This is the two seventeen Recovery Podcast with Corey Winfield. I don't know why
would they sit there and watch this talk in two microphones and look at each
other and look at your faces that you give me sometimes and coal holes Marnie
Winfield. In situations like that, if you take the time to weigh the
pros and cons of your involvement in something, I think this is across the
board with a lot of things in life. You know, doesn't make sense
for me in my world. It is the nineteen the morning of the nineteen
Yeah, July. Thanks for the help there. Yeah, it's July nineteenth,
twenty three. My name is Cory Winfield. My name is Marty Winfield.
Welcome to seventeen Recovery podcast. Kind of early sort of apparently the best
part of waking up isn't talking for me, I guess so. Yeah,
but we're here, and we were talking in bed, and we were going
through like where we were and what we did and how we got to where
we were, and you know, our stories are similar but so different in
the way we did things. At the end and for you it was it
was coming back not I mean familiar place, but it's not the place you
grew up, right, you know, but living with you know, your
mother, and taking a job that didn't pay much. But it wasn't a
bar, you know, you weren't bartending, you weren't waitressing, you weren't
doing anything like that. And you know, to take a job that at
the time it was the weekend overnights, you know, something like that at
the treatment center and where you work now and where you have moved up.
And at the time, though it's hard for people to go, I don't
want to take that job doesn't pay enough, you know, it's it's you
gotta do what you don't want to do. Sometimes I said a lot no,
But for you though, you kind of wanted to do that. You
had gone to school for social work, which I'd already started my master's in
social work. My undergrad was in um audiology and speech sciences and minor in
psychology, so I had a bachelor's degree. But you know, but the
thing is is so our cute, little our pillow talk is probably a lot
different than most people in terms of like what we talk about. But no,
but um no, it was about really thinking about the my priorities at
the time, and I had you know, had made the decision. And
I talked about this when I talked about my story, is that it was
me, me choosing to go to treatment for me, and it was no
outside influence other than my internal desire to like figure out what the crap was
going on with me and why I kept I couldn't get I couldn't put down
the bottle, you know, And so I had put all that work into
it, and I had, you know, had this investment and in myself,
and I was like, what does this look like for me to keep
this going? Because so many times I had gone and gone and I may
have had like the spark of inspiration and like the possibility of sobriety was like
there, but I never really followed through with all the stuff they tell you
to do after and um and there's a lot of stuff and I didn't do
all of it. But I knew I needed to keep that motivation going by
continuing to invest in myself. And what did that look like for me?
And so when it came to the job situation, I don't know. I
had. I have a ton of experience serving I've served you know, anywhere
from hole in the wall, bars uh to forced our restaurants. And I've
made a lot of money, you know, being in the service industry.
But I'm going to tell you right now, and please don't be offended.
For those of you that are on the service industry, it's a culture that
really caters to drinking and drugs. And I mean, in my experience,
I'm sure definitely not all. But it's just for me. You know,
I don't think you offended anybody. I think they know. And yeah,
and so I knew what I knew what I couldn't do. I knew where
I couldn't work, even if it was a place that didn't serve alcohol,
which that does help. But I just knew I needed to change things up
and I needed to keep my focus on my recovery and what did that look
like? And you know, there was an opportunity for me too. And
it wasn't even like I was took the job like I'm going to get my
foot in the door and then I'm going to like grow within this company.
I was just like, what's a safe job for me right now? Like
for right now, what's a job where I know that when I go in,
I'm not going to have any sort of fear of having a drink put
in front of me, and I'm not gonna you know, if I hear
anything about alcohol or drugs, it's about staying away from alcohol drugs. It
was very simple, very elementary, very kind of cut and dry reasons behind
why I chose to take an entry level position where all you really needed was
a GED and that's finding good. You can get great jobs with a GED
and having that education is great. But that's where I was at. And
I was just like I and I did the get through today, like I
just need to get through today? What is I need? To keep things
freaking simple? And you know, I was lucky enough, and I shared
this with you this morning. I was lucky enough to have the support of
my mom, who welcomed me back into her home after a very serious conversation
about what expectations were because I had made promises many a time about my behaviors
while I was living under her roof, which I did not abide by for
you know, multiple times. So she was taking a chance on me again,
you know, and it got and then after a minute, and I
had chosen this job, she felt comfortable enough to let me use her vehicle
to get to that job, and I literally was kind of on autopilot,
like I went to work. I helped her with, you know, simple
jobs around her home. I really had a very very small circle of people
that I interacted with, and it was essentially my mom, my, stepdad,
Woody, and her friends and then meetings in Sutton's Bay and came to
Traverse City for some meeting sometimes. But I kept myself busy. I did.
I started baking and stuff for her, and I was responsible for like
making meals and you know, helped around best I could to kind of earn
my keep. There one thing that you you said, I'm going to back
it up to the industry, and you're like, oh, sorry if I
don't. No people know, people that are working in the service industry they
know and some people I think, and you probably did this a time or
two. Oh I'm strong enough. I can work there and just not drink
because yeah, I remember what Alcoll did to me. So I'm yeah,
I'm just not. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine serving people like her
all day. I'm cool with that until the day you're not. You know,
and maybe there are some people that can do that, sure, but
it's it's a risk that you take, and is it worth it, you
know, at the end of the day, like, oh, I'm gonna
make eighty dollars more a week if I work here, but there's a seventy
percent chance that I will go back out very soon or within six months.
Is it worth it? Right? I don't know, So they have to
kind of weigh that out. And then you said you were talking about your
mom letting you use your car her car, and it's it's not the fact
that you're a bad driver. It's just that she knows and she has seen
it. It takes that in your off you could have bad day at work,
driving home, you know what, I'm gonna hit the liquor store.
And I mean, so it's not just a hey, here's the keys,
you know, Oh, Marnie, she's a bad right, No, it's
not that, you know, there's more into it for people listening and they're
thinking like, oh, well, why would she worry about Well, it's
because like they can turn on a dime and it's not even like, oh,
this is a possibility that this could happen, which that is true,
but literally she was going on experience like that hat like she sparrowed my car
and said she was going to a meeting, and like disappeared for what would
have been the amount of time for a meeting. She doesn't know that I
didn't go there, and you know, came home and had you know,
booze and went straight to my room and was like, and I have a
good night. And then you know, that was all put together after the
facts, so she knows, she knows, and I can and I came
out about all of that and it was like, you don't have any reason
to trust me, but I'm telling you, I'm asking me too, and
you know, and that this was my hail Mary for sure, with with
her and living in her home. But you know, she had been like
are you coming back from treatment? Like when are you planning on discharging?
I'm like, I don't know yet. I'm sticking it out until I feel
like it's time for me to go, you know. So, um,
she saw the effort that I was putting in. It's just it's I had
to keep that motivation. I had to keep that momentum going for it to
be successful, you know, And I still to this day, I need
to keep the momentum going. It just looks different. It's all but it's
it's amazing and it's kind of funny. How are the conversation in the bedroom
that started? We were playing wordle and today's word which I'm not gonna say,
but it's a band name. And that's also something that you I think
probably you did. I did maybe a few times. You mix it with
a certain kind of drink or something. And then I said, hey,
honey, I'm gonna give you a hint, and I started playing a song.
If you kild on this, see you're like, yeah, I've heard
that song. I don't know who that is. And then you got it.
And then you were like, oh, why didn't you just say blank
and blank? Then I would have really got it. And that's how we
kind of started our conversation this morning. And we just were like, man,
and of course we're very thankful and you know that we met each other
and that is a huge piece. But we both got tired of settling.
We got tired of just and I'm not going to call xes like trash because
my exes really weren't. There's a couple okay that probably were, but like
it wasn't like some of your situations, which were just horrible. Um,
but to stop settling, you know, and if I if I saw something
I didn't like, I didn't I didn't have to just run down that road
because oh someone says my eyes are pretty, you know, or anything like
that. And so I was like, hell bent, I'm not settling,
Like I wanted to find someone who loved me like I love them, and
you know, that was kind of huge. And you know, to fall
for the wrong person sometimes you know, we'll really trip you up. And
that's why they tell people early on old stale relationships, but you never really
know, right, you know, if you don't listen, we wouldn't be
together. That's very true mist away from from like un thought through relationships like
the quick fix kind of like I'm just gonna dat somebody for the pure fact
of of dating somebody, or you know, you have to be selective and
careful and protective of your recovery. That needs to be your number one,
you know, so so just be careful with all that. And the way
I did it was was like I said, totally different, Um, you
cool. I don't think that place she went to treatment last time, they
didn't have outpatient at the time. I don't think so obla. So it's
not like you could continue of course you did you continue back in Traverse City
like outpatient or anything like that. Mmm, that's a good question. No,
I didn't because you couldn't because you were couldn't because I was working for
them. Um, No, I had not. My aftercare plan was was?
I think I was just I think I might have like had the number
for like Catholic Human Services or something that I was going to follow through with.
But then, um, you know, I was just I got kind
of engrossed in like the going to meetings and then just working at the treatment
center and staying busy with you know, healthy activities with my family. So
that was my program. And you learn that from other times. I'm sure.
Yeah, I tried outpatient. I've done outpatient so many times. And
this is why that's why I don't. I don't look at people that say
I've you know, I've tried that, it doesn't work or whatever. It's
like, it's not the program, right, it's not the freaking program.
Man. Like I get I hear what you're saying, and I get that
the materials that they cover, like let's talk about relapse prevention let's talk about
life skills. Like, but when you heard those words, when you were
listening to those those that those materials, were you processing that information with a
brain of somebody that wants to go out into the world and stay sober?
You know? Like I know I wasn't, But how much of it that
you know, I was learning and hearing because like you trying to break a
world record for outpatient meetings and stuff and appointments and groups. So I don't
know if I was listening at the time, but I heard it. That
makes sense. Like there's a lot of things and a lot of conversations I
had with people along the way that at the time I wasn't ready to hear
it or listen or whatever. But when I finally would start adding those pieces
up. And that's why I like when I talk to people today, I
don't expect them all to get it, but in three years, two years,
six months, if they could think back, oh man, maybe I
should do it like that. Yeah, I think that you're right. And
I've also been the facilitator of groups where I'm looking around the room and you
probably can can speak to this where you're speaking to a group of people and
you almost like can look amongst them and be like, this person has no
intentions whatsoever. I'm following through with anything that we're talking about. You know,
it's I don't know if it's like an aura or if it's like a
you know, their body language, you know, or whatever it is.
But it's just like and then there's people and like the when you leave,
when you leave treatment is when the real challenge starts. You know. We
know people that have gone through treatment one time and they get out there and
then they just kill it. They're doing great, you know, and other
people keep going and going and going, and they'll walk out the doors of
the facility and right walk straight to the liquor store. Yeah, it happens
both ways. Just because you have a Wednesday at two outpatient meeting, it's
not going to keep you sober, right. You know, there's there's that
want you gotta want it. There's that you gotta have that desire. I
was sorry to a guy yesterday. He came to the office. He was
there for the Dharma meeting, and he walked in. He's like, what's
up, Corey's been a minute, you know. I was like, hey,
dude, what's up? And he was telling me, you know,
he got a job and he's doing construction. He's doing great. And he
started telling me his plans, you know, and he's like, this is
what I want to do. And you know, I love doing construction,
about building things, love being outside. Like he's like, this is great.
And you know, I got a car already, I'm gonna get a
house and blah blah blah. And he had goals and you know, and
he was talking about the cherry fast and his family wanting to come around and
you know, him to go back out with him, and he's like now.
He said his cousin was over the next day or something and he was
like dry heathen because he was like hung over, and he's like, man,
he's like, that's why I'm not doing that, you know. And
then he said his girlfriend was kind of getting messed up too, and he's
like, why are you gonna drink? You know, But hopefully he can
figure out that you can't change other people. And you know, it's the
people that you do hang around. Like, nobody likes being around drunks,
especially if you're sober and you're hanging around a drunk guy or drunk girl.
It's a beating it like sucks life out of you. So it does,
and he's going to realize that. I would hope and and hopefully he's on
the right path, but just to see that desire that he has in it.
And I asked him aout outpatient, He's like, oh, no,
I've been done with that. You know, Like I don't know if there's
a set program that people complete or what, but he just said they had
to go to work and you know, get get his get rolling on on
his desires and dreams. And you know, if if you're holding back from
starting something because you gotta go to a meeting once a week or something,
I don't know, you know, you have to kind of wait, what's
what's best for you? And you're you're not gonna be clean by going to
like an outpatient meeting, but you're not going to be sober by not I
don't know, it makes sense. It's it's what you put in your programs,
what you put in your life. If you're going to this stupid meeting
as some people call it, and you're just sitting there looking outside la la
la, playing on your phone, I'm even given a ship. Why are
you there? Well, because they say, have to be here, it's
part of the program. Why don't you work it? Bro You know,
someone was saying that to see'd listen to a like sober living house or something.
He's like, yeah, some of the guys, man, there's a
bitching about how many meetings they gotta go to and they say they hate going
to meetings. And I'm like, well, that's not a good sign.
And I used to be like that, not want to go to meetings,
but then when I got to sober living, I wanted to go to meetings.
You know. I wanted to get out there, and I wanted to
have fun at the meetings, and I wanted to say silly things, and
I wanted to have conversations with the guys that were going to meetings with me.
And that was the beauty of sober living, as I got to be
around other people and we got to talk and reflect, and a lot of
those people didn't stay sober, but I did. You know, again,
I used it for what I needed, you know, I went to those
meetings news it for what I needed, you know. For the people that
are like, oh, I don't go to a or an a or anything
like that, I don't do that. Why why it's a chance for you
to get some shit off your chest. I didn't work the stops. I
mean I did at one point, but that wasn't my program. But what
my program was was being around other people that are like me. And that's
what really made the difference. And you know, that's what's so great about
the Recovery Center. We have a two seventeen recovery. It's that people can
come in. There's multiple, multiple pathways that they can do. You know,
there's dharma and living in recovery. There's Recovery Dads, which I think
is a pretty awesome group. He's made a couple of T shirts yesterday for
for Adam. Adam made his own. Yeah, yeah, and I think
I made him mad. Why Well, because Adam's like a little buff dude,
you know, and he's got but he put it like way up by
the neck the logo, and I guess that's what he was going for.
Well that's his shirt though, But then Tyrone came in and it was like
you said that, He's like, maybe you should just put that just a
little bit lower. He was. He was like Tyrone's thirty ironed on.
So yeah, we can't do anything about that it is, but I was
like, nope, so I would like it, but the logo is cool.
And I was talking to him and Justin I was like, look,
yeah, has to start your own Facebook pages, you know, and promote
it, you know, promote your meeting and you know, get people to
come. And hell, everybody that comes to your meetings on zoom soun of
a T shirt, you know, why not not a big deal. And
we're trying to start an art group anyway. And I mean, there's so
many different things. Podcasting is an art, is taking pictures, art,
video art. It's all art, making shirts, art, painting things,
art, beads not those kind of beads talking about like beads for like there's
somebody listening thinking something dirty but probably not probably now, probably now, but
no, like you can make a little necklaces and bracelets something like that.
But there's there's so many different things that we could do. Um, making
Papa airplanes is art. You know, how have a crocheting class, we
could there's like so many people that pick that up. Dan males and females,
remember Dan. Yeah. Yeah, there's a couple of people that are
in recovery housing and I'm like, dude, they're like making me hats and
like blankets and stuff. Like one of the girls was like, oh,
I just I'm just gonna leave this blanket here for people that come. I'm
like, you just rocked out a just a big, huge crochet blanket.
Yeah. I just thought I have a great idea too for recovery Dad's meeting.
Okay, and I'm gonna suggest it to Adam, but I'll just say
it's going to happen someday kind of the boss guy. Okay, but what
if they started, like what with on Sunday they watch videos on how to
make like dinosaurs or something with paper mache or something like crafty crafts, maybe
princesses or how to draw a dinosaur, like something that they could do with
their kids. You know. Yeah, because Adam has a little daughter,
Like what would she like that Daddy could just fold into a here's a ring,
Like kids love that stuff, you know. But that just stuff like
that, the stuff that people don't really think about that could really change the
game for you and how you feel with your with your kid, you know,
if you but they can share things that they know how to do and
that their kids love with the other people on group. Yeah, that's that's
the beauty of that. And if a woman shows up, we're not they're
not gonna make you leave. Oh, absolutely out there. No, no,
no, it's not like a men's only meeting. It's just recovery dads.
And it might sound weird, but we're not gonna make anybody. Well,
there's one person I would not come into the place, but there's that's
besides the point. But that's not you trust me. Um. Yeah,
you can show up to any meeting and no one's gonna say, hey,
get out of here. This is that only that only you know, unless
it says women's only. If it's called women's only meeting, probably not,
or if it's called men's only meeting. Probably. I've been to women's meetings
where dudes have strolled in and they throw them right out. No. Actually,
the ones that I was had, they never heard of that. It
must have been falling. No, they were just like, no, you're
won't get what I'm saying. You're welcome to join today, just just so
you know, for the future, it's women's only. But yeah, I
got the It was in Charlotte. Boy, it was like a movie.
You opened the door and there was like church, all the heads turning,
probably because you showed up fifteen minutes late, had nothing to do with the
fact you were a mail It was two minutes late or on time. It's
not call it. And yeah, they're like, ah, this is women's
only meeting. Get out of here. And I was like, okay,
and everybody else that I've ever talked to that have walked into a women's meeting,
we're told to leave immediately. So that's just I mean, that dude
must have been hot. Ye dude, nothing wrong with old dudes, but
whoa man? Okay, well, Martie's into old dudes and we gotta go.
I hate to wrap it up on that one son trail. If you're
over seventy, Marnie at two seventeen recovery dot com she is married, because
if you got money, that's what sucks. You know what I'm saying terrible,
I know, y my moments. Talk to you later. All right,
bye, everybody, have a great day. Thanks for listening to another
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