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Weird things happened in the weird weird, weird. Wow. Hey it's up,

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y'all. You saw from the title
Stream of Consciousness number three. This

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time we decided not to wait two
years or two and a half to bring

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it back two or two and a
half years to bring it back, uh,

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for our grand episode three. Alex
is on one today. I just

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want everybody out there to know that, uh, and yeah, we're hitting

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it with another Stream of Consciousness because
things have been pretty crazy for really,

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honestly, all all of us,
all of us involved in the making of

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this podcast, life has been particularly
crazy lately. I've been talking to some

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people in the discord, like,
you know, stuff's just been really wild.

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So we were like, let's just
keep it chill, Let's have a

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stream of consciousness, Let's update our
lovely listeners and viewers on like what's been

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going on. And also, I
just kind of feel like there's some stuff

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that I just want to like talk
about in general, stuff that's been weighing

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on me. You know, I've
I've had like kind of a tough twenty

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twenty four so far. I mean, things about it have been great,

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other things about it have been not
so great. It's been it's been very

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challenging. But we have some exciting
news. Well, why don't you go

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ahead and chair it already. You've
been teasing me for like two minutes.

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Hit me with a drum rolled in
drummer. Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

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it finally happened. Your boy has
moved to Wilmington. I live in Wilmington

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now as of this very moment.
It's it's uh, it's official. That's

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so freaking crazy. Yeah, and
it like literally came together in like three

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weeks. Yeah. Yeah, it
all happened very very very quickly. So

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technically for the moment, I am
not like moved in, but your lovely

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co host has offered his home to
me. I'm staying with Ryan for a

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couple of weeks. Yeah. I
like to think of it as like a

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boot camp for fun. You keep
saying that. Okay, Okay, You've

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said that so many times now,
and honestly, I don't even know if

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I'm like fully in on it.
Could you describe to me what you mean?

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Dude? Just like boot camp,
you know, you go away from

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home, you know, you leave
the wife and kids at home. I

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don't Sugar Bear and Jeekes Binks.
I said, Jinks, and you know,

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you leave home and you know it's
just you're not like doing an army

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training. We're gonna be having fun, right, So I guess the thing

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that I'm confused about is the phrasing
U boot camp for fun? Does that

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mean I'm learning how to have fun? Oh? I'm gonna show you lots

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of things you have not known fun
until now. Really you're gonna learn fun?

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Okay, what are you gonna show
me? I wasn't invited. Yeah,

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you're making these claims. Now,
you're saying I was. I just

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live here. You live like four
miles away. Man, you can come

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over at any moment, but you
won't oh drag his ass. Oh I'm

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gonna drag him. But yeah.
No, it all came together very very

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quickly, and I just kind of
want to talk about it a little bit.

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Dude. It was like three weeks
ago, I'm going out to breakfast

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and you're like call me, and
I call you and you're like, dude,

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I got a job in Wilmington,
and three weeks later, here you

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are. It was like that it
just materialized. It really did, and

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I think that it kind of needed
to happen this way. It almost feels

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like the universe is kind of guiding
me in this direction, is guiding things

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to happen this way, because the
like analogy that I keep using is it's

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like ripping a band aid off.
It's like, and you know, that's

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like very scary, like how quickly
everything is moving it is. It's honestly

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pretty stressful and scary. So I
just want to talk a little bit about

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it to I like the idea of
being open with our listeners and viewers and

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like sharing the hardships, sharing you
know, the shit that we're going through

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in life, because life is very
hard sometimes and it gets dark sometimes,

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and like sharing your story with people
it helps them, It could potentially helpefully

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help them see like it's temporary.
You're gonna come out on the other side,

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like unscathed, just fine, in
a much much better place in your

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life. So just to give like
the quick breakdown for a lot of you

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might know. I've talked about it
before, but for the past year,

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I've been working with my brother shout
out bro bro Robbie, love you dogs.

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Shout out Robbie. Yeah, I've
been working with him doing lawn care,

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like something that I never ever saw
myself doing. I didn't think I

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was physically capable of doing that.
I also thought it would just suck ass,

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like like just be really miserable and
terrible. But like it was in

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almost every way so awesome. Yeah, Like I just kind of want to

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interrupt you on that. Please please
show Yeah. Yeah, one of my

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favorite quotes, and I'd have to
find it to tell you who said it,

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but one of my favorite quotes is
that you suffer more in your imagination

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than you do in reality. Yeah. I heard that quote too, and

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I love that quote, and that
perfectly aligns with what you're saying. Nick.

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Honestly, I feel that in more
ways than one that that applies to

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kind of like a lot of what
I'm going through lately. I have kind

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of not to jump too far ahead, but like the last few weeks have

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been quite dark and quite difficult.
I'm in a much better place now.

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Right now, I'm feeling great.
I'm feeling amazing. Seneca, by the

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way, who wrotes Seneca? Seneca
the stoic, oh Stoic philosopher? Yeah

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epic? Okay, you never heard
of Roman philosopher Seneca? Oh Roman?

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Ugh? I just know he loves
like everything Roman. Well he's Italian,

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you're right somewhere up was the freaking
that's Sopranian, bro, that's different.

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But anyway, anyway, the long
hair stuff, like, yeah, I

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didn't think I could do it,
but my brother called me. He was

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like, yo, I honestly I
heard you. You just lost your job.

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That happened very suddenly too, like
almost exactly a year ago, like

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this time. It was March.
Yeah, it was in March. It

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was like, I think I actually
lost my job in like almost exactly a

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year ago, like to the date, mid February, mid to late February.

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I lost my like at home job, which was like a fun job.

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It was, it was all right, but it was the management was

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awful. Whatever. My brother calls
me, he's like, yo, I

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heard you need some work. I
need help. And you know, my

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first reaction was my imagination, like
Alex said, it started going wild.

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I was like, oh, I
can't do that. That sounds fucking lame,

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that sounds terrible. I don't blah
blah blah, all this stuff,

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every reason why I shouldn't do it, And then for some reason, out

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of my mouth just came like hell, yeah, I'll do it. Yeah,

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sure, sounds great. I don't
know, like everything in my head

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was like no, but I just
said, like yeah, sure, why

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not. That's that inner drive,
you know what I mean? Like your

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fight or flight is like you knew
you had to do it even though you

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were worried you couldn't, which has
been Yes, you're absolutely right. That

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has kind of been like happening a
lot lately. Like my mind is going

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crazy with like the anticipation and the
negative thoughts and like the you know,

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just a lot of negative self talk
and you can't do it, you're not

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good enough, this kind of shit. But then my body and my mouth

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and like my actions are almost just
like automatically doing the opposite. That's resilience.

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Go into that bit like like you
like that would suggest to me that

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you're just a resilient person. Like
even in your head you're like I can't

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do this, but you're just like
just freaking gritting your teeth and just doing

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it, even though it's like scary, it's tough. It's it's like the

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definition of resilience, Like you have
no choice, you have to do it,

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and you're up to the occasion.
Yeah, A lot of people that

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don't have that. Yeah, And
I have felt very grateful lately that that

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I have been able to do that
for whatever reason, because like I'm almost

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thirty now and four Oh yeah,
dude, that's coming up in like a

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few months. Yeah, three months. Basically, Yeah, wow, I'm

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almost and you're gonna live here do
We're gonna go hard for that. Yeah,

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I'm we're gonna go hard for that. Yeah, we gotta do something

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fun. I had the I had
the thought like maybe, like, well,

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I shouldn't say it on the show. We'll talk about it. Yeah

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yeah. Yeah. But anyway,
most of my life, honestly, like

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the the negative self talk and the
stuff that's been going on in my mind

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dictates what my body does and how
I navigate life, and it has stopped

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me at every turn from reaching for
something better or taking life seriously. Is

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another huge thing. And I don't
know what changed or when or how or

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whatever, but I attribute a lot
of it to us doing this show together.

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And you know, because there was
tons of that stuff present when we

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were talking about doing the show,
right, you you won't be able to

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do it before we started, Yeah
yeah yeah, yeah, like you won't

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be able to do it or you
won't. You had the same thoughts really,

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Oh yeah, yeah we were there. Yeah, yeah, we had

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talked about it. I was a
lot more vocal about it, right right,

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Yeah, But I mean, you
know, those those feelings were very

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present, and I was like,
you know, we won't, we won't

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continue doing it, blah blah blah
whatever, all this negative self talk.

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Yeah, and then when we just
kept doing it and knocking it out and

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hitting all these milestones and doing all
this stuff, it was like, like

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I can actually do things, Like
I can finish, I can achieve the

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goals that I set for myself.
You know, I think Alex, you

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you met me around the time that
we started the show. We had met

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a little bit before then. But
like, I don't want to speak out

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a turn or anything, but I
kind of feel like a slightly different person

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now than I was then. Same
like for me and you. Yeah,

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I feel like then I was very
like I was like almost anti driven.

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I was very like, you know
whatever, you know, take nothing seriously,

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you know, it's all bullshit,
blah blah blah blah bah almost like

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not really like nihilistic, apathetic is
maybe a good word for it. Just

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kind of just like whatever, you
know, uh, and maybe even like

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more negative back then or whatever.
But I think that doing the show it

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consistently has helped with that a lot. Then another major milestone was twice Born.

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That was another thing that, like, I mean, we have been

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talking about doing that for a decade, for such a longer, honestly,

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yeah, yeah, it really fifteen
years, right, Yeah, Like we

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just talked about it and talked about
it for endlessly for years and years and

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years and years. It never came
to fruition, and then boom, like

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magic out of nowhere, we made
it happen, and like we have this

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this EP that we're so proud of, and like that was another huge major

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boost. So maybe it was those
things. Maybe it was me actually knocking

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out these these goals and whatever for
the first time that that gave me the

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ability to override all the negative self
talk. So fast forward to a few

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months ago. So with lawn care, the thing is is like when the

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weather's good, you got plenty of
work. I was seeing my family every

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day, spending tons of time with
my brother. I was outside, I

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was losing weight, I was staying
active, I was in the sun all

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of these positives, all this amazing
stuff. The money wasn't great at all,

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but I was like, I can
excuse that because my bills are paid

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and all of these other positive things
are happening, you know. Then the

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first hurdle, the first big slap
in the face, was it was like

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around August of last year, out
of nowhere, my apartment complex is like,

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yeah, you're gonna owe us like
another two hundred dollars a month.

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And it was like, oh,
okay, I can't afford that, like

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at all, not even close.
So we had to scramble to move out

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of that place. Luckily, the
universe provided a house for Casey and I

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to rent, and it was it
was amazing. Then the winter really hit

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and then the work like dried up. Yeah, like for a while we

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had like nowhere. But then didn't
your rent go up in your house after

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living there for a few months too? After the first month. Yeah,

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the guy that we had it was
kind of like an under the table arrangement

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sort of thing for living in that
house. And yeah, like after the

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first month, it was like,
oh, actually, I'm not gonna be

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able to afford that price, so
you owe me more money. It's like

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Okay, great, awesome, whatever, but it was still like way cheaper

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than our apartment. Was so fine, cool, whatever, you know,

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we'll take it. Then the work
dried up. Yeah, then winner hit.

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The work dried up. I'm not
working. I'm not making money.

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That's when the real stress and the
negativity and all of that stuff. Like

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to be honest with everybody out there
and completely transparent like the past like good

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six months have been very very tough, like the darkest time of my life,

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very very tough, very stressful,
panicking all the time, Anxiety at

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an all time high, depression at
an all time high, just tough,

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and like, thank my lucky stars
that I have the most wonderful support of

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amazing wife. She is she's my
rock, She's she I could not have

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done it without her. She's every
I just I couldn't have done any of

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it. She's so supportive of me
and my friends and you guys and this

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show. And I had so many
things to be thankful for to keep guiding

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you forward. Absolutely that it was
like the light in the dark, the

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the you know, yeah, it
was absolutely like my saving grace through this

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very very dark time. And so
I'm so thankful and I'm just, I

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just I'm very thankful for the both
of you. You know, you guys,

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you guys kept me grounded, kept
me positive, kept you busy with

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stuff to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah it helps. And doing doing

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the show, it was has always
been such a huge boost. So every

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00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:52.840
time I come here and we sit
in this room and we do this show,

206
00:15:52.279 --> 00:15:58.000
it's like recharging my battery. You
know, I'm exactly the same.

207
00:15:58.000 --> 00:16:00.279
If it wasn't for the show,
I would have felt like, what do

208
00:16:00.360 --> 00:16:06.240
I even have to live for?
It's it's crazy, Yeah, it's it's

209
00:16:06.279 --> 00:16:10.360
it's crazy that it, like just
sitting here and talking into these microphones does

210
00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:14.720
that much. Yeah, for us
emotionally, we never anticipated that part of

211
00:16:14.759 --> 00:16:19.360
it. Never, never, And
it's potentially like one of the best uh

212
00:16:21.279 --> 00:16:23.519
uh like things to come from this, you know for me. Sorry,

213
00:16:23.519 --> 00:16:27.159
my brain's a little foggy because one
of the things that had just happened,

214
00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:30.360
it was I got COVID a couple
of weeks ago. Oh yeah, it

215
00:16:30.360 --> 00:16:34.639
does make your brain foggy. Yeah. It has just been thing after thing

216
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:38.559
after thing. So anyway, the
work dried up, so I start looking

217
00:16:38.759 --> 00:16:44.039
for like what can I do?
What how can I get myself in a

218
00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:47.919
better position. How can I make
some more money? How can I just

219
00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:52.039
get things? You know, I
wasn't even thinking anything about moving to Wilmington.

220
00:16:52.399 --> 00:16:59.720
That just seemed like such a thing
possible time. Yeah, so far

221
00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:02.679
far. I was like, there's
just no way, that's just not gonna

222
00:17:02.679 --> 00:17:04.759
happen. So let me just think
what can I do in Fayetteville. How

223
00:17:04.759 --> 00:17:07.799
can I get in a better position
where I'm at, you know whatever?

224
00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:14.519
Sorry, applying for places. Talked
to one of our good friends, Blake

225
00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:18.759
Powers, big old, big old
shout out. He's a super mega omy.

226
00:17:18.920 --> 00:17:22.160
I swear I'm gona kiss him on
the mouth next time, I said,

227
00:17:22.279 --> 00:17:25.279
I swear. He he he's gonna
fly out this year, probably summer.

228
00:17:25.640 --> 00:17:27.880
Are we gonna have him on?
Yeah? Oh yeah, he's just

229
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:36.160
get married in April. Big congrats
after that, big congrats. He he

230
00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:40.559
works in it, which I have
experienced. I have years and years of

231
00:17:40.599 --> 00:17:44.640
experience working in it. It's been
a while since I've done it, though,

232
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:49.680
and I didn't honestly know how far
my experience could get me. He

233
00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:52.319
looked, he offered, like,
dude, let me look at your resume,

234
00:17:52.559 --> 00:17:56.000
like we'll see, Like, because
we would have conversations about it,

235
00:17:56.440 --> 00:18:00.319
and he'd be like, dude,
if you're if you're like not bolsh shooting

236
00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:03.240
me, if you're if the experience
that you are telling me you have,

237
00:18:03.839 --> 00:18:07.079
you actually have, like you can
go get a job. Uh. So

238
00:18:07.160 --> 00:18:10.880
he helped me with my resume.
He helped me like what what type of

239
00:18:10.960 --> 00:18:15.640
jobs I need to start applying for
whatever? And so I I was applying

240
00:18:15.640 --> 00:18:18.440
to a bunch of places in Fayetteville. But then this little thought in the

241
00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:25.880
back of my head was like,
just just see just applying Wilmington. Yeah.

242
00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:26.799
Yeah, So you told me that. You were like, I'm gonna

243
00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:30.680
apply for some jobs in Wilmington.
I'm like, sweet dude. Yeah.

244
00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:33.279
And then like a week later,
I get the call I got a job

245
00:18:33.319 --> 00:18:37.880
in Wilmington, and I was like
what, yeah, this is real.

246
00:18:38.359 --> 00:18:41.319
Yeah yeah it was. I just
I had the thought in the back of

247
00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:45.319
my head. And of course all
with that comes all the negative. You

248
00:18:45.359 --> 00:18:48.240
can't, that's not gonna happen.
Why even try? Then you get COVID

249
00:18:48.279 --> 00:18:52.200
right after you get the job.
Oh my god. Oh oh, we

250
00:18:52.279 --> 00:18:55.720
forgot t even mentioned. You were
wondering like, how how are you gonna,

251
00:18:55.720 --> 00:18:59.279
you know, make the feast you
know, and then your your uh

252
00:18:59.319 --> 00:19:02.000
your supervisor calls you and was like, can you start two weeks early?

253
00:19:03.160 --> 00:19:06.680
I was I'm like, come stay
with me, dude. I was going

254
00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:11.400
fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't fudo can't fun. I

255
00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:15.319
still don't get well because we're going
to be just like LAMB partying it up

256
00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:19.799
like pretty much every night. I
love it. So yeah yeah, And

257
00:19:22.400 --> 00:19:25.119
I didn't know how I was going
to pay for any of this move or

258
00:19:25.519 --> 00:19:29.680
getting here any of that stuff.
And uh, then my boss, my

259
00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:32.400
new boss, calls me, I
need you two weeks early. And then

260
00:19:32.440 --> 00:19:36.319
it's like, wait a minute.
That means I'll have a full paycheck,

261
00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:38.079
and like the money is actually pretty
good. It's more money than I've ever

262
00:19:38.119 --> 00:19:41.720
made, which you know, it's
not like crazy by any means, but

263
00:19:41.880 --> 00:19:45.079
it's to me, it is the
most I've ever made a perspective shift,

264
00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:52.200
absolutely yeah. And so that one
little paycheck is going to help us tremendously,

265
00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:55.880
uh with all of our moving costs
and all this stuff. Yeah,

266
00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:00.640
so like getting all this stuff figured
out and whatever got COVID and that was

267
00:20:00.680 --> 00:20:06.960
like the ultimate bottom, like like
darkest lowest point, because when you're sick,

268
00:20:07.799 --> 00:20:11.319
you're when your body is sick,
your mind mood is affected. Yeah,

269
00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:14.279
I'm I'm the worst for that.
Like when I feel bad, I'm

270
00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:18.440
like, don't bother me because I
feel bad, you know what I mean,

271
00:20:18.519 --> 00:20:21.279
Like even mood wise, but I
feel bad when the sun doesn't come

272
00:20:21.279 --> 00:20:25.839
out. Dude, honestly, Like, that's that's funny. I've never thought

273
00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:30.200
about that. But he is spitting
hard facts right now. But this is

274
00:20:30.240 --> 00:20:37.480
the first year in since Olivia has
known me where my seasonal effective hasn't really

275
00:20:37.720 --> 00:20:38.559
Oh that's right. You have like
a light in your room, don't you.

276
00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:44.039
Yeah, yeah, older place.
Yeah, And I was real bad

277
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:48.880
about that and have like not like
you know, I don't want to overplay

278
00:20:49.000 --> 00:20:55.240
my depression, but because it really
was like manageable. But yeah, in

279
00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:59.880
the right if you deal with it. It's even Tony Soprano has depression.

280
00:21:00.680 --> 00:21:03.640
I understand what you are saying.
We're all watching sopranos right now, but

281
00:21:03.839 --> 00:21:07.279
at the same time, it's like
our biggest thing. Yeah no, but

282
00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:11.799
in the wintertime, I would just
like hit this lull of like because I

283
00:21:11.799 --> 00:21:14.720
would go to work the sun's not
out. Plus you're not getting the surf.

284
00:21:15.319 --> 00:21:17.480
Yeah, with all that stuff,
but with this job that I have

285
00:21:17.640 --> 00:21:21.559
now, like this hadn't happened,
so well, yeah, that's what I

286
00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:25.119
was gonna ask, is like,
I wonder if it's because you're outside all

287
00:21:25.160 --> 00:21:27.319
the time now every day, so
you're still getting some sun, like you

288
00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:32.279
know, the sun is it's still
out, You're still getting the the UV's

289
00:21:32.519 --> 00:21:34.279
and and you know the vitamin.
Yeah. No, the problem was that

290
00:21:34.319 --> 00:21:37.279
I would go to work and the
sun wouldn't be out, and I would

291
00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:40.880
stay inside all day, and then
I'd leave work and the sun wouldn't be

292
00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:44.799
out, so I would never feel
it. And but I think it what

293
00:21:44.839 --> 00:21:49.160
it did, it was just what
it did. Would it would exaggerate the

294
00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:53.519
feelings that I was already feeling.
So I wasn't really happy. I was

295
00:21:53.559 --> 00:21:56.640
just kind of going through the motions. And in the summertime, I had

296
00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.200
all these hobbies and stuff to do, so it was like whatever, you

297
00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:02.160
know, I'm working for my and
then in the winter time when all that

298
00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:06.200
dries up, it's like what am
I? Dude, he's really underplanning it

299
00:22:06.200 --> 00:22:07.920
too, man, Like you know, because we've been doing full disclosure once

300
00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:11.119
a week. With his last job, I had to talk him out of

301
00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:15.279
quitting like twenty five times, like
he was like, you know, and

302
00:22:15.319 --> 00:22:19.039
then boom, this new job just
appears for you too, out of the

303
00:22:19.039 --> 00:22:22.640
blue, and yeah, all that
stuff just kind of just went away.

304
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:34.599
Like I have never felt as lost
and broken as I did in my work

305
00:22:34.599 --> 00:22:40.880
from home job, like cut off
from the world. It was. It

306
00:22:40.920 --> 00:22:45.119
was and I didn't realize how miserable
I was. Hold up, oh,

307
00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:48.880
bro, what who said He's an
emotional dungeon? That shit was drama.

308
00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:52.119
Bro, that that was like,
that was like, but it's taken me.

309
00:22:52.279 --> 00:22:56.920
It's taken me months to figure that
out. Alex. You're you're spitting

310
00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:02.279
facts right now. This is this
is some shit that like more people go

311
00:23:02.319 --> 00:23:06.119
through than you think. And just
to put it into perspective, I have

312
00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:10.319
lived a large chunk of my life
like that, Like yeah, not even

313
00:23:10.480 --> 00:23:17.119
knowing that that something was wrong and
that I was like isolating myself in certain

314
00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:22.960
ways and shit like that's there is
no down playing that, as you said,

315
00:23:22.000 --> 00:23:26.480
like that that is hard, yeah, to through. Honestly, the

316
00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:32.000
only good thing that came out of
that was we got a puppy and I

317
00:23:32.039 --> 00:23:36.640
was able to be home for a
year training. This dog's the best,

318
00:23:36.960 --> 00:23:40.000
She's the best. Love that dog. And now she's like good, like

319
00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:41.920
I can go to work. She's
fine when we get home to take her

320
00:23:41.960 --> 00:23:45.359
out, like she's you remember when
he first got her, he would be

321
00:23:45.400 --> 00:23:49.559
like, I gotta go home,
yeah for two more hours whatever, I

322
00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:55.079
gotta got my baby girl. She's
a sweet heart, little Juno. She

323
00:23:55.440 --> 00:24:00.400
ain't a little no more man,
she's she's a big girls. She's fifty

324
00:24:00.599 --> 00:24:03.039
Oh well, I mean she's fifty
pounds. She's fifty two pounds. Bro

325
00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:07.920
G said, we need to get
those two pounds off. Bro My my

326
00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:14.519
brother got an XL bully puppy recently. It is three months old. Is

327
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:17.839
it or Zeus or what's the name
Zeus? Zeus? We have Yeah,

328
00:24:18.039 --> 00:24:21.200
my parents have a dog named of
Pena, right, the poodle and now

329
00:24:21.319 --> 00:24:25.480
yeah yeah, oh and uh Jonah
just got a Golden Retriever named Draco.

330
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:30.680
Nice. But Zeus. Yeah,
my brother's dog is four months old,

331
00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:33.480
four and a half months old,
and he's fifty pounds. He says,

332
00:24:33.519 --> 00:24:37.799
he weighs as much as Juna.
Yeah, and he's four months old.

333
00:24:37.960 --> 00:24:41.400
He's a little turd, dude.
He's like he's like a truck, like

334
00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:48.240
a little truck. It's so crazy
that dog is gonna be massive turd.

335
00:24:48.359 --> 00:24:51.799
Yeah, he just looks like a
little turd, like a little saggy little

336
00:24:51.799 --> 00:24:56.559
turd. What are you eating?
Bro? Have you eaten? Have you

337
00:24:56.599 --> 00:25:02.400
ever seen a bully puppy? They're
like little TUTSI rolls, They're like a

338
00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:06.319
little like it's it's honestly, like, just keep going with this brown theme.

339
00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:11.039
Man, I'm worried. It's like
a it's like a potato sack.

340
00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:12.680
Yeah, like a little sack of
potato. Like, oh, that's funny.

341
00:25:12.799 --> 00:25:17.920
Are our groomer picked the dog up
and said, come on your second

342
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:22.519
potatoes? Because she hates being there
and it's like like dead weight, like

343
00:25:22.599 --> 00:25:25.920
will not comply? Juno. Yeah, she's a girl. Y'all want to

344
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:30.599
hear something really unfathomable. Yes,
Delilah weighs more than odin now. Oh

345
00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:34.279
I believe I took her to the
vet last week. Oh she weighs Like

346
00:25:34.519 --> 00:25:38.920
what's the number? It's like zero
point one pounds but they're wait, wait,

347
00:25:38.920 --> 00:25:41.240
wait, wait, wait, like
the total number? Yeah, how

348
00:25:41.240 --> 00:25:47.319
about yeah, like thirteen and thirteen
point five and then like thirteen point six

349
00:25:47.519 --> 00:25:48.839
eight, but like for years,
I mean they're five years old now.

350
00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:52.200
She was always like two pounds.
Yeah, lighter and smaller, and she

351
00:25:52.279 --> 00:25:57.119
still looks smaller. It's funny because
Odin is a bigger he's bigger. He

352
00:25:57.240 --> 00:26:00.640
is just bigger, but he's not
heavier. Yeah, he has like a

353
00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:07.160
bigger frame and everything. Yeah,
and Delilah is like a particularly small's petite.

354
00:26:07.240 --> 00:26:12.519
Yeah, she'd been eating, don't
play veg no more. And my

355
00:26:12.680 --> 00:26:17.759
cat, sugar Bear is the combination
of those two things. He's the big

356
00:26:17.799 --> 00:26:23.240
frame and that boy eats he is
he's nineteen pounds. Oh my god,

357
00:26:23.559 --> 00:26:27.400
he's so big. The vet told
me when I got her way last week

358
00:26:27.400 --> 00:26:30.079
at the vet, she said,
oh yeah, man, I had to.

359
00:26:30.039 --> 00:26:33.039
I was like, I'll help you
with the crate if it's too heavy,

360
00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:33.319
you know. She said, oh
no, no, no. Last

361
00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:37.440
week I had a thirty eight pound
cat and I was like, was it

362
00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:42.599
a Maine coon? She's like,
no, what he said about broke her

363
00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:48.119
back picking it up in the crazy
I forty pound cat, not even a

364
00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:52.720
main coon, just a dog that
yeah. Yeah, i'd been naming that

365
00:26:52.799 --> 00:26:59.400
jelly roll. I mean, I've
seen some big ass Maine coons that like

366
00:26:59.480 --> 00:27:02.000
you and you're like, oh,
yeah, that's on average. They're like

367
00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:04.880
thirty pound. Yeah, they're huge. But anyway, anyway to bring this

368
00:27:04.920 --> 00:27:11.279
whole, this whole story to Yeah, yeah, basically, it's been it's

369
00:27:11.319 --> 00:27:18.160
been a very difficult hard time.
Uh, but the sun is coming out.

370
00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:22.640
The sun is finally coming out and
breaking through the clouds, and now

371
00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:26.359
we're in the home stretch. I'm
gonna be here for the next two weeks

372
00:27:26.400 --> 00:27:30.799
working and then after that two weeks
we'll be in a new apartment in Wilmington.

373
00:27:32.119 --> 00:27:34.359
Boy, you know what's where I'm
here. You know how many times

374
00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:38.319
we've talked on this show about when
when I get to Wilmington, when Nick

375
00:27:38.359 --> 00:27:42.000
comes to Wilming Since the first episodes, Bro, for three years, we've

376
00:27:42.039 --> 00:27:45.880
been saying, eventually he'll get the
move here. It's a wrap. I'm

377
00:27:45.920 --> 00:27:48.079
here, and like it just happened
and we didn't even expect it. It

378
00:27:48.119 --> 00:27:52.440
was just like an act of desperation. Just you send out your resume.

379
00:27:52.599 --> 00:27:56.640
Yeah, first interview, second interview, Oh shoot, I got the job.

380
00:27:57.039 --> 00:28:00.000
Oh shoot, I need a place
to stay. I want me to

381
00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:03.559
work early. Oh god, you
know you've already toured so many apartments,

382
00:28:03.559 --> 00:28:06.559
like it's it's here, yeah,
I mean, I mean, and we're

383
00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:08.759
still processing it. Yeah, I
don't know, dude. It has been

384
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:15.559
the wildest ride. While it has
been the hardest, most like dark point

385
00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:18.599
maybe in my entire life, it
has also been the most exciting. And

386
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:23.000
now all of the positivity is coming. And now in just a couple of

387
00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:26.279
weeks, it's going to be nothing
but rainbows and sunshine. It's like they

388
00:28:26.359 --> 00:28:30.200
say, man, pressure makes diamonds. That's it, you know what I

389
00:28:30.200 --> 00:28:34.000
mean? Courage, Yes, I'm
learning that. Or like alchemy, you

390
00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:40.000
put the fire to the lead and
then it becomes gold in a metaphor for

391
00:28:40.039 --> 00:28:45.519
this. Yeah, it's like we've
talked about this kind of stuff on the

392
00:28:45.559 --> 00:28:51.559
show before, but I never had
the experience in my own life to understand

393
00:28:51.599 --> 00:28:55.680
what it meant, right, And
now I feel I'm learning that. Right

394
00:28:55.720 --> 00:29:02.359
now, I'm learning what that means. I feel I'm also earning what masculine

395
00:29:02.519 --> 00:29:07.279
energy means through this whole experience.
Oh yeah, you know, like it

396
00:29:07.160 --> 00:29:11.559
the masculinity, like we've talked about
on the show, like anyone in the

397
00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:17.119
world can have masculine and feminine energy. In fact, it's like really a

398
00:29:17.160 --> 00:29:22.039
great practice to try and have equal
parts of both. The masculine energy is

399
00:29:22.119 --> 00:29:29.359
the drive, right it's like the
actuary passion and the action action and the

400
00:29:29.519 --> 00:29:32.880
like, yeah, the putting one
foot in front of the other, and

401
00:29:33.359 --> 00:29:37.319
like in the accomplishing. Yeah,
that's what I was going to kind of

402
00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:41.079
tap into that when you were talking
about, you know, finishing things and

403
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:44.839
the show being one of those things
and the EP being one of those things.

404
00:29:45.119 --> 00:29:49.359
Yeah, and it's like that's what
we as a species human beings are

405
00:29:49.440 --> 00:29:55.440
hardwired to do. Yes. To
accomplish is to build, is to create

406
00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:59.839
and finish and follow through. And
it's like that's that's got to be.

407
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:03.079
It feels so good, you know. It's like, yes, you're at

408
00:30:03.160 --> 00:30:06.599
the top of the mountain and you
can do it again. There's more mountains.

409
00:30:06.680 --> 00:30:10.000
Keep going time and get higher.
No, I'm excited, get higher

410
00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:15.279
and higher. Brother. We went
on a tangent about this on the Full

411
00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:21.440
Disclosure weeks ago. They've become a
motivational PEP talks just yeah, I mean

412
00:30:21.559 --> 00:30:26.039
just like, yeah, the concept
of like don't sit around there and complain

413
00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:30.039
about your miserable situation. Like it's
not that easy, but like you can

414
00:30:30.079 --> 00:30:34.680
do it. Yeah easy, It's
not easy at all. And like the

415
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:38.920
best advice that I think that I
could give to somebody who's going through something

416
00:30:38.960 --> 00:30:45.599
similar or feeling a similar way.
Is like try and separate your mind from

417
00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:48.119
your body. Try and because if
you can, if you can make that

418
00:30:48.200 --> 00:30:53.039
separation, and if you can like
trick yourself into if you can trick your

419
00:30:53.079 --> 00:30:57.799
body into ignoring all of the wild
negative ship that's going on in your mind,

420
00:30:59.240 --> 00:31:03.039
and like just just your body,
just put one foot in front of

421
00:31:03.079 --> 00:31:07.319
the other anyway, even in the
against the odds of all of this negative

422
00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:11.480
self talk and all of this doubt
and shit, if you could just make

423
00:31:11.519 --> 00:31:17.480
your body do it anyway, it'll
still happen. You'll still get the good

424
00:31:17.519 --> 00:31:23.319
stuff, You'll still get the payoff. It's it's like we are rewarded by

425
00:31:23.400 --> 00:31:30.319
God for our courage, for our
for because because to act in the faith

426
00:31:30.559 --> 00:31:33.119
or in the face of like you
know, being so scared or so like

427
00:31:33.160 --> 00:31:38.880
I'm doubtful, whatever, it's it's
faith. Like to still go forward is

428
00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:42.480
like a test of faith. Yeah, and to succeed that test, I

429
00:31:42.599 --> 00:31:49.279
do believe you're rewarded. I yeah, I agree. And I have like

430
00:31:49.480 --> 00:31:56.000
been praying for the first time in
years, years and years and years and

431
00:31:56.079 --> 00:32:01.759
years and years. It was that
like know the religious trauma and the stuff

432
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:08.759
like that. I talked about it
recently maybe, but like I asked you

433
00:32:08.799 --> 00:32:14.079
a personal question, please you off, please know, how do you pray?

434
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:21.079
I all right, that's really interesting
because, uh, at first,

435
00:32:21.240 --> 00:32:24.359
when I started trying to pray again, I was praying in a very different,

436
00:32:24.480 --> 00:32:30.839
like new way where it it It
didn't It almost kind of just felt

437
00:32:30.839 --> 00:32:36.720
like affirmations or something to that effect. But it's a lot of my prayer.

438
00:32:37.880 --> 00:32:44.680
Yeah, I found in this uh, through this like really dark time

439
00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:50.119
that I've been going through, I
just found myself naturally praying the way that

440
00:32:50.200 --> 00:32:54.160
I used to when I was a
kid, you know. And like I

441
00:32:54.200 --> 00:33:00.200
think that was a big step for
me because praying as a kid sometimes felt

442
00:33:00.279 --> 00:33:06.319
so transactional. Yes, yeah,
absolutely, you know, yeah, and

443
00:33:06.359 --> 00:33:08.400
it almost like saved me. I'm
sorry. Yes, it was always i'll

444
00:33:08.440 --> 00:33:12.880
do it save me asking for things
and apologizing, right, and it always

445
00:33:12.920 --> 00:33:16.319
felt I felt bad doing it right, like I'm sorry to ask, I'm

446
00:33:16.359 --> 00:33:20.039
sorry, you know, Like,
but I really you know, and it

447
00:33:20.200 --> 00:33:22.960
just it I had a negative emotion
with it, which is probably why I

448
00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:28.000
was trying to like change the way
that I was praying or whatever. But

449
00:33:29.079 --> 00:33:31.319
I kind of. Again, this
was a thing where my mind and my

450
00:33:31.359 --> 00:33:37.279
body didn't match up. My mind
didn't want to pray that way because of

451
00:33:37.319 --> 00:33:40.200
the trauma, but my body just
did it. It just I just prayed

452
00:33:40.200 --> 00:33:45.759
that way, and I felt it
comfort me. You know, I actually

453
00:33:45.839 --> 00:33:52.480
felt it comfort me. And every
time I did it, I almost immediately

454
00:33:52.480 --> 00:33:58.119
got what I was asking for,
almost immediately. It's because you surrendered to

455
00:33:58.119 --> 00:34:02.119
the Higher Power, and I told
the Higher Power that I when I pray,

456
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:06.200
I refer to it as God.
Sometimes sometimes I I mean, I

457
00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:08.800
switch it up. I use whatever
term I'm feeling in that moment, like

458
00:34:08.840 --> 00:34:13.159
honestly, but the default is just
God, because that's what I grew up

459
00:34:13.199 --> 00:34:15.880
knowing. Yeah, you know,
so when you were praying, was it

460
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:21.360
was it God, I want this, or was it like I am struggling

461
00:34:21.400 --> 00:34:23.320
here, help me. Yeah,
so it was it was really like if

462
00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:28.079
I can try to remember exactly,
it was like it was like God,

463
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:32.920
like I'm I'm I'm at my I'm
at my wits end, Like I can't

464
00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:37.559
do it, I can't do this
anymore, Like I can't go through this

465
00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:43.400
anymore, and I need your help. I need you to step in.

466
00:34:43.599 --> 00:34:49.039
I know that you can you can
perform miracles? You can you can do

467
00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:52.440
anything that that I ask of you. So I am going and I said

468
00:34:52.440 --> 00:34:59.679
this almost every time, like I
am going to take this off of myself

469
00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:04.199
and I have to give it to
you like I have you. I need

470
00:35:04.239 --> 00:35:08.639
you to take this from me like
I I and I would even like I

471
00:35:08.679 --> 00:35:14.079
would literally talk as if I was
talking to a person standing in front of

472
00:35:14.079 --> 00:35:17.920
me. I would say things like
I was scared of you for a long

473
00:35:17.960 --> 00:35:23.039
time, like I was afraid of
you, and like, you know,

474
00:35:23.960 --> 00:35:30.760
I don't have I don't know what
our relationship is like, and you know,

475
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:36.719
things like that. But I know
that you're real in a capacity I

476
00:35:36.760 --> 00:35:43.559
can't even fathom, and I know
that you can give me what I need.

477
00:35:44.519 --> 00:35:49.719
And I have no other choice but
to just believe that you humbled yourself.

478
00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:52.039
I did, I fully did.
That's how it works. That's how

479
00:35:52.039 --> 00:35:55.639
it works with the phenomenon because exactly
it's yeah, it's all the same,

480
00:35:55.760 --> 00:35:59.840
it's all. It's all God.
They're not Yeah, these are not separate

481
00:35:59.840 --> 00:36:04.480
things exactly like you know, never
get that twisted like we it is all

482
00:36:04.679 --> 00:36:07.440
one thing. Yeah, it's God, It's God. That's exactly how it

483
00:36:07.480 --> 00:36:14.440
works, you humble yourself. Yeah, and you know we we have this

484
00:36:14.440 --> 00:36:16.280
this uh I say we. I
don't. I can't speak for everybody,

485
00:36:16.320 --> 00:36:20.400
but people have this like chip on
their shoulder like, oh, you know

486
00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:22.679
I can do it on my own. Well really no, you can't.

487
00:36:23.440 --> 00:36:27.719
And once you realize that, then
you can do it. Yeah you know

488
00:36:27.719 --> 00:36:30.360
what I mean. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you give it up,

489
00:36:30.440 --> 00:36:32.760
you offered up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. No, that's

490
00:36:32.840 --> 00:36:37.599
that's a that's a huge part of
it. I had to I was just

491
00:36:37.800 --> 00:36:43.199
at the bottom and I just had
to like say, and then when it

492
00:36:43.239 --> 00:36:46.000
worked, I would do it again
and I would say, all right,

493
00:36:46.119 --> 00:36:50.599
well every time it was like thank
you God, thank you God, thank

494
00:36:50.639 --> 00:36:52.159
you God, thank you God,
thank you God, like just profusely thank

495
00:36:52.199 --> 00:36:54.480
you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And

496
00:36:54.519 --> 00:37:00.039
then the next time that something else
came up and I needed something, I

497
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:04.000
I would just say, God,
you got me this far, you got

498
00:37:04.039 --> 00:37:07.880
you got me this far. And
so I'm just going to keep I'm just

499
00:37:07.880 --> 00:37:10.280
gonna keep believing that keep going,
that you'll keep carrying me through this and

500
00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:15.039
that this wasn't for no reason.
This I know now that this is not

501
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:19.679
just some bullshit like, you're not
just this isn't a coincidence. This isn't

502
00:37:19.719 --> 00:37:22.079
like every time I've asked, You've
given me what I asked for, and

503
00:37:22.119 --> 00:37:25.679
I'm just going to keep I'm just
I need, I need, I need

504
00:37:25.679 --> 00:37:30.159
this, Please I give it to
you. Yeah, that's why I wanted

505
00:37:30.239 --> 00:37:32.519
to dig in because I was I
had a feeling it was that exactly,

506
00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:36.679
So thank you for That's how my
daddy taught me to pray. Yeah,

507
00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:38.719
that's how. That's how my daddy
taught me that. That's the definition of

508
00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:42.639
faith. Yeah. People think it's
like, oh, it's just about,

509
00:37:42.679 --> 00:37:46.800
like, you know, believe that
God exists. That no deeper than that.

510
00:37:47.599 --> 00:37:52.320
It's believing that there is a purpose
and there is a plan and there's

511
00:37:52.320 --> 00:37:55.400
an order to thinks and even though
you're worried and you're stressed and you're freaked

512
00:37:55.440 --> 00:38:00.840
out, you keep going and guess
what, you rely on that invisible force.

513
00:38:00.039 --> 00:38:06.440
That's faith. Yeah. The disconnection
from that is hell yeah, honestly

514
00:38:07.320 --> 00:38:12.159
because suffering. The darkest points in
my life is when I didn't believe that,

515
00:38:12.719 --> 00:38:15.679
right, I didn't when I didn't
believe that there was a purpose.

516
00:38:15.760 --> 00:38:17.760
Same for me, dude, anytime
I've ever suffered in life or worried about

517
00:38:19.159 --> 00:38:22.800
the future, or like impending doom
in my life. And what is it?

518
00:38:22.840 --> 00:38:25.079
What even like, you know what, even in the Bible it says

519
00:38:25.119 --> 00:38:29.960
like hell is separation from God.
You know hell. I was going to

520
00:38:30.039 --> 00:38:36.559
say that exactly because Hell's every time
I think about a scenario where it's been

521
00:38:36.599 --> 00:38:40.639
suffering, like disconnected is the theme, you know, And it's not.

522
00:38:40.800 --> 00:38:45.400
It's like what am I feeling disconnected
from? Because it's like nothing changes in

523
00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:51.480
your interpersonal relationships. You're just suffering
because you're you're you're disconnected from the divine

524
00:38:51.519 --> 00:38:54.800
spark. Well you lost it.
But it's it's not it's not irreparable.

525
00:38:54.960 --> 00:39:00.559
No, it's the opposite, you
know. It's it's it's very repairable,

526
00:39:00.599 --> 00:39:05.039
it's limitless. It's yeah, yeah, it's. And this is why what

527
00:39:05.199 --> 00:39:09.119
God's finger is in the in the
painting in the Sistine Chapel, right or

528
00:39:09.199 --> 00:39:15.880
the top of the ceiling or whatever, God's finger is fully extended out and

529
00:39:15.960 --> 00:39:20.400
Adam's fingers barely barely out there.
All you have to do is what does

530
00:39:20.440 --> 00:39:25.800
it say? The move a mountain? It's a metaphor for this I am

531
00:39:25.880 --> 00:39:30.239
literally learning at firsthand, right,
now, like, honestly, probably for

532
00:39:30.280 --> 00:39:34.920
the first time in my life.
Hey, congratulations on moving your mountain.

533
00:39:34.960 --> 00:39:40.320
Brother. Yeah, honestly, well
genuinely thank you for that, because at

534
00:39:40.400 --> 00:39:47.079
times it absolutely has felt like a
massive, immovable mountain. And it was

535
00:39:47.159 --> 00:39:54.320
only the times that I connected with
like the source, that the mountain moved

536
00:39:55.360 --> 00:40:00.920
like truly, like it's real.
It's absolutely one hundred percent real. And

537
00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:06.239
yeah, if you feel like you
lost that like connection in some way or

538
00:40:06.519 --> 00:40:10.440
another, Like it might sound a
little weird at first, but if you're

539
00:40:10.480 --> 00:40:15.960
having a hard time reconnecting, fake
it till you make it. Just say

540
00:40:15.000 --> 00:40:17.639
it. Yeah, just say it, Like just what do you have to

541
00:40:17.679 --> 00:40:21.199
lose, What do you have to
lose? Just just try, just just

542
00:40:21.280 --> 00:40:24.119
try, because like I felt silly
doing it again for the first time,

543
00:40:24.559 --> 00:40:28.920
like this is weird. I don't
know, there's all that weird religious trauma

544
00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:31.719
and all that shit, and like, you know, I don't know because

545
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:37.760
my opinions about the Christian God or
my opinions about this god or the other

546
00:40:37.920 --> 00:40:40.159
or whatever. You know, I
just felt weird. And then I was

547
00:40:40.199 --> 00:40:44.119
like, you know what, fuck
that. Like I grew up, my

548
00:40:44.239 --> 00:40:46.360
dad taught me to pray to God
and he taught me how to pray to

549
00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:52.159
God. And so like, I'm
gonna ignore what these religions tell me about

550
00:40:52.159 --> 00:40:57.039
God and all this stuff. I'm
just gonna believe in the one real thing

551
00:40:57.199 --> 00:41:01.000
that's out there that encompasses all of
these religions and all of these mystery traditions

552
00:41:01.039 --> 00:41:06.000
and all of this phenomenon. And
it's all the same thing. So it

553
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:08.159
doesn't matter what I call it.
It doesn't matter how I connect to it,

554
00:41:08.159 --> 00:41:12.320
It doesn't matter. That is exactly
what I mean when I say,

555
00:41:12.360 --> 00:41:15.719
when you label me, you've lost
me, right, That's exactly what I'm

556
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:19.039
trying to say. Yeah, forget
all these labels, and I like quung

557
00:41:19.159 --> 00:41:21.760
Shin. I like, yeah,
you know, boodoo boo boo. Well,

558
00:41:21.840 --> 00:41:24.559
I just believe in God. Yeah, but there is something. Call

559
00:41:24.599 --> 00:41:29.599
it whatever, call it, whatever
feels right, connect to it's real.

560
00:41:29.800 --> 00:41:34.199
Yeah, it's actually there. However, whatever feels right in your heart,

561
00:41:34.719 --> 00:41:37.000
Like, just trust your heart.
It's not going to steer you wrong ever

562
00:41:37.079 --> 00:41:39.960
in life ever, trust your heart
always. So whatever your heart is telling

563
00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:45.760
you to call that thing, call
it that. And however your heart is

564
00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:51.320
telling you to communicate with that source, follow that. If it's God,

565
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:53.159
if it's a law. If it's
Buddha, if it's the universe, if

566
00:41:53.159 --> 00:41:58.320
it's whatever, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. You call it whatever

567
00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:04.840
and just connect and do the things
that you feel the most connection doing.

568
00:42:05.559 --> 00:42:12.519
Yes, that's it. That's one
hundred percent. It like whatever feels right,

569
00:42:12.719 --> 00:42:15.840
whatever feels like. But it's so
it's so weird, like talking about

570
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:21.400
this, because what does it do
what thou wilt? It's like there's such

571
00:42:21.400 --> 00:42:25.039
a fine line there, you know, it's not really it's not like if

572
00:42:25.079 --> 00:42:30.559
you understand it, it's it's very
different. Like if you're doing things that

573
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:37.199
imitate prayer and meditation that bring you
closer to this connection, is not doing

574
00:42:37.239 --> 00:42:40.440
what thou wilt? You know,
it's it's just a it's something that I

575
00:42:40.480 --> 00:42:44.960
struggle with, I guess I'm kind
of projecting here, struggle with in what

576
00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:52.079
way the the separation in my mind, No, the separation between the dark

577
00:42:52.159 --> 00:42:59.679
side of do what thou wilt and
doing what pleases you and brings light to

578
00:42:59.719 --> 00:43:04.960
your life life and doing what you
want but in a right hand path,

579
00:43:06.239 --> 00:43:08.280
you know, connected type of way. It is a fun line because you

580
00:43:08.320 --> 00:43:13.239
know, being addicted to Debbie cakes
and getting diabetes could please you, right,

581
00:43:13.239 --> 00:43:15.480
but that doesn't mean it's good for
you, you know what I mean.

582
00:43:15.559 --> 00:43:20.079
And that's you know, there's I
think like the true path to God

583
00:43:20.320 --> 00:43:23.280
is like you said, the right
hand path. It's like there has to

584
00:43:23.320 --> 00:43:27.400
be a level of mastery. I
don't mean you got to be freaking Buddha,

585
00:43:27.559 --> 00:43:31.079
but you you have to walk the
narrow path. You have to you

586
00:43:31.159 --> 00:43:37.079
have to be like of the light, you know, being good to people.

587
00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:38.960
Kind. You know, it's not
just like whoa, we do whatever

588
00:43:39.000 --> 00:43:44.639
we want. That's hedonism exactly.
That's that's a whole different thing. That's

589
00:43:44.679 --> 00:43:50.280
like debaucherism, Like it's a complete
and I think that the difference there is

590
00:43:50.280 --> 00:43:53.639
is that because you know, those
people who live hedonisticly, like that's very

591
00:43:53.719 --> 00:44:00.199
much an Alex stir Crowley type like
you know, uh, but the way

592
00:44:00.719 --> 00:44:02.000
they could say like, oh,
well, I'm just following my heart.

593
00:44:02.039 --> 00:44:06.719
That's what my heart is telling me
to do. So what so here's a

594
00:44:06.760 --> 00:44:14.559
difference. Though maybe maybe it's that
you have to calibrate your heart first,

595
00:44:15.559 --> 00:44:17.119
and then the other devil's advocated that
is like, well follow your heart,

596
00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:21.039
okay, Well what about all my
old you know, Pentecostal relatives who are

597
00:44:21.039 --> 00:44:22.519
following their heart and right, you
know what I mean, Like, there's

598
00:44:22.559 --> 00:44:27.960
there's there's a there's a way here. What about you know a Muslim or

599
00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:30.920
a Jewish person or a Christian who
are following their hearts and judging the other

600
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:35.239
one. Yeah, you know what
I mean, there's but you know what

601
00:44:35.440 --> 00:44:38.039
think about this man? I don't
know. It takes a level of self

602
00:44:38.079 --> 00:44:43.559
awareness. Yes, but like even
those people, like I've been that type

603
00:44:43.559 --> 00:44:47.360
of person before. So like if
you're in an exoteric religion, you've probably

604
00:44:47.480 --> 00:44:51.360
experienced that. First you feel some
type of way about the other ones,

605
00:44:52.039 --> 00:44:55.599
but done it also feel bad like
done it also feel kind of sad on

606
00:44:55.639 --> 00:44:59.800
the inside. Like what you're saying
is, you know, you know you're

607
00:45:00.800 --> 00:45:02.760
you know you're hating, and you
know that hate is wrong and there is

608
00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:07.320
no we don't hate. But yes, right, but you're going to hail,

609
00:45:08.719 --> 00:45:13.320
but you're going to hell because you're
like Miley Cyrus. Yeah you know

610
00:45:13.320 --> 00:45:16.719
what I'm saying. It's like even
if you're even when you're judging someone else,

611
00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:22.199
you feel on the inside like shitty
and you're hiding behind. I used

612
00:45:22.199 --> 00:45:25.440
to have those conversations. I used
to have those conversations as a Christian,

613
00:45:25.480 --> 00:45:29.480
you know, being like, you
know, Mormon's going to hell, Muslims

614
00:45:29.519 --> 00:45:30.800
going to hell. You know,
it's just what they believe. Like Christians

615
00:45:30.840 --> 00:45:36.239
literally it's in the religion, like
you are going to hell unless x y

616
00:45:36.360 --> 00:45:39.360
Z. Yeah, and you know
that, you know so naturally. I

617
00:45:39.400 --> 00:45:44.559
was read and I remember having conversations
with Chris Junior, and Chris Junior would

618
00:45:44.559 --> 00:45:47.599
always be like, man, it's
wrong to judge. Why would you judge

619
00:45:47.599 --> 00:45:51.440
a Mormon. That's what they believe. God wouldn't want you to laugh at

620
00:45:51.480 --> 00:45:53.320
them and mock them. And I
was like, you know that that makes

621
00:45:53.360 --> 00:45:58.480
sense. Yeah, it's almost like
it's almost like follow your heart, but

622
00:45:58.679 --> 00:46:04.239
like check you with your mind,
like keep that dialogue between your heart and

623
00:46:04.280 --> 00:46:07.440
your mind open, you know,
follow your intuition, that's your heart,

624
00:46:07.800 --> 00:46:13.679
but make sure in following your intuition, check in with your mind to make

625
00:46:13.679 --> 00:46:15.840
sure that your intentions are pure.
Yeah. I think an easier way to

626
00:46:15.840 --> 00:46:21.119
say it is literally humble yourself.
Yes, yeah, you know, yeah,

627
00:46:21.159 --> 00:46:24.000
like I'm not bigger than anybody,
I'm not better than them because of

628
00:46:24.039 --> 00:46:28.840
what I believe or what they believe. We're all trying to figure this shit

629
00:46:28.840 --> 00:46:30.880
out. Yeah, we're all trying
to connect with this force. We just

630
00:46:30.920 --> 00:46:35.719
have different ideas about it. But
all it really matters is there is a

631
00:46:35.760 --> 00:46:38.079
force, you know what I mean, There is an actual higher force.

632
00:46:38.480 --> 00:46:42.639
Yeah, that's that's exactly why.
You know, Like I think a lot

633
00:46:42.679 --> 00:46:45.440
of people confuse the word God with
being a Christian word, But if you

634
00:46:45.519 --> 00:46:49.679
talk to a Muslim or if you
talk to a Hindu, they say God.

635
00:46:49.840 --> 00:46:52.920
Yeah, you know, God is
just universal. It's it's just in

636
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:58.199
my mind, it's like a it's
like a neutral title for whatever the supreme

637
00:46:58.280 --> 00:47:00.639
being is. Yeah. Right,
that's why I'm just like, I'm all

638
00:47:00.679 --> 00:47:04.679
about G O. D. Yeah, I'm not saying the Christian prayer,

639
00:47:04.840 --> 00:47:07.880
right, you know, I see
it that way these days too, Like

640
00:47:07.960 --> 00:47:12.239
I see it as just a neutral, like middle ground term. It's easy.

641
00:47:12.400 --> 00:47:15.880
It's there is a force. Yeah, you know, that's all I

642
00:47:15.960 --> 00:47:19.800
care about. Yeah. Yoh.
Another thing that happened in that dark period

643
00:47:19.800 --> 00:47:22.000
of time is I lost it tooth
Look, Oh yeah, I forgot about

644
00:47:22.039 --> 00:47:24.920
that. It was so much happening
at once. Yeah. It really was

645
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:29.480
just like a dog pile of just
thing after thing after thing after thing after

646
00:47:29.559 --> 00:47:32.599
thing, like up until well I'm
laughing at h I said, hey,

647
00:47:32.639 --> 00:47:37.440
man, text a nick, you
want to play chivalry? Oh yeah,

648
00:47:37.519 --> 00:47:42.039
he said, no, I'm getting
tooth pulled. Oh yeah. And then

649
00:47:42.159 --> 00:47:45.239
like a couple hours I was in
there for four hours. Oh it was

650
00:47:45.360 --> 00:47:49.960
it was horrible. Uh and uh. And then a couple hours later I

651
00:47:50.039 --> 00:47:52.920
just sent him a picture with me
with my gauze in my mouth and like

652
00:47:52.960 --> 00:47:55.119
smiling, all numbed up. Yeah, it was brutal. But yeah,

653
00:47:55.159 --> 00:48:00.559
no, I mean up until literally, like I I don't know, less

654
00:48:00.599 --> 00:48:06.639
than a week ago, it has
just been a NonStop barrage. Thing after

655
00:48:06.719 --> 00:48:10.440
thing after think, like, obstacle
after obstacle after obstacle, just non stop,

656
00:48:10.519 --> 00:48:13.719
over and over and over and over
and over and over. And I'm

657
00:48:13.719 --> 00:48:16.639
not saying that it's over there.
There's likely to be more obstacles ahead,

658
00:48:17.039 --> 00:48:21.920
you know, just getting this move
done and finishing it out and getting here.

659
00:48:22.559 --> 00:48:25.639
But I made it this far.
Yeah, God brought me this far.

660
00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:30.559
Yep. It wasn't for nothing.
And the timing of this is insane

661
00:48:30.599 --> 00:48:35.000
too, which makes me think it
was written in the stars a long time

662
00:48:35.039 --> 00:48:38.239
ago. Yeah, because like you
know, we had no knowledge that you

663
00:48:38.280 --> 00:48:43.840
were going to be living here.
But the irony of it is we literally,

664
00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:47.440
like, what is today Saturday?
So like three four days ago,

665
00:48:47.599 --> 00:48:52.119
me and Jenny just accepted an offer
on a house. So literally simultaneously,

666
00:48:52.119 --> 00:48:54.199
while you're moving here, Jenny and
I are going to be moving into a

667
00:48:54.199 --> 00:48:59.440
house. Which what does that mean? New studio? New studio. So

668
00:48:59.559 --> 00:49:05.679
the exact time that Nick is moving
here completely coincidental. And this literally came

669
00:49:05.719 --> 00:49:09.639
together in the last three to four
weeks just on a whim. Yeah,

670
00:49:09.719 --> 00:49:14.719
by the time you get settled in, we're literally gonna be upgrading and building

671
00:49:14.719 --> 00:49:17.239
a new studio. Like, how
coincident all the stuff we have in the

672
00:49:17.320 --> 00:49:22.599
bag for the show? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, stuff we have

673
00:49:22.719 --> 00:49:28.159
on the horizon here, like everything
is about to just rapidly evolve. Yeah

674
00:49:28.480 --> 00:49:32.079
yeah, awesome, Yeah, which
means a lot of a lot of new

675
00:49:32.119 --> 00:49:36.079
things for the show. Like,
so let's talk about what we have right

676
00:49:36.119 --> 00:49:38.199
now. Okay, what we got
going on? Nick? What's the Patreon

677
00:49:38.280 --> 00:49:42.880
all about? Oh yeah, I
mean go over to patreon dot com.

678
00:49:42.880 --> 00:49:45.400
Slash Bledsoe said, So this is
a good opportunity to let people who might

679
00:49:45.440 --> 00:49:49.760
not know about it. No,
we have a Patreon, We have a

680
00:49:49.800 --> 00:49:52.480
lot of cool perks, We have
you get the episodes a couple of days

681
00:49:52.519 --> 00:49:59.360
early, which is sweet. You
get our awesome Discord server, which is

682
00:49:59.519 --> 00:50:02.079
we it's it is the coolest.
I get a lot of messages that it's

683
00:50:02.199 --> 00:50:08.119
like the best community in the world
for like this particular I people say that,

684
00:50:08.159 --> 00:50:12.599
I like, like UFO spirituality whatever. Like I've I've had people be

685
00:50:12.679 --> 00:50:15.119
like, you have no clue what
you guys have. Like I've been to

686
00:50:15.239 --> 00:50:19.679
so many different Discord communities and they're
toxic. Yeah, they're hateful that this

687
00:50:19.719 --> 00:50:22.960
shit is popping. It is And
we do like events in our Discord all

688
00:50:23.000 --> 00:50:28.119
the time, Like we'll get in
there and like live stream h We'll talk

689
00:50:28.159 --> 00:50:31.239
to people, will play games with
our fans. Like speaking of Blake,

690
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:36.800
shout out he ran our Valheim service. He did and it just finished the

691
00:50:36.840 --> 00:50:38.719
other Wednesday night. We finally beat
it. Been playing it's this November.

692
00:50:38.880 --> 00:50:43.760
Yeah, so we'll likely do another
season of that and oh yeah six to

693
00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:45.360
twelve months or something. That'll be
awesome. Yeah. So we do all

694
00:50:45.440 --> 00:50:50.559
kinds of cool stuff with our Discord. We have a Minecraft server in seasons

695
00:50:51.039 --> 00:50:54.199
that that we do, and we
watch movies with our Discord. Sometimes we'll

696
00:50:54.199 --> 00:50:58.639
have like a movie night where it's
like kind of mystery science theater. We

697
00:50:58.719 --> 00:51:00.480
all talk about the movie while we
watching it. Yeah, trying out a

698
00:51:00.519 --> 00:51:07.079
new a little a live show event
this week. Yes. Yeah. And

699
00:51:07.119 --> 00:51:12.039
then on top of all that amazing
stuff, you get full disclosure, which

700
00:51:12.159 --> 00:51:19.400
is apparently it's becoming Ryan and Alex
motivation sometimes, which is awesome. Yeah,

701
00:51:19.480 --> 00:51:22.800
I think that's like so sick.
Yeah, I'm always just trying to

702
00:51:22.800 --> 00:51:25.679
inspire people to be more positive,
like I don't, I don't. Yeah,

703
00:51:25.679 --> 00:51:31.119
that's my drive with that is trying
to gas people up and give a

704
00:51:31.320 --> 00:51:35.519
perspective that's a little more positive.
And sometimes it does turn out being that

705
00:51:35.559 --> 00:51:38.280
way. That's not every time you
get to hear a lot of what Ryan's

706
00:51:38.320 --> 00:51:42.800
dealing with that week, it's more
of a or what you're dealing with.

707
00:51:42.920 --> 00:51:46.559
Yeah, it's more of a whatever's
kind of happening is gets spilled out.

708
00:51:46.760 --> 00:51:51.639
And this is all at the five
dollars tier. Yeah, five bucks gets

709
00:51:51.639 --> 00:51:54.639
you all of this stuff that we're
talking about, And a new tier is

710
00:51:54.679 --> 00:52:00.920
coming very soon, two new tiers
and two new shows. Yeah. But

711
00:52:01.519 --> 00:52:04.719
yeah, the two shows will be
on the same tier though, Yes,

712
00:52:04.800 --> 00:52:07.480
which is awesome because we're trying to
give you value. You know what I'm

713
00:52:07.480 --> 00:52:12.320
saying, We like to give your
value value value. Yeah, you're going

714
00:52:12.400 --> 00:52:16.360
to be kind enough to support our
show monetarily. We are going to make

715
00:52:16.400 --> 00:52:22.440
sure you get way more bang for
your bucket anywhere else out there. We

716
00:52:22.440 --> 00:52:27.360
are going to give you so much
content. Everyone who is a patron,

717
00:52:27.480 --> 00:52:30.480
thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And

718
00:52:30.559 --> 00:52:32.199
you know what, everyone who's not
a patron, thank you. Thank you.

719
00:52:32.239 --> 00:52:37.280
Absolutely. Everyone who's watched the show
one time and left some really hateful,

720
00:52:37.320 --> 00:52:40.840
ast negative comment, thank you very
much. Engagement, thank you.

721
00:52:42.199 --> 00:52:46.000
The people in some federal facility somewhere, shadow Banning, thank you very much.

722
00:52:46.960 --> 00:52:51.079
Thank you. Thank you all.
Maybe not really that one, but

723
00:52:52.159 --> 00:52:58.360
yeah, yeah, so we have
we have some very very very exciting things

724
00:52:58.400 --> 00:53:01.800
coming up. Now we won't have
to like freaking bank episodes. That's best

725
00:53:01.800 --> 00:53:05.880
part. That is honestly the best
part, because it'll be like you guys

726
00:53:05.920 --> 00:53:08.199
will probably hear this episode in like
a month, and but once we get

727
00:53:08.199 --> 00:53:12.519
on a new recording schedule, now
that I live here, freaking epic,

728
00:53:12.599 --> 00:53:15.320
so sick, so cool, we're
gonna be able to record the show like

729
00:53:15.880 --> 00:53:21.760
weekly. Yeah, and so you
know, it might be a week late

730
00:53:21.920 --> 00:53:24.000
that you're you know, it might
be a week after we record it that

731
00:53:24.039 --> 00:53:30.480
you hear it. It's just about
sometimes it's less that that also releas sick

732
00:53:30.559 --> 00:53:34.280
the pressure because like we usually record
two or three at once, and then

733
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:37.159
it's like, Okay, we got
to do all the studying to like bang

734
00:53:37.199 --> 00:53:39.639
bang bang three episodes in one night. When we only have one per week,

735
00:53:39.679 --> 00:53:43.840
I feel like it's gonna be so
much more. The pressure will be

736
00:53:43.920 --> 00:53:45.760
off my shoulders because I put a
lot of pressure on myself to make sure

737
00:53:45.800 --> 00:53:51.880
that it's like deep enough, valuable
enough for whatever. And I'm looking forward

738
00:53:51.920 --> 00:53:53.840
to that to where we can just
go all in once a week, you

739
00:53:53.880 --> 00:53:58.320
know. Yeah, I'm stoked on
it. Things are gonna change for the

740
00:53:58.559 --> 00:54:00.960
absolute better very soon. Yeah,
I want to be transparent about that.

741
00:54:01.000 --> 00:54:06.280
It might because Nick's moving here and
then we probably won't even live in our

742
00:54:06.320 --> 00:54:08.119
new house until like May or something, you know, so like it's it's

743
00:54:08.280 --> 00:54:13.320
it's gonna be us getting into the
groove of this new thing. But you

744
00:54:13.320 --> 00:54:16.360
know, in the coming months,
you know, especially come summer and then

745
00:54:16.400 --> 00:54:21.320
maybe like by fall, you're going
to see a different product. Definitely you're

746
00:54:21.320 --> 00:54:23.000
going to see a completely different product, and it's going to be better than

747
00:54:23.039 --> 00:54:29.480
ever. It's like a caterpillar metamorphasizing
or metamorpho. We about to butterfly.

748
00:54:31.039 --> 00:54:37.559
Slim the horn I got. You
explained hitting the button. Yeah, yeah,

749
00:54:37.599 --> 00:54:38.840
yeah. I like how you explained
you were doing a horn. Yeah,

750
00:54:39.000 --> 00:54:42.760
you know what I'm talking about.
Though I didn't know. Now I

751
00:54:42.800 --> 00:54:45.480
know you told me that I'm talking
about. I don't. I don't know

752
00:54:45.519 --> 00:54:47.199
how to make the sound, but
you know, I gave it my percent.

753
00:54:47.760 --> 00:54:52.840
You did. The sound was on
point. It was this thing that

754
00:54:52.880 --> 00:54:55.119
I was confused slimming the button.
You're doing like a stinky like you're smelling

755
00:54:55.159 --> 00:55:01.880
something stinky that would confuse me.
Yeah, you smell. I couldn't imagine

756
00:55:01.880 --> 00:55:07.159
what the stink would be, you
know. But one more thing I want

757
00:55:07.159 --> 00:55:08.519
to be transparent about. There are
a lot of things going on behind the

758
00:55:08.519 --> 00:55:14.239
scenes that are like, you know, freaking crazy deal. I just want

759
00:55:14.280 --> 00:55:19.760
to say, like, the last
time that I was this hyped about stuff

760
00:55:19.840 --> 00:55:24.960
going on behind the scenes was maybe
like April of twenty twenty No, no,

761
00:55:24.840 --> 00:55:28.559
no, before that, like February
or March of twenty twenty three,

762
00:55:28.599 --> 00:55:31.320
when we started full disclosure. Yeah, and for that many months until August.

763
00:55:31.559 --> 00:55:35.800
I would be on there like yo, crazy stuff's about to happen.

764
00:55:35.880 --> 00:55:38.599
Crazy Stuff's about to happen. And
then boom the History Channel came out in

765
00:55:38.639 --> 00:55:42.559
August, and it was something that
I couldn't talk about, but like I

766
00:55:42.639 --> 00:55:44.760
was like, oh my god,
I wish I could. But let's just

767
00:55:44.760 --> 00:55:50.199
say this time, it's gonna be
at least double as hype. At least

768
00:55:50.679 --> 00:55:54.199
double at least double is hype.
Y'all heard this man. Don't mess with

769
00:55:54.239 --> 00:55:59.039
this man. Yeah, there's some
hype stuff going on, and you know,

770
00:55:59.159 --> 00:56:01.239
time will tell. Yeah, there's
very very hype stuff. I'm so

771
00:56:01.320 --> 00:56:06.320
stoked for it, and I'm happy
that we're all just finally going to be

772
00:56:06.920 --> 00:56:09.480
here at the same place, living
in the same place. Our energies are

773
00:56:09.519 --> 00:56:13.480
just constantly going to be gelling with
each other all the time. Oh yeah,

774
00:56:13.760 --> 00:56:17.280
yeah, Nick, Yes, outside
of the podcast completely, what are

775
00:56:17.280 --> 00:56:25.960
you most excited about living in Wilmington. I am excited to use this as

776
00:56:27.039 --> 00:56:32.719
an opportunity to be outside much more. That is probably the thing that I

777
00:56:32.719 --> 00:56:37.920
am the most excited about. My
first thought when I found out that,

778
00:56:37.159 --> 00:56:40.960
like you know, when I decided
that I would get a new job.

779
00:56:42.119 --> 00:56:45.559
I was like, Okay, well
listen, I've lost like seventy pounds and

780
00:56:45.719 --> 00:56:49.119
I need to do whatever I can
to make sure that that weight stays off

781
00:56:49.159 --> 00:56:54.360
of me. And also like I've
learned in a year's time to love being

782
00:56:54.400 --> 00:57:00.840
outside, Like I have to go
outside now or I will just be not

783
00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:02.400
okay. And like being in the
sun. I used to hate it,

784
00:57:02.480 --> 00:57:05.639
Now I'm obsessed with it. I
love it. I want to be in

785
00:57:05.639 --> 00:57:10.719
the sun all the time. And
so literally, like the first conversation I

786
00:57:10.760 --> 00:57:15.880
had with my brother when I got
the news that I got that job and

787
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:17.639
you know, we're gonna move to
Wilmington, I was like, dude,

788
00:57:17.719 --> 00:57:21.800
I'm gonna go longboarding. I'm gonna
get Alex to teach me how to surf.

789
00:57:22.039 --> 00:57:24.000
I'm gonna go running like every morning. Like I just want to be

790
00:57:24.039 --> 00:57:29.960
outside as much as possible, and
like there's there's so much to do around

791
00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:34.280
here that you can do outside,
you know, like frisbee, golf,

792
00:57:34.360 --> 00:57:37.440
and like it's just the beautiful scenery
and you know, the beach. Obviously,

793
00:57:37.480 --> 00:57:43.360
I've never been like much of a
beach guy, but it's freaking there.

794
00:57:43.679 --> 00:57:46.639
I'm gonna I'm gonna go I love
the ocean. I think the ocean

795
00:57:46.719 --> 00:57:50.559
is like the coolest thing in the
world, but like, I don't like

796
00:57:51.039 --> 00:57:53.159
sand. It's rough. It's course, it's everywhere. I have a feeling

797
00:57:53.159 --> 00:57:55.519
you're gonna become a beach guy.
Yeah, oh dude, I ken,

798
00:57:55.679 --> 00:58:02.719
Yeah, I already feel it.
It's a lifestyle bro okay. And just

799
00:58:02.880 --> 00:58:07.000
knowing. You know, there's there's
years where I go once that I've lived

800
00:58:07.000 --> 00:58:12.679
here, but it's just knowing that
I can. It's like talking. It's

801
00:58:12.719 --> 00:58:15.239
like going on a trip to some
other part of this the country and you're

802
00:58:15.280 --> 00:58:20.519
like, yeah, I live at
the beach. Yeah yeah, people really,

803
00:58:20.599 --> 00:58:24.239
can I come visit? I'm yeah, I'm I'm each is full.

804
00:58:24.320 --> 00:58:29.360
Sorry, I'm looking forward to being
out there. And also, like you

805
00:58:29.480 --> 00:58:36.840
got to start seeing stuff different.
I'm trying to go fishing in the ocean.

806
00:58:37.199 --> 00:58:40.639
I love fishing so much. There's
a pier that you can pay like

807
00:58:40.639 --> 00:58:43.880
two dollars actually yeah, yeah,
and we can go. Yeah. You

808
00:58:44.239 --> 00:58:54.440
might have a friend who has a
boat, somebody somebody I know fishing on

809
00:58:54.519 --> 00:58:59.440
trap out there. Got back fishing, buddy, Let's go flound a gig

810
00:58:59.440 --> 00:59:01.840
and diddy gig and I'm gone f
gig yeah, I have one time.

811
00:59:02.159 --> 00:59:06.880
I don't feel so good about stabbing
a fish today. Well listen, as

812
00:59:07.000 --> 00:59:08.599
in my philosophy, as long as
you eat it, you're good. Yeah,

813
00:59:08.639 --> 00:59:12.880
that's true. As long as you
eat it is nourishing your body.

814
00:59:12.920 --> 00:59:20.400
I heard somewhere that like there's this
Native American concept that like we have this

815
00:59:20.559 --> 00:59:30.079
like unspoken contract with animal kind that
like they are okay with us consuming them

816
00:59:30.519 --> 00:59:37.000
as long as it's like a respectful
transaction, honorable, honorable and respectful,

817
00:59:37.199 --> 00:59:40.400
and like you know that they're you
know, it's like it's like this unspoken

818
00:59:40.519 --> 00:59:44.480
contract thing. I don't remember where
I heard that. I think the best

819
00:59:44.559 --> 00:59:47.880
representation of this is like that episode
of Full Metal Alchemist's Brotherhood, which one

820
00:59:47.920 --> 00:59:51.880
where they're like, remember they had
the teacher who had the husband who was

821
00:59:51.880 --> 00:59:53.760
like the butcher dude or whatever.
Yeah, and the teacher makes them like

822
00:59:53.800 --> 00:59:55.960
go out in the wilderness for a
month or something like that, and by

823
00:59:57.000 --> 00:59:59.719
the end of the episode they're starting
to see like, oh my god,

824
00:59:59.760 --> 01:00:02.880
life consumes life and like it's the
grand scheme of things and that that's a

825
01:00:02.920 --> 01:00:07.559
really cool episode. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, that's my philosophy,

826
01:00:07.679 --> 01:00:09.920
Like I'm okay stabbing a fish as
long as I'm gonna like, I'm gonna

827
01:00:10.039 --> 01:00:15.119
cook it and eat it and feed
others with it, you know, right.

828
01:00:15.400 --> 01:00:20.920
And I I've eaten fish that I've
caught. I've also sent a lot

829
01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:23.519
of fish back. And every time
I feel bad, I fight them,

830
01:00:23.599 --> 01:00:27.039
fight them, fight them, get
them in the boat. Take the picture.

831
01:00:27.599 --> 01:00:30.320
Thank you, Thank you for that
experience. Thank you the fight little

832
01:00:30.320 --> 01:00:32.119
buddy. You're going back and then
you sit there and you have to like

833
01:00:32.800 --> 01:00:37.000
you kind of hold them in the
water, and you get them wake up

834
01:00:37.000 --> 01:00:38.360
a little bit, and then they
get and then they swim off. You

835
01:00:38.400 --> 01:00:44.760
don't just like yeah, And then
sometimes you're fighting fish and it's usually the

836
01:00:45.079 --> 01:00:47.440
fish you can't eat anyway. Yeah, one time I had a fish die

837
01:00:47.920 --> 01:00:51.599
while we're trying to get the hook
out of its mouth. And so what

838
01:00:51.639 --> 01:00:53.559
do we do, right, You
can't eat it, Chop it up,

839
01:00:53.960 --> 01:00:58.119
turn it into bait, bait?
Yeah, other fish, other fish,

840
01:00:58.280 --> 01:01:01.400
you know. Yeah, I feel
like That's when I used to go fishing

841
01:01:01.440 --> 01:01:07.519
with my uncle and my uncle Steve
in Topsail Island. Uh, we would

842
01:01:07.639 --> 01:01:10.519
we would do that exact thing,
Like we would go out at like six

843
01:01:10.599 --> 01:01:16.320
am into the sound into like and
we would use a cast net and get

844
01:01:16.360 --> 01:01:21.119
shrimp, and then we pull up
the shrimp and then we'd like you know,

845
01:01:21.519 --> 01:01:23.840
turn the shrimp into bait, go
out into the channel, and then

846
01:01:23.880 --> 01:01:28.440
we catch little fish with the shrimp, and then we'd get those fish and

847
01:01:28.480 --> 01:01:31.039
turn those fish into bait, and
then we go out into the he calls

848
01:01:31.039 --> 01:01:36.000
it the big Blue. We go
out to the Big Blue and that's where

849
01:01:36.000 --> 01:01:37.519
we would catch the ship that we
were gonna eat. Dude, that sounds

850
01:01:37.559 --> 01:01:42.440
like a real grind. It's a
grind. Oh, it's a grind because

851
01:01:42.480 --> 01:01:45.679
like I just explained that in thirty
seconds, but that is like eight hours

852
01:01:46.000 --> 01:01:49.800
the whole day. That's a whole
day just to get to the point where

853
01:01:49.800 --> 01:01:52.119
you're in the ocean, like,
let's fish now, Yeah, exactly.

854
01:01:52.239 --> 01:01:55.719
Now we're really gonna start fishing,
Like now you're about to catch the big

855
01:01:55.760 --> 01:02:00.719
ship. I watched my uncle fight
a sh shark like on a off of

856
01:02:00.760 --> 01:02:04.920
a pier, like fight a shark
for four hours trying to reel it up

857
01:02:04.920 --> 01:02:07.880
and then the line broke. Dude. One of my best fights ever was

858
01:02:07.920 --> 01:02:15.320
a was a baby shark mayby in
the in the Inner Coastal Waterway. Oh,

859
01:02:15.320 --> 01:02:17.599
that's sick. Yeah, it was
probably about three feet long. Was

860
01:02:17.639 --> 01:02:21.400
that off a pier? No,
it wasn't the boat. Oh and I

861
01:02:21.400 --> 01:02:25.480
mean it bit and yeah, and
I'm like, oh my god, how

862
01:02:25.519 --> 01:02:30.920
long were you fighting it? Not
four hours? Uh? Maybe maybe I

863
01:02:30.119 --> 01:02:36.559
got ten minutes. I that's even
that even sounds like an unfathomably long time

864
01:02:36.599 --> 01:02:38.519
to fight a fish. Yeah.
Then you're like, then you're you have

865
01:02:38.559 --> 01:02:43.320
to manage all the other lines you've
got in the water, and everybody else,

866
01:02:43.360 --> 01:02:45.679
like the other person on the boat's
got to reel everything in to make

867
01:02:45.760 --> 01:02:49.400
room for you and this fish to
swim around. But I have a picture

868
01:02:49.440 --> 01:02:54.840
of me and a citation redfish.
This redfish was forty two inches and damn

869
01:02:55.400 --> 01:03:02.679
forty some pounds forty eight Oh my
god, Broy, that is your dog.

870
01:03:02.920 --> 01:03:07.760
Yeah yeah, I'll show you guys
the picture of it. But that

871
01:03:07.840 --> 01:03:12.079
fight was like even better. So
I don't know if y'all remember this,

872
01:03:12.199 --> 01:03:14.840
but when I was growing up,
up until I was about ten or eleven

873
01:03:14.880 --> 01:03:17.079
years old, we had a house
here at Carolina Beach, so we would

874
01:03:17.079 --> 01:03:20.719
go out fishing in the ocean a
lot or jet skis or whatever. And

875
01:03:20.800 --> 01:03:24.480
on my eighth birthday, my dad
and my uncle Leo took me out fishing

876
01:03:24.519 --> 01:03:30.239
on the boat and I caught eight
baby sharks on my eighth birthday. No,

877
01:03:31.559 --> 01:03:35.199
that's cool, that's so sick.
Yep. Do you have any like

878
01:03:35.239 --> 01:03:37.679
mementos or anything like do you have
a picture of it? No? No,

879
01:03:37.920 --> 01:03:42.039
you know my mom wasn't there.
It survives as an epic memory.

880
01:03:42.159 --> 01:03:45.360
Yeah, that's that is that's dope. Yep. I stopped at eight.

881
01:03:45.480 --> 01:03:46.559
Yeah. Yeah, so, I
mean I'm looking forward to that kind of

882
01:03:46.559 --> 01:03:53.719
stuff. I'm also looking forward this. Wellington has a really really amazing art

883
01:03:53.800 --> 01:03:59.840
scene, and I'm really looking forward
to that for Oh yeah, my wife,

884
01:04:00.239 --> 01:04:01.840
I mean even just coming here for
the past. She belongs here,

885
01:04:01.880 --> 01:04:05.320
bro. Yeah she really There's not
much of like a pop and art scene

886
01:04:05.360 --> 01:04:10.320
in Fayetteville, you know, and
even just coming here the past few years,

887
01:04:10.800 --> 01:04:15.039
she has made so many connections with
people around town that like love her

888
01:04:15.119 --> 01:04:18.400
work and want to sell her stuff, and like, it's just I'm excited

889
01:04:18.400 --> 01:04:23.800
for her to finally have like a
scene of her people of people just like

890
01:04:23.840 --> 01:04:26.679
her. You know, are you
just throwing me a picture of the fish?

891
01:04:26.760 --> 01:04:30.639
Throw here? Oh? Wow?
I didn't want to hit my mic

892
01:04:31.960 --> 01:04:35.360
Oh dude, that's huge. Yeah, well let me see, dude,

893
01:04:35.880 --> 01:04:41.880
son, what kind is that?
Redfish? Bull? Red nice red drum?

894
01:04:41.960 --> 01:04:45.239
Dude? You I don't know if
I've ever seen you look this read

895
01:04:45.280 --> 01:04:49.320
redfish bluefish. Have you seen there's
a trend where it's like, uh,

896
01:04:49.360 --> 01:04:54.360
my father the day I got married, or my father the day I was

897
01:04:54.400 --> 01:04:59.000
born. It's just like a mild
smile and my father catching a fish,

898
01:04:59.039 --> 01:05:03.519
and it's like that's you. Will
wait until your wedding photos and then we'll

899
01:05:03.519 --> 01:05:06.960
make that meme for you. Bro. That's a big that's a big and

900
01:05:08.000 --> 01:05:10.719
you should drop that photo in the
episode. Yeah, hold it up,

901
01:05:11.159 --> 01:05:12.880
just show it on the camera.
I don't know if they'll be able to

902
01:05:12.880 --> 01:05:15.280
see it. Yeah you should.
You should drop that in bro. All

903
01:05:15.360 --> 01:05:19.760
right, all right, we love
y'all. We hope you enjoyed. Yeah,

904
01:05:19.760 --> 01:05:23.159
we love you guys more than you
can fathom. We love you more

905
01:05:23.199 --> 01:05:29.960
than you love us. One would
hope real extreme. That might be honestly

906
01:05:30.039 --> 01:05:32.039
tough to be honest about because they
all know us, but we don't.

907
01:05:32.039 --> 01:05:35.400
We don't know all of them.
Yeah, I love I love all of

908
01:05:35.440 --> 01:05:40.039
them, every last one. I
love I love you more than you love

909
01:05:40.079 --> 01:05:42.840
yourself. I love you more than
you love your mom and dad. Okay,

910
01:05:42.920 --> 01:05:45.400
that's a lot, that's a lot. I'm just throwing it out there.

911
01:05:47.000 --> 01:05:54.159
It's not it's not true. It's
not it's really not. Kno your

912
01:05:54.199 --> 01:05:56.840
mouth, but you know it is
true. You know what is true though

913
01:05:56.880 --> 01:06:00.679
what I do love them? You
too, I love them too. Yeah,

914
01:06:00.920 --> 01:06:04.159
that's something like we all have in
common. All right. Bye guys,

915
01:06:04.159 --> 01:06:06.719
Bye, guys, guys, love
you more than you love yourself.

916
01:06:09.480 --> 01:06:15.239
Weird things happen in the backyard of
Bletsoe House. And see it over the

917
01:06:15.360 --> 01:06:27.119
sin look up. It's so weird. You're coming closer to us here stays

918
01:06:27.199 --> 01:06:36.519
straight up like smiling on the inside
of it. No one knows. Mad,

919
01:06:39.880 --> 01:07:23.280
Wow, just come right over,
come sord you be. Ain't happier the happ