This is not don't expect to be put on your life down. It's time
straight from the don't because you'll find no be surmut side coreast. Hi,
Aaron, Welcome to side Quest. It's the in between adventures episodes where we
generally don't play a game. Sometimes it might sometimes it might have a guess.
Sometimes it might just chat bullshit, which is what we're going to do
today. But it's seasonal bullshit because by now, by the time you listen
to this, we have entered December, and therefore nothing is off limits tinsel
wise, we are all about the holiday season. Reindeer ship, Yeah,
playing those reindeer games. Got myself Steve Weverell and my helper Elves, MK
Gibby or MK Gibson. I should say Gibby and Robert Bevan. I really
should have just taken just a moment of time to think of some Christmas theme
names for you there. You really should take them Homeie, we can edit
it out. Think No, I'm going to leave the silence in bubbles.
Bubbles. I don't know by what a cool eat, but Bobby Bevan,
you know, uh No, let's move on from that. I don't want
to play this game. Anymore. Whatever you say, tinsel dick, tinsel
dick. Oh that brings back fun Christmas memories from my sheltered okay speaking,
don't don't swear for like the first ninety seconds when you're on the podcast or
YouTube. So yeah, we pooched that. So yeah, I think we
fucked that in the first ten seconds. To be honest, No, we
don't play your games YouTube, which is why we have very little listeners on
YouTube. I just really think about it. No, not now, because
it's Christmas, goddamn it, and I shan't be thinking for the next Yeah,
no more thinking until the New year. You say it's the holiday season.
It's fucking Christmas. I don't give a shit about the other holidays.
If somebody's here who wants to represent the other holidays, turn up now.
I don't know about Christmas either. I like the holiday season. I don't
know if I do. I think I like the Christmas season. Since I
stopped getting action figures, I pretty much stop caring about Christmas. So you
know, yeah, I don't think I'm going to be listening to I mean,
correct me if you like, but I don't think I'm going to be
listening to any Honoker songs. I don't think I'm going to be watching any
Honoker movies. This is no offense to sir eight Crazy Nights in all three
Honeker versions. Oh yeah, I'm gonna put that on the list of Adam
Sandler movies. I won't be watching. But I mean that guy's hitting miss
at the best of the song though, like three versions of the Honker song,
it's a classic. All right, Well, maybe this will be the
Christmas where I finally open my heart to less cool holidays, but probably not
BA. This is anti Semitic Steve coming at you live from authors and is
not start saying all other holidays in December. It's not specifically about the Jews.
The one who brought up you can keep your Adam sand that's the one.
I mean. You didn't tackle Kwansa. You went right after this very
word very topical man way to deal with school with the Blacks. No,
I'm not. I'm going to ruin that as well. If I can't think
of a single good Honaker song or Honeker movie, what fucking hope for Kwanza?
Like I said that, there there the Honka songs, Madam Sandler,
the Hebrew Hammer where he's got to say, well, you never niver saw
The Hebrew Hammer. It's a great movie. The Hebrew habbit sounds like a
wrestler from Google. That ship Adam gold Adam Goldberg, and what's her name?
Green? The girl? She was in Archer, she's in every she's
everything these you see it, Oh that girl. And they have to save
they have to save Hanukah despite his mom saying he's not even one of the
high holidays. And he gets helped out by the Mario van Peebles who represents
Kwansa. Oh no, it's a movie. It's so worth watching. Sounds
it sounds like a fever dream. This isn't at the movie. This is
a holiday themed at the movies for you guys. If you've never seen The
Hebrew Hammer. It sounds like all the ever inferior December holidays joined forces to
try and fight Christmas and failed. Nice try, Adam Sandler, Nice try
maybe next year. This was Adam Goldberg, sir, so all right,
whatever, all right, okay, Well, originally we're going to do best
and worst of Christmas, but scenes were also fucking educated about other December holidays.
Let's do best and worst of uh, Hanikkah or Kwanza or fucking whatever
it is Hebrew Hammer right now. I know you're talking about New Year's Eve,
actually, Mario van Peebles as Mohammad Ali Paula abdul Rahim for Kwanza.
Yes, Gibbie, not only does it sound problematic when you say it made
me sit through gleaming the cube. You motherfucker. You're watching the Hebrew Hammer
and like, like the Grinch, your heart is going to like grow two
sizes. You'll have an embolism. Something bad's gonna happen, because that's not
good. You can't grow two sizes too big, and then you're gonna die.
I am gonna die happy. You know, physically that wouldn't work out.
The Grinn should definitely be dead. But you know, if I get
visited by the ghosts of other December holidays this year, you know I'll accept
that. Someone called me a Scrooge the other day because I tended to be
generally certainly goblin person online and I was like, thank you, because Scrooge
lived his best life, said I'm sorry once and got to heaven. It's
like Darth Vader, It's like he got to like just be a dick and
rich and do whatever he wanted to just one night of like dealing with other
people's shit and like I'm sorry, Like, okay, you can come into
heaven now, man. That's that's the best I mean they did say is
like they say that he kept Christmas very well for the rest of his days.
So okay, So he was nice one day a year for the rest
of his life. The other days of the year he was incredibly rich and
indifferent to the suffering of others. I'm not sure if that was true.
My wife called me screwgs this morning because she said, oh, the elementary
school kids are going to be singing at the park. My kids are out
of elementary school now, so I don't give a shit, right and like,
no offense unless you have a prodigy child, like you go to you
gotta go list and all those kids singing, it's like it's miserable drainer soul.
It's like you get to see for your kid in your clap and that's
nice and like, but a bunch of tone deaf, pitchy people like that's
that's you don't want that. That's of a like nine parents problem. I'm
with Bevan on this one. Sorry, Bevans, I'm not down with oppp.
Yeah, I was hoping you'd learn that. Well done, excellent,
feel the rapport is going. Okay, Now I've been sold with every other
religion Christmas best in the worst. We've got to go for the best one
Christmas, Christmas in particular. I didn't say that, but there's still time
to Okay, we've got to talk about the best and worst Christmas movies,
songs, foods, Miss Lenis Extrangee, Christmas, got Kwanza, Christmas Hanka,
Saint Nicholas Day, Saint Lucien, Yule, Boxing Day, New Year,
uh body Day, National Patient, like just all the things that happened
to most of those are Christmas. Yeah, most of those are Christmas.
I like because it's pagan one, so I like, I like Carampus so
but yeah, yes, fine, I mean they're all basically they're all rolled
into the same sort of ascetic commercial blob. If you want to change the
day of this the name of this holiday to Yule Time blob, I'm down
with that. That's fine, but it's still the best holiday. Sorry.
Oh dude, the Yu'll blob is just like that. That's a tradition.
Take everything out of the fridge that you have left over and roll into one
big mash and everybody's going to eat it like you don't know what's gonna be.
That's pretty much what boxing Day is for in England. See, I
didn't know what Boxing Day was. Me and my wife went on our honeymoon
to believe we that was our Christmas. We flew out on New Year's Eve,
got there, believes on New Year's excuse me, Christmas Eve, spent
Christmas there and then the next day we're going on a tour. But because
it's for British Honduras, they were celebrating boxing days. When our our bus
to like whatever rainforest thing we're going to do, broke down, Like we
didn't know what Boxing day? Like what do you? So? We actually
got someone to come out and fix it, but took for like what the
fuck is Boxing Day? You weird people like this. Let's tell you what
it is, Gibbie. It's a terrible day to be called out to fix
someone else's bus. That's what it is. A selfish preak. I don't
know what Boxing Day is really, it's kind of it's fighting. It's Christmas
too. I don't know why it's called Boxing Day. Basically it's kind of
packed upoy year old shit. But I didn't do that. If anything,
we don't want any gifts. We're putting it back in the box and bringing
them back to Walbart. If anyone who's coming up to the Boxing Day and
saying, oh, Christmas was nice, now let's tidy everything away in England,
it'd be like, fuck you, mum, it's Christmas two. This
is the slightly better Christmas where you leave me alone to play the video games.
I got on Christmas and couldn't play because Grandma was here. But now
there are lesser relatives and we don't care about them as much. They can
watch me play video games. Christmas too, baby, Still better than all
the other holidays of December, except for Christmas one. Maybe we'll see anyway.
Yeah, that's part of your blob. Okay, okay, so you'll
blob classics. That's probably what I'm going to call this episode, the classics
best and the worst. We're gonna stay sure, completely unsearchable, completely uns
just really fucked the algorithm. No one ever searches for your blob, but
will be the first number one hit. We might start a tradition we don't
know. There have been weirder ways to start traditions. Well, Christmas for
a start, Okay, so we're gonna start with the positives. Gebbie,
you can go first. What's your favorite your blob movie? Oh die Hard.
I'm not going to derail this into the is die Hard a Christmas movie?
It's a Christmas movie? Just just get over it. Stop pretending that
discussions interesting. But why die Hard? Why is it your favor favorites?
Ah? Because it mixes like becuse I don't have a soul and I don't
care about the magic of Christmas and the spirit and the holiday. I mean,
I know it meant to my family and when we were poor and putting
things together and fellowship and community and all that happy go lucky shit, But
I don't want to see it reflected back on a Hallmark television thing. I
just I that does not connect with me. Diehard does. Runner up was
the movie that came out with two years was The Last Christmas. It was
The Violent Night or Santa Claus Beats up Everybody in a Diehard like setting.
Fantastic movie. Took my son to see. That made a blast. Thanks
Ally, Oh die Hard versus violent night. Then Diehard is just a classic
movie. It does have a Christmas feel to it. This argument should have
ended several years ago. And you're right. I think Hans Gruber really embodies
the spirit of Christmas. He does. Yeah, he's trying to take more
than he needs and he gets punished for it by gravity and the will of
John McClean. I don't know how the announlogy really works. Is John McLean
the Grinch in this scenario or his hands green? And I think I think
Hans Gruper is the Grinch because he's trying to take everything for himself, because
I mean the Grinch did steal from all the all the Hoovians. Yeah,
he gave it back. Whereas you know, nobody threw him off well because
he had a change of heart, because they didn't need it. John McLean
didn't wait around for that ship. He just said, you know, you
know, he became and gravity and get off, Yeah, get off my
building and yeah actually, and then he decorated the sidewalk and read yeah festive.
He became his own mule blop. He loved it so much he did
it again like a year later on the exact same date, when other terrorists
attacked an airport also on Christmas. You know, it's just it's it keeps
on giving. He really is about the spirit of giving, providing what he's
giving is led to Europeans. He likes to He likes to give bullets at
a very fast pace. What about you, Steve, what's your go to?
You know what, We've talked about this before, I believe with Drew
and I've talked about my traditional viewing habits usually home alone, scrooged, then
Bad Center. On Christmas Eve, I'm going to go for I'm going to
recommend one that most people won't have heard of, and it's a little low
budget British comedy called Click and Collect, starring Stephen Merchant, who's the tall,
gangly guy who hangs out of Ricky And it's just a heartwarming tale about
a man and it's unbelievably annoying neighbor who fails to buy a present on time.
It's a common Christmas trope, but he finds out he can click and
collect. I don't know what you Americans call it, probably click and collect
and tree. Yeah, maybe it was when he picked the toy up from
a store. But the store is kind of on the other side of the
country. I know in America that's a big deal, but it's still like
a couple of hours here. So what ensues is a kind of planes,
trains and automobile style road trip to try and save the spirit of Christmas,
and two unlikely companions become friends. Okay, I've got it pulled up.
But then in my cue, well, nobody gets shot. But it is
funny. Oh no, no, I don't always need you know, murdering
guts it helps, but yeah, you need a bit of it, right,
Yeah, But you know it's I like, I like off the wall,
like holiday movie kind of things. You know. That's why I quite
like Scrooge because it is a retail that's Dicken's classic. It does have gun
violence. Yeah, yeah, that's one of my That is a favorite mine.
I have not watched in years, and I think I need to.
I need to break that one up for my son as Yeah, it's part
of regular rotation. That's a good one. I always well up a little
bit in his speech at the end, where I'm still not sure if Bill
Murray is just making it up as he goes along or it's genuinely scripted.
But it's a wonderful moment. Again, act like an asshole all your life
and you get away with it and you're good. I mean yeah, but
he had a genuine psychotic break, so I'm giving him that. Well,
let's hit by a toaster. Yeah, the shit beat out of a bit,
which I think is a better way to do it. Somebody breaking a
deal on must House. Just smack him with a fucking toaster. This is
what Christmas is all about. Speaking of what Christmas is all about, Ben,
what's your favorite you'll blob movie? You already mentioned it? Bad Center?
Bad Center is great, isn't it? Yeah? It really is.
Not only is that just a solid, great comedy with a fantastic cast.
It does manage to pull out at the end, just a little bit of
holiday spirit just at the end. It's got maybe like two lines where you
think ah and then like something awful happens. That's in a while, but
it's it always had a dear place in my heart. I used to watch
it a lot. Then I've taken a break, so I need to go
back to that one, because I'm sure it'd be like watching revisiting old friends,
cause i haven't seen it for years. I remember highlights and moments and
you know, obviously certain quotes like I need to watch that again. So
that's It's great from start to finish. It's really dense with I'm never bored
or wanting to skip ahead or anything. It's solidly bub bulletin is a joy
to watch. So it was that weird kid. Yeah, that big moonfaced
kid. He's great. I tried watching Bad Senate too. I wish I
hadn't. It was it was inadvisable from the stop. But all right,
well, you know what spoiler alert you're gonna ask my worst it's Bad Sena
two, okay, And is that specifically because it doesn't live up to Bad
Santa one? Or it was just painful to watch. I didn't enjoy it
at all. And then on top of that, yes, I compare it
to the first and I don't know how you can take such a turn and
the wrong direction. I mean it was different writers, different directors. I
don't know. I mean, if they clearly knew what they were doing in
the first one, and it might have been all the right talent, it
would just have for a fucking paycheck. I mean that's feasible to But I
mean and you know adding Kathy Bates. You know, she's generally regarded as
a good actress, but uh, I'm sure acting wise, I'm sure she'd
a fine job. Oh it did not make me jolly. No, it
may be the opposite of jolly. What's what's another one I saw recently?
Not a Christmas movie, but something that disappointed me and very much zombie Land
too, Sam Story. That was hard? Yeah, that one was not
good. Also not a Christmas movie, But I see what I know.
But I mean, yeah, it gave me similar feelings. A bad sequel
to a great movie just hits a little bit harder, doesn't it. It's
not always got an extra of just not living up to the magic. Speaking
of not living up to the magic, Gibby, what's the worst you'll blob
movie? See? I'm trying to think, is I I I block a
lot of them out because it's like you just see a bad movie, you
just don't come back to it. I'm trying to think I do some examples
because I I I'm drawing a blanket on back Christmas movies because I just don't
think about them. So, like, you know, I don't think this
guy's never ever let me watch Kirk Cameron saves Christmas for an ATM. So
never saw that whit reference. Yeah, I never saw Christmas with the Cranks.
I never saw any of the like you know that I never saw.
I never saw Jingle all the way. I you know, I've never seen
uh uh, what's like any of the Santa Claus. I think I saw
the first Santa Claus movie. Fine, I guess oh wait a minute.
We talked about it one way with Dudley Moore in it. Yeah, now
that one, I like, that's a classic. But I mean, like
the the what's it called? Uh? I mean it's a classic because I
was a child and I was going to pick that as my worst one.
It's well, you go back on it. John Lifgal is a great villain.
Yeah, I mean, it's got a great cast, It's got what
must have been probably pretty fantastical production values for the time. I think I
just came to it a little later. I think I saw that one like
because that I think I was like eight or nine years old when I was
on HBO constantly when I was a kid, maybe ten, So I was
like, you know, I remember Santa Claus the movie. Yeah, Santa
Claus the movie, Dudley Moore plays an elf who leaves like you learn about
Santa. He was gonna got he was gonna him his wife are gonna die
in the snow. They were saved by magic elves. They become Santa,
and then Dudley Moore is one of his elves and like breaks off on his
own to like go. He goes to the big city and works for an
evil corporate guy to make Christmas two so Boxing Day. Basically, yeah,
yeah, let's say you tell Americans don't have bucks and gives everybody a magic
lollipop where they can fly. There's a lot of bullshit. Guy. It
seemed to me that I started off with a Santa Claus origin story. Yeah,
very marvel. I appreciate it. You know, it's the Batman.
Batman pairings get shot of Santa Claus. Effects were great. I think it
is when Dudley Moore went to New York and it all kind of it seemed
to me like it does fall apart. They didn't really have a script.
They just sort of were relying on the charisma of Dudley Moore, who didn't
look very happy to be in this movie. That I think about, it
probably because he was dressed like a very stereotypical elf. There's a weird what
is that one? There's a is it Finish movie that my friend maybe watched.
It's like they capture this mule thing in the ice and it's like some
and all the elves are coming to kill Oh. Fuck. It's a weird
dark movie. Like it's one of those dark horror like Christmas movies. I
like those. Yeah, Crampis was good, the twenty sixteen cents. Yeah,
I like that Crampis. You know, I wish it could have been
like that actually kind of let me down. No, was it Crampis or
which? Which is one that was told like in three different like mini stories.
It was an anthology star oh to see this as a problem. There
were about fifteen movies called Crampis. The twenty sixteen Crampis movie was very good
at Tony Cullen, I'd the one that roll on the snow globe and he's
all killing one by the time. That that one was pretty good. Yeah,
I think I know which one you're talking about with the because the cover
looks cool because like Karenpus is like standing there fighting a Santa Claus. He's
got like a chained hook and all that stuff. Box cover art looked really
good, but I was very disappointed by the actual content, So go with
that one. I don't know. Okay, that's fine. I unreasonably don't
like a benchmark classic in Christmas storytelling because Dudley Moore didn't look confused. I
guess that just rubbed off on me. But Bevin, I think you're I
think your pick's probably the most sensible ones. Yeah, bad Santa two.
It didn't need to exist. That's usually the case. Yeah, okay,
we've done movies the good and the bad of the yule Blob. Now.
I don't know if this is as much as much a tradition in America as
it is in Britain. How do we feel about yule blob songs? I
this might surprise you. I like most of them. I'm a big Christmas
song kind of guy. I put on Alexa just play some Christmas music,
and there's not many. I tell it to skip. Yeah, I'm pretty
much in the same boat with you there, even though obviously there's been some
very cynical attempts at Christmas number One's here the Christmas number one song in England.
It's a big fucking deal. Every year we go, oh, what's
going to be the Christmas number one that will play for an entire month solid?
And they built that entire movie? Was that one Bill nine movie,
The Love actually actually oh Christmas movie? Yeah, that's what we watched that
a little while ago. I remember, I didn't. I didn't realize how
not kid friendly that movie is. We tried to watch a few years back
when my kids were younger. Yeah, I completely forgot about the porno subplot.
You always do this when you show your kid movie. What is this
weird light spot? You have? What other movie you've mentioned this on the
podcast before? Don't make one of our listeners go back and yeah it might
be this. Maybe that's fine, maybe the same movie. I did that
with America. I forgot about that too, Like, oh, yeah,
there's there's a there's Bilbo Baggins just like pretending to like get right lighted.
We'll get his bagging nice Bilbo tea Baggings right there. He's the lord of
that ring. Yeah. I hope you said all that to your kids.
But let's not get sidetracked by bilbo porn. It's easy to do so of
all the the plethora of Christmas songs you enjoy. What is the standout number
one for you? Oh, I choose. I guess I'm gonna pick Sleigh
Ride by the Rawats. That one always lips my spirits. Oh, you
know, I don't think I'm familiar. I'll have to look that up here.
You are, probably is it the explicit? Is it the really chappy
one? I mean that's Oh. They were all quite chappy, aren't they,
except for one of my picks. We'll get onto that light. I
think I know what. I guess. It's one of those songs you hear
so often in the background of Christmas movies. You never think to put a
name to it. Okay, good pick. If it's to what I'm thinking
of, great pick. If not, it doesn't matter. I can edit
around that. Gibbie, it's your favorite. You'll blobs all right. So
it's weird. It's one of those like when I was a kid, my
mom would put on the records because this time of year was always has been
her favorite. I mean she still that's what it is to her favorites.
But like she breaks out all the records and they're just going crazy. I
mean, she starts shopping for Christmas, like January second for the next year,
because she always finds deals and squirrels things away back in her sewing room,
and she always had just something for everybody. But she like she would
break out like the old gene Autry records like on like the like the big
LP records, like on the record player, and she played tons of Chris
like so like the Rudolph by gene Autry from back like what nineteen God,
I can't even pretend to know a long time ago. It always has a
special place in my heart because it was just it was a happy time.
It was warm. I was young, you know, my mom was happy,
Dad was Stepdad wasn't around and yelling at people, so it was a
safe time. So yeah, that's that's my special moment. Uh. But
that being said, of course, Grandma got ran over by reindeer changed my
life when I was like thirteen. So you mean the song I always your
actual Grandma. I mean that would be like a life change, you know.
But but that song came around and like it actually was on the radio.
People are laughing. I'm like this, you can get away with this
because it was Christmas. Music was always kind of like church music. Everything
was such a reverence and solemnity that everybody must be behold into us. And
this song comes a long about killing grandma. Chris was like and everything,
why someone the grandma that's smoggy. Thanks for the sweater, you'll buddy,
you know, like thanks for the thanks for the two dollars wrapped into a
bow tie, you know, like, oh, I hope you do get
run over by Thanks for another collection of like state quarters. It was about
time we had a grandma vengeance song. It was the right time, right
place. Grandma needs an intervention. Yeah, my favorite your blupsalm is I
don't think you guys have it. I think you are unaware of this slade.
I wish it could be Christmas every day. Yeah, it's great.
They're like some kind of seventies rock band, and like most British seventies rock
bands, they were either alcoholics or child molesters. I think these guys were
just alcoholics and they've got this kind of it's a really kind of leary.
It sounds like it's being sung by your drunk uncle after dinner, and it's
just it's a bit of a party banger. When my wife got home downstairs,
I could hear her from like down here. She's singing the Mariah Carey
song because it's stuck in her head for like like all I want for Christmas
is you via like the Moraccary version for like the last three days. So
actually I got it wrong. It's Wizard with two z's who do. I
wish it could be Christmas every day? Which is good. They were the
child molester Ones, I think allegedly legally slate the drunk Ones. What's it
called? He just shouts It's Christmas. That's the key lyric in it.
He just goes hits Christmas. And when you hear that in England, you
know it's Christmas and not some other that's a holiday. Slade never get the
actual title for this because I've never had to look up Merry Christmas Everybody by
Slade. Yeah, it's got a bit of a guitar, it's got some
widows in long Yeah. I pulled the video of I'm looking at it right
now, Like it looks like like like knock offs from like Parliament Funkadelic,
like the White version, you know, like these like Bob Ross is playing
drums. There's like a little guy a bear costume, with a saxophone.
Yeah, probably there's a lot going on. It was the seventies, but
yeah, it's a it's a good time Christmas side. It's one of those
ones you can actually kind of drink and stumble around to maybe accidentally step on
one of the kids. It's fun. Okay, now that we've got the
good news out of way. Worst you'll blove songs Bevin go oh huh.
I don't know. There's probably something by boy bands I've never heard so that
or I'll pick if I have to choose one, I know I'm gonna go
with Wham's Last Christmas just because it was like so overplayed while I was in
Korea, like all throughout the year. Well every country, mate, I
don't think you could escape for it in Korea. You're not escaping from it
anywhere. That song was overplayed all over the world all year rounds. No,
I don't think we like that bad. It felt like, oh my
god one time. I mean I was there in the early two thousands,
DoD he's still handt gut over it. That's a dedication. Well done,
career in July. In July, oh, that's great, I can see
garage. I got fucking wham in my ear wham. That is unusual.
I can see what that would have twisted. Like I said, I don't
mind that song. It is overplayed, but you know it reminds me of
school disc goes simple a time, so I guess it's got a nostalgic element
for me. But I can see that you're overexposure to it is a reasonable
reaction to hating that song. I don't even hate it. I mean,
you made me pick up worst Okay, Well that's sure. You don't want
to hate it. Hatred feels good, tis the well, that's that's true.
It is that time of season for the hatred. Just Eric your grievances
festivus no again, Like I all I want for Christmas is you, over
and over and over and over and over and over and over. And it's
to the point where it's like it might have been cute. I first heard
that, I think, honestly, like in love actually in two thousand and
two, so twenty one years later, like a constant deluge of that song,
like I don't care anymore. Uh, I'm sure there are worse songs.
I think New Kids in the Block did one. I think justin Bieber
probably did one, and I just, yeah, that's the thing. They're
definitely, definitely worst songs, but they're not being shoved down your throat.
Oh you know, like a tinsel anema. Well that's not your fault,
but you know, I don't think that's how anima's work down your throat.
It's like, well, if you'll dedicate enough, you can get an animal
and you swallow the chincel it goes down through it comes out the other end.
Then we can create a tinsul like flussy yourself. Yes exactly, you
know, a rector. Yeah, deep plans, so a festive, deep
cleanse. Right. But again, when some Christmas songs for they get very
you know, even like I said, even though I love that Rudolph song,
but a lot of those old timy ones that come back around around like
Little Drummer Boy, like I don't care, and you know it's just with
a lot of them get real religious. That's when I'm like, I'm done.
I always really like the one where David Bowie comes and sings a duet
with Ben Crosby for the Little Drummer Boy. But I always really liked it
because oh yeah, that's a good one. They did a music video with
David Bowie like just turns up to Ben Crosby's house like they hang out together,
and yeah, Bowie is clearly on so much fucking gear when he does.
He just walks in and he's like, hello, big Crosby, I've
come to sing a duet with you. Because he's just like this nice so
bad guy. Oh hello, David did come in. Let's put a blanket
around you and cool an ambulance before you go at the shop. You degenerate,
So yeah, take away. Also, that's how we got under pressure
by Queen. He just he just showed up to the studio and it's the
same situation. Just showed up to Freddy Burkery's house at Christmas, doaped off
his tits somewhere. You just show up somewhere and make a legend like my
existence, I come to your house at boom legend. Good. Yeah,
he probably doesn't even remember doing that, or he doesn't now because he's dead.
It's a shame, but he probably didn't remember doing that. Let's not
talk about dead heroes. It's it's the season to not talk about dead people.
Actually that's wrong as well. Do talk a lot, you know,
and that they've got a whole screw ting and there are lots of dead people
in it. Christmas is weird. What do you think about it? Back
back in the day, I think it was the night Santa went crazy by
Weird. Al That's a fantastic one that I uh and I hold dear to
my heart. We can always rely on Weird how to cheer things up a
bit. I was gonna say my least favorite one. Bevin. You mentioned
there's probably some song by a boy band, and I was talking about the
importance of the Christmas number one and that got cynically hijacked in England by people
who thought, if we get the Christmas number one slot, we make fucking
bank. But it doesn't necessarily have to be a Christmas song, and they
started doing these little things like the music video for this I think it was
It's E seventeen or fucking take Out or some piece of shit boyband and it
would stay now and it was a fine song, but it was just a
normal song. So what they did is they put some bells in it and
the music video it had them standing in the snow, unlikely pieces of shit.
That does not make it a your blood song. The idea that we
would have any any contest about whether die Hard is a Christmas moan while that
abomination is still fucking out there on Christmas compilation CDs is deeply annoying to me.
Cartman making like, you know, Christian based faith music by just taking
like love songs and adding Jesus on top of baby or whatever or girl.
It's not even that creative, give it's worse than that. It's just basically
is like, well, we wrote a song is nearly Christmas. Let's put
everyone in white puffer jackets, those motherfuckers. Yeah, it was a toss
up between that and a song called I Believe In Father Christmas by Greg Lake,
which is the most depressing fucking Christmas song I've ever heard, not even
a kind of It'll be Lonely this Christmas Way, where it's kind of that
kind of song. It's just a cynical, boring piece of shit. Listen
to the last line of this song. I'll give you the opening lines and
the closing lines. They said they'll be snow at Christmas, they said they'll
be peace on earth, but instead it just kept on raining a vail of
tears for the virgin birth it's like fucking morose prick. Could you like to
do me a favorite and like flip your hair to one side as you read
that so I can see the shaved part right here. Yeah, I mean
this was before Emo. He had no fucking excuse for this in your hot
topic like silver chain. So yeah, they said they'll be snow at Christmas.
They said they'll be peace on earth. Hallelujah, Noel, be it
heaven or hell the Christmas we get, we deserve that. Such a miserable
fuck itself, it is. But it's like, it's like what it reminds
me one of my favorite poems, Richard Corey. I don't know if you're
familiar with it or not. I am not. It's it's a poem dressing
is this, Yes, it's a poem. It's like the short version is
it's a poem about a guy who lives in this town and everybody loves him.
He contributes, and like da, he goes up to his house and
might just shoots himself. That's it. That's the poem because because even though
he's beloved by everybody, he just didn't share what was going on, and
he just and he just took his own life and it's one of those like
it's depressing as shit. It's like, so this thing was like poem,
I get Christmas, I get Christmas. I get Christmas depression. You know,
I I do. Like when you said Korea, like I was stationed
and created like over Christmas. I'm been stationing a lot of places overseas during
Christmas. And if you're lucky, if you're at work at leasta around people,
but trying to create a found family over that time of year, you
know, it's hard. You know, it's so, I mean, I've
been there. It sucks, especially if you've been suffering. Why mcad and
since July, I enjoyed my Korean Christmas is well, I mean, but
you had to make friends really fast. You all like hang out together,
and like at least now I was lucky enough. We eventually I did have
a group to be with on Christmas Day and it was we actually had a
good day. We all brought some food and had a little pot luck and
like turned it into something. But it's like, yeah, it's yeah,
but you know, I've foud Christmas. I've been up in Alaska working like
like nowhere to go. It's freezing coal there's nine feet of snow outside,
it's dark, and I have been. I've had some bad Christmases too.
You just can't get home that year for whatever reason. So it's I get
the depression. I understand that. But this song isn't even about Christmas depression.
This is a grown man make an entire song about how the person interpret
the art. Yeah, yeah, are explain this guy, tell me tell
me his feelings. There, no, no, there's nothing to this is
what he wrote about. This is about a grown man seeking about the time
he realized fucking Santa Claus wasn't real. They sold me a dream of Christmas.
They sold me a silent night, and they told me a fairy story
till I believed in the Israelite and I believed in Father Christmas. I looked
at the sky very excited that I awoke with a yawn in the first light
of dawn, and I saw him through his disguise, Like, dude,
your first six year old, get fucking over it. Bring everyone else down
because your dad had a ship. Santa Clause seem like a new thirty six
year old, Like, and he's thirty six now. Because I could believe
some of those people this is what gratly this song is an old song.
Okay, well I saw Santa Claus. I mean that's at least that's sweet.
Yeah, but at least they had they had fun with it. This
guy apparently carried his trauma to his fucking grave. There's there's one more.
I think I might have talked about this recently, but uh, I'll be
home for Christmas. I think there's another big offender because he says I'll be
home for Christmas. You can plan on me. Please have snow and missiles
and presence by the tree, Please make preparations for my return here. Christmas
will find me. Where are the lovelight gleams. I'll be home for Christmas
after all this, he says, if only in my dreams. Guess what,
I'm not coming home for Christmas. Fucking yeah, you should. You
should have led with that. I've spent a lot of money on this.
Unbelievable Oh my god, I could just imagine this as a phone call and
the kids are counting on you come home. Oh they'll be so happy.
Ah, if only imagine you, son of a bitch. You gotta be
in the end there, you son of a bitch. I'm getting nothing for
Christmas. Oh my god, we don't have to delve into deeply depressing Christmas
nineteen seventy four. I believe in Father Christmas Cake because mommy and Daddy were
mad I nineteen seventy four. There were better things to be doing with your
time, Greg Lake. Cocaine, lots of cocaine. Absolutely, Look at
Slade. You're sitting there fucking depressed because your dad Santa Claus costume wasn't up
to snuff. Slater out there getting hammered, shouting It's Christmas and making a
legendary number one out of it. So yeah, as much as the East
seventeen cynical tempt at disguising a media Caissan as a Christmas classic irks me,
I think my worst has to go to Greg Lake. Don't get on your
ship list, all right, fantastic, All right, This is entirely why
I started being on this podcast, Gibbie. I just wanted someplace to dump.
Be at Greg Lake, be it at the Jews. I totally we
get back to it later on. I thought you do. When you were
you specifically caught off the Israelites like your song there, so I thought you're
like you like that one drunk uncle that has like too many dreams you probably
shouldn't have. Yeah, maybe keep him away from the children. I am
jaking, of course, I'm totally. I'm totally. If Emily was here,
we could have had some mahnikah insight into this. But she's not.
Sadley I apologize listeners. She couldn't make it. Okay, So we've done
movies, we've done music, food stuffs. I always enjoy talking to Americans
about Christmas food stuff because obviously you get all the turkey ship out of the
way on Thanksgiving, so you got a little bit of a Christmas Thanksgiving part
two. Yeah, my boxing, you don't understand another ham. Yes,
you don't have bucks a day turkey gravy, mashed potatoes, turkey for thirty
days. I get eat that easily, like once a week. It is
like my favorite comfort food, Like just a savory brown gravy turkey, mashed
potatoes and garlic and butter on that on those taters. You know, a
size some corn or something like that. I don't care for the green ship,
keep that away from it. What's the green ship? Green bean cast
roles? Some kind of like these people normally level up. Yeah, yeah,
nope, No, that's that's when people do that, when they suddenly
get creative and stop pouring a load of double cream and bacon into that vegetable
mish mash. That's good. I like bacon in my vegetables. Yeah,
well, see that is that is a Southern type thing, especially in the
Appalachia region. It's like just you have it. You have so much bacon
and fat back and in the vegetables that it's basically a pork product by the
time it's slow cooked. So nice. Yeah, it's kind actually kind of
good. That's the vegetables like get behind where it just tastes like bacon.
H But yeah, I love that time of year when it's just like I
get more of Thanksgiving, I get more holiday food. You know. I
want the can. I want to repeat people, the can of cranberry sauce.
Not I don't want your Grandmama's. I want your homemade recipe. I
want the jiggly can with the ridges in it that's just sliced. It's so
much better. Do you take that and just put on a plate and put
in the center of the table so everyone can just peel themselves up the strip
from the can. I have a friend makes a berry man every year he
puts a can there, but it makes it makes a little snowman out of
the cranberry thing, like he puts up my head and faint arms, and
cranberry man adorns their Thanksgiving plate every year, and damn it, it's amazing.
So it's amazing. I like that. Like I'm like, I'm mister
a potato head of cranberry sauce, A brilliant Okay, we're all on the
same page. With just big old turkey dinner there, I would say,
to our Christmas two box a day, and that's when we move on to
ham leftover turkey slices of supplemental ham, and we have for Thanksgiving, and
then I'll get to Christmas. Yeah, excellent, great. I will admit
I don't care for ham Christmas ham. I it's it's it's I know,
I said it. I Oh, I saw Bob's face like you, Yeah,
it's fine, it's just not I don't I want more turkey. I
don't. You can have all the ham. I'm not gonna say no to
it, but I don't. You don't need to push it towards my plate.
I might take a I got a little thin slicing. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, But I just want more turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing and
gravy and corn torn bread. But I think about I think in terms of
leftovers as well. You know, I like the turkey sandwiches, turkey other
turkey dishes. You can make most of the turkey sandwiches, but the ham.
I like the ham sandwiches too, But I also like chopping up the
ham chunks and putting it in with the red beans and rice. You're over
complicated. I just like to get myself a nice big fistful of ham,
A fistful of ham. I tried to scrunch it all up so it looks
like an apple, but it's the opposite of an apple. And I just
like greasy apple, oily apple. Oh yeah, I feel like a right
fucking what's your stance on eggnog? Oh? You know what, I'm glad
I got converted. I've been for a year. We don't really get over
here. You can't just go out and buy a car and of eggnog.
And I've been hearing you guys talk about for so long in movies, stuff
and in conversations, so a couple of years ago, I decided to make
my own and I put an entire bottle of crack and rum in it,
and some cinnamon and some little glittery stuff I bought. And you don't put
glitter in your drinks. That's bad. That's bad. It was like it
was like edible pink glitter to make it look nice, not just like ground
up glass floor dust and put it on shake your drink. Nice. Christmas
is a time of miracles. Yeah, it's great. It's like a nice,
big old vanilla milkshake custard concoction with a in it. Yes, gorgeous.
So yeah, I'm a full eggnog convert, even though I still think
it is the worst name for a drink. That's pretty bad. I like
a glass of egg product. No, I don't want to. I don't
want your egg my class well because like if you told me anything is nag,
I'm like that just sounds gross, like like slab my nog, which
like would you like want to taste of this nog? I'm like, that's
just feels like I'm going to be molested. I don't want that, you
know, It's why I did drink it for years. I think I was
around eleven or twelve. My dad's is just try this, and I'm like
I'm smelling and I'm like like, oh my god. Then I read the
back. It's like ninety percent fat, Like no, wonder, it's still
it's just basically it tastes like a classic McDonald's vanilla milkshake, but I've put
a bottle of rum in it, right. And I felt the same way
about as my youth about cheesecake, because I did not know how good cheesecake
was just the name, because I know, I know Birthday I'm a child,
I'm dumb. There's cheese, which is velveta or mac and cheese or
shell it like the block, you know, and then there's cake, and
like a birthdays are different things. You don't put those together. That's a
no no. That's like manna's a peanut butter. You'll learn the hard way,
you know, only if only. I I think that was deliberately made
up by adults to confuse children. If they said, like, you want
some of this broccoli chocolate, No, I think, of course that's well.
Then then someone asked like what's that sweetbread? Like, oh yeah,
sure, I'll try, and you find out what it actually is, like,
no, thank you, Yeah, I think some I think some food
names are just made up by adults side of children, like pancreas or something
of animals. Yeah yeah, I think I only heard that in Hannibal like
this, so I'm not sure how often that's been used to confuse children,
or maybe just your grow up kind of country you get all kinds of like
we basically had our own appellation version of hagis growing up. Oh nice,
like scrapple and pond hoss and all these type of like weird leftover meats kind
of chopped up, spiced and rolled and cooked and yeah. So ah,
well, I'm glad we all seem to be on the same page with delicious
yule blob foods. There. Do we have a least favorite we want to
talk about? We said vegetables, Like, if there's a conventional vegetable on
my plate, I'm like, you're just taking you're deare for decoration. You
bring. That's it. Least favorite Christmas, I guess the I have to
go. I have to stretch as far as New Year's because there's like the
tradition of black eyed peas and cabbage and gross m well, New Year's we
get haggis and neaps, so that is deliberately gross. It's purely that is
just formulated to soak up alcohol so you can drink for two days straight.
It's a Scottish tradition. But yeah, I wouldn't like to sit down at
lunch ago. I could really go for the haggis and deeps right now because
I want mashed up fruit, vegetable and mashed up miscellaneous animal in a stomach
line. I got so in Scotland at a pub that I like, just
bring me some haggis. They're like, are you sure? I might just
do it before I lose min ve. Just bring it to me and I
ate it and it was delicious. You know, it's fine. It's just
it's one of those drunk foods that you just like. It was amazing ect
what I need and it tastes enough, it tastes enough of something that it
gets through to fuck. Yeah. I was in Edinburgh. I was all
on the one side of the river raw those rows of bars are you see
the castle up on the hill And I was just in some bar somewhere and
they're like they're giving you their own home laggers. You know, just these
dark, dark brown like home brewed loggers, and each one's like twenty five
thirty five percent alcohol per glass, you know, like, and it's pretty
good, So it has its purpose. But I'll say that's my least favorite
holiday fight. Least, let me ask you this least favorite holiday cookie.
Everybody like, like a lot of people around the holidays around here, they
like to do like, let's do us, let's do a Christmas holiday cookie
swamp how people bring all their cookies? Gibbie, I have heard I have.
I have to interrupt you. Okay, why don't Germans have Christmas cookies?
Because it's Stalin? You should go back to writing a man, I
feel good about that. I thought you were going to say something to do
with ovens. No, God Jesus Christ, No, it was because Stalin
is a German fucking Christmas cookie. Ah, your one was much better.
But I already, like I've already leaned a little bit too far in that
direction this podcast, So let's not do that. Also, like I've never
heard of that joke does not crossed. It's not there's about going. Steve
is really funny. Merry Christmas. Both both Brits listen to this laughing there.
Absolutely, I was fucking proud of that one. You know what,
I think that's an original Steve joke as well. So don't let me catch
any of you American comedians stealing my fucking joke. Well it'll be hard,
but we'll find a way to sally forth you were saying about Christmas cookie.
Sorry, favorite cookie is and least favorite. I don't know. I don't
know a Christmas cookie. When is that? It's stopping like okay, like
a gingerbread, a sugar cookie, because I don't care about those at all.
Let me just double check this. I think it's just kind of a
fat gingerbread. Let me just google. I'm a bit drunk stolin fat gingerbread
question mark. Yeah, kind of a little bit sure, best authentic starving
German Christmas bread. There you go. It's a shortcust cookie, gingerbread,
short cross cookie. So yeah, fat gingerbread. I hope everybody now understands
and appreciates the joke. I just told they probably we had a good roll
going there for a while, and that was just they're just fucking absolutely derailed
it. It was it, and I'll do it again next year. So
now, you guys Chewia chips. Ahoy, it's not really a Christmas cookie,
that's the I mean, I don't I don't know what Christmas canes good
or bad Christmas sweet treat Okay, what you stands on candy canes. They're
more for decoration, I think, to be honest, they look they don't
need to stick of peppermint. You know. I think there was a time
and that was considered the treat that the kid who was very poor god at
the end of the year because Odin brought him a peppermint stick or something.
Yeah, and I think on Christmas, that's my I might have one of
those instead of brushing my teeth because it's a holiday. Why not you just
put it in your coffee and stir with it. Yeah, it's nice to
have just to keep you occupied and then in case you need to stab someone
makes you just keep you occupied between courses and or stabs. It's versatile.
It's a Christmas classic, but I could it's more to look at for me,
to be honest. Candy canes even they make the fruity ones like the
like you know, like they like lifesavers are like make their like their fruity
versus candy canes, and you know Starburst does as well. I think Skittles.
No, that's where I draw the line. Okay, don't try to
make them. Don't try to make them more appealing to me. That's not
what tradition is about. Keep them ship and I'll keep buying them, looking
at them and then throwing them into trash l It's fine, that's they're in
Calloween. Yeah, yeah, I think my mince pies are big over here.
We always buy a Christmas pudding and then don't eat it again as very
candy cane thing. There's always a type of I guess brandy butter slash custard
combo that comes out over here that just tastes like boozy custard. And I've
always wanted to just buy some and just drink it because I'm a grown man
and I can do what I want. My children already know what to expect
of me, and I can just drink boozy custard if I like, so,
I might do that. Yeah, it's supposed to. There's supposed to
be like that was to pour on your pudding, Steve, And I'm like,
you know, I put it in this pint glass now and this is
me for the rest of the ease. I'm drinking it from the from the
gravy boat, just like like a ladder lamp. I don't even have to
put it. Yeah, it's Christmas. I can put it in a shoe
if I like I might. That's why Christmas is the superior holiday. It
really is. We got it's one of our traditions. We go to our
friend's house on Christmas, even everybody, everybody shows up. You just coming
your pajamas. You just wear it. You're going to go to bed in
that night, just just like whatever T shirt and sweatpants or like you know,
pajama pants you're gonna wear. And like you'ren't even go to where sneakers
are you going to someone's house. But like then you just go home and
crawl in to bed and boom, it's Christmas. If you can buy,
if you combine the pajamas with a stadium bag, then you can just pass
out. You can just drink until you fall over. And did you wake
up under the Christmas tree ready for action? Yeah? But you're someone house
then and then it's like, where's my gifts ready? And I'm opening the
I guess so drunk I'm opening their presence, like I don't want that.
I've got your bike a giant reservoir of piss. You just they have a
live tree in a little water at the bottom, like not anymore, let's
see what it takes to kill that tree. Kids just run into their parents'
troep. Bobby daddy son is dead. He's got a huge bag of piss.
I think I think you see the PlayStation games and he threw up that.
Ah, yeah, it sounds wonderful. What a magical time of year
it really is. I think we've gone around the classics. Now I've had
fun. I'm excited now, I'm excited for the festive season, regardless of
what you say out the break and then you go, I threw your fucking
bone other religions. That's right. We're watching Hebrew Hammer at the next at
the movies. Hebrew Hammer a yule blop classic for Gremlins that takes place at
Christmas and like Phoebek's dad dies, Yeah, Gremblins is a Christmas movie.
They have a whole yeah, the whole discussion about somebody dressing up Santa close
and breaking the neck. That's you can't get more Christmas than that. I
wonder if Phoebe Kate's his dad had like a full fucking pissed bag on him
as well. Maybe that's how that happens. Did he break his neck?
Like? Was he was? He verticals? The upside down? Like where
did the poop go? When he died? Pointed himself. You know,
there's a lot they didn't discuss in that, for which I am thankful.
But Christmas is yeah or grateful. Leave that to New Year, leave that
the thanksgiving. Christmas is just about a series of bizarre traditions and indulgences which
I like to think you can celebrate regardless of whatever serious holidays you have around
this time. Welcome to the Yule blob ibe, you have fun, watch
Diehard, piss yourself, etc. So Ho ho ho, happy whatever,
non denominational being bless you and we'll see you next time. On offers of
dragons, Bye bye, Autors and Dragons. Brought to you under Creative Commons
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