It's very important that you follow this part. Remember do not add milk at
this stage or it will cause a runaway exothermic reaction. And with that we
conclude our three part series on how to raise Iguanas. Now, staying safe
physically isn't the only thing that you need to watch out for while living around
here in the apocalypse. You also need to guard your heart and your mind.
There are very many different ways to stay positive in the apocalypse. What
better place to learn that than our very own one of our oldest residents,
Herb, owner and operator of the known and locally loved Herbs. All day,
he'll be today's guest and I'll be having him on to tell us his
tips and tricks for staying happy and positive while living through the apocalypse. I
had him waiting on a line and one second, Hey there, Herb,
it is so good to have you back on the show. Hi, Jackie,
it's good to be back. I suppose so you want me to put
together lesser things and make me happy. Well, I wanted you to put
together a list of ways and methods, tips and tricks on how to survive
the apocalypse with a positive outlook. But I think a list of things that
make you happy my work too. All right, Well let's see, Rob,
I go. I got three main tips for you. The first one
is look forward to the bright side of things. Who I really like that
one? Yeah, you know one. The tenant of Good Morning Wasteland is
to be positive in the face of the apocalypse. Do you have any examples
on you how we can look forward to the bright side? What are you
looking forward to? Herb? Well, I'm looking forward to that down Paul.
I love the Chelm Meredith's sham of a diner. Herb. That Herb.
That's not exactly positive. Man, Okay, I know you guys are
rivals, right, but you gotta admit that having multiple places to eat is
a good thing for fing Garden, isn't it. No, of course not.
I don't need this her opening a diner take my customers away. People
are falsely claiming that she has better pastries than me, which is a lie.
I mean, sure, I don't handmake my pastries because my heart retics
is getting to me these days. But that doesn't matter none. It's the
odd lies and that if we had only want it would be better for everybody.
I trust me on that one. Daca. Trust me. If you
say so, Herb. If you say so, I'm not sure the rest
of the citizens agree. And with that, I'm gonna ask, is there
any other way that maybe we can look towards something else that's positive? For?
What else do you look forward to in your day? Well? Coffee?
I look forward to coffee every morning. I've been drinking coffee for the
some my DearS that I've been alive, and I can tell you this,
I look forward to it every single morning. You know what, heard me
too, I've been drinking at most of my adult life, and even I
agree with you. Every morning I wake up, I look forward to cup
of that delicious, delicious black gold exactly, Jackie. Yes, that's a
right, black gold and herbs all day dinner has a best around. In
fact, we use real coffee. As I have mentioned before, I tell
you trying to keep coffee plantations going and the apocalypse is not easy. Coffee
is wanted by everyone everywhere, so they're doing just fine. That's good for
them. I hope they don't go out of business, because if I couldn't
have my morning cup of coffee, I don't know what would happen. Literally,
I do not know. I know what would happen if I didn't get
mac off it, and what would happen We don't want to talk about that,
Jack movaun. Okay, you said you had three tips, right,
what's the next one? You need to find a hobby or finding a hobby
keeps you busy in the apocalypse. There could be at times and moments an
hours where you're sitting around her nothing. Maybe I wasn't if for some food
to grow, or or you're just resting. Oh, if you can let
your mind wander, you gotta go crazy. Trust me, I've seen it.
So you gotta find yourself a hobby and give yourself busy. But what's
your hobby? Herb? I like to take a little twenty two rifle and
get up on the city walls and then plank at the mutants out there on
the wasteland. Wait, you just sit on the walls and shoot at them?
Well, I mean yeah, not exactly the main maga. Just the
plank at a mostly the armored ones and a little thing right off the edge
of them. And then I start freaking out running around as funny as hell
a Herb. I meant something a little more positive, something that can.
You know, people can have some of the show something that can bring somebody
smiles, I tell you, but I nurse smiled bigger than when I see
one of those dumb bastards galloping across a wasteland because I spoke to them.
Herb, all right out, ride by, calm down. Let's say,
uh, practice new recipes. That's what I like to do related night in
a diner after it's all shut down, and uh, I'm by myself.
I used to practice a new recipe. That's how Herbs all day diner and
stayed in business for so long, constantly upgrading the menu, unlike my rival
Herbs. Sometimes people like the classics. The classics are old. For a
raising, it sounded shot something new, Herb, your old dog jump n
You don't need to put that out to me, but yes, I like
to practice a new recipes. Or you could try down woodlands and moat or
something. But recipes don't those are good. Don't make me happy, good
good good. That's a much healthier use of your time for everyone else.
I'd really recommend you do not get up on the guard wall and plink at
the mutants out there. I think that one that's just gonna upset them.
Two, that's just gonna upset Marshall. And when he gets back from that
scavenging trip to get that water tower, he's probably not gonna appreciate that very
much. And three, isn't Ammo scarce? Herb? Not for me?
What do you mean? Not for you? Don't worry about it, okay,
In a spirit of staying happy during the apocalypse, Herb, what is
your third tip? Let me guess it's throwing paint at ash and elm right,
or maybe hurling curses across the courtyard to Mildred. Right, Oh Jack
wowing to say that my third piece of advice for staying happy, don't they
apocalypse? Just spend time with the people you love. Wait, really I
have. Of course, I love my customers and and you as long as
you're not being a pain in the ass. But I let every single person
that comes through my door, I'm sitting there and every day shoving around,
bringing them a nice, piping hot cup of coffee, sending their smile on
their face. What helps me get up in them out in that and a
little actual strong coffee. But I just house with the ache and pains.
You don't need to worry about that, whether you run a diner or not.
Spending time with people you love, betther it's friends or family, or
cause someone you've met Bridsen letter makes her smile. That's a good way to
keep surviving and kicking no matter how hard things get. Don't remember out there.
If you don't got anybody that you currently feel, I can do that
for you. They are out there. Go find them. Story a hovey
somewhere. Meet some people who like the things you like. I guarantee you
find somebody. I did a long time ago, but yeah, now I
still do every morning saying hi to my customers. Oh well, that's actually
really nice, Herb. I I appreciate ate that. You know, thanks
for coming on to the show. I know you're very busy in the mornings.
Before you know, the rush comes in and people are begging for their
bagels and coffee, but you still took time out of your day to talk
to me and my listeners. And thanks for that. And oh problem Jack,
Yes, Herb, I'm coming in soon. Okay, all right,
good bye, Fait Gardens. I'll see around herbs all day dinner and own
the herbs all day dinner. Okay, Herb thank you. Bye Jack,
Bye Herb. Never change herb, you know what, just kidding, Actually
change a little bit, be a little nicer, especially to Mildred. She
doesn't do anything to you. I didn't say that out loud. Oh God,
please, don't you know what. I'm gonna stay out of it.
I should stay out of it. I'm gonna leave that one alone. Well,
listener, thanks for tuning in and staying in. And I hope that
those tips help you stay happy during the apocalypse, because I once to modified
and at least for the first two they absolutely are great tips. Look forward
to the bright side of things, find a hobby, and spend time with
people that you love, speaking of people that you love or people that you
know. At least, Dusty has finally made it back to town. And
if you will remember a little while ago, Dusty left me message a little
while ago talking about how he had something very important and that something was headed
for a fig garden. Unfortunately, Dusty, being Dusty, would not tell
me over the radio, said you have to talk about it in person because
he was going to be here pretty soon. He just got back to town
and said that he needed to put some stuff in his shop and then he'll
eventually call back in and then he'll talk about and tell me what he found.
Now he hasn't quite called in yet. So first we're going to play
an ad actually from Herb himself, even though you just heard from the man.
Now you're going to hear him talk about Pie Day. Herb here from
Herbs O lay dinner given an ad to Jack for good Morning, pockalypse whatever.
Herbs all day dinner, host of Pie Day once a year might be
asking, now, Herb, what is Pie Day all about it? And
if you're asking that, you're dumb. It's about pies, stupid. Oh,
come on in and pies are all fifteen percent off? Why well,
hell, I don't know. I like pie, and so do you.
So come on in, get a cheap pie, get a cup of coffee,
and chat it up with your fellow fig guardians. If you're not a
fig garden, come on in anyways, in fact, mention that munching you
heard this ad, and then maybe you ain't. You know, I'll be
convinced that this is worth my time and money. Come on in and mention
you heard the ID and get another ten percent off ten percent off the amount
that remains after the fifteen percent off, not ten percent off the original.
I'll handle the mask. Come in, get pied, get coffee, say
hi, well like that. Come in, get pires say hi, I
got to write that down. Come in, get pies a high, Come
and get pie. Yes, the annual pie Day at Herbs All Day Diner.
It's as simple as it sounds. Go in, say hi, get
pie. Apparently Herbs actually make some pretty good pie. His crust leaves a
little to be desired, but the filling, the filling, oh, nothing
quite like it. Dusty still has not called in, So I'm actually gonna
play for you a voicemail that was left to me from a listener far out
in the waste. I didn't know my signal was going out that far,
but maybe we got some good news from this guy. Hold on, salutations
to you Jack. Last time I called I was speculators res, but has
since been promoted to the rank of Primus Pilots. I am Primus Pilot's wrex
of how victorious, but you may simply call me Rex. I hail from
the southern regions of Landshu, once called Fresnel. I am a soldier of
the Auxilia Corps, a group of warriors that emerged from horizons after the nuclear
blaze that burns through our skies. We seek to destroy the mutated beasts,
mutants and bandits that now roam the waste of what we called home and begin
anew. Once we succeed, the Akila will be raised and a new settlement
can be born. Bro, Honest, it's well, Rex. I really
appreciate that you called in and left a voicemail. That's fascinating. I want
to know more about it. What legion are you talking about? What settlement
are you guys building? That sounds very cool? And call in, leave
me a message, tell us what is it, what it is you guys
are doing, and if there's any way we can help. I can't wait
to hear more from you, because I love to hear about new settlements that
are popping up in the wasteland. Oh, look at Dusty's finally calling in.
One second, All right, Dusty, got you on, Hi,
Jake, fank you very much bling me in. Yeah, no problem.
I'm glad you're safe because you said you found something that's coming for fig Garden.
I gotta be honest, man, you've had me worried this whole time,
kind of freaking out here. Oh, man, ain't nothing to worry
about. Really, you said there was no I mean, it's just a
giant, impenetrable and unstoppable river of radioactive sludge. I'm sorry, say what
now? Yeah, there's a big, unstoppable radioactive river or sludge having a
strayer fig Garden. What do you mean of sludge? Well, Dack,
I'll be honest with you. I don't really know how else to explain it.
It's a big, glowing, a bubbling, radioactive river of sludge heading
straight for fig Garden and it's been blining us for miles. Where did it
come from? Oh? Hell, if I know, Man, I didn't
go that far out, although I did follow it a couple miles back.
And I'll tell you, this thing's burning through every single building and structure that
it touches. I have a feeling that if it hits fig Garden we're done
for I think three hundred feet the reds get too high to survive. Maybe
not from Marshall, I ain't seen nothing take him down, yeah, but
for everybody else. We screwed man, We screwed it. Big Garden's gonna
die, Dusty, I thought you said this wasn't dangerous. We hell man,
ain't no slaety expert. I don't know what I say. Point is,
we gotta stop it. But town needs to figure out what we're gonna
do now. So I gonna take this to the town canceling, and I'm
gonna go to my shop and start brainstorming. Okay, okay, that's good.
Just after the water filter. Oh, thanks for fixing that. By
the way, ain't no proming a man or you guys could have drank that
water. I do all the time before it gets filtered. Just make my
tongue feel weird, did you see tongues? No, I'm off to my
shop. Jack, thanks for having me on your shop. Ain't hopefull?
We all survived this month? Yeah, I gotta go. Okay, Dusty,
Oh dear, Uh, giant radioactive river of sluts. That's okay,
that's okay, that's okay. We're gonna be all right. We are,
we are gonna be all right. We're probably gonna die. Uh. Listeners,
if you are listening, please, if you have any idea how to
stop this giant radioactive river of sludge, call in, leave a message,
leave a text, let us know. Please, any ideas at all,
will take them all. The town council really is probably gonna need a few
suggestions on this, because I don't think any of them are experts on sludge
rivers. So please again, the numbers in the info where you're listening to
this, you can call, you can text. We're gonna need any ideas.
No idea is too dumb, so please, I'm all ears. I'll
play them over air and maybe together we can fix this issue. Because I
really love my town and my life. I don't want to lose either of
them, so help us out. Oh, speaking of town council, they
did vote to send a group out to try and scavenge a water tower versus
buying one from Settlement ninety nine. Now, I don't know if that was
a better choice, but any decision that doesn't give Settlement ninety nine our credits
is the right one. With that being said, unfortunately, our dear and
wonderful Marshall is spearheading that group. So they left fig Garden a few days
ago and are heading south to what's known as the dangerous the Tower District.
Unfortunately, that's one of the most dangerous areas of this part of the Central
Valley, at least post apocalypse pre apocalypse. I don't know. I think
there's a ton of breweries around there. It's hard to tell. I haven't
been there. I've just heard stories a lot of drunk mutants. But anyways,
Marshall and his group are headed south and I hope to hear from them
soon. Unfortunately, we did lose contact with them a day or two ago,
so fingers crossed. I know today has been about positivity, but honestly,
I'm actually a little worried for Marshall. So I hope that him and
his people are okay, and you know, they're just in a bit of
a bind and they'll reach out soon. After the upcoming break, we will
be discussing the new slime mold that has moved into the corner of the old
business center that's were claiming is demanding that we feed it, but only on
Sundays more. After this break. For the break, I will leave you
with this song Charles Guiteau by Kelly Herral. I'm all the tender Christians,
wherever are you may be, and lackwise fair tension from these two line from
me. I was down at the depot to make my get away and providence.
Then against me, it proved to be a deo laid. I tried
to play off ben Thane, but found it would not do. The people
all against me, it proved to make no jokes. Judge Docky, fastest
sender s Clerky wrote it down on the thirtieth day, gun to die,
welcome them. My name is Chorgey Tall, my name, I'll ever deny
to leave my aged pharaohs to smorrow and to die. But little did I
say, while in my useful blue I carried to the campo and leave my
saddle due. My sister came in prison to bid her at marwell get throw
her arms around me, see watmos, bid her leave and let my love
me brother you day you must die for the murder of jend Garfield upon the
scapel high. My name is jogy Tall, my name, I'll ever denied
to leave my agent pharaohs to sorrow and to die. But little did I
fain while in my useful blue I'd carry it to camfolds to meet my said
d h uh uh huh. And now I mounted scambod to bid you all
of dus to hang'e. Now it's waiting, it's the quarter after the
black caltis on my face. No longer can I see, But when I'm
dead and buried. Their Lord re remember these. My name is chalking dogs,
my name out everyday night to leave my age to Pharos and sorrow after
night. But little did I mean while in my useful blue I had to
carry it through the scampbolds to leave my fenal juice the hammally boding. Sometime