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This is pod Populi Podcast for the
People, The Great Love Debate. It's

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the Great Love Debate, the Great
Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.

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Hi again, everyone's Brian Howie.
Welcome to a Great Love Debate,

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the world's number one Dating in a
Relationship podcast. It's twenty and fifteen.

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I am here in the very fancy
studios of pod Populi Podcast for the People.

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I'm at the one in Palm Beach
Gardens, which I'm rarely in,

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but it's very nice if you have
the means on Beach Gardens. It's a

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place debate. This episode. As
I drop, it will be the four

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hundredth episode of the Great Love Debate. And it's like, oh, I

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should do commemorative thing or whatever.
I might get to that four hundred's not

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really a fancy number. Five hundreds
of fancy number, two fifties of fancy

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number, four hundreds, a round
number. But I don't know if I

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but we are going to do an
episode coming up where I kind of look

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back the things we were right about, the things we were wrong about,

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and the things we want to look
at a little closer. That's coming up.

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But people ask me all the time, who listens to the Great Love

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Debate? Who goes to the Great
Love Debate? And our demo is really

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sort of all over the place.
I mean, we have people in their

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eighties literally who write us and listen
to the show. We have a lot

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of people in their twenties who say, you don't know what's going on with

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us. We did a couple episodes
devoted to that. But ground zero for

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this show and this content and the
subject matter of love, sex, dating

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relationships is women in their thirties.
And I've said on this podcast before,

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I think that there's some of the
best group of women collectively of any group

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of women. They're a little more
grown up, they're a little bit know

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what they want, they're a little
bit more motivated to take life seriously,

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and they're and they're really on the
cusp of finding out who they are,

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which they will get to in the
forties, but in their thirties they're really

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starting to have that conversation with themselves. So I wanted to dive into that

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group. So if you're a fifty
two year old man and you're listening to

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this, listen up, because you're
probably still gonna want to date a thirty

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six year old and if you're a
twenty four year old girl, woman,

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whatever you want to be called,
and you're listening to this, this is

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the ghost of Christmas future. So
I brought it two people who really do

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dive into this demographic and this time
in life. They are the hosts of

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the very fun thirty End podcast,
and the thirty end means a whole lot

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of things. Brittany and am how
are you? Oh my gosh, we're

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great. Wouldn't intro I'm sorry,
but I feel like four hundred episodes and

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yeah, I did us. Yeah, the women in their thirty I did

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for the four hundred. I think. I'm really I'm really passionate about it

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because a lot of the stuff I
get. The women who get the most

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mad at me for the subject matter
on this show are the women in between,

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say, thirty five and forty.
That really is sort of target where

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the questions need You shouldn't only you
could be mad at me. But I

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raise a lot of questions that a
lot of people are afraid to raise.

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So let's go back a little bit. Sure, let's go back to when

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you were born thirty something years ago. Is there something you guys are both

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in your thirties, hence the name
of the shower. That would be false

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advertising. Is there something unique or
something radically different about being in your thirties

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as opposed to in your twenties?
Yes, oh yeah, all the above.

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Where do you even start about the
difference. Well, let's start ramble

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on. I've done four hundred shows. I'm tired, so feel free to

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carry it. Do you want to
banter? Sure? I mean because when

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a woman turns goes from twenty nine
to thirties, she's all panicked whatever,

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and then at thirties she's like,
oh, it's basically the same thing,

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right, that changes a little bit
as the ball gets rolling. Well,

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I think you hit the nail on
the head when Brian, when you were

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talking about, you know, the
demographic of women in their twenties kind of

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looking to us like the ghost of
Christmas, you know, future, and

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then the women in their forties they
know who they truly are. But I

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think that in your thirties really is
when you kind of get to look to

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the future and take what you've learned
in the past and put it all together.

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In your twenties, I feel like
it's almost like survival mode. You're

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almost you're just figuring things out.
You're you're just like coming out of like

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we talked about college or wherever you're
coming from, and you're just kind of

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going into adulthood but not an adult
yet still still a teenager and just kind

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of figuring it all out. Like
you know, you get your own apartment

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maybe or you have a roommate,
and you know, you're still like out

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there dating, you know, And
then we talked about that, like in

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the dating scene was pretty much going
out to bars or like going out with

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friends and going out drinking, and
that was how you ate it and you

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met. Yeah, it was so
easy to go out with people, you

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went home with people exactly exactly,
but when you drank four to five times

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a week, maybe six or seven, I don't know, but the day.

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But was also like the reason why
it wasn't just for the fun.

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The reason why we're doing all of
that is because I feel like, especially

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for us in our twenties, especially
that was late twenties, when you start

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hitting like twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine, that's the first time

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that I think I really started to
feel that societal like pressure and just family

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pressure and friend pressure to like hit
a certain milestone, get married, find

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the guy, do all of these
things. And that pressure, I feel

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like is wild. When you're in
your twenties, You're totally right. This

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societal and familial and personal pressure.
It comes with getting into your thirties where

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you have to think about are you
going to do this? Are you going

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to do this? Where I mean
you're constantly doing that. We travel great

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love to make the live show all
over the places, you guys know,

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when we still do shows in the
South, when we go to places like

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Charlotte and Nashville and Atlanta. If
you get to thirty and you get divorced,

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the marriage failed. If you get
to thirty and you never got married,

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you failed. That is still the
perception in a big part of the

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country that a lot of women.
Yeah, there's still a lot of that,

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like what is you know, what
is wrong with you? Whatever?

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And then when you get into the
thirty thirty five, thirty six, thirty

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seven, even if you are in
a relationship, even if you're then you're

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thinking about like is it time to
have kids? Or what am I doing?

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Or am I putting my career ahead
of it? There are a lot

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of question that is no picnic for
the women being in that age, especially

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because the sweet spot for a man, the greatest time to be a man

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is like thirty six to forty eight. Sure the pool of possibilities that that

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grew passed pick Fune's pretty much anywhere
twenty one to fifty five. Yeah,

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the world is a zoyster. So
to try and get somebody quote unquote your

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age to get in the same headspace
as you, guys, it's a real

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tough bulls out a hit. Do
you want to know what the magic part

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is? Though? So the magic
part about when you are a woman and

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you do actually get into your thirties
and you feel all of that pressure and

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you are still single, something magic
happens. I think when you hit maybe

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like thirty three, thirty four,
thirty five, you stop giving a shit

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the same way that you did.
Like that is what and that I think,

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Brady, you can jump off this. But that comes from having so

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much more life experience and seeing other
people's social media reels of their relationship and

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they everyone looks so happily married and
all this stuff, and you know,

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oh my god, we talk about
that where like the grass isn't always greener

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on the other side, and you
only see everyone's highlight reel and it's so

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funny because I just had going back. I just said, a girl reach

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out to me on Instagram twenty seven
years old and she wants to come on

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to the podcast. And she said, you know, I just feel like

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I'm relating with a lot of women
in their late twenties because I don't have

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it all figured out yet and feel
like I should. I'm like, girl,

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I'm thirty six and I don't have
it figured out. And she was

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like, oh my god, like
didn't know, you know, I was

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thirty six, and I'm like,
but I remember when I was twenty seven.

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It was so much different. But
I still felt that pressure of,

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you know, not knowing what I'm
doing, where I'm going with my career

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relationship, Like just felt so different. Confidence was on a different level,

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and coming back even at between thirty
and thirty three. I was talking to

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Lauren the other day and when I
was thirty, she was like, oh,

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but you know you were you were
so much more mature then or something.

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I forgot where we were talking about, and I was like, Lauren,

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that was five years ago, because
we were talking about someone who's twenty

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eight, and you know, we
have different maturity levels. She sees things

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differently, and I was like,
Lauren, my mindset now versus even when

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I was thirty three, Like I
remember. And you can take like a

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twenty six year old right for a
perspective, and you can ask a twenty

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six year old, why don't you
remember what you were like when you were

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sixteen, ten years ago? And
it is whole and they're horrified, it's

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ridiculous. You're like, I was
a baby. I didn't know any I

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was throwing corn at people's houses,
like I was on toilet papering. I

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was just learning how to drive right. Mentally, emotionally, I would say

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that I feel the same when I'm
looking back as a thirty six year old

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looking back at my twenty six year
old self. But the worst part was

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that I thought I had it all
figured out. I felt all of those

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pressures, and I let all those
pressures really guide where I was going in

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my life career, for relationship,
for family, for friendships, all of

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those things that you accumulate kind of
in college, and you don't if you

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haven't learned those lessons yet, if
you have kudos to you, like you're

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an amazing twenty six year old.
I didn't. Looking back. It's a

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joke that I felt like I was
expected to make such huge life decisions at

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twenty six years old, because the
person I am at thirty six, I

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trust myself so much more now.
In your twenties as a woman, you're

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in this sort of blur of bridesmaid's
nous and all the people around you.

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Yeah, and it's terrible. So
in your thirties weddings no matter what decade,

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Jesus, that's expensive too, or
I s I gave. I didn't

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know you had other friends. Sorry, who are the eighteen people? Hate

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to break it? I mean I
went to eighteen weddings Made of Honor three

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times, and I was in probably
eight or nine weddings. How many of

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those marriages are still together? Oh? Good question. I would say all

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of them except my own. That's
a different podcast. We already said.

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And I'm like, but you bring
up like things figure out every decade.

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You figure out a little more,
but you never figure it all out,

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which is I think is part of
the fun. So you look back on

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very few people that I know,
when they get in their thirties or their

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forties or the fifties. If they
had a chance to wave one and go

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back and do it again, they're
more likely to be horrified, like,

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oh my god. No. From
that, there's a certain confidence, you

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know. I don't know. If
you look at you. Guys are super

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fit, so it may not apply
to you. But if you look back

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at like the twenty four year old
version of yourself, there's a confidence probably

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missing that makes you more attractive and
makes you more appealing to I think date,

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I would think, right, it
depending on the quality of the man.

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Yeah, some men really just you
know, they want the deer at

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the end of you know, the
dough that has the broken leg at the

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end of the tribe of the girls
who are walking. Never heard that.

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I'm sorry? What what? What? David's side is that its movie,

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it's a dating site. It's like, you know, when guys and girls

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are like drunk at the bar.
Sometimes there are specific types of guys that

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look for the drunkest girl, the
girl who with the equivalent of like the

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broken leg and right who it's an
easy kill. It's like the easy fit

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in the veil. Sometimes sometimes that
person's forty seven. It's true, It's

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true. So I think I think
it depends on the person, but I

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would say a higher quality man,
yes, if you tried to date I

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would say, just speaking for myself, if you tried to date me,

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a high quality man trying to date
me at twenty four, twenty five,

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twenty six would be very turned off
by my extreme lack of self awareness and

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nance. I think it's easier to
date somebody who knows who she is and

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knows what she wants, as long
as she communicates that information to us.

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The challenge for the men is we
have no idea who you are, what

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you want or everything. And you're
like, I'm thirty six, I shouldn't

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have to train you, Yeah,
but you should have to train us.

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You have no fucking idea. I
mean, I think communication is always going

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to be something that so important no
matter what age you are. But I

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think the confidence level you're right,
The confidence level in a post college setting,

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I do agree for women is very, very different for a lot of

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people. It was for me.
I was a very low self esteem,

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low confidence person and made choices just
based on what was happening in my life

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and where I was supposed to go. What about you, Brett, do

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you feel the same way. Yeah, same thing. I mean, I

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didn't really have full confidence in myself
because I was still trying to figure out

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what I was doing in my career
at that time. Like what defined me

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or what I thought to find me
was my career and the person that I

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was with. So like, I
know when we spoke on our podcast,

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like I always the person I wanted
to date. Obviously I like them,

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but I always wanted to be with
that cute, popular guy like that's what

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yeah, and I said, they
are the worst. Well, I am

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single, but honestly, that's what
at the time, And that's a maturity,

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Like I was looking for just the
guy that was cute and popular in

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this and that, and I didn't
know what I was doing with my career.

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I was so focused on being in
a relationship that it kind of and

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I lacked the self confidence. But
now I have the self confidence. And

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I'm going to disagree and say that
that scares a lot of guys because a

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lot of guys want, oh you
know, that scares them, I think

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you like personally, I mean intimidation, yeah, Like, and I feel

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like I do intimidate some guys,
and I don't know if that's a good

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thing or a bad thing, that's
because you could beat them up. Maybe

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you might. But but what was
was there a moment, an incident,

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a day that that flipped that you
got confident or that you realized that that

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was important? What changed that?
What was the fork in the road that

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you found that? UM? I
think when I had like some really bad

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breakups and I realized that I was
putting so much focus into that other person,

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and like when they didn't want me, I was like, oh my

220
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god, Like what am I doing
wrong? What's wrong with me? Am

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I not pretty enough? Am I
not funny enough? And it was always

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what's wrong with me? And then
at one point I was just like,

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you know, it really started affect
my mental health. And I was like,

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okay, you know this is what
I needed to stop because I got

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sick, and um, I started
working out. I focused on like my

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mental health, my physical health,
and I really I started reading a lot

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like self help, I guess whatever, and started focusing on my own personal

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growth and I kind of like stopped
with the dating, and I think I

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was lost. And I know that
sounds very I guess cliche, but I

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think a lot of people um,
do feel lost, like you feel like

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you have to have it all figured
out, And the truth is you don't

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have to have it all figured out. None of us really have it all

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figured out. And if you do, going back to your point like there's

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there's no I mean, if we
had it all figured out yet, we

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wouldn't we wouldn't know what to do
like that sport. It'd be bored.

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Yeah, we'd be bored. So
for anyone leaving it, you're not leading

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an interesting or challenging enough life if
you have it all figured exactly exactly so

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for anyone if you think everyone,
if you look at people well, especially

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on like Instagram, and you're like
they have it all together, they have

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it all figured out. No,
No, you stopped looking for confident,

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satisfaction, validation in a relationship and
said, I'm going to hit the pause

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button on the boys and get myself
together, get my place where I want

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to be. I stopped looking for
validation from other people, and I started

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focusing on myself and what like what
made me happy and that ultimately it was

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the game changer, and I just
slowly built my confidence up since then and

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now, like m M says,
it grows so much that there was a

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certain point between I would say thirty
two to now where you just don't give

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a fuck, and you either like
me or you don't. You either agree

249
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with me, your value in having
that your arsenal. It's not giving a

250
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fuck. Yeah, they're not giving
up, although sometimes I do think it

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can swing pretty hard in the other
direction where you almost like put those walls

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off because you don't want anyone to
get in because you've learned all those lessons

253
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and you've healed some of the those
things, and then the thought of somebody

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coming in and kind of messing it
all up again makes people a little scared,

255
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justifiably. So Yeah, it's also
hard to put out there that you

256
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don't give a fuck. On some
levels, that's attractive, but on some

257
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levels people are like, I want
you to give a fuck about me,

258
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and yeah, it's dangerous, Like
will they ever give a fuck? I

259
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did a whole episode a few back
about about caring and how that is really

260
00:16:25.399 --> 00:16:30.840
underrated attribute people that care and not
enough people care about enough things now and

261
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trying to balance that with not caring
about a lot of the things that don't

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matter or that don't bring value to
your life. That's always a hard sort

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of balance, I would say for
me similar to her story, but mine

264
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came on the heels like post divorce, because I was married. I married

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somebody who super nice guy, looked
great on paper, but we just didn't

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click. We didn't click from the
relationship beginning, and it took me an

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extra like three four years to just
even get the confidence to get out of

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the relationship. And there, especially
when you're the when there's nothing actually wrong,

269
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like nobody's doing anything to each other, there's no you just know you're

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with the wrong person. It is
you know it's going to be happily ever

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after. It is so hard to
hurt that person and you're hurting a lot

272
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of other people too. But after
that experience, I was so excited to

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get out in date because I was
immediate post divorce and I was like,

274
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heck, yeah, like I'm a
free I'm bad bitches, you know.

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But I hadn't learned any of those
internal lessons or the emotional lessons about like

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why I didn't haven't I didn't want
to take the time to reflect because it

277
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was such a painful experience that I
didn't I wasn't ready to do that all

278
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I wanted to do was find that
person still or weren't mature enough to do

279
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that to understand why totally. So
I jumped into like relationship after I just

280
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wanted to give that I had bottled
that love up for so long in like

281
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kind of that you know, wrong
relationship that I was so excited to get

282
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out there and date that I was
painting these red flags white. I didn't

283
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know what I was doing. I
was choosing wrong partners, making excuses for

284
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them. And after I think it
was like the second or third failed relationship

285
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post divorce, I just had this
like straw that broke the camel's back aha

286
00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:18.920
moment where I was like, holy
shit, this whole time, I keep

287
00:18:19.000 --> 00:18:22.680
looking at the guys for all these
red flags that they have right, like,

288
00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:26.599
well he wasn't the right person because
of X, Y Z reason and

289
00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:27.720
we just didn't click and blah blah
blah. And I was like, Uh,

290
00:18:29.559 --> 00:18:33.920
the only consistent constant in all of
these bad relationships is this person right

291
00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:38.920
here? It me Yeah, so
I have the red flags. And so

292
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I did the same thing she did. I went into this period of like

293
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isolation and self discovery. I really
started reading a lot of books, started

294
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listening to a lot more podcasts,
and this actually was, like, I

295
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mean, it sounds shitty to say, but it was like a magical moment

296
00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:56.039
because it was like, really during
the height of the pandemic that all of

297
00:18:56.039 --> 00:19:00.920
this was happening, and I kind
of had the time and the energy to

298
00:19:00.039 --> 00:19:04.960
sit and really explore myself and get
to know myself and trust myself again.

299
00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:08.799
Well, a little bit too pressures
off. You've never been married, right,

300
00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:14.359
you don't have to deal with that
question, how come you're still single

301
00:19:14.559 --> 00:19:19.759
or whatever? Because you're like that
is almost disagree you shouldn't so much worse,

302
00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:23.400
well, being is harder to date
is a divorced person now that it's

303
00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:27.319
harder to date as a divorced person. But I think that if you think

304
00:19:27.319 --> 00:19:30.240
that going out there being like,
oh, yeah, I'm divorced makes you

305
00:19:30.279 --> 00:19:34.599
almost like more relatable or people are
more understanding of it personal pressure, Like

306
00:19:34.599 --> 00:19:40.000
I did it a lot of people
like I want to, but they've been

307
00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:41.839
married either. But they look at
you and they're like, oh my god,

308
00:19:41.880 --> 00:19:44.880
but what happened? But he was
such a nice guy and you're such

309
00:19:44.920 --> 00:19:48.279
a beautiful girl. And then it
gets worse because they're like one of you

310
00:19:48.319 --> 00:19:49.519
must have done something wrong. Yeah. They want a better story. They

311
00:19:49.519 --> 00:19:52.440
want a better story, and the
story that you give them is like we

312
00:19:52.519 --> 00:19:56.000
just weren't in love and I was
not going to like keep Yeah, I

313
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don't. I don't ask why did
it end? I wanted to ask,

314
00:20:00.039 --> 00:20:02.680
when did you know it wasn't going
to be fifty years? And you're like

315
00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:07.400
six months in? Yeah, and
I hear that all. I hear that

316
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:10.240
more than any other. I was
also a very verbal about six years.

317
00:20:11.039 --> 00:20:15.279
Yeah, you were verbal too,
my partner. You said, listen,

318
00:20:15.319 --> 00:20:18.160
I don't know if this feels right, absolutely good for you, and I

319
00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:22.519
was, and they tried to convince
you otherwise. Yep, give it time.

320
00:20:22.519 --> 00:20:26.680
I had a lot of people around
me that I trusted very much,

321
00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:30.119
um you know, friends, family
members, things like that, who saw

322
00:20:30.160 --> 00:20:32.960
the goodness in him and they were
like, this is this is the first

323
00:20:33.000 --> 00:20:36.039
like appropriate person that you dated?
Because I was dating, you know,

324
00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:38.839
I had like filled relationships and I
was dating people who weren't like quote unquote

325
00:20:40.119 --> 00:20:45.079
from their perspective marriage material. That's
a point of your twenties. Sure,

326
00:20:44.599 --> 00:20:48.480
yeah, I go through all the
inappropriate people. You know, they they

327
00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:52.200
were supportive, they wanted me to
be happy, but they also wanted me

328
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to be realistic about the fact that
this partner was coming to the table as

329
00:20:55.799 --> 00:20:59.039
like a very like secure person who
had a great job, who who was

330
00:20:59.079 --> 00:21:02.599
a really nice person, and who
loved me very much. And anytime I

331
00:21:02.599 --> 00:21:07.200
would express like, but I don't
love this person, I was the vibe

332
00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:10.880
was always like, but what's wrong
with you that you don't because we all

333
00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:12.880
do? And you think tomorrow I'll
be the day I wake up and I

334
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:17.160
will feel this thing. Or did
you just be like initially I did,

335
00:21:17.240 --> 00:21:21.559
but I knew everybody, everybody always
you have this voice deep down? You

336
00:21:21.599 --> 00:21:25.240
do you have this intuition? You
have this You were probably blaming it on

337
00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:30.039
yourself in therapy for a year and
I asked the same question every week,

338
00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:33.599
and I would sit there and I
would say, what is wrong with me?

339
00:21:33.720 --> 00:21:37.400
But I cannot love this person the
way that they love me? And

340
00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:40.480
finally she looked at me and she
was like, the real question is what

341
00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:42.559
is wrong with you that you feel
like you have to Yeah? And my

342
00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:48.799
whole I was like, what,
but you have to figure this out.

343
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:53.640
You don't right, might not love
them right? And you had that you

344
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had pressure, and I wasn't always
direct pressure, but I will say there

345
00:21:57.799 --> 00:22:00.680
were a couple people who kind of
said things to me who I trusted and

346
00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:03.839
I was in a very low state
of confidence, and who would say things

347
00:22:03.880 --> 00:22:07.279
like, why can't you just move
to the suburbs and just pop out a

348
00:22:07.319 --> 00:22:11.799
couple of kids and just be normal
Emily, Yeah, yeah, that sounds

349
00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:17.519
awful effect, But if you knew
me, I didn't value the fact that

350
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I was special and that I did
like something different, and I couldn't.

351
00:22:21.319 --> 00:22:23.400
I didn't have the confidence to own
that and say to all these people,

352
00:22:23.839 --> 00:22:27.079
you can go and live your lives
the best that you can leave me alone

353
00:22:27.119 --> 00:22:30.000
to live mine. And if you
don't like who I'm dating, that's on

354
00:22:30.119 --> 00:22:33.440
you, not me. I'm the
one that has to wake up next to

355
00:22:33.480 --> 00:22:36.279
them every day. Yeah. Pressure
is a tough thing. Um, we

356
00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:38.440
have pressure to pay for this fancy
bomb beach garden studio here, So I

357
00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:42.640
got to take a quick break.
Well, I'm here with Brittain m and

358
00:22:42.839 --> 00:22:47.119
they are from thirty end and we're
going to dive a little bit deeper into

359
00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:55.599
thirty and a whole bunch of stuff
right after this, and we are back

360
00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:59.920
the best so you consider yourself to
be in your mid thirties. Oh yeah,

361
00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:03.119
okay, not late thirties. No, stop it in early thirties to

362
00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:07.240
those people who are listening in their
twenties, and the people in their forties

363
00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:10.720
and fifties are gonna be like,
oh silly girls. Still, what's the

364
00:23:10.759 --> 00:23:15.799
best thing about being in your mid
thirties? The confidence? Confidence, period,

365
00:23:17.200 --> 00:23:22.559
self awareness? Yep, just that
sounds self respect that you have for

366
00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:27.559
yourself. I feel like can get
easily lost in your twenties, and I

367
00:23:27.599 --> 00:23:30.240
feel like in your thirties as the
first that's the first time that I ever

368
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:33.839
felt comfortable with who I am as
a person, confident in who I am

369
00:23:33.880 --> 00:23:37.440
as a person, and like actually
wanted to focus on what my purpose was

370
00:23:37.480 --> 00:23:41.519
on this planet. You have time
to reflect. Like, the twenties is

371
00:23:41.519 --> 00:23:45.880
all about learning and like going through
and kind of like figuring those things out.

372
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And then once you hit thirty,
you're still kind of figuring it out.

373
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But then I don't know, something
happens where you're just like you really

374
00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:57.519
stop and you look back and you're
just like, if you're not learning,

375
00:23:57.599 --> 00:24:00.799
first of all, you need to
take what you've gone through, and you

376
00:24:00.839 --> 00:24:03.599
need to learn from it. You
need to reflect the things that have gone

377
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:07.640
wrong, why they've gone wrong,
and really invest time in yourself. And

378
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:11.920
I feel like a lot of people
don't do that, and that's where you

379
00:24:11.039 --> 00:24:14.559
kind of feel lost. And like
I talk a lot to a lot of

380
00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:17.279
women that do feel like that.
They feel lost. They spend so much

381
00:24:17.279 --> 00:24:19.599
time caring for other people, whether
it be their husband, their kids,

382
00:24:19.799 --> 00:24:22.599
etc. Etc. And they don't
know what they want to do. They

383
00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:25.759
don't know who they are, they
don't know what they want to be.

384
00:24:25.960 --> 00:24:30.319
And you know that's not everyone.
Like really, I want to say cares

385
00:24:30.359 --> 00:24:33.839
about that? Maybe, but it
is important you want to you know there

386
00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:37.400
you know, I don't want to
say their validation, but like their kids

387
00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:41.119
are what make them happy and bring
them joy, and like that's what their

388
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:44.559
purpose is. You go from a
husband wife to mom and dad because the

389
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:47.160
house of my wife isn't that fun
once you become mom and dad? Yeah?

390
00:24:47.400 --> 00:24:49.480
Unfortunately or fortunately, which is why
I ask a lot of women I

391
00:24:49.559 --> 00:24:52.920
ask this question. This is when
I get to trouble. But I do

392
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:56.440
ask this question. And I'm not
saying you guys are the ones who have

393
00:24:56.519 --> 00:25:00.400
to answer it, but I ask
this women would you rather be fifty years

394
00:25:00.519 --> 00:25:04.319
love of your life, never been
so happy? No kids? Would you

395
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:10.599
rather have ten years? So so
marriage, two kids, option a dink

396
00:25:11.480 --> 00:25:15.440
option, a double income, no
kids? Well wait yeah, Now a

397
00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:18.559
lot of women are like, I
don't I shouldn't have to choose, right,

398
00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:19.880
you should have both whatever. So
you have to almost when you get

399
00:25:19.880 --> 00:25:22.839
in your thirties, you have decide, am I gonna go for the love

400
00:25:23.559 --> 00:25:26.160
or because I don't trust I'm gonna
get that? Do I want the kids

401
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:30.039
because I will be happy with that? And that is the fork in the

402
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:32.640
road that I get in trouble all
the time. Well, you know,

403
00:25:32.759 --> 00:25:34.160
so and so I had kids at
forty seven. Realistically, you have to

404
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:37.599
look at the numbers and the odds
and all that. You get into your

405
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:41.599
late thirties, and then you have
to decide when do I pull the parachute

406
00:25:41.599 --> 00:25:44.519
on this and this guy's finally he'll
be a good dad and we'll have two

407
00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:47.039
kids and I'll worry about the marriage
later, or if it's like I'm just

408
00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:51.519
going to hold out for the love
I believe I deserve and whatever happens happens,

409
00:25:51.519 --> 00:25:53.400
and maybe we have kids and maybe
we don't. That is the biggest

410
00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:56.400
challenge for most women in their thirties, and they don't like to talk about

411
00:25:56.440 --> 00:26:00.119
it. Yeah, but I mean
it's scared you feel like I mean,

412
00:26:00.200 --> 00:26:03.039
I mean for me, like once
once, I mean I forgot for a

413
00:26:03.079 --> 00:26:04.880
while that I was thirty six,
and I was like, yeah, I'm

414
00:26:04.920 --> 00:26:07.359
thirty five, and it's like,
oh shit, like I'm on the other

415
00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:10.960
and you're like, I'm in good
shape, and so it's no big deal.

416
00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:12.640
But yeah, but it's it's you
know, next year, it's thirty

417
00:26:12.640 --> 00:26:15.759
seven, then it's thirty eight,
and it's like it's scary because the time

418
00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:19.039
is not stopping. So if you
do want kids, like I kind of

419
00:26:19.079 --> 00:26:23.519
feel the pressure that you know that
we're at that point right now, right,

420
00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:26.920
and so you have to decide that
kind of musical chairs thing, like

421
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:30.279
when do I grab the seat and
then if or if you want lots of

422
00:26:30.400 --> 00:26:34.480
kids, like there's differentes or and
if you're dating a guy who's thirty nine

423
00:26:34.519 --> 00:26:37.599
and he wants lots of kids,
he's got to do that math to all

424
00:26:37.640 --> 00:26:41.599
the time, and the women get
mad and they look at the exceptions and

425
00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:42.599
oh, I could freeze my eggs
and all that. You still have to

426
00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:45.359
be realistic about it, sure,
or if you find someone that you really

427
00:26:45.400 --> 00:26:48.519
like and they don't want kids and
they don't want kids, or she might

428
00:26:48.559 --> 00:26:52.440
want kids, or you know,
we've had that. It happens too and

429
00:26:52.680 --> 00:26:55.200
everybody has the right to change their
mind. And everybody, you know a

430
00:26:55.240 --> 00:26:56.240
lot of women at twenty eight like, oh my god, I don't have

431
00:26:56.440 --> 00:27:00.920
kids, and they're defined by being
their mom mom the same thing. So

432
00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:07.960
that's the choice that when you get
to thirty five to forty two, which

433
00:27:08.079 --> 00:27:11.559
road do I want to go down
here? And I'm not saying you can't

434
00:27:11.559 --> 00:27:14.400
go down both roads, so don't
send me letters here, but you kind

435
00:27:14.440 --> 00:27:17.039
of have to bend, like,
listen, I just want to fall in

436
00:27:17.119 --> 00:27:18.599
love with this person. And however
it works out, because you can get

437
00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:22.359
married and not be able to conceive, he might not. There's a hundred

438
00:27:22.400 --> 00:27:25.839
different ways. You can't just think
life's going to present itself in a bow.

439
00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:29.039
But you have to make choices on
who you're dating. Some people are

440
00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:30.880
like, I don't want to date
somebody with kids because they might not want

441
00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:34.079
to have kids as badly, and
all these decisions that you don't necessarily have

442
00:27:34.119 --> 00:27:37.519
to make it twenty three, which
is true, But I will say that

443
00:27:37.960 --> 00:27:42.720
for my only question, my only
issue with the fork is that I don't

444
00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:48.359
know that it's that extreme of a
choice of do I settle for a less

445
00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:52.960
appropriate, like less in love,
less good partner in order just to use

446
00:27:52.079 --> 00:27:56.480
that person to have kids, or
do I find the love of my life

447
00:27:56.839 --> 00:28:00.599
and live happy for the next fifty
years without the ability to have kids.

448
00:28:00.640 --> 00:28:07.079
I don't know that it's always that
extreme. A little bit it's on the

449
00:28:07.160 --> 00:28:10.440
mind, but I will say that
just anecdotally, I would say that we

450
00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:14.799
know plenty of people that chose Option
B where they looked at the partner that

451
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:18.599
they were with, they didn't see
a lot of the values that they normally

452
00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:22.119
would have had on their checklist that
were important, not like dumb things,

453
00:28:22.440 --> 00:28:26.000
you know, like for them,
you know, we talk about height or

454
00:28:26.039 --> 00:28:30.279
like what not, like physical traits, but just like partnership characteristics. They

455
00:28:30.440 --> 00:28:33.319
really wanted the kids really, really
badly, and so they made those exceptions.

456
00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:37.240
And I will tell you that five
years in when those kids are starting

457
00:28:37.240 --> 00:28:41.160
to grow up a little bit and
you start to see the cracks in the

458
00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:45.839
marriage and things like that, no
parent, mother or father I've ever heard

459
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:48.440
say like I regret having kids.
I love their kids, right, It's

460
00:28:48.440 --> 00:28:52.440
a different type of love than They
can't imagine their lives without it, but

461
00:28:52.519 --> 00:28:56.279
they are able to realistically say,
if I could go back and make a

462
00:28:56.400 --> 00:29:00.599
decision about the type of partner I
was picking, maybe I would have chosen

463
00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:04.680
a little bit differently. It's amazing
people can be in divorce court, hating

464
00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:08.640
each other for years, yet happy
with the DNA that they combine to make

465
00:29:08.680 --> 00:29:11.559
these children. It's very rare that
you'd be like, oh my god,

466
00:29:11.599 --> 00:29:14.240
I wish I had kids, and
I would say that, which is,

467
00:29:14.839 --> 00:29:18.160
you know, interesting, It's weird, And I think that it also depends

468
00:29:18.160 --> 00:29:19.720
on the type of women that you're
talking to. There are women that I've

469
00:29:19.799 --> 00:29:23.880
known my entire life that they feel
like their mission, their purpose, internal

470
00:29:25.079 --> 00:29:27.640
core to who they are as a
person. Their purpose was to be a

471
00:29:27.799 --> 00:29:32.000
mom. Right, Those are the
women that I do think, more often

472
00:29:32.039 --> 00:29:36.519
than not choose that second option or
do they choose the third option? Be

473
00:29:36.759 --> 00:29:40.440
the mom and then circle back,
you know, on your own, which

474
00:29:40.519 --> 00:29:44.839
is no picnic anyway, have the
kid or kids and then come back to

475
00:29:45.079 --> 00:29:48.079
rather than use the guy for this
sort of nebulas that you're kind of stuck

476
00:29:48.960 --> 00:29:52.720
semi connected to this person for fifty
years. I want to be a mom.

477
00:29:53.039 --> 00:29:56.559
You take care of that, and
then in your forties go back and

478
00:29:56.640 --> 00:29:59.400
start dating again. I mean,
in the modern world, that's always an

479
00:29:59.400 --> 00:30:02.880
option women that are I think it
depends on where your priorities are. Like

480
00:30:03.119 --> 00:30:06.920
For me, what, I love
to be a mom, absolutely, but

481
00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:11.119
I have learned enough in my own
relationships and seeing and watching other people's.

482
00:30:11.640 --> 00:30:17.119
You know, relationships with and marriages
with kids crumble and fall in the most

483
00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:22.519
epic effing fashion you've ever seen.
The toll that a divorce when you have

484
00:30:22.680 --> 00:30:26.279
children takes on everybody involved is it's
really hard and it's so common, but

485
00:30:26.359 --> 00:30:30.160
it's really hard on those parents too, because they love those kids so much,

486
00:30:30.359 --> 00:30:33.240
but the partnership is just so broken, and they want the kids to

487
00:30:33.359 --> 00:30:37.160
have the family unit. Nothing.
They want the kids to have the family

488
00:30:37.279 --> 00:30:40.000
unit. But you make it's almost
like if you go into it knowing that

489
00:30:40.079 --> 00:30:44.240
that partner isn't the right partner for
you, you're kind of knowing that that

490
00:30:44.319 --> 00:30:47.720
you're setting it. Yeah, that's
almost the likelihood that you're picking. And

491
00:30:47.839 --> 00:30:52.519
so to me, I would rather
for whatever, whether you want, God,

492
00:30:52.680 --> 00:30:55.839
universe however, things are going to
shake out, I would rather at

493
00:30:55.920 --> 00:30:59.279
least give myself the best chance possible, or give those kids the best chance

494
00:30:59.319 --> 00:31:03.240
possible if if I can have them
with the best partner. And I use

495
00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:07.599
that word partner. I know it's
like a really popular word to use instead

496
00:31:07.599 --> 00:31:08.880
of like a husband. You know, we don't say like husband does much

497
00:31:08.880 --> 00:31:12.880
anymore? Right, Like the language
has Yeah, it has. But I

498
00:31:14.039 --> 00:31:18.519
say partner because when I look around
and I see the successful marriages, they

499
00:31:18.559 --> 00:31:22.960
are truly partners. I mean there's
not one person that's carrying ninety percent of

500
00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:26.559
the load and then the other person's
carrying ten percent. It's a true partnership.

501
00:31:26.640 --> 00:31:30.519
They are working together. They are
a team. That's where I see

502
00:31:30.559 --> 00:31:33.480
it work, not just in the
relationship, but for the kids also.

503
00:31:33.960 --> 00:31:37.319
So I'd rather give myself the best
chance possible. If I fought so hard

504
00:31:37.319 --> 00:31:40.119
to get here for the happiness,
Yeah, why would I give it up

505
00:31:40.240 --> 00:31:42.920
to live with somebody and create a
life and create children on this planet with

506
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:47.240
somebody that I'm not crazy about it? And that is the unfair advantage that

507
00:31:47.319 --> 00:31:49.440
the man has, like it or
not, that he can dick around,

508
00:31:49.559 --> 00:31:52.640
for lack of a better term,
totally. Yeah, till he's fifty one.

509
00:31:53.400 --> 00:31:56.400
Before I've been like, yeah,
I'm going to have some kids now,

510
00:31:56.759 --> 00:31:59.319
you know. And there's plenty of
women who will be like, Okay,

511
00:31:59.400 --> 00:32:01.279
I will date that guy and have
kids with him. But it's almost

512
00:32:01.279 --> 00:32:07.440
like women have to face the scarcity
mindset, whereas men don't necessarily have to

513
00:32:07.559 --> 00:32:12.039
do that. Um, but I
just I would rather choose my own personal

514
00:32:12.119 --> 00:32:15.079
internal happiness because you could, I
mean, you could get struck by lightning,

515
00:32:15.240 --> 00:32:16.000
so like, you know, you
could get hit by a bus.

516
00:32:16.160 --> 00:32:21.160
Yeah, every day, every day, every single day. So why would

517
00:32:21.200 --> 00:32:23.400
you give up? You know?
And who's if you choose option B?

518
00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:28.720
Who's to say you couldn't have chosen
Option A and had the most wonderful,

519
00:32:28.759 --> 00:32:30.720
beautiful life in the world, and
then option B is riddled with pain.

520
00:32:30.839 --> 00:32:35.759
You can't live your life with regret. I guess there's choices you can make.

521
00:32:35.880 --> 00:32:43.000
Now. Are most of your social
circle married women with kids or do

522
00:32:43.079 --> 00:32:46.039
you? Are you not in that? Yeah? Minor and married with kids?

523
00:32:46.160 --> 00:32:49.359
Yeah, And is it easy for
you to look at them be like,

524
00:32:49.400 --> 00:32:53.640
oh my god, that's terrible parenting. Not terrible parenting, the like

525
00:32:53.720 --> 00:32:57.920
I would fix that in five secondly
think you can. But I feel like

526
00:32:57.960 --> 00:32:59.880
it's different when you have the kids. Not at all. I'm like,

527
00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:01.240
I don't know how you do it. Like I hang out with them for

528
00:33:01.279 --> 00:33:04.279
a little bit and then I'm like, okay, I gotta go, like

529
00:33:04.400 --> 00:33:07.920
exhausted after an hour. It's just
me and We're on two different I don't

530
00:33:08.039 --> 00:33:13.960
I'm not really in a um rush
to have kids, And I think it

531
00:33:14.079 --> 00:33:15.720
comes down to like what you want, Like you said a lot of I'm

532
00:33:15.720 --> 00:33:21.960
not giving up the abs yet.
No, I have anxiety about those girls

533
00:33:22.000 --> 00:33:24.880
that are pregnant in the gym,
like, yeah, I worked too hard

534
00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:30.200
to give now. It's just not
something that I'm like, and I know,

535
00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:32.119
like I do feel a certain stress
because I know, you know,

536
00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:37.000
we are getting older. But like
a lot of women in right now in

537
00:33:37.160 --> 00:33:40.039
our at our age are like,
okay, I really really like want to

538
00:33:40.079 --> 00:33:45.400
have kids, and like feel like
a really like dire pressure that they need

539
00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:47.759
to go out and they need to
find this person and will kind of give

540
00:33:47.839 --> 00:33:52.119
that person, um, I guess
a little bit of lead if they don't

541
00:33:52.160 --> 00:33:55.599
like check all their boxes or what
have you, and they'll kind of settle.

542
00:33:55.720 --> 00:34:00.119
But like I don't feel like that
at all. I do feel somewhat

543
00:34:00.519 --> 00:34:05.319
pressure, but um, I just
I'm kind of at the mindset. If

544
00:34:05.359 --> 00:34:07.840
it happens, it happens, and
if not, Like so, most of

545
00:34:07.920 --> 00:34:14.360
the guys that most of the women
in your demo are going to date or

546
00:34:14.440 --> 00:34:20.239
in their thirties and forties, what
advice would you give those men to deal

547
00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:24.320
with thirty something women that they might
have been different from twenty something women other

548
00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:29.920
than the fact that you are a
little more independent and headstrong, not necessarily

549
00:34:29.960 --> 00:34:32.920
a bad way, but you know, in this group of boys, this

550
00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:38.639
group of guys in your twenties,
your advoice is probably like just sober up

551
00:34:38.679 --> 00:34:45.559
a tad but thirties and forties to
deal with this unique equipment that is the

552
00:34:45.719 --> 00:34:51.360
thirty something women, what what advice
do you give the thirty and forty something

553
00:34:51.480 --> 00:34:54.119
guys that they would help better understand
you, because that's the biggest challenges They

554
00:34:54.119 --> 00:34:58.239
have no fucking idea what you're thinking? To learn how to communicate? I

555
00:34:58.360 --> 00:35:01.559
feel like a lot of guys do
not know how to communicate and be clearer

556
00:35:01.639 --> 00:35:07.719
about what it is communicator calling the
communicator black yea, what does that mean?

557
00:35:07.320 --> 00:35:10.239
We all this whole show is about
confidence of communication. At the end

558
00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:14.320
of the day, what is that. We can't even compliment you anymore.

559
00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:17.760
We can pass they're like, oh, you look so pretty? What do

560
00:35:17.840 --> 00:35:22.239
I look like? Bad? Every
other day? We can't even go we

561
00:35:22.400 --> 00:35:24.000
either, we can't say that I
made the joke and it's not even a

562
00:35:24.079 --> 00:35:30.320
joke on our signature lines rather than
pronouns. Give me your preferred compliments,

563
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:32.360
like if you want to be like
pretty, hot, cute, beautiful,

564
00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:36.320
put that in there, and then
we take them all right, But a

565
00:35:36.400 --> 00:35:38.039
lot of guys, it can only
go wrong, so we can't even So

566
00:35:38.280 --> 00:35:42.559
you were around in a point in
a point in life when we were like,

567
00:35:42.639 --> 00:35:44.280
oh my god, you're so hot, and that was fine, you

568
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:46.719
liked it. Nobody can say that
anymore. You're like, oh, you're

569
00:35:46.760 --> 00:35:50.639
still set time and place. Like
if some guy just watched to me and

570
00:35:50.719 --> 00:35:53.199
I'm working out in the gym and
he takes his headphones on, he interrupts

571
00:35:53.239 --> 00:35:54.960
one of my sets, and I'm
like, hey, what's up, and

572
00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:59.480
he's like, you are hot,
I would be like, I'm gonna choke

573
00:35:59.559 --> 00:36:01.599
old that's I'd be like, I'm
gonna play shooting his shot. What do

574
00:36:01.719 --> 00:36:05.239
you want to wait for? Him
to see you with your no learn how

575
00:36:05.280 --> 00:36:07.800
to shoot your shot? You want
him to wait outside the gym. That's

576
00:36:07.920 --> 00:36:10.119
his worst. No, yeah,
that's right, him out like I have

577
00:36:10.440 --> 00:36:15.559
one shot. The words do you? The words start up of conversation like

578
00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:20.280
you're doing a good job. You
do that trying? Yeah? Yeah yeah,

579
00:36:20.400 --> 00:36:23.760
do you need a spot? And
you're like, see that's what I'm

580
00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:28.480
saying. He has no idea when
to say it, how to say it,

581
00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:30.599
who to say too. So I'm
looking for a little you say,

582
00:36:30.639 --> 00:36:35.840
communicate better the fund does that do
you have in terms of like anything and

583
00:36:36.039 --> 00:36:39.280
whether in a relationship asking you out
first age asking what can the boys do

584
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:44.239
better? That you're like, if
they just did this, turn the dial

585
00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:47.159
up twenty percent better on this,
everything would be better. So it's so

586
00:36:47.320 --> 00:36:52.639
different now because we have social media, right, and I get all the

587
00:36:52.800 --> 00:36:58.440
time and I'm gonna say creeps.
But they go into the DMS and I

588
00:36:58.519 --> 00:37:00.559
got one the other day and I
was just telling are and I was like,

589
00:37:00.639 --> 00:37:02.239
this drives me absolutely crazy, and
I don't know why it does,

590
00:37:02.559 --> 00:37:07.000
but it annoys me. They're like
they'll say something like about fitness and I'll

591
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:10.239
like like their comment and they'll be
like, it'd be a great, you

592
00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:14.280
know, topic to talk over a
date. Literally, I've never had a

593
00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:16.639
conversation before with them, and it's
only the second message that they've sent to

594
00:37:16.719 --> 00:37:20.880
me. Why does that make me
so angry? I'm like, you don't

595
00:37:20.960 --> 00:37:24.159
know me. You're basically only judging
by obviously how I look, And I

596
00:37:24.199 --> 00:37:28.920
think it annoys me because really judging
them by how they look, I know

597
00:37:29.119 --> 00:37:31.039
you you opposed so much more content
than just what You're not going to know

598
00:37:31.280 --> 00:37:35.360
them until you have a date.
So well that's what he said, because

599
00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:37.679
he goes, he don't right,
because a lot of women will be like,

600
00:37:37.920 --> 00:37:39.920
he messaged me seven times and he
didn't ask me out. So the

601
00:37:40.000 --> 00:37:43.079
men here this too, like what
would you like me to do? You

602
00:37:43.119 --> 00:37:45.239
don't want me to cook to you
and tell you're hot, you don't want

603
00:37:45.280 --> 00:37:49.480
me to do sliding your dms twice
and say let's have a date Man's Land.

604
00:37:49.559 --> 00:37:52.440
So they're back to video games and
pouring these guys and he goes,

605
00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:55.360
well, that's what a date is, and I was like, I don't

606
00:37:55.480 --> 00:38:00.639
do that. I just said I
don't do that. I don't like he

607
00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:02.199
didn't even try to get to know
me first. And he did. He

608
00:38:02.280 --> 00:38:05.800
said, let's go on a date, which is the very definition of trying

609
00:38:05.840 --> 00:38:07.400
to get to know you. That's
what he's said, right, I just

610
00:38:07.559 --> 00:38:09.800
tell what, do you get to
know you by? What? Just like

611
00:38:09.880 --> 00:38:14.840
asking me questions? He wants to
do that face to face. You gotta

612
00:38:14.880 --> 00:38:17.159
get out a little in the real
world. That's she doesn't want to.

613
00:38:17.679 --> 00:38:21.639
I think I'm not there. Yeah, we used to be able to just

614
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:23.920
walk up to you and ask you
the exact same question. Now you want

615
00:38:23.960 --> 00:38:29.639
this sort of artificial barrier between you
to answer these questions on the problem.

616
00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:31.760
You're definitely the problem. We're both
saying the same thing. I know,

617
00:38:32.360 --> 00:38:36.079
but that's what I'm saying, Like
you want them to communicate better. He's

618
00:38:36.119 --> 00:38:37.159
trying to communicate to you face to
face, and you're like, whoa,

619
00:38:37.239 --> 00:38:43.199
back off, stay on the device. Yeah, I live in an amaze

620
00:38:43.480 --> 00:38:45.639
amouse, Mace. I hope I
have balls up, for sure. But

621
00:38:46.199 --> 00:38:51.360
I think that I kind of agree
with Brian. I just I just think

622
00:38:51.400 --> 00:38:54.039
that you're I'm sorry, I think
that you're a little charred. Your perspective

623
00:38:54.079 --> 00:38:58.719
of anybody that reaches out is your
immediately skeptical of them, for sure,

624
00:38:59.039 --> 00:39:02.920
And that's only because starting almost line
that I've said in my life here on

625
00:39:04.000 --> 00:39:06.760
this show Day one is the women
look for red flags and the men look

626
00:39:06.760 --> 00:39:09.760
for green lights. And that's because
I've been in so many shitty relationships,

627
00:39:09.800 --> 00:39:13.079
I think, And that's not fair
to them. No, you got to

628
00:39:13.079 --> 00:39:16.519
get rid of that baggage, yeah, or or been like you can have

629
00:39:16.599 --> 00:39:20.639
a little bit of guard up,
but give him the chance to prove you.

630
00:39:21.320 --> 00:39:23.440
If he had said something really funny, I feel like maybe you would

631
00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:27.440
have funniness gets me, that I
would have entertay to me. I'm like

632
00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:30.559
that I would have entertained you.
I think if he had said something funny,

633
00:39:30.599 --> 00:39:34.440
I think you would have responded back. But also you're getting you're talking

634
00:39:34.480 --> 00:39:39.039
about how to split some carbs.
Like See, that's why the women are

635
00:39:39.079 --> 00:39:42.400
like if the funny gets me,
they don't know what you think is funny,

636
00:39:43.079 --> 00:39:46.119
because that's subjective too. It sure
is. There's no perfect pill,

637
00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:50.320
like there's no magic pill. There's
no right answer for every guy and every

638
00:39:50.360 --> 00:39:52.840
girl. But I would say for
her, like somebody who's a good communicator

639
00:39:52.880 --> 00:39:58.840
in sense of humor, like and
by good communicator that is also though kind

640
00:39:58.880 --> 00:40:01.280
of the equivalent of like a on
two punch, like there was no lead

641
00:40:01.360 --> 00:40:04.920
up, There was no like,
you know, trying to get to know

642
00:40:05.159 --> 00:40:07.000
her in any former fashion, like
how's your day going? Like hey,

643
00:40:07.079 --> 00:40:12.320
like I'm this, he's there.
It's a random social media so like that's

644
00:40:12.360 --> 00:40:15.599
a completely well what did we used
to be? The random person in the

645
00:40:15.679 --> 00:40:19.920
bar? So much harder, we're
all much more difficult. Actually, the

646
00:40:20.119 --> 00:40:23.679
rejection is a lot easier to handle
on a woman's end, not in person.

647
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:29.079
I know that then, which is
why it's become way too easy to

648
00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:31.599
just nope, nope, nope,
nope, because it's hard to do that,

649
00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:37.199
which means that that guy had an
extra beat or five seconds or sixty

650
00:40:37.239 --> 00:40:42.679
seconds where you had to sort of
hear him out and he misses that.

651
00:40:43.480 --> 00:40:45.039
But again, the women and guys
in the same way. They want to

652
00:40:45.119 --> 00:40:47.960
just sit there and be pen pals
forever and hope you'll send him all.

653
00:40:49.039 --> 00:40:52.119
But that was also back in the
day when girls would give fake numbers,

654
00:40:52.360 --> 00:40:53.239
Like you would go up to a
girl to a bar, you would hit

655
00:40:53.320 --> 00:40:55.079
on her in a bar, and
she would seem, you know, kind

656
00:40:55.119 --> 00:41:00.400
of into it, and give you
the wrong numbers. They call that number

657
00:41:00.239 --> 00:41:04.039
and if you're doing the wrong number
and your phone doesn't ring in your life.

658
00:41:04.079 --> 00:41:07.920
I know I'm talking about this idea. Back in the day, you

659
00:41:08.079 --> 00:41:10.639
used to go out with a guy
just because he had a pen and a

660
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:15.000
napkin at two o'clock in the morning. Not only did he write your phone

661
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:15.760
up, he also used to have
to pick you up. He used to

662
00:41:15.800 --> 00:41:19.440
be like, you're gonna pick me
up, here's my address. You would

663
00:41:19.559 --> 00:41:22.599
give that guy a shot. You
wouldn't have six friends on speed dial.

664
00:41:22.719 --> 00:41:24.320
You wouldn't be like, I'm only
going to do things that that take fifteen

665
00:41:24.360 --> 00:41:28.880
minutes to get out. You would
commit to the date to find out if

666
00:41:28.920 --> 00:41:32.559
you liked somebody. We don't do
that anymore because you watch too much date

667
00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:37.760
Line and Lifetime movies and you think
everyone and you're and you've brought line,

668
00:41:37.800 --> 00:41:40.599
and you've brought a lot of the
twenties. Most likely yeah, everybody's an

669
00:41:40.639 --> 00:41:45.840
asshole or didn't work out, and
so statistically you look at all that you

670
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:47.440
only need the last one to work
out. You know, you only need

671
00:41:47.480 --> 00:41:51.039
the next one to work out,
which could be like you gotta key,

672
00:41:51.159 --> 00:41:53.960
I feel like see I'm the opposite. I used to give so like the

673
00:41:54.039 --> 00:41:58.559
people who didn't deserve a chance,
didn't do it. I would give like

674
00:41:58.679 --> 00:42:01.840
everybody a chance, Like I when
you talk about when you talk about the

675
00:42:01.840 --> 00:42:06.280
difference between dating in your twenties and
thirties, my like, you know,

676
00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:09.079
looking back and being really honest with
myself, my only criteria was like if

677
00:42:09.119 --> 00:42:13.320
you liked me, I was like, okay, cool, because I was.

678
00:42:13.559 --> 00:42:15.000
I didn't. I've always said,
right, I only feel breaker is

679
00:42:15.039 --> 00:42:19.679
that you don't like me exactly,
which is such like a you know,

680
00:42:19.840 --> 00:42:22.079
that's such a tough mentality when you
look back and I, you know,

681
00:42:22.239 --> 00:42:27.239
I'm trying to be a little kinder
to myself about the person that I was

682
00:42:27.320 --> 00:42:30.920
back then. But now I still
have that like open heartedness and I'm still

683
00:42:30.000 --> 00:42:34.960
like a little bit more open.
I'm just a little bit more discerning about

684
00:42:35.480 --> 00:42:37.960
who I led into my physical space. I may entertaine. I you know,

685
00:42:38.119 --> 00:42:42.840
I'm not the immediate shut down like
block if somebody says something to me

686
00:42:42.920 --> 00:42:45.960
online or anything like that. For
the most part, um it depends I

687
00:42:46.039 --> 00:42:49.079
sent you those screenshots. You want
to know what he said. He was

688
00:42:49.119 --> 00:42:51.679
like, maybe we can both make
money off each other and try to send

689
00:42:51.719 --> 00:42:54.719
like a like a dick pick situation. See, that's that's the problem.

690
00:42:54.920 --> 00:42:58.880
So I get I get a message
from a guy on social media? Yeah,

691
00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:02.559
um, and I don't I'm private. And a guy sent a message

692
00:43:02.559 --> 00:43:06.480
and he was like, hey,
I didn't answer because I didn't know who

693
00:43:06.559 --> 00:43:09.199
I like, couldn't he I couldn't
figure out who he was. Two days

694
00:43:09.280 --> 00:43:13.079
later, he sends me another message
and he's like, so, what's up.

695
00:43:13.280 --> 00:43:15.039
And I was like, I'm sorry. Do we know each other?

696
00:43:15.079 --> 00:43:17.519
And he said no, but I'm
sure we should, like we I definitely

697
00:43:17.599 --> 00:43:21.199
want to. So I click his
profile. I look through. He's married.

698
00:43:21.760 --> 00:43:25.440
Oh, and I'm like, what
the fuck is that is? Like

699
00:43:25.880 --> 00:43:30.440
i mean waved time of a lighthouse
And I'm sitting there and I'm like what

700
00:43:30.800 --> 00:43:35.199
is this? And I'm and I
was like, um, no, thanks,

701
00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:37.440
not interested. And he's like,
but why not? We can make

702
00:43:37.519 --> 00:43:42.920
so much money with like a dick
emoji or whatever, like basically propositioning me

703
00:43:43.119 --> 00:43:46.920
to do some type of like only
fans or right. So I immediately blocked,

704
00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:51.400
deleted, you know, stuff like
that mildly flattering, so for unfortunate

705
00:43:52.639 --> 00:43:54.679
thank you for all I know it
was her yeah oh yeah, or it

706
00:43:54.760 --> 00:43:59.719
was a fake profile or whatever.
So for all those The unfortunate part for

707
00:43:59.800 --> 00:44:05.119
me is they are going up against
a stream of people that act like that.

708
00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:07.000
Yeah, so when you want to
talk about putting up, oh,

709
00:44:07.159 --> 00:44:12.159
I agree. The thing though,
that is the bigger barrier to that when

710
00:44:12.199 --> 00:44:15.920
you get in your thirties and your
forties is your life is much more fulfilled

711
00:44:16.440 --> 00:44:21.599
without him. You don't need him. You have your friends, and your

712
00:44:21.679 --> 00:44:23.880
job, and your self esteem and
your your activities. You have a little

713
00:44:23.880 --> 00:44:27.880
bit more money than you used to
blah blah blah that that you don't need

714
00:44:27.960 --> 00:44:30.159
him. And so for him,
the bull's eye he's got to hit to

715
00:44:30.199 --> 00:44:34.760
get into your world. It's like
shooting at a twelve foot basket versus a

716
00:44:34.800 --> 00:44:37.280
ten foot basket, because he has
to figure out a way to enhance your

717
00:44:37.440 --> 00:44:42.159
day to day, which is much
harder to enhance. Guys love competition.

718
00:44:42.639 --> 00:44:45.920
Let the games begin. Most guys
do, they really do. They love

719
00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:49.559
competition as long as you're open to
the competition. I think one of the

720
00:44:49.639 --> 00:44:52.960
problems, I mean for me,
is finding the time because we're not getting

721
00:44:53.000 --> 00:44:55.840
any younger, and he still feel
that pressure. Like I feel like a

722
00:44:55.920 --> 00:45:00.559
lot of the time that and this
is just me. I don't and this

723
00:45:00.679 --> 00:45:04.880
sounds bad, but I don't want
to quote unquote waste my time. Like

724
00:45:04.960 --> 00:45:06.840
I feel like, as soon as
I get to that date, if I

725
00:45:07.039 --> 00:45:10.400
know that we are not going to
connect, I do not want to spend

726
00:45:10.719 --> 00:45:15.159
an hour and a half, two
hours there, two years exactly right.

727
00:45:15.400 --> 00:45:17.880
That's it's like if we meet,
you know, cut your whatever date,

728
00:45:19.000 --> 00:45:22.280
the coffee date. You like the
coffee date over the oh, I hate

729
00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:24.880
that too. You like the drinks
date. I just I did ice cream,

730
00:45:24.960 --> 00:45:29.239
ice cream. She loves ice cream. Yeah, but that's kind of

731
00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:30.920
how I feel like. I'm at
a point right now where I feel like

732
00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:35.679
I would be wasting my time.
Like you hear people who go out on

733
00:45:35.800 --> 00:45:37.199
ninety nine dates and then they find
that one. I'm like, I go

734
00:45:37.320 --> 00:45:40.519
on bumble and I'm like, I
don't have the time. I feel like

735
00:45:40.599 --> 00:45:45.760
it's just wasted energy. That's the
other challenge. Though you don't want to

736
00:45:45.840 --> 00:45:49.599
in your thirties, forties, whatever. You don't want to waste two three,

737
00:45:49.719 --> 00:45:52.679
four years on betting on the wrong
horse. Sure, but you also

738
00:45:52.719 --> 00:45:55.840
have to give enough time to work
through that ick. That sort of thing

739
00:45:55.920 --> 00:45:59.960
it could which could happen date one, it could happen six months in where

740
00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:02.440
if you just got through that storm, everything would be great. We're not

741
00:46:02.519 --> 00:46:06.159
willing to do that any because the
first sign like, oh this doesn't feel

742
00:46:06.320 --> 00:46:09.960
perfect. Next, yeah, it's
I don't even know what perfect is though

743
00:46:10.079 --> 00:46:15.039
exactly so. And I think that
it depends it. I hate to say

744
00:46:15.079 --> 00:46:17.760
it. It really does depend on
how much work you've done on yourself.

745
00:46:19.039 --> 00:46:21.679
If you've done enough work on yourself, you kind of know you're not per

746
00:46:21.880 --> 00:46:23.199
I know it. I am not
showing up to a deal. But we

747
00:46:23.280 --> 00:46:27.800
have standards we have we have I
mean for I mean, I'll speak for

748
00:46:27.920 --> 00:46:35.280
me, but my my standard.
Do you try to what? But our

749
00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:39.239
standards are a lot higher now,
like the things that minus one person that'll

750
00:46:39.280 --> 00:46:44.079
probably be on our thirty end.
He's like, yeah, um, but

751
00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:47.639
they're they're set higher now. So
and I don't know if that's you want

752
00:46:47.679 --> 00:46:51.760
someone who's the cherry on top,
you want some I you want someone who's

753
00:46:51.760 --> 00:46:53.800
a little more settled either in who
they are, what they wanted out of

754
00:46:53.880 --> 00:46:58.920
life in their career, if you
can answer the questions honestly about whether or

755
00:46:58.960 --> 00:47:00.840
not you even want to have kids. I would say for women in their

756
00:47:00.920 --> 00:47:06.199
thirties, although it's not always at
the forefront of our mind. That's a

757
00:47:06.519 --> 00:47:08.239
that's not true, that's a myth. It's not always at the front of

758
00:47:08.280 --> 00:47:13.760
our mind because we are so like
loving of our lives more I would say,

759
00:47:13.800 --> 00:47:15.280
in your thirties or more confident,
and we have a so we have

760
00:47:15.400 --> 00:47:19.480
so much fun. I mean,
we really do in our thirties, like

761
00:47:19.599 --> 00:47:22.239
just as different kind of fun than
in your twenties. But we love to

762
00:47:22.320 --> 00:47:25.039
have fun. We love all of
that. It's not always about I need

763
00:47:25.079 --> 00:47:27.719
to reproduce, I need to have
a kid. I need to have a

764
00:47:27.800 --> 00:47:30.679
kid. You know. It's not
always that focused. But that actually gives

765
00:47:30.719 --> 00:47:37.000
me anxiety for britt Taylor Swift's back
out there in her thirties single again,

766
00:47:37.280 --> 00:47:40.119
I mean, you know, I
mean it's the best always. Jennifer Aniston

767
00:47:40.239 --> 00:47:45.119
never got married to the to the
right person, like and I'm not saying

768
00:47:45.119 --> 00:47:46.880
that that's like in something we should
look up to and look for, but

769
00:47:46.960 --> 00:47:52.920
she was the most beautiful woman in
the world for twenty years. She's no

770
00:47:52.039 --> 00:47:58.239
picnic. Potentially, I would imagine
that what goes on behind closed doors between

771
00:47:58.320 --> 00:48:00.239
all of those people, there's always
a reason for it, you know,

772
00:48:00.599 --> 00:48:04.880
and you don't know what's but never
that being said, I think the thing

773
00:48:04.960 --> 00:48:07.280
that you probably can tell the guys
what I think you guys are looking for.

774
00:48:07.519 --> 00:48:12.880
You guys are the collective a part
you want someone who has either done

775
00:48:12.920 --> 00:48:16.599
the work yeah, or is doing
the work at the very least knows that

776
00:48:16.679 --> 00:48:20.760
he has work to do. Any
of them. As men in our twenties

777
00:48:20.800 --> 00:48:24.400
and thirties, we are so used
to not showing any weakness, any vulnerability,

778
00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:29.599
any that we think we have to
never reveal any of our shit that

779
00:48:29.719 --> 00:48:31.440
when we do, you guys are
actually relieved because you're like, oh,

780
00:48:31.519 --> 00:48:35.480
I know there's something there, save
me the trouble of finding it, and

781
00:48:35.639 --> 00:48:37.719
tell me what it is you have
been working on to be better. I

782
00:48:37.800 --> 00:48:42.800
think that goes a long way totally, and I'll support somebody going through that

783
00:48:43.000 --> 00:48:45.159
process as a lot. Like we
had an episode that we were talking about

784
00:48:45.199 --> 00:48:50.199
like dating and like what's your what's
your non negotiables? My number one non

785
00:48:50.280 --> 00:48:54.199
negotiable was somebody who is committed to
working on themselves, because that work never

786
00:48:54.320 --> 00:48:59.559
ends. The therapy is a plus. It can be therapy absolutely if you

787
00:48:59.599 --> 00:49:01.840
don't have. In this day and
age, it's so accessible. There's no

788
00:49:02.000 --> 00:49:05.840
way that you don't have shit that
you're dealing with from your childhood or a

789
00:49:05.880 --> 00:49:07.360
breakup or a girl that broke your
heart when you were in high school or

790
00:49:07.800 --> 00:49:12.199
you know. We talked about this
last time that we were in the studio,

791
00:49:12.239 --> 00:49:16.559
about how men are suffering from like
a severe lack of real friendships with

792
00:49:16.679 --> 00:49:22.239
other men, those things like they
can't process. The girls rally around her

793
00:49:22.360 --> 00:49:24.639
and you'll take her for a weekend, like fuck him, he's an asshole.

794
00:49:24.679 --> 00:49:27.719
Whatever. The men scattered, they're
like, oh, I don't want

795
00:49:27.719 --> 00:49:30.480
to be around him totally. And
it may not even be a relationship.

796
00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:36.000
It may be somebody who just rejected
him at the gym or something that he's

797
00:49:37.000 --> 00:49:40.079
carries this sadness or hatred or anger
around with him and it manifests. It

798
00:49:40.119 --> 00:49:45.840
might come out in marriage and they
bleed all over everybody else at some point.

799
00:49:45.920 --> 00:49:49.519
So commitment to working on yourself in
some form or fashion, I would

800
00:49:49.519 --> 00:49:52.039
say, is an in the list
of non negotiables for both of us.

801
00:49:52.119 --> 00:49:54.440
Yeah, I've dated a lot of
guys that put on a front that they

802
00:49:54.480 --> 00:49:59.079
have nothing wrong, that they were
perfect, and like deep down inside,

803
00:49:59.159 --> 00:50:02.679
like I knew that things that they
were doing or saying to me was a

804
00:50:02.760 --> 00:50:07.559
reflection of how they were feeling.
And it's that goes back to like that

805
00:50:07.719 --> 00:50:12.880
gas lighting and and then it comes
out on to kids. So if you

806
00:50:13.000 --> 00:50:16.000
choose to have kids with an unhealed
or some or somebody who's not even aware

807
00:50:16.119 --> 00:50:19.480
that they have some issues that they
need to work on, even if it's

808
00:50:19.519 --> 00:50:21.639
just with a friend. Like I'm
not saying every guy has to go to

809
00:50:21.719 --> 00:50:23.039
therapy, but like if you're going
to pretend like you don't have ship going

810
00:50:23.119 --> 00:50:24.880
yea, or at least be able
to say, like, listen, I

811
00:50:25.000 --> 00:50:28.000
tend to do this, or I
wish I didn't do this, or I'm

812
00:50:28.119 --> 00:50:31.079
sorry saying I'm sorry people. That's
a huge value too. Yeah, but

813
00:50:31.159 --> 00:50:35.880
that's what you meant by communication,
like being able to actually like express yourself

814
00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:37.679
and like being a good commune express
your feeling. Can you don't get that

815
00:50:37.960 --> 00:50:43.360
with yeah, I feel like to
Yeah. All right, In the interest

816
00:50:43.400 --> 00:50:45.840
of time, this is your first
time on this podcast. We will have

817
00:50:45.920 --> 00:50:47.639
you back again before you get to
the forty end. Thing, I promise

818
00:50:49.239 --> 00:50:52.559
we play something called worst date or
first date, So you either have to

819
00:50:52.639 --> 00:50:58.199
give us the absolute worst date you've
ever been on or the greatest first date

820
00:50:58.239 --> 00:51:00.480
you've ever went on? Your choice? Start with you, Brett. Oh

821
00:51:00.599 --> 00:51:05.119
god, um, that was the
last time you went on a date.

822
00:51:05.400 --> 00:51:07.960
Well, this can go back twenty
years. If you want the worst day

823
00:51:08.000 --> 00:51:12.760
you've ever been on, worst date
or am you can jump in if you

824
00:51:12.800 --> 00:51:15.480
got one in the holster, that's
a great I mean, it's such a

825
00:51:15.599 --> 00:51:21.000
hard question when you've dated so many
people. I'm just kidding. Try let

826
00:51:21.039 --> 00:51:27.960
me go through the rolodex. Hold
on, Um, this is pathetic because

827
00:51:28.039 --> 00:51:29.880
you don't have a bad one,
or you don't have a good one,

828
00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:31.960
or either are either. I guess
I haven't dated. I'm trying to like

829
00:51:32.159 --> 00:51:36.360
really Yeah, next girlfriend of mine
right now is writing her memoir. I

830
00:51:36.440 --> 00:51:38.760
don't think I'm in the book,
which is really insulting both ways, Like

831
00:51:39.000 --> 00:51:44.639
I wasn't an asshole enough or I
wasn't memorable. It's insulting two ways.

832
00:51:44.800 --> 00:51:46.519
Oh god, what was the one
I sent you in the parking lot the

833
00:51:46.599 --> 00:51:52.960
other day? Was it the guy
that lied about his height? No,

834
00:51:52.920 --> 00:52:00.400
that wasn't even a date. Oh
my god, because you laughed immediately and

835
00:52:00.400 --> 00:52:05.239
I'm jumping this is deaf, So
I wouldn't say it's the best state but

836
00:52:05.400 --> 00:52:08.360
it was a really really good one
for me. I went on a date

837
00:52:08.400 --> 00:52:15.559
with a guy. He's a wonderful
guy. It was it I suggested.

838
00:52:15.760 --> 00:52:19.079
So I like to do activities for
the most part, either it's a coffee

839
00:52:19.159 --> 00:52:22.440
date or like I like to do
some type of activity ax throwing exactly like

840
00:52:22.519 --> 00:52:29.039
an axe throwing Europe. So we
went to top Golf and when we got

841
00:52:29.079 --> 00:52:30.800
there, it was like kind of
awkward at first, you know, we

842
00:52:30.880 --> 00:52:32.360
got a couple of drinks, were
like playing a little bit, and he

843
00:52:32.519 --> 00:52:36.840
kind of pulls me aside and he's
like, so you recommended this date.

844
00:52:37.760 --> 00:52:39.280
I thought you were going to be
like good at Top Colf And I was

845
00:52:39.320 --> 00:52:43.119
like, oh no, I am
freaking horrible. The reason why I am

846
00:52:43.199 --> 00:52:45.519
here is because I think it's really
fun and I just wanted to keep trying

847
00:52:45.559 --> 00:52:50.119
to hit valls of the driving range. But we ended up just like having

848
00:52:50.280 --> 00:52:52.679
so much fun with the experience of
just the two of us, and like

849
00:52:53.079 --> 00:52:55.599
I just felt like I got to
know him so well as a person and

850
00:52:55.719 --> 00:52:59.400
like it at you know, he
gave me a really nice kiss good night,

851
00:52:59.440 --> 00:53:01.400
and I laughed, and I just
remember feeling like on cloud nine when

852
00:53:01.440 --> 00:53:06.440
I left, and I felt like
he rolled with the punches a little bit

853
00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:09.360
because I had kind of suggested that
as the date and so he didn't really

854
00:53:09.400 --> 00:53:14.000
have control over that, and he
kind of let me do that part of

855
00:53:14.079 --> 00:53:15.519
the date, like pick where we
were going and what we were going to

856
00:53:15.599 --> 00:53:20.000
do, and he we had so
much fun. It was a fantastic to

857
00:53:20.079 --> 00:53:23.920
do. And I like that doing
something badly bowling, ice skating and karaoke.

858
00:53:24.119 --> 00:53:27.519
If you do them terribly, they're
fun, and if you do them

859
00:53:27.599 --> 00:53:30.320
well, they're fun. Yeah.
Just saying like I'm just gonna miss the

860
00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:35.320
ball at top golf, that's probably
better and less to better at icebreaker than

861
00:53:35.360 --> 00:53:37.679
if you're just hitting three undred yard
drives. Totally so, and it like

862
00:53:37.800 --> 00:53:40.719
it also gave him not meat.
I didn't do it that way to be

863
00:53:40.800 --> 00:53:44.360
like this damsel in mistress, but
he was pretty good and so it gave

864
00:53:44.400 --> 00:53:47.559
him an opportunity exactly here's the show. Yeah, let me come behind you,

865
00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:51.239
let me squeeze from behind you,
let me show you how to know.

866
00:53:51.360 --> 00:53:53.800
But it like it it allowed us
to kind of be ourselves but also

867
00:53:54.000 --> 00:53:58.320
just like explore, like doing this
activity together and it was a freaking awesome

868
00:53:58.440 --> 00:54:01.880
date. So you know who you're
listening. I guess I'm realizing that I

869
00:54:02.000 --> 00:54:05.719
need to come on more dates.
Maybe we can just what about your worst

870
00:54:05.800 --> 00:54:12.199
Yeah, I was in I was
in a relationship from like like ten years.

871
00:54:12.440 --> 00:54:16.159
I can give a story a really
good worst dates. I'm excited.

872
00:54:16.239 --> 00:54:21.000
Okay, okay, this is a
good one. New Year's Eve, m

873
00:54:21.360 --> 00:54:23.920
my sister, we had a big
party up in Toronto and my boyfriend of

874
00:54:24.159 --> 00:54:29.559
like five years came and we had
been on and all for like five years,

875
00:54:29.679 --> 00:54:32.559
and a bunch of my friends were
there, and he ended up getting

876
00:54:32.679 --> 00:54:37.159
mad at me. This is a
very toxic relationship. He ended up getting

877
00:54:37.199 --> 00:54:39.360
mad at me, saying that I
was paying attention to my friends too much

878
00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:45.440
and not enough time to him.
He ended up leaving New Year's Day and

879
00:54:45.639 --> 00:54:50.639
flying to downtown Toronto and spent the
entire he left you, he left me?

880
00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:54.639
Yeah, did you die with him
again? Spending Yeah? Too much

881
00:54:54.679 --> 00:54:59.599
time with my friends. So that's
probably where I'm not dating right now.

882
00:55:00.119 --> 00:55:01.079
Yeah. I was scarred. I
was like, what did I do?

883
00:55:01.119 --> 00:55:08.239
Your friends? Hot? Of course, everybody about your podcast and how they

884
00:55:08.280 --> 00:55:12.360
can find it and anything else you
want to do, so you can follow

885
00:55:12.480 --> 00:55:15.719
us at thirty and on Instagram.
But most importantly, if you want to

886
00:55:15.760 --> 00:55:20.679
listen to us talk more about dating, relationships, life in your thirties,

887
00:55:20.840 --> 00:55:24.119
career moves, all that jazz,
you can listen to us on Apple,

888
00:55:24.199 --> 00:55:29.400
on Spotify, anywhere that you can
get your podcasts rolling. Also, don't

889
00:55:29.440 --> 00:55:32.599
forget to follow Britt on Instagram at
Britt dot h E y n E Brett

890
00:55:32.679 --> 00:55:36.920
hin Um and yeah, that's how
you can get to know us a little

891
00:55:37.000 --> 00:55:43.639
better. Good, don't don't slide
into your m Yeah, don't slide into

892
00:55:43.679 --> 00:55:47.760
Britt's DM and say, don't just
walk up to me at the gym while

893
00:55:47.800 --> 00:55:52.760
she's doing crunches. This was good
you guys. As far as us like,

894
00:55:52.079 --> 00:55:55.519
share, follow, Please review this
podcast and and the thirty End podcast.

895
00:55:55.559 --> 00:56:00.559
Your reviews mean a lot in the
podcasting ecosystem. Shoot us an email

896
00:56:00.639 --> 00:56:01.960
Great Love Debate at gmail dot com. If you've got questions, thoughts,

897
00:56:02.079 --> 00:56:07.920
concerns, or opinions about life in
your thirties or anything else, go to

898
00:56:07.000 --> 00:56:10.639
Great Love Debate dot com. Live
tour schedule. We are going back for

899
00:56:10.719 --> 00:56:15.679
a few more shows, not as
many as we used to good Night's Comedy

900
00:56:15.719 --> 00:56:17.079
Club in Raleigh, North Carolina.
We've never done a show in Rawley,

901
00:56:17.119 --> 00:56:21.719
We're going to do that, and
finally, our first show in six years

902
00:56:21.920 --> 00:56:24.559
in the Valley of the Sun in
Phoenix will be at the Tempe Improv.

903
00:56:24.639 --> 00:56:28.960
Tickets will be on sale at Great
Low Debate dot com probably by the time

904
00:56:28.960 --> 00:56:31.840
you listen to this, because as
always at the Great Love Debate, we

905
00:56:32.199 --> 00:56:40.840
never stopped making love. See you
next time, the Great Love Debate.

906
00:56:42.719 --> 00:56:49.360
It's the Great Love Debate, the
Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.