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Welcome to you, softcore history.
Welcome back to the best damn history podcast

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out there. I'm your host,
Daan Rochester. I'm joined as always by

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Rob Fox and Jake Golden. What's
up? Boys? What's up? Don't

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like you? Hubris? What you
you? Don't you? You really aren't

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going to sit here and like stand
behind him. Just last week you said

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I had heard of you before I
met you. Mm hmm. That that's

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the definition of Hubris. It's not
Hubris as a fact. It's not even

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y. That's like me. That's
like Mount Everest, you know, saying

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I'm really tall. It's craziest.
Rob had heard of me before I heard

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of him. That is true.
The Dipper, Dapper Dapper, that's right,

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my really cool fratty name that I
had. Who could forget jack Hammer,

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jack Hammer, Bacon, the Dapper
Dipper, all under one roof.

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I'm Most of our content got deleted. It's for the best. Yes,

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no one, No one will remember
you. Don't be in a fray.

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I mean surely what we learned last
week was nobody is ever gonna remember it,

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and something we do just let the
most annoying part of the New Star

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Wars trilogy is how they didn't lean
into Ryan Johnson being like, let the

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past die. Come with me.
I was like, do it kill it

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all. Fuck nostalgia. That's the
best Star Wars. It is the last

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Jedi of the New Ones for sure. Yeah, just depends, I know.

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I was like, yeah, let
it die, kill it, kill

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it. Back in the Canadas version
of the comic series, like shut it

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up, I want to see lightsaber
fights. Yeah, yeah, just show

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me those. God going back to
like the old ones too. Yeah,

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the first the first trilogy is unwatchable. It's yeah, honestly I bought them

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preaks. I don't really like Star
Wars anymore. Kind of grew out of

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it. Certainly. There's certainly nothing
where I'm like, you're about the hero

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stars. It was a long long
time ago, Galaxy far far away.

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Yeah. Someone was complaining that there
wasn't a Dune video game yet. It

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was like, do you know how
boring of a video game that would be?

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There is a dune strategy game,
It would have to be a strategy

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game. Yeah, there's like a
Dune. It's like, I think it's

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more kindled like Age of Empires style. I'm on the sand. Here comes

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the giant worm. Yeah, well
it's more just like your house a racket

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or whatever I rack us. Yeah, house of trade ees, and it's

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just yet you're just like one of
the civilizations and they have different benefits and

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yeah, you know, it would
have to be the kind of game like

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do you want to ride your spider
cavalry and a little or Yeah, it's

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still it's just like they wanted,
like a very story based, like like

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a Zelda type. Well, for
those at home, we're not a movie

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podcast. We're actually a history podcast. Like I said, the best damn

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history podcast out there. We're top
tier and banter though for bros under forty

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barely barely maybe Look, if you
want to learn and you want to laugh,

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i'd say like twenty eight to forty
five. I believe that is our

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primary audience. Yeah, dudes,
but those two half of whom works at

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the FBI. Big fan of that, big fan of that. If you

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do like us, so, I'll
make sure to check out our Patreon,

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Pictreon, dot com slash Softcore we're
doing right now the Patreon. No,

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this is the main Oh yeah,
I always do. So. Peeling back

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the curtain, guys, we're recording
five episodes in two days because I will

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currently be on the road as you
listen to this. Yeah, we're going

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hard. Well maybe if a hurricane
doesn't happen. Although we have said if

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this was our full time job,
we would do that. We'd go like

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five and two days we do the
South Park. Yeah, yeah, we

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would do a season of recording in
like three four weeks. Yeah, and

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then just take seven Yeah, glorious. So we're kind of test running that

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right now. It's not that bad. It's not terribly not although you have

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to add on all the normal job
stuff we have. That's a job skin

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in the winter. We're doing this
late on Monday week before the strops.

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Have to see my kids for an
hour today. Yeah, literally came in,

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pet my dog, Eta Taco left. I left work, walked my

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dog, came back. Yeah,
I had a nap in the car.

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Jays had the poop. Yeah.
I rolled up to the studio and Rob

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was asleep in his car. Saw
that. Yeah, thanks for his car

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on too. Yeah, it's hot
out. I just thought he was dead.

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The correct the window. Plus,
I like to build up my CEO

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two tards. I get that smart
that way. If you pass out in

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the garage with the car running.
Yeah, well today we're gonna talk about

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a long, long time ago.
Oh yeah, yeah, we do that

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here space. Actually know a lot
of times are like this happened in nineteen

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sixty seven. It's not making fun
of me. And we're gonna talk about

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a bunch of guys and gals,
oh ladies that tested their own limits.

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This is an orgy. No,
sounds like the opp sit based on the

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pre show prep you told us about. Yeah, we're gonna go back to

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one of our crutches, the Catholic
Church. Well well, now, Rob,

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I feel like I'm kind of stepping
on your territory here. So if

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you'll allow me to proceed with this, are you going ancient ancient history?

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We get people get eed my lions
in it. We're going with the worst

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ways saints died? Oh sick?
Oh, I love that. This is

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a great episode for me. It's
not really you know, a whole lot

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of background on each individual. It's
like, no, this is how they

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met their end. Yeah, I
like that. I don't want to know

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very digestible stuff. Stack damn bodies. It's forever a regret that I can't

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find the fucking gladiator deleted scene of
him like watching Christians get eaten by lions.

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Let the heavenly bodies hit the fuck. Well, the bodies don't really

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hit the floor until like a couple
of days later, with the line take

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a shit, I'm the poop.
I came across this topic because I just

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found out, I know, bad
Catholic Peter was crucified upside down. Yeah,

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that's Peter's cross. Is the upside
down cross? Right? Yeah,

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but it's also kind of confused with
the ex that's Saint Andrew's cross, because

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Saint Andrew was crucified on an X
cross. Oh nice. So I guess

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Nero ordered Peter to be crucified and
Peter was like, I'm not with the

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put the upside down. Yeah,
Peter asked for it. He was like,

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I can't be killed like Christ.
Did he not see the streets around

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It's like everybody's getting killed by him. I know. Also, Peter,

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you denied that man three times.
I think you can just you've done worse.

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Yeah, yeah, I swear Jesus
won't mind you. He pulled the

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classic Jewish move where it's like you
gotta ask three times. Yeah. Well,

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actually I guess he didn't even do
that, not even the third time.

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Yeah, he was like no,
No, kind of gets off easy

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when it comes to a doubt in
Jesus because we need to let people in

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heaven. Thomas, I believe,
only doubted him twice. He just had

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to figure he gets the nickname yea
doubting Thomas. Well, Peter Peter Joy

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is doubting doubt Jesus. He straight
up didn't hied him. He's like,

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I don't know him. Oh man, so many friends. I would do

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that too. Every apostle except John
met a very terrible ending. Yeah,

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that's what happens when you tried to
spread a religion of peace and a violent

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empire, a brand new religion.
Yeah, yeah, and a really weird

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one for then for the time,
Treat others how you want to be.

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Treat to get like, that's dumb, go to the pit. We talked

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about in my episode about sexuality in
ancient Rome that like Christianity was weird because

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they were like, hey, don't
fuck your slaves. What are you trying

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to say here, boss? Yeah? And what are you doing? People

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were like, what the fuck?
What do you mean? Don't hit?

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Yeah you mean equal and by fuck
I don't mean fuck yeah, it was

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not consensual. So we're gonna start
with an apostle, all right, by

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the name of Bartholomew bart Old apostle
bart Was he a first tier apostle because

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there's a couple apostles who got replaced
by quote unquote like new apostles. You

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have a tier system. If your
apostle got to replace the apostle if he

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gets like Judas had to. Yeah, was an apostle replaced Judas? Oh

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I know, I didn't look this
up. That's all I remember about it

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is that there's a couple they filled
it and because I remember thinking like,

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no, that shouldn't work that way. There was just a twelve. You

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can't be like, oh, we
replaced one of the twelve with a new

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guy and who didn't even know Jesus. It was scrappy doo, wasn't it.

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Yeah, they're really jump in the
shark when they started replacing apostles.

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If somebody does die, you gotta
replace this. Okay, he was a

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He was an og though. Okay, he was sent to India to do

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his converting. Right, he's spread
the word of Jesus, spread the good

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word. Go to India. Man. He was only like fucking sixteen when

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Jesus got crucified. Young man.
Yeah yeah, impressionable apparently, But they

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sent him to India. They sent
him to India's gonna go bad. Can't

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imagine he goes well, well,
he ends up in Armenia. Oh no,

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even turn and uh he's eventually arrested
because you know, why would I

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what is this this false god you
speak of? Yeah, well, what

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do you mean? What are you
doing? Trying to challenge our power structure?

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Here a guy, and he was
actually sentenced to death for converting the

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King of Armenia to Christianity. Sentence
us by who? Yeah? How how

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does he get sentenced to death for
that? I guess the rest of the

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like the rest of Armenia, the
rest of the court. I think.

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I think sentencing is a weird word
for lynched. He got Yeah, he

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like worm tongue. He was just
like whispering in his ear like Jesus.

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He wished as he got lynched,
Oh my god. As part of his

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execution, old Bart, it was
flayed alive. Oh no, classic where

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they start on Bart. They start
with the dick. You know they didn't

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specify that. Okay, but I
like to think they did. They probably

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did. They probably cut off his
balls. I don't think he would have

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cared that much about that. I
think everyone cares about that he's not banging.

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It's not the fact that he's not
banging, it's the pain. Not

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only would have minded, Well,
here's the thing. They take off all

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of his skin. Yeah yeah,
yeah, yeah, all of it.

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You need that. It's very important. Yeah, most people that don't have

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skin don't live it. Nine out
of ten doctors recommend it having skin.

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Yeah, this is kind of like
his calling cards. So this is always

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really known for us being flayed alive, so much so that in the sixteen

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Chapel, the depiction of Bartholomew is, uh, skinless. That's not cool.

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Can you imagine you're like the ghost
or whatever, or like you come

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down from heaven. It's like,
let's see the painting they did of me,

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Oh huh, not my best day, not my best day. And

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there's even paintince of this man wearing
his skin as a cape. That's kind

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of cool. That's rad. That's
a really cool superhero outfit. Oh man,

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he's like you're looking at it.
Someone's just like holding his skin in

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the sixteen chapel. Yep, wait
what there they have his skin? Have

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a skin? Oh oh, someone's
just holding onto his empty coat. It's

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like a costume. Yeah, you
know, like the Green Man costume.

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It's just skin man con insert it
into the video right here. Yeah,

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there you go. Good lord.
Oh, I mean look, Michael Angelo

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probably got pretty bored after a while. So you tell him you got a

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skinless guy. Yeah, put in
the skinless guy. You're gonna full up

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the space, you know. Yeah. Yeah, So something to look for

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next time you go to the Vatican. I'm that's the first thing I'm looking

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for. That's a skinless Bart.
Yeah. What we look for? Skinless

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Bart? God God in the basement. Yeah, and the books that were

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not allowed to read, they're probably
right by God. All right, So

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I'm gonna go kind of bullet point
just that quick hitters right there. That's

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Bart. That's all you got on
Bart. I got a bunch more.

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Can I tell you some fun facts
about him? Really quick? Sure?

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So you know how I was just
because I was just looking something up,

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something else up about him. Obviously, saints all have their patron saints of

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things, yes, correct. I
don't know if people were doing this with

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a straight face, or like some
pope had a deep sense of irony.

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See the patron Saint of skin.
He is, among other things, the

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patron Saint of skin diseases and dermatology. I mean, he's the patron saint

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dude. Like all of his stuff
is like leather related. He's the patron

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Saint of bookbinders, which I imagine
when that was named leather. He's the

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patron Saint of butcher's. Oh no, he's the patron Saint of Armenia.

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Uh. He's the patron Saint of
leather workers. He's the patron Saint of

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shoemakers. He's the patron Saint of
tanners. And I don't know if this

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is related to it, but it
troubles me. He's the patron Saint of

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twitching. You gotta think, hold
still, bark, try to cut your

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skin off. I cut your muscle. M. We have a lot of

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patron saints, I know, I
mean literally like half of his patrons even

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cool. He's patron Saint Career,
which all supposed to do with leather working.

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It's all. He's everything. He's
the patron saying of it's cutting skin

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off. They really just laser focused
on what happened to him. Yeah,

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they're like, wait, what happened
to him? Who skinning guy? Yeah,

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leather good. Next up, we
have another apostle, Simon the Zealot

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Jesus and his followers. You'll you'll
know this came to Simon's wedding. This

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is where he turned his miracle of
water to wine. Oh yeah, nice?

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Cool? Was that Simon's wedding?
This act is what convinced Simon to

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abandon his house together with his family
and join Jesus. Just follow him on

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the road like he's the dead.
Yeah, you saw him grilled cheeses out

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00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:46,120
in the lot. Yeah, or
your buddy. Oh no, I'm sorry,

204
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,799
it was a different guy. I
was at some bachelor party Garcia was

205
00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:52,279
his brother's batcheparty was in town.
Some guy like they all flew there,

206
00:14:52,279 --> 00:14:54,360
but one guy pulled up in a
van. I guess he was like following

207
00:14:54,399 --> 00:14:56,639
fish. I have friends that follow
fish as well, which, by the

208
00:14:56,679 --> 00:15:01,200
way, for any one listening he
doesn't know. Well, I apologize for

209
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,759
that being the most bro sense you've
heard. I was at a bauchel Portian

210
00:15:03,759 --> 00:15:05,159
and Scott rolled up in a fan. He's falling fish for the summer.

211
00:15:05,399 --> 00:15:09,840
Yeah, like it's so fucking yeah. Fish is one of those ones I

212
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,639
could never get into. I'll be
like, oh, I went to my

213
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:18,840
cousin's trailer park and five people indeed, Yeah, that's not Broie. No,

214
00:15:18,879 --> 00:15:22,039
I'm just saying it's similar. Similar, it's class differences, old sign

215
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:28,000
and after the death of Jesus went
to Persia to spread Christianity. Feels like

216
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:31,519
a bad place to do it.
Nowhere sounds good? Yeah, that where

217
00:15:31,559 --> 00:15:37,519
they were from didn't even like them, that's true. It was captured crucified

218
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:45,279
upside down while being slowly cutting half
with the saw. Oh okay, sure,

219
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:50,679
so old old Pete really but cut
in half? How slow? Because

220
00:15:50,679 --> 00:15:54,120
that sort of defeats the purpose of
these fiction. Yeah, it's like doing

221
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,639
a firing squad and the electric chair, Like you flipped the switch and then

222
00:15:56,679 --> 00:16:00,679
say fire. He didn't really get
electric both slower than that though, Well

223
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:04,159
right, But I'm just saying it. But the cruiser fixion plays almost no

224
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,159
role. No, it's very much
the saw. Is he the patron saint

225
00:16:07,159 --> 00:16:11,559
of lumberjacks? No? No,
no, he's only uh he is often

226
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,759
depicted with a saw in his hand. What is the deal? He is.

227
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:21,320
He is the patron saint of saws, saws, people who saw for

228
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,360
a living. Yeah, just them. Actually Stowers is how it's I think

229
00:16:23,639 --> 00:16:30,440
just would work. He's the patron
saint of Home Depot and Brown Brown.

230
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:37,559
He only has three though, he
only has three patronages, whereas fucking artomme

231
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,240
you have like thirty. You knew
a lot more with skin than saws.

232
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,679
That's true, that's true. We'll
go to the next one, but just

233
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,960
kind of keep in mind how people
die, and then we'll revisit. What

234
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:52,320
do you think the worst of all
the ones listed are. That'll be the

235
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,440
conclusion. Okay, well we'll discuss. I gotta say that the Simon guy,

236
00:16:56,600 --> 00:17:00,759
whoever was in charge of Simon's execution, just seemed a little like he's

237
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,839
pulling ideas out of a hat.
Yeah, it's really mismatched. It's it's

238
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,799
like the A and the B for
the torture. It's like it could have

239
00:17:07,839 --> 00:17:11,160
been like saw in half and ties
nuts to a tree, but it was

240
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:17,680
like, yeah, he got yeah, crucify and also your persia. You

241
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:21,119
guys, crucify, that's not your
thing. Yeah, it's kind of swagger

242
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:25,519
jacking, right, Yeah, put
Bury him in the Yeah, bury him

243
00:17:25,519 --> 00:17:27,160
in the desert, lit an set
him or something, you know, like

244
00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:34,200
do cool Persian ship? Was that
ccket? Was that some bug flying around?

245
00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:40,960
Just the common plague in here of
the day. Speaking negative of Simon,

246
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:45,519
I guess yeah, no, got
some one cricket. Next up,

247
00:17:45,519 --> 00:17:48,319
we're gonna go to a guy who
recurs on this podcast every now and then

248
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:55,559
for different reasons. Fourth century Bishop
Saint Blaize. Yes, yes, we

249
00:17:55,599 --> 00:18:00,359
love Saint Blaise my favorite feast day. He is most associated of us with

250
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:06,559
the miracle he performed. He did
the himway he was imprisoned during the Roman

251
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:11,039
persecutions of Christians, he miraculously saved
a young boy who was choking to death

252
00:18:11,039 --> 00:18:15,960
on a fishbone. As a result, he is the patron of those suffering

253
00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:21,119
from throat disease and choking and choking, the patron saint of e n t

254
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,559
oh nice, you're so just the
sick, and the patron saint of throats.

255
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,359
He's the throat. He used the
throat. Go yeah, and on

256
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,960
his feast day in February. Some
churches today still performed the Blessing of the

257
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,880
throat in the name of Saint Blaize. Using the two candles touching each other.

258
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,480
If you run up, if you're
like at a Catholic school and you

259
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:45,200
meet up with a girl and she's
got like a pendant that's like the patrons

260
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,920
Saint Blaize necklace pendant. Yeah no, or you're good to go, it's

261
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,200
like, yeah, she cool.
Yeah, we used to play. There's

262
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,359
a school called Saint Blaize and Saint
Louis. I used to play in baseball

263
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:59,960
all the time. However, we
often don't talk about how Saint Blaize died

264
00:19:00,559 --> 00:19:04,519
and how is that you choke?
Well, after hiding out from Roman officials

265
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:10,599
in the wilderness, Blaze was discovered, imprisoned and tortured, as one does

266
00:19:11,079 --> 00:19:15,039
the middle. That's just interrogation,
Like now you know, you get arrested

267
00:19:15,079 --> 00:19:18,799
and they're like, all right,
buddy, where's the coke, where's the

268
00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:27,160
cocaine? We know you're working with
Castillo and Sanchez and jez tell Us and

269
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,200
that's it. Like they interrogate you
and they're like, all right, back

270
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,000
to your cell, mister, we
got another skin related death. But you're

271
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:37,119
saying in Roman times they just tortured
you, right, and Roman times they

272
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,440
just bring you in. They're like
all right, buddy, and then they

273
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:45,799
cut off your skin or something.
Yeah, Blaze was raked by red hot

274
00:19:45,839 --> 00:19:52,880
wool comb irons. Yikes, until
the skin peeled off raked. Yeah,

275
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,960
they had like a little rake.
I thought you said raped, Yeah I

276
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,240
did. I heard raped. Well, either way, so they're not all

277
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:06,240
bad. That would explain something horrific
in its own way. Yeah, yeah,

278
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:11,599
definitely, that would explain his other
patronages. He's the patron saint of

279
00:20:11,599 --> 00:20:15,680
the wool industry and wool words.
Are you serious. I'm dead serious.

280
00:20:15,559 --> 00:20:18,000
I saw that and was like,
oh, maybe he was some from like

281
00:20:18,039 --> 00:20:23,599
some part of you guys really focus
on the negative. I mean, look

282
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:29,960
at our symbol. It's the cross
where I don't know, I imagine we'd

283
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,759
have a cross hereore crucifix. Yeah, we need to have just like a

284
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:37,680
really big bloody crucifix on set at
all times. Well, I'm bringing a

285
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:42,119
big old bone, Manora. You
do that of Palestinian children? Good Lord?

286
00:20:42,559 --> 00:20:47,440
Aren't fine, gal Gado. I'm
just saying, if you got a

287
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:51,480
bloody cross, I would have something
that makes my religion look metal. Yeah

288
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:56,200
that's fair oppressive. I just it's
like, the only thing that matters is

289
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,160
how you die. Yeah, he
could have. He saved a kid.

290
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,880
Well, I guess they because on
the kid him saving the kid's life.

291
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:06,440
But yeah, there's a line in
the Cleopatra thing. Oh you're perish,

292
00:21:06,519 --> 00:21:08,359
didn't rub hot coals on your skin. We didn't do that part of Saint

293
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,559
Blaize Day. Okay, follow through
then, yeah, there's a there's a

294
00:21:12,599 --> 00:21:17,160
line in the Cleopatra thing, the
doc on Netflix. It's like the Egyptians

295
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:21,440
believe the most significant thing you could
do in your life was die. It's

296
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:25,440
like, I think the Catholics might
have been in that boat too, maybe

297
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,400
are obsessed with death. You're right, yeah, yeah, we're very like

298
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:33,279
that's what old religions were about.
It's like, man, you're gonna die.

299
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:37,319
The Vikings wanted to go to Valhalla, yeah, which was just them

300
00:21:37,319 --> 00:21:41,039
fighting forever in eternity. I mean
it is interesting, like a lot of

301
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:47,680
ancient religions are very death focused.
Yeah, we're very just like Gothic,

302
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,160
you know what I mean. We're
we're not emo, we're goth really like

303
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:55,119
that's where kind of a goth religion, but but glam Goth, very glam

304
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,799
goth. Yeah, like Ozzy Osbourne
or something i'd say, like, yeah,

305
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:03,079
or the cure. Yeah, the
cures are great. Yeah, except

306
00:22:03,079 --> 00:22:10,359
we have Cassiant. You hear about
this guy, see the Christian One lived

307
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:15,839
in Italy near the modern town of
Ravenna during the reign of Roman emperor known

308
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:22,240
as Julian the Apostate. Okay,
yes, Cassian had been a bishop in

309
00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:27,559
Prussia, but upon being exiled from
that city, he moved to Amola,

310
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:33,920
where he retired to what he thought
would be a quiet life as a school

311
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,480
teacher. Well, if you're talking
about him, I take it that didn't

312
00:22:37,519 --> 00:22:44,279
happen. No, because when the
whole town was ordered to make sacrifices to

313
00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:48,799
the pagan god by the emperor,
Cassian refused, which got him in trouble

314
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:55,039
with the local officials. I mean, bro, it's like one goat God

315
00:22:55,079 --> 00:22:57,640
will know. And they sentenced him
to death at the hands of his own

316
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:03,799
students. Oh so the teachers kids
had to kill him, killed him,

317
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:08,960
ripped him apart with their hands.
How they're small. They tied him up

318
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:14,680
and then they just viciously pummeled this
man and ripped him apart. How do

319
00:23:14,759 --> 00:23:17,039
they pull at him? That's what
I want to know. Yeah, they're

320
00:23:17,079 --> 00:23:22,200
not there's dozens of them. I
just that doesn't explain much. It's field

321
00:23:22,279 --> 00:23:26,519
day. It's tug of war,
right they put the toddlers some one side,

322
00:23:26,079 --> 00:23:30,839
and yeah, yeah, yeah,
I guess man, God damn,

323
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,559
he is the patron Saint of the
school teachers. Of course he is.

324
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,559
Yeah, honestly, not the worst
way a teacher can go. He's the

325
00:23:37,559 --> 00:23:41,160
patron Saint tug of War. Yeah
yeah, kind of par for the course

326
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:45,599
with teachers these days. And tell
you what, always be your own students.

327
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,960
A couple teachers I wouldn't have mind
pulling apart. The tiny little hands

328
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:53,359
stripped this man apart. I don't. I mean the preteens. I get

329
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,799
like, yeah, fucking you know, pissed off eighth grade. They also

330
00:23:56,839 --> 00:24:00,960
bashed him with writing tablets. Uh, he's the page Saint of spiral ring

331
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,519
notebooks. He had little pen knives. He is the patron Saint of short

332
00:24:04,519 --> 00:24:10,359
handwriters. Fucking kidding. Nope,
how's that a saint hood? Like,

333
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,000
how's that a thing you compete?
They just were like figuring out all the

334
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:18,279
ways you died that it was related
to m like it was used the patron

335
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:23,680
Saint of five paragraph essays. Yes, yes, he is, though I'm

336
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,279
not making that up. That's the
one I want to see so far.

337
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,640
I want to see the logistics of
it. I do. I am curious

338
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,240
about that. And it's like funny
because if we could like peer through a

339
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,519
wormhole and watch it, we'd probably
just be like, oh God, it's

340
00:24:36,559 --> 00:24:38,079
like the worst thing that makes so
much sense, but oh my god.

341
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:42,119
Yeah, it's just like his arms
popping out of his sockets and just ripping

342
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:48,200
apart. Yeah. Next up as
Saint Marcurus, who served in the Roman

343
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:53,559
Imperial Army under the reins of Valerian. In the mid third century, Barbarian

344
00:24:53,599 --> 00:25:00,759
forces invaded the empire, and uh
he led a large army to repel them.

345
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:06,519
During one of the battles in the
campaign, an angel appeared to Mercurius,

346
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:10,319
telling him that the Lord was going
to lead him to a great victory.

347
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:15,880
Cool. Following the supernatural visit,
he led his forces and killed their

348
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,799
king, and Sigle handily won the
victory for the Romans. Okay, how

349
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:25,720
was he getting killed for this because
an angel helped him? Well. The

350
00:25:25,759 --> 00:25:30,720
holy warrior then dedicated his life to
the cause of Christ oh no, which

351
00:25:30,759 --> 00:25:33,279
caused the problem with the emperor.
Hey, man, you got some killing

352
00:25:33,319 --> 00:25:38,720
you still gotta do. Suggested the
two should go together to make sacrifices to

353
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:47,240
artemism, and Curious was like,
no, I got some secret juice here,

354
00:25:47,559 --> 00:25:49,880
and I can't do that no more. But secrets like an angels in

355
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,920
the outfield situation, but it's angels
on the battlefield. Yeah. So they

356
00:25:53,920 --> 00:26:00,039
were super grateful for his help winning
the war, but they just couldn't get

357
00:26:00,039 --> 00:26:03,880
down with him talking about this Christ
God. Yeah, it's like your buddy

358
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:07,759
who you really like is it's scientologist. All of a sudden, it's like

359
00:26:07,039 --> 00:26:11,400
and he talks about it a lot. Yeah, and you're like, dude,

360
00:26:11,759 --> 00:26:15,920
thanks for helping me build that shed. Yeah, but I have to

361
00:26:15,079 --> 00:26:18,000
I have to kill you. I
have to kill you. Yeah. Yeah.

362
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:22,359
So they end up tying him to
four pillars over a fire and servants

363
00:26:22,839 --> 00:26:29,519
slashed at his body with knives.
Okay, again, it feels like convoluted

364
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:33,480
for so, I'm guessing he's he's
horizontal here, he's like stretched out and

365
00:26:33,519 --> 00:26:37,480
the blood's kind of going into the
flames, making like boy, it's he's

366
00:26:37,519 --> 00:26:41,680
oozing, yeah, and his blood's
cooking. Literally, he bled so much

367
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:49,119
that it put out the fire.
Great near dead. The Angel healed this

368
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:52,960
man. Okay, fire, please
stop healing me. Yeah, you're just

369
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,960
prolonging, like passing out, and
the Angel heals his wounds and all this

370
00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:02,640
thing's like yeah yeah, because like
finally the Great Embrace of death. Yeah

371
00:27:03,559 --> 00:27:10,599
yeah, might just respond. Is
Angel's first day on the job. Yeah,

372
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:14,799
it's like I'm helping, right,
yeah, helping get it stop helping

373
00:27:14,839 --> 00:27:18,440
me. Frustrated that the man wouldn't
die, they simply cut his head off.

374
00:27:18,319 --> 00:27:22,200
He was probably equally frustrated. It's
like I too would like to die.

375
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,079
He just like cut his head off, and then like finally and then

376
00:27:26,079 --> 00:27:30,000
all of a sudden, you see
your head like like pop out, popping,

377
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,440
or like just levitates and just shoots
back onto the stump of his neck,

378
00:27:33,599 --> 00:27:40,839
grus itself back on. It's like, God, dang angels, like

379
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:45,079
I did it. I'm miracle,
but I never did learn how to make

380
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,640
someone make fire and I heard someone, so there's only so much I can

381
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,759
do. It's day one, guys. Next up, we have Saint Lawrence

382
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:57,119
born December two hundred twenty five a
d. He was a deacon charge with

383
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:02,359
accounting for Theatricia's material well, all
of which he distributed to the poor.

384
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:08,759
Oh bad, look not great.
In retaliation, the Roman seized Lawrence and

385
00:28:08,799 --> 00:28:14,359
put his body on a giant gridiron. Okay, roasting him alive over hot

386
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:19,519
coals, that's all right. Yeah, you know he's the patron saint of

387
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,799
slow cooked barbecue. He is actually
the patron saint of roasters. No,

388
00:28:26,279 --> 00:28:29,240
are you looking these up? Yeah? As I said the name, are

389
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:30,559
you making this shit up? I'm
not making up any of it, I

390
00:28:30,559 --> 00:28:33,920
swear out. He's also the patron
saint of firefighters. Well, what's the

391
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,960
other guy that got cooked over the
fire? He didn't get it? I

392
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,720
guess. I don't know. He's
a soldier, so maybe the soldiers maybe.

393
00:28:41,839 --> 00:28:44,519
Oh, he didn't have anything,
mercurious, Yeah, he didn't have

394
00:28:44,519 --> 00:28:47,799
anything. He came alive. He
was healed too many times to have a

395
00:28:47,839 --> 00:28:52,319
patronage, I guess. Yeah.
Allegedly, after suffering calmly and gracefully on

396
00:28:52,359 --> 00:28:57,319
a hot iron, Lawrence joked to
his persecutors, I'm well done. Turned

397
00:28:57,359 --> 00:29:00,359
me over. That's a good kid. Oh man, I just love how

398
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,599
you reveal this, because I'll read
these and I'll be like, well,

399
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,920
that one's weird. That doesn't make
sense. He's also the patron saying of

400
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:12,839
comedians. No because he got a
zinger in yeah, towards his execution.

401
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,559
Yea, hey, man, I
respect the zinger. I'm done. Yeah,

402
00:29:17,759 --> 00:29:21,759
turning me over. Uh huh.
Do you think everyone had a laugh?

403
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:23,400
I bet yeah, I bet everyone
had. They laughed. Yeah,

404
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:27,039
they laughed. I was like,
Okay, that's good, it's good,

405
00:29:27,039 --> 00:29:30,759
all right, flip him, breaks
up the monotony. Yeah, gotta get

406
00:29:30,799 --> 00:29:34,759
bored killing after a while for the
state. You know, it's just a

407
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:40,559
job. Yeah, throw him on
the fire. Yeah, it's just you're

408
00:29:40,599 --> 00:29:42,680
clocking in, clocking out, one
of those Roman guards. Like you know,

409
00:29:42,759 --> 00:29:45,759
man, you're the kind of guy
that makes this worth it. You

410
00:29:45,799 --> 00:29:48,319
know, like I sit here and
I do this day after day. You

411
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,440
really Yeah, you made my day
man. Yeah, Like, thanks so

412
00:29:51,519 --> 00:29:55,640
much. I'm gonna keep doing this
that you gave me the will to continue.

413
00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:03,880
Saint Antipas was a bishop in Pergamon. Oh yeah, I'd never know

414
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,599
how to say that, the Greek
city in modern day Turkey. Yeah,

415
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:07,960
I never know how to say it. It's it's it's one of the cities

416
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:15,599
in Rome. Total war. Ant
Antiochus, Antikus, what an Antipus Antipas,

417
00:30:15,799 --> 00:30:19,240
Okay, the Antipas. He was, of course roasted alive in the

418
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:25,000
Brazen Bowl. Oh, he got
the classic in ninety two. Yeah,

419
00:30:25,559 --> 00:30:30,640
so you see the patron saying of
installation, No he is not, what

420
00:30:30,799 --> 00:30:34,079
is he? I'm really enjoying hearing
how they die, then hearing what they're

421
00:30:34,119 --> 00:30:37,640
the patrons saying of no he was, he's not. Keep going. I'll

422
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,279
fag well, he's only got one
and we'll see if it has is related

423
00:30:41,279 --> 00:30:47,119
to anything. Was that it just
yeah, the Brazen Bowl. I can

424
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:48,440
describe it to the people that don't
know at home. You might as well,

425
00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,799
just in case, because we talk
about it a lot. But they'd

426
00:30:51,839 --> 00:30:56,200
make a sculpture of a brass right, a brass bowl, and they put

427
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:59,839
you inside, cook you alive,
and then they've got little thorns in it.

428
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,400
These pipes will have like the smoke
come out and the screams. Yeah,

429
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,440
the bull looks like it's breathing steam, yeah, which is badass.

430
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:11,400
And then you're inside screaming because you're
in the worst pain you could ever imagine.

431
00:31:11,599 --> 00:31:15,039
But once it goes through the pipes
or whatever, it sounds like a

432
00:31:15,119 --> 00:31:18,079
bowl or maybe like something song or
something like that. It converted to something.

433
00:31:18,279 --> 00:31:22,440
It's way better on the outside,
but the metal is melting into your

434
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,880
body. Yeah it's not great.
Yeah, No, you're being cooked a

435
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:30,079
lot. The guy that invented it
was then put inside of it because the

436
00:31:30,119 --> 00:31:32,319
guy because he showed it to the
emperor, and the emperor was like,

437
00:31:33,079 --> 00:31:34,680
you piece of shit. I mean
he was like, we're gonna use it,

438
00:31:34,759 --> 00:31:38,000
but you're first, you're sick.
Yeah, tests it out. So

439
00:31:38,079 --> 00:31:44,680
he's his only patron saint is a
he's a patron saint against toothaches. What

440
00:31:45,839 --> 00:31:49,759
we got him for everything? Why
that though I'm not not you pray to

441
00:31:49,839 --> 00:31:55,440
Saint Antipas if you're tooth hurts.
I understand the concept. I'm just saying

442
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:56,400
it doesn't line up with it.
Well, who are you supposed to pray

443
00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:00,599
to? There wasn't a guy that
had his teeth forcibly removed one by one.

444
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:06,079
Maybe, but maybe there's other more
important stuff that he did. Yeah,

445
00:32:06,359 --> 00:32:09,960
you can't want them all. Next
up, we got Saint Fian who

446
00:32:10,039 --> 00:32:15,200
was only eighteen when, according to
his legend, was killed in three oh

447
00:32:15,319 --> 00:32:21,160
five. If Fian had recently become
a Christian while away at school, it's

448
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,599
always these ideas you get in college, you know, yeah, you know

449
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:30,400
he probably was the most like annoying
new convert you come back for your or

450
00:32:30,599 --> 00:32:36,599
your orgy feast over Saturnalia break and
just saying all this weird shit at the

451
00:32:36,599 --> 00:32:38,759
table while you know, everyone's trying
to get their dick sucked by a crying

452
00:32:38,759 --> 00:32:43,640
slave Saturnalia. Actually be the other
way around, a bunch of crying slaves

453
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,279
are getting their dick sucked. Oh
yeah, yeah that's true. Wait,

454
00:32:45,319 --> 00:32:49,519
how do you suppose his name though? A p h I, A n

455
00:32:49,799 --> 00:32:58,759
okay, Alfie, a fian whatever
it is? Wow? Nothing woo.

456
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:04,599
He was arrest stood for disturbing the
sacrifice and tortured locked in a dungeon.

457
00:33:05,559 --> 00:33:09,079
The next day, he was beaten
with clubs, his skin torn off with

458
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:14,720
iron claws, and he slowly burned
over a fire. But he just kept

459
00:33:14,759 --> 00:33:19,039
alive. Wait what they kept?
Them slow roasted him as they ripped his

460
00:33:19,119 --> 00:33:21,920
skin off and stuff. Just keep
keep him alive as long as possible.

461
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:27,839
Yeah, that's a lot for interrupting
a sacrifice that seems like the most like

462
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,119
could have been an accident. Yeah, oh what's up? Oh shit?

463
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,839
So anyway, Yeah, I was
learning about this guy Jesus at school and

464
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:37,920
they're like, hey, killing a
fucking calf over here, I'm trying to

465
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:43,119
slit this cow's throat. Dude.
After suffering for three days, I fian

466
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,240
finally expired when his captors tossed him
into the ocean with stones tied to his

467
00:33:46,279 --> 00:33:50,279
feet. It probably didn't need to
do all that. Probably hurt a lot

468
00:33:50,319 --> 00:33:52,359
because he didn't have skin at all. Yeah, probably hurt a shit ton.

469
00:33:52,559 --> 00:33:55,240
Yeah, i'd imagine probably have also
died. And he's not swimming.

470
00:33:55,279 --> 00:33:58,279
Do you ever have like a cut
on your hand and you get into the

471
00:33:58,279 --> 00:34:00,079
ocean and it's like, oh,
that's steam. Yeah, imagine your whole

472
00:34:00,079 --> 00:34:05,200
body as a cut. Shortly after, though, it gets a little revenge.

473
00:34:05,359 --> 00:34:10,480
An earthquake hits the city, and
his body this spit back in the

474
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:15,599
shore. Cool, what's his revenge? Did the earthquake kill his torturers?

475
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:20,480
It's just wreck shit in the city. Oh and spit him back out.

476
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:25,880
That's kind of whatever. Yeah,
really revenge sounds just like an earthquake happened.

477
00:34:27,199 --> 00:34:30,519
I think an earthquake probably just happened. Yeah, it was a weird

478
00:34:30,559 --> 00:34:34,800
coincidence something of damn it. The
bugs back see it's just a cricket,

479
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:40,760
somebody. God. Next, we
have a thirteen year old good lord Saint

480
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:49,000
you Walia of Barcelona, first woman
on the board. It's Eu l A

481
00:34:50,079 --> 00:34:52,320
L I A. Yeah, I
got it. How would you say that?

482
00:34:52,400 --> 00:35:00,760
Rob? And even that's probably wrong, but you know, most the

483
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:06,800
story goes that Rome's emperor at the
time ordered her to endure thirteen tortures,

484
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:12,079
one for each year of her life. Smart, yeah, at this tradition

485
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:17,280
to recant her Christianity. Okay,
what was the first one? Well,

486
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:21,519
here's some of like the big ones. Oh boy, this is a grim

487
00:35:21,519 --> 00:35:27,159
painting. She was placed into a
barrel full of knives and broken glass and

488
00:35:27,159 --> 00:35:30,840
then rolled down the street. Oh
not great, I swear. They just

489
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,599
like it was a great time.
It was a great thousand years to be

490
00:35:34,639 --> 00:35:37,800
a psychopath, one of the best. Yeah, well really, like God,

491
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:43,119
just psychos had so much fun for
decades, like, not decades,

492
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:46,280
centuries and centuries. It was just
free game. It's like, hey,

493
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:50,239
get creative. Yeah, and no
one had ever done that. You just

494
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,800
like there had to be someone workshop
like sitting around being like you know what

495
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:57,159
I thought though, there was like
an SNL writer's room for psychos. Yeah,

496
00:35:57,159 --> 00:35:59,880
it was just like all right,
guys, barrel right, Jacob,

497
00:36:00,159 --> 00:36:02,880
go kill that cricket. No,
you brought this here. I did not

498
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:07,960
bring it. You brought it here
with your sacrilege and your blasphemy. It

499
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:12,599
feels like a bad sign. It
does kind of an inspiration to World War

500
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:16,079
two. Japanese soldiers have one of
her breast cut off. Perfect. Yeah,

501
00:36:16,119 --> 00:36:19,199
they did that a lot, I
think to women back then. Yeah,

502
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:23,760
pretty common. She was crucified on
the X shaped cross Saint Andrews St.

503
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:29,639
Andrew's Cross. Just a lot of
beatings, just you know, thirteen

504
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:34,119
days of torture. Yeah, yeah, the barrel full of knives and the

505
00:36:34,199 --> 00:36:37,440
first day of torture. Yeah.
I don't know how she got past that

506
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,679
one. That's really the hard one. Yeah, just crawled out, Oh

507
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:43,800
you made it. You just put
her in there, and he's just like

508
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:47,199
started dumping broken glass and old knives
in there that you don't want anymore,

509
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:51,320
and then put you in it,
close the barrel and just roll you down.

510
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,719
Yeah. You ever getting a tire
as a kid, Yeah, and

511
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:59,760
roll Yeah, just makes you want
to throw up just constantly. So I

512
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,400
think about that. You're not only
just like nauseous from rolling in this barrel.

513
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:07,960
But now you're covered and just broken
glass and knives. Not ideal,

514
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:12,320
No, it's the it's it's really
ad added. There probably is some puke

515
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,760
in there. You're bleeding and it's
blood, puke, glass, all the

516
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:20,360
bad stuff. Yeah, did you
dispatch the cricket? Dan? Okay,

517
00:37:20,519 --> 00:37:22,440
we'll see things gonna start chirping in
like five seconds. Yeah. Probably I

518
00:37:22,559 --> 00:37:28,039
just kicked something and it stopped.
You got the drill, It got the

519
00:37:28,039 --> 00:37:32,559
message. Well, she's only the
patron saint of like against drought and sailors

520
00:37:32,599 --> 00:37:39,719
and stuff and Barcelona. But uh
yeah nothing nothing fancy there being decapitated.

521
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:43,880
That's what kills her. That'll do
it. So she survives all these like

522
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:50,239
brutal things and then gets decapitated.
But when she does die, her head

523
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:54,280
rolls to the ground a few times
and a white dove flies out of her

524
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:59,079
mouth. What was the white dove
doing in there? That was God?

525
00:37:59,159 --> 00:38:02,480
That was her soul flying out.
It's like a white wing d that's part

526
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:06,760
of Katholic cannon that you have it
that your soul is white dove living inside

527
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,519
of you. Oh really, yeah, no, you're making that up to

528
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:14,920
I can tell because you try to
go pass it really quick. Yeah,

529
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:19,159
that's what the Stephen Nick's song is
about. What White Winged Dove. Oh

530
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:22,840
yeah about that girl sat Euphemia,
who passed in three h three C.

531
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:30,480
Refused to take part in pagan sacrifices. She chosen said to hide in the

532
00:38:30,519 --> 00:38:35,239
house with dozens of other Christians and
worship God. Sounds boring, but all

533
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,559
right. Yeah, a lot of
these people were trying to get martyred.

534
00:38:37,599 --> 00:38:40,679
They're trying too hard. Yeah,
yeah, just kill me at this point,

535
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:45,920
kill me. Forgot the Euphemia,
the youngest of the group, was

536
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:51,480
tortured for days and an effort to
break her spirit I and they didn't.

537
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:57,960
They did not. These people are
way too much resolved. Yeah yeah,

538
00:38:58,119 --> 00:39:00,000
if they did that to me right
now, they'd be like, listen,

539
00:39:00,039 --> 00:39:05,360
and you can't believe in Lord Athos
anymore. We used a lot of different

540
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,800
brutal tactics, including the breaking wheel. Oh not a good one. Yeah,

541
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:14,679
not fun, you know, I
bet for like the first second of

542
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:17,000
the breaking wheel, though, it
feels kind of good, like it cracks

543
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,400
your back a little bit. Yeah, you feel like a line for the

544
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,760
first time in a while. Well, we've talked about that before, like

545
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:27,000
there's probably a moment when you're getting
staked by Vlad where it's kind of nice

546
00:39:27,079 --> 00:39:34,000
going past your prostate and maybe a
little sensation. Yeah oh this isn't okay.

547
00:39:34,159 --> 00:39:38,280
Yeah yeah, you're like first you're
like, oh yeah, yeah,

548
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:42,599
yeah, yeah yeah yeah. But
after all these torture methods could not break

549
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,480
this young lady, well, her
spirit and the prosperity. Yeah, they

550
00:39:45,519 --> 00:39:52,519
decided to throw her in the arena
and feed her to the lions. Classic.

551
00:39:53,159 --> 00:39:55,920
Well, the lines ended up just
kind of licking her wounds and just

552
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,679
chilling hanging out the e oh you
know, a piss. They were probably

553
00:40:00,679 --> 00:40:04,960
at those Those lions then got puts
in. There's some Roman that's like the

554
00:40:05,039 --> 00:40:08,760
lion doesn't want to be fed,
lion wants to hunt. Right as the

555
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:15,440
lines lay there, they're like,
release the bear. Classic. So yeah,

556
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,840
the tears of shreads. You gotta
have a backup vicious animal, you

557
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:22,440
know, in case one just wants
bear. Yeah, and then the bear

558
00:40:22,559 --> 00:40:24,840
was like also looking. Rooms were
like, all right, give them both

559
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:30,519
cocaine bears, Like this is delicious. You guys are crazy. Lions.

560
00:40:30,599 --> 00:40:36,039
Come on real quick. We do
have some ads on this show and before

561
00:40:36,039 --> 00:40:38,480
we get back to talking about Saints, and I'm gonna thank Heaven and all

562
00:40:38,519 --> 00:40:43,599
the Saints in it. For Factor
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563
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564
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566
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567
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568
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All you have to do is heat
them up and they're ready to go.

569
00:41:08,519 --> 00:41:13,039
And here's one of the kickers.
Not frozen. They all go in

570
00:41:13,039 --> 00:41:15,280
your fridge. They're all super quick
and ready to eat. It's not like

571
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:19,960
frozen crap or anything like that.
They sent me a box because they're an

572
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,719
advertiser. I did not share it
with Jake and Dan, and I have

573
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:25,480
to say they are they. I
was like, okay, we'll see,

574
00:41:25,559 --> 00:41:30,719
we'll see this is these look good, but we'll see they had no business

575
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:32,800
being as good as they were.
They were incredible. Look, if you're

576
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:37,079
busy if you if you're especially if
you're busy, and you have a certain

577
00:41:37,119 --> 00:41:42,079
style of diet that you're on,
like keto, or you're a vegan or

578
00:41:42,079 --> 00:41:45,599
a vegetarian stuff like that, or
you just need to be really calorie conscious,

579
00:41:45,639 --> 00:41:49,519
but you don't want to just eat
like I don't even know a salad

580
00:41:49,599 --> 00:41:53,760
or like a two hundred calorie sandwich
or something every day. Whatever factor is

581
00:41:54,119 --> 00:41:57,880
the way to do it. And
they because they do keto, they do

582
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,519
vegan, they do vegetarian, they
do calorie conscious. You could switch up

583
00:42:00,519 --> 00:42:04,159
all your proteins and stuff like that. They have lunch to go. They

584
00:42:04,159 --> 00:42:07,400
even do breakfast like they have like
normal cool breakfast food like bacon and cheddar,

585
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:12,840
egg bites, apple cinnamon pancakes,
a bacon and egg breakfast skillet.

586
00:42:14,199 --> 00:42:19,119
It is incredible how many options they
have. It is absurd how good it

587
00:42:19,159 --> 00:42:22,239
is. Because I understand how you
might be hesitant to be like, oh,

588
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,159
I don't know food by the mail
whatever, like it is especially ready

589
00:42:25,159 --> 00:42:30,239
to eat. I understand it's it's
really the space is not very good factor.

590
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:34,079
Just change that game. It is
so goddamn good. My wife eats

591
00:42:34,119 --> 00:42:36,679
it constantly, like she gets it
for lunch all the time because she's home

592
00:42:36,679 --> 00:42:40,159
with a kid every day. I
highly recommend this you definitely. I mean,

593
00:42:40,159 --> 00:42:43,039
look, just order it, you
get, you get half off,

594
00:42:43,079 --> 00:42:46,679
so I mean it is you're literally
paying under what the price should be for

595
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:50,400
it. So I would say just
go ahead and check it out again,

596
00:42:50,599 --> 00:42:53,559
especially if you are busy, because
this food is really good, and you

597
00:42:53,599 --> 00:42:57,920
know, you can swap out proteins
and you know, meals or whatever,

598
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,639
but depending on the protein you want
or whatever else. And like I said,

599
00:43:00,679 --> 00:43:02,679
they do keto, they do vegan, vegetarian, blah blah blah,

600
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:06,280
every type of food. They even
have like appetizers and stuff. I love

601
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,800
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602
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603
00:43:14,199 --> 00:43:17,679
eat anyway. I'm not telling you'd
like buy half off like a sword or

604
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:21,559
something, you know what I mean, Like, come, ony, man,

605
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606
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608
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Bros. All right, let's get
back to it. Next up is Saint

633
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,239
Sebastian. He was sentenced to death
after it was found out that he was

634
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:15,960
a Christian who had been converting his
fellow soldiers another another soldier. He was

635
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:22,400
tied to a tree and sentenced to
death with arrows. Oh firing squiring squad.

636
00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:28,239
Cool, Pretty cool. He's the
patron saint of marksmanship. Yeah yeah,

637
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,960
So they light him off with arrows
as he's tied to a tree,

638
00:45:31,119 --> 00:45:36,639
and uh they leave him. Butmie
homie survives. A lot of these people

639
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:38,320
live the initial way. A strong
guy. You know, he's a fucking

640
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:43,639
soldier. He's probably been shot by
an arrow before. Yeah. He was

641
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:47,159
found by a woman who was later
revealed to be Saint Irene, who nursed

642
00:45:47,199 --> 00:45:51,360
him back to health. Once the
Emperor found he was alive. Still,

643
00:45:51,519 --> 00:45:53,440
they just how would he ever know? They just recaptured him. Yeah,

644
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:58,039
how would you ever know? Did
he? Like he had to this?

645
00:45:58,039 --> 00:46:00,679
This dude had to go back out
and be like, still, Lord kept

646
00:46:00,679 --> 00:46:04,199
me alive. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, they're they're a little too

647
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:07,400
much. Yeah. You know,
it's like, homie, chill, like

648
00:46:07,519 --> 00:46:10,199
God told you, God told you
you're getting a second chance. I gave

649
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:15,079
you a gift, bro, and
you ran right back to it. Yeah

650
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:19,360
you see the power of the Oh
no, yeah yeah. Yeah. So

651
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:23,239
they kind of just go old school
and club them to death and then throw

652
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:27,840
his body in the room and sewer
yikes. Sure, you see. The

653
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:31,440
patron Saint of irrigation is the patron
Saint of archers. That makes sense.

654
00:46:31,679 --> 00:46:36,280
Uh, he didn't get any sewer
related patronages though, I guess unless you

655
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:40,480
count plague stricken mhm. He's the
patronage of the plague stricken could be and

656
00:46:40,519 --> 00:46:46,440
disabled people's and soldiers. But so
yeah, really just the archers. Kind

657
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:52,079
of a similar fate for our guys, saying, Edmund here he came across

658
00:46:52,119 --> 00:46:54,880
the wrong bike in ninth century.
I was gonna say this sounds medieval.

659
00:46:55,280 --> 00:47:04,559
Ninth century Danish lord Ivar the Boneless
he had to be. Did he not

660
00:47:04,599 --> 00:47:07,639
have any children? You know?
On the show of Vikings, they just

661
00:47:07,679 --> 00:47:12,719
make him a cripple the boneless?
Yeah, really interesting. I didn't realize

662
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,800
he was in the show Vikings.
That's funny. Yeah, it's not historically

663
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:20,239
accurate. Oh damn, well he's
Ragnar's son, Yeah, Ragnar. All

664
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:22,880
the people in the show Vikings live
in different timeliness. They just mash them

665
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:28,119
together. They're like, you idiots, won't know it's for TV. Yeah,

666
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,079
we didn't. Snman of course,
would not put up a fight against

667
00:47:31,119 --> 00:47:36,880
the Vikings, and they continuously pelted
him with arrows as he called out to

668
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:43,719
Christ for help, but nobody was
home. No. Infuriated by his faith,

669
00:47:44,159 --> 00:47:47,119
they chopped off his head and threw
it into the woods. Emmons people

670
00:47:47,159 --> 00:47:50,920
went in search for his head,
calling out, where are you friend?

671
00:47:51,119 --> 00:47:53,679
Okay, expecting to hear a response. I don't hear him, be like,

672
00:47:53,679 --> 00:47:59,400
oh the heead but just my head
though. According to the story,

673
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,920
though, the actually did respond,
shouting out here in an ancient tongue.

674
00:48:05,039 --> 00:48:07,719
Huh that ancient tongue was tongues.
It was, Yeah, it happens.

675
00:48:09,039 --> 00:48:14,000
So when they found his head,
they found it in a hungry wolf's pause,

676
00:48:14,159 --> 00:48:17,159
Uneaten, that's like, it's a
miracle. The wolf didn't eat,

677
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:21,639
like, the wolf just found it. Wolf didn't let it go. Yeah,

678
00:48:21,639 --> 00:48:23,719
it was like no, yeah,
I think no, I would like

679
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:29,079
this woo. Yeah. Edmund's followers
believe the wolf had been sent by Christ

680
00:48:29,119 --> 00:48:32,639
to protect it. Sure, sure
instead of eating it. Yeah. The

681
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:37,639
king was given a proper burial and
his wounds miraculously healed. His head reattached

682
00:48:37,639 --> 00:48:42,920
to his body, and his skin
did not decay after years of his burial.

683
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:46,079
So they just attached to his body. But he didn't live. It

684
00:48:46,159 --> 00:48:49,280
didn't bring it back to life.
No, he was dead. I was

685
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:52,079
that damn angel. They just reattached
his head to his corpse. Yeah,

686
00:48:52,119 --> 00:48:59,960
it's a miracle, semi miracle.
There's a low bar for these things.

687
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,639
I'm starting to find out. Oh
yeah, it's like one guy did the

688
00:49:02,679 --> 00:49:08,159
Heimlich Yeah, yeah, like the
other one survived rolling in a barrel full

689
00:49:08,199 --> 00:49:13,800
of glass. No, that's a
miracle, that kind of Finally we have

690
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:19,119
Agnes. It was born to Roman
nobility. Oh is this the dragon?

691
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:22,840
Yeah? This is We did this
chick before in my episode. This is

692
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:28,199
the Dragon on stuff about birth and
stuff like that. Mmm, maybe a

693
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:32,000
different woman. I don't know.
Killing the version was illegal, so Agnes

694
00:49:32,159 --> 00:49:36,400
was dragged naked to a brothel to
have her cherry popped. Yep, yea

695
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:40,239
it was her was the dragon?
Grun pretty? I can't remember. I'm

696
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:44,480
still looking at it, but just
keep going. Well. While at the

697
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:50,280
brothel, several men tried to rape
her, and as they attempted to they

698
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:53,239
were all blinded. Christ Cock blocked
them. No, they actually just were

699
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,800
jacking off to get their dicks hard. And jacking off makes you go blind.

700
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:59,920
That's true, that happens. Yeah, that's why all of us can

701
00:50:00,039 --> 00:50:02,719
see. Or hair would magically grow
in places of our body to keep the

702
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:06,920
men from being able to penetrate her. Just gets like, what do you

703
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,840
mean what thick hair get? Just? I guess just a big old bush

704
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:15,400
came all about and oh did it
was just swatting away the did there's like

705
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:17,559
so there was like maybe a like
a ass bush too. They're like,

706
00:50:17,599 --> 00:50:20,760
fine, we do it on the
back end, and then there's another like

707
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,960
black. It's kind of cool.
That's joke. That's a miracle. That's

708
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:28,920
a good angel. That's a good
angel. It's just like spinning wool using

709
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:32,760
what you got. Yeah, you
know, after they finally give up on

710
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:36,199
trying to rape her, they're like, you know what, who cares?

711
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:38,480
Just you can kill a virgin.
Just tire her up to a steak and

712
00:50:38,519 --> 00:50:43,039
burn her like we tried new rule. They're like, burn the witch.

713
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:49,719
Yeah. Uh, however, the
wood simply would not burn. What's probably

714
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:53,280
got it from the wet wood pile, you gotta think. Yeah, so

715
00:50:53,559 --> 00:50:57,920
you know they couldn't rape her.
It's a miracle that couldn't burn her alive.

716
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:00,679
They go to the Old Faithful,
they cut her head off. No,

717
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:05,000
they just let her go. What's
no, that's not true. He

718
00:51:05,039 --> 00:51:07,239
said she was a martyr. Well
yeah, she got her throat slit.

719
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:12,599
Okay, well yeah, so she
got almost her headcup. Apparently the angel

720
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:16,880
or whatever miracle was protecting her just
did not protect the throat can't do at

721
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:22,159
all. Yeah, it's like,
listen, I just spun a fucking blanket

722
00:51:22,159 --> 00:51:24,320
out of your pubic hair. But
it's silver lining. She died a version.

723
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:30,840
That's nice, that's good. No
one ruined her. She is the

724
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:37,000
patron Saint of chastity and virgins,
victims of sexual abuse, betrothed couples.

725
00:51:37,159 --> 00:51:40,880
So does that mean married couples or
a couple like engaged. Yes, if

726
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:46,719
you were betrothed to someone, you
married to them. Swords doing great today

727
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:51,239
today. Yeah, she's also the
patron saint of Girl Guides. I don't

728
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:55,320
know what that means. Oh,
girl Scouts. She's patron saint girl Scouts.

729
00:51:55,440 --> 00:52:00,559
Nice. What about boss bitches?
Uh well yeah, like what sort

730
00:52:00,559 --> 00:52:04,039
of the power moms? Yeah,
well that's sort of the younger version.

731
00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:09,000
You know, she was never really
like how old was she? Thirteen?

732
00:52:09,159 --> 00:52:13,079
Yeah? The Romans, so she
was a kid. The Romans actually prevented

733
00:52:13,119 --> 00:52:16,559
a really big like or essential oil
problem. Actually didn't have an age.

734
00:52:16,599 --> 00:52:20,119
I don't think she was thirteen.
It says this says she is there.

735
00:52:20,199 --> 00:52:22,920
She was thirteen. Yeah, I
mean she was betrothed, she was she

736
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:27,079
was promised to a man. Thirteen
sounds about right, you're right at that

737
00:52:27,199 --> 00:52:30,480
time? Yeah, yeah, lovely
time. Yeah, what was the worst

738
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:34,360
death you heard? You know,
it might actually be being pulled apart by

739
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:38,320
twelve year olds, I think,
so that the mechanics of that just sounds

740
00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:43,960
as bad as could possibly be by
kids you taught. Yeah, like the

741
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,760
people you were trying to lead into
being good people, and I bet they

742
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:50,719
had a great time. It's like, hey, remember that pop quiz.

743
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,440
Yeah, this is for that.
I'm about to pop your nipple off,

744
00:52:54,039 --> 00:52:58,719
pop the fucking shoulder out of your
socket. Yeah, because and you know

745
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:04,159
that there was like just one kid
in the back who who you know,

746
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:06,639
he liked you, like the nerd, but they got to make the nerd

747
00:53:06,679 --> 00:53:09,159
do it too, and you're just
like, it's okay, Stevie, it's

748
00:53:09,199 --> 00:53:14,199
okay, just pull my pull my
arm. But then he does something too

749
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,920
too bad, like he plucks your
eye out. You're like, everyone's like,

750
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:22,679
dude, what what Jesus? Cry
Like Stevie does the most fucked up

751
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:27,360
or really it should just be like
Stevie, kill me, get a knife,

752
00:53:27,519 --> 00:53:30,239
kill me, and he just stabs
him wrong, get over and over

753
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:36,400
again. Yeah. God, have
you seen Infinity Pool? Yeah? Oh,

754
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,719
No, it's so good. There's
a scene with a kid killing a

755
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:45,559
man. It's like the amount of
stabs the kid requires to kill the guy

756
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:50,239
is just graphics. Yeah. Sweet, but it's a good movie. Raising

757
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:55,559
bulls pretty terrible choose. It's it's
not even the heat, it's the confined

758
00:53:55,599 --> 00:54:00,639
space. Yeah, it is a
combination of it. I mean, and

759
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,000
by the way, Pitch Black,
I think it's the music it makes too.

760
00:54:02,079 --> 00:54:06,039
At the end, Well you don't
hear it. Yeah, that's the

761
00:54:06,079 --> 00:54:07,760
sickest part. Yeah, you don't
get to hear the song, the rudest

762
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:10,880
part about it. Yeah, I
mean, Brazen bull is an actual like

763
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:17,239
nightmare way to die, trying to
think being flayed alive awful. Yeah,

764
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:21,800
it's gonna be really bad too.
Yeah, but honestly, I don't know.

765
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:25,960
Being ripped apart by nine year olds
sounds bad. I yeah, it's

766
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:30,960
gotta be so slow, also emasculating, right, and at some point they

767
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:36,760
are just like with pure force ripping
your dick and balls off. Yeah,

768
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:39,440
they're breaking your hands and feet like
it's gotta take a while. Yeah.

769
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:45,559
They always ask how many like ten
year olds you could fight? How many

770
00:54:45,599 --> 00:54:46,800
ten year olds would it take?
The rip you apart, right, if

771
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:51,039
you're tied to a steak. Yeah, I don't know. I don't want

772
00:54:51,079 --> 00:54:55,679
to find out. At least a
couple dozen. Oh yeah, I just

773
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:00,079
that whole scenario of the ten year
olds. It's just like it's not even

774
00:55:00,079 --> 00:55:06,039
a good exercise and thought less than
you think. It's less than you think.

775
00:55:06,079 --> 00:55:08,760
I guess it depends how your cardio
is. Yeah, I mean kids

776
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:13,960
can move. I guess are the
kids afraid of you? Do the kids

777
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,480
have fear? That's really the They
have no fear. Oh, they have

778
00:55:15,519 --> 00:55:19,679
no fear. Then you just like
five of them? Yeah, got you?

779
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:22,800
If that, I think it gonna
take more than five ten year olds,

780
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,199
not if they don't have fear,
not if they're just fucking attack zombies.

781
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,880
Yeah, if they're just sprinters.
You just talked about being tired up

782
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:31,880
and how many it would take to
kill you. But they're not attack zombies.

783
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:36,079
They're hesitant ten year olds. I
mean eventually the feeding frenzy begins,

784
00:55:36,119 --> 00:55:38,159
but yeah, they see the blood
after the first crap like sharks. Yeah,

785
00:55:38,159 --> 00:55:42,679
once you get in there and they
can start really just like pulling away

786
00:55:42,679 --> 00:55:45,679
all your organs and yeah, it's
like a pinata, right Once Once you

787
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:49,400
break the pinata open, the candy
starts dumping out. But you know,

788
00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:51,960
sometimes if you're little, for little
kids, they're weak, it takes a

789
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:54,800
while to get the pinata open.
That's probably the most accurate way to describe

790
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:59,719
what happened to that guy. But
without a bat or candy. Yeah,

791
00:56:00,159 --> 00:56:04,760
little switch pens, Oh that pens. Pens, pens, switch pens or

792
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:08,960
something that's even worse, pens.
Imagine getting stabbed at death with a pen

793
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:14,599
sounds bad? Yeah, not ideal, bro, I'd rather be stabbed with

794
00:56:14,599 --> 00:56:20,599
a knife. Probably. Yeah,
it's cleaner. Well what oh you mean,

795
00:56:20,639 --> 00:56:22,119
like just a cleaner cut, cleaner
cut. Yeah, it's going it's

796
00:56:22,119 --> 00:56:25,599
gonna kill you. Think infections,
it canna be your problem. No infection

797
00:56:25,639 --> 00:56:30,039
of the last thing I'm worried about. Yeah, it's gonna awesome. Suck

798
00:56:30,079 --> 00:56:34,079
to lead the Romans to victory and
then be like oh, thanks God,

799
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:37,599
and they're like, whoo wait what
what what'd you say? Which God?

800
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:43,320
God? Yeah? No, you
only you're the one God, guy,

801
00:56:43,559 --> 00:56:45,440
You're one of our best. You
hate to see it happened this way.

802
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:50,639
Honestly, A low key, really
bad one is the chick who is tortured

803
00:56:50,679 --> 00:56:53,639
than eaten by a bear, Yeah, because bears eat you alive. A

804
00:56:53,719 --> 00:56:58,199
lion will kill you, bite your
neck and bleed you out and then eat

805
00:56:58,239 --> 00:57:01,360
you. I can't believe the lion's
tend to protector. They probably just removed

806
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:06,599
the lions then. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't like wasting a lion or

807
00:57:06,599 --> 00:57:08,599
a bear, right, Yeah,
yeah, bears just in case the bear

808
00:57:08,639 --> 00:57:12,199
goes after the lion. Bears just
go right in the middle. The other

809
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,719
day, when I was doing research
for RPR to find a nature Nook figure

810
00:57:16,119 --> 00:57:21,559
it's an animal attack segment. We
do one another show. I went way

811
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:24,760
way too deep down a rabbit a
Reddit rabbit hole, and I found these

812
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:29,360
pictures, pictures of these three Russians
that were eaten by a bear, and

813
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,559
it's it was bad. Did you
ever see the one I think it was.

814
00:57:31,679 --> 00:57:34,800
I think it happened in the US, the guy that got eaten.

815
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:37,000
They found the dead bear and they
cut it open and they found the guy

816
00:57:37,039 --> 00:57:42,159
inside of it and like it was
his like lower half and his dog was

817
00:57:42,159 --> 00:57:45,800
still intact. Yeah, Dick was, Yeah, he's still his Dick did

818
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:49,039
not get mauled. Yeah, good
for him. He was eating from the

819
00:57:49,079 --> 00:57:52,880
top down. I guess if you
had to choose an execution in any of

820
00:57:52,960 --> 00:57:58,199
these methods, where are you going
with? What if I had to pick

821
00:57:58,239 --> 00:58:01,719
one? Yeah, it's like we're
gonna kill you with one of these methods.

822
00:58:02,199 --> 00:58:05,239
You get to pick, though,
how would you want to go out?

823
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:09,559
Wasn't beheading one of them? Eventually? But that's actually go after Yeah,

824
00:58:09,599 --> 00:58:15,119
I'll go the ups and upside down, crucifixion, sad and half really,

825
00:58:15,199 --> 00:58:19,400
I guess because they're all pretty slow. Being sawed in half would suck?

826
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:23,679
Which one of these wouldn't? I'm
just saying that sounds quicker. Yeah,

827
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:27,719
yeah, my answer is whatever the
fastest. You're probably bleeding out,

828
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:31,400
like almost immediately. I definitely wouldn't
take the fucking shitty angel death. You

829
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:35,559
know, you just keeps healing you
over the fire, that's the word.

830
00:58:35,599 --> 00:58:37,880
That might be the worst one,
you know, the sadd and half upside

831
00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:43,360
down though they're starting with your junk, it doesn't matter at that point.

832
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:46,119
You know you're gonna die. You're
not like, oh no, my penis.

833
00:58:46,119 --> 00:58:50,440
It's again it's the amount of pain. You might pass out from the

834
00:58:50,480 --> 00:58:54,719
pain immediately actually yeah, yeah,
and you're upside down, so that that'll

835
00:58:54,719 --> 00:59:02,519
probably who is Today's Hitler Roll Rome
it's mostly wrong. Yeah, yeah,

836
00:59:02,519 --> 00:59:07,159
it's funny that, Like it's always
funny to see like historical figures that you

837
00:59:07,239 --> 00:59:13,880
obviously know exist at the same time, but like they seem very disparate interact,

838
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:17,519
Like how Nero had Peter executed.
Yeah, but where is Jesus and

839
00:59:17,559 --> 00:59:22,320
all of this dead He's I mean, and then send it. He's not

840
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:25,679
accountable for all these awful deaths.
He's in heaven. Well, these these

841
00:59:25,679 --> 00:59:30,000
guys go to heaven. What's a
couple of days of suffering for an eternity

842
00:59:30,039 --> 00:59:32,679
of salvation? What are they doing
in heaven? That's so great. It's

843
00:59:32,719 --> 00:59:37,400
kind of floating. You're kind of
just like it's kind of just like you

844
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:40,599
know, you're on Molly. Yeah, really great Molly twenty four seven,

845
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:45,519
and there's no like come down.
Yeah, that'd be the worst part if

846
00:59:45,519 --> 00:59:52,079
you had to come down from heaven. That's hell. Is the that is

847
00:59:52,079 --> 00:59:54,360
actually hell. You have to you
go on Molly. There is a couple

848
00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:58,039
of days and then that calm down. It is just brutal. I read

849
00:59:58,079 --> 01:00:01,280
about one read about these before,
but like near death experiences, you know,

850
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:04,519
and like people just saying what they
saw when they come back or whatever.

851
01:00:04,639 --> 01:00:07,039
And one guy was time of how
he was giving given a tour of

852
01:00:07,079 --> 01:00:14,119
heaven and like part of it was
like these people going to be reincarnated and

853
01:00:14,159 --> 01:00:17,760
they were just like really stealing themselves
for going back to Earth, like just

854
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:22,199
about it, like no, no, they were just like oh why am

855
01:00:22,199 --> 01:00:27,320
I doing this? Come on?
Come on, like then why were they

856
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:32,719
doing it? Yeah? No,
there's a really funny like there's a what

857
01:00:32,800 --> 01:00:39,360
is it called prison planet theory about
Earth where it's like, uh, interdimensional

858
01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:44,159
beings trick you into believing reincarnations the
move Yeah, where it's like, don't

859
01:00:44,159 --> 01:00:45,920
do it, like it's just a
trap to keep your soul stuck here.

860
01:00:46,599 --> 01:00:51,400
But it's like that's the light.
Basically, we're like they disguised themselves as

861
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:52,960
your relatives, like oh, we're
all here and we all do this.

862
01:00:53,159 --> 01:00:58,239
Yeah. It's like but I really
like the idea that you have to,

863
01:00:58,320 --> 01:01:02,159
Like it's like going on a really
intense roller coaster, like oh I can

864
01:01:02,199 --> 01:01:06,280
do it, Yeah, come on, don't be a pussy. It sounded

865
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:08,920
like it was like you're on a
he wanted to get dropped into Normandy or

866
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:12,679
something, you know what I mean, Like you're about I mean, if

867
01:01:12,719 --> 01:01:15,039
heaven's all it's cracked up to be, I'm sure life is very much suffering.

868
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:21,000
Like you know this, this is
probably a nightmare compared to what heaven

869
01:01:21,119 --> 01:01:22,159
even a lot of the good moments, you know what I mean, like,

870
01:01:22,239 --> 01:01:25,239
yeah, because they have to be
defined by pain, right, Yeah,

871
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:30,119
you guys learn anything today. I
learned that we have a very interesting

872
01:01:30,159 --> 01:01:37,679
system of deciding saint patronage. Yeah, it's very specifically focused on one part

873
01:01:37,719 --> 01:01:42,760
of their life. How did he
die? Woolcombing? He ended up wool

874
01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:46,000
cup by the way, I googled
those and yeah, not fun, No

875
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:50,519
good lord, Oh how'd she does? She rolled into glass barrel? She's

876
01:01:50,559 --> 01:01:52,679
the patron saying of broken junk.
Yeah, I don't know how she wasn't

877
01:01:52,719 --> 01:01:58,159
the patron saying of like, yeah, broken glass, nives, nive barrels,

878
01:01:58,280 --> 01:02:05,519
cutlery. Yeah, patron saint of
roller coasters. We have always been

879
01:02:05,639 --> 01:02:08,079
kind of brutal, is what I
learned. Yeah, pretty much. We

880
01:02:08,159 --> 01:02:12,199
knew that. Yeah, we knew
that. Yeah, but I think Rob's

881
01:02:12,280 --> 01:02:15,280
right. There was like a solid
century or two where it was just like

882
01:02:15,960 --> 01:02:19,480
have at it, boys, I'm
crushing it. Yeah, dude, you

883
01:02:19,519 --> 01:02:21,679
know, people are like oh,
I was born at the wrong time.

884
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:27,480
There's probably you think about it,
there's probably millions of people today that would

885
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:34,519
have thrived in those riders rooms.
Oh yeah, it's the It's funny if

886
01:02:34,519 --> 01:02:37,119
there's like, oh, that'd be
a good sketch too, if there's like

887
01:02:37,119 --> 01:02:38,559
a shitty rider that everyone hated and
he's like, okay, guys, I

888
01:02:38,639 --> 01:02:43,039
got it, and all of his
death ideas are fucking stupid or it's just

889
01:02:43,079 --> 01:02:46,199
too much production, yeah, or
honestly we talked like the upside down cross

890
01:02:46,199 --> 01:02:51,079
sawing. Yeah, probably evoluted,
mixed up. It was his first day.

891
01:02:51,159 --> 01:02:52,559
Yeah. Yeah, it's like,
you know, you're you're mixing your

892
01:02:52,599 --> 01:02:55,320
message here. Yeah, you know, you really want to be concise and

893
01:02:55,440 --> 01:03:00,480
to the point like brevity soul of
death here. So no, I think

894
01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:02,679
you gotta think there's like torture of
the month to where it's like, hey,

895
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:06,519
guys, I figured out if I
use two pitchforks, I can stab

896
01:03:06,519 --> 01:03:10,719
them twice as much. Like,
well, that's our episode for today.

897
01:03:12,039 --> 01:03:15,760
Make sure to rate on Apple and
Spotify. Leave a review on Apple if

898
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:19,840
you can five stars please and thank
you. Patreon dot com slash Software History

899
01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:23,960
two additional episodes every week. Thanks
for tuning in, or Jake Goldman,

900
01:03:24,239 --> 01:03:28,559
Rob Fox, I'm damn Rochester and
you just got solf served