It's the Lapsed Fan Wrestling Podcast with Jack and carn Seo and JP Sorrow and
welcome back to the TLF twenty twenty three Christmas Show, again presented this year
in bite sized format. Consider it a fully stocked stuffing. Wait a minute,
a fully stuffed stocking. I'll be or you know, we could have
some fully stocked stuffing too. Yeah, I can stock in that stuff.
Got chestnuts up there? I saw, so this was, Oh my god.
Yeah, I think John Sorrow went to the fucking market. Here's what
happened. Does he do this stuffing every year? He does this stuffing,
but he fucking loves them chestnuts? Recording before Thanksgiving? Are we are?
You're very uh, I'm very excited. It's kind of great because you know,
King of the Jews ends the weekend before Thanksgiving, so it's kind of
like work work work, work, work, work work, and then ah,
that's like that beautiful holiday break. College. That's what you know.
We talk about the magic of Christmas every year. I feel like that's kind
of I mean, I've talked about this before. That's what we're reaching for.
We're reaching, of course, for the gifts, we're reaching for the
warmth we're reaching for the sites, the sounds, the smells, the family,
the camaraderie, but we're also reaching for that guaranteed time off. Yes,
that that guiltless period of time where you can just do what you want
and you know every year that these days are yours. And there's nothing more
magical than that. As you get to be high school and college age,
because it's like full liberal, oh my god, Like I remember, I
would just watch all the movies that are there for Christmas. I remember one
time I one year, I don't know what it was, in college,
and it was when they came out with the Alien four movie box set,
and I remember I got that for Christmas and I just fucking spent the next
day just watching all four Alien movies. And you can count on it.
Even when you get to be an adult and you have a job, you
still can't you can't necessarily count on it being free time. But in those
years when you're in school, man, it's like ye put that in the
camp because you got you got a you know, semester's over so right,
it's not even like it's not even like there's stuff you have to keep brushed
up on. So when you come back to school. You cannot forget all
the material. It's a totally new slate of classes in college, right,
and it's like a month off. It's fucking unbelievable. I highly recommend it.
Yeah, it costs a lot to go to college, but that's one
thing. It's a definitely perk to have a month off. It's funny how
much you pay for college and you have all this time off. Yeah,
it's almost like the opposite. You know, public school is free and you're
in there like two times longer. It's almost like they're fucking you, right,
Yeah, it's almost like it's all a hustle. And speaking of a
hustle, we continue to dip into the Kiddy of Christmas. Package is sent
our way by incredibly generous and thoughtful members of the Lapsed Fan Solar System.
Of course, the best audience in podcasting, the envy of all podcasting,
is the ISTLFN and of itself, let alone the Solar Systems once again here
with this bounty, proving themselves worthy. So it's it's it's packaged too.
The unwrapping number two for twenty twenty three, and what do we have?
This is from Cliff Cliff Perino. Oh, we love Cliff, We do
love Cliff. He was the first recipient of our surprise Yes Hopper giveaway,
which we hope to resurrect for twenty twenty four. So this is twenty three.
So Manila envelope that's been taped. It definitely feels like I'm going to
Guess magazine. Yeah, Cliff, for those who don't remember, his wife
reached out to us on Christmas and said he really wants a Hopper show,
but he knew he couldn't justify it in terms of household expenses. Yeah,
so he said, let's do it. Let's fucking do it. And he
put that great New Year's Eve ninety seven raw, remember the one with gold
with gold dust stuff like the lew Year's Baby. It gets thrown into the
camode by Steve Austin. Okay, what did Cliff send us? Oh my
god? What dear co chairs. It's a letter to start. I asked
chat gpt No to write me four scenes slash stories based on memorable anecdotes and
events from the lapsed fan. Merry Christmas and thank you for another year of
entertainment. I hope you enjoy these. You read one I read he made
copies for both of us. I think they're scripts, so we have to
we have to read them. Oh I see. Okay, Oh this is
fucking great. So chat GPT knows enough about our pod that it can write
a script. I didn't know that. Oh God, what the fuck?
This is such a great gift. Okay, this is good, this gift
that's going to keep on giving. Oh yes, all right, so number
one, Yeah, I'll do the uh things. Interior Sorrow's basement. Oh
no, shit, that's exactly where we are right now. How fucking serendipitous
is that? Jack and Carnassio and JP Sorrow, both in their late twenties,
sit at a worn out couch, a large TV in front of them.
They're surrounded by wrestling memorabilia. What is happening? That's exactly what's happened.
We're not on a couch or They're surrounded by wrestling memorabilia, posters,
and action figures. Eagerly anticipating Royal Rumble two thousand and five. The room
is buzzing with excitement, but suddenly the tranquility is shattered as a loud,
gushing sound echoes through the basement. Water begins to pour from a broken pipe.
Oh, for the love JP, Jack, help me quick. The
basement is flooding. JP and Jack look at each other, seemingly unfazed by
the crisis at hand. Mister Sorrow dashes to grab a bucket and desperately tries
to contain the deluge of water. Well, that's inconvenient, Jack and Carnassio
nods, seemingly more concerned about the impending wrestling event. That's me, that's
me, Okay, the rumble's about to start. The ambulance is going to
have to come pick yet, I'm not going on. We don't, you
know, find someone else to take care of the flood. I mean,
does chet GPT know that your dad had that hilarious meltdown because your basement flooded
once I mentioned it once. Well, we talked about it, and I
guess that's what you know. He remembered that that's sick and we can have
a whole scene about it. Yeah, this is an ideal timing, JP.
I would say this in my head, thought out loud. Mister Sorrow
continues to curse and scream as the water level rises. He's now knee deep
in the mess, frantically looking for a way to shut off the water,
you know, Jack, Rumble nine two thousand and five is once in a
lifetime event. We can't miss it. It's fucking so brilliant and random.
Jack nods in agreement, his focus firmly on the TV screen. Absolutely,
it's not every it's not every day you get to see stone cold Steve Austin
backing out. Sit mister sorrow overhears the conversation and glares at them, dripping
wet and furious. Are you too kidding me? My basement is drowning and
you're talking about wrestling? Help me, damn it? All right, all
right, Dan, we'll be upstairs watching our wrestling show. All right,
all right, how about you gonna help them? And then you so so
when he says help me, damn it and you say all right, all
right, dad, that means we're just gonna watch wrestling. Like in other
words, we know what you want us to do. We're gonna go upstairs
and watch it. Right, I get a Dad, we're in your way.
We'll go. We know our lack of help is type the fact that
we're downstairs of him. Jack and I say, good luck with this though,
put in your mouth. I mean they know you too well, I
guess. Jack and JP casually get up and make their way to the door.
As they exit, they leave mister Sorrow to deal with the basement disaster,
the mind set on the wrestling spectacle awaiting them. Mister Sorrow's angry rands
continue in the background. Is the two friends ascend the stairs to enjoy going
up the stairs. That's funny like slowly like like knees creaking like flour boards,
creaking, total disregards for the chaos below, Send the stairs to enjoy.
Roy Rumble two thousand and five, seemingly unburdened by the chaos below,
has can you do him? As water continues to flood the basement, Hardcore
Holy arrives. He his rugged face, stern and determined. He immediately joins
mister Sorrow in the in the back against the flood, taking buckets and helping
to contain the water. Once they managed to get the situation somewhat under control,
Hardcore Holly climbs the stairs, water drenched, and heads straight for JP
and Jack. You too, you think it's finally Mitter Sorrow dealing with this
mess while you watch wrestling all have you? No? But before Hardcore Holly
can unleash his fury. Jack and Carnassio, with his characteristic sense of humor,
nonchalantly responds, cool, it came up with that came up with the
hardcore. Holly stares at Jack, I'm actually feeling nervous and yes, his
anger momentarily deflated. He had expected a more apologetic response, but Jack's casual
reply leaves him speechless. Well that's not what you should be. Jack and
JP exchange a glance, clearly not taking hardcore Holly's threat too seriously. Hardcore,
if you want to include us in the sequel to your book, feel
free, we'll be flattered. Hardcore Holly, still dripping with water and flustered
by their nonchalant attitude, seems to be at a loss for words. He
eventually shakes his head, seemingly realizing that he might not get the reaction he
expected. I can't deal with this right now. Hardcore Holly walks away,
leaving Jack and JP to their wrestling show. Their attitudes unchanged and they're focused
firmly on the Royal Rumble match they were watching. What a bitch, that's
what they hit? You say about hardcore? Ali and he's there in person,
hoping my dad fucking like as if he heard my dad, Oh here
for you, mister, so I'm gunning. He's like, he's somebody that
would say hardcore Holly would save six people from a flood and then complain why
when the news interviewed him about it, He's goddamn, six people were sitting
there. Shit. I don't know what the fuck they're thinking, but they're
putting everybody at risk. Jack and Carnassio turns to JP, raising an eyebrow.
JP, you know sometimes it's entertaining to watch people with bad attitudes.
How do they know that keeps life interesting? That's something I would totally say,
Oh my god. J. Britten's conceding the point as they both continue
to enjoy their wrestling show, Episode one from Cliff's fucking legend already legendary Christmas
Show Gift and oh my god, he's a lapsed fan wrestling podcast with Jack
and Carnacio m JP sorrow, He's a lapsed fan wrestling podcast. How about
number two? Number two Interior m m A Arena autograph session day. The
atmosphere and the MMA Arena was electric as fans gathered around the autograph booth to
meet the legendary fighter to pro wrestler. Legendary some legendary fighter turned pro wrestler
turned MMA fighter. The fighter was he before? A freedom fighter? Oh?
Excuse a foo fighter? Oh they just forgot the l I'll say he's
a flighter, More like a legendary flighter. Sean, oh Hair, Jack
and Carnassio, a seasoned m and a journalist approaches the booth, his notepad
and recorder in hand. Sean, it's great to see you back in the
world of mma. How does it feel to be here again? Thanks?
Jack, It's good to be back. These fans have always showed me tremendous
support. Sean signed a photo of himself throwing a signature grin in the process.
But Jack had an agenda and he leaned it a little closer. I
just did it. I just did the face. That's the magic of getting
us the gift early as we can. Sean, there's been some talk lately
about the possibility of the APA making an appearance tonight. Do you fear a
sneak attack from those guys during your fight? You want to see what it
feels like. Jack, don't want to throw you with a Charles River.
This is unreal. Jack tried to maintain his composure, pretending not to catch
Sean's veiled threat. No at tension was palpable, but Jack managed to steer
the conversation back towards the m and a fight. So, Sean, your
fight is just a few hours away. What's your game plan for tonight?
Game plan? You know what? Check I've been thinking. I've been I've
been missing the good old days when we used to push the boundaries. What
the fuck you ever Skinny dip to the Charles River? My bill? Well,
he ever gamed it in the ar somehow sounds threatening? Jack bewildered.
Skinny dipped in the Charles River. No can't say that I have. Well,
I think it's about time we changed that. Shohn O'Hare abruptly stood up,
leaving the autograph session behind, and started making his way toward the arena's
exit. Sean, are you sure about this? Your fight is just a
few hours away. But it was too late. Sean O'Hare had made up
his mind. He headed towards the Charles River, a mischievous smile on his
face, leaving behind a perplexed Jack and Carnassio and a gathering of baffled fans
who couldn't quite believe what they had just witnessed. That's just amazing, that
hilarious. Our stalking is stuffed. Thank you, Cliff. He's an Lapsed
fan wrestling podcast with Jack and Carnassio MJP Sorrow. He's a Lapsed fan wrestling
podcast, Episode number three coming your way on the TLF twenty twenty three Christmas
Show Interior Italian Restaurant evening. The Italian restaurant was dimly lit with red and
white checkered tablecloths in a lively atmosphere. How detailed Jack and Carnassio, a
tall man with a mischievous smile. That's it, that's Actue sat at a
long table with his best friend J. P. Sarrow and a round a
group of friends. They were all there to celebrate JP's upcoming wedding in Joe
had planned an unforgettable bachelor party. As the evening unfolded, the laughter and
clinking of glasses filled the air. Suddenly, the room buzzed with excitement.
As Virgil that's the last thing. It buzz Yeah, you know, he
was buzzed, alright, he was buzzed. He was buzzed in the whole
place. That thing was buzzing with excitement. I'll tell you that a former
professional wrestler entered the restaurant. His larger than life presence made it impossible to
go unnoticed. Yeah it is Peluka. Joe Jack with a grin that stretched
from ear to ear. Well, that's accurate, that's true, stood up
and welcomed Virgil with a hearty hand shake. Virgil, my man, thanks
for joining us. This is JP, the groom to be. JP extended
his hand to Virgil, who gave it a vigorous shake. Pleasure to oh,
pleasure to meet you, JP said, his eyes wide with awe.
Virgil chuckle the deep booming laugh. Can you do Virgil? Likewise, JP
happened. He's really dusty. But I've heard great things about you. You're
about to join the most exclusive club in the world, married life. Well,
one thing I will give chat GBT is that's exactly how Virgil talks.
I can picture Virgil saying, you're about to join the most exclusive club in
the world, married life. The classes and the party was in full swing,
but as soon as the conversation turned to Virgil's career, he seemed oddly
preoccupied. Diddy uh, Virgil, tell us about your wrestling days. I'm
also diddy. Virgil's eyes darted around, his gaze, settling on a bowl
of bread sticks. Wrestling was great, but you know what was bit of
mythos? You guys tried the Metho's ears to die for. The friends exchanged
puzzled glances, and JP cleared his throat. Yep, we're here for some
wrestling stories, Virgil. How did you get into the business? Virgil nodded,
but his attention was clearly divided, especially with with him talking about his
career. Com ou up here exactly. Well, the thing is, I
started as a substitute math teacher before I hit it big in wrestling. I
was pulling it over one hundred thousand dollars a year just from substitute teaching alone.
The guests were flabbergasted, but Virgil was undeterred. But you know what's
even But you know what's even better than one hundred thousand dollars. Meat sauce
is the stuff of legends, Virgil says, of meat sauce, It's the
stuff of legends. Now what exactly does he mean by that? I mean,
also he would prefer meat sauce over one hundred grand Jesus Christ. I
mean, oh, fuck, big show, wouldn't Jack leaned in, trying
to get the conversation snickers and meat sauce. You know what, you prefer
meat sauce on a one hundred grand? Jack leaned in, trying to keep
the conversation on track. Virgil, what was your most memorable match? Virgil
paused for a moment, then brightened. Oh was this one time I was
wrested as a giant and he tried to body slammy, But instead of slamon
me, he speaking of the ball white. Let's say this instead of a
sammy big butt of meat say it again, say that blind again. But
instead of slam and me, he ended up in a big butt of meat
sauce. It was incredible. I mean, how how do you instead of
being slammed or instead of slamming, end up in meat sauce? Just don't
even let me, let me, don't even read it. Don't me next
line, my next line, because it's it's me anyway. Then JP's eyes
furrowed. Virgil. Yes, I'm pretty sure you're talking about a spaghetti wrestling
match, not an actual wrestling match. Spaghetti wrestling match they do. They
call it that because it's film in Italy. That's a fucking Italian wrestling scene.
That's what it is. Spaghetti wrestling supposed to spaghetti western that's right.
Oh fuck, that's good. Wow. Virgil waved his hand dismissively. Details
details, wrestling, spaghetti wrestlers all the same to me. Meat sauce is
where it's get that fucking spaghetti wrestling shirt going. Wrestlings gonna happen a ring
linguini or something. You gotta put a tomato stain. Oh yeah. The
friends couldn't help it laugh at Virgil's bizarre obsession with meat sauce. As the
night continued, Virgil regaled them with wild stories about about meat sauce, while
the conversation about wrestling remained mostly untouched. As Virgil continued to enjoy the Italian
cuisine, JP and his friends couldn't help but appreciate the unique and unforgettable bachelor
party experience that Jacket orchestrated. It was a night filled with laughter, outrageous
claims, and of course, an unexpected fascination with leach sauce. Holy shit,
he's an lapsed fan. Wrestling podcast with Jack and Carnacio and JP Sorrows,
a lapsed fan wrestling podcast, and finally Number four God Interior Abandoned Pontiac
Silverdome night dimly lit and echoing with silence. The abandoned Pontiac Silverdome was a
relic of a bygone era. Jack and Carnassio and JP sorrow both wrestling enthusiasts,
walked across the dusty, cracked floor of the once mighty Stadium. The
place was vast and eerie, the remnants of a wrestling world that had ooh
gone. Jack, an avid fan of Hulk Hogan, couldn't resist the opportunity
to recreate one of wrestling's most iconic moments. He tore his T shirt,
emulating the Holsters style and flexed his muscles as they reached the center of the
stadium, JP, you ready for this, brother, JP, who was
considerably taller and heavier than Jack, took on the roll of the legendary Andre
the Giant. He let out a deep, rumbling laugh in his best Andre
in person balls. Jack, channeling his inner Hogan, crouched low and hoisted
JP ono his shoulder. He struggled, I wish I know that'd have been
nice to fet, you should have want to runaissance rumblefort before we went there,
actually taking it. He struggled, putting everything he had, and yeah,
right like that, that trains you to do that, right. He
struggled, putting everything he had into the performance, and then with a tremendous
effort, slam JP onto the mat. Okay, the abandoned silverdome has a
mat, has a mat. Yeah that's the Ai, that's the AI.
Hallucinating as they say, they both shared a laugh, relishing the homage.
Just as they're about to celebrate further, JP has his hand over his mouth
because he's reading ahead of me. So I can't wait to see what's coming.
A figure and a yellow bandanna and sunglasses. Suddenly Beard from the Shadows.
What's going on here? Brother? What are you trying to do?
Should I hate? Dude? Are you trying to take my spot? Jack
and JP turned to see the real Hul Cogan standing before them, his gaze
piercing with suspicion. Uh, Hulk, it's it's just a tribute, man.
We're big fans, just just having some fun. Brother. Yeah,
we're not trying to take anyone's spot. We're just we just love the wrestling
business, hul cogin we want the wrestling What hull Cogan is staring at you
with a deep paranoid suspicion that what you might be I saw my live hoof.
I saw a live hoof, with a suspicion that what you're doing might
harm his enterprise. The way out of it is to say, just love
the wrestling business. Paul Higan stared at them for a moment before nodding approvingly,
his paranoia dissipating. All right, brothers, as long as you're not
here to mess with the Holtzer's legacy, you'll carry on with your fund,
dude. Just as the tension seemed to subside, a spectral figure began to
materialize in the dim light behind them. It was the ghostly form of Andre
the Giant. Jack and JP turned to see the towering specter of the eighth
Wonder of the World. Other boys, you're a the blue like the jarb.
Jack and JP exchanged a perplexed glance as they ghostly as the ghostly Andre
stepped closer. Without warning, Andre extended his massive ghostly thumbs, very ghostly
as Andre, Yes, yes, CHATCHYBT assume Andrea is ghostly and performed the
infamous wrestling move known as the here's a Christmas surprise. But talk about a
stock on stocking and how about an anal stuffer? And look, hold on,
hold on a second. So I said, you know, because it
was a pun. It was it was a call. I said it because
it had something to do with Christmas, and it was a callback to something
we've already said, talk about a stocking stuffer. And there was like,
you know, and it was subtle. It was like, you know,
oh, let's say you know and you go no subtle to here you go.
You'll be funny if instead of that, I said, yeah, how
about an anal stuffer? Is that the noise? I can't want you to
know? Then when he made that noise, he stuck a thumbs up.
The skyworks because when you when you oil check someone, you go up because
are above your your their asshole is above you. Oh what's the noise again
about oil check? God, that's funny. Is the person that makes the
loud noise is not the person getting Andre's thumb jammed up their ass. It
does hurt, it's hurts in person. Oh my god, it's that fucking
Christmas show you stupid pichails, motherfucking pieces, and you already know what it
was? The hell? Were we all right? Oil cheese? But oh
yeah? And then we both say, whoa. The good old Dose boys
keep their wrestling spirit alive. It's like being visited by the ghost of Christmas
pant as Andre's ghostly form faded into the ether. Jack and JP looked at
each other, their expressions a mix of surprise, confusion, and amusement.
Well, I guess we could say we've been blessed by the Giant himself.
That's a once in a lifetime experience. Brother. With the memory of the
Pontiac Silver Doma and their encounter with the legendary wrestlers, they continue to explore
the abandoned stadium, paying their respects to the wrestling history that still lingered in
its decaying walls. What about that Clift fucking Christ that great Thank you,
Cliff, that's a barrel of laughs. We won't soon forget the creativity of
the TLF solar system uniquely shines through this time of year. I want to
thank you for joining us for the latest unwrapping in the twenty twenty three TLF
Christmas Show campaign and keep it locked to this feed for the next gift Christmas.
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