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to the g that's it, o th eg on top of the morning.
To you a chief, it's far into afternoon. That's a configure speech,
Chief, What have we got here? Looks like a simple accident, Sir.
It's a male one point one five meters tall, approximately seven hundred ninety
years old. It looks like he fell and cracked his head on a rock
while out for a run or something. Have you taken a look at the
body at all? Now they're just finishing taking pictures. Let's go take a
look. I looks as if his Andrew's consistant would have fall right here,
as if the ragged rascal we're running round these rugged rocks. Looks like an
opening shutcase. Chief. I'll tell the boys to start wrapping up. I'll
hang on to our second lift up his wee waistcoat. Okay, Chief,
look at this. That looks like a stab wound. Plenty of fresh blood
around it. He was stabbed before he fell. Hey, looks like our
Johnny o'doll's death was no accident. Looks like he was Darby O kiled,
I'll not before the game. Who I really like to who? Yea,
yeah, yeah. This episode of C s Irish brought to you by Grandma
Wiggles Pickle Sniffins. If it's got to sniffle like a pickle, it's got
to sniff like Grandma wiggle. Do you know, special Guest Irish tea,
we found his pot of gold not too far from his body, so we
can whirl out robbery as a motive. The wait, you're thing that they
killed them and didn't rob them? Man, you can keep the timely th
Island magic. Well, who shout your help, coming all the way from
New York. But you gotta understand we do things and we've at difference here.
If you say, though, chief well, we're back in the room
full of nerds and computers. This is exactly the way it goes in the
UFA. Which one of y'all got the next pete the information that we got
to follow up on trying about here and thread of them, and I can
tell you canned you in hamp In hamp in hand. I don't even know
what I'm spoth to see this point, usually I say it three times then
it's clear at the daylight. I need you, man, I could have
told you that from the beginning. Okay, good getting the wait. You're
saying that he has scratches and blue flames squatch marks on his lapel. Yeah,
it sounds familiar to me too. Come on, Chief, I don't
know where we need to go. All right, Chief, We got the
subject in room three. It didn't come easily, but we got him.
Looks like your face. There's a little red there. Yeah. If you
can slap me giggling the whole time, why don't you go in and try
and cooks a confession out of him. I will be witting in the observation
room. Hey, her jockey points pig. That's right, Jackie. Roh
me Eh, you got quite a rap sheet here. You've been a very
naughty boy. Oh it seems like you're like frightening girls. Give them a
bit of a scare, a bit of a squeeze, as long as you
get your taste right, Jackie boy on a donut. I got sad news
for you there, Jackie, there are no girls in prison where you're going.
Think about that. All I did say, I did it, I
did it all along. Had you as used me. I thought it was
it was a weak girl, and there was an accident my squires who thought
it was a girl. We we grabbed it and then it made me.
Cost just slept and right into the thing. It's so twiny. I never
grabbed it. Wait, twiny, I thought you to. What's going to
happen to me? All right, Jackie, I want you to write everything
on this notepad exactly as it happened. I'll see if maybe we can cut
something, a deal with a DA for you, as it wasn't accent.
Maybe, Hi, Hi, but I won't lie to you. You're probably
gonna do jail time for this. I know you. No, I don't
like authority, so chef, that good enough for you. Good work on
many thanks Jeff. Of course he's not taking it so well. Hi,
looks like his world just got sham rocked. Oh, not befooled again?
You Hi? Ti? Oh? He said, tricks day? Do you?
Hey? Everybody, it's a good news but bad news, sort of
a mixed bag, as it would, ah right, first off, bad
news, bad days. We're sober, so uh, good news. It's
not my fault. This one's all on me. Incredibly more of your treacherous
physiology. Flora don't. Yeah, I wish I knew. So anyways,
here's the deal. We were going to record this past weekend. The day
that we were going to record, a day is set in infamily. We
we actually planned for our hangovers. Yeah, my body decides to reject the
idea of me existing. Yeah. You you just got the hangover without ever
having drank. I got, I got what I what I got last year.
The day after the day off, it was so weird. I had
some stuff to do during the day, but nothing really out of the ordinary.
I don't know what caused this, but I had a migraine, I
had fever. I threw up, I was I was gone. I thought
I was going to be able to power through it. That's called they call
that the ship show trifecta. It really was. You hit the bingo card
on that one. It really was. Anyway. Yeah, it completely just
leveled me. Yeah, so good news. We made a promise to you,
we T listener. We are going to get can smashed for next week's
episode. Yeah, so just know that we will do this. Just unfortunately,
we're not gonna make Floria drink if he's sick. Come on, we're
not animals. Well, yeah, I wasn't able to function. Yeah,
like I wouldn't have even there could be no lights on in here for us
to do it. And Dave just gets real pissy when there's no lights,
so pissy. Sorry, proper illumination, bro, Sorry everybody. I apologize.
I know that's it's a disappointment. I don't know. I mean maybe
they were like, thank God because that that was just so much to take.
We are even if you hated it, So don't listen to next weeks
because we're going to be faced. That's right. But I'll tell you this.
We'll be sailing on the ship with a certain captain you know, and
love for a shadow under sound bringing it back. It's the Pride of America
and the Sad motherfer. Anyways, I hope everybody's doing great. We're back
on the saddle in the Saddle on the Horse in the Horse four more seasons.
Season four kickoff. You might have noticed a new website. Yes,
you may have, or at least a revamped rep website. Yeah, we're
we We've launched the new website. So I know that we had a couple
of particularly astute listeners noticing the interim. I I mean I really leaned on
Flora for the little nineties gift of the stickman digging. To be honest,
I couldn't find it. Well, yeah, it doesn't exist. You'd have
to find like an AOL trial disc somewhere. Um, usually as a coaster.
Right, yeah, exactly. But things are back. Our store is
is almost ready to open the doors. Yeah we have. We did some
Okay, so T shirt talk with your hosts Dave and David. Um,
we're we are making T shirts, like like literally doing it. We have
done our test run t shirts. I have worn a T shirt made by
us. How about that? Um? And so because we're not fantastic it
does it looks awesome, We're doing a couple more tests. I mean,
like we're we're worried. You know, we love you guys. And and
if we sell you a shirt, we want it to be a good shirt
that doesn't fall apart. So we didn't hire a screen printing shop. We
didn't buy five hundred shirts. We actually bought We bought the cow. We
bought the equipment to make shirts ourselves so that we could make them the way
we want them to be made. So now in past the savings along to
you. Yeah, exactly, so some savings. I mean, well we
still got a communist Russia. Bro, we still got a break even,
I got needs to feed. Um. But the moral of the story is,
um, So, now that we've made some test shirts, like we're
we're actually going through like a quality control process. We're like washing them a
bunch of times and kind of wadding up into balls because we're just making sure
that they last. Yeah. I would be embarrassed if if we sent you
a shirt and it sucked. That's right. Yeah, absolutely, We're also
this is how how deep we're going. Uh. We're also testing different shirt
types. Yeah, I mean for like solfness and durability. Yeah, you
never think about it, but like we want it to be a shirt that
you would enjoy wearing because it's comfortable. Yeah, we don't want to scratch
a shirt. Yeah. So I mean, which problems you never think about
until like, oh, it's I gotta think about this now. Like it
all pops up. So we will have the store up very soon. We
will have shirts, We'll have stickers, yep, um, we will actually
we're Grandma's dirty knickers. Wow. Okay, maybe maybe maybe for Christmas.
I don't know. I hope to get you know, maybe some posters up
there or something, you know, little nick nicky stuff. And then we're
gonna update the inventory. We're gonna have a limited time designs and stuff.
I think, Yeah, we've got a ton of shirt designs. We've got
like our standards. We're gonna have like, you know, like a blurry
photos logo shirt and yeah, but we're also you know, like the Hayton
ticket, the Devil, Debble Baby. Yeah, do you want to wear
Debble Baby here Church today? Um, We've got a whole bunch of ideas.
We've got some Jeff the Talking Mongoose ideas, and I think the best
way to do that is, Yeah, we're gonna have a shirt that's available
for I don't know, a month. Sure, then stop doing it,
I don't know. Yeah, and then eventually we'll we're on it. We
this is it's fun for us to super fun to given design this. Yeah,
and we're doing it, damn it. We've talked about it forever.
We're doing it. So so there you go. Yeah, other other things
that Florida doesn't know that I'm going to say, uh, Season four Live
show, we're doing that this this season. That is primo. Yep.
We are currently talking to a couple of theaters. We're figuring out like a
when and where kind of thing. We're thinking maybe maybe rounds about Midsummer when
when everyone wants to be cramped into a small, poorly aced theater. God,
that's true. We're gonna do it, though, We're gonna do it,
and that's what makes you drink more. That'll that'll be fun. And
what if you what if they wanted to come see us at some other time,
Flora, Well, you know, I don't know if that would be
possible because it's I don't know, you know, we you know, sixth
floor six the Milwaukee para con We bought a damn table at the Milwaukee Paranormal
Convention. We're gonna be there June six, June six. Now I have
a question because Florida and I have talked about this, and I I feel
like it's kind of a good idea. But I don't know to offend anybody,
but I was thinking that it would be a fun idea at our booth
to make tinfoil hats for people, like like well made or gomy tinfoil hats
that have blurry photos on the side. Would they find that offensive where they
be like, ah, they get it, oh tunfoil hat they find it
offensive? I don't think they would. So I want you to tell us.
You guys are into weird stuff too, so right in if you think
that's a good idea, I don't want to offend anybody. Where we're sitting
next to ghost hunters and squatch hunters, right, I think they're gonna find
and then like two tables down, it is going to be like the UFO
Good good dudes, because all we have to do is hide because neither those
could find us. I just just read it out the mic on that one.
But it was worth it. So I don't know. Do you tell
me I'm looking for input because I think that it would be a clever,
cute idea. I don't want to offend anybody. If you think it would
be offensive, I wouldn't do it. I won't do it. Right anyways,
we're gonna be there June sixth, Milwaukee Paranormal Convention. It's it's gonna
be a lot of fun. Well, just even if you want to come
out just to meet us. I think it's free. I think it's free
to attend. Holy snikes. I think google it. I think it's Milwaukee
paracon dot com maybe or mk Yeah, I don't even know. It's so
fresh. It's in Milwaukee the internet. Google the Milwaukee paracon Um. We're
on the website. We're on their website. It's it's legit. So hey,
hey, that's coming up. That's fun. We're gonna talk to people.
We're gonna get some guests in here this this season. Uh's hitting a
fan and it smails so good. I was a mixed metaphor. It's a
mixed genre. But you're probably not here for all this, Jim Jabin.
That's a lie. They're in for all this, Jim Jabin. But I
guess there is a reason. Uh now, Flora, what what topic?
Where we supposed to be barely coherent for well, we were going to be
ragingly unsober for talking about druids. That's right, Drewid's ads. We're starting
off with a topic of Celtic slash Irish slash awesome slash folklore legend lately raising
this, we're gonna talk about who the druids were, what their history was
is, what were some of their rituals and beliefs, and a little bit
about druidism today and hinge craft. How how one craft's a hinge? Did
you Actually we're not talking about Stonehenge very much. We're not doing much stone
Hinge. I was even going to go back and recomb through the stuff.
Drews druids is a big subject, and well, well, I don't know,
we'll, like, I don't drag a finger across it. We have
to. I mean, that's and we'll get into this maybe with the overview,
because you'll do that thing that you like to do on the bus where
you just get really close to it, just kind of bump into it a
lot, quote unquote on accident. Are you allowed on buses yet? Let
you back on there, Flora, because of your because of that homeless guy,
your multiple convictions. You know that you really achieved something with the homeless
guys like bus driver. You won't leave me alone? All right, you're
ready, you're ready to dup in this thing. Let's do this about an
overview of drew wads, drew eds, dr duds, druids as we'll discuss
them. Refer to an ancient, ancient, ancient learned class of the Celts,
Celtic tribes extended from Ireland, Oreland, through parts of Europe and all
the way into Boston. All the way all the way into Boston, you
Mastard, all the way into Asia Minor and the Balkans in the fifth century
BC. Yep, that's before the Common era. We don't actually have much
firsthand knowledge of the Druids, and what there is has been pieced together from
written accounts of philosophers and conquerors of the Celts, namely the Romans. Ever
heard of them, and they described the Druids as bunch of brutish gentlemen given
to loud noises, foughting sounds, as a priestly cast among the Celts,
or at least the educated members of the society. They oversaw both social and
religious practices. Were philosophers, scientists, teachers, judges, advisors. They
were highly respected and very influential. Were druids. Yeah, the word druid
has contentious origins. Yes, that's right to choose your lines of battle.
Now. For the origin of the Druid wars, some scholars argue it comes
from Latin, which was derived from the Gaulish word for societal figures like this.
Others think It comes from the Proto Indo European roots of Daru, which
meant oak and wid, which meant to know, much like the Sanskrit vid
them oak noahan mother fuckers yep makes them have oak knowledge oak newers or less
literally those whose knowledge is great oh. A common view of druids sees them
as barbaric shaman leaders of roving savages with a fanatical devotion to nature, and
practitioners of such barbarisms as human or animal sacrifice, silly spells, and rituals,
and will seek to dispel that myth unless I mean not entirely. I
mean it's probably true most of it. Yeah, you don't. You don't
make a hinge unless you're into some weird ship. I got really deep.
This is Sam Elliott. You don't. You don't go about making a hinge
unless you're into some weird good evening like a rock. Don't forget to eat
some Kansas City strip steaks. They grew up real fun in the summertime,
and keep your wife off your ass. I like to pop open in nice
case of steakhms. Stakems eat them. Stakem is an abomination and judged by
God and loathed by man, this is Sam Elliott two. I'm fighting with
myself directly to Sam Elliot. All right, um, let's talk about the
history of the Drews. Oh wait, you're trying to tell me you're the
same actor. But you're having an argument with yourself. Man, you can
keep this podcast, so keep going. Sorry. The major reason we have
so little knowledge of druids is because all knowledge and culture was taught and preserved
orally, nothing was written. It was learned through mnemonics, apparently like Johnny
Nemonic. Yeah, just like that. They gotta get that message out of
your head. They all just knew kung fu and that was it. The
earliest discussion of druids comes from the writings of Julius Caesar in the first century
BC, though he may have been strongly influenced by the Greek philosopher Poseidonius.
Writing on Rome's history from one forty six to eighty one BC, Poseidonias visited
Gaul and spoke of the culture, though hardly any of his works have survived.
Gaul, if you want to think of it in easy terms, is
like France. Pretty much France, Yeah, pretty much France. If you
go much farther east, then you're going to get into the Germanic tribe Russia
and Prussia hints Germany, yea, France and Belgium is the lands we call
Goal if you're confused about that, probably and Dora also the tiny, tiny
nation state in the Pyrenees Mountains between France and Spain, Catalonia, Monaco,
man, I think that. Okay, I'm like two more interruptions and cracks
from putting the percentage on this episode. Yeah, you're starting it out with
a barring Poseidonius's works influenced Sicilian historian Diodorus and Greek geographer Strabo as well.
But julieh Strabo. He's such a great geographer. Oh my god, Corthis.
That's why he just goes by Strabos Strebo. Look at his hair,
Oh my god. I wonder what he's got under that tauga. Oh my
god, it's so loose. Honestly, did you see him if he just
leans over, it's just the man cleavage. I wonder if he got that
from forever Xxio No I liked it. I like that a lot. I
was already committed to Strabo, like Julius Caesar's account in his Commentari de Bello
Gallico Book six is the most direct info on Druids of this era we have.
The Only problem is Caesar was leading armies through Gaul to conquer the Celtic
world under the packs Romana, so it's not as though he was exactly the
most impartial observer of Druidic culture. Yep. His account should be considered for
what it is, which is coming from a general and statesman writing to Rome
about a culture he was trying to conquer. He described him in three classes,
the Druides, the equities, and there form full roaming vapor and the
druids were the intellectuals. The equities were the military, maybe even nobility thrown
in there, and the plebs were the regular people were the equities? Is
that is that based on the equine where they mounted could be could be cavalry.
Yeah, you never hear about that. I don't know the Druid cavalry.
Druids here are not unlike a religious priesthood. He also says druids were
exempt from military service and taxes and had to memorize a great number of verses,
which could take twenty years to learn. Damn. If you think about
it, though, it's just like being a doctor. Really right, No,
think about because doctors are aren't exempt from taxes. All right, let's
just take the learning the number of years. Yeah, that's kindergarten up to
yeah, and there's you're right then, actually, yeah, that does come
out to about twenty years. And those people at the end of which should
be tax exempt and they should get paid all the money in the whole wide
world. Like my good friends C. F. Gunderson. Caesar spoke of
human sacrifice of criminals and sometimes innocence, and how they were stuffed into a
large wooden man and burned. And this was known as the Wickerman. Oh
not the bees Bees or the Wickerman. Although have you seen the Wickerman?
I don't think I have, or maybe I just couldn't pay attention. He
probably both. I saw it, and boy, howdy, I'll say this,
It's not Nicholas Cage's finest work. Or maybe it is, depending on
what you watch him for. But I'll say this, the movie sticks to
its guns. Okay, yeah, Wickerman spoiler No it's on Netflix or something,
Well, then I might watching you. So this Wickerman, this idea
of Wickerman was the Wickerman. It might just be a rehash of Poseidonius from
earlier, something that he wrote earlier, and that's its suspect to begin with
from that angle, never trust a Roman with an agenda, and all the
Romans had an agenda. So anyway, we'll come back to that. Some
evidence for sacrifice has been found in the form of mass graves, though it
could also be an honored burial side for fallen warriors huh, plague victims.
Many historians lean toward accusations of human sacrifice being propaganda. Oh. Caesar also
said the Druids believed in a form of reincarnation that after death the soul passes
is from one body to another. I'll come back to that in a minute
two. But if you if you take away anything from this, take away
the fact that Caesar was a general, Yeah he was. He was an
army man, and he was writing about the people he was conquering, right,
And just think about that in a historical perspective that never lends itself to
an accurate portrayal. I mean you, I mean even today in our lofty
new millennium, I mean us Allied whatever countries like they they have the these
these these horrible like nicknames for like I think what do they call them hodgies
sometimes, uh, skinnies and Iraq and not Iraq in in Somalia, you
know, like these kind of things, like they're these kind of dehumanizing um
phrases they'd used to make it easier to kill people, you know, like
to do their jobs, and to make it easier to win support back home,
right to continue the campaign. Yeah, and so yeah, so this
this is something that not only hasn't changed, it will not change. Yeah,
unfortunately. I mean because if if you had a general that could write
like a genuine assessment of the culture they were they were seeking to completely eradicate.
I imagine that that to gain that much knowledge of it, you wouldn't
be able to then follow through if you knew them that well, you know,
and I think I remember reading that old Gaius Julius might have had some
debt to pay off. And so these these little military campaigns were quite prosperous.
Yeah, are lucrative. Lucrative that's the word I was looking for.
Yeah. So yeah, you you write back back home and say, hey,
everything's going great here killing these these people who are practitioners of human sacrifice.
Better send me some more money and some more men and tell everybody that
they practice human sacrifice. So everybody's okay with this, Please don't worry.
We took care of it everybody. In the twenties CE, Strabo broke down
Gaulish society into three categories. BARDOI who were the who were the poets and
singers, Ovates who are the diviners and nature specialists. And druid A the
moral philosophers, or in other terms, bards, ovates and druids yep,
which we will most certainly come back to. Right. And this was after
the Gallic Wars of fifty eight to fifty BC, which was Caesar's heyday.
Many parts of Gaul failed to Roman rule, and the new rulers, probably
rightly worried about many new subjects being learned. Educated folks sought to get rid
of druids and their beliefs. Druidism was banned and religious practices suppressed. By
the middle of the first century CE, Druidism was pushed back to Britain,
to to the to the British Isles. Yeah, and and honestly, God,
how many episodes are we going to come across this? Where one group
moves in an area, there's their religion is is suppressed and supplanted, and
then ultimately, you know, either through physical you know, or or or
outright suppression or the false acceptance, rejiggering, throwing, you know, absorbing
some traits of it, and then regurgitating it as the you know. Like,
m I guess, I don't know what what am I mad that history
has happened, that that every group that moves into an area wants to the
area to be like their old area. Sorry, no, I don't know
why I'm so pissy about. It's true. It got it got pushed back
into Britain and may have survived here and there, but as Christianity began to
grow and take hold across the continent, the last remaining pagan religions were rooted
out and converted. And when this happened, druids became sorcerers or prophets,
or they were in league with the devil, or they were wildman, etcetera,
etcetera. They were made to look bad so that you know, nobody
would want to be a druid anymore. And again, it's not a knock
against Christianity. It's what happened, right, It's it's just history. That's
that's what every group does. And you can't limit that to Christianity. That
is every group with a belief system. And I don't even just mean necessarily
like a theological one, but that's what that's what every group does. It
goes to the next area and says, hey, do you agree with us?
Well, I guess we'll settle this in the blood pits. Yeah,
that's that's just history, man, And that organisms do the same thing,
like you know, like oh, a whole bunch of of tarantula's got out
of this this area. Now they're in this area, who's gonna win because
they're not going to share it? So wow, Angela's nice you brought that
up yourself. Getting better about the spiders, okay, are you? I've
been watching a lot of YouTube videos, and not like the ones that are
designed to scare the shit out of you. Like there's like a guy who's
like a high school teacher who loves spiders. He's got like tons of them,
all these different varieties and talking about like, oh, I you know,
how they mold, how they behave, And I'm not cool with spiders,
but I'm trying to bess it's going to be a problem for our Australian
listeners. I mean, first of all, thank you. We're actually getting
it pretty good following and especially Southern Australia, which is awesome. We would
love to come visit, maybe do a live show. I'm gonna need some
assurances because my good friend Lisa her and her husband live in Sydney and they
delight in sending me just pictures like, oh, we were out for a
walk and that's just a picture of a tree on the side of the road
is just festooned with murder webs and you can see from the sidewalk you can
see the spiders, which means that they're big, and big is defined as
anything larger than a quarter. In my world, it's terrifying. It's pretty
small, you know what. Moving on to druids getting you're getting much better
about spiders. Let's talk about their belief and practices. Okay, let's do
that. But first now, for something completely different, I would like to
talk about women who wouldn't all right, if any we want pictures of hot
druids. We've given up on the wickeds and wist which, in our attention
to druids, women enjoyed a more equal status in Celtic or Gallic society than
many women of other cultures such as Greek and Roman at the time. In
fact, they could even rise to or inherit positions of power, one such
example being Budica or Bodicia whatever, however you want to pronounce that, who
was queen of the British Icne tribe circa sixty CE and Automarus, a Gaulish
chieftainess, also a powerful figure. Women could be lawyers, judges, commanders
of armies. They could inherit property, they could divorce their husbands. Whoa.
Yeah. Given the rather unparalleled equality, many historians conclude females were accepted
into the druid class as well. Hey, by the time Christianity got to
Britain, the culture had already started becoming more patriarchal, though, and Christianity
ended the equality women had had just pretty much put a put a stop to
it. Yeah, let's just knock that off, guys, Boudica is a
and sorry if if if that's the Americanized pronunciation, I don't know how to
pronounce hold on, you know, I'm gonna look it up. I mean,
I've it's spelled differently in some sometimes too as in Bodicia, But I
like bodicia. Boudica sounds made up well Buddha because what I've always heard it
as, And truthfully, that's how it's spelled a lot. That's how it
looks like it's spelled sometimes too. But she was a tragic badass because she
got to her position of leading the Icne tribe because she was beaten and had
her daughters raped in front of her Romans. Why does it have to always
get to that? And you know, she just went full on medieval on
ahead of her time, the head of her time. Head every time,
dude, every time. Anyway, she didn't have a very nice end,
but she did cause the Romans a lot of trouble. Well, good honor,
good honor. Yeah, And we could probably do an episode all about
her, but we won't because we just said her name like five times good
enough. We don't even how to pronounce it, she, I remind the
audience, only you can't be drinking right now, de la la la.
Uh. That's that's women, which I found extremely interesting just in the equality
standpoint. Um, how about the gods and goddesses? Apparently almost four hundred
different Celtic deities have been found, but over three hundred occur only once in
the archaeological record, which means they may be local deities, and perhaps up
to or precisely thirty three deities were the main pantheon, including Rowen, Rigid,
Carnunos, Danulu, Morgan, Terrannists just a name. I was really
hoping you're gonna go for all thirty Triple aspect deities were common. Triple goddess,
triple gods worshiped in threes, triple gods and luck a Dolts honey bees
like, ummm uh, triune trinity gods rights right. Some people argue that
the Christian Trinity, the Holy Trinity, may have entangled roots with this idea.
Yeah, and we've we've actually think talked about that in the past.
I feel like, am I crazy? I feel like we did. I
know that we we definitely talked about um utilizing the triune interwoven symbol is an
explanation of the Trinity and the clover. I know that we talked about that
before. Okay, yeah, all right. Also the fact that Jesus wasn't
cristified and he made his way up to England to kick it and be awesome
that's that's where it was. Yeah, the afterlife? What about the afterlife?
Psychopomp Bellinis escorts the dead to the other world where life continued. The
phrase psychopomp word. It's a word. We've used it before, and I've
never liked it. Well, yeah, yeah, I can see where you're
coming from. Yeah, thanks, bro, I can put quarters in your
vending machine. I see what you're telling. Thank you. Uh, psychopomp
the soul to check the change. The soul is immortal. You just put
a bunch of vastly in there. Get you win. I have to lift
something there for you. I reward your curiosity. By the way, everybody
who works in an office with vending machines, you're welcome. Yeah. Oh,
let's say the soul is immortal and reincarnates after it has learned enough.
It moves to a higher realm, and so on and so on until it
reaches quote unquote the source m and then it has to save trinity. No
um maybee, Oh you didn't. I like you take no way more.
But it's designed to fit with yours. Dude, it just stopped it too
soon, all right, No, no, we don't. We've already dicked
araud so much. You're right. No, no, nope, nope,
nope. Stuff season. This this the source, the source, the source
from which all things are created. Okay, the soul reposed in the head.
Really? Oh yeah, and the number three was important number triune.
Yep, it's a magic number. Yeah. It is the heart and the
mind and the body and the faith and hope and charity. That's six,
give you three. It's a magic number. This maybe a good time to
point out the fact that you're on point. Some people, um say that
Celtic Celtic tribes might have roots in India or at least uh in Asia,
that from from people's that have migrated over, because there's a lot of parallels
between the religious beliefs, part of that being the Druids and Brahman from from
Hindu I believe it's Hinduism caste system and uh and and how similar they were,
and then this whole reincarnation is right in line with that and learning during
one life ascending. You know, yeah, I think there's still going there's
some similarities there. I would have to I'd have to see some pretty compelling
evidence to believe that the two were linked. Sure, because I don't know.
I I what do I know? I know nothing, But to my
mind doesn't seem too crazy that two different cultures would come up with the idea
of an ascendant spirit that that you know, oh, when you die,
you come back and you get better, you know. I don't know.
I've never made up a religion in my life, so not true. Ranch
Devadians, there were. There was the parallel I mentioned earlier of um wid
meaning knowledge in the Sanskrit vid. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's
in there too. But on the bucket there's some other things that that I
read that it's pretty compelling too, pretty proud, pretty proud of your literacy,
aren't you? You're kind of I want to tell everybody whatever, how
much I laid it on pretty thick to hick, oh thick, what three
beers shut up. Druids are often closely associated with wiccans yep, but somewhat
mistakenly. So yeah, well, I mean, I I don't know,
because so many of those and we'll we'll get into this with the with the
modern uh Druid beliefs. But there's no shortage of and not just wickens,
you know, but there's no shortage of of more holistic um nature and earth
centered belief systems, especially since in the twentieth nineteen, the twentieth century re
emergent that that cover were so much territory. It's not at all surprising that
they you know, there's some overlap there and yeah, and that people would
confuse them. Sure. Sure they didn't follow the red the rick and weed,
which you know is doing anything harm No one, that's paraphrasing him by
the one. Their moral philosophy was more that one should live in harmony with
nature, except that pain and death are not evils but part of the divine
plan, and that the only evil is moral weakness. They were concerned spiders
and spiders. Yeah, they were concerned above all things with truth, capital
T truth, the old Irish word of which was the basis for linguistic concept
of holiness, righteousness, faithfulness, religion and justice. Rivers and wells were
venerated. And it's a common belief that the oak tree was a great sacred
tree revered by druids. This comes from plenty of the elder remarking we have
definitely talked about and he was remarking on a ritual to cut mistletoe, that
that the druids would take golden um cutters, golden cheers kind of and wear
all white, climb up in the tree and cut the mistletoe and make out
a lot crazy. Someone would catch it in a in a clean linen cloth,
and I think there was a goat that was killed somewhere. It's it's
a lot of well just to get some mistletoe. But you know what,
if the makeouts are worth it, I'll do it. But you know something
that you mentioned there, Sparkeda thought, I think about especially. I mean
this is we we've covered a lot of especially Celtic folklore things in the British
aisles in the UK. How many of these things and even by extensions,
say, for example, the legend of Sleepy Hollow, how many animals and
specters and ghosts are thwarted by moving water, by the ideas of wells and
rivers and the and the power that they have as as a force of good
that forms these barriers. You know things the dula hand can't cross, I
said hands, because I'm an American. At least the knuckle of V is
that's it, That's what I Yeah, it was the knuckle of the by
freshwater. But yeah, lots of I mean, you know, the the
horseman, you know, And I'll bet I'd be willing to bet that there
that's a direct relations there that there may be a result of that. Sure,
maybe one of the well, here's here's some things that folklorists and historians
argue about the stuff from plenty plenty, plenty plenty of the elder died in
a vesuvius eruption, by the way, I'm so proud about literacy, which,
by the way, was an inside job. Lava camp milk, sandstone
bro Lava can't melt sandstone. Oh my gosh, t shirt susop an inside
job. They died of ash poison. It wasn't ash poisoning. The first
scrolls, I mean, you can see it, the first scrolls they as
you see, all right, here's here's a couple of things about the plenty
account of the missiletoe and the sacred oak and all that stuff. Number one,
the missiletoe wasn't native to Oireland for one thing, Ireland gall Well,
that's okay. Well. Number two, this ritual is strangely similar to an
uncient Egyptian ritual of Pharaoh's cutting corn. Mm enough so to make a remark
about it, I guess and number three plenty is the only source for this
info. Damn it. I don't think a lot of his stuff survived either,
So I don't know where they go. Maybe they were trying to silence
him. They're trying to shut him up. He got too close to the
truth. Plenty, plenonymous m M. Additionally, it's been said the favorite
tree of the druids was the rowan, and it was on wattles of this
tree that some druids slipped to have prophetic visions. The hazel tree was also
important by the lower concerning nine hazel trees at the source of the River Boyne,
then the nuts of which had a nucleus of wisdom. Uh. Well,
so wisdom oaks. Yeah, yeah, I mean they're they're big enough
deals. Yeah, they're big enough deals, Yes they are. Were they
the biggest deal? I don't know. I don't know. That's what That's
what all that's trying to say. Uh. Druids and divination, they like
to meditate. There's a lot of meditation. They studied flights of birds,
dream interpretation, They threw sticks on the ground and interpreted them all in order
to prophesy. The filtr yep did they did. They cast the bones like
Burgol cut in Willow probably sweet. That was it my question from what I
From what I gathered, they did quite a bit of everything to divine.
Yeah, they were mystics. Now, when we get to the end of
this episode, Flora, I don't want you to have to spend more time
in the penalty box than you already are. Which, by the way,
with your permission, we're going to push the penalty box to when we're drunk,
as promised. As promised, not because we're trying to duck the law
we didn't forget, but the sentence to be super trashed. But Flora,
I don't want you to spend more time in the penalty box. So you
will let all of our listeners know what the antidote to druids is, right,
like, how do you how do you how do you stay say from
a druid? I don't know or be Roman? Yeah, I don't know.
About fifteen hundred years that that seems to be a pretty good distance from
him. A couple more things here real quick, and then we'll get to
the modern days stuff important days for druids. Sol One, I'll ever heard
of it. The end of the warm season where the veil is thin,
the veil between this life and the other world. It's fire festival, lots
of fires lit. Another day imbolg Mbvolgimbolt, which means in the belly.
It's February first, return of the light, first signs of life celebration.
Another day Bell Chane May first celebrates fires of bell, peak of blossom season.
Youths dance around the maybe pole youth and uh Lunasa the August first,
the feast of low Member old long arm blue. Yeah, yeah, God
of Light. That's the harvest celebration. All of these, at least most
of them. You know. The this also from Wicca, the the Wiccan
wheel. You know, you remember what I'm saying. You know what I'm
talking about, the wick wheel, the wheel of holidays. There's um,
there's only one wheel that I know, and that's mighty wheel. But yules
on there, yep, um bell teen solstice right right, even tied one
quick thing. Uh Celts were apparently well groomed, even use soap. Oh
really, um yeah, something I read said that I thought that was interesting.
Good on them. Everybody loves the queen. Druid. Druids used incantations
uh. And in fact, in this one battle when the Romans were invading
an island they were they were coming up to the island in boats and there
was this just huge group of druids just standing there chanting, and it scared
the holy living shit out of the Romans. Romans still came in and slaughtered
them all, but oh, it stopped them for a minute. That's terrible.
They were supposed to win in for that. Yeah, supposed to be
a bad News Bears moment. It was, you know, just bad news.
You know how superstitious Romans were, and this whole island of chanting druids,
it's probably a stirring site. They're like, well, we're pretty superstitious,
but we do have this fae length. I'll risk it. I would
like to take this opportunity to read a poem. Really can I I'll allow
it. Talking about incantations. I'm talking about incantations and we can dig it.
No, wait, daven Flora, if you are about trying to thumb
it forth a druidic demon, I will thwart thee. No, how about
this. This is from fellow by the name of a margin. This is
not this is not something I've practiced saying, so, I don't know if
that's right or not. A margin who was a son of Milesius and also
called the first druids of the Gaels in Ireland. Milesius. There was a
remember when we were doing the Irish creation myth, the Milesians were one of
the peoples that sailed to Ireland to oh right, yes, um, so
there you a son of three up the line right something like that. Yeah,
yeah. And this is a poetical incantation of his that is directed to
Ireland herself or invoked. The land of air, much coursed by the fertile
sea fire at all is the fruit strewn mountain, fruit strewn by the showery
wood, showery is the river of waterfalls, of waterfalls by the lake of
deep poles, Dape as the hilltop well, a whale of tribes as the
assembly, an assembly of the kings, as Tara Tara of the hill of
the tribes, the tribes of the son of Meal, of Meal, of
the ships, like a lovely ship. Is the land of Ire lofty,
land of Ire, darkly sung an incantation of great cunning, the great cunning
of the wives of breasts, the wives of breasts of Boyane, the great
Goddess of ire Erman has conquered her. Hi, my urgin have invoked for
her? Or you invoke the line of oire. It is an invocation,
damn you, David Flora. Yeah, I like that. I thought that
was fun. London of oyor anyways, beliefs, rituals. There you have
it, and now for the Modern Druid with David Steco. Hi, everybody
at Steco and I just like to welcome to another episode of the Modern Druid.
Now hinges right, who needs them? Listen? If you want to
build a backyard hinge, I've got a couple of links on the website,
very cheap, very inexpensive. You gotta remember, you gotta take it down
in between incantations because it's just not gonna stand up. I can afford his
particle board and it just falls apart. It just falls apart. You're gonna
get barn owls in you. You're gonna get you're gonna get a lot of
vermin. So be careful with your hinge people. You're gonna make an inadvertent
shelter for a badger or a fox, and well, they might be cute
at first, they'll they'll eat your pets, all right, Bedger, I
just had this feeling like I was just about to start like a high school
book report, that I was gonna lie my way through um. East of
eden Um was an interesting book. Uh. The symbolism of of being east.
Uh, that's where the sun rises. The sun also rises, but
I didn't read that book. Uh. No, So modern druidry druid rum.
There are a number of of of groups that are claiming or possessing this
in the modern age. Uh. There is the the afore mentioned the Order
of bards, Ovates and Druids UM, who are are currently operating UM.
And they actually have a pretty pretty good long history dating back to the eighteen
hundred. So uh, I guess, being how long the Druids have been
around, are the different groups, It's kind of hard to say, oh,
well, this is where we stick a flag in the modern druid,
But I'm going to do that anyway. Eighteen eighty how about that? While
there were some people that predated this, uh, And of course I'm just
I'm just picking eighteen eighty because it feels good, and if it feels good,
you do it. Druids taught me that So I guess what one could
argue is for modern druidry, there's a gentleman by the name of William Stuckley
Stukelly, big Bill, Stuckley big Bill. It's it's stuk e l e
wise to Stukelly, Stukeley stuck Kelly. Uh. He was. He kind
of had a messianic druid ideal that he would write about often and it got
a lot of people interested, but wasn't necessarily like as an organized religion and
this, and he was he was operating. He was born sixteen eighty seven
died seventeen sixty five, and he proclaimed himself to be a druid. Uh
you know, and he was. He was the guy who really got the
ball rolling on things like Stonehenge being built by the Druids um, which is,
by the way, something that is now known to not be accurate.
Yeah, yeah, that was something I feel like that too. I was
like, oh, we really should have mentioned that the Druids did not build
Stonehenge. Yeah, do you want to who did build Stonehenge? Who?
Me too? Oh? Future episode Mother Havard. So then from from Stikelly's
writings we jumped forward and uh, there's a guy, a Welshman named Edward
Williams, decided he was gonna go ahead and say that. He decided to
take the name of God help us all Yolo Morgan wig it's it's exactly what
you say after you say yolo, it's uh, yeah, it's it's iolo
so yo yolo or um um. But he was a Welsh nationalist, very
opposed to the British monarchy, and he decided, you guys, not only
am I a Drewd, I come from a long line of druids. Um.
And he also uh then broke things down into other categories. Um.
Some people were bards, some were ovates. Yeah you see where that's going.
Uh. And he was able to to gain a pretty solid following with
this. This moved on to eighteen seventy four guy named Robert Wentworth Little who
was also a Freemason. Look it up, sheeple yoo yolo, and he
started the Archaeological Order of the Druids. And it was again, you know,
these are this is the this is the these are the the Crowley Times,
these are the the British aristocratic secret societies. It would have been fun
to go back then and just to be like see how many different crazy robes
you could collect by joining all these different groups at different times. And yeah
and so and they and in that vein these kind of small groups, they
kind of continue to very to very small degree. They're they're more secret clubs
than they are actual religious orders. Now girls around, except for they were
Druids, so they were like, hey some girls, some girls allowed um
and so then you you know, ratchet up to nineteen sixty four when a
guy named Ross Nichols decides to found the Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids,
the OBOD, who are still operating. They've got a huge number of
people in them and are one of the largest organized Druidic you know congregations.
Yeah orders, I mean they are in order. So yes, the other
one that I did a lot of looking into, did a lot of research
on these people. I want to blow the lid off of it. Why
I keep pushing this Outlex Jones thing Another popular current I order congregation sect.
I always hate saying that because it's got such a bad connotation to it.
Is the ready for this one are and droi Faine or the ADF. Oh,
you know the ADF. They are another Neo Druidic group. Now they're
much newer on the scene. They were actually found in nineteen eighty three by
Isaac Boonewitz. Yeah, and you can actually see I found tons of videos
from both groups online to take a look at their their rituals and how they
celebrate, you know, the high days, the the solstices and the equinoxes
and things like that. Lots of white robes, yes, yes, lots
of white robes unfortunately. Um, and it's interesting also, I mean the
choice of garments, especially for the ADF is a very um, I don't
know to just to my eye, very Catholic kind of looking. There's the
the robe with the and I'm sure there's a very technical name for it,
but it's the long strip almost like a scarf that goes over the back of
the neck and it has the embroidery down the sides that goes straight down.
I'm I'm sure it's a simple word and I just don't know it, but
you know, very laid back kind of thing, and it's it's it's they
do it out in the woods. There's some drums, there's some candles.
Yeah, sounds like my last erotic camping trip. Oh, anybody by the
way in the store blurry photos erotic camping trip Are you kidding? That's what
that's money maker? Next summer twenty sixteen, the blurry photos are rocket camping
trip book. Now it's foxingels. Right, it's the shortest night of the
year. You got to make it count. Scary stories and scarier slves.
Oh, white white robes is something that is claimed to be historically accurate.
I believe. Well, there's the as you said, there's the trimming,
the collection of the mistletoe, and it could all derive just from that one
source too, right, that's that's the bad thing, which, yeah,
it could be itself descripting of something else. And just saying, well,
I don't know if they did it down here, they must do it up
there. But again, and there's a there's an acceptance on their parts.
They're saying, you know, hey, we were founded in the eighties,
you know, like I'm older than that religious order. But it's a reaching
back to pagan ways, yes, and but also since yeah, and they're
very clear about this, and and I enjoyed this. I was watching I
watched a number of videos by both of these groups, and proud to say
that I've joined both of them. No, I have not done that,
ordained. But they were saying that, you know, like they are,
they are druids in the modern world, and I felt bad for them in
this degree because they have to repeatedly emphasize that they do not sacrifice humans or
animals, and I feel bad that they have to say it as often as
they do. Well, anybody who's not one of the major three religions,
I think has to say it, don't they, I guess because of mean
Wiccans have to say it. Satanists have to say it. Satanists have to
say it out the butt right literally with their butts, because they're Satanists.
They don't give a dog. They're rock stars. Um. But yeah,
so they you know, they they but they The exact phrase that the guy
used was, um, you know we are we are. We are druids
living in the modern era, you know, the modern era. They're like,
you know, this is how we choose to express ourselves, this is
how we worship. But no, you know, I have a cell phone.
You know, I pay my water bill. You know, they're not
trying to to jump into some way back machine. They're not, Um,
LARPers or or or darpers. They're not historical reenactors. They you know,
it's the same. It's it's just like any any Christian, Muslim, Hindu
practitioner. The belief stays the same. But they don't they don't say,
oh, well, I've got to go back to Arimathea. You know,
I'm going to make this unleavened bread on a rock and then wander around in
the desert for forty days, because that's what happened then, so I'm doing
it right. And people people don't give druids or pagans or anything like that
logical consideration to say, oh yeah, I'm a tax accountant. Also,
you know, I believe in the spirit of the forest, and so I
go out there and that's how I worship. And guess what, in two
weeks, I'm taking two days off, mister manager, because it's the equinox
and I got some things to do. Like they're they're there are people that
live in this world. They wear polo shirts. I don't want to tell
you about it. Like they're not crazy. They they just have their own
religious beliefs and it's should be told far less irritating or invasive to a large
degree. I mean, just by the nature of it, and also I
imagine that I mean, I don't know, do they feel like that to
keep a low profile. M I don't know, but I don't know any
druids. It'd be really fun to meet some. Maybe we will at the
Milwaukee Para Con. Maybe if you're a druid and you want to come out
and say, hey, let me know. If you want a foil hat,
I'll make you one. I'm bringing I'm bringing a box of foil and
if we never use it, so be it, okay. I'll ask people.
I'll ask like the first hundred people that go by the booth, there's
going to be one hundred people. They're total. So I think it's free.
I think they should entice somebody. But anyway, yeah, so I
think, yeah, so they are practice there, Um you can. They
are. It's a recognized religion. It's tax exempt in the United States.
Um, if you are practicing druid, just like you can. You can
have the symbology of that. Put If you are a serving um serviceman in
the US military and you want to be buried in arlnkedin national you can do
that and they will put your symbology on the headstone for that like it is.
It is a recognized religion in the United States, and I imagine it
also is in the UK. I would, I would hope better be.
I think a lot of misconception that that people have about druids is fed a
little bit by things like D and D. H um in D and D,
the druid is a complete waste of time. Nature guardians. They they
commune with animals and plants, They cast spells that you know, entangle with
the vines. They it's pretty much the view of of like the wild man
of the woods and um, it's that's just the fantastical view of them,
you know, yeah, it's but but that to many people's mind is what
druid, I Druid is. So I hope, I hope the shed's a
little bit of light on it for you. That's uh, that'll do it
for you for Druid's that's that's Druid's in a painfully sober nutshell. And you
know, for one of us, woodland wood would painted nutshell was the nut
with the wisdom in the middle, Oh oh oh yeah, the h hazel
hazel nutshell, Oh all right, all right, Flora. Now usually this
is the part where we make a fun segue joke, right, so let's
start on that and then and then and then bear with me, because I'm
gonna I'm gonna grab the wheel from the backseat jerk it off to the side
of the road. You're gonna jerk off the wheel and jerk it off to
the side of the road. Jesus shut up. Three did snore it a
little? It did snort? All right, so uh okay, so segue
initiates. Now, hey, Flora, Yeah, you know what? Other
what? Other thing has a long and rich history dating back thousands of years.
Um that is enjoying a resurgence, and it has been recognized by the
United States government as a tax free entity. Now wait, it's time to
jerk off that wheel. Pun sound. That's right, motherfuckers, we have
a pun sound now instead of the part where we go boons, we're trying
out a pun sound. You think it's great. Great If you think it
sucks, let us know, but be gentle gently, let us know.
I like that sound. Jerikof that wheel. Oh so, Flora, pun
me like a hurricane. I've got an all irish, all natural beer company.
Oh really, Brewid's. That was low hanging fruit. You're a low
hanging fruit. You know, you can't say that for everything and doesn't really
work. What do you got? Do you know that? In the h
the British Isles in general, but even extending as far back as to Gallic
France, there was always a regional folk remedy. It was a cure all
for anyone who perhaps had drank too much fermented mead or would alcohol that they
had gotten hold of, because it would it was a poison. It would
make you feel terrible. So the next day the best way to defeat this
was to pop down to ye old diner, get yourself an order of carbs
ome lay and fluids am late yea. Oh, Bates is a tough one
and I really had to, like I had to wail on that with the
hammer. All right, all right, you gotta you gotta bear with me
on this one. Oh well, after what I just did, Yes,
this is uh. This is an Asian Irish fusion restaurant. Okay uh And
the manager person who runs the place is a feisty woman. It's called Bamboodica.
I was trying to think of that, but since I couldn't decide on
how to pronounce her name. I had a really hard time. That's why
you just pick it and pick it and do it, you know, Florida.
We picked up a new a new sponsor for the podcast because we don't
have enough sponsors. That's good. Yeah, it's really good. It's good,
it's really good. Excited. Yeah, it's a really old company.
It's uh, it's brother Art Knox fourteen carrot gold plated missiletosh ears because twenty
four carrot gold is just too soft to cut something with. It's a really
old company. That's always been their motto, so I don't it's still a
good motto. It's as true then as it is today. That's what a
bunt sounds like. Oh my god, oh man, oh god. Well,
I'm tired of hearing what we think is funny and cool. It's time
to hear what you think is funny. Is cool? Is funny as cool?
It's funny, it's funny. School is listener? The children's laugh that
he's making mean? Those bleed taking things off with me? Hey mate,
Emma, why you gotta be some mean? Wait? Wait you should read
it first. Is she being mean? Well, let's see. Amy says,
I just listened to the Valley of Death podcast and I cannot believe you
guys were taken in by that hoax. Amy, Why you gotta be so
mean? I'm so glad it worked out. She says. Soviet era Russia
had surveillance everywhere. Were they watched and monitored every into that country. They
even had a specific program for Siberia. Any search engine would have shown us
that particular area and that there are no cauldrons there. Seriously, why didn't
we do a search for the eye of the tiger? Amy, thanks for
turning in into a pun. Very nice. I'm gonna enjoy Michael mcdonalding my
way through all of this. I know there's a second d in there.
Shut up, Michael McDonald. Thank you, Amy, thank you. Oh.
We got an email that's like liquid sunshame from Lana, La La La.
I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm enjoying the ride. Laana.
It's so good to hear from you. And Lana has written us a
novella. She writes, so whenever I get behind in blurry photos, I
have a dream that reminds me to catch up. That's right. Yeah,
we're in your head last night, and I don't think this is the first
Lana dream we've heard of it. Yeah, last night I had a dream
I was having dinner with Stecco, Flora and other blurry photos people. Yeah,
blurry photos people put it on the list. What do you mean,
blurry photos people? Which I mean, what people insensitive? It was like
having a fan meet up, but at a seafood restaurant. We were all
we were all talking and having a good time. Then everything went to shit.
I love this already, which actually is weird because, um, why
don't you might be a little bit psychic because we actually did have a little
pizza party for our hundredth episode. That's true, That's true. It was
not seafood though, No, it was pizza. It's Chicago, man,
all right. So this dude that looked like Janet Reno showed up and was
pissed that we were in his seat. So I started mouthing off loudly to
him. Well played Lana mouthing off loudly to him, and then he and
his goon squad start shooting the place up. I got shot twice. It
was intense, but I got shot in places that were not life threatening.
So I knew I wasn't going to die. It just hurt, like all
get shot, but you're too playing. Flora immediately starts to perform basic first
aid to my gunshots and said that he had to get me to a hospital
soon. Oh, I'm so glad that you are so helpful. Let's see
what I was doing while this was happening. God sad trombone. Then Stecco
starts screaming at me because I got shot. Now he couldn't finish his crab
cakes, so instead of take me to the hospital, who waited for him
to finish his crab cakes? So bitch, typical Stecco. Laura Stecco has
to eat Flora's touching on the wind and oh, I've got the important information
you need in this situation. I don't know why this doesn't defend me,
but I don't like crab cakes. Crab cakes is one of the few seafood
items I do. Oh, well, then my mouth. Well, then
maybe she has us confused. You bluttonist, filthy filth pervert. Not a
filthy filth pervert. Right, So at that point the dream ended. It
was horrible. I think that she might have us confused because I know first
aid and you Joan fatty, you crab kik eating motherfucker. Plus you are
the one that first grabs the girls. That's right. Wait, you're trying
to tell me that you know first date and I have to do I have
to eat crabcake. Man, you can keep this writ Oh that's awesome,
that's all she has to say. No, not at all, now we
really that was like the prologue to an excellent story. Brilliantly written critique now,
Lana writes, I also wanted to comment on the whole Lana would prefer
UK to Duke's statement, you might recall me needling Flora about his weird,
weird predilections for collegiate sports, which he's into weird things. It is hard
to describe the level of hatred I have for UK, but I will joy
trying. Imagine you have this neighbor who lives in a bigger house than you
and has all the cool toys and brags about it all the time. Imagine
that one person in your life that is just a smug asshole that wins at
every game because they have all the good cards. Imagine that asshole people think
is funny even though he stole all his jokes from the lesser known comedians.
Now imagine that all these people have a legion of followers and are all batched,
crazy and everywhere. Combine them into one person. Then magnify it by
a basketball team. Okay, so if you're keeping a track here, don't
forget you have to put parentheses around the multiplication of the basketball team where you're
not going to get the right answer. After that, you might get close
to understanding how much hatred I have for UK. Oh snap, Now you
know what I love about this Floria, what I want to call her at
a state university. I'm a proud, proud student, an alumni of the
Rams. I don't ever have to be in a position of defending sports programs
because it's just not a problem. That's true. Oh god, that was
glorious. Moving on that said, Duke is a bunch of yuppie assholes that
no one ever likes. Having to choose them over UK is like having to
eat versus having to eat coated and sugar. It's all. The best outcome
in a game like that is if they all get in a fight, everyone
gets ejected and they all cry. Flora, I understand that sometimes being raised
by people can influence your world views. I want to still like you.
Oh your first daid bitch, this crabcake eater wins. Perhaps if we never
talk about sports together, even though I love sports, we can get along.
I might be a little sensitive about this subject because Louisville is playing like
a middle school team right now. Sorry if I hurt your feelings, I'm
really very nice. Ps for those blurry people with audible Brian Cranston of Breaking
Bed reads The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien. It is totally awesome reading
in the book. It is probably partly responsible for me having a dream where
I got shot in the ass. Oh so that's why Flora was all over
that first aid. Oh yeah, so there you go. There's your there's
your plug for audibletrial dot com slash blurry photos. Get Brian Cranston reading The
Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien, and also Laana that was poetry. As
a matter of fact, I'm actually setting this letter aside so that I can
keep it with me always not joking, putting it over here because that was
awesome. You want to know, it's a really fun thing you can do
in somebody's house when they have pint glasses that have UK on them. You
can get post it notes and write a D and an E so it says
Duke on the side and it's great. It just works so well. It's
one of the few perfect things in the world. Much like you, Lana,
thank you so much. In the future, in the dream, I'd
like to be a little more heroic and a little less gluttony. So try
to work on your subconscious on that one. Please. Oh Flora had that
taste, Laana, I'd let everyone just take five. Not so fast,
Launa, time out here, timeout, real quick. This this this goes
out to Laana. La. I'm not going to judge you based on based
on your love or hate of a sports team. I'll judge you based on
the type of person you are. And if you want to talk sports,
I can no always I can. I can leave my my my heart to
the side, so we can talk about whatever you want, I think without
being like, no, they suck because they're not as good as Kentucky.
I think she was really clear that that you shouldn't just she just because I
feel like she's going to shank you. Hey, is this you and me?
And Lana. No, this is this is me and Lana. That's
what a timeout is. Dude, stop buttoning the stop. So I just
ask you don't judge me based on what team I cheer for, because it's
not a reflection of who I am as a person. You can still like
me, but if you don't want to, that's okay, No harm,
no foul. And remember I did first aid on your butt? Is the
is the t O over this? It was back too. Yes, okay,
we're back at it. Okay, I'm going back into time out with
lanas Lana when we do our live show. We knew. I want you
to come out to the show. I will pay for your ticket, the
whopping one of five or ten bucks at class, I don't know. We'll
make it worth your while. And then I'm gonna ask him a leading question
about the University of Kentucky, and when he starts to answer it, I
want you to rush the stage and tackle him, knocking him backwards over in
his chair. That will be the greatest moment of my life. I will.
I'm still in t O. I am in t O. Hey,
once I realized the rules, I respected them. I'm in timeout, sir.
You stopped. One time you stop, I'm in time out timeout over
till I declared that's why I asked you politely over. I still, well,
guess what I get tackled by a girl. I still win timeouts over.
Oh, you know what I mean? You say now, you're nothing
to say. I get tackled by a girl. So win, win,
bro win win. You know there's a difference between good attention and bad attention.
We have so much more listener mail Lana, thank you, tackle Flora,
but first date? All right? What else? What else? What
else? We got here? I've got oh? Continuing continuing on our luon
loon um Lana Luna Lana, Lunar Kitty Kitty, We're we're on a loon
spree. Yeah, we are. Lunar Kitty says that we have taken most
of the puns recently. That's too bad. But a Lunar Kitty did discover
a book that we that we might like, called The Strange Affair of spring
Hill jack Oh by Mark Hotter. Is it erotic fan fiction? How could
it not be till that guy's history with it? Apparently it's on audible.
Sweet Wow, we're here. Thank you guys for doing all of our work
for us. Yeah, even even if you didn't get the audible from us,
it's good to know because yeah, well we'll go on there and check
that. But you should feel a little bad for not getting it from us.
I'm just a lot Thank you, Lunar Kitty, thank you Cosmas.
Well, I guess that's it for the the the lu lu la lul Actually,
I have a feeling that the lunar train might come back around to the
station. Sweet keep it trucking because Adam firstment Zverseman writes zasly good and talk
once again, gentlemen, I bring you good news from Casa del versetment that
some authentic German for you Inza he's got a new job as I'm a private
investor gotten. Oh yeah, okay, that's as far as I'm gonna go
with the German thing. All is not well, though, as my very
first case has me rather stumped buckle In. This is about to get darkish.
Ship. Apparently there's a serial killer around where I live, and the
grieving widow is paying me to investigate. Some Sico is killing people by torturing
them to death by puncturing their vital organs with numerous small splinters of wood.
The only lead I have is that so far every victim's body has been found
clutching a leather bound copy of the book The Grapes of Wrath. Creepy right,
anyway, The news has been calling this string of killings the splinter Steinbeck
murders. As always. Sorry, he's not sorry, Adam Verstmen totally versed
the man. Yeah, thank you, don Kole verse Man. Nine guys,
nine guys. This one comes. I'm guessing all the way from agypt
for it is a nubous one and it was un It was unk. He's
thinking, dude, just just because it's one word doesn't mean it to say
it faster. It could just be a nubis and it was unc. There
was this unexplained grizzly murder in January of nineteen twenty two. I don't know
if you've heard of this not, but an entire family was found brutally slain
and stacked on their back porch. Gross. The strangest thing is that although
there had been a series of rain and snowstorms, the entire area directly around
the bodies was completely dry. What it's become known as the winter dry deck
murders. It's probably the body's shielding from moisture. Chet him. Oh oh,
very nice and a fun show suggestion. And this is great, says
love the show, Love the show, my fifteen year old daughter. Or
it gets so excited when we get in the car and I turn on blurry
photos. Sweet, that is awesome. See, that's why we bleep out
the dirty bits, right, the dirty bit, dirty bits, dirty bits.
Thank you Anubis ONC and thank anubis Son's daughter for being awesome. Maybe
recognizing coolness is a song. H Maybe you don't get to say that word
anymore. Oh yeah, yep, I didn't think that bast DONC segment.
No one listens like bast DONC. No one goes to high school like bastime.
Thank you, thank you guys. Oh god, I'm so glad we're
done with all the Oh it's Luna, Oh Luna, that's right, the
Luna Kitty and now just straight up Luna mother liquors and lock in because we're
going for a long ride. Luna luck in. Luna writes your master's Flora
and Stecco. Don't think it's favoritism. It's just alphabetical so you can pump
the Brakes dflow. Why is this? Why is this a hate on David
too? I can't remember any alphabetical name and your sports affiliation. Yeah,
First and foremost a drink suggestion. Someone wrote to you and suggested rare eagle
rare. It's all right, I guess if you're a twenty three year old
woman that needs bourbon so you can down the bottle to impress your cute software
developer roommate of your friend whoa This sounds pretty specific, Luna. Did a
girl hurt your feelings because you can tell me. But girls, you don't
have to down the whole bottle. You just have to drink it like one
sip without wincing. That's it. That's all you have to That's the minimum
dosage to impress any dude. And even then they're not really concerned about it
now, they're just glad you're there. How simple is that? But once
you've moved on to the next stage of court, you could do first aid
on your butt or not. Jesus yikes. Should never have said where you
got shot. Should never have done a huge mistake, Luna. But once
you've moved on to the next stage of courtship, whether it be sweet hookups
or trying to drown your first rejection. I'd highly suggest will Its single barrel
bourbon. It's a good sipping bourbon that pairs well with Netflix and departments that
are slightly out of your price range. Yes, thank you, sir.
I feel like that should have a little little hat tip to that, and
moving onward, it feels like you should come up with a nickname to distinguish
the irl name of Luna. Oh, Luna writes, I feel like I
should come up with a nickname to distinguish my name of Luna from the nicknames
of other listeners. Well, clearly we've had a big rush on that,
but well, we'll do that job for you. But I'm afraid that that
would be the first step of a slippery slope that leads to the Kaiser winning.
Yeah, well, most things do. How about some not so superpowers.
Tell a kinisis the ability to summon delicious Jewish pastries with the mystical powers
of the mind. Side effects include high cholesterol, chubb rub whoa, and
weird poops. I don't know what chubb rub is. I don't want it,
but I want to know what it is. You might want it after
you know what it is? How about this? When the new Star Trek
movie came out, there was an outcry among the fans at the casting of
Bumblebee cabbage Patch in the Roll of Khneah. Some fans were so angry that
they started a protest protest group on various message boards. They called themselves the
Order of the Olden Khan. Oh what's that from? Yeah? Yeah,
just checking Luna gives us a heads up that right now, at this second,
is the time to buy Mothman stock, sell slender Man, buye Mothman
stock, because it's about to go through the roof. There's a portentous creature
that shows up at your house at night before your favorite parajeans gets incurably torn.
They call him the Clothman. A writer for Seinfeld thought that the soup
Nazi would offend some viewers and tried really hard to get the monich or change
to the Brothman. There was a man so obsessed with ancient Egyptian mythology that
he got subdermal implants to make his head look more like an Ibis. May
wants everyone to call him Fothman. Some writers say that they wanted to give
the Flash a humorous sidekick that was always slowing him down. Luckily, all
the department heads quickly vote Vetoed Slothman. Oh there's an old guy in the
town who's kind of stuck in the nineteen eighties phase, perpetually sporting leopard print
pants, denim jackets, and big hair with crappy bleach. Everyone just calls
him the David Lee Unman. Okay. Due to some dark magic or perhaps
some medicine left over from the nineteen forties, there was a boy born in
Maine that had a number of genetic effects. His arms and legs were boneless,
the digits of his feet and hands were elongated and tapered, and he
was born with too many eyes and split pupils. He became a bit of
a tourist attraction, eventually setting up a shop for himself as a roadside attraction.
He makes a decent living as the Yogsman. There's a local hipster cafe
that doesn't actually serve coffee. They only serve milk and toppings. They call
it the Frothman. Oh my god, I see this is a marathon home.
Somebody's cashing in a brief interruption to simply say that Nikola Tesla ain't no
joke. He's so right. Wow, Luna all sets up hits us up
with some fascinating facts about real like posts on like message boards about like witch
groups that you're fun. Example, how about they put some special herbs and
soup kitchens to make the homeless feel full longer. These things happen if you're
a witch. I don't know really, but I don't know, but dude,
Luna dropped a dump truck on us. Unfortunately, we don't have time
to get through the whole thing because this this episode is always getting real top
heavy and bottom heavy, so I have to do but first, age God,
so thank all of you for writing. We thought we had caught up,
but you guys write so well that we have more to do so we
if we didn't read it this time, we will read it next time.
Sorry for the long delay, Lunar, because this was you sent us this
some time ago, so I don't know what the hell happened there, but
we don't know, so glad we got to it now. And don't forget
the following fun facts we already covered Audible. That was great. Yeah,
please leave us A review of the five star Variety on iTunes right. I
think we're at what's seventy one reviews right now in Toto, So I think
our most recent review is just like some three star calamity that I think that
we should bury with five star joy. It's just my idea. I don't
know. I'm not the boss of you, but that'd be pretty cool.
Also follow us on Twitter blurry underscore photos at Twitter. We are also on
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big deal. But if you've you've got a Gmail account or any kind of
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And don't forget there is a donate button there is. We still uh will
we still have time to to vote for us for the podcast awards. Don't
forget to do that, you know, vote, really vote often. That's
what we're doing. YEP, once a day or once every twenty four hours.
Yep, once from every iPad there, once a day or once every
twenty four hours, whichever works better for you. Yep. Vote voted as
much as you can do it, do it, do it. I mean
we're we are we we are like the Battle of Thermopoli holding back. I
mean we're we're the darkest of horses. We're up against Neil de grass Tyson.
I want him and I maybe I mentioned this before. I want him
to write his name backwards on his shoe so that when he kicks my ass
as hard as he's going to, I'll at least have his autograph. Ah,
that's so fun. So thank you everyone for just getting us nominated.
With these amazing people that we personally love and look up to, it's just
fun to make them roll around in the mud with us. And thank you
for listening and downloading and everything you do. Everything we very much appreciate.
We couldn't have gotten to fourth to four seasons without you. Absolutely could have
got a revamped website or a store that's opening any day now. All of
this stuff is because you guys are magnificent, and we are going to just
make more things like the better this does, the more we get to do.
But yeah, we've got we've got some fun surprises. We've got some
some pretty concrete things that we're that we're hammering out We're just gonna build our
tiny little wicked empire. Wicked not wicked, by the way. I'm not
including anybody. It's built on the pun. So thank you all very much.
Yeah, that'll do it for this episode of Blurry Photos. I have
been dovate, Flora nice, and I have been Dave and drought Fain Stecco,
you've been low Yolo, Markart, Yolo, br Morgenberg, Yolo. Bye.