Yeah, I' m going good afternoon to everyone. How nice to be
with you guys on a more chayo show with you. When you' re
educating, you can realize that you fall into a trap when the phrase appears
in your mom' s dad' s head as if you wanted to say
no to your son, but as long as he doesn' t cry anymore,
he doesn' t give you away, he stays still, he doesn
' t make you look bad, you end up saying yes. You just
gave him permission, you just gave him the paddle. You ended up allowing
him what you didn' t want. You' re falling into a trap
because you' re wanting to get out of the bad time as long as
it doesn' t make the moment difficult for you. That clearly is,
or does it mean that you thought you didn' t agree to grant,
but as long as it' s still in that sentence, you ended up
saying yes. That means that, beyond what we say, others are miseducated
according to your educational criteria. So abused when that little phrase appears in your
thought, notice that when it comes to partner relationships, one of the great
temptations that there are, especially at the beginning of the relationship, is that
the couple becomes everything. We leave friends aside, we want to be with
the couple all the time, because it is just part of this great emotion
that the relationship generates and in that context of that relationship, suddenly we leave
everything. And couple relationships, in order to be healthy couple relationships, have
to contain projects in common, but also personal projects, that is, the
couple has to share. Obviously, if you want to have children, one
of those projects in common is going to be the children, but also certain
activities or tastes where you share common interests. But it is very important that
they enrich themselves at the personal level of certain activities or hobbies where, from
the personal point of view, they can gain growth, that it causes them
to bring wealth to the relationship, so that they become attractive or remain attractive
to each other, because this is causing the admiration that one continues to have
for the other. So locking up in each other ends up boring one'
s relationship. So always try to generate a personal development that can maintain the
attraction to your partner when it comes to crying the cry of children, in
general terms, is a complicated issue, because it is something that we want
to diminish, but not that disappears. And that' s kind of confusing
when it comes to education, because when we want, when there are inappropriate
behaviors, what we want is that proper behavior disappears. But in the case
of crying, there' s always going to be a tangled theme there,
because people don' t want crying to be in life anymore. We want
the crying to stay in the life of a human being so that it has
the function for which crying is useful. And crying is useful for venting situations
that we cannot express with words and that help to somehow repeat the word,
but vent emotions. So we want children to learn to use crying when crying
is really necessary, it is helpful. But we don' t want the
crying to be disproportionately out of control. Then we want children to know how
to make use of crying. So we want the child to have control over
the crying and not the crying control over the child. So teaching a child
how to cry is a complex subject that we are going to need, to
learn, to manage, and for that I am going to give them strategies
throughout the days, because we don' t want the child to use crying
as a manipulative scheme, but that crying is useful in the life of the
child and remains useful in the life of the personati. Hello Tari hears notice
that a person in the audience is a question that I thought was very important.
What validity When a problem merits, a divorce, what a question.
What a question, because for what a couple would be, that strong problem,
which would be infidelity, let' s say, is enough to divorce
and separate. For another couple it' s not. Not making a fraud,
for example, having made a robbery. For some it' s unpublished,
no, and then I get away from you and I don' t
want to know. And for others it' s good, because there'
s some kind of contuvernium that' s going on. So I can'
t tell you this way with cracked board that yes and no, because in
the consultation it' s this same topic with this couple Luis and Fernando is
not explosive and it' s over. And for Mary and Joseph it'
s not going to be something they' re going to work with and they
' re going to live with. What I do think it is is to
question it has to do with violence. Not okay sexual violence that has to
do with incest constant abuse of these, at these levels, physical violence in
range and constant beatings. I do think it' s better to live apart,
because apart from everyone else, children live that anguish constantly they don'
t know what' s going to happen and being witnesses to violence is the
same as living violence. We know that now without people knowing it. That
is certainly the case. It seems that reason has to be validated by the
person himself and sometimes validated by us. Not to say yes, you also
have the right to break this not be what it is for you to live
better, so that there is more harmony where the best five people can live
well and one maybe, I will live sad or isolated. Well, it
' s a matter of numbers. If it' s a question, it
' s about your values, but I can' t tell you which one.
But violence. So, uh, when you exercise the value of fidelity
in a couple relationship. Notice that one of the ideas that is always put
into people' s lives is a mistaken idea that values are exercised all the
time, that at all times in your life you are living in values.
And the reality is, no. Values are exercised at the time when the
opportunity to lack value is presented and, instead of lacking value, you exercise
it, that is, while you are working, you are not being faithful.
He is being faithful in the moment when the opportunity to be unfaithful arises
and in that moment you decide to be faithful you are honest in the moment
when you are expected to be true and tell it. But if at that
moment the temptation to steal something or jain is not involved, you' re
not being honest. We are what requires specific moral value when the temptation to
lack moral value appears. So a person can say I have been faithful all
my marriage, not faithful in the times when the opportunity to be unfaithful presents
itself and you are not. And that is what makes it valuable for a
person to be able, at a specific time in his life, to abide
by the different moral values. So if you haven' t been presented with
the opportunity to be unfaithful, because you still don' t know if you
' re faithful, think about what moral values are those that have tested you
in life and, therefore, about that moral values is what you know if
you' ve been able to show what capacity you have to face them.
I' m very happy when I receive emails like this one that I'
m going to share with you. I' m thirteen years old and I
' m sending you this email because this year I suggested cutting my hair.
I' ve got it pretty long. My mom said yes. But the
problem came when he saw the cut that I want to be made, because,
in his words, it' s a child' s cut. So
then he told me not because you' re going to look like a kid.
I kept insisting. It should be clarified that this happened a week ago
and at my insistence he justified himself saying that your grandmother will not like it
and your aunts will scold me for giving you permission. So first ask your
dad to continue with a series of homophobic comments and other derogatory comments towards people
with tattoos painted hair. I feel like my mom thinks you do that makes
people less professional that makes them look like criminals all because of my hair and
a comment I said I' d like to paint my hair when I'
m in high school. Now, going back to my dad' s situation
to his argument that I didn' t cut my hair. It was that
I never liked how women with short hair look, and my dad also occupied
the argument what your grandmother is going to say and also homophobic comments, to
which, then, I don' t know why this situation. My parents
think I belong to the LGBT community on the grounds that they label my attitudes
as unfemale. But I don' t identify with a sexuality, as I
' m aware that I don' t have the maturity to define it and
my doubt is really wrong and I should change my attitude and my tastes.
Oh doctor I hope you read it look. The reality is that the size
of your hair cut has absolutely nothing to do with a preference or sexual orientation,
nothing you see. However, yes, many times parents feel very generational
pressures and how suddenly are they good or bad dads? How they are seen
according to their own parents and how they want to receive approval around this.
It is neither right nor wrong for parents to want to give a non-
permission before certain ages to cut or not to cut their hair. And I
fully understand your frustration. I think that if you take a little care of
the tone in which you propose things and you can make your parents feel that
you want to try on this occasion having short hair and that hair is something
that will grow, but that you want to live the experience and that this
has nothing to do with this and that, if they allow you to explain
to your aunts, to your grandmother that this is something that you like and
that you want to try this as part of an experience that you want to
live and that have nothing to do with whether they are good or bad parents.
Well, you probably get permission out there, but there' s nothing
wrong with you trying it and, of course, they have nothing to do
with sexual orientation or anything related to this. If we continue with this that
I had commented a couple of segments ago on the program about crying, when
we want to handle the tantrum theme, we will not succeed in making the
crying go away. In fact, we don' t have to make the
crying go away, but we do have to go looking for that tantrum where
there' s a lot of behavior. Exaggerated, words, knocks maybe to
the wall to throw things. First eye and this is very important. We
will seek to reduce the frequency and or intensity of that behavior to know that
we are on the right track until then the behavior is reduced only that crying
appears when it corresponds, in the corresponding amount and in the manner in which
it corresponds. But we are not going to feel completely satisfied only when the
child no longer cries, if the number of times he cries is decreasing,
the intensity with which he cries, the frequency with which he cries you go
on the right path, and then there comes an important element. Recognize your
son that improvement so he can identify her as well. It' s time
to fire today' s show. I' d just leave them with an
idea that' s whenever you' re going to give your teenage son an
opinion, don' t hide behind that opinion an order. If you want
to give him a warrant. Give him the order in a clear way.
If you' re going to give her an opinion, be perfectly clear to
yourself as your dad, your mom, they may not follow your opinion and
do things as your son or daughter prefers them to be flushed. I'
m looking. This was chayo with you. Audio Centre