This is not don't expect to be bressya n s Danny. It's time to
stray from the broad Don't take mind, because you'll find no be survived side
corest Well, Hello, everyone, or should I say dearest gentle listeners.
We have a trio of ladies here to talk about our favorite motherfuckers, I
mean fathers. It's Father's Day recently here in the United States of the USA,
which is totally redundant, but I'm saying it anyway. Here we go.
Let's introduce our lovely panelists to talk about everyone's favorite motherfuckers, starting at
the end with the lovely red hair. I guess that's me, hi,
y'all, I'm Misty Massey. I'm the author of the Madchestral series of pirate
fantasy adventures, and in past games, I have played slick, sexy thieves
and totally innocent clerics on the authors in Dragons podcasts. So come listen now
the brunette. Hey, everybody, it's Emily Kaplan. I write books under
E. M. Kaplan and particularly Arsenic and Alibis, which is new from
False Staff Books. So grab that as a beautiful cover of a woman's face.
I can go lollipop. So let's see on the authors in Dragons Podcast,
the Dicey Bastards I'm playing. I'm playing Claudia the Rogue, who is
possibly undead, but we'll see wow. And of course, what would this
Charlie the Angels be without the blonde. I am the one, the only,
the r e car author of urban fantasy, horror, comedy, and
even science fiction. When I am not writing the guy in real life,
you know, the girl saga for our lovely Shingles fans. I am either
the dungeon mistress of the Calamity Janes or the incredibly militant vegan druid Hilda Smington.
You know, all life is sacred, prepare to die. And on
that note, I think we should just get into it. We're talking about
dads. All three of us have them, good, bad, sexy daddies.
Perhaps daddies are daddies that will bring up Jeff Goldbloom, and anyone who
follows me on social media knows I have an unhealthy obsession for that, So
I guess it's actually to the point where Jeff Goldbloom doesn't appear in all my
friends feeds. Every twenty four hours, I literally have people checking if I'm
okay, Like my mother in law was scared when the site was down that
something had happened to me. Ah, so that's the story behind that.
But I think we should start it off with a little bit of positivity.
Who are the good dads of fiction? Like who is your favorite dad?
Not daddy, trust me, we'll go there, but dad in fiction or
movies that would, I hope be fiction. We're not talking about documentaries.
That's true, that's true. I've been thinking really strangely to me, Steve
Martin has become well he's grandpa aged now, but a lot of the father
of the Bride things that he remade. He transformed himself into this from this
like really smarmy, wild and crazy guy from Saturday Night Live into this solid
bando playing dad. Dude. He did always play the banjo, to be
fair, he's a very gifted musician. Yeah, but I get like,
yeah, if you if you watched only Murders in the Building, I just
get a really bold paternal vibe in that too, like he is kind of
the dad of the group. Yes, and Martin short is the drunk uncle
who you kind of want to ignore. Yes he is, Yes, he
is, but he's so cute. I did take his lecture on writing comedy
and it was one of the finest, you know, a couple hours of
my life. Wow. So listening to him speak and educate and go through
the whole process like I did. He did have an almost stern paternal vibe
in that too, so you know, I could dig it. Although I
actually had a huge cr I shot him as a younger lass because I think
there was something wrong with me, because I had the hots for the dentist
in Little Shop of Horrors. I was gonna say, maybe you have daddy
issues, but maybe yeah. No, anyone who's read my books, if
you haven't figured out I have daddy issues. Dentist issues. Oh, dentist
issues. Yeah. Actually I love my dentist. She's very sweet. Yeah.
But also, Steve Martin turned his hair turned very white at a very
early age. I want to say he was like in his thirties, when
it not even thirty. It was late twenties. He became dad like in
appearance early. But anyway, Yeah, maybe that's the Little Shop of Horse
that he had black hair in there, and my little goth soul well oh
yeah, yep. Ari Carr likes Satis. That's the clip that's going to
be taken out of this episode. Well, you know, I was.
I was doing homework before we got started, and to you prepared Misty for
like twenty minutes, give me a break. I was watching Spot that was
my preparation. Well, well, it's just it's me. But anyway,
I was doing homework and it occurs to me that I apparently like Dad's with
with vengeance desires, because no, not that one. Although he does fit
the he does fit the category. But I was like, Okay, I'm
gonna be I'm gonna be the one that brings in somebody from a book.
And so I went back to some books that I loved back in the eighties,
the Camber the Camera of Culdi books, the Drini books by Katherine Kurtz.
I don't know if y'all have read them, but really really good fantasy.
The Durni. Our people are are magically abled people and they kind of
run things in the world that they're in. And the one of the main
character of Camera of Cold the is Camber McCrory, who is Adrini Lord.
It's very it's very English and Scottish. The society this takes place in But
Camber is peaceful guy. He's good to his tenants. You know, he's
just he's all kinds of chill and and and you know, nice to everybody.
Until the crazy emperor kills off his oldest son and then he goes on
such a rampage that he ends up overthrowing the guy just because he's mad that
he killed his son. And I'm like, yeah, dude, this is
what I want dad to do. So okay, imagining something happening to Marcus
and British accent going on a very distinguished rampage. See see, there you
go. There's there's something about that. It's it's very much the same as
the as the mother instinct that they're like they talk about mother. There's in
movies that something happens to the baby and the mother bear comes out of the
mother. Well, the dads have that same instinct too, And I like
it when that happens in fiction because you don't see it as often. It's
it's far more often the mother that gets to go on the rampage, and
so I like it when the father can do that. And I might suggest
the taken movies for you, then yeah, I don't like what's her face,
Emma or Ella whatever, the the actor, the places, the dog.
I'm not crazy about her. So yeah, I'm like, who do
I love? Especially just to laugh at him and Krull? Yeah, along
with Michael Eddington from Deep Space nine for your real nerd deep cut all right,
I don't have to watch rewatching list. Yeah you rob me, Coultrane.
Isn't it like everyone's in Krawl? Man? Everyone isn't there an at
the movies coming up soon? Perhaps we should suggest this movie. Oh my
god, if we did Krawl, it's just gonna be like a bunch of
deep Space Now idn lay biz singing for me, wondering if they already did
it. I feel like they might have already watched. They haven't done Madam
Webb yet? Yeah? Maybe oh they she did Crawl already? Okay,
yeah, yeah, if they haven't done Krawl, we should do it for
them. For nothing else, there are tights, tight tights, and sometimes
the woman's touch is needed and an absolutely gorgeous redheaded opened And if anything this
week has taught me, I like redheads. I got missy. I don't
think she's into me, so it's okay. But I love you. I
love you too. Unconditional, platonic love, normalized. The bisexual is getting
to love people pladonically. That's our Pride Month message. But no, I
think for me, the good dads. I grew up watching a lot of
Disney, and Lord knows, there were no moms. True Beauty and the
Beast was always my Like everyone has their one Disney movie that they watched obsessively,
right, Lord knows. In my family it wasn't Pocahontas, the whole
family thing. Yeah, yeah, But Beauty and the Beast for me was
the time I saw myself in a Disney film. One loved Books two Redhead,
Oh that also was a beast. Well, we've already established, you
know. I like the dentist in Little Shop of Horrors and David Bowie and
Labyrinth and Jennifer Connolly and Labyrinth, so we've had issues. But no,
I just loved Maurice because yes, he was absent in mind and he was
eccentric. Huh. My father, who was an anthrop was an anthropology professor
and now does technical documentation. Eccentric to say the least, But he just
having an eccentric daughter who didn't want normal things he was okay with, So
for me, that was that was my paternal relationship until I'm waiting for the
Bad and the b squel where Maurice runs off with a Russian and starts some
horrible retelling of Anastasia. But that's my own trauma, and we're here to
talk about good dads and bad dad. I also love the father and How
to Train Your Dragon. We've talked a lot about like daughters and fathers,
obviously because we're daughters. But I kind of love the fact that even though
he was different, he did still support his son and that was not not
in the beginning. Though not in the beginning. Growth yeah, and growth
like arcs are important. Not every good dad starts as a great dad.
And as a shameless plug if you want to read about a daughter daddy relationship.
My False Icon series with the one and only moog Face eater Rick wall
Terry has a lot of daddy issues in book one. The most hilarious thing
about Hiccup's dad in How to Train Your Dragon was how tiny his head was.
Here's a huge guy. It had like this little head, a little
metal Viking helmet on top of it. I know it was like the opposite
of Heed from how So I Married An Axe Murderer. It's like you just
are trained to think that the Scottish have huge higgs because of that movie,
which I don't know if you have ever watched how To, How To So
I Married an Axe Murderer? But yes, I love that one. Yeah,
Mike, Mike Myers, despite having the apartment that I always wanted as
long as in desperately seeking Susan. But the Heed move now it's like a
giant melon. It just trains you to think that the Scott's have big yeah.
Yeah, I mean you got David Tennant. He's very skinny, but
he has well he has kind of a long head, which sounds bad out
of context. And Doctor who is not any representation for being a good dad
because all he has is a granddaughter and has no kids yet because time travel
and he abandoned his granddaughter, so he will not be in the good dad
category. I mean, are there any other good dad honorable mentions we want
to shout out before we go to the fun stuff. Well, you know
I said that I apparently like dad's with revenge problems because the other one that
I dug up was Edgen Darvis from from the Dungeons and Dragons movie, who
spends the entire movie focused on nothing but getting his daughter back. But he's
also in the daddy category because Chris Pine the nicest of right, right he
is. He is acute e patuti, that's for sure. He is a
found family and yeah, yeah, so he is. He is a good
dad. And he does not go overthrow a kingdom. He just defeats a
wizard, and but he kind of does overthrow the city, doesn't. Yeah,
okay, but he didn't intend to, but not a kingdom. Right,
it tracks. But but I'll go with him too. So but see,
I see, I have this thing apparently for dads with revenge issues.
Oh yeah, yeah, wait till we get to the next two categories of
dad. You know, it's just basic strength and authority and like having a
protector. Yeah. So are you a fan of net Stark in the dad
category? So heartbreaking? I love net Star. Spoiler alert, it doesn't
end well for him. I remember when I was reading the first book,
because he's in the first book, and I turned the page and he's dead,
and I went, oh, no, no, no, And I
actually went back to pages and read again because I thought I've missed something.
This is not right, and sure enough he really was dead and I was
so mad at Martin for that. But yeah, I sean Bean, it's
like spoiler alert. You know he's not gonna make it right. Right.
Oh yeah, speaking of which, I will I will cast a nomination for
a bad dad. Oh are we gonna go to the bad dads? Let's
shift to the dark side. Bad dad started off Emmy, Yeah, that
made me think, well, Gandalf, he is like the worst father figure,
and you think he's gonna be amazing. He comes in, he's taking
care of the little hobbits, but then he's like the worst absent fathered figure
ever. And then he you know, he throws, he does kind of
get bellrogged. Yes, yes, yeah, I mean that that's a little
more dramatic than going out for cigarettes, right, and then he comes back
and he's like, who are you? Who am I? So, so
you're saying that he's a bad dad because he literally fought a creature for the
bowels of Hell and then died and lost his memory makes him a bad dad.
Well he was a bad dad before that though, because remember he was
supposed to meet them at the prancing Pony, and he didn't show up.
And when they finally do meet up in Rivendale, he says, oh,
I'm sorry, Frodo, I was delayed. No, you weren't. You
went into danger, knowing full well you were walking into danger. So yeah,
yeah, and he had kids at home. Would you say that Aragorn
was the better dad or does he just go into the daddy category? Daddy,
he's a daddy, but he was there for them, He was there.
Yeah, Yeah, let's be real. The one who got the most
action was probably Sam Wise and he had a ton of kids at the end
of that, Marri, Yes he did. And that and that Rosie was
smiling at the every time you saw her, Rosie was smiling. So somebody
made her happy, dedicated, And he would never abandon you and he'd never
give up. These are the traits, right, ladies. I'm assuming since
he's a hobbit, size doesn't matter, but I don't know. He could
be hung like a horse on hobbit terms that he could have a human dick
you imagine thought on a hobbit. And he has the perfect dad bond.
He has the nice like tummy, and he has such a weird like the
actor himself has such weird daddy issues that it does tie together because he grew
up most of his life not knowing who his real father was and then strangely
not caring when he basically grew up with having two dads. He had Seawan
Aston and I am blanking on the other person who banged Patty Duke. But
wait with Sean Aston Gomez from the Adams family raised, Yes, raised,
Seawan Aston, John Adam raised John Aston, John Aston raised Seawan Aston.
Yes, yeah, all the Adams is Yeah. But is he is he
good dad or is he just mostly a good husband daddy? I mean he
never forced his children to be anything they didn't want to be. True he
was. He was like the gen X ultimate dad. He was like,
dude, just just be home before midnight so we can cast a spell together
or whatever. Do your thing. Go. Oh, just as long as
no one ends up and we can't resurrect them, You're fine, right,
hands off but still loving. But I think for us that grew up in
that generation, like that's what our dream dad was. Just let us be
who we want to be. Love your mama, don't run around and have
enough money that we can just do whatever. We want. That's like the
gen X parental tree. Yeah yeah, yeah, all right, who else
has a candidate dreams to turn to nightmares, Misty, who is your nominee
for bad dad? Well, if we're talking about if we're talking about dads
that are like abusive or horrible, I'm not quite sure yet. I'm still
thinking, but but we can. But right now, what popped into my
head was a dad who never wanted to be a dad and fought being a
dad the whole time and only only became a dad after he after he suddenly
realized that that he had fallen in love with this child he was responsible for.
And that would be Joel from from the The Last of Us. Yeah,
he's a bad to good progression. Yeah yeah, I mean he starts
at the end and he looks like Pedro Pascal and so would make him a
daddy. He's a three for he's also amazing and in the Mandalorian where he
becomes like this ultimate space dad, Yes, yes, he's gonna be a
fantastic four has a very flexible ultimate dad. I hadn't heard that. Oh
yeah, yeah, he's he's mister fantastic. Let's everyone to stop and appreciate
that for a moment. Dang. Hm. So I think he's an excellent
fictional dad but also a daddy word. Yeah, and he's a bad dad
to start. So yeah, he's the progression to bad dad, good dad
daddy. Yeah right, horrible Donald Trump impersonation in Wonder Woman eighty four.
Oh no, yeah, we we just don't talk about that movie. It's
a wee bit rapy. Oh god. Yeah, when you say that in
a Wonder Woman movie, you know you're in trouble y. But I don't
remember that. I know it's just blan keep it blank from your mind,
just yes, keep it, keep the emptiness, embrace the void. Imagine
something better. Imagine a movie with Gal Gado, Chris Pine and Pedro Pascal
and Kristin Wigg, who are four incredibly sexy people to me, and somehow
be the least sexy movie of all time. Yeah, because it's a wee
bit rapy and we don't play it. I'm not a fan of Kristin Wigs.
So the bad dad and mine, I will argue, is the best
bad at all. Have you guys watched Arkane, the League of Legends animated
series on Netflix? No? No, Oh my god, you are missing
the greatest bad dad ever. I mean, there's a lot of daddy issues
in this show because everyone has daddy issues. It's a video game adaptation,
and if you know anything about people into video games, we do it to
escape the horrors of her own life, or you know, we have adhd
or both. But in this movie, Silkore, who is the bad guy,
the unperfect bad guy, adopts Powder, a young girl who is abandoned
by everyone when she accidentally kills all her friends as she did do it's a
video game backstory. Well, there was a middle of a war zone and
they were trying to escape, and you know, she liked to play with
explosives, and when you play with explosives enough, you kill all your friends
and have a psychotic break. And instead of being a loving, supporting father
who might get her professional help, he embraces the psychotic break and unconditionally loves
this child. The most evil man, the evil crime lord in all of
our Caane completely unconditionally loves this girl and her including her psychosis, and considers
her perfect just the way she is, which shows that somehow even unconditional love
can be warped into something twisted and gorgeous and some of the most multi layered
characters and nuance about mental illness ever told in fiction. And it's a fucking
video game adaptation. So Silkhore is my ultimate bad dad nomine because it's not
traditional and in the end, the most evil character is still willing to sacrifice
himself for his daughter and yet be unredeemable. Wow. Yeah, so yeah,
try try unpacking that. There's a lot of spoiler alerts. I probably
should have said for the entire season, but season two is coming out in
November, and if you haven't seen Arcane, it is truly glorious. It
is difficult. It will rip out your soul and make you question, why
the hell, after all this time, can we not have video game adaptations
this good? And then finally it took a pandemic and we get Arcane,
we get Last of Us, and we get fucking Fallout. So I guess
it just takes a worldwide pandemic Castlevania the animated series to give us good video
game adaptations. Yeah, I did watch Castlevania my kids second plug my narrator
for rules Undying is ciphop in Castle, And in fact, I shrieked that
very loudly at my kids, and they were properly impressed. So the fun
thing is is that I was listening to Castlevania while proofing my audiobook and it
was very confus using for a second. Yeah, so so that's my fun.
And then I was playing a Final Fantasy seven rebirth and I'm sitting there
and poor British accent is just like, what's going on. That's her,
that's Georgia. That's Georgia talking. It's hard boys, she's using the Georgia
boys. It's like it's a card game player. No, it's her,
I'm telling you. And I had to get onto Twitters and go into dance
like this is you. She's like you found me, Like, yeah,
that's cute, little easter egg. Everyone else is welcome to sneak in their
shameless self plug. Speaking of which, if you like what you're hearing and
want even more shameless promotion, you can like subscribe and join us on our
patreon at Authors and Dragons dot com slash Patreon. Yes, we do really
cool things like actually hang out with our with our supporters and chat with them
on you know, play games, whatever, interact sometimes do our own version
of m S two three k on the Greatest and Worst films of all time,
which are not mutually exclusive. But oh, I just thought of another
good one and a good Why are we still going up? Okay, it's
us a good dad and good and then I'll do the bad back and forth.
But I just thought about Luke Passan Leon the Professional with little Natalie Portman,
and I just loved that relationship. A lot of people were squeaked out
by it. They thought it had like sexual undertones, but most film it's
very French. Yeah. Yeah, And and the way she was dressed,
you know, like like a very adult version of a child. But I
just loved that whole You know, Hitman Killer has a soft innercore and it
kind of like a found parent and becomes her father figure. I just it
kind of ties the Star Wars because it's very similar to the Mandalorian, and
of course Star Wars also had Natalie Portman's. It all ties together, it's
all connected. Yeah, bring it down a peg. Who's your bad dad,
missy bad dad? Well, actually you made me think of it because
you mentioned Fallout and uh, Kyle Malowle's character in the Fallout series that is
a bad dad. He's a terrible dad because he spends her whole life telling
her something is real when none of it was real. And did you scream
damn? Oh yeah, oh yeah I was. You know. We we
kind of binged through the whole series, the first season, over the course
of a I don't know, a few days because it was just so good.
And you could argue the Brotherhood of Steel is another horrible paternal figure for
everyone. Oh that's in there. Oh yeah, dreadful, dreadful. I
mean, it's pretty pitiful that the Ghul is the best father figure in the
entire thing. I stand Walten Goggins and love to know who told him this
is your scenery, get your dentures, chew it all because he was clearly
having a blast. And fun fact, they just released you could play a
Ghoul in Fallout seventy six, and I think everyone's a Ghoul in the game
right now thanks to the TV series. Yeah, I kind of love.
There's a meme that's bouncing around Facebook these days that says every guy who thinks
that women are all hung up on nothing but looks only needs to realize that
a whole bunch of us are walking around reading and writing Ghoul fan fiction right
now. It was out day one. It's like, nope, nope.
All we need to do is here, Walton Goggins talk in that accent and
we are shot. We are on the floor. So everyone who knows it
is not my preferred accent. It is quite nice, though. We know
that I come from a long line of people who heard a British accent spread
their legs. That's why I exist. I'm merely a slave to my genetic
memory. We speaking of, do you have another Rachel? Do you have
another candidate for either good or bad? For bad? My idea of the
ultimate bad father figure is the psy corp in Babylon five, the mother the
chorus father, and it is the most abusive relationship. I think it's institutional
daddy issues. I mean, there's no shortage of rough father references in Babylon
five. I mean you have you know, Sinclair didn't have a good relationship
with his dad. Garibaldi obviously had. He had a good bad relationship,
but his dad was a drinker and married to the job. Delenn's dad was
basically just a totally hippie priest who walked off. Verer's family abandoned him and
pushed him away. Londo's family's all dead, Jaikar's Family's all dead because of
Loando's family. Like, there's a lot of daddy issues. But the PSI
corp, which is embodied by Bester, yeah, is it's that ultimate authoritarian
I will mold you into who I want you to be type of father.
There is no escape, there is no change, there is nothing, and
it's kind of horrible. And then you have Bester as the embodiment who has
a sham marriage and a daughter that he barely sees because it was a genetic
pairing. And he finally finds off and the only thing I will give him
one redeeming point, the reason why he helped Shared and the others other than
probably not one to see if people get annihilated by the Shadows spoiler alert,
was that they agreed to help his pregnant telepath lover and he wanted to actually
be a real father. So I will give that small redeeming corps in the
horrible father figure that is the psychor of Bablon five. Now that's a good
one, yeah, because they are just hit they are terrifying, but they
did give I would argue Walter Kennigg's best performance, like say what you will.
I always thought Chekhov was a little one note. He's fun, but
he's one note to me. He's Bester in science fiction. I think it's
just a much better role for him. Yeah, because it's easy to be
an over the top villain, but when you play it so that you're really
scary, because the over the top villains and most of these things are like,
yeah, yeah, okay, you're the bad guy. But he plays
it as truly menacing and it if you got shiver that you just can't get
away from. And that's that was It was brilliant. And the thing is
the best villains you can see that they they did not see themselves as a
villain. They are absolutely convinced that they are right, and they have points
that back it up, which I always thought was scary and kind of nuanced.
In Babylon five. So if we go from Babylon five, we can
have a brief Dad's of Star Trek edition good bad and oh my fucking god,
Trip is pregnant. So who's do you guys? Watch your Star treks?
Some of them? Yeah, I'm I'm an old school Star Trek.
So well, okay, so you can discuss Captain Kirk. Obviously he was
the biggest bass fluesy of all, so he was probably like the lovely how
many times he's been a dad? Once and it didn't go, well,
yeah, how about you, Misty, who's your good or bad star Trek
dad? Well, my least favorite dad is the dad in the in the
Next Generation episode from the I think it's the first season when the when the
mysterious shielded planet stole the children and they had to and Picard had to go
negotiate to get the children back, and the one kid, Harry, did
not want to take calculus. And he was very clear, I do not
want to take calculus. I want to be a sculptor or an artist,
or a trash man, any damn thing, but I don't want to take
calculus. And at the end that you know, they've gotten Harry, they've
gotten all the kids back, and Harry and his dad are walking through the
corridors and he says, he says, Harry, you can be anything,
but you want to that you want to be, but you still have to
take calculus. And Harry goes, okay, Dad, and Misty's going,
fuck no, not taking calculus. So he's my least favorite dad. How
many of the people in this podcast did have to take calculus? Yes,
yes, see Misty escaped it. I had still scarred by integration, algebra,
algebra to geometry and then Trig and Trigg damn near killed me. So
calculus would have been I would be in the in the ground right now if
I'd had to take calculus. Yeah. Oh, I made it to college,
and I was taking college level calculus because I thought, oh, maybe
i'll be pre med. I'll go, you know, I'll explore, Well,
you are part Asian, so it's kind of required, isn't that right?
And and then I got to college calculus and my ta, my teacher
for my section was this Italian guy very much who looked very much like Pedro
Pascal, and I would suddenly be very interested in calculus. I was suddenly
very not able to pay attention, and I almost like bomb that class.
And I'm like, okay, I'm going to Liberal Arts. Well, we're
glad you did, because we love your books. Ah. So that's the
secret. If afford a great author, give him a sexyta. Yeah,
that's how I ended up with a minor in philosophy from college. Not because
I intended to minor in it, but because I had such a huge crush
on the philosophy teacher that I took every class he offered every semester until all
of a sudden, I had a minor and I didn't know how I wouldn't
exist if it wasn't for for someone being hot for teacher. So I completely
understand. Yep, my mom went to college and came out with a husband
instead of a degree. That's how I exist. I told you dad was
an anthropology professor and he was left with one of his students and went into
the private sector. But you got me out of it. Hey, that's
your Father's Day story. For the children. Going back to Star Trek,
I will nominate my good dad. Being commanders to Captain Cisco in Deep Space
nine, he managed to save the universe and was still a good dad and
only disappeared when he had to go into a timeless portal and save the universe
with the prophets, which I think is okay for being absent for a while.
Hopefully he will come back and my bad dad is runaway French Fluozy John
Luke Picard spoiler alert if you have it, knocking up Doctor crusher and then
just not having any not willing to change his career even though he had the
world's sexiest borg Son. Spoilers, Oh is that from Piccard? That's from
Piccard? The third season, the one that is tolerable. It's a member
Barry mess, but at least it's coherent. Gotcha? Okay, we don't
talk about season two. Season one was at least interesting but wasted a lot
of potential. That's my quicky review of Picard. So, yeah, we
have gone from dads. We've had. I have one more nominee for the
very worst dad of fiction, well mostly fiction of all time. And I
think Misty's definitely my generation or she will understand. And I'm not sure if
you watch the same sitcoms that I did, Rachel, but we'll see Cliff
Huxtable, Wow, possible show. We all have our Cosby moments. He
was so wonderful. Everybody's like the sweaters, the jello pudding pops. He
was always where for. Yeah, jello pudding pops of a whole new connotation
in hindsight, don't they That bastard ruined his entire legacy, He ruined lives
And I'm like that whole. I can't even think about that show without cringe,
you know. I mean, I'm pretty happy Michael Gross from Family Ties
at least turned out to stay a non garbage human so we could have him,
right. Yeah, some of the Full House guys are very shady.
Yeah, yeah, we have some some uppy downies there too, but but
we do have Mike. Michael Gross from Family Ties. So far as the
time of this recording has not been a scandaled. I am Emily. I
used to listen when I was little. I used to listen to my parents'
records of of Cosby's show, and like the one with Noah and the one
with the Chicken Heart and and all that, and I mean there are still
times that I will I will like sing the ice Cream We're Gonna have ice
Cream song to myself from, which is from the kid getting his tonsils out
on one of the albums. And so it kills me because it's like that
was my childhood, that was what I That's how I learned what funny was.
And for those who didn't follow the news, Bill Cosby did some very
nasty things. And whenever something gets more than a wee bit rapie, it
ruins it. Yep, Ye, I see he's a chocolate cake like for
my whole time. Yeah, that's some that's some pretty crushing stuff when you
think about it. Yeah, because I know we in the one serious thing
we always talk about is where does the art end and the artist begin?
But the problem with Cosby is so much of it was his own identity.
It was just a heightened person of himself. There's not that thick layer of
fiction that you can really separate that it does. I mean, it taints
everything. You'll notice. You you'll see night you know, Night Court reruns,
You'll see Golden Girls reruns, You'll see all of these reruns. But
when's the last time you saw Cosby show rerun? Yeah? A vanished you
will not. Yeah. And and he did it to himself. He actually
he did it to others, And that's what fucking sucks. Well yeah,
I mean, but I mean he just he bought into the hype and did
not realize that he was he was hurting other people and damaging his own legacy
by doing that. He just decided to be you know, I'm I'm so
great. I can I'm not responsible for anything. And you know, you
can't do that, so no they do. We have been serious for two
whole minutes that we must change. So we've had the good. So we've
had. It's time for these Charlie's angels to bring up the daddies. The
daddies dun, dun, dun. So we'll start with you, Misty,
who is your number one daddy? Or if you want zaddy, that would
be Gerald Rivia? Nice. Is he actually a dad though? Yeah?
Well, yeah, I guess in the show. Yeah, yeah, because
he does, he does ray, he definitely. Oh god, I'm sorry,
my whole brain short circuit because suddenly I'm thinking of Gerald Rivia in the
Bath. Oh my reboot required how much if your appreciation is for Henry cavill,
and how much is for the character girl? It is, Honestly,
it's gotta be mostly garyl because Henry Cavill though, well, I am sure
he is a very functionally attractive, lovely man. He does nothing for me
as soon as he gets dirty and is in that wig and he's grunting and
has the car. Oh my god, it's a fucking deluge down there.
Okay, yep, yeah, it's just yeah, it's Henry Cavill as Gerald.
Yes, so it is because I saw what Liam's hen Helium, Hensworth
men, or even her Man. Oh that's a whole that's a whole other
section. That's a different podcast. We could go into Man of Steel for
at least two or three hours, and I would probably have to be held
down and stop filming at the mouth at some point because I am I am
one of those people that it is the movie I have picked apart probably more
than any other, for various reasons. In fact, in my house it
is called a man of Steel moment. If I start watching a show and
I thought I enjoyed it, and then suddenly one thing and I start talking
about and then it goes to another thing, and it's like, that's the
man of Steel moment. I just start pulling the thread and the whole fabric
goes. Yeah. I do that with Independence Day. But the only thing
an Independence Day is I genuinely love the Bill Pullman speech. I mean talking
about it, that's a daddy. I mean, the movie is great,
but you can't ask it to be anything but what it is. What's so
well. Actually, I think the thing that makes makes most sense is a
mac won't interface with just about anything except alien technology except except Rachel Carr.
Oh my god. For those of you who need a Authors and Dragons flashback.
At one point, a certain neurodivergent author could not figure out the power
button on her Mac and proceeded to melt down in front of people for twenty
very long minutes. Yeah, there are many things we could say in your
defense, like, for one, you are you're left handed, right,
yes, and it's on the right side, on the right so and it's
not labeled though, no, no, And it was new, it was
new, and it was the only thing that would bypass the firewall so that
I could actually take part in the jackbox games. But yeah, I think
that was kind of the warning sign that maybe I had some sort of neurological
divergence, and it helped me lead to get a diagnosis. So wow,
it's from meltnown But anyway, garyl of Rivia, Yeah, I had to
reboot my brain for a second. Okay, bat scene, ladies, the
bath scene, Misty, please just just tell us more about girl. He's
all he's all glistening and naked and wet and actually actually the the Also the
scene that I love is when the when they're in the episode when they're hunting
for the dragon and and Jennifer makes the big fancy glampy tent. Uh you
know, she goes zep with her magic and makes the big glampy tint and
so they they stay in there and he wakes up the next morning she's gone,
and he's laying all in the furs and not dressed, and I'm like,
oh my, let's me come and help you stay warm. Garalda Rivia
just just look in my general direction, I will melt. It's okay,
yep, yep, yep. So so, but but as a father,
he he's not the greatest father in the world because because he is category no.
But he does he does try, and he does care about about Siri
and and when when they finally find each other at the end of the first
season, that is really pretty awesome. So but uh, but yeah,
I'm gonna go with but he's my baddy. Bath yeah, bath, Sorry,
we're still we're still having a moment here. I think there's steam rising
from the bath too, and I'm not sure whether that's magic or hot water
or just Geralta Rivia. The hotness he's powering the Yeah, the man who
does not need to heat his water. His mere presence makes it boiling,
like all those old dump Chuck Norris jokes that, you know, Chuck Norris
tells the sun when to come up. Hary heats the water just by stepping
into it. Okay, So there are several fictional daddies that I think everybody
likes and and they're they're like Han Solo the Roe, super handsome. Uh
yeah, and uh oh it just lost just brought me back to doctor who
in the Rogue episode. Yeah yeah, but my weird choice is gonna be
Hagrid. Hagrid is your daddy. Hold on, wait, yeah, you're
saying you like them big and Harry. Yeah, Well, I mean he's
not obviously conventionally attractive, but his personality is just so, you know,
fierce when he has to be fierce, interested in animals and like keeping caretaking.
He's huge, and he's powerful and he can kick butt. He's huge.
He looks after after Harry Potter. I mean, are you saying you're
a mountain climber, Emily. I could be. She's willing to attempt it
if he'll stand still long enough. But I think he's a sweetheart and I
think he has a good character, and I guess that's my my draw.
Okay, you're weird. What do you mean there's nothing weird about that?
I mean, I confess to by crush on the dentist from a little shop
of Okay, okay, we're not judging here. This is a zero judge
podcast. Judge in the comments and please leave them below. We would love
to hear them. But oh my, yeah, hey, I I confessed
my crush on Walton Goggin's ghoul and he doesn't even have a nose, so
he only needs something else. Imort Ray finds. I mean, mmmm mmm,
this fine Ray Finds in Strange Days is my uh my love language.
To watch that again. For anyone who doesn't know Angela Bassetts, what are
you gonna say? She has the best arms and Linda Hamilton arms. I
am I I you know, I'm I'm not. I don't fixate on one
body part mostly, but I do really admire extraordinarily sculpted arms on men or
women, and Angela Bassett has amazing arms. And when she wears that dress
in Strange Days at the New Year's Eve party, I'm just like she has
gained her arms through all these decades. Oh my, God, yeah,
Stella can get my groove back. That is, that is for sure.
So yes, my entire sexual awakening is either the movie Labor the movie Strange
Days. I have a death Mummy, Oh the Mummy, the Mummy that
was actually my because we all know Jeff Goldbloom has a very spell. That's
Zaddy, that's its own category. But mine was actually Rick O'Connell from the
Mummy series. The original Brendan Fraser is my daddy. And then to counterpoint,
o dead Fair, who was also in the Mummy series is Dadmiral Vance
in Star Trek Discovery. And I don't care about the rest of the show.
I will watch that silver Fox in a very well fitting uniform at the
end of time and drool. So I nominate the cast of The Mummy as
my daddy. He thinks the mustly forearms I even Benny. I would take
the entire cast. Give me the Mummy, give me the fucking brother,
give me the sister, give me both the brother and the sister together.
Give me Rick and the brother and the sister and the Mummy, and especially
art of Bay. And then Benny can watch and film that's my daddy.
And you thought you were bad with Hagrid seriously talk about mountain climbing. That's
not a mountain climbing, that's a dog pile. Let's get it right for
ladies. Okay, and we'll throw in Angela Bassett and Ray Finds from Strange
Days as a chaser. I think I've just watched too much Bridgard. Oh.
I can't say anything because Emily hasn't seen it yet, but let's just
say, I mean, huh. Season one has a good daddy reggae Sean
Age. Yes, that he becomes a father at the end of that series
and he can always be my daddy. Yes. So the three of us,
the three of us are all on TikTok correct, I meant often only
the most, but the whole phenomenon of book talk and the thirst traps on
there is just mind blowing to me. Like book talk, you think you're
pretty sure though, our very own Joseph Rassey has been a thirst trap on
TikTok. Yeah with the hair and the yeah, with the levels, yeah
yeah yeah, and the woke politics there as they yell at him. Okay,
we will not drool cast made our friend, but just a little,
just for this one podcast, we'll give a tiny, tiny drool. It's
not like we're all going like I think the very first authors and Dragons gone.
We did have for the A and D cast, the characters, not
the authors, as they are all our friends and we respect them. But
we did have a kill Mary fuck vote for the o G cast of authors
and dragons, and everyone was gonna marry b Org. Everyone everyone to kill
silence, positive masculinity, what's not to love? So the fuck was a
very weird mix of Brandon Di Master flows even Yeah, we'll get to that
one. Fendingo had a lot and the one vote for Klaus. Can you
guess who did it? Rachel? It wasn't me, Remember who on this
podcast had been into having the hats for the dentist from a little job of
rs. Yeah, and the entire cast of the Mummy together, So who
do you think but the Mummy? The Mummy defines sexuality for an entire generation
of Americans, and Labyrinth, I would argue, Labyrinth, Yeah, I
went there first. David Bowie awakened things in I think ninety percent of the
planet there's there. There's all sorts of sexuality as a spectrum. We respect,
we love it all. But I think Bowie is just its own category.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, speaking of the kind of androgynoust sexuality or
not, well, I guess or fluid. I don't know. What do
you think about Prince were you Do you think he was like sexy or talented
or I don't know. My sister really was attracted to him, and I
was like, I think when he's performing, he is singularly attractive. I
didn't find him attractive when he wasn't performing. There are some people that's like
Iggy Pop is incredibly sexy when he is singing. He is not incredibly sexy
if you just look at him. Yeah, yeah, Lady Gaga is incredibly
say when she's performing. Prince Prince hit when I was in high school,
and so it was very uh, it was very popular to go, oh
my god, Prince, I love Prince, I'm gonna marry Prince. And
there was some there was a look in his eyes that I could I would
see it, and it would it was. It was off putting, not
because it was not sexy, because it was, but there was just a
look in his eyes that made me uncomfortable. And so I never really found
him physically attractive because of that look. In his eyes. But I but
I then and even now recognize his extraordinary genius and talent with with music and
with songwriting and with everything he did. He was just He was one of
those singularly talented people that we lost way too soon. But but I never
found him. He was never one. He was never somebody that I put
a poster up, you know. So yeah, yeah, see, I
admit, like most girls in America, I had a bon Jovi John bon
Jovi poster. Oh my sister still has the full length bon Jovi poster she
had on her door when she was a kid. She still has that durned
thing. Yeah, I know the poster you're talking about. I had that
one, and then I replaced it with Gambit from The X Men, who
is my favorite cartoon cat daddy I had. I had a huge six foot
poster of the Kenstein Monster. He's also very tall, true type. Apparently
Emily likes them big and tall. Possibly monsters, but that's okay, Possibly
monsters. Yes, we're learning so much about the Calamity Janes in this particular
podcast, we're talking about our favorite motherfuckers. What do you expect? I
had an Indiana Jones poster on the back of my wall and call it in
the dorms in college, and it was Temple of Doom, a movie in
which Indy acted as a father. So hey, I would argue that Harrison
Ford is one of the og daddies. Yah, And the weird part is
I would I would take either him or Kylo Wren. So hey the family
sexy? Yeah? Nice? Well, I guess we can wrap up pretty
pretty sea. Do you have final words? I just want to wish all
the dads out there happy Father's Day, including Nick Cannon and the the male
members of our you know, authors and dragons podcasts who have kids or free
kids or who act as mom. Yes, we do love all motherfuckers out
there, and we want to say thank you for listening to our podcast,
thank you for indulging us. You know, we do have our occasional serious
moments. We wouldn't be here without you, guys, and we love and
appreciate you, and we don't always get this filthy, but let's be real.
We do we do? Yeah? Hey, we do. They let
us come on by ourselves. What did they think was gonna happen? Super?
How about you, missy? Do you have any final words about Father's
Day. Happy Father's Day, Daddy, I love you. Please don't listen
to this. Yes, Happy Father's Day to my father. I miss mine,
but he was honestly the best dad I have ever encountured. I haven't
met one who even came close to him, and I want to say a
very happy Father's Day to the greatest NB a girl could ever know, my
one, my only, my British accent. I know you won't listen to
this, so I can say nice things about you, So Happy Father's Day.
Okay, So we've said that, let's round it up with one last
pimping. Who's here on the panel? Where can we find you? And
know that everyone can find all of us at authorsan Dragons dot com. You
can enjoy the Patreon, we have a discord. We have even more filth
that you can achieve any time you want. But let's see where can you
find Misty Mistymassey dot com. You can find me as Misty Massey on Facebook
and the site formerly known as Twitter and TikTok and blue Sky. So come
on, come on look at me, read my social media and engage with
my tiktoks because I like making them and nobody looks. How about you a
mountain climber. You can find me at just them words dot com or on
the dicey bastards all right, And I am the one, the only,
the ri E Car. You can find me at rachelcar dot com because Rachel
Car writes vegan cookbooks and you probably don't want to confuse us if you want
to find me on social media in all places, I am at Total Recar
and I just want to say you can find me as well at Authors and
Dragons dot com. We love you all. Here's to all the motherfuckers one
more time. Happy Father's Day, Authors and drag. It's brought to you
under Creative Commons License, meaning you are free to share this material so long
as credit is given to those who created which is us. People. You
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