Hey, what up, Junior Adventurers. It's me Steve from the podcast.
I know you're anxious to get into the game of guests the live show recording
from Authors and Dragons Can twenty twenty three in Portland, Oregon, featuring star
talent Matt Dinnam and Jeff Hayes, Amy Langdon and actors and hosted by none
other than our own Judy Black. I know you're keen to get into that,
But first a couple of apologies. This live event went very well.
Unfortunately, our recording of it did not. It was corrupted in a vile
transfer or very boring technical crap, which means that we don't have a very
good quality recording. Now we do have recording is for the most part fine.
It may be a bit frustrating for those of you who are used to
our general level of expertise, so I do apologize for that, but I
did want to bring you the game because it is a lot of fun.
Obvious sleep, I guess you should have turned up for the live show,
eh huh oh well, And I will say that this this recording is on
YouTube, so if you want to get the full effect and maybe have a
more enriched experience. Please do check out our channel like and subscribe while you
know, why don't you anyway? See you in the chaos by a Dragon
time magic to fight the band of he what's the buck to the fight?
Play with? How is? They don't understand all they fucking are? All
they say? The lass words as a dragon, stay powers combine. A
group of fantasy authors take on a sadistic games maaster. Will they survive?
The odds do not look good? Alrighty, hello, I think we're about
to get started here, so thank you all for joining us. So I
am first. I guess I'm gonna introduce myself. I am Judy Black.
I play Gigi's a necle Manselle on our Calamity podcast, Who's Quest for Calamity?
That's what it's called. Question. It's been days. It's gonna be
a good game. But yeah. So I will be the Dungeon mass If
today and I'm a letter Lovely panelists introduce themselves and the character they're playing.
Oh I get to introduce my character. I'm very excited. I'm hello everyone.
My name is Amy Landon. I am an audiobook narrator and I've narrated
a couple of Drew Hayes Books. I definitely have no idea what I'm doing,
so we're going to have a good time. I am a goliath.
This is what I do know. I'm getting to be a goliath. He's
Outlander, so he's Albeli's obviously school tesh and male. But his name is
teeny tiny Tina. We also I have to tell him he's got access and
he's very big, only like Spear, I think, I say so.
I'm Actus. I am a novelist Web novels and on Amazon as well.
I write My best friend is Noldator and Return of the Reinbound Professor my main
novels H and I am playing Beefsteak, the Druid of the Land with a
very bad accent. That's it's all right. Uh. My name is Jeff
Hayes. I am the owner and senio of Sound Theater, and I'm also
the narrator of Dungeon Crawler Carl and today I will be playing suit Bad.
He's a bond, he's human and I wants such wized of the nobles who
still wants my head was a misteak, but I want yes, And I'm
joined by a bunch of roots says this exposition, I am a pretty pret
incessis I take offense? My name is Matt right right serious today I am
way desert at work. His name also and his name his name is Jeff.
But naked Jeff. Every time. Yes, building with one tea.
People always think it's two teas because there isn't say buddy naked Jeff, but
it's actually saying Jeff, Come up, bunny naked Jeff. Is there a
non naked Jeff as well? Right here? Oh boy, oh boy,
wow, Okay, yeah, we got we got true talent here this show
in the room. Speaking of talent today, who all have been recruited to
participate in the hottest New competition Barovia's got talent. So each of you will
be required to either work together or apart or against one another. Should you
so choose to try and conquer your opponents on the stage, can we kill
them? It's Barrovia, yes, very nice. So you have arrived to
Barrovia. It's you know, filled with bog and vampires and whatever. But
you're really like you're here for a good time, not a long time.
So you have like me everywhere. That's life motto. Indeed, so you
are traveling mind in your own business, but suddenly you are approached because of
your shockingly weird but beautiful group. Box beautiful, but beautiful as a whole?
Whoa but beautiful? Is it his boot? I think so? Is
coming like Box beautiful? It's not your bod. We're not talking about yours.
We're talking about them. So I didn't wait here. Spot's beautiful.
Yes, well you can see it. It's nice. It's the only one
with we can see right now. We should keep it that way. Where
are where are we? So? You have settled into a beautiful for Barovia
town yet to be overrun by wherewolves and or vampires end or bloodthirsty hags and
you know whatever, It doesn't matter. You are here to prove that you
are talented. So are you talented? That that is yet to be discovered.
As you arrive into the town, a dapperly dressed man approaches you.
Y'all here for the talent show? Indeed, sir? All right, yeah,
I was here for the bed. We got that too, all right?
Are we just going to following? You will learn plenty of beer with
our talents. Do not worry enough? Okay? Whoever loses like we ritual
sacrifice though, so like you got to sign the terms and waiver. But
like even if you don't sign, like you still will die if you lose.
So just as long as you are aware of the terms and conditions and
by listening to them you have agreed. Question is there one winner? Are
three losers or one loser? Like how many of us? Day? I
think it's the other teams? Oh right, all right, so as long
as we win, we ll live. We all live. We do you
actually get anything? If you win, you get your life? I mean,
like that seems like that's pretty cool. I mean, why why are
we doing this? You know? And you get like the acclaim of you
know, saying that you're the most talented in this section of Barrovia that has
not been burned down and or destroyed by vampires and or where was it and
or bloodthirsty has? It's enough for me, It's pretty good. I like
it. We do also have like a belt that someone rolled in some glitter
we found. Oh I want it later. I love glitter as well.
Yeah glitter, Yeah, yeah, that's a pretty part ticket item. I'm
not gonna should have opened with that. Oh yeah, you know, it's
the one guy. He's naked, so I figured clothing might not be like
a thing for y'allais account. It's clothing if it's just the bilt on.
I think it depends when you wear it, but naked except for my path
which carries my as my other stuff had a whole thing. So no builds
is what we're saying. No bails she least competition for us to have the
belts are No, I haven't say that's part of the talent show. The
stripping pad. He's already stripped though, so he's the pole and we just
spin round. That would work. Yeah, I'm looking forward to this show.
I got to say, we got several other people who signed up in
our you know, doing whatever to try and get ready body and what's whatever.
We're you know, we're pretty easily entertained group. We do have this
brand new technology that our lovely Lord and Xavier Strada provided to us, which
is called the aplasometer, which is on this wonderful little doo hiki that doesn't
know my face anymore. Let's call the plazometer. So you know, when
an audience cheers, it'll go and change colors. Y'all gotta do better,
than that. All right, one more time? Right, So our lovely
crowd actually decides who the winners are and who dies. So y'all better like
make them happy, because you know, if if the crowd ain't happy,
little nobody's happy in Baropio. But if the crowd ain't happy, they turn
to violence go quickly. It's it's much like Middle Georgia if you have ever
been there, or fights out real quick. But yeah, so we got
like a little dressing room if y'all want to like all hang out together.
But if y'all want to like go PvP and like fight it out amongst yourself,
that's that's that's your business. I don't get in people's business. Well,
I think we should work together because I do not have any talent.
Yeah, here, yes, let's work together. I don't know what PVC
pipe is, so amen PC that's what you say. Get to it,
all right, don't do it? Yeah, you can practice your alphabet as
part of the show. You know. That's a that's someone got that as
their talent. Actually they're team in the alphabet song. Yeah. Yeah,
that's good. That's good. That's good. All right, so we're in
the green room. Yeah, I'll take y'all'll talk it to the room.
I mean, I said it was like a room. It's it's it's a
farm. You know, you make do we have like a green room.
We painted it green and everything. But it turns out that what they're SAgs
don't like the color green. They find it very upset. I thought there
weren't any hags here, yet there weren't. That's that was what we sacrificed,
essentially for the hacks to leave the rest of the town alone, because
they were so angry by the green that they just like focused all their rage
on green. So we learned a new, you know, tactic to deal
with bloodthirsty hacks. Still can't handle where wolves or vampires though, let alone,
like when the trees come along and like try to kill you. That's
like wall man. Have you considered painting the war wolves and vampires green?
You know, that's a good strategy, but it would require getting close to
them, and since most people's blood ain't green, it doesn't work too well.
It's the opposite of green. Yeah, usually we gotta find some green
blood. Well. I wonder if the trees got green blood and you could
do the Christmas like the burrito with the red chili and the green chili,
and you can just no. So anyways, I got you on a barn.
It's red, but if you want to just pretend in the opposite it
is green. Are there other contestants here? Yeah, they're they're in the
barn, guys. We can eliminate the competition before it. You got you
got your own stall, all right, that's your private room. You're you
got a stall. Well, I suppose I couldn't pop out and discover what
other talents you can spain. I'm very good at spying. Actually, he's
got at stake. I'm not. I don't get any business, and you
have a lot of business hanging out their third So respectfully, I'm going to
stay over here and just direct you with a point towards the barn and then
avert my eyeballs as you move, because it is very distracting. I must
admit, sir, you should use that as part of the shore the mean
attraction. You can just start spinning. Yea, you could just do it
and we can kill everybody while he is getting performance. I have a stick,
all right, multiple we're in our vision stall stall of the barn.
I had to hold is it fit you've hit? Okay? Am I am
I able to leave our little section. Yeah, there's absolutely no security and
basically nobody here but the other performers. You can pretty easily hear them some
sound in various states of going well and going violently. All right, well,
I would like to investigate the stall right next to us. All right,
aren't you attempting to be sneaky about it? Are you just like being
chill about it? Yeah, I'll act careful sort of walk up to the
to the door. What what? What does? What does the door look
like? Is it so slow? They only got the lower half of their
little stall door clothes. The upper half is open and you can see a
man in there with what appears to be a ventriloquist dummy. Okay, so
I'm just, you know, walking by pretending to stretch. I want to
know a little bit more about his act. Is it just him with a
ventriloquis dummy? As far as in that stall, it's just him and a
green painted control of boy stomach? Perfect, So no competition there? Can
I move on to the next stall? Absolutely? What are you three doing?
Well? Well, he's investigating the stalls, investigating I'm very curious about
what is happening. I need to know. Do either of you have any
talents. I've got an ax my mom. I've got two of them,
and I can throw them. My mom said, there was a pretty princess.
That's it. That's all I have. I don't know if you're pretty
what or a princess. I will admit that I've got low intelligence, but
we can go with that either. No, it's just a low intelligence.
That's what my mom said. So is that a talent with the low intelligence
or the pretty princess part the low intelligence? Yes, it is, and
I've got that too. We've got double low intelligence. Can we sell us?
Yes, we could tell that we could run for office. You could
probably were you guys down there, Jeff, I'm practicing my shadow animals because
I did in the second grade. This is true. Are you using your
hands? I was about to ask, yes, you're making them? Yeah?
I remember? What is that? Can you make that? What if
you make a dog? Jeff? Whatever? This one? I have a
wild shape a rabbit. I think this act will will take a little practice.
Maybe you can make it. Oh boy, I think shadow animals is
the way to go. Okay, I like to think that you can hear
this conversation as you're snooping. You're just hearing this passive link. I think
you should work on that. Oh, the puppetry, the painis e painis
you do? I'm not sure checking your point? Have one? Do?
Pretty princesses usually have those. I'm very having this discussion. That's what we're
discussing. Yes, yeah, I like to hear you. You can just
hear that passively behind you and you're just very focused, were not quiet pretending
you cannot hear this? Just fine? All right? So next? All
all right? So at the next doall you find a single halfling with a
bow that is far too big for him and attempting to do trick shots.
However, his first shot, as you watch, actually sends him flying backwards
into the wall. That sounds impressive. It seems our odds continue to get
better. How many more stalls? All that? There are two more stalls?
May I proceed? Absolutely? Let's see what's in the third stall of
al al right, So in your third stall you walk on what appears to
be a ventriloquist doll with its hand inside a person. All right, that
one might be competition noted. We'll come back to the stall in your free
time when no one is watching. Alright, cool stall, what is our
last bit of competition? All right? And in the fourth stall you find
a trio of dwarves who are practicing belching their ABC's belching their ABC's. Okay,
we have one stall of competition. I'm coming back to the store.
We're going to talk to my brutish brethren. Hair. So your best idea
was the shadow puppets then? Yes, possibly the penis puppet three? That
was part of it. Yeah, we also discussed puppets with six hands and
a penis. Yes, we have penises if we need them. Well,
whatever you all decide to do, I can play my lute behind you while
you do it. So I think that all we really need to do now
is find out what this ventriloquist human. Are you sure it's not just someone
that stuffed the puppets? Hand up your ass? It might not actually be
anything we need to get in there, you know. I might need to
go have a chat with that that fellow one control ye who's controlling who?
Number three? That's we can also just get rid of it. I have
produced flame and we're in a barn. While I am gone, I do
encourage you to perhaps come up with an alternate alternative show idea in case it's
a little bit better than Shadow Puppets. It's not just Shadow Puppets. I
understand that it's better. Worry. I'm not trying to demean you want to
show in the second grade with Shadow pet That is quite an achievement. Have
you want a talent show? Yeah, you want that. I've won many
hearts in many you could possibly say that that qualifies. It's not really winning
a talent show. Do you have an award trophy reading? It's not I
don't have many trophies, but I have earned myself many a night in many
taverns. I've slept in taverns too. That's not impressive. What I'm saying
you have to pay. All Right, you guys, come up with a
new plan. Will compare the two plans when I return. I'm going to
should have talk with this ventrilo ventriloquist human for a bit. I haven't a
plank. You do the Shadow puppets, and you make a wolf, and
then I turn into a wolf, and then we pretend that I am your
puppet in shadow What is that. I like it. Let's do that.
I like it. You could turn into a wolf? Yes, yes,
look, isn't that the who doesn't I just wing the whole show. I'm
doing it right now. I'm not a wolf, but I look like one.
Ride you do look like a wolf. You look good than you?
Why? Okay, it's just I'm leaving. I am leaving. Do you
like my wolf impression? Come back? Okay, it's all a number three.
I'm just gonna have a little rap on the gate there, all right,
I'll be very friendly. Hello, what what? What? What are
you doing in here? So well, madam, I wasn't sure. The
puppet and the human turned towards you say, we are here. Nothing to
fear. They're not competition anymore. We'll see. How long have you been
doing your act, sir? Oh it's been ages since we wrote those pages.
Rhyming, very creepy. Yes, I think this is actually a competition.
So I will say, okay, good luck, very interesting act you
have here, And I'm going to pretend to walk away, but then I'm
going to cast invisibility. Okay, okay, okay, very nice, alright,
you just like working now for any sort of Okay, now, if
they look for you, then they will. But you just have gone invisible.
All right, so I'm invisible, you are invisible. I'm going to
attempt to vault the gate. Okay, undetected, make an acrobatics check.
Acrobats we go. I'm plus four and I'm invisible. Does that give me
a bonus not to jumping, but landing undetected? I will if you make
the jump, you are undetected, I will give you that. Here goes
ducky eleven fifteen. All right, the puppet and the human don't appear or
to have noticed as you successfully not the most graceful in the world, but
a successful leap end landing perfect. All right. Now I would like to
more closely investigate these individuals. Okay, all right, so I'm glad you're
acusing. You're practicing. They're practicing hard for you. What is the ventriloquist
human also doing? Shadow? No, so the ventriloquist's hand appears to be
embedded into the spine of the human. They do appear to be absolutely connected.
M fused fused? Does it were so creepy? So is this actually
Jeff as a sorry? Right? Used? A puppet with its hand up
a person's ass spine passed to the spine. Okay, there must be something
a little bit more than afarious going on besides just it's being a very interesting
performance art flex seal. Is there anything else I can I can detect from
this person? Neckliments? Perhaps make a what are you trained in? Are
you? What are you? But skilled? Are you best at? Lets?
My reception? Performance persuasion plus five plus seven plus seven investigations plus three?
Okay, I can do perception, then give me a lucky loo perception.
I'm sorry. Perception is plus one. Oh well, then don't do
that. Investigation is plus three perfect, all right, ducky I got a
twenty one? Who oh? Is that a GNAT twenty eighteen plus three?
I was going to be like, Wow, that is the most chilled NAP
twenty I've ever experienced. Okay, so you're wondering if there's maybe necromancy or
something of some Yes, I'd like I'd like to investigate whether there is some
other supernatural or magical element that's going to give them an edge, and perhaps
if there are various motivations. Well, from your non award winning times in
bars getting rooms, you have encountered necromancers before might not have been the best
time for either party. No one got a trophy for it, clearly,
Yes, yes, indeed, ever myself, you are You're having a moment
of introspection while invisibly watching a puppet with its end inside of you. Right,
okay, But in those moments when you were intimate with a necromanza,
shall we say, you do recall seeing some things in a book that they
shared with some options for the two of you that did involve permanent fusion of
bodies into one. Yes, I remember very clearly yeating out of that.
Yes, yes, that was a that was a jump out the window probably
kind of experience. Oh, I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable
than glass. Indeed, so am I detecting? You are? Yes?
You are? So you are thinking that this is probably a necromatic spell gone
either very wrong or very right. But something very not your jam is happening
here, to put it mildly, I suppose all right, all right,
meanwhile he's doing this. I turned to the others and I say, since
our bart has been completely useless to not doing anything, he sucks. We're
going to discuss for ourselves our escape plan. For a win. We ultimately
failed to the Belchiane Dwarfs. Those are a big competition. No, we
don't want to update. We're gonna like do that thing where you're running and
being chased by a bear and trip. Well, I can turn into a
bear. So we're gonna like sacrifice the bart. The bar. The bart
always goes first, right do you think we should like, you know,
tell your shoelaces together. He's not practiced up in his practice. He's trying
to. I mean, I don't even know what the song is he's gonna
play. How do you how do you do a show? You can't you
know, work with the music? I hate it saying exactly people know if
they you don't move on the beat gainst the beads, or like I really
dropping the ball, you know what I mean? Oh, you can't have
our have our practices gone? Well? How the how are they going?
Do we we all some performance? You can roll me a performance check and
let's see how good you're doing. Don't you know about me? Oh?
Boy? I don't one very well? Well, you have found a hole
in the stall? Is someone spying on us? Not anymore? The two
of you were making an attempt There are there are attempts very much. You
were just like I'm a wolf, I'm a wolf. You are fully committed
to your bid it I look like a wolf. I don't, and you're
you're doing all right. I just want to know what the music is,
so I can you know, worka choreography. Yeah, you're trying different tempos,
different rhythm. It kind of looks like you're having a fit. But
you're fine. You're fine. You just are like and we're fast or we
slow or we smooth jazz. I think we should work on that escape plane,
though I don't think he's scoring that. We might want to. Yeah,
how would an escape You flash all of them and then we run.
He's already flashing all of them. But if he does it again, how
does he do it again? If he's flashing them all the time and then
takes them off again, he doesn't have clothes, right, What if we
like give him clothes that he puts on and then takes off. What are
you gonna give him your clothes? I'm not giving him my clothes and I'd
be naked, pretty princess. I don't give him my clothes, right,
So how are we how's that going to work. We could take the moment's
clothes. Would that slow him down? On? Not a skip inside together?
She used to get I'm telling you, you're talking to the you're talking
to the pulpit with I'm not talking to anyone. I'm about to jump back
over and tell you guys what's happening? Still invisible though, I we should
tell your shoes together? Does he have shoes? Back over the also have
an axe? To have a stick. I'm going to jump over against and
come back to you guys and tell you what I think is a good idea.
How's that all right? Do we hear him coming? Thank you?
I need to get over them. Yeah, you make that jump, You
make that make that jump? Why can't to this role? He's a eighteen
total this time you feel very graceful. No one else can see it,
but you feel it. You nailed it. You that was a beautiful lead.
You really stuck all right back to our store and I say, good
job, there's a ghost. Can I punch it random? Yeah? You
can absolutely just make an attack. Yeah, real work. You get a
disadvantage. Disadvantage you get here seven and seven seven twelve My honor classes thirteen
and just missus. You feel a gentle breeze. Go, I got the
ghost, it's dead. Can I turn off my invisibility now? Hello,
I'm not a most I have discovered a necromancer. He's in stall number four.
We're stall number one, I assume. And since you two are doing
such a fantastic job of performing, practicing your right, I'm a wolf and
this one here is naked, naked, I think that maybe we should cause
a distraction so that the person running the show doesn't notice mister Jeff. But
naked Jeff going to murder this nacromancer. That's why are we sending the naked
guy didn't murder people? Why are we murdering? Because he causes his less
than adequous performance. He has you get one splinter. This is this is
my suggestion. I could just set the barn on fire. So we're going
to everybody. Could Jeff is going to kill They are going to die anyways,
I do want to perform question. If we have no competitors, doesn't
that make us the winners and the losers? But how do you know if
you're a winner in the tree, if there's no forest for the sound?
Yeah, we need someone to lose. So we need to leave someone alive.
I think we have to perform. Are we doing I think we need
someone to defeat, So let's do it like the actual contest. We're not
killing anybody. Maybe just that's one saying. Number four is the dwarves that
burp. I agree is the neck amancer. Number three? Stall three.
We're still one. I went three stalls over. I can't count. That's
four. Last stall was the vegans wards they are the fifth one. All
right, we are stall zero. This is why you have no awards.
The dwarves are Stall four. I'll just so you can have that. So
we have to kill the next time we don't. We can continue to practice.
Make it very loud, make sure the person running the show is paying
attention to us rather than the screams of the necromans. With our performance,
with our performance that I won the second grade talent show. He did win
the second a good talent show. Were we there? What do you what
do you want to think? Would you like to murder any absolutely? Okay,
I think very little or during the show, during the show, that
could be our It be that we just kill people. It could be like
the Pentacle, our talent. It's murdering everybody else's name. It's a good
talent, nick while you will murder everyone at the show. How's that it
sounds? Tell me what the song is ahead of time? Thos, I'm
murdering in rhythm? Yes, I have some What are your instruments I'm having?
Yes? Right here, I have a tune by a band called Cattle
Show. Do we have to eat them after we kill them? Then?
Okay, I probably will. I can use a snack, all right.
Do we have to practice the killing? Please? Do we're doing life?
Please practice swinging your instruments in tune with Cannibal Corks please, just for me?
All right? I can make this work. It is metal, so
I think I have somebody will pull them up on next to succeed. All
right? All right, but just a snippet, because otherwise we'll get a
you don't own that music and they'll go that's right. You can just play
it in our heads. Yes, yes, all right, silent dance Party
of Cannibal Corps to everybody. Don't I don't think that's cannibal corpse. The
planet is gone. I'm just gonna don't. The plan is we have the
planets that we kill people when does the shoe start? Has it already started?
No, it has not already started, but it is soon. You
have time to practice once more. Should you wish to roll performances and see
how you do? Or you can do it live? As we find the
first time, I don't feel as if I need to practice it. Okay,
sure you did nail it, all right, I'll go ahead and thank
you. Performance twelve for seven nineteen very nice? All right? Anybody singing
along? And I would practice punching more goals just in case they show up.
It's a good strategy. I go to sixteen, call you ghostbuster,
good catch any and I having to practice more shadow puppets. I have a
zero performance seven. I thought it was another one practice your excellent names.
Not very good? That's happening seven? Yeah, it's gonna be. It's
a big ox. It's a big ax. There's a lot of room for
ends. It's a little stable, and you're trying to not behead your party.
It's a great. Yeah, it's great. Great, it's a great
A very nice. Yeah. Indeed, all right, So how how long
do the performance are we? Are we going to rest? How long do
we're tired? It's a baste. I can tell you are all three nakeds.
I'm not tired at all. I don't understanding people. Sometimes it's a
good thing. None of us used any magic, so we don't have to
get any stuff looks back. No, I don't think I'm going to need
invisibility. Can definitely not be murdered. Yeah, and you're not trying to
hide it. So are we doing the shadow pup a bit before the murdering
the murder? The corpses can be the puppets. You got a ghost,
you don't get an opinion, So let's go. Let's go. All right,
what do we do? So your lovely friend who greeted you in town
greets you at your stable again, giving a wide bird to Jeff but naked
Jeff, but naked Jeff. You know, I can't read the handwriting on
this, and I stay out of people's business, So I'm that wasn't the
hand that you know. I could have gone my my whole life without knowing
that. So thank you, thank you for that. That will haunt me
at night, Thank you, thank you, thank you. Man. M
hm yep, I'm gonna live with that for the rest of my life.
Well, if y'all love. I guess if y'all are, y'all are ready,
y'all, y'all be third to perform with that's good? Well's who's lost
the Dwarfs? No there there? Well, we decided it would be really
funny to have the two control of question, let go right one after the
other. Yeah, yeah, so be like, oh, is it a
different one? No, it's different. Yeah, so you know it.
Just thought it because I thought it would be kind of funny. So I
just get going to let the netromants to due. He's act. I'm gonna
whisper so he doesn't hear me. Okay, that's a five on my attempts.
All right, stage whispering. So do we kill them actor? If
they are, if they all date after they perform, can they still win?
It's a good question. I understand that they you know, I'm gonna
go with no, only because there's not much like satisfaction and killing a dead
thing and like that's you know what the audience? Well, I mean,
but losers get dead, So I you know, I'm I'm gonna say no
because I'm not gonna let that glitter belt go to a corpse and like not
get seen in the world because the world deserves that belt. So you gotta
be a lot you gotta be moving to win. I'll go with that.
Like, if it's a moving corpse, that's not my business. Just win
it. I have thorn whip. I can move a corpse. But if
they the puppet, the spinal puppet is a necromancer spal What if the spinal
puppet isn't a Necromanswer, but it's already a dead thing that's being necromanced,
And then we can't kill it because he's already been realimated. Don't hurt my
brain. We can just kill it again. Okay, all right, okay,
So first first show, which ventral quist is this? It's not the
first vintroler Quist? Is the human with the ventral a quist dummy? All
right, all right, I will the three one that means the hogs are
coming. The hags are running await stage. You all are in the wings.
I will hide behind you, hide behind it. Guess yes, my
mom said that was clever. All right. Something human walks very confidently out
onto the stage with their green ventriloquist dummy in hand, ready to go.
They take a seat. The dummies head immediately falls off rolls across the stage,
drops onto the ground. Several children break into screaming tears. That was
a two on the roll for his performance, So I like that the good
job. The ventriloquist just bursts into tears as well and just leaves. What
sort of audience is there? It is a mix mostly humans. There's a
couple of half forks, a couple of halflings and dwarves around. It's a
kind of mix of people. Okay, you know some of the halflings and
dwarfs can't actually see what's going on, so they're judging based on the reactions
by the people in front of them. I speak from experience. When we
said we were going to kill everyone, did we mean the audience stay?
Whoa? I don't think that's necessary, Nor do I think it's necessary to
kill this particular ventriloquist. I think he just walked away. He's gone.
Wasn't he supposed to get sacrificed? That's at the end. Maybe we need
to see how the start supposed to see means? Why is he staying say
hey, yeah, he walked away and was and was gently pushed back into
the barn to await his judgment. I like that one he's doing. At
least, can I let's see him. Can I do vicious mockery during during
his performance? Absolutely? But what are you saying? I'm so sorry?
I yeah, I know, I'm sorry, but I have to know helps
I can turn into him. It's where you it's it's it's a bard ability
where you basically insult someone so badly they take psychic damage and then roll badly
the next time. Oh it's great, it's big fun. All right,
I have Yes, I have a bard that, just as Southern sayings,
is vicious mockery. So I'm gonna pray real hard for you. That was
That was how I killed the last character that I was attacking us, So
okay, yeah, I'm going to say which one is the poppas? Again?
Okay, I believe I make a saving a row for that, and
I rolled the three so pretty much. No matter what I have that you
have cut deeply, you have deeply wounded, so now you can roll damage,
all right, fool, And it looks like a two all right?
All right, okay, all right, so are you waiting until they're like
on stage and about to begin like to do this? Yes? Yes,
this was this was just before he opened his mouth to speak, which one
I don't know. Actually, my instincts just kicked in my blood. This
took over fut on it all right, So the ventral quist and the human
have both opened their mouth at the same time once again to say something oriented.
Okay, so all right, so let me pint you a picture.
All right, you guys are on the stage. You are on a wing
so you can see to the side of the stage. They are sitting facing
the audience. How do they walk? The human walk with thee like underneath
them. Ye see, they walk. They As they walk onto stage,
the puppet is gently tucked under the human's arm as if it is a throne.
Okay, okay, you know, but yeah, and then they sit
on the stage and open their mouth to begin their performance, when all of
a sudden they are struck by the horrible realization that no one knows who they
are, who the monster is this This is a deep cut. They're deeply
wounded. All right, So now you roll with disadvantage. She's a monasty
form. Can't wait for another head to fall off? Yeah, that's want'll
be a bunch of more role. Wow, that was really good. That's
wow. Okay, that's okay, So that was not twenty and a nineteen
on those times. It's not an at twenty. Yeah, the dice said,
hey, guess what. No, apparently wolves disadvantage you will take the
net twenty anyway. No, no, okay, so it's still it's still
a nineteen. But yeah, wow, okay, I knew the bard was
useless. Are you still hiding behind the bard as you say this? Yes,
very opaque ghost. Are you still invisible? It's visible a long time
ago, really, Yeah. After after he jumped back in the stall,
I've just been hearing his words and following after them. Blind. Might have
lost your vision. He does think he's a prison. I am your princess,
and I am a wolf, points blind. I'm working on it that
place, all right. So what is this grandiose performance of the necromantic water?
It's guffy kkki finish that wof all right. So the poppeteer goes on
stage. They are struck by a little bit of pain and then they can
overcome this. They've overcome far worse to get to be the best wolf the
worst in Berovia. And here they are. So you see them begin to
cast what appears to be a spell of some sorts, don't soft green glowing
begins to sprinkle out into the crowd. Can I cast good berry and then
throw one of the berries at him? Absolutely? Absolutely do it. I'd
like to do that. Okay. Do you have a ranged attack? Okay?
Okay, just rolling at your ducks and let's see if you can hit
themis plus the atten? Okay, you just barely missed them with your good
berry tomato. I wasn't faming at him. What did I hit? Alwars
back here also they are and they're kind of just watching this like the f
Yes. Okay, so I'm gonna nudge sewer bar. You need to tell
those dwarves that that Doma was talking about their mothers. I can do that,
Okay, So doing spooky shit yep, going out into the crowd.
Yeah, the crowd who is just giving a long suffering sigh because they are
just this is Burrovia. This happens all the time. They are just hot.
I heard, yes, all right, So in theory, maybe we
can disrupt the spell before. So that's why I'm going to talk to the
dwarfs. Hello, dwarves, are you here? Are you? Are you
in the room with us? Can you hear us there are ghosts as well?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's three of us. I gotta say
it three times. You live here in this town, No, we're like
from two towns over. Okay, here's the thing. That necromancer is planning
to bring this act to your town so then he can kill your mother.
So I think maybe this might be a good time to stop him, because
you're already here. You can prevent this from happening to the town. Whatever
it is, he is a necromancer. I can confirm that. So whatever
happening to the right now going to make him more powerful? M m m
yes, anything to roll me on persuasion. There we got seventeen. Okay,
you seem like us really upstanding kind of guy. I you I hear
absolutely trustworthy? Holy God, like that that's not right, Like we we
have three mothers, so that's like triple wrong. Yeah, okay, yeah,
fuck that guy. You know, you know when he was going on
stage, like when you walked by our stable earily, you said break a
leg and I thought that was weird, like super threatening. That's like super
threatening. Yes, okay, I don't don't let this stand. Okay,
Okay, Bevin, you go tackle him, Steve, I need you get
the ropes? What are you doing to him? We'll figure it out.
I have old person. Do you need help? Yeah? I will use
old persons. Yes, I would use old person. Alrighty, alright,
I'm gonna go use hold person by running up and clapping him. I play.
Okay, Okay, No, it has an ange of about it.
It has a range of it has a range of my arms. Okay,
are you gonna go with acrobatics? Are you going with strength or deck?
Let's do strength? Okay? It can be badly is my fists? It
sure can be a spell, and it sure can be uh not. I
am not casting it. I am using it. I am not casting it.
I am using it. Well, they total of a seven. All
right. So you've brought on stage and you give that necromancer a big old
bear hug and then I love him so much and then the sparkles actually turn
out to be kind of like Oily, and you just go, wait,
is he Oily too? He has oiler? You have now slid down the
necromancer? Can I cast produce fling? Is I'm sharply? Oh? I'm
going to my knees trying to get towards his shoelaces. Please just make me
a stealth check to see how sneaky you are doing this? So does my
produce fire help distract him? Attend? Okay? What is your just perception?
Passively? Not not you naked real Jeff real, Jeff closed, Jeff
plus one, none of your passive, so that would be a yes.
Okay, So yes, you do notice the naked man who is gone on
his knees in front of you. That is something you might have seen before
in your life. And you do notice that this is happening. I'm just
going to shake my foot. I was just trying to fix it, of
course, right still searching for a for an exhibit. Does he catch fire
when I used produced flame on himable? He's oily. A little bit of
the clothing is catching on fire. It's not like an impressive like, but
you know there's some there's an attempt happening. As the dwarves make their charge
for the stage and rolling out one and just go like slipping like a wet
like a slipping flide right on across the stage, one just right after the
other. Thank you, Dyce your plan with falls. What are you talking
about? Okay? So what did he did he cost grease? What is
this? How do you fight grease? I'm just gonna sadly walk off the
stage that he could taken up. I was just trying to hug him.
That is just a flame of my passion. Well, and as you're leaving,
the necromancer attempts to opportunity attack you, but just gently pats your butt
as you leave, I turn around. I charge extra for that can Yeah
there's their store slipping sliding across the stage. Yeah, you guys are really
improving. I don't have any ways to actually do damage with my magic.
I would like to use magic on him. Okay, can I use fist?
Yeah, you can cast fist. I would like to cast a fist.
So you're coming back, he slaps your ass and you turn around and
walk back. Is that's what's happening here? If you wor to was a
seventeen hit, Yes, seventeen will hit. This is a chain of fifteen.
Yes, I do four damage? Oh six samwichh total not four damage
totally, he's taken two already. Oh all right, six samwiched turtle.
Okay, where I was like, I you're making me break my brind stomach.
You're what the world is too fancy. I don't understand. How dare
you interrupt their sparkleton. You're not sparkly, you were greasy. It's sparkles
in the bright light. Also, you are on fire, and your hugs
are weak. I will like to hug him again. I take offense to
this. My hugs are well known being weak. All right, roll draw
me to give a hug. Yeah, your hogs are weak. The hog
is a cop. I've always known it. Existential crisis for hug time.
Okay, it doesn't think m hm, he is concentrating on us. Well,
actually, I'm just trying to hug him. What do you mean?
No, the macnecromancer is staying very focused on their sparkles. Hug possible.
I want to say where this is going. Man, I'll just leave the
stage. I'll just get all leave it. Let's see what the green sparks
can I roll to find like a quiet way out. I'm not going to
actually take it, but I just want to find. Yeah. In case,
yeah, just make me a person, make me a perception check and
just see what you see perception check. Of course. Eleven, there is
a sparkly ventriloquist attached to a human on stage that you are you. It's
a little hard to see. The sparkles are getting very thick now interesting sickening
sparkles. It's exciting. The whole error is getting thicker with sparkles, with
sparkles, Soon everyone will glitter. Yes, yes, this is the way.
Okay, I'm so, I think maybe we should do something. I
can hold him again. They slid gone, they left, They just slid
straight on into the stables. Bits of competition eliminated. We still I feel
like this necta. You can't win if he's dead. We already have one
person who lost to go shout stop that right now, mister, you can
roll intimidation all right, let's say you'd be scary seven. You still have
a few. Yeah, your voice crops, stop that. You still got
a couple unfortunate uh splinters that make themselves known as you're attempting to be intimidating.
How far is it about thirty feet? Can I throw handbacks? Are
even several from the absolutely points of ass connection? Yes? How do you
do that? So you will roll your D twenty? Your main die sex.
That's not good. If I thorn whip him, would it make her
easier? Yeah? That would be six plus five plus five eleven? Is
that any good? It's better. It's still just a little bit missus.
However, if you're going to try and thorn whipped, okay, yeah,
give it out a go if you can tell if you can hold them in
place, that will allow advantage on the acts to ask attempt. Oh god,
damn things did not anticipate saying today, but also got an eleven.
This does not say good. You know, I've never done a TPK before.
Can you help bard gone, I'm so useless superficient in wooden food.
You could, or you can also just like run on the stage and hit
him like you're at will like one. Yeah, yeah, you don't have
to be polite and stay off stage. You don't. All right, well,
how do you do that? You just say I want to run off.
I want to run on stage and hit him. I'm gonna run on
the stage. I want to punch him, use my axe on the hand
to ask connections. Yes, that's right, we're performing surgery today. That's
great, all right? Now, want to do you roll that big boy
again? Fifteen? And that's twenty? Great, tax, that's a twenty.
You get to this baby, it's exciting roll te ten three. So
that's thirteen damage. So all by yourself you have done more damage than everybody
else combined. That's why your axe is great. Great, it's a great
axe. All right? Did I severy you know what? Yeah? Yeah,
because that's a two, and you know, I since a two.
I've got the other ventuli quist head cut off. I feel like a two
saving here should also get something cut off. All right? So you you
say you know what, fuck it, and you're up on stage, fuck
it? You charge in. Hey, you're swinging your great axe. I
swam. This is a This is your talent. This is what makes your
blood flow as you swing your axe and you sever the ass connection of Sir
Sparkleton, whichever one of them is Sir Sparkleton, and you don't. My
intelligence is little. I don't know which is WAI. Dummy falls backwards,
the human falls forwards. The dummy then stands up. It goes bye,
Oh my god. I can help. I can help. I run onto
the stage. Can I Can I get the dummies small creature? Can I
grab it? You know what I want you to? I want you to
make another hug attempt. I would like to do that. Set okay,
yeah for a little little dummy. Yeah, and you grab the dummy,
you give it a successful hug. I knew I could do it. I'll
show you a hug. Snap it snap. No, you are you doing
like a full like over the head like yes? Okay, yeah, he's
throwing it just these picking flight. Okays, the spell been disrupted. The
spell is definitely starting to dissipate. You feel less sparkly as he throws the
puppet. I take my javan who okay, all right, roll a day
twenty yeah fifteen okay, yeah, yeah, So you see this hug happening.
You see you see, you have seen this happen before, maybe not
with a puppet specifically, but this maneuver you have seen. You watch eat
and you toss your javelin as the puppet through the air and then impaled by
the Jablan's like mikes bad before landing in the crowd as the crowd just goes
the fun. And then I turned to the audience and they go today does
that count? Does on act or his shadow puppets? As you take on
the stage. I mean we were they were all right, yeah, the
dwarves are gone. Well, the dwarfs already hund their turn on the stage.
They came and they went, you have the other puppets the other Yes,
there was the archer as well. We do have the archers about the
definitely me too, baby, all right. So the halfling Archer has been
very focused on on their work the entire time that this has been happening.
They have no idea of what has happened. Focus mode. You're going,
so are you after you finish your shadow puppets to finale your routine because we
can't have the shadow We can't be without the shadow puppets. All worked really
hard on those, all of us very hard. Yeah. I don't know
if that's a grand but it was something splinters and all. So the archer
comes on stage, very serious, very focused, very very together. They
look like they know what they're doing. They've got this. They pull back
their bow. M yeah, that's about what I thought. They're pulling back
their bow. They're ready, They've got this. They slip on some of
the glitter. They yeaked themselves straight into the crowd, knocking into the child
who was previously traumatized by the ventriloquist dummies, head also falling off. They
fly into the crowd immediately lost to the crowd, they find the viatroloquis dummies
head though. You know, it takes some win, some lose some.
I don't know if that's a win or lose, but you know they didn't
die if he was at least entertaining. Yeah, and there is still the
human body just on the stage while everybody is still performing. Well, is
this uh is this competition judged by a panel or is it all by fiance
cheering? Okay, so how do I think we were the only ones that
got a cheer? You you are the only ones that actually got applause or
cheers in any way shape. It really was. It was really Jeff,
but not naked Jeff. All of us practice. Yeah. So everyone is
brought up on stage, including you all as there's just a bunch of corpses
in us or there's live at this moment, we should still kill them,
all right. We need to win first. Yeah, you know, I
got to get the glitter belt first. They worked really hard on that.
Yeah, Okay, that was a lot of glue that this town sacrificed.
There were a lot of horses lost belts, horses. All right, I'm
so sorry. We do we bow on stage. Yes, right, right,
yeah, okay, all right, we've won. What did we win?
You get a sparkly belt like a restless It might just be one too,
so I don't know who gets in, which I mean Jeff won't take
it, but you won't wear it. Yeah, you decided that, Thank
you, Jaff. I think he deserves it. Did do the two.
He wants the belt, all right, he wants the bail. Okay,
so naked but not naked, Jeff, which no, no, that's wrong,
all right, Jeff, but don't naked. No no, but wait,
but if this is not naked, Jeff, I don't know. But
if you put on, if you put the belt on, can you still
have that name? No? I don't. Yeah, so they they MC
just like all right, yes, yes I can hand it over to you.
Yes, thank you, I don't I don't. M m m uh.
Well, congratulations on winning the best of the worst or the whatever of
Rovia. You did good. That was real cool. I've never seen anybody
like d hand and Impale if their triloquists dummy as it flies through the air
after it was trying to cast a d glitter Google spell on everybody. So
that was a real, you know, unique talent the y'all got. It
feels like it's kind of niche, Like I don't really know, like I
don't know how repeatable that that would be, but it was really want I
mean I kind of do, like I gotta admit, would be seeing it
again would be kind of cool. I just want to watch the halflings and
the seven. Oh yeah, we're just we're taking them down to the pit
and then we're just gonna let everyone loose down there. Yes, isn't it.
That's going to be no dwarves. The dwarves are too in that first
VN trilo quist, but he like he's crying so hard, so people feel
kind of bad about it. And I mean like the dummy did technically die
because they lost its head, So I mean like somebody in his group did
die, so it's like, technically we could let him go. You know,
well we'll see how well, we'll see how forgiven the crowd they're feeling
today, Okay, it's really just all about making the people as happy as
they can be in this miserable place that we live called Brovia. Yeah,
I don't care, Yeah, yeah, I mean, y'all are welcome to
come on down to the pit and like participate in the the spearing. I'd
like you say a spirit Yeah, you could eat them, yeah, there
will be food when we're done with the spearing. Would you like to execute
them to music? Yeah, I mean that'd be real fun. We have
like some nice dance moves that we've been coordinating over the last couple of ones
that we really got, like the Bashion stomp down pretty solid at this point.
It's kind of really impressive when we get like the whole town going,
it's you know, we will, we will stomp you. Why didn't you
participate to well, because some you know, the the judge never actually participates.
It's like a coach doesn't play in the finals. You got to have
an impartial view or to wrangle, and they just watch and stay out of
people. You didn't judge anything that was the crown. Yeah no, but
you know I did the paperwork and that's punishment enough. Yeah, yeah,
that's right. Yeah. Yeah, y'all come on, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, y'all come down. All right, all right, y'all
give a give us a roll me on performance. If y'all our our cannibal
corpse song, I don't know I've got a fleet apparently a wooden flute.
I'm probably not retroactively lose. That's a good question. I mean, if
you, if you really feel like real strong about it, you can.
Yeah. I don't know, because the audience decided the winner, and I
don't think they can retroactively like uncheer like, you can't take that back into
your body once it has left your body. It is like a one way
explanation of of stuff, a lot of big words. So in order to
minimize risk, I believe I should be the only one performing music. Hey,
you're scared of my flute. Yes, we can do shadow puppets flute
as well. About the shadow puppets, yes, you should be more scared
of the ghosts. You all just watchets to the sacrifice? Do you have
one? Tina, I got a trophy from Paul and we didn't get a
trophy. We got Ail. Yeah he got, I know, but he's
Ophies. I got. I got a nine. That that's with the plus
two plus episode nine. Okay, who else is is joining in on this?
I am well known for my singing abilities as well owns for your hugging.
Just six after the Minus oh plays this song. Oh my gosh,
this is so good. Four Jeff, can you play the drums? Yeah?
Please shadow puppet us to these tunes. Yeah, the music is kind
of questionable, but the shadow puppets are in this. People get distracted from
their stomping by your shadow puppets. They are mesmerized. Thankful. Oh that's
not a hand. I didn't know people could bend like that. Those splint
those that are coming in use. Oh yeah, you enjoy the beautiful,
lovely stomping of the losers. It's like making Wayne. Yeah. Yeah,
as you are now the champions of Barrovia's got talents. Perfect, And I'll
let everyone give a quick outro about like where to find you, what you
do, and just another reminder about who you are, pimp your stuff.
Oh I get to be a pimp. Yeah, yeah, you've been promoted
to here here your own right. I am an entrepreneur is Amy Landon.
I am an audiobook narrator of many, many many books. You can me
at my website which is just laid enamy dot com or all over the place
on the interwets. I read books for a living and it's great. Uh.
My name is Actus. I write novels. Fantasy novels and also web
serials. You can find me if you search Actus author. I'm Audible,
Amazon, Ku everywhere, Yes, yes, and narrator of Dungeon Crawler Carl
and yeah. You can find me at sounde Theater dot com. We have
our own apt we have our own market where you can pick up stuff exclusive
to us. There's plenty of free stuff there, and we do cinematic audio,
which is a really fancy, sexier way of saying audio drama. And
yeah, plenty of audiobooks on Audible as well with my whole troup. J
E F F H A y S. Don't put the e in there like
Drew Days does YEA. My auto from now puts them the in There's whenever
I suppose name I was, I'm always very offended. My name is Matteman.
You can find me at my booth if you want a chat, or
Jeff will be there too. Unfortunate Dinemen dot com. We'll just right now.
We'll just take you to my Amazon page, but or you could just
search done. Oh I forgot and I have been your d M. Judy
Black. I will be uh and tonight I will be at seven pm.
I will be playing the nickel Mansale in Quest for Competent who is a necromancer
of course, which is you know, I love having evil necromancers. And
then tomorrow at ten am, for anybody who is not too hungover to function,
I will be in the game room running games. I have a dn
D module I wrote that's really good for beginners, especially so if you've been
wanting to get in to dn D and you've been like super intimidated by it,
like totally come by and play with me. But I'm tish, I
guess, question mark. And then I have a reading on Sunday as well
at two thirty. But I think we've sold out of all of my books
at the bookstore now, So yeah, John, Yeah, thank you all
for being amazing players, Thanks for having us, for being a super cool
audience a long time. Yeah, so yeah, thank you everybody. You're
all amazing. Autigen Dragons brought you under a Creative Commons license, meaning you
were free to share this material so long as credit is given to those who
created it, which is us. People. You just heard to play the
game opening and closing themes performed by the Gore Core four