Chapter thirty, After Dinner and Other Occasional Speaking Quote, the perception of the
ludicrous is a pledge of sanity unquote. Ralph Waldo Emerson essays, quote,
and let him be sure to leave other men there turns to speak unquote.
Francis Bacon essay on Civil and Moral Discourse, perhaps the most brilliant and certainly
the most entertaining of all speeches of those delivered on after Dinner and other special
occasions. The air of well fed content in the former, and of expectancy
well primed in the latter, furnishes an audience which, though not readily one,
is prepared for the best, while the speaker himself is pretty sure to
have been chosen for his gifts of oratory. The first essential of good occasional
speaking is to study the occasion precisely. What is the object to the meeting?
How important is the occasion to the audience? How large will the audience
be? What sort of people are they? How large is the auditorium?
Who selects the speaker's themes? Who else is to speak? What are they
to speak about? Precisely? How long am I to speak? Who speaks
before I do? And who follows? If you want to hit the nail
on the head, ask such questions as these footnotes. See also page two
O five. No occasional address can succeed unless it fits the occasion to a
t. Many prominent men have lost prestige because they were too careless, or
too busy, or too self confident to respect the occasion and the audience by
learning the exact conditions under which they were to speak. Leaving too much to
the moment is taking a long chance, and generally means a less effective speech,
if not a failure. Suitability if the big thing in an occasional speech.
When Mark Twain addressed the Army of the Tennessee and Reunion at Chicago in
eighteen seventy seven, he responded to the toast the babies. Two things in
the after dinner speech are remarkable. The bright introduction, by which he subtly
claimed at the interest of all, and the humorous use of military terms throughout
quote mister chairman and gentlemen, the babies. Now that's something like we haven't
all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals
or poets or statesmen. But when the toast works down to the babies,
we stand on common ground, for we've all been babies. It is a
shame that for thousand years the world's banquets have utterly ignored the baby, as
if he didn't amount to anything. If you, gentlemen, will stop and
think a minute, if you will go back fifty or a hundred years to
your early married life and recontemplate your first baby, you will remember that he
amounted to a good deal and even something over unquote quote As a vessel is
known by the sound, whether it be cracked or not, said Demosthenes.
So men are proved by their speeches, whether they be wise or foolish.
Unte Surely the occasional address furnishes a severe test of a speaker's wisdom. To
be trivial on a serious occasion, to be funereal of a banquet, to
be long winded. Ever, these are the marks of nonsense. Some imprudent
souls seem to select the most friendly of after dinner occasions for the explosion of
a bombshell of dispute around the dinner table. It is the custom of even
political enemies to bury their hatchets anywhere, rather than in some convenient skull.
It is the height of bad taste to raise questions that, in hours consecrated
to good will, can only irritate. Occasional speeches offer good chances for humor,
particularly the funny story. For humor with a genuine point is not trivial,
But do not spin a whole skein of humorous yarns with no more connection
than the inane and threadbear, and that reminds me an anecdote without bearing may
be funny, but one less funny that fitch theme and occasion is far preferable.
There is no way short of sheer power of speech that so surely it
leads to the heart of an audience as rich appropriate humor. The scattered diners
in a great banqueting hall, the after dinner lethargy, the anxiety over approaching
last train time, the over full list of over full speakers all throw out
a challenge to the speaker to do his best to win an interested hearing.
And when success does come, it is usually due to a happy mixture of
seriousness and humor, For humor alone rarely scores so heavily as the two combined,
while the utterly grave speech never does. On such occasions. If there
is one place more than another where second hand opinions and platitudes are unwelcome.
It is in the after dinner's speech, whether you a toastmaster or the last
speaker to try to hold the waning crowd at midnight, be as original as
you can. How is it possible to summarize the qualities that go to make
up the good after dinner's speech When we remember the inimitable serious drollery of Mark
Twain, the sweet southern eloquence of Henry W. Grady, the funereal gravity
of the humorous Charles Bettell Loomis, the charm of Henry van Dyke, the
geniality of f. Hopkinson and Smith, and the all round delightfulness of Chauncey
M. Depew. America is literally rich in such gladsome speakers who punctuate real
sense with nonsense, and so make both effective. Commemorative occasions, unveilings,
commencements, dedications, eulagers, and all the train of special public gatherings offer
rare opportunities for the display of tact and good sense in handling occasion, theme
and audience. When to be dignified and when colloquial, when to soar,
and when to ramble arm in arm with your hearers, when to flame and
when to soothe, when to instruct, and when to amuse. In a
word, the whole matter of appropriateness must constantly be in mind lest you write
your speech on water. Finally, remember the beatitude. Blessed is the man
that maketh short speeches, for he shall be invited to speak again. Heading
selections for study title Last Days of the Confederacy extract quote the Rapidan suggests another
scene to which allusion has often been made since the war, but which as
the illustrative also of the spirit of both armies, I may be permitted to
recall in this connection, in the mellow twilight of an April day, the
two armies were holding their dress parades on the opposite hills bordering the river.
At the close of the parade, a magnificent brass band of the Union Army
played with great spirit the patriotic airs Hail Columbia and Yankee Doodle, whereupon the
Federal troops responded with a patriotic shout. The same band then played the soul
stirring strains of Dixie, to which a mighty response came from ten thousand Southern
troops. Few moments later, when the stars had come out as witnesses,
and when all nature was in harmony, there came from the same band the
old melody Home, Sweet Home, as its familiar and pathetic notes rolled over
the water and thrilled through the spirits of the soldiers. The hills reverberated were
the thundering response from the united voices of both armies. What was there in
this old, old music to so touch the chords of sympathy, so thrilled
the spirits, and cause the frames of brave men to tremble with emotion.
It was the thought of home to thousands. Doubtless, it was the thought
of that eternal home to which the next battle might be the gateway to thousands
of others. It was the thought of their dear earthly homes, where loved
ones at that twilight hour were bowing round the family altar and asking God's care
over the absent soldier boy Unquote General J. B. Gordon CSA title Welcome
to Kassuf extract quote. Let me ask you to imagine that a contest in
which the United States asserted their independence of Great Britain had been unsuccessful, that
our armies through treason or a league of tyrants against us had been broken and
scattered, that the great men who led them, and who swayed our councils,
Our Washington, our Franklin, and the venerable President the American Congress had
been driven forth as exiles. If there had existed at that day in any
part of the civilized world a powerful republic with institutions resting on the same foundations
of liberty which our own countrymen sought to establish, would there have been in
that republic any hospitality too cordial, any sympathy too deep, any zeal for
their glorious but unfortunate cause too fervent or too active to be shown toward these
illustrious fugitives. Gentlemen, the case I have supposed is before you. The
Washingtons, the Franklins, the Hancocks of Hungary, driven out by a far
worse tyranny than has ever endured. Here are wanderers in foreign lands. Some
of them have sought a refuge in our country. One sits with this company,
our guest tonight, and we must measure the duty we owe them by
the same standard which we would have had history apply if our ancestors had met
with a fate like theirs. Unquote William Cullen Bryant title the influence of Universities
extract quote. When the excitement of party warfare presses dangerously near our national safeguards,
I would have the intelligent concern cvotism of our universities and colleges warn the
contestants in impressive tones against the perils of a breach impossible to repair. When
popular discontent and passion are stimulated by the arts of designing partisans to have pitched
perilously near to class hatred or sectional anger, I would have our universities and
colleges sound the alarm in the name of American brotherhood and fraternal dependence. When
the attempt is made to delude the people into the belief that their suffrages can
change the operation of national laws, I would have our universities and colleges proclaimed
that those laws are inexorable and far removed from political control. When selfish interest
seeks undue private benefits through governmental aid and public places acclaimed as rewards of party's
service, I would have our universities and college es persuade the people to a
relinquishment of the demand for party spoils and exhort them to a disinterested and patriotic
love of their government, whose unperverted operation secures to every citizen his just share
of the safety and prosperity it holds in store for all. I would have
the influence of these institutions on the side of religion and morality. I would
have those they send out among the people not ashamed to acknowledge God and to
proclaim His interposition in the affairs of men, enjoining such obedience to His laws
as makes manifest the path of national perpetuity and prosperity. Unquote Grover Cleveland,
delivered at the Princeton Sesqui Centennial eighteen ninety six title Eulogy of Garfield extract quote
great in life, he was surpassingly great in death for no cause. In
the very frenzy of wantonness and wickedness, by the red hand of murder,
he was thrust from the full tide of this world's interest, from its hopes,
its aspirations, its victories, into the visible presence of death. And
he did not quail, not alone for the one short moment in which,
stunned and dazed, he could give up life, hardly aware of its relinquishment,
But through days of deadly languor, through weeks of agony that was not
less agony, because silently borne, with clear sight and calm courage, he
looked into his open grave. What blight and ruin met his anguished eyes?
Whose lips may tell? What brilliant broken plans? What baffled high ambitions?
What sundering of strong warm manhood's friendships, bitter rending of sweet household ties.
Behind him a proud expectant nation, a great host of sustaining friends, A
cherished and happy mother wearing the full rich honors of her early toil and tears,
the wife of his youth, whose whole life lay in his, The
little boys not yet emerged from childhood's day of frolic, the fair young daughter,
the sturdy sons just springing into closest companionship, claiming every day and every
day rewarding a father's love and care, And in his heart, the eager,
rejoicing power to meet all demand. Before him desolation and great darkness,
and his soul was not shaken. His countrymen were thrilled with instant, profound
and universal sympathy. Masterful in his mortal weakness, He became the center of
a nation's love in shrines, in the prayers of a world. But all
the love and all the sympathy could not share with him his suffering. He
trod the wine press alone with unforthing front. He faced death with unfailing tenderness.
He took leave of life above the demoniac hiss of the assassin's bullet.
He heard the voice of God with simple resignation. He bowed the divine decree.
James G. Blaine delivered at the memorial service held by the US Senate
and House of Representatives, title Eulogy of Lee extract at the bottom of all
true heroism is unselfishness. Its crowning expression is sacrifice. The world is suspicious
of vaunted heroes. But when the true hero has come, and we know
that here he is in verity, Ah, how the hearts of men leaped
forth to greet him, how worships me? We welcome God's noblest work.
The strong, honest, fearless, upright man in Robert Leah was such a
hero vouchsafed to us and to mankind. And whether we behold him declining command
of the Federal Army to fight the battles and share the misers of his own
people, proclaiming on the heights in front of Gettysburg that the fort of the
disaster was his own. Leading charges in the crisis of combat, walking under
the yoke of conquest without a murmur of complaint or refusing fortune, to come
here and train the youth of his country in the paths of duty. He
is ever the same, meek, grand self sacrificing spirit. Here he exhibited
qualities not less worthy and heroic than those displayed on the broad and open theater
of conflict, when the eyes of nations watched his every action. Here,
in the calm repose of civil and domestic duties, and in the trying routine
of incessant tasks, he lived a life as high as when day by day
he marshaled and led his thin and wasting lines, and slept by night upon
the field that was to be drenched again in blood upon the morrow. And
now he has vanished from us forever. And is this all that has left
of him, this handful of dust beneath the marble stone. No the age's
answer as they rise from the gulfs of time, where lie the wrecks of
kingdoms and estates, holding up in their hands with their only trophies, the
names of those who have wrought for man in the love and fear of God,
and in love unfearing for their fellow men. No, the present answers,
bending by his tomb. No, the future answers. As the breath
of the morning fans its radiant brow and its soul drinks in sweetspirations from the
lovely life of Lee. Know methinks the very Heaven's echo as melt into their
depths, the words of reverent love that voice the hearts of men to the
tingling stars. Come within today in loyal love, to sanctify our memories,
to purify our hopes, to make strong all good intent by communion with the
spirit of Him who, being dead yet speaketh. Come child in thy spotless
innocence, Come woman in thy purity, Come youth in thy prime, Come
manhood in thy strength, Come age in thy ripe wisdom. Come citizen,
Come soldier. Let us through the roses and lilies of June around his tomb,
for he, like them, exhaled in his life Nature's beneficence, and
the Grave has consecrated that life and given it to us All. Let us
crown his tomb, the oak, the emblem of his strength, and with
the laurel, the emblem of his glory. And let these guns, whose
voices he knew of old, awake the echoes of the mountains, that nature
herself may join in its solemn requiem. Come, for here he rests,
and on this green bank, by this fair stream, we set today a
votive stone, that memory may his deeds redeem, when, like our sires,
our sons are gone. John Warwick Daniel on the unveiling of Lee's statue
at Washington and Lee University, Lexington, Virginia, eighteen eighty three. Questions
and Exercises. One why should humor find a place in after dinner speaking?
Two? Briefly give your impressions of any notable after dinner address that you have
heard. Three, brief the outline an imaginary occasion of any sort, and
give three subjects appropriate for addresses. Four, deliver one such address not to
exceed ten minutes in length. Five What proportion of emotional ideas do you find
in the extracts given in this chapter? Six? Humor was used in some
of the foregoing addresses in which others would have been inappropriate. Seven prepare and
deliver an after dinner's speech suited to one of the following occasions, and be
sure to use humor. A lodge banquet, a political party dinner, a
church men's club dinner, a civic association banquet, a banquet in honor of
a celebrity, a woman's club annual dinner, a business men's association dinner,
a manufacturer's club dinner, an alumni banquet, an Old Home Week barbecue.
End of Section thirty