I remember one time when the Backstreet Boys were big, I got to interview
all the Backstreet Boys backstage at Target Center and I asked them a question that
I knew nobody else had ever asked them, and they had such fun with
it. The question was, which one of you masturbates the most on tour?
You asked that, yeah, yeah, yeah, and so they're all
like, oh, yeah, Nick does n it's Kevin, No way,
man, it's Brian. And they laughed and they had a great time.
And then as I was wrapping up the interview, I said, let me
just make sure it recorded. And it did not. Remember, No,
it did not record. So we tried to do it again, and of
course the magic was gone. It was gone, but because you know,
I lost the element of surprise. They knew what I was going to say.
I knew what they were going to say. So the reason I bring
that up is because Drake and I just did a Minnesota goodbye for seventeen minutes
and it was fun, and all of a sudden, I get a message
on my computer that said your disc is full, and we're like, okay,
well, at least it recorded the seventeen minutes. Nope, it froze
up. Drake spent the last fifteen minutes trying to work on the computer.
It is good gone, And I was like watching it as it was starting
to break, like it was still recording, like it was still savable,
but this fucking message kept popping up over and over and over again, and
it was just like overloading the computer. Anyways, computer nerd, shit,
we lost it. It's con forever. So we're going to try to recreate
like I did with the Backstreet Boys masturbation story. First of all, it's
Naughty Tuesday, so let's get started right there and tell me again, Drake,
you had a story about your brother. You're the baby, right,
Yes, I am the baby. So I have a brother that I never
really was super close with, you know, growing up, and this past
week we got a chance to spend a lot of time together. So I
was just asking him some questions about, you know, some of the shit
that he used to do when I was younger, and this one story came
up about, you know, how much of a player he used to be.
So he was just telling me some of the shit that he used to
do, and it was wild, like he was telling me, Uh,
he used to like when I say he was like a player, I'm saying
he's like a fucking player. Like he had six girlfriends at one time,
okay, six at the same time, and he would rent these hotels,
and he would get a hotel one across the street from another. And what
he would do he would go back and forth, hooking up with funny fucking
people while they were in separate hotels the same night. And I'm just like,
dude, you are so fucking ah. Man. So he'd have a
girl in one hotel, a girl in the other hotel, and go back
and forth. Yes, was it like a game to him, you know,
the challenge. I think he just, honestly, he just walked the
excitement of having multiple I think he would get bored with one relationship, so
he'd be like, all right, well I need some more excitement in my
life. So he would go find other girlfriends. And I'm just like,
dude, I could never I'm just not that person. But man, he
yeah, he used to get wild. He still kind of does, but
now he's more in a he's more in a serious relationship. Okay, sorry,
a good story. I don't really have anything that's that scandalous. I
told the story earlier on the unrecorded version about how basically the long story short
was Susan and I weren't together. This is before Susan and I got married.
But I was going to meet somebody for a drink in Loring Park at
a bar, and I don't know what the bar is, but I bought
her a glass of wine and she didn't show up. And she's supposed to
be there at like eight o'clock, and I called her and called her.
She had a landline and a cell phone. She didn't answer either of those,
and so I went to her house worried, and she opened the door
eight o'clock on a Friday, acted like she'd fallen asleep. I'm like,
you weren't falling asleep, and then she started to cry. There were no
tears, so it doesn't really compare to your story, but it reminded me
of like, you know, you had somebody over here, you were,
you were doing something, and then when I got when you heard me pulling
up, then you like he ran out the back door or something. All
right, So I'm trying to find some of the Minnesota Goodbye, and I'm
being honest with you. If you wrote us An email, and you don't
hear it on the Minnesota Goodbye Today, it might especially if you wrote a
Naughty Tuesday, it might have gotten lost because there was just like we said,
there are some problems, so let me try to find one of the
Minnesota goodbyes. Here we go, naughty Tuesday. My first and only experience
with being tied up was with a boyfriend in college. He decided mid pleasure
you might say that he needed to make a run to the liquor store for
more booze. He got a speeding ticket and forever took forever getting back.
I was left in that uncomfortable posision, tied up for over an hour.
We'll never do that again again, crazy college kids or whoever. If you
don't do if you do this, don't let that person leave. Lol,
you are the best. So it would have been so done with life if
I was the one tied up on that bed and they just dip for some
fucking tequila. Well see, And that's the thing is, like, I
mean, maybe he thought it'd be funny and I'll be back in like eight
minutes or whatever, but I could not imagine leaving a naked, willing partner
tied to the bed right and putting tequila as a priority over that. I
mean, okay, oh, here's what we were going to talk about.
And this was actually a lot of fun because I was telling Drake about how
an amusement park is a good analogy for sex. Because let's say you go
to an amusement park. There are people who will say, well, let's
try this, and you'll go, no, that's really scary, or god,
I'd get sick. Or they'll be like, well let's do this.
You're like, no, that's too mild, that's boring. I don't want
to do that one. Let's do something more fun. Or you might do
a ride do let's say you do the wild Thing, Yeah, I mean
the literal wild Thing at Valley Fair, and you might get off and go,
holy fuck, that was great. I'm glad we tried that. Or
you might go, oh, god, never again. Or you might go
with somebody who is like, you know what i'd like to do. I
would like to do the chill. They just want to walk around and you're
like that's boring. Or you might go they want to do you you want
to do. Let's say you want to do steel Venom and you can use
steel venom as an analogy for whatever sex adventure you want, and they're like,
I don't want to do steel venom. That's fucking crazy. I'm never
doing steel venom. You can say the same thing about a certain sex act.
Make up your own sex act, right, But then once they try
steal venom, they might go, shit, that was great, I want
to do that again. Then Drake brought up that he likes the ride.
Boy. Your boy wants to go to the water party. You want to
go, okay, nice, moist, wet all over the place, like
okay, But now see, but there are people who would say, I'm
not going to the water park. You sick. Fuck you go to the
water park. You're discussed get water all over my face. You want to
get water on my face? You're disgusting. But there might other be somebody
like, oh yeah, open their mouth up wide for more of that water
park. So that's what I'm saying, and I think it's the perfect analogy
because if you know, if you go to the amusement park with somebody who
loves the same kind of rides that you do, it's going to be a
lot more fun day at the amusement park than if you go with somebody who
doesn't want to do anything fun right, and you want to do all the
fun shit. So I think I've come up with the perfect analogy for sex.
Let me know which things. Send your thoughts into Ryan Show at KTIWB
dot com. Okay, going back to something we talked about yesterday, and
I forget how we got into it, but it was like the craziest thing.
I think somebody wrote in and said, what's the craziest thing you saw
driving? This one says it's the same one with the naughty Tuesday about being
tied up. Took my car to the dealership for new tires. I left
the dealership, noticed a weird sound. I called my dad and basically hung
the phone out the window for him to here. He's a mechanic, he
said, pull over, immediately call the dealership, chew their ass, and
tell him to come tighten all the screws. Yep, they had not tightened
any of the screws on one of the tires. I would have crashed.
Oh my gosh, that is so dangerous. Don't you forget to do that.
I don't know another one. I was in college doing deliveries for a
home health agency driving their Ford tourist company car going down a country road and
then the accelerator jammed. No way to stop. I had to run red
lights and stop signs. Scary as shit. Call my dad in a panic
while I'm speeding down this country road and he said, it's going to wreck
the transmission, but jam it into neutral. I abruptly stopped, but at
least I stopped the car. By the way, there's a big clash action
lawsuit filed in the early two thousands about this very issue. And finally,
I hope everybody knows not to follow closely behind a loaded pickup truck. Our
neighbor had a mattress flyout and hit her car and she died awful. I
ride motorcycles. I never ride behind a truck full of wood with a mattress
on the roof a ladder, because I do not want it flying out and
hitting me. There was a video up on ninety four somewhere a couple of
years ago about like those like you tow it behind a boat. What's it
called? The kids? The kids ride on it. Oh, the what's
it called? It's you towed behind a boatbe a tube? Yeah, just
a tubing Yeah, Yeah, a tube and it flew off a car and
hit the motorcycle behind it. And I think the motorcycle had on like a
helmet cam or something. But it was like really scary. So if you
tie something to your car, make sure it's on there good. And don't
follow closely behind something on a loaded pickup truck. I never you know,
those those dump trucks that are always like on the highway or whatnot. They
got like pebbles and rocks and hauling in the backup. Oh, those are
the worst things to follow behind, man, because totally they just got all
the rocks and pebbles flying. They'll hit your windshield, they'll crack it.
I've had to do at least three windows. I've had to get them like
like patched up because of those, and it's so fucking annoying. Man.
My car right now has a big round crack in it. I was on
ninety four up by Rogers last summer or summer before last, and I didn't
see the rocket just hurt a big crack and it's a big round crack in
my windshield. I haven't got to fixed yet. Next one, we're talking
about wrong way drivers, and it says I was in rural North Carolina,
living in Wilmington, North Carolina, and I was on my way home from
a visit to my parents who lived in New York late on a Saturday night
Sunday morning. I could see off in the distance of the straightaway red and
blue police lights. Didn't pay a lot of attention to it. I figured
somebody got pulled over. Maybe forty five seconds later, I was ready to
crest a small hill and coming over the hill and the other lane was a
driver going the wrong way with the cops in hot pursuit. The lights I
had seen were the police officers trying to get him to pull over. Now
let me shift to the lesson I learned that I believe to this day saved
my life. Never park your car in the left lane when there's nobody else
on the road in the middle of the night. So if you've got a
four lane road, don't put yourself in the left lane if you don't need
to. Here is why a drunk Drivers who get off the highway will often
believe that if they stay in the right lane, they'll be fine and their
chances getting pulled over are lower. So if you're drunk, you stay in
the right lane. You drive slow, you're gonna be fine. According to
a drunk Yeah, if a driver gets on the highway going the wrong way,
their right lane is now your left lane on a four way road.
Had I not been taught that and just park myself in the left lane so
I didn't have to move, I came across the car that I wanted to
pass, I most surely would be dead today by that wrong way driver.
I know. Drake said that if you see somebody coming to how or do
you chances are you'd be able to move in time. In this case,
there would have been no time, as both of us could not see each
other because of the hill. So when you're driving late at night, don't
park yourself in the left hand lane on a four lane road because a drunk
driver might think they're in the right hand lane. Thank you, Tim,
I appreciate that. I'm hitting delete on that one. And let's go to
hold on one second. I'm still a little bit scattered here. Let's go
to Claire, Hi gang, longtime listener and love what you all provided for
the Twin Cities. Thank you. Here's a question for the podcast. When
you toast bread, do you put it in long way or short way.
Oh, good question. I'm convinced it toasts better the short way as pictured
basically laying the bread on its side and the toaster. But my husband said
it should be the long way. Please help settle this debate. Absolutely,
no, you put that the toast goes up so the the top of the
loop, the top of the low it goes top to bottom. Yeah,
I agree, That's how I do it every single time. I agree.
I've never even considered putting it in sideways. But Claire, I'm gonna try
it because it seems like it maybe would toast a little bit better. It's
a little bit deeper into the toaster, So I will try that. Claire.
I don't think it's a debate necessarily, but I think it's something intriguing
to try. I did learn something in the last couple of years that I've
been doing wrong my whole life, and that is I'll never open a banana
from the long stem part of ever again. I always open a banana from
the knobby part of the banana because it opens so much better. Yeah,
but like, where do you even dig into it to? Like? It's
easy? Try it? It's easy. You just put your thumb under the
little knobby part and you open it up and it peels just fine. If
you try to open a banana, especially one that's a little bit soft and
ripe, it doesn't open. It cracks, it splits the banana and it
becomes a mess. So next time, trust me open a banana from the
knobby stubby end. I'm scared it. It really doesn't work right out.
Serious, Thank it, Claire for that one. And then I think we
get into a lot of lost messages, So I'm gonna look one more time
under the deleted file and see whether there are any. Yeah, here's one
that I lost. Casey writes in I was driving on I ninety four middle
lane. Person left of me must have fallen asleep or they were on their
phone, because they sideswiped the concrete barrier. Scared the crap out of me.
I thought I was gonna get hit or something. The weirdest part was
they just kept right on driving. They didn't end up spinning out or stopping
at all. Next time, I'm on twenty three up north toward Hinckley.
The person in the oncoming lane, only a two lane road started to drift
into my lane. I was so confused. I moved into their lane so
they wouldn't hit me, which always scares me because if they decide to weave
back into their lane, now you're in trouble. But they stayed on the
wrong side of the road. They took out a mailbox and went to the
ditch. Finally corrected and kept on driving. It was so puzzling in both
instances they kept going. I don't know if they were sleeping on their phone
or drunk. I'm not sure why I didn't honk at them, but that
was not my first reaction. Hopefully that wasn't too long and is worthy of
a staff Rider sticker so I can show my husband. He loves to make
fun of how obsessed I am with the Dave Ryan Show. I'm get it.
I'm glad you're obsessed, Casey. Thank yeah, I get that they
want to keep going, because I mean, there's been times when I've been
driving, like for an example, I used to own a like an older
BMW back when I lived in Green Bay and I was driving to the airport.
It was about four in the morning and I had a flight. I
think it was like five thirty or something, and I was about thirty minutes
from the airport. Flight left and like just under an hour, so I
was cutting it real close, and my car engine just like exploded on the
right freeway while I was driving, okay, and it was coming out from
underneath my hood, but I was like, I need to get to the
airport. Didn't have a choice, right, I didn't have a choice,
so I just like kept driving until it wouldn't let me drive anymore. So
I get it. I don't know why. I was like, Okay,
I could just pull over, probably do less damage to the engine, and
just get a new BERD from the freeway. But I was like, that's
the last thing you want to be dealing with when you're driving, is car
issues on the side of the road, Like this is a last thing ken
as funny is that you know you mentioned that I think about. We grew
up without a lot of money, so every car we had was old and
not in the best shape. We would drive to Montana to see my grandma
from Colorado, about a two day drive, you know, if you drove
fast, but we never drove fast, so we would camp overnight, and
almost every summer we broke down. It was tradition that we'd be in the
middle of nowhere by fucking like I don't know, Mile City, Montana,
and our car would break down and it's desolate out there, and there was
no cell phones back then. Yeah, so our car would like a googoo
gookok gook goo good good gook gook gook gook. All of us kids in
the back. Dad would get out look under the hood, which was in
the back on a Volkswagen bus, which is what we had, look under
there and go like, oh, yeah, okay, the so and so
is out, and he would walk to the nearest farmhouse what which would be
five miles away or whatever. And then a while later the tow truck would
come and all of us kids would sit in the Volkswagen bus and they'd tow
us back to Miles City or to Broadest Fontana or wherever, and we'd sit
there and wait for a couple of days and camp while we got the car
fixed. See, And it was every summer, every fucking summer. And
I still have an anxiety about a car breaking down the middle of nowhere.
Yeah, I get that. See that shows how much times have changed,
because I'd be so scared of myself or somebody else just going up to somebody's
random house. Nowadays, yeah, and just like especially like a ranch,
because I don't know, it's just like, uh, but the times whatever.
You didn't have phones back there, what else were you gonna do?
No? I totally get it, because you know, back then, I
think people were like more helpful and friendly and if they saw somebody approaching,
you know, it's like in an old Western, it's like, hey,
I need a place to stay for the night and some victuals. Can I
have some vittles and a place to stay for the night. Back then,
you probably could. Carson was at his friend Ty's house the other day and
he said, I'm calling him, but he's not answering the door. He's
not coming out. Because you know, Carson pulls up at Tie's house and
I said, we'll go to the door. He said, to be honest
with you, I'm not sure which house is his. I've been here a
couple of times, but I'm not sure which house is his. Okay,
go ring the doorbell and ask if this is TI's house. And then I
thought, in twenty twenty three, some crazy nut would open the door with
a shotgun and go, what do you want son Ae hundred percent. So
he did ring the right doorbell and it was Tie's house, so everything was
okay. So let's see if we I'm going to check the recorder and see
if we got through the Minnesota Goodbye. We did. We got through one
nineteen minutes exactly right there, So we do need stuff for tomorrow. If
you want a staff writer sticker, we'd love to send you a staff writer
sticker. I'm a little bit behind on sending those out, so if you
haven't gotten one, then it should be there in the next couple of days.
And if you want a staff writer sticker that proves you got your email
read on the Minnesota Goodbye, I'd love to send you one, but we
got to read it, so send it to Ryan Show at KTWB dot com
and thank you for listening.