pirate had already bailed from the shift and he left
his wife and three daughters on board. They were just like kind of living
on it. He was on shore for some reason, and the wife and
the three daughters were like, fuck, the cops are here, so they
start sailing, and they outsailed the Virginia Oyster names Yeah, in front of
a bunch of spectators on the Chesapeake base, so much so that the guy
lost reelection. Like they were just like you got out maneuvered by three girls
and a maiden, like or a matron, like what the fuck are you
doing? Like you guys don't deserve funding anymore. But uh, one of
the worst things that would happen was like captains of these oyster boats were of
course not above stealing immigrants coming into Baltimore. Yeah, so once on the
boat, the immigrants had their passports and paper sticking, and they faced beatings
and withholding of wages while they worked under ruling conditions. So what is an
immigrant but a person you can steal and make your slave. I don't know
if that's applicable across the board and immigrants whatever you want it to be.
In eighteen sixty yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, especially then
mid eight I mean, dude, we were when people were coming over during
the Civil War. We were like, hey, welcome to America. Have
you heard about the army? Should you not going on right now? It's
pretty hot? Yeah? Yeah. Number one job creator in America currently.
Yeah, everyone's in it. Everyone they actually, I believe that's the seating
gangs in New York, like three hot mails a day and blah blah blah
blah blah. That's a good deal if you're a fucking peasant, like,
yeah, pop it. I mean, honestly, if you're Irish like some
guy, you have no job lined up, especially if you can somehow finagle
uh not being cannon, you know what I mean. If you can be
a pogue, a Civil War pogue, it's a good, good gig.
I mean, you still might die of dysentery since like fucking disease killed most
people in the Civil War, but yourself shaving. Yeah, but uh yeah,
I mean there's a reason Armed forces recruiting centers are still very active today.
Yeah, you want to go to college for free? And that reason
is Top Gun, That's right. That was like after watching that movie,
I was like, yeah, that's propaganda. Oh yeah, well yeah,
but it worked. Every war movie is military propaganda. It was no,
I don't even like to none, but the new Top Gun was good,
not like saving Private Ryan and shit, but actually, you know who said
that same Private Ryan directly allowed America to do Iraq in Afghanistan. He said
that Oliverstone, really he said that saving Private Ryan got American super horny for
war. It's like we need a good fight. Yeah, yeah, sure,
he like hated Spielberg for it. Damn So Spielberg played nine to eleven.
H Yeah he did. Spiel Berg makes you think. Yeah, but
uh, over time, over harvesting did start to get colder. That took
a long time. That took well into the nineteen hundreds to get that going.
Now, most oysters, oysters consumed are farmed, they're not wild harvested.
So it's it's really important actually because oysters, we started to figure out
it's like, man, all these beaches are eroding, it's because all the
oyster beds were preventing that from happening. So yeah, yeah, I know.
Yeah yeah. So like when they started, like that was a thing
in New York I think, right, New York Harbor was having serious problems
because they just fucking destroyed the oyster beds. Yep, they actually just started,
not just but like they have a project called the Billion Oyster Project.
Yeah, they're trying to reintroduce a billion new oysters into the bay. Let's
see what you're trying to do here. I'm trying to so important. So
I know you're saving the beaches or something. Oh yeah, no, for
sure, I am. I am. I am actually the most uh humanitarian
person here. Now. You're trying to make a play for New York.
You're trying to get a plot of land in New York. Fuck that harvest.
You're kidding me, No, Hudson, no way, dude. Those
oyster steak so much longer to grow in the cold ass water up there.
Yeah, but it's not gonna be you. It's gonna be the Goldman Division.
What're you're You're making a business plan for me right making a power play.
No, I have zero and dude, I have zero. I just
want this simple life. No, dude, you're gonna fucking crush the competition.
You're gonna be cutthroat, and you're gonna start a monopoly on the business
on the East Coast. Yeah, you're acting like you're a simple oyster farm
right now. We're gonna go visit you in Florida in like three years.
I'll be like, you know, there's a lot of Honturns in your house.
All of them keep asking me where their passports are like I know,
and of dead bodies around you don't want to leave. Yeah, this has
a cannon on it. It's like, Jake, your house is like this
one really big house and you have all these tiny, tiny tiny yeah,
far away from your big house with a big and he's drinking the mint jewelo.
Yeah. And I'm actually doing the thing that you said you would do
it at the top of the episode. Yeah. Hey, keep all turning
them cages, but like a turn of them good cages. Oh do to
clear we have to be like Jake, you got to stop calling them mini
homes. They're not many homes, they're tiny homes. Yeah, tiny homes.
Yeah, please stop calling those slave quarters tiny. How much aiqita homes?
Uh No? But all most oysters are farmed now and it's really good
for the beds, the oyster beds being revitalized. It's awesome. It creates
even more filtering for water, and it's going to create more sustainable protein sources
as well too, once it continues to grow. Like but just for reference,
like the amount of harvested oysters we did in eighteen sixty, like eighteen
sixty through seventy you were having about fifteen million bushels sold in Maryland alone per
year. That's one hundred and fifty million oysters a year, yea being brought
in the turnaround like Compare that, so the oysters that were harveted, like
harvested around two thousand or so from the Chesapeake Bay. There was a resurgence
in the Chesapeak BA during this time, we were still only harvesting one percent
of what the volume was one hundred plus years ago. Can I just suggest
to you what you should name your boat? What's up for when you're oyster
farming? What's up? The alarm clock? Why getting those boys out of
bed? The oyster out of bed? Come on? Wake up? Yeah,
time to get slurped? It comes the alarm clock. Yeah, wake
up and get slurped. Dog. That's how I want to be woken up?
Yeah yeah? Or the drill sergeant? Why getting the boys out of
bed? Same thing? Oh true, same concept? Got play some taps?
What did you guys learn today? I learned maritime loll to kill you?
When we have our competitive oyster farm, Okay, we're gonna name it.
What do you want to go with? Rob? What the maritime law?
H? No? No, they are competing oyster farm. Oh,
let's just call it, uh Jake's Demise. People be like, why is
it called that? No, it'll also be called Goldman's. Kind of like
how in New York every pizza place is raised famous pizza. Oh yeah,
yeah, yeah, which kind of going down to Goldman's Farm, Goldman's oyster
Farm. That's actually pretty ironic, considering, Uh, oysters aren' kosher.
Yeah, yeah, that's true, they're not. They're filter feeders, extremely
not kosher. Yeah, almost worse than bacon. Really, yeah, yeah,
it is. I learned you'll take any opportunity to just just justify your
life choice. You spent an hour. I learned you'd spend you'd waste an
hour of our time justifying your life choice. That's say an hour twenty,
but we wasted the first twenty minutes of your time. Really, yeah,
just interrupting, just bicycle spoking you. Yeah, that's right, that's right,
Yeah, but kind of justified at this point. Yeah, who's Hitler
you? Yeah, two weeks in a row. You're leaving for leaving two
weeks in a I was Hitler last week too, his Hitler last week.
You're we're now going to refer to it Who's who's the Jake of THEE Jake.
That'd be good in like sixty episodes from now, some rando. That's
not me. It's probably way fund Jake. Yeah, why are you calling
it that? It's like, oh, you gotta be an og for that.
Like, what was Hitler's actual name at alf Uh? It was Hitler's
nay, so I looked that up when you were looking it up. Hitler's
last name was always Hitler. His dad was a bastard and originally had his
mother's last name, but was legitimized and took the correct name before Hitler was
born. It was a it was a mouthful. Yeah, it was like
shek and something shecken Stein or yea she and Steinstein? Was Shekelstein? I
think that sounds like one of us. Yeah, it's it for our episode
today, guys, think so much. Checkout softwore history dot com for merch.
Please leave a review. Even though we hit a thousand, we still
need more. Well we need and we will read them eventually. When this
episode ran kind of long and last we got the two thousand reviews. We
do a show from Jake's oyster farm. Yeah, it's not my oyster farm.
That I'm gonna be working on from Jake's Oysters farm when he kills the
owners happen like how you're just like, yeah, I gotta leave the podcast
to be a field hand. Yep, I do. It's farm work,
man, It's it's hard ass work. Bro. I'm really proud of my
wife. Whatever. You fall in love with the farmer's daughter the farmer.
The farmer doesn't look in like how we talked about on TikTok that made a
bunch of country boys mad song the farmers. Fact that you know so much
about that song, I didn't know the tree in general. Actually, I
think I missed that bit. What happened there? This is the country song
the Farmer's daughter. Yeah, it's just a nightmare scenario where where a drift
or field hand ends up drilling and marrying. Oh yes, I do remember
this. Yes, yeah, it isn't nice. People were like, you
just don't know itster city people not understanding, Like, no, I understand
that it's bad. It's always bad. If the hobo you hire to bring
your cattle in it night starts fucking your daughter, that's bad a hundred times
out of one hundred. Yeah, it's just that you like the song because
it's from the perspective of you, Hodo, like you are very much identifying
with the the Yeah, that was like this sticking point for you. You
were like, Oh, he invites him in for a hot shower, feeds
him, offers him reliable skipping town on the red raid car. No,
I mean Jake's doing what I would do if I had no other option.
Yeah, I'm doing it because I want to. Yeah, that's that's the
odd part. I want to do it. I enjoy the work. I
get to be on the boat. I just want to do the email marketing
anymore. I just don't want to do anything with a computer like that.
I have just sit in front of all day. That's just a nightmare.
Bro, looking at a screen all day. What are the charges you're trying
to avoid charges? Yeah, we are? You skipping town none pending,
none pending. That's right. Your open you with George's you were about to
like having a whole new identity. Yeah, your your farm and oysters and
ze wantonao what what does that mean? That's where uh Andy Dufrayan funks off
to at the end of or like Mexico. Yeah, rather than you're working
at a Cinnabon, like saw Goodman here. Yeah, you're working an oyster
farm. Oh man, if I was working in a cinnabon, man,
I could actually be a cinnabon guy. Now I think I bet you could.
Yeah, I can't imagine that we'll be. I mean you might need
a second job with what oyster farm pays. So either way, it's my
main next week, and I'll make sure to read all the reviews you guys,
look, because you left some really funny ones. We just have been.
We ran a long and obviously last week ended uh chaotically, So yeah,
there's some really good reviews we're gonna read about. Yeah, they're all
about this. So yeah, thanks so much for listening for damage just from
rough Fox Object Goldman, you just got saw served