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If you like softcore History, the
best way to support this podcast is go

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00:00:03,399 --> 00:00:07,960
to patreon dot com slash softcore History. It's five dollars a month for eight

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00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:12,960
extra episodes a month and so much
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00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,239
com slash softcore History. As always, thank you so much for listening.

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This week on Softcore History, we're
talking about a really fun subject, animals

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at war. That's right. We're
getting into all the ways humans have used

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animals in warfare throughout history. And
no we're not talking about cavalry. God,

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I wish we were just talking about
riding horses. A lot of fire

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fires is used liberally throughout this episode
for reasons that actually weirdly tend to be

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effective. Welcome to Softcore History.
What is up? Welcome back to softcore

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History. I am your host for
the week, Rob Fox, joined as

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always by Dan Chester and our special
guest for the week, Jesse Wine Spritz

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are wise man, I mean,
listen by popular demand back right, I'm

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a you know, I'm a friend
of the pod. Now, usually you're

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an autumn girl with us. Yeah, but we got you in the summer,

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got me out in the summer during
spooky season. Yes, get you

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for the Halloween episodes. Yes,
but you enticed me with the All you

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told me is that there might be
killings. Can I go we enticed you

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with Jake's not here anymore? Yes, And I want to say something off

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that just at the top. Give
us your oyster farming take. Let's go

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what I wanted to say, because
he will listen. I think he's still

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listening, Hi, sweetheart, Jake
listened to Jake. Honey. So,

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if you were to ask me,
what's the most disgusting food? Yeah,

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to me, oysters. They do
not get you horny, literally, it

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doesn't. Thinking about it right now, I'm like sweating a little bit.

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It is so disgusting. I like
the taste of snot and sea salt and

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just like anything that you have to
put that much shit on hot sauce,

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hot horse, radish, horse radish. You actually need to like punish your

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mouth and make it, make your
mouth so numb, like you can only

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take it with a head injury.
Yeah, and listen, I know,

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I know it's not a hot take, but my god, disgusting. I

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can't think of anything grosser to do
with your life. And we say good

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luck, right, yeah, we
say god speed. Work in the fields.

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We love them for it every day
with that for the rest of your

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life. This is your life.
This is it. If it goes as

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planned, yes, and we hope
that for you. The other thing I

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wanted to say is I am very
competitive. And the other show of yours

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that is doing better than mine,
well, this is the other one.

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Is my co host on Jesse Wiseman's
Crime Corner already plugging, already plugging,

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already plugging because she's a professional.
Okay, is Coop Matthew Cooper. So

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I think it's interesting. He's got
the most views on YouTube right now on

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our channel US. We upset the
Canadians. We did. We made a

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lot of Canadians very angry by accusing
a war criminal of being a war criminal.

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I'm just committed to buy the book
Warri. I'm not even mad about

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it because you did it to Nazis. But we were like, oh,

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that is a war crime. Yeah, like there's absolutely a war and Canadians

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popped in They're like, you don't
know, fucking my favorite thing. And

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it's especially funny because we work with
a lot of veterans here, and a

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lot of veterans come into the studio. Yes, and no one ever says

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this to my face ever, really, but online, boy if I don't

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even know if these are veterans,
but the amount of people. If you

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say anything about war that someone doesn't
like, the first thing they'll say is,

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look at that fucking shirt. You
don't know anything. It's always the

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shirt that you don't know anything about
fucking war, right, Like I just

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that's just in the Geneva Convent.
I mean, that's just written down and

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we don't we don't claim to know
what it's I mean, listen, you're

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wearing a tight ied shirt. Yeah, do you know what I mean?

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Peace and love, Peace and love. I'm just kidding. I watched I

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watched guncan videos. Yeah, get
a kick out of it. Yeah,

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actually that's funny. We did a
Canadian and episode just talking shit about Canada.

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Did quite well. Yeah. I
think that this guy was like,

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they're fragile people. He was like, yeah, my god, yeah,

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good lord. I think this guy
is like they're like not like a war

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hero, like general war hero like
Washington or Patton or something, but he's

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like a blue collar like enlisted man. Leo, Yeah, Leo major,

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So like Audie Murphy or something,
and they really took that to fun,

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like Pat Tillman, you know what
I mean. Oh, you might as

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well have been about Tillman. Yeah, so i'd said all kinds. I

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mean, it was just like they
want so bad to be America. They

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do everything we do, only a
little bit more annoying, right, and

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and worse. Yeah, and the
names over there. So the episode that

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we did, it was like one
horrible name after horrible name and the worst

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person, yeah person, like what
they're you know what people are named over

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there? Right, your first name, your surname. And the worst of

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them was a lady named Clotilda.
That's not real, not Matilda, not

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you know what I mean, clo
Tilda. It sounds like some sort of

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animal vagina turned like you could see
the dolphins Clotilda, Yes, yeah,

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yeah, because I even think that's
what they're called. I think of Cloaca.

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Sorry, but I mean the most
famous Canadian has the softest name of

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all time. Aubrey. Yes,
okay, the most famous I would argue,

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right, Drake has to be the
most famous Canadian. Yeah the accent.

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I mean, anyways, let's get
into this episode. Yeah, we're

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good, We're well on our way. Yeah, we're we got the banter

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in and I Taylor. We were
saying off Mike before the show, how

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much we turn off potentially thousands listeners? And I have a tweet going viral

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right now, and I put the
link under it so we might get a

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lot of news on one or two
people. Yeah, might click that link.

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One hundred thousand people saw the podcast
link below the one that's going viral,

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and ninety three people have clicked on
the link out of one hundred thousand.

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You shut up. I mean the
batting average there is. He's going

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viral off somebody else's content. He
might as well be the fat Jew.

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Listen, who among us? Right? Do any of us have our own

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content? What do you? At
some point you need to just flush your

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principles down the toilet? Absolutely,
yeah, if you haven't already. So

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this is my history of funny quotes
from movies. We're just gonna quote Anchorman

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throughout the whole thing. Hey,
yeah, throwing a boor at and I'm

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in let's go my wife. Now, all right, let's get into this

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week's episode, Jesse, I did
Taylor us for you. Taylor the Patreon

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episode this week for you. Try
the year is seventy one BC. The

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Romans are laying siege to the legendary
city of Themisira. Of course, our

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Roman expert Jesse Wiseman, Yes,
yes, well known, I'll get there,

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don't worry. Said to be the
legendary home of the Amazons and wonder

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Woman. In reality, it's merely
a city in the Pontic Kingdom and what

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is now modern day Turkey. Rome
wants it for itself. The city's walls,

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however, are daunting, too big
and too difficult to overcome without suffering

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heavy casualties. So the Roman general
Luculus Lucullus whatever now Luculus Yeah, ordered

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huge tunnels to be dug underneath the
walls in order to breach the city's defenses.

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The tunnels were huge, very big, so big that the pont defenders

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were able to get in there themselves, and battles ensued inside the tunnels underground,

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but the fight was growing increasingly hopeless
in the face of Roman mte,

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so desperate to reverse the course of
battle, the pontri the Pontics turned to

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an unlikely ally, Nature, Oh
Nature, did you write all that I

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did? Were you smart? They
released bees into the tunnels. What Okay,

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bees just started chucking bee hives down
the tunnels. Holy shit. The

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only thing I hate worse than oysters
is fucking bees. Dude, you did

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not you said animals. Bees are
not animals. Bees are better than right,

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did you hear? By the way, do you remember how bees were

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growing extinct, about how we were
killing all the bees? They made a

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huge combat. Not only kidding because
it wasn't even have bees made it comeback.

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But you know, we've actually reforced
the earth. We've deforestation is no

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longer an in the myth, no, but like I think last year was

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the first year where we actually reforested
more than deforced, Like we finally were

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in the black, or we were
in the shit we cut down, we

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were in the black. We were
so we were just in the black.

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Yeah. So it's like saying,
like I know, I know, I

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know, But it's like saying,
hey, inflation was only you know,

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like three point four percent, and
it's like that is really good, but

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you're still what has it been for
the past like twenty months? You know

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what I mean? It's like,
Yay, we're getting back in the right

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track, right or it's like your
but your boy Kevin Spacey, like if

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he Rob's Boy did Rob's Boy.
Ellia Confidential is my co favorite movie.

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So I actually do love Kevin Spacey
quite a bit. Of course, not

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as a person, but my god, as an artist, My god,

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artist oh Rob doesn't care for the
movies. No, no, no,

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yah wants to fucking kick it with
him. It's the offset stuff. But

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anyways, it'd be like if he
got a moot movie that paid him thirty

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million, right, right, yeah, now you're zero. Right. So

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bees, they start tossing bees down
the tunnels, but they do more?

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Are we talking like? No,
there's lots of different bees. I don't

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know, just pissed off bees,
pissed off like a with the stinger.

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Yeah, I would hope, because
the plenty of bees that don't have stingers,

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right, the big fat bees.
Yeah, it's not the bumble bees.

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It's bees that'll sting the fuck out
of you. But that's just because

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everybody had an uncle that would capture
the bee, entire string around the bumble

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bee. Everyone had that. I
know how you think your experiences of universal.

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So everyone has had an uncle that
tied a string around a bumblebee and

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walked the bumblebee. I don't even
Oh, you know where you're from.

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Yeah, I've heard that. I
mean clapping for pigeons. Most people I

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know captured fireflies in a jaw and
or in your hands, and you were

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like, I got a firefly?
Yeah once maybe Actually you know it was

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psychotic behaviors. I never did this
because I even thought it was weird back

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then. And I don't really have
a moral compass or anything, but I

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just thought it was like bizarre is
and girls would do this more than boys

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is. They would pull the light
off the firefly and make a little ring

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out of it with the blade of
grass. You guys, I've never you

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never saw that. I never saw
that, or you know where I'm from.

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Don't tell anybody, but like,
no, we didn't have that feels

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extremely on brand for oh you didn't
have fireflies. I feel like that's something

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you would have done as a little
girl, probably probably just like put in

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my hair a little yea girl running
around. Yeah, we did the june

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bugs, and we would tie the
the big june bugs that you would see.

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Okay, so my experience to get
a leash around them in a way.

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I mean, we've all tortured bugs, I think, which bug.

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Is the question is there a danger
of fireflies going extinct? Because it seems

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like there's seems like there's less and
less. I agree, so maybe i'd

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have to look it up. I
don't. We can say yes, why

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not, but like then you got
to think of like what does that benefit

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or hurt? Right, they're kind
of useless. I think other things eat

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them, right, So yeah,
but they God, you think too,

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whatever, those are some bird that
we don't care about. God, get

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rid of the bees and the birds
and the oysters, well, the romans.

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We're just in phase one of the
Pontic attack. Bees were phase one.

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Phase two is all the Pontics or
the Pontic Army, the Pontic defenders

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whatever started releasing Syrian brown bears into
the tunnels. It's quite a nice escalation.

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So first bees, first bees to
get them all in my face,

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and then as they're like getting them
off the face. Then and the Syrian

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brown bear, just so you know, is about the size of a grizzly,

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but it's a brown bear. The
two bears, you don't want to

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fuck with our brown bear. And
then a polar be you really don't want

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to deal with, right, a
polar bear will rip you in half for

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fun. A brown bear will is
likely to fuck you up, but a

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polar bear will just do it.
But don't you feel like if you encounter

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a polar bear, you've really it's
over. But you've also like gone to

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the place you know. Yeah,
you're in a place you're not just like

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hiking in La Yeah. And then
there there was a woman and her not

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very old child who we were just
walking through Anchorage and surprised. Now,

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00:13:31,759 --> 00:13:35,759
don't get me started on Alaska.
Let's go. What if you just want

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to go on a tour of the
Coca Cola factory And yeah, one of

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the Christmas bears pops out, wakes
up, and yeah, that they have

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there is some kind of like fun
attraction. By the way, I guess.

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There's a really funny picture that like
a lot of people think was cute.

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It's from a couple of years ago, and it's a little girl and

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she's facing this like polar bear enclosure
and she's like hands on the glass and

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the polar bears like pause on the
glass and people are like oh, they're

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saying high like no you want Yeah, it's hungry. That little girl's head

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off and drink her blood, just
snarling at her. She's like yeah,

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and like in instances like that,
I go break the glass. If the

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glass breaks, she dies. She
dies. Listen, it could be worse.

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So first bees, yes, and
that's to just then the bears are

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coming. The bears come in these
Roman engineers and it's engineers down there digging

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the tunnel. So they have to
like evact the engineers get the actual soldiers

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in there, or the soldiers who
are in there helping the digging and stuff,

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have to run and find their fucking
swords and shields as the basically grizzly

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bears start coming through the tunnel to
fuck them up. How is the communication

205
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between the bears and the bees.
Um. I think the bears just for

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they followed the humming of the bees. It's a it is a symbiotic relationship.

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I think they thought there was honey
at the other end, and then

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they were like, oh, well
there's no honey, but there's meat.

209
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And so this is to kill the
Romans, to drive him out of the

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tunnel because the walls, the walls
of the city are too big to preach.

211
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:20,840
The walls of the city are it's
trying to scale the walls. So

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they're going under. They're trying to
go under because these are massive tunnels.

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00:15:24,279 --> 00:15:28,679
These are huge tunnels. These are
like subway tunnels. And how long did

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00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,120
that take? A while? I
mean it's a siege, like yeers aren't

215
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,120
no, but like a good amount
of time. I guess you have nothing

216
00:15:35,159 --> 00:15:39,320
but time. And then you have
like forty thousand men and nothing but time.

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00:15:39,759 --> 00:15:43,799
Yes, you're going to do the
things you can do with time and

218
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,159
people who have to do it.
Yes, And like, it's not like

219
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:52,639
you're really getting that much sex,
right are they? I mean they're all

220
00:15:52,679 --> 00:15:54,279
with each other? Yeah, well
are they? Well here's the other thing

221
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:58,480
too, Well, maybe they're banging
each other, so maybe the brown bears

222
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,799
too. But here's the thing too, is sex on the other side of

223
00:16:00,799 --> 00:16:04,600
those walls. Okay, now,
by the way they would they'll stop at

224
00:16:04,639 --> 00:16:11,080
nothing. Yeah, literally, pussy
and fortune right on the other side of

225
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,360
the walls. So what's a bear
and some bees and and what else?

226
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,039
I mean, my gosh, Well, the bears are released into the tunnel

227
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:21,399
and the Roman soldiers i mean just
murdered this shit out of them, and

228
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,720
they won the battle and took the
city, and then the bear attack didn't

229
00:16:23,759 --> 00:16:32,039
work because Rome is just unstoppable.
They were just like ooh punching the bees.

230
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:37,600
Yeah, and the bear shields so
were the bees. They probably had

231
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,919
to run out and just started or
like grab torches and were just smoke smoke,

232
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,440
smoke. Then the bears come in
and you're like, oh, Jesus

233
00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:47,200
Christ, I'm sure a couple guys
got murked, you know, throats ripped

234
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,399
out, but they go in formation. The bear doesn't know what to do.

235
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,679
You march forward, stab, stab, stab. It's not as good

236
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,679
of an idea. He's as you
think. But I read about the siege

237
00:16:56,720 --> 00:17:03,319
the the the siege of Thimisera,
and I thought, wow, I wonder

238
00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:08,200
we've other used animals in other fucked
up ways in warfare. Let's go and

239
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:14,079
this is the story of all the
worst ways I could find that we have

240
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:18,000
used animals in warfare. I'm not
talking about riding horses into battle, no,

241
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,920
No, like using them as weapons. Yes. Can I give an

242
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:29,839
honorable mention that you probably skipped okay, the bear that the Polish military did

243
00:17:29,839 --> 00:17:32,880
skip the Polish bear, well check
in World War two, they essentially tortured

244
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:37,000
that bear. Yeah, well that
bear had it pretty easy compared to the

245
00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:41,440
animals we're going to talk about today. Good, good, this this this

246
00:17:41,599 --> 00:17:47,440
is a just list of I just
wanted to make sure you weren't just kind

247
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,759
of mailing it in. No.
No, this is a list of crimes

248
00:17:51,759 --> 00:17:56,440
against nature by human being right,
crimes against nature using nature? Yeah,

249
00:17:56,559 --> 00:18:03,680
I mean it is just it greatious
what we have done to animals in the

250
00:18:03,759 --> 00:18:07,400
name of warfare. Yeah. But
because here's here's the deal, though,

251
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,839
I'll say, off off the bat, yep. I think the first episode

252
00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:15,720
is a little buzzed and then Patreon
is wasted? Am I right or wrong?

253
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,440
Dan can tell you that is exactly
my favorite episode. Now if I

254
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:25,079
could beat that one, I will
be very happy. I know you.

255
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:30,480
Shots of peanut butter whiskey not my
first choice, my top ten, nobody,

256
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:36,599
top thousand. By the way,
people stop making peanut butter flavored.

257
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,960
Nobody wants liquor. By the way, you know who wants peanut butter flavored

258
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:45,160
liquor? Children? No adult,
No one outside of college. It even

259
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,920
actually blows my mind. I don't
want flavored liquor in general, just like

260
00:18:48,079 --> 00:18:52,119
vodka, days like vodka, whiskey, days like whiskey tequila tequila. I

261
00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:56,240
agree, I agree. I'll mix
in what I want. Let me flavor

262
00:18:56,279 --> 00:18:57,440
it if I want to. Yeah, I'm trying to think there's any The

263
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:03,359
only thing I'll go with on that
is if you put some sort of herb

264
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:06,920
or spice in the liquor. Okay, yeah, yea, yeah, if

265
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,920
you drop like a hob and arrow
in a tequila bottle or some sort of

266
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,160
like I'm into that, not basil. What are you put in, like

267
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,279
voga, like tyme or something like
that, Yeah, like a rosemary or

268
00:19:15,559 --> 00:19:19,960
yeah, yeah, I'm into that. Yes, fruit, get get out

269
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,160
of here. Get out of here. It just gets disgusting and makes pulp

270
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:27,920
basically in my liquor. What I
want to say about animals is, I

271
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:33,079
think in these times that you're talking, hopefully they're soft core times back in

272
00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:40,839
the day where like we had a
healthy relationship with what animals are, and

273
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:45,480
only recently you you stop, only
recently have we been like oh right,

274
00:19:47,039 --> 00:19:53,200
this gets pretty recent. Really certain
animals were worshiped, like cats, cats,

275
00:19:53,279 --> 00:20:00,440
cows, okay to where you like
they were treat treated the Egyptians would

276
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:07,880
like, how we will get into
some Egyptian cat stuff today there several cat

277
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,960
things. Actually like using the bears
and the bees to them. It was

278
00:20:11,039 --> 00:20:15,039
like, yeah, these bears,
these aren't people. They don't we these

279
00:20:15,079 --> 00:20:18,000
are weapons. Yes, if we
can use them as weapons, we do.

280
00:20:18,039 --> 00:20:25,440
We're not going to like domesticate them
or yeah they're not our best friend.

281
00:20:26,279 --> 00:20:30,759
Well, funny you mentioned dogs.
Let's start with dogs. Now,

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00:20:30,839 --> 00:20:38,680
this happened a long time ago in
World War two. Oh so, living

283
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:45,000
memory, we strap some explosives to
dogs and make them suicide bombers. We

284
00:20:45,039 --> 00:20:47,559
literally did. Yes, by we, I do mean the Soviets. We're

285
00:20:47,559 --> 00:20:52,759
talking about anti tank dogs. No, these are suicide bomber dogs that the

286
00:20:52,799 --> 00:20:57,359
Russians made. Okay, so and
they had bombs or explosives strapped to them.

287
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:02,319
Yeah, so the dogs uh or
they would sniff out. So what

288
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:07,119
would happen is Operation Barbarossa. The
German invasion of the Soviet Union in nineteen

289
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,359
forty one completely caught the Russians off
guard. They were not prepared to fight

290
00:21:11,559 --> 00:21:15,559
the Germans. They never are,
they never are. There's this dog shit

291
00:21:15,599 --> 00:21:18,000
country. They were not prepared to
fight the Germans. So they had a

292
00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:23,480
very much like we gotta throw whatever
the fuck we get, just like the

293
00:21:23,519 --> 00:21:27,319
Pontics in the tunnel. We gotta
throw whatever the fuck we can throw at

294
00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:33,079
these people. Yes, there is
every all hands on deck, we got

295
00:21:33,079 --> 00:21:37,640
improvise. Yeah, so this included
dogs, right. The German panzer divisions,

296
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:42,079
the German tank divisions just steamrolling over
the Soviet Union, I mean,

297
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:48,400
like stunningly. So. Originally the
Soviets were like, okay, we'll use

298
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:52,720
dogs to help while we would do
whatever, train people whatever. And they

299
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:57,240
were going to train the dogs to
run up to the tanks the German tanks,

300
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:03,359
place bombs on them, and then
run away to safety. Yeah,

301
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:07,519
fucking right, happy ending they were
ever gonna do that like air Bud meets

302
00:22:07,559 --> 00:22:11,039
Saving Private Rye. Right, it's
a heroic story. And then we'd be

303
00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:15,079
watching like a movie with Mark Wahlberg
about the heroic dogs. Yeah today,

304
00:22:15,319 --> 00:22:18,200
Yes, well that's the pr story
you have to tell the public. No

305
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:22,720
kidding. They were never gonna do
that, or they tried, right,

306
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:26,640
and tried, it did not It
did not work. The dogs didn't even

307
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,559
make it out of training for that. Couldn't fucking do it. So they

308
00:22:30,559 --> 00:22:33,119
were like, well, it just
marked a bunch of dogs. I guess

309
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:37,440
where they could have They could have
trained some you know, some kids,

310
00:22:37,559 --> 00:22:41,319
peasants, children, Yeah, and
I'm children were they did, I'm sure

311
00:22:41,519 --> 00:22:47,680
that happened. Yeah, So they
with the puppies, with the puppies suicide

312
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:48,200
bombers, is like to call them. They were like, all right,

313
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,799
all right, well, I guess
we're just gonna have to make them little

314
00:22:51,839 --> 00:22:56,759
furry bombs. So they just strapped
suicide vests to them, and there was

315
00:22:56,799 --> 00:23:00,319
a small lever at the top of
the vest, so when the dog would

316
00:23:00,319 --> 00:23:03,519
dive under the tank, the lever
would hit the top of the tank,

317
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:08,400
you know, hopefully not a bush
or something before that, and boom,

318
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:14,839
dog explodes under the tank, tank
explodes. Hooray. We killed some Nazis

319
00:23:14,839 --> 00:23:18,359
and all it cost was one to
three dogs, depending on how many times

320
00:23:18,599 --> 00:23:22,279
the dog got machine gunned down before
it made it to the tank in the

321
00:23:22,279 --> 00:23:27,519
first place. There's no video that
right, not to my knowledge. I

322
00:23:27,559 --> 00:23:30,720
didn't look it up. How funny, just a black and white video.

323
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,039
Yeah, and not funny and not
funny. I didn't mean funny. I

324
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:41,039
just it's so insane it would be
funny, right, Yeah, somethings are

325
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:45,799
so horrible there the dog lover right, biggest one on the podcast biguest one

326
00:23:45,839 --> 00:23:48,000
on the podcast, he's all he
yells at me, He's like, don't

327
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:52,200
shoot me your toe dog, Like, I'll show him like a fucking guy

328
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,119
getting his head sowed off. No, he literally brought one in. He's

329
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:59,079
like, I ran this dog over
today. We brought it in and then

330
00:23:59,079 --> 00:24:00,039
he would go to the back of
his car and just be like, hey,

331
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:03,720
look at this carcass. No you
didn't, did you. Well,

332
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:07,440
I had to show somebody to get
off. He was traumatized. Yeah,

333
00:24:07,599 --> 00:24:11,279
he wasn't. He wanted to make
you an accessory I was breaking. Yeah,

334
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:17,039
he was collecting it like a trophy. Yeah. Uh. But so

335
00:24:17,079 --> 00:24:18,240
the Russians were like, all right, that's what we're gonna have to do.

336
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:26,799
We're gonna have to just make them
suicide bombers. Russian propaganda claimed that

337
00:24:27,319 --> 00:24:33,640
these dogs destroyed three hundred German tanks
this way, which if that was true,

338
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,240
probably means that at least twice that
many dogs did, because obviously the

339
00:24:37,279 --> 00:24:41,599
Germans get wise and like, oh
a dog, Yeah, what what was

340
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:45,039
the dog? You know, there's
a lot of places now, like last

341
00:24:45,039 --> 00:24:48,119
time was in Costa Rica where it's
just like, I mean stray dogs.

342
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:52,400
It was fine, Like what what
I mean? Were they you know,

343
00:24:52,519 --> 00:24:56,039
employing kind of a stray dog was
gonna Okay, I doubt it because you

344
00:24:56,039 --> 00:24:59,880
have to train them, so they
were breeding them probably. You have to

345
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:06,400
imagine that these are like police dogs
in situation Belgian Mala noir German shepherd.

346
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,519
I run it because they have plenty
of strade dogs to spare, right,

347
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,359
I mean the Sochi Olympics they had
a yeah, but they can't like them.

348
00:25:12,839 --> 00:25:18,799
You can grab a feral adult dog
and start training it to destroy a

349
00:25:18,839 --> 00:25:22,799
tank, I imagine. So you
have to have a pure bread from a

350
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:26,440
puppy, no one and loving it, right, send that one out?

351
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:33,920
Yes, okay, the goodest boys, all the boys. Yeah, so

352
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:38,119
if that's true, that means I
would say two to three x that many

353
00:25:38,759 --> 00:25:45,119
uh probably died on the battlefield,
however the program believe it or not,

354
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:52,240
maybe maybe ten x. Yeah,
like maybe three thousand dogs had to be

355
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:57,359
because like I mean, they're running
into just like just metal hot metal flying

356
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:02,640
everywhere. As soon as the first
tank gets blown up by a dog,

357
00:26:02,759 --> 00:26:04,680
everyone gets on the radio and it's
like, oh dude, they're using dogs,

358
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,200
so watch out for dogs. Just
shoot all your dog dogs, even

359
00:26:08,279 --> 00:26:11,720
if you don't, I mean,
even on the street, any dog,

360
00:26:11,759 --> 00:26:15,359
you know, shoot them all.
Yeah, whether or not that's true,

361
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,599
the majority of the program did prove
to be a failure. Believe it or

362
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:26,119
not. The dogs were trained on
Soviet tanks in training, but Soviet tanks

363
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:30,720
ran on diesel fuel and German tanks
ran on gasoline, so during deployment,

364
00:26:30,759 --> 00:26:36,640
the dogs had a habit of just
running towards so tanks and blowing them up

365
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:45,200
friendly fire. To that story,
huh fuck you So no, the dog's

366
00:26:45,319 --> 00:26:49,400
new. Oh you're going to kill
myself. I'd rather take you out.

367
00:26:49,799 --> 00:26:57,920
Seeing as the program backfired a bit, it was ultimately ended in nineteen ninety

368
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:03,480
six. Yep, shut the fuck
uh my whole theory. You're like,

369
00:27:03,599 --> 00:27:07,319
oh, let me just debunk everything
that you said in the beginning, because

370
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,839
difference like this is like bet you
know, Roman times, they don't care

371
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:17,720
about We're spanning ninety six Cuban history. Yeah, Gorbachev could take down that

372
00:27:17,839 --> 00:27:19,039
wall, but he couldn't take down
this program. And by the way,

373
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:23,599
I'm in the place of my life
where ninety six feels like ten years ago.

374
00:27:25,039 --> 00:27:26,079
Oh yeah, do you know what
I mean? We're like oh,

375
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:30,599
ninety That wasn't thirty years ago.
Yeah, so to me that seems very

376
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:37,319
recent, which it is. Nineteen
ninety six is what twenty eight years ago?

377
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,480
I was five whatever? Yeah,
but I memory it was, I

378
00:27:41,559 --> 00:27:45,359
had memories of it. What's the
most recent case that you guys will like

379
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,759
do oh for the show? Yeah? Dan says, we don't have a

380
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:53,359
rule. I like and have a
loose twenty year rule. Okay, so

381
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:59,119
we can cover nine to eleven now
and the invasion of Iraq and have you

382
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:06,119
not yet? Okaye? Like it's
been done a couple of times. Yeah,

383
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,960
but maybe you've got a different take. You know, Helen Keller was

384
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:12,119
responsible for nine to eleven. Helen
Kellor is indirectly responsible for many deaths on

385
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:18,319
nine eleven. I mean, I
can't exactly right. I can't prove you

386
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,640
wrong, debate me, debate me. Because she was such a big fat

387
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,720
liar. It was just like,
what else is she capable of? Yeah?

388
00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:30,160
Yeah, yeah, she flew a
plane. Although we just did an

389
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,680
episode on the Patreon about UDEI Hussein. Oh wait didn't she? Uh?

390
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,839
That was kind of recent Ude Hussein, but he was killed also in our

391
00:28:37,839 --> 00:28:41,000
twenty year Windows two thousand and three. Yeah, so he's good. The

392
00:28:41,119 --> 00:28:45,440
fine. I like that though,
because it's long enough that we can like,

393
00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:48,480
look, you guys can look at
Yeah, what's happening now. I

394
00:28:48,519 --> 00:28:52,400
don't give it time to breathe.
I prefer to go deep. But it

395
00:28:52,559 --> 00:28:55,480
is fun to do something from living
memory. I mean, I would love

396
00:28:55,519 --> 00:28:57,279
to just give a play by play. I've said this before on the show

397
00:28:57,359 --> 00:29:03,079
and other places, like there's nothing
more. I've never felt more American and

398
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,359
more dystopian in my life than when
we invaded Iraq, because I was in

399
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,640
high school and I was homesick that
that whole week, and I was just

400
00:29:08,799 --> 00:29:18,079
flipping just between my country's army invading
country half a world literally half a world

401
00:29:18,119 --> 00:29:22,240
way. And when that got boring, I would turn on college basketball games

402
00:29:22,279 --> 00:29:26,240
because it was the conference tournaments in
March or whatever. So I was just

403
00:29:26,359 --> 00:29:29,839
like, oh, I'm gonna check
the Big Ten tournament. We're not killing

404
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:33,680
enough. Iraqis right enough today?
Right? Yeah? But that's I mean,

405
00:29:33,119 --> 00:29:37,519
that's what it does. That's uh, what what is this line from

406
00:29:37,599 --> 00:29:41,720
this that's power you can't buy?
Look at Twitter. Now we can watch

407
00:29:41,799 --> 00:29:45,960
the Ukrainian War. Oh yeah,
no, Now it's I get fed videos

408
00:29:45,039 --> 00:29:51,759
of just drones dropping bombs on Russians. That just you though, because I

409
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,200
don't get that. I didn't ask, Yeah I did, you guys do

410
00:29:55,359 --> 00:29:56,799
Yeah, I did ask for it. I like the footage. I think

411
00:29:56,839 --> 00:30:03,240
it's interesting. It does get redundant
a little kid, you know, there's

412
00:30:03,279 --> 00:30:07,440
that. But there's a fund up
video the other day of Ukrainian soldier on

413
00:30:07,599 --> 00:30:14,519
FaceTime with the Russian, the dead
Russian's girlfriend saying I killed your your boyfriend.

414
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,240
That's a real video. Yeah,
I just shut that out him.

415
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:22,920
I that's fucked up. That's not
happened. That's not good. Book of

416
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:27,440
Mormon. Turn it off like a
light switch, you guys know, I

417
00:30:27,599 --> 00:30:32,160
mean, listen, I know it's
not interesting, but my little brain can't.

418
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,640
It shuts off at a certain I
can get a couple of stories in

419
00:30:34,839 --> 00:30:38,480
like of that, like that,
and then it just shuts down. Battery

420
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,359
and I'm just like, that's too
much. All right, let's talk about

421
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,400
the next. Please animal here,
one of the most terrifying weapons of the

422
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:53,000
ancient world. It was another animal. Okay, but are you also going

423
00:30:53,079 --> 00:30:57,279
to cover the dolphins? No,
No, dolphins today too predictable. It

424
00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,799
was us that used the dolphins.
I think we have both. We both

425
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:06,559
use dolphins. We had suicide dolphins. Gosh, they're so smart. Mm

426
00:31:06,599 --> 00:31:08,200
hmm, that smart, and we
blew them up. Why don't they just

427
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,400
speak English? You know what I'm
saying. At this point, we're very

428
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:17,720
close to deciphering whale language. Yeah, yeah, it's insane. Well,

429
00:31:17,759 --> 00:31:21,559
the whales are kind of fighting back
the York No they're not even they're just

430
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:25,240
punk kids. Yeah, No,
they're fighting back. There's what I really

431
00:31:25,559 --> 00:31:29,480
liked. I like, I stopped
at that theory because I was just like,

432
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,880
that's it. No, killer whales
are getting together and taking out the

433
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:37,480
rich, not only the rich,
like we have videos of them, like

434
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:41,480
with little dinghies and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, literally, I'm telling you

435
00:31:41,599 --> 00:31:45,920
they kind of came across Karl Marx
and now they're like eat the rich.

436
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,720
Although, to be fair to a
whale, all humans are the one percent,

437
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,880
right, It's so true, like
we're all killing yeah uh no.

438
00:31:52,119 --> 00:31:57,440
Now. One of the most terrifying
weapons of the ancient world was the war

439
00:31:57,519 --> 00:32:06,240
elephant annimal. When deployed properly aka
not marched a crowd across a wintery mountain,

440
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,000
the Alps, like the alps.
It's tough scene. These things could

441
00:32:09,119 --> 00:32:13,079
fuck you up. If you ever
played Rome Total War Rage of Empires,

442
00:32:13,519 --> 00:32:15,200
war Elephant, don't want to see
it. It'll fuck your ship out.

443
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:19,720
It was an easy solution to that, though, and it's a trumpet.

444
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,799
No, I got a better solution. And that's what we're going to talk

445
00:32:22,839 --> 00:32:25,799
about. We're not talking about war
elephants. We're talking about the number one

446
00:32:27,079 --> 00:32:31,160
way to kill war elephants. Number
one that is with or not to kill

447
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:37,440
war elephants, but to neutralize them. Should say that is war pigs.

448
00:32:38,559 --> 00:32:44,480
Now we're fucking talking right, Yeah, great song. Elephants are afraid of

449
00:32:44,559 --> 00:32:49,960
pigs. We'll get there. If
war pigs, well, that's the thing.

450
00:32:50,039 --> 00:32:52,759
So elephants, that's sort of their
elephants thing is like the start of

451
00:32:52,759 --> 00:32:54,920
stereotype about it. Rise I was
like, Oh, it's so funny that

452
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:59,079
that's such a big thing is scared
of such a small thing. But one

453
00:32:59,079 --> 00:33:01,160
thing you have to remember is that
elephants are hyper intelligent. We might have

454
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:05,720
just found out that elephants name each
other. We know elephants give each other

455
00:33:05,839 --> 00:33:09,759
funerals. Mm hmm do you know
that? No, Yeah, elephants have

456
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:16,519
funerals where they like all gather around
or they're do okay, they all gather

457
00:33:16,599 --> 00:33:21,839
around, and do they pick up
their power from them? Yeah? I

458
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,200
don't know, but they do have
funerals. That's fucking nuts. Yeah.

459
00:33:24,319 --> 00:33:30,640
They are hyper intelligent like with that
kind of those like seeing those kind of

460
00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:36,720
things, like an elephant being not
tortured but like in captivity for some reasons

461
00:33:36,799 --> 00:33:42,359
like more me than like yeah,
just because I do know that they're smart

462
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:46,680
enough to be sad balancing on a
beach ball. You know who else is

463
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:52,400
smart enough to know they're in captivity
and stuff like that. Monkeys, Pigs,

464
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:57,079
pigs are smart, yeah, but
they're delicious. Pigs are really fucking

465
00:33:57,119 --> 00:34:00,400
smarty pigs. So I someone told
me this one. That's when I was

466
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,319
at the Saint Louis Zoo, Like
a zoo keeper told me. I was

467
00:34:02,359 --> 00:34:07,119
looking at some it was a wild
pig, but it was in a cage

468
00:34:07,119 --> 00:34:09,239
at the zoo, like in a
not a like bar prison cage, but

469
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:15,400
like in its little habit zoo and
uh, it was just going walking in

470
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,639
this pattern and you could see it
and worn it out and I was like,

471
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:21,280
oh, what's it's What is it
doing? Is it like checking it's

472
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:23,920
uh perimeter for you know, cause
it's like, oh, this is where

473
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:27,920
I live. And they're like,
oh no. When pigs are in captivity

474
00:34:28,079 --> 00:34:31,960
like this for a while, they
just go insane. Oh god, because

475
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,639
they have a mind smart enough to
go. They know they're alive. They

476
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:37,519
know they're alive, you know what
I mean. We're like a lot of

477
00:34:37,559 --> 00:34:39,559
animals are like I'm alive, I'm
fine. Yeah, they know they're alive.

478
00:34:39,599 --> 00:34:45,719
They're self aware. Oh geez,
there you were is to become given

479
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,760
money. Yeah, I was like, oh, so we're looking at a

480
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:53,280
crazy pig. I think I've been
to one zoo, go to zoos a

481
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:58,440
lot. Does a crazy pig make
it more tasty? Is? What?

482
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,039
Does it make it tastier? No? Actually, uh, you know,

483
00:35:02,159 --> 00:35:06,320
we typically kill them before they go
crazy because all the bacon and stuff you

484
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,360
eat that it's a one year old
pig. Yeah, young pig. Yeah.

485
00:35:08,519 --> 00:35:13,960
Yeah, you don't want them like
you know, they get really yeah,

486
00:35:14,599 --> 00:35:17,079
you gotta get it fresh. When
they become feral hogs. Oh,

487
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:22,079
hog meats apparently disgusting, like male
hog meat especially, it's like full of

488
00:35:22,199 --> 00:35:28,559
adrenaline and testosterone and ship like that. It's supposedly foul. Have you been

489
00:35:28,599 --> 00:35:30,480
to the Austin Zoo. No,
they have. It's not worth going.

490
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:35,639
My kids love it, but they
have they have two like hogs. They're

491
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:39,519
like the type that Jared shoots out
of a helicopter and they are foul animals

492
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,760
well left too long in a you
know, fake environment. Yeah, I

493
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:47,760
think even if they were out in
the world like they're just they don't clean

494
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:53,400
themselves and rolls, they stink.
Yeah, they'll charge you. Yeah,

495
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:58,840
I'm afraid of pigs for sure.
So pigs are really smart and sadly we

496
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,639
are talking about pigs and not.
I like to think that war pig would

497
00:36:01,639 --> 00:36:07,079
be a great term for like a
what Marines called prostitutes in Afghanistan or something

498
00:36:07,159 --> 00:36:09,719
like that. I think that's probably
already in the words like it's like a

499
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,800
lot lizard. But it's yeah,
I think they probably are. That's not

500
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,360
an original thought of yours. It's
you don't think are a real thing at

501
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:21,599
least people we know. You know
they've said that at least once, right,

502
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:27,440
But these war pigs, they were
used essentially to freak out the elephants.

503
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,760
Like you said, they're afraid of
mice. Well, the elephants get

504
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,320
a Elephants can be trained, and
they were really effective combat tools, but

505
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:37,800
there were certain things that frightened them
because they can't see them in front of

506
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:43,320
them, and the squealing like your
trumpet situation, the squealing helps a lot

507
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,440
too. So when you release a
bunch of pigs into the middle of active

508
00:36:46,559 --> 00:36:52,599
combat, right, uh, these
highly intelligent animals start screaming in terror.

509
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:58,800
And that noise, by the way, and that noise, yeah, I

510
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:02,400
mean oysters and that nice and that
noise, I mean, get it away

511
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:07,440
from me. They launching pigs with
trebuchetes, no, because you need them

512
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:14,840
alive. Yeah, but they're still
a lot. It's just like freaking out

513
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,760
right, They like don't even know
where to go. Yeah yeah, yeah,

514
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:21,199
which is scary in itself, like
an animal that is freaking out and

515
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,840
doesn't know where to go, and
we'll do whatever. Yeah, yep,

516
00:37:24,039 --> 00:37:29,719
here we fucking go. So this
freaks the elephants out and they turn around

517
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,880
and they start crushing their own troops
and running away, and pretty soon all

518
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:37,800
the pigs and the elephant and the
people are dead and everything works out for

519
00:37:37,559 --> 00:37:47,239
the side that released the pigs.
But sometimes guys a scared pig isn't enough.

520
00:37:49,159 --> 00:37:52,480
A pig can't simply be afraid.
Yeah, and then like beat the

521
00:37:52,679 --> 00:37:59,880
side. Sometimes you have to take
that pig that is self aware and knows

522
00:38:00,079 --> 00:38:04,760
it's alive and is aware of its
existence. Did they torture the pigs?

523
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,639
And you have to grease it up
and light it on fire and then send

524
00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:15,519
it running into the enemy ricks.
You guys, it'll smell good, best

525
00:38:15,559 --> 00:38:22,079
smelling dude, no kidding, Going
first, crispy crack, you guys.

526
00:38:22,199 --> 00:38:24,000
Everyone else smells like shit. First, it goes p First, it goes

527
00:38:24,039 --> 00:38:28,079
pork rhynd. Then it goes to
bacon. I mean, there's no downside.

528
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,800
Then it goes to pull pork.
Mm hmm. There's never gonna be

529
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:35,719
a bad smell in this, No, no that, except for the dead

530
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:40,079
people. Everyone's shitting their pants as
the elephants stump on their skulls. See.

531
00:38:40,159 --> 00:38:44,920
Now here's another thing I love the
comedy. To me, comedy is

532
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:50,199
like chaos like this. I don't
care what it is like. A part

533
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,760
of this was funny if you just
saw a snippet of what was going on,

534
00:38:53,199 --> 00:39:00,639
like the cacophony of just whatever was
going on. We're already you be

535
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:04,199
like, I say this several tizers. But you're already a troop in this

536
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,400
ancient army, and you're scared,
and you're using pigs against elephants and it's

537
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:14,639
already ridiculous, right, So to
have that happen and then descending in the

538
00:39:15,559 --> 00:39:19,199
flaming pig, I mean, my
god, it's just mass chaos. So

539
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,199
yeah, it's hilarious. It really
is. Should be on like the office

540
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:27,559
or something, just throw one snippet
of Yeah. So these pigs as they

541
00:39:27,639 --> 00:39:31,239
screamed in horrifying pain, either begging
to be killed or begging to be helped.

542
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:35,239
Who knows. Uh. These so
this scared the shit out of the

543
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,280
elephants. They would nope, the
fuck out of there, they would.

544
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,039
They would panic and start stomping on
their own troops. Yeah. These were

545
00:39:40,119 --> 00:39:44,239
used by Alexander the Great, by
the Romans. I mean, they were

546
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:49,039
used by anyone who encountered elephants basically, uh, in fact antagonists the second

547
00:39:49,639 --> 00:39:52,119
Uh when he was in a battle
against someone I can't pronounce. Yeah,

548
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,760
douse some pigs and crude oil and
resins, set them alight, drove them

549
00:39:55,800 --> 00:40:02,760
towards the enemy's masked war elephants boom
victory. So did it put war elephants

550
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,360
out of commission? No, we
use them for a long time, okay,

551
00:40:06,559 --> 00:40:08,599
along until like ninety eight or something
like that. Yeah, yeah,

552
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:13,840
yeah, all the way up till
two thousand. Yeah. Uh there was

553
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:17,400
actually a Saddam Hussein had an elephant
battalion. Uh, holy fun, I'm

554
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:22,199
kidding. Oh I believe it.
Yeah, that did not surprise me at

555
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:22,760
all. I was like, oh, yeah, of course, do you

556
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:27,119
imagine just one Abrams tank rolls up
to a war elephant. But yeah,

557
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,639
do we have to do this?
Yeah, like I don't know, man,

558
00:40:29,679 --> 00:40:34,119
they have guns. Yeah, I
did see later pictures of Uh.

559
00:40:34,519 --> 00:40:37,400
I didn't include this because I didn't
want to do war elephants because that's kind

560
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:39,719
of like doing cavalry, sure or
whatever. But there was a picture of

561
00:40:40,199 --> 00:40:44,920
from clearly from World War One,
maybe World War two, of a guy

562
00:40:45,559 --> 00:40:51,000
just with a Vickers machine gun mounted
on an elephant, which is like,

563
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,400
seems like a great idea until you
realize that everyone else has guns and they're

564
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:58,679
just gonna put a hundred rounds into
the elephant big target. Yeah exactly.

565
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,559
It's the real big talk to make
yourself you could be you know, yeah,

566
00:41:01,639 --> 00:41:09,559
but behind something, but make yourself
a huge scared Yeah, target next

567
00:41:09,599 --> 00:41:15,679
step. This one's a little more
fun unless you encountered it a little more

568
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:20,920
fun. Okay, Yeah, we're
talking about the lion of Ramses, the

569
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:25,559
second some animals had fun in combat. Yeah, like a lion, right,

570
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:30,239
Yes, female line, Well,
there's multiple lines, but the one

571
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:34,800
I'm speaking of specifically, I believe
it was a male line. Ramsey's a

572
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:38,320
second of egypt Pharaoh that I believe. We talked about who beat the sea

573
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:43,840
peoples in that battle in the Nile
with this crazy strategy of hey, surround

574
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,760
them from the top of the mountains
and shoot arrows at them. Yeah,

575
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:51,440
yeah, that's weird. He beat
the The sea peoples were like ancient world

576
00:41:51,519 --> 00:41:54,880
vikings who like ran over everything.
This was the one guy who essentially stopped

577
00:41:55,639 --> 00:41:59,679
They fucked up everyone. They got
to Egypt, and they fucked up Egypt

578
00:41:59,679 --> 00:42:01,800
a little, and then Egypt finally
stopped them. So this was this guy.

579
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:06,639
Okay, he's he's good. He's
good at war. Yeah, okay,

580
00:42:06,639 --> 00:42:08,719
it's common sense. Yeah, yeah, he just thinks outside the box,

581
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:13,280
and he by stopping them. The
rest of the world known world at

582
00:42:13,280 --> 00:42:16,360
that time basically had fallen into an
economic like depression because they destroyed all the

583
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:22,559
infrastructure, but Egypt stayed relatively okay
compared to that pretty good leader. Yeah,

584
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,800
he had a pet lion. He
had actually had a lot of pet

585
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:30,559
cats. They all roamed his palace, so workplace accidents through the fucking roof.

586
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:32,400
Sure. And by the way,
when I say pet cats, I

587
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:38,960
mean like big cat safari fucking cats, cheetahs, jungle lions, just roaming

588
00:42:39,079 --> 00:42:43,599
the fucking halls. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you mentioned someone having

589
00:42:43,679 --> 00:42:46,760
cats unless they're like that, it's
notable. Yeah. Otherwise it's like I

590
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:50,800
don't want to hear about it,
right, right, unless it's something like

591
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,599
that. Yeah, so I had
to assume a lot of uh staff,

592
00:42:54,519 --> 00:42:59,480
Oh yeah, had issues. Oh
yeah, anyone that needed to like clean

593
00:42:59,559 --> 00:43:01,559
them or you or anything like that. We're getting killed. I thought you're

594
00:43:01,559 --> 00:43:06,119
gonna be like they had staph infections
that too, probably, Oh I'm sure.

595
00:43:06,199 --> 00:43:09,679
I mean listen, when you have
animals roaming through your house, not

596
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:14,480
dogs. I'm just saying, like, weird, like a foul you know

597
00:43:15,159 --> 00:43:17,480
you're gonna get sick. That's a
great comeback to your butler who's like complaining

598
00:43:19,079 --> 00:43:22,320
you know, he's like, oh, your pet gave me a staff infection,

599
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:25,519
and you're just like, a you're
my brain has a staph infection right

600
00:43:25,559 --> 00:43:30,039
now and it's your words, get
out of here. Had a staph infection

601
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:37,199
ever since I hired you. Let's
say the territory you govern over, it's

602
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,440
going through a famine. Like,
sorry, guys, got to feed my

603
00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:43,559
big cats. Yeah, they come
first to get me and they can only

604
00:43:43,599 --> 00:43:45,039
have meat, which, by the
way, protein at this point in time,

605
00:43:45,159 --> 00:43:50,119
like meat, protein not easy to
come that's not sorry thing to come

606
00:43:50,159 --> 00:43:54,159
by. You don't get meat every
day if you're average Joe Egyptian farmer.

607
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:58,800
Yeah, you're getting beans. Yeah, I don't know if you guys know

608
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,880
this. Can't just pop a over
to the grocery store during this time.

609
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,760
Noll, you got goats right,
Like, you know how much meat a

610
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:07,239
goat gives you? You can't just
kill a goat every day. Yeah,

611
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:10,599
we eat them for other things as
well. But yeah, yeah, So

612
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:16,280
Ramses named his lion slayer of his
foes. Perfect. The name of the

613
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:22,519
lion straight to the point, concise, nothing cute, nothing fluffy, ready

614
00:44:22,559 --> 00:44:24,480
to go, tells you what he's
about, tells you exactly what he's about.

615
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:28,119
So after he beat the sea people, I think this is after the

616
00:44:28,119 --> 00:44:32,800
sea people. But anyway, he
the sea people the seamen, and they

617
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:36,599
were named that, that's what they're
name. Now I don't know what that.

618
00:44:36,679 --> 00:44:38,519
No one even knows who like the
water world sitch or Yeah, they

619
00:44:38,679 --> 00:44:45,000
literally anyone at the time knows.
They just popped out of the ocean beauty,

620
00:44:45,079 --> 00:44:47,400
like they came out of nowhere.
We still don't know who their theories.

621
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:54,400
But like a Luca, it's so
bad. I hate I'm about to

622
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:58,840
fucking walk off this podcaster. Are
you're fucking kidding? You? Like Luca

623
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:02,880
the Picks our film? Luca?
Yes? What do you not like?

624
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:07,400
So mid it's just boring. And
by the way, the funniest part about

625
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:13,000
it is it takes place in what
like nineteen fifties Italy. All fascists,

626
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:15,920
all those people were fighting with the
Germans in World War Two. Yeah,

627
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:20,239
but they kind of made it seem
that way, did they. Yeah,

628
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,599
they were like, if you're not
this type of person, if you're different

629
00:45:22,679 --> 00:45:28,000
at all, we're literally going to
kill you with pitchforks. Okay, I

630
00:45:28,119 --> 00:45:30,840
think they had that vibe. I
got the By the way, my bob

631
00:45:30,960 --> 00:45:32,800
just kind of checks out on movies. My theory is not really into it.

632
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:38,480
For five minutes. They made the
dad in that movie, the Human

633
00:45:38,559 --> 00:45:43,519
Dad, where Luca goes to Yeah, they made him handicapped from birth so

634
00:45:43,639 --> 00:45:47,159
that he you could plausibly say he
did not fight in the Italian Army with

635
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:51,320
the Nazis, to just kind of
loophole that. No, he lost it

636
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,400
in like he didn't sea creature.
He said. I thought he was born

637
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:58,000
with it, or he like lost
it too early in life to a fad

638
00:45:58,119 --> 00:46:00,599
World War two. I thought he
was born withough. Though. Here's what

639
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:05,599
I just learned about. How you
watch Luca. You're on your phone scrolling

640
00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:07,960
with a whiskey, and you're not
actually watching it. You're like, go

641
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:14,039
ahead, kids, watch a Luca. I'm telling you, Oh, I

642
00:46:14,199 --> 00:46:17,159
can't believe that that's the movie you're
riding for right now. Hard. I

643
00:46:17,199 --> 00:46:20,920
would have never guessed. I would
have never guessed. I have no opinion.

644
00:46:21,159 --> 00:46:25,280
Really, you're gonna have to go
watch a Luca even all right,

645
00:46:27,559 --> 00:46:30,440
I'll continue. I may not do
the Patreon Okay, fair enough, just

646
00:46:30,519 --> 00:46:35,480
kidding. You need to rewat are
you? I didn't like it? I

647
00:46:35,599 --> 00:46:37,519
really didn't like it. I thought
it was one. Okay, then what's

648
00:46:37,559 --> 00:46:40,000
your favorite that you have to watch? And you were like, oh shit,

649
00:46:40,159 --> 00:46:44,360
like you know, we have to
watch all these Just enough people have

650
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:49,360
seen this MOVIECA has a very low
tier Pixar film in terms of just like

651
00:46:49,679 --> 00:46:52,760
maybe your audience, maybe maybe your
audience right has not seen it in general.

652
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:58,159
I'm sorry. I thought he was
gonna say yeah and we would have

653
00:46:58,199 --> 00:47:02,280
moved on Delco. I'm sorry right
now we're not moving on. This is

654
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:07,400
crazy. Why what's your favorite Pixar? Favorite Pixar? I mean, like,

655
00:47:07,519 --> 00:47:10,719
either you had to watch I mean, Luke Lucas just pulled out of

656
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:14,639
your ass. I feel like I'm
so random. I never gat so.

657
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:19,000
I like Twenty Story three, but
I end the movie where they're kind of

658
00:47:19,079 --> 00:47:22,239
like slowly holding hands. Yeah yeah, that's where you cut the black Yeah,

659
00:47:23,679 --> 00:47:29,800
and you you fucking fascist? Uh? I mean, like favorite favorite

660
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:36,360
is probably a cry during Luca Really
ride at the end, Are you kidding

661
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:37,519
me? Go ahead? I was
like I was like, okay, I

662
00:47:37,559 --> 00:47:42,320
guess he won the race or whatever. Oh, and then he goes he

663
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:46,119
goes to college and the kid gives
him the VESTPA and he stays and work.

664
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:49,760
You didn't fucking see it. That's
why you don't like it. You

665
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:52,960
didn't fucking see it. You didn't
really see it. Drank a lot.

666
00:47:52,119 --> 00:47:59,199
You saw whiskey eyes. Oh my
god. So favorite all time is probably

667
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,280
Wally or fine Nemo. But if
I go last ten years, because I'm

668
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:06,559
talking on Wally, third dear,
I know, third, third generationem Uh,

669
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:08,800
Coco for sure. I was gonna
say, I guess more modern Coco.

670
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:14,239
Yeah, Coco. Coco's you know
what else is good in Kanto is

671
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:17,000
actually great? And Kanto's the fucking
ship. All right, Sorry, don't

672
00:48:17,039 --> 00:48:22,079
You're gonna have to go watch Luca
and then come back and tell me and

673
00:48:22,199 --> 00:48:27,800
tell me it fucking sucked. I
guess. I guess. I don't have

674
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:34,320
that harsh of opinions on TV and
movies like Rob Delco. I don't Delco.

675
00:48:36,559 --> 00:48:38,000
Okay now he's lying, go ahead? Uh? Anyway, So at

676
00:48:38,039 --> 00:48:42,920
the Battle of Kadesh, Ramsey's the
second fighting with the hit tights. Uh.

677
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:46,840
This is actually portrayed in the film
Exodus, Gods and Kings with Christian

678
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:52,360
Bale when he's Moses, yes yes, uh. So he brings some of

679
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:55,039
his lions, including slayer of his
foes. This was not in the movie.

680
00:48:55,119 --> 00:49:00,360
Sadly, that movie would have fucking
crushed. How do they that out

681
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,320
of the movie. I don't know, Like, really, Scott, what

682
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:08,840
are you doing anyway? History?
That thing allegedly went off in battle.

683
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:13,719
I mean, was just free to
do lion stuff to anyone he wanted to

684
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:15,760
do and could do it right,
Yeah, and did it. It's not

685
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:22,199
like the lion knows who's on his
side. He just he killed as far

686
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:27,199
as I could find hit tights,
not Egyptians, and he kills one or

687
00:49:27,199 --> 00:49:30,840
two Egyptian peasants whatever. Yeah.
Oh and by the way, so this

688
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:31,840
is the funniest part to me is
can you imagine, like this is what

689
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:36,559
I was talking about. You're in
battle with the hit you're a hit tight,

690
00:49:37,039 --> 00:49:39,920
You're just a farmer. You miss
your children. The king comes makes

691
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:43,480
you pick up a spear and a
shield. It's like, you're gonna come

692
00:49:43,519 --> 00:49:46,000
fight for me against these people a
million for all you know, a million

693
00:49:46,079 --> 00:49:51,119
miles away. You go into battle. You're even doing okay, like you're

694
00:49:51,119 --> 00:49:53,079
still alive. It's halfway through the
battle. But I got this and a

695
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:58,079
lion just pops out and rips your
fucking throat out. Shit, I don't

696
00:49:58,119 --> 00:50:04,480
got this. What do you mean? It's a lion surprised theotic pet of

697
00:50:04,559 --> 00:50:08,920
a man who basically looked at you
like you're a bug. Yeah. Maybe

698
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:13,679
at some point you've never even encountered
a lion. You probably yeah, you

699
00:50:13,719 --> 00:50:16,000
probably don't even know what it is, and a lot of people don't know.

700
00:50:16,119 --> 00:50:21,360
Like seeing a lion up close,
you know, we see him on

701
00:50:21,679 --> 00:50:23,840
Discovery and you just kind of go, Okay, I mean see I could

702
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:34,159
right when you're right next to them. It's it's an impressive it's insane than

703
00:50:34,199 --> 00:50:37,840
a tiger. Tigers are scared.
Tigers are bigger, bigger, meaner.

704
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:40,199
Yeah, jaguars. I mean.
The other thing you remember too, is

705
00:50:40,199 --> 00:50:44,599
I mean, obviously this is ancient
times, so they probably maybe had more

706
00:50:44,679 --> 00:50:47,199
contact with with nature than we do
now. But if you go back to

707
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:52,079
like for example, uh, it
used to be an impressive thing. If

708
00:50:52,679 --> 00:50:54,559
what does the museum called? It's
like the Museum of National History something in

709
00:50:54,639 --> 00:50:58,079
New York. I went there last
time in New York, my wife.

710
00:50:58,559 --> 00:51:01,320
It's amazing. It's amazing. But
you go through the animal part and it's

711
00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:05,559
just all these stuffed animals. You
remember a lot of this is like kind

712
00:51:05,559 --> 00:51:08,199
of pre zoo. Yeah, and
so people see a stuffed lion and that's

713
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:12,800
impressive to them. In eighteen ninety
three, this is like pre taxidermy,

714
00:51:13,039 --> 00:51:16,239
right, modern, But like to
me, I'm like, I've seen these

715
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:20,800
up close at zoos. Yeah,
I don't A stuffed lion who gives a

716
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,320
fuck? Yeah, that doesn't do
it for you. But so but that

717
00:51:23,639 --> 00:51:28,760
as that is a modern thing,
you know what I mean, Like people

718
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,159
in the past. You see a
lion once in your life, yeah,

719
00:51:31,199 --> 00:51:35,159
yeah, so they're not like a
you know, accustomed to it in any

720
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:37,159
way, and it's rolling up on
you. I've seen you don't even know

721
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:40,280
what's happening. I've been five feet
away from a lion like five times this

722
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:44,639
year at the at the Yeah,
right, like it's that's that's not normal

723
00:51:44,840 --> 00:51:46,840
historically, that is not even close
to normal. And by the way,

724
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:52,440
Rob, that's not even normal normal. That's a fucking lot, dude.

725
00:51:52,559 --> 00:51:54,840
Yeah, my kids like the zoo, I will say a lot. I

726
00:51:55,280 --> 00:52:01,320
think the Astecs probably could have won
their war with the Spaniards if they had

727
00:52:01,559 --> 00:52:07,960
kind of war jaguars, oh okay, because they're like stealthier Now that's a

728
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:10,280
scary motherfucker too. Actually, I
was gonna mention the Aztecs in our next

729
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:14,079
one. It's not about the Aztecs, but I there's a parallel to that.

730
00:52:15,199 --> 00:52:22,239
So next step, we're getting back
into the great human tradition of lighting

731
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:28,440
animals on fire and using them as
weapons. Now we have fire oxen.

732
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:32,599
That's like, now he's pissed,
he's running on fire, right pretty much?

733
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:37,480
Okay? So in two seventy nine
BC, in the Warring States period

734
00:52:37,559 --> 00:52:44,840
in China, a Chinese general from
the Key Qiu by the name of Tean

735
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:51,000
Dan. Sure sure could be one
of your guys, decided to turn the

736
00:52:51,119 --> 00:52:53,039
tide. We're related, Yeah,
why not? Like? Okay, all

737
00:52:53,119 --> 00:52:58,599
right? Anything Dan in the name. His forces were losing in the war,

738
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:00,800
not a battle, but in like
the war, so he decided to

739
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:05,679
turn the tide for his forces by
lighting a bunch of oxen on fire,

740
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:09,440
specifically as sacrifice, no as a
weapon. As a weapon, dude,

741
00:53:09,559 --> 00:53:13,639
which great idea. Now I'm like
on these guys side, Yeah, I

742
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,880
go, great fucking idea. Can
you imagine someone breaks into your house you

743
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:21,880
let your dog on fire? That
I'm a fucking genius leaving the house.

744
00:53:22,039 --> 00:53:25,079
So the bulls are gonna be pissed
off. They're gonna so run head first

745
00:53:25,159 --> 00:53:29,320
at the whatever direction they're looking at. Really, yeah, pretty much.

746
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:34,800
So tian Dan collected more than one
thousand oxen from the people in the city.

747
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:38,679
Uh. He had them dressed with
red silk and multi colored linens,

748
00:53:39,519 --> 00:53:43,960
and he made him look like dragons. He essentially dressed him up like dragons

749
00:53:44,679 --> 00:53:47,960
before he let him on fire.
Yes, I like this guy, do

750
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:51,559
you know what I mean? And
now I'm now I'm fucking in it,

751
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:58,840
you know. So then he put
it basically took you know, they got

752
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,880
horns. Ox don't have huge horns
with the deal horns. So what tian

753
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:08,679
Dan did is he put big fucking
knives on their horns, put blades on

754
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:15,280
their horns, and he attached reeds
dipped in grease. Uh, tied those

755
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:20,920
to his to their tails, so
they're dressed up like dragons. Then it's

756
00:54:21,079 --> 00:54:24,360
with the red knives on their horns
that extend out further. So when they're

757
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:29,440
freaking out yep, yep, So
he lights, the oxen are released,

758
00:54:30,079 --> 00:54:34,920
their tails are lit on fire.
Five thousand men follow them. The oxen

759
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:38,119
are sent at the enemy army and
they charge right into the camp in the

760
00:54:38,159 --> 00:54:43,719
middle of the night. Everyone wakes
up thinks they've got dragons running at them.

761
00:54:44,039 --> 00:54:47,800
They get up, the Oxen hit
the camp starts stabbing the fuck out

762
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:51,960
of everyone there. This is another
funny one. I mean, if you

763
00:54:52,079 --> 00:54:54,199
just saw a snippet of this,
Oh my god, tails are on fire.

764
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:58,639
They're pissed off, they're afraid.
They run into the other camp.

765
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,559
People get out oxen a huge by
the way. Their heads are thrashing left

766
00:55:01,599 --> 00:55:07,719
and right. They've got knives on
their heads and there's five thousand troops immediately

767
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:13,360
following them to mop up Whatever's like, people are you know what I mean?

768
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:15,960
Yeah, almost dead or freaking out
or whatever. Yeah. And the

769
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:21,360
people they charged by the way,
they thought they were dragons. They were

770
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,840
like, oh my fucking god,
because to your point, you know,

771
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:27,920
you don't there's no zoo. There's
no Austin zoo, you know what I

772
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:31,719
mean, You're not encountering and you
think dragons are real. It's also dark.

773
00:55:32,519 --> 00:55:37,800
It's dark, so dark. You
were sleeping, you're woken up.

774
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:42,480
You drank some sweat in the night
before, you wake up. In the

775
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:49,559
mill of Nite one thousand screaming,
flaming ox with knives on their head are

776
00:55:49,639 --> 00:55:53,039
running straight at you, but you
think they're dragons. I love it.

777
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:58,079
They stampede through everything, by the
way, a stampede alone. Yeah,

778
00:55:58,119 --> 00:56:00,559
they didn't have to do anything.
They could have just run through there and

779
00:56:00,679 --> 00:56:07,440
killed a bunch of people. This
is fucking brilliant. It's a really great

780
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:16,360
idea. Dan eventually claimed about seventy
Chinese cities in the in his war from

781
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:22,000
the conquering people he was fighting or
whatever. Huge huge dub, huge dub.

782
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:27,760
Now is this before there are like
explosives and guns, Yes, this

783
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:30,480
is it is so that is when
war was fun. Yeah. Yeah,

784
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:37,199
you had to craft ancient China.
Ancient China, you had to be fucking

785
00:56:37,320 --> 00:56:42,079
crafty. Yeah, best to ever
do it. I would say this is

786
00:56:42,119 --> 00:56:45,000
one of the goats. I mean, this is rated guy. It's like

787
00:56:45,119 --> 00:56:46,960
a football coach from the forties in
college that you never heard of, who

788
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:51,360
like invented some offense, some amazing
offense. Yeah, I mean this guy

789
00:56:51,559 --> 00:57:00,599
just yeah, the goat of using
goats and stuff kinda yeah. Next step

790
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:07,239
that what I like to call.
All right, let's we're going to stay

791
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:15,920
in China as we've established there is
nothing more effective in warfare than torturing a

792
00:57:15,119 --> 00:57:21,079
very smart animal. Yes, and
by the way, listen, I'm in

793
00:57:21,280 --> 00:57:23,920
now what else are you going to
do? Why China's putting up numbers,

794
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:29,079
but what else are you going to? Like all these ancient wars, like,

795
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:31,199
casualty is not that big usually,
but in China, for some reason,

796
00:57:31,239 --> 00:57:34,679
it's always like, oh, millions
of people died every like. So

797
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:37,920
like you as Americans, we grow
up and we're like this, there was

798
00:57:37,079 --> 00:57:43,639
no conflict blood than the Civil War. But in China, like an emperor

799
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:46,960
sneezes and eight hundred thousand people die. They see what we do and they

800
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:52,880
go, let's make it fucking crazier. That's better, sweethearts, and be

801
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:55,800
smarter about it. And that's to
this day. But there are smaller people

802
00:57:55,880 --> 00:58:00,639
too, so you can fit more
of a China stacks bodies. Yes,

803
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:07,440
like nobody's business. Yes, So
again, what's more effective and warm than

804
00:58:07,519 --> 00:58:10,519
torturing a smart animal? And what
is smarter than a monkey? Okay,

805
00:58:10,719 --> 00:58:15,480
now here we go, Yeah,
Planet of the Apes, because if you

806
00:58:15,639 --> 00:58:19,760
train those motherfuckers enough, they get
straight up hold a gun. I mean

807
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,519
not right now, but right it's
like in that one Planet of the Apes

808
00:58:22,559 --> 00:58:27,280
where the eight picks up the gun
and it's just like yep, just shoots

809
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:32,000
it a little bit. So we're
gonna talk about monkey bombs, which is

810
00:58:32,079 --> 00:58:37,719
sadly not a shot of Banana Liqueur
and red Bull unfortunately, which was awful

811
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:43,800
but should be banana licur. I
mean you could get it down. How

812
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:45,320
are you mixing it with red Bull
because it's a bomb. Yeah, you

813
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:49,960
gotta bomb it down something. It's
not gonna be Guinness? Is it banana

814
00:58:50,079 --> 00:58:53,920
flavored Guinness? Actually, banana Guinness
might go okay to gain it would be

815
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:57,559
like a chocolate banana. Put a
little bit of your peanut butter in there.

816
00:58:57,679 --> 00:59:00,440
Yeah, that's not bad guy?
Yes, what are we calling it?

817
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:06,920
Who's this guy? Who? This
was during the song Dynasty is an

818
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:10,480
army led by Zaluu So the value
bomb dude? Yeah? Uh, real

819
00:59:10,599 --> 00:59:15,360
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01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:46,840
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868
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order. Monkeys were used as incendiary
devices bombs. The monkeys were clothed in

882
01:03:20,599 --> 01:03:23,920
straw that was dipped in oil.
Then they were set on fire and just

883
01:03:24,119 --> 01:03:30,559
set loose into the enemy camp.
Hundreds of monkeys lit on fire, set

884
01:03:30,639 --> 01:03:32,039
loose in an enemy camp I don't
even know that that did anything. Oh,

885
01:03:32,159 --> 01:03:35,519
that's what I mean, Like,
they're not gonna they're not at that

886
01:03:35,679 --> 01:03:38,960
point. I think you're just scaring
the shit out of your enemy. At

887
01:03:38,960 --> 01:03:42,800
that point. Yeah, you're sitting
in a scene, right, You're sitting

888
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:46,599
there showing them. You're letting them
know like I'm crazy. Yeah, yeah,

889
01:03:47,079 --> 01:03:50,559
you don't know what I'm gonna do
next because I just did that,

890
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:58,320
so stop right now. Like,
imagine if the ATF is like trying to

891
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:04,119
uh whatever, like they're they're besieging
a compound like Waco, Waco or something,

892
01:04:04,159 --> 01:04:06,199
sure, and the guy's like,
all right, I'm gonna show them

893
01:04:06,239 --> 01:04:09,960
what it's gonna cost if they come
in here. And then he just like

894
01:04:10,079 --> 01:04:14,360
goes into an open window and starts
skinning a live cat. Yeah, they

895
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:18,119
would have been like, oh fuck, dude, get more people, or

896
01:04:18,719 --> 01:04:23,119
he lights the cat on fire and
throws it. Do you know what I

897
01:04:23,199 --> 01:04:26,480
mean? Right then they'd be like, holy shit, don't have to back

898
01:04:26,599 --> 01:04:29,280
up. Let's get out of here. You don't get more people, we

899
01:04:29,360 --> 01:04:31,840
don't know, not just one cat, thousands right there? You go now

900
01:04:32,079 --> 01:04:34,440
and again, can you imagine you
wake up in the middle of the night

901
01:04:35,079 --> 01:04:41,280
and there are just monkeys on fire
and they're dressed in clothes, which means

902
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:45,119
like they can't do you know what
I mean, Like they're list on Yeah.

903
01:04:45,320 --> 01:04:47,840
Yeah, so that's gonna go up
for a long time before it even

904
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:53,840
gets to the skin. So these
things are on fire for twenty minutes.

905
01:04:54,039 --> 01:04:59,039
It's a citronella, I guess.
Yeah, you can't put it out.

906
01:04:59,199 --> 01:05:01,480
Yeah, that that's all I had
the only information I had on that one.

907
01:05:01,519 --> 01:05:04,360
But I just thought it was funny
to light monkeys on fire and send

908
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:09,360
them in an enemy case and also
dress them in little hay tuxedos like that

909
01:05:09,519 --> 01:05:12,239
was a funny image as well.
Let people know what you're capable of.

910
01:05:12,920 --> 01:05:15,960
Yeah, and you may not have
anything else in the arsenal right, but

911
01:05:15,559 --> 01:05:18,760
I just think the monkeys could be
more useful than setting them on fire.

912
01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:23,559
Like you train the little monkey to
go steal stuff, steal weapons, steal

913
01:05:23,639 --> 01:05:27,239
their weapons, and just like run
away steal intel. But what I'm what

914
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:30,880
I'm hearing of this time is like
weapons are not the thing that we're lacking.

915
01:05:31,519 --> 01:05:36,159
It's it's proximity to the enemy,
right, Yeah, but you train

916
01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:44,199
like a little ninja monkey to take
out their commander. Maybe it's hard than

917
01:05:44,239 --> 01:05:45,760
you think. I think you really
just want to scare the ship out of

918
01:05:46,559 --> 01:05:51,639
like there, everyone's already antsy.
This is this is before get My guess

919
01:05:51,760 --> 01:05:56,800
is most of the army is at
best semi professional. These are not professional

920
01:05:56,920 --> 01:06:00,320
troops, right, These are conscripted
people. When you're talking about like a

921
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:04,800
like an Afghan or Iraq where it's
a long game. They're training the monkey

922
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:09,159
for five years. They don't have
this time, do you know what I

923
01:06:09,280 --> 01:06:11,960
mean? They're like they need to
come up. It sounds like they're kind

924
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:15,440
of lazy, like all right,
yeah, I mean, I guess make

925
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:18,119
them a vest I don't. I
don't know. I mean, fair enough.

926
01:06:18,559 --> 01:06:23,079
I agree with you that it would
be actually really useful to let loose

927
01:06:23,159 --> 01:06:28,000
like one hundred monkies into the camp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that

928
01:06:28,159 --> 01:06:30,320
is By the way, my favorite
have you ever seen Will Ferrell's a Night

929
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:33,199
Out with George W. Bush or
whatever on HBO from like way back in

930
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:38,199
the day. No, highly recommend
watching it for the monkey part alone.

931
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:41,519
Okay, because it's about monkeys train
for war. Okay, I would if

932
01:06:41,559 --> 01:06:45,920
you if anyone listening to this show
I've not seen it, go watch it.

933
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:53,079
Watch it. It already finished tires, right, there's nothing to watch.

934
01:06:53,119 --> 01:06:58,519
Shut up, next step. I
I just titled this part sounds racist,

935
01:06:58,679 --> 01:07:04,719
is true? Great troops in Afghanistan, like our troops in Afghanistan were

936
01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:15,159
warned of potential attacks from Kamakazi camels
strapped with explosives as recent as I don't

937
01:07:15,159 --> 01:07:18,320
know if it ever happened when we
were there, but in the eighties Bin

938
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:28,480
Laden and afghanistans Muja Hadeen did in
fact put bombs on camels and just send

939
01:07:28,519 --> 01:07:34,960
them up to a group of Soviet
soldiers and clack off that camel that I

940
01:07:35,039 --> 01:07:40,639
can get behind. It's a camel
place. Have you heard the man?

941
01:07:40,719 --> 01:07:44,679
There's one video I was trying to
find for Nature Nook one day, camel

942
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:48,719
stuff. It has stuck with me. Is so gnarly. I would have

943
01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:51,760
to go find it again if it
was one thing we ever wanted to show.

944
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:57,519
But it is so. I guess
there are some countries where they eat

945
01:07:57,639 --> 01:08:01,199
camel meat. Okay, it doesn't
surprise me, and that's fine, yeah

946
01:08:01,199 --> 01:08:04,559
I don't. It might be good
meat. I've eaten kangaroo. The camels

947
01:08:04,639 --> 01:08:09,920
kind of deserve it because they were
used as a propaganda tool to the like

948
01:08:10,239 --> 01:08:14,800
kids smoke. True, I was
Camel's with my brand. Hell yeah,

949
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:16,119
dude, me too, all day
camels. I'll do parliament. If I

950
01:08:16,319 --> 01:08:21,600
have Parliament's fine, I go camel
light one hundred percent Parliament's fine. And

951
01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:27,199
then there's one I did not like, Marblo lights. No, No,

952
01:08:27,239 --> 01:08:30,479
I hated those. Do you ever
do the camel baseball bats? The ninety

953
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:34,520
nines, the hundreds, they weren't
hundreds, they were ninety nine's. Remember

954
01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:39,960
those. No, where there were
like there were sometimes where I would it

955
01:08:40,079 --> 01:08:42,119
was like in a small town or
something, and I'd have to go in.

956
01:08:42,319 --> 01:08:45,000
All they would have is like a
soft pack hundreds camel lights, And

957
01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:48,640
I'm just like, what the fuck, dude. You guys don't see hundreds

958
01:08:48,720 --> 01:08:53,119
that much anymore. Huh No,
remember that an old lady cigarette. We

959
01:08:53,159 --> 01:08:58,000
would like want it to last forever. God, it's like the length of

960
01:08:58,039 --> 01:09:00,800
a cigar. It's not good.
You're never really, I mean, if

961
01:09:00,840 --> 01:09:05,279
you're smoking that whole thing and chain
smoking it, I mean, hats off.

962
01:09:05,399 --> 01:09:11,319
Oh yeah night, so oh you're
not alive anymore? So yeah yeah,

963
01:09:11,439 --> 01:09:15,079
so oh. This video though,
it's like it's some slaughterhouse, and

964
01:09:15,319 --> 01:09:19,239
I guess it's in the Middle East
for sure. And this guy what they

965
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:21,439
what they do is you go up
to a camel split's throat, right,

966
01:09:21,720 --> 01:09:28,399
So this guy just slits his camel's
throat, but the camel freaks out obviously

967
01:09:28,479 --> 01:09:31,720
because it just had its throat slit, and he bumps into the guy and

968
01:09:31,840 --> 01:09:35,439
the guy slips on blood from that
was there from the other camels, falls

969
01:09:35,479 --> 01:09:40,640
on the ground and the camel curb
stops him to death as the camel bleed,

970
01:09:40,680 --> 01:09:45,920
and then the camel falls down bleeds
out. And we didn't show that

971
01:09:46,039 --> 01:09:53,079
on our daytime current Event show.
We did not. But that I can't,

972
01:09:54,039 --> 01:09:57,039
I can't right now, like I
can see it, Dan, Have

973
01:09:57,159 --> 01:10:00,920
you seen that? Has he shown
it? No? Are you? Are

974
01:10:00,960 --> 01:10:04,279
you gonna want? Didn't put that
evil on anyone else? God, that's

975
01:10:04,399 --> 01:10:13,119
fucking awful. But also it was
gnarly music theatreon go oh God, there

976
01:10:13,159 --> 01:10:16,920
you go, get some people on
the patreo. So so yeah, that

977
01:10:17,119 --> 01:10:19,920
was a legit thing though that the
Musja Hadeen did to the Soviets in the

978
01:10:19,920 --> 01:10:25,479
eighties. They would just strap explosives
to camels and walk them into a bunch

979
01:10:25,479 --> 01:10:30,000
of Soviets bam. Also, though
camels were used during the invasion of India

980
01:10:30,279 --> 01:10:35,199
by the Turks in thirteen ninety eight
by the by timor Uh he was the

981
01:10:35,239 --> 01:10:39,479
Turkish rule at the time. He
loaded his camels, which is with as

982
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:43,560
much hay and wood as they could
carry, and then set them on fire

983
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:47,840
and sent them screaming into the Indians
war elephants. He's sitting out on fire.

984
01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:51,359
Maybe not as smart as we thought. Yeah, you've got to have

985
01:10:51,560 --> 01:10:57,479
an agent that's gonna keep them on
fire too, Yes, but it's also

986
01:10:57,600 --> 01:11:00,680
just hard to do. It seems
to be a common play. Yeah,

987
01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:03,319
like what we see you, We
see you coming the third time we've mentioned

988
01:11:03,359 --> 01:11:08,279
it. Light it on fire,
center of the elephants. There's no So

989
01:11:08,479 --> 01:11:13,800
now is it just camel elephant war
or we Actually that was the extra thing

990
01:11:13,880 --> 01:11:15,159
with the camels. I was more
interested in the fact that that that like

991
01:11:16,079 --> 01:11:18,960
O Solomon Lauden, he's come so
far right, Like he's like, yeah,

992
01:11:19,199 --> 01:11:23,880
Fast and the Furious One. They're
stealing DVDs Fast ten, they're in

993
01:11:23,960 --> 01:11:28,399
space yep, right. Bin Lodden
in the eighties putting dynamite up a camel's

994
01:11:28,439 --> 01:11:31,239
asshole been Lodden in two thousand and
one taking down the World Trade Center.

995
01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:36,039
Yeah, the escalation and starts small. Sure, build your way up,

996
01:11:36,359 --> 01:11:40,119
you learn, do you know what
I mean? Trial and error, grind

997
01:11:40,159 --> 01:11:45,039
you grind, see what works?
Yeah, never quit And Rob commends Osama

998
01:11:45,119 --> 01:11:49,000
bin Laden for that. Just because
you don't like them doesn't mean you can't

999
01:11:49,039 --> 01:11:54,800
acknowledge a dub or how far he
came or how far again, the same

1000
01:11:54,880 --> 01:11:57,359
as him loving Kevin Spacey. Yeah, do you know what I mean?

1001
01:11:57,399 --> 01:12:00,319
It's like I don't like him as
a person, but I don't like what

1002
01:12:00,439 --> 01:12:02,880
he did, but you gotta respect
him. The resume is the resume.

1003
01:12:04,319 --> 01:12:10,720
Sorry, yeah, I mean do
we have those under our belt? No?

1004
01:12:11,479 --> 01:12:13,680
No, I haven't done in half
of what I saw m in a

1005
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:17,960
lot and it's done right. Uh. Last, but not least, we

1006
01:12:18,039 --> 01:12:27,680
have Operation Acoustic Kitty. Acoustic Kitty. This is not electric Kitty. Acoustic

1007
01:12:27,800 --> 01:12:33,960
Kitty. This is a CIA program. Brittle be shocked. It was a

1008
01:12:34,039 --> 01:12:40,399
project launched by the CIA in the
sixties. He intended to use cats to

1009
01:12:40,479 --> 01:12:45,239
spy on the Soviets and their embassies. Can we say something about the CIA

1010
01:12:45,319 --> 01:12:49,520
in the sixties, I mean,
they will love fucking off their rocker.

1011
01:12:50,159 --> 01:12:55,319
It's funny because n hinged. They
were giving people LSD without them knowing,

1012
01:12:55,439 --> 01:12:59,199
but it feels like they were doing
LSD themselves. Things they were coming up

1013
01:12:59,239 --> 01:13:02,199
with, like they were so whacked
out on whatever drugs. Oh my god.

1014
01:13:02,920 --> 01:13:06,279
It was like a pharmacist that was
doing the fucking kills. I would

1015
01:13:06,399 --> 01:13:10,239
kill to be in that rider's room. It was like a police officer,

1016
01:13:10,279 --> 01:13:13,920
you can't use the taser unless you
get tased yourself, and so they must

1017
01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:15,520
have, right, And it was
in the sixties, and it was just

1018
01:13:15,640 --> 01:13:23,800
like it's cool man, right,
Like it was so okay and normalized that

1019
01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:26,600
it was like smoking a cigarette.
You're like, we're gonna do some LSD

1020
01:13:26,720 --> 01:13:30,399
and like hang out, right.
Yeah, So of course they did at

1021
01:13:30,439 --> 01:13:33,880
some point. They did everything,
but they were fucking out of their mind.

1022
01:13:34,039 --> 01:13:39,920
They the CIA in the sixties essentially
like I'll try anything once. Let's

1023
01:13:40,079 --> 01:13:44,359
just like see what we I mean. They were going back to like lighting

1024
01:13:44,439 --> 01:13:45,800
pigs on fire, you know what
I mean. They were like, let's

1025
01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:50,920
just like do whatever we can.
Yeah, because they have traditional ship guardrails

1026
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:56,359
now, but it was just limitless
then in the sixties. Oh yeah,

1027
01:13:57,279 --> 01:14:00,560
nobody but nobody watched watch it.
Whatever you want to say about the CIA

1028
01:14:00,640 --> 01:14:04,680
now and you know, like oh
the kids, the Patriot Act and terrorists

1029
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:12,920
and and China, like peak sixties
when kids were ducking and covering like it

1030
01:14:13,000 --> 01:14:16,279
was a tornado grill drill for nukes
and shit like that. Yeah, everyone

1031
01:14:16,359 --> 01:14:21,000
in America was like, do whatever
you need to do. They killed us.

1032
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:25,760
Sit in president, like, test
it on our people, you know,

1033
01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:29,840
the lower levels. Test it on
them. See if it's fucking good

1034
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:32,119
enough to make you jump out windows
and stuff, then send it over there,

1035
01:14:32,239 --> 01:14:34,039
put it in the water. I
mean, I don't know what they

1036
01:14:34,119 --> 01:14:39,399
were. It was real cool though, I mean it was a real cool

1037
01:14:39,520 --> 01:14:43,279
time. Would kill to be in
that writer's room when they were like coming

1038
01:14:43,359 --> 01:14:45,520
up with it and then no one
could say, like no, right,

1039
01:14:45,640 --> 01:14:49,399
Like the directors they're like, okay, no bad ideas, All right,

1040
01:14:49,840 --> 01:14:56,039
let's try it. So this idea, in particular, how would cats spy

1041
01:14:56,119 --> 01:14:59,840
on embassies? Well, what you
would do is you would take a cat

1042
01:15:00,239 --> 01:15:04,920
and give it an hour long surgery
in which you put a microphone in its

1043
01:15:04,960 --> 01:15:10,359
ear canal and a small radio transmitter
at the base of its skull, and

1044
01:15:10,520 --> 01:15:14,840
then put a wire through its fur
so that it would go into the embassy

1045
01:15:14,840 --> 01:15:16,720
because I guess Russians just love cats. You get to bug the cat,

1046
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:23,760
We love get petting the Cat's where
that comes from, that trope of like

1047
01:15:24,359 --> 01:15:30,840
evil dude petting the cat, James
Bond villain. So they're like, yeah,

1048
01:15:30,920 --> 01:15:34,680
dude, Russians will obviously take in
a fucking cat, or they're just

1049
01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:36,680
gonna be like, oh whatever,
you know what I mean, it's a

1050
01:15:36,760 --> 01:15:44,239
cat in here, don't bother.
Yeah. The first acoustic kitty mission was

1051
01:15:44,279 --> 01:15:47,960
to eavesdrop on two men in a
park outside the Soviet Embassy in Washington,

1052
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:51,159
d C. Soviets. Uh,
we're hanging out in the park. Just

1053
01:15:51,199 --> 01:15:54,039
wanted to see if you can hear
them. Whatever. It's a shame we

1054
01:15:54,159 --> 01:15:57,439
never got to use the cats on
Thalin. I know he was already dead

1055
01:15:57,479 --> 01:16:03,039
by then. So the cat was
released nearby, and I guess they were

1056
01:16:03,079 --> 01:16:06,680
going to coax it over to the
park. And as they began to coax

1057
01:16:06,760 --> 01:16:11,359
it over to the park, Uh, it was hit by a taxi and

1058
01:16:11,479 --> 01:16:17,640
killed immediately. Yes, they couldn't
have written that better, right, some

1059
01:16:17,760 --> 01:16:21,199
hour surgery do it again? Yeah? Yeah, no, bigs, I

1060
01:16:21,239 --> 01:16:26,399
mean this was literally literally they found
out what it was like to try and

1061
01:16:26,520 --> 01:16:30,119
Herd cats. Yeah, they were
like, okay, gool you know what

1062
01:16:30,159 --> 01:16:33,439
I mean. They're like, fuck
you, we don't. We never go

1063
01:16:33,800 --> 01:16:36,920
where you tell us to ever go. Talk to the monkey. If you

1064
01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:43,000
want someone to fucking go where you
tell them to go, please. The

1065
01:16:43,119 --> 01:16:47,119
project was ultimately canceled in nineteen sixty
seven after this little hiccup. Yeah,

1066
01:16:47,239 --> 01:16:51,840
I know, I think they tried
again. They tried multiple times, but

1067
01:16:51,960 --> 01:16:56,840
this was the only note the cats
yearned for the wheel. Yeah. Yeah,

1068
01:16:58,439 --> 01:17:01,640
A former CIA officer said, Project
Acoustic Kitty cost in the sixties about

1069
01:17:01,680 --> 01:17:04,960
twenty million, which today would be
about one hundred and ninety one million,

1070
01:17:05,039 --> 01:17:11,000
But so much money, and we
wonder, huh for putting a little microphone

1071
01:17:11,039 --> 01:17:15,680
in a cat? And again,
the unhingedness of it is they had endless,

1072
01:17:16,039 --> 01:17:21,439
clearly, endless fun to be like, look, we we can do

1073
01:17:21,640 --> 01:17:27,159
this. They're like, how are
we gonna listen? I got it anything,

1074
01:17:27,399 --> 01:17:30,800
don't worry that. And that's the
part of being an American where I'm

1075
01:17:30,800 --> 01:17:31,840
like, where you know a lot
of people you believe what we waste this

1076
01:17:31,960 --> 01:17:35,560
money on, And I'm like,
I don't think we're like, we're not

1077
01:17:35,720 --> 01:17:40,359
Latto winners. So it almost just
makes me feel like rad that we can

1078
01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:44,760
even just waste that much money,
Oh for sure, like itself. Yeah,

1079
01:17:44,760 --> 01:17:46,920
it's a flex in itself. It's
just try. And we spent twenty

1080
01:17:47,079 --> 01:17:51,800
million to put a microphone in a
cat that got fucking run over. I

1081
01:17:51,840 --> 01:17:57,760
mean that's a flex right immediately,
just and we were fine with it.

1082
01:17:57,840 --> 01:18:00,079
We tried again a couple times and
then we just like, I guess we'll

1083
01:18:00,079 --> 01:18:03,560
figure something else out. Yeah,
we just gave people LSD without him knowing,

1084
01:18:04,520 --> 01:18:08,720
you know what I mean, among
other things, among other things,

1085
01:18:09,079 --> 01:18:13,520
you guys have done all that right
too recent What any one of the lake

1086
01:18:13,600 --> 01:18:18,000
Wormwood or the he did well,
the UTI bomber who was a part of

1087
01:18:18,039 --> 01:18:24,479
that Jake Okay, of course that's
Jake's hero. That's fair zero. I

1088
01:18:24,560 --> 01:18:29,000
mean manifesto makes take his months away
from a manifesto. Yeah, oh yeah,

1089
01:18:29,039 --> 01:18:33,640
well he's taken the first step.
We've done some fruit wars that the

1090
01:18:33,880 --> 01:18:40,880
CIA definitely had a hand in revolutions
in Central and South America. Sure,

1091
01:18:41,479 --> 01:18:45,319
you can't know to eat try,
It's so true, and I commend them

1092
01:18:45,399 --> 01:18:49,800
for being brave enough to try.
And again they killed Kennedy, who did

1093
01:18:50,119 --> 01:18:58,199
the CIA. Wow, I'm offended
as a Catholic, but sympathetic as an

1094
01:18:58,199 --> 01:19:01,560
American, right right, yeah,
I swear to do you mean the mob?

1095
01:19:02,520 --> 01:19:05,479
No? C I oh okay,
yeah, Well a little babe who

1096
01:19:05,560 --> 01:19:10,720
knows little a using by to get
to see what did you guys learn today?

1097
01:19:12,520 --> 01:19:16,680
Listen? I learned she used to
be fucking rad, as I always

1098
01:19:16,800 --> 01:19:20,359
learned. Yeah, as I always
learn on this show. She just used

1099
01:19:20,399 --> 01:19:27,159
to be fucking more rad, you
know, less less guardrails on people.

1100
01:19:27,319 --> 01:19:30,640
Right, it makes it more fun. You could put knives on a horn

1101
01:19:31,039 --> 01:19:34,239
and a you know, light something
on fire. Yeah, anything on fire.

1102
01:19:34,399 --> 01:19:38,319
No, there's no peda around here, you know what I mean.

1103
01:19:39,560 --> 01:19:44,479
Now, it's like you could never
I learned that if you train a dog

1104
01:19:44,600 --> 01:19:47,439
around a certain scent, it's the
enemy scent. That's your big takeaway.

1105
01:19:47,880 --> 01:19:51,079
Big takeaway is if you train a
dog, he's gonna do what you trained

1106
01:19:51,119 --> 01:19:55,720
him to do. Yeah, yeah, but you have to actually take the

1107
01:19:55,800 --> 01:19:58,960
time to train. And I think
you also learned like most of them are

1108
01:19:59,039 --> 01:20:02,720
just lazy. A lot of oversight, a lot of oversight, a lot

1109
01:20:02,800 --> 01:20:09,079
of just throwing noodles at the wall, you know, seeing what sticks.

1110
01:20:10,760 --> 01:20:17,439
Who's today's hitler? Human beings,
probably human beans, and I forget by

1111
01:20:17,520 --> 01:20:23,000
today's Hitler. Do you mean like
the best to ever do it? No,

1112
01:20:23,560 --> 01:20:25,399
you can take it that way,
Yeah, yeah, if you want.

1113
01:20:25,560 --> 01:20:28,960
I mean it's ever. But can
you deny that Hitler's a different Yes,

1114
01:20:29,039 --> 01:20:30,840
I can't. Actually I don't even
think he's the goat. The Hitler's

1115
01:20:30,920 --> 01:20:35,720
like kind of like I make that
argument with Jim Jones, right, yeah,

1116
01:20:36,119 --> 01:20:41,880
where it's like he's just bringing the
most prolific to ever do. Hitler's

1117
01:20:41,920 --> 01:20:45,119
like Kobe. Okay, so who's
the Kobe of the stories that we were

1118
01:20:45,119 --> 01:20:48,079
saying. You know, he's like
good, but he's overrated. Yeah.

1119
01:20:48,159 --> 01:20:54,119
Yeah, Like if you actually look
at the numbers all time great is but

1120
01:20:54,479 --> 01:20:57,840
people act like the name really kind
of puts him over the top. Yeah,

1121
01:20:57,840 --> 01:21:00,840
people act like he's top five,
and there's so many just people in

1122
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:06,479
China that put up way better numbers. I mean not even dud I get

1123
01:21:06,520 --> 01:21:11,000
that analogy, right, Yeah,
well, your husband loves Kobe, you

1124
01:21:11,000 --> 01:21:15,319
should, right, But then when
you actually make the argument, there's just

1125
01:21:15,640 --> 01:21:19,239
like, look, it's the the
shots look splashy fucking fun, But if

1126
01:21:19,279 --> 01:21:24,039
you look at the numbers of the
game he did in the modern years and

1127
01:21:24,359 --> 01:21:29,079
whatever. Yeah, you end up
being like, we don't want you don't

1128
01:21:29,159 --> 01:21:31,479
want to admit. So with Hitler, it's like you see the kids going

1129
01:21:31,560 --> 01:21:35,319
into the fucking chamber. It's like, my god. Even at the time

1130
01:21:35,399 --> 01:21:41,039
too, Stalin had to head.
Oh for sure, Stalin had more years.

1131
01:21:41,760 --> 01:21:44,680
So Stalin was more of us.
What do you call it? An

1132
01:21:44,720 --> 01:21:48,239
accumulator? So are you saying,
then, who's the Hitler the most overrated?

1133
01:21:48,399 --> 01:21:51,279
Who's the bad guy of today?
The bad guy? Because that's our

1134
01:21:51,399 --> 01:21:57,399
joke is that it's like a terrible
history and they always refer to something as

1135
01:21:57,479 --> 01:22:01,600
Hitler, always Hitler. The antagonist
is Hitler. Immediately, right, you're

1136
01:22:01,720 --> 01:22:08,319
just like Hitler. Okay, So
who's the bad guy? I would say

1137
01:22:08,319 --> 01:22:13,159
the bees, right, you're Hitler. The bees are my hit Well,

1138
01:22:13,359 --> 01:22:17,880
oysters, oysters and generally oysters in
general. And I don't think you guys

1139
01:22:19,880 --> 01:22:24,760
giving the world more oysters. I
mean, I didn't say it. You

1140
01:22:24,880 --> 01:22:27,199
guys said it, and you can
clip that and send it to him because

1141
01:22:27,199 --> 01:22:30,720
you guys said it and I did
it. But yeah, I would say,

1142
01:22:30,840 --> 01:22:36,239
yeah, for sure. But also
the the knives on the horns,

1143
01:22:36,800 --> 01:22:45,840
and that's rad I know, rags. Yeah, the dragon bulls. Now,

1144
01:22:45,960 --> 01:22:49,039
had you coupled the sixties, c
I A given those people like,

1145
01:22:49,359 --> 01:22:54,600
dosed them hard with LSD, then
send in the dragons on fire. I

1146
01:22:54,680 --> 01:22:58,640
mean they would have just killed themselves. I mean, I think if you

1147
01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:01,479
want to couple the of stuff together, you put the monkeys on top of

1148
01:23:01,680 --> 01:23:09,079
the dragons, yes, and then
the dragons the ox dragons eventually ignite the

1149
01:23:09,119 --> 01:23:13,239
monkeys as they get to the camp, and then the screaming monkeys who towards

1150
01:23:14,199 --> 01:23:17,319
off the oxen as they're peaking.
Right, so we've given them the LSD

1151
01:23:17,439 --> 01:23:23,039
at the perfect time as they're peaking, We're gonna send these fucking things in

1152
01:23:23,760 --> 01:23:28,239
monkey leaps at you. You don't
even need to hurt anybody at that point.

1153
01:23:28,319 --> 01:23:34,600
They're all just gonna be grabbing knives
and killing themselves. Okay, fun

1154
01:23:34,680 --> 01:23:40,680
one. Well, that is all
I've got for dan Or Jester and Jesse

1155
01:23:40,840 --> 01:23:43,520
Wiseman. I'm Rob Fox. You
just got Sauser