Oh the Blurry Photos has always been celebrated to just find informative podcast and like
the finest podcast. It also has listener mail and it's vintage dated, so
we know how long it's been since we was sent. Dude is mister Floyd
here. He doesn't do anything, that's it. Hello, Welcome to Blurpy
Potos. Blurpy Potatoes. Yeah, Blurpy Potos. So our registered trade mark
fell out. We forgot to get it back in time, and there's a
cyber squatter on it. Now we're Blurpy Potos. We wish our trade marks
wouldn't last longer. Trade shut up. I gave Dave hey bourbon barrel ale.
He slipped me a mickey. It's not fair, and h Dave.
Dave's used to drinking beers that the alcohol content is way lower. I kind
of like the alcohol content of a diet code. Yeah, like a glass
of kool aid. I do like I I enjoy some really well made beers,
but for the most part, I just like like Miller lite man,
just like like cheap beer, and that's what I drink usually, and I
know exactly how to paste that. But Flora gave me beer and him then
as after I had finished it, I was like, I he was like,
was that beer strong? Was the alcohol content feel right now? Really
warm? But also that that beer lied to me a little bit. Maybe
maybe it wasn't as honest and forthcoming as it could be. What do you
think of the conflicts in the Middle East? So I don't know. So
I'm doing pretty good. I hope you guys are doing well. Yeah,
Merry Christmas, Happy holidays. Uh kind of like, uh, this will
le coil youle some quansa in there. Uh fappys fappymus, holy shit,
well played, Flora, you are the people's poet brother. So, uh,
we've got we've got sort of a stocking full of a half episode.
Does that make sense? Um? We Unfortunately, we really wanted to get
our hundredth episode out before Christmas, but with our schedules and holidays, I
don't have to tell you things getty actic and we really want to take our
time with it. So it's gonna come out after Christmas. Uh. But
in the meantime, m we've got as promised, uh, scary tales written
by you, you and one of them by me he me, Yeah,
and Floria drinks these beers all the time. So he's got no excuse.
I wait for podcasting and U. So we've got some we got h we're
gonna catch up a listener mail. We're gonna do some scary stories. I've
got a scary story. I've got a story that is scary about my scary
stories. Okay, it's more of a running apology, um and uh an
adventures. Yeah, let's let's let's dive right into it with the faces book.
Yeah, Facebook missives a terrifying tale of Facebook. Look, Facebook messages,
likes, likes, likes, likes Facebook first ball, first ball?
What whatever does? Then the rest of them? Song? Who we got
arst? All right? Catching up? See we're a little worse at the
Facebook, but we're catching up. We're getting it done. Sometimes we put
them in a pocket so we can pull them out when we want to reminder
how much people live. Our friend Chris hits us up and this was a
while ago, but we're catching up. So sorry Chris for the long silence.
Really like my profanity filled anti Sandhill Crane tirade. Well, that's what
emotion does. When you feel something strongly, you probably are going to say
the F word a lot. I mean I think we all know this,
right, I mean, that's just just how the world works. I'm terrible
when I get emotional because it's all swears and then my memory turns off.
Blackout mad yeah nice, Yeah, I just get blackout fat and restaurants just
need a bunch of stuff that don't remember it. I envy you blackout fats
reel and it's glorious. So thank you, Chris. Thanks Chris. Our
friend Mecca john Zilla from Deep in his Undersea Layer ginned up a completely amazing
Guns and Rosebud poster for us for our twenty fifteen world Ah. This is
great. Instead of actual pistols, it has sleds and all the members of
Guns and Roses have orson Will's face. Micha John Zillah posted it to our
timeline on Facebook. So when we get our new website, I'm going to
have a page dedicated exclusively to these amazing, yeah, fucking amazing fan art
things that you guys do. And until then, if you want to go
to our website, that's where you can find this. For now, we've
discussed this in the past and we mean it like we're doing this. Yeah,
We're going to to condense all of this amazing fan art. You guys
are magnificent, And I'm gonna be honest, like, I'm so grateful and
happy that it then instantly makes me feel bad for no reason. You know,
like when someone does something really nice for you and it just for no
reason, just kind of makes you feel kind of bad. That's it.
We don't say that because they'll stop doing it. No no, no,
no, no, keep doing it. I deserve to feel bad. But
uh no, wait, sit, no, we feel great. It's it's
great, it's it's uh it's a giggle blush moment. You just giggle blush,
giggle, blush, blush. So thank you, thank you, Mecca
john Zella. It's awesome. Now just go back to wherever you came from.
I got my in laws in towning buttsugo, no, no, no,
no no, I wasn't talking to him. No remortal enemies been sugga.
I promise we're gonna come back around to Mecca john Zella. He's got
some like we're I don't know how would you sort it? I mean,
well, I'm juggling turkeys right now. So we've got yeah, we've got
like the Facebook. It's so we're gonna come back to him when it comes
time for email times. Facebook's now focusing on Facebook, and we heard from
listener Sean Sean, who says he found us through the deaf Past episode,
our biggest crowd pleaser. That's what I tell people to listen to. Have
you read Dead Mountain yet, Flora? I haven't yet neither. That's you
know what that's on my holiday reading list. We both have copies of it,
and we neither of us have read it, so hopefully we will,
and then we'll get to discuss it, and I might even get a wild
hair and ask on the author, Oh that might be fun. We have
to read it first? Would you come with me to the springfling dance of
podcast Deck? Though Sean says he's since listened to every single podcast of ours,
laughed his arself, cried tears of shame, and even felt the cold
shill of badgers waiting to strike, and he says that the blurry photos has
become a requirement for his daily listening, and the anticipation to hear our next
episode would make Richard Dreyfuss blush, Oh dry fust, Come on because it's
fun, and he calls for a Sucalo sound. It is such a thing
even possible. Yes, it is Graham to Uh. He says he heard
he heard rumors we might be forming our own Blurry Photos X Men team and
thought that the first recruit should be the Badgerine on the Noisiest What I do,
hey, Bob, if there was like a movie adaptation, I would
insist that Danny DeVito played the badgery But even though he's balding, he still
sticks his hair up on the side exactly, but he mostly just just devours
like like buffets, the Badgerine. That's awesome, he says. Keep up
the work, the amazing work. And know that we have a fan north
of the border who raves about the show and even played the Suspicion song for
his girlfriend, whoa thank you very much. Yeah, that's uh. That's
dedicated a true roll the dice with your relationship there. I I respect that,
uh, And I'm a big fan of Canada. I don't think I've
been any uh, made any secrets about that. And that's true. And
he signs it Sean the Count of the Gingers, whoam count Count Ginger?
Yeah? Not not the baron, No, not the Duke. Yeah,
not the Earl Sean, count Di Ginger. I like that, very nice.
Thank you, Sean, your Countess. We got a really I'm sure
you may have heard about this in the news, and if you hadn't,
this is worth pointing out. Darren made sure to send us a thing that
green Peace apparently up the NASCA lines. Oh my god. Well to make
sure that we knew not to fuck up our natural resources. Oh my god.
Yeah. And you know what, when I first heard about this,
I was like, that's a big goal. Um fake article. It's too
Yeah, it's too onion esque. Yeah, no way, it actually happened.
They set up these uh tarps to spell out, you know, green
Peace right time for change, the future is renewable green piece. And it
wasn't like they scratched it in the surface like the lines were. But what
they did with all their tramping and trumping around to set up these tarps,
they put these ugly ass lines and marks in the soil in the National World
Heritage site. Yeah, it's unbelievable and nobody knows how they got there.
Nobody knows because they're supposed to be very well protected. I thought you're time
about the NASCAR lines. No, I mean it could go. But I
you know, nobody knows how how these these douche helmets got there. I
just isn't that just mind blowing. I'll tell you what. I feel bad
for them. I feel like who green peace? Yeah, I tell you
why. I'll tell you why. Tell me why. I think. Uh,
And it's the same, it's the same kind of opinion I hold for
sayt Peta foundationally agree with them. I don't think that we are as a
species very responsible with this planet. I don't think we think about our actions.
And I'm glad that there's someone out there saying, hey, think about
your actions. I think that um animals do need an advocate, and I
agree with that. And that is the last thing that I have in agreement
with them, right. I think from that point forward, things get off
in these crazy, weird directions of activism and weird ideology that I just can't
agree with. And and and this this he doesn't take a genius to realize
that you're good creative giant. Problem when you did this, This was not
well thought through. This was you know, this was this was people getting
caught up in the hype of it, in knowing that they're going to make
a real big statement, it's going to be a huge deal, and losing
sight of the fact of what it is they are trying to do in the
first place. Oh my gosh. I mean, if you want press and
and every you know, everybody, there's that old saying that any press is
good press. You know, bad press is good press. You know whatever.
This is not good press. No, this, this makes people hate
Green Peace, right, and and it's and against and this also, I
mean, regardless of where you've fallen your opinion, a green piece like this
is one of those things that is such a perfect story of the opposition of
it, like, oh, we've up a World Heritage site while to crying
people's recklessness about our world heritage. You know, like god, you you
really you can't. You can't have messed yourself over worse than this. So
sorry, Green Peace. All those people should be fired, but you can't
because they're all volunteers. Um, I don't know, put them on put
them on whaleboat duty for a while, Let let the uh the cold southern
ocean cool them off for a while. I don't I don't know how you
how you discipline people that you clearly couldn't control. In the first place.
And I'll bet you that like, uh, Green Piece Headquarters is are like
you what might do you serious? Don't you think there was some somebody in
charge that that okayde No, that I think that there are. It's the
same thing with Peter. I think there are people in charge, and I
think that they have the loosest, if any, control over what happens on
a regional level. Like well, I mean that at least, you know,
and that's maybe that's me throwing them a bone. I hope to God
that this didn't make it up to the High Council of Dark Elders of of
green Peace in their underground laboratory and they were like, we radify this action.
Go forth and don't forget to bring us all the receipts from Joanne's Fabrics
for all the giant will yellow fabric you'll be buying. They the fabric.
Maybe it's my my brain tying things together, but the fabric looks like it's
in the font that Green Piece uses. It is it is, Well,
it's it's And then for green Peace they used their trademark font. Yeah,
they put the time in. They they did it the way that they do
it. So I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm being too
apologetic on their behalf by saying no, they couldn't have known this because this
this just stinks of bad idea right up front. Yeah. Yeah, It's
like it's like saying, it's like burning the word green piece into a nature
preserve, Like why would you do that? It's like salting the word green
piece into the last wheat field. I'm gonna throw the red paint directly onto
the polar bear, so so that everyone knows how how how irresponsible we treat
polar bears, you know, like I don't know, I don't It's a
but thanks Darren, Yeah, thanks for bringing that up. Yeah, whatever,
it's funny. Ha ha. We heard from Oh Jimmy, Oh jim
Jimmy, sh I have the pack give us oh jeems a hook where you
ben Jimmy the bad Luck Eye of the Little Yellow God that is the Danger
Mouse episode with Penfold. He sent us a donation for a penalty box immunity
for the duration of one week. Whoa, and he says, please taket
just call me Charlie Buckets. You can suck it. Oh, he says,
use it wisely. Well, we'll try send us some movie suggestions.
Number one, Oculus, is that the one with Karen Gillen. Is that
the mirror one. I can't imagine there's anything with her that I haven't seen,
but I think so it's a haunted mirror one, haunted mirror one.
Yeah, it might be. Yeah that I think that's on the old watch
list. When the girlfriends not in the room, she's gonna beat me.
Number two Absentia, have you seen this? I've not heard of that.
I haven't heard of this. Do it? Do it? Do it?
Like Jay Leno? Have you seen this? You seen this? Heard of
this? Yeah? Number two Absentia, you guys think you heard about anybody?
Think that anything? A Tina? Yes. Number three snow Piercer saw
it, saw it, He hated it. I liked it except for the
ending. One of my favorite things that I made Flora sip around for like
twenty minutes while I queued up this great joke. If you pull up snow
Piercer on Netflix, which it's on Netflix you want to see, watch it
and it's got like it's like, you know, snow Piercing. It has
like they always show like one still from the movie. You could easily take
that still and say it was a Wes Anderson movie about a rich woman and
a family of coal miners, like it really it looks like, you know
Wes Anderson film if you just look at the picture from Netflix. And I
was really pleased with that, and I went, I mean, for like
twenty minutes, I was like, hold on, how does your Netflix work?
And then when I was like, there's my joke and for and his
girlfriend just stared at me, like really went through all that? For that?
Yes, I did. I liked. I liked the movie except for
it wasn't even the very end. I'm fine with the very end of it,
but maybe the m the last twenty minutes before the very very end,
I just I don't know, it went off the tracks for me. Oh,
I just couldn't. I don't feel like I was ever on board with
the gender. The initial premise. Yeah yeah, I'll fight you, I'll
fight you. Um. I didn't like the way the plot conducted itself.
Are you reaching on that one? It's just here's the thing, like it
was, it was kind of an interesting premise. It just sort of ran
out of steam. Damn, we're the worst human beings. We're working.
I don't know who engineered that script in the wheels came off. What can
I say? God, I the only way for this to stop is if
I just stopped. I'm stopping, You're just stopping. Yeah, any Jesus,
we're the worst people. So thanks for the opportunity to have a pun
battle. Yea. Anyway, snow Piercer. Yeah, if you're bored watching,
you should still watch it. You should still watch it because I mean
it was it was interesting to watch and I'm glad I saw it. I
just at the end of it was like you what might he says, get
this Dave TV show suggestion? Rick and Morty. Oh, I am incandescent
with my love for Rick and Morty, and it's one of my favorite things
in the world. I should to Flora. We we we celebrate that show.
We do. I actually ask for it. I actually have it on
my Christmas list. I asked for it for my family, the first season
on DVD. I want full access to that and whatever. That's one of
those things that I enjoy so much. I'm like, whatever extras are on
there, I can't wait to get my teeth into. Yeah. Yeah,
it's a it's a Dan Harmon joint yep animated and it's kind of like a
mad scientist and his um It's it's actually it's it's a direct result of this
running joke that they had about Doc Brown and Marty. That Doc Brown.
You're like, what what if? What if Doc Brown really did travel everywhere?
And you know that's what it's Rick and Morty, Doc and Marty.
It's that's kind of the premise of it, except for imagine Doc Brown being
this this this morally bankrupt, always drunk lunatic who can travel to any dimension
and he just drags this kid along with him and it's just great, Yeah,
really funny. We we really like that. Finally a useless superpower,
oh, the ability to withstand any stupid movie or TV show without remorse.
Who oh god, I mean I think that's what the that's what the CW
is begging for. Really, like they just like, please, I'm gonna
call that net net Flixia, Uh thank you, Jimmy. Oh sweet.
We got uh Sean um who we've had quite a bit of correspondence with in
the last month or so. Uh sean Or recommended um Ka spew Bag yeah,
aka the spew Bag recommended our podcast to pod on Pod for review,
which I genuinely can't thank you enough for that. That's awesome. I'm really
glad you did it. Yeah, No, it was amazing that that you
took the time to do that. Uh No, I genuinely thank you very
much. It's always I mean, you know, we're we're working on it.
We want more exposure and and that's how you do it. Maybe the
pot on Pod gents weren't um sniffing our coffee. They did not like what
we were waking and shaking and bacon too. No, I don't know,
sure didn't. But that's fine because we're way smarter than them. And I
also can pretty confidently say we could take him in a fight. You know,
they show up at our house, it's not gonna go out for him,
bro, It's not gonna go out for him at all. Bro.
Just that's right. If someone someone didn't like us, we find him.
Listen. I'm not saying we're going after him. We never would. I
don't care where they are, but if they showed up at my house,
I have to defend my territory. It's my dojo. Bro. So thank
you very much. And uh, Sean wanted to wish us a merry cromp
us. Thank yeah, thank you very much, and uh and you thank
you. It was just the nicest thing in the world for him to put
us up for that. And it's it's all good. Yeah, it's all
good. Thank you. Spewbagi, spew big. One of them is a
pokey man. You do not I don't get it. Not one of them
has a stick? How are you poking? What is this? It's no
one of those sex things, is it? Because like those guys are growing
up too fast in Japan all the cartoons. Everyone's got giant boobies. I'm
tired. Heard from a Jeremy. Jeremy, I thought you were going to
do the song, and I know I kind of thought about it myself and
decided not to because I think Jeremy's in general just that you know, they
you don't want uh pearl jam haunting you your whole life. It's like everyone
in the world named mister Jones has to deal with with king counting crows until
they die. It's not fair everybody in the world named Annie being asked if
they're okay? Right? How often does your girlfriend get that? Not as
much as he used to I think that that was a real problem for her
for a while. Dave just got the look in his eye. I'm bringing
it back. Not I am not, I am not do so at your
own peril, my friend. I know. Fun fact Boy's girlfriend is an
extraordinarily skilled martial artist nobles. She is not a woman to be toyed with,
although it's kind of fun to provokers ands just like the dog. Yeah,
I'll be struck by a smooth criminal, which is what she calls a
roundhouse kick. Jeremy has a pun for us. Says, this government agency
pretends to do what other agencies do, even dressing up like them. What
it's called LARPA. Oh, oh, very nice, And all of the
robots and the weapons that they construct our foam, they're just fun like that.
He also has a story for us. Bryant said, he heard you
talking about Green Mountain Falls. Yeah, his grandparents have cabin in Cascade.
Very nice, and his parents recently bought a cabin next door in early two
thousand and five. That's just up the old ute pass. That sounded like
a euphemism. It's not mute passes. I believe you, I believe.
Compared to his grandparents cabin. His parents' new cabin was huge, two stories
with a walkout basement. It was built in the thirties and because the original
owners painted it green, it came to be known as the Blarney Stone.
And then growing up, his grandmother would tell him stories about the Blarney Stone.
She said that in the sixties, one of the guys who lived there
killed his best friend in the basement over a money dispute, whoa gun shot
to the chest. Ah. She also told them that the body was buried
somewhere on the property, probably in the basement itself. That's Blarney. So
fast forward forty five years after they bought the Blarney Stone. Immediately after purchasing
at the entire extended family embarks to Colorado to help his parents set up the
new cabin. They packed up a trailer with some mattresses, beds, and
other small items and headed to the cabin. And because they lived in Arizona,
it was a very long drive, so when they got there it was
late, and because they were tired, they just grabbed a bunch of the
mattresses through, one in each bedroom, right on the floor. How did
that work out for him? They did discover that one of the rooms did
have a bed frame left by the previous owners. It was the bedroom in
the basement. Not only was there a bed frame, but all the furniture
that the previous owners did not want was there, and as he got upstairs,
he found all the other bedrooms had been claimed with no couch, and
he was forced to head back down into the basement to sleep. No Earlier,
on the drive up, his sister brought up the topic of the shooting,
asking if it was true, and their father admitted that their now deceased
grandmother had also told him the same story, and he looked into it said
that most of the details were proudly not true, like the body being buried
there, but he did confirm that someone was shot and killed in the basement.
No. The first night's sleeping in the basement, he had the most
horrifying dreams he has ever had. He woke up several times in a cold
sweat, and while he doesn't remember an ether dreams, he remembers him being
scary, terrifying. For the next three nights, he continued to sleep in
the basement, not connecting or wanting to connect the basement and his bad dreams
each night, the dreams returned. The last couple of nights he chose to
sleep on the new couch that his parents had perch. Just those last couple
of nights were dream free, and he's been back several times and never hesitate
to go down into the basement, unlike his sister who will never go down
there alone. The guest bedroom down there has been decorated and cleaned up,
but it remains unoccupied. Or is it true story? Bro seeing true story?
You can have horror in Colorado, you can have terror. Thank you,
Jeremy, that was an awesome story to shift. Thank you, sir.
Keeps you keeps you nice and warm on these cold Yule nights. I
know a better way to stay warm on a cold Yule night. How m
David Stecco from Blurry Photos. We sure have had a lot of fun over
the last couple of years, but it matter'd like to talk to you about
something a little more serious, A little boy intimate. You see, every
year there's one longest night of the year, the winter Solstice, the EU
and while they used to be celebrated by a number of different cultures in a
number of different ways, it's not getting the attention it used to deserve.
So I'd like to propose SMS a night for you to take your special gal,
a girl and a guy. I don't care if you're into gals or
girls or even guys, it's fine. Take him home, Maybe get a
bottle of wine. It's a meg cream, and then just have a ton
of really really satisfying, great sex. Maybe try something new you've always been
afraid too. No judgments on Forstmas. Just make sure everybody's safe and happy.
You have sex all night. Thank you for your time. I've been
Dave Stecco add back to the podcast. That's our new advertisermus known in Canada
as Saturnalia going to International Trade lass. What else we got cut through uath
hunger, oh m hmm, with his many tentacles, looking for sandwiches,
maybe a bit of a cress olives, any whatever's on the table, peanuts,
he sha, candy, Oh good thudding, figgy pudding. Uh,
He's got a very important fact that he should share with us. Share it.
The infamous Uh. The infamous of lad Tepis, popularly known as Dracula,
actually had a lesser known cousin who was mostly content to leave the people
alone, as long as he got his taste, using his vampiric powers,
only to fondle the occasional buxom lady he was, of course lad Da.
I hope I wrote the writing. Yeah, I tried to read it as
it was written, so so thank you for that. Hungers Also, he
wonders why why we mute Ken during the listener mail portion or pod I just
have this rope playing hair, this duct tape. See, here's the thing,
um, we, especially when it comes to getting a guest, I
say a guest, as though we've had any other guest, but Ken,
there's no other guest. We don't necessarily get to record them right before they
come out, And so we actually do the listener mail portion separately, and
we keep referring to the fact that Ken is sitting so very quietly, just
as a joke to ourselves, because he's by the time we do the listener
mail and edit that part in, he's long gone and has been gone for
at least a week. And even if if we did the listener mail while
he was here, I don't know that that would be something he'd be yeah
into. Well, we will ask him next time we see him. He's
a very busy man. We don't want to take up too much of his
time. So yeah, so we're not muting him. He's literally no,
we're near us when we do the listener mail that part in order to keep
it sort of updated and fresh, I know, with an asterisk because we're
all slow on it, but that we do that part separately. Yeah,
that's here you go. I hope you're proud of yourself. Now you get
to peek up our skirts, see what's going on. It's in the cloud
now, still hungry, Thank you for writing egg. Next up, we
have the fourteen hive Mind fourteen mind, yes hive. First off, we
would like to establish that we talked it over and we all agree that we
identify as Mail good to Know, Sweet, good to Know. No more
need for this hive business. It sounds like a sounds like a four to
five split vote, and it was like a one guy getting lobbied like,
dudes, dudes, we're gonna goose dudes. Yeah. Secondly, he wanted
to point out that Stecco dodged a penalty box bullet as his error was made
on the last episode of Bullstone and therefore free from repercussions. You stated,
yeah, your favorite alien species were cylons from Battlestoga Electica. Yeah, cylons
are in fact not an alien species, but man made. They're not from
Earth. They were made on Earth. No they weren't. They were made
on Earth. No, they weren't. And then they were made on Caprica.
Bitch, soccer. Did you go home and look that up? Oh?
I did not. I can't believe the first time we had this discussion,
I didn't think of this defense. None of these things happened on Earth.
So then the real debate is what's an alien? Yeah? If mankind
being mankind and not you know, like Vulcans or Klingons made made them,
than what counts. Here's this is this is why I define them as aliens
because what came back the skin job cylons were completely as separate as could be
from the asylum that left. They were a completely new thing, with desires
and priorities that no one could fathom. They were completely alien to the people.
Even if you don't take mine they didn't come from Earth defense, which
is fine, say they came from humans, they were still aliens. They
were aliens in every way you could possibly want to to call it. Okay,
Well, let the listeners decide. Yeah, I guess we will,
he says, Rist assured that he will level a charge against one of us
when the time is right, one of us. One of us. Yeah,
well, it's gonna be me because I just lawyered so hard on a
non charge. He's gonna have to nail my ass to the wall. He
hates to leave us without a pun but tris he might the only one he
could think of. Is not really an episode or topic. On a personal
note, he had a dear artist friend by the name of Bob, recently
pass away. He was a marvelous painter and a genius with his art.
But the other night he awoke to hear what sounded like brushstrokes on a dry
canvas. Upon further inspection, he discovered his late friend had returned to paint
one last masterpiece. He even signed it Bob the Painter. Ah, yeah,
hayting, Wow, puns on, puns on, that's beautiful. Nice
Uhob, Now now you're in the the valhalla. Thank you so much.
All right, we got Creary's hitting us up, says gentlemen A long time,
no, right, I really liked our Darren coou episode h girl and
was kind of h was listening to our Cargo Cults episode but was kind of
half asleep on Thanksgiving. And what shocked him out of his days the fact
that he thought we were both having simultaneously strokes trying to pronounce Oceania, Oceania,
Oceania, Shania Twain. That's what we settled on. I don't know
se he still can't do it uh and uh, and he also not quite
sure how to do it. So thank you very much. And a Porden,
you forgot one important cargo cult, the one that was only interested in
the giant crates marked s on the side. The crates were filled with snails.
That's right. These Epicureans were the s cargo cults. Crery also really
liked our guns and Rosebud from our our Bullstone with Greg Bach Oh, which
we did as well. That is that's going to go down as one of
my favorite moments on the podcast. Yeah, that was awesome, So thank
you very much. Cry Who's next? I mean, I can't possibly guess.
See the key is to not need the break too, because I think
that's why he does it on purpose. I'm gonna pretend he's not even there
because I know he's there. I know he's there. Son of a bitch,
you know, Mitsuko. Mitsuko thinks I'm cheating on her, that I
did sits Oh, for God's sake, just get out of here, Get
out of here, giant robot. Yeah yeah, yeah, do you see
what you've done? I drink a lot now. You know, he used
to have a great job of the American government. He should translate on a
base. Now I teach cooking classes. I don't think you are sorry,
John, coming out of the ocean with the pond. People in the Midwest
have started a cultural phenomenon where one person murders people and then other people pretend
to be hit man. These groups of people are known as Fargo cults.
Jepper Shrider Micha Jonzelle also hits us with some take advice on some some of
the stuff that was happening with our email. You know how I was saying
that here and there there they're plugins. That's stupid plugins. Yeah. He
gets some really good advice and then says unless it's a plug in issue.
In that case he doesn't. Unfortunately it's a plug in issue, but that
hopefully won't be a problem in the not too distant future once we get new
stuff set up. Anyways, thanks for writing in the advice though, because
we always appreciate hope, always appreciate it. Thanks. We've got some excellent
communications from Julia a k a. The Goat Girl, Good Girl Girl,
the Darling of Adelaide. She completely understands how Paynton Bob can listen to several
episodes in a day. I don't, so I'm glad you do. You
guys are the best, and I appreciate your dedication to listening and wanting to
distract yourself while you work all day. So that's true. But you know,
I could not be happier for it, So thank you very very much
for that. And she did come back. She did verify that we can
share her u r L. So we'll be posting that on the website and
also it is Flora Julia dash Robinson dot net. Do it. You'll be
glad you did. I know we were. Julie is also working h she's
thinking about doing as the thesis for her masters, different myths and folklore surrounding
death and resurrection, the death of winter making way for spring. And she
asked us if we knew of anything off top of our head. The one
thing I was thinking about is a Scandinavian fearball. It's fir b o L
and it actually happens. They actually celebrate it up in northern Wisconsin. It's
really neat up Indoor County. They they build bonfires along the lake and it's
the burning of the Winter Witch and it's this big kind of weekend fun thing.
But it's really cool, lots of bonfires on the lake. And also
it sounds kind of scary. Fearball, So f I r b o L.
Check that one out that was just off the top of my head.
Joe, Oh, I'm sorry. I know so much about Scandinavian lore.
He really is, are you there isn't there a Wiccan holiday called fear Vogue?
I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if they were extraordinarily closely related.
I could be thinking about something else. But she also sent us a really
great link to No. Actually, I'm sorry it was a terrible link because
it didn't work. A link to her husband's work. Looks like he did
an eleven by five meter eater timber reconstruction of the opening crawl for the original
Star Wars, which sounds amazing. I would very much like to see that.
So I'll have to maybe see if I can work around a bad link
or something here and see what the heck is going on there. Also,
how about a pun, I'll take it. Gosh, you are just a
best goat girl. You're covering all the bases. Good God, did you?
She wanted us to know that she's doing a collaboration with Diggie Toots on
an album coming out this spring that's called Bleats and Rhymes. Oh yeah,
also using her amazing skills of an artist. And we're gonna put this stuff
up on the website. We should also put it on the Facebook. We
can put that. We can do that. Just got this amazing email the
other day. She made ads for Flora and I Mine is for a very
fine I believe it was supposed to be. Uh it's either Triple sec or
Persecco. It's a it's a really great art nouveau sort of a sort of
Toulouse Latrek kind of style ad, which is amazing. It's got my name
in it and everything. We'll put that up. And Flora, you got
Flora dated water ad. Flora, it's been in your water since the fifties.
They are absolutely awesome. We're gonna put those ups where everyone can see
them. It's on the back, it's it's the background of my computer.
Now. Oh yeah, m so, thank you so much. Goat girl
A k A. Julia the Angel of Adelaide. What we got next?
Laura heard from Jacques Frenchman Jack, Jacques Jacqueler Oh Jack Jack, Jacques.
Sh let's go a shock Shock, says hello, Jan's uh. Here are
three Steccoi isms that she would love to see on a T shirt. Oh.
Number one, this is waters drug feels like. Number two, this
is a thing that can happen in science. Number three, that's the voice
that tells me to burn things. Well, I have to say giving credit
words, dude. The third one is a quote from Ralph Wiggham. No,
that'swer I see the LEPRECD. He tells me to burn things, But
thank you. What's what's that second one? I can't I don't remember when
you said that one. Oh. Probably it's just the kind of thing that
I would say when discussing something that I don't know that you have no idea
about. No, no, you know, like I can I can see
myself using that poorly constructed sentence. I say say, well, well,
thank you for the suggesstence. May we got a great email from Bob.
Bob interesting for an Australian show topic. I like how we're I mean,
you know what, we keep this up, We're gonna to come visit Stall.
There is to it. Uh, there's a mystery called the Summerton Man
Mystery. I don't know anything about it at all, but yeah, thank
you, thank you very much, Bob. See what else we got here
from you, Bob. Bob was listening to our Black Eyed Kids episode.
Yeah, well I should hope so, uh, And he pointed out that
obviously Black Eyed Kids lots of discussion about eye contact, but also, um,
it's you know, for some some people with some forms of aspergers or
things like that, eye contacts a really big problem. And so it's I
mean, obviously you know people who but there's a lot of social stigma attached
to eye contact and that there's a lot of completely um normal reasons why people
don't make eye contact and things like that, which I think is a good
point. Yeah, So thank you very much, Bob, thanks for pointing
out yeah, and thanks for listening. Rock On Johnson it's not Bob Johnson's
not Bob's last name. You'll never find him. We'll never find him.
Dave. Time to look up to this guy. You got to go us,
Kitty. Uh. Lunar Kitty Kitty has prepared a delicious dish that that
has already been served tonight. But I like the spices in this one too.
So many, so many different cooks, so many different takes. Yeah,
and and by the time we get to stuff, of course, things
are gonna double up. So's it's our bad our bad uh. But Lunar
Kitty says, how about the darkly humorous and cinematic themed cult going on in
the frozen Northlands far ago? Cool? Oh, crap, crap, creep,
Well done, Well done, Well done, Kitty. Up next,
we've got Connor, formerly the artist formerly known as the Word Smith, who
has decided for this particular letter, he's It'll be the Monkey's Paw and or
Madman? Madman? Is he crazy? He? Is he an ad exact
from his sixties? Is the Redhead m Am? I right? Any week?
Lets us know that this time of year pretty busy for him, and
he's had to bank the fires of the word forage for a little bit well,
but he still brings holiday cheer and the gifts of super pointless superpowers and
even a theory popcorn vision the ability to cook things with microwave radiation. However,
due to the radiation inside the eyes of the individual, depending on the
amount of the usage, the eyes of the individual burst, looking like pop
popcorn. This is inevitable. Wow, that is a curse, not a
superpower. Your eyes super explode. How about X ray vision? To the
radiation inside the occular nerves, the individual develops brain cancer. Other than that
standard X ray vision applies. Wow, geez, use it at your risk.
Yeah, yeah, that that is a monkey's paw. That's true,
right in the balls. He's got a theory here with a Floodmiths consider that
due to the global impact and spread of stories, I believe that they're an
early point in man's existence. A celestial object, even a fraction the size
of our moon, could have passed by the Earth at a close enough proximity,
oh to have caused a gravitational pulse strong enough to create tidal bulging.
M interesting. I don't know what the other ramifications would that be, like
tectonically, but h okay, nice extreme weather all that I think that's a
I've never heard that before. I've never heard that theory. God, I
love that. Thanks Connor and uh Connor on the on the Cornman videos,
Connor's been looking through Stop Flora, stop talking. Connor has been looking through
David Flora's skillful. He made an often hilarious Cornman video Productions that who featured
just about every single improviser in Chicago, like it's a few No, no,
no, I mean, I honestly think that the Cornman videos are going
to be this amazing time capsule of people who are screamingly famous in ten years.
Well that could be true. Those people will allow you money. One
at one of them already has a deal in the works, said tv Land
has worked with Alison Bree whoa so be looking for that soon. Good on
her. So he had a question about Cornman. Yeah, I want to
know which which one you were in? Oh, yeah, we only got
you in one. It's the women in the Workplace video that Davis in.
Yeah, I play the sexist executive a bit of a stretch. So yeah,
it's one of one of the more recent ones. But we haven't done
anything for a long time for that, so it shouldn't be too hard to
find. Yeah, yeah, but thanks for looking. Yeah, thanks,
Connor. Got a lot of great show suggestions from you guys. Um,
we're not gonna tell y'all about them, but we're gonna definitely add them to
the list. And we do appreciate you sending in show suggestions. Thank you
very much, because that's you know, there's there's stuff out there that doesn't
get to people, but you know about them from your neck of the woods,
and that's kind of why we do the podcast anyway. Yeah, those
are the ones I like the most. And I actually Courtney, uh,
I think that we even did. I think we even did go over the
bell witch Does that sound familiar to crazy? We we all discuss it briefly
and we just said the name, put a slap of paint on it,
and left. Yeah it was what do you what? Even was it?
So we haven't done a witchcraft maybe or something like that, or we haven't
done it properly. Yeah, the name definitely sounds super familiar, so we
should circle the wagons back around on that one. I even feel like it's
something would would hold her GUISTI stuff. I don't know it was, you
know, it was weird whatever episode it was, and heard again from Jose
Josie sends in a great suggestion, So yeah, thank you guys, and
keep those up because we do love them and try to get to them.
And big thanks to Delert listener, Delert Deluxe Delert de Lerc, who has
joined us owing to General Ironicus so posting a link to us. So thank
you Delerk and thank you Ironicus. And he liked a diatlove pass. Oh
yeah, awesome, dude, everyone loves Diatlov. It's such a great frigging
mystery of the modern name. Once we finish reading Dead Mountain and you know,
we maybe we circle around, maybe we do a part too, so
I do a post mortem. Well I think we do Diatlov second pass.
Oh shit, it's already got a name. Yeah, yeah, So thank
you de Luc, thanks for coming aboard, Scott B as well writing end
to let us know we appreciate you, sir. Indeed we do what else
we got in here? Oh I don't know. I don't know if we
have anything else? Oh my god, if we excited, I am overloading
in microphones with my excitement because I received a letter over my estee, Amigo,
don't look, most estimados, charging Garthiah, I am writing this letter
under some somewhat distressing circumstances. Yeah, my faithful Steed Gordonande he's feeling under
the weather. No GMO. You know, I hate to inconvenience you,
my friend. You see, everyone heard right there when he said that he
was my friend. So all of your haters who said I was a liar,
you all can go to her. We are friends, meges, Why
have you created this subset of people that hate hated as your your friends?
Do not understand? Don't look. You could never understand the twisted mind of
a hater? Are these people that speak of they torment me? You're always
differending your your friendship? All right, um, but while he's recovering,
would you mind going into town and hiring a temporary replace my horse? I
would not at all. It is easy. I mean I have a good
driver's license and my current history is Please go to the store where you can
get him in Bolk. Oh see, I believe it's called cargo colts.
It was a joke. I am glad or your horse is he? Is
he a good budget? He was not joking when he said we were friends.
Oh those crazy kids life on the hacienda right right, searching with his
imaginary haters. Zombie Master, the planet plant potentiary of the Zombie Nation.
I don't know if he's a dictator or if they're still doing the elections or
not. Uh uh, so we missed an opportunity with uh season's beatings with
Crampus instead of the birch branch. No birch slap, Bert slap, just
got Burt slapped. Good call, Zombie Master, Thank you, sir.
Uh And listener Danielle, who Danielle, She's gonna go by the name of
Sissy, like sissy sis um, just catching up with our bullstones and said,
did Mark Soloff really just say my spunk is manna from heaven? Yes,
yes he did, Sure did, and he meant it. So put
that in your pipe and smoke it or don't because that's kind of gross.
Yeah, my bad, sissy. And now and now we would like to
get to some listeners submitted spooky story the serious sales sounds of the listener what
salamander? Salamanders spooky going all the way back to Halloween when we didn't get
around to doing it. Listener Jeff one of our oldest and most trusted listeners.
Yes, I agree with this to say story and let's let's get started,
shall we do it? Make sure you put another log on that fire.
Another you will log. I mean I just have a log. I
mean I don't have a log, not the way you think I said I
had a log. I mean I just that's it. It's Christmas. You
gotta do it. Jeff writes out of a personal experience. He had one
lead evening. It was a summer weekend and he just recently got back from
a party. It was around three am, and he was just happy to
get home. Got out of his car and fumbled with his keys, trying
to find the keyhole from the darkness. The house was silent and dark,
as he expected due to everyone being asleep already. He flicked on a switch
and routinely removed his shoes before his jacket, and made his way towards the
staircase leading to the basement. Along the way, he flicked a switch to
turn off the light that illuminated the vestibule fancy and turned on the light in
the basement stairs. The dark never seemed to scare him, but for a
moment he felt a sudden uneasiness. He had a feeling that his little brother
was trying to scare him and was suddenly on guard. He opened the basement
door and looked around. He never turned the lights on in the basement because
his room was so close to the stairs, but it was one of those
evenings that maybe he should have. He stood still for a second, trying
to find an anomaly in the dark. He did yeah, because of his
eyesight not fully transitioning to the dark, he could only make up the shape
of the anomaly. It was small, or rather making itself small. His
vision cleared up a bit and he could see that it was crouching down facing
a corner of the wall. His shoulders relaxed as he thought it was his
little brother. Something wasn't right, though, he was naked, and he
didn't think that he was as skinny as the figure. The hell are you
doing, naked, dude, he screamed at him, while pacing towards the
figure. The closer he got, the more he got worried, because every
step he made, the more his head screamed. That's not your brother.
No. He stopped about five feet away from the figure, and his eyesight
had grown accustomed to the dark, and he could make out more details.
The figure was bald, or rather balding. Tiny wisps of white hair protruded
from the figures scalp that seemed to reflect what little light there was in the
room, and a pale skin illuminated much clearer than anything else in the room.
He slowly stepped back when he confirmed that it definitely was not his brother.
The figure trembled like a child who just finished crying. No noise came
out of it, and he was too terrified and confused to scream. He
slowly walked up the stairs, never turning his back to the door of the
basement. That evening he slept in the car. And he still don't know
what it was. He hasn't seen it since, and he is glad for
that. He adds a little PostScript here that he don't know eating a whole
bag of mushrooms that night, Well, no, he says he was tired.
He definitely didn't drink anything, didn't say anything about mushrooms. But I
might have just putting one of those things that you know, people can't see
very well when they keep the lights off. And maybe it was always there
and just didn't notice. All he knows is that he wasn't about to about
to risk turning the lights on to startle it. And he asked, any
idea what the hell it was? Hank Hank grimmin haint. I don't know.
I feel like it's there. There's like parts of it that kind of
tug at the back of my head, like, but not the whole picture
doesn't all fit one bucket. Yeah, I'm gonna go with I'm gonna I'm
gonna go with a spectral haint, just a just a straight up paint,
just a just a withered old ghost crazy. Thank you. Yeah, that's
that's her. That's a that's a spooky story. Yeah. And he also
adds that he thinks the blurry photos listeners should be called glaucoma patients nice because
they're all high. Oh thank you, Jeff, thanks for writing that.
That is definitely creepy and even more creepy that had happened to you. Oh
yeah, those are always the creepier ones. So that's how we're starting off.
Yeah, all right, I've got monsters. I got one from little
Miss Bones, isn't she the Dickens. Little Miss Bones added again the pretty
little dress, ribbons in her hair, that little red wagon houlding all those
bones in it. You're gonna get fail fate, look at little mith Bones.
She's a big fan of the podcast and her and her husband both and
her friends. Wow, thank you very much. She's sharing us Ram and
she got married on Halloween this year, which is pretty cool. I like
that and looking forward to celebrating their first smiths. Um. Yes see that.
Everybody, everybody, it's catching on. It's catching on and getting on
the ground floor. I got a couple of she goes, We got a
little a little bit of some side dishes to the mean spooky entree. Really
about mundane superpower? Oh nice appitizer X ray vision, but only in public
bathrooms. That's that's glorious. Wow. Wolf curse. Uh the ability to
run at superhuman speed, but only on treadmills. Uh, superhuman strength,
but only when handling baby animals. Oh wow, that's the Uh, that's
that's the man power. Oh that's awesome. Wow. All right, enough
with the funny ha ha. Now it's time for the Oh no, it's
time for the scary tea. Her story is entitled Flora Papa Love from Wilma's
bound. I just keep imagining like a black haired Shirley Temple. Eight PM.
That should do it for today, Jamie said, whilst letting out a
deep breath and closing all the programs she had opened on her computer. It
had been a long week and she was looking forward to the quiet weekend she
had planned for herself while her housemate was away seeing his parents. With her
busy job in the advertising company taking up most of the time during the week,
she wanted nothing more than to just sleep all weekend. Once her computer
scream dropped a black she sat back in the seat and stretched her arms above
her head. She led it a big, loud yawn and was instantly relieved
to see the office. Was instantly relieved to see the office was empty as
the noise resonated against the cubicle walls. Ready to go home, Jamie looked
under her desk and gently nudged her service dog, Charlie, against his black
leg with her foot. He was awake, but it was going to be
hard to get him moving as usual. Charlie had been with Jamie for almost
five years. Who's the service person here? Here? Ray? Am I
ready? Charlie had been with Jamie for almost five years, and was more
than comfortable being asleep under her desk in the office while she worked late into
the night. Charlie was a seven year old pure black German shepherd who came
into Jamie's life shortly after she had been discharged from the hospital following a near
fatal car accident. Jamie suffered from ongoing pros traumatic stress disorder, and the
addition of Charlie into her life meant that she not only had a furry helper
around the house, but also comfort whenever she needed it. When Charlie sensed
anything was wrong with Jamie, he would immediately become attentive and provide her with
reassuring licks on her hand. Jamie stood up, cracked her back, and
started packing her desk for the evening. She put all of her pens in
the whole penholder and locked her desk drawers with the the desk key. Charlie
let out a long groan and started preparing himself to leave as well, by
stretching out his legs and shaking his fur, scattering little black hairs all over
the floor. She patted his ears, feeling the velvet fur roll through her
fingers. He yawned and stared attentively. All right, let's go home,
he said, it's a talking dog, she said. The office was only
a short walk from her home, but she didn't mind. The warm summer
breeze and gradually fading sunlight encouraged her to take her time. She had the
whole weekend ahead of her to relax, and she was keen to unwind.
As she began walking away from the office, she took her hair out of
the tight ponytail and ruffered her ruffled her hair loose. Charlie gave a little
shake himself and started towards home. About ten minutes into the walk and many
tree stops later, the night was almost completely upon Jamie and Charlie. The
lights in the streets shone bright, with their home finely visible in the distance.
Suddenly, the sound of broken glass came from behind them. Jamie turned
quickly in the calm of the disintegrating flashbacks of the glass from her windshield chattering
into her face, screeching tires, and the impact of the truck smashing into
her car ran through her mind. Jamie stopped in her tracks, the cold
feeling of fear instantly prickling over her skin, feeling his leash, holding him
back. Charlie walked back towards Jamie nudged against her legs as she stood there,
frozen on the spot, and gave her hands a lick. Probably just
someone overshooting their bins with their recycling, Jamie told herself. I'm okay,
pop, Let's get home, she said, while giving him a reassuring and
thankful pat on the head. Jamie couldn't shake the prickles from her skin for
the rest of the short walk home. She knew it was probably nothing,
but she couldn't help but feel unsure. No matter what it was. The
sound of glass breaking was always something that set her on edge, so she
continued to look over her shoulder. Stopping at the last curb before their block,
Charlie sat obediently and obediently, and Jamie took another look over her shoulder.
She could see other people walking their dogs and what looked like a person
wearing a black hoodie walking on the opposite side of the street with a bottle
of something in hand. Classy Friday night drinks, she thought to herself as
she watched the figure stumble and lean into a fence. The figure swigged from
the bottle and brought their head down and immediately looked in Jamie's direction. It
unnerved her how she couldn't see the person's face and quickly turned the key,
and it's a devil. Devil, baby out, it's a devil. It's
a dowel debble baby. It's not like she's going to the dance. Okay,
that's where the devil is. She unnerved her that she couldn't see the
person's face, and she quickly turned the key in the door and let herself
and Charlie inside. Jamie unclicked Charlie's leash from his harness and gave his hair
and gave the hair on his shoulders a scratch. He sat down and lifted
his paw, requesting permission to be off duty. Jamie smiled, shaking his
paw and passing Charlie's favorite stuff bear to play with. It was already getting
late in the evening, so Jamie went to the kitchen, put a frozen
meal on the microwave, and poured herself a glass of merlot. She closed
the curtains throughout the house and served up Charlie's dinner in the kitchen, just
in time for the microwave to finish while Charlie ate. Jamie set herself up
in the lounge room and put on the TV channel, surfing while eating her
food. Soon enough, Charlie was at her feet again. Her eyelids started
to get heavy. Close to midnight, and after a few hours of relaxing
on the couch, it was time for bed. She had a quick shower,
brush her teeth, and jumped under the covers. Charlie watched her calmly
from the bedroom floor. Good Night, Charlie, sweet dreams, she said
sleepily. As she lay her head down on her pillows. Her hand fell
to the side of the bed and she felt the warm, reassuring licks once
more. As she dozed off. Jamie awoke with a start. Her eyes
were wide open, her head still on the pillow, and her heart was
racing. She felt a cold sweat all over her body under the dubay.
It was still dark outside, and the lack of a clock in her room
made it impossible to tell the time, although she could hear crickets. Was
she dreaming? She could have sworn she was awoken by the sound of breaking
glass. Panic said in as she tried to find the line between reality and
dreaming. Her hand fell over the side of the bed, where she had
heard the familiar jingle of Charlie's name tag on the floorboards, and felt the
soft, formed lick of his tongue on her hand. Feeling this, Jamie
quickly fell back into unconscious next the next morning, Jamie awoke. The sun
was beating through the dark curtains, as she figured it had to be almost
midday by the warmth of the room. She stretched in bed, stared at
the ceiling, and decided to get up and spend the day on the couch
with Charlie. She sat up on the edge of the bed and noticed something
odd. Charlie's collar was sitting in the middle of the doorway to her room.
Charlie, come here, boy nothing Alarmed, she rose from her bed
and quickly approached the collar. It had been cut off Roughly. Jamie's heart
began racing. Holding the collar, her hands started shaking. Charlie, she
called louder. Still nothing. She stepped out of her room into the hallway
and looked around for Charlie. Did I shut the bathroom door last night,
she thought to herself. Without hesitation, she rushed to the door, convinced
that Charlie had locked himself inside by accident. Bursting through the bathroom door,
Jamie led a series of horrified and pained screams. Charlie's severed head was hanging
above her bathroom mirror, mouth open and tongue removed, smeared and blood.
Across the mirror was a message just for her humans lick two the end.
Boh, why why do the dog have to die? Or Charlie? Yeah,
oh that dog. Oh creepy, super creepy. Thank you, little
miss bones, little miss bones, oh looking licking all nam bones and your
little red wagon you got You got the idea from looking at chicken, chicken
licking, chicken lincing, little miss bones. All right, now, so
what do you what do you get? Well, as promised, more liking,
more licking, more licking. I too have a story that I made
up. I invented it myself. Yeah uh, and this story is called
apocryphal e. The attic, The attic That's so weird. John and his
wife Alice collapsed exhausted on the sofa in their brand new living room. It
had been a long day of moving all their possessions into their new home.
They didn't really necessarily want to move to Portland, but with John's work,
it was too good an opportunity to pass up, and it forced them to
buy a house faster than they would have liked. But the people they bought
the house from seemed nice enough, and the price was lower than they expected
to pay, and once they had all their possessions in it already started to
feel like a home. The days passed with the normal slow unpacking of all
the boxes and things that they didn't even think they needed and couldn't believe they
brought with them halfway across the country. One afternoon, as Alice was bringing
boxes up to the attic area, she noticed something that she thought was more
architectural than spooky. Every time she stepped into the attic, everything else seemed
to get very quiet, as though the attic itself was insulated from the rest
of the house. She noticed that even if her husband was in mid conversation
the moment she entered the attic area, his voice dropped to about a quarter
of the volume. She had him come up there and he reported the same
thing when she spoke from the bottom of the ladder. Both thinking it was
just a peculiarity of the house, they just laughed it off and moved on.
I said, we're moving on. A week later, John was awoken
by just the quietest sound in the night, so quiet he wasn't entirely certain
that he'd heard it himself, so he just laid in bed, still,
listening to the sounds of the house settle, and then he was positive he
heard the rattling of the of the attic door. Not loud, not violent,
but he's certain that he heard it. He rolled over and nudged Alice,
not wanting to go by himself that macho stuff. If something weird happened
in the house, he wanted Alice with him. One time in a bar,
she flipped out and broke a guy's nose. That's when he knew he
loved her. She was not happy to be woken up, but the moment
that so broke. She was not happy to be woken up, but he
told her just to lay still, and sure enough, a few seconds later,
she also heard it. They both ventured out into the hallway and looked
up at the hatch that led to the attic. It was the old sort
of attic where you pulled the ring and the door would slide down with the
latter sliding out of it and just staring at it. Nothing happened. John
thought it would be hilarious to suddenly say boo. John got punched in the
stomach, broke his stomach, broke his stomach, But it did diffuse the
tension, because at that point both of them were very nervous and weren't going
to get back to sleep very easily. They turned around and started to make
their way back to the bedroom when they heard it rattle again. They froze
and slowly turned to look at the attic door. It didn't move at all,
but then they heard something else entirely come in the attic. At first,
Alice almost punched John again, thinking he was messing with her, but
when she turned and saw the look on his face, she realized that they
had both heard the same thing. It's safe in the attic. Both of
them stood frozen. They couldn't understand what they were hearing or what could be
making it. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. It was a
sound that they couldn't pinpoint. They stood frozen for seconds, which dragged into
minutes, and then nothing. No more rattling at the door, no more
sounds. Realizing that there was no way in hell they were going to go
back to sleep. They went down to the kitchen, made some coffee and
decided to talk about what the hell just happened. While they were both terrified,
and neither of them considered themselves inclined to believe in ghosts, they clearly
had just had an encounter with one. How would this affect their lives?
Do they move out of the house, do they stay in the house.
Is this something that's going to happen all the time? Will it always be
that quiet? Or is it just going to get worse? Because no matter
how you cut it, no matter what they say as bodied voice is going
to keep people from sleeping. They contacted the old woman that they'd bought their
house from and left messages for her, as well as emails they'd gotten no
response. While John was at his new job, Alice decided to start to
investigate the history of the house to see if maybe that would shed any light
on what they'd heard. She'd heard enough really awesome ghost stories. She'd heard
enough ghost stories to know that there's always some record about a hundred people getting
murdered or an axe lunatic that would always explain ghosts in a house, But
unfortunately, the records on this house were extraordinarily complete. It wasn't even a
very old house, sixty years and nothing had ever happened there. It had
had three previous owners, and all of them had been families, with no
reports of anything. This is the devil. Alice is the devil. She
beats her husband. Despite their misgivings, the house remained completely silent for days,
which turned to weeks and even and they had almost just written the entire
thing off as exhaustion from the move, or perhaps they had just drank some
bad wine. Neither of them really believe that, but it's easier to say
than to wonder what the ghost is in your house is going to do next.
It was eight months later when they were both awakened by a pounding noise,
not from the attic, but from the downstairs. The first thought through
both of their minds was the ghost, but this was entirely different from what
they'd experienced before. It was a loud, blunt noise, and a very
strange part of John's mind was almost relieved to think, oh, we're just
getting burglarized. John had always kept a baseball bat next to his bed ever
since his college days and the big game against Midveil. They rolled out of
bed and he grabbed the bat. Thinking it over briefly, he handed it
to Alice. She looked at him questioningly, and he urgently whispered, they're
going to expect me to come at them, never see it from you.
They opened their bedroom door and made their way down the hallway. The repetitive
pounding from downstairs hadn't stopped, but in the hallway there was another sound.
It was the attic door. Come into the attic. It's safe in the
attic. Showing an uncharacteristic amount of calm, John grabbed Alice and said burglars
first, and they made their way downstairs. The pounding sound was actually coming
from the back door by the kitchen. There was a door that led under
their back porch, and also one that led downstairs into the basement. But
it was evident before they'd even made it entirely through their kitchen it was the
basement door that was making all the noise. Something was pounding at it forcefully
and repetitively. It's too regular to be an animal. What the hell,
John said. Alice motioned for him to get to the door and open it
so that she could instantly hit whoever was on the other side with her bat
John said, one, we just call the police. Alice said, we'll
be dead by the time the police get here, which test set off something
of a brief argument between the two. Two of them. The entire time,
the pounding continued on the door, each time the door splintering a little
bit more, getting slightly more loose in its frame, at first inaudible.
Between their harsh, whispered bickering and the pounding on the door, there was
another sound in the kitchen, growing in volume. Come into the attic.
Come into the attic. It was almost insistent, pleading. John positioned himself
and started to reach for the doorknob. His hand was halfway to it when
they heard a clatter from upstairs. They recognized the sound. It was the
sound of the attic opening, now even louder, more insistent, It's safe
in the attic. Come into the attic. They stared at each other for
a moment, unsure as to what to do. Why was everything happening all
at once. Alice briefly thought of grabbing John and just running out the front
door, but they knew eventually they'd have to come back, and how would
they even explain this to any one? They had to know what was happening
in order to deal with it, so she nudged on to open the door.
She drew the baseball bat back as John's hand was inches from the door.
It gave well, and what was behind it wasn't anything she could recognize.
It was a black mass that had been pushing on the entire door.
It didn't have a definitive edge. It was just darkness. It just seemed
to eat the light anything that was shining upon it. There was no shadow,
there was nothing. The door was thrown open with such force that it
knocked John into the opposite wall, stunning him and knocking him over. Alice
screamed and swung the baseball bat, but it just passed right through it,
as there was nothing there at all. She tried to grab John, but
he was too stunned to stand. He couldn't understand what was happening, and
he just kept saying what The shape from the basement was pouring out of the
door like fog. A wisp of it fell across her hand and it burned.
It burned like acid. She pulled her hand back with a scream and
tried to grab John and to drag him out of the way, but he
was too heavy and he was wedged in the doorframe. While she was screaming
to try to get him to stand up, she heard the voice again,
the loudest she'd ever heard it. Come into the attic. It's safe in
the attic. Another tendril from the basement touched her leg, blisters instantly appearing
on her skin. She had to let John go and she ran. She
bolted through the living room into the front door and found that she couldn't open
it. It wasn't that the door was locked. The knob wouldn't even turn,
It was simply fixed closed. She understood now that whatever was in the
house was not going to let her leave. Alice was always a very pragmatic
woman. She turned from the front door, looking up the stairs to the
second floor and could just see at the end of the hallway the open hatch
to the attic. With no other options left, Alice decided to take her
baseball bat up to the attic. As she moved up the stairs, she
felt a lightning in her footsteps, as though she was being helped towards the
ladder. She made it up in half the time she wouldn't have normally,
and the moment she was clear and in the attic, the ladder withdrew and
the door closed. Then silence. The pounding downstairs had stopped. She waited
for a few seconds, still nothing, and decided she had to go back
for John. She tried to open the door, but just like the front
door, it was just sealed. It wouldn't move, The hinges wouldn't rattle,
the handle didn't make any noise. It was simply immovable. She screamed
John's name for hours, until finally the adrenaline wore off a no exhaustion overtook
her. When she woke the next morning, the hatch opened easily. She
went downstairs and found no sign of her husband. The door was still broken
out. She still had blisters on her leg and hand, but there was
no sign of John. She refused to go into the basement herself, so
she called the police. They did a thorough search of the house and found
nothing. In the days that followed, they'd even tried tracking down the previous
owner of the home, only to find that all the documents supplied by the
previous owner had been falsified, and though one could find no one, not
even the neighbors could tell for sure who had lived there. The devil,
the devil. As the investigation continued, one of the one of the detectives,
while searching the attic, found a single word carved in the wood of
the attic Sanctuary. Alice never spent another night in the house and eventually abandoned
it all together. No sign was ever found of her husband, and she
never had an explanation for it, except for the nagging belief that she should
have just hit They should have just gone to the attic when they were told
to. A few months later, a couple looking for their first home ran
across the att of a kindly old woman. It was a nice house in
a good neighborhood, and she was asking less than they'd anticipated having to pay,
so they decided to take her up on the offer. The end.
There you go. I I wrote a ghost story. I feel about it.
I'm not I'm not wild about it. It's not my thing. I
actually that's the third story I wrote for this. I wrote two other stories,
and none of them turned out to be ghost stories at all. Yeah,
this one, this one's definitely creepier than the other ones. You're that's
a little better. Not there yet, though, You're You're way better at
this, Flora. Your stories were awesome. Well, no, I think
you're you're harder on yourself than you need to be. Everybody you don't know
why? Oh God? All right, We've got one more here. Sweet.
This is from listener Annie. She sounds hot back off. The story
is called boogety boo, bugginty boo. I'll scare your dad. What do
you want to do, asked Brad. A zoom zimzim in a boom boom
boo, Wow, and we're off. I want to do whatever you want
to do, responded Mary. Chris wanted to shoot himself, listening to his
best friends turned couple bickering again. Luckily, at that moment, a spaceship
crashed onto his farm. What the hell, exclaimed Brad, What was that?
Mary said, bro The three of them approached the spaceship cautiously. They
all knew what it was, but felt stupid, saying out loud, wait,
we probably shouldn't get too close, Mary warned, come on, babe,
don't. Chris didn't hear the rest of the conversation. He was very
good at tuning them out. He slowly stepped over the debris. As he
approached the ship. It felt very hot. He was sweating. He looked
from left to right, but the entire outside of the ship was just smooth
metal. There was no door handle or button, nothing to show an entrance.
He pressed his hand on it and it was surprisingly cool and liquidy.
He pressed harder and felt his hand disappear into this weird metallic jello. Soon
his whole arm was through metallic jello yellow. Really great name for a band.
Soon his whole arm was through. He could feel that it was only
a thin layer before being on the other side, so he took a couple
of breaths, held his breath and pushed his whole body into the ship.
He could hear Mary and Brad yelling at him, but had got muffled on
his way through. There was a faint greenish light, but it was dark,
so it took his eyes a moment to adjust. While he waited for
them to adjust, he became aware of the smell of chlorine and barbecue.
You know, chlorine and barbecue. His eyes started making out shapes. The
inside looked surprisingly empty. No seats, no control boards, nothing to suggest
the ability to make this vehicle fly. There were bodies, though, five
of them, all collapsed on the floor completely still. Chris carefully approached the
body closest to him. It sort of looked like a jellyfish and an orc
from the Lord of the Rings movie had had a child. It was big,
but it also looked slimy and transparent. You could see all the organs
and inner workings of the creature. Chris couldn't help but be struck how terribly
still, everything was except a pool of blue liquid that continued to grow in
the alien's chest. He slowly worked his way from one body to the next,
making sure they were dead. There was no reason for him to know
if this alien was actually alive or dead, but he knew, just like
you know a person is dead and not sleeping. He could tell something was
missing, something was no longer there. He approached the last body. It
was different than the other four. He guessed it was a female, or
the male, or at least the gender that the others weren't. He knelt
down and noticed that she was holding a much smaller body. She was trying
to use her body as a shield to protect her child did at work.
Chris started to cry. Brad was pissed off. He wanted to call the
police, but Mary insisted it would be too late and made him go after
Chris himself. They had yelled at him to stop, but Chris never listens.
Brad pushed himself through the wall, like he saw Chris do, Chris,
Chris, let's get out of here. We should at least get gloves
on in a mask. You know, this is how all the Native Americans
died. Was the spaceship full of blankets. Brad covered his face with his
T shirt. He didn't want to get whatever diseases these aliens were carrying.
He saw Chris right in front of him, ignoring him, like always,
don't make me drag you out of here, he yelled. Brad got right
in front of Chris and noticed that his eyes were rolled back and his head
was bent upward. He examined Chris a little longer and felt dumb for not
noticing this right away. Chris was floating two inches off the ground. Oh
man. Mary was worried. She didn't know what to do in situations like
this, or in situations in general. Burn She heard the strange gel sound.
The ship made as Brad pushed his way out of it. Chris is
possessed by a dead alien? What? All the aliens on the ship are
dead and one of them has possessed Chris? Or this farm is actually an
ancient burial ground that was disturbed by the crash. But I doubt that Chris
is possessed by an alien? Yes? What do we do find out?
Next time? On blurry photos? Listener mill what they do? Cliffhanger?
It's a cliffhanger? What a punch in the balls? Continue? Thank you,
Eddie? What happens to Chris? Will Brad and Mary? Just a
yeah? I think it's pretty clear that Chris is into either Brad or Mary?
Oh but not both? Wow? Both one or the other. Well,
thank you everybody for ratting in. Thank you for staking with us time
or such a lengthy and delicious addendum to our normal fair that's right. I
hope this gets you through those long nights. Yes, that's right. So
I want to wish each and every one of you are very merry timus.
Don't forget to hydrate appropriately, keep your dinner light, and it's it's not
shameful to have us some snacks on hand. And put some water next to
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Yep and and uh, a genuine heartfelt Merry Christmas and happy Holidays to all
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guys are the reason. Thank you. You guys are are the reason for
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