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Chapter thirty, After Dinner and Other
Occasional Speaking Quote, the perception of the

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ludicrous is a pledge of sanity unquote. Ralph Waldo Emerson essays, quote,

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and let him be sure to leave
other men there turns to speak unquote.

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Francis Bacon essay on Civil and Moral
Discourse, perhaps the most brilliant and certainly

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the most entertaining of all speeches of
those delivered on after Dinner and other special

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occasions. The air of well fed
content in the former, and of expectancy

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well primed in the latter, furnishes
an audience which, though not readily one,

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is prepared for the best, while
the speaker himself is pretty sure to

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have been chosen for his gifts of
oratory. The first essential of good occasional

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speaking is to study the occasion precisely. What is the object to the meeting?

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How important is the occasion to the
audience? How large will the audience

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be? What sort of people are
they? How large is the auditorium?

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Who selects the speaker's themes? Who
else is to speak? What are they

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to speak about? Precisely? How
long am I to speak? Who speaks

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before I do? And who follows? If you want to hit the nail

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on the head, ask such questions
as these footnotes. See also page two

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O five. No occasional address can
succeed unless it fits the occasion to a

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t. Many prominent men have lost
prestige because they were too careless, or

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too busy, or too self confident
to respect the occasion and the audience by

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learning the exact conditions under which they
were to speak. Leaving too much to

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the moment is taking a long chance, and generally means a less effective speech,

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if not a failure. Suitability if
the big thing in an occasional speech.

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When Mark Twain addressed the Army of
the Tennessee and Reunion at Chicago in

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eighteen seventy seven, he responded to
the toast the babies. Two things in

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the after dinner speech are remarkable.
The bright introduction, by which he subtly

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claimed at the interest of all,
and the humorous use of military terms throughout

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quote mister chairman and gentlemen, the
babies. Now that's something like we haven't

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all had the good fortune to be
ladies. We have not all been generals

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or poets or statesmen. But when
the toast works down to the babies,

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we stand on common ground, for
we've all been babies. It is a

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shame that for thousand years the world's
banquets have utterly ignored the baby, as

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if he didn't amount to anything.
If you, gentlemen, will stop and

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think a minute, if you will
go back fifty or a hundred years to

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your early married life and recontemplate your
first baby, you will remember that he

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amounted to a good deal and even
something over unquote quote As a vessel is

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known by the sound, whether it
be cracked or not, said Demosthenes.

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So men are proved by their speeches, whether they be wise or foolish.

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Unte Surely the occasional address furnishes a
severe test of a speaker's wisdom. To

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be trivial on a serious occasion,
to be funereal of a banquet, to

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be long winded. Ever, these
are the marks of nonsense. Some imprudent

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souls seem to select the most friendly
of after dinner occasions for the explosion of

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a bombshell of dispute around the dinner
table. It is the custom of even

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political enemies to bury their hatchets anywhere, rather than in some convenient skull.

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It is the height of bad taste
to raise questions that, in hours consecrated

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to good will, can only irritate. Occasional speeches offer good chances for humor,

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particularly the funny story. For humor
with a genuine point is not trivial,

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But do not spin a whole skein
of humorous yarns with no more connection

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than the inane and threadbear, and
that reminds me an anecdote without bearing may

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be funny, but one less funny
that fitch theme and occasion is far preferable.

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There is no way short of sheer
power of speech that so surely it

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leads to the heart of an audience
as rich appropriate humor. The scattered diners

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in a great banqueting hall, the
after dinner lethargy, the anxiety over approaching

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last train time, the over full
list of over full speakers all throw out

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a challenge to the speaker to do
his best to win an interested hearing.

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And when success does come, it
is usually due to a happy mixture of

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seriousness and humor, For humor alone
rarely scores so heavily as the two combined,

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while the utterly grave speech never does. On such occasions. If there

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is one place more than another where
second hand opinions and platitudes are unwelcome.

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It is in the after dinner's speech, whether you a toastmaster or the last

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speaker to try to hold the waning
crowd at midnight, be as original as

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you can. How is it possible
to summarize the qualities that go to make

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up the good after dinner's speech When
we remember the inimitable serious drollery of Mark

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Twain, the sweet southern eloquence of
Henry W. Grady, the funereal gravity

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of the humorous Charles Bettell Loomis,
the charm of Henry van Dyke, the

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geniality of f. Hopkinson and Smith, and the all round delightfulness of Chauncey

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M. Depew. America is literally
rich in such gladsome speakers who punctuate real

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sense with nonsense, and so make
both effective. Commemorative occasions, unveilings,

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commencements, dedications, eulagers, and
all the train of special public gatherings offer

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rare opportunities for the display of tact
and good sense in handling occasion, theme

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and audience. When to be dignified
and when colloquial, when to soar,

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and when to ramble arm in arm
with your hearers, when to flame and

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when to soothe, when to instruct, and when to amuse. In a

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word, the whole matter of appropriateness
must constantly be in mind lest you write

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your speech on water. Finally,
remember the beatitude. Blessed is the man

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that maketh short speeches, for he
shall be invited to speak again. Heading

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selections for study title Last Days of
the Confederacy extract quote the Rapidan suggests another

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scene to which allusion has often been
made since the war, but which as

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the illustrative also of the spirit of
both armies, I may be permitted to

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recall in this connection, in the
mellow twilight of an April day, the

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two armies were holding their dress parades
on the opposite hills bordering the river.

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At the close of the parade,
a magnificent brass band of the Union Army

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played with great spirit the patriotic airs
Hail Columbia and Yankee Doodle, whereupon the

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Federal troops responded with a patriotic shout. The same band then played the soul

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stirring strains of Dixie, to which
a mighty response came from ten thousand Southern

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troops. Few moments later, when
the stars had come out as witnesses,

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and when all nature was in harmony, there came from the same band the

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old melody Home, Sweet Home,
as its familiar and pathetic notes rolled over

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the water and thrilled through the spirits
of the soldiers. The hills reverberated were

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the thundering response from the united voices
of both armies. What was there in

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this old, old music to so
touch the chords of sympathy, so thrilled

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the spirits, and cause the frames
of brave men to tremble with emotion.

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It was the thought of home to
thousands. Doubtless, it was the thought

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of that eternal home to which the
next battle might be the gateway to thousands

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of others. It was the thought
of their dear earthly homes, where loved

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ones at that twilight hour were bowing
round the family altar and asking God's care

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over the absent soldier boy Unquote General
J. B. Gordon CSA title Welcome

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to Kassuf extract quote. Let me
ask you to imagine that a contest in

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which the United States asserted their independence
of Great Britain had been unsuccessful, that

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our armies through treason or a league
of tyrants against us had been broken and

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scattered, that the great men who
led them, and who swayed our councils,

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Our Washington, our Franklin, and
the venerable President the American Congress had

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been driven forth as exiles. If
there had existed at that day in any

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part of the civilized world a powerful
republic with institutions resting on the same foundations

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of liberty which our own countrymen sought
to establish, would there have been in

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that republic any hospitality too cordial,
any sympathy too deep, any zeal for

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their glorious but unfortunate cause too fervent
or too active to be shown toward these

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illustrious fugitives. Gentlemen, the case
I have supposed is before you. The

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Washingtons, the Franklins, the Hancocks
of Hungary, driven out by a far

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worse tyranny than has ever endured.
Here are wanderers in foreign lands. Some

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of them have sought a refuge in
our country. One sits with this company,

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our guest tonight, and we must
measure the duty we owe them by

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the same standard which we would have
had history apply if our ancestors had met

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with a fate like theirs. Unquote
William Cullen Bryant title the influence of Universities

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extract quote. When the excitement of
party warfare presses dangerously near our national safeguards,

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I would have the intelligent concern cvotism
of our universities and colleges warn the

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contestants in impressive tones against the perils
of a breach impossible to repair. When

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popular discontent and passion are stimulated by
the arts of designing partisans to have pitched

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perilously near to class hatred or sectional
anger, I would have our universities and

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colleges sound the alarm in the name
of American brotherhood and fraternal dependence. When

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the attempt is made to delude the
people into the belief that their suffrages can

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change the operation of national laws,
I would have our universities and colleges proclaimed

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that those laws are inexorable and far
removed from political control. When selfish interest

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seeks undue private benefits through governmental aid
and public places acclaimed as rewards of party's

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service, I would have our universities
and college es persuade the people to a

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relinquishment of the demand for party spoils
and exhort them to a disinterested and patriotic

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love of their government, whose unperverted
operation secures to every citizen his just share

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of the safety and prosperity it holds
in store for all. I would have

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the influence of these institutions on the
side of religion and morality. I would

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have those they send out among the
people not ashamed to acknowledge God and to

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proclaim His interposition in the affairs of
men, enjoining such obedience to His laws

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as makes manifest the path of national
perpetuity and prosperity. Unquote Grover Cleveland,

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delivered at the Princeton Sesqui Centennial eighteen
ninety six title Eulogy of Garfield extract quote

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great in life, he was surpassingly
great in death for no cause. In

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the very frenzy of wantonness and wickedness, by the red hand of murder,

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he was thrust from the full tide
of this world's interest, from its hopes,

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its aspirations, its victories, into
the visible presence of death. And

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he did not quail, not alone
for the one short moment in which,

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stunned and dazed, he could give
up life, hardly aware of its relinquishment,

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But through days of deadly languor,
through weeks of agony that was not

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less agony, because silently borne,
with clear sight and calm courage, he

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looked into his open grave. What
blight and ruin met his anguished eyes?

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Whose lips may tell? What brilliant
broken plans? What baffled high ambitions?

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What sundering of strong warm manhood's friendships, bitter rending of sweet household ties.

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Behind him a proud expectant nation,
a great host of sustaining friends, A

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cherished and happy mother wearing the full
rich honors of her early toil and tears,

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the wife of his youth, whose
whole life lay in his, The

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little boys not yet emerged from childhood's
day of frolic, the fair young daughter,

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the sturdy sons just springing into closest
companionship, claiming every day and every

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day rewarding a father's love and care, And in his heart, the eager,

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rejoicing power to meet all demand.
Before him desolation and great darkness,

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and his soul was not shaken.
His countrymen were thrilled with instant, profound

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and universal sympathy. Masterful in his
mortal weakness, He became the center of

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a nation's love in shrines, in
the prayers of a world. But all

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the love and all the sympathy could
not share with him his suffering. He

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trod the wine press alone with unforthing
front. He faced death with unfailing tenderness.

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He took leave of life above the
demoniac hiss of the assassin's bullet.

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He heard the voice of God with
simple resignation. He bowed the divine decree.

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James G. Blaine delivered at the
memorial service held by the US Senate

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and House of Representatives, title Eulogy
of Lee extract at the bottom of all

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true heroism is unselfishness. Its crowning
expression is sacrifice. The world is suspicious

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of vaunted heroes. But when the
true hero has come, and we know

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that here he is in verity,
Ah, how the hearts of men leaped

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forth to greet him, how worships
me? We welcome God's noblest work.

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The strong, honest, fearless,
upright man in Robert Leah was such a

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hero vouchsafed to us and to mankind. And whether we behold him declining command

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of the Federal Army to fight the
battles and share the misers of his own

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people, proclaiming on the heights in
front of Gettysburg that the fort of the

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disaster was his own. Leading charges
in the crisis of combat, walking under

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the yoke of conquest without a murmur
of complaint or refusing fortune, to come

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here and train the youth of his
country in the paths of duty. He

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is ever the same, meek,
grand self sacrificing spirit. Here he exhibited

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qualities not less worthy and heroic than
those displayed on the broad and open theater

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of conflict, when the eyes of
nations watched his every action. Here,

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in the calm repose of civil and
domestic duties, and in the trying routine

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of incessant tasks, he lived a
life as high as when day by day

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he marshaled and led his thin and
wasting lines, and slept by night upon

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the field that was to be drenched
again in blood upon the morrow. And

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now he has vanished from us forever. And is this all that has left

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of him, this handful of dust
beneath the marble stone. No the age's

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answer as they rise from the gulfs
of time, where lie the wrecks of

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kingdoms and estates, holding up in
their hands with their only trophies, the

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names of those who have wrought for
man in the love and fear of God,

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and in love unfearing for their fellow
men. No, the present answers,

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bending by his tomb. No,
the future answers. As the breath

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of the morning fans its radiant brow
and its soul drinks in sweetspirations from the

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lovely life of Lee. Know methinks
the very Heaven's echo as melt into their

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depths, the words of reverent love
that voice the hearts of men to the

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tingling stars. Come within today in
loyal love, to sanctify our memories,

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to purify our hopes, to make
strong all good intent by communion with the

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spirit of Him who, being dead
yet speaketh. Come child in thy spotless

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innocence, Come woman in thy purity, Come youth in thy prime, Come

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manhood in thy strength, Come age
in thy ripe wisdom. Come citizen,

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Come soldier. Let us through the
roses and lilies of June around his tomb,

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for he, like them, exhaled
in his life Nature's beneficence, and

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the Grave has consecrated that life and
given it to us All. Let us

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crown his tomb, the oak,
the emblem of his strength, and with

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the laurel, the emblem of his
glory. And let these guns, whose

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voices he knew of old, awake
the echoes of the mountains, that nature

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herself may join in its solemn requiem. Come, for here he rests,

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and on this green bank, by
this fair stream, we set today a

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votive stone, that memory may his
deeds redeem, when, like our sires,

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our sons are gone. John Warwick
Daniel on the unveiling of Lee's statue

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at Washington and Lee University, Lexington, Virginia, eighteen eighty three. Questions

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and Exercises. One why should humor
find a place in after dinner speaking?

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Two? Briefly give your impressions of
any notable after dinner address that you have

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heard. Three, brief the outline
an imaginary occasion of any sort, and

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give three subjects appropriate for addresses.
Four, deliver one such address not to

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exceed ten minutes in length. Five
What proportion of emotional ideas do you find

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in the extracts given in this chapter? Six? Humor was used in some

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of the foregoing addresses in which others
would have been inappropriate. Seven prepare and

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deliver an after dinner's speech suited to
one of the following occasions, and be

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sure to use humor. A lodge
banquet, a political party dinner, a

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church men's club dinner, a civic
association banquet, a banquet in honor of

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a celebrity, a woman's club annual
dinner, a business men's association dinner,

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a manufacturer's club dinner, an alumni
banquet, an Old Home Week barbecue.

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End of Section thirty