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Hey, y'all, welcome to Coming
Out Pod. Today's queer Root shout out

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is one that has come up several
times on the pod. Shout out to

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you if your queer root is Jillian
Anderson. Multiple guests have talked about this,

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lady. So it all started with
the X Files. This is all

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the way back in the nineties.
A lot of bisexual guests have noted that

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The X Files was when they knew
they were by because they were equally into

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Jillian Anderson and Dave du Coveney.
So X Files has come up several times.

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But then Jillian Anderson, I feel
like, really blossomed into her milf

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era in like recent years. She
did this show called The Fall, and

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then when she started doing sex Education
on Netflix, that like cemented her in

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our society. So yeah, Jillian
Anderson from you know, from the nineties

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to today has been on our radar
and shout out to you if she is

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your queer root. Y'all. I'm
here today with someone I'm really excited to

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talk to. Let me introduce you
to artist Chloe Star. Hi. Chloe

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Hia, Hi, thank you so
much for having me, Thank you for

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being here. So okay, so
Chloe's music video. Chloe has a music

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video that's out already. It's first
song called Happy Place, but her new

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single, Wasted Youth is coming out
this Friday, March twenty second. Chloe,

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I listened to your single this morning, and I famously have the musical

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taste of like a man in his
sixties, Like I listen to folk music

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mostly. My musical knowledge stops at
like the nineties, Like that's sort of

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as far as I get with it. And I loved your song. I

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really really did. I didn't know
going into it. I was like,

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I don't know, and it's so
fucking great. It's just really really good.

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I'm so excited to talk to you
about your music. Thank you.

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Hi hippen young and cool to like
something current, Oh my god, hell

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yeah wow, I'm honored to be
Like, you know, if you stick

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to the nineties vibes and then here
I am coming out with a punk pop

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yeah, but you're helping me,
like you're you're bridging that gap for me,

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that like thirty year gap. You're
bringing me into the present, and

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I really appreciate that. Love to
hear it. I love her. So,

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Chloe, how do you identify I
identify as she her and yeah,

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I mean you know Chloe too,
just just living like Chloe. It's great.

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That's great. Do you is the
word is queer something that resonates for

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you in terms of like absolutely yeah, yeah, yeah, I definitely am

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clear beautiful. That's good because I
yeah, since you're on this podcast,

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it would I'd have to do like
a hard left turn if it turned out

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you were straight. So I'm glad
that that is not the chase. That

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would be very well. I no, no, I would know. Now

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this is it's a relief. Thank
you, Thank you for clarifying. Uh.

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But yeah, we're just we're going
to talk about, uh, your

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music, and I know that with
your latest single, like a lot of

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your background and your story went into
uh the lyrics for that. I'm not

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familiar with Happy Place at all,
if you want to speak to that as

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well. Uh, but the way
we always kind of get started on this

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podcast is with with you and your
personal coming out journey. So yeah,

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where does it all begin for you? Yeah? I mean, so to

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start with like my my like coming
out journey. You know, wow,

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what a journey. It's been like
what a ride. I like ever since

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I was a kid, right,
I feel like I was always tapped into

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both feminine and masculine energy. Like
literally since I was like a child.

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You know, I grew up with
a older brother, so I was,

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you know, his little like his
I was. I was his little brother,

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you know, And I always wanted
to do what he was doing.

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I always wanted to like fit in
with him, and he he would be

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riding dirt bikes and then I'd be
like, I want to do that,

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And where did you grow up?
Where did you guys grow up? So

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I grew up back and forth from
so my mom's side of the family's Native

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American so we grew up on I
grew up on my family's reservation and also

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back and forth from there to Los
Angeles. So I like had I was

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living two complete different lives. Yeah, And on the reservation, we we

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would ride dirt bikes and like you
know, we were in the mud,

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walking barefoot, doing the most So, like you know, I always wanted

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to fit in with with him and
my cousins, and you know, we

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got dirty, like we we we
didn't really care. There was like no

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no worry. At the age of
like, I don't know what it was

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like eight nine ten. Did you
get called tomboy a lot? Was that?

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Like I was tomboy to the max? Yeah, I had. I

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always is this one photo of me. I don't know, I have to

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be like six. I'm in basketball
shorts, uh, some like blue T

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shirt and I've also have I think
I have like a backwards uh like trucker

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hat cap on. Yeah, yeah
that's me. Nothing's changed. That's like

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TikTok lesbian outfit of today. I
feelah, you were all righty, you

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were ahead of the cur I was
like that was that was it? And

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you know, I think like as
I've grown up and like gone, I've

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gone through so many different like stages
throughout my life of like finding my sexuality.

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I've definitely had a fem phase of
like maybe this is what I'm supposed

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to be maybe, you know,
not knowing like I I was kind of

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I struggled with being confused with like
who I was at a young age,

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and I did. I think the
the cool thing about me with myself,

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like the relationship that I have with
myself is that I allow myself to experiment,

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and I allow myself to be uncomfortable
and I allow myself to like tap

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into whatever energy I want to tap
into. So because I've had that mentality

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and I'm so grateful that I was
raised with that through from like my mom.

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You know, she was very like
accepting of like how I wanted to

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dress or how I wanted to walk, or how I wanted to talk,

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you know. So it gave me
the opportunity to like tap into to these

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different stages that I went through,
you know. But it wasn't a smooth

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sailing of like who am I.
I was definitely like a little confused.

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Around the age of probably thirteen,
I had like a really big crush on

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Kristin Stewart, Oh for sure,
you know. So was that like her

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Twilight era? Yeah? Okay,
okay, yeah, okay, yeah,

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big crush. It's understandable, And
I mean, yeah right, you know,

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Like so you know, I had
like all of these like crazy thoughts

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going through my head, like oh
God, what am I thinking right now?

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Like how do I tell people what
I'm thinking? So you knew like

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that it was like unconventional or whatever
to like you would you already knew by

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thirteen, like, oh, me
having a huge crush on a girl is

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like the kind of thing I should
be careful about who I talk about to

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it and maybe keep it to myself. Like you already had internalized kind of

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messaging. It sounds like kind of
yeah, yeah, and you know I

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didn't. But the thing is I
didn't receive that from my parents. Sure,

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yeah, you know, so like
I didn't receive that messaging like that

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was never likely a thing from like
my mom or my dad. So like

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where did that come from? That
that just came from like society that is

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like yeah, you know, somebody, guess are like I don't understand why

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I was like scared to come out
or I felt weird, like my parents

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were so liberal and like they had
gay friends. And it's like it's not

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even you can have the most understanding
parents in the world if you exist in

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society by the time you're like puberty
age, you know what, outside of

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the normous, you know what I
mean, And it's like that that stuff

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is just hard to you can have
the most compassionate upbringing ever and that stuff

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still in prints upon you as like
different wrong, like it's yeah, yeah,

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no, definitely, like yeah,
yeah, because that's that's what happened,

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you know. But I feel like
everyone around me knew you know,

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except it was like I was keeping
some sort of secret, but it wasn't

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a secret to everybody else. They
were just like I feel like they were

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like, well, let's see what
Chloe's gonna Let's let's see how she's gonna

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move through this one, you know, like everyone knew. There was no

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like question about it. I think
they were just waiting on me to be

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like, all right, who like
so that yeah, and it was.

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It was a weird time. I
definitely like struggled, Like I remember there

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was a time where I like googled, like, am I gay quiz?

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You know? Am I gay quiz? Gosh, I don't even know how

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old I was, Like I had
to have been like third. This is

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probably around the Kristen Stewart era,
you know, yeah, being likely googling

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the same thing though, And that's
what's so funny is like she didn't know

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at TWILIGHTE time, like she's probably
also googling it. Yeah, I'm sure

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taking the same quiz. I'm sure. Oh my god, what if we

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did take the same quiz? Star
crossed? But but I did like all

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that stuff, and like, you
know, especially like at that age,

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it's I don't know it was such
I don't know when I look back in

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comparison to where I'm at now,
like I'm so open, like yeah,

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you know, I'm like I don't
give a fuck, like you like me,

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you don't, It's fine. I
could literally care less and yeah,

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but went through all that, did
all the googling. Am I gay?

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What's going on? Oh my god, I'm thinking of girls? Like it

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was a very interesting thing to go
through. Also, like kind of felt

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a little lonely too, because I
felt like I was like on this like

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journey or like this path, like
who do I talk to? Who do

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I tell? You know, we're
friends at this time, like starting a

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date boys? And like were they
talking about like Edward and Jacob in Twilight?

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And you're like, like, dad, as they were talking about Edward

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and Jacob And I'm in my head, like but what about Kristen? Dude?

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Yeah, you know, like but
what about her? But I did

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play long, you know, I
did play until they're like, yeah,

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Jacob has my heart? Oh my
god? But you know we all know

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who truly had my heart. I
am so much older than you, it's

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like upsetting. But when I was
growing up, I remember so like nine

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o two one oh was like big
when I was like original nine O two

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one o and I had a poster
of Luke Perry in my room and like

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I wasn't like but that was just
what you did, you know what I

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mean? Like I was just like
the guy who ever been likes on nine

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two? Yeah, oh, I
also like him, Like let me buy

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a poster and put it on my
room, Like no feeling for Luke Perry,

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but yeah, like that is what
we do because it's like you see

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everyone else doing it. Yeah yeah, yeah, especially like in like what

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was it like middle school going into
high school? Like uh huh. That

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was when I had the poster.
Yeah, yeah, that's that's when you

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got to play that part, or
at least for me, I was playing

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the part like and I grow into
it too. I was like, I

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was like, he seems like a
nice guy, and I bet like eventually

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I'll like have a crush on him, so I should get this poster now

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and like get ahead of it.
Like I thought I was gonna have a

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crush on Luke Perry's but like and
then eventually, like I didn't. Haven't

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did you have this experience, like
did you have crushes on guys sometimes because

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like I would like the super feminine
ones, and then I'd be so excited

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if I had what felt like a
crush on a guy, and I tried

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to like nurse it and nurture it
and like turn it into something real,

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because it was just like yeah,
yeah, oh yeah, no, I

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had, I had. I definitely
had crushes, yeah, and tried my

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absolute best to hold on to it, you know, oh my god,

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yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. But then I like started getting girl

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crushes, and I'm like, oh, what's happening, what's happening, what's

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happening? One hundred percent, and
those, at least for me, those

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feel like so much more like intense. So it's so funny to try to

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like focus on the guy crush that
you don't care that much about, and

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meanwhile this girl crushes just like an
ever present rumble and you're so conscious,

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You're like you're like, uh yeah, yeah, it's like, let me

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just shove this down and like try
my best to not pay attention to it

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because it doesn't exist, Chloe,
it's not real, you know. Yeah,

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I played, I played all those
games with myself, you know,

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So all that happened, and then
around like fifteen, was it like fifteen,

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Yeah, I got a boyfriend?
Oh hell yeah, well I get

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you. Okay you could say hell
yeah, but like this was very interesting

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for me at least it was.
It was an experience that I had to

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go through. Okay, it was
me definitely living in that like idea of

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all right, well if I get
a boyfriend, then I'll be able to

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like train myself to like boys.
Yeah you know what I mean. I

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think mine might have been sixty fifteen
or sixty, but yeah, same thing.

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Was it? Like, did you
find out that a guy was interested

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in you? So you were like, oh great, perfect me to me

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too, Yeah, okay, yeah, he started texting me and we had

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passes together, and I'm like,
wait, this is perfect. This is

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literally everything that I need right now. This is perfect. It's gonna shut

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off all of the crazy thoughts that
I'm having, and like I'll be able

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to just like, Okay, now
I have a boyfriend. Everyone. Now

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I could show everybody that I have
a boyfriend, and I can like prove

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that point to like, I guess
I don't think it was so much to

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prove it to everybody else. It
was to prove it to myself because of

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the like fear of like what is
going on with me? God, this

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is really relatable. You know,
I feel you on this, But it

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didn't like you know, I mean, he was great. He was a

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sweetheart, Like he was such a
good guy, Like you know, shout

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00:17:03.039 --> 00:17:07.119
out to Corey, like got shout
out to Connor. Are we the same

206
00:17:07.160 --> 00:17:11.480
person? I love that we might
be. We might be, Like this

207
00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:15.039
is so similar. Okay, I
haven't talked to him. I mean it

208
00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:18.359
is. I haven't talked to him
since I was like fifteen, you know,

209
00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:21.759
but like so much love for that
guy. What a great guy.

210
00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:27.839
Thank you so much for walking through
my finding myself. Rah yeah you know,

211
00:17:29.319 --> 00:17:33.839
yeah, but yeah, I mean
I don't even remember how long that

212
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:37.039
lasted. That may have lasted,
Like I don't know what is a high

213
00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:42.920
school relationship. It lasted like probably
a semester or still so long at the

214
00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:48.319
time, but like yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, okay, So

215
00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:52.839
that so that happened. And while
that was happening, were you I assume

216
00:17:52.880 --> 00:17:57.680
you were still like suppressing all of
the thoughts about girls and stuff, like

217
00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:04.200
you're just sort of living a duality
or like yeah, I think I like

218
00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:11.440
convinced myself like this is what I
like, you know, but I realized

219
00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:15.400
like I was having a really hard
time even at that age. Though you

220
00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:21.079
don't really know like relationship stuff,
right, like you don't know, like

221
00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:26.079
I just I What I did know
is I connected with boys. At that

222
00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:30.839
age. My friends. All my
friends were boys, you know, so

223
00:18:30.039 --> 00:18:33.839
like I kind of thought like,
oh my god, a boy another boy

224
00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:37.759
best friend, Like hell yeah,
but now he's my boyfriend. Okay,

225
00:18:37.799 --> 00:18:45.079
cool, like because I didn't really
have like girlfriends, you know, like

226
00:18:45.319 --> 00:18:48.799
I kicked it with the boys,
like I went to the boy's house to

227
00:18:48.839 --> 00:18:56.000
go jam after school, like I
you know, I I rolled with the

228
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boys. I remember feeling weird because
like again, yeah, like you're saying,

229
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:03.519
most of my close friends were guys, and of the girls who I

230
00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:07.720
was like closer with, I had
like crushes on them. So I felt

231
00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:12.759
guilty about that because I felt like
like it's like, oh, they think

232
00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:15.480
this is just a friendship and I
have these feelings. So it was like

233
00:19:15.599 --> 00:19:19.960
weird to have closer friendships with girls
because I felt like I was like lying

234
00:19:21.039 --> 00:19:26.680
to It was just a very confusing
time. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,

235
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And can I ask because so you're
I mean, you're a songwriter.

236
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Like at this time, I was
writing, I remember like really shitty not

237
00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:37.880
like poetry, but just like long
like prose and so like, were you

238
00:19:37.960 --> 00:19:42.599
like writing down you're in like a
secret journal, like your feelings about girls

239
00:19:42.680 --> 00:19:48.400
or was that like so locked up
that you weren't even putting it out there

240
00:19:48.559 --> 00:19:53.799
just for yourself. I think at
that time I was by by like the

241
00:19:53.880 --> 00:19:59.119
ninth grade. I was writing because
I was a big journaler as a kid,

242
00:19:59.480 --> 00:20:03.440
Like you know, I also like
dealt with so much other stuff that

243
00:20:03.559 --> 00:20:07.920
like I didn't know how to express
my emotions. So like I found journaling,

244
00:20:08.519 --> 00:20:12.440
and I found that around like the
age of like twelve ish, So

245
00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:18.079
yeah, it probably took me like
two years to like start being like girls,

246
00:20:18.480 --> 00:20:22.039
Like oh my god, Like I
just today I googled if I'm gay

247
00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:26.240
or not, and it said yes, Now what do I do? You

248
00:20:26.319 --> 00:20:33.880
know? Like yeah, yeah,
yeah. I remember having like documents on

249
00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:37.440
like cause it was when I was
growing up. It was just like a

250
00:20:37.480 --> 00:20:41.240
family computer. So I would like
have word documents that were just named in

251
00:20:41.319 --> 00:20:45.440
all capitals, do not read,
which is like if you want your parents

252
00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:48.480
to read something like that's a great
title to get it. But like,

253
00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:53.640
yeah, I remember writing stuff about
girls like in later. High school was

254
00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:59.000
when I started doing that. Yeah, yeah, you have to put it

255
00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:03.279
somewhere. You know, you got
how to explode, and nobody wants that

256
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:11.319
exactly, so what yeah, so
so so then I guess to keep to

257
00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:18.799
keep this this crazy journey of mine
going. So we broke up, and

258
00:21:18.839 --> 00:21:23.480
you know, didn't really have like
a it was not like a heartbreak.

259
00:21:26.400 --> 00:21:30.240
We actually like stayed friends. And
I wonder if he knew, you know,

260
00:21:32.279 --> 00:21:36.119
I wonder if you knew what the
vibe was. But hm, he

261
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:41.000
definitely knows now because I've seen him
like pop up on like my Instagram,

262
00:21:41.480 --> 00:21:47.079
you know, and I'm like,
you know, and I'm like, oh

263
00:21:47.119 --> 00:21:56.680
my god, sweetheart. But I
then I met a girl when I went

264
00:21:56.720 --> 00:22:03.200
to high school. No, I
technically was okay, so I was seventeen,

265
00:22:03.880 --> 00:22:07.480
okay, yeah yeah, literally,
like after him, I met a

266
00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:11.599
girl, and I guess it was
like a year after or so, and

267
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:18.720
maybe year and a half. We
became really good friends best friends, you

268
00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:26.119
know, and like it started with
like best friends for however long and we

269
00:22:26.119 --> 00:22:32.400
were best friends, I don't know, like maybe six to I don't know,

270
00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:37.039
maybe even like a whole year,
Yeah, something like that, just

271
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:48.200
besties and you know, then it
one thing turned into another and we actually

272
00:22:48.279 --> 00:22:55.440
started dating and brod, you're living
the dream that's like so many people's dream.

273
00:22:56.160 --> 00:23:02.359
It was like, yeah, yeah
it was. It was It was

274
00:23:02.400 --> 00:23:07.079
a very like it was very beautiful
how that whole thing played out. And

275
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do you remember who, like,
was it just kind of like both of

276
00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:15.480
you or did someone like make the
first move or something? Because I feel

277
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:19.200
like so many people are listening right
now being like how do I do this?

278
00:23:19.359 --> 00:23:26.319
I'm in this situation. Ye,
honestly, it was so natural,

279
00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:30.279
so like or I don't know,
I feel like organic is such a weird

280
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:33.559
work to use for this, but
it really was. And that's a very

281
00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:45.240
gay word. I love it.
Yeah, we fell in love and you

282
00:23:45.319 --> 00:23:56.160
know again like just we were like
two kids eighteen nineteen, and I I

283
00:23:56.200 --> 00:24:00.240
think like what got us to that
point was we just both felt like that

284
00:24:00.440 --> 00:24:03.240
energy between the two of us,
And at that point I had never been

285
00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:10.359
with a girl, like I had
never had any like real experience aside from

286
00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:18.119
like my Kristen Stewart crush and like
seeing girls around and being just thinking about

287
00:24:18.200 --> 00:24:22.599
them. You know, so,
yeah, totally totally did she know that?

288
00:24:22.920 --> 00:24:26.000
Was she like I don't know if
out is a right word, because

289
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:30.920
like that's her own business, but
like did she know that she was queer

290
00:24:30.960 --> 00:24:36.160
or was she sort of on the
same page with like feeling it out and

291
00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:41.880
not really we were both on the
same page. A yeah, we were

292
00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:45.519
both both this is like an indie
coming of age movie. This is beautiful.

293
00:24:47.880 --> 00:24:52.279
Yeah, yeah, it was like
it really was something special, you

294
00:24:52.319 --> 00:24:59.160
know, and we we kind of
kept it a secret for a little while.

295
00:25:00.039 --> 00:25:03.240
Ah, and we didn't know,
or at least I'm gonna speak for

296
00:25:03.279 --> 00:25:08.599
myself, I didn't know. Like
I didn't know where to go from there.

297
00:25:10.039 --> 00:25:12.240
You know. I was like,
like, oh my god, everything

298
00:25:12.279 --> 00:25:18.000
that I've been thinking about is like
true, Like everything is happening, Like

299
00:25:18.119 --> 00:25:22.599
now it's real, and now I
have to like now I have to figure

300
00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:26.559
it out, you know, because
oh my god, I'm feeling these feelings

301
00:25:26.599 --> 00:25:33.119
towards this person, Like this isn't
just this isn't someone from a movie that

302
00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:40.440
I'm watching. This is like a
real you know, h one hundred percent.

303
00:25:40.599 --> 00:25:42.079
And I don't know if straight people
fully get that, because it's like

304
00:25:42.359 --> 00:25:47.160
when you first like fall in love
or whatever words you want to use as

305
00:25:47.200 --> 00:25:51.480
a queer person. It's not just
like about that person in that relationship.

306
00:25:51.559 --> 00:25:53.160
It's like suddenly you have to think, like, oh, what does the

307
00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:59.319
rest of my life look like now
that I've realized this fundamental thing about myself.

308
00:26:00.279 --> 00:26:03.480
Oh my god, you hit it
spot on, You hit it spot

309
00:26:03.519 --> 00:26:11.839
on. That was literally what I
was going through. It's like what it

310
00:26:11.960 --> 00:26:15.640
was like, my whole life is
now changing, yep, you know,

311
00:26:15.079 --> 00:26:22.480
and now I have to take these
big steps to like tell people like,

312
00:26:22.920 --> 00:26:26.079
this is what happening, and how
do I do that? To do a

313
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:33.960
press tour now? Like I exactly
exactly, and I didn't know how to.

314
00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:37.480
I really didn't know how to,
and I was so fucking scared.

315
00:26:40.319 --> 00:26:44.559
But again I was so fucking scared, but everybody else around me knew.

316
00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:51.160
So I'm like, what was I
going through? Like, oh my goodness.

317
00:26:55.880 --> 00:27:00.359
So then the day came. So
then the day came. Yeah,

318
00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:03.960
the day came. I was at
Mel's Diner, which is a diner out

319
00:27:03.960 --> 00:27:07.160
here Los Angeles. Yeah, I
was at Mel's Diner and I met up

320
00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:10.839
with my mom and I remember this
whole day. I was like, I'm

321
00:27:10.839 --> 00:27:14.599
gonna tell my mom today. I'm
telling her. I'm telling her. I

322
00:27:14.680 --> 00:27:19.240
thought about it, and I even
told the girl, right. I told

323
00:27:19.240 --> 00:27:22.880
the girl was like, listen,
I'm about to tell my mom. I'm

324
00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:25.279
about to tell her. I'm so
scared. And she's just like, it's

325
00:27:25.319 --> 00:27:27.559
gonna be fine. It's gonna be
fine, like you know, like she

326
00:27:27.720 --> 00:27:34.880
was like trying, she was supporting
me and showing up, and and I

327
00:27:36.079 --> 00:27:41.480
was, I like, was about
to shit myself, you know. And

328
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:47.279
I had like built this up so
big in my head and it came,

329
00:27:47.440 --> 00:27:49.720
you know. We we were now
sitting in the booth at Mel's Diner in

330
00:27:49.759 --> 00:27:56.960
the valley and I'm like, Mom, I have to tell you something and

331
00:27:56.000 --> 00:28:03.720
this is actually really funny, very
interesting thing. And she's like, okay,

332
00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:07.880
honey, I have to tell you
something too. And I'm like,

333
00:28:07.880 --> 00:28:12.359
oh god, okay, all right, all right, you have to tell

334
00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:17.319
me. Okay, well okay,
well let me tell let me tell you,

335
00:28:17.759 --> 00:28:19.000
let me, let let me start. Let me get this out of

336
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:22.400
the way. And she's like,
okay, what's what's going on? And

337
00:28:22.440 --> 00:28:25.799
I was like, mom, I'm
in love with a girl and I'm dating

338
00:28:25.839 --> 00:28:29.400
her and we're together, and I
like girls, okay, and she goes,

339
00:28:29.480 --> 00:28:30.599
okay, honey, that's great.
Yeah, I know, I know,

340
00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:34.640
okay, and then she's like I
have a boyfriend, and I'm like

341
00:28:36.079 --> 00:28:45.039
what what what? I was like, wait, you have a boyfriend and

342
00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:51.319
I have a girlfriend and we're okay, and she like she was just like

343
00:28:51.960 --> 00:28:56.640
I'm she was just so supportive and
so loving it. And it really showed

344
00:28:56.720 --> 00:29:00.640
that like she knew, you know, and she was just like waiting,

345
00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:07.160
you know, and I feel like
she she knew that I was like really

346
00:29:07.160 --> 00:29:10.319
going through it with trying to like
figure out how to say this, so

347
00:29:10.359 --> 00:29:15.319
she didn't want to make it a
bigger deal than what I already was making

348
00:29:15.359 --> 00:29:18.680
it out to be. So she
was just like, all right, you're

349
00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:22.519
gonna throw this on me. I'm
gonna throw this on you. Like oh

350
00:29:22.599 --> 00:29:26.640
god, she yes, and you
as we say in that's beautiful, you

351
00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:33.640
know. And yeah, we talked
about it afterwards, like she obviously had

352
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:37.480
to get this off her chest,
and I, you know, like my

353
00:29:37.599 --> 00:29:41.319
parents were divorced for however long and
she I know that she was scared to

354
00:29:41.359 --> 00:29:45.400
tell me, you know, and
like we were both it was a very

355
00:29:45.440 --> 00:29:48.559
it was a beautiful moment. We
were both able to show up for each

356
00:29:48.599 --> 00:29:55.359
other in that in having that conversation, and like I think, me,

357
00:29:55.799 --> 00:29:59.599
I think she already knew. She
already knew, because come on, how

358
00:29:59.640 --> 00:30:03.519
many sleepovers can I be having with
a girl? Like? Mom, can

359
00:30:03.559 --> 00:30:06.880
she come over? Can we have
a Can I have a sleepover? It's

360
00:30:06.920 --> 00:30:11.440
like, Chloe, You're eighteen years
old having sleepovers? Oh cute? So

361
00:30:11.480 --> 00:30:18.400
she like it just like opened the
door for us to to show up for

362
00:30:18.519 --> 00:30:25.599
each other and like listen and you
know here like you know, She's like,

363
00:30:25.640 --> 00:30:26.839
do you have any questions? I'm
like, Mom, do you have

364
00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:32.559
any questions? Like you know,
like like is there any concern I'm like,

365
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:36.759
do you have any concerns? Like
are we good? She's like are

366
00:30:36.799 --> 00:30:41.119
we good? And I'm like yeah, oh my god. And she's just

367
00:30:41.119 --> 00:30:44.759
like, Honey, I love you
so much, like I don't care who

368
00:30:44.799 --> 00:30:48.920
you love like this, like I'm
here, I support you, I love

369
00:30:48.960 --> 00:30:52.839
you. Like no. I was
like, Mom, I don't care who

370
00:30:52.880 --> 00:30:56.519
you love. I support you and
I love you, Like are you kidding?

371
00:30:57.640 --> 00:31:03.799
This is so good? So that
was like that was the moment I

372
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:11.240
had had. Yeah, did that
make you feel like because that went so

373
00:31:11.480 --> 00:31:14.920
well and that was that was like
your very first coming out? Is that

374
00:31:15.000 --> 00:31:18.640
correct? Or had you told like
a friend or anything before this or was

375
00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:23.559
your mom like the first outlete?
I had some friends that knew about me

376
00:31:23.640 --> 00:31:29.680
and this girl. Sure, cool, you know they they knew and they

377
00:31:29.799 --> 00:31:33.559
weren't like they didn't really care.
They didn't care at all. They were

378
00:31:33.599 --> 00:31:38.000
just like whatever, Like makes sense, Chloe, that makes sense for you,

379
00:31:38.119 --> 00:31:44.200
Like nobody is questioning anything. But
I was so scared to tell my

380
00:31:44.319 --> 00:31:52.119
mom and like, yeah, you
know, I think it was. I

381
00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:57.440
think I was just like grateful that
like selfishly like she also had something that

382
00:31:57.480 --> 00:32:04.279
she had to talk about, just
like lined up. And even even if

383
00:32:04.279 --> 00:32:07.440
she didn't have anything to tell me, I know, the response still would

384
00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:14.079
have been the same, you know, totally. So yeah, what a

385
00:32:15.240 --> 00:32:21.519
what a moment that was? But
did that fa to this? Is?

386
00:32:21.759 --> 00:32:25.440
Also? I came out to my
parents at Clark's Diner in Evanston, Illinois,

387
00:32:25.480 --> 00:32:30.680
So again, parallel's happening. Wow, diners are a great place to

388
00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:34.240
come out to parents. Diners and
cars. A lot of folks come out

389
00:32:34.279 --> 00:32:37.000
in cars. Okay, That's what
I've That's what I've learned from doing a

390
00:32:37.000 --> 00:32:42.640
coming out podcast. Did this going
so well for you up to be like,

391
00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:45.960
oh, I can start like telling
people like, do you feel like

392
00:32:46.039 --> 00:32:51.599
that prompted you to start being more
like open about it or was it still

393
00:32:51.640 --> 00:32:57.200
sort of like you were rolling it
out slowly? Honestly, as soon as

394
00:32:57.240 --> 00:33:00.279
I told my mom, I was
off to the races. That's awesome.

395
00:33:01.279 --> 00:33:08.240
Like so I was just like,
all right, cool, like we're good

396
00:33:08.960 --> 00:33:15.720
now. I don't give a fuck. So once I got that, like

397
00:33:15.119 --> 00:33:21.440
I don't know what you want to
call it, like that reassurance. I

398
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:24.240
you know, my mom, she's
like, my mom's my best friend,

399
00:33:24.440 --> 00:33:30.480
and like anything that she has to
like, I take everything she says to

400
00:33:30.519 --> 00:33:36.720
heart. And you know, I
trust my mom's judgment and everything, like

401
00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:39.920
if she says don't do that,
I'm not doing that, like she knows

402
00:33:40.119 --> 00:33:50.000
and and so her response to anything
that I'm doing or going through is very

403
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:52.279
important to me. So once I
got that, I'm like, you know

404
00:33:52.319 --> 00:33:57.559
what, now I am able to
like live in my my truth. I'm

405
00:33:57.599 --> 00:34:02.759
able to walk offend. And of
course there were like some weird like oh

406
00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:08.199
god, this is a comfortable moments
with some people and some some family and

407
00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:14.639
some of this. But I just
like had the mentality of like I don't

408
00:34:14.719 --> 00:34:17.960
care what you have to say,
Like Mom's cool with it, Like,

409
00:34:20.119 --> 00:34:23.480
so fuck you if you don't agree
with me, or if you don't like

410
00:34:23.559 --> 00:34:28.000
me anymore, you know, because
I went through a lot of weird shit

411
00:34:28.079 --> 00:34:36.039
with some friends too, where like
now the idea is that because I am

412
00:34:36.199 --> 00:34:40.840
out about liking women that like now
I like all women, and that was

413
00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:46.400
like that was a tough thing to
go through, like, oh, we

414
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:52.000
can't share room because cool likes girls. And it's like what, No,

415
00:34:52.119 --> 00:34:57.039
you're you're not getting it right.
You're you're not understanding, like that's not

416
00:34:57.480 --> 00:35:00.719
the case. Like, yeah,
that's such a hard one too. That

417
00:35:00.840 --> 00:35:06.519
was a big part of my fear
in like high school of not wanting like

418
00:35:06.599 --> 00:35:10.280
my female friends to know that at
the time, I thought I was bisexual,

419
00:35:10.320 --> 00:35:13.840
to be fair, but like not
wanting them to know that because I

420
00:35:13.880 --> 00:35:17.039
was scared that they would have that
exact reaction. So it's really disappointing when

421
00:35:17.039 --> 00:35:23.679
people yeah, yeah, and there's
like that, Yeah, it is a

422
00:35:23.719 --> 00:35:35.320
weird thing too. It's weird because
like that's you know, just because I

423
00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:38.039
you know, I do I identify
as a lesbian, you know, like

424
00:35:38.199 --> 00:35:45.360
I women, I am all about
women, and like that, that's that's

425
00:35:45.400 --> 00:35:51.920
that's me, and there's just some
people don't understand that, like, you

426
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:55.599
know, just because I identify as
a lesbian, like it doesn't mean that

427
00:35:55.599 --> 00:36:00.559
I'm trying to like fuck you like
you're my friend. I'm not trying to

428
00:36:00.599 --> 00:36:02.559
fuck you, like I'm not gonna
look at you in any weird way.

429
00:36:02.800 --> 00:36:07.599
Like So I went through that,
and that was like a shocker, and

430
00:36:07.639 --> 00:36:10.000
that was like a weird thing to
go through. I just didn't know how

431
00:36:10.039 --> 00:36:17.679
to truly handle it because I also
like put myself well not even nah,

432
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:21.079
fuck that. I'm not gonna say
I put myself in their shoes, like

433
00:36:21.119 --> 00:36:23.000
no, because if I were in
their shoes, I wouldn't think that.

434
00:36:23.519 --> 00:36:30.639
So yeah, yeah, that was
a bit of a struggle. I definitely

435
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:36.239
like worked through that and like tried
to figure out like how to you know,

436
00:36:36.719 --> 00:36:43.960
manage all that and letting also like
reassuring, like like educating. I

437
00:36:44.039 --> 00:36:46.840
felt like I could to educate the
people in some people of my life,

438
00:36:47.280 --> 00:36:52.519
like hey, just because you know, I I identify as this, it

439
00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:59.800
doesn't mean that I'm trying to fuck
every single person. And also identifying as

440
00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:05.840
a you know, like just like
coming to like figuring out my sexuality.

441
00:37:05.880 --> 00:37:08.639
It doesn't mean that it's all based
around It's not based around sex, I

442
00:37:08.719 --> 00:37:14.159
know, like actual like like intercourse
like sex, you know, like like

443
00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:21.199
intimate like like that's not And that
was another thing Like people think that just

444
00:37:21.239 --> 00:37:24.360
because I don't know, it was
weird. It was weird. It is

445
00:37:24.440 --> 00:37:29.760
weird. Yeah, it's it's not
getting any less. Well that's not true.

446
00:37:29.760 --> 00:37:31.039
It is getting a little less weird, but it's still like these are

447
00:37:31.400 --> 00:37:35.679
things that were going on a million
years ago when I was coming out,

448
00:37:35.719 --> 00:37:39.199
and it's like they're still going on, Like people still have the same like

449
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:46.440
sometimes shitty reactions and like weird irrational
fears like oh no, so no you're

450
00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:50.360
gonna It's like if I haven't been
trying to fuck you this whole time we've

451
00:37:50.360 --> 00:37:54.239
been friends, Like it's not suddenly
gonna like it's just exactly, it's not

452
00:37:54.280 --> 00:37:59.840
just gonna happen now where I just
out of nowhere get these like no,

453
00:38:00.000 --> 00:38:04.119
oh yeah, you're not like a
werewolf. It's not like that's out.

454
00:38:05.760 --> 00:38:13.599
Yeah, although how cool would that
be? And so I know just from

455
00:38:13.880 --> 00:38:20.079
reading up about like your single that's
coming out and the meaning behind that,

456
00:38:20.599 --> 00:38:22.599
I know that if you want to
speak to it or not totally fine,

457
00:38:22.599 --> 00:38:28.199
But I know that there were other
things going on at this time in your

458
00:38:28.239 --> 00:38:32.920
life that were like really difficult things
to be going through, especially or even

459
00:38:32.960 --> 00:38:36.679
before this time in your life,
like at such a young age, and

460
00:38:36.800 --> 00:38:40.039
like, I'm wondering if if you
felt like there was any link between those

461
00:38:40.079 --> 00:38:47.360
things, like like was suppressing the
feelings leading to habits that were sort of

462
00:38:47.440 --> 00:38:52.039
like was it kind of like a
big circle or do you feel like those

463
00:38:52.079 --> 00:38:57.159
things were separate for you. I'm
speaking vaguely because I don't want you to

464
00:38:57.199 --> 00:39:00.639
have to go into this unless you
want to. No, I'm super down.

465
00:39:00.760 --> 00:39:07.000
I'm so yeah, super down.
I mean, you know, I

466
00:39:07.079 --> 00:39:14.679
was like discovering my sexuality and like
trying to figure out what I was like

467
00:39:14.760 --> 00:39:19.280
trying to accept that I was a
lesbian or that I liked women while also

468
00:39:19.400 --> 00:39:27.159
being a drug addict. So it
was like this weird intermixed like I have

469
00:39:27.199 --> 00:39:31.079
all these feelings, like I'm struggling
with depression, anxiety and eating disorder,

470
00:39:31.519 --> 00:39:38.679
I'm self harming, and I'm gay. Oh my god, Like like how

471
00:39:38.719 --> 00:39:45.679
do I manage all of this?
At the age of like fourteen fifteen sixteen.

472
00:39:46.199 --> 00:39:52.480
Let's forget that I'm gay and just
handle like what is at the table

473
00:39:52.559 --> 00:39:59.280
right now, which is like addiction, like mental health. And you know,

474
00:39:59.480 --> 00:40:01.440
but I could, you know,
I couldn't Like there was no like

475
00:40:01.559 --> 00:40:06.280
drug or substance that could actually push
that down, because that was a thought

476
00:40:06.440 --> 00:40:12.800
every single day. Yeah, but
I don't think that I was using to

477
00:40:13.079 --> 00:40:20.440
suppress those specific feelings good. Yeah. I think the the other feelings were

478
00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:23.239
just you know, I had a
lot. There was a lot. Life

479
00:40:23.360 --> 00:40:27.880
was a lot at those ages,
and I just didn't know how to just

480
00:40:28.000 --> 00:40:32.000
live like slash survive, and I
thought everything that I was doing was to

481
00:40:32.159 --> 00:40:39.079
survive. So it was this weird
like back and forth like I don't know

482
00:40:39.079 --> 00:40:42.519
how to live, so I'm gonna
do these things that could kill me,

483
00:40:42.559 --> 00:40:46.760
but they make me feel alive.
Oh god, yeah, you know.

484
00:40:47.440 --> 00:40:52.639
Yeah, I think that sentence is
actually like a really good description of life.

485
00:40:52.679 --> 00:40:58.519
Yeah, probably feels like for a
lot of people. Yeah that's yeah,

486
00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:06.119
Yeah, that that's what that was. And so like with Wasted Youth,

487
00:41:06.679 --> 00:41:09.239
I did feel like I wasted a
lot on my youth. I feel

488
00:41:09.239 --> 00:41:13.039
like I missed out on a lot. I feel like I didn't get to

489
00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:20.039
enjoy you know those years, and
those years are so important. You go

490
00:41:20.079 --> 00:41:25.199
through so many different like eras of
life, like twelve to thirteen, what

491
00:41:25.280 --> 00:41:29.400
a big jump, thirteen to fourteen
like oh my god, now you're like

492
00:41:29.800 --> 00:41:34.239
officially a teenager, and like fifteen, like, oh my god, puberty,

493
00:41:34.320 --> 00:41:42.159
what the fuck? Like I just
missed so much and I was yeah,

494
00:41:42.280 --> 00:41:46.960
yeah, I was just battling.
I was struggling, and I so

495
00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:53.000
now, which is like ten years
later, I wrote this song Wasted Youth

496
00:41:53.079 --> 00:41:58.880
about that experience, about a specific
one. Actually, when I was sixteen,

497
00:41:58.920 --> 00:42:02.760
I was sent to a wilderness treatment
program and I was there for three

498
00:42:02.800 --> 00:42:07.199
months, and oh my god,
I didn't realize it was that long.

499
00:42:07.119 --> 00:42:12.639
Yeah, Ok, it was crazy. Yeah, it was crazy. Like

500
00:42:12.840 --> 00:42:16.079
I didn't like, you know,
I shit in a hole for three months.

501
00:42:16.119 --> 00:42:20.840
I didn't shower for three months.
I had to in order to eat

502
00:42:20.840 --> 00:42:22.239
hot food. I had to make
a fire out of a stick in a

503
00:42:22.320 --> 00:42:29.760
rock. I slept in a sleeping
bag under like just a blue top.

504
00:42:29.800 --> 00:42:32.360
It wasn't even a tent. It
was just like a painter's tarp. Oh

505
00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:38.400
and god, did you go this
voluntarily or was it like your no?

506
00:42:38.480 --> 00:42:43.079
I was what they called goons.
So they came into my house I was

507
00:42:43.079 --> 00:42:46.039
living with my mom. Came into
my house and it was a whole setup.

508
00:42:46.159 --> 00:42:51.519
They like, yeah, pulled up
out of the blue and they were

509
00:42:51.599 --> 00:42:53.800
just like we could do this easy
way the hard way. And I just

510
00:42:53.880 --> 00:42:58.400
had no idea what they were even
talking about. You know, I was

511
00:42:58.440 --> 00:43:01.480
like what. And at that time
that that was happening, I was also

512
00:43:02.079 --> 00:43:09.280
under the influence of substances, so
I was just like, whoa wait a

513
00:43:09.320 --> 00:43:14.679
second, and yeah, they grabbed
me, They put me in a car,

514
00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:19.840
ended up at the airport, ended
up like at on a on a

515
00:43:19.880 --> 00:43:23.719
plane. I'm asking the flat attendant
where is this plane going? And the

516
00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:29.119
flat Attend's like, what, We're
going to Atlanta, Georgia. And I'm

517
00:43:29.159 --> 00:43:32.159
like, I was just home an
hour ago and now I'm on a plane

518
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:39.519
to Atlanta, Georgia. God,
and uh yeah, then was just ended

519
00:43:39.599 --> 00:43:45.039
up at this program? Was this
something you're had your mom set this up

520
00:43:45.239 --> 00:43:51.840
to? Yeah, my mom set
this up. Obviously at the time,

521
00:43:52.159 --> 00:43:57.760
I was not a fan of my
mother. But God, it's amazing how

522
00:43:57.800 --> 00:44:00.719
far you've like telling that stuff.
Worry about the diner and then hearing that

523
00:44:00.840 --> 00:44:08.760
this preceded that it's like incredible.
How Yeah, you know, my I

524
00:44:08.760 --> 00:44:14.480
I wasn't in a good place and
I wasn't able to recognize that for myself.

525
00:44:14.920 --> 00:44:20.199
And you know my mom, My
mom didn't want me to die.

526
00:44:20.960 --> 00:44:24.199
Yeah, and she did everything that
she could to save my life. And

527
00:44:25.239 --> 00:44:29.320
she did. You know, if
she didn't send me to that program,

528
00:44:29.840 --> 00:44:34.880
I would not be here telling you
this story. And there's a lot of

529
00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:39.760
like pros and cons with programs like
these, you know, like there's kids,

530
00:44:42.480 --> 00:44:46.239
there's like so many kids have had
so many different experiences, and do

531
00:44:46.360 --> 00:44:53.199
I think my experience was the best? No, like not showering like not

532
00:44:53.480 --> 00:44:59.960
like like there's so many things that
need to be changed about these adolescent programs

533
00:45:00.360 --> 00:45:06.719
because that's not how you do it. But but I'm grateful that my mom

534
00:45:06.760 --> 00:45:12.639
did something. I'm grateful my mom
stepped in because it Yeah, I wasn't

535
00:45:12.679 --> 00:45:15.719
gonna last another femal, Like there
was no way with the rate that I

536
00:45:15.840 --> 00:45:22.559
was moving. WHOA wow? And
did you was that the point where you

537
00:45:22.679 --> 00:45:28.840
got clean? Or was there more
that had to happen after these three months?

538
00:45:28.840 --> 00:45:34.800
In terms of at that point I
did. I got right into recovery

539
00:45:35.239 --> 00:45:39.119
when I when I got home and
I did stay sober, uh and clean

540
00:45:39.280 --> 00:45:47.440
and all of that, and was
in recovery for like everything for almost two

541
00:45:47.480 --> 00:45:53.719
years. And then I slipped up
and then was back on back, you

542
00:45:53.719 --> 00:45:58.280
know. I ended up in different
programs, and it was a battle.

543
00:45:58.360 --> 00:46:05.840
Honestly up until like twenty twenty two, it was a battle, and sixteen

544
00:46:05.960 --> 00:46:10.039
to twenty two, twenty one,
twenty two, it was like on and

545
00:46:10.079 --> 00:46:13.719
off, on and off, like
I got my shit together. I don't

546
00:46:13.800 --> 00:46:17.960
I got my shit together? Oh
no, Like now, like I couldn't

547
00:46:19.000 --> 00:46:23.800
figure it out. I really couldn't, And I don't know now, like

548
00:46:25.079 --> 00:46:30.159
I feel so like yo, I
thinking about the things that I was doing,

549
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:36.760
Like I can't even believe it.
I get so scared to take melatonin.

550
00:46:37.119 --> 00:46:38.920
I get so scared to take a
Thai lintel. I'm like, what

551
00:46:39.000 --> 00:46:42.480
is this gonna do to me?
You know what I mean? Like,

552
00:46:42.880 --> 00:46:47.280
oh my god. I've heard friends
say similar things now that they're older and

553
00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:52.159
just be like Jesus, I remember, like I used to just like take

554
00:46:52.159 --> 00:46:53.599
a handful of pills and I didn't
know what they were, and they're like,

555
00:46:53.719 --> 00:46:57.360
yeah, like, oh I'm gonna
get heart burn if I eat this

556
00:46:57.440 --> 00:47:01.280
close. Yes, Yeah, I'm
like, is this gonna trigger my ibass?

557
00:47:01.480 --> 00:47:07.719
Like, baby, it's crazy.
It's crazy because I used to do

558
00:47:07.800 --> 00:47:12.920
that, Like the I was like, I don't know what that pill is,

559
00:47:12.960 --> 00:47:15.079
but I'll take it. I lived
in Amsterdam for three and a half

560
00:47:15.119 --> 00:47:20.320
years of my friends. Yeah,
I had friends who were that like found

561
00:47:20.320 --> 00:47:22.800
a bag in the bathroom, free
baggy. Yeah, I don't even know

562
00:47:22.920 --> 00:47:28.840
what it was. Dead ass.
Now I read the labels of all ingredients,

563
00:47:28.840 --> 00:47:30.199
I'm like, oh my god,
Asha, waganda. That is going

564
00:47:30.280 --> 00:47:34.920
to have me on my ass later, Like is this gonna give me a

565
00:47:34.960 --> 00:47:38.760
hangover in the morning? Like this
is literally how my friends are. This

566
00:47:38.800 --> 00:47:45.039
is so funny. They've had the
exact same mark something that it's a flip.

567
00:47:45.119 --> 00:47:51.199
It's a crazy flip, like sure, And I'm just saying I'm so

568
00:47:51.239 --> 00:47:55.079
grateful for the place I'm in now. It is really wild to think,

569
00:47:55.280 --> 00:48:00.280
like, yeah, well, do
you feel like being able to write a

570
00:48:00.320 --> 00:48:04.400
song like Wasted Youth about that specific
experience? Does that feel like kind of

571
00:48:04.440 --> 00:48:08.719
like closure to that or like you
have enough distance that now you can because

572
00:48:08.719 --> 00:48:13.280
that was a while ago and the
song is just coming out now, So

573
00:48:13.440 --> 00:48:16.360
was it like that you needed that
time to kind of like process all of

574
00:48:16.360 --> 00:48:20.960
that, and now that you can
write about it, it's like, yeah,

575
00:48:21.000 --> 00:48:22.840
I did. I needed a lot
of time to process that. That

576
00:48:22.960 --> 00:48:30.159
experience, you know, it is
a it is feels like closure. It

577
00:48:30.199 --> 00:48:36.519
feels like even writing writing it and
like now talking about it so much more

578
00:48:36.599 --> 00:48:40.480
and like sharing that experience. So
it's so healing, you know, And

579
00:48:40.519 --> 00:48:45.480
I'm getting connected through TikTok. I'm
getting connected with other kids that went through

580
00:48:45.480 --> 00:48:50.679
that same experience. I'm hearing about
their experience, like they're showing me their

581
00:48:50.719 --> 00:48:55.400
photos like like you know, like
their journals that they had while they were

582
00:48:55.440 --> 00:49:01.199
there. And it's it's beautiful to
be able to to connect on that level

583
00:49:01.639 --> 00:49:07.440
because the only people that truly get
it are the ones that experience that.

584
00:49:07.599 --> 00:49:14.920
Oh I'm sure it's so specific,
like we don't most of us don't have

585
00:49:14.960 --> 00:49:20.400
a frame of reference for like sleeping
under a tarp for three months and not

586
00:49:20.519 --> 00:49:22.679
shower, Like that's just like you
can you can have empathy, but like

587
00:49:22.880 --> 00:49:28.559
it's really hard to be like I
get it, Like yeah, yeah,

588
00:49:28.599 --> 00:49:39.039
it's it's different, but it's been
healing, and it's yeah, I think

589
00:49:39.079 --> 00:49:46.280
now has been been the change,
like the great the perfect timing. The

590
00:49:46.320 --> 00:49:52.599
one like big trauma that I've dealt
with that I'm still working on is from

591
00:49:52.639 --> 00:49:59.239
that is rain. So like whenever
it rains, I get into a little

592
00:49:59.599 --> 00:50:04.320
bit of a a trauma response where
if I'm laying in bed and it starts

593
00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:08.000
raining, I just like start crying, Oh my god. And that's because,

594
00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:12.840
like I would say, like eighty
five to ninety percent of the time

595
00:50:12.840 --> 00:50:16.280
that I was there, it was
pouring rain, thunder lightning, and like

596
00:50:16.360 --> 00:50:21.760
so the sound like triggers something in
my brain and it puts me back into

597
00:50:21.760 --> 00:50:24.239
that place. So I've been doing
work, you know, in therapy,

598
00:50:25.159 --> 00:50:31.880
trying to really like get this under
wraps and heal that that specific area.

599
00:50:32.119 --> 00:50:36.400
But yeah, it's always the rain
man, and it's supposed to be beautiful,

600
00:50:36.480 --> 00:50:38.840
you know. Like I know,
it's like listen to rain sounds to

601
00:50:38.840 --> 00:50:45.039
fall asleep and you're like, yeah, whatever it rains, I just I

602
00:50:45.159 --> 00:50:50.199
don't get a full night's sleep.
I'm just oh, it's horrible. Oh

603
00:50:50.239 --> 00:50:55.400
my god. Yeah, I can't
even imagine. I'm like the I my

604
00:50:55.519 --> 00:50:59.400
two things that I hate are being
cold and being wet, So like I

605
00:50:59.440 --> 00:51:05.159
can't and that's me not having this
experience so I cannot even imagine how traumatic

606
00:51:05.280 --> 00:51:08.800
that was, Slash is I'm so
sorry. No, I mean we're working

607
00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:14.079
through it. You know. Also, like the pro I have to stay

608
00:51:14.119 --> 00:51:17.559
in the pros of like it's good. You know, I had to do

609
00:51:17.639 --> 00:51:21.320
it. I had to go there. I mean, I don't know if

610
00:51:21.320 --> 00:51:24.079
I had to go to that ex
that to that extent, like you know,

611
00:51:24.119 --> 00:51:30.079
a roof would have been nice.
But yeah, but uh but yeah

612
00:51:30.199 --> 00:51:35.679
that it did create some some long
term issues for me for sure. Well,

613
00:51:35.800 --> 00:51:37.880
is this here's a maybe? Is
this a silver lining? I mean,

614
00:51:38.000 --> 00:51:42.360
lesbians and camping, those are like
those go hand in hand, and

615
00:51:42.440 --> 00:51:47.239
you must be the most like wilderness. You're like the ultimate lesbian camping expert.

616
00:51:47.280 --> 00:51:52.920
I feel like that's if the world
is ever ending. Yeah, call

617
00:51:52.039 --> 00:52:01.239
me, I got you. Okay, that's incredible. Oh yeah, what

618
00:52:01.480 --> 00:52:06.239
So what I want to I want
you to be able to talk about like

619
00:52:06.400 --> 00:52:10.679
anything and everything else that you I
mean, does your do you have songs

620
00:52:10.800 --> 00:52:15.920
that specifically deal with your coming out
or with your queerness or like you're obviously

621
00:52:15.039 --> 00:52:20.519
very out as a queer artist,
but like is that something that you that

622
00:52:20.599 --> 00:52:22.719
you put in your music or is
it more just like incidental, Like what

623
00:52:22.960 --> 00:52:27.119
how does that sort of figure out? Oh, it's definitely my music my

624
00:52:27.239 --> 00:52:30.119
breakups with my exes, like my
ex girlfriends. Oh yeah, they all

625
00:52:30.159 --> 00:52:34.239
got a song all that. Yeah, okay, that's what all my bad

626
00:52:34.280 --> 00:52:38.079
poetry was about in my early twenties. So yeah, respect for you know

627
00:52:38.719 --> 00:52:45.679
it is. It's yeah, I
did. So I was. I was

628
00:52:45.719 --> 00:52:49.440
in a relationship. Oh my god, not me just putting everything no one

629
00:52:49.480 --> 00:52:52.559
knows. Okay, So this is
like a few years ago, and I

630
00:52:52.599 --> 00:53:00.599
was in a relationship for for almost
two years, and I did this three

631
00:53:00.800 --> 00:53:07.639
song trilogy thing Vibe, where it's
the first song on this project was called

632
00:53:07.760 --> 00:53:15.039
Fool, and then that's like it's
about that, It's about that specific relationship.

633
00:53:15.079 --> 00:53:20.679
Okay. So Fool was me feeling
like a fool in a relationship and

634
00:53:20.960 --> 00:53:24.079
uh, I don't know, feeling
like I just yeah, feeling the fucking

635
00:53:24.159 --> 00:53:30.440
fool. And then the second song
was found my Piece. That's I found

636
00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:34.039
my piece when You're away. So
then you know, that's where the breakup

637
00:53:34.079 --> 00:53:39.679
happened. And and then that's where
happy place comes into place, is getting

638
00:53:39.719 --> 00:53:45.760
out of the relationship and just like
finally feeling like yo, I can be

639
00:53:45.840 --> 00:53:50.599
happy on my own, like there's
so much more to life than being stuck

640
00:53:50.679 --> 00:53:55.159
in something that's like not for you, you know. And that video for

641
00:53:55.239 --> 00:54:00.039
Happy Place actually comes out, came
out, Yeah, it'll by the time

642
00:54:00.039 --> 00:54:07.519
the drops, it'll Yeah, so
it'll be out. And I did three

643
00:54:07.599 --> 00:54:12.599
music videos that they all it's kind
of like one big movie now now that

644
00:54:12.719 --> 00:54:15.159
all three of them are out,
so they all lead into each other.

645
00:54:15.519 --> 00:54:22.360
And yeah, so that that that
those three songs, Thank you so much

646
00:54:22.440 --> 00:54:31.079
to you know. But yeah,
I definitely write about my experiences of you

647
00:54:31.119 --> 00:54:39.719
know, my love life and what
it's like like being being being clear,

648
00:54:40.199 --> 00:54:47.559
and I'm excited about I'm dropping an
eph in a couple of months, and

649
00:54:49.519 --> 00:54:54.639
it's just it's just my all about
my experiences and storytelling. And yeah,

650
00:54:54.679 --> 00:55:00.360
I'm very open with my sexuality.
Now, I'm not googling anything any more.

651
00:55:00.760 --> 00:55:05.480
Like I'm here and I'm here and
I'm ready for it. And yeah,

652
00:55:06.079 --> 00:55:09.039
do a lot of do like your
younger fans of any age, do

653
00:55:09.159 --> 00:55:15.480
they ever do you get like coming
out messages or people who like who are

654
00:55:15.960 --> 00:55:21.039
realizing and like maybe telling you their
experience or they found you because they were

655
00:55:21.079 --> 00:55:25.920
like that must be so beautiful.
Yeah, I have actually gotten. I've

656
00:55:25.920 --> 00:55:32.840
gotten a lot of messages. The
ones that like really hit home are oh

657
00:55:32.840 --> 00:55:36.760
my god, I'm not gonna cry
right now. I'm not gonna cry.

658
00:55:37.039 --> 00:55:45.519
Are there? They say like,
hey, uh you help me come out

659
00:55:45.559 --> 00:55:52.840
to my parents? Oh my gosh. And I read those literally crying in

660
00:55:52.880 --> 00:56:00.239
my bed before I go to sleep, like no way, what like you

661
00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:06.239
know, and it's all it goes
into they go into detail and and it's

662
00:56:06.280 --> 00:56:12.599
like thank you for sharing your story
and being open about your sexuality and like

663
00:56:12.960 --> 00:56:16.599
your you're just a journey that you've
been on that it's given me like the

664
00:56:16.719 --> 00:56:24.199
confidence to to tell my parents or
like the people of my life and that's

665
00:56:24.280 --> 00:56:30.320
so cool. It's just it is. It's incredible. And I've even gotten

666
00:56:30.400 --> 00:56:40.559
like letters like mailed to me of
like coming out stories and it's just it.

667
00:56:42.079 --> 00:56:49.400
Yeah, it is a feeling that
is just unexplainable, like I yeah,

668
00:56:49.519 --> 00:56:53.599
it's yeah. I bet not only
that, I bet you are some

669
00:56:53.639 --> 00:56:58.039
people's Kristen Stewart, you know what
I mean, Like they're going to be

670
00:56:58.079 --> 00:57:00.760
on a podcast in like twenty years. Like when I was in middle school,

671
00:57:04.400 --> 00:57:09.920
a huge crush on this singer.
Oh for somebody you probably already are.

672
00:57:09.960 --> 00:57:15.320
It's probably happening as we speak.
So no, no, I bet

673
00:57:15.360 --> 00:57:17.880
it came full circle. I think
I think you should give yourself credit for

674
00:57:17.920 --> 00:57:23.639
that. Am I your Christen Stewart? You got no? No, no,

675
00:57:23.639 --> 00:57:30.840
no, no, I don't know. Because Christmas Stewart like played a

676
00:57:30.920 --> 00:57:37.320
huge role in like my sexuality.
I'm like, oh, yeah, sure.

677
00:57:37.480 --> 00:57:40.760
Were you so excited when she came
out? Were you like I knew

678
00:57:40.800 --> 00:57:45.559
it? I knew it? Yeah, I knew it. But then like

679
00:57:46.000 --> 00:57:49.880
because I felt like I knew it, I was like, damn, and

680
00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:53.480
I didn't know that I was gay. Like it's easier, it's armchair quarterbacking.

681
00:57:53.519 --> 00:58:02.480
It's always easier to tell somebody else. Yeah yeah, So where can

682
00:58:02.840 --> 00:58:07.119
where can people find all of yourself? Like, where's the best place for

683
00:58:07.199 --> 00:58:10.599
them to watch the three music videos
you were talking about? Now that all

684
00:58:10.639 --> 00:58:14.320
three of them are out? Uh, where's the best place for them to

685
00:58:14.360 --> 00:58:17.000
listen to your music? Your single
comes out Friday? As I mentioned,

686
00:58:17.079 --> 00:58:22.360
Yeah, I want you to plug
all of your social media just like everything.

687
00:58:22.519 --> 00:58:27.880
Yeah. Yeah, So those three
music videos for Fool, Found,

688
00:58:27.920 --> 00:58:30.639
My Piece, and Happy Place,
those are all on YouTube. So on

689
00:58:30.679 --> 00:58:37.119
my YouTube channel and just type in
Chloe Star my follow me on Instagram and

690
00:58:37.159 --> 00:58:42.280
TikTok. Those are my two most
active platforms that I'm active like daily at

691
00:58:42.400 --> 00:58:46.519
French Toast Killer and then all my
music is on all streaming platforms Spotify,

692
00:58:46.719 --> 00:58:54.719
Apple Music, like Amazon, you
can you can listen stream there just you

693
00:58:54.800 --> 00:59:01.039
know, Chloe Star waste typing,
Chloe Star wasted you that bad boy will

694
00:59:01.039 --> 00:59:05.079
pop right up. It's a really
good song. It has been in my

695
00:59:05.159 --> 00:59:07.840
head since I listened to it this
morning. Oh yeah, so thank you,

696
00:59:08.079 --> 00:59:12.880
thank you for even listening, like, oh my god. Of course,

697
00:59:13.760 --> 00:59:16.079
of course, no, I was
excited, but I was. I

698
00:59:16.119 --> 00:59:19.239
did go into it a little scared. I was like, what if I

699
00:59:19.280 --> 00:59:22.480
don't like it? I haven't listened
to new music and thirty and then I

700
00:59:22.519 --> 00:59:23.840
was like, this is great.
Is this what new music sounds like?

701
00:59:24.440 --> 00:59:30.880
Oh my god music? Oh my
god. I'm always like Johnny Mitchell like

702
00:59:30.039 --> 00:59:37.079
that's like my vie. Oh my
goodness. Yeah, big fat, big

703
00:59:37.119 --> 00:59:40.199
fad. But no, I loved
it, and y'all, if you want

704
00:59:40.199 --> 00:59:45.159
to find me, I'm at Lauren
Flans on Twitter and Blue Sky and Lauren

705
00:59:45.360 --> 00:59:50.760
Underscore Flanns on Instagram. Uh,
I'm not personally on TikTok. But my

706
00:59:50.880 --> 00:59:55.079
dog Piero is he's a I think
it's hello. It's Piero. Yep,

707
00:59:55.119 --> 01:00:00.320
all one word hello, it's Piero. Watch his videos and and the podcast

708
01:00:00.480 --> 01:00:06.719
at Coming Out Pod everywhere the hashtag
hashtag coming out Pod. Y'all. Shout

709
01:00:06.760 --> 01:00:09.480
out to my fantastic patrons. I
love you so much and I'm so grateful

710
01:00:09.519 --> 01:00:15.639
too. Carmela Simone, Cayenne,
Michelle l Adri, Tanya Pooh, Tiya,

711
01:00:16.000 --> 01:00:20.880
Kierra Smiley, Aaron Mitchell, Diego, Hernandez and beyond Clexa dot com.

712
01:00:21.239 --> 01:00:23.679
And Hey, if you want to
help the podcast, a great way

713
01:00:23.679 --> 01:00:29.639
to do that is to go on
iTunes or Spotify and give it a five

714
01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:34.760
star rating. Those five stars are
helpful. On iTunes, you can even

715
01:00:34.760 --> 01:00:38.960
write a little review. What No, I'm serious. I think that's it.

716
01:00:39.000 --> 01:00:42.760
I think that's all the stuff I
say. Chloe, this was so

717
01:00:43.039 --> 01:00:45.239
fun. It's so great to talk
to you. I'm so excited for you,

718
01:00:45.840 --> 01:00:50.440
and just like I was just excited
to follow you and just keep up

719
01:00:50.440 --> 01:00:53.239
with your music and what you do
next. Oh, thank you so much

720
01:00:53.280 --> 01:00:57.639
for having me. I felt like
we just went down memory lane and like

721
01:00:58.280 --> 01:01:02.199
this was so much fun. And
also thanks for holding the space. Well

722
01:01:02.199 --> 01:01:08.400
I got like hell of vulnerable and
like talked about some experiences. Thank you

723
01:01:08.480 --> 01:01:13.000
so much for doing That's that's a
big part where I have this podcast is

724
01:01:13.039 --> 01:01:15.800
so people are able to do that
and others can hear and connect. I

725
01:01:15.920 --> 01:01:20.119
love it. And yeah, and
your experience is so specific. It's like

726
01:01:20.440 --> 01:01:23.159
no one's talked about that on this
podcast before. I haven't had anyone who's

727
01:01:23.199 --> 01:01:29.320
had any experience approaching that. So
it's so valuable and I'm really grateful to

728
01:01:29.360 --> 01:01:31.360
you. Oh yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank

729
01:01:31.400 --> 01:01:35.960
you. Yeah. All right,
you also go check out all of Chloe's

730
01:01:36.039 --> 01:01:45.159
music and I will see you next
week. Bye bye, guys,