This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's
the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.
Hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate,
the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am back
here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for the People. I
am at the one in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. And you get just
Me again, which probably probably not gonna be too many of just Me for
a while, because I got a whole lot of what I think are extremely
eager and hopefully incisive guests lined up that I really, I really think you
guys are gonna enjoy. So but for this week, you get the uh
a cappella Brian Christopher Howie Son's accompaniment. And we are hopping out of a
popping out of a holiday season as I record this, and heading into a
new year, which new thoughts and new ideas and new beginnings and all that
that good and sometimes very very silly stuff. And I think you have hopefully
assessed a year or maybe even a lifetime of experiences and stimuli and information,
and you are where you are, your your thoughts, your ideas, your
philosophies, your opinions, lots and lots of those. I know I have
lots and lots of those, and probably more than a few beliefs. What
do you believe? Now, there's there's definitely things that you believe, and
there are things that you know, And I think knowing what you believe is
pretty important, and believing what you know is probably more important, as is
knowing what you don't know. Hopefully it's important in life, but it's it's
hugely valuable in love. As a business owner. It's not only become apparent
to me in the last few years, mostly because some very smart people have
pointed it out to me. Knowing what you don't know matters so much,
and confusing what you know with what you believe is a really big mistake I
think so many of us make in pretty much every aspect of life, especially
and relevantly love. So I hate to use religion as an example because it
gets so many people emotional and freaked out, and I get a bunch of
emails, which is probably a good thing. I mean, I made a
comment at one of our live shows last year that I think if we are
honest about it, we're all agnostic, meaning the existence of whatever is truly
unknowable. The atheists always freaked me out because they're absolutely positive, they're sure
about it. They know there's nothing. That's what they think. And if
you're, you know, believing one of the other three thousand or so religions,
and those religions blur the line between believing and knowing, which is kind
of ironic because you know, fundamental part of Christianity is they use the term
believer because they believe they know, and that's awesome, and I'm not gonna,
you know, stand in the way of any of this or that or
whatever. But you're like, why do I bring all this up? What
does all that have to do with what this show's about, because those words
come up so much in the in the dating verse, in the in the
lover's sphere. Somebody asked me the other day if I still believed that someone
who is single needs to move seven hundred miles every seven years, and I
said, yeah, I think everyone, if job and health permit, needs
to move seven hundred miles every seven years. I said it, Then I
say it now I'm still you know, years into doing this show, both
baffled and horrified, no longer surprised that something like seventy two percent of people
live within twenty miles of where they grew up, including a heck of a
lot of people who live where I grew up, which is Westchester County,
just north of New York City. Not a bad place to grow up,
but you know, and you might think, oh, well, they like
it there, they're comfortable, their family is there, blah blah blah.
Well, the number one determining factor in being content in life, and that
is probably the lowest adjective I can give content happy in your existence is your
relationship and your relationship status. And if you've been kicking around that same sandbox
for three or four decades and you still haven't found that, I don't think
the convenience of being able to go to Sunday brunch with Mom or counting on
some some spike punch at your twentieth high school reunion, I don't think that's
going to be the magical solution. So get out. Seventy percent of people
have remote work capability or they currently work from home. Don't get me started
on that, but that's just the reality of it. So if you can
go remote, you can find a new home, a new city, a
new sandbox. Your parents will be very happy to leave Syracuse to visit you
at your new apartment in Charleston. It's really nice there. So you're like,
what does that have to do with knowing and believing? Well, that
philosophy, it's something that I really believe. The mechanism of how to execute
it something that I really believe. But I know, and I think you
know that your answer lies out of your comfort zone. And moving is getting
you out of your comfort zone, and I think you know what that can
do for you. So believing is holding an opinion. Knowing is to have
a direct experience or to understand or to have like a practical knowledge, a
practical understanding of some concept. So you may know that I'm right on this,
but not want to believe it, or maybe not want to recognize that
you know it because believing otherwise is more comfortable. So it's a bit of
a long set up on all this, But that's what I want to explore
how it helps, how recognizing what you don't know might help you believe mostly
in yourself. But I do know that we have to pay for things around
here, So I have to take a quick break and we will be back
and get into all of it right after this when we are back. I
know what I like and don't like. That is such a common phrase,
quote unquote from the first time we say it as a kid in order to
refuse broccoli, up until the time we're adults and you're scrolling through tender only
looking for blondes or guys that are over six four. I know what I
like, And I'm always like, do you or do you know what is
familiar? What you have tried? And if you've tried and you're still in
this position, don't you really only know what has tried and failed and you
still know what works? You know? There's three sort of I guess you
can call them catchphrases, even though they're philosophies. But they're catchphrases that I
am relatively famous for saying around here, because we say them all the time,
and we say them very publicly, and we've said them on television and
we've said them in live shows, and I say them and they always sting
a little, which means they do penetrate, which means they get a little
bit beneath the hard shell of all of us. So we say that the
women look for red flags and the men look for green lights. I think
we're all in agreement on that one. I say that the women want the
men to try harder, and the men want the women to make it easier.
I believe that, and yep, I think we all know it.
But the third one is the important one. And I've said, and we'll
say, get rid of the words not my type. If you're over thirty
and you're still single, you have no type. Your type isn't working out
for you. And I believe that to be true. But in your heart
of hearts, you absolutely know it. And everything that you're doing that prevents
you from recognizing it is being done out of habit or comfort, or circumstance
or denial, but not out of logic. The logic is the ingredient that
shifts the believing to the knowing. But I believe I need to marry a
girl who went to an Ivy League school. So you take that phrase and
you saying it, and you sprinkle it with logic, and suddenly the result
is you know, But what you know is that that belief is absolutely ridiculous.
I believe my ex is changed and I should give them another chance,
and I'm on the side of what Well, maybe they have, And as
we said last week, in many weeks, there's magic in maybe, because
maybe it's hopeful, and in the hope lies belief, and you always have
to couch that belief with I don't really know, and knowing that you don't
know, it'll need you to be patient, It'll lead you to tread lightly,
use logic and make sure. But the belief drives the train, and
the knowing is the destination. It's about recognizing the difference until you get there.
You got to know what you don't know. And you might be listening
and you think that I'm backtracking off the concept that believing is a good thing.
I'm not. I think it is. I think it's often good enough.
When you say will you marry me? Or I do it should mean
hopefully that you believe that this person and this relationship is the happily ever after
to death to us part, and that they are the one to grow old
and gray and loving with. But all you know is not just who they
are in that moment. Hopefully you know who you are in that moment,
and you don't know who or where you guys might be in life or career,
or parenthood or hopefully a new city or as a couple in ten years
or twenty years. You don't know the details. You believe in the future,
and that belief can sustain a whole lot. I believe that this relationship
can survive and thrive the ups and downs of life. That's awesome, Sign
me up for that. I believe that this person will continue to grow,
and we will do the work necessary to maintain what we have and desire now
and forever. Amen. But what you don't know, I'm not sure that's
a bad thing. That's the mystery, and that could be the fun of
it, the excitement what lies ahead for us. And it might even be
that the life that you've dreamed might the reality, might turn out to be
beyond your dreams, and who wouldn't want that. Sometimes we need to expand
what we believe is possible in order to discover something that is wonderful. That's
all on the upside. So let's get back to the practicality of knowing what
you don't know, and not just knowing it, but admitting it. I
know I wouldn't like something is some of the most dangerous line of thinking in
just about anything. Al Michaels, the legendary sportscaster, Do you believe in
miracles? Yes? He's never eaten a vegetable. He's very open about that,
talks about it all the time. He has never literally never, not
one, not spinach, not broccoli, not a carrot, not even an
onion. He will order French onion soup and ask them to scrape off the
onions. He's very open about that. His mother never made him. He's
now eighty years old. He sustains himself pretty much on steak and dessert.
He's very rich, so good steak and good dessert, but still steak in
dessert. And he looks fantastic. So he might be onto something, but
that's not my point. I saw an interview he did where he was like
where The interviewer asked him, well, how do you know you wouldn't like
it? And his answer was, I can tell it just doesn't seem like
something I would enjoy, which I thought, God, that is a really
narrow and stubborn way of thinking. Obviously, but when he said it,
I immediately thought of it in context of dating, whether it's an activity or
an experience or an encounter, you know, just ruling something or someone out
because you believe something. Even when logic says you have no idea, Well,
let's spell no idea with the know, because you don't know, and
so knowing what you don't know is so valuable. I don't really know.
I don't know that I won't like Brussels sprouts. I don't know if three
wise men had gold, frankensense and myrrh. I don't know if I would
like a redheaded guy. That simple shift from I know this or I know
that or I don't throws everything back into the believe column, and I think
believe, And that little wiggle room that's in there, I think that's the
best part. The wiggle room is what allows for the fresh ideas and shifting
perspective and the endless possibilities. You only know what you believe, but you
need to know what you don't know, because if you don't know, then
you need to get started on that road to find out. Run along,
get on down the road and this show Great Love, Debate and us,
you know, continually raising these questions in a quest to find answers. Just
by doing it, we're admitting that we don't know. There's things that our
opinion, there's things that our beliefs, and all we know is what we
don't know, and that's why we consider to do it. That's what we
do, and that's all we know. Belle Bivdevaux. Now you know,
anyway, the much anticipated, always controversial list of the ten worst cities in
America to fine love, that is imminent. It is right around the corner.
We've been teasing it for a while. It is pretty much time to
roll it out. We know that Seattle is one of them, and we
believe Philadelphia is going to be one of them. But I shouldn't say that.
The ballots are still being counted, the submissions are still coming in,
so who really knows, but you will find out. So shoot us an
email Great Lovedebate at gmail dot com with the who, what where when you
think, believe, know, opine that your city deserves to be on this
very very prestigious list. Our very very prestigious Live Tour kicks off our eleventh
season with our big, big, celebrity filled tenth Anniversary show Live February sixth,
twenty twenty four. I don't know when you're listening to this, listening
to the twenty twenty six you missed it, But if you're earlier February six,
twenty twenty four at the Boca black Box Center for the Arts and Lovely
Boca're at Tone, Florida, And I know that your your reviews still mean
a lot in the podcasting ecosystem, even the not flattering ones. And I
saw some nutty one the other day who said, everything I talked about in
the show is really about my political beliefs. It's not. It's rooted in
logic, so have at it. So even the not flattering runs, I
really don't don't mind them, even if I know you are wrong. Go
to Apple, Spotify, or wherever you enjoy your shows, click five stars,
leave whatever you want, because your opinion matter. And as always at
the Great Love Debate, we never stop making love. See you next time.
The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love
Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.