Bottled Up Bitches is hosted by a horny married couple. Content may include adult
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It's season five. Welcome back to Bottles Up Bitches, your favorite sex
podcast, hosted by an already married couple with me Rihanna Campbell and me producer
Man Adam. Sex shouldn't be taboo or embarrassing, so let's talk about it.
Stay horny, bitches. The snow's coming down. That's my Christmas.
I was gonna sing, I was gonna start this off with this Christmas song.
Okay, you guys, I was gonna say, Felis Navid. That's
good. Yeah, good job, thank you. Very nice of you to
represent my culture. You know, I try. We try every holiday,
honestly. Ohllow, Rihanna, Hi, how are you good? Good?
Good good? We survived the holidays. We're recording this a day after Thanksgiving,
so if you celebrate or do something family oriented, congratulations, you've you've
made it, You've made it. Yeah. We're recording this on the most
metal of all days, the most metal. It's pretty good. I thought
mine was pretty good too. Thanks. We had a really great business business
idea. If you're a smoke shop owner or work at a smoke shop,
if you want to hear it, you can have this one for free.
The rest will cost you. They're excited to see. We made a joke
that smoke shops on Black Friday should do like a good like bundle deal and
it calling it like surviving surviving family kit or something where you can get like
a good kit of I don't know, edibles, gummies, flower CBD things,
I don't know, but you know, all the things so you can
relax and such because the holidays are upon you, you know, like a
good holiday kit. Pretty funny. So any smoke shops out there take that,
take that for what you will and give us some credit, give us,
give us some product. We're gonna use it. We love it.
Yeah. So we just got back from your parents. Correct. I would
love to know your thoughts on how this was. We were in the Dallas
Fort Worth area. We were west of Fort Worth in the Denton area.
If you know, you know, give it to me. How do you
feel seeing your dad, your mom, you saw your one, your grandmother's
and an aunt and some cousins. Yeah, it was and we were there
Tuesday, Tuesday through Friday. Yeah, we got we got back today.
You know, it was it was a lot. I'm not a family person,
uh so it was a lot. You're my family. You're my family,
and that's kind of how I live my life. I will say this
every time we go because we go back, this is we're close to Ditton.
Yeah, and no one in the Texas area. That was almost a
fun day. Yeah. I loved it, And every time we go back,
we go. You know, I grew up in Denton. That's I
didn't live there, but like that's where me and my friends would go to
hang out. Yeah. The Square is ten minutes away. Yeah, it's
a super artsy, like cool little area. It's you know, I've always
heard people describe Dttan as like small Austin. It definitely attributes to how you
were able to be your authentic self, of your nerdiness and things like that.
I think you would always still be that way, but I think you
were able to lean into it more because you had physical space where you could
enjoy those things. Yeah, I mean it's it's it's a college town.
So there's two colleges in it, one being Texas Women's University, which for
a long time was just for women, so you get kind of like like
fun feminine energy flying through there. Yeah, and it's got you and t
which is a big art school that's like where all the weirdos go. Yeah.
So it's just a really cool, authentics town. And every time we
visit, I'm always like, man, if my family wasn't so close,
I would live there. Yeah. So yeah, so that's always enjoyable getting
to go there and you know, go around the square, going around this
area that I grew up and loved so much. So that's always fun.
As far as the rest of it, it was exhausting. It was a
lot. I mean, even our time that we got to spend in Detton
was cut a little short and stressful because your parents are with us, and
we usually go to the square alone, yeah and kind of fart around and
kind of get some alone time away from your parents when we visit them,
but this time they came along with ride and that was nice of them.
But yeah, it's stressful. It is stressful. My parents aren't the most
like as much as they both claim to be, they're not the most easy
going, no, you know, just go with the flow kind of people.
So that can be really exhaust and they kind of they don't really like
get involved no where it is very much like us doing things, having fun,
and they're just kind of like waiting for us the whole time. Yeah,
Like we would go into shops and they stand outside and I'm like,
well, I don't want to take too long, like I'm not gonna sift
through or stay as long as they want to because there are two people just
standing outside with yeah, you and I. So it made things a little
tougher for my mom made a joke about it, like she was like,
what y'all because we talked about the last time we were there, and you
know, we would often go just the two of us when we're visiting my
parents. But she was like, what do y'all come into? Didn't and
not telling us? And I was like, that's a good idea. We
should. We should just spend like a couple of days in dinner. I
made that joke to you, yeah, yeah, yeah, and just go
about because like there's other parts that don't like you've never seen. I'm sure
I see the same things every time I'm there. Yeah, and like like
even I want to I thought about this where I was like, man,
I wish I got. I haven't been to the Reaper Manufacturing store in such
a long time. The fuck is the Reaper Manufacturer? That's these pains I
got? And they like are a big miniature company. Yeah, that make
miniatures that you can buy it a lot of okay game stores out there.
They're they're main They're based out of dinn in their main facility. And growing
up, we would go to their warehouse because their warehouse had a storefront.
Oh that's fine, and we would hang out there like for hours playing Magic
the Gathering and stuff. Yeah, and I haven't been there since probably I
was in high school. Dude. Yeah, but I'd love to go back
there and visit. I've never been there. I had a thought just now.
Oh but I was excited to see that they remember we saw that they
opened a little like a D and D cafe. Yeah, they have it
the really cool it's called D twenty and it's like a little board game bar.
That was really cool that I would have loved to like that was fun
sit at for a little while. I know, I'm sorry, you know
it's fine, but we do when you just like go there into a staycation,
just you and I. Yeah, go to the restaurants you want to
go to. There's lots of little good There's lots of good food there.
Yeah, there's a lot of good food. There's like and it's fun to
see like shops that are still there, more fun comics and games. Y'all
are still kick in it. Y'all are always great and so friendly. Beth
Marie so I can get mine? Is it still Yeah? If you've never
been to dinn one of I think the main stops you go to is Beth
Marie, which is an ice cream shop that is makes such good ice cream.
Yeah, yeah, I like the I get a lavender honey flavor that
I really love. They have like fun cool flavors. Yeah no, no,
it's so it's so good. And you and I every time we go
to the square, we go by ourselves and that's really fun, but we
also have the caveat of like we need to get back because where there is
see your parents. So it would be nice to like spend the day,
have the whole day, Like I wouldn't have a square day. Get breakfast,
walk around, shop around, get lunch in the square, shop around,
walk around, dinner really square, you know what I mean, like
spend the whole day because you could easily. Yeah, And I want to
see if you think about it, don't they do they not deck it out
for Christmas? We need to look it up, you know how. I
like Christmas, So we need to do like a square day or something that'd
be fun. Yeah, And I know, and I have no problem because
like we're also always bawling on a budget, like is it sustainable for us
to get like an airbnb or stay somewhere like probably not, But I have
no problem. If you want to tell your mom like I'm gonna I'm taking
Rihanna, Like we're spending a day by ourselves. Yeah, she just saw
us. Maybe she'll be like, yeah, do your thing because she just
saw us, and won't be like, you know, sad or up our
ass. Yeah we're not spending time with her or what have you. Yeah,
Yeah, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right.
But yeah, and then as far as family goes, you know, it's
just it's a lot. It's exhausting. My family's very complicated people. Yeah,
there's a full breakdown there that we're not going to get into just out
of like time and respect and things. But no, it's a lot.
Your parents separately are a lot. Together they are a lot and when I
use the word a lot, amusing and like not very healthy. Yeah,
problems that are being swept under the rug not address. There's health service,
there's mental problems. Yeah. There, it's a whole chestnut of things that
don't get addressed, and it makes it tough for us because I think it's
a really great thing that you and I have both learned, is to resolve
problems. Yes, I think it's taken you a lot of good time and
work and mistakes and different things in your life to being to be able to
address things in a healthy way. I want to say in a healthy way,
because it's not like you did in an unhealthy way. Your your main
caveat was just not addressing things period. Yes, So it worries me when
you're around them because I don't want you to get in this bad habit of
falling back into it. And I also want you to practice addressing the problems,
which sucks because that means you're it's going to be your job to address
and work on resolving family issues that aren't your fault or your problem. Yeah,
you know, it's it's always these moments whenever we go back. You
know, there's a big thing for me too, is I think we work
very hard and me particularly of just staying in the moment and being happy.
Yeah, like whatever happens, like trying to something that you know, you've
critiqued me throughout the years, of like being able to just like whatever the
situation, get through it, and then like just being happy, being able
to like let things roll off your back. And it's tough going back to
my parents where it is such a negative, angry place, especially when I
didn't grow up with it being that way. Necessary I did a little bit,
but yeah, so that's always tough. And I had another thought that
I have lost. Let's see if I can grab it by the end of
this sentence. Nope, it's gone. Oh nope, I did have it.
And to your point, like, it's definitely these moments where I it
really hits me hard of being an only child, where I think, like
man child, the Glee people get it where I'm like I wish I had
someone. I wish I had like someone else that could help me with this,
and not necessarily to put that on them, but just having like a
partner in this because I know you you absolutely do everything you can, but
it's it's different when I don't know. Yeah, and so if I had,
I would it definitely is like, man, I wish I had a
sibling to like sit down with be like hey, Jessica or Bob, like
what we what we got to figure something out with this? What are we
going to do and be able to have like kind of sibling support to go
at this as a team as opposed to like it's tough being like it is,
Adam, it's all on you now figure it out. I mean it
can be respectfully not to make things more of it, but it's gonna be
the same way when they die. Yeah, it's gonna be your job to
bury two parents, to take care of both of them. And because you
know as much as whether it's your dad or mom, whoever goes first,
they're not going to be They're gonna be distraught, you know, like it's
it is going to be you to bootstrap and to figure it out and contact
family and da da da da, like financial shit, like your mom's hoarding.
We found an old chocolate box that you would gave her a couple of
years ago that was labeled inside written she shaped a dive a box just like
something you get at the store on the way too. Yeah, you just
got her a box of chocolates Valentine's Day and she kept the top of the
box and labeled it like Adam Gifts twenty twenty two. And that was wild.
So it is. It's a lot, Yeah, But I love you,
and I think you did a really great job. And I think you
and I think that's that sounds mean. I don't say like I'm glad we
go back, and I don't want things to be that way, but I
just hope it helps put things in perspective and make you proud of your progress
and the type of relationship that we have because we just have worked very hard
on it and it hasn't always been easy. But I'd rather put in all
that work now. Yeah, And it also gives me a little bit of
perspective with you know, I think when it comes to my dad, I
think he doesn't understand the idea of you know, he's and he makes comments
to this day like every once in a while, like he he has this
idea that you get like some corporate job, you find some job, you
stick with it, no matter what, and you just go through it and
not to get Billy Joel on it. But I am like, if this
is what I get for my hard work, if that's moving up, then
I'm moving out. Like it has that perspective of like he lost me.
Well, I mean he's you know, he works for the same company,
Yeah, for his entire life, and he thinks that's what I should do.
But I am like, yeah, how's that working out for you at
this moment? Yeah, because you're miserable to be around, Like he doesn't
use it, doesn't like his job, you don't like your job, and
it's making you so unhappy. Yeah. So I don't know. It's just
a lot. It's always a lot emotionally to take in. Yeah. I
love though that we're able to come back home and just kind of get back
in our groom and in our bubble because that's what I love. Yeah,
you know. Yeah, you want to talk about sex. Yeah, Oh
my gosh, Well we had some. We did have some. It was
so good. It was very good. It was the first night that we
were there. Yeah, it was so Harney. I think so I'm Harney.
I think it was the first night. Yeah. Yeah, Tuesday Tuesday.
Hmm I think so, yes, Yeah, because we like stayed up
late. We like we were tossling around, we were up there. Yeah,
and I wouldn't have done that the night prior because I had to get
to sleep for the brood. I'd wake about seven am. That's true.
So me having sex the night before Thanksgiving well a cool snot I have to
be up early for the parade, which I ended up accidentally getting an hour
up early. Man, they fuck that, shut up. It always always
happens. We always see it late or early because we can't fucking figure it.
If the NBC can't figure the shit told us it started at seven thirty
Central time, and they definitely started it at a thirty Central time, so
but what the fuck. Ever. Nonetheless, I had a good time.
It was Tuesday night, Tuesday night, and we were both pretty high on
edibles. Yes, and I have been going through this like apple Jack's bar
that we got at at the Hunt Festival for a while now. Yeah,
it's really good. It's very potent. It's very potent. So that's it's
part of why it's taking so long to get there. It can only take
a little bit at a time. But what a Great Valley because I think
it was twenty bucks. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, tell
me a little bit about your recollection of the evening because I think I was
a little higher than you, and it was very late and I was very
tired. So I want to hear your recollection first, if you don't mind,
Yeah, I can plug in the pieces. Yeah. So, I
mean it started off with a lot of making out and like heavy Ruins,
did we just get in bed and just make out? We just kind of
got in bed and started making out. I love that for us. We
didn't make out a whole lot as much as we normally do. Stay conscious
about We're very self conscious, and I definitely kind of kept could have kept
going. You did have some intense like wine breath yeah, yeah, No,
I had eaten everything that day. Yeah, and I hadn't brushed my
tooths. Yeah, So so we didn't make out a whole lot. And
then sorry about my wine breath, bitch. And then oh, I'm sure
my breath wasn't great either. I had also eaten a whole lot. It
was a long day. Yeah, and then we I started So can I
give an example of why that is? Is? Because your mom we get
there, and she goes, are you all hungry? I made? I'll
grab everything out of our wild lunch. Our wild lunch slash late dinner.
Early dinner was a cream cheese, spicy buffalo chicken dip. Yeah, with
a variety of crackers, pigs in a blankets in a blank two different kinds
of two different kinds of pigs in a blanket, shredded rotisserie chicken that she
found in the fridge that she would not let go of. Yeah, she's
like heating up pizza slices. Yeah, oh my gosh, was there more
I feel like? And then at the last minute she was like, why
have these? I can eat these up and just like heat it up some
tater touts. Oh yes, and then just tater tout like your mom is
wild that way. So yeah, when I say we've eaten everything, I
mean we've eaten a variety of foods in that day. And then like our
launch and then dinner we had and then we had did we make smores that
same night? No? Smores were the next night? Are you sure?
Okay? And then we also had like hot cheetos, you had some some
pizza goldfishes and yeah, so we had quite a little variety of stuff.
So, yeah, we didn't breath, We didn't do a whole lot of
masturbating and making out, sorry making out. And I should say this too,
we didn't bring any condoms. Fault was that both of ours ours?
To be fair, you're usually the condom bringer, yes, and I didn't
think about it because also we're out of we were out of condoms, yeah,
except for one that's floating around in one of the bags that we traveled
to Mexico with, So who knows where that is. It's in my backpack.
So we didn't we didn't bring any toys anything, So we were kind
of having to you know, which is funny because we fully planned on having
a lot of sex. Yeah. Wow, we're bad. Yeah that so
yeah, and then so we just I started rubbing you down and then it
really for the most for the rest of it, it just kind of went
back and forth between like you going down on me, I feel like I
edged you. You edged me a little bit, you did a thing.
I'm gonna I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you some critique here. Oh no,
but it was high No, no, no, it's not. It's
not a physical thing. Here's here's what I'm gonna say. So, keeping
the condom thing in mind, you did this thing throughout the whole where you
kept being like just let me feel you like you wanted me to penetrate you.
And I'm trying maybe I'm trying to be responsible boy, and I'm like,
no, but you keep repeating it. I'm gonna ask you to be
a little self conscious about that because it makes me feel bad. I was
like, I felt really bad about it. Oh no, I don't feel
bad about it, I know, but I was. I was like,
am I ruining the experience for by trying to be like I don't want to
get you pregnant? No? If anything, the critique is I shouldn't like
I say. You know. That's where I get self conscious, where I'm
like, did I did I just assault my husband last night by like jumping
on that dick when he's telling me like, no, apologies, but no,
it was really good. You gave me an amazing, an amazing blowie.
Yeah, because you did edge. I felt bad a little bit because
I don't It felt like to get graphic. It felt when I finally finished,
I finished in your mouth, it felt like I came forever it felt
like I was filling their mouth up because you had edged me so much that
there was so much build up that you think. No, I didn't think
your load was any different what it usually is. I also couldn't feel most
of it because the way you were in the back of my throat. Yeah,
I was that deep. I came hard. It may have been I'm
gonna put it in like it was great thought like taste hardly anything good?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know you just you know, it just
went right back down the throat. You were you were under the Euretha.
No, you were going eu rut Ra, the god of sun. No.
I would say it's probably one of the best blowis you've ever given me.
Like it was just like down dirty you were, you were like ravenous.
I was really having any good old time. It felt very adolescent.
It was so fun. Well, my favorite thing is when we can do
stuff. I just want more time with you. I really, if I
could critique our sex life is that I wish we were able to make these
experiences last long. I'm I'm the every time. I'm like, I wish
we took our time. So No, I think, if anything, not
having a condom really helped because we knew we couldn't penetrate, and I was
like, I want a full evening with you. I don't want a quickie.
I don't want to just give you a blowy. You fin hear me
very well. I had a great time giving like going down on you,
like I was really feeling it. But yeah, I would take really,
I would take breaks. I had a good time like teasing you. I
wanted to elongate the experience and yeah, so I feel like that was kind
of a toe dip into edging kind of. Yeah, I really enjoy it.
I really you did this thing and you've done it before and I always
love it. This this time, I think, you know, it was
like you would go down on me and you were giving me like sloppy sloppy
copies and then you would like grind on me, but like where hot dogging
you. Yeah, you were like hot dogging with you, vagina, and
that was really fun. My vulva labias your labiis that felt really good?
Yeah? I love doing that. When I was like, I wish we'd
lube, I was really relying heavily on the sloppy talk. Yeah, which
sucks for the pH level don't recommend that necessarily. I also felt bad,
and I brought this up to you later. I was like, man,
we should brush our teeth because I was just going down on you and like
you were all up in my mouth and I was like, my mouth was
so gross. So I was like, that's I'm glad we didn't do a
lot of pen We shouldn't do penetration when I'm giving you a sloppy toppy and
my mouth is gross and filled with all the aromas and such. But yeah,
no, I was like, I'm gonna sandwich the fuck out of you.
Yeah, I was quite quite through and that felt really good. Highly
recommend for anyone out there. The hot dog. The hot dog, Yeah,
because that's nice. It was fun because I could like feel how that
feel. I could feel my full anatomy, how feel I could feel the
flaps. I could fill the flaps on my penis. Yeah, because you
feel like clip. Yeah. It did like it wasn't just feeling like a
general rub like I could feel like I could fill the three the three,
and so that felt really good. That was really fine. We should do
that more often. I love doing that. Yeah. My issue is that
I'm gonna want to slip you in. Yeah, they also harp. The
double hard part about that because I'm not on any birth control and that I
just use and then we just use condoms, is that I love to do
the teasing also with the pen Yeah. I would love to like put you
inside me for one or two strokes and then pull you out. But you
can't really do that with a condom because it dries out. Yeah, you
know, we can't keep taking you out back in because it dries out.
And then when sometimes you use more lube, like you're you can be more
prone to like condom reps and stuff like that. Like it's not a good
idea even just the condom slipping off. Yeah, big facts, and like
we've already had our situations of you pounding an entire condom inside of my cervix.
Yeah, that's the hard part about that, is hot to Yeah,
is that we will have to I think that's fine if we have a condom,
like I hot dog you and we tease and we do all these things
for a while and then like we put that condom on, then we have
sex. Yeah. Yeah, just kind of like what we did, but
with actual penetration. Yeah. Yeah, it sucked. Because I didn't have
any toys. So yeah, I felt bad. You should. You weren't
able to get off. I didn't finish. I tried with but and I've
done it with my thingies before. But it's tough without like lube or anything.
You kept drying out a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
No, it's very tough without lube. And I have to be in a
very specific like there has to be a lot of prep work involved for me
to finish allah your fingers, yeah, or via your mouth, yeah,
like that must when you give me a massage during spaw day, Like that
was a full forty minute prep work of you rubbing me down full body.
Yeah, it's not. It's not like a penis where you can just like
grab a hold of it and like work it off. Yeah, gosh,
there's so much involved. Yeah, and that's a big part of why even
like we have our sessions at home, I still use my vibrators because like
there's still I have to focus. Has to be a full Rihanna time,
yeah, to make it happen. But no, it was. It was
so fun. I had so much fun with you. Well good, I'm
glad. I think anything. I wish that we had a condom or at
least my toys, and that I could have made out with you longer because
we don't make out enough. I don't think you like my kissing. I
love your kissing. I don't think you like when I get sloppy, but
it's my favorite. I want to sloppy. It makes my lips chipped.
I want you to sloppy all over me. I'm just show you what I
want. I want you to slobber all over me. I want you to
spin my mouth and spank, spank me in the face, spak. I
feel like it's a nicer way. Yeah, just a little love tap.
You know. I wish we had corns. I had this thought that I
think would be that I think you would enjoy because I feel like you've brought
that up where like I wish we had sex because it would have been fun
to penetrate you and then like because you were making noises like cover your mouth
to be like shit up, little girl, Oh my god, And I
think you would enjoy that. I could have done that without the penetration I
could have. I guess fuck is wrong with you. You've never shushed me,
You've never like put it. I always have to do that to you
to like do it to me, like pick up your hands and put them
where I need them. Yeah, you did some choking with me that it
was really nice. I try to mix the choking in every once in a
while, for sure. I think you do it every time. Yeah,
yeah, I just don't want you to get used to the choking and then
it's not fun anymore, you know what I mean? I dough itams choking
me again? Is it? N is giving going down on me again?
Good? Point? Aroused? Is a rouse? That's fair? That's fair?
No? And I think do you think there's different ways that you can
mix in the choking maybe, you know, like if we're making out,
don't immediately choke me, you know what I mean? Something it's something always
work up to, like things are getting whirl like legit, I'm pulling on
my hair and the way with my hair is short right now? Is you
have to just get in there via scalp. It's more of a root tug.
Yeah, yeah, but I do like, but yeah, I wish
you would with your hand. You don't have to do you can do that
to me at home, ye, Like we don't have to have actual authority
for you to. Yeah, yeah, it was really good. I was
hoping we were gonna be able to have more sex on this trip, but
I do think what we did do really like lasted. But man, I've
been horny. Yeah every day. I've been so horny for you. Yeah
it sucks. So yeah, No, that was super nice, really really
good times. Yeah. Uh weird caveat, but it was hanging there with
me. We went to Target, Okay to buy condoms to peruse, but
we also need to buy condoms. Yes, that was fun. I haven't
been with you to buy condoms in a long time. Well, I mean,
you know what kind that I like, and then you just always buy
those, so like, I don't go with you, and we mixed it
up this time we did. They were out of the condoms that I usually
get. I think they only had like the Jumbo Wombo size, the Chumbawamba
size. Yeah, And I was like, we're not going to spend like
forty dollars on condoms today, but yeah, I feel like you kind that
kind of set you back. You're like, I don't know, and I
was like, we can get other ones. I just don't want. I
don't like ribbed and I don't like whether it's he icier or hot. I
like temperature. I don't like temperature condoms. I got temperature lube. I
don't like temperature condoms. So, yeah, we went with this is our
first time getting the do we say the brand? We've actually used this brand
before, we have way, we have a long time ago, like very
early. It was like one of the first condoms, like it was our
early condom brand. Yeah, we went back to the back to the roots,
spect to basics, and it's skin. Is it good that that was
direx. Oh, you're right. No, I looked at the skin.
But we got directs, so we've never had this brand correct. We got
directs and it's like, uh, I don't know, you're gonna grab the
package because we read all kinds of fun words on there. We into and
to provide context, this is not sponsored. I am a Trojan ultra thin
kind of gal. It's the gray, the gray packaging that's what we usually
get. I've used those since high school. I've tried lots of other condoms
like those are my go to So I am excited to try new ones.
And but yeah, are these directs? Yes, these are directs perform max
intent. Yeah, so I thought these would be fun because these are specifically
about prolonging you and I want Yeah, I wonder why, Like, what
what does it do to make you last longer? I'm wondering if it's because
I think, okay, just to be Oh no, what do we get
the wrong ones? We didn't get the well these do say that they're ribbed
and dotted. Okay, well I'm only shot. I'll give the shot because
the ribbed ones that we got, I think we're trojan and we'll how to
dry out. Yeah, and it's like hidden on here. See how small
that? Yeah? They should they should be more can I see they should
be more obvious with that? But these are the irregular fit because Adams regular
with male. Oh do you see that with male? Genital desensitizer delay lubricants.
So there's a lubricant on here that will allegedly make you last longer,
and I'm super excited to hope desensitizer. I'm like, what does that mean
you're gonna feel anything? Like still feel something? Mm hmm. Oh that's
interesting. It says before you get started, only use lubricants recommended for use
with condoms. That makes sense because I know some of them are like,
some of them will degrade. Yeah, well I don't our is going to
be fine with us? Yes, oh, okay, it's it's you're not
supposed to use oil based lubricants with condoms. Is that true? Can you
fact check? Just make sure we're not spreading lies? Okay, I you
know, I don't get to look at condom boxes very often, but this
one, this one's neat on the side. It says the naked truth protection.
We're big on protection for you. We stand for real. This is
not sponsor, guys. We stand for real, feel good, satisfying sex.
Over ninety years of real sex, it's been a long term thing.
That's cute. Water based or silicon loube are always safe to use with any
kind of condom. Okay, oil can damage like text condoms and make them
break, you can usually you can generally use oil based loubes with non like
text plastic condoms. And that's kind of from planned parenthood. Oh nice.
Uh, Derek's quality. Every one of your condoms one hundred percent electronically tested
and goes through five quality tests before you get started to use YAM lubricants disposalill
only use a condom once through the foil and condom into a bin. Don't
flush down the toilet, which is so funny because they know so many guys
that do. I know so many people that do that. World's number one
base. Fuck up, you're plumbing. Yeah yeah, okay, cool,
Well that was nice. They give see a nice little rundown like I'm guys,
we're uh, you don't know this one, putting my hand behind it
as if a camera was gonna like focus on. We're gonna try out the
directs. So let's say they find your best fit directs performax in tents with
ribs and dots. Oh yeah, to speed things up, says who,
and a delay so it delays. So the idea is that it delays me
but speeds you up. We'll see, yeah, and yeah, it's got
an easy reservoir tip, ribbed and dotted, twelve condoms, girth, normal
width, lube standard lube, thickness thick. I don't want to waste condoms
because contra expensive. I kind of want to like roll one on your fingers,
and I wish I had a t and I do have a trojan.
I kind of like want to feel the difference the difference we can do that?
Is that bad? We're gonna be wasting two condoms like that. I
mean, this was like six dollars for the box. It's not it's for
science. For science. If you go in my black backpack, we can
I have one trojan. I kind of want to. Yeah, if you
can get erect you let me show you my boobs. Okay, normal girth
thickness is thick latex, you know, transparent natural rubber latex in a pleasant
scent. The special way we make our condoms means they smell better. Okay,
Well, I guess I'll be the judge of that. I guess I'll
have to smell both of them. And I don't really love the way.
I mean they're latex. They don't smell great. Okay, cute, So
it's about other important information here, about getting tested and cute things like that.
So that's fun. Okay, super excited. We're gonna do a little
condom comparison. Adam is currently mint chubb and your it's kind of flapping around?
Is that how it gets hard? Oh? Should I show you my
boobs? Yeah, you don't know it, but my boobs are currently out.
Give us please. Ants are cool. I'm gonna sit here and watch
it grow. If this isn't doing it for you, I understand, I'm
and swat pants. I look like ass. Look at a picture. Yeah,
look at a picture of me or something. I'm gonna stare directly into
your pp because I want to see it grow. Add water and it will
grow. Are you making it like flex around on purpose? Okay, just
for me, just for a fun show. It's weird seeing your balls move
around like when I flex and stuff. Yeah, to see your balls like
flex around is crazy. It looks like a monster that moves. Don't can
performance anxiety. I was gonna put it on my fingers. Okay, you're
definitely like harder now, but don't don't stress yourself out because you're gonna need
to feel them too. Sure, I guess I also kind of want to
know how they do feel differently for you though. That's fun. Yeah,
I mean we can put it on okay, yeah, no, you get
bigger than that, but damn, do you look good? Okay? Well,
let's start with old Trustee, and that's our Trojan ultra thin, that's
our our control. Any hypotheses, it's like just a standard. I mean,
it's pretty standard. Yeah, wow, this looks wild. Oh god,
your cares go in there. I guess so your heirs are so long
that they get trapped in there. That's crazy. Yeah, wow, the
more you know, how does it feel? I mean it just it feels
like a kind of I guess, okay, like it's just flat. You
know, there's no there's no texture, there's no anything. So how lubricated
would you say it is? It doesn't. It's just a little oily,
just a little bit, just to make it simple, like, it doesn't
really feel like it's lubricated as much. It just feels like there's kind of
just a little thin layer of oil on it. Okay, it's got just
a little filmy little lubricant film. Okay, Now let's go in with the
perform The performax Intense. These are made Thailand. Oh, they have expiration
dates on them. Did you know that condoms expired? I didn't know that.
You can to tell a little boys that you any boys like, I'm
gonna keep one in my wall five years two. You shouldn't put them in
your wallet either. Yeah, they get too hot. Okay, Okay,
this one, the ring looks really big. It looks really thick, they
say, the packaging does say thick. Oh yeah, okay, okay,
how does it feel? I mean from my perspective, it feels the same.
Okay, but like in regards to like your penis and side feels the
same. Correct, But oh when I rub it feels a little different because
if you want to, yeah, I'm gonna feel there's the ribbing, and
the ribbing is it's pretty thin. It's very thin. Some of them are
like bumpy, bumpy, like like they've got balls on them. This is
very speckled like it's very thin almost, yeah, very thin. And I
like that. There's a middle of like ridging. Yeah, like it's not
balls, it's what would you describe this middle? Yeah, I mean it
just has like a slight texture. There's two different textures. The entire thing
is not just ribbed like half of like the left and the right side are
ribbed, but the middle is like skinny and has a different texture. And
it feels nice. It's like dotted then ribbed than dotted. Yeah. Yeah,
that's really fun, fun for you. Yeah, I'm excited to try
that out. Does the lubri can't feel the same. It does feel the
same, feels like it has the same amount. It just kind of feels
wily. Yeah. I don't love that you threw the other condoms on the
carpet. I don't want to put them on the table. That's fine.
So yeah, I'm excited to try that one out. We'll let you know,
trying different condoms. Okay, party, and you can't reuse them.
No, I'm tying them. Yeah, I'm putting them back in the package
for later, just to savor the flavor. You want to let your condoms
marinate. Yeah, you want to well air them out, you know,
like a like a wine. Oh boy, don't do that. That's bad
advice that don't do that. But okay, they looks pretty similar. Do
they feel thicker? Like? That's a good question because it says thick on
this one. The other one does feel thicker. Actually that the tip thicker
this one. This one feels heavier, so the direx feels heavier. It
just genuinely looks bigger. The circle. The circle is bigger. Yeah,
so not the tip, but the end the ring is bigger. On the
directs. You feel that out quite well. This one is longer, Yeah,
this one bigger. The direx is longer. It was larger as a
whole. Yeah. Also, yeah, I would be wearing condoms too tight,
really life maybe because these are itty bitty these are babies. This one
fits you quite quite nice, it did? You looked good wearing too small
of condoms, I guess so. So the direct is looking pretty too.
Yeah. No, you fill it out quite well. Yeah. Oh,
and look it gets it gets longer. Yeah, we weren't even at max
capacity where we I think we would be at max capacity if you were fully
erect, honestly. So that's that? Is it completely? Okay? And
then okay, wait, the trojan does get longer. We just hadn't unraveled
it yet. I'm like, gonna get a measuring stick. How many how
many Google pixels? Is long? Length? Is it to measure it by?
I screwed up? You got it? Did you guys put your mic
packs in theater and condoms too? Oh no, they're the same length.
They're about the same length. Yeah, but the ultra but the thin is
but the ultra thin is thinner, so it's skinnier. So it looks like
a skinny snake. And this stirrex looks like like a full mama snake.
Nice, cool, all right, very nice. Today we learned. I
don't think I've ever like played with a condom. I was never in like
a class where we got to like play with condoms. Yeah. Nice,
you weren't in condom playing class. I wasn't. No, I never took
that class. Yeah, but this one has that you can see it and
you can feel it. There is something inside of there like for you that
is like, yeah, there's a liquid inside that is going to help you
lasts longer. Yeah, so that's interesting. Well, yeah, we'll have
to try these out and then you know, well, nice, this is
really good. I'm excited to try a new condom. I don't think i've
ever like pulled them out compared and contrast. If you know any other condoms
that you think we should try, I'll let us know. I'm sure they
have a different experience. That's fun. Well, Adam on this Thanksgiving family
oriented uh condom comparison episode, anything you'd like to add, I don't think
so. I'm just I'm warning. Yeah, let's get to stay horny,
bitches. If you enjoy today's episode of Bald Up Bitches, be sure to
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