Other than dragon time for magic age to mind the band of he will step
bump to the fight, playing with powers, they don't understand who they fucking
all the all they save the lads Stretcher, altering and words the West bring
cars. As a dragons Dragon, their powers combine to group of fantasy orders,
take hardness and distic gainst myself. Will they survive? Open your third
eye? No, not that one other as a dragons Dragon. Hey everyone,
my name is Rick Qualtiri and I play Silas Kane, the Paladin who
can fucking say togg right now, although probably for only a few minutes because
he's about to die In real life. I write several things, including the
tomobile and Build the Dead. Go check that out while I still inhabit this
earthly form. Oh hi, it's Emily Kaplan. I'm playing Claudia tonight this
super dead Daddy Dead Dead, Rogue again Dead. I write Josie Tucker mysteries
under the name E. M. Kaplan, and I hang out with these
bozos occasionally with the writing some shingles and some character origin stories. Hello friends,
my name is Robert Bevan. I play the role of Klaus Richter,
the notorious rog In real life, I write the Converge Creature series of comedy
fantasy novels and short stories, starting with the first book, Critical Failures.
Go get It dam My name Steve Weaverll and I played Brandon Firemaston, the
monk who can also say Torek, but why would he? In real life
I write such books as The Doomsay at Jenny's, which you can find on
the Internet, Salutations for Leshlings, I play Metallic Hazam, the Electrical Ethical
Enforcer, and in real live I am Drew Hayes, author of books such
as Superpowered Spread, The Vampire Accountant, and the Villains Code series. The
latest entry in which Villains Vignettes, Volume one will be out in print an
ebook on June twenty first audio release state coming as soon as we have it
from Tantor. And when last we were gathered up, we were playing a
battle brawl with MK Gibson. Hey everybody, how are you doing? Mk?
Gibson, author of such books as Villains Rule and To Beat the Devil
from the Technomancer series. And I've been tasked to run this illustrious game for
these illustrious people so I can watch them kill the living snot out of each
other. So when we last less left off, several different characters from across
different campaigns across the Authors and Dragons universe were all pulled in together by one
mischievous little nome named Grundle under Junk. He then put them into an interdimensional
battle royale where each person has three lives and a couple of potions, a
couple of tricks, and they're just the whole job is just to kill the
living shit out of each other, and they're doing a pretty good job at
it on their own, sometimes through sheer acts of will, sometimes through sheer
acts stupidity. But here we are, and Emily's not dead. The X
means you are hidden. Remember you have one death and Silas has one death.
Everybody else is no death so far. But on the last turn you
activated the last portal, So something's coming. So if everybody is ready to
hop back into the mayhem, it is the top of the order and it
is Klaus's turn. Oh my, all right, let's take a look at
the map here. Actually, what I am going to do is I'm going
to put my buddy here, because someone did come near that ruined that last
time it activated that and he will put him in the turner, but he
will not activate until the next turn. All right, I forgot, am
I I'm on the roof, right I believe you are. Yes, Okay,
I think you've come down from the roof. I wasn't always on a
skittish cat. Also, given what's on the ground, I don't really blame
him, true, All right, do I have a line of sight on
Silence or do I need to get closer to the other side. You would
need to get to the other side of the roof from where you're at now,
and they're that's ten feet up and so they're ten feet down and over.
You would need to scoot your little butt on over the bout here,
give or take to peer down to hear it's all the way, Okay,
I will scooch my butt and then I will fire two sharpshooter bolts into Silence's
face. Now, to bear in mind, there is a giant angel bearing
down on Silence, and sooner or later you people will have to deal with
these things. So I'm aware of Silence now absolutely, Like he really gives
a ship just jackass is nothing if not consistent. Uh, these are two
sharpshooters first one, God damn it. Ah, that was an eleven?
So a sixteen? Well, no eleven because sharp shooter? Oh yeah minus
five yep, right, good old again consistent. Yeah, I plugged the
ship out of Emily. If I could roll above before against Silence, you
know, if only I can murder everyone else with the same magic killing Emily's
not Look, there's a magic protecting silence. Look in this Pokemon situation,
Class is week against silas. Salas is week against class. Do you think
this kept this podcast going? All? Right? One more time? Does
a nineteen hit silence just just barely good? That's barely is good enough?
Uh? That's all right? That takes into account all the damage. Right,
sneak attack. He's got an angel next to him, right, that's
hostile. Does he get sneak affect? Yes, I'm sure it is always
slightly expecting that class is gonna shave in the face, and rightly so.
Thirty seven points? All right? That that that kills me. Although rather
than give him credit, is Silence dies. He's like, ah, you
fair, you foul bear witch managed to murder me and your bear Witch project
invisible Bear. You manifested this crossbow bolt at my face. All right,
that is second death. Four. Rick, I'm gonna take for granted that
the uh that the first bolt went into his dead body. I'm still alive.
No, she's not that she's invisible, all right, right, right,
okay, never mind, okay, what X is mean? Invisible?
Not bad? So Rick, do you remember which room you started in?
Was it? Was? It? Just this one right here? Right was
right literally right here? All right? So if you were on that's on
the wall. Oh, since it's in my last life, I'm regenerating all
my spells and shit, that's exactly what I was gonna tell you. So
put yourself back to full health and all your spells once again. All you
have to do to be safe is not saying if, um, Gibby,
I would like to move to get back to the other side of the building,
if that's all right? Sure? And um, so it was like
five, ten, fifteen, twenty twenty five to get over there. Oh
how much movement you got last time? All right? Um? Yeah,
that's fine, I'll just move us. I took you twenty to get over
there, yeah all right, then two spaces back. I don't know how
much. I don't how much movement you got so yeah, well, no
more, okay, cool, all right, that's the end of my time.
I will remind everybody that there is in the in the dead center is
a healing rift if you can get their heel back up the full Emily tried
that once slipped, and that's our first corpse in floating in the acid.
And now the rest of his understandably reluctant toward a lot of us. All
right, the beholder's turn. All right. The beholder is going to raise
up um twenty feet into the air and it sees one class Richter behold oh
my yeah, okay, I am going to shoot a one of the look
at the range of the rays. I'm gonna assume it's gonna hit you because
you're not that far away. Thank you for the asp. Yeah. I
don't see a range on the ray, so that's weird. Um. Anyway,
I would like to shoot you with a disintegration ray. So give me
a dexterity saving throw DC sixteen. Now that's how he said, I would
like to shoot you, not to behold away. Yeah, oh no,
no, no, this is totally me. This is like he knows what
he did. Oh we know, James tabs All right deck saving throw Dexterity
saving throw DC sixteen. Please, okay, that is twenty one all right?
So you take half damage on this four damage coming at you. Do
I get to use my evasion? Yes, if you have a reaction,
yes means no damage. Otherwise you would have taken fifty four damage. I
shall use my evasion white, probably for the best. So just reminder that
Emily was hit with the with the spell last time that made her that it
was like branding smipe, but that might have worn off when I died.
Is it a concentration spell? Yes, difficult to concentrate with a prosper And
you're right, all right? So that so yeah, She's though the crackling
flames that would have like outlined her branding form dies away. She's returned back
to invisibility, and so the angel does not see her at the moment,
except that the angel has true side. I'm pretty sure. Let's double check.
I believe it last Oh yeah, yeah, you're you're not hiding.
The good news is you're invisible. The bad news is it doesn't matter,
but it is you can. Yeah. I was I was gonna be honest
because I know that somebody listening was gonna call me out on not being invisible
um from from Silence's spell. But I guess I am still so so much
for trying to be honest. I'm not gonna worry about it. Um okay,
so bad guy can see me? Uh. I mean here's the thing.
I don't know if you know that or not. So give me give
me a religion role, either religion or let's say arcana if you're skilled in
either one of those. Okay, um, yeah, good enough? Thirteen
Um, I would say that's I mean, that's that's learned enough. Yeah,
you know that these angels can pretty much see through invisibility, all right?
That and the fact it is sh screaming behold mortal. So okay,
moybe question before she runs, like hell, can she do an action?
Or is the running movement? And no, no, that's just to move
the damn permission to pizzio pants. You can do that as a free action.
We established this in the podcast. You may want to use that action
to disengage, which allows you to run away without taking an attack of opportunity.
Well, she's not, she's adjacent to it. It is ten feet
No, she's one, she's a square away I U. I hope to
God that thing has a reach below ten feet. All of my pissing costs
me action. That's what I'm looking for. I'm not I'm not seeing it
on the character. I mean, unless some of the nerd will get me
later. But I do not see where it says it has um a ten
foot range. Use your actions to flip it off, Emily, I was
going to flip off the beholder, but I'd already used my action, reaction
and bonus action, so I do not see it. It doesn't say it
has a ten foot range. I'm not seeing it. So we're gonna go
with like you are not adjacent to it in melee per se, so you
can move away without doing attack of apocap nice. Well, I'll tell you
what I'd like to do, and you tell me if it's legal, kosher
street legal. I'd like to do a try to do a tele telekinetic shove
of on Klaus. You cannot see Klaus at the moment. I can't.
What did I ever do to you? He is ten feet up top,
He's on top of the roof, ten feet up in the dead center.
So at the angle you're looking up, you would not see him. You
need line of sight for the okay, I would assume, all right,
So in that case, I'm gonna run like hell makes sense. Wait a
minute, when did you get telekinesis? Why does everybody go cool stuff?
Because I don't have anything else, ma'a. So you're going into the room,
or you're going on top of the roof. She's going into Klaus's birthing
house. Well, Klaus is on top, yeah, and you are inside.
So I have to do a little something to show that like like an
elevated although that's not my birthing house. That's the house I'm on. Now,
my birthing house was to the moment, I'm gonna give you a dot.
If you're on top of the roof that way, I know you're elevated.
Okay, So no wait, I thought this was your house spawn camping
him? You need um at this point? Can she also go in portal?
Yes? You can, all right. I do not remember what turn
it is, but no, it's every every round it shifts. So you
see we are on we are on the fifth round, so it's clockwise clockwise.
So she goes in this way and she's gonna come over here. Yep,
should him out. There be your rogue so you can move and dash.
You can use your if you wanted to do your movement and your action,
you can maybe jump into this bush high. I know you're already invisible,
but like, just in case for anything else, because yeah, okay,
give me give me a high sneaky damn it? What's the word?
Thank you? Give me a sneaky rolling a fourteen? Okay, all right,
so I'm gonna put you in the bush. Okay, next turn is
mister thymaster. Hiding in a bush seems like a great idea. But speaking
of great ideas, and I'm going to try and reason with the rest of
the party. I'm going to use my my stone of talking to everyone or
whatever the name is, Rocky talking. Hey, guys. I know this
is supposed to be a dream about me killing you guys, but it seems
like a load of uninvited people have turned up and they do seem to be
um quite serious. I mean, I've had Silence died twice now, and
the other one I punched in a face. He didn't go down as quickly
as I would have hoped. I think maybe we should combine our efforts on
these newcomers who are frankly stealing the spotlight a little bit and lived at putting
that Tago on my back. Maybe you should invite me more, give me,
give me a persuasion role. Oh okay, I forgot we had those
rocks. Yeah, I'm pretty sure having to reconstitute yet, so you can
go fuck yourself. Basically, that's I was saying to Rog said, no
fuck off, you have to say over okay, persuasion role. No one
can see me, so I get no advantage. Um, so it plam
four. Okay you guys like I will not tell you how to role play,
but that's your business. He might be speaking words, but he wasn't
very convincing. It was kind of like farting time. Tell them not to
kill Silas. Why don't you all lay down and let me kill you.
I'm with you, Brandon, show yourself. Fuck you greasy guy? Who
is greasy guy? All right? Metallica zam unless unless there's something else you
want to move like that was your You took your time to persuade. You
want to move, You want to go into a portal? What do I
do? Well? That was my brief call to sanity. But I am
going to keep on the move. Um, okay, quickly as I can.
I have a hundred feet of monk movement. Change my position. Now
I've foolishly given my location away the people who are not interested in my diplomatic
outreach at all. Okay, which which way did you go? By the
way to the right? Okay? But how did you get? There's my
question? I went up? Fruits still here, frutis still here? What
door were? So? These doors are closed? This one's open. Yes,
I went through. Let me rechase. That means one yes, because
you might have just ran past Metallica Zam, who might have an attack of
opportunity. I did run past metallic Azam. Okay, Then Metallica Zam gets
an attack of opportunity, so I wouldn't have seen him enough to engage step
in the wind. I guess I'm also invisible, so you definitely wouldn't have
seen me. Yeah are you invisible? Oh you haven't? Actually yes,
greater invisible in fact? Yes? Uh? And oh okay cool? I
Uh, I can use my reaction to cast a spell because of my ward
caster feat. Yes you can. Um, yeah, well we'll do a
nice uh non provable where it came from Told the Dead, So Brandon,
give me a wisdom saving throw of DC sixteen. That's unlikely. Let's see
where we go. Oh nineteen, lucky ducky all right, you're fine.
Yep, no damage. It's all just broad and pass a seemingly square of
empty space. It feels really fucking hostile. For some reason. There was
a tolling sound of do yes, that could be it. Yeah, in
this battlefield, I'm not too worried about standing out with the dogs. Yeah.
There's already a lot of tongs on this battlefield, overwhelming amount. I
never feel bad about standing round with my dog out. Speaking of it is
now that it's not that it's metallic, exam stern, Sorry, excellent part
of the time. All right, um, I am going to use my
bonus action to finally cast my signature spell Gibby. I have hollo dress.
I should have asked you for this in advance, but if you could provide
a sword token please by all means one second please? Oh is this like
a spiritual weapon? Yes, yes it is. I put it right next
to you, and I'm gonna you control over it the gov where you want
it. Awesome, all right, So it manifests directly behind the older because
since Metallic Zam is doing a lot of invisibility bullshit, he does not like
the giant thing with a whole bunch of eyes. How far awaken? Is
this a special thing that I'm not aware? Because I thought most of had
to be within thirty feet of the caster. Nope, spiritual weapon has a
sitting range of one hundred and twenty feet, and on top of that,
because it has an attack roll associated, my spell sniper doubles that to two
hundred and forty. Oh well, then let's then I'll shut the fuck up.
I did measure out and double check everything, because yeah, I saw
your measuring. The range on that thing is fucking nuts. So, from
with no warning from behind, the beholder is attacked by a spiritual weapon with
a nineteen that will hit all right. He takes twelve fource damage. Love
it um? Okay, so that was my bonus action for my movement.
I do not love being this close to this random dude. So Metallic Kazam
is going to very bravely duck in here, and what the hell we'll well,
we'll go ahead and do a dash, okay, good old dash right
into the portal. Okay, dope, and since it's still in the odd
numbers, you go clockwise, you end up over here. Okay, okay,
I will move myself over and that is all of my actions fantastical.
All right, It is now the horn Deevil's turn. Duh, okay,
horn Deevil. What does he see? What does he see? Thirty feet
in the air, He definitely sees Klaus over there. He also saw thigh
Master run this way. You're a closer meal okay. So he's gonna fly
over to hear above the building. Oh damn it. He is elevated and
he's going to hurl flame at branded thigh Master. Ah, well, does
a sixteen hit? Sixteen? Does not hit? All right? Then he
misses you nice and safe behind this building. He can do it twice,
so he's gonna he's gonna throw another thing of flame. Well, twenty three
does all right? Twenty three? Yeah, for a grand total of fifteen
fire damage. Well so much am I? Well? Not very well full
our attempts at stuff? Well, you you ran by everybody, so yeah,
but I did it quickly, Yeah that you did, but you're going
slowly and done to do it like a like a stealth of role to get
by everybody. I did also shout mate, mate, pause doing it,
But I think Steve was picturing anime style where he just kind of vanished and
reappeared. Oh yeah, like the world moves around him. He just sits
still. That's how fast he is. So yeah, he pitched da but
everybody else saw him doing the rutto run running around. Imagine like the Star
Wars kid like virgin of a run. So like, yeah, just a
drunk toddler. Just all right, that's the end of the Horned Devil's turn.
Silas Kane, you have returned to the land of the living on life
number three, so give yourself full health. Yep. Now, I will
tell you that, like you can position yourself in a way so you the
angels right outside the open door. You don't have to be right outside the
open door so they can see you, will be I will be kind if
you want to open the one of the other doors. Feel free that noise
I can't believe. I can't believe that's the bare which yeah, I'll put
you to create an illusion of like a crossblow bolt to try to fool me
into thinking Klaus was competent enough to kill me, you angelvine retribution of turg
whatever helps you sleeping? Oh so you're just you see the angel through the
door. Okay, fuck it, let's do this. Silence has learned nothing
and it's proud of it. All right. So these are both gonna be
sharpshooters and it might hit. Both of them are gonna come with third level
divine mites. Imagine seven years of that bullshit. And I've listened to some
of the episodes and like, I'm like seven minutes of that and I'm like,
well, I'm it's time to watch listen to adventure time now. I
fear not for I do nothing but live to die. I do believe that.
I do believe that Silence genuinely does not feel all right. So twenty
two and twenty one both hit. Okay, so let's see her. Let's
damage it. So that is a total of twenty piercing, which both sharpshooters.
So that's a total of forty piercing, okay, minus forty and because
it's ten each, right, so yes, and then thirty more divine retribution,
and that would be that would be radiant, correct radiant? Ye?
All right? It is resistant to radiant. So you said thirty, So
it's gonna take fifteen. Do you ever wonder if Silas has survived so much
crazy shit simply because Torreg does not want him to die and risk him being
allowed into his heaven. This is many peoples that can just like every time
something imagine killed si. No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, make it it's guy my problem. No he stays down
there with you, asshole, because I will even if you lock the door,
I will knock on it for aut of eternity. That's the thing.
It's like, I mean, technically, he is incredibly doubted by the dog.
It's like, no Torec hiding behind his sofa while he has the knock
of Silas King. Silence is the one who knocked. All right, all
this angel is not stupid. It's not their turns. All right, that
was your turn, fantastic, Actually it is an angel's turn. All right,
all right, fuck you brought down the thunder. Let's do this,
all right. It's it's it can't get in there, because no it can
it. It takes up half, it takes it doubles its moving to get
to a smaller thing per the rules, so it can get in there,
but just it's like a pigeon flapping a window, like there's a role like
you can go like a creature can go a size smaller through an opening,
but it takes double the movement to do it. So it goes into the
room. A moment later, all the other characters wondering why there's some somebody's
scream it's coming from this building. Give me a second shot through the trying
of ram weight. You fuck, it's like two cats in a barrel.
It's the most silas way to kill an angel too. All right, since
you okay, you you you, I'm letting you know you brought this song.
So it's going to attempt. First of all, it's going to attempt
a spell I think called not a spell, but it's called Chains of Obligation.
The angel targets one creature that it can see within ninety feet. The
target must receive, succeed on a DC nineteen charisma saving thrown, or be
paralyzed for one minute or until it takes any damage. All right, so
then this is coming in. Let's here like as that cleared his mouth,
Yes, all right, d see charismas saving through coming in thirteen thirteen.
You are paralyzed. Um, the angels just like shut up? Why don't
you shut up? All right? So it's a lot of multi attack.
It can make two sides, but it can give up one change of obligations,
so you are paralyzed. So these attacks are coming in with advantage.
He gets one, has one attack left with advantage against you because you are
paralyzed. And then a crypt don't they a twenty that hits so uh ten
slashing, thirty five necrotic a total of forty five damage against you, hot
potatoes. It's almost like no one likes silas k. I mean he did
come right back to life and immediately open fire. Yeah, yeah, I
must say he has it worked for his mouth is like, oh no,
I mean I assume you guys, can you you all can see the angels
life bar at least right? Yes? Yeah, okay, So yeah,
this angels like it's it's it's not looking good like there are angels there it
is. It is. It looks like an RM video, just like you
know, just an angel like thing of the bloody arrows and it's not looking
pretty. So okay, but you are no longer paralyzed, it says,
or until you take damage, so you're not paralyzed now, and it's the
angels, and the Angels turn is now over. The war Forge who came
at the beginning of the last turn. He showed, actually we just got
down through the damn turner, so he he's some many sickness is over.
He will act again on the next turn. So at the end of the
round, the ring of fire returns turns turns, So anybody within fifteen feet
of the wall is going to take two D ten fire. So if you're
worthin fifteen feet of the wall, you take eleven fire damage and nuts.
It's all consuming. There's nothing to dodge out of the way of it is
just hot and mass dispel. Every spell someone is holding is now dispelled,
just just just like I was last turn, or the last time I popped.
Fuck you forgot about that, didn't you? No, No, I
I remembered. I just hoping it was a one off. Nah, it's
a way to like even the odds and also like really fuck with people.
So all right, so I picked a bad game to play a sorcer.
To be clear, I'm not within fifteen Then after the twenty flares up and
let me see, now it goes back to boom perfect. Yeah, it
flares up, does its damage, and then it looks a lot less cooler.
Yeah. I mean I can leave it up. It could be like
a metallical video. But you know, uh, it's supposed to flare up
every round, so uh and it forces people to into action. Okay,
top of the order, mister Klaus Richter. To be clear, I am
not within fifteen feet of the wall. Yes you are not. Okay,
well let me see this very rich here five ten, fifteen, you're twenty
feet away. Yeah, all right, let's see. Um all right,
now give me man. I'm really disappointed you put that angel in there with
with silence. I was gonna make a point of not shooting it. Oh
okay, Well I mean you could. You could look, you could jump
down, look at the room, and then jump back up. I mean,
if you want to say, I'm good, all right, I just
want to I just want to say, even if it wasn't in there,
I wasn't going to shoot it. Yeah. I could have easily killed it,
but I wasn't going to. Um. Oh, I see what you're
saying. Yes, yes, the beholder flew up twenty feet Is it still
up? There, Yes, yes it is. Oh but drew sword is
gone right yep? Crap, I was counting on that for sneak attack damage.
It doesn't give you sneak attack Oh wouldn't. I thought it would be
a throw. It doesn't count as a engaged thing. All right, Well,
then drew a sword. Um, let's see now. Yeah, I'll
shoot the beholder because it's the only thing I can see. Okay, all
right, there's no reason we get sneak attack though. These are just two
regular old sharpshooters. Let them let it rip. Oh natural twenty Oh,
I think, well, I'm gonna say that's gonna hit. Did wasn't a
natural twenty one? Doesn't popped this one? There we go? Yeah?
Oh god, yes, that's that's a thirty two total, So yeah,
I think that hits. Okay, good, all right, and that's thirty
three damage off with thirty three al right fort oh hang out piercing damage thirteen
piercing critical sneak attack damage shouldn't count yep, So it's just eighteen damage twenty
eight right because a sharp shooter oh twenty eight, yes, yep, right,
he me have had sneak attack damage, but he spent so long deliberating
wherever he has own thought that the beholder is now all right, one more
coming at you, beholder. Behold this motherfucker. Oh wait, now,
twenty three minus five is eighteen. It does uh huh, sucker, beholder,
So twenty three damage twenty all right, that includes the sharpshooter. Okay,
yes, Um, he's not happy. Good. I don't want him
to be happy. He tried to disintegrate me. Um. That's how they
say. All right, um, I'm let's see. I'm gonna go fly
thirty feet in the air. Okay, just straight up, all right,
I'm gonna put a little on your little token there. I'mnna put a little
thirty in those in the blue thing so I know your elevation. This beholder
wants me is gonna have to work for it. Okay. This is how
I know it's a dream. Klaus is flying around. It's like a terrible
time to wash it, all right, that's me. Okay. At the
end of Claus's turn, it is to be Holder's turn. Well, he
sees you, so he's gonna raise up another twenty feet. So he's forty
feet up and you're thirty feet up, so you're he's slightly higher than you've
been looking slightly down. Let's see what can he do. We're all looking
down at the clause. He's just going to look at you, and you
are within his anti magic cone. So your fly spell ends. Just to
be clear, well that's not that's magic, boots. Well they start,
it's anti magic anything with a yeah, that's probably a dumb move on my
part. So you're gonna first thing, you're gonna just by staring at you,
it's going to like you're going to the anti magic cone. So you're
gonna drop thirty feet. So that's three D ten of fall damage onto the
roof. N damn, that's ten ten points of fall damage. All right,
and you are prone? Actually no, give me, give me,
give me a acrobatics to see if you don't fall prone, as if you
can like do the Oh that tottered on a one, but then it turned
to a seventeen thirty that I think you're fine. Nice, Okay, Um,
I got so confused for a minute, Bob, because I didn't realize
you were using like the virtual dice rolling thing. Oh right, is not
everybody? No, I mean, I have my thing going, but I
don't. I don't know how to turn that off. Actually, I want
to turn mine on. It's fun. There were you enough. I don't
need to drama. I didn't know. It's an option. All right.
Here's what he's gonna do to you. Then his action is he's gonna shoot
a paralyzing ray at you. So give me a constitution, give me a
constitution, save DC sixteen, or be paralyzed for the next minute. Fuck
is that an attack role? It is not. It's an afecion. He's
shooting. He's shooting one of his beams at you. He turned slightly away
to the anti magic cone and turns his I stalk around and shoots down in
you twelve. You are you are paralyzed for the next minute or until you
take damage. Okay, I mean if he's plumbing to the ground. No,
he I did it after Please leave him alone, beholder, Please leave
him all right? So he used his movement and his Actually the beholder's turn
is over, but Bob is stuck there for a moment, and that's a
hungry beholder And now he can't dodge or use his evasion because he cannot move.
So let's see if I can fuck him up on the next time.
I've never been this stiff before. Claudia, You're watching all this so want
to do about it? Claudia is just like, huh, look at that.
Um so my geometry is bit rusty. The behold, there's forty feet
in the air. She's behind this bush over here. If she wants to
shoot upward the hypotenus, oh my god, no, no, no,
can she read? How far away are you? Um? Let's see everybody
shoot the nerd just from the ground level twenty five feet and then forty feet
up. Yeah, and your range is well, I mean I assume you've
got a Are you using a short bow or do you have like a sharpshooter
or anything. Yeah, she's got short bow, the eighty okay, short
bow. The it's at the max range or the um because the short bow
will have two numbers. Now, unless you have like some kind of like
sharpshooter or crossbow expert or something in negates it, it'll be a disadvantage because
think a short bowl and has a range of thirty feet max range of eighty.
I'll let you do it, but it's with a disadvantage. Huh.
Anything within the thirty feet no disadvantage anything pass that up to eighty feet disadvantage.
All right, okay, now do you I mean, do you have
sharpshooter or do you have like crossbow expert anything like that. Twelve does not
make it. Here's time without the feet crossbow expert like like like some kind
of archery expert or something like that that lets you get away with some kind
of something, some kind of feet that negates the because some rogues carry this
feat so they can like have a the max range no matter what, and
they know disability disability disadvantage. No, she's just got sneak and reliable talent.
But talent isn't an attack. I don't think it's Nope, so it
is so that so your first shot misses, do you get a second shot
as a rogue or are you just grab you had a reliable talent for using
a crossbow. I feel weird asking this, but Bob, I can attack.
Uh No, ropes do not a second attack. I do because I
have the crossbow expert feat, which will lost me to is my bonus attack
or my bonus action to shoot again? You know, I think in seven
years that might be the first time somebody's asked Beth. And now I will
say you have to you popped out to um to shoot. Yeah yeah,
Now that does not give you advantage, but would have giving you sneak attack.
Now you are now exposed. So if you want to like dive back
into the same bush and try to hide again, feel free, or you
can move to a new bush. What is this thing sticking out here on
that it's just a hunk of log, or if you zoom and really look,
it's a it's a stone dick, whatever you want it to be,
but a flat So she so she wanted either the dick or the bush.
Okay, yes, all right, she's glad you went there. She's gonna
lie down behind the stone thingy. Now while you're since you're moving at that
angle, give you a perception check. Okay. I will just point out
for the fan fixers who are inevitably listened to this with hated breath, she
is between the cock and the bush, so you can still go eive a
way. Four. I will just say this, I'm not gonna give you
what it is, but there are crates there and in this room, and
I'll leave it at that. Huh. Okay, okay, end of your
turn, mister thighmaster. Okay, well somebody just free fire at me.
So yep, it may bring the fire, but I shall bring the heat.
I will jump onto the roof. Give me. Give me an either
acrobatics or athletics. It's a ten foot roof, you know, it's I
need a little bit of like something some I mean, the fans are chanting.
They want to see you flex, so well, yeah, that's better.
They will be of razzle dazzle on it. I guess that's acrobatics.
Blamo, okay, fourteen, that's all. It's ten foot roof and you're
like six feet tall. It's not a problem. So well it's a it's
a bit of razzled death. It's not as cool. You know, you
almost pulled a hammy, but you got up there. Okay, you're up
there. Now. Remember he is at he's thirty feet in the air.
Oh so I can't actually reach him. So he's he's twenty feet above you
because the roof is ten feet and you're standing, so he's actually like six
he's fourteen feet above you approximately. So if you want to give me a
super athletics roll and like run, jump and try to reach up and do
the hyduke. I'll give you an up two yeah, okay, yeah,
okay, Well, um, the acrobatics before punch. Uh, this is
athletics. Athletics, this is pure muscle. You're gonna try to your dry
two dick. You're basically gonna do like a one two step and jump.
So okay, pure muscle. Well, I rarely roll four percentage, buddy
fat, here we go twelve twelve. Now. I mean you get near
his hoof and he kind of like, oh that's cute. So well,
not a lot I can do about that. Then give an I comp fly,
Do I still have an action? I mean you could talk? Uh,
well, that was your you. You. I gave you your movement
to crawl up there and a thing to do it. You did an attack,
so oh you have a bonus action. I can do it if you
have a bonus action. Um, well, not anything cool anyway, and
the crowd came in to see something cool. I mean you could dash off
the you can step up the wind and run off the run off the building,
because otherwise you are just underneath a d He's got a pretty good movement.
I don't think I can out run him when you go inside one of
those buildings, he's he's above it. That sounds a bit too sensible.
I'm gonna use my action to flip him off. Okay, bonus action,
flip off. Bring it all right, love it all right, mister mister
Kazam. Alrighty, I uh not a fan of oh my magic being canceled,
and the most likely candidate probably this goddamn beholder, So move up.
I love your logic, but okay, look, don Kazam doesn't really know
what's going on, but uh, you know he's pissed out with him.
Let's do let's do it. You already started some damage, and you know
I bust out a signature spell from Metella Kazan wespiritual weapon. But sometimes it's
good to just go with the old classics. Fireball. Love that why I
measured I have a three hunt range with that motherfucker. Now my question is,
hang on real fast. Before you started doing that, he was staring
at this guy that he turned away. Like I said, he turned away,
so his magic eye was not blocking it. Question is which direction did
he turn it? I never said, so I will roll a D four
north south east west one two three four north, so he's looking this way.
He isn't. This cone is off Bob and his cone is going this
way. So yes, the fireball would hit Coo. So let me see,
he's got to do his dexterity saving throw DC sixteen for half. They're
a brutal but all right, dexterity saving thro row eleven. All right,
he takes a sweet twenty damage. He is not happy. And if he's
flammable, I think he's on fire. He's always leathery muscle. You know
you hear do you speak either deep speech or uncommon undercommon? Maybe I gave
him some weird ones. Hang on, I did fill out my language thing.
Let me check, okay, that features and traits, yes, or
it's also on the on the left side of the sheet at the bottom.
It's like languages are right there, common celests. Okay. You just hear
him grumble something something something, klausse that's it. It indeed was clouds that
that feeling? You did it, you asshole A right now it translations,
dude. I'm trying to let me get one good hit on this motherfucking Klaus
before Oh whatever, bitch, all right, and then metallicazam u will expect
that there might be retribution coming, so I will use meander of my action
to Oh that was a bonus action, so I've still got a shipload left
I can do. You get told the Dead. I mean that's a can't
trip. You can't do two spells one round, but you can't do a
can trip. Oh I forgot about that. You're right? All right?
Well, then before I move, I will I will pop a toll the
Dead on him. Hang on a second, I have That might not be
my best can trip move. I've actually I will use a different can trip.
I will drop an Eldritch blast, which allows me to shoot three different
beams at him. That is that is true? Now? That is that
an action to do the eldritch blast? Though? Oh you did a boat
Yeah yeah, my bonus action was the fire was the was the fireball?
No, that can't be right. It was fireball was your bonus action unless
you did a quicken spell to turn your action into a bonus action. I
definitely did not declare that. I just thought that was a bonus for some
reason. Okay, yeah, never mind, yeah yeah, yeah, okay,
so yeah, all I can't do anything. Well, I guess I
could quicken my spell. I'll bring some sorcery points to quick in a Eldrich
blast. I turned that into a bonus action. Turned that into a bonus
action. Yeah, okay, got it, So let me roll up my
Eldritch blast attacks real quick one. Okay, I gotta turn off the dice.
I remembered why I turned it off. Now they are annoying a ship.
They are a little slow. They slowed things down a bit. Here,
do your favorite just quick that damage real fast. One. Okay,
not enough, that's a hit. That's a hit. Three? Still not
enough? Natural? Okay, you hit the damage? Uh nine, you
just killed him? WHOA nice? All right? I was dude, I
was going to disintegrate Klaus Slous. Thank you mentally, Kazam, because you
were paralyzed. I couldn't stop the ray of death that was coming at you.
The good news is you killed the behold, and the bad news is
Klaus very much lives. Yes, actually, yes, you are. I
guess there. Um. I think I will still use my remaining bit of
movement to duck out of the obvious way here, and then I will figure
out how many sorcerer points I owe for that Roger. That all right?
Horned Devil's turn. He's miscott mister thighmaster right there, so he is going
to close the beholder. He is gone horn devil. Let's see, he's
going to whip you with his tail and wiggle his ass while he does it.
So twenty one twenty one hits for a tail whip for nine tail damage,
he doug, Does that mean he actually has to come into range to
do that? No, he's got a ten foot he comes down, he
comes down ten feet and you're at the hype range. I saw he'll come
down fifteen feet, so he's fifteen feet above he but he's got a ten
foot range on his tail and you're tall, so it's just within range.
Okay, you know what, I'll even just say he'll I'll say, you
know what, he's ten feet he's hovering ten feet above, so I'll be
nice enough. Times one hitch with these fork so he's he's gonna try to
hit you with his pitchforks. Well, does not hit more like a bitch
folk. All right, that is unfortunately the end of the demons turned.
I am glad of that. All right. Uh, Silas Kane, you
are up. You got to kill the angel otherwise it is going to kill
you. Yes, be killed one of us. We'll spend the night drowning
in tour eggs latrine. No matter what happens, he kind of gets what
he wants. Yeah, I know, Silas is going to use his vowe
of enmity on the angel, which gives him advantage on all his attacks.
Love it and uh yeah, two uh yeah, two sharpshooters coming in it.
Now, do you get disadvantage or do you have like an expertise that
prevents it because you are in melee range with a range weapon. Then I'll
use the vowe mity to cancel it out. Okay, So either way,
vow of mt and two attacks coming in. Love it all right? Twenty
five and well the other one's just the ten um So you did uh nineteen
damage? Nope, twenty four damage. Well, the angel takes another shot
right between the forehead falls over dead on top of you. Yes, you
you have proven yourself to be its corpse is blocking the door. Silence gets
his first direction. There's a door right behind me. Yeah, but that
one's locks. It's gonna take some effort to get through it. But yes,
okay, so that I mean you can try to wedge around. It's
gonna take some like little bit of rolls and maneuvers. But yes, all
right, you've killed the angel, you have movement left. What do you
want to do? Yeah? Sometimes I'm just I'm just gonna, like,
you know, I'm just gonna dance on it's like, you know, on
its corpse for a bit. Okay, it is an evil angel, so
do it have fun, ladies and gentleman silence. Kenny drops the angel with
the crowds goes nuts. Doctor Oh no, oh no, he's trying them.
In the converses, nobody gave it a shit about the beholder. The
northeast sections got their their their torag banner up there are just going crazy.
So all right, do you have anything else that we're going to do in
your turn? Um? I don't really have any decent bonus actions, So
dancing on someone's corps is a pretty decent bindus section. Yeah. I mean,
I'll have to wait till next turn to le heal myself. Okay,
next up, Angels at So it is the Titans turn. Um, it
sees the angel flying that way. It's huge, so it starts to crawl
up on top of the building, and it pushes itself out of the way
of the angel and sees Brandon thy master. You mean the devil. Oh
yeah, sorry, the devil. It's kind of just shelves him aside.
All right, So the War four type attacks existential all right. First it
comes the axe hand twenty two twenty two does hit for twenty one slashing woof,
big hit. Next comes the hammer fist nineteen misses. Oh doesn't really.
Okay, that is the end of its turn. Getting a bit crowded
on this rooftop, now bottom of the order. One second, I don't
think it's going to affect anybody. Well, actually it might hang on because
it goes through buildings. One second. That's that's a worrying one. Oh.
All right, So everybody in the beam is going to take a little
more damage. Everybody adjacent to the beam is going to take a little less.
So it looks like well everybody, yes, everybody but Claudia. Everybody
but Claudia metallic exam and Klaus used a little bit of damage. All right.
All right, so all you people give me a dexterity saving throw DC
sixteen. God damn it, Dicks, Dicks says, what do you mean
you people bred and five. Massa gets a twenty seven. Then you take
twelve lightning damage. That let's get a natural one. You take twenty four
lightning damage. I'm struck now. Titan gets zero less than you, So
he's immediately being struck by lightning from nowhere after killing an angel that's probably a
message somewhere and dancing on its corpse, he takes the full twenty four devil.
Devil's just fine, okay, Dook and Silo, you took your damage,
yepok fantastic, all right? Uh, top of the order clause you
are still paralyzed for nine more rounds. I'd like to use my bonus action
to piss myself. I'll allow it. Beholder's gone. Claudia, you are
up, sweet um. Okay, So she's been lying on the ground watching
everything die around her. But yep, she's pretty okay with that. But
she also has seen behind her in this little room there's a crate or a
case, yes, and she wants to go check it out. Okay,
they are cases of dynamite. Do I a feeling everybody in that whole building
isn't Does it have a fuse or anything? Or is it just like,
oh no, they all have fuses, you know. It's like literally like
like each case has got like about ten to twelve sticks of dynamite in it,
Like, but you just need fire to like it seems like a fantastic
opportunity to walk away from an explosion. It's okay, it's okay, you've
got some lives to give. I don't know what she has on her,
but could she set it on fire and walk away? Do you have a
flint and steel, a tinderbox, anything like that, like a camp fire,
kent adventuring gear that would be on Claudius person. I don't know what
did she said? Where it? Oh? There? It is okay because
I don't know what you carried in your other adventures. So you if you
brought it with you, you brought it with you. She had a ship
ton of things, including costumes. Um she had like a yeah, she
always did have a kid, a torch or a flare. Well again,
like having the torch is not the same thing as making fire. So do
you have flint and steel, tinder box, a knife and a sharp rock
or something, tinder box? You have a tinder box, yeah, then
you can start setting I mean, here's the thing as an action. I'll
let you set up to six things on because it's it's just but one will
start a cascade effect on the others. So you're called any boy, six
different uses you can just doing it. One's probably good, but one's probably
good, but she'll do two. I mean it's a little damp, so
there's a chance of it going out. I give a percentage chance of it
not going off, So in for a penny, in for a pound of
dynamite. One is good, but six is better as long as she can
save an action for sprinting the heck out. All right, So your action
is to light it, and you have your movement and your bonus action because
you're a rogue, so you can probably go to additional sixty feet away sixty
f Well, you came in, so hang on, you went from here,
So five, ten, fifteen, twenty twenty five means you have another
thirty five feet a movement you can you can basically get back to the bush
and one more square away. Okay, um, yeah, she'll do that.
Behind that's what you're going. Yeah you can, yeah, nice take
cover just me, she says, really quietly, said she could do you
want to talk shit into the into the walkie talkie first. Yeah, yeah,
she'll whisper it take over. Okay. So at the end of your
turn, oh, more like the Brendan by quarters anything in that radius.
So it's twenty four sticks going off. Each one is a D six of
damage. So slash rolls is rocky, talkie is baked clover nice hang on,
slash roll twenty four six ninety one damage. Give me a give me
but it's dynamited. Give me a dexterity saving throw of a thirteen. I've
got like eight hit points. I don't think this is gonna say, well,
don't have avasion. I got twenty four dexterity plus evation still somehow okay.
So you positioned yourself between the stone and the bodies of the enemies because
the thing blows up through the roof and you roll off the side. So
I'm definitely imagining Brandon Thyamaster like clutching the body of the war Forge Titan as
a son. He is at minus forty five, the demon is at one
hit point, and the Titan that's the dexterity saving throw does not make it
takes the full ninety and the Titan is scrap parts flying through the sky.
Were sorry, we barely knew this, but it's devastating move plates. I
mean, I pick everyone likes an underdog, like there are rooms in here
with dynamite. I was waiting to see if somebody would notice it. And
when someone got close to it and give a chance of perception, checks,
I even some great so some red sticks on it. It's probably fine.
All right, Brandon, you are dead. So yes, if Brandon survives
this horn double, that's gonna be more miraculous than the last episode when Emily
survived that. That like ducking onto the bridge bullshit. Yes, I believe
this was the room you started in over here. That's correct. Yeah,
all right, so when it comes back around to your turn, you regenerate
at full health. So that's one. He didn't take any damage. Yeah,
oh that's right about. I'm sorry, I'm thinking indeed, I'm sorry.
I wouldn't boom boom in my head stup ago. Wow, I can't
believe I survived at just a tep face. Oh you can't hear shit?
The tonightus back. Yeah, Brad, it's going to stand up and say,
oh that was beautiful, thank you. I'm like I just thought somebody
did it, all right, Uh that was Claudius turn, mister thy master,
it's your turn, ah right, Okay, I'm going to expend a
key point for vigorous sports massage part of the Temple of the Many Fists monk
pass. Okay. So that's healing at two times month level plus a chrisma
role. Okay, and a charisma role is ten. So I believe that's
thirty four. You're what are your level? Eleven? So twenty two plus
ten to thirty two bay two. Yeah, that's some maths in this somewhere.
Okay. That gets me back somewhere a little bit more respectable than nearly
dead. And that's the last time I could use that for a day.
So good job. Right, So that is your action. Uh, there's
still a horn devil floating up there somehow, staying aloft, not looking good.
It is looking more pretty days and hurt. Well, I'm glad it's
that. I hope it's feelings out too. You have a battlestaff, you
want to throw it at it like a like a javelin, you know,
or a rock or something's yeah, you could have Yeah, well I've used
no, I've already I've used my actions full vigorous body massage. I believe
that's meat. Okay for everything now Metallica, zam, you're up. Okay,
movement left. H is the horn devil visible? Yes, all right,
I assume also the rubble of that just massive explosion. Oh, part
of it's still coming down. It's when high it is like it is trickling
down. So yes, all right, Well he can eat uh three eldritch
blast beams. You just gonna say my entire ass at it four as long
as you get one point, he's dead, all right, all right,
he's flying horn there, miraculously survived, only to be drilled in the back
with a series of spec He's like, thank bills, exact branded, shaking
his fist, swearing vengeance, and it just disintegrates into ash. You say,
I like to think his head explode because name went right for the skull
shot. It did. Yeah, you know what it did, Brandon,
You are now covered in uh devil guts. Brand is like, yeah,
that's right. You killed him with the power of your hate. All right.
That means it's at the end of the turn as a horne devil's gone.
I still have my five Yes, you do left. Um, but
actually I'm gonna use it to step back here. Yep, I'm good with
that. So Silas Kane, it is your turn. And this is the
last move of this of this episode. All right, good night, go
out the door. Uh it's you go out that door. Yeah, sure,
all right, I will use we'll go to hear. I will use
misty step to appear on the rooftop. Okay here, fuck that's a bonus
action, yes it is. And this is what we too did. Four.
He is still paralyzed. True to each individual, the first shot,
the first shot has advantage because he cannot move. All right, sharp shooters,
and I've pissed myself because I thought somebody was going to try to eat
me. Alright, sharpshooters, and both of these are coming in with second
level divine yep, not a problem. And if the first one misses,
I assume the second one is also an advantage because well he don't. Yeah,
exactly shooters first one thirty one. Yeah, well that's definitely so.
Piercing damage is twelve, give me two, it's twenty too. It's it's
a crip because it's he's oh ye, automatic crate. If you hit so
hold on, what is that one D eight extra? So yeah, just
give me an extra D eight role. So that's twenty two plus seven.
Damn, it's twenty nine from that, all right, and nine more from
the divine smite. Think that might do it. Okay, you're keeping No,
you're still up. You're still up. Yep, I got you.
Now the second hit. I think it'll turn off sharp shooter for the second
hit. Okay, a normal role, there's still gonna be an advantage.
It is not twenty one, because yeah, he is. Technically it's a
disadvantage because now he I mean, are you prone or are you city standing
up? I'm prone? You said I was prone? No, you made
it, you made yeah, No, I may I had you do the
acrobatics role and you rolled up tree to see if you like, went prone
from me? Oh no he was? He was all right, Yes,
so he's not prone. So yes, the twenty one hits the fourteen damage,
so you are twenty four damage. No, no, no, he
has six sharpshooter. That wasn't sharp shooter, but it did come in.
So fourteen plus an additional seven. I'm saying he has six hit points left.
No, he's dead no, no, no, no, we want
to take him beyond what to be really dead. But wait, wait,
wait wait, I can move now, which means I can cast a reaction
spell. Yes, correct, yes, you can, all right, Well
for what it's worth, Yes, I'm going to cast a silvery barbs all
right, make him roll it again, which does what? Uh? You
have to roll again, and we take the lowest role. It's basically imposed
disadvantage on somebody. It's a great spell, and he can give somebody advantage
on his next turn. That'll be meet well never mind, no, no,
it's you take the first one because this is the advantage, right,
you take the lower the two roles, right, so it's the twenty one
and a thirty three. Yeah, yeah, cross me. Okay, I'm
dead, Yeah get it. You are the dead. Yeah. Well,
and now I can die happy. You will so at the end of this
round, class the soul inhabit my body. No, it's not Highlander rules,
yes, die happy? All right? So I believe you started here,
Klaus? Correct or here? Yes? So that is well, that's
when it comes back. I would started the next turn. You will be
back at full health. But yes, as it is now now because someone's
actually standing near a corpse. Um silas, give me a perception check.
Eight. Yeah, you're fine body there, that's all you need, nothing
to worry about it all kicking it a few times. Fuck you, you
fucking useless thief. He's digging around it. He's not looking at it.
Yep. All right, Well, I guess that is the end of Murder
Brawl Part two. That's surprise come back by silence. That that's that was
satisfacing by silence, A surprise come back by Glaudia. That's true. I
think CLI is leading away now and people fucked up. I've been kill stealing
like a motherfucker. Well, like I said, all right, twelve six
a time, maybe they'll grab someone run around. I put dynamite all over
the all over the map, and I was like, no, she let
it all at once. I'm like, well, that's twenty four times six.
That feels like exactly the right move. Yeah, all conveniently on the
roof. That's true. Yeah, it was female rage. I tell you,
I love it. Don't ask for who to bell. Dungs. It
dungs for the and it'll dung for the next time when we do part three.
And I have to presume wrap this up giving our life count. Yes,
next time we can all gather for the special Battle Royal episode of Authors
and Dragons. Special thanks to MK Gibson again for coming by the d M
force. We appreciate. It's my pleasure, all right, my pleasure.
We'll see you all next time. Bye bye bye. Authors and Dragons brought
to under Creative Commons License, meaning you were free to share this material so
long as credit is given to those who created, which is us people you
just heard to play the game opening and closing themes performed by the Gore Core
four. I'd like to use my bonus action to piss myself