Weird things happened in the weird weird, weird. Wow. Hey it's up,
y'all. You saw from the title Stream of Consciousness number three. This
time we decided not to wait two years or two and a half to bring
it back two or two and a half years to bring it back, uh,
for our grand episode three. Alex is on one today. I just
want everybody out there to know that, uh, and yeah, we're hitting
it with another Stream of Consciousness because things have been pretty crazy for really,
honestly, all all of us, all of us involved in the making of
this podcast, life has been particularly crazy lately. I've been talking to some
people in the discord, like, you know, stuff's just been really wild.
So we were like, let's just keep it chill, Let's have a
stream of consciousness, Let's update our lovely listeners and viewers on like what's been
going on. And also, I just kind of feel like there's some stuff
that I just want to like talk about in general, stuff that's been weighing
on me. You know, I've I've had like kind of a tough twenty
twenty four so far. I mean, things about it have been great,
other things about it have been not so great. It's been it's been very
challenging. But we have some exciting news. Well, why don't you go
ahead and chair it already. You've been teasing me for like two minutes.
Hit me with a drum rolled in drummer. Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
it finally happened. Your boy has moved to Wilmington. I live in Wilmington
now as of this very moment. It's it's uh, it's official. That's
so freaking crazy. Yeah, and it like literally came together in like three
weeks. Yeah. Yeah, it all happened very very very quickly. So
technically for the moment, I am not like moved in, but your lovely
co host has offered his home to me. I'm staying with Ryan for a
couple of weeks. Yeah. I like to think of it as like a
boot camp for fun. You keep saying that. Okay, Okay, You've
said that so many times now, and honestly, I don't even know if
I'm like fully in on it. Could you describe to me what you mean?
Dude? Just like boot camp, you know, you go away from
home, you know, you leave the wife and kids at home. I
don't Sugar Bear and Jeekes Binks. I said, Jinks, and you know,
you leave home and you know it's just you're not like doing an army
training. We're gonna be having fun, right, So I guess the thing
that I'm confused about is the phrasing U boot camp for fun? Does that
mean I'm learning how to have fun? Oh? I'm gonna show you lots
of things you have not known fun until now. Really you're gonna learn fun?
Okay, what are you gonna show me? I wasn't invited. Yeah,
you're making these claims. Now, you're saying I was. I just
live here. You live like four miles away. Man, you can come
over at any moment, but you won't oh drag his ass. Oh I'm
gonna drag him. But yeah. No, it all came together very very
quickly, and I just kind of want to talk about it a little bit.
Dude. It was like three weeks ago, I'm going out to breakfast
and you're like call me, and I call you and you're like, dude,
I got a job in Wilmington, and three weeks later, here you
are. It was like that it just materialized. It really did, and
I think that it kind of needed to happen this way. It almost feels
like the universe is kind of guiding me in this direction, is guiding things
to happen this way, because the like analogy that I keep using is it's
like ripping a band aid off. It's like, and you know, that's
like very scary, like how quickly everything is moving it is. It's honestly
pretty stressful and scary. So I just want to talk a little bit about
it to I like the idea of being open with our listeners and viewers and
like sharing the hardships, sharing you know, the shit that we're going through
in life, because life is very hard sometimes and it gets dark sometimes,
and like sharing your story with people it helps them, It could potentially helpefully
help them see like it's temporary. You're gonna come out on the other side,
like unscathed, just fine, in a much much better place in your
life. So just to give like the quick breakdown for a lot of you
might know. I've talked about it before, but for the past year,
I've been working with my brother shout out bro bro Robbie, love you dogs.
Shout out Robbie. Yeah, I've been working with him doing lawn care,
like something that I never ever saw myself doing. I didn't think I
was physically capable of doing that. I also thought it would just suck ass,
like like just be really miserable and terrible. But like it was in
almost every way so awesome. Yeah, Like I just kind of want to
interrupt you on that. Please please show Yeah. Yeah, one of my
favorite quotes, and I'd have to find it to tell you who said it,
but one of my favorite quotes is that you suffer more in your imagination
than you do in reality. Yeah. I heard that quote too, and
I love that quote, and that perfectly aligns with what you're saying. Nick.
Honestly, I feel that in more ways than one that that applies to
kind of like a lot of what I'm going through lately. I have kind
of not to jump too far ahead, but like the last few weeks have
been quite dark and quite difficult. I'm in a much better place now.
Right now, I'm feeling great. I'm feeling amazing. Seneca, by the
way, who wrotes Seneca? Seneca the stoic, oh Stoic philosopher? Yeah
epic? Okay, you never heard of Roman philosopher Seneca? Oh Roman?
Ugh? I just know he loves like everything Roman. Well he's Italian,
you're right somewhere up was the freaking that's Sopranian, bro, that's different.
But anyway, anyway, the long hair stuff, like, yeah, I
didn't think I could do it, but my brother called me. He was
like, yo, I honestly I heard you. You just lost your job.
That happened very suddenly too, like almost exactly a year ago, like
this time. It was March. Yeah, it was in March. It
was like, I think I actually lost my job in like almost exactly a
year ago, like to the date, mid February, mid to late February.
I lost my like at home job, which was like a fun job.
It was, it was all right, but it was the management was
awful. Whatever. My brother calls me, he's like, yo, I
heard you need some work. I need help. And you know, my
first reaction was my imagination, like Alex said, it started going wild.
I was like, oh, I can't do that. That sounds fucking lame,
that sounds terrible. I don't blah blah blah, all this stuff,
every reason why I shouldn't do it, And then for some reason, out
of my mouth just came like hell, yeah, I'll do it. Yeah,
sure, sounds great. I don't know, like everything in my head
was like no, but I just said, like yeah, sure, why
not. That's that inner drive, you know what I mean? Like your
fight or flight is like you knew you had to do it even though you
were worried you couldn't, which has been Yes, you're absolutely right. That
has kind of been like happening a lot lately. Like my mind is going
crazy with like the anticipation and the negative thoughts and like the you know,
just a lot of negative self talk and you can't do it, you're not
good enough, this kind of shit. But then my body and my mouth
and like my actions are almost just like automatically doing the opposite. That's resilience.
Go into that bit like like you like that would suggest to me that
you're just a resilient person. Like even in your head you're like I can't
do this, but you're just like just freaking gritting your teeth and just doing
it, even though it's like scary, it's tough. It's it's like the
definition of resilience, Like you have no choice, you have to do it,
and you're up to the occasion. Yeah, A lot of people that
don't have that. Yeah, And I have felt very grateful lately that that
I have been able to do that for whatever reason, because like I'm almost
thirty now and four Oh yeah, dude, that's coming up in like a
few months. Yeah, three months. Basically, Yeah, wow, I'm
almost and you're gonna live here do We're gonna go hard for that. Yeah,
I'm we're gonna go hard for that. Yeah, we gotta do something
fun. I had the I had the thought like maybe, like, well,
I shouldn't say it on the show. We'll talk about it. Yeah
yeah. Yeah. But anyway, most of my life, honestly, like
the the negative self talk and the stuff that's been going on in my mind
dictates what my body does and how I navigate life, and it has stopped
me at every turn from reaching for something better or taking life seriously. Is
another huge thing. And I don't know what changed or when or how or
whatever, but I attribute a lot of it to us doing this show together.
And you know, because there was tons of that stuff present when we
were talking about doing the show, right, you you won't be able to
do it before we started, Yeah yeah yeah, yeah, like you won't
be able to do it or you won't. You had the same thoughts really,
Oh yeah, yeah we were there. Yeah, yeah, we had
talked about it. I was a lot more vocal about it, right right,
Yeah, But I mean, you know, those those feelings were very
present, and I was like, you know, we won't, we won't
continue doing it, blah blah blah whatever, all this negative self talk.
Yeah, and then when we just kept doing it and knocking it out and
hitting all these milestones and doing all this stuff, it was like, like
I can actually do things, Like I can finish, I can achieve the
goals that I set for myself. You know, I think Alex, you
you met me around the time that we started the show. We had met
a little bit before then. But like, I don't want to speak out
a turn or anything, but I kind of feel like a slightly different person
now than I was then. Same like for me and you. Yeah,
I feel like then I was very like I was like almost anti driven.
I was very like, you know whatever, you know, take nothing seriously,
you know, it's all bullshit, blah blah blah blah bah almost like
not really like nihilistic, apathetic is maybe a good word for it. Just
kind of just like whatever, you know, uh, and maybe even like
more negative back then or whatever. But I think that doing the show it
consistently has helped with that a lot. Then another major milestone was twice Born.
That was another thing that, like, I mean, we have been
talking about doing that for a decade, for such a longer, honestly,
yeah, yeah, it really fifteen years, right, Yeah, Like we
just talked about it and talked about it for endlessly for years and years and
years and years. It never came to fruition, and then boom, like
magic out of nowhere, we made it happen, and like we have this
this EP that we're so proud of, and like that was another huge major
boost. So maybe it was those things. Maybe it was me actually knocking
out these these goals and whatever for the first time that that gave me the
ability to override all the negative self talk. So fast forward to a few
months ago. So with lawn care, the thing is is like when the
weather's good, you got plenty of work. I was seeing my family every
day, spending tons of time with my brother. I was outside, I
was losing weight, I was staying active, I was in the sun all
of these positives, all this amazing stuff. The money wasn't great at all,
but I was like, I can excuse that because my bills are paid
and all of these other positive things are happening, you know. Then the
first hurdle, the first big slap in the face, was it was like
around August of last year, out of nowhere, my apartment complex is like,
yeah, you're gonna owe us like another two hundred dollars a month.
And it was like, oh, okay, I can't afford that, like
at all, not even close. So we had to scramble to move out
of that place. Luckily, the universe provided a house for Casey and I
to rent, and it was it was amazing. Then the winter really hit
and then the work like dried up. Yeah, like for a while we
had like nowhere. But then didn't your rent go up in your house after
living there for a few months too? After the first month. Yeah,
the guy that we had it was kind of like an under the table arrangement
sort of thing for living in that house. And yeah, like after the
first month, it was like, oh, actually, I'm not gonna be
able to afford that price, so you owe me more money. It's like
Okay, great, awesome, whatever, but it was still like way cheaper
than our apartment. Was so fine, cool, whatever, you know,
we'll take it. Then the work dried up. Yeah, then winner hit.
The work dried up. I'm not working. I'm not making money.
That's when the real stress and the negativity and all of that stuff. Like
to be honest with everybody out there and completely transparent like the past like good
six months have been very very tough, like the darkest time of my life,
very very tough, very stressful, panicking all the time, Anxiety at
an all time high, depression at an all time high, just tough,
and like, thank my lucky stars that I have the most wonderful support of
amazing wife. She is she's my rock, She's she I could not have
done it without her. She's every I just I couldn't have done any of
it. She's so supportive of me and my friends and you guys and this
show. And I had so many things to be thankful for to keep guiding
you forward. Absolutely that it was like the light in the dark, the
the you know, yeah, it was absolutely like my saving grace through this
very very dark time. And so I'm so thankful and I'm just, I
just I'm very thankful for the both of you. You know, you guys,
you guys kept me grounded, kept me positive, kept you busy with
stuff to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah it helps. And doing doing
the show, it was has always been such a huge boost. So every
time I come here and we sit in this room and we do this show,
it's like recharging my battery. You know, I'm exactly the same.
If it wasn't for the show, I would have felt like, what do
I even have to live for? It's it's crazy, Yeah, it's it's
it's crazy that it, like just sitting here and talking into these microphones does
that much. Yeah, for us emotionally, we never anticipated that part of
it. Never, never, And it's potentially like one of the best uh
uh like things to come from this, you know for me. Sorry,
my brain's a little foggy because one of the things that had just happened,
it was I got COVID a couple of weeks ago. Oh yeah, it
does make your brain foggy. Yeah. It has just been thing after thing
after thing. So anyway, the work dried up, so I start looking
for like what can I do? What how can I get myself in a
better position. How can I make some more money? How can I just
get things? You know, I wasn't even thinking anything about moving to Wilmington.
That just seemed like such a thing possible time. Yeah, so far
far. I was like, there's just no way, that's just not gonna
happen. So let me just think what can I do in Fayetteville. How
can I get in a better position where I'm at, you know whatever?
Sorry, applying for places. Talked to one of our good friends, Blake
Powers, big old, big old shout out. He's a super mega omy.
I swear I'm gona kiss him on the mouth next time, I said,
I swear. He he he's gonna fly out this year, probably summer.
Are we gonna have him on? Yeah? Oh yeah, he's just
get married in April. Big congrats after that, big congrats. He he
works in it, which I have experienced. I have years and years of
experience working in it. It's been a while since I've done it, though,
and I didn't honestly know how far my experience could get me. He
looked, he offered, like, dude, let me look at your resume,
like we'll see, Like, because we would have conversations about it,
and he'd be like, dude, if you're if you're like not bolsh shooting
me, if you're if the experience that you are telling me you have,
you actually have, like you can go get a job. Uh. So
he helped me with my resume. He helped me like what what type of
jobs I need to start applying for whatever? And so I I was applying
to a bunch of places in Fayetteville. But then this little thought in the
back of my head was like, just just see just applying Wilmington. Yeah.
Yeah, So you told me that. You were like, I'm gonna
apply for some jobs in Wilmington. I'm like, sweet dude. Yeah.
And then like a week later, I get the call I got a job
in Wilmington, and I was like what, yeah, this is real.
Yeah yeah it was. I just I had the thought in the back of
my head. And of course all with that comes all the negative. You
can't, that's not gonna happen. Why even try? Then you get COVID
right after you get the job. Oh my god. Oh oh, we
forgot t even mentioned. You were wondering like, how how are you gonna,
you know, make the feast you know, and then your your uh
your supervisor calls you and was like, can you start two weeks early?
I was I'm like, come stay with me, dude. I was going
fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't fudo can't fun. I
still don't get well because we're going to be just like LAMB partying it up
like pretty much every night. I love it. So yeah yeah, And
I didn't know how I was going to pay for any of this move or
getting here any of that stuff. And uh, then my boss, my
new boss, calls me, I need you two weeks early. And then
it's like, wait a minute. That means I'll have a full paycheck,
and like the money is actually pretty good. It's more money than I've ever
made, which you know, it's not like crazy by any means, but
it's to me, it is the most I've ever made a perspective shift,
absolutely yeah. And so that one little paycheck is going to help us tremendously,
uh with all of our moving costs and all this stuff. Yeah,
so like getting all this stuff figured out and whatever got COVID and that was
like the ultimate bottom, like like darkest lowest point, because when you're sick,
you're when your body is sick, your mind mood is affected. Yeah,
I'm I'm the worst for that. Like when I feel bad, I'm
like, don't bother me because I feel bad, you know what I mean,
Like even mood wise, but I feel bad when the sun doesn't come
out. Dude, honestly, Like, that's that's funny. I've never thought
about that. But he is spitting hard facts right now. But this is
the first year in since Olivia has known me where my seasonal effective hasn't really
Oh that's right. You have like a light in your room, don't you.
Yeah, yeah, older place. Yeah, And I was real bad
about that and have like not like you know, I don't want to overplay
my depression, but because it really was like manageable. But yeah, in
the right if you deal with it. It's even Tony Soprano has depression.
I understand what you are saying. We're all watching sopranos right now, but
at the same time, it's like our biggest thing. Yeah no, but
in the wintertime, I would just like hit this lull of like because I
would go to work the sun's not out. Plus you're not getting the surf.
Yeah, with all that stuff, but with this job that I have
now, like this hadn't happened, so well, yeah, that's what I
was gonna ask, is like, I wonder if it's because you're outside all
the time now every day, so you're still getting some sun, like you
know, the sun is it's still out, You're still getting the the UV's
and and you know the vitamin. Yeah. No, the problem was that
I would go to work and the sun wouldn't be out, and I would
stay inside all day, and then I'd leave work and the sun wouldn't be
out, so I would never feel it. And but I think it what
it did, it was just what it did. Would it would exaggerate the
feelings that I was already feeling. So I wasn't really happy. I was
just kind of going through the motions. And in the summertime, I had
all these hobbies and stuff to do, so it was like whatever, you
know, I'm working for my and then in the winter time when all that
dries up, it's like what am I? Dude, he's really underplanning it
too, man, Like you know, because we've been doing full disclosure once
a week. With his last job, I had to talk him out of
quitting like twenty five times, like he was like, you know, and
then boom, this new job just appears for you too, out of the
blue, and yeah, all that stuff just kind of just went away.
Like I have never felt as lost and broken as I did in my work
from home job, like cut off from the world. It was. It
was and I didn't realize how miserable I was. Hold up, oh,
bro, what who said He's an emotional dungeon? That shit was drama.
Bro, that that was like, that was like, but it's taken me.
It's taken me months to figure that out. Alex. You're you're spitting
facts right now. This is this is some shit that like more people go
through than you think. And just to put it into perspective, I have
lived a large chunk of my life like that, Like yeah, not even
knowing that that something was wrong and that I was like isolating myself in certain
ways and shit like that's there is no down playing that, as you said,
like that that is hard, yeah, to through. Honestly, the
only good thing that came out of that was we got a puppy and I
was able to be home for a year training. This dog's the best,
She's the best. Love that dog. And now she's like good, like
I can go to work. She's fine when we get home to take her
out, like she's you remember when he first got her, he would be
like, I gotta go home, yeah for two more hours whatever, I
gotta got my baby girl. She's a sweet heart, little Juno. She
ain't a little no more man, she's she's a big girls. She's fifty
Oh well, I mean she's fifty pounds. She's fifty two pounds. Bro
G said, we need to get those two pounds off. Bro My my
brother got an XL bully puppy recently. It is three months old. Is
it or Zeus or what's the name Zeus? Zeus? We have Yeah,
my parents have a dog named of Pena, right, the poodle and now
yeah yeah, oh and uh Jonah just got a Golden Retriever named Draco.
Nice. But Zeus. Yeah, my brother's dog is four months old,
four and a half months old, and he's fifty pounds. He says,
he weighs as much as Juna. Yeah, and he's four months old.
He's a little turd, dude. He's like he's like a truck, like
a little truck. It's so crazy that dog is gonna be massive turd.
Yeah, he just looks like a little turd, like a little saggy little
turd. What are you eating? Bro? Have you eaten? Have you
ever seen a bully puppy? They're like little TUTSI rolls, They're like a
little like it's it's honestly, like, just keep going with this brown theme.
Man, I'm worried. It's like a it's like a potato sack.
Yeah, like a little sack of potato. Like, oh, that's funny.
Are our groomer picked the dog up and said, come on your second
potatoes? Because she hates being there and it's like like dead weight, like
will not comply? Juno. Yeah, she's a girl. Y'all want to
hear something really unfathomable. Yes, Delilah weighs more than odin now. Oh
I believe I took her to the vet last week. Oh she weighs Like
what's the number? It's like zero point one pounds but they're wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, like the total number? Yeah, how
about yeah, like thirteen and thirteen point five and then like thirteen point six
eight, but like for years, I mean they're five years old now.
She was always like two pounds. Yeah, lighter and smaller, and she
still looks smaller. It's funny because Odin is a bigger he's bigger. He
is just bigger, but he's not heavier. Yeah, he has like a
bigger frame and everything. Yeah, and Delilah is like a particularly small's petite.
Yeah, she'd been eating, don't play veg no more. And my
cat, sugar Bear is the combination of those two things. He's the big
frame and that boy eats he is he's nineteen pounds. Oh my god,
he's so big. The vet told me when I got her way last week
at the vet, she said, oh yeah, man, I had to.
I was like, I'll help you with the crate if it's too heavy,
you know. She said, oh no, no, no. Last
week I had a thirty eight pound cat and I was like, was it
a Maine coon? She's like, no, what he said about broke her
back picking it up in the crazy I forty pound cat, not even a
main coon, just a dog that yeah. Yeah, i'd been naming that
jelly roll. I mean, I've seen some big ass Maine coons that like
you and you're like, oh, yeah, that's on average. They're like
thirty pound. Yeah, they're huge. But anyway, anyway to bring this
whole, this whole story to Yeah, yeah, basically, it's been it's
been a very difficult hard time. Uh, but the sun is coming out.
The sun is finally coming out and breaking through the clouds, and now
we're in the home stretch. I'm gonna be here for the next two weeks
working and then after that two weeks we'll be in a new apartment in Wilmington.
Boy, you know what's where I'm here. You know how many times
we've talked on this show about when when I get to Wilmington, when Nick
comes to Wilming Since the first episodes, Bro, for three years, we've
been saying, eventually he'll get the move here. It's a wrap. I'm
here, and like it just happened and we didn't even expect it. It
was just like an act of desperation. Just you send out your resume.
Yeah, first interview, second interview, Oh shoot, I got the job.
Oh shoot, I need a place to stay. I want me to
work early. Oh god, you know you've already toured so many apartments,
like it's it's here, yeah, I mean, I mean, and we're
still processing it. Yeah, I don't know, dude. It has been
the wildest ride. While it has been the hardest, most like dark point
maybe in my entire life, it has also been the most exciting. And
now all of the positivity is coming. And now in just a couple of
weeks, it's going to be nothing but rainbows and sunshine. It's like they
say, man, pressure makes diamonds. That's it, you know what I
mean? Courage, Yes, I'm learning that. Or like alchemy, you
put the fire to the lead and then it becomes gold in a metaphor for
this. Yeah, it's like we've talked about this kind of stuff on the
show before, but I never had the experience in my own life to understand
what it meant, right, And now I feel I'm learning that. Right
now, I'm learning what that means. I feel I'm also earning what masculine
energy means through this whole experience. Oh yeah, you know, like it
the masculinity, like we've talked about on the show, like anyone in the
world can have masculine and feminine energy. In fact, it's like really a
great practice to try and have equal parts of both. The masculine energy is
the drive, right it's like the actuary passion and the action action and the
like, yeah, the putting one foot in front of the other, and
like in the accomplishing. Yeah, that's what I was going to kind of
tap into that when you were talking about, you know, finishing things and
the show being one of those things and the EP being one of those things.
Yeah, and it's like that's what we as a species human beings are
hardwired to do. Yes. To accomplish is to build, is to create
and finish and follow through. And it's like that's that's got to be.
It feels so good, you know. It's like, yes, you're at
the top of the mountain and you can do it again. There's more mountains.
Keep going time and get higher. No, I'm excited, get higher
and higher. Brother. We went on a tangent about this on the Full
Disclosure weeks ago. They've become a motivational PEP talks just yeah, I mean
just like, yeah, the concept of like don't sit around there and complain
about your miserable situation. Like it's not that easy, but like you can
do it. Yeah easy, It's not easy at all. And like the
best advice that I think that I could give to somebody who's going through something
similar or feeling a similar way. Is like try and separate your mind from
your body. Try and because if you can, if you can make that
separation, and if you can like trick yourself into if you can trick your
body into ignoring all of the wild negative ship that's going on in your mind,
and like just just your body, just put one foot in front of
the other anyway, even in the against the odds of all of this negative
self talk and all of this doubt and shit, if you could just make
your body do it anyway, it'll still happen. You'll still get the good
stuff, You'll still get the payoff. It's it's like we are rewarded by
God for our courage, for our for because because to act in the faith
or in the face of like you know, being so scared or so like
I'm doubtful, whatever, it's it's faith. Like to still go forward is
like a test of faith. Yeah, and to succeed that test, I
do believe you're rewarded. I yeah, I agree. And I have like
been praying for the first time in years, years and years and years and
years and years. It was that like know the religious trauma and the stuff
like that. I talked about it recently maybe, but like I asked you
a personal question, please you off, please know, how do you pray?
I all right, that's really interesting because, uh, at first,
when I started trying to pray again, I was praying in a very different,
like new way where it it It didn't It almost kind of just felt
like affirmations or something to that effect. But it's a lot of my prayer.
Yeah, I found in this uh, through this like really dark time
that I've been going through, I just found myself naturally praying the way that
I used to when I was a kid, you know. And like I
think that was a big step for me because praying as a kid sometimes felt
so transactional. Yes, yeah, absolutely, you know, yeah, and
it almost like saved me. I'm sorry. Yes, it was always i'll
do it save me asking for things and apologizing, right, and it always
felt I felt bad doing it right, like I'm sorry to ask, I'm
sorry, you know, Like, but I really you know, and it
just it I had a negative emotion with it, which is probably why I
was trying to like change the way that I was praying or whatever. But
I kind of. Again, this was a thing where my mind and my
body didn't match up. My mind didn't want to pray that way because of
the trauma, but my body just did it. It just I just prayed
that way, and I felt it comfort me. You know, I actually
felt it comfort me. And every time I did it, I almost immediately
got what I was asking for, almost immediately. It's because you surrendered to
the Higher Power, and I told the Higher Power that I when I pray,
I refer to it as God. Sometimes sometimes I I mean, I
switch it up. I use whatever term I'm feeling in that moment, like
honestly, but the default is just God, because that's what I grew up
knowing. Yeah, you know, so when you were praying, was it
was it God, I want this, or was it like I am struggling
here, help me. Yeah, so it was it was really like if
I can try to remember exactly, it was like it was like God,
like I'm I'm I'm at my I'm at my wits end, Like I can't
do it, I can't do this anymore, Like I can't go through this
anymore, and I need your help. I need you to step in.
I know that you can you can perform miracles? You can you can do
anything that that I ask of you. So I am going and I said
this almost every time, like I am going to take this off of myself
and I have to give it to you like I have you. I need
you to take this from me like I I and I would even like I
would literally talk as if I was talking to a person standing in front of
me. I would say things like I was scared of you for a long
time, like I was afraid of you, and like, you know,
I don't have I don't know what our relationship is like, and you know,
things like that. But I know that you're real in a capacity I
can't even fathom, and I know that you can give me what I need.
And I have no other choice but to just believe that you humbled yourself.
I did, I fully did. That's how it works. That's how
it works with the phenomenon because exactly it's yeah, it's all the same,
it's all. It's all God. They're not Yeah, these are not separate
things exactly like you know, never get that twisted like we it is all
one thing. Yeah, it's God, It's God. That's exactly how it
works, you humble yourself. Yeah, and you know we we have this
this uh I say we. I don't. I can't speak for everybody,
but people have this like chip on their shoulder like, oh, you know
I can do it on my own. Well really no, you can't.
And once you realize that, then you can do it. Yeah you know
what I mean. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you give it up,
you offered up. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. No, that's
that's a that's a huge part of it. I had to I was just
at the bottom and I just had to like say, and then when it
worked, I would do it again and I would say, all right,
well every time it was like thank you God, thank you God, thank
you God, thank you God, thank you God, like just profusely thank
you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And
then the next time that something else came up and I needed something, I
I would just say, God, you got me this far, you got
you got me this far. And so I'm just going to keep I'm just
gonna keep believing that keep going, that you'll keep carrying me through this and
that this wasn't for no reason. This I know now that this is not
just some bullshit like, you're not just this isn't a coincidence. This isn't
like every time I've asked, You've given me what I asked for, and
I'm just going to keep I'm just I need, I need, I need
this, Please I give it to you. Yeah, that's why I wanted
to dig in because I was I had a feeling it was that exactly,
So thank you for That's how my daddy taught me to pray. Yeah,
that's how. That's how my daddy taught me that. That's the definition of
faith. Yeah. People think it's like, oh, it's just about,
like, you know, believe that God exists. That no deeper than that.
It's believing that there is a purpose and there is a plan and there's
an order to thinks and even though you're worried and you're stressed and you're freaked
out, you keep going and guess what, you rely on that invisible force.
That's faith. Yeah. The disconnection from that is hell yeah, honestly
because suffering. The darkest points in my life is when I didn't believe that,
right, I didn't when I didn't believe that there was a purpose.
Same for me, dude, anytime I've ever suffered in life or worried about
the future, or like impending doom in my life. And what is it?
What even like, you know what, even in the Bible it says
like hell is separation from God. You know hell. I was going to
say that exactly because Hell's every time I think about a scenario where it's been
suffering, like disconnected is the theme, you know, And it's not.
It's like what am I feeling disconnected from? Because it's like nothing changes in
your interpersonal relationships. You're just suffering because you're you're you're disconnected from the divine
spark. Well you lost it. But it's it's not it's not irreparable.
No, it's the opposite, you know. It's it's it's very repairable,
it's limitless. It's yeah, yeah, it's. And this is why what
God's finger is in the in the painting in the Sistine Chapel, right or
the top of the ceiling or whatever, God's finger is fully extended out and
Adam's fingers barely barely out there. All you have to do is what does
it say? The move a mountain? It's a metaphor for this I am
literally learning at firsthand, right, now, like, honestly, probably for
the first time in my life. Hey, congratulations on moving your mountain.
Brother. Yeah, honestly, well genuinely thank you for that, because at
times it absolutely has felt like a massive, immovable mountain. And it was
only the times that I connected with like the source, that the mountain moved
like truly, like it's real. It's absolutely one hundred percent real. And
yeah, if you feel like you lost that like connection in some way or
another, Like it might sound a little weird at first, but if you're
having a hard time reconnecting, fake it till you make it. Just say
it. Yeah, just say it, Like just what do you have to
lose, What do you have to lose? Just just try, just just
try, because like I felt silly doing it again for the first time,
like this is weird. I don't know, there's all that weird religious trauma
and all that shit, and like, you know, I don't know because
my opinions about the Christian God or my opinions about this god or the other
or whatever. You know, I just felt weird. And then I was
like, you know what, fuck that. Like I grew up, my
dad taught me to pray to God and he taught me how to pray to
God. And so like, I'm gonna ignore what these religions tell me about
God and all this stuff. I'm just gonna believe in the one real thing
that's out there that encompasses all of these religions and all of these mystery traditions
and all of this phenomenon. And it's all the same thing. So it
doesn't matter what I call it. It doesn't matter how I connect to it,
It doesn't matter. That is exactly what I mean when I say,
when you label me, you've lost me, right, That's exactly what I'm
trying to say. Yeah, forget all these labels, and I like quung
Shin. I like, yeah, you know, boodoo boo boo. Well,
I just believe in God. Yeah, but there is something. Call
it whatever, call it, whatever feels right, connect to it's real.
Yeah, it's actually there. However, whatever feels right in your heart,
Like, just trust your heart. It's not going to steer you wrong ever
in life ever, trust your heart always. So whatever your heart is telling
you to call that thing, call it that. And however your heart is
telling you to communicate with that source, follow that. If it's God,
if it's a law. If it's Buddha, if it's the universe, if
it's whatever, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You call it whatever
and just connect and do the things that you feel the most connection doing.
Yes, that's it. That's one hundred percent. It like whatever feels right,
whatever feels like. But it's so it's so weird, like talking about
this, because what does it do what thou wilt? It's like there's such
a fine line there, you know, it's not really it's not like if
you understand it, it's it's very different. Like if you're doing things that
imitate prayer and meditation that bring you closer to this connection, is not doing
what thou wilt? You know, it's it's just a it's something that I
struggle with, I guess I'm kind of projecting here, struggle with in what
way the the separation in my mind, No, the separation between the dark
side of do what thou wilt and doing what pleases you and brings light to
your life life and doing what you want but in a right hand path,
you know, connected type of way. It is a fun line because you
know, being addicted to Debbie cakes and getting diabetes could please you, right,
but that doesn't mean it's good for you, you know what I mean.
And that's you know, there's I think like the true path to God
is like you said, the right hand path. It's like there has to
be a level of mastery. I don't mean you got to be freaking Buddha,
but you you have to walk the narrow path. You have to you
have to be like of the light, you know, being good to people.
Kind. You know, it's not just like whoa, we do whatever
we want. That's hedonism exactly. That's that's a whole different thing. That's
like debaucherism, Like it's a complete and I think that the difference there is
is that because you know, those people who live hedonisticly, like that's very
much an Alex stir Crowley type like you know, uh, but the way
they could say like, oh, well, I'm just following my heart.
That's what my heart is telling me to do. So what so here's a
difference. Though maybe maybe it's that you have to calibrate your heart first,
and then the other devil's advocated that is like, well follow your heart,
okay, Well what about all my old you know, Pentecostal relatives who are
following their heart and right, you know what I mean, Like, there's
there's there's a there's a way here. What about you know a Muslim or
a Jewish person or a Christian who are following their hearts and judging the other
one. Yeah, you know what I mean, there's but you know what
think about this man? I don't know. It takes a level of self
awareness. Yes, but like even those people, like I've been that type
of person before. So like if you're in an exoteric religion, you've probably
experienced that. First you feel some type of way about the other ones,
but done it also feel bad like done it also feel kind of sad on
the inside. Like what you're saying is, you know, you know you're
you know you're hating, and you know that hate is wrong and there is
no we don't hate. But yes, right, but you're going to hail,
but you're going to hell because you're like Miley Cyrus. Yeah you know
what I'm saying. It's like even if you're even when you're judging someone else,
you feel on the inside like shitty and you're hiding behind. I used
to have those conversations. I used to have those conversations as a Christian,
you know, being like, you know, Mormon's going to hell, Muslims
going to hell. You know, it's just what they believe. Like Christians
literally it's in the religion, like you are going to hell unless x y
Z. Yeah, and you know that, you know so naturally. I
was read and I remember having conversations with Chris Junior, and Chris Junior would
always be like, man, it's wrong to judge. Why would you judge
a Mormon. That's what they believe. God wouldn't want you to laugh at
them and mock them. And I was like, you know that that makes
sense. Yeah, it's almost like it's almost like follow your heart, but
like check you with your mind, like keep that dialogue between your heart and
your mind open, you know, follow your intuition, that's your heart,
but make sure in following your intuition, check in with your mind to make
sure that your intentions are pure. Yeah. I think an easier way to
say it is literally humble yourself. Yes, yeah, you know, yeah,
like I'm not bigger than anybody, I'm not better than them because of
what I believe or what they believe. We're all trying to figure this shit
out. Yeah, we're all trying to connect with this force. We just
have different ideas about it. But all it really matters is there is a
force, you know what I mean, There is an actual higher force.
Yeah, that's that's exactly why. You know, Like I think a lot
of people confuse the word God with being a Christian word, But if you
talk to a Muslim or if you talk to a Hindu, they say God.
Yeah, you know, God is just universal. It's it's just in
my mind, it's like a it's like a neutral title for whatever the supreme
being is. Yeah. Right, that's why I'm just like, I'm all
about G O. D. Yeah, I'm not saying the Christian prayer,
right, you know, I see it that way these days too, Like
I see it as just a neutral, like middle ground term. It's easy.
It's there is a force. Yeah, you know, that's all I
care about. Yeah. Yoh. Another thing that happened in that dark period
of time is I lost it tooth Look, Oh yeah, I forgot about
that. It was so much happening at once. Yeah. It really was
just like a dog pile of just thing after thing after thing after thing after
thing, like up until well I'm laughing at h I said, hey,
man, text a nick, you want to play chivalry? Oh yeah,
he said, no, I'm getting tooth pulled. Oh yeah. And then
like a couple hours I was in there for four hours. Oh it was
it was horrible. Uh and uh. And then a couple hours later I
just sent him a picture with me with my gauze in my mouth and like
smiling, all numbed up. Yeah, it was brutal. But yeah,
no, I mean up until literally, like I I don't know, less
than a week ago, it has just been a NonStop barrage. Thing after
thing after think, like, obstacle after obstacle after obstacle, just non stop,
over and over and over and over and over and over. And I'm
not saying that it's over there. There's likely to be more obstacles ahead,
you know, just getting this move done and finishing it out and getting here.
But I made it this far. Yeah, God brought me this far.
Yep. It wasn't for nothing. And the timing of this is insane
too, which makes me think it was written in the stars a long time
ago. Yeah, because like you know, we had no knowledge that you
were going to be living here. But the irony of it is we literally,
like, what is today Saturday? So like three four days ago,
me and Jenny just accepted an offer on a house. So literally simultaneously,
while you're moving here, Jenny and I are going to be moving into a
house. Which what does that mean? New studio? New studio. So
the exact time that Nick is moving here completely coincidental. And this literally came
together in the last three to four weeks just on a whim. Yeah,
by the time you get settled in, we're literally gonna be upgrading and building
a new studio. Like, how coincident all the stuff we have in the
bag for the show? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, stuff we have
on the horizon here, like everything is about to just rapidly evolve. Yeah
yeah, awesome, Yeah, which means a lot of a lot of new
things for the show. Like, so let's talk about what we have right
now. Okay, what we got going on? Nick? What's the Patreon
all about? Oh yeah, I mean go over to patreon dot com.
Slash Bledsoe said, So this is a good opportunity to let people who might
not know about it. No, we have a Patreon, We have a
lot of cool perks, We have you get the episodes a couple of days
early, which is sweet. You get our awesome Discord server, which is
we it's it is the coolest. I get a lot of messages that it's
like the best community in the world for like this particular I people say that,
I like, like UFO spirituality whatever. Like I've I've had people be
like, you have no clue what you guys have. Like I've been to
so many different Discord communities and they're toxic. Yeah, they're hateful that this
shit is popping. It is And we do like events in our Discord all
the time, Like we'll get in there and like live stream h We'll talk
to people, will play games with our fans. Like speaking of Blake,
shout out he ran our Valheim service. He did and it just finished the
other Wednesday night. We finally beat it. Been playing it's this November.
Yeah, so we'll likely do another season of that and oh yeah six to
twelve months or something. That'll be awesome. Yeah. So we do all
kinds of cool stuff with our Discord. We have a Minecraft server in seasons
that that we do, and we watch movies with our Discord. Sometimes we'll
have like a movie night where it's like kind of mystery science theater. We
all talk about the movie while we watching it. Yeah, trying out a
new a little a live show event this week. Yes. Yeah. And
then on top of all that amazing stuff, you get full disclosure, which
is apparently it's becoming Ryan and Alex motivation sometimes, which is awesome. Yeah,
I think that's like so sick. Yeah, I'm always just trying to
inspire people to be more positive, like I don't, I don't. Yeah,
that's my drive with that is trying to gas people up and give a
perspective that's a little more positive. And sometimes it does turn out being that
way. That's not every time you get to hear a lot of what Ryan's
dealing with that week, it's more of a or what you're dealing with.
Yeah, it's more of a whatever's kind of happening is gets spilled out.
And this is all at the five dollars tier. Yeah, five bucks gets
you all of this stuff that we're talking about, And a new tier is
coming very soon, two new tiers and two new shows. Yeah. But
yeah, the two shows will be on the same tier though, Yes,
which is awesome because we're trying to give you value. You know what I'm
saying, We like to give your value value value. Yeah, you're going
to be kind enough to support our show monetarily. We are going to make
sure you get way more bang for your bucket anywhere else out there. We
are going to give you so much content. Everyone who is a patron,
thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And
you know what, everyone who's not a patron, thank you. Thank you.
Absolutely. Everyone who's watched the show one time and left some really hateful,
ast negative comment, thank you very much. Engagement, thank you.
The people in some federal facility somewhere, shadow Banning, thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you all. Maybe not really that one, but
yeah, yeah, so we have we have some very very very exciting things
coming up. Now we won't have to like freaking bank episodes. That's best
part. That is honestly the best part, because it'll be like you guys
will probably hear this episode in like a month, and but once we get
on a new recording schedule, now that I live here, freaking epic,
so sick, so cool, we're gonna be able to record the show like
weekly. Yeah, and so you know, it might be a week late
that you're you know, it might be a week after we record it that
you hear it. It's just about sometimes it's less that that also releas sick
the pressure because like we usually record two or three at once, and then
it's like, Okay, we got to do all the studying to like bang
bang bang three episodes in one night. When we only have one per week,
I feel like it's gonna be so much more. The pressure will be
off my shoulders because I put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure
that it's like deep enough, valuable enough for whatever. And I'm looking forward
to that to where we can just go all in once a week, you
know. Yeah, I'm stoked on it. Things are gonna change for the
absolute better very soon. Yeah, I want to be transparent about that.
It might because Nick's moving here and then we probably won't even live in our
new house until like May or something, you know, so like it's it's
it's gonna be us getting into the groove of this new thing. But you
know, in the coming months, you know, especially come summer and then
maybe like by fall, you're going to see a different product. Definitely you're
going to see a completely different product, and it's going to be better than
ever. It's like a caterpillar metamorphasizing or metamorpho. We about to butterfly.
Slim the horn I got. You explained hitting the button. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. I like how you explained you were doing a horn. Yeah,
you know what I'm talking about. Though I didn't know. Now I
know you told me that I'm talking about. I don't. I don't know
how to make the sound, but you know, I gave it my percent.
You did. The sound was on point. It was this thing that
I was confused slimming the button. You're doing like a stinky like you're smelling
something stinky that would confuse me. Yeah, you smell. I couldn't imagine
what the stink would be, you know. But one more thing I want
to be transparent about. There are a lot of things going on behind the
scenes that are like, you know, freaking crazy deal. I just want
to say, like, the last time that I was this hyped about stuff
going on behind the scenes was maybe like April of twenty twenty No, no,
no, before that, like February or March of twenty twenty three,
when we started full disclosure. Yeah, and for that many months until August.
I would be on there like yo, crazy stuff's about to happen.
Crazy Stuff's about to happen. And then boom the History Channel came out in
August, and it was something that I couldn't talk about, but like I
was like, oh my god, I wish I could. But let's just
say this time, it's gonna be at least double as hype. At least
double at least double is hype. Y'all heard this man. Don't mess with
this man. Yeah, there's some hype stuff going on, and you know,
time will tell. Yeah, there's very very hype stuff. I'm so
stoked for it, and I'm happy that we're all just finally going to be
here at the same place, living in the same place. Our energies are
just constantly going to be gelling with each other all the time. Oh yeah,
yeah, Nick, Yes, outside of the podcast completely, what are
you most excited about living in Wilmington. I am excited to use this as
an opportunity to be outside much more. That is probably the thing that I
am the most excited about. My first thought when I found out that,
like you know, when I decided that I would get a new job.
I was like, Okay, well listen, I've lost like seventy pounds and
I need to do whatever I can to make sure that that weight stays off
of me. And also like I've learned in a year's time to love being
outside, Like I have to go outside now or I will just be not
okay. And like being in the sun. I used to hate it,
Now I'm obsessed with it. I love it. I want to be in
the sun all the time. And so literally, like the first conversation I
had with my brother when I got the news that I got that job and
you know, we're gonna move to Wilmington, I was like, dude,
I'm gonna go longboarding. I'm gonna get Alex to teach me how to surf.
I'm gonna go running like every morning. Like I just want to be
outside as much as possible, and like there's there's so much to do around
here that you can do outside, you know, like frisbee, golf,
and like it's just the beautiful scenery and you know, the beach. Obviously,
I've never been like much of a beach guy, but it's freaking there.
I'm gonna I'm gonna go I love the ocean. I think the ocean
is like the coolest thing in the world, but like, I don't like
sand. It's rough. It's course, it's everywhere. I have a feeling
you're gonna become a beach guy. Yeah, oh dude, I ken,
Yeah, I already feel it. It's a lifestyle bro okay. And just
knowing. You know, there's there's years where I go once that I've lived
here, but it's just knowing that I can. It's like talking. It's
like going on a trip to some other part of this the country and you're
like, yeah, I live at the beach. Yeah yeah, people really,
can I come visit? I'm yeah, I'm I'm each is full.
Sorry, I'm looking forward to being out there. And also, like you
got to start seeing stuff different. I'm trying to go fishing in the ocean.
I love fishing so much. There's a pier that you can pay like
two dollars actually yeah, yeah, and we can go. Yeah. You
might have a friend who has a boat, somebody somebody I know fishing on
trap out there. Got back fishing, buddy, Let's go flound a gig
and diddy gig and I'm gone f gig yeah, I have one time.
I don't feel so good about stabbing a fish today. Well listen, as
in my philosophy, as long as you eat it, you're good. Yeah,
that's true. As long as you eat it is nourishing your body.
I heard somewhere that like there's this Native American concept that like we have this
like unspoken contract with animal kind that like they are okay with us consuming them
as long as it's like a respectful transaction, honorable, honorable and respectful,
and like you know that they're you know, it's like it's like this unspoken
contract thing. I don't remember where I heard that. I think the best
representation of this is like that episode of Full Metal Alchemist's Brotherhood, which one
where they're like, remember they had the teacher who had the husband who was
like the butcher dude or whatever. Yeah, and the teacher makes them like
go out in the wilderness for a month or something like that, and by
the end of the episode they're starting to see like, oh my god,
life consumes life and like it's the grand scheme of things and that that's a
really cool episode. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, that's my philosophy,
Like I'm okay stabbing a fish as long as I'm gonna like, I'm gonna
cook it and eat it and feed others with it, you know, right.
And I I've eaten fish that I've caught. I've also sent a lot
of fish back. And every time I feel bad, I fight them,
fight them, fight them, get them in the boat. Take the picture.
Thank you, Thank you for that experience. Thank you the fight little
buddy. You're going back and then you sit there and you have to like
you kind of hold them in the water, and you get them wake up
a little bit, and then they get and then they swim off. You
don't just like yeah, And then sometimes you're fighting fish and it's usually the
fish you can't eat anyway. Yeah, one time I had a fish die
while we're trying to get the hook out of its mouth. And so what
do we do, right, You can't eat it, Chop it up,
turn it into bait, bait? Yeah, other fish, other fish,
you know. Yeah, I feel like That's when I used to go fishing
with my uncle and my uncle Steve in Topsail Island. Uh, we would
we would do that exact thing, Like we would go out at like six
am into the sound into like and we would use a cast net and get
shrimp, and then we pull up the shrimp and then we'd like you know,
turn the shrimp into bait, go out into the channel, and then
we catch little fish with the shrimp, and then we'd get those fish and
turn those fish into bait, and then we go out into the he calls
it the big Blue. We go out to the Big Blue and that's where
we would catch the ship that we were gonna eat. Dude, that sounds
like a real grind. It's a grind. Oh, it's a grind because
like I just explained that in thirty seconds, but that is like eight hours
the whole day. That's a whole day just to get to the point where
you're in the ocean, like, let's fish now, Yeah, exactly.
Now we're really gonna start fishing, Like now you're about to catch the big
ship. I watched my uncle fight a sh shark like on a off of
a pier, like fight a shark for four hours trying to reel it up
and then the line broke. Dude. One of my best fights ever was
a was a baby shark mayby in the in the Inner Coastal Waterway. Oh,
that's sick. Yeah, it was probably about three feet long. Was
that off a pier? No, it wasn't the boat. Oh and I
mean it bit and yeah, and I'm like, oh my god, how
long were you fighting it? Not four hours? Uh? Maybe maybe I
got ten minutes. I that's even that even sounds like an unfathomably long time
to fight a fish. Yeah. Then you're like, then you're you have
to manage all the other lines you've got in the water, and everybody else,
like the other person on the boat's got to reel everything in to make
room for you and this fish to swim around. But I have a picture
of me and a citation redfish. This redfish was forty two inches and damn
forty some pounds forty eight Oh my god, Broy, that is your dog.
Yeah yeah, I'll show you guys the picture of it. But that
fight was like even better. So I don't know if y'all remember this,
but when I was growing up, up until I was about ten or eleven
years old, we had a house here at Carolina Beach, so we would
go out fishing in the ocean a lot or jet skis or whatever. And
on my eighth birthday, my dad and my uncle Leo took me out fishing
on the boat and I caught eight baby sharks on my eighth birthday. No,
that's cool, that's so sick. Yep. Do you have any like
mementos or anything like do you have a picture of it? No? No,
you know my mom wasn't there. It survives as an epic memory.
Yeah, that's that is that's dope. Yep. I stopped at eight.
Yeah. Yeah, so, I mean I'm looking forward to that kind of
stuff. I'm also looking forward this. Wellington has a really really amazing art
scene, and I'm really looking forward to that for Oh yeah, my wife,
I mean even just coming here for the past. She belongs here,
bro. Yeah she really There's not much of like a pop and art scene
in Fayetteville, you know, and even just coming here the past few years,
she has made so many connections with people around town that like love her
work and want to sell her stuff, and like, it's just I'm excited
for her to finally have like a scene of her people of people just like
her. You know, are you just throwing me a picture of the fish?
Throw here? Oh? Wow? I didn't want to hit my mic
Oh dude, that's huge. Yeah, well let me see, dude,
son, what kind is that? Redfish? Bull? Red nice red drum?
Dude? You I don't know if I've ever seen you look this read
redfish bluefish. Have you seen there's a trend where it's like, uh,
my father the day I got married, or my father the day I was
born. It's just like a mild smile and my father catching a fish,
and it's like that's you. Will wait until your wedding photos and then we'll
make that meme for you. Bro. That's a big that's a big and
you should drop that photo in the episode. Yeah, hold it up,
just show it on the camera. I don't know if they'll be able to
see it. Yeah you should. You should drop that in bro. All
right, all right, we love y'all. We hope you enjoyed. Yeah,
we love you guys more than you can fathom. We love you more
than you love us. One would hope real extreme. That might be honestly
tough to be honest about because they all know us, but we don't.
We don't know all of them. Yeah, I love I love all of
them, every last one. I love I love you more than you love
yourself. I love you more than you love your mom and dad. Okay,
that's a lot, that's a lot. I'm just throwing it out there.
It's not it's not true. It's not it's really not. Kno your
mouth, but you know it is true. You know what is true though
what I do love them? You too, I love them too. Yeah,
that's something like we all have in common. All right. Bye guys,
Bye, guys, guys, love you more than you love yourself.
Weird things happen in the backyard of Bletsoe House. And see it over the
sin look up. It's so weird. You're coming closer to us here stays
straight up like smiling on the inside of it. No one knows. Mad,
Wow, just come right over, come sord you be. Ain't happier the happ