In this episode, going back to my dad's funeral because the last episode we
didn't quite get there all the way, so back at it got my co
host Jennifer here, don't go away, We'll be right back. Hello there,
and welcome to the Latter Day Lesbian podcast podcast about an next Mormon gay
girl just trying to figure out her life. I'm Shelly, and again I
have special guest hosts Jennifer with me today. Jennifer, say, hi,
Hi, oh there you are. So last episode, if you remember,
we were talking about my dad's funeral and I was thinking, gosh, I
hope I can fill enough time, but we had to cut it short.
It was over an hour long. It was all said and done, but
I basically got to the point where me and my kids and my girlfriend Donna
had like landed in Utah. Yeah it's yeah. Who says I'm long winded?
Nobody, but I am. Oh oh yes everybody. Uh so,
Jennifer, reintroduce yourself to people who might not be following the rules and are
just jumping into this episode. First. Okay, I'm Jennifer Waters, and
I am an OG listener and kind of a partial contributor at times. Exmo
Lesbo on TikTok, you just really want to go wild with it? Mom
of four kids, live in Utah, left the church twenty sixteen, caught
the gay, been with the ladies ever since. That gay, you'll get
you and it's I know, you know one person pleases I was gonna say,
it doesn't just clear up on his own either. It's like, you
catch the gay, you've got the gay. It's it's it's a terminal illness,
rigorous treatment. That's what I'm talking about. Okay. So when you
call through yourself an OG listener or o G podcast listener, podcast fan,
whatever you said, who's listening to the episode that we recorded last with Donna
my girlfriend? And she's like, what does OG mean? It was so
cute. I know that means she grew up with dollars and not y.
Yes. I'm like, so it means original gangster. That's what it means,
right, yeah? Yeah, I'm like wait, I had to pause.
I'm like, no, that's okay, and then she goes, what
like, yeah, like the OG the original. She had no clue.
It was very cute how clueless she was. Tot's presh as we say here,
Diane, how is how is Zion doing these days? How's the old
Utah? You know what? It's fucking winter here and everybody's sick of it.
So somebody really does need to step up and go with the eleven percent
at this point because I am tired of it. Well, it's not gonna
be me. Hey, I don't live there and be here in Virginia.
We've got some It's it's nice out, a little bit rainy, but most
mostly warm. Happy for you, well, thank you. Okay, life
update for me. Donna and I are moving in together in little less than
a month. So everyone who's like, what the fuck you and Mary just
broke up? No, it's been like a long time now. I can't
believe how much time has passed. Mary and I broke up roughly the end
of July of twenty twenty three. But in all honesty, it was kind
of looking back now, it was kind of swirling the bowl for a little
while there. Anyway. Yeah, and as of today this recording, we're
in the first week of May. So recovery's going well. Mary and I
don't really talk much except for things concerning the Airbnb. God, that's about
it. It's such an everybody's going their own way. It's such a strange
thing. Yeah, God, looking back, I'm like, you know,
when the breakup first happened, it was like, how am I going to
ever get through this? This is the worst thing ever? And now it's
just not really even in my head anymore. Does that make me sound cold
or callous or just that I've moved forward? No, because what you said
was true at the time, Like when that happened, your reality was that
it was devastating and consuming and all that stuff. You don't have to live
in that reality for the next five years, Like there's not a formula you
have to follow for healthy recovery. Well, that's that's good. So that
is an update. It will be we are moving from our own homes.
Like she lives in Gaithersburg, I live in Vienna. We are moving to
McLain, which is about fifteen minutes from me, so that I can be
still close to my kids because there's still ten thousand of them. And her
two kids she has an adult child and a sixteen year old child, will
be will stay living in her house in Gaithersburg and her and Donna's ex wife
will be moving into that house. Yeah, it's a whole ass shit show,
believe you me? Mm hm, So that Donna's kids can stay in
their same school, or so her one child who's still in school can still
be in school there, but that child will come and stay with us during
the custody weeks, as will mine. So it's gonna be a big ass
shit show. Just there will be lots to say there are like thirty seven
rooms in the house or how does that work? There are a lot of
rooms in the house that yep, every child has their own room. But
again, I like my old older kids. They are they're fucking doing their
own thing. Although my oldest daughter's moving back in so she can save money
and go to college. So who fucking knows that this is life? Can
we just say, yeah, whatever works for you, this is life.
Okay, So that's my most recent life update. Now everyone's like, we
really want to know what happened actually at your dad's funeral, And I just
have to say too. As I was listening to the first Funeral episode and
again I've said this before, like I don't remember what I talked about.
Right after I stopped recording listening to it was it was weird to just like
go through it again. I don't know, it's like to relive in again.
Yeah, it's kind of like I for I forgot that my parents are
dead, and then I get reminded because there I am talking about it,
and I'm listening to myself talk about it. So just with just weird emotions,
I mean, I'm yeah, I don't know. I guess those of
you who have lost parents, loved ones, whatever, there's just a lot
of emotions that you don't expect that you're you know, you're just not ready
for that. It feels good to sit and analyze and be like wow,
okay. And that's what I did yesterday, a lot of wow okay.
Huh. So the end of the episode, part one was a lot of
about Donna being so helpful with the kids, and she's still just freaking amazing
with helping out with things, and I'm so appreciative of that. Let's just
jump in to where the plane lands and my brothers come and pick us up
from the airport. And it's awesome because my brothers have met Donna before,
and Donna has met them, and they're friendly and they're happy and they hug
and it's just times it just feels right, you know, it just feels
like, oh, she's always been in my family familiarity. Absolutely. It's
interesting too because her daughter, her sixe year old daughter, told me that
about a month ago. She's like, yeah, it just feels like you've
always been there, which is such a sweet thing to hear from a kid.
And my kids adore Donna like they hug her, they talk to her.
They it just is really cute. It's nice to not feel like a
single lass and change. Oh my god, yeah, yeah, huge.
All right, the funerals. So we get to the airbnb that was rented
for everyone to stay at, and again this is there's my oldest brother David.
Let's let's set the stage again. Oldest brother David asshole, can't stand
him. Narcissist, not that I am placing a label, but yeah,
I would say yeah, but it's it's super there, selfish, liar,
just not a good person, abusive to people anyway. That's David. Oldest.
Next is Mike. Mike is the more I mean, he's funny,
but he's also more serious. He's a he's a doctor, lives in Florida.
His wife is Elise. His three daughters have all basically left the church.
They have one adopted son who is severely autistic. He is my youngest
age and Mike and I get along great. He's more of the I hate
to say trumper, but yeah, he's just kind of a trumper. And
this I know. I know I make that face too. And I was
listening to myself talk about this in the last episode, where you're just kind
of like, here's my family, how do they treat me? They have
some fucked up views on things. Yeah, they have some fucked up views
on things, because that's that's there. That's the news channel that they watch.
How about that? Yeah? And so yes, I have to stomach
some things that he says. I you know, I shouldn't call him the
trumper. Honestly, I don't even know if he voted for Trump. All
I'm saying is he's conservative and he can't stand Biden because you can't like both
sides. That's just how it is. And then there's Mark. Mark is
the one just older than me by three years. His wife is Heidi.
They are freaking awesome. All of their kids are still Mormon, and all
of their kids and my kids are like super tight, which makes it so
fun. Oh and David's kids forgot about them. David has three living kids
from his second marriage and their kids. His kids can't stand him. They
don't want to be anywhere near him. I don't blame them. They hate
him. There you go. Did you say three living kids for a reason
or why did you say it like that? Oh? Yeah, so had
their first child died was born with What they think happened was that the baby
had a stroke in utero sometime after twenty weeks and the brain stopped growing and
just kind of shrunk down. And yeah, Isaac lived fourteen months, which
was wow. Yeah. I mean he had lots of surgeries and things,
but he was basically non like he had to have medicine to wake up,
medicine to fall asleep, feeding to blind. I'm not sure he could hear,
club feet, just a lot, like a whole list of everything was
wrong. Okay, so there's the fan there they are. But there is
something again, so great when I get all of my kids and my nieces
and nephews together because no one gives a shit about what anyone believes. Everyone
is just out for the party. They just have fun. They will all
play the same games. There's the kids like mine that really swear a lot,
which is wonderful. But no one judges anyone. I don't know.
It's just kids, yes, and I yeah, And I feel like the
next generation Mormons, the ones who stick in it, who stick around,
I think most of them will leave anyway. But if the next generation of
Mormons are like markn Heidi's Mormon kids, I have hope that they will be
okay. Whether that means they can live the religion in a way that doesn't
hurt them, meaning they ignore ninety nine percent of the shit right and start
to question things, or they just flat out leave, which I think flat
out leave will probably be the case for some of them. I don't.
I don't know so well. And the church isn't the same for them as
it is as it was for us. The church that kids are growing up
in today has no resemblance to the church that you and I grew up in.
Oh God, no, God no, which makes me think of there's
an article came out. Hold on, let me yell at my dog.
Yeah no, no, I'll tell you who's intruder. Domino is intruding on
my piece. What he likes to do is he goes and he gets socks
out of my kids rooms. He brings them down and he walks in front
of Eddie, drops it in front of Eddie and then growls and barks at
Eddie, like, don't you fucking take my sock. That's what's happening.
That's what I went out to check on. Really, Yes, it's some
bullshit going on out there. Do you have I was gonna ask you,
do you have like Mormon cousins and whatever that are? Like? Cool?
Yeah, So I have three siblings. My oldest brother lives in Vegas.
He just got divorced as well, and he's always been an outside Mormon.
We were also raised outside of Utah, so our Mormon is different too,
like my siblings and I. My youngest brother left the church before I did
because he's always got to be better than me. And then my sister is
very, very active. She lives here in the same town as me,
and they're like the checklist Mormons, like they do everything they're supposed to do,
still have scripture study, they do everything. All three of her kids
have gone on missions, but somehow she makes both of them work. Like
she when I was going through my horrible divorce, she was at every court
hearing with me, and she's a fierce defender. She would probably cut somebody
if they ever said anything bad about me or me not being Mormon, or
gay or anything. She's never said a thing like I showed up full tattoos
out for her daughter's graduation from college last week, and nobody says anything like
that. So she is the exception to like every Mormon rule. And I
think a majority of that is that we grew up outside of Utah. So
are you Like I said, our mormon is different, and plus we're sisters
and we're fairly close to each other. But the people that are kind in
Mormonism to me are my age or lower. Yeah, I have not found
anybody my age are higher other than my dad, who is open at all.
It's just very black and white. Like when I move to Utah,
that's when I learned that Mormonism and the culture here was very very black and
white, despite there being like probably more jack Mormons as they used to call
them. Right now they're progressive Mormons, right, But like when I grew
up, you just didn't do the things you weren't supposed to do. There
wasn't a question mark or a consideration that you could you absolutely did not do
the things three piercings. You were a whore, oh for sure, nobody.
And now you can be like, oh my name's Bercakesley and I have
nineteen piercings and I have a tattoo of Jesus, and like it wasn't the
cherry picking religion that it is. Now you can't be a TikTok mom influencer
Mormon lady and still actually sit in a pew and go through the temple and
take the sacrament, Like you couldn't take the sacrament if you were caught schmast
bating. Right now you can literally full on have like a public thresome on
TikTok and you can still just stay because you have a lot of tithing money,
right Like, we'll make exceptions if you pay a lot of tithing.
I know, sometimes I think the kids these days were Mormon. It's like,
you don't know what the fuck we went through. No, like you're
not even a Mormon, like like you you now, you in the eighties
and nineties would have been cast the fuck off and humiliated and scorned consequences.
Oh yeah, yeah, yes, yeah. There was chastisement for everything and
punishment for everything. I mean even like not going to Young Women's ninety percent
of the time in a year, like you have a reviews and shit like
yeah, like there was so much punishment and shame, and especially like in
your ward or the social circle of your church, people like it was all
about using you as example, making you the good person or the bad person.
It was very, very divisive. And now they're like, did you
murder anyone today? No, okay, sure have a seat and here's your
recommend and that shit would never happen before. I kind of hate it.
No, No, I think it's probably because so many people are leaving that
the church is like, well, how are we going to get him to
stay? Well, you stop being so damn rulesy. So I think that's
what they're doing. But I hope that even with that that people will just
be like, I don't I don't need this. Yeah, this isn't for
me. For me, yeah yeah, but you know, some people staying
and whatever, they just leave it in Dan whatever. Exactly cool. So
Airbnb getting checked in seeing everyone super ship were fun. Now there's the situation
of my parents when we moved them from their I don't know, thirty five
hundred four thousand whatever square foot home and Eagle Mountain and kind of in an
emergency to get him out of that house and into a place where they could
get some help, like a senior living center, we had to sell the
house. And so my parents, my mom specifically, get rid of nothing,
got rid of nothing. Oh like, it was like a hoarder house.
Not hoarder house like catshit everywhere, like you'd see on that show Hoarders,
but a hoarderhouse and like boxes and papers and yeah, they kept all
their stuff, yes, everything, and they have traveled the world, so
they always had like trinkets and shit, which great good for them. That
all ended up in the biggest storage unit you can imagine, fucking huge.
And some of you listeners, by the way, came and helped out with
that moving thing a few years ago, and good God, thank you so
much. So storage unit. There's stuff in there that we have talked about.
Well who gets it? And honestly, I don't have This is every
Mormon funeral of old people shit. God, So I don't have any for
some reason, like personal connection to their stuff. I know that probably sounds
weird, Maybe it doesn't, I don't know. I mean, yeah,
there's nothing like, oh I really want moms blah blah blah. I I
don't. And that doesn't mean I don't like her love her. I just
there was not this connection of something that I used every day or that I
you know, the things that I brought back with me in a suitcase were
some nutcrackers from Germany and just like some little figurines I remember playing with when
I was a kid, But like the furniture, don't care, I don't
know. I just that's for some reason, my parents' stuff never had I
didn't connect with it. My grandpa parents things, my dad's parents. Yes,
absolutely I connected with a lot of their stuff. But yeah, my
parents meh. But my other brothers they connected with some things. And my
other brothers meaning Mike and Mark, now David, the oldest brother. Here's
a reminder. We involve David in zero things on purpose, like all of
you have the game plan on purpose? Yes, because he ruins everything everything.
He was the one And I probably talked about this before as my mom
was getting sicker and sicker because you know, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's and old as
fuck. You know, your body needs less calories. You don't feel like
eating you sleep more, you eat less, you eat less. Your appetite
dwindles, so you sleep more, you eat less. Like this is how
you die, right, this is the same reaction. Yeah, unless you
get hit by something or like cancer takes you, you basically die by not
taking in the calories that is needed to support your organs. My Mom's not
going to recover from this, and my dad was not going to rea cover
from being old either. This was this was the way of things. She
was ready to go. She couldn't remember shit anymore, she was constantly shaking,
she would have anxiety attacks. But douchebag David would wanted Mike, who
was power of attorney as far as all things medical for my parents, wanted
Mike to have my mom get a stomach feeding tube, no, to keep
her alive longer. Like why, that's fucking insane. And I think the
only reason why was because David's just a piece of shit and he wants to
have an idea. We should do this and have all of us go,
oh, yeah, great idea, David. So the last few months of
my mom's life were basically David telling her, I'm so sorry they're starving you
to death. Mom, Oh my god, Yeah, that kind of shit.
This is why I hate him. It's not just like he's a mean
brother. No, he's a cruel person. Okay. And then he would
tell my dad the same thing. Dad, I'm so sorry that. You
know, I'm trying so hard to help Mom recover from this, but you
know, Mike and Mark and Shelley just want to pull the plug, like
he said these words. So then my dad's having panic attacks because he also
had dimensions so couldn't quite understand things. So that's just a surface that's David,
right. This is why we don't involve him in things. And he
has he had no right on for any involvement anyway, because he's like nowhere
on any of the paperwork. When my dad was still lucid, he took
David off of anything as far as decision making because he knew, like David's
a fucker, all right. The storage unit. There's so much shit in
the storage unit. And Mark and Mike and I have spent hundreds of hours
of like work with the storage unit, from packing it up, organizing shit,
going through pictures, going through boxes, going like we would fly out,
and spend hours almost on a monthly basis to try to pare down their
shit. Yeah right, And David did nothing, didn't even lift a finger.
We pulled, oh fuck, I don't know how many enormous boxes of
photos I'm sure out of there. It was insane because my mom took put
pictures all the time. She was that annoying grandma and that now you appreciate
because you're like, oh my god, look at this cute picture of my
kid. So we brought all those boxes to the Airbnb and all of the
grandkids, so we're talking like nineteen people plus the grown ups. We spent
like two solid days going through pictures and throwing away ones where we're like,
nobody knows who that is, Like I don't that's a picture of the inside
of my mom's purse, right, Like, just all this shit. And
again David did not help it all. But because we are nice, we
made a pile of pictures that had David in them so that he could have
those. Why because we're nice and I'm kind of over being nice. Then
I took pictures of furniture that was in the storage unit, sent some of
the pictures to David, saying, are you interested in this? Are you
interested that. Oh yeah, yeah, i'll take that. I'll take that,
I'll to that. Blah blah, I'll take that. Like all this
stuff, he's gonnake. He's gonna take cool, bro when you're gonna come
get it. Oh well yeah, I'm real busy blah blah blah. Just
of course, this has always been david slight side story here. So David
claimed that one of his employees at his shop stole a bunch of money,
right, and he called like the news station and did all this shit.
Anyway, we knew that he that this was something that David did, not
the employee, because it's he's done this in the past. My brother Mark
actually got a hold of the guy who was accused of it and got the
whole story, and it was like, yeah, of course this is of
course, this is all David. And that guy asked Mark if Mark would
be a character witness against David if this ghost at court, and Mark said
fuck yeah absolutely, because by now Mark just wants to just kill David because
David has caused so many problems and so all this would be was him saying
to a court I know David to have lied about blah blah blah, to
have treated my parents in such a way. You know nothing to do with
the actual case, because Mark doesn't know anything about the case except for what
the news said just about him as a person exactly, And somehow that got
back to David. Now and this is what we're leading into here. We
get the stuff in the storage unit paared down as much as we can,
and we were like, let's just take the big furniture items that David wants.
We'll just put it in the damn U haul. We will drive it
out to his house in Eagle Mountains. We're looking like forty five minutes each
way. We will unload it for him in his garage. Like we're being
nice. May I pause you for a second. Yes, all of you
live out of state and you're coming in state to do all of this.
And he's the one person that lives in state and doesn't lift a finger but
expects you to hand deliver his shit to him. Correct. Oh my god,
he's one of those. Yeah, forever, has been one of those.
So we get it all loaded up and at this time, I think
I texted David and I was like, Hey, we're gonna drop your stuff
off. Between this time and this time. Just make sure we can get
into the garage. We'll put it in your garage. He's like, okay,
well just text me when you're on your way. I'm go' fine.
So the funeral has not even happened yet. By the way, this is
a long drawn as this is like the day before. We'll be fine.
We drive all the way the fuck out there, and I start texting David.
No answer, no answer, no answer, Like seriously, dude,
because I told him between this time and this time. So annoying because he
had said that his step son would be there to open the garage for us
and knock on the door. No one answers, Text, no one's answers,
call, no one answers. I'm telling my brother, and Donna,
by the way, is with us. She's of course, of course,
Donna is helping to move shit that she has no business having to help with.
But she's a fucking amazing human and being, and she's helping move my
parents' shit to my shitty brother's house. Now it's starting to rain, and
so we're like, well, what do we do. We can't get into
the garage, and I'm getting impatient. Mark's getting pissed. Mike's getting like,
we're just all getting pissed. And then David calls me back. He's
like, oh hey, I go hey, we're here, Like, can
you unlock the door? Like, oh, well, I'm not there,
but listen, my wife trying to leave her name out of it, even
though I hate her. My wife's right around the corner. She'll be there,
like in five minutes. I'm like, great, cool, we can.
We'll just start moving stuff for five minutes. He goes, well,
yeah, when she gets there, I'm gonna need you guys to all go
sit in your car. What the fuck exactly? I go, no,
no, uh huh no, Well, she doesn't feel safe having you guys
around. And believe me, this ex wife has caused as much trouble as
David has with my parents and all the lies and all the bullshit. And
I'm like, no, David, no, we're not. No, we
are not. We are dropping your shit off dude at your house. We're
not gonna go sit in the car because your fucking wife has issue with us,
Okay, and it's she has issue with us because of the ship that
he told her, which is not true, and also because she's a lying,
scheming bitch. So David's like, oh, give me a second.
He gets off the phone, and then I tell Mike and Mark and they're
like, oh, you can just say. Esteam starting to come out,
and Donna's just like, dip to do helping push this down here, lift
with my legs. And then David calls back, and now I'm inside of
the truck and Donna's and they're moving stuff and h David's like, okay,
right, well, she's just around the corner, should be right there.
And I go, you know, cool, and he's like, but yeah,
you're gonna have to go sit in the I go, no, this
is fucking crazy. We're not gonna go sit in the car. What is
she afraid of? What? Like? No, what we don't even like
her? Why would we say anything? Well, you know, because Mark
is gonna be a witness against a known felon and just like or a witness
for whatever he said. And I lost my shit. I cannot stand when
David starts spewing his lies. And I'm so protective of especially Mark at this
point, because David has really been a dick to him. And David start
saying this, and I just yell, shot the fuck up like loud,
and everyone kind of stops, and Donna walks past me. She just like
puts her hand on my shoulder and then just keeps moving furniture. Like I
fucking snapped, like are you kidding me? This? So this is the
kind of person that David is is like, doesn't help, can't even bother
to have someone there to open the garage so we can deliver his free furniture,
right fully expects you to do all the work, yeah, and then
wants us to all go sit in the car are I was like, no,
we're just gonna put your stuff out in the rain. Bye. Hang
up. Yeah. He kept trying to call back. I didn't answer.
I'm like fuck you ye. A few minutes later, his step son showed
up, and his step son, I feel bad for him. He just
has a shitty step dad and the shitty mom. And he knew the garage
code and was able to let us in. But so that's like the day
before the funeral. So here we are with this, like, motherfucker.
Wait, did the wife ever show up? Now? Okay, I wish
she would have. She's that one, that one. So that's day.
That's day one of family, you know, in Utah. Next day is
the funeral, and we get there. We get there on time. The
boys are all wearing they're all they've all picked out one of my dad's ties.
He had lots of ties. He was really sweet. I mean,
they all loved my dad, you know, he was he was my dad,
but he was also a grandpa Jay. So I mean, I understand
how that can be. I'm in there and I say hi to David because
I'm nice, you know, I'm like, Hey, what's up? Blah
blah blah. Then I see his wife and I'm gonna be nice because I'm
nice and it's a funeral, and so I go over and I'm like,
hey, how's it going? And I'm just kind of chatting with her and
her mom, who's heir. Mom is so weird too. The whole thing
is just just cea church building, right Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure
is. And then probably, I don't know, fifteen minutes later or so,
I guess, Donna comes up to me. She's like, oh my
god, what what she goes. I just had to practically break up a
fight between Mark and David, Like what are you talking about? You?
I didn't hear any of this, No, I missed the best part.
No, I didn't. The best part's coming, don't you worry. So
apparently what happened was Mark was like trying to fix the VCR that was gonna
play, or a CD player, whatever's gonna play, like pictures of my
dad, and David came over there and just started hounding him about this court
case. Oh can't believe you're gonna stab me in the blah blah blah,
and Mark kept saying, not here, David, not here, David,
not right now, David, And then Donna says, she looks and she
sees Mark and David standing like toe to toe, like belly's touching, red
faced, like about to go at it. Oh shit, and she's yeah,
and she's like, oh shit, what do I do? So her
first thought was I'll go get Shelley, and then quickly she's like, no,
not gonna go get Shelly, because Shelley will be the first to swing
on someone did not go get me. Looked like panic eyed and caught eyes
with Heidi's Mark's wife, and she came over was like, hey, Mark,
come on's go for a walk. Let's let's let's and you know too,
goo away. Bit that's David. He doesn't care that he's at his
dad's funeral in a church. He's just like gonna do what he's gonna do.
Here comes the better part. So there's the open casket viewing, which
was fine, and again I just didn't have like that overwhelming emotion like I
did with my with my mom. You know, I kind of said goodbye
to my dad and that was that. It just and I keep kind of
like waiting for the emotion. But it's been a couple months now and it
just isn't just a different kind of goodbye with him. Yeah, yeah,
I think so. But it kind of sounds like it matched your relationship,
Like your goodbye with your mom matches what your connection with her was, and
you're goodbye with your dad was like, h just this surface. It's a
person who had something to do with your life, but like you didn't have
the same emotional connection to your dad. Yeah, for sure. Of course,
the grandkids were all in tears, and it was again sweet to see
all of my kids comforting each other and the cousins comforting each other. I
talked about in the last episode that I had decided not to speak at my
dad's funeral because I just couldn't come up with what I would say. Yeah,
and that I'm glad that that was the case, because I didn't feel
like really preparing anything. Another thing with planning for the funeral is that Mike
and Mark and I agreed that no, David will not be speaking at this
funeral either, just like we didn't let him speak at my mom's because he's
he's a fucking train wreck. You you just wouldn't know what would happen,
no idea. So Mike told David, hey, uh, you know,
before Dad passed, he mentioned that he would love to have you do the
family prayer there in the family room just after the viewing, which was a
lot And Mike told me, He's like, well, that's a lie.
Dad didn't say anything, but there's no way that we are going to let
him have the pulpit do anything else. Yeah. No, Well, and
isn't the family prayer. It's been a minute since I've been to a Mormon
funeral, but the family prayer is just your family with the casket before you
close it to like bless him in the dirt so you can rise up again.
Isn't that kind of what that's about? Like, that's not an everybody
thing, is it. Yeah, well there were plenty of people there that
I didn't recognize. They don't like kick people out. Okay, I think
the bishop had invited people to leave if they wanted. But yeah, it's
not like you know, but like the purpose of the family prayer is like
a goodbye prayer to the dead person, right literally, yes, right,
Okay, it's time for David to have the microphone and do the goodbye prayer.
Yes, oh my god, Oh my fucking god. So he did
the goodbye prayer for my mom and it was weird, but it was okay.
I mean, it wasn't more weird than what we had expected. You
know. At the end of the prayer, he was like, thank you,
mother, thank you, thank you. It was just like what the
fuck are you doing? Dude? Anyway, but that was nothing compared to
what I'm about to explain to you all. Wait, do we all need
to take a shot before we hear this story. I feel like this is
it's so fucking good. It's it's it's like fucking wow, like you got
some malls, dude. So he has the microphone and there's a dear little
church guy holding the like a speaker so that everyone can hear, and David
starts the prayer, and he starts it off relatively normal with your whole Mormon
like the way you're supposed to because his Mormons, you're supposed to pray to
heavenly Father. That's it, right. But then after saying you know,
thank you Father, blah blah lah shit, he starts like he's talking to
my dad, which gets really weird because you know, we don't pray to
people. But he's like, Dad, I'll never this is the middle of
prayer. I'll never forget the times we spent fishing and how I learned how
to And we're thinking you made everything miserable, bro, Like all these good
times you're claiming you had with Dad, you caused fights between everyone your whole
fucking life. None of my family vacations were good because of you, dude,
and Mark will see the exact same thing, and so will Mike,
because you ruined everything. So imagine David, He's standing up there next to
my dead dad praying and saying weird shit. And then there's all of the
grandkids, both Mormon and not Mormon, like in this big group in the
middle, and then Donna and I are kind of sitting on the side in
front, but we can see all of the grandkids and I watched them slowly,
like one a time, like open their eyes and start looking at each
other of like holy shit. And Mark is like sitting right in the front
of the kids. He's like right, and I can see Mark just like
turning red, like he wants to kill people. Because David's just he's using
his prayer as a platform to say things. Well, he's like creating this
narrative on the way out the door that he gets to have like the last
word on what their relationship was, and he can like totally be in charge
of creating that picture. That is exactly what he's doing. And he's trying
to make it look like he was this great son. And you know,
it was so like frustrating that we couldn't just throw shit at him. But
it gets better. Don't worry. Don't worry. If he'd ended it with
that, it had been like, you know, there's David again. Then
he starts saying because a lot of it was a lot of the hardship between
the family. There at the end was David, David's wife Mandy, whatever
it's for a fucking name, Mandy. She's not a good person. Okay,
Yeah, he starts saying in this prayer to my dad somehow I don't
know, and or he'll say and Heavenly Father. We knowest he's trying to
use like his church words. We know it's that my dad loved Mandy and
blessed our marriage. Like what the fuck you want to know? It was
so bizarre, And again we're looking at each other, and then he starts
talking shit about like how it's important to be kind, just trying to act
like he's the most amazing, righteous, wonderful person and he's like a father.
I am sorry I couldn't help you more in your last days because of
things that I wasn't permitted to do. Just throwing all the shit out there
in a fucking prayer, in a fucking prayer, and I see Mark's face
getting more and more red. I'm like, dude, the throwdown might not
have happened out in the foyer, but this shit might go down in front
of my dad. Again, the cousins are just kind of looking at each
other and sort of shrugging. David finishes up and the names he just christ
him. Man, everyone's relieved, right, dude tries to take the microphone
back. David says, I'm not done. Oh shit. He gets out
his phone and he pushes play on it, holds the phone up to the
microphone, and a commercial starts to play. And the best part it's a
fucking coffee commercial. So he's trying to play a song from Spotify, but
he's too fucking cheap. He's too fucking cheap to pay for premium service or
to make a recording to play whatever song he has in mind. So commercial
comes on first and it's for fucking coffee, and I am dying. I'm
like, oh my god, because I'm realizing now what's happening. And then
the commercial is done, and of course I have to whisper to Donna real
quick, like I have to tell you why this is so horrible, like
afterwards, because she's like, that's weird. I'm like, no, it's
not just weird, it's fucking amazing. Actually it's ironic. Yes, yeah,
yeah. So coffee commercial stops and David's like, oh, you know,
I've got it, paid it not have commercials. He's just like it's
like he's on a fair sage. Yes, yes, thank you yes,
So this song starts playing and hits. He's playing this song by Tim McGraw.
By the way, can I just say my dad would have been horrified
if anyone played anything but like religious type music at his funeral. Yeah,
because Mormons don't do that. They don't, especially not my dad's type of
Mormon. So he starts playing the call the song Humble and Kind by Tim
McGrath. The music comes on and we're just all thinking what the fuck?
And even Mandy the wife has looked like. He gets her by the hand
and forces her to stand up and kind of sway dance with him. No,
okay, my dead dad is still there in front of the cast.
Yes, we're all in this relief society room. It's so bad, I'm
excommunicating him right now. What oh like Mormon or not? Nobody does nobody
dances in front of a fucking casket. Dude, No, noah, noah.
It was so uncomfortable. But it gets worse when it gets to the
part where it says, always stay humble and kind. I'm looking at the
lyrics here. He sings those words out loud into the microphone while he's sway
and by now it's like the cousins can't hold it in. These kids,
all of my nieces and nephews. Oh god, I don't remember who it
was. I think it was Donna. Donna was worried because she saw Courtney
and Jenny. Jenny's my daughter, Courtney's her bestie, Courtney's super Mormon,
Jenny not Mormon at all. They had turned their back toward the back row,
and Donna felt so bad for them because she saw like like their their
shoulders were shaking, like they were bawling, and she's like, oh,
poor them. But then she sees them turn around. They are laughing so
hard and like trying not to make sounds, like all all nineteen grandkids are
like huddled up almost together to protect themselves from this wacky ass shit that's going
on. There's the part in the song that says don't steal, don't cheat,
and don't lie, and you know, because David is hit a thief
in all of those things, he says them out loud with the nut now
he's not with the singing voice. He just says, don't steal, don't
cheat, don't lie, Like what the fuck? Because he's fucking nuts.
He is fucking nuts and everybody that's in the funeral thing, like not just
your family, but all the people who stayed are watching this whole show.
Yeah, this shit show, which I love because he was trying to make
himself look like like great, but he was just and it's crazy. He
came no, it came running, running, and screaming. Yeah. And
by the way, this song is like so fucking long. It seemed like
it was easily a seven minute song. It kept going yeah and going,
and then you think it was done and it wasn't, and there was more
singing. And now Donna's trying not to laugh because because Donna telling me,
she's like, every time I look at your kids and all the grandkids,
they're laughing, and so I'm trying not to laugh. But like if anyone
here should not be laughing, it's me, Like I'm the newest I should
not be laughing, and like we were all fucking laughing. It was just
like it was unbelievable. It was it was like you could you didn't even
know how to react, like, well, you don't want to go take
the microphone from him, but you kind of do, but you kind of
don't what's appropriate. You just have to let it ride. You just have
to let it, like was the bishop in there and everything, because I
feel like that's something that normally, like back in our day, if you
said something wrong for the pulpit, or if you want off I stop it,
or you gave wrong answers in class, they would literally turn off the
microphone or like put their hand on you and like pull you away or whatever.
Like they didn't just let the crazy fly. It feels like something especially
in a funeral setting, they'd be like, maybe this isn't the time for
this is uh, I think everybody, that's how you know the church isn't
true because he didn't do it. That's right. No lightning came down and
like zapp the fuck out of him spirit a discernment. Oh God, so
fucking bad this. And by the way that I would like to thank my
brother David for really bonding all of my nieces and nephews and kids together because
this is something that they still talk about. There's so many inside jokes now
about this shit. It's so great. Anyway, So the song finally ends
and he says like thank you or whatever and kisses his wife. I'm like,
he's just so nasty, and the dude takes the microphone, takes the
thing, goes and sits down. So now it's time that everyone who go
back up and say their last goodbyes before they close the casket. But now
the feeling is so weird. So the grandkids are going up to say goodbye
to Grandpa, but they're kind of looking at each other like what's going on,
Like I don't know how to feel right now, So they kind of
calm down and they're saying good bye to Grandpa. And then David gets up
again and goes to the middle of the room and it's like, excuse me,
sorry, I forgot to say something like the kids are now crying about
Grandpa and you are now saying I forgot to say something like what the fuck,
dude, be done? And he says, my dad would want you
all to know that your wife is the most special person and you should hold
your wife dear and always put them first. So fucking weird. So he's
just weird. He's not okay up here. He's not right. And I
don't mean that as a disrespect to people who suffer from mental illness, but
he's he's he's just he's a motherfucker, like he's just not a good person.
Yeah, so yeah, all of that happened. Then we had the
regular Ask funeral. It was beautiful. It was nice that I just would
sit there. My brothers did a great job talking well, Mike and Mark,
great job talking to my dad was good. The music was fantastic.
The lesbian sisters I was going to ask it was. It was amazing.
And afterward, actually Mark and Mike both went up and found Kirsten and Ann
and gave him hugs and said, thank you so much. Do you want
to do? You want to come to the Airbnb later and hang out like
they they're they're good people, they really are. But let me back up
just a little bit really quickly. One of my happiest moments was when I
was just buzzing around, you know, greeting people and stuff, and Donna
was sitting or Donna said she saw Cassidy just kind of sitting there in one
of the rows, and so she sat down next. He was just kind
of chatting with Cassidy, and then this older couple comes in and starts talking
to Cassidy was like, oh hi, Cassy, how are you? And
they hugged and and this is Donna relaying this this story to me, and
then the woman asked Cassie, so, so who is this you got sitting
next to you? And Cassie's like, this is my mom's girl friend,
Donna that that couple was Brent's parents, my ex husband's parents. Nope,
you know what, I think the church is true. Now I think it
is. I think it is. I think it is. I love that.
It wouldn't even have crossed my daughter's mind to be like, oh,
that should be weird. No, she was like all proud and happy.
Oh, this is my mom's girlfriend. Donna like yay, So I love
that. Yay. I'm so happy. You don't have to hide your light
under a bushel anymore. Right, all right, let's wrap up this funeral.
So funeral happened, then the eating portion happened, and then was the
gravesite service. So I was in one car with Donna and a handful of
kids, and we were headed toward the grave site. And I had forgotten
to bring stickers to bling out my dad's casket because we decided, well,
let's put let's let the grandkids decorate his casket too, because we did that
for Grandma. Yeah, why not? So it took me a minute to
find him, so now I'm running slightly late. And when I got there,
it was like it was about to start and I literally just like like
slit in on the lawn. I might have landed on someone's graystone. I
don't know, but everyone was like kind of looking like, oh my gosh,
well Shelley's here, which cracked me up. We get out and the
bagpipe start playing, so we'd hired a bagpipe player, and it was amazing
for your Scottish heritage, yes, my Scottish reminder of those of you who
don't remember. In the last episode, I talked about how my dad was
so proud of our Scottish heritage, and then when I did a DNA test,
we were not Scottish at all, and I didn't have the heart to
tell him because it's so proud. So fuck. Yeah. They were bagpipes.
Yeah, paperback, but that was beautiful. And he's as a military
veteran and so they did like the what's it called the twenty one gun salute
or what have you. I mean, the whole thing was beautiful. It
really was just very moving, very touching. I'd never been to a military
funeral and regardless of how you feel about the military, it doesn't matter that.
For me, there was just something I don't know, just seeing like
these old ass veterans shaking hands and just the whole because my dad would have
loved that. You know, I would not want that shit at mine,
of course, but my dad would have loved that. The bagpipes was just
amazing. One thing that David managed to fuck up was all of the kids.
So myself, David, Mike, and Mark, we all received a
flag, an American flag. It was a yeah, and David was pissed
because he wasn't handed the flag first. I'm like, are you like?
He was visibly angry. And so after after the twenty one gun salute thing,
and they bring you like spent shells, well just to keep spent rifle
shells, and they come back with like a handful of just like I don't
know, seven or eight of them, I don't know, and David grabs
all of them, all of them. Yeah, And so Mark whispers to
me, He's like, oh, I'm gonna I'm getting those damn bullets back.
I'm like, David just just causes problems, constantly causing problems. And
then the part that I didn't see was that afterward, whenever it was all
said and done, and people were just kind of like talking, David starts
following Mark around and trying to start shit with him about this court case,
and Mark's like, not here, not now, not here, not now.
To the point where I think it was Mike finally had to go over
and was like, dude, just leave, just go leave, And so
he left with this Dave. Yeah, like ask him to leave the cemetery.
Yes, yeah, yeah, that's that's my sibling. But the kids
did a great job. They decorated the casket. I'll throw some pictures up
on Patreon of that. I mean, all in all, it was just
it really was a good funeral, with of course the great story to tell
about freaking David taking over the family prayer. Yeah, can you believe?
I mean I can't, I can, and I can't believe it, but
I also can because I know David, and it's just like honestly, Well,
then and then after the funeral, when we all got back, it
was like we had to all sit there and decompress and like talk about what
had just happened, yeah, which was like insane. Well, and the
fact that that like shadowed over everything, like managing his behavior and like watching
him to see what he was going to do next, like the trauma response
of doing all that kind of stuff. That's and he I'm sure believes that
he did the right thing. He was righteous in his choices because he's super
Mormon, right, well, he pretends to be when he needs to.
That's I still gotcha. But like, even not being Mormon for so long,
how what year did you leave the church? I don't remember this.
I was forty and I'm forty nine now I was like forty one, so
I don't know, eight eight years. So even though roughly you haven't been
a member and you don't do this stuff, you still know what the like
criteria are, Like you still know what the expected behaviors are in places even
if you were Mormon, you don't do shit like that at a funeral,
But the fact that you were all raised Mormon and he's Mormon quotation marks and
then still chose to do those behaviors in those spaces, Like I would not
even do that, and I don't care for anything about Mormonism, but I
would never like overtly disrespect an entire environment. That's meant for somebody else like
that. But that's been David's entire life. I damn always about him,
always about him. But yeah, again, I have to say that this
has given us more inside jokes as a family than could ever ever wish for.
Like literally, in twenty years, your your nieces and nephews with your
kids are just gonna be like you remember that one fucking time? Oh yeah,
Oh well, I saw Mark and Heidi's kids just last weekend in Las
Vegas for a wedding and we were we were joking about it. We're like,
who's gonna Who's gonna play the Tim mcgrass song at the wedding? Like
of course we're you know how like when you would leave and I don't know
if this is a Mormon culture thing or whatever, you would also say like
remember who you are and what you stand for or whatever. Now you just
gotta be like I always be humble and kind. That just has to be,
Like your Christmas card needs to have that, Like you guys got to
use this for a hot minute, just to like y put it to the
other side of wackado, like the funny, appreciative side instead of like the
traumatic. I can't believe they did that at a funeral. Old side this
big don't forget to hold your wives, make them number one. Mm hmmm,
fucking as. I was really hoping, I'm not gonna lie, I'm
gonna give you a confessional. I was really hoping there was an actual fist
fight, and I imagine Donna like in the middle, like using her arms
to like separate these big men and being like not today, and they were
just like going at it with each other. Because the cliffhanger, I was
like, Oh, there's gonna be there's some physicality. There's got to be
an actual fight happening. Well, sorry to disappoint that there wasn't a fight
at my dad's funeral. Yeah no, but there was some creepy ass weird
song singing. And you know, gentle David did his best. He did
his best to ruin everything without shit. I know, I know I have
not heard a word from him since, so yay, I will maybe a
yeah, we can we can help. Well, and you guys don't really
have any reason to keep connection to him or his family. Nope, nope,
not a one. Right, I'll find it. I'm trying to think.
I mean, I guess that was about it for the funeral. The
rest of the time was just hanging out and the kids playing, and you
know, it was good, It was really really good. But yeah,
that's it. Wrap it up. Parents are gone. Fucking weird, oh
weird. Well, and you probably have the same thing like you did with
the last one, where when you listen to this one, like even though
this one's more on the side of the you won't fucking believe this part,
like right, the reminder of it being what your new reality is. Yeah,
yeah, it's definitely interesting. Yeah, so there was again, So
that was my mom had passed, and then it was I think six months
later my uncle, and then my dad like a few days later. Yeah,
right, because that whole thing. And then my dad's sister died a
few weeks after he passed, and then his uh stepsister just passed away last
week, and his step stepsister's husband just passed away today. So basically everyone's
dying. I know. It's fucking crazy. It's fucking crazy. It's like
all your aunts and uncles are dying. Yeah, there's one left, my
God and the one that's left, uncle Mike. He actually spoke at the
funeral and we were worried because dude, like you just don't know because he's
super old. But he was awesome. He was Oh good, Let's keep
him around for a while. Then let's do let's let's let's do that shit.
That's it, they're dead. Yeah, that's a lot though, Like
that's a whole chapter of your life that is just closed. Yeah. I'll
probably sit and think about this for a while after we're after we're done with
the recording. Yeah, it's big. I'm glad you share with everybody.
It normalizes all the weird shit. I mean, not normalizing weird things,
but like talking about hard conversations and grief and stuff, because that's one of
the other things about in my opinion, leaving Mormonism is we talked about this
at the last podcast, like you're never allowed to have bad feelings. You're
not supposed to express anger, everything like that is satan and bad, and
so you're never taught how to manage grief at that level or like the feelings
that you have with your siblings, and so like having conversations about uncomfortable emotional
things or big things like that was I don't ever feel like that was allowed
or something like a skill set you were taught in church of how to manage
those relationships and emotions. So I love talking about the weird shit and just
saying things and being like, hey, we're just gonna put this shit out
there, and I think it's on to talk about it. Yeah. Yeah,
I feel like in Mormonism, like emotions aren't even talked about, Like
there's there's just not a platform, you know, there's no I wasn't taught
how to process any kind of emotions, and you know, rais being raised
a very patriarchal family. Emotions were bad, they were weak. Yeah,
so I was not prepared for an emotional life, yeah, to kind of
jump into that shit. Well, and even with funerals, like you're only
supposed to be sad for like this much time because they're in a better place
or they're you know, they're with God now, Like you're not even allowed
to be sad about somebody dying. And that even happens with Like there's this
thing going around for a while on TikTok about like emotions and Mormonism and women
who had suffered the loss of a child in any capacity or families who had
suffered that, and how they literally don't let you grieve because you must be
so righteous that you were given this baby that didn't even have to be born
or whatever. Like processing grief is not allowed or taught, and you're just
supposed to be really grateful that they're within heaven now instead of on this terrible
earth with you. It's so fucking weird. It is weird. Yeah,
it's it's so it's And maybe people think that they're cheering the person up by
saying, well, they're in a better place, but let me be sad,
you know. Yeah, do you remember the story that went around in
the early nineties, I want to say, and it was told over the
pulpit numerous times. I'm sure it's a lie about how there was a kid
whose face was deformed and he was always like so sad about having a deformed
face and it made his life difficult, and then when he got his patriarchal
blessing, he was told that the reason he was born with a deformed face
is because he fought so hard in the pre existence against Satan that God made
his face so that Satan couldn't Satan couldn't recognize him and tempt him on earth.
And so what a great powerful thing, Like, what the fuck is
that? I hate shit like that? I hate it? Can I go
on a tiny rant really fast? Do it? Okay? So let's pretend
that I did some uber driving for a hot minute, which I really loved
because I got to meet the weirdest damn people in Cash Valley and I love
it because Mormon Zone Uber, so it was like all the outsider people.
Anyway, I pick up this kid that's disabled and he's going he's going to
a shift at di I and he's mentally disabled. And he gets in the
car right away and he's telling me how things are going to be, and
I'm like, oh, I'm here for this. I love it, he
says, right in the front seat, and he's like, I'm putting my
cup here, I've got my shift at DI And I'm like great. And
he goes into this like recitation that he's been taught to say to people,
this story that he gives about how he had stage three cancer for something and
he almost died of something else, but his parents have taught him that God
saved him for a purpose, and he's the only person who have survived this
type of cancer. And I mean, and he's probably forty to fifty years
old and very obviously disabled mentally. But he's been told this thing to say
to people about how he knows that he's important to God and that he has
a message, and there's something he's supposed to be telling. And the asshole
in me the entire time, while I appreciate his story and he was the
sweetest kid ever, I was just thinking, what do you tell the mom
of the four year old kid who didn't survive the cancer thing that she didn't
have a story to tell and she wasn't worth keeping around and whatever. But
it was like this whole campaign type thing. Like I said earlier, like
here's why you should join this church is because we have disabled people who uh
survived cancer, because we have the power. He got priestood blessings all the
time, and one time somebody who gave him a blessing had been blessed by
somebody who touched a prophet once or something. It was this whole thing,
and I was like, God, the manipulation of this person to tell a
story, And while it was supposed to be something sweet that he was sharing
about, like his survival, I was just mad the whole fucking time.
I was so mad. No, I feel that. Yeah, I hate
that shit, I know it. Oh, we could do a whole last
episode about that, right, the whole being like grateful when people die because
like I can't, I can't get it. I can't get I can't.
Yeah. Yeah, and the whole field well, and the whole thing about
God deciding who dies and who doesn't. Yeah, like that noise. No,
yeah, it's just it's not that's not good because that means there's that
means that there are some people that God doesn't give a shit about, right,
and some of the people that he's keeping alive. We might need to
check on his own mental health, because what the fuck are you doing?
God? Yeah? Yeah, why is that person still around? Yeah?
No, I agree, I agree. Dropping names all right, Jennifer,
we fucking did it. We got through the funerals. Oh, now it's
time to move forward. I feel like like the like almost all of my
podcasts since Segment solo, they've all been like sad and death, had a
lot of shit happening, though, I know, can I do a happy
one for once? Let's do it like we're on the first to June or
something. Yes, Yes, let's get let's start to brainstorming, and yeah,
Dan, leave this in. We're letting the people know what's up.
So we're we're gonna. I've got some ideas, and people been sending in
some ideas and Jennifer even did a poll in one of the Facebook pages to
get some ideas of what people want out talk about. So let's do it.
What do you say? Leave it in? Dan? Yeah? And
yes, by the way, Dan from Extension Audio, thank you for leaving
it in. And I guess that's it for now. Steer clear of cults
because they are no joke, no joke at all. There it is all
right bye everybody. Bye. Let me start that over in nipp Fuck me,
sorry Dan, Okay, here we go.