WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:03.120 Hi everyone, and welcome back to their podcast episode. My name is Alsha 2 00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:06.679 Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand 3 00:00:06.719 --> 00:00:10.279 your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the 4 00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:16.719 best version of yourself. Hello, Happy Monday and happy June. I literally 5 00:00:16.719 --> 00:00:21.960 can't believe that we are already in June. Like what, That's so wild 6 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:26.320 to me. Anyways, we are here for June weather. We are here 7 00:00:26.359 --> 00:00:31.039 for summer vibes. Now, this episode was supposed to technically be my off 8 00:00:31.079 --> 00:00:34.880 topic recap episode, but I felt like I didn't really have much to say, 9 00:00:35.039 --> 00:00:38.640 so We're gonna kind of skip that. Maybe I'll do it mid June. 10 00:00:38.799 --> 00:00:41.520 If anything, I'll do at the end of June. But I really 11 00:00:41.640 --> 00:00:48.719 wanted to have a friendship episode. I feel like friendships are a very big 12 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:55.200 theme in my life right now, probably because I have been thriving more in 13 00:00:55.200 --> 00:00:57.880 my life, so I'm getting out of my shell more, I'm going outside, 14 00:00:58.439 --> 00:01:02.399 I'm connecting with friends. It's like summer at this point, so naturally 15 00:01:02.439 --> 00:01:06.920 we usually see more friends. And of course I am seeing a lot of 16 00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:10.239 questions from you guys in regards to friendships and I feel like I haven't made 17 00:01:10.280 --> 00:01:14.319 an episode about friendships in a while, so I feel like I have some 18 00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:19.400 pretty good, updated answers to a lot of your guys's questions. So I 19 00:01:19.480 --> 00:01:25.120 asked you guys on the podcast Instagram what questions you had about friendships, and 20 00:01:25.159 --> 00:01:29.359 you guys asked a lot. So I'm going to go down this list and 21 00:01:29.560 --> 00:01:30.640 is probably going to be a long list, but it's going to be a 22 00:01:30.680 --> 00:01:34.959 really good episode. We're gonna be talking about traits that I look for in 23 00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:40.400 female friendships. I want to give you guys advice on feeling left out and 24 00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:44.599 making new friends even in your twenties. So much stuff. There's gonna be 25 00:01:44.599 --> 00:01:48.480 time stamps. But I do think that this is I mean, at the 26 00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:51.959 end of the day, it's my advice and my experience, and everyone is 27 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:55.879 different. But I think that some of these questions you guys asked are really 28 00:01:56.640 --> 00:01:59.799 good questions, and honestly, I think a lot of people can relate. 29 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:07.239 And I think I was probably a pretty late bloomer when it came to friendships 30 00:02:07.719 --> 00:02:10.680 in my life, and I feel like I've had a pretty unique experience experience 31 00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:14.159 story, and I think that a lot of you guys are kind of like 32 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:16.520 me in many aspects. So I feel like you guys will resonate with the 33 00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:20.159 advice that I'm going to give. Okay, so let's get into it. 34 00:02:20.240 --> 00:02:25.159 First question, somebody had asked top five qualities slash traits or like things that 35 00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:34.919 you look for in female friendships. So I think there's no blanket, like 36 00:02:35.240 --> 00:02:38.520 on paper list of things that every single person is supposed to look for because 37 00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:45.360 we're all so different. So I am very unique the same way you are. 38 00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:52.479 So I look for traits and qualities in people that really align with who 39 00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:55.240 I am as a person and what works for me. So I'll explain to 40 00:02:55.319 --> 00:03:00.560 you kind of how I am, especially when it comes to friendships, and 41 00:03:00.639 --> 00:03:06.400 this is what I look for in female friendships as well, because that allows 42 00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:13.000 us to be in alignment essentially. So I am very very hyper independent. 43 00:03:13.759 --> 00:03:19.639 I've been like that for a long time in my life, and so I 44 00:03:19.680 --> 00:03:24.479 don't really do well with friendships where they need to be like attached to my 45 00:03:24.560 --> 00:03:28.680 hip all the time. It just doesn't It's not even to say that if 46 00:03:28.759 --> 00:03:31.800 you're looking for somebody who is always available and always showing up and like talking 47 00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:35.199 to you every single day all the time, mind you, I do have 48 00:03:35.240 --> 00:03:38.120 some friends who are like that, but for the most part, I am 49 00:03:38.400 --> 00:03:45.680 looking for friends who have things going for them, who are busy, who 50 00:03:45.719 --> 00:03:49.680 are on their grind, who are very independent. I feel like I vibe 51 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:53.439 like the best friendships that I have in my life, and the ones that 52 00:03:53.479 --> 00:03:59.439 I see work so well are ones where they are very independent and they have 53 00:03:59.639 --> 00:04:02.319 goals and they have a job and they have many things going for them and 54 00:04:02.360 --> 00:04:08.680 they've been working on themselves and everything like that. It just works because I 55 00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:11.439 kind of retreat back to my own life and so do they. And I 56 00:04:11.479 --> 00:04:14.599 feel like I've had many relationships or friendships. Sorry I should say, if 57 00:04:14.599 --> 00:04:18.480 I say relationships, you know what I mean. And you know my life 58 00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:23.519 where we weren't really on that same page. There was a lot of female 59 00:04:23.560 --> 00:04:26.759 friendships where they kind of wanted to be attached to the hip and always talking 60 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:30.240 and like, you know, getting advice on every single little thing, and 61 00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:33.240 I just don't. I just don't really have the time for that in my 62 00:04:33.399 --> 00:04:38.240 life. And yeah, so that's something that I really look for, is 63 00:04:38.279 --> 00:04:45.040 like very dependent sorry sorry, not dependent. Independent. I also look for 64 00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:49.600 women in my life and like all my friends really have this quality of just 65 00:04:49.720 --> 00:04:56.959 being very real and honest. I am somebody who's very blunt and says it 66 00:04:57.040 --> 00:05:01.519 like it is even off of the p I just feel like I'm also somebody 67 00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:05.120 who, like I call myself out and I'm very self aware, So I 68 00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:13.079 look for those traits and qualities in somebody else. I also like to find 69 00:05:13.240 --> 00:05:17.720 women who do care about their like health and wellness and self care, which 70 00:05:17.800 --> 00:05:20.959 kind of goes along with being on your shit in your grind because usually you 71 00:05:21.079 --> 00:05:24.680 kind of do if you're working and stuff. And it's not to say that 72 00:05:24.720 --> 00:05:28.480 these these women need to have the same lifestyle as me or like care about 73 00:05:28.519 --> 00:05:30.399 going to gym and this that, like, I have many friends who do 74 00:05:30.439 --> 00:05:33.079 different things. It's not even really my concern. But if I can tell 75 00:05:33.120 --> 00:05:38.839 that this girl really cares about herself and like pours into herself, that's really 76 00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:43.680 like a green flag for me I personally. And I'm not going to get 77 00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:46.920 too much into this because I actually think it doesn't matter too much really, 78 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:50.319 But I'm just saying this because I tend to align to people who have the 79 00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:55.120 same views. But I also do have friends who do not, and I 80 00:05:55.160 --> 00:06:00.319 and I mesh really well with them. I have very like democratic moving into 81 00:06:00.360 --> 00:06:05.639 conservative values when it comes to like political issues and world issues. And I'm 82 00:06:05.639 --> 00:06:10.120 not like super conservative. I'm very much so liberal in a lot of ways. 83 00:06:10.319 --> 00:06:12.680 I think that I do a pretty good job at that, even like 84 00:06:13.240 --> 00:06:15.759 kind of showing you guys that, if you guys were even to think about 85 00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:17.839 it on the podcast, Like I'm very I think naturally, like when you 86 00:06:18.399 --> 00:06:21.839 learn to accept and love yourself, I think you kind of fall away from 87 00:06:21.879 --> 00:06:27.879 being a very like strict one way on a political spectrum type of thing. 88 00:06:28.360 --> 00:06:30.759 Not like I spend a lot of time talking about politics in my friendships, 89 00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:38.879 but I do find the closest people to me they do have that more democratic 90 00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:42.720 ish moving into the conservative type of standpoint, and it's just very apparent. 91 00:06:42.720 --> 00:06:46.199 And I think that's kind of pretty normal with people who are like hyper independent, 92 00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:53.600 who are on their shit very very just like kind of like to themselves, 93 00:06:53.800 --> 00:06:57.800 I find, And again it's not really that important. Another thing that 94 00:06:57.839 --> 00:07:02.120 I look for, and this is very key, okay, is friends who 95 00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:09.959 are confident and who are not self critical and know how to speak to themselves 96 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:14.120 in a kind way. Now, my friends are not perfect, and I 97 00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:17.480 do not expect them to be and I'm not even perfect, but I have 98 00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:21.920 found over my life what works in friendships for me is being friends with people 99 00:07:23.000 --> 00:07:29.519 who love themselves, who back themselves, who are confident. And there's for 100 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:33.439 many reasons. I feel like, for one, if I'm constantly around people 101 00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:39.519 who are not confident and nitpicking everything and judging themselves all the time and criticizing 102 00:07:39.560 --> 00:07:42.879 themselves, it actually affects the way I look at myself, which I don't 103 00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:46.079 like. Okay, it's the same thing as if you constantly are nitpicking yourself 104 00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:47.439 in front of your young child, your young child is going to start to 105 00:07:47.480 --> 00:07:51.600 like nitpick at herself. Like literally that will happen. So I've caught myself 106 00:07:51.639 --> 00:07:55.480 sometimes just being like oh shit, like maybe do I need to get this 107 00:07:55.519 --> 00:07:57.720 done? Or like do I need to So I don't like any of that. 108 00:07:58.279 --> 00:08:00.920 And again, my friends are not perfect, and I don't like I 109 00:08:00.959 --> 00:08:03.360 can kind of be around people who are still insecure and it's fine because I 110 00:08:03.399 --> 00:08:07.120 get it and like it's not that deep. But I do find a majority 111 00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:11.600 of my closest friends they don't have that inner dialogue, and even if they 112 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:16.360 do, they're not like constantly speaking it out constantly like complaining all the time, 113 00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:20.279 and like, I just don't like that. It just again it kind 114 00:08:20.279 --> 00:08:24.480 of actually affects me, but also it just shows me that there's obviously like 115 00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:28.000 a lot of work to do, and it's very very exhausting because I don't 116 00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:35.039 speak to myself in that way naturally, especially as being somebody who is yes, 117 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:37.840 high achieving and very on her shit and you know, have worked on 118 00:08:37.840 --> 00:08:41.039 herself from a very young age and self love and all this kind of stuff. 119 00:08:41.159 --> 00:08:43.320 Naturally, I'm gonna want to be that a vice friend and be that 120 00:08:43.399 --> 00:08:46.639 person that's like no, like, don't think about yourself like that, like 121 00:08:46.679 --> 00:08:50.960 you look amazing and is that. But it can be very exhausting. And 122 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:54.200 I'm sure some of you guys know exactly what I mean being the advice friend. 123 00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:58.440 And I think that I have told myself this maybe probably it's funny because 124 00:09:00.399 --> 00:09:01.840 I just don't really have friends like that anymore that I need to do that, 125 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:07.279 But I kind of told myself maybe like a year ago, it was 126 00:09:07.320 --> 00:09:11.000 like I am so really done with being that advice friend. I'm obviously going 127 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:13.320 to be there for my friends and things like that, but I'm so just 128 00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:18.679 exhausted from trying to convince people to see their own worth, like you can 129 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:22.639 only really do so much, and it really is exhausting sometimes, and it's 130 00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:24.200 just not the hill that I'm trying to die on, like honestly, like 131 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:31.399 this is why I'm saying it. I have been very self motivated, and 132 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:35.120 when I'm insecure, when I feel like there's a problem in my life, 133 00:09:35.240 --> 00:09:37.120 I go and seek that help. I go ask questions. I go on 134 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:41.159 YouTube and I type in what I need to learn, and I listen to 135 00:09:41.240 --> 00:09:43.639 podcasts and I journal all the time, and I save up my money and 136 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:46.200 I go get the help that I need, and I google things, I 137 00:09:46.279 --> 00:09:54.600 search, I ask, and I just don't really love the idea of always 138 00:09:54.879 --> 00:10:00.679 being that advice friend and always trying to like help somebody who's not willing to 139 00:10:00.720 --> 00:10:03.039 do it themselves, Like they're not really self motivated to like go get that 140 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:05.440 help. It's just kind of like I'm there and I'm just giving them that 141 00:10:05.480 --> 00:10:09.720 advice because what I tend to find with those type of people is they don't 142 00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:13.720 really change. And I feel like the people who actually change a lot of 143 00:10:13.720 --> 00:10:18.200 the times, they don't. They don't seek so much advice and so much 144 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:22.440 validation from people because they kind of just like go and get it themselves. 145 00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:28.399 And again, everyone is kind of different. So I make sure that a 146 00:10:28.440 --> 00:10:31.759 lot of my friends are confident because I think that it's really impacted the way 147 00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:35.159 that I've looked at myself. And I will say, like my best friend, 148 00:10:35.240 --> 00:10:37.919 my closest friend, who's like literally my ride or die, she will 149 00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:41.759 be at my wedding. I will be at hers. It is at this 150 00:10:41.879 --> 00:10:46.600 point, there's no breaking us apart. They're just not She is the most 151 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:50.960 confident person that I have ever met in terms of like her self concept. 152 00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:56.279 I have never seen anyone have a concept sorry self concept like her. And 153 00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:00.840 she's even and it's sorry. The reason why I'm saying that is because it's 154 00:11:00.919 --> 00:11:03.519 rubbed off on me as well, Like she's just a reminder to me to 155 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:09.080 just continue to stand in my own worth. And yeah, I just think 156 00:11:09.080 --> 00:11:11.879 that that's a really good quality to have because obviously, like when you spend 157 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:16.080 a lot of time around women, essentially, I mean I don't really have 158 00:11:16.120 --> 00:11:20.279 guy friends. I'm not really like that type of person. I don't think 159 00:11:20.279 --> 00:11:22.480 it's a bad thing if you have guy friends. I just never really have 160 00:11:22.559 --> 00:11:26.120 been like that. But I think that when you're especially around women. It 161 00:11:26.200 --> 00:11:30.799 is very important that the friends that you're around they have a good self concept 162 00:11:30.840 --> 00:11:33.240 and they look at themselves well. And even if they're working on things, 163 00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:37.639 and even if it's you know, there's there's down times in their lives or 164 00:11:37.639 --> 00:11:41.200 they're not feeling confident, it's fine for them to be like inventing and this 165 00:11:41.320 --> 00:11:46.200 that. But I look for people who can still take that accountability and still 166 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:50.799 bring themselves back to reality of the truth of who they are, and like 167 00:11:50.879 --> 00:11:54.120 really go and seek out that help and not just constantly be relying on a 168 00:11:54.159 --> 00:11:56.440 friend like me to constantly validate them, because I just find that that doesn't 169 00:11:56.480 --> 00:12:00.519 really help, and it actually doesn't really help too much because at the end 170 00:12:00.519 --> 00:12:03.240 of the day, when it comes to validation, you got to stop looking 171 00:12:03.279 --> 00:12:05.519 outside of yourself. If you keep doing that and keep waiting for people to 172 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:09.080 validate you, whether it's your friends, your best friends, or even your 173 00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:13.080 man relationships, it does not matter. You have to get to a point 174 00:12:13.120 --> 00:12:15.799 where you have to decide that you are good enough, that you are worthy, 175 00:12:15.879 --> 00:12:18.080 that you were X, y, and Z. And I find that 176 00:12:18.120 --> 00:12:22.159 people who are constantly like needing that validation from best friends or whatever, they 177 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:26.559 never really learn how to valuate themselves. So I actually just think that it's 178 00:12:26.600 --> 00:12:30.759 actually not that helpful to always be that person because I find that they don't 179 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:33.799 actually end up learning how to valiate themselves because I'm always doing the validating, 180 00:12:35.080 --> 00:12:39.320 you know. So that's kind of what I look for in friendships. Also, 181 00:12:39.960 --> 00:12:45.840 actually another thing I talk a lot about this with my friend, my 182 00:12:45.960 --> 00:12:50.080 best friend Joey. But women, I'm just gonna say women, because again 183 00:12:50.240 --> 00:12:56.559 it's female friendships for me. Women who do not play the victim is huge 184 00:12:56.600 --> 00:13:03.279 for me because I have been somebody from very very young that I literally wasn't 185 00:13:03.320 --> 00:13:07.039 allowed to really play the victim card in many ways. And this can be 186 00:13:07.799 --> 00:13:13.200 whether it's with men or body image or and I'm being sensitive when I'm saying 187 00:13:13.200 --> 00:13:16.320 that because I have been there. And also it's fine if you feel like 188 00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:20.399 the victim in some of these aspects, like, yeah, some guys can 189 00:13:20.440 --> 00:13:22.519 be shit, Yeah your body might not be looking the way you want it 190 00:13:22.559 --> 00:13:26.799 to look like. I get that. But in general, like even when 191 00:13:26.840 --> 00:13:33.399 it comes to opportunities and stuff like, I look for people who are optimistic, 192 00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:35.639 who are like things are working out for me. I'm growing, I'm 193 00:13:35.720 --> 00:13:39.840 learning even when things aren't working out. It's like, Okay, what lesson 194 00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:43.679 can I learn? Versus people who are constantly complaining and nothing good ever works 195 00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:48.240 out for me? It doesn't matter like everyone hates me. I can't find 196 00:13:48.240 --> 00:13:50.759 the guy in my dreams. I can't do this, it doesn't work. 197 00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:52.279 Blameing on everything else, this, that, and the third. I can't 198 00:13:52.759 --> 00:13:56.240 do it. It's not helpful for me. It's also just not how I 199 00:13:56.320 --> 00:14:00.200 move through life. I don't move through life as a victim never know or 200 00:14:00.200 --> 00:14:03.080 never never never, because it does not get me out of the situation that 201 00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:09.799 I'd be complaining about if I was in. And there is value in playing, 202 00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:13.519 not playing, acknowledging that you have been a victim in certain circumstances. 203 00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:18.679 I have been a victim in circumstances in my life, for sure. But 204 00:14:18.759 --> 00:14:22.559 what I have learned is how to get out of that is to not continue 205 00:14:22.600 --> 00:14:26.720 to live in that identity of things don't work for me, or bad things 206 00:14:26.759 --> 00:14:28.679 have happened and they're going to continue to happen, or nothing works out for 207 00:14:28.759 --> 00:14:33.080 me. Just never has worked in my life like that. And so I 208 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:37.679 have a lot of friends who are very optimistic, who are not playing the 209 00:14:37.799 --> 00:14:41.759 victim and it just is it's lighter, it's amazing, and it's not so 210 00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:45.360 draining. And I think maybe the last thing, I kind of just wrote 211 00:14:45.399 --> 00:14:48.960 a few things here and again, I want to be careful because not everyone 212 00:14:50.039 --> 00:14:52.559 is perfect, and I don't want to feel like I'm this pick me, 213 00:14:52.919 --> 00:15:00.960 judgy, perfect girl who doesn't ever make a mistake. But I would say 214 00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:03.360 throughout my twenties, for sure, I'm twenty eight. If you guys are 215 00:15:03.399 --> 00:15:13.240 new, I stay away from women who are very self obsessed in a negative 216 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:18.159 way when it comes to body image, when it comes to like photos Instagram 217 00:15:18.279 --> 00:15:24.840 chasing men insecurities down the nines, Like I can't. There is so many 218 00:15:24.919 --> 00:15:30.799 more important things in our lives than to be hyper fixating on an Instagram post 219 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:35.759 for the entire day. I can't do it. Maybe this has just also 220 00:15:35.799 --> 00:15:39.759 come with age, because I feel like this used to be like more prevalent 221 00:15:39.799 --> 00:15:43.639 when when I was younger, Like friend groups of being like, oh does 222 00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:45.919 this picture look good? At this that? And that's totally fine. You 223 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:48.879 ask your friends if a photo looks good? Yes, like if you need 224 00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:50.440 that validation, sure, like I love it. You want to send your 225 00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:54.159 friend, Oh, what are you wearing, what do you like whatever, 226 00:15:54.200 --> 00:15:56.360 But the end of the day, it's like, I think you just know 227 00:15:56.399 --> 00:15:58.960 when it's too much and it's just draining and I just don't want to be 228 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:03.799 around it. So I just really really value people who just stand in their 229 00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:07.399 worth honestly, because then it rubs off on me and it makes me feel 230 00:16:07.639 --> 00:16:11.639 It's the same way as when you're with a man who just says, don't 231 00:16:11.679 --> 00:16:14.360 worry, I got it, and you can just breathe for a second. 232 00:16:14.440 --> 00:16:17.279 It's like, thank you, because I could have worried about this, but 233 00:16:17.320 --> 00:16:18.639 you're just like, don't worry, I got it, and then you can 234 00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:22.919 just like come back to peace. Like that's how I feel when I'm around 235 00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:27.200 people, especially women who are confident within themselves. And actually, maybe one 236 00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:33.159 more thing is I look for people who know the importance of showing up in 237 00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:37.480 a friendship, but also when they say one thing, they will follow through 238 00:16:37.480 --> 00:16:42.000 with it. And I'm saying that from somebody who doesn't have that many expectations 239 00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:45.320 with friends and things, because I understand that everyone has their own lives and 240 00:16:45.679 --> 00:16:51.159 I'm not somebody who's asking for a lot. So I feel like when you 241 00:16:51.200 --> 00:16:53.879 tell me something, don't flip flop and don't be like, oh, like 242 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:57.039 changing your mind every three seconds all the time. I can't do that. 243 00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:00.960 The thing is, it's like I look for people who know themselves. So 244 00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:06.160 if you know that you are somebody who doesn't really know and you want to 245 00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:08.039 change your mind about things, fine, I'm not even judging about that. 246 00:17:08.079 --> 00:17:11.319 But it's like, know yourself enough to know that you're probably going to change 247 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:15.200 your mind in a week, and don't make that plan with me until you 248 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:19.599 know, or be open with communication about how you move as a person. 249 00:17:21.000 --> 00:17:25.119 And I do that as well with friends, Like all of my friends know 250 00:17:25.359 --> 00:17:30.480 that I am somebody who is independent and I am actually okay to like not 251 00:17:30.599 --> 00:17:33.200 see them all the time. There's different levels of communication that I like to 252 00:17:33.240 --> 00:17:41.160 have with people, Like it's just this understanding, but it's because I show 253 00:17:41.240 --> 00:17:44.000 up this way, like I'm not like flip flopping, so I don't know. 254 00:17:44.039 --> 00:17:47.559 I think that that's just another thing that I really look forward in a 255 00:17:47.599 --> 00:17:49.240 friendship, and I think that the closest friendship that I have, I think 256 00:17:49.279 --> 00:17:56.279 that like Joey is like she she understands the value and she knows what it 257 00:17:56.319 --> 00:18:00.880 means to be a friend, which for us is showing up, Like are 258 00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:08.079 you showing up? Are you communicating when you can't show up? And are 259 00:18:08.119 --> 00:18:11.279 you I guess like respecting each other's boundaries. But I think that's just natural, 260 00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:15.279 Like when you align with people who are kind of like you, it's 261 00:18:15.319 --> 00:18:19.720 like an unspoken word that you know, you don't need to be tied to 262 00:18:19.759 --> 00:18:23.480 my hip type of energy. So that's probably all I'm gonna say about that. 263 00:18:23.680 --> 00:18:30.079 The next question is how do you make high value friends who are on 264 00:18:30.119 --> 00:18:34.039 the same journey as you. So when I think about my journey of really 265 00:18:34.079 --> 00:18:38.640 building the friendships that I have built and the people who surround me, now 266 00:18:40.119 --> 00:18:45.359 it really actually started with me. These people are really a reflection of who 267 00:18:45.400 --> 00:18:49.279 I am, and so I kind of had to get real with myself. 268 00:18:49.400 --> 00:18:53.519 And I'm not saying that you need to whoever asked this, but I'm just 269 00:18:53.599 --> 00:18:56.440 gonna share my journey. When I was younger, I had to kind of 270 00:18:56.440 --> 00:19:02.799 get real with myself about what was kind of being reflected in my life. 271 00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:07.279 I realized that I didn't really have the best friendship groups, Like the quality 272 00:19:07.279 --> 00:19:11.000 of friendships weren't really the best. The type of conversations that we were having 273 00:19:11.279 --> 00:19:17.000 weren't really healthy. But I kind of had a look in the mirror and 274 00:19:17.000 --> 00:19:19.400 be like, well, I'm the one putting myself in these places. I'm 275 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:23.519 the one going out every single weekend and being around people who care about going 276 00:19:23.559 --> 00:19:30.119 out. I'm the one having these conversations nitpicking and being critical. I'm the 277 00:19:30.119 --> 00:19:34.200 one also, you know, chasing male validation and then gossiping with my friends 278 00:19:34.200 --> 00:19:38.079 about it and like really connecting on that level because we're all doing that. 279 00:19:38.559 --> 00:19:45.960 And so the way I really built the friendships that I have now was not 280 00:19:45.039 --> 00:19:48.599 like going out to find them. It was really just changing some of the 281 00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:56.880 habits that I was indulging in in my life. And this naturally happened when 282 00:19:56.640 --> 00:20:02.480 I graduated call I mean not even graduated, but when I was going through 283 00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:06.640 college, I was being more responsible with my life. I had to work, 284 00:20:06.680 --> 00:20:10.720 I had to make money, I had to create goals for myself. 285 00:20:10.759 --> 00:20:12.160 A lot of you guys know, my dad had passed away when I was 286 00:20:12.200 --> 00:20:15.720 sixteen, so I didn't have him in my life. I didn't come from 287 00:20:15.759 --> 00:20:18.240 a lot of money. My mom was going through addictions. I didn't really 288 00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:21.200 have I really didn't have a lot of help, So I kind of had 289 00:20:21.240 --> 00:20:25.960 to be really really hyper responsible in my life, and that really reflected actually 290 00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:30.799 in me not going out so much, me not giving an f about male 291 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:33.079 validation so much, because I don't care about what my Instagram looks like right 292 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:37.599 now, because I need to go to work, like very simple things, 293 00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:41.359 honestly, So just kind of taking a look at your current life and your 294 00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:45.039 habits and like, while you're interested in what type of content you're listening to, 295 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:49.319 what content you're consuming, what conversations you're having, who are you hanging 296 00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:52.759 out with and where are you hanging out with them? Things like that, 297 00:20:52.920 --> 00:20:57.200 And I just think that the more you kind of work on yourself important to 298 00:20:57.240 --> 00:21:03.200 yourself and really prioritize your tens, your schooling, your job, where you're 299 00:21:03.240 --> 00:21:07.039 going in the next five to ten years, naturally you'll just be put in 300 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:11.279 places where these people are matching the same thing. So I'll give you maybe 301 00:21:11.319 --> 00:21:14.759 like a few examples of some of my friends that I'm really close friends with 302 00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:18.359 now that I look at as very high value and it wasn't really hard for 303 00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:22.240 me to make friends with them. Was when I was serving and this is 304 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:29.920 after college I was and this is the thing I have always been like a 305 00:21:29.960 --> 00:21:33.920 really good worker, Like I'm very much so I follow the rules. I 306 00:21:34.079 --> 00:21:38.160 like can work very efficiently, Like I'm very very productive at work. And 307 00:21:38.440 --> 00:21:44.000 I've just always been like that, probably just just being raised by my father 308 00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:47.720 and like also just I don't know, I've always had that core wound of 309 00:21:47.759 --> 00:21:49.480 like never wanting to be in trouble, which is funny because I'm also like 310 00:21:49.799 --> 00:21:56.039 savage in a lot of ways, Like I will like I will be blunt 311 00:21:56.039 --> 00:21:59.920 and at work and stuff, and my boss is kind of my bosses weren't 312 00:22:00.279 --> 00:22:03.519 afraid of me. But like I've always had that kind of sass and like 313 00:22:03.559 --> 00:22:07.839 that confidence in the workplace in a way. So anyways, whatever, I'm 314 00:22:07.839 --> 00:22:11.839 just talking about myself at this point. But anyways, when I was serving, 315 00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:15.920 I was a really good server. And you know, if you just 316 00:22:17.720 --> 00:22:22.240 if you just do your freaking job and you're really motivated, you'll you'll get 317 00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:25.799 the tables that you want, You'll get the shifts that you want, you'll 318 00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:30.119 be favored, like you will as long as you're growing and you're self aware, 319 00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:33.319 like you can really go places in your life. And so I was 320 00:22:33.440 --> 00:22:37.039 one of the top servers at this restaurant that I was working at and so 321 00:22:37.319 --> 00:22:40.920 the more I was showing up as this person who's like, I want to 322 00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:42.279 make money, I want to do good at my job. I want an 323 00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:47.920 X, Y and Z. Of course I matched up and I got on 324 00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:51.680 shifts with people who were good servers as well, because that's what ends up 325 00:22:51.680 --> 00:22:53.799 happening, Like the top servers are going to be put on, the top 326 00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:56.839 servers are going to get the best shifts, the top servers are usually going 327 00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:00.759 to be working at night time, on the most busiest nights, and so 328 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:06.119 low and behold Joeye. I meet Joye. I think I was working there 329 00:23:06.119 --> 00:23:08.839 before she was. I don't remember, I think so. Anyways, so 330 00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:12.279 we naturally just got to know each other because we were always on the same 331 00:23:12.279 --> 00:23:17.640 shifts, and it was very clear that we just we really killed it at 332 00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:21.119 work. And you know, the more we got to know each other, 333 00:23:21.240 --> 00:23:23.880 and like we were in group chats and we started talking more, and it 334 00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:27.079 was very clear that we were very much so the same person. Even though 335 00:23:27.079 --> 00:23:32.559 she's younger than me, she's been raised a little bit. In many ways, 336 00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:34.359 she's raised the same way, but many ways she was raised differently than 337 00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:38.720 me. She has different interests than me, but she was on her shit, 338 00:23:38.799 --> 00:23:41.599 and she really loves finances. She loves money. And at that point, 339 00:23:41.640 --> 00:23:45.799 like I was grinding, and we naturally slowly got closer together. And 340 00:23:45.880 --> 00:23:49.039 ever since then we've started talking and we just hold the same values, like 341 00:23:49.079 --> 00:23:52.359 we think the same way. We're just grinding, we're we're hustling whatever, 342 00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:56.440 to the point where I ended up leaving serving, and I did social media 343 00:23:56.480 --> 00:24:00.119 full time because I was doing my social media on the side as I was 344 00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:03.480 working as a server, and I was working at nine to five as well. 345 00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:04.480 Then I left that nine five because I didn't want to be there, 346 00:24:04.599 --> 00:24:08.640 and then I did full time serving made bank as I was doing social media 347 00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:11.559 until my social media kicked off. I made enough money to be able to 348 00:24:11.599 --> 00:24:14.559 leave my serving job. I already knew that I was going to do that. 349 00:24:14.599 --> 00:24:17.079 It was already done, Like in my mind, I was already out. 350 00:24:17.720 --> 00:24:21.400 As I was doing that, I obviously got to know her more. 351 00:24:22.200 --> 00:24:25.359 She was really into finances and I was on TikTok at that point, and 352 00:24:25.400 --> 00:24:26.640 I was really big on TikTok, and I told her, I'm like, 353 00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:30.400 dude, start TikTok. Start talking about finances on TikTok, Like that's the 354 00:24:30.440 --> 00:24:33.839 thing. That people go to you for the most Anyway, she started doing 355 00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:37.680 that, she blew up, she went full time, she left her job, 356 00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:40.279 and now she's doing it full time as well. So like we're on 357 00:24:40.319 --> 00:24:42.160 the same fucking vibe. And it wasn't hard for me to do that. 358 00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:45.640 So I just feel like it started with me though. It started with me 359 00:24:45.720 --> 00:24:51.440 prioritizing my bills and getting you know, to work, and being on time 360 00:24:51.519 --> 00:24:56.000 and really grinding and hustling and like doing all these things. Same thing goes 361 00:24:56.039 --> 00:25:00.759 with one of my friend's tests, she will not she well, she is 362 00:25:00.759 --> 00:25:04.559 a content creator, so so am I. And I started following my passions 363 00:25:04.559 --> 00:25:07.160 and my dreams of being a content creator and I was on TikTok and I 364 00:25:07.160 --> 00:25:11.440 started my podcast and then I was on YouTube and this that so naturally, 365 00:25:11.480 --> 00:25:14.200 when you're doing that and you're deciding, like I have goals and I want 366 00:25:14.200 --> 00:25:18.359 to accomplish them and I'm working towards them, things opportunities come to you. 367 00:25:18.440 --> 00:25:21.880 And there was an opportunity with a brand and she ended up being on that 368 00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:25.440 same opportunity and we clicked that way, and then we kind of went from 369 00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:30.920 there, like it was not this plan of I need to go to. 370 00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:34.200 I don't know. I always think about this, like on TikTok sometimes like 371 00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:37.079 when those like high value girls or will like go on be like where to 372 00:25:37.119 --> 00:25:41.759 find high value friends and you like or like where where to find high value 373 00:25:41.759 --> 00:25:45.839 men? And it's like you go to these like expensive hotels and like you 374 00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:48.200 don't have to spend much, but you just put yourself in places like that. 375 00:25:48.480 --> 00:25:51.920 And I used to make content of high value stuff as well, so 376 00:25:51.920 --> 00:25:55.960 I'm not trying to bag and like soft life and stuff. But I think 377 00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:59.400 sometimes it doesn't need to be like that at all. Can literally just be 378 00:26:00.440 --> 00:26:04.960 like anyone in any any place. It just depends on like where are you 379 00:26:06.160 --> 00:26:08.920 energetically, like where are you on your journey? So I think just really 380 00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:14.079 working on what it is that you value in your life, and you'll you'll 381 00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:18.279 eventually connect with these people like you really will. And I found also a 382 00:26:18.319 --> 00:26:22.279 lot of other content creators who are now my friends. There's content creators who 383 00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:26.519 have reached out to me. But also just like you know, people have 384 00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:30.920 met in the industry where you know, we're going to health and wellness event 385 00:26:30.039 --> 00:26:33.160 or they make health and wellness content, and I'm into health and wellness as 386 00:26:33.160 --> 00:26:37.160 well. So naturally like we became friends. Like I have this one friend 387 00:26:37.279 --> 00:26:41.359 who we connect so much on like going for hogo walks and getting machas and 388 00:26:41.359 --> 00:26:45.599 going acute shops and like aesthetic things like that's just what we like. And 389 00:26:45.079 --> 00:26:48.319 she's very high value to me because she takes care of herself and this that. 390 00:26:48.640 --> 00:26:52.599 I have another friend who's very spiritual, like she thinks very much so 391 00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:55.880 the same way as I do. It's just yeah and that, and I 392 00:26:55.960 --> 00:27:00.720 met her through an event I went to because that event was tied to my 393 00:27:00.839 --> 00:27:04.640 work. So I think, just again, following what you want in your 394 00:27:04.680 --> 00:27:10.039 life and you will you will actually find the people who are meant for you. 395 00:27:10.039 --> 00:27:11.480 Next question, somebody said, how to be social when you have a 396 00:27:11.559 --> 00:27:18.440 hard time finding people who truly understand you. I think that this also has 397 00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:23.119 a lot more to do with you than you think. This identity of people 398 00:27:23.240 --> 00:27:30.680 don't understand me can actually hurt you more than you think. And I'm saying 399 00:27:30.680 --> 00:27:33.839 this from personal experience. And I really went through this phase in my life 400 00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:38.480 when I was really into self development and health and wellness and fixing my life 401 00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:41.200 and getting out of the circumstance that I was in. When I was younger, 402 00:27:41.880 --> 00:27:47.400 nobody was into self development, nobody was taking their life really responsibly like 403 00:27:48.039 --> 00:27:52.559 it was I was. I felt very isolated, and so I felt like 404 00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:57.440 nobody understood me, nobody got me, nobody wanted to change, and I 405 00:27:57.480 --> 00:28:00.480 was kind of resentful. I was kind of annoyed. I'd be really judging 406 00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:04.599 for people who wasn't who weren't sorry, And those are all natural things. 407 00:28:04.599 --> 00:28:08.519 So if you're feeling like that right now, like it's it's actually it's fine. 408 00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:12.400 It's not to say you need to actually judge people and like be rude 409 00:28:12.440 --> 00:28:15.039 to them or treat them poorly, But I just mean, like, if 410 00:28:15.079 --> 00:28:18.359 you're feeling those feelings like it's, it's a natural process. I personally think 411 00:28:18.400 --> 00:28:22.799 when you are on a journey of like really working on yourself, it's gonna 412 00:28:22.799 --> 00:28:25.160 feel a little bit lonely, but it's not gonna stay that way. And 413 00:28:25.200 --> 00:28:26.960 I think that you need to get out of that mindset. And that's why 414 00:28:27.079 --> 00:28:30.880 I'm saying this right now, like it kind of comes back to you. 415 00:28:32.039 --> 00:28:34.720 Yes, you might go through life where people don't really fully understand you, 416 00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:38.640 because, to be frank, how many people in your personal life are listening 417 00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:42.440 to podcasts as much as you are reading as much as you or on their 418 00:28:42.440 --> 00:28:47.400 shit as much as you probably like not every single person, okay, And 419 00:28:47.440 --> 00:28:51.640 I would honestly even say, even if I look at my whole entire friend 420 00:28:51.640 --> 00:28:55.160 group and there's a lot of them, I would say, like, I'm 421 00:28:55.200 --> 00:29:00.359 the one that's probably I am the one for sure that's still listening to all 422 00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:03.440 the podcasts more than anyone else. And this is not even to put me 423 00:29:03.480 --> 00:29:06.000 on that like up above them, but it's just true, Like I just 424 00:29:06.039 --> 00:29:11.519 I'm more into self development, so I feel like naturally it's anyways. The 425 00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:15.519 way that I think about it now though, is it is just because some 426 00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:18.799 of my friends might not be on that same journey, or people don't fully 427 00:29:18.839 --> 00:29:22.480 understand me because they're not on the self development journey or whatever, does not 428 00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:27.400 mean that I have to take it as nobody gets me and like nobody is 429 00:29:27.440 --> 00:29:32.440 gonna be able to connect to me, and this that you're actually way more 430 00:29:32.440 --> 00:29:37.359 connected with a person down the street that has nothing to do with your career 431 00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:41.359 or self development or anything than you even think. But I think that sometimes 432 00:29:41.359 --> 00:29:42.440 we have this identity of like, oh, people just don't get me, 433 00:29:42.519 --> 00:29:45.359 so then naturally you're going out in the world with this lens of people don't 434 00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:48.440 get me, so you're only going to search for evidence to prove yourself right. 435 00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:52.680 So always being aware of that you're always wearing a lens when you go 436 00:29:52.799 --> 00:29:56.839 out in the world. We have many lenses, so doing your best to 437 00:29:56.960 --> 00:30:00.839 know when you're putting on that lens and you're kind of like painting the picture 438 00:30:00.920 --> 00:30:03.240 like, oh, nobody gets me or nobody's like me, and this that 439 00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:07.799 take it off is totally fine if people don't fully get you, And also 440 00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:11.759 a good thing to ask yourself or even really saying, this is what I 441 00:30:11.799 --> 00:30:15.559 do now is like what can I learn from this person? Okay, this 442 00:30:15.559 --> 00:30:17.599 person doesn't need to be on the same journey as me, but what can 443 00:30:17.640 --> 00:30:21.279 this person look like? What can this person teach me? Or what can 444 00:30:21.319 --> 00:30:26.480 I teach them? And not every single friendship or relationship is going to be 445 00:30:26.559 --> 00:30:30.519 this like twin flame fire connection, And that's totally fine. And I understand 446 00:30:30.519 --> 00:30:33.839 why sometimes people will feel this way because maybe you have nobody like that right 447 00:30:33.880 --> 00:30:37.519 now in your life. But I think that taking off that lens can be 448 00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:41.000 helpful for you to actually find that person, because I do find and this 449 00:30:41.160 --> 00:30:47.279 is my only experience. But I do find the way that I create relationships, 450 00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:53.480 friendships, romantic anything manifest essentially is actually detaching a little bit from those 451 00:30:53.559 --> 00:30:59.319 expectations. And the reason why I'm saying this is when I personally detach, 452 00:30:59.400 --> 00:31:03.519 what I'm actually doing is I'm not letting go of the wanting the friends or 453 00:31:03.599 --> 00:31:07.799 wanting the man, or wanting the thing. I'm letting go of the negative 454 00:31:07.960 --> 00:31:11.160 thought process that I have about these things and how hard they're going to be, 455 00:31:11.319 --> 00:31:15.079 or the limiting beliefs. Because I think that when you're speaking about manifestation, 456 00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:18.119 people will say, well, no, you don't actually have to let 457 00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:19.559 go and you should actually focus on that thing, And yes you should, 458 00:31:19.960 --> 00:31:22.599 but how are you focusing on it? Are you focusing on it in a 459 00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:26.920 positive way or a negative way? And if you find that you're being very 460 00:31:26.960 --> 00:31:30.400 negative and you're, oh my god, it's not happening detached, That's that's 461 00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:33.319 what helped me. Sorry, If I find that I have a lot of 462 00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:37.880 limiting beliefs around something and I haven't experienced it fully, I kind of just 463 00:31:37.880 --> 00:31:41.640 detached from it a little bit if I can't think positively. So I hope 464 00:31:41.640 --> 00:31:45.960 that helped the next question somebody said, what age did you meet your friends 465 00:31:45.279 --> 00:31:49.880 at who really see you, are there for you and you trust more than 466 00:31:49.880 --> 00:31:56.960 anyone else. So I would honestly say year twenty seven into my twenty eighth 467 00:31:57.000 --> 00:32:01.319 year, which is now, did I I really look at my friendships and 468 00:32:01.359 --> 00:32:09.000 be like wow, like I've actually created some real connections. And the way 469 00:32:09.039 --> 00:32:15.720 that this happened though, was me once again me, I finally started to 470 00:32:15.759 --> 00:32:21.920 actually let people in. And I think that we're always looking for the friends 471 00:32:21.960 --> 00:32:24.319 who we will be able to trust and who will be able to see us. 472 00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:27.680 But I think a lot of us don't realize we have a lot of 473 00:32:27.680 --> 00:32:32.960 core wounding that we energetically kind of put a wall up that makes it difficult 474 00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:38.440 for us to actually build a friendship where we could even trust or where I 475 00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:43.000 could even tell that person anything. And I think we're all different in terms 476 00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:45.039 of coming back to the hyper independent thing, like I don't really need somebody 477 00:32:45.079 --> 00:32:49.000 who I'm like need to trust with my life all the time and like always 478 00:32:49.039 --> 00:32:52.480 let somebody in. But I did find that the closest friend that I have. 479 00:32:52.559 --> 00:32:55.240 And again I'll bring it back to Joye where I could genuinely answer this 480 00:32:55.359 --> 00:33:00.240 question and put her name in. It is because I like this guard down 481 00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:07.839 finally, of I don't want to be seen or like friends don't work for 482 00:33:07.960 --> 00:33:12.359 me, things like that, so I want to quickly just like talk about 483 00:33:12.440 --> 00:33:16.559 this a little bit. Is like I had this core wound for a long 484 00:33:16.640 --> 00:33:22.480 time, many core wounds I would say that obviously would play out in friendships. 485 00:33:22.799 --> 00:33:24.680 But well, actually maybe I'll talk about two of them, the first 486 00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:30.480 one being for a long time. This is gonna be like a therapy session 487 00:33:30.480 --> 00:33:32.480 at this point, guys, But whatever, I know that me telling you 488 00:33:32.519 --> 00:33:38.319 guys this will help. I didn't actually really see too much of the benefit 489 00:33:38.400 --> 00:33:42.359 of having friends, if I'm being quite frank with you, Like I really 490 00:33:42.400 --> 00:33:46.039 didn't care to work on friendships. I didn't see the value of friendships. 491 00:33:46.119 --> 00:33:51.839 I didn't really care about them for a few reasons. One when I was 492 00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:54.119 younger, for sure, I kind of it wasn't that I cared more about 493 00:33:54.119 --> 00:34:00.079 boys than my friends, But when I would think about relationship or having somebody 494 00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:07.319 who was close to me, I would feel more comfortable prioritizing a romantic relationship 495 00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:13.960 than a female relationship because I really just didn't grow up learning the importance of 496 00:34:14.119 --> 00:34:16.320 like leaning on your friends and this that, and then I became very hyper 497 00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:22.199 independent that not only was it hard for me to even rely on men, 498 00:34:22.760 --> 00:34:24.480 because I was also choosing men that just like weren't really the best to be 499 00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:31.159 able to rely on. I never learned how to even rely on women like 500 00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:35.920 at all, because I just went through my life not being able to rely 501 00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:40.880 on my parents really and so that bled into friendships. So I kind of 502 00:34:40.920 --> 00:34:45.960 just had this situation where it was like I don't really need them. I 503 00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:50.159 don't need them for anyone, like I don't need you guys for anything, 504 00:34:50.199 --> 00:34:52.559 like I'm gonna do it myself energy. Okay, So I had that going 505 00:34:52.599 --> 00:34:59.079 on, which I will be very honest, I still have to work on 506 00:34:59.119 --> 00:35:01.039 that. I still have to that. I think that it takes time and 507 00:35:01.079 --> 00:35:07.280 it takes probably friend by friend. I think that I've done that more with 508 00:35:07.880 --> 00:35:09.840 Joyee than anyone else, probably, So I just want to say that, 509 00:35:09.880 --> 00:35:15.480 like, it takes time. But I've also had this core wound of I'm 510 00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:22.519 not really important and my feelings don't matter. I don't matter. I'm not 511 00:35:22.079 --> 00:35:28.320 pretty like everyone else, I'm not cool like anyone else. I don't get 512 00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:31.880 what other people get. And this is like a childhood wound. This is 513 00:35:32.519 --> 00:35:37.159 growing up in an environment in school where I didn't look like the other girls, 514 00:35:37.199 --> 00:35:42.119 so I didn't really get favored or chosen. I also grew up in 515 00:35:42.159 --> 00:35:44.679 a family where we didn't have a lot of money, so I would see 516 00:35:44.679 --> 00:35:49.280 other people get things and I didn't. I grew up around a father where 517 00:35:49.320 --> 00:35:52.000 he was very much so like just you have to be quiet, don't complain, 518 00:35:52.480 --> 00:35:57.719 don't share your emotions, be very quiet. And so I just learned 519 00:35:57.719 --> 00:36:00.280 how to do that, and then that obviously affected my confidence in many aspects. 520 00:36:00.360 --> 00:36:02.719 So there was a lot of that going on. So when I would 521 00:36:02.920 --> 00:36:09.280 show up in relationships, I actually like I didn't realize that I wasn't creating 522 00:36:09.320 --> 00:36:15.639 a space to even build a healthy foundation of friendship because I wasn't letting people 523 00:36:15.639 --> 00:36:20.679 in, because I never took the initiative to share how I was feeling or 524 00:36:20.760 --> 00:36:22.239 share when I was going through something. When I was going through something, 525 00:36:22.239 --> 00:36:25.559 I would do it alone. I would not tell my friends. I would 526 00:36:25.559 --> 00:36:28.440 not go to them, I would not cry to them, I would not 527 00:36:28.519 --> 00:36:32.039 do any of that. So without me really knowing that core wound, I 528 00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:37.159 would just always feel like in friendships it was always about them and not about 529 00:36:37.239 --> 00:36:40.119 me. So then I, oh, that kind of perpetuated this feeling of 530 00:36:40.239 --> 00:36:45.079 what's the point I'm even having friends because I'm just this a vice friend anyways. 531 00:36:45.599 --> 00:36:51.079 So when I kind of realized all of that, I realized, Okay, 532 00:36:51.679 --> 00:36:53.280 yes, maybe there's gonna be people who kind of drain your energy, 533 00:36:53.320 --> 00:36:58.320 but realistically, if you want to have this deep level of friendship, you're 534 00:36:58.320 --> 00:37:00.639 gonna have to let people in. You're gonna have to look at yourself like 535 00:37:00.719 --> 00:37:06.239 you are worthy of sharing what's going on. You have to look at yourself 536 00:37:06.280 --> 00:37:08.880 like, yeah, people will care and they do want to know about you. 537 00:37:09.480 --> 00:37:12.719 And the more I did that, and the more I worked on my 538 00:37:12.760 --> 00:37:16.239 mindset around that, when things would come up in my relationships, that's when 539 00:37:16.280 --> 00:37:21.320 I started to really feel like I was deeply connected with my friendships. And 540 00:37:21.360 --> 00:37:23.039 it was hard. And I'll say this, I think that the turning point 541 00:37:23.199 --> 00:37:27.599 for me when it came to my best friend Joyee, and I don't know 542 00:37:27.719 --> 00:37:32.000 she really knows this, but was, first of all, what I just 543 00:37:32.079 --> 00:37:36.920 told you, I was very very aware of my patterns and friendships and I 544 00:37:36.960 --> 00:37:39.119 was like, fuck, like, it's no wonder I don't really like care 545 00:37:39.159 --> 00:37:43.760 about friendships too much or like have like the most deep friendships, and if 546 00:37:43.800 --> 00:37:45.239 I did have friendships, which I do, like I've always had friends, 547 00:37:45.559 --> 00:37:51.599 it wasn't like anything I have now, So like I was very aware of 548 00:37:51.599 --> 00:37:55.320 that. And then I had another person in my life who was much older 549 00:37:55.360 --> 00:37:58.880 than me, and she's still in my life, and she would always tell 550 00:37:58.920 --> 00:38:00.760 me the importance of friends and like leaning on your girlfriends and this that, 551 00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:05.400 and everyone says that, but I just like was so like I don't want 552 00:38:05.400 --> 00:38:08.760 to, and like I don't know how and this that, But I found 553 00:38:08.800 --> 00:38:13.559 an opportunity to do this and put it in play. Okay, I was 554 00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:19.400 going through a breakup, and at this point I had gone through so many 555 00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:22.039 things by myself and I knew the importance of leaning on friends, and I 556 00:38:22.159 --> 00:38:27.480 still felt so uncomfortable and I didn't even really look especially Duey, like I 557 00:38:27.480 --> 00:38:30.519 didn't look at her like my closest best friend at that point, nor did 558 00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:32.599 I look at anyone like that. But I was like, I think this 559 00:38:32.639 --> 00:38:38.159 is a real good opportunity for me right now to lean in versus pull away, 560 00:38:38.239 --> 00:38:42.920 which is what I always do. And so when I was going through 561 00:38:42.920 --> 00:38:46.559 a breakup, she had known about the relationship that I was in, and 562 00:38:47.519 --> 00:38:51.400 I I think, I don't know, like I called her like right away 563 00:38:51.519 --> 00:38:52.480 or something, and I ended up meeting up with her and I went to 564 00:38:52.559 --> 00:38:54.760 a car and I was crying and I was just like, you know, 565 00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:58.199 just the thing that you do when you're going through a breakup. And she 566 00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:02.840 was there, like she was like which was wild to me because I've never 567 00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:06.760 experienced like a friend being like, Okay, you're coming back to my place 568 00:39:06.840 --> 00:39:08.280 right now, and like we're talking about this and like we're breaking this down 569 00:39:08.320 --> 00:39:14.239 and like whatever. I've always had the like friends who were kind of like, 570 00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:15.280 oh, like that's sad, like if you need anything, whatever. 571 00:39:15.320 --> 00:39:19.320 But but I'm not blaming them because I also didn't really open up to them 572 00:39:19.360 --> 00:39:21.119 as well, you know what I mean. I hope you guys can see 573 00:39:21.119 --> 00:39:24.400 what I'm saying. And so anyways, from there, I just knew that 574 00:39:24.440 --> 00:39:28.119 it was so important to keep leaning and keep talking to her, keep doing 575 00:39:28.199 --> 00:39:31.800 whatever. And we obviously just like built that that friendship from there, and 576 00:39:31.880 --> 00:39:35.400 it was uncomfortable, but I just knew that it was really helpful. And 577 00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:37.559 I think that that actually, genuinely, for the first time in my life, 578 00:39:37.599 --> 00:39:45.480 I realized and I experienced what my older friend was telling me when she 579 00:39:45.599 --> 00:39:51.719 said, your female friendships are literally everything for you, Like I would be 580 00:39:51.760 --> 00:39:55.039 a different person if I didn't have Juey. But also just like anyone as 581 00:39:55.079 --> 00:39:59.280 close as I did leaning on, like I could have gotten through it for 582 00:39:59.360 --> 00:40:01.639 sure. I've gone through very hard times without anyone in my life, and 583 00:40:01.639 --> 00:40:06.039 sometimes you just have to go through that, and like kudos to anyone who's 584 00:40:06.039 --> 00:40:07.519 currently going through that, because I get it, to get it. But 585 00:40:08.599 --> 00:40:13.880 it just like it did something to my nervous system, It did something to 586 00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:16.559 like my inner child to even do that, And so from there we really 587 00:40:16.559 --> 00:40:21.119 built that not even built. It was just like a natural progression of you 588 00:40:21.159 --> 00:40:23.719 know, I let her in and she knew about that, and then a 589 00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:27.440 few months later she ended up going through a breakup as well, so I 590 00:40:27.559 --> 00:40:30.880 was naturally always there, like I've always been that person that's been the advice 591 00:40:30.920 --> 00:40:35.800 friend, no problem, Like I'm there. But it just really built this 592 00:40:35.960 --> 00:40:38.920 trust in this like real like connection with us, and ever since then we've 593 00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:43.199 been like inseparable. When I mean inseparable, I mean we do it in 594 00:40:43.199 --> 00:40:45.440 a way that works for us, Like she's not attached to my hip. 595 00:40:45.599 --> 00:40:49.079 But she is somebody that I genuinely literally text every single day, which is 596 00:40:49.119 --> 00:40:52.320 wild because I don't feel the need to do that with most people. I 597 00:40:52.320 --> 00:40:55.360 think that it's not needed for most people, and I don't really like that. 598 00:40:57.039 --> 00:41:01.480 But with her, there's no, like we're so aligned in tune that 599 00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:06.320 she feels like home to me, where there's just this like I can text 600 00:41:06.320 --> 00:41:10.559 her about whatever, and like there's no pressure to like meet up or do 601 00:41:10.679 --> 00:41:15.719 these things or whatever. She's genuinely just this consistent thing that's always been in 602 00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:17.119 my life, and it's like the most healing thing ever. So shout out 603 00:41:17.159 --> 00:41:22.000 to Joey. She is like the best friend that I've ever had. Kind 604 00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:24.679 Of piggybacking off of that question, somebody said how to start over to find 605 00:41:24.719 --> 00:41:30.880 new friends in your late twenties, So I for sure technically like started over 606 00:41:30.920 --> 00:41:35.719 many times. I think that that's a normal thing. Genuinely, it's kind 607 00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.719 of rare to like always have the same friend group for a long time. 608 00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:42.920 I moved many different schools throughout my life, and then I went to college, 609 00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:45.039 and then I left my hometown. Then I came back, and then 610 00:41:45.079 --> 00:41:47.559 I North York and Markham and this that so I've been all over the place, 611 00:41:47.559 --> 00:41:52.440 so like naturally you just you keep some people and then naturally you just 612 00:41:52.480 --> 00:41:55.199 fall away from some people. And I think that that's normal also when you 613 00:41:55.280 --> 00:42:02.440 have real responsibilities in your life. Okay, but I think like when I 614 00:42:02.599 --> 00:42:08.039 really built the friendships that I have now again coming back to I just decided 615 00:42:08.039 --> 00:42:12.400 that it was like I had to be the one to kind of make that 616 00:42:12.519 --> 00:42:17.079 effort and understand that friendships do take some time, the same way romantic partnerships 617 00:42:17.159 --> 00:42:20.679 take time. Like we just think that sometimes it's like this one day, 618 00:42:20.679 --> 00:42:22.360 we're just gonna like find this person and it's just gonna be like flip of 619 00:42:22.400 --> 00:42:27.000 a switch and you're my husband or flip of the switch and you are my 620 00:42:27.039 --> 00:42:30.159 best friend and I trust you with everything. But it's like we also forget 621 00:42:30.239 --> 00:42:32.840 we all have like core wounds of things and we're doing self sabotaging behaviors a 622 00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:36.639 lot of the time, and then that person also has it and then also 623 00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:38.760 finding somebody who's kind of on the same grind as you. Like, things 624 00:42:38.840 --> 00:42:44.960 take time, Okay, So if you are starting over or you know, 625 00:42:45.039 --> 00:42:50.880 like transitioning, give yourself time and grace and coming back to how you really 626 00:42:50.920 --> 00:42:53.360 meet the friends that are for you. I think, you know, getting 627 00:42:53.400 --> 00:42:57.360 aligned back to who you are and what you value in your life, and 628 00:42:57.719 --> 00:43:00.719 thinking about the next five to ten years, like what type of conversations you 629 00:43:00.760 --> 00:43:04.880 want to be having with friends? Where do you want to be moving what 630 00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:08.039 I mean moving like environments you want to be moving around conversations and like things 631 00:43:08.079 --> 00:43:10.519 that you want to be doing with these people, and then kind of going 632 00:43:10.519 --> 00:43:15.480 out and even doing that on your own journey without even maybe even having that 633 00:43:15.519 --> 00:43:19.639 person yet. And for me, like when I think about myself in my 634 00:43:19.719 --> 00:43:22.199 thirties, I don't know where I'll be living or with who, but I 635 00:43:22.239 --> 00:43:24.920 know that I will be supported and not supported, sorry, I will be 636 00:43:25.000 --> 00:43:30.800 surrounded by friends who are aligned to me because I know in my thirties, 637 00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:32.480 I'm going to prioritize and like, obviously I don't really know because I'm not 638 00:43:32.519 --> 00:43:36.599 a time teller and this that, but like obviously I have goals. I 639 00:43:36.679 --> 00:43:39.280 want to be living in the suburbs. I love my hot girl walks. 640 00:43:39.360 --> 00:43:45.400 I really value health and wellness. I value not really drinking much like I 641 00:43:45.519 --> 00:43:50.559 value certain things. So I just when I'm looking for friends, like I'm 642 00:43:50.599 --> 00:43:52.920 trying to find those friends that are kind of aligned to the same thing as 643 00:43:53.000 --> 00:43:57.679 me. So give yourself time. If you are starting over in your twenties. 644 00:43:58.000 --> 00:44:00.760 Someone said how to build a friendship group instead of just having like one 645 00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:06.559 to two friends, you know, Okay, So I'll give you kind of 646 00:44:07.000 --> 00:44:09.079 like I have a pretty good case study of a friend. Who is this 647 00:44:09.119 --> 00:44:14.239 person who has created friend groups and it's not me? Okay. So I 648 00:44:14.280 --> 00:44:17.119 have witnessed one of my close friends who I've known for a long time. 649 00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:22.239 She's like a hometown girly. She lives in Toronto here now and she feels 650 00:44:22.239 --> 00:44:24.320 like a sister to me. Feels like a sister to me. I love 651 00:44:24.360 --> 00:44:29.000 her because she also coming back to those traits that I look for in female 652 00:44:29.039 --> 00:44:32.400 friendships. She is very independent. She is on her shit and she but 653 00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:36.960 she's different than me. But she is on her shit like she We have 654 00:44:37.079 --> 00:44:40.360 this. We've said this before, but very much so. She doesn't need 655 00:44:40.400 --> 00:44:44.360 to be like texting me all the time. I don't need to be texting 656 00:44:44.360 --> 00:44:45.920 her all the time. We do not take it personally at all, like 657 00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:51.519 we very much sorrel like that. She's also Aquarius. I think that this 658 00:44:51.559 --> 00:44:53.119 plays a kind of like a little bit of a piece as to why she 659 00:44:53.199 --> 00:44:57.199 is the way she is when it comes to building friend groups. So what 660 00:44:57.199 --> 00:45:00.639 I'm saying is, I'm just gonna give you kind of what I obs and 661 00:45:00.840 --> 00:45:05.320 I think what traits you probably need to have if you want to do this. 662 00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:09.159 And I actually, I'll be frank, I'm not interested in doing any 663 00:45:09.199 --> 00:45:13.440 of this. I think I've watched her do this and she's fucking amazing at 664 00:45:13.440 --> 00:45:16.880 it, and she's like this matriarch of the friend group. But like God, 665 00:45:17.280 --> 00:45:22.519 like somebody give her a raise anyways, So I think if you want 666 00:45:22.559 --> 00:45:25.599 to build a friend group, like, let's just be real, it takes 667 00:45:25.719 --> 00:45:30.840 a lot of work, a lot of effort. It takes most likely you 668 00:45:31.000 --> 00:45:37.280 being some sort of a extrovert. It probably takes you wanting to do this 669 00:45:37.400 --> 00:45:42.719 obviously, which it seems like you do, And it takes a lot of 670 00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:46.920 patience. From what I've seen from her, and when she's getting the girls 671 00:45:46.920 --> 00:45:51.800 together and this that that's what I'm witnessing within her. I'm witnessing her make 672 00:45:51.880 --> 00:45:55.679 the plans, get the girls together. I'm witnessing her going out and networking, 673 00:45:55.760 --> 00:45:59.679 and she's out here and she works, and she's still out here and 674 00:45:59.719 --> 00:46:02.000 she's meaning the people she needs to meet and she has these good connections. 675 00:46:02.559 --> 00:46:06.559 But it is a full time fucking job. But obviously there's a part of 676 00:46:06.559 --> 00:46:08.280 her that really likes it, like she really feels fulfilled doing some of these 677 00:46:08.280 --> 00:46:14.480 things. But also another thing actually that I wrote is selflessness. She's very 678 00:46:14.800 --> 00:46:20.719 selfless, right, is that the word selflessness? Whatever, She's not selfish, 679 00:46:20.760 --> 00:46:23.719 And I think that you kind of have to be like that when you're 680 00:46:23.719 --> 00:46:27.000 building a friend group, like you have to take a lot of people in 681 00:46:27.000 --> 00:46:29.440 consideration, you have to have a lot of patience. There's a bunch of 682 00:46:29.440 --> 00:46:31.599 women who want different things, and you're getting everyone together and everyone's on different 683 00:46:31.599 --> 00:46:36.599 timelines and stuff. Personally, for me, I don't have the patience. 684 00:46:36.800 --> 00:46:38.719 I don't not have the patience to be able to take responsibility of so many 685 00:46:38.760 --> 00:46:44.079 people. Personally, I feel like I have spent so much time taking so 686 00:46:44.199 --> 00:46:47.239 much responsibility of not only myself, but I also think that I've just had 687 00:46:47.239 --> 00:46:54.360 to play that parent role in a parent child dynamic where I shouldn't have done 688 00:46:54.360 --> 00:46:59.239 that. That I'm just exhausted, and also just the nature of my makeup 689 00:46:59.400 --> 00:47:01.760 I am. I'm actually very extroverted in a way that I can be a 690 00:47:01.760 --> 00:47:05.320 social butterfly. And and I'll tell you what I kind of do. But 691 00:47:05.400 --> 00:47:08.639 I'm also very much so introvert. I also value certain things that require me 692 00:47:08.760 --> 00:47:14.039 to not be out doing certain things, like I like my early morning routines. 693 00:47:14.079 --> 00:47:16.400 I like my health routines, like naturally that takes me away from a 694 00:47:16.440 --> 00:47:20.440 bunch of group things and social things all the time. But that's just something 695 00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:22.920 that I value and I really love. And it's not to say that let's 696 00:47:22.920 --> 00:47:28.199 say my friend is wrong for that, or she's bad or whatever. It's 697 00:47:28.280 --> 00:47:31.079 just that that's what it makes sense why she's able to kind of have room 698 00:47:31.639 --> 00:47:37.880 for that. So I think, like, so this is what I kind 699 00:47:37.880 --> 00:47:43.639 of do. And some people will like say that this is not like the 700 00:47:43.679 --> 00:47:45.679 way to do this, because we'd be like, oh, like if you're 701 00:47:45.719 --> 00:47:51.079 friends with everyone, then you're friends with none. And I do not agree 702 00:47:51.119 --> 00:47:54.440 with that. I see where that argument comes from, because obviously that there's 703 00:47:55.079 --> 00:48:00.800 let's say there's certain women who are kind of like nake and like in this 704 00:48:00.840 --> 00:48:04.599 friend group over here and then that friend group over there, and like talking 705 00:48:04.599 --> 00:48:07.440 here and this that, and like all this kind of stuff and like stirring 706 00:48:07.480 --> 00:48:10.840 up drama maybe and stuff like that, but I'm not. I don't like 707 00:48:12.119 --> 00:48:15.960 It's not like that for me. I am somebody who has many different sides 708 00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:19.840 of me. I love, like I said, my health and wellness, 709 00:48:19.840 --> 00:48:22.360 but I also love going out and going to patio or sometimes I'll go to 710 00:48:22.360 --> 00:48:28.559 the club with my friends. I have friends also in different industries. I 711 00:48:28.559 --> 00:48:30.440 have friends in finance, I have friends in marketing. I have friends in 712 00:48:30.440 --> 00:48:34.199 the self development space. I have friends in health and wellness. Like I 713 00:48:34.199 --> 00:48:37.840 have a bunch of different types of friends. I have different friends like sorry, 714 00:48:37.880 --> 00:48:40.920 I have friends who are older and younger. So I have many different 715 00:48:42.159 --> 00:48:47.239 friend groups and it actually works a lot for me because I am somebody who 716 00:48:47.639 --> 00:48:52.000 I'm not trying to be tied to a friend group every single like, week 717 00:48:52.039 --> 00:48:55.920 after week after week after week and in every single plan and every single group 718 00:48:55.960 --> 00:48:59.800 thing like, I'm just not available for that. So it just doesn't make 719 00:48:59.840 --> 00:49:02.239 sense for me to be that person. And all of my friends know that, 720 00:49:02.280 --> 00:49:07.039 which is fine. But obviously there's some people who are like that and 721 00:49:07.119 --> 00:49:10.039 can so I think you just have to know yourself. I will say one 722 00:49:10.079 --> 00:49:17.360 thing, though, I am somebody who does very well with majority of people 723 00:49:17.639 --> 00:49:22.599 and I think that it has to do with confidence within myself. I know 724 00:49:22.639 --> 00:49:27.159 how to have a conversation with somebody short or long. I've learned how to 725 00:49:27.199 --> 00:49:31.639 manage my social anxiety. I am interested in people. I feel like I 726 00:49:32.559 --> 00:49:37.559 don't reside too much in this person has something like me, or if not, 727 00:49:37.599 --> 00:49:39.199 I can't talk to them energy the way that I used to probably be 728 00:49:39.239 --> 00:49:45.760 when I was younger. So I actually really enjoy being able to see different 729 00:49:45.800 --> 00:49:50.360 friends and then I'm friends with their friends group. Like I will say this, 730 00:49:50.559 --> 00:49:53.400 like all of my close immediate friends that I'm with, if I've ever 731 00:49:53.440 --> 00:49:55.800 met any of their friends, all of them are fine with me, and 732 00:49:55.840 --> 00:50:00.320 all of them like me for the most part, like they do, and 733 00:50:00.280 --> 00:50:04.599 I can get along with them. And I'm very very good at being that 734 00:50:04.639 --> 00:50:07.039 social butterfly and like having a good time. That's just how I like to 735 00:50:07.079 --> 00:50:10.000 move. So again, coming back to you kind of just need to know 736 00:50:10.039 --> 00:50:16.519 yourself. But if you want to from my experience seeing it happen in real 737 00:50:16.599 --> 00:50:19.760 time, and I've kind of tried to be like this and it's just like 738 00:50:19.800 --> 00:50:28.880 too much patience, selflessness, I guess extraversion you really have to commit to 739 00:50:28.920 --> 00:50:32.840 the bit because it's a lot time management, honestly, Like like my friend 740 00:50:32.920 --> 00:50:37.280 Kendra, Oh my gosh, she has to manage like she is. She 741 00:50:37.320 --> 00:50:38.280 has an event planner. At the end of the day, she has an 742 00:50:38.280 --> 00:50:43.400 event planner. But we love her. I give her so much props and 743 00:50:43.559 --> 00:50:46.559 just yeah, I guess check on your friends. Who are the ones who 744 00:50:46.599 --> 00:50:52.639 are putting all the girls together because they be doing God's of work. Next 745 00:50:52.719 --> 00:50:55.559 question, someone asked, Well, there was kind of like two questions here. 746 00:50:55.880 --> 00:51:00.280 They said, how did not become too attached? And what to do 747 00:51:00.280 --> 00:51:05.360 when you're jealous when you see your friends hanging out without you? So let's 748 00:51:05.400 --> 00:51:09.840 address the becoming too attached thing. As you probably can tell, this hasn't 749 00:51:10.039 --> 00:51:15.840 really been a problem for me because I am like the opposite of that, 750 00:51:15.880 --> 00:51:19.960 to be honest, like pretty detached from friendships. But even now it's a 751 00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:24.400 little bit different. But what I'll say is from what I have experienced with 752 00:51:25.159 --> 00:51:30.480 friends in my past who were actually too attached And maybe this sounds like a 753 00:51:30.480 --> 00:51:35.920 little bit of passing judgment, but whatever, they didn't really have their own 754 00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:37.920 thing going. And I also just think about this when it comes to relationships 755 00:51:37.920 --> 00:51:40.880 though, Like when I was like the most attached to a guy. It 756 00:51:40.920 --> 00:51:45.239 was because I didn't really have much going in my own life. So I 757 00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:49.880 think just blanket advice is have your own thing going for yourself, like get 758 00:51:49.880 --> 00:51:53.239 busy with your own life. Yes, friendships are such an important part of 759 00:51:53.280 --> 00:51:59.159 our lives, but I look at my life now and there's like a few 760 00:52:00.239 --> 00:52:02.480 times out of the month where yes, I am prioritizing friendships and we're going 761 00:52:02.519 --> 00:52:07.079 to dinners and this that, but there's so many other times where I have 762 00:52:07.199 --> 00:52:09.800 to work all the time, I have to focus on myself. I have 763 00:52:09.880 --> 00:52:15.039 other things going that don't really revolve friendships and stuff. So I think that 764 00:52:15.599 --> 00:52:19.239 you know, focus on your school, focus on work, focus on your 765 00:52:19.280 --> 00:52:22.239 goals, focus on your health, your sleep, all of these things. 766 00:52:22.760 --> 00:52:25.800 And I do feel like even when it comes to social media, sometimes taking 767 00:52:25.800 --> 00:52:29.039 a step back can be helpful as well. If you find that you're too 768 00:52:29.039 --> 00:52:30.719 attached to like people, places and things and stuff. I think that when 769 00:52:30.719 --> 00:52:34.800 you see somebody in front of your face all the time on social media, 770 00:52:34.880 --> 00:52:37.440 like yeah, you're gonna always just be thinking about them and this that and 771 00:52:37.480 --> 00:52:40.960 being really attached. So what's really helped me with detaching Also, like with 772 00:52:42.079 --> 00:52:46.079 men and romantic relationships has always been having something where I'm grounded in in my 773 00:52:46.119 --> 00:52:51.000 own life, and when I'm really pouring into myself, I'm always so detached. 774 00:52:51.000 --> 00:52:54.280 And that's always when the guy that I'm seeing at the time or dating 775 00:52:54.679 --> 00:53:00.320 is always very much so chasing me. Although we really only dates men who 776 00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:06.280 are chasing us. But that's not the episode. So what else? Oh? 777 00:53:06.800 --> 00:53:09.639 The getting jealous when seeing your friends hang out with you? Okay, 778 00:53:09.639 --> 00:53:14.599 so like two, I guess I'll say two things here because it happens. 779 00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:16.920 I think we kind of need to get in this energy of just being mature 780 00:53:16.960 --> 00:53:22.800 and understanding that people have other friends and just because you're not invited to that 781 00:53:22.840 --> 00:53:25.239 thing doesn't mean that they don't like you or they're leaving you out. I 782 00:53:25.280 --> 00:53:29.559 think it actually really depends on your core wound. If you feel like you're 783 00:53:29.559 --> 00:53:32.320 always somebody who's not chosen and not picked or people don't like you, again, 784 00:53:32.360 --> 00:53:36.159 you're moving through life with that lens. So if you find that you 785 00:53:36.280 --> 00:53:38.599 see friends over here and they're doing something without you, you're automatically going to 786 00:53:38.639 --> 00:53:43.159 go to whatever you believe about yourself. And so really sitting here and being 787 00:53:43.199 --> 00:53:45.920 like is this really true? And I'll give you an example, like my 788 00:53:45.039 --> 00:53:51.239 one friend who has that friend group situation, like she's that matriarch. She 789 00:53:51.360 --> 00:53:53.760 has a lot of friends and stuff. I see her a lot going out 790 00:53:53.800 --> 00:53:57.119 with the other girls, and I'm friends with the other girls, but I'm 791 00:53:57.159 --> 00:53:59.800 not as close. I see them going to concerts and dinners and things like 792 00:53:59.800 --> 00:54:04.079 that. I get invited to some things, but I know that when I'm 793 00:54:04.079 --> 00:54:07.760 not getting invited, it has nothing to do with me. It's not personal. 794 00:54:07.559 --> 00:54:12.519 Also, I have set a standard where it's very clear, like why 795 00:54:12.599 --> 00:54:15.320 I wouldn't be the first pick to go to some of these things because at 796 00:54:15.320 --> 00:54:16.159 the end of the day, I'm a freaking grandma. I'm going to sleep 797 00:54:16.159 --> 00:54:22.119 at freaking nine pm. Like I would rather prioritize wholesome things and like day 798 00:54:22.159 --> 00:54:24.280 things and stuff like my friends know that. So when I see them out 799 00:54:24.400 --> 00:54:28.079 doing things, I'm not taking it personally, And quite frankly, I'm like, 800 00:54:28.079 --> 00:54:30.280 you know what, I'm good because if you were to ask me, 801 00:54:30.280 --> 00:54:34.039 I would have probably said no. Now if you know that these people like 802 00:54:34.079 --> 00:54:36.880 there's no reason why you shouldn't have been invited to that, and they know 803 00:54:36.960 --> 00:54:39.159 that you would really want to be there, or they know that you were 804 00:54:40.599 --> 00:54:45.920 available or you've been trying. Then that's when obviously you might want to have 805 00:54:45.920 --> 00:54:49.559 a conversation with these people, or you might want to rethink this friendship, 806 00:54:49.679 --> 00:54:52.239 like are they really showing up for you or do they really care about you? 807 00:54:52.519 --> 00:54:55.079 Like maybe it's not the lens that you're looking through when you're really seeing 808 00:54:55.079 --> 00:54:59.840 it for what it is, and these people just aren't. They're not really 809 00:55:00.079 --> 00:55:04.559 prioritizing you. And then that's when it's kind of like, yeah, you 810 00:55:04.639 --> 00:55:07.800 might have to communicate and kind of just remove yourself. But I do think 811 00:55:07.239 --> 00:55:10.639 you know if you are feeling those feelings, Like for me, if I 812 00:55:12.039 --> 00:55:15.599 start feeling a little left out even though I know it's not personal and I 813 00:55:15.639 --> 00:55:21.079 see my friends going to do things, what it's going to require from me 814 00:55:21.559 --> 00:55:25.119 is communication, because at the end of the day, you have to communicate 815 00:55:25.159 --> 00:55:29.800 your needs and communicate your feelings to people. You can't just expect your friends 816 00:55:29.800 --> 00:55:32.440 to always know exactly how you're feeling, especially when it's not really personal. 817 00:55:32.639 --> 00:55:35.960 But if I'm still feeling like, oh, I kind of wish I was 818 00:55:36.000 --> 00:55:38.119 getting invited more, I kind of wish I was going out, I have 819 00:55:38.199 --> 00:55:40.239 to just message my friend and be like, hey, like, I know 820 00:55:40.280 --> 00:55:43.880 it's not personal, but like let me know, like when you're doing another 821 00:55:43.880 --> 00:55:45.880 thing, I would really want to like get out more and I want to 822 00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:46.679 see you guys more, and I kind of want to be a part of 823 00:55:46.679 --> 00:55:51.599 things more. And then if they continue to not invite you, then it's 824 00:55:51.639 --> 00:55:54.199 like, Okay, well maybe they don't want to be around me for whatever 825 00:55:54.239 --> 00:55:59.239 reason, and then maybe you want to kind of rethink those type of friendships. 826 00:56:00.119 --> 00:56:07.199 Another question, if you should or should you reunite, reignite, reunite. 827 00:56:07.760 --> 00:56:12.400 You could also say reignite the flame. I guess reunite after years of 828 00:56:13.119 --> 00:56:16.159 not being friends when they did something to end the friendship, so essentially getting 829 00:56:16.199 --> 00:56:22.880 back with an ex friend. This actually recently happened to me, So I 830 00:56:22.920 --> 00:56:29.599 guess what I will say is, obviously it depends completely on what they did 831 00:56:29.880 --> 00:56:32.639 or what happened in your friendship. But if you're considering it, I'm sure 832 00:56:32.679 --> 00:56:37.119 it's probably not the worst thing. So if you are going to talk to 833 00:56:37.159 --> 00:56:40.920 a friend now, I think like get back kind of with that friend. 834 00:56:42.079 --> 00:56:45.239 I think time is really important. At least for me, time was really 835 00:56:45.280 --> 00:56:49.440 important. If I ever thought about becoming friends with and like a person that 836 00:56:49.440 --> 00:56:51.880 I sat being friends with. I knew that it was going to have to 837 00:56:52.320 --> 00:56:53.920 be a lot of time because of the issues that we were having. It 838 00:56:54.079 --> 00:56:59.760 just I just knew that it was going to require time of growth. Basically, 839 00:57:00.119 --> 00:57:02.760 the reason why I'm saying time is because there needed to be growth from 840 00:57:02.840 --> 00:57:07.320 on my side and for theirs. And I think the first thing though, 841 00:57:07.400 --> 00:57:08.480 is if you're going to be talking to that person again, is like, 842 00:57:08.519 --> 00:57:13.519 are you guys addressing what had happened, and are you taking responsibility for how 843 00:57:13.519 --> 00:57:16.199 you played a role and how and is that person taking responsibility as well? 844 00:57:16.360 --> 00:57:19.159 If you're just kind of getting back and being like, oh, I just 845 00:57:19.159 --> 00:57:21.199 like miss this person and what we were doing in this appen, you're not 846 00:57:21.199 --> 00:57:24.559 addressing the issues. It's going to happen again. So I also need, 847 00:57:24.719 --> 00:57:29.039 like I also have to think about for me, like, am I in 848 00:57:29.079 --> 00:57:31.199 a different state of being, Like do I know how to have healthy boundaries 849 00:57:31.239 --> 00:57:36.559 now? Because for me, like a part of some of the relationships that 850 00:57:36.559 --> 00:57:38.559 didn't work out for me was because I didn't have healthy boundaries and I didn't 851 00:57:38.679 --> 00:57:42.679 really stand up for like what I needed to say, and I was not 852 00:57:42.719 --> 00:57:45.360 the best at communicating and I would just retreat back. So I had to 853 00:57:45.360 --> 00:57:47.039 look at myself. It's like, do I have that quality? Have I 854 00:57:47.199 --> 00:57:51.519 grown in that area of my life? Because if I haven't, it's not 855 00:57:51.559 --> 00:57:52.800 that I can't be friends with this person, but I'm probably gonna have an 856 00:57:52.840 --> 00:57:59.360 issue again because if it requires any level of me having any sort of boundaries, 857 00:58:00.239 --> 00:58:01.719 if I'm not that person that knows how to set them, then I'm 858 00:58:01.760 --> 00:58:04.719 going to be kind of back in that same thing. So you kind of 859 00:58:04.719 --> 00:58:07.679 have to call yourself out with that. And then obviously I think it just 860 00:58:07.719 --> 00:58:12.760 takes time, like don't dive back in one hundred percent with that person and 861 00:58:12.840 --> 00:58:16.880 kind of see where you know, the the actions I guess speak louder than 862 00:58:16.960 --> 00:58:20.960 words, So I would just take your time with that. But you know, 863 00:58:21.079 --> 00:58:23.159 if things kind of seem to be the same, just having those communities, 864 00:58:23.199 --> 00:58:28.239 like that communication again with that person, and if it seems to be 865 00:58:28.239 --> 00:58:30.920 the same, then maybe that friendship is just not for you. And said 866 00:58:30.960 --> 00:58:35.039 how to move on and heal from losing your core friend group of best friends, 867 00:58:35.079 --> 00:58:37.800 and how to move on from missing a toxic friendship. I think, 868 00:58:38.559 --> 00:58:42.599 honestly, I do this a lot with my one on one clients. And 869 00:58:42.639 --> 00:58:44.760 if you guys don't know. I do want to want coaching. All the 870 00:58:44.760 --> 00:58:46.880 information will be linked down below if you want to work with me. But 871 00:58:47.920 --> 00:58:52.440 one of the core things that I do with people and from myself, because 872 00:58:52.519 --> 00:58:57.400 this is what I've done to heal, is to actually really just honor and 873 00:58:57.480 --> 00:59:00.840 acknowledge that part of you that is feeling that loss. Right. I feel 874 00:59:00.840 --> 00:59:04.400 like sometimes we go right into like okay, well, like how do I 875 00:59:04.440 --> 00:59:07.320 fix feeling like shit? Or like how do I deal with this cool wound? 876 00:59:07.400 --> 00:59:09.920 But a lot of the times we haven't actually slowed down to honor that 877 00:59:09.960 --> 00:59:15.519 young part of us that is actually feeling very sad and like lost and like 878 00:59:15.599 --> 00:59:19.519 I lost my friends or I miss that person that we were with what we 879 00:59:19.679 --> 00:59:22.000 had. So I think just giving yourself that grieving period. And it look 880 00:59:22.039 --> 00:59:24.719 different for everyone. Maybe it's a journal practice, maybe you're going to do 881 00:59:24.880 --> 00:59:30.559 therapy like therapists and talking about it. Maybe you're speaking about it too, 882 00:59:30.639 --> 00:59:32.440 like maybe another friend or something like that, but like really just like acknowledging 883 00:59:32.519 --> 00:59:36.960 and honoring that young part of you, not not getting mad at yourself or 884 00:59:37.000 --> 00:59:40.920 like missing that toxic friend, or not getting mad at yourself for being like 885 00:59:42.000 --> 00:59:45.039 oh, like I should just get over it and find new friends. Things 886 00:59:45.079 --> 00:59:46.880 like that. I think it's really important that we acknowledge that young part of 887 00:59:46.960 --> 00:59:52.960 us or older, but sometimes it's a lot of times it's usually younger that 888 00:59:52.119 --> 00:59:57.760 might be missing or might be feeling very alone. I think that that's just 889 00:59:58.559 --> 01:00:00.840 a great way for you to build a relationship towards yourself, which is the 890 01:00:00.880 --> 01:00:07.480 most important thing, and then it also sets you up for a good level 891 01:00:07.559 --> 01:00:12.039 of aligned to action moving forward. I feel like we don't connect to ourselves 892 01:00:12.079 --> 01:00:14.840 and we start trying to take action, and we try and take advice from 893 01:00:14.840 --> 01:00:17.079 someone else, or we try and do something that we think is quote unquote 894 01:00:17.119 --> 01:00:21.719 what we need to be doing to find friends without acknowledging like our actual true 895 01:00:21.760 --> 01:00:24.679 feelings of something. I feel like sometimes what will happen is we just get 896 01:00:24.719 --> 01:00:29.519 into these cycles, we kind of get into the same friend groups or we 897 01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:31.800 you know. So I think it's really important that you acknowledge your emotions with 898 01:00:31.880 --> 01:00:37.880 that when it comes to like how to move on and heal, Obviously, 899 01:00:37.000 --> 01:00:39.400 I guess it depends on what it is that you're trying to move on from. 900 01:00:39.679 --> 01:00:43.440 I have an episode. I think it was my I think it was 901 01:00:43.480 --> 01:00:45.840 my first ever podcast episode that I'll have link down below. I believe it 902 01:00:45.880 --> 01:00:51.519 is where I talk about the process of forgiving and letting go and moving on. 903 01:00:51.599 --> 01:00:55.239 So I think that you could totally use that episode in regards to friendship. 904 01:00:55.320 --> 01:00:59.599 So I would suggest to go listen to that. And I think the 905 01:00:59.679 --> 01:01:02.679 advice that I gave at the beginning of how I've made my friends or the 906 01:01:02.760 --> 01:01:06.440 years, just understanding that it's going to take a little bit of time, 907 01:01:06.480 --> 01:01:09.039 but you will find your core friend groups. Maybe it will look different than 908 01:01:09.079 --> 01:01:15.119 what they used to, but you know, just always having that optimistic mindset 909 01:01:15.119 --> 01:01:16.599 of like, if you don't have it yet, it's going to come. 910 01:01:17.239 --> 01:01:21.679 Is. I promise you it's the best advice I could ever give you when 911 01:01:21.679 --> 01:01:25.440 it comes to anything in your life, even outside of friendships. Do not 912 01:01:27.079 --> 01:01:30.800 sabotage yourself in your future by telling yourself it's never going to happen. I'm 913 01:01:30.840 --> 01:01:31.800 not going to find the man of my dreams, I'm not going to find 914 01:01:31.800 --> 01:01:35.079 the friendships of my dreams, I'm not going to have the life. Don't 915 01:01:35.079 --> 01:01:37.519 do that to yourself. And I know it's hard to not when you don't 916 01:01:37.559 --> 01:01:40.559 see that, but like, it's the best thing I've ever done for myself, 917 01:01:40.599 --> 01:01:45.000 and it is the reason why I have created the life that I have 918 01:01:45.159 --> 01:01:50.320 now is by saying if I don't have it now, I'm only one step 919 01:01:50.360 --> 01:01:52.800 closer to getting it. And that's just kind of like what you have to 920 01:01:52.800 --> 01:01:57.119 do. You have to have that faith. Next question, what does loyalty 921 01:01:57.159 --> 01:02:00.000 in a friendship mean to you? This was hard for me to think about 922 01:02:00.039 --> 01:02:04.400 because I feel like in this day and age, in this generation, I 923 01:02:04.400 --> 01:02:09.920 feel like people really have this messed up. And I think that people are 924 01:02:10.000 --> 01:02:14.039 wanting people to be loyal for the wrong reasons, and I think that it's 925 01:02:14.239 --> 01:02:19.159 very like based out of insecurity, and yeah, I guess insecurity. I 926 01:02:19.239 --> 01:02:23.639 just feel like some of the situations where I've heard of women, especially be 927 01:02:23.800 --> 01:02:25.760 like, oh, like this girl needs to be loyal to me, and 928 01:02:25.960 --> 01:02:30.920 that it's kind of like an out of an ego thing. And I found 929 01:02:30.000 --> 01:02:34.280 that it's like they don't really actually care about that person as a friend, 930 01:02:34.320 --> 01:02:37.320 and they just really care if that person is going to tell that other person 931 01:02:37.360 --> 01:02:42.039 their business and it has something to and I know that's what loyalty is, 932 01:02:42.039 --> 01:02:46.599 Like I get that, but like it's very much more self centered than how 933 01:02:46.639 --> 01:02:51.119 people try and paint it to be of being like, oh, I value 934 01:02:51.159 --> 01:02:57.400 loyalty and I value friendship and things like that. So I've so that's what 935 01:02:57.440 --> 01:03:01.719 I'll say about that. But I think when it like loyalty, I just 936 01:03:01.920 --> 01:03:07.559 naturally, like the relationships that I have and the friendships that I've built, 937 01:03:07.239 --> 01:03:10.760 I don't really hyper focus on is this person going to be loyal to me? 938 01:03:10.800 --> 01:03:15.239 Because I just moved through life just being that for other people naturally, 939 01:03:15.320 --> 01:03:19.960 but also just expecting that. So I feel like I don't need to worry 940 01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:23.440 about it. I feel like the people who worry about whether their friends are 941 01:03:23.440 --> 01:03:27.599 being loyal to them or like their man being loyal to them are always the 942 01:03:27.639 --> 01:03:30.960 ones that tend to be in situations where they're not. And there's many reasons 943 01:03:31.000 --> 01:03:36.559 for that, but I've really witnessed that a lot, So I find like 944 01:03:36.760 --> 01:03:39.719 the less you hyper focus on that and you expect good things from people like, 945 01:03:39.760 --> 01:03:44.039 I find that that's not really really an issue. But I obviously I 946 01:03:44.039 --> 01:03:46.320 guess it depends. So I guess like if I would have to answer that, 947 01:03:46.920 --> 01:03:53.400 I would just say, someone who really values and knows the importance of 948 01:03:53.519 --> 01:03:58.480 showing up and you know, not being flip floppy, which is kind of 949 01:03:58.480 --> 01:04:00.920 what I said at the beginning. And I think I think that somebody who's 950 01:04:01.280 --> 01:04:06.400 wanting and knows the importance of just putting an effort, and I just don't 951 01:04:06.440 --> 01:04:10.800 really worry about when it comes to like loyalty, if somebody is gonna go 952 01:04:10.840 --> 01:04:13.679 behind my back and like talk about me and stuff. But I think the 953 01:04:13.719 --> 01:04:15.719 reason why I don't worry about that is because I have a good self concept 954 01:04:15.719 --> 01:04:18.639 and I know that the friends that I'm with there's nothing bad for them to 955 01:04:18.679 --> 01:04:23.519 say about me, And if they are going and like saying something, I'm 956 01:04:23.559 --> 01:04:26.760 not worried about it because in my mind, the way I look at myself 957 01:04:26.840 --> 01:04:30.320 is there's not much to talk shit about, Like I'm not worried about that. 958 01:04:30.360 --> 01:04:33.280 And again coming back to I feel like the people who always worry about 959 01:04:33.400 --> 01:04:36.760 when other people are talking about them, it's usually because they're worried about something 960 01:04:36.800 --> 01:04:41.079 because there's something actually to be worried about. And it's not always, but 961 01:04:41.119 --> 01:04:44.360 I do think that a lot of the time it's based in insecurity, whether 962 01:04:44.360 --> 01:04:47.000 it's real or not. So I think just like working on your self concept, 963 01:04:47.000 --> 01:04:49.159 if you find that you're like hyper focusing on that, I just think 964 01:04:49.199 --> 01:04:54.000 that, like, yes, it's important to have expectations and standards for how 965 01:04:54.000 --> 01:04:57.280 people show up for you, of course, but I just I don't really 966 01:04:57.360 --> 01:05:00.639 worry about that because I'm like, I know of that if I'm telling my 967 01:05:00.679 --> 01:05:03.719 friends something that they're not going to go and like, there's nothing for my 968 01:05:03.800 --> 01:05:08.719 friends to go and say, you know, So, yeah, I think 969 01:05:08.719 --> 01:05:12.079 that's all I'm gonna say about that. But I do understand the importance of 970 01:05:12.079 --> 01:05:15.039 like having people who are loyal and stuff. But I just think that maybe 971 01:05:15.039 --> 01:05:17.000 I'm not the best person to give advice on because I also am somebody who's 972 01:05:17.039 --> 01:05:21.000 very independent and I'm not like looking for that, and I'm also not looking 973 01:05:21.000 --> 01:05:24.920 for like people to validate me and my friends to validate me a lot. 974 01:05:25.320 --> 01:05:28.239 Okay, so I have more questions, but I kind of put this more 975 01:05:28.239 --> 01:05:30.679 into like your own personal Q and a's, Like, obviously you guys had 976 01:05:30.679 --> 01:05:34.000 asked me those questions, but I feel like this is a little bit personal, 977 01:05:34.159 --> 01:05:36.920 kind of like more situational. But I do think that this will still 978 01:05:36.920 --> 01:05:40.199 be very relevant to a lot of you guys. So I'm gonna do my 979 01:05:40.280 --> 01:05:43.880 best to hurry up because this Honestly, my episodes have been really long these 980 01:05:43.960 --> 01:05:45.119 days. But whatever, you guys, I know that you guys like them 981 01:05:45.119 --> 01:05:48.440 and you can just always come back to them. So someone said, and 982 01:05:48.480 --> 01:05:51.119 this is kind of this was kind of difficult for me to figure out how 983 01:05:51.159 --> 01:05:54.840 I was going to answer this, But she said, how do you know 984 01:05:54.880 --> 01:05:59.599 if you're being avoidant with a friend due to the fear of getting hurt again 985 01:05:59.679 --> 01:06:03.920 stem from a past friendship or failures, or if you're being avoidant because you 986 01:06:04.039 --> 01:06:10.199 actually feel like something is off hence why you should distance yourself. Now again, 987 01:06:10.320 --> 01:06:13.360 I'm really not going to be able to give you that answer that you 988 01:06:13.440 --> 01:06:15.960 need because it's going to be your intuition and your knowing. And I actually 989 01:06:15.960 --> 01:06:19.400 think that a lot of the times we kind of forget that we really do 990 01:06:19.519 --> 01:06:25.519 know. And I feel like even reading this question personally from how I've worked 991 01:06:25.519 --> 01:06:28.800 with a lot of people and just even myself, like, I really do 992 01:06:28.880 --> 01:06:32.000 think that you know the answer. But this is what I will say, 993 01:06:32.000 --> 01:06:38.440 and this is how I would probably differentiate. It is the person that you're 994 01:06:38.480 --> 01:06:42.960 maybe like trying to figure out whether you should like be in their lives or 995 01:06:43.039 --> 01:06:45.000 not, like whether this person like there's something off about this person, or 996 01:06:45.000 --> 01:06:50.280 if it's like just your insecurities coming back up. Is is this person actually 997 01:06:50.320 --> 01:06:57.639 doing something bad? Or is does this person have the qualities and traits and 998 01:06:57.719 --> 01:07:02.280 values that you hold to be important in friendship, Because if they're not doing 999 01:07:02.320 --> 01:07:08.639 anything bad and they are basically aligned to you and they have like you know, 1000 01:07:08.840 --> 01:07:12.760 they're on their shit, they're aligned to what you are aligned to, 1001 01:07:12.920 --> 01:07:16.559 they have good values, they prioritize the same things as you, things like 1002 01:07:16.599 --> 01:07:20.440 that, then most like it's most likely the feeling that you're feeling of like 1003 01:07:20.480 --> 01:07:25.440 wanting to be avoidant might have to do with your maybe like your core wound 1004 01:07:25.480 --> 01:07:28.079 from past things that haven't worked out, and you're afraid and you're trying to 1005 01:07:28.079 --> 01:07:35.159 protect yourself. But if for some reason, like this person, you're maybe 1006 01:07:35.159 --> 01:07:38.920 like giving you this person a chance, but you can kind of see like 1007 01:07:38.960 --> 01:07:42.239 the way that they're moving in their life is not aligned to you, and 1008 01:07:42.320 --> 01:07:45.039 like maybe you wouldn't do it like that, or you wouldn't think like that, 1009 01:07:45.199 --> 01:07:46.519 or like maybe they have a lot more insecurities than you do, or 1010 01:07:46.559 --> 01:07:49.440 maybe they just have like all of these things that I kind of told you 1011 01:07:49.480 --> 01:07:53.199 that I don't look for in friendships anymore, and I don't really allow my 1012 01:07:53.280 --> 01:07:57.239 life, Like if it's that, then yeah, it's probably your intuition being 1013 01:07:57.280 --> 01:08:00.440 like hmmm, I don't really want this because it doesn't feel good to my 1014 01:08:00.480 --> 01:08:03.280 nervous system because this person might be chaotic, or this person might be lying 1015 01:08:03.320 --> 01:08:09.559 about something, or this person is just off and I just for me personally, 1016 01:08:09.599 --> 01:08:14.719 like I'm very aware of when I know that I am going in that 1017 01:08:14.840 --> 01:08:17.479 avoidant and like pushing people away or being anxious based off of what I've been 1018 01:08:17.520 --> 01:08:27.520 through through really taking a logical view of who I am assessing in this situation, 1019 01:08:28.079 --> 01:08:30.520 and I know it can kind of be hard because obviously you have that 1020 01:08:30.600 --> 01:08:34.560 internal feeling in that battle. But I even think about this when I give 1021 01:08:34.920 --> 01:08:41.600 advice to my friends as well, like, okay, logically putting the emotions 1022 01:08:41.600 --> 01:08:45.039 aside, which is hard to do and you don't have to like ignore them, 1023 01:08:45.439 --> 01:08:47.640 but putting the emotions aside. Let's say, when it comes to a 1024 01:08:47.680 --> 01:08:53.920 man, is this man showing up, is he being a man of his 1025 01:08:53.960 --> 01:08:56.800 word? Is he taking you on the dates that you want to be taken 1026 01:08:56.840 --> 01:08:59.359 on? Is he having the conversations that you want to be having. When 1027 01:08:59.359 --> 01:09:01.399 it comes to like family, future, things like that, is does he 1028 01:09:01.439 --> 01:09:04.640 have a job, is he showing up? Is he like doing all of 1029 01:09:04.640 --> 01:09:09.000 the things that you're looking for in an actual husband. If he's doing all 1030 01:09:09.000 --> 01:09:11.840 those things and you're still kind of feeling like a little bit off, it 1031 01:09:11.920 --> 01:09:15.800 might just be you know, those insecurities coming up, and obviously you can 1032 01:09:15.840 --> 01:09:17.880 work through those things and it really has nothing to do with him. But 1033 01:09:18.920 --> 01:09:24.840 if he is actually maybe an avoidant guy, and like maybe he doesn't have 1034 01:09:24.880 --> 01:09:29.359 a job, and you know, maybe he's being inconsistent, it's not crazy 1035 01:09:29.399 --> 01:09:32.239 for you to be feeling these feelings. So I think you have to kind 1036 01:09:32.239 --> 01:09:35.880 of assess that person and be like, Okay, what kind of category is 1037 01:09:35.920 --> 01:09:42.159 this person in, and then kind of move from there and acknowledge those feelings. 1038 01:09:42.199 --> 01:09:46.760 So I hope that helped. Someone said how to interact in a group 1039 01:09:46.840 --> 01:09:55.720 when you two are not talking slash pretending and like being non existent. Again, 1040 01:09:55.800 --> 01:10:00.399 it's kind of hard for me to give advice on because I I really 1041 01:10:00.399 --> 01:10:04.119 don't move in circles where this is a thing. But if I were to 1042 01:10:04.239 --> 01:10:06.960 ever, and I'm sure I have probably maybe, Like when I was a 1043 01:10:06.960 --> 01:10:13.600 little bit younger, I try to always be the bigger person and be the 1044 01:10:13.640 --> 01:10:18.439 mature person because it's just like a waste of time to not be in my 1045 01:10:18.479 --> 01:10:24.720 personal opinion, and so kind of like stepping into this mature version of you 1046 01:10:25.199 --> 01:10:28.079 of being like, you know, there's no bad blood on my end, 1047 01:10:28.159 --> 01:10:32.840 I'm good type of thing. So like moving into a social situation and understanding 1048 01:10:32.920 --> 01:10:35.600 like, yeah, that person might not be nice or whatever, and you 1049 01:10:35.640 --> 01:10:40.800 don't have to cross boundaries and let this person back in, but like just 1050 01:10:40.920 --> 01:10:44.359 be in this room and remind yourself like there's nothing to worry about. There's 1051 01:10:44.560 --> 01:10:47.279 no issue. It's like I think we kind of worry about how to act 1052 01:10:47.319 --> 01:10:51.800 and be in certain situations because you're hyper focused on the situation that had happened. 1053 01:10:53.199 --> 01:10:57.399 But realistically, like the situation happened for whatever reason, you guys are 1054 01:10:57.439 --> 01:11:00.600 not friends or even when it comes to relationships, like if things work out 1055 01:11:00.600 --> 01:11:01.880 and you for some reason need to be in the same ring as that person, 1056 01:11:01.960 --> 01:11:05.399 Like I understand it's harder said than done, but like we can just 1057 01:11:05.399 --> 01:11:11.960 be we can put our mature, logical, no bad blood hat on and 1058 01:11:12.680 --> 01:11:15.479 just be present in the moment and focus on things that do matter, which 1059 01:11:15.520 --> 01:11:19.720 is not dwelling in what happened essentially, and if that person's gonna be rude 1060 01:11:19.720 --> 01:11:23.319 to you or whatever, you don't need to engage. You don't need to 1061 01:11:23.359 --> 01:11:28.119 worry about it. Like I think sometimes we go into that fight or flight, 1062 01:11:28.159 --> 01:11:30.640 but like you have to remind yourself there's no need to be in fight 1063 01:11:30.720 --> 01:11:32.600 or flight. I don't need to be stressed right now. I don't need 1064 01:11:32.640 --> 01:11:35.920 to be thinking that this person is a threat. I don't need to be 1065 01:11:36.159 --> 01:11:41.840 all on all the time right now is totally fine. You have to talk 1066 01:11:41.840 --> 01:11:45.760 to yourself in that way. So hopefully that helped. Someone said, I 1067 01:11:45.800 --> 01:11:48.199 grew up with an absent mom and bullying from other girls, so I struggle 1068 01:11:48.199 --> 01:11:53.159 with feeling close to women. I kind of said this already, so I'm 1069 01:11:53.199 --> 01:11:57.800 sure that that advice helped you coming back to really just acknowledging that young part 1070 01:11:57.800 --> 01:12:02.760 of you, most likely that was bully by other girls and you were not 1071 01:12:02.880 --> 01:12:06.279 around your mother a lot, like really acknowledging and sending that part of you 1072 01:12:06.359 --> 01:12:10.159 love and compassion and just sitting with that part of you and kind of mourning 1073 01:12:10.199 --> 01:12:15.159 that loss because it is right. Like I even think about the relationship that 1074 01:12:15.239 --> 01:12:18.520 I kind of lost with my mom in my early twenties that I just didn't 1075 01:12:18.520 --> 01:12:24.720 get to experience like it's and like you know, like obviously that played a 1076 01:12:24.800 --> 01:12:29.920 role in different things that happened in my life. And without getting mad at 1077 01:12:29.960 --> 01:12:32.359 myself or being like, ugh, why can't I connect with women or ugh, 1078 01:12:33.199 --> 01:12:36.600 why is my life like this? Getting mad at myself, kind of 1079 01:12:36.640 --> 01:12:41.279 just give sending yourself love and be like, yeah, it's no wonder that 1080 01:12:41.359 --> 01:12:45.840 you struggle with connecting with women when you were bullied in school and you had 1081 01:12:45.840 --> 01:12:49.600 an absent mom, Like, it's no wonder, Like, don't beat yourself 1082 01:12:49.680 --> 01:12:53.800 up for it. And I think that that will take you a long way, 1083 01:12:54.239 --> 01:12:58.199 because if you don't send that love, compassion and do that healing work 1084 01:12:58.239 --> 01:13:00.840 on that part of you, when you go out and try to continue to 1085 01:13:00.880 --> 01:13:04.600 connect with women, you're gonna have that wall up because you're you haven't really 1086 01:13:04.640 --> 01:13:09.760 healed that wound. And it's not to say that you have to fully heal 1087 01:13:09.840 --> 01:13:12.199 before you go out into the world. You don't. You heal a lot 1088 01:13:12.199 --> 01:13:15.720 within relationships. Actually bringing it back to what I was telling you about the 1089 01:13:15.760 --> 01:13:19.279 relationship that I have with Joyee. But I think you can get a lot 1090 01:13:19.359 --> 01:13:26.439 further than maybe you have by first acknowledging and be like and not even acknowledging, 1091 01:13:26.479 --> 01:13:30.800 like yes, acknowledging, but giving yourself grace and compassion and giving yourself 1092 01:13:30.800 --> 01:13:35.560 the time that you are going to uniquely need to be able to move into 1093 01:13:35.600 --> 01:13:40.960 the direction of having female friendships okay. And I think we do this a 1094 01:13:41.000 --> 01:13:44.159 lot where we see other people have friendships and they have it so well and 1095 01:13:44.199 --> 01:13:45.720 it's so good for them, and it's like friend groups over here, and 1096 01:13:45.760 --> 01:13:49.479 it's just like, that doesn't need to be your journey, and it's okay 1097 01:13:49.520 --> 01:13:53.640 that it's not. And I'm telling you, everyone has a core wound of 1098 01:13:53.640 --> 01:13:57.600 something, So don't beat your beat yourself up if you find that you're struggling 1099 01:13:57.680 --> 01:14:01.279 right now with connecting with friends. Like it took me damn near twenty seven 1100 01:14:01.439 --> 01:14:05.039 years to be able to fully feel that feeling that I have with some of 1101 01:14:05.039 --> 01:14:10.000 my closest friends yet now. And I for sure went through that period of 1102 01:14:10.000 --> 01:14:12.199 time where I was in my twenties and I was like, wow, like, 1103 01:14:13.279 --> 01:14:15.439 why am I not feeling like the way that I feel like I'm supposed 1104 01:14:15.479 --> 01:14:18.880 to be feeling when it comes to femal friendships and stuff Like I think that 1105 01:14:19.239 --> 01:14:24.279 many women have a lot of guards up without them even realizing in many different 1106 01:14:24.359 --> 01:14:27.960 aspects. You know, they have a fatherhood wound, they have a motherhood 1107 01:14:27.960 --> 01:14:31.239 wound, they have a sister wound, they have like trauma that has happened, 1108 01:14:31.239 --> 01:14:33.079 they have a lot of things. So like, I feel like we're 1109 01:14:33.119 --> 01:14:38.800 all trying to navigate how to really even connect with each other. And I 1110 01:14:38.840 --> 01:14:42.560 think that the best thing that you can do is first connect with yourself, 1111 01:14:42.600 --> 01:14:46.600 that part of you that has been probably really dying for you to really acknowledge 1112 01:14:46.600 --> 01:14:51.479 that loss that might have been, and that will really actually help you be 1113 01:14:51.479 --> 01:14:56.159 able to show up better in friendships and not feel like it's this big thing 1114 01:14:56.239 --> 01:15:00.960 because you'll have that self love component of when you know not even when, 1115 01:15:00.039 --> 01:15:05.159 but you'll know the right doses of what you uniquely need when it comes to 1116 01:15:05.199 --> 01:15:08.640 friendships. But you're not going to know that until you connect with yourself. 1117 01:15:08.680 --> 01:15:14.039 So I actually I wrote here a good practice that you can do is an 1118 01:15:14.039 --> 01:15:16.439 emotional release practice. I actually kind of talk about this in my book, 1119 01:15:16.479 --> 01:15:21.359 but I think, you know, even writing a letter to your young self, 1120 01:15:21.399 --> 01:15:27.880 the one that was bullied, the one that probably needed friends around her, 1121 01:15:27.920 --> 01:15:30.600 that didn't have anyone to protect her, the young or maybe older I 1122 01:15:30.600 --> 01:15:35.279 don't know what age you're at. A part of you that needed her mom, 1123 01:15:35.359 --> 01:15:40.720 and her mom wasn't there, Like really writing to her and telling her 1124 01:15:41.000 --> 01:15:43.920 I am here for you, I see you. What do you need? 1125 01:15:43.920 --> 01:15:45.600 What do you need to say right now? What do you need to like? 1126 01:15:45.760 --> 01:15:49.319 Express? Like, letting yourself write out from this part of you has 1127 01:15:49.359 --> 01:15:55.560 been the most transformative thing that has ever helped me when it comes to healing 1128 01:15:55.600 --> 01:16:00.279 physically and mentally. So having that emotional release, like again, you're writing 1129 01:16:00.279 --> 01:16:03.199 a letter to your younger self, but you're also allowing your younger self to 1130 01:16:03.239 --> 01:16:06.920 take that pen and really write and let it out. And there's feelings there. 1131 01:16:08.319 --> 01:16:12.119 If you have been bullied when you were younger, there's probably a lot 1132 01:16:12.159 --> 01:16:16.439 of so many emotions that you're probably holding in that you probably had to to 1133 01:16:16.560 --> 01:16:19.680 keep yourself safe, but they're residing within you right now. And I think 1134 01:16:19.680 --> 01:16:23.359 the best thing that you could ever do for yourself is be kind of like 1135 01:16:23.399 --> 01:16:26.960 that big sister energy for your young self and be like, baby, what 1136 01:16:27.000 --> 01:16:29.399 do you need to say right now? What do you need? What do 1137 01:16:29.439 --> 01:16:33.119 you like? Everything? And I promise you Like that has really helped me 1138 01:16:33.479 --> 01:16:40.880 be really confident in my life. Is kind of looking at myself from these 1139 01:16:40.920 --> 01:16:45.600 two dichotomies of like looking at my young self that didn't get love and affection 1140 01:16:45.640 --> 01:16:48.560 and attention from her father, who really struggled in school, really felt out 1141 01:16:48.560 --> 01:16:53.800 of place, really felt really awkward, like really hated herself, like really 1142 01:16:53.880 --> 01:16:58.359 was lost, really lost, you know, a huge part of her twenties 1143 01:16:58.439 --> 01:17:03.359 and even a little bit earlier away from her mom, like things like that, 1144 01:17:03.479 --> 01:17:10.279 like I let her really out and really speak and really just cry it 1145 01:17:10.279 --> 01:17:12.720 out. Honestly, You're probably gonna cry a lot. I'm not gonna lie, 1146 01:17:12.720 --> 01:17:15.920 which is great. You should really do that. But then what happens 1147 01:17:15.920 --> 01:17:21.720 from this emotional release practice is you naturally get this energy of like never again, 1148 01:17:23.520 --> 01:17:27.920 never ever again, will I ever let anyone make me feel the way 1149 01:17:27.960 --> 01:17:31.119 that those people or this circumstance made me feel When I was younger, And 1150 01:17:31.199 --> 01:17:34.840 when I was younger, there wasn't protection when I was younger. There are 1151 01:17:34.880 --> 01:17:38.600 people who were fucked up. When I was younger, I was given a 1152 01:17:38.640 --> 01:17:42.840 deck of cards unfortunately that I did not even understand that I could up level 1153 01:17:42.880 --> 01:17:45.479 and change. But guess what, I'm older, now, I'm wiser, 1154 01:17:45.520 --> 01:17:49.359 Now I'm gonna step in as that big sister energy, that mother energy, 1155 01:17:49.439 --> 01:17:53.520 whatever energy that you feel like you need. Everyone is unique. It's a 1156 01:17:53.520 --> 01:17:57.399 different consciousness, it's a different way of like archetypes, whatever you want to 1157 01:17:57.439 --> 01:18:00.880 look at yourself as and be like, from now on, I am going 1158 01:18:00.920 --> 01:18:04.640 to meet your needs young Alicia, young, whoever it is that asks this 1159 01:18:04.760 --> 01:18:09.079 question. And so when I move through life, now, that's how I 1160 01:18:09.119 --> 01:18:12.159 move through life. I look at myself as if I have different parts, 1161 01:18:12.159 --> 01:18:14.560 and I have a lot of them, and I do parts work with my 1162 01:18:14.600 --> 01:18:17.880 therapists, but mainly I kind of sometimes just look at myself as like one 1163 01:18:17.880 --> 01:18:20.159 part, like that young child, and be like, okay, you know, 1164 01:18:20.239 --> 01:18:25.600 on a day to day basis, how can I meet my younger child's 1165 01:18:25.800 --> 01:18:29.439 needs right now when it comes to friendships, relationships, everything, How can 1166 01:18:29.479 --> 01:18:31.119 I stand up for her more? What does she need? She needs me 1167 01:18:31.239 --> 01:18:36.600 to communicate, She needs me to advocate for herself, She needs me to 1168 01:18:36.840 --> 01:18:41.560 relax, She needs me to say no, She needs me to allow her 1169 01:18:41.600 --> 01:18:44.720 to say yes and go have fun or go do these things. Like That's 1170 01:18:44.720 --> 01:18:47.039 how I'm operating in my life. When I'm creating my weeks and my planning, 1171 01:18:47.279 --> 01:18:51.159 this thought I'm always coming back to myself and being like, what do 1172 01:18:51.279 --> 01:18:55.760 I need? And when I'm saying, I am saying my younger version of 1173 01:18:55.840 --> 01:18:59.479 me that never got the things that she needed. You have to meet your 1174 01:18:59.760 --> 01:19:03.720 needs as an adult now, and I feel like sometimes we're always looking for 1175 01:19:03.760 --> 01:19:06.560 someone else to do it for us. We're searching for the validation, and 1176 01:19:06.560 --> 01:19:11.359 we're searching for people to say you can do it. We're searching for people 1177 01:19:11.439 --> 01:19:15.640 to say you're allowed, you are approved, you are whatever. And it's 1178 01:19:15.680 --> 01:19:19.000 not bad to do that because we're humans and we need that validation. But 1179 01:19:19.039 --> 01:19:23.720 the truth is, especially when you're older, you're gonna be waiting a long 1180 01:19:23.760 --> 01:19:27.479 time. You have to be the one to decide for yourself and decide that 1181 01:19:27.520 --> 01:19:30.319 your inner child is good enough, decide that you are good enough, and 1182 01:19:30.359 --> 01:19:33.279 you go in that direction and you take control over your life, stop looking 1183 01:19:33.319 --> 01:19:38.000 outside of yourself. And again, I do talk about this a lot. 1184 01:19:38.199 --> 01:19:42.960 I have a whole section in my book about reparenting and the journal practices that 1185 01:19:43.039 --> 01:19:45.720 I brought myself through when it comes to really showing up for myself and my 1186 01:19:45.760 --> 01:19:48.520 inner child. So what I highly recommend if you don't have my book already, 1187 01:19:48.760 --> 01:19:51.079 The Ultimate Glow Up Guide, it'll be linked down below and you can 1188 01:19:51.079 --> 01:19:54.760 get at your bookstores. Okay, that was a little bit of a rant, 1189 01:19:54.920 --> 01:19:59.279 was it not? Next one, someone said damages of venting and how 1190 01:19:59.279 --> 01:20:03.359 to do it less. I don't really know. You're like if you're meaning 1191 01:20:04.079 --> 01:20:09.119 gossip in a bad way, or if you're meaning venting, like you're just 1192 01:20:09.199 --> 01:20:14.319 telling your friend your insecurities or things that you're going through, and if you're 1193 01:20:14.399 --> 01:20:17.560 like worried that that that's too much. So I'm really not exactly sure, 1194 01:20:17.560 --> 01:20:23.199 but I guess what I will say is give yourself a moment to just be 1195 01:20:23.359 --> 01:20:27.199 present with yourself when you find that you're wanting to vent or you're wanting to 1196 01:20:27.239 --> 01:20:30.439 gossip, or you're wanting to whatever, and like ask yourself, like, 1197 01:20:30.319 --> 01:20:36.279 is this too much for that person? Is this even needed? Is this 1198 01:20:36.600 --> 01:20:41.439 going to spiral me? Have I been thinking about it too much? Is 1199 01:20:41.439 --> 01:20:44.960 this really going to bring me to the next level of where I want to 1200 01:20:44.960 --> 01:20:45.880 be? Before you kind of do it, you kind of have to stop 1201 01:20:45.920 --> 01:20:47.920 yourself in the tracks, and you have to kind of call yourself out. 1202 01:20:48.079 --> 01:20:53.319 I guess that's kind of my best advice, and also just yeah, I'm 1203 01:20:53.399 --> 01:20:59.000 kind of really considering the other person though, asking them are they available for 1204 01:20:59.119 --> 01:21:03.880 you right now to be I think that if you're really if you really care 1205 01:21:03.880 --> 01:21:06.359 about your friends though, and you're really aware of them, like you'll know 1206 01:21:06.560 --> 01:21:10.279 if they're available for that and if they're wanting. And I think that like 1207 01:21:10.359 --> 01:21:13.279 you have to pick up on cues when it comes to having conversations with people. 1208 01:21:13.640 --> 01:21:15.920 It's very apparent when people are zoning out of a conversation and when they're 1209 01:21:15.960 --> 01:21:20.960 really connected. So kind of finding those people who are very like eyes open, 1210 01:21:21.039 --> 01:21:25.199 ears open, ready to go, that's probably going to be your person 1211 01:21:25.239 --> 01:21:28.960 that you're gonna do that venting session with and just kind of seeing, you 1212 01:21:29.000 --> 01:21:34.640 know, are they also reciprocating that same energy and if they're not, even 1213 01:21:34.720 --> 01:21:39.760 just kind of mentioning being like, hey, you know, you can always 1214 01:21:39.840 --> 01:21:43.119 vent to me if you need. Because I actually have a few friends where 1215 01:21:44.359 --> 01:21:50.119 they're highly aware that I am definitely the advice friend and they're very like adamant 1216 01:21:50.119 --> 01:21:56.520 on being like like they're very aware of like not doing like not overloading me 1217 01:21:56.600 --> 01:22:00.319 too much, which I really appreciate. And they also will tell me like 1218 01:22:00.640 --> 01:22:03.800 anytime you need to vent, like let me know, which I think is 1219 01:22:03.880 --> 01:22:09.720 really it's beautiful if you can do that for your friends. So someone said 1220 01:22:10.079 --> 01:22:14.359 a friend saying that there's quote unquote no competition with girls, but always need 1221 01:22:15.079 --> 01:22:20.640 male validation. Honestly, Like from my personal experience, just you got to 1222 01:22:20.680 --> 01:22:28.680 stay away from people like girls like that. Like it's just like the chasing 1223 01:22:28.720 --> 01:22:32.760 male validation thing. And I've been there, so it's like I get it, 1224 01:22:32.840 --> 01:22:39.239 but it's just it's not a hill that you want to die on, 1225 01:22:39.720 --> 01:22:44.560 man. And I really think that the girls who are in that chase, 1226 01:22:45.239 --> 01:22:48.479 you gotta let them learn. You gotta let them learn, especially if you're 1227 01:22:48.840 --> 01:22:54.159 very self aware and you've been doing the work and like you're listening to podcasts 1228 01:22:54.159 --> 01:22:57.520 all the time, like you are completely not that person. I think that 1229 01:22:57.600 --> 01:23:02.079 you are honestly doing yourself a disservice by constantly surrounding yourself with people who do 1230 01:23:02.119 --> 01:23:06.880 not see themselves. This is the thing. If you can have a friend 1231 01:23:06.880 --> 01:23:11.359 who is going through times where it's kind of shitty, they don't have the 1232 01:23:11.359 --> 01:23:16.079 best self concept, they're not in the best relationship situation. This that that's 1233 01:23:16.079 --> 01:23:19.359 fine. I'm not saying that you have to drop those people, but the 1234 01:23:19.479 --> 01:23:23.600 quality that you want within these people, if you're going to be friends with 1235 01:23:23.640 --> 01:23:28.039 them? Is do they see themselves? Do they know what they're doing? 1236 01:23:28.439 --> 01:23:32.239 Can they call themselves out? And I have been around people who genuinely do 1237 01:23:32.279 --> 01:23:36.560 not even see how insecure they are. Do do not even see how much 1238 01:23:36.600 --> 01:23:41.079 they're complaining? They do not even see themselves, like they can't they're not 1239 01:23:41.279 --> 01:23:45.279 there. And with those people, I would suggest kind of removing yourself. 1240 01:23:45.319 --> 01:23:48.479 That's basically all I'm going to say about that. I also talk about friendships 1241 01:23:48.560 --> 01:23:51.039 in my book as well. At the end, someone said, should I 1242 01:23:51.039 --> 01:23:55.800 still be friends with a person if they flake every time we make plans to 1243 01:23:55.840 --> 01:23:59.279 hang out? More than likely the answer is going to be no, because 1244 01:23:59.319 --> 01:24:03.319 it's obviously apparent to me that you probably care about your friends showing up, 1245 01:24:03.640 --> 01:24:08.479 and if they keep flaking, then what the fuck's the point? I would 1246 01:24:08.479 --> 01:24:11.760 maybe have a conversation and tell them, like you value somebody who is showing 1247 01:24:11.840 --> 01:24:14.159 up, and like it seems like they haven't really been and you can kind 1248 01:24:14.159 --> 01:24:16.039 of see from there. But I would say, like the short answer is 1249 01:24:16.079 --> 01:24:19.920 no. Some's like, can you make a discord for us to be friends? 1250 01:24:20.600 --> 01:24:26.560 I actually, okay. The reason why I'm kind of saying like maybe, 1251 01:24:26.560 --> 01:24:29.640 but like maybe it will be layered down the line is because I don't 1252 01:24:29.680 --> 01:24:34.840 like to promote or yeah, I guess like promote things that I genuinely am 1253 01:24:34.840 --> 01:24:39.520 not using. I don't understand, and I don't I literally don't know how 1254 01:24:39.520 --> 01:24:42.399 to create a discord. I don't. So maybe if somebody in the community 1255 01:24:42.479 --> 01:24:45.560 like wants to, like, I don't use discord, I'm not a discord 1256 01:24:45.560 --> 01:24:48.239 girly, I feel like that's like, yeah, I just I don't know. 1257 01:24:48.239 --> 01:24:50.520 I don't know how to like even do any of that, and honestly, 1258 01:24:50.600 --> 01:24:54.560 personally, like right now, I'm managing so many things like it. 1259 01:24:54.880 --> 01:24:57.640 I would love that for you guys, but I try to do a Facebook 1260 01:24:57.640 --> 01:25:00.600 group like years ago and I did that, but like it's really hard to 1261 01:25:00.920 --> 01:25:04.800 kind of like manage and stuff. So I don't really know what that would 1262 01:25:04.960 --> 01:25:10.119 entail. But if anyone wants to reach out to me and like if you 1263 01:25:10.159 --> 01:25:14.600 want to like create something, but honestly, like just comments on the YouTube 1264 01:25:14.640 --> 01:25:17.760 videos, honestly, and I've seen a lot of people like start a comment 1265 01:25:17.800 --> 01:25:21.079 thread and you guys can like message each other from there too, Like it's 1266 01:25:21.920 --> 01:25:27.039 I think that that's probably a good start, but honestly, it's just because 1267 01:25:27.039 --> 01:25:30.119 I literally don't know how to use discord and I don't know like how to 1268 01:25:30.680 --> 01:25:34.479 navigate that at all. But maybe to be continued, someone said, how 1269 01:25:34.520 --> 01:25:39.720 can I get into a positive mindset when meeting potential new friends if I have 1270 01:25:39.800 --> 01:25:43.760 commitment and trust issues? I think, for sure, addressing your trust issues, 1271 01:25:43.760 --> 01:25:46.880 Like have you actually like done anything about that, Like it's one thing 1272 01:25:46.920 --> 01:25:50.239 to know that you have trust issues, but it's another to like do that 1273 01:25:50.319 --> 01:25:55.720 deep healing work of like emotionally releasing and maybe talking to a therapist or getting 1274 01:25:55.720 --> 01:25:58.399 to the root of it. Like I don't really know, but like addressing 1275 01:25:58.399 --> 01:26:00.920 your core wounds is the most important thing, Like it's it really is important. 1276 01:26:00.920 --> 01:26:03.439 So I don't know how much work you've done on that, but I 1277 01:26:03.520 --> 01:26:11.199 think the daily mindset work of changing the way that you're thinking in terms of 1278 01:26:11.279 --> 01:26:16.000 like people can and will be trustworthy and even if I don't know them now 1279 01:26:16.079 --> 01:26:18.600 or I haven't found them, I'm going to find them mindset, Like coming 1280 01:26:18.640 --> 01:26:23.399 back to the optimistic mindset, you have to you have to, like you 1281 01:26:23.760 --> 01:26:30.159 have to be optimistic about that, and that takes consistent repetition, and it 1282 01:26:30.239 --> 01:26:33.960 takes focus, and it takes like commitment of you being like, Okay, 1283 01:26:34.039 --> 01:26:39.720 I'm going to decide to stop spiraling in this narrative of nobody is to be 1284 01:26:39.760 --> 01:26:44.199 trusted and I can't find people. So I would honestly say it's like a 1285 01:26:44.920 --> 01:26:48.359 daily practice. Someone said, my best friend since birth ghosted me with no 1286 01:26:48.479 --> 01:26:53.159 explanation. She is with her boyfriend twenty four seven. Do I reach out 1287 01:26:53.199 --> 01:27:00.920 first? So I would say, if if you want to reach out, 1288 01:27:00.079 --> 01:27:03.399 try to have no expectations, because I feel like if you reach out and 1289 01:27:03.439 --> 01:27:05.600 they don't say what you want to say, then you're just going to be 1290 01:27:05.640 --> 01:27:11.199 more disappointed. But if you can kind of like put that like mature logical 1291 01:27:11.279 --> 01:27:14.399 mind and like hat on again and be that bigger person and just kind of 1292 01:27:14.760 --> 01:27:17.399 reach out and maybe like try to have a conversation with them from a place 1293 01:27:17.479 --> 01:27:21.520 of like, hey, like I've just been noticing, well not noticing you 1294 01:27:21.640 --> 01:27:25.720 literally notice, so they freaking ghosted you, And I really like value our 1295 01:27:25.720 --> 01:27:28.960 friendship and I really want to hear you out and see like what's been going 1296 01:27:29.000 --> 01:27:31.920 on in your life that you felt that you needed to ghost you know. 1297 01:27:32.920 --> 01:27:36.760 But again, I don't know if the reason why she really just ghosted is 1298 01:27:36.800 --> 01:27:40.319 because she cares more about her boyfriend than you, And if that's the case, 1299 01:27:40.359 --> 01:27:42.920 then maybe it's like a level of like you're a little bit more mature 1300 01:27:43.000 --> 01:27:45.199 right now than her, and I wouldn't expand your energy too much. It's 1301 01:27:45.239 --> 01:27:50.760 really obviously unfortunate, But if you really value this friendship, then maybe I 1302 01:27:50.800 --> 01:27:54.439 would give it one more go. But I mean, obviously it is very 1303 01:27:54.479 --> 01:27:57.960 rude for somebody to ghost you, and I think that there's usually always a 1304 01:27:58.039 --> 01:28:00.560 reason and it's usually something to do with with like what they're going through. 1305 01:28:00.960 --> 01:28:08.439 So yeah, but no expectation. I would say, someone said, how 1306 01:28:08.439 --> 01:28:12.479 would you deal with a narcissist ex best friend if she is still in your 1307 01:28:12.640 --> 01:28:15.960 university classroom? Literally, just don't, Like, that's my best advice. 1308 01:28:16.079 --> 01:28:19.079 Don't. Why do you feel like you have to deal with her? Just 1309 01:28:19.079 --> 01:28:23.439 because she's in your classroom doesn't mean you have to talk to her. You 1310 01:28:23.479 --> 01:28:28.439 have to acknowledge her. So if you're dealing with her, my question is 1311 01:28:29.479 --> 01:28:33.399 why, like you got to have healthy boundaries if if you're for some reason 1312 01:28:33.439 --> 01:28:38.600 still having a conversation or anything like that, don't you don't have to deal 1313 01:28:38.600 --> 01:28:41.760 with anything you don't want to, even if they're around you. And I 1314 01:28:41.760 --> 01:28:44.760 mean obviously, like if they're like nagging you and like try and talk to 1315 01:28:44.800 --> 01:28:47.319 you and this that like maybe you need somebody to like help you get them 1316 01:28:47.359 --> 01:28:50.640 away from you and stuff like that. But don't deal with it. Do 1317 01:28:50.760 --> 01:28:54.520 not deal with it. It's not healthy for you. You don't need it. 1318 01:28:54.680 --> 01:28:57.760 Someone said, how to make friends as a seventeen year old, loneliness 1319 01:28:57.800 --> 01:29:00.520 is one of the biggest struggles right now with a broken heart. Mmmm, 1320 01:29:01.600 --> 01:29:05.840 seventeen is young, is what I'll say. You have so many chapters and 1321 01:29:05.880 --> 01:29:11.880 evolutions of so many more beautiful friendships that you'll be able to make. So 1322 01:29:12.199 --> 01:29:15.359 I think the best advice that I can give you is like, honor the 1323 01:29:15.399 --> 01:29:19.079 feelings of loneliness. Yes, God, how many times all shit, I've 1324 01:29:19.079 --> 01:29:24.239 felt so lonely in my life for so many years when it came to friendship 1325 01:29:24.239 --> 01:29:29.319 it's but also even like romantic partner like everything, So I feel that deep 1326 01:29:29.520 --> 01:29:32.960 sense of loneliness. But what's helped me through it all is always reminding myself 1327 01:29:33.239 --> 01:29:36.840 it's not going to be like this forever. I feel like sometimes when you're 1328 01:29:36.920 --> 01:29:41.199 going through a really hard emotion, it feels like it's never ending. But 1329 01:29:41.239 --> 01:29:43.920 I think that you just have to remind yourself in those moments, even though 1330 01:29:43.960 --> 01:29:50.199 it doesn't really change the feeling, that it will change and you will find 1331 01:29:51.119 --> 01:29:56.159 beautiful friendships. You will, You absolutely will. When it comes to like 1332 01:29:56.439 --> 01:29:59.199 making friends. I think I kind of already gave you some examples of it. 1333 01:29:59.319 --> 01:30:02.600 It's actually a natural process if I'm being honest and just knowing yourself and 1334 01:30:02.600 --> 01:30:05.199 coming back to yourself and your goals and what you value. And it will 1335 01:30:05.239 --> 01:30:10.079 change over time, but you will find them. Okay, somebody kind of 1336 01:30:10.119 --> 01:30:14.000 asked like a bunch of them, So I'm gonna read everything she submitted and 1337 01:30:14.000 --> 01:30:18.359 then I'll kind of sum it up. So she said she's struggling with seeing 1338 01:30:18.479 --> 01:30:23.279 others be friends with someone you tried to be friends with and you couldn't be 1339 01:30:23.399 --> 01:30:29.119 friends with. How to stop ruminating on how I'm assuming that friendship ended years 1340 01:30:29.159 --> 01:30:32.640 ago, watching your friends rekindle friendships with someone who was really shitty to you, 1341 01:30:32.680 --> 01:30:35.560 and I think that the kind of connects, and how not to think 1342 01:30:35.560 --> 01:30:39.880 that you're the problem because that friendship didn't work out, but it's working out 1343 01:30:39.960 --> 01:30:45.359 for other people, So there's a lot here. There's a reason why that 1344 01:30:45.399 --> 01:30:49.079 friendship didn't work out for you, and You're not a bad person, you're 1345 01:30:49.119 --> 01:30:53.680 not a wrong person. You are not any less than just because these people 1346 01:30:53.680 --> 01:30:56.680 are connecting over here and you're not. And I know that doesn't take away 1347 01:30:56.680 --> 01:31:00.039 the feeling of the real feeling of yes, you're feeling maybe a little bit 1348 01:31:00.119 --> 01:31:03.439 left out or like is it something to do with me? But you have 1349 01:31:03.520 --> 01:31:08.680 to you got to bring it back to there's just some people that are definitely 1350 01:31:08.680 --> 01:31:11.520 not your cup of tea, and there's probably you know, the reason why 1351 01:31:11.560 --> 01:31:14.800 that that friendship didn't work out. You are not going to be friends with 1352 01:31:14.840 --> 01:31:17.720 everyone, and I think you just have to remind yourself of that when it 1353 01:31:17.760 --> 01:31:23.640 comes to watching your friends rekindle friendships with someone who is shitty to you. 1354 01:31:24.119 --> 01:31:27.640 I think the best thing that you can do is be vulnerable and tell your 1355 01:31:27.680 --> 01:31:30.880 friends like, I'm not trying to dictate who you want to be friends with. 1356 01:31:31.159 --> 01:31:34.560 I mean again, if you are, then I don't know. I 1357 01:31:34.800 --> 01:31:38.640 personally don't think that that's the best way because I feel like we shouldn't control 1358 01:31:38.680 --> 01:31:42.760 people. So it obviously also depends on what that person did. Again, 1359 01:31:43.319 --> 01:31:48.039 that's not my expertise because I don't really have those dynamics in friendships, but 1360 01:31:49.079 --> 01:31:53.399 I think something that's really important is for you to be vulnerable and tell your 1361 01:31:53.439 --> 01:31:56.199 friend like, hey, like I'm not trying to dictate who you're friends with, 1362 01:31:56.239 --> 01:31:59.159 but I just need to let you know that, like, it does 1363 01:31:59.199 --> 01:32:02.520 really hurt me to see that you are friends with a person that was so 1364 01:32:02.680 --> 01:32:05.680 willing to hurt me in whatever ways and kind of see what they say, 1365 01:32:05.720 --> 01:32:10.319 like maybe they don't really know the extent, Maybe they don't know how you're 1366 01:32:10.319 --> 01:32:14.079 feeling and genuinely how hurt you are. Again, it completely depends on what 1367 01:32:14.159 --> 01:32:16.760 it is. And you know, if that person did something really bad and 1368 01:32:16.840 --> 01:32:23.000 that friend doesn't really care, then maybe it's like maybe you're going to distance 1369 01:32:23.039 --> 01:32:26.920 that person a little bit because you value somebody who really cares about your feelings 1370 01:32:26.960 --> 01:32:33.960 and your friendship. And again it's very dependent. But I think also coming 1371 01:32:34.000 --> 01:32:41.039 back to the piece of let's try to take our focus away from the thing 1372 01:32:41.159 --> 01:32:45.840 that distresses us and put it on something that actually matters over here. And 1373 01:32:45.479 --> 01:32:50.159 I know it can be difficult, but it's actually like sometimes when we get 1374 01:32:50.159 --> 01:32:54.760 into fight or flight, we're like anxious, we're like hyper focus on something 1375 01:32:55.319 --> 01:32:58.439 we don't really under like we really don't are not aware of just how much 1376 01:32:58.479 --> 01:33:00.760 that spotlight is on the thing that like literally is actually not helpful for us. 1377 01:33:00.800 --> 01:33:03.960 So, you know, I don't know how much you're thinking about these 1378 01:33:04.000 --> 01:33:09.159 people. You're watching these people, you're moving around these people, but kind 1379 01:33:09.199 --> 01:33:12.399 of removing yourself, whether that be taking some time off of social media, 1380 01:33:12.399 --> 01:33:15.199 if you're watching their lives all the time, the sorry their lives all the 1381 01:33:15.239 --> 01:33:19.560 time. Maybe it is putting your energy maybe into some of your habits and 1382 01:33:19.600 --> 01:33:24.479 your goals and your routines. I always find for myself when I find I'm 1383 01:33:24.560 --> 01:33:28.479 hyper focused on something that's just distressing me, let's say I'm going to bring 1384 01:33:28.479 --> 01:33:30.279 it back to a romantic relationship. I used to do this all the time. 1385 01:33:30.279 --> 01:33:33.680 When I would be hyper aware of when somebody was pulling away from me, 1386 01:33:34.279 --> 01:33:38.000 it was always because I wasn't I was pulled away from myself. I 1387 01:33:38.000 --> 01:33:41.039 was actually pulled away from myself. And that's why I was so able to 1388 01:33:41.079 --> 01:33:45.359 see that that person was literally like every move, every message, every minute 1389 01:33:45.359 --> 01:33:47.520 that they didn't respond to me. I was so aware of that because I 1390 01:33:47.600 --> 01:33:53.239 was actually very much so removed from myself. And when I would bring back 1391 01:33:53.279 --> 01:33:56.359 that energy and be like okay, damn, like I got a to do 1392 01:33:56.439 --> 01:33:58.840 list to do, Like I got these routines that I haven't been on. 1393 01:33:59.119 --> 01:34:02.199 I haven't been sleeping right, I haven't been prioritizing these people who really love 1394 01:34:02.279 --> 01:34:05.760 me over here. I haven't been doing those things. And when I put 1395 01:34:05.800 --> 01:34:09.680 my attention on that that thing goes away. You know that thing goes away. 1396 01:34:09.760 --> 01:34:12.800 That person either chases you back or you know that person goes away. 1397 01:34:12.840 --> 01:34:17.479 So I think that's my best advice. But I also have seen some of 1398 01:34:17.520 --> 01:34:21.720 your questions before, and I know that you are very strong, and you're 1399 01:34:23.159 --> 01:34:27.720 very you're very self aware, and you know that you're going through this process 1400 01:34:27.760 --> 01:34:30.640 of just learning and being with yourself right now. So I have every single 1401 01:34:30.720 --> 01:34:33.560 faith in my bone that you are going to get through this and you're going 1402 01:34:33.600 --> 01:34:38.239 to see this out and it's gonna be beautiful, and this is a part 1403 01:34:38.239 --> 01:34:42.760 of your journey. And I think that like bringing it back to any friendship 1404 01:34:42.840 --> 01:34:47.119 or relationship thing that you're going through, like remind yourself that what you're going 1405 01:34:47.159 --> 01:34:51.960 through right now is actually a very big part of your bigger picture that you're 1406 01:34:53.000 --> 01:34:56.119 trying to even get to. And I even said this on my in my 1407 01:34:56.239 --> 01:35:00.039 vlog on like one of my actually not my older vlogs. It has a 1408 01:35:00.079 --> 01:35:02.720 out. Yeah, I was saying, sometimes we're always looking for the answer 1409 01:35:02.760 --> 01:35:06.920 outside of us to help us feel good. But what I have found is 1410 01:35:06.960 --> 01:35:13.760 that your answer is actually in your problem. Genuinely, your answer is in 1411 01:35:13.840 --> 01:35:18.000 your problem. So stop trying to dance around your problem, stop trying to 1412 01:35:18.039 --> 01:35:23.479 find everyone else to fix it, stop trying to run away from it, 1413 01:35:24.199 --> 01:35:30.359 Go through it, pull out the wisdom and the puzzle piece that you actually 1414 01:35:30.399 --> 01:35:33.439 need for how you're going to really up level your life. And I promise 1415 01:35:33.520 --> 01:35:36.880 you you will, Like it might take a little bit, but you will 1416 01:35:36.920 --> 01:35:41.319 see that this was the actual thing that you needed to up level the things 1417 01:35:41.359 --> 01:35:43.600 in your life. But I think sometimes we just look at what we're going 1418 01:35:43.640 --> 01:35:45.560 through in our lives that that might be really shitty, and we're like, 1419 01:35:45.600 --> 01:35:47.399 oh, I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to go 1420 01:35:47.439 --> 01:35:49.199 through this. Why do I have to go through this? This is not 1421 01:35:49.239 --> 01:35:53.199 what I want, this is not fair, and all those things and all 1422 01:35:53.279 --> 01:35:57.159 those feelings are true. But at the same time, this thing that you're 1423 01:35:57.199 --> 01:36:00.399 going through right now is actually a very big key to where you're gonna go 1424 01:36:00.399 --> 01:36:03.680 in your future. So that's all I say about that. Someone said, 1425 01:36:03.800 --> 01:36:09.680 what do you do when a friend makes passive aggressive comments to you? Address 1426 01:36:09.720 --> 01:36:15.079 it? Call that bitch out in the nicest way. Just address it with 1427 01:36:15.119 --> 01:36:17.640 them, and if they don't see what you're talking about, remove yourself. 1428 01:36:17.840 --> 01:36:21.279 You're probably more self aware than them. Someone said, thoughts on keeping a 1429 01:36:21.279 --> 01:36:26.000 best d slash making friendships last. I think it really just comes down to 1430 01:36:26.119 --> 01:36:30.640 like understanding that friendships take effort and work the same way it does, romantic 1431 01:36:30.640 --> 01:36:33.000 relationships the same way it does, getting results in the gym, the same 1432 01:36:33.000 --> 01:36:36.159 way it does, healing the same way it does for everything in different ways. 1433 01:36:36.279 --> 01:36:39.439 Yes, and you have to find what works for you, and you 1434 01:36:39.479 --> 01:36:42.880 have to find different type of communication that works in this that at the end 1435 01:36:42.880 --> 01:36:45.119 of the day, it's like it does require a level of you and that 1436 01:36:45.159 --> 01:36:51.039 person being on that same page. And I think what really makes friendships last 1437 01:36:51.039 --> 01:36:54.640 for me, and I think about this when it comes to my friend Joyee, 1438 01:36:54.760 --> 01:37:00.199 is we just we think the same, we communicate the same way. 1439 01:37:00.760 --> 01:37:05.520 We are kind of in that same phase of life of like I need this 1440 01:37:05.560 --> 01:37:10.479 amount from you, but I'm good with everything else. Like you just really 1441 01:37:10.520 --> 01:37:12.640 got to get on that same page. And I think that that's how you're 1442 01:37:12.640 --> 01:37:16.640 gonna find relationships that last the most, and it's not gonna be from everyone, 1443 01:37:16.760 --> 01:37:21.199 and just know that, like I don't expect to have like every single 1444 01:37:21.199 --> 01:37:26.560 friendship that I currently have right now last me until I'm frickin eighty years old. 1445 01:37:26.720 --> 01:37:30.920 Obviously I would love that, And I'm not trying to paint the picture 1446 01:37:30.960 --> 01:37:34.359 as if I'm like planning on losing these friends, but I just know that 1447 01:37:34.640 --> 01:37:40.000 like a few solid friends that you can put in that effort will go a 1448 01:37:40.199 --> 01:37:43.880 very very long way. And just understand that there's different seasons of your life 1449 01:37:43.880 --> 01:37:48.680 but also different friends for different things sometimes and that's okay, and personally for 1450 01:37:48.760 --> 01:37:54.039 me, it actually makes me feel very supported. I think that I feel 1451 01:37:54.319 --> 01:37:57.960 if like if I were to like feel into what the energy feels like around 1452 01:37:58.000 --> 01:38:00.880 me, when I think about my friendships currently right now now, I feel 1453 01:38:00.920 --> 01:38:03.079 like there's like a circle around me, like there's a there's like a very 1454 01:38:03.720 --> 01:38:09.600 grounded, very supported circle where I have like all my different friends who are 1455 01:38:09.640 --> 01:38:13.199 here in different aspects and I communicate with them in different ways, and they 1456 01:38:13.279 --> 01:38:15.920 they're they're ebbing and flowing in my life. And on top of that, 1457 01:38:16.359 --> 01:38:24.479 each person is connected to other people who I feel energetically I'm supported by, 1458 01:38:24.640 --> 01:38:28.359 even if I like don't really talk to them. And on top of that, 1459 01:38:29.000 --> 01:38:33.039 when it comes to opportunities and because maybe a side note, the reason 1460 01:38:33.079 --> 01:38:36.720 why we care so much about networks and friendships is also like a safety thing. 1461 01:38:36.760 --> 01:38:41.760 It's literally like a primal thing. And this is why we're so attracted 1462 01:38:41.880 --> 01:38:46.399 a lot of the times to men who have a lot of like friend groups 1463 01:38:46.680 --> 01:38:50.000 or they have networking. Like when we think about businessmen and men who are 1464 01:38:50.000 --> 01:38:55.359 successful, it's not just about money, and we can have a whole conversation 1465 01:38:55.399 --> 01:38:58.640 about this. It's not just about money, but money of course, what 1466 01:38:58.800 --> 01:39:01.720 is that equal equals safety at the end of the day, equal safety. 1467 01:39:01.760 --> 01:39:03.960 So it's not a bad thing that you want to like be with somebody who's 1468 01:39:03.960 --> 01:39:09.680 successful, obviously, but another thing, at least for me when I've grown 1469 01:39:09.720 --> 01:39:14.560 into being a very healthy version of me, when I see a man who 1470 01:39:14.640 --> 01:39:17.840 is connected and has friends and not even about money, but like knows how 1471 01:39:17.840 --> 01:39:23.039 to have conversations with people who have you know, some good best friends that 1472 01:39:23.399 --> 01:39:25.840 they've known each other for a long time, or they have good relationships. 1473 01:39:25.800 --> 01:39:29.880 Things like that. To me, that signals a lot of safety and like 1474 01:39:29.960 --> 01:39:32.560 if there was anything to ever go wrong, I could lean on him, 1475 01:39:32.560 --> 01:39:35.439 but he could also lean on his community as well. And I think about 1476 01:39:35.439 --> 01:39:41.239 that with my own life with my friends, like I can lean on these 1477 01:39:41.239 --> 01:39:44.359 people if I need, which is really great, even though I don't need, 1478 01:39:44.520 --> 01:39:46.359 I really like, am gonna be okay. It obviously signals to my 1479 01:39:46.399 --> 01:39:50.279 nervous system that I'm safe, but also the friends that I have, the 1480 01:39:50.359 --> 01:39:57.640 industries that they're in, I feel supported because like my best friend, she's 1481 01:39:57.720 --> 01:40:00.359 really into the finances, like she's got me on that that that side of 1482 01:40:00.359 --> 01:40:02.319 things, Like she's helped me up level my friend, and it says a 1483 01:40:02.359 --> 01:40:05.239 lot, and I feel like if I have questions, she's there tests. 1484 01:40:05.279 --> 01:40:10.560 She's interested in marketing and content a lot, so like she's like my marketing 1485 01:40:10.560 --> 01:40:13.920 and content friend, where I feel like it's very supportive. Obviously I don't 1486 01:40:13.960 --> 01:40:16.079 just go to her for that, and like I'm supported in many different aspects 1487 01:40:16.159 --> 01:40:19.199 from her, but that for sure one of my friends needs you. She's 1488 01:40:19.359 --> 01:40:23.119 very spiritually connected. I feel like if I were to ever need to talk 1489 01:40:23.159 --> 01:40:25.399 to somebody about that, that's the person I'm going to go to. My 1490 01:40:25.439 --> 01:40:30.600 friend Frida super super into health and fitness and like wellness and just like and 1491 01:40:30.680 --> 01:40:33.800 also spirituality a lot, and she's very positive, and I just know that 1492 01:40:33.840 --> 01:40:36.920 I'm supported in that if I ever need that type of energy. My friend 1493 01:40:38.000 --> 01:40:45.079 Rachel, she's very very spiritually but also like uh somatically and trauma informed and 1494 01:40:45.159 --> 01:40:48.239 like very wise and like so much wisdom and things like that. My friend 1495 01:40:48.319 --> 01:40:54.800 Kendra, like she is this girl who she's book smart, she's very very 1496 01:40:54.840 --> 01:40:57.399 smart, independent and whatever. But she feels like a sister to me. 1497 01:40:57.479 --> 01:40:59.880 So I feel like home to her, but like she feels like home to 1498 01:40:59.880 --> 01:41:02.920 me. Sorry, but also she's very connected in the terms, like she's 1499 01:41:03.000 --> 01:41:05.199 very like street smurt and I see this. I say that in the best 1500 01:41:05.199 --> 01:41:08.399 way. I don't say it in like a shitty, like gross, like 1501 01:41:08.479 --> 01:41:14.319 grimy way. She's very street. She knows how to move in different like 1502 01:41:15.079 --> 01:41:17.960 social circles and just she's connected in all these ways and I feel connected, 1503 01:41:18.000 --> 01:41:20.600 Like I feel supported in that way. So like I have a lot of 1504 01:41:20.640 --> 01:41:24.920 people, and there's many other friends that I have, but I feel like 1505 01:41:24.960 --> 01:41:28.159 there's many people in my life that make me feel supported in that way. 1506 01:41:28.239 --> 01:41:30.680 So it's always like great to like be connected with people who are not always 1507 01:41:30.680 --> 01:41:35.000 the same as you as well. And also actually, maybe one other thing 1508 01:41:35.039 --> 01:41:40.159 that I was gonna say about female friendships with traits and stuff is I look 1509 01:41:40.239 --> 01:41:46.359 for friends who also have really like good concepts of like being in relationships as 1510 01:41:46.359 --> 01:41:48.479 well. Like I have a lot of friends who are in healthy relationships, 1511 01:41:48.640 --> 01:41:51.880 or if they're single, they're working on healthy relationships, or they're like calling 1512 01:41:51.880 --> 01:41:55.439 themselves out if they're you know, going through something like whatever. Like they're 1513 01:41:55.520 --> 01:42:00.079 very self aware, and I think that I never actually understood the importance of 1514 01:42:00.439 --> 01:42:08.279 being with or having friends who have really healthy relationships, like who are with 1515 01:42:08.439 --> 01:42:14.800 men who are really healthy? It actually it shows me and sets the standards 1516 01:42:14.840 --> 01:42:17.600 of what I should be looking for. But I also feel supported because these 1517 01:42:17.640 --> 01:42:21.319 guys are also like they would kind of like do anything for me as well, 1518 01:42:21.359 --> 01:42:27.399 because like obviously indirectly, like I'm friends with the like DUI. Yeah. 1519 01:42:27.439 --> 01:42:30.960 Anyways, So I guess that's all I'll say and listen, all of 1520 01:42:31.000 --> 01:42:35.600 that took a lot of time. It took me connecting to myself, and 1521 01:42:35.640 --> 01:42:41.399 it took me being vulnerable and breaking down those barriers. It didn't just come 1522 01:42:41.439 --> 01:42:45.600 to me on a silver platter. I had to do the work and it 1523 01:42:45.640 --> 01:42:48.680 was uncomfortable at sometimes, but that's kind of where I'm at right now. 1524 01:42:49.039 --> 01:42:56.439 Will my friendships and yeah, friendships change over the years, probably and I 1525 01:42:56.479 --> 01:42:59.720 will have to do another updated video, I guess. So I hope you 1526 01:42:59.760 --> 01:43:02.079 guys I enjoyed. Today was a very long episode, oh my gosh, 1527 01:43:02.279 --> 01:43:05.279 but I feel like I really covered everything that I needed to. Let me 1528 01:43:05.319 --> 01:43:09.640 know what you would like to see next by commenting on YouTube. If you're 1529 01:43:09.640 --> 01:43:13.239 watching on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe as well. And if you're on 1530 01:43:13.239 --> 01:43:15.600 Spotify, you can submit or you can just DM me on the Instagram whatever 1531 01:43:15.680 --> 01:43:18.880 it is. I hope you guys have an amazing day and I'll see the 1532 01:43:18.920 --> 01:43:20.000 next one. Bye.