WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.199 This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.199 --> 00:00:17.640 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:18.000 --> 00:00:22.559 Hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:27.079 the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am back 5 00:00:27.079 --> 00:00:32.640 here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for the People. I 6 00:00:32.640 --> 00:00:37.320 am at the one in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. And you get just 7 00:00:37.359 --> 00:00:40.799 Me again, which probably probably not gonna be too many of just Me for 8 00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:44.240 a while, because I got a whole lot of what I think are extremely 9 00:00:44.320 --> 00:00:49.000 eager and hopefully incisive guests lined up that I really, I really think you 10 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:53.560 guys are gonna enjoy. So but for this week, you get the uh 11 00:00:54.280 --> 00:01:00.079 a cappella Brian Christopher Howie Son's accompaniment. And we are hopping out of a 12 00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:03.560 popping out of a holiday season as I record this, and heading into a 13 00:01:03.599 --> 00:01:08.480 new year, which new thoughts and new ideas and new beginnings and all that 14 00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:14.599 that good and sometimes very very silly stuff. And I think you have hopefully 15 00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:21.359 assessed a year or maybe even a lifetime of experiences and stimuli and information, 16 00:01:21.640 --> 00:01:25.599 and you are where you are, your your thoughts, your ideas, your 17 00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:30.640 philosophies, your opinions, lots and lots of those. I know I have 18 00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:34.840 lots and lots of those, and probably more than a few beliefs. What 19 00:01:36.040 --> 00:01:41.719 do you believe? Now, there's there's definitely things that you believe, and 20 00:01:41.719 --> 00:01:45.680 there are things that you know, And I think knowing what you believe is 21 00:01:45.719 --> 00:01:53.000 pretty important, and believing what you know is probably more important, as is 22 00:01:53.079 --> 00:01:59.840 knowing what you don't know. Hopefully it's important in life, but it's it's 23 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:06.439 hugely valuable in love. As a business owner. It's not only become apparent 24 00:02:06.480 --> 00:02:09.039 to me in the last few years, mostly because some very smart people have 25 00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:14.800 pointed it out to me. Knowing what you don't know matters so much, 26 00:02:15.039 --> 00:02:22.639 and confusing what you know with what you believe is a really big mistake I 27 00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:27.520 think so many of us make in pretty much every aspect of life, especially 28 00:02:28.199 --> 00:02:34.759 and relevantly love. So I hate to use religion as an example because it 29 00:02:34.800 --> 00:02:37.439 gets so many people emotional and freaked out, and I get a bunch of 30 00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:40.159 emails, which is probably a good thing. I mean, I made a 31 00:02:40.199 --> 00:02:46.240 comment at one of our live shows last year that I think if we are 32 00:02:46.319 --> 00:02:53.639 honest about it, we're all agnostic, meaning the existence of whatever is truly 33 00:02:53.000 --> 00:03:00.159 unknowable. The atheists always freaked me out because they're absolutely positive, they're sure 34 00:03:00.199 --> 00:03:06.080 about it. They know there's nothing. That's what they think. And if 35 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:07.840 you're, you know, believing one of the other three thousand or so religions, 36 00:03:09.319 --> 00:03:15.120 and those religions blur the line between believing and knowing, which is kind 37 00:03:15.120 --> 00:03:20.599 of ironic because you know, fundamental part of Christianity is they use the term 38 00:03:20.719 --> 00:03:27.879 believer because they believe they know, and that's awesome, and I'm not gonna, 39 00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:30.240 you know, stand in the way of any of this or that or 40 00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:31.199 whatever. But you're like, why do I bring all this up? What 41 00:03:31.240 --> 00:03:37.599 does all that have to do with what this show's about, because those words 42 00:03:37.719 --> 00:03:40.639 come up so much in the in the dating verse, in the in the 43 00:03:40.719 --> 00:03:46.599 lover's sphere. Somebody asked me the other day if I still believed that someone 44 00:03:46.639 --> 00:03:52.879 who is single needs to move seven hundred miles every seven years, and I 45 00:03:53.000 --> 00:03:55.680 said, yeah, I think everyone, if job and health permit, needs 46 00:03:55.719 --> 00:04:00.039 to move seven hundred miles every seven years. I said it, Then I 47 00:04:00.120 --> 00:04:03.000 say it now I'm still you know, years into doing this show, both 48 00:04:03.080 --> 00:04:11.280 baffled and horrified, no longer surprised that something like seventy two percent of people 49 00:04:11.840 --> 00:04:15.759 live within twenty miles of where they grew up, including a heck of a 50 00:04:15.800 --> 00:04:19.480 lot of people who live where I grew up, which is Westchester County, 51 00:04:19.519 --> 00:04:21.600 just north of New York City. Not a bad place to grow up, 52 00:04:21.639 --> 00:04:26.920 but you know, and you might think, oh, well, they like 53 00:04:26.959 --> 00:04:30.759 it there, they're comfortable, their family is there, blah blah blah. 54 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:38.360 Well, the number one determining factor in being content in life, and that 55 00:04:38.439 --> 00:04:43.759 is probably the lowest adjective I can give content happy in your existence is your 56 00:04:43.839 --> 00:04:48.120 relationship and your relationship status. And if you've been kicking around that same sandbox 57 00:04:48.199 --> 00:04:54.920 for three or four decades and you still haven't found that, I don't think 58 00:04:54.959 --> 00:04:59.560 the convenience of being able to go to Sunday brunch with Mom or counting on 59 00:04:59.680 --> 00:05:02.720 some some spike punch at your twentieth high school reunion, I don't think that's 60 00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:09.720 going to be the magical solution. So get out. Seventy percent of people 61 00:05:09.800 --> 00:05:15.360 have remote work capability or they currently work from home. Don't get me started 62 00:05:15.399 --> 00:05:16.879 on that, but that's just the reality of it. So if you can 63 00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:21.439 go remote, you can find a new home, a new city, a 64 00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:29.759 new sandbox. Your parents will be very happy to leave Syracuse to visit you 65 00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:33.360 at your new apartment in Charleston. It's really nice there. So you're like, 66 00:05:33.399 --> 00:05:36.680 what does that have to do with knowing and believing? Well, that 67 00:05:36.800 --> 00:05:44.959 philosophy, it's something that I really believe. The mechanism of how to execute 68 00:05:45.000 --> 00:05:47.680 it something that I really believe. But I know, and I think you 69 00:05:47.959 --> 00:05:55.879 know that your answer lies out of your comfort zone. And moving is getting 70 00:05:55.920 --> 00:05:59.240 you out of your comfort zone, and I think you know what that can 71 00:05:59.279 --> 00:06:06.360 do for you. So believing is holding an opinion. Knowing is to have 72 00:06:06.439 --> 00:06:15.600 a direct experience or to understand or to have like a practical knowledge, a 73 00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:21.680 practical understanding of some concept. So you may know that I'm right on this, 74 00:06:23.079 --> 00:06:27.439 but not want to believe it, or maybe not want to recognize that 75 00:06:27.480 --> 00:06:30.759 you know it because believing otherwise is more comfortable. So it's a bit of 76 00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:33.279 a long set up on all this, But that's what I want to explore 77 00:06:33.519 --> 00:06:40.480 how it helps, how recognizing what you don't know might help you believe mostly 78 00:06:40.519 --> 00:06:44.519 in yourself. But I do know that we have to pay for things around 79 00:06:44.560 --> 00:06:46.879 here, So I have to take a quick break and we will be back 80 00:06:47.319 --> 00:06:57.199 and get into all of it right after this when we are back. I 81 00:06:57.240 --> 00:07:01.360 know what I like and don't like. That is such a common phrase, 82 00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:06.360 quote unquote from the first time we say it as a kid in order to 83 00:07:06.439 --> 00:07:14.800 refuse broccoli, up until the time we're adults and you're scrolling through tender only 84 00:07:14.839 --> 00:07:18.959 looking for blondes or guys that are over six four. I know what I 85 00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:25.199 like, And I'm always like, do you or do you know what is 86 00:07:25.240 --> 00:07:31.439 familiar? What you have tried? And if you've tried and you're still in 87 00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:38.319 this position, don't you really only know what has tried and failed and you 88 00:07:38.360 --> 00:07:43.519 still know what works? You know? There's three sort of I guess you 89 00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:48.399 can call them catchphrases, even though they're philosophies. But they're catchphrases that I 90 00:07:48.439 --> 00:07:53.279 am relatively famous for saying around here, because we say them all the time, 91 00:07:53.319 --> 00:07:56.439 and we say them very publicly, and we've said them on television and 92 00:07:56.439 --> 00:07:59.600 we've said them in live shows, and I say them and they always sting 93 00:07:59.639 --> 00:08:03.920 a little, which means they do penetrate, which means they get a little 94 00:08:03.920 --> 00:08:09.160 bit beneath the hard shell of all of us. So we say that the 95 00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:11.839 women look for red flags and the men look for green lights. I think 96 00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:16.279 we're all in agreement on that one. I say that the women want the 97 00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:20.199 men to try harder, and the men want the women to make it easier. 98 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:24.839 I believe that, and yep, I think we all know it. 99 00:08:26.040 --> 00:08:31.840 But the third one is the important one. And I've said, and we'll 100 00:08:31.879 --> 00:08:37.360 say, get rid of the words not my type. If you're over thirty 101 00:08:37.399 --> 00:08:41.840 and you're still single, you have no type. Your type isn't working out 102 00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:46.320 for you. And I believe that to be true. But in your heart 103 00:08:46.320 --> 00:08:54.039 of hearts, you absolutely know it. And everything that you're doing that prevents 104 00:08:54.080 --> 00:09:01.399 you from recognizing it is being done out of habit or comfort, or circumstance 105 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:07.399 or denial, but not out of logic. The logic is the ingredient that 106 00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:13.000 shifts the believing to the knowing. But I believe I need to marry a 107 00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:18.519 girl who went to an Ivy League school. So you take that phrase and 108 00:09:18.559 --> 00:09:24.519 you saying it, and you sprinkle it with logic, and suddenly the result 109 00:09:24.679 --> 00:09:30.799 is you know, But what you know is that that belief is absolutely ridiculous. 110 00:09:33.240 --> 00:09:35.360 I believe my ex is changed and I should give them another chance, 111 00:09:37.159 --> 00:09:39.519 and I'm on the side of what Well, maybe they have, And as 112 00:09:39.559 --> 00:09:43.759 we said last week, in many weeks, there's magic in maybe, because 113 00:09:43.799 --> 00:09:50.919 maybe it's hopeful, and in the hope lies belief, and you always have 114 00:09:50.960 --> 00:09:56.879 to couch that belief with I don't really know, and knowing that you don't 115 00:09:56.879 --> 00:10:03.440 know, it'll need you to be patient, It'll lead you to tread lightly, 116 00:10:05.159 --> 00:10:09.840 use logic and make sure. But the belief drives the train, and 117 00:10:09.879 --> 00:10:15.799 the knowing is the destination. It's about recognizing the difference until you get there. 118 00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:20.159 You got to know what you don't know. And you might be listening 119 00:10:20.200 --> 00:10:24.639 and you think that I'm backtracking off the concept that believing is a good thing. 120 00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:28.759 I'm not. I think it is. I think it's often good enough. 121 00:10:30.600 --> 00:10:37.399 When you say will you marry me? Or I do it should mean 122 00:10:37.879 --> 00:10:43.600 hopefully that you believe that this person and this relationship is the happily ever after 123 00:10:43.799 --> 00:10:46.840 to death to us part, and that they are the one to grow old 124 00:10:46.919 --> 00:10:54.639 and gray and loving with. But all you know is not just who they 125 00:10:54.679 --> 00:10:58.120 are in that moment. Hopefully you know who you are in that moment, 126 00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:05.279 and you don't know who or where you guys might be in life or career, 127 00:11:05.799 --> 00:11:11.360 or parenthood or hopefully a new city or as a couple in ten years 128 00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:15.519 or twenty years. You don't know the details. You believe in the future, 129 00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:20.000 and that belief can sustain a whole lot. I believe that this relationship 130 00:11:20.039 --> 00:11:26.480 can survive and thrive the ups and downs of life. That's awesome, Sign 131 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:30.320 me up for that. I believe that this person will continue to grow, 132 00:11:30.360 --> 00:11:35.919 and we will do the work necessary to maintain what we have and desire now 133 00:11:35.960 --> 00:11:41.960 and forever. Amen. But what you don't know, I'm not sure that's 134 00:11:41.960 --> 00:11:45.360 a bad thing. That's the mystery, and that could be the fun of 135 00:11:45.399 --> 00:11:52.799 it, the excitement what lies ahead for us. And it might even be 136 00:11:52.840 --> 00:11:56.559 that the life that you've dreamed might the reality, might turn out to be 137 00:11:56.559 --> 00:12:01.639 beyond your dreams, and who wouldn't want that. Sometimes we need to expand 138 00:12:01.720 --> 00:12:09.360 what we believe is possible in order to discover something that is wonderful. That's 139 00:12:09.399 --> 00:12:13.440 all on the upside. So let's get back to the practicality of knowing what 140 00:12:13.519 --> 00:12:20.080 you don't know, and not just knowing it, but admitting it. I 141 00:12:20.120 --> 00:12:24.279 know I wouldn't like something is some of the most dangerous line of thinking in 142 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:31.519 just about anything. Al Michaels, the legendary sportscaster, Do you believe in 143 00:12:31.559 --> 00:12:35.600 miracles? Yes? He's never eaten a vegetable. He's very open about that, 144 00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:39.159 talks about it all the time. He has never literally never, not 145 00:12:39.279 --> 00:12:43.639 one, not spinach, not broccoli, not a carrot, not even an 146 00:12:43.639 --> 00:12:48.559 onion. He will order French onion soup and ask them to scrape off the 147 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:54.159 onions. He's very open about that. His mother never made him. He's 148 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:58.799 now eighty years old. He sustains himself pretty much on steak and dessert. 149 00:13:01.000 --> 00:13:03.000 He's very rich, so good steak and good dessert, but still steak in 150 00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:09.519 dessert. And he looks fantastic. So he might be onto something, but 151 00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:11.279 that's not my point. I saw an interview he did where he was like 152 00:13:13.039 --> 00:13:16.000 where The interviewer asked him, well, how do you know you wouldn't like 153 00:13:16.039 --> 00:13:22.639 it? And his answer was, I can tell it just doesn't seem like 154 00:13:22.679 --> 00:13:26.600 something I would enjoy, which I thought, God, that is a really 155 00:13:26.879 --> 00:13:31.080 narrow and stubborn way of thinking. Obviously, but when he said it, 156 00:13:31.159 --> 00:13:37.799 I immediately thought of it in context of dating, whether it's an activity or 157 00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:41.759 an experience or an encounter, you know, just ruling something or someone out 158 00:13:41.799 --> 00:13:48.279 because you believe something. Even when logic says you have no idea, Well, 159 00:13:48.360 --> 00:13:56.200 let's spell no idea with the know, because you don't know, and 160 00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:03.039 so knowing what you don't know is so valuable. I don't really know. 161 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:07.799 I don't know that I won't like Brussels sprouts. I don't know if three 162 00:14:07.799 --> 00:14:13.879 wise men had gold, frankensense and myrrh. I don't know if I would 163 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:18.320 like a redheaded guy. That simple shift from I know this or I know 164 00:14:18.440 --> 00:14:24.960 that or I don't throws everything back into the believe column, and I think 165 00:14:24.039 --> 00:14:28.679 believe, And that little wiggle room that's in there, I think that's the 166 00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:33.399 best part. The wiggle room is what allows for the fresh ideas and shifting 167 00:14:33.480 --> 00:14:41.600 perspective and the endless possibilities. You only know what you believe, but you 168 00:14:41.720 --> 00:14:48.960 need to know what you don't know, because if you don't know, then 169 00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:52.440 you need to get started on that road to find out. Run along, 170 00:14:52.840 --> 00:14:58.000 get on down the road and this show Great Love, Debate and us, 171 00:15:00.120 --> 00:15:03.480 you know, continually raising these questions in a quest to find answers. Just 172 00:15:03.480 --> 00:15:07.559 by doing it, we're admitting that we don't know. There's things that our 173 00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:09.759 opinion, there's things that our beliefs, and all we know is what we 174 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:13.519 don't know, and that's why we consider to do it. That's what we 175 00:15:13.600 --> 00:15:20.279 do, and that's all we know. Belle Bivdevaux. Now you know, 176 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:28.639 anyway, the much anticipated, always controversial list of the ten worst cities in 177 00:15:28.679 --> 00:15:33.320 America to fine love, that is imminent. It is right around the corner. 178 00:15:33.320 --> 00:15:35.519 We've been teasing it for a while. It is pretty much time to 179 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:39.039 roll it out. We know that Seattle is one of them, and we 180 00:15:39.159 --> 00:15:43.559 believe Philadelphia is going to be one of them. But I shouldn't say that. 181 00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:46.200 The ballots are still being counted, the submissions are still coming in, 182 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:50.080 so who really knows, but you will find out. So shoot us an 183 00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:54.120 email Great Lovedebate at gmail dot com with the who, what where when you 184 00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:58.559 think, believe, know, opine that your city deserves to be on this 185 00:15:58.879 --> 00:16:07.519 very very prestigious list. Our very very prestigious Live Tour kicks off our eleventh 186 00:16:07.559 --> 00:16:15.480 season with our big, big, celebrity filled tenth Anniversary show Live February sixth, 187 00:16:15.519 --> 00:16:17.919 twenty twenty four. I don't know when you're listening to this, listening 188 00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:21.720 to the twenty twenty six you missed it, But if you're earlier February six, 189 00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:25.559 twenty twenty four at the Boca black Box Center for the Arts and Lovely 190 00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:30.960 Boca're at Tone, Florida, And I know that your your reviews still mean 191 00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:36.279 a lot in the podcasting ecosystem, even the not flattering ones. And I 192 00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:38.519 saw some nutty one the other day who said, everything I talked about in 193 00:16:38.559 --> 00:16:44.039 the show is really about my political beliefs. It's not. It's rooted in 194 00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:47.519 logic, so have at it. So even the not flattering runs, I 195 00:16:47.559 --> 00:16:52.080 really don't don't mind them, even if I know you are wrong. Go 196 00:16:52.120 --> 00:16:56.559 to Apple, Spotify, or wherever you enjoy your shows, click five stars, 197 00:16:56.639 --> 00:17:02.600 leave whatever you want, because your opinion matter. And as always at 198 00:17:02.759 --> 00:17:07.000 the Great Love Debate, we never stop making love. See you next time. 199 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:18.240 The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love 200 00:17:18.319 --> 00:17:21.200 Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.