WEBVTT

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It's the Lapsed Fan Wrestling Podcast with
Jack and carn Seo and JP Sorrow and

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welcome back to the TLF twenty twenty
three Christmas Show, again presented this year

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in bite sized format. Consider it
a fully stocked stuffing. Wait a minute,

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a fully stuffed stocking. I'll be
or you know, we could have

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some fully stocked stuffing too. Yeah, I can stock in that stuff.

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Got chestnuts up there? I saw, so this was, Oh my god.

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Yeah, I think John Sorrow went
to the fucking market. Here's what

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happened. Does he do this stuffing
every year? He does this stuffing,

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but he fucking loves them chestnuts?
Recording before Thanksgiving? Are we are?

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You're very uh, I'm very excited. It's kind of great because you know,

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King of the Jews ends the weekend
before Thanksgiving, so it's kind of

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like work work work, work,
work, work work, and then ah,

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that's like that beautiful holiday break.
College. That's what you know.

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We talk about the magic of Christmas
every year. I feel like that's kind

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of I mean, I've talked about
this before. That's what we're reaching for.

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We're reaching, of course, for
the gifts, we're reaching for the

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warmth we're reaching for the sites,
the sounds, the smells, the family,

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the camaraderie, but we're also reaching
for that guaranteed time off. Yes,

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that that guiltless period of time where
you can just do what you want

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and you know every year that these
days are yours. And there's nothing more

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magical than that. As you get
to be high school and college age,

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because it's like full liberal, oh
my god, Like I remember, I

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would just watch all the movies that
are there for Christmas. I remember one

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time I one year, I don't
know what it was, in college,

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and it was when they came out
with the Alien four movie box set,

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and I remember I got that for
Christmas and I just fucking spent the next

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day just watching all four Alien movies. And you can count on it.

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Even when you get to be an
adult and you have a job, you

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still can't you can't necessarily count on
it being free time. But in those

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years when you're in school, man, it's like ye put that in the

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camp because you got you got a
you know, semester's over so right,

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it's not even like it's not even
like there's stuff you have to keep brushed

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up on. So when you come
back to school. You cannot forget all

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the material. It's a totally new
slate of classes in college, right,

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and it's like a month off.
It's fucking unbelievable. I highly recommend it.

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Yeah, it costs a lot to
go to college, but that's one

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thing. It's a definitely perk to
have a month off. It's funny how

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much you pay for college and you
have all this time off. Yeah,

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it's almost like the opposite. You
know, public school is free and you're

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in there like two times longer.
It's almost like they're fucking you, right,

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Yeah, it's almost like it's all
a hustle. And speaking of a

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hustle, we continue to dip into
the Kiddy of Christmas. Package is sent

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our way by incredibly generous and thoughtful
members of the Lapsed Fan Solar System.

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Of course, the best audience in
podcasting, the envy of all podcasting,

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is the ISTLFN and of itself,
let alone the Solar Systems once again here

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with this bounty, proving themselves worthy. So it's it's it's packaged too.

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The unwrapping number two for twenty twenty
three, and what do we have?

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This is from Cliff Cliff Perino.
Oh, we love Cliff, We do

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love Cliff. He was the first
recipient of our surprise Yes Hopper giveaway,

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which we hope to resurrect for twenty
twenty four. So this is twenty three.

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So Manila envelope that's been taped.
It definitely feels like I'm going to

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Guess magazine. Yeah, Cliff,
for those who don't remember, his wife

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reached out to us on Christmas and
said he really wants a Hopper show,

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but he knew he couldn't justify it
in terms of household expenses. Yeah,

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so he said, let's do it. Let's fucking do it. And he

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put that great New Year's Eve ninety
seven raw, remember the one with gold

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with gold dust stuff like the lew
Year's Baby. It gets thrown into the

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camode by Steve Austin. Okay,
what did Cliff send us? Oh my

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god? What dear co chairs.
It's a letter to start. I asked

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chat gpt No to write me four
scenes slash stories based on memorable anecdotes and

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events from the lapsed fan. Merry
Christmas and thank you for another year of

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entertainment. I hope you enjoy these. You read one I read he made

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copies for both of us. I
think they're scripts, so we have to

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we have to read them. Oh
I see. Okay, Oh this is

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fucking great. So chat GPT knows
enough about our pod that it can write

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a script. I didn't know that. Oh God, what the fuck?

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This is such a great gift.
Okay, this is good, this gift

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that's going to keep on giving.
Oh yes, all right, so number

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one, Yeah, I'll do the
uh things. Interior Sorrow's basement. Oh

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no, shit, that's exactly where
we are right now. How fucking serendipitous

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is that? Jack and Carnassio and
JP Sorrow, both in their late twenties,

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sit at a worn out couch,
a large TV in front of them.

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They're surrounded by wrestling memorabilia. What
is happening? That's exactly what's happened.

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We're not on a couch or They're
surrounded by wrestling memorabilia, posters,

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and action figures. Eagerly anticipating Royal
Rumble two thousand and five. The room

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is buzzing with excitement, but suddenly
the tranquility is shattered as a loud,

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gushing sound echoes through the basement.
Water begins to pour from a broken pipe.

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Oh, for the love JP,
Jack, help me quick. The

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basement is flooding. JP and Jack
look at each other, seemingly unfazed by

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the crisis at hand. Mister Sorrow
dashes to grab a bucket and desperately tries

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to contain the deluge of water.
Well, that's inconvenient, Jack and Carnassio

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nods, seemingly more concerned about the
impending wrestling event. That's me, that's

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me, Okay, the rumble's about
to start. The ambulance is going to

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have to come pick yet, I'm
not going on. We don't, you

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know, find someone else to take
care of the flood. I mean,

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does chet GPT know that your dad
had that hilarious meltdown because your basement flooded

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once I mentioned it once. Well, we talked about it, and I

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guess that's what you know. He
remembered that that's sick and we can have

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a whole scene about it. Yeah, this is an ideal timing, JP.

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I would say this in my head, thought out loud. Mister Sorrow

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continues to curse and scream as the
water level rises. He's now knee deep

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in the mess, frantically looking for
a way to shut off the water,

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you know, Jack, Rumble nine
two thousand and five is once in a

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lifetime event. We can't miss it. It's fucking so brilliant and random.

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Jack nods in agreement, his focus
firmly on the TV screen. Absolutely,

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it's not every it's not every day
you get to see stone cold Steve Austin

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backing out. Sit mister sorrow overhears
the conversation and glares at them, dripping

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wet and furious. Are you too
kidding me? My basement is drowning and

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you're talking about wrestling? Help me, damn it? All right, all

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right, Dan, we'll be upstairs
watching our wrestling show. All right,

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all right, how about you gonna
help them? And then you so so

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when he says help me, damn
it and you say all right, all

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right, dad, that means we're
just gonna watch wrestling. Like in other

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words, we know what you want
us to do. We're gonna go upstairs

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and watch it. Right, I
get a Dad, we're in your way.

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We'll go. We know our lack
of help is type the fact that

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we're downstairs of him. Jack and
I say, good luck with this though,

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put in your mouth. I mean
they know you too well, I

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guess. Jack and JP casually get
up and make their way to the door.

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As they exit, they leave mister
Sorrow to deal with the basement disaster,

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the mind set on the wrestling spectacle
awaiting them. Mister Sorrow's angry rands

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continue in the background. Is the
two friends ascend the stairs to enjoy going

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up the stairs. That's funny like
slowly like like knees creaking like flour boards,

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creaking, total disregards for the chaos
below, Send the stairs to enjoy.

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Roy Rumble two thousand and five,
seemingly unburdened by the chaos below,

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has can you do him? As
water continues to flood the basement, Hardcore

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Holy arrives. He his rugged face, stern and determined. He immediately joins

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mister Sorrow in the in the back
against the flood, taking buckets and helping

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to contain the water. Once they
managed to get the situation somewhat under control,

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Hardcore Holly climbs the stairs, water
drenched, and heads straight for JP

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and Jack. You too, you
think it's finally Mitter Sorrow dealing with this

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mess while you watch wrestling all have
you? No? But before Hardcore Holly

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can unleash his fury. Jack and
Carnassio, with his characteristic sense of humor,

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nonchalantly responds, cool, it came
up with that came up with the

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hardcore. Holly stares at Jack,
I'm actually feeling nervous and yes, his

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anger momentarily deflated. He had expected
a more apologetic response, but Jack's casual

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reply leaves him speechless. Well that's
not what you should be. Jack and

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JP exchange a glance, clearly not
taking hardcore Holly's threat too seriously. Hardcore,

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if you want to include us in
the sequel to your book, feel

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free, we'll be flattered. Hardcore
Holly, still dripping with water and flustered

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by their nonchalant attitude, seems to
be at a loss for words. He

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eventually shakes his head, seemingly realizing
that he might not get the reaction he

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expected. I can't deal with this
right now. Hardcore Holly walks away,

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leaving Jack and JP to their wrestling
show. Their attitudes unchanged and they're focused

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firmly on the Royal Rumble match they
were watching. What a bitch, that's

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what they hit? You say about
hardcore? Ali and he's there in person,

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hoping my dad fucking like as if
he heard my dad, Oh here

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for you, mister, so I'm
gunning. He's like, he's somebody that

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would say hardcore Holly would save six
people from a flood and then complain why

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when the news interviewed him about it, He's goddamn, six people were sitting

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there. Shit. I don't know
what the fuck they're thinking, but they're

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putting everybody at risk. Jack and
Carnassio turns to JP, raising an eyebrow.

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JP, you know sometimes it's entertaining
to watch people with bad attitudes.

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How do they know that keeps life
interesting? That's something I would totally say,

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Oh my god. J. Britten's
conceding the point as they both continue

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to enjoy their wrestling show, Episode
one from Cliff's fucking legend already legendary Christmas

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Show Gift and oh my god,
he's a lapsed fan wrestling podcast with Jack

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and Carnacio m JP sorrow, He's
a lapsed fan wrestling podcast. How about

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number two? Number two Interior m
m A Arena autograph session day. The

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atmosphere and the MMA Arena was electric
as fans gathered around the autograph booth to

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meet the legendary fighter to pro wrestler. Legendary some legendary fighter turned pro wrestler

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turned MMA fighter. The fighter was
he before? A freedom fighter? Oh?

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Excuse a foo fighter? Oh they
just forgot the l I'll say he's

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a flighter, More like a legendary
flighter. Sean, oh Hair, Jack

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and Carnassio, a seasoned m and
a journalist approaches the booth, his notepad

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and recorder in hand. Sean,
it's great to see you back in the

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world of mma. How does it
feel to be here again? Thanks?

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Jack, It's good to be back. These fans have always showed me tremendous

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support. Sean signed a photo of
himself throwing a signature grin in the process.

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But Jack had an agenda and he
leaned it a little closer. I

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just did it. I just did
the face. That's the magic of getting

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us the gift early as we can. Sean, there's been some talk lately

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about the possibility of the APA making
an appearance tonight. Do you fear a

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sneak attack from those guys during your
fight? You want to see what it

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feels like. Jack, don't want
to throw you with a Charles River.

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This is unreal. Jack tried to
maintain his composure, pretending not to catch

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Sean's veiled threat. No at tension
was palpable, but Jack managed to steer

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the conversation back towards the m and
a fight. So, Sean, your

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fight is just a few hours away. What's your game plan for tonight?

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Game plan? You know what?
Check I've been thinking. I've been I've

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been missing the good old days when
we used to push the boundaries. What

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the fuck you ever Skinny dip to
the Charles River? My bill? Well,

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he ever gamed it in the ar
somehow sounds threatening? Jack bewildered.

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Skinny dipped in the Charles River.
No can't say that I have. Well,

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I think it's about time we changed
that. Shohn O'Hare abruptly stood up,

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leaving the autograph session behind, and
started making his way toward the arena's

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exit. Sean, are you sure
about this? Your fight is just a

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few hours away. But it was
too late. Sean O'Hare had made up

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his mind. He headed towards the
Charles River, a mischievous smile on his

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face, leaving behind a perplexed Jack
and Carnassio and a gathering of baffled fans

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who couldn't quite believe what they had
just witnessed. That's just amazing, that

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hilarious. Our stalking is stuffed.
Thank you, Cliff. He's an Lapsed

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fan wrestling podcast with Jack and Carnassio
MJP Sorrow. He's a Lapsed fan wrestling

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podcast, Episode number three coming your
way on the TLF twenty twenty three Christmas

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Show Interior Italian Restaurant evening. The
Italian restaurant was dimly lit with red and

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white checkered tablecloths in a lively atmosphere. How detailed Jack and Carnassio, a

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tall man with a mischievous smile.
That's it, that's Actue sat at a

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long table with his best friend J. P. Sarrow and a round a

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group of friends. They were all
there to celebrate JP's upcoming wedding in Joe

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had planned an unforgettable bachelor party.
As the evening unfolded, the laughter and

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clinking of glasses filled the air.
Suddenly, the room buzzed with excitement.

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As Virgil that's the last thing.
It buzz Yeah, you know, he

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was buzzed, alright, he was
buzzed. He was buzzed in the whole

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place. That thing was buzzing with
excitement. I'll tell you that a former

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professional wrestler entered the restaurant. His
larger than life presence made it impossible to

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go unnoticed. Yeah it is Peluka. Joe Jack with a grin that stretched

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from ear to ear. Well,
that's accurate, that's true, stood up

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and welcomed Virgil with a hearty hand
shake. Virgil, my man, thanks

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for joining us. This is JP, the groom to be. JP extended

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his hand to Virgil, who gave
it a vigorous shake. Pleasure to oh,

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pleasure to meet you, JP said, his eyes wide with awe.

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Virgil chuckle the deep booming laugh.
Can you do Virgil? Likewise, JP

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happened. He's really dusty. But
I've heard great things about you. You're

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about to join the most exclusive club
in the world, married life. Well,

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one thing I will give chat GBT
is that's exactly how Virgil talks.

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I can picture Virgil saying, you're
about to join the most exclusive club in

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the world, married life. The
classes and the party was in full swing,

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but as soon as the conversation turned
to Virgil's career, he seemed oddly

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preoccupied. Diddy uh, Virgil,
tell us about your wrestling days. I'm

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also diddy. Virgil's eyes darted around, his gaze, settling on a bowl

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of bread sticks. Wrestling was great, but you know what was bit of

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mythos? You guys tried the Metho's
ears to die for. The friends exchanged

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puzzled glances, and JP cleared his
throat. Yep, we're here for some

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wrestling stories, Virgil. How did
you get into the business? Virgil nodded,

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but his attention was clearly divided,
especially with with him talking about his

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career. Com ou up here exactly. Well, the thing is, I

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started as a substitute math teacher before
I hit it big in wrestling. I

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was pulling it over one hundred thousand
dollars a year just from substitute teaching alone.

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The guests were flabbergasted, but Virgil
was undeterred. But you know what's

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even But you know what's even better
than one hundred thousand dollars. Meat sauce

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is the stuff of legends, Virgil
says, of meat sauce, It's the

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stuff of legends. Now what exactly
does he mean by that? I mean,

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also he would prefer meat sauce over
one hundred grand Jesus Christ. I

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mean, oh, fuck, big
show, wouldn't Jack leaned in, trying

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to get the conversation snickers and meat
sauce. You know what, you prefer

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meat sauce on a one hundred grand? Jack leaned in, trying to keep

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the conversation on track. Virgil,
what was your most memorable match? Virgil

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paused for a moment, then brightened. Oh was this one time I was

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wrested as a giant and he tried
to body slammy, But instead of slamon

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me, he speaking of the ball
white. Let's say this instead of a

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sammy big butt of meat say it
again, say that blind again. But

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instead of slam and me, he
ended up in a big butt of meat

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sauce. It was incredible. I
mean, how how do you instead of

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being slammed or instead of slamming,
end up in meat sauce? Just don't

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even let me, let me,
don't even read it. Don't me next

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line, my next line, because
it's it's me anyway. Then JP's eyes

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furrowed. Virgil. Yes, I'm
pretty sure you're talking about a spaghetti wrestling

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match, not an actual wrestling match. Spaghetti wrestling match they do. They

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call it that because it's film in
Italy. That's a fucking Italian wrestling scene.

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That's what it is. Spaghetti wrestling
supposed to spaghetti western that's right.

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Oh fuck, that's good. Wow. Virgil waved his hand dismissively. Details

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details, wrestling, spaghetti wrestlers all
the same to me. Meat sauce is

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where it's get that fucking spaghetti wrestling
shirt going. Wrestlings gonna happen a ring

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linguini or something. You gotta put
a tomato stain. Oh yeah. The

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friends couldn't help it laugh at Virgil's
bizarre obsession with meat sauce. As the

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night continued, Virgil regaled them with
wild stories about about meat sauce, while

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the conversation about wrestling remained mostly untouched. As Virgil continued to enjoy the Italian

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cuisine, JP and his friends couldn't
help but appreciate the unique and unforgettable bachelor

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party experience that Jacket orchestrated. It
was a night filled with laughter, outrageous

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claims, and of course, an
unexpected fascination with leach sauce. Holy shit,

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he's an lapsed fan. Wrestling podcast
with Jack and Carnacio and JP Sorrows,

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a lapsed fan wrestling podcast, and
finally Number four God Interior Abandoned Pontiac

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Silverdome night dimly lit and echoing with
silence. The abandoned Pontiac Silverdome was a

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relic of a bygone era. Jack
and Carnassio and JP sorrow both wrestling enthusiasts,

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walked across the dusty, cracked floor
of the once mighty Stadium. The

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place was vast and eerie, the
remnants of a wrestling world that had ooh

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gone. Jack, an avid fan
of Hulk Hogan, couldn't resist the opportunity

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to recreate one of wrestling's most iconic
moments. He tore his T shirt,

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emulating the Holsters style and flexed his
muscles as they reached the center of the

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stadium, JP, you ready for
this, brother, JP, who was

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considerably taller and heavier than Jack,
took on the roll of the legendary Andre

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the Giant. He let out a
deep, rumbling laugh in his best Andre

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in person balls. Jack, channeling
his inner Hogan, crouched low and hoisted

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JP ono his shoulder. He struggled, I wish I know that'd have been

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nice to fet, you should have
want to runaissance rumblefort before we went there,

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actually taking it. He struggled,
putting everything he had, and yeah,

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right like that, that trains you
to do that, right. He

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struggled, putting everything he had into
the performance, and then with a tremendous

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effort, slam JP onto the mat. Okay, the abandoned silverdome has a

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mat, has a mat. Yeah
that's the Ai, that's the AI.

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Hallucinating as they say, they both
shared a laugh, relishing the homage.

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Just as they're about to celebrate further, JP has his hand over his mouth

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because he's reading ahead of me.
So I can't wait to see what's coming.

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A figure and a yellow bandanna and
sunglasses. Suddenly Beard from the Shadows.

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What's going on here? Brother?
What are you trying to do?

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Should I hate? Dude? Are
you trying to take my spot? Jack

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and JP turned to see the real
Hul Cogan standing before them, his gaze

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piercing with suspicion. Uh, Hulk, it's it's just a tribute, man.

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We're big fans, just just having
some fun. Brother. Yeah,

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we're not trying to take anyone's spot. We're just we just love the wrestling

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business, hul cogin we want the
wrestling What hull Cogan is staring at you

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with a deep paranoid suspicion that what
you might be I saw my live hoof.

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I saw a live hoof, with
a suspicion that what you're doing might

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harm his enterprise. The way out
of it is to say, just love

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the wrestling business. Paul Higan stared
at them for a moment before nodding approvingly,

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his paranoia dissipating. All right,
brothers, as long as you're not

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here to mess with the Holtzer's legacy, you'll carry on with your fund,

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dude. Just as the tension seemed
to subside, a spectral figure began to

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materialize in the dim light behind them. It was the ghostly form of Andre

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the Giant. Jack and JP turned
to see the towering specter of the eighth

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Wonder of the World. Other boys, you're a the blue like the jarb.

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Jack and JP exchanged a perplexed glance
as they ghostly as the ghostly Andre

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stepped closer. Without warning, Andre
extended his massive ghostly thumbs, very ghostly

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as Andre, Yes, yes,
CHATCHYBT assume Andrea is ghostly and performed the

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infamous wrestling move known as the here's
a Christmas surprise. But talk about a

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stock on stocking and how about an
anal stuffer? And look, hold on,

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hold on a second. So I
said, you know, because it

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was a pun. It was it
was a call. I said it because

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it had something to do with Christmas, and it was a callback to something

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we've already said, talk about a
stocking stuffer. And there was like,

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you know, and it was subtle. It was like, you know,

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oh, let's say you know and
you go no subtle to here you go.

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You'll be funny if instead of that, I said, yeah, how

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about an anal stuffer? Is that
the noise? I can't want you to

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know? Then when he made that
noise, he stuck a thumbs up.

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The skyworks because when you when you
oil check someone, you go up because

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are above your your their asshole is
above you. Oh what's the noise again

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00:26:18.400 --> 00:26:27.079
about oil check? God, that's
funny. Is the person that makes the

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loud noise is not the person getting
Andre's thumb jammed up their ass. It

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does hurt, it's hurts in person. Oh my god, it's that fucking

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Christmas show you stupid pichails, motherfucking
pieces, and you already know what it

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was? The hell? Were we
all right? Oil cheese? But oh

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yeah? And then we both say, whoa. The good old Dose boys

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keep their wrestling spirit alive. It's
like being visited by the ghost of Christmas

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pant as Andre's ghostly form faded into
the ether. Jack and JP looked at

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each other, their expressions a mix
of surprise, confusion, and amusement.

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Well, I guess we could say
we've been blessed by the Giant himself.

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That's a once in a lifetime experience. Brother. With the memory of the

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00:27:26.519 --> 00:27:30.359
Pontiac Silver Doma and their encounter with
the legendary wrestlers, they continue to explore

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the abandoned stadium, paying their respects
to the wrestling history that still lingered in

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its decaying walls. What about that
Clift fucking Christ that great Thank you,

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00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:45.599
Cliff, that's a barrel of laughs. We won't soon forget the creativity of

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the TLF solar system uniquely shines through
this time of year. I want to

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thank you for joining us for the
latest unwrapping in the twenty twenty three TLF

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Christmas Show campaign and keep it locked
to this feed for the next gift Christmas.

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00:28:02.519 --> 00:28:07.160
Who Is Succeeding Preceeding is a production
of the LAPS Entertainment Group. Its

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content is intended for private use only. W